Watch What Crappens - #2427 PumpRules S11E16 Part 1: Something About Hurt

Episode Date: May 15, 2024

This is part one!It’s time for part 1 of the Vanderpump Rules reunion (S11E16)!  Turns out all is not well between Katie and Ariana, at least according to Lala.  Also, Sandoval has words for Rachel.  Grab tickets for our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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from Wondry and Tinkercast, where hip hop and fables meet. Listen to Once Upon a Beat early and ad free right now on Wondry+. Once Upon a Beat. Check it out. Watch What Crappins! Watch What Crappins! Watch What Crappins! Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappins? Watch What Crappins! Watch What Crappins!

Watch What Crappins! Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappins? Watch What Crappins! Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappins! A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben, that's Ronnie. What's going on Ronnie? How are you today? Hello. How are you? I'm great. I'm in the same clothes as I was yesterday.

That used to mean that I was partying, but now it just means I'm extremely lazy. Okay. Good for you. Good for you. Well, you know, time is running out. Next week, our shows in Europe begin London Dublin, Birmingham You know the drill if you don't know the drill we're doing shows and the tickets are at watch with crappens.com London is pretty much sold out and But we still have tickets in Birmingham and Dublin. So go check those shows out We're gonna have a great time and we're covering some of our favorite Real Housewives European trip episodes So in London, we are talking about Amsterdam, the episode,

the Amsterdam episode in On Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, season five with Lisa Rinna, Kim Richards, you know all about that one. In Dublin, we're doing Ireland, which is of course, the famous one where Kelly Dodd like shoved Tamra off camera and they had a big fight in Ireland. It's called Real Housewives of Orange County Shamrocks and Shockwaves. That's season 11, episode 15. I don't know why I can never remember the name of that one. And then the last one is the case that Vicky's in Iceland, which is what season is that Ronnie? Season 12, episode 17. And you can find these on our Instagram. There's a post that says

crappens in Europe. Just go look at the description there and you'll find them and so you can watch them before the show. You should be able to find these on HeyU and on Peacock and we'll see you the next couple of weeks, little rascals. Yeah, and go to our Patreon, patreon.com slash watch for Krapens. We just recorded a bonus episode talking about, well, we started talking about packing for Europe and our excitement for Europe and what we're going to do for Europe. And then we have a detour into our fears about what's happening to our bodies as we hit middle age. But, you know, aside from that, it's a really uplifting, packing, munisha and death. So yeah, join those things. Join us for that. But today it is time for the Vanderpump rules reunion. Part one is finally here

after so much hype. So let's just like dive right on into it okay the reunion starts with Andy and Lisa in the dressing room and he's like hey Lisa did you see the last few episodes of the show she's like oh no I haven't seen the final piece of the last episode yet well we're all gonna watch it together you're all gonna cry so that is the big shock. Yeah. Well, we're all going to watch it together. You're all going to cry. So that is the big shocker. We've heard that there's a shocker coming and this is it.

Lala's been on interview after interview being like, it's iconic. What's happened to us in the finale? It's never been done before. So everyone is going to see and it's going to be amazing. And this was it. They're going to make people watch the finale altogether and get their real time reactions, which I think is a fantastic, fascinating idea to do it because you know, normally it's just a lot of puppies being thrown when housewives watch these final episodes like that bitch.

It's like throw a puppy against the wall or pinch their children or just you know, like cut a maid You know just cut a maid as she passes in anger and now they don't get to be in the privacy of their homes While they watch it we get to see Yeah, but the one thing is that I'm gonna Not I'm confused about is like we're all going to see them react To Ariana walking out of a party, which they all saw happen in real time, but now they get to see them react to Ariana walking out of a party, which they all saw happen in real time. But now they get to see it edited. What are they going to do? I'm like, what are they going to react to?

Well, she, she doesn't know all the shit they were talking. She doesn't know that Lala went off on her Dorinda Medley. Yeah, bitch, we're not talking about Tinsley. I'm so sick of that bitch. When did she become Beyonce? She didn't see any of that. So basically, it's, um, let's all gather around and watch how we made Ariana cry at the end. Okay. Yeah, precisely. By the way, a follow up to something that we were talking about last week. Uh, we were like, where is the scene of someone throwing water in this final episode?

So they did release that clip that was on, um, they released it as like a bonus. Did you see the clip? Of course. Yes. People are like, why aren't you recapping the peacock episodes? Cause we don't get screeners of those and I ain't waiting two days to recap this shit. Okay. Also cause you guys want the recaps fast. What's that? So basically for those who didn't see it, there was just some wasted guy who's probably on Molly or whatever. And he was like dancing all up in their area. And he kept on trying to sit down and like the VIP banner from rules cast area.

And he was just like floppy and drunk and he was annoying all of them. And they kept on trying to have to kick him out. And at one point, um, security is like, okay, we gotta kick this guy out. And the guy was like, no. And he went, he like threw like a plate, like a porcelain plate or a glass at security. So the, the drink that we have seen in the trailers was an actual like piece of glass or porcelain that went flying out of human, which is actually so bad.

This guy was messy and awful. And then finally they came and like tackled him and took them out. And so it wasn't that anything was being thrown at sand of all just that sand of all jumped them and was like, dude, dude, dude, what's going on? What's going on, bro? It's not that man chill out, man. That's all. Yeah.

And a lot of fun to watch or like, did sand of all hire this person so that he could be the hero and save everybody. And I was like, well, he should have hired better because this was like getting the equivalent of Lala's Logan, you know, to throw a drink when you could have had him for free. You know what I mean? Did we ever get to find out who this person was? I really would have, has he been publicly shamed yet?

