Watch What Crappens - #2433 Below Deck S11E16, part 2: Cabin Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Episode Date: May 21, 2024

This is part 2!On Below Deck (S11E16), Captain Kerry calls for a cabin check, but Ben has other plans. Also, Barbie needs a break.  Grab tickets for our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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and my trusty turntable, Baby Scratch, for a weekly jam-packed party as we remix and reimagine classic stories for the kids in your life today. Once Upon a Beat is a new kids and family podcast from Wondry and Tinkercast where hip-hop and fables meet. Listen to Once Upon a Beat early and ad-free right now on Wondry Plus. Once Upon a Beat! Hi everyone, welcome back! This is part 2 of a 2 part recap. happens when there's a isn't warm. And Ben's like, all right, I'll get Kyle on it. And

then, you know, Captain Carrie's basically like, and also dropping these umbrella guys at that 20 knots, we should have these things down, which earlier in the episode, he did tell him he's like, put these umbrellas down later on. And so they never did. And Ben's just going, Ben's all angry that he's not, that Captain Carrie is calling him out on not doing the most basic parts of his job, which is taking down an umbrella and turning on the hot tub. I mean, like, that's even easier than watching

when he's off the boat. It's really hard for a person who really wasn't qualified for this job in the first place and was just handed this job because someone else had to get fired last minute. That's a really great way to thank somebody fucking. It's like you just press a button and you just bring an umbrella. You just take an umbrella. Like it's literally so easy.

Yeah. So now serving the food, serving lunch and everything and everyone's eating and it's like rustic and it's all nice. Here's homemade pizza breads. We've also got homemade hummus as well. Could you stop saying homemade? I'm on a super yacht stop Stop giving yourself the fucking Nobel Peace Prize for putting chickpeas in a blender You know what I mean? Get the fuck out of here drop it and go drop it and go sir So they're like this hummus is amazing. I was once going around the world in a hundred days I got to taste hummus for about five seconds. It's nice to be able to sit down. It really is.

Last time I just passed Greece, they shoved some hummus in my face. I got to taste a little bit of it, but you know, that's the thing you know, it's pizza. World just passed by so quickly. I love how angry you are at Semester at Sea. You're like, it's just not enough time. I'm mad that you spend the whole time journeying.

You know, like you've got to like stop and go to the pizza shop or like what kind of stores do they have in their malls? Like, do you really learn anything when you just go so fast past things? It's like taking the train from Central Station to Yonkers and then being like, oh my God, I've seen New York City. No, you haven't, you've been in a car. Yeah. Get out of the car.

Get out of the train. Well, the issue everyone seems to really enjoy lunch except for the primary Michelle and she goes, I can taste salt like immediately. Yeah, I don't cook with it. So when you don't cook with it, you notice it. So now because this lady has decided that she wants she's on a no salt diet and she does not cook with salt, which is like that's I mean, that's really, really intense to have no salt whatsoever in your food. And so she is now going to essentially hijack

everyone's meal experiences, because she's clearly gonna complain about things tasting too salty, because she's chosen to live with an abnormal palate. And I understand people have to be on low salt and no salt diets, but like, if you're on a no salt diet, of course you can taste every grain of salt. But for everyone else, everything just sort of tastes normal

and she's gonna ruin it for everyone now. Well, it's funny how this person's assholery leaks all over the rest of this episode and ruins the whole charter. Really, I think all Sue was trying to do was humble brag that she doesn't eat salt. You know how people are? Like if, and I'm the same way,

if you quit something for five minutes, it's like when I don't drink for a day, I'm like, everyone around me is an alcoholic. You know, it's just how it is. Or like if you lose two pounds, you're like, I'm a, thank God, you know, whatever. So I think she's not had salt for a week or something. And now she's like, guys, I can totally taste salt

because I don't use salt anymore. I'm not like you peons, like you don't even know what you're doing to yourself. So someone overhears this and they're like, who overhears it? Is it Barbie? So this one is saying that this tastes too salty. This tastes too salty to me because I never cook with salt. So this I taste all the salt. This is so salty to me.

Barbie somehow hears this. Maybe like the words got like muffled in her mascara and she goes down to the kitchen and she tells Frasier, they said it's good. I'm sorry, my eyes just don't hear very well. I'm sorry. Um, there's no salt. They want it to be saltier. So she gives the exact opposite note. So I'm already cringing, like, oh my God. They think it's too salty, and she just told the chef that it's not salty enough. Yeah, so then Fraser, yeah, Fraser's like,

going forward, I think salt more. They just need more flavor. And he's like, did they say that? And he's like, no, they were just eavesdropping, and we found out, more salt, salt on everything, salt all the time. And he's like, all right. I guess I just like salty food. Yeah, I mean, well, it cuts back to Michelle being like,

this is just a little salty. I need to just drink a lot of water because there's a little bit of salt on this. And then drinking it and being like very presentation. She's like really being performative about the fact that it's too salty for her. She's like gulping, gulping, gulping, gulping. Like, I'm just, it's just I'm parched.

