Watch What Crappens - #2430 RHONJ, Part 1 S14E03: Guys and Blowup Dolls

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

This is part 1 of a two-parterJoe Gorga celebrates his birthday on The Real Housewives of New Jersey (S14E03) with what else? Focaccia letters! Plus, Jen Fessler finds herself caught between ...Rachel, Margaret, and Tre. This won’t end well.  Afterwards, we check in on the Summer House Martha’s Vineyard (S02E09) season finale. Grab tickets for our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Once Upon a Beat. Join me. DJ Fu. And my trusty turntable, Baby Scratch, for a weekly jam packed party as we remix and reimagine classic stories for the kids in your life today. Once Upon a Beat is a new kids and family podcast from Wondry and Tinkercast, where hip hop and fables meet.
Starting point is 00:00:21 Listen to Once Upon a Beat early and ad free right now on Wondry+. Once Upon a Beat. Once Upon a Beat. Join me, DJ Fuse, and my trusty turntable, Baby Scratch, for a weekly jam packed party as we remix and reimagine classic stories for the kids in your life today. Once Upon a Beat is a new kids and family podcast
Starting point is 00:00:45 from Wondry and Tinkercast, where hip hop and fables meet. Listen to Once Upon a Beat early and ad free right now on Wondry+. Once Upon a Beat. Check it out. Hello and welcome to Watch for Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one, the only, the hilarious and wonderful, and perhaps slightly tuckered out from walking around London, Mr. Ronnie Karam. How are you, Ronnie?
Starting point is 00:01:37 Well, hello. I'm not tuckered out at all. I feel great. Oh, good. Because I'm a little tuckered out myself. I feel great. Oh, good. Because I'm a little tuckered out myself. London-y things. I saw castle-looking things and other castle-looking things. I didn't really look at signs much, but I did look at a lot of hot people. I'm basically just touring hot people. I'm like, whoa, there's a hot guy. Whoa, there's a hot guy in front of a castle. There's a hot guy with a horse. Oh my God, there's a hot guy in jogging pants. That's literally all I'm paying attention to. I don't know. Spring has sprung over here.
Starting point is 00:02:06 In my pants. In my pants. Okay. You would have loved our waiter at lunch. We went to Deschum for lunch, which was featured on Top Chef World All Stars. It's also famously the restaurant, now that I think of it, where we called it Dish Room. And then everyone sends us an email like like it's called Dishoom. And now that we're here,
Starting point is 00:02:27 You're morons. And we see how famous Dishoom is. And then we're sitting here on our podcast called Dish Room. They went to a place called Dish Room. So anyway, we had a hot waiter, but I felt like you would have loved him. His name was Alex.
Starting point is 00:02:42 Look him up. Alex waiter at Dishoom. Alex Witter to shim. Alex had to shim. You can stalk him. Anyway, today we have a lot to talk about. First of all, we're doing a show at the end of this week here in London, which is sold out. So thank you everyone who is coming. If you didn't get the memo, we are actually going to be recapping the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Amsterdam episode, which is where Lisa Rinna throws that glass. And then on Saturday, we're going to Dublin and we're going to be recapping Real Housewives of Orange County, their trip to Ireland, that episode Shamrock and Shame. And Shamrock and Ashamed?
Starting point is 00:03:26 And then next week we're going to Birmingham and we are recapping Real Housewives of Orange County a case of the Vickies which of course is the famous Orange County episode in Iceland where Vicky has to be carted out with a towel on her face because she's having a medical emergency. So it's all about European vacations for us with our recaps this week in Europe. We're having the best time. Also, do check out our bonus episode this week. Some might say this is the most expensive bonus episode we've ever done. The biggest budget bonus episode of all time.
Starting point is 00:04:03 We recap the Taylor Swift era's concert that we went to. And we did it. We recap it while we're sitting in an airport in Sweden. So it's a really fun time and I hope you all listen to it. Patreon.com slash watch. What crappies. I mean, by recap, we spoke about it for half an hour. We didn't do a full five hour recap. I mean, that was a three hour concert. That shit was as long as Lake Mis, okay? Recapping that would have been days and days. And also, guess what? I don't need terrorist threats on my person because anything you say bad about anything to do with Taylor Swift, we're going to have 97 million 12-year-olds over here threatening to bomb our asses. And guess what? Let them join our Patreon. Okay. Let them join
Starting point is 00:04:43 our Patreon. I support it. Yes, we accept all terrorists on Patreon, just so you know. But we had a great time at the concert. Emotional and otherwise. So that's the thing. We actually had a great time. We did have a great time. Yeah, we did have a great time.
Starting point is 00:04:54 It was a wonderful time. Also, I'm talking different today because we're in a hotel and we asked our travel agent lady, we gave her kind of an impossible assignment, which was, could you please find us hotel rooms we can record things in? How do you do that? What are you supposed to ask the front desk? Hey, we have really loud, overdramatic theater kids who want to come in here and scream for two hours in funny voices. Do you have rooms for that? So, of course, you didn't. And everyone can
Starting point is 00:05:20 hear everything. So, I'm trying to talk quietly, but let's face it, I'm not talking quietly. I feel the walls reverberating around me. So, sorry. So I'm trying to talk quietly, but let's face it, I'm not talking quietly. I feel the walls reverberating around me. So sorry. If I'm sounding different, that's why. I'm trying to have manner. And our Wi-Fi is a little spotty. So if it cuts out or like, we may talk over each other more than usual, mainly because we think the other person has stopped talking. Like literally, as I started talking about this, Ronnie, like kind of like momentarily pause. So apologies ahead of time if we have some Wi-Fi induced, you know, awkwardness or overstepping. But we are doing this crap is on demand. And if you are watching craps on demand, Ronnie has decided to give himself a nice backdrop. And I've
Starting point is 00:05:57 decided to give you all a view of our empty wardrobe. You know, it's literally our story. That is our story as a podcasting couple. You really just don't give a crap about backgrounds. I always have to say, Ben, you know what? You know what would look better? The background? Maybe you could, I don't wanna bust you around, Ben. You know what?
Starting point is 00:06:16 Maybe a couch, maybe a green screen, maybe a. Well, you will, if you're by the most beautiful tree in the world, you will face the camera and sit in front of a fire hydrant. I also learned my lessons, which is lighting is the most important thing. I'm sitting here with a lighting truck coming in. If you saw the view outside my window, you would see that the wardrobe is actually the best view you could have in this room.
Starting point is 00:06:39 I can show it to you. I'm just teasing you. You know what's more important with you, Ben? The foreground, your face, tomorrow I'm going to hang something beautiful on this wardrobe and then it'll actually be, maybe I could hang a, I could hang a sweater in there and it'll be very evocative. Well,
Starting point is 00:06:57 you should hang some of our amazing shopping that we've done because we are typical Americans and we have shopped at H&M and some organizational place that Ben and Dom are really into. Muji, how dare you. Okay. Some organizational place. Dishroom. It's called Dishroom.
Starting point is 00:07:17 They sell packing cubes. They're really up. All right. Let's get into this recap. We're doing a lot of small talk about literally nothing. Let's talk about real housewives of New Jersey. Everything is breaking apart. I thought I was such a good friend to these people, but no, everybody's leaving me alone.