I don't think so, but I'm surprised actually, because it's like a full facial, you know what I mean? Like, so certainly somebody's Googling. No one's claimed him. No one's claimed him. Yeah, that was pretty weird. So I don't know. That was fine. That was interesting, I guess. But we've seen it so much. I just like the conspiracy theories are always the most fun, right? Like, Tom, did this look funny? Like, Tom Cruise. Remember when Tom Cruise was just like,

always saving children in car fires? It's like, oh my God, there was a child in a car fire and Tom Cruise rushed in out of nowhere and saved them. Or like, someone was about to get eaten by a dinosaur, a real life dinosaur that came back after a bit of its DNA was found in amber. And Tom Cruise was there to help them. And you know, that started getting a little obvious, Tom, okay, the other Tom. But yeah, this one, I don't know. I think Tom Sandoval is too lazy to orchestrate something like that. He couldn't even have an idea. I don't really, you know, like, yeah, I don't think that's the way he, the way he does it. So, um, so now we see like a little bit of, uh, sort of like previews of West, West to come.

And we see it like that. This preview of West comes from like culminates with like lots of tears and ariana He just keeps getting up and walking to a window He just keeps getting up and walking to a window. Yeah, Tom, why would she know that you're not a good actor when you cheated on her for months and months with one of her best friends right under her nose? And by the way, for those of you sick of hearing that, sorry, but that's what happened on the show. Like, what the fuck?

How are you going to tell somebody after you just fucked their best friend or one of their best friends for months, you know that I would never lie? What the fuck, Tom? Like, seriously, the only thing he said that I don't think was a lie in this whole reunion when he goes, come on, dude, everyone knows I'm not a bright, I'm not such a bright guy. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we get it.

We know that part we know. Yeah. So then it's like seven hours earlier. And like, again, more, uh, it's sort of like more trailer stuff, but then people are showing up at the building and James, it's reunion day again. And Schwartz like, Oh yeah, I know I'm having PTSD flashbacks. Oh, little boy. By the way, Tom Schwartz, I have to say thank you for keeping my grandma Sally's colorist in business. I was concerned that that shade of color in your hair was going to go the way of the dodo

once dear grandma Sally left this plane back in 2009, but he is keeping grandma Sally's hair color alive. So thank you, Tom Schwartz. Thank you for reminding me of my grandma. Yeah, sure. It's not. I don't know what was going on with that. That that like that that die job. What was happening with that die job? Am I right with the one who noticed that

I'm like talking to them talking like 45 people right now. 20 year olds or whatever 23 year year olds, which, wow. Yeah. I mean, not that that takes much in LA, like honestly. I don't know what you think you're getting, but you're like, oh, it's an old pasty person in his forties and he's still living in LA, must be rich. I've always said that about myself. Like I actually thought aging would be terrible in LA, but as I got fatter and balder, people

just assumed I was richer and more powerful by the day. And it just, I became like a beauty queen. I was like, wow, I've never been approached by so many hot people, you know? They're like, oh my God, it's Harvey Weinstein. Give me a job. So, yeah, I was listening to, I don't know, I fell down some rabbit hole about Nick Vile for some reason. It was Trisha Paytas on some podcast talking about Nick Vile dating a 20-year-old, basically. I guess he started dating some 20-year-old, now he's married. It's like four years later, she's 24, they have a baby, whatever. And she was talking about how gross it is when guys date these young girls. And I think that came from a thread reading about Tom Schwartz dating this young girl, now Tom Sandoval is

dating this young girl. And I wasandoval is dating this young girl. And I was thinking, well, you know, there are people who are so mature at that age and someone in the comments said, no, because Tom Schwartz was in an interview with this girl on Nick Vial, and she just got up and left the room. And they're like, where'd she go?

And she just jumped into the pool. And they're like, yeah, so it's not maturity. Yeah. Could you imagine? Just in the middle of a show, you going somewhere, honey? I don't know. Just like walks out and you just see her, you know, naked in the pool. Two seconds out the window.

Oh, I've missed you. It's fun. Fun times. So everyone's getting ready for this reunion. Sandal's like, yeah, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I never do before these things. Oh, I'm not a good actor. And then you have Ariana and she's like talking about, she doesn't want to have a neck vagina like Donald Trump.

And then Lisa's with Schwartz and she's like, and he's like, Oh man, you can cut the tension with a knife. It's so scary in there. Hold me Lisa Vanderpump. Oh, I'm a little boy. I'm just a little boy. So then, Andy's talking to Sandoval. He's like, how do you feel about seeing your Rihanna today? Have you seen her boobs?

They're looking pretty good. Anything new done to your face? Any boob action? Wroom, wroom. And he's like, I don't know, I'm nervous, bro. Just a good person. I hope nobody tries to attack me today like normal. And then we go to the girls dressing room and LaLa's giving Ariana a pep talk. And then she goes, we're going to get out there and then we're going to punch. Now, I don't know that I would consider that a pep talk. It seems like a threat. And it's also a reunion with Lala who has no fucking shame and no loyalty to anybody

ever. So she was like, okay, it's been good talking. Can't wait to rip you to shreds. Yeah, it's been fun. It's been fun having good relations this season. I'm gonna set us up for next season if you don't mind. So it's been great. Anyway, it's been good having good relations to your face. Yeah.

Slamming you behind your back all season. So I can't wait to do more of that. So let's get into the reunion. Okay. Cause there's so many clips going back and forth. So start at the reunion. So Andy is like, Hey everyone, welcome to Vanderpump real season 11. I'm Andy Cohen and here with a group of people in desperate need of a mediator Ha and since and wasn't available you see and pop actually I'm right here Andy Available. Oh my god. I've been hiding under this sofa for a week now I'm so glad you guys finally start shooting here. You know what? I'm available, but I don't want to be a nuisance

I'm just gonna be here under your chair Andy. I Actually am I'm just going to be here under your chair, Andy. I actually am. I'm wearing a green shirt, green shirt with like a little bit of a picture frame on the sides that way I can just blend in with the wall. So I'll just be right here. And if you need me, just throw throw a throw a cup at the wall and I'll wake up and I'll be like, yes, whatever you need.

