Watch What Crappens - #2438 RHONJ S14E04: Risk It For the Biscuit

Episode Date: May 28, 2024

The Real Housewives of New Jersey (S14E04) get together for the third annual charity softball game, but Marge is playing hardball when her team starts to fall apart right in front of her eyes. The only winner in all of this is Biscuit the dog, and it’s because Jen blatantly cheated and handed her a fashion award. Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensFind bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello and welcome to watch what crappens, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Yeo Broves. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? I'm great. Guys, I look like Hagrid to Ben's Harry today, and that's because we're in a hotel room in Dublin, and I'm sitting up straight.

Ben's relaxed. I'm holding back there. Ben doesn't have a fucking care on the world. Here you go. Now we're more in proportion. Yeah, thanks. You don't have to be, though. You don't have to be.

It's all to you. I just want people who are watching with crap is on demand available on Patreon.com slash watch your crappins to see what we look like when we're sitting in proportion. But now I'm going to sit back now and relax, which means I'll look a lot smaller. But I'm not doing it to look smaller. I'm doing it because I have weak lower back muscles and I have to recline at all times. Okay. So welcome to the show, everybody.

Today we're in Dublin. Gorgeous Dublin. Yeah. We did a lot today, guys. one on a tour. We're on a European tour. So, hi. Thanks to everybody who came in Dublin.

You guys were amazing. Love you. Wow. You're crazy and fun with accents. Fucking loved it. Had a great time. And then we're going to Birmingham. That's going to be our last one.

But in the meantime, we're with a bunch of friends, and we are sightseeing and doing stuff like that. So that's what we've been doing here. And let me tell you, getting in this Bravo. It's like, we're at a gorgeous relic of a church with people crying surrounded by graves. We're like, got to go. Gotta go get some Marge, some Marge voice in. We're looking at the most beautiful landscape.

It's the most beautiful, magical, wonderful day, this eight-hour tour through rural Ireland, looking at the beach, looking at Bono's home, all these beautiful things. We come back to Dublin. Our friends are like, now we're going to have a farewell dinner because some of them are going off. And we're like, yes, yeah, see, we got to talk about real house. We're working. This is more important than Bono's house, okay? We got to talk about Margaret and Teresa and Jennifer and Danielle, et cetera.

Yeah, and I'd rather, you know, frankly. Honestly, every tour here is about what Bono fucking wants, okay? It's like, there's Bono's house. There's Bono's bar. There's the car shop of a person who really likes going past Bono's house. Like, is there any... Can we relate something to anything? Here's a pancake.

I heard Bono ate it once. He really liked it. But we don't treat... Here's a box day that Bono liked. But to be fair, it wasn't all about Bono. we did drive by Enya's castle. And this is a... She knows Bono.

Did you know that? She writes real relaxing music and let me tell you one thing about Enya. She's not going to let anyone sing her songs without getting some money. She started that, you know? If anyone uses her songs in TV or movie, they're going to pay her and she started it. And that's why she makes money.

Enya started money, by the way. There was no money. There was no currency before Enya, but she started it. People used to go sale, sale away for free. Until Enya came in. She invented Salem tickets. It used to be called Caribbean Yellow, and then it became Caribbean Blue after any. It's amazing.

Yeah, really good tour. The tour guide is a total ham. Our first tour fell through because our friend was like, I'm going to call this tour and see if they can come pick us up at our own hotel at a different time. And they were like, okay, we'll do that. We'll see it in the morning, last. They did not. They went up to them.

They picked another name with two syllables of a hotel and went to their at the wrong time, an hour before they... No, it wasn't, we weren't even changing the time. We were doing the same time. We said, hey, instead of going to that hotel to pick us up, can you come to this hotel to pick us up? They're like, no problem. And they just went off into them.

Then they didn't. They didn't. We wound up going to Eni's house instead of the... So we got a private tour. We got this other guy that the concierge was like, he talks a lot, but, you know, try him. So he never shut up, okay? He was so nice, by the way. Brian.

Hi, Brian. I loved him. And he was like, here's what you need to take a picture of. Me, standing in front of this castle. And then he'd stand in front of it and pose. So he's in all of the pictures. He's such a fucking ham. He's like that.

But then he would also give us directions. He's like, okay, one of you, stand here. All right. And now pan to the right. Okay, pound to the right. And done. He was directing us. He'd go, all right, take out your phones.

I want you to get it from here. And then go all the way to the right. Get it to there. That's it. That's all you're going to do. One of you do it and send it to the other ones. This kid to get out of here, Steven Spielberg. This guy was such a ham.

I've never seen someone do this. This guy was such a ham. There was someone randomly paragliding over like the Irish countryside, like up in the sky. And he started flapping his arms. He's like, hold on. Come on down here. Come on down here. The paraglider changed directions and came down and landed right next to us.

I've never seen someone summon a paraglider. Yeah, he was pretty good. He also summoned ducks, I'd like to add. He did, and a horse. He had magical powers. He did. The only thing he couldn't summon was Bono and Ennya. And then, you know, my parents, I come from a very, like, sporadically white half.

Like, my dad's side is Lebanese. My mom's side, we don't know. Their last name is Mullins. We don't really know. I always say Irish, but no one really knows. But one of our friends was like, well, he's Irish, which, of course, now he can't let go, you know. So he's like, oh, this man with Celtic blood, here's what it means. And, you know, I'll doze off.

You can't talk to me for more than 20. minutes. I'm wandering around, staring at a tree. He's like, get back here, young man. This is your blood. This is your blood we're talking about. I was going to kill this girl for telling this guy that. And so I got it all day and I had left feeling so guilty because he's like, man, now you're leaving your ancestors graveyard. Where's the pride? And I was just thinking, I don't know, I could probably be English. I could have been the one to fuck you over in the first place and just been here undercover. I don't even know who I am. I left the day just with identity crisis. Yeah. It was. It's rough. is hilarious seeing you get thrown into every example. It's like, where's the man? Okay, where's the man who's got Irish ancestry? Ronnie, okay, come here. Hug this monument. If your fingers can touch, you've got good luck.

Duolipa's bodyguard did it last week. Yeah, I walked off. But then when I walked off, he'd be like, get back here. This is your blood talking. So anyway, that's what we've been doing. But guess what the real housewives of New Jersey have been doing? Get mad at getting mad at each other for hanging out with people. That's what the season's about.

How could you talk to her? How could you talk? I'm disgusted with you. I'm disgusted with you right now for talking to her. This one over here went and talked to her. Can you believe it? Went to a button. This one right over here.

You know, Ronnie, you know what's crazy? On my laptop, my doc disappeared. How do I get my doc back? It disappeared. I can't get to my notes anymore. I think you've flicked up. It looks like you're... What did I do wrong?

Oh my gosh, Dad. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Jackie. What did Jackie do? You flicked it up. Remember, I taught you your settings to flick things up. I don't even, Jackie, if you click it is like my dad. I taught my dad the setting on how if you flick your mouse, your magic pad up, all the programs will disappear.

So you can see your desktop and then you flick it back down. They all come down. All right. Well, I'm going to work on this in the meantime because that is it. It's back up. What are you Googling? I'm looking for my doc. But didn't we just figure it out?

There's no, there's no dock on my screen right now, Jackie. Oh, my God. What are you doing? Control tip. What was your doc open under? Was it open? No, the doc is just going there. Yes, text edit.

Go to text edit. There it is. Fine. You press control command tab. That'll show you all your open applications. And then you pick your time. Okay. Well, I'm going to work on this in the meantime.

We'll discuss this very important scene. All right. So Teresa, Louie, and Adriana are driving the car with suitcases and trunk because Adriana is going to college. Was Gabriella or Audreyana? Wait, I don't care. Gabrielle is going off to college. Gabriella is going to college.

But it's not, but they're very clear to say tomorrow is moving day, which means that this episode is not dedicated to Gabriella going to school. This episode is dedicated to Antonio going to school instead. Here's why I don't know, because I don't care. Okay. I still don't care. I don't care any more than I did last week or the week before whose kids are going to school. I don't care.

So then we go over to someone else's house and, and, um, Dolores is with her daughter. And the kid's like, I called Frank and I was like, hey, did you let the dogs out earlier? And Dolores is like, can we start referring to us as mom and dad, please? That would be nice. It's a little late for Dolores to be asking for this, by the way. Hi. Hey, Gabby, now that you've graduated from veterinarian school at a turning 36, could you call us mom and dad?

Yeah. We've been waiting your whole life for this moment. So she tries it. She's like, I call Dad. Oh, that's disgusting. I just can't do it. So then we go to the Gorgas home, and Melissa is doing that thing

where she's pretending to teach her kid how to do laundry. And Antonio's like, what's Fabric Saffinner? And I'm like, that's cute on any other show. But I feel like on this show, I believe that nobody knows what Favisner.

Like, I'm like, could someone double-check Melissa Gorga when she says, let's get its own separate compartment? I'm like, can you just double check? And can double check that what's in there is actually fabricistener.

softener or not anything that Joe Gorga left behind. Ew, yeah, I'm not kidding. It's like lube. He would literally fuck the fabric department fabric department fabric fabric softener section of a washing machine. If I don't, I'm going to be full of poison, right? Hey, yeah, yeah, he is.