Starting point is 00:07:35 The drama. How do you feel? You know what? I feel good. Yeah. I have said many times before in this whole mess, I've been on the, I'm never on Teresa's side in any of this. I just never am, but I can see already this edit is not going to go well for Margaret
Starting point is 00:07:57 and company. Like you can just see they're getting the edit of fixating too hard, bullying people who just want to make peace. It's going to be a rough season for Margaret. And you know what? Hey, it happens. And I'm here to watch it. I'm excited to see how it all shakes out. So Marge keeps falling into the same thing and she's got to stop it. You know, this was happening the very first episode of that season. She went against Teresa about Louis stuff being in the press. Was that just last year?
Starting point is 00:08:25 It was two years ago. Two years ago, yeah. I remember saying, Marge, losing into this, you're losing this battle. I can already tell you. And here we are again, opening up a season where Marge, you're just on the... It's not that you're going against Teresa. It's that it doesn't matter. None of this matters.
Starting point is 00:08:44 And you guys are trying to get, now you're clearly, you're not even subtly trying to do it. You're clearly trying to get people to not shoot with other people and that's just not gonna work. It's Teresa's show. When we love March on this show, this is Teresa's show. Out of everybody who's left, this is Teresa's show.
Starting point is 00:08:59 I'm sorry. You cannot, you can't band together with a bunch of noobs and decide you're gonna get Teresa kicked off this show. It's not gonna work. And why, you can't band together with a bunch of noobs and decide you're going to get Teresa kicked off this show. It's not going to work. And why would you want it to work? Teresa is the best meatball we've ever had. Are you going to ever find an answer? No. And sometimes Ben doesn't like Teresa because she's been to jail. I like Teresa because she's been to jail. I'm a jailist. I don't like Teresa because I think that she has incredibly hypocritical double standards
Starting point is 00:09:27 on people. And I get that as part of being a bravo star. But you know, the thing is this though, you're going after Teresa is it's, you know, it just doesn't work. It doesn't work. You have to just let her hang herself. Not obviously, literally, but you know, just like she will make her own mistakes. And when she makes her own mistakes, the audience always- Well, she will make her own mistakes. And when she makes her own mistakes,
Starting point is 00:09:45 Well, she will make her own mistakes too. That's her choice too. Yeah. The audience always turns against her when she makes her own mistakes. Just look at several seasons, people like, Oh my God, Teresa is awful. But when people come after her, she's really good at playing the victim. And Bravo likes to protect the stars. And like, it feels like the seasons where people come after Teresa are the seasons where all of a sudden we watched like 10 minutes of Teresa's daughters doing something. And so you see Teresa and like she raised all these daughters, you know, and she's finally happy and I've got my daughters. Yeah. So, you know, try, try and take, go after her, set her up, set her up for failure and it'll be, it'll be glorious. But if you try to come after her, it's not going to work. If you're going to try and eyes her out, at least be subtle about it. Don't just pick,
Starting point is 00:10:32 okay, nobody can shoot with Teresa. You're not my friend anymore. Like you can't do that. You have to like, that's just obvious, you know, like be subtle. Listen, I know that people are always bashing Lisa Vanderpump, but at least Lisa Vanderpump tried to be subtle. It's a chess game, darling. Or it's not tic-tac-toe and side long gigantic Xs and gigantic O's. Get tricky with it. Yeah. So let's dive into this week's episode. It's a Jersey Shore episode. We're still down there. We start up in the Jersey Shore. We're at Melissa's house. Melissa's making a bed. Or as we call it, as people from Jersey would call it, we're down the shore. We're still down the shore this week. We're at the shore. Sure, sure. And Melissa's making her bed. And Margaret, that's me and
Starting point is 00:11:19 Joe are brushing their teeth. And Margaret's like, you know, they don't even get enough water pressure. Joe, Joe, you got to do something about this. Joe, put on your seafoam polo and change your plumbing. Okay, Joe, this is terrible. Joe, Joe, I bet Teresa did this. I bet Teresa blocked. I bet Teresa gave them hot water and blocked up all their faucets. I guarantee it. So then we go to the other shore house and everybody's getting ready.
Starting point is 00:11:41 Same thing over there. Polly is like, can you help me make the bed? The door, you never helped me out. She's like, what are you talking about? I don't help you out. What are you saying? Of course I help you out. I help you out all the time. Polly's like, I'm just kidding. You're a good woman. Good woman, help out. And you're a good woman, help her out. You know, the defining feature of Susan B. Anthony, she was a good woman who helped out her man. That's why she's the feminist icon that she is. You're a good woman Charlie Brown.
Starting point is 00:12:12 What do you mean I don't help you out, Paulie? Hey, Paulie, here's a mirror. Look at your face. All right. Now here's Instagram. Look at your face again and tell me how much I don't help out. You're a good woman. You're a good woman. You're a good woman. You're a good woman. I actually had Susan B. Anthony's face. Now look at me. I'm freaking Fabio on the Instagram. Just kidding. Sorry, Susan B. Anthony. I don't know where that just came from. Susan B. Anthony's in heaven somewhere. Like seriously? I worked so hard for this to get this by some queen. You can't get laid in London. Seriously? Seriously? I worked so hard for this to get this by some queen. You can't get laid in London.
Starting point is 00:12:46 Seriously? Seriously? By the way, I already have an aside. Americans, you have to really get it together abroad. Okay, we were, mine and I, before recording this, we were at the Winston Churchill war bunker. Naturally, that's how we like to prep for our podcast. Of course. Where else would we be? Where else would we be? And we're doing audio. We're listening to like as an audio tour, so we had to hold these things up to our ear. And Ronnie, you just missed this. You were like, Ronnie had to leave. So like one minute after you left. And if I had to, I can take so much. You know what I mean? I can take so much. I'm like, Winston Churchill was not
Starting point is 00:13:25 hot enough to command this much attention. Okay? There's hotter people outside. Like Winston, love your cane, love your Alfred Hitchcock gate, love it all. I'm foreign. The lady on the audio needs to speed the fuck up, bro. She was. She was starting to take a very long time. But then towards the end of it, you finally get to Winston Churchill's room and I'm listening and this woman comes in who could have been like a Dolores whatever and she goes, huh? It's too loud. It's too loud. Okay, hold on one second. And you're trying to listen and the person on the audio tour is like, in this room Winston Churchill delivered speeches from his very
Starting point is 00:14:05 bed and that chamber pot served as his toilet. But as he was from the aristocracy, he was quite used to using a chamber pot. And I'm trying to like listen in about like, ooh, Winston Churchill's most intimate moments. And she's like, it's too loud. You know, it's giving me a headache. I'm not going to do this anymore. I'm going to go. I wonder if it's the same lady because there was another lady in there that's full like that. And you know, it's an actual bunker, okay? So you're in a basement.
