Watch What Crappens - #2422 RHONJ, Part 2 S14E02: Twit For Brains

Episode Date: May 13, 2024

*This is part 2 of 2*The Real Housewives of New Jersey (S14E02) celebrates Nate’s brain surgery with a party down the shore, and the women gather in teams and vow to ignore each other the rest of the season. Who will win this cold war? And why is it Olivia? Grab tickets for our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Misha Brown and I'm the host of Wondery's podcast, The Big Flop. Each episode, comedians join me to chronicle one of the biggest pop culture fails of all time and try to answer the age-old question, who thought this was a good idea? Follow The Big Flop wherever you get your podcasts. Hi everyone, welcome back! This is part 2 of a two-part recap. If you're wondering where part 1 was, well go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. So now we go back to Theresa's house and Gia is there. Gia, so she's there doing something. They're getting ready for M.Sculpt.

And so Theresa's like, hi honey, what are you doing over there? The spa people are gonna get here. I'm Danielle and Jennifer coming over. How's work going? Do you know about that? Do you wanna think about picking up poop, by the way? Just wondering, did you learn that at Rutgers? We need some help around the house.

I'm sorry, but you started something, and now I had to look it up. Oh, lyrics. Here comes the bride. Do it in Dolores' voice, please. There's a lot, there's a lot happening. Here comes the bride, all dressed in light, radiant and lovely, she shines in this sight. Gently she glides, graceful as a dove, meeting her bridegroom, her eyes full of love. Love have they waited so long have they planned.

Life goes before, then opening her hand. Asking God's blessing as they begin, life with no meaning, life shared is one." You know what? I'm not even bothering to rhyme anymore because it's like how many verses are there. If the bride's not at the front by now, the church should just leave because we don't have all day to wait for this bride. Some of us work every day of our lives. Hello. There, that's it. I'm sorry. That was reserved for Patterson weddings. Hello. Hello.

So we find out that Gia has graduated from Rutgers. It's so wild. Gia has now graduated from college. Also like I get so turned around by Housewives timelines because of the gap between when a show is shot versus when it airs. It just feels like every single time with these kids, like last season we saw Gia going off to college and this season she's graduated. I'm like, how did this happen? So, um... That's true though. And the shows air every year, but how is it that it's like the, we see a show and then it's been five years

since we've seen the kids. Yeah. It doesn't make any sense. Remember Avery went off to college and then next thing we know it's like, whoa, so Avery is now 35. She's working finance, okay. I'm like, how?

She's, I thought she was at Sarah Lawrence. Avery just married Hume Cronin in retirement? Wait, wait, what? She's driving with Daisy, okay? Um, little robot came down from heaven. It was really nice to like, wait, how are you at the plot of short circuit? Short circuit with elderly people? No, that was called batteries not included. Okay. That's true. It's a... No, that was called Batteries Not Included, Kai. That's true. It's a movie that made me cry as a child. Batteries Not Included. You know what?

Like every toy, when I was a child, that's it. There was no such things as batteries, okay? It was just wood. Everything had arms, okay? It was like a doll with wooden arms, that's it. I wouldn't let Avery watch Batteries Not Included because we all know it's about old people who have a shitty, shitty tenement

and then aliens come down and fix it for them. And I said to Avery, don't watch this movie because it'll make you want to live in a tenement, okay? Yeah, Short Circuit was a film about a robot. It had Ali Shady and Steve Gutenberg. Of course. But that wasn't the one with the elderly people. Is that what you're saying?

Jessica Tandy and Hume Cronin were in Batteries Not Included. They were in that? And also Elizabeth Pena was in that too. And I remember seeing that in the movie theaters and I cried at the end. I don't even know who was the cheer worker, but I cried. I was like, the apartment building.

God, they sure knew how to get us back then. They knew how to find the gays. Listen, I'm telling, cousin Nick probably had a similar story. He's like, hey, I remember watching Batteries Not Included and I got a happy like who are the children who are crying at batters? Not included. Okay. Keep an eye out for them. They're going to need some special love. Okay. So, uh, Theresa's like, yeah, you know, uh,

she a graduate unit and she got into immigration law because of what happened with her dad. Really? Well, why didn't she go into filing for your fucking passport? Is that not an industry? Because she could help a lot more people if she just said, follow the proper steps you're supposed to follow to get your passport.

Because it will matter one day. Immigration law is not like, she makes it sound like, she makes it sound like Joe was kicked out of the country because he was just trying to provide for his family and he was working illegally, never got his papers and then suddenly there was some grave injustice that said, no, you committed fraud on a wild scale level.

And on top of that, you never got your citizenship. So yeah, that's what probably will happen. That was the thing. When Andy was like, so wait, you were born here, weren't you? Why don't you have your citizenship? Was he born here? I don't remember how it worked. But Andy was like, why don't you have your citizenship?

He's like, yeah, I was supposed to file for that, but you know, who cares? Like, so what? Yeah, this was not, this was not like a tragic tale that like you watch on like, you know, an episode of something on PBS where you're, you know, your heart's breaking for the injustice of the system. This is the guy who like committed fraud on a big scale. And then he also never got around to becoming a citizen.

So yeah, that's, it just, you got extradited. Or whatever it was, whatever was the term. Yeah, it's like don't, yeah. So if you're gonna donate your life to helping, donate to helping, just remind people to do simple things like that. Be sure to update your passport before you go out of town. That kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. So, so then she's like, Oh my God, I'm thinking about Gabriella leaving. Hold on. How many days is it going to be? One, five, eight,

seven, brain, alcohol, sober. Wait, how long has your father been sober? Eight years, that's one week. She is like, it's literally four days, mom, until she leaves. Oh my God, four, we should hold a little party. That way we have a four party, a six part and an eight party. Hehehehe. So she's like, this morning I started crying.

She's like, are you going to jail again? No, it's cause she's gone away. And she's like, it's okay Ma, you get emotional. You cry over everything. She's like, uh uh, I don't always cry. She's like, yeah you do. Ma. Yeah you do.

Ma. Yeah you do. I ain't crying. You're crying right now. Ma. Hold on, hold on. Let me spray some air fresheners because I'm gonna have people's comes over

and I want it to smell good. So we have four dogs, okay? So four, the magic number four. Let's have an anniversary party for the dogs that we have. I'm so proud cause my dogs, like one of them almost got run over four years ago and I got four dogs. We're having five parties.