So hi, everybody. Hi, everybody. Hi, everybody. Hi, Lisa. Oh, Lisa. I'm good, Andy. Does it feel different reuniting this year? Hi everybody, hi everybody, hi everybody, hi Lisa, hi Lisa. I'm good and near. Does it feel different reuniting this year?

She goes, oh, last year was pretty scary at this moment. Oh, the poor men were almost railroaded right off of this television show. Oh, every night I wish I had a time machine so I could rewind to last year in a better glitter shawl and stroke the men's hair and say, mama loves you my little broken bird. Yes, it was so scary last year

being at the forefront of pop culture and the only thing that anyone seemed to care about in the entire world. What a scary time to be so much more popular than Kyle Richards. So then we see flashbacks, the last year, everyone's like, shut the fuck up, Santa Claus, shut the fuck up, you shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up.

You don't get to talk, this is not your moment, you shut the fuck up. It cannot be understated. I mean, that entire reunion was like, Tom, what do you feel about the affair with Raquel? He'd be like, well, and they were like, boo, shut up, you whack job, you fucking labradoodle piece of shit

did you just call me a labradoodle shut the fuck up I hate schwartz you know I see a lot of new plants around here were any of these plants from you oh yeah well it was oh yeah, well, it was, I heard it first and everyone said that, but I think it's growing in Will. No, not hair and plants, I mean house plants. Are these from you? Oh yeah, those are from me too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I like them. I like plants. That's my personality this season. Plants. Yeah, I had a say in that. You had a say in that, okay. It's just like all the restaurants I'm involved in, you know, people around me did work and I went, whoa, that's nuts.

Hope I'm tall enough to ride this ride. I'm such a little boy. Stand-up boy, how are you feeling tonight? He's like, a lot better than last year, I'll tell you that much. Sold out. Albums, new hair, new face. Oh, very good. Katie, you look beautiful.

She's like, thank you. Who are you wearing? I'm wearing, bye. It's a collab with, thanks. All right, hey, by the way, as of today, do we have an open sandwich shop? And she's like, as of today, when we're airing, yeah. And by yeah, I mean, no, no, no.

It's I don't, has it opened up? We heard anything that it's open. No, it's no, I Googled, I Googled that shit immediately. Of course. You know, it's not even to make anybody feel bad or to pressure anybody. Like, what do I care? But, uh, I did have to Google it both because of what we do and also because I'm just the kind of person who loves carbs so much that I have to know when there's a new carb in town. Like if there's a new carbon outweigh, I need to know about it, especially in West

Hollywood. Cause those are not easy to find in that area, you know? No. So yeah, it's not open yet, but it supposedly opens next week on the 22nd. So I don't know. Maybe they just told them, hey, this is gonna air on the 22nd.

So that they look stupid when it's still not open. I don't know. Maybe there's a soft open. Maybe if there's like, it's been soft. It's like a soft open. It's an untoasted open. Well, hopefully it'll still be open when we get back from Europe and I can go check it out.

So we'll see. So Andy is like, all right, well, when this airs, it'll be be open when we get back from Europe and I can go check it out. So we'll see. So Andy is like, all right, well when this airs, it'll be open. Wow. All right, then that's the news we got to get into. All right. So I was, I'll tell you what is open. Segway, Broadway, Broadway's back, baby. Ariana, you're breaking box office records in Chicago. Oh, I thought she was in New York City. It's admirable. You idiot. Anyway, congratulations. I mean, are you having fun? It's like I'm having the time of my life, Andy. Just the time of my life. And mama,

how much so much to celebrate in your life right now? A year you bought a new house, some new babies implanted. Tell us about it. It's just, yeah, I did. I did. some new babies implanted. Tell us about it. She says, yeah, I did. I did. I did.

I did. And congratulations just in time for the due date of September 1st. Unfortunately, not gonna be shooting there. Are you sad that you had someone shoot inside you before you knew that we were not gonna be shooting inside your new house until that baby was five years old? How do you feel about that?

Tammy Landis. Tammy. I'm gonna save up my you feel about that? I'm like, Tamu Landis. I'm going to save up my squirts, Andy. I'm going to save up the squirts for when you come back. All right. Cool. Listen, we were going to film you guys, but we hired the same production crew as the construction crew for something about her.

So we're just a little bit behind schedule. So then he's like, OK, exciting. Hey, Sheena, I hear you and Brock also bought a house near Lala in the valley. Where is it? Yeah, we got it in a five minute walk away, like in the valley, you know, conveniently located between Janet and Jax and close to like Kristen. And like, I'm just saying, like, if you wanted, if you have any intention to recast Vandervoort rules and send us to a different show, like if they need us in the valley, I'm not saying that we moved to the

valley to be in the valley, but like, it wouldn Like if they need us in the Valley, I'm not saying that we moved to the Valley to be in the Valley, but like it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I mean, assuming I'm not too busy with dancing with the stars, call me, call me. Not to make it all about me in the Valley, but you know. And as we're about to find out later, I'm extremely paranoid that Brock is going to sleep

with La La, so I just wanted to make it more convenient. Is that clear? Okay, well, Brock, you went through some tears this season. Everyone got to know you a little bit more. And he's like, yeah, Andy, I think I'm going through all that just kind of being held accountable. And it turned me into the best version of myself, Andy. As you saw this year, me yelling at my wife in a store or me yelling at my wife at home, me yelling at my wife at an ice cream shop or me yelling at my wife while we were drinking martinis out of a boombox shaped cake. Andy, I'm a different man now.