Starting point is 00:14:30 It's very, very narrow hallways that you're going down. So you're with all these other people literally standing in a hallway and you're holding this phone type thing up to your ear and it has the audio, okay? So we're all going through it. This mom comes through, she has a stroller, so I move out of her way and the lady puts her arm over my chest and moves me even further back. By the way, I'm like the only person who moved. She moved me further back and she's like, yeah, she like touched me. And she goes, that right there, that's a mother in distress. Everybody, mother in distress. The lady was not in distress. She was just trying to get through with the stroller. She's like, mother in distress here, mother in distress. The lady was not in distress. She was just trying to get through with the stroller. She's like,
Starting point is 00:15:05 mother in distress here, mother in distress. Did your lady look like Diane Warren kind of? I don't know. I don't remember Diane Warren's face, but she had like reddish short hair. Right. And she had a husband, right? Of course. Yeah. And she was wearing, I think maybe stripes. Because this woman who told you that there's a woman in distress then came into Winston Churchill. By the way, talk about distress. Winston Churchill in a bunker. She comes into Winston Churchill's bunker and goes, ah, it's so loud.
Starting point is 00:15:38 I'm trying again. It's so, so loud. I can't. It's giving me a headache. And she walked out. You know what's louder? War, ma'am. Okay, war is louder.
Starting point is 00:15:48 My point is that's how I imagined Dolores on an audio tour of Winston Churchill. You know what? It's too loud, I'm not gonna do this anymore. I'm gonna go upstairs. Thought there was a good woman on an audio tour. All right, so then we go over to the food at show house and they're like, isn't the weather nice? I was like, these two, I can't, I can't with these two.
Starting point is 00:16:10 I officially don't like these two now. I'm bored with them. I'm bored with them trying to kick people off the show. And did you see John FUTA's IMDB that he made himself? No, I did not see that. I will say, I feel like we've, I mean, I've done it. I've got an IMDB page. It's like no one gives a shit about me and I still made an IMDB page, but he like made my IMDB page and then went and had a photo shoot and put like professional actor photos. And then his listings
Starting point is 00:16:37 are like Real Housewives of New Jersey. And I forget, he was like an extra in something. It's like that, his other thing. And then he's like very serious, giving very serious like inside the actress studio poses. He was an extra in Romance Today. Listen, John Fudo. Romance, you picked the classiest film. He did a lot of great work for Anthony Hopkins back in the day. Yeah, John Fudo with his IMDB. Okay. All right.
Starting point is 00:17:07 Well, we'll accept it. I think I'm on IMDB. I think I have one credit back from when I was a PA, which is also hilarious. So who am I to talk? Who am I to talk? You know what? We're people with no credits. That's who we are. We have no credit. We're fellow people on IMDB. The only thing making me better than you, John Fuda, is that I do not have glamour shots up there of myself, but I will, I will one day. Yeah, I got one.
Starting point is 00:17:30 And if anybody wants to check out my IMDB, I have done two small YouTube shows. Okay, go enjoy, right? YouTube. Go ahead, Ben. We should get- Mother in distress. Mother in distress. Oh, please.
Starting point is 00:17:45 I can't believe you got the crossing guard treatment for a mother in distress. I know who that stroller was, by the way, and that lady was annoying. I'm sorry. Her- She was annoying. Oh, with a double stroller. You know why? You know what?
Starting point is 00:18:00 If you're going to get a double stroller and you're going to go through a fucking museum or whatever in a bunker, how about you get a double stroller where one baby is behind the other baby? Do I need a wall of your babies coming through a museum? I don't. Oh, I thought about the other double stroller because there's one part in the bunker tour, you're just walking through this Warren, Diane Warren bunkers. And there's, there's a part where it's like it opens up. And then if you want to continue, you have to sort of like, sort of, sort of like hook around a little rope. And this lady had her stroller and her man unhooked the rope so she could go in when
Starting point is 00:18:37 she could just very easily move the stroller around the rope to get in. But they're like, no, no, no, no. We have to unhook this rope. And I was like, oh, you're trying to exercise some baby stroller privilege right now when you really don't even need to. They are, they were the whole time the baby owners in there, the whole exercise. Like the Winston Churchill exhibit, babies, okay?
Starting point is 00:18:59 Know your crowd, fucking weirdos. Okay, so then- I was gonna say, we also discovered that Winston Churchill has a Real Housewives tagline. And this is what it is. And this is an actual quote that was on the wall. We're all worms. I'm just a glow worm. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappence commercial. I'm Alaina, an autopsy technician. And I'm Ash, a hairstylist. And we just love swapping stories about all of the morbid things that fascinate us.
Starting point is 00:19:39 And if you do too, join us on our podcast Morbid. It's a safe space to let your weirdo flag fly. On Morbid, we cover dark historical events, sinister science, unnerving paranormal events, and sordid high society murders. We also dive deep into the most notorious crimes in history. Our podcast is grounded in rigorous and painstaking research. We're also not afraid to read a b******. Yeah. We keep it weird because a dash of snark is necessary
Starting point is 00:20:08 to get through grotesque true tales of demented minds. So follow Morbid on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Morbid early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. It was the biggest scandal in pop music. The stars of Milli Vanilli, the Grammy-winning multi-platinum R&B phenomenon,
Starting point is 00:20:29 were exposed as frauds, but none of this was their idea. So whose idea was it? Enter German music producer Frank Farian. He saw the success of acts like Michael Jackson and Prince, and he wanted in no matter the cost. So he devised the perfect pop heist. Two once in a lifetime talents who were charismatic, full of sex appeal, and phenomenal dancers.
Starting point is 00:20:51 The only problem, they couldn't sing. But Frank knew just how to fix that. Wondery's new podcast, Blame It On The Fame, dives into one of pop music's greatest controversies and takes a never before heard look at the exploitation of two young Black artists. Milli Vanilli set the world on fire, but when the truth came out, Rob and Fab were the only ones who got burned. Looking back now, it's hard not to wonder, why did everyone blame them and not the
Starting point is 00:21:15 man pulling the strings? Follow Blame It On The Fame, Milli Vanilli on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Blame It on the Fame early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Okay, the Festlers. Let's go to the Festlers. So they come over to the Fudos house and Danielle and Nate walk in in matching pink sweatshirts. Oh my God. What are you guys? You're always matching. Why are you guys always matching? That's crazy. You're like Barbie and Ken. And then he was like, lovey-duh.
Starting point is 00:21:51 We kind of got to Jersey, tell you about it. You can't think going like this. What we're doing like giving it really super market. Well, we're like, hey, you know, we'll be we'll be we'll be she kicks, but you sweat tooth. I love that about us. Mother, not in distress. Mother and matching. So then Danielle's like, hey, so you guys have fun at the party? And we're just like,
Starting point is 00:22:16 no, I had a great time. I love the choir. I love the choir. Oh yeah. You have to start listening to some Christian music. It'll change your life. I love that. I love the choir. I know. I'm like, I love that Danielle is suddenly becoming an ambassador for gospel music. So Danielle's like, congratulations on, congratulations second, third, and fourth black people ever to be on this show. So, hope you all enjoyed that. We made history. Jen Fester's like, well, we loved it, but we're not going to start listening to Christian music.