Well, that doesn't really make sense, but still. Ma, you just sprayed the same spot 12 times. 12! I didn't even know we could get that high! Let's have a 12 party! 12 party! 12! So then Danielle's just knocking at the door and she's like,

There's like a million people living here and no one's gonna answer the door already come on. So she comes in and they start talking about Emskult and Teresa's like, Yeah, I used it before. And she's like, Emskult is a procedure. You get it down your stomach and your butt. It's like you want 50,000 squats. 50,000? How we even do a party for 50,000? This is like the whole season that's now planned out. I know.

A couple of early parties for every week now. 50,000 is too clean of a number so that would never happen. So Danielle's like, oh yeah, I done scoped into every avenue of this body. The only thing I don't have is a butt, you know? Cause I gotta work on that. And then I gotta make sure my body is nice and right for the Jersey Shore. So a little rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap! Yeah!

New York Fashion Week. You wanna fuck with me? You're gonna fuck with my zapping. Tell you that much, you better back the fuck up. We need to see Danielle fight. It's episode two and we haven't seen Danielle lose her temper yet. That's my favorite side of Danielle when she just loses her shit over nothing. It's a little, it's a little weird that we haven't seen it yet.

So it's also weird that we haven't seen much of Jennifer Aiden. So here she comes, she arrives and they start their M sculpt and everything. And Teresa gets on the table and now her butt's just getting sculpted and Daniel's like, well, well, ladies friendship is hitting new levels today. Yeah. You don't get head to reset. You don't got one fucking people on your ass. Yes. The 10 you got a nice 10 that's Teresa. And And they're like, okay, everybody, let's get this started. So they do this school. I want this sculpt. I know me too. I was works. I saw it. I was like, I want this. I want this done.

It's got a lot of, it's going to take a lot of work. My skin, I look kind of like a sleeping bag over a folding chair at this point. I don't know that there's much this can do, but I'll take, I'll try it. I'm gonna do it. Yeah, it looked really fun. So Jennifer's like, well, honestly, baby, I can't do the scalp without the laughing gas.

It's painful for me. It's painful for me, baby. And then they start talking about the other ladies. Like what's gonna happen at this party? So then we cut to Margaret. Thank pickleball. Okay. Hi, I'm at the pickleball studio.

John and Gabby, tell me about pickleball. It's like tennis, but different. Great, that's all I needed to know. It's all the rage right now. Pickleball, everyone's talking about. Of course they just got pickleball in Jersey. I know. Guys, where the fuck have you been?

We've been on an anti-pickleball crusade for like five years. I know, this is like old news. So she's like, you know, my athletic skills are a little rusty since I broke my wrist. Roll the footage! So we see her falling over, breaking her wrist again. And she goes, you know, I played a little tennis back years ago, when I was sleeping with a tennis instructor. You know, I have to sleep with the sports instructor to really get into the sport.

You know Jennifer Aiden, it's like, Oh, suddenly I can't make part of a bigger slide anymore. What's going on here, baby? I'm not sleeping with the pickleball instructor as of yet. So then they start practicing and stuff, and then Rachel comes in and Melissa comes in and Rachel's like, it smells like my thousand here. Got to go to Mose, gotta go to Mose. So Margaret's like, oh hi babe, you look adorable, let me give

you a hug where I do the thing where I drape my hands over your shoulders and kiss you on the cheek. You dress very pickleball. I didn't know what it was today and I have no idea how you're supposed to dress for it but you did it. You're very pickleball today. Rich is like, so how do you play? And the guy's like, uh It's just like ping-pong. I'm just gonna say that because I know this is gonna be a hopeless session So just pretend you're playing ping-pong. Okay, I suck at ping-pong. All right. Well, that's all I've got That's all I can do that to help you ladies with this game And then of course Melissa comes in and she goes what is pickleball? Oh, yeah, you've never heard of pick. Come on Can't with this game. And then of course, Melissa comes in and she goes, what is pickleball? Oh yeah, you've never heard of pickleball?

Come on, I can't with this faux stupidity. So Rachel's like, it makes me crazy. I forget the things that make me crazy until the show comes back. I'm like, oh, I can't. Stop pretending to be dumber than you are. Okay, you're dumb enough to be entertaining as it is. So they start, they're're like what's pickle box?

they start that and then we cut back to the butt sculpting and Let's see. They're still talking about butts. Okay, so then uh, daniel goes. Oh god. I feel I feel it's on my ass now Hey, we're talking about asses a lot this week, right? You don't got a double-sided purple dildo coming. Do you? You don't got a double sided purple dildo coming do ya? That hurts. That hurts. That hurts bitch. You're fucking with my ass.

You better watch your ass bitch. I'll tell you that. Listen baby, we cannot judge. What people do, what people like in the boudoir is their business. You know how some people call it a boudoir? Some people call it a back house, behind the pool. Whatever happens in there stays in there baby. So if you like the little tickle in the ass, they tickle the ass big girl baby.

Whatever happens in the boudoir, they tickle the ass big girl baby. Whatever happens in the boudoir, they tickle the ass big girl baby. Whatever happens in the boudoir, they tickle the ass big girl baby. Whatever happens in the boudoir, they tickle the ass big girl baby. Whatever happens in the boudoir, they tickle the ass big girl baby. Whatever happens in the boudoir, they tickle the ass big girl baby. Whatever happens in the boudoir, they tickle the ass big girl baby. Whatever happens in the boudoir, they tickle the ass big girl baby.

Whatever happens in the boudoir, they tickle the ass big girl baby. Whatever happens in the boudoir, they tickle the ass big girl baby. Whatever happens in the boudoir, they tickle the ass big girl baby. Whatever happens in the boudoir, they tickle the ass big girl baby. Whatever happens in the boudoir, they tickle the ass big girl baby. Whatever happens likes a little tickle the ass tickle the ass big girl baby whatever happens in the build was stays in the build one baby oh my god and Dan was like well I would do a double-sided deal that was you I'm just saying guys so then we go back to the pickleball courts pickleball I'm starting to talk like I'm in New Jersey, they're more at the pickleball courts. And Rachael's like, oh, my shoulder's killing me. And so then she talks about how she has RA and rheumatoid arthritis.