I just don't cook with salt. I don't know. I'm not saying it makes me a better person, but it does make me like, I don't know, like more likely to get into heaven because I'm just not cooking with salt right now. Yeah, I'm not better than you guys. I'm just saying that Buddha never ate salt on his food.

I'm just saying that like disgusting slobs eat at McDonald's and they have a lot of salt in their food. So'm just saying that like disgusting slobs eat at McDonald's and they have a lot of salt in their food. So if you're eating a lot of salt, you're basically a disgusting slob like a McDonald's eater. That's all I'm saying. And I'm not like that. One of the most requested condiments

during last meals on death row is salt. Just saying. Murderers love salt. You guys go ahead, enjoy your salt. Can I get some more water here? I'm dying. I'm dying. I'm dying of pedestrian cravings.

Yeah, you know I was speaking at McDonald's. I did find out the one who likes eating salt the most is Grimace. So basically you're a bunch of Grimaces right now. Just think about that. Just look at Grimace and then look at like Ronald McDonald and see who's sexier. And then you come back to me and make your own conclusions about your salt intake. I'll tell you who does not have salt is the Hamburglar. Okay. So who's more fuckable? Hamburglar.

You're right. That's right, everybody. So now people are doing Reiki. Okay. So Ben's like, all right, let's go get some Reiki people. So they go to the slide and get reiki ready. I don't know, who knows?

So then Barbie, Barbie takes a break. So Barbie's like, can I go for a break? And Frazier's like, sure. And then we get another done, done, done. Barbie's going on break with a lazy, lazy hooker. So the reiki thing is happening and they're setting up the yoga mats and everything and it's all good. And so now it's 5 25 and Barbie is 25 minutes late from coming back from her mascara nap.

And Pree is just like, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, passive aggressive knocking. Barbie, sweet Barbie. Is she dead? Where the hell is Barbie? Are you dead, Barbie? Have our dreams come true? Have you left this mortal plane? You know, we all get so exhausted, you know,

but doesn't mean we get to slack, okay? So get the fuck up, babe, get up now. Oh my God, I'm awake, oh my God, Mascara, are you awake? Mascara's still sleeping. Can you get some water? Bad, I'm awake, oh my God, mascara, are you awake? Mascara's still sleeping. Can you get some water? Pat, I'm a mascara, thank you. So then he's all mad, muttering to himself. He's like, half an hour late to work,

I hope she's had a nice nap. Dong, dong, dong. So then the ladies are doing Reiki some more. And someone's like, okay, the Reiki healer's like, hi, I've been initiated into Reiki here on Granada from an 86 year old Trinidadian Reiki healer is like, hi, I've been initiated into Reiki here on Granada from an 86 year old Trinidadian Reiki master, okay? Does that mean anything to anybody?

86 years old. That makes it more impressive, right? Very old person innovated me into Reiki. This person has been tapping foreheads for 86 years. Anybody impressed? Yeah, it's just, I guess my reiki is just like a little bit better than most people's reiki because I learned it from an 86 year old.

Yeah, I learned how to tap a forehead from an 86 year old. Did the old woman eat salt? I think so. I do not trust this reiki, fuck that old woman. So now we have a really, like a really, we have a scene of Nick who has, this is a nice like short film scene. Nick is eating.

It really is. This has a nice little arc. This is the pressure of being on TV for the first time as a person who's not 20 years old and working out all the time, which is something we don't see on Below Deck ever. I don't think we've ever seen it, you know? But here we go.

Nick, he's in the crew mess. He's eating a sandwich by himself, looking like a sad, brawny rebel. And it's like yarting. You know, it does take a toll on your body. There's gonna be a lot of time where you just miss a lot of sleep. It's a lot of pressure.

The 30s are amazing. 40s, like a little bit like, okay, well, what have you done with your life, you know? I'd love to be retired, go surfing every day, just live, really live a happy life, you can snore in peace. Not always chase the money, you know what I'm saying? And then he just starts staring at a sandwich. And then he's staring at a sandwich

and he's just finished it and he's like, oh, fuck, I'm gonna have another one. I'm having another one. He's like, I'm doing this and I'm gonna have another one. I'm having another one. He's like, I'm doing this and I'm doing it on camera and I don't give a fuck. I'm 41, don't know what I'm doing with my life. Still on a boat, my life is literally afloat. I don't know where I'm going,

but I sure know where I've been. And guess what? All I know is I need another fucking sandwich. I've been to paradise. But has paradise been a sandwich that's about to go into my mouth? It hasn't. Get over here paradise. I'm fucking eat you.

I'm never having abs. The window for that's closed. So if I'm not going to have abs, I might as well have another sandwich. So guys back to Reiki. This breath allows us to be in the present moment because the mind, it gets busy, okay? Let your mind be thoughts. Let those thoughts be like clouds.