Starting point is 00:22:54 I can't tell a lie. The music we're going to listen to is whatever I was fucking James Gandolfini to that one rainy night, if you know what I'm saying. So John Food is like, so you disappeared for a while. Where'd you go? Oh, John, you know where she went. Okay. And I love that John's already ready to have another housewives fight with another housewife. Fucking John, sit down, John. So she's like, you know where I went, I went to go talk to Teresa. She wanted to talk. She heard that New York, Nate and Paul, something about me saying to them, you didn't stick with the plan. Well, they didn't stick with the plan because you had Manila envelopes. Do you remember that? So I remember saying, where were your Manila envelopes? That's all I was saying. It was a lovely conversation
Starting point is 00:23:35 I had with her. Yeah. And Rachel's like, oh, she has that face. I can't believe it. So she says, you know, not so long ago, Jen was saying she didn't even want to be in the same group as Louie and Teresa. So I'm a little confused now how we got from there to sitting together and laughing for hours at a time. I'm like, I'm a little confused as to why we're three episodes into this ridiculous, you know, low level mother and distress fight right now.
Starting point is 00:24:03 Yeah. Oh, Fester's like, well, you know, we had a little talk and Teresa, right now. Yeah. Oh, first it was like, well, you know, we had a little talk and Teresa, it was nothing dramatic and then Teresa wanted to know what happened to my party. And then she said that she was talking about, uh, she said that when she said unfoodle was the biggest drug dealer in the world that she was talking about when he was 16, not now. And if she did mean how she met it as a compliment, I can get the man and IMDb page, he's the biggest drug dealer in town. I mean, it really is a nice thing to say. Can we all
Starting point is 00:24:28 disagree that Teresa is a wonderful person? All right, Teresa. Now, you want to hear a choir sing? Teresa opening her mouth. Basically a choir singing at all times. What a saint of a human being. Am I right? She's basically the Kirk Franklin of Franklin Lakes. I mean, to share a name pretty much. So Rachel, she's like, I think Jen Fessler is stupid for even giving Teresa the time of day to defend herself and that irritates the living shit out of me.
Starting point is 00:24:53 I'm like, what does not irritate the living shit out of Rachel Fuda? She's like, other things that irritate me? Cookies wrapped in plastic, cookies in Pepperidge Farms. Pepperidge Farms, what is Pepperidge Farm? Is there even a farm called Pepperidge Farm? That annoys me. All these things annoy me. I'll go down the entire cookie aisle and tell you everything that annoys me about them. Crosswalks.
Starting point is 00:25:13 Pigeons. Can we just walk? Why do we need crosswalks? Why do you think I bring religion into it? Tootsie roll wrappers. I don't know that anybody else has been into this Tootsie Roll. Anybody could get into this Tootsie Roll. You just twist it. They don't even seal it? Twigs.
Starting point is 00:25:30 Twigs. Why do we need twigs when we've got branches? Am I right? Twigs. Twigs. Just mini copycat branches. Why do we need different shaped leaves? Why do we need to have like a maple leaf and an oak leaf?
Starting point is 00:25:41 You know? So then Festler's like, well, listen, I'm, she tosses something over her shoulder and she goes, oh God, I'm so sorry for, I'm throwing muffins into your turf. And they go, yeah, why are you throwing muffins? And she goes, I don't know, I don't know. I think it's a tick or something. When I, when I'm cornered, I just take whatever carbohydrates nearby and throw it onto whatever fake grass is also nearby. I got nervous in the Costco one time because there was someone I knew from high school.
Starting point is 00:26:13 And before you know it, I was getting kicked out of the hospital for just throwing hot dogs across the store. Don't stress me out near food. So I actually didn't even throw the meat because that wasn't a carb. I just dropped the meat on the floor and threw the buns. I once I got so nervous. I went over to the cheese section and took a giant package of American cheese slices and flung it across the room. You know, the type I'm talking about was like cheese slice in a package but connected to another package but
Starting point is 00:26:45 connected to another package looks like a belt of artillery but it's cheese instead. I threw it I tell you I threw it. Okay, so Daniel's like, sorry, anyway, I hope we're gonna have a good time today. Everybody needs to have a good time today. But then we go some Jersey Shore B roll. We go to Melissa's house and they're in the backyard. And Melissa's like, Joe, oh my God, how come my hydrangeas are turning green?
Starting point is 00:27:15 I don't know how to keep flowers alive, Joe. I'm just like Teresa. They're supposed to stay white. And Joe goes, burnin'. They're supposed to stay white and Joe goes, burn in. I love these two just cause some prop hydrangeas that burn in the sun. I know. But by the way, those hydrangeas went to sizzle tan. This is real house size of New Jersey.
Starting point is 00:27:38 Okay. We know what happened to those sizzle tan came over. They were like, you know what? We're going to get some free advertising sizzle 10 the hydrangeas It's more like some mafia tulips did a hit on the hydrangeas hydrangeas owed some money Also, by the way when when things turn green it's usually not when they are like you wouldn't know my sense because they're burning hey Look at all the grass countryside burn it up. It's so great Well, they showed them and they did look burnt.
Starting point is 00:28:07 They did look burnt. They didn't look green either. They did look burnt. I was like, maybe Joe Gorga, in other times I would have thought Joe was spraying his hair next to the hydrangeas. Hydrangea is the perfect word to describe Joe Gorga in that he is probably high, he's a little deranged,
Starting point is 00:28:23 and he's often saying the, it's like hydrangea. So, hey, welcome everyone to watch what happens. Hydrangea funds. Tadadadada, tadadadada, tadadadada, hydrangea. Can we just blame anything on jet lag? Even though I don't have jet lag, I didn't really get jet lag. Because it turns out I can not sleep anywhere and also sleep everywhere,
Starting point is 00:28:50 which is the weirdest thing about me. It's an odd thing. But I just say when we run into that problem, just keep saying jet lag. I'll say jet lag. Mother in distress or jet lag. Mother in distress. Sorry everyone for the Hydro Ranger joke, but there was a mother in distress and I couldn't
Starting point is 00:29:06 focus. Mother in distress, the thing's so loud, it got a headache already. Mother in distress. Okay. So then they talk about the weather, like how great the weather is. And then she wants to do an Italian-themed birthday party for Joe because they went to Italy. And so she got an Italian-themed birthday cake. Has there ever been anything on this show that's not Italian-themed?
Starting point is 00:29:34 I know. And are you going to have letters in the shape of bread? If not, I don't want to come to this party. This is not a party at these two's homes unless there's letters shaped out of bread. Why are we acting like we've never had an Italian things party? I know. She says it as if this is a novel idea, as if we did not watch 10 different parties of making moz last season. He's going to be turning 50 or he's turning 49. It's going to be his last year, yada, yada. So Mark was like, hi, everyone. Good morning. Good morning. Okay. You know what? It's funny. I was on the phone with Dolores and how she answered the phone, she goes, hello. Anyway, listen to opening credits,
Starting point is 00:30:15 you'll hear it. Anyway, she was like, I feel bad leaving Jennifer alone. And I go, what do you mean Jennifer is alone? And goes on, she goes, oh, Theresa and Louis, they have to go get Gabriella ready to leave for college. So they left this morning. And Dolores, like, Teresa and Louis, they have to go get Gabriella ready to leave for college. So they left this morning. And Dolores, like, of course, Paulie and I are going to go over to Melissa's, but staying at her house and I'm leaving her alone. Can you believe it? I'm like, just say she's coming over.