And she tells the whole story about growing up and she had juvenile rheumatoid arthritis and hip replacements by the age of 18, things like that, which, you know, it's tough. But it's just such a Jersey way to tell the story because it's like the sad story. It's like juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, ta-da, it's like violins,

and it's like really sweet story, you know? And like, we don't know Rachel that well, except from the show, and it's like, well, that's a nice story and stuff. And then she's like, and then I was able to compete. It just cuts to her looking like a burnt fried chicken in that bikini contest when she was, bikini contest just covered in the spray tan.

Just like, it was just like such a funny juxtaposition. The triumph of like, I conquered rheumatoid arthritis so I could participate in a bikini bodybuilding competition. It's like, okay. So I could become a talking piece of fried chicken in a bikini for that few months of my life. So then this Melissa's like, oh, you know, my mother fell today holding the baby

because Anthony broke her elbow. I mean, she's holding a baby and then she tripped and she saved the baby, but she landed on her elbows and so she had to get stitches on her chin. That's crazy. Drop the baby. How many times we have to say this cameras 24 seven. Okay. We need some slapstick on your elbows. Drop the baby. They're made out of bouncy stuff. Yeah, babies will be able to take the fall. As long as it doesn't land on its head,

it wouldn't have landed on its head. What baby was this anyway, by the way? Who's baby? Oh, wasn't her, her knee? She said that her sister's daughter is now a grandmother. Right, yeah. Which is wild, yeah. Yeah.

So it's that baby. So, yeah, they're talking about kids and stuff, and she's still gonna be be down with this down the shore. All right. And so then they start. Melissa's like, OK, since Danielle's having everyone anyway down the shore, it's Joe's birthday that weekend. So I figured I'll throw like a little daytime party for Joe. Yeah. Melissa says something that is probably the most confusing thing you can say on the show. Did I tell you I'm gonna have a birthday party for Joe? My Joe? No.

My Joe? No. My Joe? No. My Joe? No. My Joe. Your Joe?

You gotta be more specific when you say you're having a party for Joe. Christina, the sculpting lady, is like, my Joe, it's not my Joe, is it? No. Okay, good. So she's like, Margaret, you should sleep over and Margaret's like, Oh, my God, thank God. I love

staying in homes. This is amazing. I get my own room. I just can't wait to stay at your home. It's gonna be so amazing. So glad we're not in that other disgusting house of people. I'll tell you that much. And Rachel is gonna have Jen and Danielle stay, Jen Fessler stay at her house with Danielle too. And so we go back to body sculpting and Danielle's like, hey Annie, I hope everyone's good for Friday because it's really such a nice party.

And you know, six years is a special number. So just real quick, I'm going to stay at the Fudas house at the shore. And I know it's like a real slippery slope for me trying to build a new friendship with her. So I just want to put it out there. Like, don't get mad. I I'm gonna talk to Rachel Fuda. Yeah, and Teresa's like, yeah, you know me,

I don't tell people who to be friends with. Plink, plink, plink, plink, plink, plink, bitch. Totally. But, you know, I don't tell you who's team to be on. You know, you wanna be friends with Rachel? Like, God bless, you know what I mean? But like, whatever they wanna believe, they believe it. They don't believe, you know, we gotta move forward. We gotta want to believe, they believe it. They don't believe, you know, we got to move forward.

We got to move forward. What they believe, what they don't believe, you know, what? Here's what I what I say. Dildo's hanging out of an ass. Self-structs. You do what you want with that. Back in pickleball, you know what? How did this whole situation even happen? I mean, like, you know, that what Teresa was saying at John's

that he's like that John is the biggest drug dealer. I don't even want to say it because it's disgusting. But let me just highlight again, Teresa said that John Fuder is the biggest drug dealer in all of New Jersey and maybe even the entire East Coast. I can't believe it was even said. I don't even want to say it. You know what? I'm so outraged. I may even have to say it again to show how much I don't even want to say it. John Fuder, drug dealer, put them together.

Worst drug dealer America has ever seen. Awful, awful that these things are being said. Well, we were talking about something that happened 20 years ago, guys. Okay, that's 20 years ago, guys. When John was 17 years old, he was selling pot, he got arrested. That's it. That's the story. So for her to try and weaponize something that my husband went through as a child, That's the story. So for her to try and weaponize something that my husband went through as a child. As a child. My husband, just an innocent child in preschool. Selling weed.

You know, this is a grown ass woman that went to prison and came out and has had zero growth. It's pathetic. You know what? The problem is that we'd like the gate to open up a little bit and then the bull just comes on out. The gates are closed. The gates are closed. The gates are closed in this strange metaphor that I've included in the

situation. Yeah. And she's like, no, the gates closed. She goes, yeah, the gates closed. The gates closed. It is closed. The gate is absolutely closed. Don't open it. There's a bull behind there. I've tried this before. I've seen it on television. It's terrible. Yellowstone. What a show. You know, bulls kill people. It's nuts what they go through. Leave the gate closed. Leave it closed.

So everyone's showing up in their shore houses. I would just like to note, I'm so sorry to interrupt you. I would just like to note this whole drug dealer thing, if it was just weed, who cares? Just say, John, just do what you just did. John dealt weed when he was 17. That's it, get over it. Stop giving it so much heat, Especially because the reason this came out was because you spent your last season saying that your son's mother was a drug addict and all of this other stuff.

I think they kind of started it with that because if. And so I've been raising him or whatever. But to be like, yeah, it's them accusing this woman of being a drug, which he is. You know, she's in prison and stuff. But I think it pissed her off. And then she's getting revenge by telling all the people this other stuff. So I don't know. It's messy. But you guys kind of started it is what I'm saying. You started it.

Yeah, I ought to say is that he just, he's, he's hungry. He's just, he's hangry and he's hungry and hangry. And that's what's happening here. So, you know, I'm, I'm getting hungry and hangry right now. As, as, as we speak, I like a big. Thanks for the warning. Keep the gate closed. I'm keeping the gate closed.

Everyone watch out. I ate a big bowl of oatmeal this morning. Cause it's like oatmeal is supposed to keep you like stave off the hunger for longer. So I had like a large bowl. So we got a big day of podcasting and I'm wrapping this right now. Wrap it up.