Have you paid your child support? I have sent bras to both of my children, which should support their chests if they have them. Have no idea. Next question. I'm just happy you got to see another side of me. You know, you learned that Foster's isn't just Australian for beer. It's also Australian for. Oscar winning actresses. If you wanted to pluralize, if you want to clone them and if you want, if you

want, if you want to do multiplicity on an, on an actress in Australia, we say Foster's so Brock had like a hero year. In Australia, we say, forsters. So Brock had like a hero year. I guess I didn't see that. I didn't know that we learned Brock just ran 20 miles. I mean, like with what we learned, like I honestly, did we learn? He cried. He cried in the presence of like a cocktail that arrived on top of a boombox. But like, did that like, was that like, it's like, wow, the way you cried at that crazy restaurant

with a fork the size of an elbow in the steak. Wow, what a new size of side. The way you pretended to cry on the set of The Incredible Shrinking Woman was pretty impressive, brock. Aren't you ready to receive the Nobel Peace Prize? He's like, yeah, Andy, someday, maybe I'll see my kids again. Um, so they go into that whole thing and she was

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So then, James, we get to James and James is just like, yeah, it's me, Kennedy, bringing James Kennedy. James, could you please ask the airplanes not to fly so close to the studio? Okay. We're trying to shoot a TV show here. We can't have the airplanes interrupting. They just followed me. I thought I'd go, Andy, so she got after you played Coachella.

So I want to dive right in. So Andy asks about Mariana and Sandoval living under the same roof. After all of this, we were floored that you living under the same roof. After all of this, we were floored that you're under the same roof. Get it? Floor, roof. Ha ha ha. Now, let's tell us, were you prepared for the backsplash? Could you open a door into your relationship?

How long is this living window going to be? And are you glad you're no longer blinds? It seems like this relationship is in the basement. And by the way, that's my mirror in the basement. Okay, you get the word out. I invented basements, by the way, that's my mirror in the basement. Okay, Ariel, you get the word out. I invented basements, by the way. I invented basements. So then we see the producer, you know, we see clips of them living in the same house. It's awkward, guys, as we all know. And so he asks her about the petition that she filed

with the courts in order to force the sale of the house. What's the latest? And she's like, I'm not allowed to talk about that, unfortunately. I know it's a hot topic and I wish I could, but I can't give the latest on that. It is ongoing, Andy. It is very, very important legal news in America.

Cannot talk about it. All right, Sandoval, you're pretty dumb. So maybe you'll spill the beans by accident. He's like, nope, sorry, man. You have to talk to my lawyer, Jojo Siwa about that. All right, okay. Literally carries me on her back into the courtroom. Excuse me.

Best lawyer in America. So they're not both living there now. And she's like, no, I'm not. I'm on Broadway. So did you not hear that question? I'm no longer there. I live in an Airbnb at New York city. I am gainfully employed.

Oh, okay. You see a wacky segment of Sheena covering up the moving, the Lego art. As she does urging. Yeah. As she was urging, she's like, wait a second, we never saw that amazing scene of what we did to the Lego art. Yeah, you guys cut some really important stuff this season.

It was just like the gaze covering the Lego art with the blanket. I'm like, wow, thanks for stopping the whole show for us to see this. Yeah, so then he asks about Schwartz getting down on one knee to ask Tom to be roommates or to agree to be roommates or whatever, and we see that, and everyone's covering their face

because it's awkward and gross, and also Schwartz's hair is awkward and gross, and also they're both dating toddlers right now, which is super awkward. It's a lot. Every time they cut to the Toms, everyone's just like, oh my God, I mean, we are all Katie every time there's a shot of a Tom, it's just like, So Andy's like, so did you, are you going to move into the house? I mean, you know, it was like a little sticky, you know, it's like a little, you know, it was a lot sticky.

But part of me was like, what if I never get to propose again? I just wanted to remember what it feels like. And Kitty's like, this fucking guy, why did I ever marry this guy? I can't believe I put so much of my life on hold for this imbecile. I just wanted one more chance to propose to somebody and then now it's going to feel like we're being married again. You know, I can't wait to ignore Tom and then emotionally abuse him, cheat on him occasionally, disappear whenever he needs me. I really missed it, Andy. I really, really missed it. You know, I really go back and forth, I mean, because it's like a beautiful home and I miss having a backyard and like, I don't know, I just have some reservations about living there, Just give in the history. And because I can't afford it.

So she's like, oh, why would you want to live together? You're both grownups for goodness sake. You do that when you're 20 or on the Golden Girls. But there's some investment property. We want investment property, Lisa. She goes, investment? Oh, God. Sandra Ball's like, my dad's in his 60s and he has roommates. And she's like, oh, well.

Not common, but I feel like I'm not getting paid enough to also attack your cheesy father, so. I know. I don't want to say, well, look at how things turned out for you, but I kind of want to say that. I'm just gonna move on at this point. If I had to criticize all the trees that you rotten apples fell off of, I'd be a lumberjack.

And frankly, I have another show that's more demanding of my actual talents than this. So Schwartz says he's put in 100 grand into rent in the past two years and he feels salt about it. So wait, 100 grand divided by 24. Is that going to be about four grand a month? Yeah. Four grand a month. That's a lot for rent for that. For that place. He's paying four grand. That is okay.

The sort of judgment that's pairing you to spend four grand on that apartment in the Valley. It means that you are in no place to be making judgment calls about judgment that's pairing you to spend four grand on that apartment in the valley, it means that you are in no place to be making judgment calls about houses and flipping them for investment. Things are expensive. Oh my god, things are so expensive. Like, no, you cannot stay away from the investment property.

And it is insanely expensive there. And then, you know, it's like all this stuff going on in LA at the same time, and LA is still LA, it's always going to be LA. But the other day I was there looking at a place and I was outside this furniture store and there was this lady without a home and she was screaming, you know, me as I passed by. She's like, come on, two dollars for cigarettes, it's two dollars, Liz, need two. And I said, I don't have two dollars, I'm sorry. She's like, but, dude, it's two, come on, two. Listen, smoking kills people that need to die. I was like, well, that's actually brilliant.