Starting point is 00:30:35 It's like, can you believe Jennifer and Bill are all around? I know, because she's already doing her, she's still, she's already coming in with, oh, now Dolores feels bad that Jennifer can't come to the party. Really so, oh, really so, we're feeling bad. She's just too obsessed with like, her enemies not coming to this party. Like just stop. They're, they're part of the show. What are you, who are you going to fight with Lexi? What are you going to push your mother in the pool? Like, come on. How about this Jackie? I'll fight with Jackie. It's like, okay. So, it's the worst. Like, well, I feel bad. We see a flashback of them talking about it. Loris is like, well, I feel
Starting point is 00:31:11 bad leaving Jen and Bill to go someplace they weren't invited to. Who cares? She should talk to Melissa then. Why are you even worrying about it? Okay. It's like I tell Sabrina and Tenafly, just because you're going to a vegetarian party doesn't mean you have to stop at the sausage restaurant and tell them, I'm sorry for not inviting you. It was not one of my best metaphors, but- Mother in distress. Mother in distress right now. I mean, what? You're going to hear there's a good cake at a men's party and you're not going to eat it because Jen can't get in? I mean, what are we going to do? You know what I'm saying? at a mental party and you're not going to eat it because Jen can't get in?
Starting point is 00:31:43 I mean, what are we going to do? Know what I'm saying? Just not invited to a lot of places. Libraries. Public, public parks. Ben and Jerry's. Public parks. I love that Jen has been banned from public parks. They won't let her, they won't let her on the swing set after she pushed the child too hard and said, come
Starting point is 00:32:06 on, baby. They won't let her in. The police said it's just too disconcerting for people to be there and then hearing somebody just screaming, baby. She apparently sent 10 different pizza bagels down the slide and caused a big grease issue. So Jen... They still have ants to talk. Jen's not allowed back.
Starting point is 00:32:33 Well, of course not the insects. Just a whole bunch of ants came by. They said, where's our niece? Her mother's in distress. They all bought grape leaves, which also invited actual aunts. She has a very large family. They all went to the park. It's like my aunts.
Starting point is 00:32:51 They took up the swing set. Hey, dude, you guys see any aunties come in? How do we know they're your aunts, Ronnie? They were probably carrying trays of hummus and grape leaves. So now at Jennifer's house, she's making a Turkish breakfast, which is very nice. And Olivia's setting the table. Olivia's, um, you know, like she's always playing a character. So now she's doing the like 1950s homemaker thing, like putting forks and knives on the table, being like very dainty, which is great because we love her. And then
Starting point is 00:33:22 Polly comes in and is like, Oh, is there anything I can help you with? Because I'm like a good woman helping out. And he's like, oh, thank you, Olivia. Some eggs, you're the best. She goes, you're welcome. She's my hero. I need her in every scene. So Jen's like, okay, I'm going to give you some Turkish bread and you can eat it with feta cheese, baby. I'll have tomato, that's how we do it over here. And so Delora, you know, they all gather around and Jennifer goes, hey Delora, do you eat eggs? Do I eat anything else?
Starting point is 00:33:55 It's eggs, have you seen me? I look like fucking Cinderella's been unveiled every single evening before a ball. All right, what do you think? I sit around eating bread shaped like lizards? No, eggs. Eggs. You know my rule.
Starting point is 00:34:11 The fewer syllables in a food, the more I eat it. So eggs, yes. Although, it also goes the other way, because I do like to eat stromboli. I tried going to a phop place, but I could never really figure it out. It turns out it only really applies to eggs because I really enjoy fettuccine. So Jennifer's serving, she said, Turkish bread. And I said, thank you. And then Dolores is like, so what do you think about the party last night? Oh, it was nice, baby. It was a celebration of life. I don't know whose
Starting point is 00:34:52 life or what's life was going on, but it was a celebration of life. I was told so there it is, a celebration of life, baby. It's a celebration of life, baby. And Jennifer is like, yeah, I mean, I thought it's just so awkward when you're not talking to certain people. It's just so weird. You don't know how to act. You don't waste it. You can't accuse them of anything. I love that Jennifer starts a season so innocent. She's like, I just don't know why everybody's so mean to me. Why is everybody so mad to me? Is it because I'm pretty? Yes, Jennifer. Everybody hates. No, no reason. No reason at all, Jen. I can't imagine why anybody would be mad at you on this show.
Starting point is 00:35:31 I like also when she says, you know, I like that she said, you know, it's going to a party like that. It's weird because it's like you don't know how to act. When have you ever known how to act at a party, Jennifer? What evidence have you ever put forth that shows that you know how to act at a party? I know. evidence have you ever put forth that shows that you know how to act at a party? I know. But I like this because she gives herself an arc when she pretends to be like, look at me, I'm just chatting. Calm, calm, laughing Jennifer ain't never done nothing to nobody. And by the end of the episode, she's like, fire in the fire, you dumb slut. So she's like, yeah, you're not some Melissa.
Starting point is 00:36:05 This is just not nice to me. I mean, please somebody tell me one thing I've ever done to them. I love that the editor is just throwing like an hour's worth of footage of Virgil being terrible. I know it's perfect. So Dolores is like, okay, so you know, how about this? I would love for you to sit with them because
Starting point is 00:36:27 you know, right now, I'm not going to, not yet, baby. Not me. I can't do it. I can't do it, baby. And she's like, I know, but no, you don't understand. I've gone up to every single time that we've gotten into a fight historically. And I was ready for all the footage of Melissa going up to Jennifer, but actually the footage showed all the footage of Melissa going up to Jennifer. But actually, the footage showed that it really was Jennifer going up to Melissa every single time. Right. But it's also Jennifer. It's also Jennifer initiating the fights usually. That's true. I forgot about that part. She is Teresa's henchman. She's been coming from, and listen, I'm no Melissa fan. Okay. I feel like
Starting point is 00:37:03 if anyone should be fired, it's Melissa. Every season I say the same thing. But I'm no huge Melissa fan, but you know, come on. I mean, Jen starts it with this. It's true. In the Jersey court of law, it's who starts it, you know? And she starts it. So yeah, she goes to make up, but she's apologizing
Starting point is 00:37:22 because she's always the one doing wrong. And then Melissa's always a sucker, and she's like, you know what, I'm gonna forgive her. And then by the end of the season, she goes to make up, but she's apologizing because she's always the one doing wrong. And then Melissa's always a sucker, and she's like, you know what, I'm gonna forgive her. And then by the end of the season, she's like, oh really, well, have fun at your party, have this poll day, stripper slut. Why is everybody so mad at me? You know what, baby, there've been some times,
Starting point is 00:37:38 there've been some times that we've had like a little bit of friction, but it was like it's coming from a place of hurt. Like I was so hurt when she got upset when I spread rumors of her being a slut, baby. So then, um, Jennifer's like, yeah, you know, I'm not doing something that's not reciprocated. I feel like a chump and I'm no chump, baby. So Dolores goes, fair enough. So I'm not a chump here. No chumps here, baby. What do you want me to say? I already, fair enough. Say, I'm not a champion, no champs here baby.