Carbs make you hungry. Food makes you hungry. Best way to not be hungry is not to eat. Okay, don't eat. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial. I love a good parasocial relationship with a celebrity who will probably never know my name.

I mean, honestly, who knows? Don't count yourself out. But my favorite part about these feuds is how they're ignited by the tiniest things. Jada, I love you. G.I. Jane too. Can't wait to see you. I accidentally laminated my brows too much. It starts small, and then it gets so big.

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Follow The Last City on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of The Last City early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Okay, so everyone's arriving at the respective shot, down the shore, down the shore, down that shore. You remember when the show used to be like, we're going to the Jersey shore. And now that they say it properly, which is down the shore, down the shore, down the shore, down that shore. You remember when this show used to be like, we're going to the Jersey shore. And now that they say it

properly, which is down the shore, you know, which I think is lovely, they're trusting us more. They're not treating us so like we're idiots in this audience. So everyone comes to their homes, we're at Rachel Shorehouse first. And she's like, oh my God, baby, so windy here. My hair's in my lip gloss and I'm getting very, very upset about it. Very, very upset. And then over at Jennifer Aiden's, they arrive at their very yellow Jersey Shore townhouse thing and Olivia's like,

She's like, Oh God, after a two hour car drive, it was worth it. I'm hungry. So dramatic. And then Melissa's, Joe's offering Melissa's mom Donna a drink. And Melissa's like, Joe, I don't think she can have a drink. And Donna's like, can you fix my ponytail honey? Can you fix it? Oh God.

Oh God. Oh God. Don't stop bossing me around, Melissa. Okay. Don't stop. And Melissa's like, I can't believe your, your arm. And she's like, do my ponytail. She's like, don't stop bossing me around now. She can boss you around. She just got her arms. She saved a child. It was probably a gay child, which means up, up cue everybody's tears. Hold on. Everybody could have been a gay child.

Everybody pretend to cry for a minute. Battery is not included playing when this lady gave birth. Um, so then, uh, we go back over to Jen's house. Jen is eating an enormous slice of pizza and I don't know if anyone else did that, but did this, but Dom and I were watching and we immediately paused the show. I'm like, do we get pizza right now? And we, we literally just ordered pizza. We literally watched that, that Jennifer Aiden eating that slice of pizza caused us to get a whole fricking pie of pizza because she's an influencer, what can I say?

So then back at Jen's store, oh yeah, she was eating the pizza, okay. So then Olivia's like, the fries look good. I mean, this fucking family, can I just tell you? They ordered pizza, fries, and fried chicken. God bless. That's my kind of family right there. God bless. This is my kind of family. Can I just tell you they ordered pizza, fries, and fried chicken. God bless. Family right there. God bless. This is my kind of family. I am, I want that entire menu right now. Yeah.

And then Teresa's coming over so they also have to get salad, but you know, nobody from this family is touching that shit and you can tell because of how Jennifer dresses it. She takes the whole thing of balsamic and just like dumps the entire thing on. It's so much. You just know that's not someone who touches salad. And I respect their game, you know.

I respect them just completely ignoring, you know, all the past decades that the public health system has been trying to teach us. They're just like, no, we will have pizza wrapped around fried chicken and fries on the side. And that's it, and a milkshake. So fuck off. Now if it was Raj from Southern Charm, I'd be like, well go fuck you, you never touch a salad. But with her, we're like, it's okay. She's earned the light,

doesn't have to touch the salad credibility, you know? Well, she pretends. Yeah, she's not like actually scared of salad. She gets a salad. Yeah, that was his personality, like, I hate vegetables. On a show where the men can't grow up. So that's a little different.

This one is just like, I'm rich, I can do whatever I want. I can afford the doctor's bills. So that's it, meeting fried chicken wrapped in pizza with fries on the side. Yeah, so Theresa and Louis show up and Jennifer's offering them food. And then he's like, hey, so what? Or Paulie's like, so when and Louis show up and Jennifer's offering them food and then he's like, Hey, so what or Paulie's like, so when is Bill coming?

And she's like, Oh, well, that's a funny question. I ask that to him all the time at night, but never get a good answer on that front, baby. And he's like, Oh, damn it. I have to talk to these women. And Dolores is like, yeah, I mean, I, you know, I haven't been here in two years because Paulie's like, I'm not a Jersey Shore guy. Can you believe it? Hey, Paulie, what are you not?

A Jersey Shore guy. Listen, I'm more like a Saint Martin, you know, somewhere like that. That's the kind of guy I am. Don't worry, he's gonna like it here. We're gonna put him in a room that's extra yellow, baby. So then we go back over to Melissa's. And Margaret's like, oh, I can't wait to hear

about how Pauly loves the boardwalk. I'm not, you know, I'm not like the cotton candy crew not to be mean or whatever. And Melissa's like, you're not? And they're just like shocked because they all know that Pauly hates going to the Jersey Shore and everything. And then she's like, yeah, so Pauly's staying at Jennifer's.

I mean, I could never, I could never. I mean, have you seen that place? It's like looking yeah, so Paul is staying at Jennifer's. I mean, I could never, I could never. I mean, have you seen that place? It's like looking at a honeydew just spread all the way across the walls. It's like trying to take a nap in the middle of scrambled eggs. Like I can't, I could never, I would die. I'm so blessed that I get to stay here.

I mean, does this one have any children holding fried chicken, screaming, I'm an eagle, and then rolling down the stairs? No? Good. I'm staying here forever. Yeah, they're all basically like, Oh God, Jennifer's was the worst. Too many children.

So then they're talking about how much famous Joe blah, blah, blah. And Margaret's like, I mean, come on, like, what's up with Bill? He didn't even come the other night to the party. And Melissa's like, Well, you know what, she didn't say hello to me and I didn't say hello to her. But you know, she also knows I'm not speaking to her bestie, Teresa. And so, you know, it's just two sides, basically different houses, but two sides refusing to speak to each other. Yeah. So, so then back at the Rachel's house, Rachel's like, poor Jeff Fessler, what a good sport he is. Jen Fessler's like, well, why is he a good sport?