And I love that. But I still don't have $2. So I went into the furniture store and she stood on the outside going, $2, $2. Okay, so then this couple passed by. So she started yelling at them. This lady was hilarious, by the way. I can't, she was just like yelling and crazy, but so harmless in a way too, you know? So this couple is standing on the corner. This is kind of by where the Vespa shop is

in the valley, if that sets it for anybody, okay? So there's all these pretty Vespas. So this couple decides to start taking romantic videos of each other. So this lady is like screaming at them. It's like, two dollars, come on. Well, you know, she starts blah, blah, lying about random crazy things. So he puts his camera on the ground right in front of this lady and then starts taking a video of them.

Like, you know how you can set the timer? And then he's like, drilling the girlfriend. And I was like, that's your background. This lady's screaming two dollars at you is your background. And I was like, God, I can't wait to be back here. I like this place. I had a terrifying experience.

I had a terrifying experience in LA yesterday. Like it really rattled me. I went into a bodega to get a candy bar and there was just like an old, I imagine, I assumed he was Russian. He sounded like he get a candy bar. And there was just like an old, I imagine, I assumed he was Russian. He sounded like he had a Russian accent. It's old Russian. He's like, you know, there to check out. And like when I got my candy bar and I went up, I got in line behind him. He's like, oh, you can go ahead with me. And I'm like, okay. And then I like go up to pay and there's no one

behind the counter. And the person who had been behind the counter when I walked in was now standing like at the door, sort of like standing on guard and I saw the other employee of the shop was standing in front of a back like a door to the back room and then the guy was like oh how much is your how much does your your thing cost I was like four dollars it was like a energy bar so it's obviously more expensive than like a Reese's and I was like that's four dollars I got it and he gave me this like creepy smile I was like oh you don't have to do that he's like I got it and I was like, that's $4. I got it. And he gave me this like creepy smile and I was like, Oh, you don't have to do that. He's like, I got it. And I was like, then I looked,

I saw everyone was staring at me and I was like, Oh, I'm in the middle of a mafia moment. The mafia is having a meeting back there and they're trying to get me out of here. And so I just, I see what's going on. So I said, Oh, thank you, sir. So then I was like, I is... I see what's going on. So I said, oh, thank you, sir. So then I was like, I gotta get out of here. And then the guy at the door was like, wait, you can't walk out with that.

I was like, he's got it, he's got it. And the guy, the mafia guy was just like nodded, like it's on me. They're like, oh, oh, you can go. And I was like, oh, bye everyone. It was so scary. Watch, that's gonna be the way they end up catching that little ring of the mafia,

that little chain in the link, because they're gonna be like, wow, wait a minute, all of your Snickers bars are not accounted for in bookkeeping? Technically, I got a Cliff bar. Is there some kind of laundering going on here and you're gonna end up getting, just this innocent guy who just wanted a Cliff bar

is gonna end up taking them down? I'm just, yeah, it was very scary. Which has nothing to do with anything going on in the show, but I just had to share this wild thing that happened yesterday. This is only gonna be an idea or a recap anyway. Let's just talk. Let's just talk about our feelings. I started it, so I can't complain. And also, it's just another thing.

I love that city, even the valley, which is probably where I'm gonna move. And guess what? I'm not apologizing to fucking anybody. Even you. Don't apologize. You probably won't have terrifying experiences like the one I had in Hollywood. I'll just die of heat stroke. Okay, everybody. So, yes, Sandoval's dad lives with his roommates. Sandoval's dad is also walking around with dyed black hair and a leather jacket. I remember seeing him on TV last year. I think that Sandow, I'll bet his father is living a similar lifestyle. I wouldn't doubt if the dad was in like a dad band, you know? Which is neither here nor there, just saying, you know, we'd become our dads. Lucky us. Okay, so LVP disses them about that and then they're talking about the house and they're just making bad decisions still is the point. They're going to move into this house and pay $90,000 a month or whatever it is and they're both fine with it

So now and he is like well last year everyone the gang decided to come back to the show Well this year they did except for Rachel who opted out Lisa when the season started Did you think Rachel was gonna come back? Well, I mean, all of her actions were so kind of unpredictable and stupid. And I just, I really didn't know, but all this nonsense on a podcast by a witch lady and denigrating everyone, it's just absolutely ridiculous, sir. Can you believe her? And Sandra was like, did you even listen to that thing? God. And she's like, oh God, Tom, I didn't listen to it. I mean, from what I've been told, listen, I turned my ears off the second you said you were going to have a bond. A bond.

I mean, I listened to a little bit of it when I thought it was about Rachel going to see a Star Wars movie. I mean, I thought finally someone's seeing Rogue One. But no, no, it was not about that at all. When I thought it was about Rachel learning to make a decent tomato sauce, I listened. But... It's ragu, Lisa. Exactly.

When I thought it was about Rachel doing something about her hair receding, I thought finally, diving into the Rogaine world. But no, it was not about that at all. Although I would much prefer a steak from a grocery store anyway, just a simple little stick waggle. Okay.

I mean, I was surprised as anyone when Rachel landed a gig on Joe Rogan's podcast, but it turns out that it was not what her podcast was about. She's not Joe Rogan. She's not Joe Rogan. Of course, it's completely God-bow. So, Andy's like, so, Santa Claus,

were you expecting Raquel Rachel to return to the show? He's like, I wasn't sure. I encouraged her to like take some time away from everybody, including myself to come to her own decision that way. You know, like maybe take her time out of rehab or away from shrinks. It would tell her that everything was my fault. Ah!

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. All right, well, he's having a real big cry over there. Okay, well, looking back at the last reunion, do any of you have any regrets about your conversations with her? Lala's like, well, you know what, as time passes, there's like some healing that happens. And like, I think that she had come if she had come back, we would have had some very productive conversations where she could have stared and I could have been like, you're a slut mistress and you dare have dare you think you can speak in my presence and it would have been very healings for me.