Hey, you know, your mom causes this a washing machine. I call this a poison receptacle. Am I right? Joe, no wonder my sweaters keep getting bigger. Okay, so then the Aiden house, Olivia's like, Mother.

It's like violinist from the back. Yeah. Playing for this very classy family. Olivia's like, Mother, when is Biscuit's birthday party? Saturday. We'll do it Saturday, baby. Hey, wait a second. Something smells, Olivia.

What is it? What smells Olivia? It's because we found like an old cabbage mother or a broccoli, I think, in the fridge. Then we just left it out all night and put it right on top of the trash can. I got an old cabbage. It stinks, baby. It stinks. It truly does, mother.

It smells so bad. P.S. I am an eagle. So then Margaret and Joe get to a restaurant. They're on their motorcycle, and they get to a restaurant called the filling station. Don't tell Goree, you're going there. God knows what he'll do.

He'll be like, yeah, yeah, it's about time. Listen, I just did a load. Yeah, so they get out and Margaret's like, okay, you know what, like Joe and I go on the motorcycle quite a bit. But the weather has to be ideal, okay? Like, it has to be basically 75 degrees. Joe has to be wearing his seafoom shirt. And Teresa's got to be an idiot.

So really, it actually can happen all the time now that I think about it. I mean, really, he's a great writer. What I do is I get on the back and I hold on to his terrible fashion. And eventually we get somewhere. I just, it's very intimate. I just stand behind him and I go, pull the gas harder. Also change his shirt. Seriously, why are we even going out with you dressed like this show?

So they go. They order cheeseburgers and stuff like that. and Margaret's like, you know what? I just feel like everybody's losing their marbles, okay? Jen's like, okay, I don't talk about, I don't talk bad about Louis. I mean, you just told me you're afraid of the guy and you can't even stand the guy. And then when you were fuck James Gandalf,

and you had a vision of this man and then all of a sudden when you met him in real life became true and you thought, oh my God, there's the end of the world. Literally, it's a vision, it's an omen. And now all of a sudden you're friends with him. Like, don't be one way when no one else is around and then be a different way because you're chicken shit and weaks are us.

Oh, guess what? Guess what? This is unbelievable. This is absolutely disgusting. I'm beside my... Is this an onion ring? I cannot wait to eat 30 of these. All right, this is delicious.

Get it out of my face, stupid. Get it out. Anyway, Jackie has a book, which is absolutely insane. Guess who loves books? Me. Guess who's told her? Have a book. Me.

I told her. Guess who got the book? Jennifer Fessler. Does Jennifer Fessler read? Jennifer Fessler does her. Melissa Gorga. Gorga doesn't even know what a book is. Melissa Borga couldn't even book anything when she was trying to model.

Okay. She literally put her book in the first. fabrics off in a section of her washing me. She said, that's not even where books go. You can't even fit a book in there. What are you trying to do? And she said, I don't even know. Jackie gave me this thing. I don't even know what it's even called. How do you even open this thing? I said, you don't even know how to open a book? Are you that thick Melissa Gorega? She doesn't read. Okay. And you know, Jan died, which is really Noah's fault. Okay, except blood pressure. But you know what? I'm mad at blood pressure too. You know what? Fuck them, actually.

But nobody's even called me about Jen. Like, had she called me? No, she hasn't. Probably off writing a book. Like, listen here, and Rice. I could use a call. That's all I'm saying. You know what? She came to Jan's funeral. She came to the shiver. That was great. You know, she sent a platter of meats. That was very nice. She called, like, once a week and then she called, you know, she sent me several cards.

She did my grocery shop. She did my dry cleaning. You know, she pressed play on my podcast. You know, she sent me, I don't know, she bought me a new car. She bought new dresses. She told everyone in 10 a fly, when you see Margaret come down the sidewalk, don't look her in the eye. She's grieving. But what is she really done for me? I mean, really. Yeah. Hey, there.

is losing her grasp on everybody around her, and she's freaking the fuck out. Be subtle about it, okay? Candace. You're basically, right now, you're like Cruella DeVille, just screaming, get me those puppies. Like, you have to chill out. You know what I mean? Be subtle.

She's like, I cannot believe I'm losing control of everybody around me. This is insane. How is this happening? Yeah, Markra's having a real rough edit. Like, she is looking really bad this season. A rough edit. You know? She's doing the things.

It's not like an edit. No, I know. It's not like CGI where they're putting it. She's doing the things, but it's like. Although it could be, I mean. She's definitely looking, they've really done a good job of making Margaret look like the one who is like can't move forward and is super angry. But it was like Teresa and Louie who were like, who did the ridiculous things, like calling a private investigator and calling these people at work. But Margaret's the one that, are they making look like the lunatic here?

But to be fair, Margaret was spying on people too. That was her thing. She was talking to, she was calling the ex-wife. She was calling Louis' ex-wife and getting all that infirmate. You remember the bride who ran across the country? I mean, they're all doing it on each other. And that's what's kind of funny is that they're all exposed now. And that's what their fights are all about.

It's like, who hired a detective? Well, my detective wasn't a detective. It was an ex-wife. It's totally different. Your detective has been in Goodfellas. That's a way worse detective than my detective. Okay. So anyway, we talk a little bit about jam dying, which is sad, you know.

I guess, I don't know jam, but it's sad for her. And so death in general is, you know, pulmonary envelope, whatever it is. It's very, no one wants it, okay, as long as it's not caused by peanut eminence, is it? Is it? Because then it becomes personal. Then I'm like, you know, that someone on TV, it really doesn't affect me. What do you mean peniteminemps killed? What do you mean?

So she's, yeah, so she's clearly grieving. She's going through it. So she's having a hard time. And Joe's really sweet. He's like, Margie, I feel bad. This is the one thing I can't fix for you. The one thing, really? I have a list.

Have you seen our pipes? Okay. Have you seen our ovens? We did our whole kitchen and we still have to go to Jody. Jody number one and Joddy number two. Just heat up some macaroni and cheese. You know who I thought was crying of a jam for me?

The toilet because it's still bubbling after every single time I flush it. Fix the toilet show. Okay. You least do that. So now we go over to Rachel Fuda. She's walking over to a coffee shop called Honey Day. and she grabs table for two. She goes, I know I never heard from Jen since we left the shore.

So I called her to sit her down to talk. Now, Jen, she means Jen Fessler, by the way. We got two Jens going on here. I'm so hurt by Jen Fesla. Like, I can't. Something like that. It's one of my best friends of all time. Jen Fesla.

The Fudas. I know. Honestly, the Fudas are giving me too much right now. Calm down over there. You've known Jen Fessler five minutes. Okay. Yeah. So Jen Fessler.

is like, so she's like, you know, I've really been able to talk, you know, been able to, like, you know, to turn to Marge, like, like, my therapist for the week. And we see a flashback of her, like, speaking, Rachel Fudo speaking on the phone to Margaret. And she's like, I'm just so disappointed in, like, the lack of loyalty. Like, I feel like Jets cozy up to Teresa because she's scared. It's loyalty. It's like, every single scene is loyalty. It's like, every single scene.

So Marge was like, uh, who operates that way? You know, but she's, she's a grown woman. It's nonsense. And she's like, I. I just want to figure out, where do we go from here? Where do you go when the loyalty has gone? I can't even count on her. So Jen Fester walks in, hello, I'm here, Jen Fetha.

And Rachel's like, how are you? So they sit down and they have like sort of like awkward, like, good to see you, good to see you, you know. Like it's the calm before the faux storm, you know, it's like, well, I got you some honey bites or whatever. They were honey toast bites as if either of them are going to eat them. So. But first, so he's like, I'll share with you today. And so she's like, oh, my God, who are you today? You'll share with me?

She's like, well, I'm trying to make you like me again before I stab you in the back horribly. All right? What do you have to say, young one? I am going to cry the whole time that we're sitting here because you're such a good friend to me. And what has happened? It makes me wonder how good our friendship is right now. I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry.

Rachel, a sigh. This is me sigh. Literal sigh. Rachel, what is wrong with you? So Fessler's like, I'm too old for this, you know? But also, like, Fessler, you are too old for this. Like, why has Rachel Fuda become, like, one of your best friends of all time? Because they were newbies on the show together.

I know. And that's it. And now Fessler has a chance to move up. Fessler is at the crossroads. This way is more TV time with Teresa. That way is more TV time with Rachel Fuda. There's an obvious path. Sorry.

There is an obvious path, you know, but it's also like, it's like being best friends with like, I don't know, if you're, if you're like over 45, I think it's very hard to be best friends with someone who's 32. I'm sorry. It's just, there are just things that you are like in your life that you've experienced. And I think it's just, I don't feel like I could be best friends with a 32 year old. I feel like I could be friends with a 32 year old and I can enjoy a 32 year old quite a bit. And we can have like the best time. But I just feel like it's weird to be like, oh my God, someone who's 32 is like, it's going to be like my person. Yeah, I could. I mean, I've always had friends who are like vastly varying in ages for me.