Let those clouds float by. Uh oh, the clouds are floating into a bun, eating the bun. Why is the chubby chef eating our clouds of joy? Can someone remove the chef? Give me more of the top clouds. They're delicious. So then they bring Paris brings out some green shots to the ladies and everything. And they do these shots for sisterhood and gratitude and gratefulness and like, wow, these shots

are pretty salty. If I do say so myself. What even would drink these, am I right? What job of the huts would even put this in their mouths? Am I right, anyone? Anyone? No? Oh, okay. Okay, so Dylan is grabbing some food with Sonny

and they're eating vegetables and he's like, oh, food baby, yes, food. Oh, Romaine, Romaine. You've got nice lats, Romaine. You've got nice lats. Doing a good job there, green monster. This lettuce will really help you to develop some good muscle tone.

So they're eating and Ben is on the Tinder boat with Kyle and they're just and Ben is on the Tinder boat with Kyle and they're just like, I think they're bringing the lady back or whatever. So now the guests are in the bar area and they're drinking, they're having fun and the primary is asking Frazier about what the plan is for tonight. So just like standard things happening on the boat, et cetera. And Barbie's setting the table and they're just arranging the start time for dinner and everything. And Chef Nick is talking about how he's going to be doing some French cooking tonight and he's making like a very classic kind of green salad. Everything is green and this is a very standard French thing,

and he's really excited to be doing this, and he's gonna do some risotto, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So then Sunny and Dylan are talking about what to do after the season, and he's like, well, I can apply for a normal visa with my current boats and go to France, although they use a lot of cream in France,

which is fine as long as you don't have the bread, which I would never do, but you know, there's flour and things in France, can we just talk about the location and not the calories? All right. France, the land of cheese. I love cheese. Fortunately, cheese made me fat one time,

and daddy was mean to me about it. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. So then he's like... That was me during push-ups. Sorry if anybody thought I was seizing.

So Dylan's like, so Sonny, are you going to go with Benny? And she's like, yeah, I'm definitely going to like go back to Miami and like, I'd like to see Ben afterwards, like get to know him outside of being my boss, you know? And she says, and he's like, Oh, so would you say you fall in for him? And she goes, my guards are up, but I would like them to be down.ny however, your guards have been up your cards are so this is not this is not the image of someone whose cards are up Right now this guy who treats you like shit And then you're like now like excited to go to Miami with him and see what what life is like and I'm not victim blaming I'm just saying you can't say your guards are up right now at the very least their the guards are nowhere up

Yeah guards are nowhere up. Yeah. Guards are not up. So, um, she's like, you know, we all know that boat manses don't really transfer well in the real world. I don't know what that sentence was, but you get it. You get the phonetics of it and I just want to say, you know, I'm really nervous about that. Oh, now you're nervous. Really? You think you're worried that he could be worse than he is now? But let me tell you something. You're saying boat manses don't translate in the real world. Have you noticed that your boat manse hasn't also translated in the boat world either?

Yeah, it's not what we have. Let me tell you how trailer manses go. Those can get real rough. Okay. You can't even drive away half the time. They're staked into the ground. Okay. They're hooked to a sewer line. Okay. They're not as mobile as the name would imply. I'll tell you that much. Okay, so she's like, he's so my type. He's like, you know, he's sporty, he's athletic, he's confident, he's hairy.

I was like, well, maybe look beyond someone's like hair and body shape when you choose. I know it's hard. You know, I know it's hard when you're younger. I think at a certain point, everyone's just hairy. At least when you're me, you know? Like that's not really an option anymore. It's like, well, he's hairy.

I like that. Well, I hope so. Cause they all are at this point, you know? And she says, you know, I'm looking for someone to love. And I want a man. I don't want a little boy. I want a dominant man who knows what he wants, you know and respects his women and treats her right. Okay, so Ben Well, obviously this does not respect his woman and does not treat her right and second of all

this is this is this supposed to be the guy who knows what he wants the guy who like like Could barely even say say that you guys were an item He was like we're working towards being an item. And then he went, wanted to post nostalgically about Camille and then decided to dump you and then decided after three days that you've changed massively. So he wants to have you back and then decides that he wants to do something with you. How is this an example of anyone who knows exactly what they

want? She's like, you know what a real man is? A real man is someone who only closes umbrellas when he wants to. Yeah, exactly. So speaking of which, so Captain Carrie, he goes walking around and he goes up to the sky deck and all the yoga mats and pillows are just up there, scattered, just a mess.

And he's like, oh no, this looks like shit. This is not good. It's an anti adventure. Yeah, so he goes into the crew mass with Dylan and Sunny. He's like the floor bridge guest areas messy right now. We do not eat when the guest area hasn't been cleaned. Are we eating? And then it's like, Oh God, no, no daddy.