And she's like, well, because, you know, like, you know, he threw you, well, we both threw you this nice party and everything, we spent all this money and everything. And Jen's like, oh, it was, it was the best party ever, except for the Teresa altercation. Should we talk about Teresa now? Let's talk about Teresa.

And Rachel's like, that was a whole new level of low, bringing up a child's drug feeling. That was just below the belt. And John Food was like, yeah, that's your friend's vessel, what's going on with that? She goes, oh, here we go, here we go. And they're like, come on, you gotta pick sides there. John says, you're gonna have to pick one there, okay? Because I can't associate people who associate with her. And she's like, come on, you gotta pick sides there. John says, you're gonna have to pick one there, okay?

Because I can't associate people who associate with her. And she's like, here we go. I don't go into situations when someone says something mean, I'm not in turn mean. I don't have any beef with Teresa. We're not close. We're not like, I'm with you. I'm very close with you.

Now, unfortunately, you are not the star of this show. So that's gonna be a little trouble for me. You're not the James Gandolfini, as it were. It is gonna hurt me to betray you in about five minutes. It will hurt. Yeah, but the thing that's unfathomable to me is that you would ever want to be her friend. I mean, the writing's on the wall.

If there's anyone walking on this planet that has seen the way that she and I have interacted, it's pretty fucking clear. Yeah not to defend her but the instagram file was much higher than yours uh fame much higher than yours it's lovely apprentice she did that you didn't do it you know so she said things that were horrible but again she's famous you're not case closed and Rachel's sticking to her guns she's like i, I mean, it's fucked up, Jen. And she's like, well, it's fucked up, but you know, she fights dirty,

and the lower you go, the lower she goes, and the lower you go, and then she goes, just stop going low, and maybe she'll stop going low, but let's go to higher. Let's get higher. Should we get higher? And when I say higher, I mean Instagram, follow accounts that I'm about to get higher in,

because I'm gonna be friends with Teresa, you fucking nobody. Do you have any cheese. I love cheese. So, um, so now Danielle and Nate show up and everything and, uh, Danielle's like, I'm going to tell you right now, I really like Rachel and John, but it's always hard to be put in the middle, which is why I always put myself in the middle.

That's been your whole role. Your entire last season put myself in the middle. That's been your whole role. Your entire last season was you in the middle. So they're like, wow, look, Rachel and Danielle are such good friends now. And Rachel's like, yeah, you know, I want to say because going into things like, you know, you have this anxiety, this angst, but I just want everyone to be cool tonight, okay? And Danielle's like, yeah, it's a party for Nate. Everybody's gotta be on the same page. I just want everybody to be positive.

And if they're not positive, I'm gonna get them by the throat. I'm gonna rip their fucking throats open. I'm gonna drink the blood out of them. And that's gonna fill me with what I need to get on with the rest of the night. And I'm not fucking kidding with any of yous. Yeah, so now everyone's getting ready for Nate's celebration

and Jennifer Fessler, she goes up to Rachel goes, so I have a question, is this outfit too young for me? And she's like, what part of the outfit is even young in the first place? Yeah. So then Joe Gorga has a wacky moment of finding one of Margaret's wigs and wearing it around. And then Margaret is upstairs dressing Joe and she goes, oh my God, Joe, if anyone wonders

why I dress you, it's because your belt is on upside down. Like how does that even happen? And then Joe Gorga is like, hey, Benino, you want an expresso? You want an expresso, Benino? Hey, you want one? There he You want an expresso? Benino, all right, you want one? There he is, expresso, there he is. Joe, you can't be wearing my wig. That wig cost a lot of money.

Well, it didn't cost a lot of money, but it is real hair and I did take it off of Lexi after I slipped her an ambient, all right? Cut it right off of her. So it means something to me. You know, that was really good prank hair that I stole. Did Lexi and I steal this from a He-Man convention? Possibly. Was it a lot of work? Absolutely. So don't be like, don't, don't mishandle it.

Listen, I saw Captain Sandy taking a nap at BravoCon and I got my snippers out. There's a lot of work to get that Joe. I made it. This is from the Macbeth collection. So there's photo, they'll take photos of the wigs and everything like that. So we're at the food is house and then Joe is making a Joe Joe's making roadies for the guests and everything. And John is just, they're also getting ready. They're making the roadies and Daniel's like, Joe, Joe, is a Jen Fester who's like, I never heard of that a roadie. What's a roadie?

Is that a thing? A roadie? Is this too young on me? So then they're taking shots at the other house. Okay, now it's time to head to the party. It's a lot of back and forth. I was like, what is happening here? When you watch it, it all makes sense. But when you recall it back, you're like, how did we all internalize this? This is wild. Yeah, this is the way to the party. So everybody's just, you know, having small talk in their cars. Melissa's car is talking about how Joe's going to be, you know, at the gay wedding and be the father of the, be the, you know, preacher or whatever. And then in the food

of van, they're driving over there and they're just getting themselves worked up. You know, John's like, I ain't fighting with nobody. I ain't talking about anything. I can't wait till I fucking see him. I can fight with him Yeah Yeah, he's really getting himself ready. He's really coming his season two energy is just so different now, you know, so Then Rachel they're talking about Jen or Jen festers saying like by the way, Melissa Gorga when she's drinking I have to like hold my ass for dear life. She's coming for my ass more than I'm coming for James Gandolfini. That was a joke, Jeff. That was a joke to my about my past Jeff. But when I slept with James Gandolfini, you could at least laugh at one camera.

So Danielle's like, yeah, that girl's fun. Unlike Jackie, just FYI, I didn't invite her tonight. Is that going to be a big thing now? Huh? Is that a big thing? Anybody want to say something about it? And Rachel's like, that gonna be a big thing now? Huh? Is that a big thing anybody want say something about it and Rachel's like that will be a big thing hard. Yes Yeah, well, she really was not nice to me. You know, she made fun of my clothes She said like how I was trashy she talked about me being stupid That's true. That is true. I mean that is true that the things that she said are absolutely very true I'm not saying that what she said is true. I'm not saying it's true that she said it.

I'm saying it's true that what she said is actually true. All right, all right. So, you know, there's only so many times someone could do that to me. Like, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me three, four, five, six, seven, eight times. It's like, one more shot. Okay, fool me a ninth time.