Yeah, I could have pretended that I was going to be her friends. And then I could have sat her down and then told her what a horse she is. And then made a cry and then chase her out and say, I'm so sorry that people called you a horse. What about you, Ariana? Ariana's like, I mean, I had the courage to stand up to my perpetrators and I cannot believe I even showed up that day, sort of how I can't believe I show up every day on Broadway. Losers. You know, I showed up that day to face my perpetrators and now I play a perpetrator. Oh, I'm broadly. He had it coming. He had it coming. He's got a glad bag in his hand. Big razors. Well, I would assume it would be quite difficult for Rachel to show up and face everyone. And I was

like, you know what? I think credits needs to be given to her for that because I'm very proud of Ariana's for coming and facing something that was very difficult. And she had a solid support system, at least faked to her face until now and physically in the room and outside, right? But Rachel didn't have that. And so for Tom and Rachel to show up,

I'm like, damn, I consider myself a tough bitch, except for when someone actually confronts me about something. And I don't think I could have, just be softer. Just be softer. Be soft. Soft, soft, soft. Soft, soft, soft. Soft, soft.

Soft, soft. And Sandoval's like, yeah, like looking back, like she's a coward, okay? Like, I'm sorry to say it. Pete And he's talking about LaLa, right? Pete No, he's talking about Rachel. Pete But he's saying, oh, okay. So, I couldn't tell because I thought it was Rachel, because they're talking about Rachel, but he could be talking about LaLa with what he's saying,

because he's like, I think she's a fucking coward. Like, I'm sorry to say it. And I think her sitting here preaching to everybody, like she's moving moving on but still talking relentlessly about me and everybody is just fucking ridiculous. I mean, I guess it could be about Lala, but yeah, it's about Rachel. So, thank you, because I really was confused. I watched it twice. Because then Lala starts getting defensive about it too. Right. And Schwartz is like, yeah, I mean, she's Rachel spinning a narrative that you, that you masterminded this and that she was like a victim.

It's absolute malarkey. It's malarkey. Oh, and he's like, yeah, we both did it. We both did it. It's absolute rubbish. I'm going to, I'm going to read from one of our reviews on Yelp. Absolute rubbish. Sent it back to the kitchen. Why would you make a Caesar salad out of kale?

Ah, I'm so mad. Sorry, what were we talking about? Rubbish and malarkey. So he's like, yeah, we both chose to do a worm powder and smocked it all. But wasn't there a line in the press or something last week that, you know, I was victim shaming her or something like that? Well, she did say that. No, the word that she used was groomed. Oh, yes, grooming. Something that none of you have ever experienced in your life.

What way did you mean it? So, Sandoval's like, that's fucked up slander considering she is not underage and it implies pedophilia. And Lala's like, no, it does not. No, it does not. And she starts getting really defensive because, you know, she used that grooming line as well, which we see a clip of saying that he groomed her. And she's like, no, it does not. It's grooming.

It's taking... Well, first, I mean, it's a full on typical Tom Sandoval and Lala type argument where she goes, it does not. And he goes, yes, it does. It does not. Yes, it does. It does not. Yes, it does. Yes, it does. Yes, it does. Like literally just goes on for a very long time. Like, wow, guys. Wow. Really for 45 minutes. And then pretty much the episode ends. So Lala's like, you know, it's grooming. It means that like, wow, guys. Wow. Really for 45 minutes and then pretty much the episode ends. So Lala's like, you know what's, grooming, it means that like you're taking someone who's younger than you and more impressionable than you

and you're forcing them to watch you eat two fried chicken breasts at one time. Okay, it's terrible. So then we see the clip of her on the boat yelling at Tom, you know what triggered me? When she said, if I didn't fall in love with Santa all, I'll have nobody because you isolate, you grooms, you lights, you look people in their face. And he's like bullshit.

Lala, you don't know me. You don't know me. Lala, you're not groom. So then, um, I feel like in that moments, I have to admit I've been a projector. I have projectile squirts. I'll be a projector. I'll be a projector. That song sounds just like that. It was actually like exactly, it sounded exactly like Beyonce.

So they're fighting about this and what is a groomer, et cetera. I don't know that. I don't know what I would describe him. The practice is someone for a particular purpose or activity. So according to dictionary dictionary again, I was talking, I was still thinking about it. So it says the practice of preparing or training someone for particular purpose or activity. And the example is Alan was expected to need a lot of grooming before he was ready to take over. Oh, Alan. Wow. He, I mean, you want to talk about someone who needs some grooming Alan. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, she's not the brightest. I mean, I can see how she's

manipulated would be manipulated and stuff like that. But Tom's not there's nothing there. I don't know. There's actually another we know what grooming is. I mean, the action of attempting to form a relationship with a child or a young person with the intention of sexually assaulting them or introducing, you know, yes, that's how I've always heard it too. I have always heard it as being more of a child thing. But in that context, in that context of it like, of an predatory way, because obviously grooming has a perfectly benign, I don't know why I'm like defending the word grooming to like, people who are like, care about vocabulary. It's not defending it, it's just that these people are taking something that's very serious and real and then they're taking that language and using it against each other in a verbally

violent way to make a point so that they win. And it's like, like, this is a real thing. I don't know that we should be using this with Raquel, of all people who just had a podcast about a shirt she wore to Coachella. Okay. Like, can we not? So Lala's basically just saying like, look, I just, I always lean towards the, I always lean towards the chick a little bit more in these situations because, you know. Yeah, that's Lala. That's Lala always there for the women. Can we bring up the Amber Childs text from a few years ago or the- Should we bring up all of last season? All the clips of last season of Raquel. There's La

La just just burning her bra right there in the fucking, you know, rally for feminism. Yeah. She basically says like she doesn't like when the female who's been affected by the man is the one who basically takes the brunt of all the heat of it. I agree with that. I agree with that too. So so Schwartz so Schwartz is like, well, we witnessed it. She was just as conniving, if not more so, and ruthless in her pursuit of pleasure. Yeah, but also, like, she wasn't in a committed relationship. She was not in the relationship. Like, what she did was wrong and fucked up.