It's not that. It's just the whole like, fame. Like, I would rather be with someone that I'm going to be on camera. Sorry. And also, the fooders are too dramatic. Like, they're too into everything. They've got too much going on with like the ex-wife in the prison and then the other food of getting himself an IMDB and like, you know, LIPO and then all that stuff going on. I mean, tiles. Tiles, do you want to sit around listening to Tile all day? No, I want to sit around and listen to jail stories. You know, Teresa is where, what's her buns, Martha Stewart went to prison and learned how to make ponchos.

Would you rather hear about that or grout colors of the season? Right. I choose Martha's poncho. That's it. Yeah. Poncho over grout. So Fessler's, you know, saying, well, first of all, when Teresa and I sat down, first of all, it wasn't about Rachel and John.

At that point, it was about me. Like, how can we get me on this TV show? how can I be a full-time cast member? And so when John's name came up, I began to do what any good friend does. I advocated for you. I said, John Fuda, that's someone I know. What do you think, Teresa?

And she said, I hate him. I said, I hate him too. And I advocated for her to continue hating John Fuda. I love her advocating. So, Teresa, when you were saying John Fuda was the biggest drug deal, the biggest drug deal, and Paramus, yeah. Did you mean now?

Or did you mean previous? the biggest drug dealer in promise. She's like, I'm not now, right now, I'm like, he could be mayor. He's the sweetest man in the world. What is he the poet? John Fuda, what a guy. Yeah.

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial. So, she's like, I mean, I don't know, but I thought that was a victory. She's like, you know what? Something that you see as a victory, to me and John, it's,

Bullshit, okay? Because there's a level of disappointment for me and John. They are always justifying what she says. And so, Fester was like, I did the best I could. I can't go to the situation like Margaret does. I have to go in the situation like me, Jen Feslam, Agent Tadoni-Zerano does. She's like, I just need to hear people. It's who I am.

And I get that. But moving forward, I think it's best for you to remove yourself. Oh, no, Rachel's, sorry. She's like, okay, I agree. She's like, I feel like this is something that John and Louis need to talk about, and that's where this needs to go. She's like, so your point is, just don't talk to Teresa. Yeah, that's it.

Okay, but your level of upset with me, I just don't understand it. Like, why are you so upset about this? She's like, listen, in that moment, I was just so sad because I feel like, you know, I'm like mourning the loss of what our friendship used to be, which is like a stranger, older woman who hangs out with me a lot. she's like why well because like i knew you for five minutes and now i'd known you for six minutes it's just like hard you know she's like i don't really get it but i love you i love you very much and my kids love you too and my kids don't love nobody they're very very smart kids

and my family took you in as well i'd like to point out my crazy two raggedy and aunts were both like, who's that lady with the ski slope as a nose? I said, that's my dear friend, Rachel Fessler. I mean, Rachel Fuddle, look, I already brought you into the family. You see? You are family. You are family. You are family.

So they start talking about the biscuit party. Biscuit's birthday party. How are you going to Biscuit's birthday party? I love this show. Now's real test of friendship. Who's going to Biscuit's birthday party? Rachel claimed she doesn't care who I'm friends with, but Rachel does care who I'm friends with.

Aha! She's literally sitting here crying because you're friends with people. I don't think she's trying to say she doesn't care. So Fester's like, well, I'm thrilled to pieces that she's not attending Biscuit's birthday party. She's like, I love you. They're like, I love you, but they do not love each other. And their big thing is Rachel being like,

oh my God, you know how I like to have my makeup perfect and you're touching my makeup? I don't like that you're touching it. Oh, ho! I'm going to touch it. Get over here and give me a hug, you mediocre young person. So now we're over to the Aden's house and they're getting ready for Biscuit's birthday.

And so Jen's in the kitchen and Biscuit is now wearing a red tutu because that's like, why not. And she's like, hey Biscuit, are you ready for your party today? I don't know why I'm making food. Nothing skills ever eat biscuit. Isn't that right?

I hope not because you named your dog biscuit. I know. It's pretty dangerous when you telegraph something like that. So she's like, Every single one of my kids back for a dog, baby. But I never gave it, except for Olivia. I just had to. She just had the saddest little cry.

She just kept saying, biscuit, biscuit. Yeah, so I kept giving a biscuit after biscuit. So I was out of biscuits. I said, Livy, I don't have any more biscuits. So find that butter a dog. We named it biscuit. It's the most romantic dog story I've ever heard in my life. I know.

So now Dolores arrives first, and she's brought her dog, Lady, which is the most... It's like, Dolores, I was like, gosh, the way that Dolores names her animals, like, between dog, lady, What was the other one? Boom. Well, now she goes. Now we find out the rest of the whole menagerie. She gives all of them. These are fucked up names, okay?

I mean, look, I'm sure Dolores is very caring. We haven't really seen evidence of that ever. I mean, we know that she'll kick your ass if she rode with someone and you're mean to that person. But as far as caring, we've never really seen it. This is evidence that she just literally does not care. She's like, let's get something very loving and just name it a noun's name. What a bottle. It's her dogs or madlips, basically.

Yes. All right, here they are. Go ahead, Ben. Okay, well, there's dog. All right. There's angel. There's chicken. Bagel.

Potato. Brick. Uh, shoe. Sheet. Wall. Coad. Grass. Light.

Car. Popcorn. Wheel. Ceiling. Skate. Key. Cloud. Card.

Leaf. Hotel. Computer. Curtin. Meatloaf. Building. Turkey loaf. Bona.

so sorry that was awkward. Just naming things that are around us. But bagel and potato, were those real? Like half of these honestly half of these animal names were named after whatever she was eating in that moment.

Angel food cake, chicken, bagel, potato, banana. Luna, Luna bar. Cinderella, I don't get that. Harley, she was looking, thinking about the motorcycle in her living room. Lady, lady fingers. And then we've got lady.

Yeah. Lady. So then we go inside the house and Olivia's like, oh, my goodness, I just love these little bitch ones. And they're bone-shaped biscuits for biscuit that say bitch. And she's like, yes, mother, bitch apparently means lady dog and biscuits's a lady dog. She's now a lady because she's one year's old. She's a bitch. Biscuit is my bitch.

Bitch lady dog. Biscuits my bitch. So Dolores comes in. She's like, hello, I brought lady, but I didn't bring dog. So I have half of a bitch here, if you know what I'm saying. You're just lucky I didn't bring potato. All right, that's a real fucking party ruin of that one. I almost brought Schmeer, but Schmeer always likes to hang out with bagel.

Gluten free is a real party killer. All right. I just need to take a break and complain about something in your... I was about to talk about this. I can't. Okay, they do this thing with water bottles. When you unscrew it, they have something that keeps the lid to the thing. I don't know if there's a huge problem with bottle lid littering,

where people just take their top stop and throw them on the ground. They might. That's probably the exact answer. But it's very difficult to drink this because, look, I'm hitting my nose. You know what? You can do this. But then you're hitting the other. Sorry.

For those actually listening to this podcast, I just rotated the bottles so that way the cap went to the side. It's still hitting the side of your face. I don't want it to touch the side of my nose. Well, we were like two dumb Americans. The first time we noticed it, we're like, wow, this cap really is getting stuck. We're like yanking it and pulling it off. And then the police pulled over and there's like, we don't have guns here, so we can't shoot you. But we'll tell you this.

If you ever mess with that top again, you will never, ever work at this town again. You understand me. Just Heather Dubrow. If you ever. Have you ever, come for me or my bottle tops again. It will cost you a lot. And I don't mean just money. so um the dogs the dogs are watching in etc um and so sorry i have gross burps by the way

you've been feeding me burps yeah i'm not smelling any of them okay good i'm burping them over there there there's been a lot of a lot of bottle we've been eating a lot of bottle tops okay so anyway um yeah people start coming oh sorry that was gross t-mi sorry audience um so the audience the audience is coming in the dogs are coming in and there is a rainbow balloon arch which um I thought was cute. It's like maybe a gay party. I don't know if this gets gay. Like gay dog pride, gay dog pride party.

Yeah, and to all of you who go, rainbows aren't just for gay people. You guys stole the rainbow. That's right. And if you want it, you're going to have to fucking steal it back. And until you do, it's ours. So back the fuck off. Yeah.

So all the dogs arrive. They all arrive on leashes, except for Teresa's, of course. Teresa's Bella comes in. But I'll give it a pass because Bella is basically the size of a thumb. But I was like, of course, Teresa doesn't have her dog on a leash. Yeah. Yeah.

But they're also, you know, in the backyard and friends. I feel like you're allowed. Everyone, even, even Gia shows up, could Bill open doors like, hmm, hello there, young lady. What could I do for you? She's like, hi, Bill. Hello.

Hi, Bill. Yeah, she does do that. She's like, oh, hi. She does. Gia flaps her hand forward a lot. She's sort of like a, she's like a adult thing. Yeah, she's kind of like the top of like a French press or something. I'm not in French press.