All right, let's have some coffee and talk about it. Fool me 10th time. I don't know, maybe we'll go on to a letter. Cut my All right, let's have some coffee and talk about it. Fool me 10th time. I don't know, maybe we'll go on to 11th. Cut my mother off, that's it. I'm not speaking to that bitch ever again. I said, have my mother never call me again. So then they arrive at Nate's party and it's in like some arena somewhere

and there's a sign and it says, not just surviving, but thriving. Yeah, and it's everyone's there and everyone's like, you know, it's like everyone's gathering. It's nice and everything. And so then we now we're going to meet the friend of for the season who we saw in the trailer. So Rachel goes up to her. Her name is Tiffany. And Rachel's like, you look familiar. Where are you from? Bodybuilding competitions? And she's like, I grew up in Verona and then my husband grew up in Fairfield I'm Tiffany welcome America to my life

And Rachel's like, oh your husband your husband is Dante. She goes, oh, you know Dante She says our husbands were on the same job together at Saddle River Like oh my god, no way So they're like super close now. We had no idea. When my husband got that job at Saddle River, we had absolutely no idea that there was a husband at that same job on Saddle River who was on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. What a coincidence.

So all the ladies grab seats and are, you know, sitting around like, how do you know her? How do you know her? I know Joe, I know Joe. My father? No, my brother. No, your friend? No, it's my cousin twice removed Joe. I know Joe. I know my father. No, my brother. No, your friend. No, it's my cousin twice removed Joe

What's Joe? Which Joe's connecting us? Okay, all right who here is on their first husband? Okay, all right Okay, cuz that was for you Joan. That was for you. I mean, how do you really get to know? That's how you get to really know someone. Okay. How many husbands have you had Tiffany New Girl? Okay, what's going on? So Melissa's like, oh my god, who asked that kind of fucking question? That's outrageous. Okay, well, you know what? I was always the second wife. The first time I got married, I was the second wife and I'm still the second wife on my second marriage. Another one for you, Joe. A lot of second humor. That's for you, Joan. Um, we should have a second party. Get out of here, Teresa. You're not in the scene. You're a goddamn idiot. That one we could be 2468. We appreciate Louie.

Add an 01 and you've got a Les Mis song. 24601 So Tiffany's like, my husband, I'm the second wife. I'm the upgrade in that one. Then he's like, see we need food at Jim Fesla's party. We did not have food like we got here. All right. That's why the alcohol got the best of us at that party. Right. That party was nuts. Am I right? Fucking second, second wife. I'm fucking talking to her. It's like, what, what way to take away the second wife? Gravita. Yeah, way to pivot it into food. Okay. we're hearing about this woman just said that she's about to launch into her spiel. Like, my name's Tiffany. I have a husband who works in Saddle

River and I'm the second wife and I'm the upgrade because let me tell you what, food is wonderful. Let's talk about the food. Is there a focaccia alligator anywhere nearby? Yeah, come on. We're trying to get to know Tiffany over here. So they're just joking about that and Tiffany's asking about what happened at that party So they're just joking about that and talk and Tiffany's asking about what happened at that party and they're just joking about it was a was it bunch it was a bunch of fighting and everything it was a bunch of it was beautiful minus a few knockdowns shakedown fights am I right? Yeah so then Teresa comes in and dramatic music is playing and Louie literally walks in like sniffing like

Yeah, he has a smile on his face. Like I'm totally at ease. I'm not nervous at all about any confrontations Look at me. I am self-assured Louie right now, huh? And Jennifer Aiden's just like And Jennifer Aiden's just like, hello, bingo. Ha. Bingo, baby. Louis also, by the way, he has the smile of someone who thinks that the party with his father was just like a giant segment on this show.

He's like, look at us getting our redemption hug. I'm sure all of America just saw the beautiful celebration we just had for my father. So he's sort of smiling like, I'm a a hero not knowing that it never made it to air. Yeah. So then let's see. So John sees Joe Gorgas. He's like, hey, your boys are over there. And Joe's like, hey, I don't have no boys. My boys are right here. What are you talking about? Get over it. Because John's just trying to start shit. I mean, I can't overstate how much John is

just ready to have his first role or his second can't overstate how much John is just ready to have his first role or his second Real Housewives fight. Which fight is this? He's just so excited to be a Real Housewife. This whole episode, John Food is just like, I ain't gonna fight, I'm gonna fight, I'm gonna fight. Ah, look who's here, why don't you go say hi to your friends? Uh-huh.

John, calm down, John. So no one grows up to say hi to Teresa except for Jen Fessler, who's like, oh my god, Teresa, my sister is obsessed with you. I think she is now your 1.3.2 millionth follower on Instagram. I'm not looking at your stats. I'm just saying she loves you, and she doesn't love anyone,

which means that therefore you should love me back. And then we see a clip of her talking to the sister at some party. And Teresa's like, oh, yeah, sister. I wish I had a sister. Sisters are the best. I wish I had anything like a sister. I never had nothing like a sister.

Meh. So then now Jen goes up to Margaret. She's like, oh, Margaret, you look beautiful. Bingo. And she's like, Oh, Margaret, you look beautiful. Bingo. And she's like, Margaret, you look great. This is really fun that we're being nice to each other now before we get into some vicious fight later on this season. Where's Bill? Where's he? Is he in the back room again? Is he hiding away from you? He's in surgery still. He's going to see if he can come here straight, you know. He

should come hang out. He'd have a good time with his boys here. All right, all right, good, good, good, good. Why are we still talking? Why? Why are you still here? This conversation's already expired. It's gone on 10 seconds too long, and it's only been 11 seconds.

So then, so this whole thing with, oh wait, we've got more. I'm sorry, I thought I was at the end of my notes. I was like, wait, I think there's another scene. But I just had to keep scrolling guys. So Melissa stays seated during the hellos because you know, everybody's like ignoring each other. So Melissa's like, okay, hi Teresa, hi Louie. Here's my face, like how y'all doing? Should I do it? Oh, yeah. Hi. Hi. I really care about you. Marco's like, shh, stop. Stop that. Stop that. We're very mature people at this party.

So Gorga goes up to Fuda. He's like, hey, there he is. There he is. How you doing? Are you good? You're good right now? He goes, no, I'm good. I'm not engaging in this shit tonight, but I'm just going to talk about it a lot. I'm going to get everyone else engaged in it, but I'm good. I'm not engaging in this shit tonight, but I'm just going to talk about it a lot. I'm gonna get everyone else engaged in it, but I'm good. I'm good.