Starting point is 00:38:07 What do you want me to say? I already said fair enough. You can't get even more enough than enough. It's fair enough. Yeah. So then Melissa's back. I genuinely tried with her guys, but last year, why is it necessary for her to go to Danielle?
Starting point is 00:38:23 Hey, this is what I heard about Melissa, blah, blah, blah. I mean, not only is she blindly loyal to Teresa, but she's also spread a whole cheating rumor about me last year. I mean, that was disgusting. And then we see the flashback of her being like, but I heard that Melissa made out. Was it her driver? She was making out with some guy that worked for them or something? Laura was telling me the microchard in some room about somebody that works with both of them. So Melissa in the back seat and she was making out with another guy.
Starting point is 00:38:54 Baby, you didn't hear it from me. You didn't hear it from me. You didn't hear it from me. This show is harder to keep up with. Okay, so House of the Dragon is coming back, the Game of Thrones thing. And it's been a long time since it's been on. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to have to go watch so many episodes to remember what's happening.
Starting point is 00:39:08 I feel the same way with Jersey. So many fights happen on this show that you need. We've recapped every one of them, every single one of them. How am I supposed to remember this shit? It's too much. It's a lot. But yeah, I mean, let's not forget that last season, Jennifer and Teresa got information from Laura about Margaret, but they were trying to play the good guys. They found a Patsy and Danielle.
Starting point is 00:39:35 And Teresa was not going to touch it. So then Jennifer told Danielle in Ireland, and I was like, hey, guys, it's so hard for me to tell you this, baby, but here's the gossip. And then of course, Danielle blabs it to everyone and makes a huge mess. So anyway, so we're back at the shore house and Jennifer's like, I mean, I feel like they did me dirty. Okay. I feel like I was the one that was the scapegoar here. So now Jennifer starts doing this whole thing like, I didn't say this rumor. I merely stated it on camera for the first time and spread it to Danielle. And Danielle's the one who told everyone. Yes. So she said, how's she going to blame me for a cheating rumor when Danielle's the
Starting point is 00:40:18 one who said it? And it came from Margaret. So then Jennifer's like, you know, I'm sick of them never taking accountability now, let's get away with it. Well, they've come to a point in their life where they think their shit don't stink and guess what? It's smelly. Poo-poo-ree can't even save you, baby. They think they don't need to give you anything because they're so fucking great. Guess what? It's time to flash. It's a mother in distress, baby. So now we go back to the Shore House, and Melissa's like, it looks like she's looking for an excuse to be mad at me.
Starting point is 00:40:53 Sorry. So Margaret's like, well, you know what? I feel like the truth is this. OK, she's going to be, I'm going to be honest. I've never seen her be so sweet with me in their entire life, OK? She didn't even call me a buckawolf last night, OK? so sweet and mellow. Maybe you can call Bill and invite him over tonight. I don't know. What do you think? Maybe bring her over to our side. Just take one of
Starting point is 00:41:13 Teresa's footmen, her toadstool, her whatever you want to call it, bring it to our side and use it against her. I don't know. Just thinking out loud. And Gorgas said, yeah, you know, I love Bill. You know, we make gay jokes together, Turkish jokes together. I mean, it's great. You know, I can call him. I'll call him. So they call Bill and Bill's like, hmm, look who's calling me during breakfast. Little Gorgas, little man Gorgas. Hello Joe. What can I do you for? Hey, is Tony there? Tony? Tony? Get it? Tony? Tony the Turk? Yeah, Tony the Turk. That's what I'm looking for. Hey!
Starting point is 00:41:57 Are you calling for Tony the Turk to Turk you off or what Joe? What can I do you for? So I'm just gonna pretend like you didn't say that, but I miss you brother. I miss you my brother. So he asked him to come to the party and he's like, well, as you know, I have, what's referred to as a wife, hilarious. She's having a problem with the girls, bloody, bloody, you know how wives are. I really don't hear all
Starting point is 00:42:26 the words. I just hear some yelling from inside the pool house. I'm not really sure, but I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to go without her. So figure that out and we're back together, baby. Yeah. That's kind of where things stand at the moment. But when I do hear your voice, Joe, That's kind of where things stand at the moment, but you know, when I do hear your voice, Joe, when we say the word stand, it has all sorts of different meaning. Anyway, please, please, I wish you the biggest, happiest birthday. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday. What you doing there?
Starting point is 00:43:00 Oh, sorry, got lost in the moment. Now, listen, I know getting these women to talk is hard, Joe, but it's not as hard as I am when you talk. Would you talk more, Joe? Hmm? Would you talk more? I think, all right, I gotta go brother. I'm Shimon Yai, and I have a new podcast called The Competition.
Starting point is 00:43:21 Every year, 50 high school senior girls compete in a massive scholarship competition. I wouldn't say I have an ego problem, but I'm extremely competitive. All of the competitors are used to being the best and the brightest, and they're all vying for a huge cash prize. This will probably be the most intense thing you've ever gone through in your life. I remember that feeling, because I was one of them. I lost. But now I'm coming back as a judge and also a kind of teen girl anthropologist.
Starting point is 00:43:53 Because if you want to understand what it's like to be a young woman in America today, the competition's not a bad place to start. Hopefully no one will die on stage tonight. From Pineapple Street Studios and Wondry, this is the competition. Follow the competition on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to the competition early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus. So he refused, you know, and he's like, Couldn't believe it. Bill was like, you know, so he said, I'm looking over the last year, looking at some photos
Starting point is 00:44:32 and you know, we had a great time and yes, you know, unfortunately we've been a little far from that now. And Dolores goes, and he's like, well, I'm having a party and I want to invite you guys. And I said, is it just going to be the guys? It'll be a small room, maybe some logs on the fire, sweat dripping, shirts coming off, things like that. He said, no, there'll be women there too. And I said, well, unfortunately, we can't make it. That's right.
Starting point is 00:44:55 Because we're a pair. We're a team. We got friendship. Friendship. That's the perfect friendship, baby. Am I right, Bill? He's like, hmm. But you know, there is a pool,
Starting point is 00:45:06 there is a gorga, pools generally require men to not have their shirts on. I don't know. Bill, stay focused baby. I've got your back, I've got your back. I was promising to see if shrinkage did really work on Joe, but it's okay, we can test that at another time. So Bill's like, look, some people just can't apologize. It's very difficult for some people, you know. I was like, I don't even need an apology. I just need an acknowledgement.
Starting point is 00:45:34 Acknowledgement, dot, dot, dot. Normally, people imply a dot, dot, dot. No, I just don't have anything else to say. Dot, dot, dot. Acknowledgement of what? Acknowledgement of what? That you spread a rumor that she was cheating on her husband? Like, what do you want her to acknowledge? Just say you're sorry and get. OK, what are you going to do?
Starting point is 00:45:54 Like, shoot the rest of this show with Dolores? Dolores can barely stand you. And Teresa's got something going on with her daughters. You guys are going to have to, like, make it past this, OK? Yeah. Move it along. So speaking of which, Teresa's at home and Gabriella's packing. She's just packing up her boxes. I was under the assumption that this was Gabriella actually going up to college,
Starting point is 00:46:19 but it's just her boxes going off with a sponsored moving company. So they're packing stuff up and Teresa's like, all right, what are you going to bring? You're going to bring all that stuff? We're going to bring it on the plane. She's like, yeah, okay. This will be my airplane outfit. And then Gia walks in. She's like, yeah, she is sobbing. And she's like, I don't know. I can't take it when you're leaving me. This is the worst. I do. I do. I do.