It was her best friend, so she's not innocent. And what she did was terrible. But, like, let's not act like she like like Sandoval was like the innocent waif in this situation and was seduced away from Ariana. Okay, that's not what happened here. And also as far as the grooming, you know, all that stuff goes, we've all been in well, at least I have I shouldn't say we all I'm trying to stop doing that. Where it's like, I want to say

me, but I'm saying like, you do too. I'm not I don't mean, but I've been in the position where you're with some guy who's leading you on and making you think like, I don't know when you're insecure or something and they just need something. And this guy's like, I'm going to leave you. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. And you know, it's wrong, but there's some guy and you know that you're not doing the

right thing. I'm not sticking up for Raquel. I'm just saying it's not really the same thing. You know, look, listen, just listen to Whitney Houston song saving all my love'm just saying it's not really the same thing. There's a Whitney Houston song about it. Look, just listen to the Whitney Houston song. Saving All My Love For You. That's all you need to know. That explains everything.

Commercials. Here comes one right now. So Rachel is based, now we're talking about the lawsuit for Rachel against Tom and Ariana. He's like, okay, well, and more legal news, Rachel is suing Ariana and Tom and claiming that you took part in revenge porn. What's the status of that? And so she was like, they can't answer it,

but I will because I have a legal degree in going to the kitchen. I got it from going to the kitchen university. So it's ridiculous. Ariana did not send that video to anyone She was not distributing it It's so ridiculous that she is being put through this fucking shit again as if Raquel didn't put her through enough last year Yeah

I Got lost and I'm thinking about that loss I could see you on camera. I was like, oh, I shouldn't have, I shouldn't have. I was too soon to jump in with the Whitney Houston thing because now he's receded into himself. Well, yeah, I mean, Whitney Houston, plus my own past with men. I'm like, oh my God, this is really.

Remember the times we've been let on. So you've been sold a bill of goods. Yeah, that's what happened. This is what men do. Men will be like, oh man, we're gonna do this or that. Like they make you believe in the fantasy. And if you're broken, you just need that fantasy. And like, you're going to lean into it even more. And Sandoval is going to be the one.

He is going to be the one who's going to sell you the dream. And you know, Raquel has the big eyes like, Oh my God, it's all going to happen. Someone's going to love me. I won't be broken. My life will continue after pageants. There's a path for me. You know, so I don't know if I would call it grooming. I would just call that just fuck boy. Taking advantage.

I would call it taking advantage of somebody who's in a place of weakness. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And do not like. And obviously that doesn't make Raquel an innocent Standby, you know an innocent victim and everything But I've just this whole season has been trying to reframe this Tom bullshit and I'm just not having it

Okay Yeah What I'm not going to do is trying to wear me down and it's the reunion and now we're all supposed to be worn down By all of this and finally forgive fucking Tom Sandoval. No this and finally forgive fucking Tom Sandoval. No, gross. It's really just a reaction to a short saying that Raquel was just as conniving, if not more conniving than Sandoval.

And it's like, no, I'm sorry, I'm not gonna, I'm not, I just, I'm not gonna accept that. But of course another cheater, of course a fellow cheater who fucked around on his wife for years and treated her like crap for years and probably gaslit her the whole time. Of course he's gonna stand up for the other one who's just like that.

So I guess you have to expect that, but I will not stand for it. You understand me. So then we get to the Raquel lawsuit against Rachel lawsuit against Tom and Ariana. And it is about the revenge born. And you just went through this, right? Okay. So Ariana's like, yeah, and I don't understand. Like I've never done anything to this girl. Like why am I constantly bring being brought back into this? And he's like, yeah, it's one thing to come for me, but to come after Ariana, I'm just like, I'm questioning if she even has a soul. Look at me. I'm standing up for Ari on everybody. Put me on a poster. Yeah. This is Sam Deval trying to create some like trying to create a boogeyman that's worse

than him. So creating some space. So then Katie goes, well, she doesn't. So James, so Andy's asking James what he thinks. And he's like, Oh, Andy, I'm just exhausted. Just talking about it. I'm like over it. I'm over it. You know, I'm just like, Oh God, here comes another airplane. I can't even get my sound button.

You are the one who bring her into this group and say, Oh yes, let's put him on it. Well, you brought them all into this group, ma'am. I don't think you want to start playing that game. All right. So they're joking around that James fucked everybody up. And then Andy's like, okay, this is a good place to take a break. We'll be back. Okay. So then we come back and we are talking about Sandoval's suicidal thoughts versus Ariana's suicidal thoughts. Let's talk about suicidal ideation. Fun times. So we start with Tom Sandoval starting the season off saying that he was having suicidal thoughts or whatever. And they ask, basically everyone's like, well, who's going to argue with that? Right? Like you're not, if your friend is going through that, you want to be there for your friend. You know, you don't want to fuck with somebody if, if they're, yeah. And she knows,

she knows shares a story about how she had a friend who died by suicide and you know, she has regrets about how she felt like she handled it and just didn't want to have that on her conscience and everything like that. So then Andy asks, you know, Ariana, like when you heard about Tom's mental health, you seemed kind of stealth, what was going through your head. And she was just like, you know, um, you know, I wasn't coming after him and you know, like what he was going through, I wasn't creating and you know, like it's something that I've dealt with and I just didn't want to be part of those conversations. And she says, and at the same time, let's not forget that after the last reunion, he was weaponizing my suicidal ideation against me by saying, you know, and he's like, how was I weaponizing your suicidal thoughts? And they're

like, you talked about it publicly, you dumb ass. And so they show the conversation where he goes to Sheena's and he's like, I couldn't break up with her, she threatened to commit suicide. And you know, Tom is such a sicko that I think he saw the reaction that that got, which is like, you don't bring up someone, it's like you can't argue with suicidal ideation.