Not eating, not eating daddy. I'm sorry daddy. I'm sorry. Talk. I'm sorry. Talk eat. Talk eat. And Sonny's like, oh, God, nice way to end the charter season. So they rush to clean up and stuff. So then Captain Carrie meets Ben and Kyle and he's like, floor bridge, went upstairs,

water bottles, shit everywhere. And the other two deck crew are eating. And Dylan's, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and's, and then, and then it cuts to Dylan and Sonny, and he's like, if we're gonna get in trouble, I want to look sexy. And he's like, I don't know, doing something with his hair.

Like bursting in the window. Fixing his hair, yeah. And Captain Carey's like, well, we can't have guests here, we're just incomplete. And Ben's like, that's fair. What are you, the Empire? I'm not asking you if it's fucking fair. Go do it.

I don't need your judgment on what I'm saying and whether or not it's fair. What the fuck is wrong with this person? I hate this guy. If it's fucking fair, go do it. I don't need your judgment on what I'm saying and whether or not it's fair. What the fuck is wrong with this person? I hate this guy. So Captain, so Captain Gary is getting annoyed and he's like, you know, I'm just fucking speechless. Like, it's not the first day

that I know what's expected of him. And it's like, where is this coming from? Why aren't you doing your job? And so now, so now like, you know, Ben is all pissy about this because he's being, his whole crew is being called out, et cetera, for not doing their jobs. And Captain Carrie's mad. And he's like, really few minutes.

Like this is ridiculous. I mean, we'll just, what the fuck's going on? I'm peace. So stuff is falling apart. So, you know, there's going to be some retribution on Captain Carrie's part because Ben is telling Ben, Ben Dylan tells Ben, he's like, he hadribution on Captain Carrie's part because Ben is and Dylan tells Ben Ben Dylan tells Ben He's like he had to go with us here to go. And so now Ben's even more riled up against Captain Carrie So then um, the ladies get ready for dinner and it's Paris night and everything

so then Sonny and Ben are outside and Ben's like Are you annoyed with the captain and she's like no I get his point and he's like, are you annoyed with the captain? And she's like, no, I get his point. And he's like, oh, well, he's just in a mood. I sort of categorize him as military. There's no traffic cams that say caution ahead. It just comes like that, just on your head, you know?

That just drops and then you're in the shitter. And then we see Captain Kerry being evil, like, oh, hello, hello, hello. Do your job, please. Hello, hello, do your job. Hello your job, please. Hello, hello. Do your job. Hello, hello. Welcome to your job. Maybe you could do it, please.

I was like, oh my god, what a monster. What an absolute monster. Yeah, and we see flashbacks. Yeah, like you said, of all the times when Ben has messed up and Captain Carrie's like, don't do that. I'm sorry. This is not a situation where there's no traffic cameras or traffic lights, whatever, and things,

like out of nowhere, he gets this aggression. It's like very simple things that you should be doing and you're not doing and he's getting annoyed. So then now Sonny's saying that delivery could be more time. You're the reason there are traffic cams and traffic lights because otherwise, the cars are just all running into each other all over the place, which is basically what you're doing

with your shitty fucking skills. Like you're terrible, you're not doing your job, sir. Okay, cars just can't be wandering all around hitting each other. They've fucking put up rules for people like you. So now, meanwhile, Nick has prepared this really lovely green salad. And he's talking about, well's like, well French is on the menu

tonight and you know this is how we learn it in fine dining, you know, we've worked in mission style restaurants. There's a lot of work to do though. Here's a picture of me looking young and fit when I still had promise and excitement and hopes and dreams. 15 hour days, you do anything less than that, you know, you're not really working in a decent enough restaurant. You might as well be working in McDonald's with people who eat salt, you know what I'm saying? High five, Michelle. A lot of stress, but you get a buzz and adrenaline that you're always chasing.

Sort of adrenaline you get when you say, fuck it, I'm having a second sandwich. Oh, the rush. The rush. Some of us, Wonder Bread is like heroin, and I'm mainlining that shit day in and day out. Guess who's apologizing? Not fucking me. All right. So then we go to the Sky Lounge.

The ladies are waiting for dinner and they're making fun of the primary because she has glasses and they make her look cross-eyed. They're like, oh my God. And she's like, how dare you guys. You've obviously never sat with somebody off salt before, because your jealousy is showing. So this-

Loaded bloated bitches. So those lovely salads come and Michelle, the primer is like, um, does this taste like arugula to you? And then someone else is like, um, it is Michelle. It is arugula. you? And then someone else is like, it is Michelle, it is arugula. And then someone goes, it's like baby arugula. There's nothing else that looks like arugula. This was cracking me up.

They're like, is this arugula? You guys. Arugula, Jamaica, ooh, I wanna take a. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. I'm Shimon Yai, and I have a new podcast called The Competition. Every year, 50 high school senior girls

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Follow The Competition on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Competition early and ad free right now by joining Wondry+. It was the biggest scandal in pop music. The stars of Milli Vanilli, the Grammy-winning multi-platinum R&B phenomenon, were exposed as frauds. But none of this was their idea.