It's like, one of those things like, you know, when the, like, the top of like a... She's always putting her nails in the dryer. Yeah, like, what do you call those things? Where, like, the steam comes out and the top goes up like this, but then when the steam stops, the top goes back down again. A steam kettle? Sure.

It's like a drink. She's like, hi. Yeah, Gia's a friend of, I guess, this season, which is a little weird. I don't need that. And you know what? I'm not a Gia hater or whatever. I don't need your children talking with the other adults. That's reserved for gay boys.

You know what I mean? When I was growing up, I did that. I sat with all my mom's country club ladies after tennis practice. And I'd be like, let's talk shit about Bonnie. That's a real bitch right there. Right, ladies, am I right? Hey, guys, I saw Bonnie drinking a little one too many little squeezes out of the Franzia box there. Anybody else see that?

Ronnie, you are so bad. Bonnie's an alcoholic. And we've ruined Bonnie's fucking life, you know? Gay kids can do it. Not G. G.S., okay? This is like the rainbow. I feel like this whole episode is trying to steal my life.

I know. Back off. You know what's trying to steal my life also? The fact that is so freaking sunny outside, it is literally 8.20 p.m. here. Everyone gives, like, Sweden all the credit for having sunny nights. It is 820, and it literally looks like it's 2.30 p.m. outside the window. What time is it supposed to get dark? Isn't it summer? So it stays dark forever. I mean, it stays light forever, right?

It's like crazy. I feel like Dublin does not get enough credit for being, like, a light in the summer city. That's a life in the summer city. Well, it's a bunch of people who probably hate it. I'm surprised because these people drink from morning till night. They really do. They really do, proudly. I'll tell you one thing.

This isn't a sad town. We learned that in Ireland, if your town does not have a pub, it's called a sad town. Yeah. I don't know. There's some of the facts that we learn we're a little deviated. Here's what else I learned. Guinness runs everything. Yeah.

If you don't like Guinness, I mean, I dare somebody to drink a Bud Light in this town. You're going to get your ass jumped in the alley. I'll tell you that. They have statues. He's like, here's a beautiful. beautiful statue garden. Let's look at it. Here's a beautiful statue of Ganesh. Really? Ganesh, okay? And then there's like a little mouse standing next to Ganesh holding a Guinness. What the fuck is that? Well, technically, it wasn't a Guinness because if you look closely.

It says genius. It was a Guinness. It was a Guinness. It was a Guinness. It was like, here's a church. And there's the Mother Mary standing there. She's given us so much holding a Guinness. There she is. And here's the baby Jesus nativity scene And the three wise men bringing him a gift of Guinness As we all remember from the Bible Gets turns Guinness everywhere Guinness really runs this bird So Bill meanwhile runs his berg

It's like, oh, Gia, hi there, are you engaged yet? Tell me everything, girlfriend, what's he like, what's like in bed? Is he long and hard? What are you all the deeds? Mm, Gia. Hurry and move on to Mary. so you can get the butt stuff. Am I right?

Just kidding, J-K-L-O-L. Not kidding. BRB. If things go down, your relationship, let him know he can always come to my back house. Hmm. And he's like,

oh, he's not here yet, but he's basically glued in. He works for Louis. Uh-huh. Yeah, basically he works for Louis. Get your boyfriend out of Louis' office

before he's indicted. Yeah. The fuck. Seriously. So how much do you actually love this person, okay? You need to marry somebody who can stand on their own without having to work for Louis. Yeah.

We see what's happening to Orange County Louis already, which by that is Ryan. Yes. Ryan of Jebidranti. Like, it's only a matter of time. So now we're back in the kitchen. We are meeting yet another new friend. We're getting a lot of friend-ups because we have Tiffany. There was another girl last week.

Maybe this girl was from the girl from last week, too. But Lena. So everyone's talking to Lena and everything. And now everyone goes out to the pool house to gather around and sit around the table and talk. etc., etc. So Jennifer Aiden's like, her own, I mean,

she was at a little doggy fashion show, baby. Okay, well, everyone, it was Olivia's idea to wear a doggy costume. I mean, Olivia's not wearing a doggy costume, but the dog's going to wear a donkey costume, Biscuit and donkey costume, baby. Okay, so she literally said to me,

I want to have a doggy costume contest, and biscuits's going to win. I mean, it was funny enough when Jennifer Aiden put the fix-in on the teacup, you know, reading, last year. But now Olivia's like, All right, if Mommy can do the, can fix the teacups, I'm going to fix the doggy fashion show, baby.

I know. I thought that Olivia's like, for my birthday, I want biscuits to win a fashion award, money. That's all I wanted. Anything for you, biscuit. So, uh, they do. They have a doggy show and, uh, people's dog have to come dress to something. And guess who wins? Fucking biscuit.

Um, my favorite. actually was lady because lady was in some like little red riding hood costume. There's one of those costumes where it's like around the dog's neck, but there's like feet and everything. So if you look at it straight on, it looks like a little person. So lady was like a dog with like a little red riding, like a hood on her head and little legs.

And I just was like, I was laughing not because of the costume, but because at some point Dolores was in a store and said, oh, that's funny. I want to put that on lady That's funny Also I like the Chucky one They didn't use it in this

But the funniest one of those costumes Is where the dog is wearing an outfit That makes it look like Chucky running with a knife That's my favorite one So they're like Okay ladies, biscuit wins, shocker And Olivia said, I'd like to think my ancient baby I'd like to think biscuits

The real ones though, not the dog biscuit The Biscuit 2 Biscuit was named after So she gives a speech And then they're like, let's not take a group picture Everybody say bacon And Dolores is like, oh God, bacon is here Who brought bacon? I thought I left bacon at home

So now they all like Settle in and everything We get down to what we're really here for This was all a ruse, a biscuit ruse We're really here to talk shit about Margaret Yeah, well actually Before we get into Margaret

We really get into Margaret, Team Margaret, I guess. What we really want to talk about is Danielle. So Jennifer Aiden, so Jennifer Aiden is sort of anti-Danyl right now. My theory is that Jennifer set up Danielle to do the dirty work without Melissa's secret. And then when it comes to be that, like, Melissa already knew about it or whatever, and Jennifer looks stupid. Since Jennifer's looking stupid in that, she's going to create some distance from Danielle to... You know what?

My theory is half-baked. I'll come back to it next way. Well, also Danielle is super tacky. So Danielle, like, we already all knew this because we watched a show. And it's Jersey, so everybody's tacky to a degree. But she's super tacky, like not paying makeup artists and shit, tacky. And so I think everyone's like, oh, yeah, she's gross, you know? Because, listen, there's a lot of people you can piss off on these shows.

The other housewives, you can even come for Teresa if you want. Don't come after the hair and makeup people, okay? Yeah. Priscilla will ruin your life. Yeah, so now it's time for Lena. So Jennifer Aiden's like, Hey, hey, everyone, you all know Lina, right? Okay, and guess what?

Lena knows Daniel, who's in the Dominican right now, baby? Hey, Lena, tell us the story, won't you? Hey, Lena. Hey, Lena, just for her, steadily, tell us something on your mind. We don't care what it is. What's your favorite kind of bread? Peter, good, who else is the Peter? Peter steps the pain of the ass.

Go ahead, Daniel. How come? So, Lena's like, you know what? I don't know Danielle on a personal level. I just, you know, we had an incident that happened at the party, remember? dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. It could be. Jackie's like, I don't.

I don't. Who is this person? Why is the hair and makeup lady speaking? Who let Priscilla's number two come out here? You know what? Selina's like, you know what? It could have been nothing. It could have been nothing.

But I'm going to still put it out on the national platform. You know what? I'm going to do it with the sharpest nails you've ever seen. All right? So now she asked me to like you know Touch up a hair or whatever So one day I opened up my salon for her Like no problem am I right

No problem And she had that event Like she was doing a housewife event Does everybody remember the housewife event? Yeah yeah yeah yeah Does everybody remember it? I know it baby Is everybody?

I remember it way baby It was huge It was huge Of course I remember I remember I'm gonna bring bagel We see We see a flyer to the event Pop up on the screen

And it's like, housewives, houselots for charity. And Jen's like, yeah, in February, then yell at Teresa to Loris, Beagle and us. If we could do a charity event for all four of us, we all said yes, but Bigel's a real bitch and said no. But the rest of it said, we'll be there for you. We posted for her on Instagram, I really went that for my. And you know what? Because she asked me to go, I bought tickets, you know? And you guys all came in, and I'm just me, a regular old hairdresser who opened

up a salon after hours for this woman, and I just decided I would support this event, whatever it was. So I come in, and the waitress comes over to me and says, oh yeah, you don't have a pink wristband. You have to go. And I was like, I'm not going. I'm Lena. She was like, well, it goes back to Danielle. So she goes back to Danielle and asks Danielle, what's the deal with a beautiful lady without the pink wristbands? And so this is for the VIP section, right? She didn't have the right wristband to be in VIP. So, um, Lena's like,

and then, you know what? Danielle goes basically, no, I don't know exactly what she said, but I'm just watching like the, you know, like the flap in,

the flap and, so the waitress comes over and says, I'm sorry, you still have to go. And Jackie's like, she kicked a hairdresser out of VIP? Wait, you're supposed to do that, right?