And he's like, yeah, nah, don't get engaged. Yeah, nah. So then Louis is like, I gotta drink more water. My body's so sore. You know, you ever drink a lot of water? Hey, Jeff Fessler, you drink a lot of water? He's like, I drink coffee.

Oh yeah. Okay, cool. So Polly asked Nate, so when you had had that surgery how long were you out of action? And Nate's like, you know what, maybe a week. Like they drilled in, they did the surgery and a day later I was back at Starbucks. It was amazing. So you're trying to tell me that we're doing a six-year non-cool number anniversary for the thing that took you a week to recover from. Okay, great, and I came down to the Jersey Shore for this instead of St. Martin. It is kind of like that.

She's like, that was six years ago, could have changed the world. He's like, it was nothing. They got it out, I was back to a latte in five minutes. It's amazing You little they show a picture of him being like, hey, it's like holding up a coffee like look. It's coffee I just got it. It's coffee Get coffee again. Hey, it worked out I'm she Molly I and I have a new podcast called The Competition.

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the competition's not a bad place to start. Hopefully no one will die on station night. From Pineapple Street Studios and Wondry, this is the competition. Follow the competition on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to the competition early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus. So then Danielle out of nowhere, Danielle's like, ladies and gentlemen, I want to support it. Like this comes in honor of Nate's one week of duress. Here is a choir from DC.

Like, oh, OK, sure. And then this poor choir, they come up to sing a song and they're like, you know what? You know, they were like, guys, I know it's a pain in the ass to go up to the Jersey shore, but the amount of exposure we as a choir are going to get, it's going to be unparalleled. And they open up their mouths to sing and then it just like cuts to like royalty free music playing right over them. Yeah. And then everybody's like twerking on the dance floor.

So what is happening at this party? So then Rachel's like, this moment is beautiful. It's what I envisioned times a million. And standing with my husband who's so beautiful and he's so healthy. Oh no, that was Danielle, I think, saying this. To bring everybody here and celebrate the goodness of my life is so bougie.

New York Fashion Week coming soon, everybody. So now it's more party time. There's like some talk about going to smoke some smoke, some weed with like a pan and everything like that. And then, yeah, cause Jen is Jen Fessler is going to pull aside Teresa for the talk and they're going to get stoned as hell while they do it. So Teresa's like, all right, all right, all right, all right. Maybe I'll talk more if I got that pen. Sorry. You want to go over there? And she's like, whatever you want, alright, alright, maybe I'll talk more if I got that pen, alright?

You wanna go over there? And she's like, whatever you want baby, where do you wanna go? Let's go sit down baby, me, you and the wee pen, what can go wrong? Oh, I like this area, it's like Gabriella was here, no dog poop, okay, come on, let's take a seat. You know I wanna ask you something, because like, okay, so my husband met with Frank Catania after New York and he said to him that everyone that like had gone over to Margaret's house the night before the reunions and stuff says, and she's like, yeah, why did Margaret have you guys over to your houses and stuff? As if like, you know, that Teresa had probably like five people at her place, by the way, let's be honest.

Yes. And Jen's like, well, it was a get together. To say, we're walking into this shit show, like when they come at us with this, we can come back with XYZ. What happened to ABCDF91012? Why you doing X? Larsen Pippen's like, finally, someone says it, like XYZ and this and that, yeah. So basically, Jen says it was like Jackie, not Evan.

She like makes sure we know Evan was not part of this. Jackie, not Evan, Margaret and Joe and Jeff and Melissa and Joe and Jeff and another Joe and Rachel and John and their friend Joe and then his cousin Joe and then someone brought a cup of Joe and actually the person who brought the cup of Joe was also named Joe. So they all were there.

Yeah. And Rachel and John, of course, they were prepping for Louie to have a lot of information because of that private investigator. And that's the thing about Teresa that's so hilarious. It's like, I can't believe people got together to prep for. Yeah, because your fucking husband hired a private investigator on everybody, Teresa. Yeah. You asked like, what do you think they were doing? an investigator on everybody, Teresa. Yeah. You asked like, what do you think they were doing? Bo Deedle. Okay. So of course, everyone's gonna be like, you

know what, she's gonna try to come up with, she's gonna try to say this, and she's gonna try to say that also, because arguing with Teresa is the most frustrating thing. We've watched it for 13 years on these reunions, you cannot get through to her. So they're like, you know what, let's just like, let's try to anticipate what she says. So she can't like wiggle out of it with her weird logic. It's like, it's not a strange thing to happen. I don't think there's anything conspiratorial about this.

And I like that Jen is actually just saying exactly what happened, because at first it's like, what is Jen doing? This is like betraying her friends and talking about it, but I'm glad she did it, because she's just like, yeah, well, Margaret was about to pull out some evidence of a recording she had where Louis actually called her son's work and threatened everybody or whatever that was.

Like she had the evidence, but it wasn't even used. So it's like showing that this was a nothing burger. They never even used this stuff. And even if they had used this stuff, it's defending against what your husband was doing, you lackadew. Yeah, they didn't have to use it. So Teresa's like, yeah, but like New York, Nathan, Danielle and Paulie in the back, they heard you say you guys didn't even execute the plan correctly.

And she's like, no, I never said that. I said they came in here with the manila envelopes. And I was like, you talked all this talk about manila envelopes and you didn't even open them. Yeah. So then Marga is talking with Rachel now, and, you know, Rachel just looks all bitter. She sees Jen Fester, she's just giving dirty looks and blinking very angrily. Like, she's been in line for three hours with this flight and the flight is still not here. But she's like, look it over there. Jen Fester is talking with Teresa

on the television show that she's on that Teresa is the star of. You're gonna have to get over this, Fuda's. You're both making me crazy already. So Margaret's like, yeah, but you know what? She's a little cocky up and you never know what she's gonna say. I'm a little worried about what she's saying. Yeah, and so we go back to the discussion

and Jen Fester's like, well, at some point, I would love to sit down with you because Margaret, she doesn't want me to talk about it, but like, you know, as someone who's been friends with Margaret for a long time, I think probably about nine months now, I heard her hysterical. That day she thought that Louie called her son and she was like, no, no, no, I swear to God, I swear on, I swear to God on my three daughters. I thought you had four. Oh yeah, Gabriella. Oh yeah, that girl who cleans up the dog pee too. My daughters. We did not do that.