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It's a safe space to let your weirdo flag fly. On Morbid, we cover dark historical events, sinister science, unnerving paranormal events, and sordid high society murders. We also dive deep into the most notorious crimes in history. Our podcast is grounded in rigorous and painstaking research. We're also not afraid to read a b******. We keep it weird because a dash of snark is necessary to get through grotesque true tales of demented minds. So follow Morbid on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Morbid early and ad free right now by joining Wandery Plus. So then yes, then one lady, she clarifies, she goes, it's like baby arugula. And then

someone else, and she's like, it's very peppery, very peppery. So Michelle goes, let me ask you a question, Fraser. He's like, yes, I hate arugula. It just tastes really nasty. Do you have like maybe some sorbet without salt and arugula? Cause something that like stupid people don't eat. I don't know. I really needed to cleanse my palate. She needs a palate cleanser from arugula.

I can't with this lady. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I have some water. Would you like to maybe swish that around your mouth? Fucking sorbet, get out of here. Is it sea water? Cause that's just a little too salty for me. I'm fattening.

Okay, Dylan, Dylan just stay over there. So then he goes to the kitchen and he's like, the primary doesn't like arugula. And he's like, was that on the list? And he goes, no, they just said that they don't like it. He's like, well, if it's not on the list, I can't do anything. Like, how am I supposed to know? And Dylan is like, 100% boss. So talented. Go boss, go. But you're snoring right now. Not. I'm still not

asleep. Sorry, just I think I hear something. It's, did you eat a sandwich? I hear sandwich digesting. It was a sandwich digesting. To actually. Meanwhile, Paris is cleaning a toilet bowl downstairs. This bowl is an STD. Oh my God, come look.

The toilet is pissing itself like all this yellow stuff just came out. It's paying, it's alive. Not what I want to hear on a super yacht. Not what I want to hear about the plumbing on the super yacht that it's like emitting yellow water into the toilet bowl unprovoked. Yeah.

So the guests were joking about salad. They're like, just as long as it's not a rugela. And so Fraser's like, all right, can we move as quickly as we can with the main? Because basically you've almost murdered someone with a Rugella rocket. All right. Can we not rocket these ladies? Can we get something just fast, fast and make them forget?

All right, here we go. Next course lobster with saffron risotto and lobster bisque. I'll have another ham sandwich. I put that ticket in with me and I am serving myself a sandwich. So this bisque comes out and of course, he's like, welcome. I've finally prepared something she'll like. It's called salt bisque. Love it. Too salty for me. Just really too salty. Maybe these girls will like it because you know, they're a little slow. So then of course, her friend says like,

I knew you're gonna say that. Okay, because actually, by the way, the lobster is not salty. I just want to say this. It's time to take a stance. None of this food to salty Michelle. She's like, I did instantly. Is I feel like she just wants to complain. It was delicious. But I'm going to focus on dessert now, you know, because it's got its own special techniques, you know, got put a lot into it. Some press. It's all about the tip at the end of the day. Why? Got to keep these people happy. Is that salt? Good for you. Just keep adding it. We'll make a happy one of these days. I've made an arugula cheesecake.

I've made an arugula cheesecake. All right. We've got a really cheesecake with a cheesecake, but the new lead reduction, extra salty coming right up. So, um, the one lady goes down to her room cause she's feeling sick and, um, they serve this, they serve the dessert and, uh, they like it. What else can I say? It's not salty and there's no arugula, so they're happy. So they all head to bed.

And everyone's saying goodnight. Yeah, when Michelle's like, yep, it's lemon, I love lemon. I was like, and? That's it, just love the lemon. And yet she doesn't like arugula. I've kind of felt like lemon and arugula play really well together right like it's just strange so everyone goes to bed and

Barbie's doing some work in the laundry room and she's like um for real I really need you to move so I can fold and I gotta put on some mascara He's like oh for fuck's sake lady cuz I love you. He's mascara. And he's like, oh, for fuck's sake, lady, cause I love you. And he's like, oh, I love you. So anyway. They're flirting. It's cute. It's cute. And so then we go to Dylan's cabin

and we see Dylan's affirmations. I breathe deeply and calmly. I can feel my energy smoothing out. And by smoothing out, I mean strawberries, bananas in a blender. And oh my God, why is there bread in this blender? Get the bread in the blender. I'm so fat. I'm so fed, I'm so fed,

I'm so fed, daddy please, daddy please. My favorite smoothies, blueberries, yogurt and childhood trauma, water it up. So, okay, so now it's the next day, time to get up and everybody's tired, cause know, it's almost over. So the captain's on the bridge on the radio. It's like crew, crew, let's get this show on the road. Also at six o'clock tonight, cabin inspections, make sure everything is in order.

Dun dun dun. Because now he's pissed. So he's like, OK, let's see who else is going to just try and be an asshole to me on the last day. Exactly. And Sonny is like on the last day, you know? Exactly, and Sunny is like, cabin inspections, are you serious? I'm like, Sunny, your roommate is a stew, so it's gonna be cleaned for you, so don't complain. So then everyone's like, ugh.