Does anybody, what world am I in that we let VIP people? I know, that we let hairdressers into VIP. What a, travesty that the hair and makeup people that are so often always in the VIP section with the stars themselves were not allowed in this instance yeah but i guess Lena would be i mean you don't

keep Lena out of the VIP she opened up for salon lina opened up a salon all right lena the girl with one color on these claws and another color on these claws you're keeping lina out of VIP listen both colored middle fingers go up to you i'm just saying she's like you know and I did it for free. For free, I just did it. I said, come on, no problem. I'll take care of you. You know, I just feel like it's...

Could have been nothing, though. Could have been nothing. So at least Jen cops to it this time, because usually Jen's like, hey, let me just suddenly bring this hair dresser, you know, pin the tail on this headshot of stupid Danielle. But this time, she's like, you know, Lena's in our group of friends,

and she also does her hair on occasion, so I let her come here to give her side of the story. Yeah, I just said, you throw out Lena and, like, how do you have the audacity to do that? I want no part of it, baby. I want no part of it. Jennifer Aiden suddenly wants no part of throwing someone out of a party. Since when? Actually, I'm sorry, that was actually not Jennifer Aden saying that.

Jennifer Aden was saying that she called up Danielle to be like, or she asked Danielle, like, what the hell's going on with, like, kicking out Lena? And she does a Danielle impersonation, which goes, I don't know, I want no part of it. I want no part of it. They're like, oh, my God, Jennifer Aden's impersonations are sick. They're sick. They're sick. They're sick. They're sick.

So, G is like, oh, my God, that impersonation so spot on. Spot on. There was a spot, and it was on it. It was so spot on. Commercials. Here comes one right now. So, Jennifer Aiden's like, This is a charity of it, baby.

How could you do that? to Paulina. And Fester's like, Oh, well, I know that you invited Danielle today, right? Well, Saniel. Oh, she's in the Dominican. I also invited Margaret to you because it's a dog party. I didn't want Margaret to hear about it and be offended that I didn't invite it to a dog party.

And Jesus stops traffic. She's like, hold on. Wait, the Joe Bonino, you know, the guy with the mustache, so he brought which dog? Which dog? Which dog does Joe Bonino bring? Margaret? Ah, wait.

The dog or Mark? Blink? Margaret or the dog? Huh? Got it. Yeah. Did it? What dog did he bring?

Margaret or the other dog? Margaret or Margaret? No. What dog does he bring? High five everyone. How high five was it? No one even laughs at that. They just kind of look at her.

was like, I'm really trying to be on your side, Theresa. But they showed Jackie's, like, smile like, that was actually pretty funny. Surely, I'm the fifth take. I'll laugh at that one. Surely. Surely they'll give her another chance. So, also, they're saying Joe Benignano. Yeah.

Oh, they're not saying Benino? No, they all say Joe Benigno. Are we saying it wrong this whole time? Probably. I say people's name. We probably are. We're trying to be authentic, but we're probably wrong. So everyone's speechless that she would say something so horrible, calling Margaret a dog.

So Rachel didn't come because of Teresa. And Fras was like, Rachel and I and Margaret had a thing, you know, and you guys were obviously there in Melissa's party. Or obviously not there in Melissa's party. And Jackie's like, well, everything ended well, right? Did you speak to Rachel since then? She's like, yeah, she felt betrayed. You know, I think, like her and Margaret both were taken aback when we hugged at the end of our conversation, which I just can't. believe. I can't believe after talking about you

for the whole year and calling you a monster and saying, I'm terrified of your husband, that people would be surprised that I was talking to at a party. Well, you know, sometimes I feel like Margaret and Rachel are just a little, like territorial, you know? And Gia's like, it doesn't need to be like that, hand flap.

Gia. Who is literally only there to say, My mom's right. Louis's right. Louis's such a good person. Louis's correct. Everyone just needs to give Louis a chance. So G is like, why is everybody playing on teams all the time? I'm going into immigration law to get my father off.

I know. Who is totally completely misjudged. Why does everyone care about territories so much? I'm like, you're literally going into immigration law. It's about people being in the wrong territories. At a dog party. Their dogs are literally pissing all over trees, claiming theirs right now. Well, you know, that's why, you know, I feel like I wouldn't even bat an eye.

I'm like, just I'm so, not to be. I'm so happy for like where we are, you know, like, you know, it just feels good to like stop fighting and give in and just join the cult. And this way I can just be popular. Yeah, that awe. Teresa's insincere awe about Jackie. Ah. Well, what's that? It sounded like a game show where they got the question wrong.

She's like, ah. Did she have too high the bid on prices, right? How funny? I was like, ah. So, Loris is like, I must be in the fucking. Twilight Zone right now. When did this like, what? Did I have a stroke?

Up until recently, Jackie wanted Teresa dead, more than Bagel wanted to hang out with Shmere. I've never seen somebody, well, that's not true. Flyswatter was

extremely angry when Bacon took her toy. You know it doesn't always work out, like the time that sewing machine accidentally ate some chocolate. So then Jackie's like, so how did you leave it off with Rachel? She's like, fine. We were definitely fine. I mean, well, at the end, she, you know, she says that she wants Louis and John to talk and think, and I think that's going to help. I mean, really,

all you need to do is talk to John Fudor. Offer him a credit on something, something small, you know. Oh, by the way, we've been giving John Fudo shit over his IMDB where he got glamour shots. I just saw Buywig Hello Drama. I saw everything basically on that account on Twitter. But they posted a picture of a close-up. They're like, please look more closely at these glamor shots that Fuda gave himself. And he's wearing glasses to look really smart. And there's the sticker that says Armani on the bottom, still on the glasses.

Like, girl, were you taking those in the department store and then put the glasses back? Come on. And if you did, I applaud you. You're cheap ass. So Dolores was like, well, maybe they can talk at my game, you know. My softball game is this week. I was like, oh, God, it's already time for the Maimonides game. I don't know that the Maimonides game is really big enough to pin an episode on.

Can I just say it? I agree. I was thinking, like, I love the cause, but I don't think, like, it's not like going to the Berkshire to Durindo's house. It's just like a big baseball game in Staten Island. Yeah. But it is growing. It was much bigger this year, right? Yeah.

It was up from 33 to 4,000. Yeah, they had to like have a section to rope off the fans. Wow. Did you see it roped off? I saw Lena in there just trying to get it. Lima's like, I, get me a wristband. Remember the time I opened my shop early for you, Teresa? They let me go sit in.

They let me film a scene at the dog party. They let me film. We don't know. She's getting out of the limo. Like, suck it, Lena. Okay? Suck my dick. The best part about the Maimonides

baseball game is the way the Real Housewives show up literally acting like they're at the Oscars. And the crowd reacts like... They really act like Nicole Kidman just stepped out of... She's like, hi! And they're like, oh my God, Nicole Kidman.

Teresa just kind of gets out and kind of ignores them and does that with their hair and then kind of looks over there. And just like, ah, ah. Ah. Ah. You know what's weird?

The birds have different calls out here in Ireland, obviously, because it's a whole different continent and it's an island. So all the birds are different. And so, like, our birds are like, caca, cacca. And the Irish birds are like, goo. There was that one today that sounded like a phone alarm member. It was like, burr.

Not to be confused with the walk sound, which is like, phew. It's like a little laser goes off every time it's time to walk across the street. Also, The men sign, so when you're going to the bathroom and you're choosing, men are women. The men stand, they man spread. So they don't stand, like in American sign, the man is standing straight-legged. But here he stands with a triangle.

Like, his legs are spread. And so it looks like a skirt. And I keep not walking into, I walk into the other one because I'm like, oh, that's a skirt. I saw a men and women sign. I feel like in England, the men and women sign for the bathrooms were like the thing they had to pee. It was like the man had like his leg across his elbow. leg and the woman and the woman was like her knees were together i was like it was like they they're like let's come on let's raise the sticks for these for these icons okay we don't want

them just to indicate that to men and a woman's room i want to show what they're really going through at this moment it's the desperation toilet um my monodies uh Dolores is like this is my third year hosting momonadies all right it's such a beautiful event and if john and Louis can't put their big boys on and be civil at this charity event, go fuck yourself. So, Teresa's like, I mean, do you really want them to be having a conversation at a charity event? And Gia's like, you know what, I also don't need other people going behind through them, okay? Hand flap to that. And Dolores is like, they should talk alone.

Okay, and Gia's like, I agree. Gia, get Gia out of here. Protect Gia, please. Get Gia over to the corner. Gia's doing the worst ever version of Mystery Science Teeter 3,000. She's just sitting there, just adding commentary, but it's not snarky, it's just agreeing.

I agree. I don't agree. So she's like, I'm telling you, he's a really good guy, Louis. He said so many great things, and then he said some bad things, and I look at him now, and I go like, Louis, Louis, like, that's not the kind of person you are. You know, it's everybody else who's making you into this.