Starting point is 00:46:50 I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.
Starting point is 00:46:58 I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. sneak a toothbrush into the shower and it's already been turned into a shift. All right, that hurts. Okay, you want to talk about pain? That's it.
Starting point is 00:47:10 I like that this is the worst day ever for Gia, meaning that it was worse than her father going to jail and her mother going to jail because this is like the first responsible person in the household that's actually leaving home. Yeah. So- That's the only person who knew how to pay the electricity bill. She's like, how are we going to keep the electric on? So Gabriella's like, one of our friends, one of our friends, Amanda texted during this and she's like, oh my God, I can't believe there's a whole episode about when Gabriella finally goes off to find her real family. It was so funny.
Starting point is 00:47:47 I can't believe there's a whole episode where Gabriella talks. So she's like, Hey, dad, let me show you my boxes. And so she's gonna show the box. She's gonna show the boxes and everything. He's like, Hey, what are you packing like everything? And she's like, No, dad, I didn't get them all day. She's like, You know, moving company, dad. He's like, Hey, you know what? I'm proud of you, Gabriella. You know, maybe someday you can
Starting point is 00:48:10 be selling sex toys in the Bahamas too. You know what you can do. Teresa's like, Ragas, Ragas, universities. I'm amazing. Oh my God, I'm crying. Turn the phone around. I don't want them to see me crying. This is what Teresa does that thing where she fans out all her fingers in every different direction and then waves her hand. Why do you make your hand less of a wind pushing device? She's trying to dry out her tears, but she's just like, she's like, let me make sure my hand looks like a rake before I try to stop fanning my tears away. And she was like, well, he killed my, he's crying too. It doesn't matter if you see, there's like, oh my God, Joe, is you crying? He's like, I ain't crying. What you thought? I ain't crying. So what thought? I ain't crying.
Starting point is 00:49:05 So what? Who cares? All right, so there's just a few words coming down my cheeks. So what, then who, then cares? That's it. Hey, hold on one second. My bitch wife over here is crying on the FaceTime.
Starting point is 00:49:18 I know, right? Oh no, I wasn't talking about you, honey. What you gonna do? So then, so then like. So then some awkward orange, some awkward purple person comes in sniffing the air like this. You can smell the steak cooking. It's Lily. He's like, Hey, hey, husband. Hey, husband. Good to see you, brother. I just wore a shirt with one of your taglines the other day. And then you just, you guys cause you know what? It's a sad you know what it's a sad day,
Starting point is 00:49:45 but it's a good day as well. You know what I mean? What are you gonna do? He literally says what are you gonna do? Sad day. Good day. We're gonna do. We're gonna do. Crying them in the Bahamas. We can do so. They talk over and over again. I'm proud they are which they should be, you know, but people are off the screen because I'm literally bored to death. Okay, let's be proud. Let's do something other than being proud. Let's be Gabriella for being smarter than the rest of us. I don't know something, you know, I'm just these are just ideas. So yeah, she talks about how she's gonna, she's gonna go she wants to major in
Starting point is 00:50:19 economics and everything. And then the producer asked her if Joe Giudice is going to be helping to pay for college. She's like, Yeah, no, no, he's not going to pay for nothing. And basically it's, you know, she's like, he's got to, you know, he's focusing on his life and the Bahamas. And then, you know, like, that's okay. Like, you know, I'm thankful because I can pay for it. And then such and such's crazy that Joe Gorgas or Joe Giudice's dildo influencing hasn't really panned out enough yet. Yeah, it's a shame.
Starting point is 00:50:54 I wish you the best. So we find out that he's not paying for college, but Louis is helping Teresa. Don't don't don't. Yeah. So. He's not paying for college, but Louie is helping Teresa. Dun, dun, dun. Yeah. So I don't really believe, honestly. I don't believe Teresa's paying, but it's a joint account. So she's saying that Louie's paying.
Starting point is 00:51:12 Louie's not paying for that college. Can we break? Louie's not paying for anything. Do you think? I think Louie's broke. What do you think? I think Louie's broke. I think he's gonna say he's paying for things,
Starting point is 00:51:20 but I think he's broke. Well, I think first of all, also, at least for these movers, we know that they definitely did not pay for these movers because these movers get such a long scene. Is this what happened? Is this like the legacy of Priv? The NBC say, you know what? We don't want to back a makeup app anymore. We want to back some movers because these movers come up and we sit there for like 25 minutes watching them hand over boxes like, Hey, I'm Louie. You need some help here. Like, Hi, I'm Anthony. I'm like Patrick. And they're like, we meet every single mover. We see them load up the boxes. It goes on and on.
Starting point is 00:51:54 This is the move of Joe. This is the move of Joe. This is move of Joe as well. That's the move of his name is Joseph. Crazy. Very formal. All right. These are my boxes. You can give it to Joe. No, the other Joe. No, the other Joe. I'm sorry. Can I speak with the owner?
Starting point is 00:52:11 I'm Frank. I'm Frank Joseph. What can I do for you? So anyway, so the scene goes on for a very long time. And the gist of it is that she's still at home and her boxes have left for Michigan. But Gabriella is, she has not actually left despite them making it seem like she was walking out the door.
Starting point is 00:52:34 Yeah. OK, so then this is really a long scene. Well, because the scene actually then pivots. We have this long scene. And then Louie and Teresa go to like a bench and Louie's like, I love you girl. I love you. I love what you're wearing yellow today. It's with the sun. You're wearing dressing like the sun. And she's like, yeah, I wore yellow because of Michigan. She's like, yeah, it's beautiful today. Yeah, when are we gonna start talking about other people?
Starting point is 00:53:06 Because I can talk about other people if you want. I was like, yeah, yeah, how'd you feel about last night? Or she asked, Theresa asked him how he feels about last night. Yeah, I'm okay, I'm okay. She's like, yeah, John Futter didn't come up to do anything, right? Like, no, he didn't come up. He's like, no, no, I have no time for that,
Starting point is 00:53:22 a loser like that, honestly. It's disgusting, yeah, I have no time for that a loser like that. Honestly, it's disgusting. Yeah drug dealer But then today I got a I got a notification call from some the book gradually Then you've got a new credit In from a scene with John Fuda. I'm not really sure what that means, but I'm proud. I'm proud that goes'm proud. That guy's a fucking loser. That guy's a fucking loser.
Starting point is 00:53:46 I'll tell you that. She's, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, look, babe, Jim Fessa told me that John Fuda was upset because they think I called him the biggest drug dealer of Bergen County. Like, no, like, no. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. It was like back then. It was like back then.