I mean, everyone's annoyed because this is essentially a punishment, right? This is because deck crew is slacking off and they are kind of giving attitude. So it was like, fuck it, I'm gonna show everyone who's in charge here and he says we have standards to be upheld throughout the boat standards of cleanliness tidiness Learning Turkishness and we are now due for cabin inspections

Make sure there are no fire hazards emergency escapes aren't blocked and it's part of health and safety that we all do this And Ben's like on charter. I'm not fucking cleaning my room. It's got to look, I've got to look after the gas. I've got to get shit done. That's not happening. I'm not doing it. And he gives us one eye roll. Yeah.

Ben looking after the gas all that time. Okay. Look at Ben, look at all that service Ben is giving. Yeah. As he's massaging his underlings from behind the whole time. So Kerry's like, I don't give. It's the last two days of chatter. You're only as good as your last day.

No excuses. Adventure. So they're serving breakfast and everything and it goes well and Barbie spills her ice coffee on the floor. So that's great. And then Fraser has Fraser serves. Oh, no, he's getting the benefit. The primary wants an eggs Benedict with no salt. Surprise, surprise. And meanwhile, it's like wonder why such a fantastic lady got divorced.

It's like wonder why such a fantastic lady got divorced. I know, right? All right. So then on the lower, by the way, this poor woman, because none of this is her fault. She said she didn't like the salt. That was the only problem. They misunderstood it. Now they're making this woman out to be the biggest villain in the world. I mean, you can't really villainize somebody for not liking Arugula.

You know what I mean? But the salt thing isn't really even her fault. For that, we should villainize Barbie. Let's throw Barbie off the boat for that, but not for just wanting to put on some mascara. You know what I'm saying? Okay, so then Sunny is talking to Kyle and she's like, so are you going to see Barbie after this? And he's like, well, I've already pushed my flight back.

I'm going to spend the week with her in Miami. See what it's like outside of this. I think it's going to work out. I think we're pretty good. I really do. I can't wait to get to meet her dad and say you want to shake my hand and then what? I put my dick in his hand.

It's gonna be hilarious. And then a little bit later over in the crew mess, Ben is like, oh man, last charter, last couple of days, fucking cabin inspections. And Kyle's like, well, you should be doing that right now been not eating and he's like oh yeah well what's he gonna do for us I don't care I don't I can't just don't give a rat's ass and comes again I don't give a shit so basically Ben is being a shitty leader and Kyle's following his his lead and they're both like yeah we're not

gonna clean up our bedrooms just for cuz just because one day left on charter. Which by the way, Kyle does make a good point, which is that he could be, instead of snacking, he could be just like making his bed right now. Take 10 minutes to do it. Yeah. So then Fraser and Nick are talking about lunch on the beach and then the ladies are having some breakfast

and talking about leftovers and does your family eat leftovers? And they're like my husband's a caveman. So then they go back to the beach and they're prepping the beach and the chef is talking to himself. You know he's like bread, bread, meat, bread, meat, bread, bread, bread, bread, bread, bread, bread, bread, bread, bread, sandwich am I about to have? Rap? No, fuck rap, fuck raps, right, right. Good. That's the kind of sandwich I'm about to have. Good. Rap? No, fuck rap.

Fuck raps. Don't want to rap. Hoagie? Maybe. Hoagie. Maybe. Hoagie maybe, hoagie maybe, hoagie maybe, hoagie maybe. All work, no play, makes Jack a very hungry hoagie man.

So, we're seeing, what we're basically seeing is just sort of standard yacht activity. We're seeing lots of little scenes of people getting ready, whatever, but the key thing here is that like we are also seeing members of the crew taking some time to go into their room and like make their bed, wipe down mirrors, you know, do just like whatever they need to do to make their places look good. And Fraser tells us that, you know, as a yachty cabin checks can be weekly, they can be twice a month, they can be monthly, but they do happen and they're very important, unlike anything Barbie ever

says. And it shows you how much you respect your vessel. So stay tidy and just have some decorum, you swines. So Barbie is doing hers and saying, then I've done now I'm done. It's like, calm you swines. So Barbie is doing hers and she's like, done, I'm done, now I'm done. It's like, you're just putting mascara on the sheet? Oh, these look good, I want to look good. I want to look good. So, but-

This is why I'm sticking up for Barbie, you know why, right? This whole day. Because she puts M&Ms. The only thing that Barbie leaves are peanut M&M's on her bedside table. Listen, this is my kind of girl. So, Barbie, you can do whatever you want.

You get a free pass from me, lady. So, Frazer takes the ladies on the Tinder boat for their beach excursion, and then we just hear Barbie saying, I'm gonna go on break unless there's anything you need. Just wanna check in on that mascara. Terrible. Barbie, I'm trying here, Barbie.