No, everyone does not mean. make your parental figures terrible people, Gia. They're already terrible people, okay? It bothers me that that's what Gia's still learned from these people. And that's why I don't want Gia here. I want Gia protected. I want Gia on protected land where she's not brainwashed into thinking that the only people at fault in this family are everybody else who are making the adults around her act

like fucking criminals. Yeah. So Jen Fest was like, well, can I tell you something? People are saying, hey, they'll discussing things to each other. wouldn't otherwise be saying, and so much of this, I'm going to say it. I don't want to go back there, but so much of it goes back to you and your brother, Teresa. And, you know, it's like, and they're like, Gia's like, oh, no, that's the best. That's the best. No, no, no, I'm not talking about it. I'm not talking about it. But what I'm saying is it's about Teresa and Joe,

not talking about it, not talking about it. But that sneeze, that came from the sound of the heartbreak between you and your brother. I'm not talking about it. I'm sorry, my dog's sneeze just got here. All right. Can everybody clear the field? sneeze, grab the bat. You're up. So Aiden's like, can we just stop talking about this? Let's have a cake now, okay?

How about we just have cake? We need to make this call. I just can't have any negativity in this party I brought together just to talk about what an asshole, Danielle and Margaret are. Let's not get off message here. Danielle and Margaret are the real problems here. Not to recent job, baby. Well, come on, give some food to bagel,

pizza bagel. So now we go over to Melissa and Joe driving Antonio to college. I'm skipping. Let me just take a moment to skip this scene because there's a lot of lines in here and I'm not reading any of them. Here's what you need to know. Antonio was once a little girl. And now she's 18. She's gone off to college.

And they brought a lot of stuff and they made a dorm room. And she's dorming with her childhood best friend, which I think is bullshit, by the way. You should have a new best friend. You should go through the pains and the annoyances of the. having a terrible college roommate, the ups and downs of that. You have to know what it's like to have a sock on the door. And, but anyway, they don't. So anyway, Delaware.

Okay. Well, that was a lot more than I would have given that. You're a gift giver. You're like a Santa Claus for the Gorgas. So welcome to all those gorga heads out there. So Danielle and Nate. So Daniel's like, we're so busy. We got a family calendar.

We got all this shit going on. I'm not going to be a fashion week. It's crazy. We got all this. call, we got so much to do it for Fashion Week. It's like fucking crazy after. We're going to make Fashion Week fun. Fuck my dad, though.

Let's not overlook their confusion over cleats, by the way, because Nate walks and he goes, he's like, hey, guess what? She goes, he walks in the kitchen, she goes, hey, guess what came? He goes, I was just about to say the same thing. She's like, what? He goes, no, I literally got a box.

I was going to say, how you come right now already? So he opens up the box, he goes, That was really funny. He opens up this box, he goes, my cleats just arrived. And he pulls up these shoes that are sneakers. They have flat bottoms.

And she goes, because they're on cleats. He goes, yeah, they are. I'm like, are you going to do a cleats gaslighting on Danielle? Those were not cleats, sir. We all saw there were no little bumps. There's nothing to grab into the dirt. Gaslighting.

I thought our marriage was okay until I didn't understand what cleats are. Now I'm starting the one that, am I losing my mind? How can I even present in New York Fashion Week? if I don't even understand what cleats are. So she's talking about Fashion Week, which is, I'm still horrified that she's- Jumped the Shark. Let's just say it right now.

Jump the Shark is Danielle. Is it spelled W-E-A-K? Is it like, is it an event for the Fashion Week? But like a helping thing? Is someone like, we'd like to invite you to Fashion Week, where we bring people who know how to dress to give you advice. I just want to know who's playing this prank. Danielle because she's going to show up in like basically a warehouse somewhere in like

Montclair, New Jersey and like I'm here, where's the end of winter? It's like, oh yeah, just walk inside the warehouse, Danielle. Oh, I'm sorry, this ticket's for fashion tweak, okay? There are three gay people down there to explain different acid washes to you on jeans. Oh, this is for faction week. Yeah, you're going to learn what gang are going to be part of. is this fraction leak? Oh, man!

We're gonna tell you how to break down a dollar, okay? Oh, geez, I don't know. I just don't believe that she's in Fashion Week. I just refuse to accept it. Yeah, there's no way. There's no way. So, she's like, yeah, I gotta have cut the music, because, you know, like fashion shows, everyone's like,

yeah, they're like so serious. Everyone's got so serious face, but, you know, these are kids that are walking the runway. So we gotta do something special. So yeah, you know me, just thinking about the kids. So how's your mom? Fuck everyone in my family. I hope they all die.

She booked the cruise. So no family? No. You know what? Nate's father unfortunately passed away, and his mom lives in Massachusetts where they don't have cars, and she doesn't like to travel.

And my mom booked the cruise. And, you know, obviously my brother and my dad won't be there because we're not speaking, so no family. Yeah. And she was like, yeah, you know, what I tell? my family to support me in my brain. It's like a family who loves me, and I just don't got that.

I don't got that. Please stop talking about how you're erasing your elderly sweet father who cries every five minutes out of your life. I can't take it, Danielle. Be the bigger person, okay? And she talks about how she says they're not mutually communicating, meaning she's not speaking to him, but he keeps reaching out, probably leaving 10-minute voicemail sobbing on the phone, you know. and she won't talk to him because he won't disown the brother for her. She's a little shithead. And in the next couple of years, if he has health problems or passes away,

she's going to be sobbing about how sad she is that she lost her father and blah, blah, blah, without fixing anything. Go fix it. Go fucking fix it. And she says, he can apologize to me left and right, but he will always, I will always look at him as someone who let me down. That's your parents. And I'll always look at you as someone.

who treated their elderly father who only tried to love both of his children like shit so fuck you okay this is someone who's lived such a blessed life that she's never been let down by a parent ever are you kidding me i mean i i i've actually been rarely let down by my parents but the point is this like she's lived this many years without being let down you're so lucky you're so lucky to not be let down also to be honest i don't believe this is real i believe that she i believe that she's not talking to her father but i also believe that she came up with an excuse not to talk with her father solely so she could have the storyline solely so that way she could have a scene later in the season where she hiccups and cries like dad i just miss this so much i just spoke let down

and then they can hug and they can have a nice moment on camera do you think yeah i think she's just trying to do the gorga storyline you know but i do believe she's not speaking to her brother or anything i believe that but i being the father though like this is so it's so tenuous it's like the dad stood up too much for the brother like i think she was looking at the father but i think she was looking for a reason to not talk to her father. So that way she could have this all season as her storyline. Yeah, I just think she's an asshole. I mean, especially on Jersey, this whole show is about family, family, family, family, family.

And now you're going to, like, be mean to your elderly father who didn't do shit to you because your brother got mad that you talked shit about his wife on the TikTok, girl. But she talks like she has perspective. That's what bothers me. When she talks about Teresa and Joe, she goes, take it for me, I'm not talking to my brother and what I would do to talk to him. I'll even send him a gift at the reunion. you know, and then next thing we find out, she's not even talking to her father anymore.

It's a gross storyline. So then we go to Floris and Poli. Now everybody's getting ready. It's a getting ready scene. And so Dolores is like, this is American baseball, Pauli. I know you're not familiar with it. But listen, you're not familiar with sausage either. And that doesn't stop you from looking like one in acid wash pants.

Why do I keep saying acid wash today? I don't know. I thought you were just calling our dog. Hey, acid wash. Get in here. I'm sorry. Acid washes, leg is broken. Flyce water threw it down the stairs.

Hey, Paulie, this is a mitt. Uh, are we talking about a dog or the glove that you have? The glove. Hey, when was the last time you held a bat? Oh, it was about 25 years ago. Were you playing baseball? Not at all. It was actually a musical instrument from where I come from.

So there's a furry little bird that sees with its ears. So then the Aiden house, Bill comes in and he's like, hello, hello, hello. I really wish that Jen had had her hair done so that we could have done this scene with Bill sitting on the couch that's in the front of their bed. I know. I need Bill back where he's the most comfortable. Yeah. On the bed front couch. With his arm back.

Hey, Bill. I'm going to be doing my hand of bread so I'm all ready to bed. Mmm, well, I certainly hope I make it a third base, or maybe even a home run with Joe Gorga. You know, teammates. Mm. So then Teresa and Louis are talking about, Oh, my God, we got a kid to what they call it.

Oh, my God, am I crying? Am I crying? Then we go to the Fudas, and they're getting ready to, being boring. Okay, so then Marge and Joe are talking about house the third year in a row, and Marge is like, I couldn't even play because my arm was broken last year, and this year my heart is broken. I cannot believe I didn't get Jackie's book. I know. What am I supposed to just guess what an eating disorder is now? Like, how am I ever

going to recover from this? I cannot believe that I did not get a free copy of Jackie's book. The first person to ever say that in America. Perhaps the last one. So, so now we're back to Dolores and Polly's house. And she calls this, she just calls up the guy from Imonides who says like, guess what? My monoties has sold 4,000 tickets. That's amazing. Up from what? From 33. That's amazing. It's amazing. It is amazing. It's stunning. But you know what? Here's the thing, Paulie. I'm having this baseball game. Is it for kids with cancer? Sure. But you know, I don't know if it's right to be throwing all of my friends into a pressure cooker. Why are you feeding them all to pressure cooker? Pressure cooker's about five pounds. Not the dog, Paul.

an actual pressure cooker. Ah. Oh, that makes me feel much better. We really do need to stop feeding pressure cooker less. Between pressure cooker and instapot, it's hard to know which talk you're talking about. So, um, so now we're back in the Aden household. Oh, I'm so excited. You're going to be that, Bill.