And so the producer asked Jen, so do you believe Teresa or do you think that what we called Margaret's son? And she's like, oh, Teresa is swearing on a girl. So I really want to believe Teresa, you know, because she is swearing on a girl. I was want to believe Theresa, you know, because she to get into Paramus, that's amazing. It's a compliment. It's not an easy industry, alright? And Jennifer is like, oh, did you say that he's one now or when he was a kid? Not now, no, no, no, never nows. Oh, because that's what they thought you were all saying. No, no, no.

Look, he looks like an amazing father, a great husband, a great business guy, a guy who would give a friend a good deal on some tiles, just saying. So like, that's what it looks like to me now. I'm not judging him. I'm just saying that like as a child, you know, he was just like a big drug dealer. Yeah, you know, like right now he looks like a really good dad who could take it up the ass two ways. You know what I mean?

That's all I mean. I ain't judging him. Oh, okay, Teresa. No, no. So then Jen Fessler is like, oh, they thought you meant that now. They didn't know that you meant in the past. No!

So then Jen's like, well, Teresa's a good person. You know? Pause for laughter. Seriously. I'm like, yeah, I think, okay. You know, you can't stop staring at Teresa because you never know what's coming out. I'm like, yeah, that doesn't make you a good person and just makes you chaotic. She's like, yeah, but I enjoy her.

It makes you entertaining. Yeah. So she's like, maybe that makes me disloyal, but I can't help it. I do. I like her. I like her. I like her. I'm sorry. I'm guilty, guilty in the first degree of liking Teresa Giudice.

Yeah. I was like, uh, yeah, well, listen, I always liked it in you. I was like, well, I'm glad to be clear that up, Teresa. She's like, no, no, it's good, but you know, like, I just wanted to know what you meant by all those statements, you know, but I was like, I was like really liked your professor, you know? And she was, oh I was like really like Jen Fessler, you know, and she goes, Oh, we're good. Believe me. We're good. Teresa.

And Jen just always has this devious smile squint about her. She's just always kind of squinting her eyes really intently at people. I find her very enjoyable. But I think that after watching this, everybody's probably thinking Margaret should watch the fuck out for Jen Fessler. Jen Fessler should watch the fuck out because of Margaret, because now she's betraying that side, and now that side's gonna try and get revenge on her. I would be a little more worried about Jen Fessler. She was like a talent manager, wasn't she?

Of course I'd be worried about her. She looks, that squint, that glint and squint in her eye is terrifying. So I can't wait to see what she's got up her sleeves, especially since they didn't make her full time. So she's going to be fighting for that slot. So I really hope she turns evil. Well, we're going to see her walk away from this party and she's going to stop limping and walk perfectly. And she's going to pull out her guitar and be like, it perfectly it was all a ruse so now we go back to the fire pit and John's John Fuda is now sitting with Tiffany of all people and he's like I have a question she's like oh me to me oh sure I guess okay cool I didn't realize

people were talking to me yet. Okay, cool. And she's like, so if somebody asked your husband of doing something defamatory to his name based on an X, would you be upset? You have children, right? She goes, I'm not following, but I feel like the only answer you want for me

is to say yes, so yes, I would be upset. And he's like, you guys got a reputation to carry, am I right? And John, oh, mister, I don't wanna talk about it. You're really gonna go to the new cast member, John? Yeah. You need some chill, John. You're looking a little thirsty, buddy.

So Tiffany's like, I would defend my husband until the end. And John's like, yeah, cause otherwise it's like you're taking a convict's credit over mine, am I right? You agree? You agree? Everybody agree? Not going to start anything today, but everybody agree that it's better to listen to a tile salesman than a convict.

And Rachel's like, Oh God. So then Rachel's just like staring at Jen Festler. It's cause I feel remorseful right now because I thought I had had someone who was like my ride or die for a very long time. And in this moment, I don't see that Jen long time and in this moment I don't see that Jen festler Feels like I I don't see that Jen festler. I feel like I should have known better. I'm like Yeah, she's a friend of she's gonna do she's gonna climb to the top whatever she can do to be on the show I mean what part of that did you not understand?

Also, ma'am, you're new here. You don't get to be like well if you're gonna shoot with Teresa Then you don't get to be my friend. Teresa is the lead of this show you literally Put the sprinkle cookies on the counter ma'am. Okay and go sit down quietly you guys literally just showed up Okay, I hate when people do this. I hate it when they I hate it when the regulars do it like Teresa and Margaret I mean Melissa it's gonna be a rough season when you guys are gonna just have every party be you sitting apart from me. That's rough enough without the newbies trying to do it too.

This is Janet energy, and Janet energy is not working, ma'am. Well, I think, I mean, I find Janet energy to be very funny from the Valley. I, like, I didn't feel like the icing out really worked very well on Potomac, because I think it was like nothing really made sense. Nothing added up. Why? Like there was just, it was like that season was like a mess here. There's two sides and that like as a clear, like a feud for me and in a way that

makes sense with my brain. So like I'm okay with it right now. I'm okay that there's a Melissa side on a Teresa side. There's this family rift and it's gotten, now it like, they tried to keep it together and now it's exploded out to this thing where we have two sides of the cast. I'm okay right now with it, as opposed to just like a big mess where like, people are like trying to ice out people in a certain way

that they're pretending like they're not. And like, and it's like, what? What's happening on this show? This season, it's like incoherent, but here it like makes sense that they're trying to ice people out. It makes sense because they're in this massive rift with the cast. I don't know.

It's okay for me. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm okay with it so far right now. Okay. Well, there you go. Everybody, thank you so much for being here for Real Housewives of New Jersey. We will be back later with other stuff below deck. You know what, there's a lot of stuff going on, okay?

Just come back, find that. Since this episode is already so long, we will push our summer house, Martha's Vineyard, onto below deck and talk about it on that episode. Oh yeah, good call, since I forgot, anyway. Okay everybody, thanks so much. We'll talk to you next time. Bye. Watch what crap ends. We'll talk to you next time. Bye

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