I'm really trying, my little peanut M&M's sister. I know. So now the ladies go to the beach for lunch and whatever, work, work, work, work, work, work. So Sandy's like, Bobby, Bobby, are you back yet from your break? And she's like, oh my God, it feels awful that I have lashes on. I just do not know how lashes people do it. It's like crazy.

Oh my God, Kyle, look, I put my lashes on. Is that crazy? And then like kissing and stuff. And Zandy's meanwhile checking all the work that Barbie was supposed to have done and not done. And so Zandy is having to walk behind her and do it. Yeah, and she's like scrubbing toilets and she's getting frustrated.

And she's like, is this a joke? She's like, no, I take it seriously. This is my career. And that's why I get frustrated when people really don't give a fuck. Like she's annoying me, I'm done. Look at how angry my face is. I'm so done.

It's like, Zandy, you are actually smiling pleasantly. I know, that's my way of saying I'm furious. She's like, I am so furious. You have a very gentle expression on. Oh god my wife I went out. Did my wife, are you still there Ronnie? Yeah it's cutting out a little bit. Hold on let's let's give it a second and start praying for it. Wi-Fi we believe in you. Hotel Wi-Fi you're doing so great. for it. Wi-Fi we believe in you hotel Wi-Fi You're doing so great. Come on London Wi-Fi. So much more in this moment. Now. It's not the time to give up hotel Wi-Fi I believe in you and me. I believe that we will be

Don't you try to kill my vibe right now Don't you try to kill my vibe right now. Did it work? I'm trying to kill my vibe right now. Don't you try to kill my vibe right now. Did it work? It worked. So meanwhile, back on the beach, we're having a nice like- Told you guys prayer works.

Prayer works. Don't go to the doctor. If you're feeling sick, pray. Okay, Ben, go ahead. So back on the beach, we are finishing up one storyline, which is that Nick doesn't have a lid for his food, and Ben is like, don't you need some aluminum foil?

And he's like, I'll forget it. I'm just gonna make it. I'm just gonna make a list next time. And so Paris is biting her tongue because she would have known to bring some aluminum foil or a lid, but she goes he's almost 40 and someone needs to pack his lunchbox like it's actually like a joke. Well, he's just so unorganized and useless but she knows you know what not to say anything because she learned her lesson so she's not gonna say anything about a lid yeah you tell him paris uh meanwhile he's doing a pretty good job as a chef i mean i have to say i did not have high hopes for this guy but he seems like he's doing a pretty good job. They're just sitting all over him.

It's actually kind of fun to watch. Gaslighting him about snoring. Yeah, and he's not the greatest guy in the world, so I don't really mind this too much. So Ben's like, he really stresses you out, doesn't he? And she's just side-diving him. She's like, yeah, he's making me crazy. And Ben's like, you've got that look on your eye

like you're about to kill him. She's like, yep. He's like, Oh, I can see that look from a mile away. Ben just fuck off. Just poking the bear on, just poking the bear on, she's poking that chef, go get him. Go get him, Paris. You know, I'm the perfectionist. All right. When it comes to work, I will spend hours getting it right and putting drizzle. Have you ever seen a nice erby drizzle on a made-up bed? It looks wonderful. Oh, that's what I do It's all about the details the devil's in the details, but so is the drizzle. Oh I guess I'm gonna stay on my line, but I can't lie this really makes me need a drink That man ice

Man over her face. Oh, I forgot about this scene. So then there's like some drama. So basically he's made a bunch of creme brulees for the guests. And one of them doesn't want it. So she sends the creme brulee back. And so Paris and Sunny are like, well, she said we can eat this. So we want to have a creme brulee. So they eat the creme, the two creme brulees that are left over.

But of course, someone else at the table's like, this is good, I want the one that you sent back, and now there is no creme brulee for the guests, because Paris and Sunny ate the creme brulees, which they should not have done. Well, by the way, I have to say, Fraser is watching them eat the creme brulees, and he's like, ah, and they're like eating that,

and he's like, ah, and so when they asked for it back, he goes, and this is why we don't do this. It's like, yeah, but you have to tell them not to do it. You're standing right there. I mean, should you have to? No, but you were right there, bro. So he goes, you need to go tell her. So she's like, all right.

I think Paris, we get a commercial break here. So we're like, oh my God, we're terrified. What are they gonna do with Paris? Which of course are like so nice, they're not gonna do shit. But it's funny how Paris deals like it. So she walks up to her and you're like, oh my God, what kind of apology is Paris gonna come up with? And she goes, hey, you told me I could eat it.

And oh. All Paris had to say is, I'm so sorry, did you want a little bit more of that arugula creme brulee? Like, oh, no, no, nevermind. Nevermind. Have I told you the chef has put extra salt into this one? Damn it. Just eat it.

So I hope you all enjoyed your salted arugula creme brulees today. It's your favorite thing. So they're actually really cool. She handles it well and Fraser's like, and I said this, this is why we don't eat the food. And they're all laughing. They're like, you know what, Paris, we give you the creme brulee. And they're very nice about it. I would have been like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I want my creme brulee. So now the chef is back on the boat. Everyone's heading back and it's like time to get more. Like the chef is getting ready for dinner.