He's like, hmm, I'm excited. I'll be there, too. I'll be coming on in. Well, you know what, Mark was going to beat that with Joe. He's like, ooh, right, little Joey B. Yes, and what you know, we're not having a good place right now. Yes. So then the Gorgas, they're like, oh, my God, we're going to talk to Bill Aiden.

Like, what's going to happen? What's going to happen? And then we see a flashback where Gorga invited Tony the Turk to the party. And Bill was like, hmm, I really think the girls should work it out, and the boys should work it out in our own way. See you with the urinals, halftime. hashtag backhouse So then

Melissa is like You know The fact that Jen went and told that rumor to Danielle And then we see a flashback to Where we are, Ireland About like You know the rumors like I don't know if you heard this

But Margaret's friend Joey told Margaret That Melissa was getting to a limer with a guy Who wasn't your girl That was another guy And I don't know I never heard such a thing in my life Don't you want to tell everyone Daniel That was so ham-handed

They're like, Jen, you already told me that information off camera, and I told you I didn't care and that Joe knows I'm not cheating on him. Why did you bring it up on camera? Because that was the narrative that was going on at the time. I know. You brought up, you fucking amateur. She's the most entertaining amateur. I know. I fucking love her.

It's like, Jennifer, it's very clear. Melissa already knew this. Why were you being so messy? Huh? Biscuit. The winner's biscuit. Mommy! Livia just comes in with a golden, you know, Oscar.

Okay, so, Teresa and Louie, back to Teresa and Louie, and Teresa's like, the other day, I went to Jen Dogs Biscuits' first birthday party, all right? What a sentence. What a sentence. And here's what I said. Oh, dog party, okay. And Teresa goes, yeah, Jim Fasler ended on telling us that fooder want to talk to you. Well, you know what?

If you wants to have a conversation, it should be 10 seconds. Because listen, he can say, listen, this happened, this happened, and I'm sorry, it's over. And if he takes any further than that, then I don't release summer fights, but I will definitely finish one in none of his pajamas. So now we go to the soft, now this is where all the fans are outside the Momonides. Baseball games screaming and people start arriving and, you know, the shots of all the stars arriving. So Marge hugs Danielle.

She's like, Haves the Dominican. And they're making small talk, you know. And Marge is like, oh, so you missed the puppy party, huh? And Danielle's like, oh, you want? She goes, no, I didn't go. I didn't go. She did, though.

This is where she's like, yeah. This right. She points at Jackie, but she hides it with her hand. This one went. This one went to the puppy party. Trader Benedict Donald. So, Danielle's like,

oh, yeah. I mean, who, By the way, Jackie, who invited you to Jen's puppy party? And Jackie's like, I'm friends with Jen. I've been friends with Jen. And you, ma'am, I know Jen. I love Jen. What are we even talking about here?

I've always been friends with Jen. Jen and I have been close. We're sisters. We're basically sisters. The only person I'm not friends with you is with you. And then Danielle just nods. She's like, uh-uh, uh-huh, because she hates her. She's not going to make any attempt to make up with her.

And Jackie's trying to do the whole, like, yeah. Why aren't we friends? Why wouldn't you invite me? And Danielle's just nodding, like, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, fashion week. Fashion week. Yeah, and Danielle's like, um, and her confession, she was like, um, hello, Jennifer didn't even tell me that Melissa knew about the cheating rumor, and now she's friends with Jackie all of a sudden, and then Jackie's like, yeah, Jen and I have been friends since 2018.

We've always gotten along quite well, especially when I've written articles about her in the past. So, Jen, she's like, so did I not tell you that she was coming? And Daniel's like, no, and that's the required thing I think. Because you not telling me, things, you know what? That's crazy. I don't know that. This is my brother no? Did you tell my brother?

You want to fucking talk to my brother before you talk to me? Are you sure about that bitch? So, Marge, she's like, you know what? You and Danielle weren't close, and you weren't getting along, and you can't take such personal offense, okay? Rachel Fuda, right? Is she talking to Rachel? Who's she saying that to?

Where is it? Down here? I just got lost, I just went to that line. Oh, she's, oh, no, she's saying, you can't take personal offense, Danielle. Oh, yeah, she's saying,

yeah. She's saying, Jackie, she's saying, you and Danielle weren't even close. You can't get mad that she's not a body utal party. And Jackie's like, you know what, I'm getting here?

You don't really take my thigh in anything is what I'm getting. She's like, oh, you know what? my whole life, my entire life, I've taken your side. When I was born, I literally popped out of the womb and said, how's Jackie doing? Is she okay? Can we get a bottle of water? I was a secretary in the 80s. I didn't even know you yet. The phone rang. And I said,

hello, is Jackie okay? Before I even take this call, is Jackie okay? I remember learning my ABCs, and I was like, ABC, the EFG. How was Jackie doing right now? How far the alphabet is Jackie? How about this? I'm at H-I-J-K. Okay, how about this? Give her my K. All right.

I just want to help her along through the alphabet. Three's company. You know, there was Chrissy, there was Janet, and there was Jack. And I always said, God, I love Jackie. I love Jackie. Jackie's my favorite. I always, always. My whole life, I've taken me aside.

And Jackie's like, no, you've made a lot of excuses for why it's okay for someone to make me the only person cut out. And that's fine if that's how you really feel. Really? I came out. I didn't even ask for milk. I asked for Jackie. That was my first word. It wasn't even mama. It was Jackie. Okay. So you're making a lot of excuses. And for why it's okay for somebody to make me the only person who is cut out. But fine. That's how you were cut out because you said that Danielle was tacky and gross and had stupid, ugly poor people clothes. Yeah. You weren't wrong. You weren't kicked out for being wrong. You were kicked out for being rude. That's kind of your own. fault. But I get what you're saying. Margaret's over here, like, falling all over herself. Like, I can not believe people aren't sticking up for me. But then the second it's turn, she's like,

you shouldn't be mad. Nobody likes you. Don't be upset. You know, this is the way I feel. I mean, by the way, Jackie, what have you ever done for me? Okay, what have you done for me lately? Do, do, do, do, do, do, oh, yeah. And Jackie's like, are you kidding me? No, I'm not kidding. Okay, by the way, it was the anniversary of Jan's death. Oh, wow, oh, wow. I didn't even realize. I know you didn't, okay, because you didn't even call. call me all week. Not all week, Jackie. Okay? And she's like, oh, but did you post about it on social media? No, I didn't. But you know what? Jen Fesler and everybody knows because they call. And Delores checked on me and called me three times. To be fair, when Delores called, she said, sorry. When I picked up

the phone, I meant to pick up my dog phone and instead I picked up the actual phone. But that's, that's irregardless of what's going on. Okay, Jackie, the point is you didn't call me about Jan. Yeah, when Delores called, I said, are you calling me because Jan died? And she asked, Fan died and then started whistling around the house for the dog fan fan. It's terrible. She also had a lot of confusion because she has a dog named Fen, Fan. So between Fan and Fan, Van, there's a lot of dogs going on. Enough about her.

So she's like, yeah, well, you don't even give me the time of day anymore. I don't know why I would be calling you. Jackie, how many times have I asked you for your book? How many times in my life? Okay, when I was graduating from high school and they handed me a diploma. I said, I don't want the diploma. I want Jackie's book. Has she written it yet?

Is it out yet? I want it. Literally every single time I go to Starbucks, they say, what's your name? I say, it doesn't matter what my name is. I want Jackie's book. And they write that on a coffee cop every single day. And you don't even give me a book when those poor people are writing that. That's a very long name to write.

And Dolores is in the background like, oh, my God, this is getting bad at Bermonides. So Jackie's like, I don't even give that books. My mother hasn't even read a book. My mom hasn't read the book. Oh, really? You gave it to Jen Fesler in December. She goes, okay, well, that was six months ago. Oh, yeah.

You sent it to Melissa. You know what? Melissa? It would be more useful to send her, I don't know, a ruler. Why are we giving Melissa my dog? So, Margaret's like, I never liked that dog. Margaret was like, you know, I championed you for that book. I championed you.

It's like, what are you talking about? You saying that I got a book deal because of you? No, but I'm saying I'm the first one who knew about your book. And I chat, let me tell you something. When I was suckling at my mother's teeth, I said, Mommy, this is too much milk. So while I'm sitting here, I want you to know something. Jackie should write a book.

Okay, give me that breast again. I want more milk. Well, you know what? I've asked you about your book. I've asked you about you, but you didn't give me your book. It shouldn't be that surprising. It should not be that surprising to me. She's like, nobody's read my book.