Like you just don't do that, you know what I mean? Whether you're right or you're wrong. And so the next season he came and pulled that out of his, out of his bag. Now that said, even that is uncomfortable to say, like I shouldn't even be saying that because if it is true, you don't ever want to fuck with somebody, but that's the kind of shit we're dealing with this year on Vanderpump rules. He got, well, he basically was like, I don't understand how it's like weaponizing. And then, and then he's like, you know,

I brought it up because I felt like it was being used to get something that very textbook manipulation tactics. So you're saying that her suicidal ideations were a manipulation against you. I'm like, you realize that's weaponizing it. Don't you understand? You're literally doing it to this day. So the Lisa, well, you're also telling on yourself a little bit, aren't you? Because when he's like, Oh, someone bringing up suicide is like manipulation. Well, the whole point is that you brought up suicide

at the beginning of the year of yourself. So are you title telling on yourself? It's just like, I know it's really dark, but it's also just like studying a crazy person at this point. I don't want to say crazy. It's like studying like the narcissism to the point where you can't even get mad anymore. You just have to

stand back and look at it like, what the fuck is going on inside there? You know? Yeah. So basically Lisa, Lisa's like, you know, the differences that like you talked, you, you brought up your thing on your own volition, but like you, it wasn't your place to bring up what Ariana has gone through. And, you know, and Lala says the same thing, basically like, you know, she confided in you and you put it on camera and sandals and, and she's like, do you not now, you know how it feels? He goes, yeah, but it's because I brought up because I, you know, I didn't believe it. That's why. And they're like, but now that you've had these thoughts and have people say that they don't

believe it, do you see it now? It's like, I do, I do. It's just, they were like four other things said that weren't, I don't know, it just didn't end up happening. So he's still like really, he's still not really believing Ariana. He's still kind of resisting this whole idea of this. Yeah. And I like that Sheena turned it back on him because she goes, okay, but you said that you brought it up on camera because you didn't believe it was real. But then you also said that you didn't leave her because because you didn't believe it was real. But then you also said that you didn't leave her because you thought she was going to kill herself. So which is it? Like you can't have it both ways. And he's just like, ah, but and she's like, there's no but there, Tom, the sentence was over.

She knows big moment. All right, so now we go into Sandeval and his disastrous interviews of chiefly with the New York Times where he compared himself to George Floyd. So Andy brings us up and James just goes over to whisper to Lala, can you be any dumber? So dumb I can't even yell, you dumb stupid fat slut. It's so dumb I just can only whisper it. The words are taken away from me. So Andy's like, Okay, well talk to the people out there and tell them, prove to them that you've changed. Go ahead. You've got 30 seconds. This is gonna be so fun. How many push ups do you do?

Also put that in there in a day. Wait, I have to do like a sales. Wait, I have to do like a sales pitch on myself Andy without even like a photo shoot to go with it? Like, no, man. Isn't that what this whole season has been? Oh my God, look at Tom. He just brought a sound person in just for me, and I didn't even ask him to.

That's the kind of person he is. Let me please, we've been sitting through it all season. Get up there and fucking tap dance already. Yeah, so So and he's like, well, what do you think of the response? He's like and so James like come on don't make it worse Now by what you say think about it for a second think about the second son of all So he's like, come on. Come on. Okay, listen You've made a lot of inroads with this group and it's fair to say you've got an incredible amount of backlash to the statements

You made so you don't have to defend yourself. But like I'm not defending. Okay, I'm not defending. It's like, okay Well, tell me what you think. All right, do you need a juice box? What's going on? I'm just saying it was like a huge thing, you know, it's like it was just absurd cuz like this scandal It's like it just got so big, you know And then I was trying to think of other news to compare it to. And those were the first ones that I came up with, you know, two huge moments in black history. Okay.

Can I help you out? A little bit came to my mind. What do you want from me? Can I help? What did you do? Do you feel like you were saying these are like real things that happened that were newsworthy and this was capturing attention and that was nuts? Is that what you're trying to say? Can I help you out just a little bit sir?

And he's like, yes, because my shit's not even newsworthy. Just kidding. Holding for pictures. Okay, I'm seeing the scandal sandwiched in between the fucking war in Ukraine and like, you know, like other shit. Because I can't really remember right now, but I'm just like, well, this is fucking stupid, but also amazing. Cause like, like I was literally everywhere. Wow. More people watched me than roots. So I can, I can get behind that. Like there was real news happening.

Not that I knew what it was because all I really care about is news that happens on two blocks of Santa Monica Boulevard. And so I was like, yeah, and we were like overtaking it, man. And so Lala's like, dummies. It's like they're trying to explain. We know we get it. The point is, you're so fucking insensitive that you wouldn't even know that that's incorrect. The point is, actually, there was real news, which is why we needed Scandiball because honestly the headlines destroy us. So we need to pay it, put our, all of our energy into Scandiball. That's why you were there.

Yeah. So, um, so he goes, yeah, I mean, nobody even fucking read the article and brought goes, I'm not paying for that. I'm not paying for a subscription with the New York times. I mean, paying for that. I'm not paying for a subscription with the New York Times. I mean, who does that? I'm not doing that. I'm going to read the headline right there because it's free. That's what everybody read. And he goes, did you read the article? He's like, no. And he goes, exactly, nobody did. And Momma's like, yeah, I only saw, like, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. And they're just all talking about how they didn't read it. And then Andy's like, I did.

The only newspaper I subscribe to is the Kangaroo Times. To be fair, every article is just hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop hop. But I love it. So LVP is like, oh my god, it was just a ridiculous comparison, you idiot. And he goes, yeah, that was a bad article. You should fire your PR team. But I didn't mean it that way. There's a concept called intent versus impact. So it doesn't matter how you intend it, how you meant it. The problem is the impact that it made.

So this is why you just need to fucking think before you speak, dude. That's why the best thing to say at all times is because it's what you intend and it's how it impacts people hello there this is a two-part recap okay this is the end of part one so thank you so much for listening to this uh just come back a little later for part two. She's never scary, it's the green fairy. Jamie, she has no less name-y. Hava Nagila Webber. Know your worth with Jason Kurtz.

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