There's more peanut M&Ms going around and doing- Basically it's work, work, work time, right? So Ben's like, oh, for fuck's sake, now we've got cabin checks. Come on, dude. Can't you see the bigger picture? We're busting our ass here. You're not.

You're like playing around when everyone else is cleaning their fucking room. And I can't believe it's like to the point, this whole, I feel like this whole month is about shithead men on Bravo. It's like we've got Summer House, you've got Kyle and Carl being shitheads. You've got Vanderpump Rules,

you've got Tom and Tom just being disgusting. Then you come onto this show and it's devolved to the point where it's literally a boy stomping his feet that he doesn't wanna clean his room. Right, and we're seeing him being... At least your man babysit has been somewhat subtle in the past, Bravo, but come on. And he's complaining that he can't do cabin checks

because he's got so much work to do. He's gotta focus on the guests, and all we're doing is seeing him being like silly with Sonny and you know, just like goofing off and everything. And Kyle is just like eating a fudgesicle or something like that. So now it's time for the walkthrough at 6pm walkthrough. So you know, Captain Curious, he's Fraser's room, which of course is like perfection. So he gets like a 10 because apparently we're also grading these. You get a 10 and it goes to another room, gets a seven like Zandy and Zandy and

Paris's get a nine. This is like nine to seven. Everyone like everyone put in some sort of effort, you know, and then he gets to Ben and Kyle's cabin and bed is made. Shit is just on the bed. Like just it's just like a it's a shit show in there. And Captain Care is like, whoa, what the hell's going on here? Like, didn't even take it seriously. And, you know, like he's furious, understandably. Yeah, he's pissed. And I like that he's reading everybody's things. Like that's, this is annoying, seven,

that's a no for me dog. No for me dog. So he's pissed off and so He's like I'm very old school. There is a hierarchy You don't have to understand why your superior makes a decision You just gotta do what you're supposed to do. You do not ignore cabin control you skipping Jake Turkish You do not ignore cabin control you. This is Kevin check in Turkish. There's no bigger fuck you to a captain than to go against what he sees.

So Captain Kerry calls those two douchebags into his office and he's like, I want you to come up to the bridge right now. So they're like, Kyle's like, all right, it's time to face the music. So, which is funny, this is one of those moments where the guys know they did something wrong and now they even say time to face the music. So which is funny, this is one of those moments where the guys know they did something wrong. And now they even say time to face the music and then they get called in and their version of face the music is to be like little pissy about it. It's like, you're not facing the music. To be certainly little fucks about it. Yeah, totally. I'll let you, I'll let you face the music. Captain Carrie, would you, would you do the honors of this song?

Oh, I've got it, mate. Hand me that microphone. Don't you try to kill my vibe right now. Don't you try to kill my vibe right now. So did you guys not take seriously the inspection today and Ben's like well we were working. He's like well I mean it wasn't like it wasn't just like a little messy it was just fucking like fucking rude. Every single person on this bet went to their cabin. Chef broke out from cooking food food He broke out from top putting Arugula and heaps of salt on top of that brownie to do this

All right, and interior went and done their bit and y'all fucking base and might just fucking blatant disrespect And I'm shame both of you guys respect and I've been out there fucking Boston my fucking ass to help you guys out And this is the way you say fucking thank you Boston my fucking ass help you guys out and this is the way you say fucking thank you Then of course Ben's just rolling his eyes long. No, he didn't really help out. Oh, yeah. He is he's making a shit face and This captain made you a fucking boss and you loser Also, I like that Ben part of his social media stuff that he's going on against captain Kerry is like

Captain Kerry was saying that I wasn't prepared to dock a boat and that makes me look really bad in the industry and a real captain wouldn't do that, like publicly try to shame you and make you look bad in the industry, that could hurt my professional blood. This, what do you think this does? You won't even do a fucking cabin check and then when you're called out on it, you sit there rolling your eyes and like sucking your tongue.

Fuck off, dude. I hope you never get another job again. Although you're nearing the age where you can't anyway, because the other day is like, well, that guy's 40 is still on a boat. So this guy sucks. So terrible. Well, it looks like next week is the season finale. So we're going to see how this all shakes out, which is just to say it's not gonna shake out well. I was pissed because they were showing the season finale clips and Ben's still there. I really would have loved Captain Carrie to be like,

fuck you, I don't fucking need you on this boat. Dylan should have been the Boatswain in the first place. Go, bye. I hope that Captain Carrie says, I can't give you a recommendation for the future. And that's, that would be wonderful. And that would explain why Ben is being such a little. Douchebag dipshit on social media.

Well, anyway, what a great feeling. So it's so great to be here in London and instead of seeing the sites, we just get to rant about Ben instead. So everyone, thank you so much for being here. We really appreciate it. Appreciate it. And we'll hopefully see a bunch of you later this weekend live here in London and Dublin.

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