Margaret, don't get into deep. You're going to see, Margaret. Like, you know what? I can talk about my mother, but you can't. When did I say anything about your mother? Okay. I said your mother had the opportunity to read a terrible book. before I said all I says your mother never advocated for you the way I advocated for you the way

I championed your book and your mother did nothing that's all I said she gave her a makeover and she got back and frizzy here that's all I said your mother gave birth to you I was there she said can I have a drink I said are you going to ask about Jackie because that's what I care about right now where's Jackie what is she thinking what is she writing well the publisher sends it to people who asked me to do press with them I can't do this with you right now I can't do this with you Margaret. Yeah, I can't do this with you either. Okay, but you're not even listening. I can't deal with you right now. I'm very hard. I am, by the way, America, what I'm slowly realizing is that for a very long time,

I've been letting Margaret feel like she was here and I was under her. But like that, like, I was part of her entourage or something, which even though I was technically a friend of, I wasn't part of an entourage. So she's like, you know what? Just be what you want to beat everybody else. She's like, I just not need to give you a book, Margaret. How about being my friend? I'm not, You know what? I'm not doing this. Then don't do it, Margaret. You keep saying don't do it, then don't do it. You keep saying I can't, then don't do it.

Don't say I can't, then do it. So they just kind of break up, and they're super pissed at each other now. So Jen sees this, and she's loving it. She's like, oh, my God. Oh, no, baby, be careful. Don't hit your head on the any sort of bitch. Is there enough a time, baby? Thank God that's screwed into the wall.

That could have been ugly. an exclusive for crappies on demand watchers sing around and get soldiers Jennifer ate and he banged his head against the painting in the room, baby. He's like watching someone kick a fox out of block. So Jennifer's like, oh my God, Jackie and Margaret

going to tell life this, give me the popcorn, baby. So then everyone's like, oh my God, they're fighting. And Marge's like, I never thought this would happen. And Jackie's saying, you threw a lot of mean things in me there. And she's like, oh my God, it's a popcorn. So then Marge keeps going.

She's like, Jackie, have I ever met someone to self-satidated to see you? I'm actually shocked at your behavior. I am absolutely shocked. Okay, MacBer, I see what's going on here. I go see what's going on here. Disgrace. Oh, I'm a disgrace. Oh, yeah.

All right. Get a little of this. Oh, yeah. All right. Oh, yeah. All right. All right. Bye.

So then Louis and Teresa get to, to star treatment when they arrived. People are having to be held back at the barricade to try not to get to Louis. And she's like, ah, wow, wow, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling. So they go in and everybody's saying hello, the Gorgas come. And now Melissa and Tiffany are talking. And Tiffany's like, see, I thought it was going to be human, so I put deodorant on my hair line. That's what we did when I was the teenager, we thought it was humid, so it was going to sweat so we put deodorant on a hair line. Yeah. When I danced for the Jets, we put deodorant in our hair. Like, you know, I've known there's been a lot of dysfunction on the New York Jets for a while, but like now finding out

they're putting deodorant on their, for their hairlines, it really brings it to a new level. Also, this show really is a pioneer in terms of unorthodox facial treatments. Between Caroline Manzo shaving her forehead and this girl putting a deodorant like at her widow's peak, It's just a lot. Yeah. So, and whatever's been going on with Teresa on that forehead for years. God knows what's been going on. Teresa trying to put deodorant on her forehead.

She's going to wind up with a little white mustache. I used to put deodorant on my armpits, but I would somehow hit my forehead with it anyway. Like, so low, she was there. She's like, so now it's like baseball time. And hi, everyone. It's my monodies. So what the Laura says she's doing this really actually, on top of everything else, she's doing this for Gertie.

Because Gertie, at the time of this, was battling breast cancer. So very lovely that she did that. We love Gertie. We love Gertie's journey, et cetera. So basically they play football, right? Okay. So then, let's see.

Rachel, what's happening? Louis goes up to bat. I'm just reading through all the baseball notes. So Teresa comes up to Jackie and Jen Fessler and Jen Aden. So it's like their team. So Jen Aden's like, oh, my God, what was that fight with Margaret about? And they were going at it. Her and Margaret and Jack was like, no, no, no, it's not like a real fight.

It's just like, you know, a book fight. You know, a book? You have a book? Yeah. Gross. Who would do that, baby? With strange concepts Are you going to throw it at somebody?

No Throw a book of somebody? No Then why you got one? She's talking about me That's not right Look at her, she's talking about it I can't believe that she's actually talking about me

Am I talking about her? Sure, but is she talking about me? Yes, that's unacceptable. So Marge is just really not handling any of this well and she's looking extremely out of control So she marches up to Jen Pessler And Fassar's like, hello, baby And she's like, what's going on?

Listen, I have to be honest, I'm very hurt by who you want to associate yourself with It's not fair and it's not right It's not fair, but it's not right I'm gonna make it do this My Monty's game anyway Okay, I'll have to work on it That was supposed to be for you, Joan,

but it just didn't work out very well It was not a good spoof of Whitney Houston I apologize, New Jersey's own Whitney Houston Okay, anyway, on. Honey, if people are nice to me, I'm going to be nice back. I just don't have the mechanism to look for trouble. And Marge's

like, all right, well, this is the whole thing. I don't threaten people's families. They threaten people's families. And that's just not fair. And she's like, well, because of you two, I get where you guys stand. I get that. She goes, I just can't connect with people who ever do things like that. Now, you're being with her. It's not right.

It's not fair. Who brought you something? Dominic left his key in the room, so I just for a great sake. I'm sorry, everyone. It was an invisible Dominique cameo on the podcast. So, the baseball game continues. Hot dogs are racing.

Joe Gorgher goes over to Bill, and he's like, hey, there he is. Billy, he's like, oh, wow. Listen, right now my job is to take you down. If there's one thing I can do is go down. So get over here, big man, put those arms around me. I'm going to tackle you to show what sort of man. I am to my wife by bracing a man and putting his muscles against my body and feeling them writhe in my arms.

Yeah, she's like wrestling with him, and he's like, oh, yeah, I have to be mean to you if I'm going to be a real man. You like that? A little finger up the bunghole. Mm, take that, you bad boy. Joe Gorga, you're really in the doghouse, which means I guess you're going to have to take it doggy style. You know what I'm saying? So then Jen sees this, and she's really pissed. Dr. Bill's horse and a bad, but Joe Gorga,

because everything in this episode is people being mad that people are talking to people. That's every single person is mad that somebody is talking to the other person. So then Danielle, or not Danielle, who cares? Frank, yeah, I'm going to fast forward through all the small people. It's more like little junk happening.

So, yeah, Melissa's like, so were you talking to Bill? And Joe's like, yeah, I talked to Bill. And she's like, was it a happy talk? He's like, it was a happy talk. I mean, I'm walking a little funny. Now I ain't going to lie. So, so she's like, okay.

So Jen's standing with Bill, and Melissa just marches on up. She goes, hi. He's like, ooh, hello, devil. But Jen's mad at, she's mad at Bill. She's like, I can't believe you're hugging Joe Gorga. It gives the impression that you don't support me, Bill. He's like, I do support you. And I supported Gorga.

I mean, I was part of his spine for a moment there. So Melissa walks up, hello, speaking of the devil. am I the devil? No, you're not. It's like, look, okay, I mean, okay, I'm coming over here because, like, all right, well, I know you have a certain amount of loyalty to certain people, blah, blah, blah. You're getting into more scenes than I am. I've got to recruit people to my side.

Let's see, what can we do to make a deal here? How, what can I do to get you into the Melissa Gorder car tonight? So she's basically like, listen, you and I should be able to be friends, even if you're friends with Teresa. And Jen's like, oh, my God, she's like literally ringing her fingers. Like, oh, my God, I'm going to get killed for this. Is Teresa around, baby? Am I going to get caught talking to somebody I'm not supposed to be talking to when I'm already mad at somebody for talking to who is not supposed to?

While I'm accusing somebody else of talking to somebody they're not supposed to be talking to, oh, my God, it's so confusing. A biscuit. The biscuit wins. Biscuit wins. They can't move again. This gets like, sorry, but I'm an award winner now. I don't have time for you. So basically, Melissa and Jen agree that they're going to meet up and they're going to talk things out and they're going to figure out what's going to go.

Oh, uh-huh, uh-huh. and so we haven't seen this five million times it's a typical housewives thing let's meet it a lunch and everything's going to be okay for about ten minutes so um now bill is like oh go joe go joe get a fucking hit joe hey that's your brother-in-law do you call him brother-in-law now or no louis and louis's like i don't i don't really want to talk about him all right yeah and in the end Loris raised over $200,000 for my monies, and that made my year. And that was it. That was it.

That was basically it. I mean, listen, that was a bigger charity give than Biscuit being told she was the best dressed. Yep. Lame-ass little dog. A little cheater biscuit. Cheetah biscuit. And that brings us to the end of... That's the end.

Real health love of New Jersey. Early, everybody. Um, we sure love you. Thanks for being with us. We'll be back tomorrow with a little blow dick. All right. We sure will be, and we'll catch you the next one. Bye, everyone.

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