Starting point is 00:54:01 It was like a long time ago, you know? It's crazy. God. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Starting point is 00:54:16 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, thing back in the day. Now he's just like a reputable tile father. Yeah. I always hear flashbacks of her saying, I heard that John Fuda is the biggest drug dealer in all of Bergen County. So she was like, you know, I'm like the first of all, if you hear something, if you hear something and you ask someone, like, is this true? You know, like me with like, you know, Jackie's husband, right? Like, did this really happen? Like when your father, like a husband, and you're like the leader of a family, like that's what you do. Oh, Teresa, the pro on what real husbands
Starting point is 00:54:55 and leaders of the family should do. Yeah. You look married and get back to me on that. So she's like, yeah, you know, start causing commotion and then bring them into the envelope, you know, like that. Like bring a chocolate envelope. Nobody likes manila. You know what? Like, why do you gotta go to the Philippines to get an envelope? You know, like why is that? Like that's too much. So you just gave Teresa so much credit.
Starting point is 00:55:22 As I was saying, I was like, she would never understand that. You know what? You put vanilla with vanilla, and then you're just lip-syncing everything. I can't wait to listen to that new podcast on Spotify. I mean, one drink. I guess on Spotify. I mean, one three. This was not a sponsored mother in distress. Mother in distress. I'm a mother in distress. OK, so she goes, yeah, my man, you know, you admit what you're going to do. Like, who do you think you are, huh? The Godfather?
Starting point is 00:56:07 And he's like, yeah, yeah. She goes, nah. I love Teresa leaning into a Godfather not moment. Teresa is saying that she would never, ever, ever mean that John Futa is currently a super active drug dealer, but then calls him a godfather. What do you think you are, the godfather? No. So then Louis is like, yeah, I had a second look at the bus. I love the little trees. Also, Teresa is trying to have this scene where she's
Starting point is 00:56:37 acting so innocent. Like I never said that that was current. That was all in the past. Now he's just such a good father. That's all I've ever said. But then Louis still hasn't caught on to this. So he's like, yeah, I had to say, bless me, there's one ugly motherfucker. He's so ugly. Says Louis, his face looks like a bullet train. So Louis is like, yeah, there's one ugly, and what he said about pushing it, they're pushing it now, that's absolutely false and untrue. So Theresa's like, yeah, I'm sorry that I'm bringing you around that night. He's like, oh babe, please, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. He's like, no, I have to say that you handled it with grace, thank you.
Starting point is 00:57:17 He's like, yeah, I do like Nancy Grace. No, you handled it grace, wait, you know Nancy Grace? I'll kill that bitch, I'll cut that bitch. You know what we should do? Let people into our love bubble. Nah! So now we go back to Rachel's Shore House where people are getting ready, putting on the hairspray and stuff. And Jen Fester's like, do you like this? Everyone's getting ready. Is it getting ready segment? So yeah. So then we go, then everyone else is getting ready. Melissa's getting ready. Melissa's mom is getting ready.
Starting point is 00:58:08 People are getting ready. The Italian cakes are arriving. It's getting ready. The Italian cake is arriving. All the Italian themed stuff. And sure enough, it is focaccia letters everywhere. Happy birthday, Joe Gorgon. Focaccia letters. To be birthday, Joe Gorgon. Fakacha's letters. To be fair, this is also like the Real Housewives of New Jersey version of a Gatsby party. This is like their roaring 20th party is just Fakacha letters.
Starting point is 00:58:37 It's Halloween. It's like Ramadan. It's like everything. It's like F. It's like everything. It's like, picaccia lettuce. And so Marge goes, wow, this is the most Italian things. I mean, look at that. The bread is spelling out chow. And she goes, yeah, chow. You know, like it's a little chow. She goes, oh, it's inspired by Italy. Right. And Joe Gore goes like, wow, this is amazing. What are those breads? Those bread spelling things? It's just like when Wu was in Italy.
Starting point is 00:59:11 Yes. That's something that you can look forward to, Ronnie, is the road signs in Italy are all in Focaccia. I hope it's not land. It's like, welcome to Italy. I'll spell that in carbs. The airport is made of Focaccia, actually. The jetway is just a big, long focaccia. They push towards the plane and you walk out on it. Let's see. Melissa's like, okay, yeah, you know what? When gifts are coming in, let's stick them here. You can just bring them in for me, okay, yeah, you know what, when gifts are coming in, let's stick them here, you know, and then you can just bring them in for me. Okay. So then everyone's arriving for the
Starting point is 00:59:48 party. We've got March senior Lexi. It's big party guys. Huge. March senior and Lexi are here. Yeah, big travel party. Everyone's coming. And so we see Donna. She is because like, March senior is like, oh yeah, I went over there. I brought flowers to your mother cause she fell over while saving a baby. And Donna's like, thank you, it was very sweet.
Starting point is 01:00:13 She's like holding up like flowers and drinks, like, you know, barely can keep anything together with her cast and everything. And so now more people are showing up and Melissa's like, Joe, look who's here. It's Kayla. Have we met Kayla before? I don't know what. Kayla got a whole chiron and her husband got a chiron.
Starting point is 01:00:34 Yeah, we met Kayla, the friend of with the lips. Oh, I thought that was a different friend of. It's Kayla, is that one with the lips? Oh, maybe. I don't know, she's there though too. I thought that was Tiffany. Was it Tiffany? Oh, maybe it is. I don't know. I don't know. She's there though too. I thought that was Tiffany. Was it Tiffany? Oh, maybe it is.
Starting point is 01:00:47 I don't know. I don't know. But yeah, there was a new friend over there today. So I guess you're right, Kayla. And there are, you know, just small talk and stuff. So then John Fuda and Rachel Fuda are crazy. Okay, guess what we did? We got a blow up door. We named it Josephina. Okay. It's crazy. It's one of the craziest things we ever did. Okay? So, John Fuda walks through the gate holding the blow up doll and then Joe Gorga, of course, loves it. You know, he's like, oh my God, I already have this one, but I'm just going to, I'll re-gift it. I'll re-gift it.
Starting point is 01:01:20 There it is. There she is. So, Joe, he loves it. And Melissa is like, are you kidding me? Excuse me. I got some focaccia in my throat. Are you kidding me? You bought this for him? I mean, she has a, she has a, I can't even say it because there are babies here. Oh my God. I'm so, I'm so incredulous right now. So they're all just going crazy about this blow up doll. And it's like, so then Danielle comes up and she's chatting, making small talk with Melissa. And Melissa is like, oh my God,
Starting point is 01:01:56 but is this a blow up doll? Never seen a blow up doll. This is crazy. I'm sure you guys will know about it. And Danielle's like, oh, you know what? You know what? You know what? I thought- John says you was gonna be bad about it. You not bad about it?
Starting point is 01:02:08 You not bad about it? It's a ball, though. You not bad about it? I- I was just gonna be bad about it." I'm gonna throw it in the bed. Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Uh, just come back is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two. Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alice in King. Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney. Strolling the park with Caitlin Clark. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela.
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Starting point is 01:03:13 Somebody get us 10 cc's of BetsyMD! We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva! Let's get real with Kaitlyn O'Neal! Don't get salty with Christine Pepper! Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. We for Ava love Ava. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish, it's Jen Plish.
Starting point is 01:03:32 She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony. Junie, my favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. We love him madly, it's Kyle Pod Shadley. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender, the incredible, edible Matthews sisters. Give him hell, Miss Noelle. Ring that bell, pour Rochelle. She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke.
Starting point is 01:03:55 Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Coutar. We love you guys.

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