Watch What Crappens - #244: Wayl Brahd in Shesha & Bonus Hour w Katie Cazorla

Episode Date: November 27, 2015

Ben Mandelker (The Banter Blender) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) are back together again to butcher the accents on Real Housewives of Cheshire. Following is a special Bonus episode w Katie Cazorla (The Nail Files, the upcoming Second Wives on E!). She was on the podcast earlier this week, and we spent a lot of time before the show catching up on Vanderpump Rules, Millennials, and behind the scenes talk about Katies Real Housewives of Beverly Hills audition and her new show on E! The bonus episode is a weekly thing for our premium subscribers, so if you want more bonus eps, subscribe on Patreon! Happy holidays! Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast. It's me, Ronnie. Ben and I recorded an episode of The Real Housewives of Shisha before he left for out of town, and I'm so glad we did

because we have to release right now on Thanksgiving, which is right this second. If you guys are listening to this on a day that's not Thanksgiving, you know what? We're still thankful for you, and that doesn't mean that you can't look around the office just because it's Monday now and not say thank you. Just say thank you, stapler. Thank you for holding my papers together.

This was a really fun episode. We are loving The Real Housewives of Shesha. And hope you are too. I can guarantee you're not going to understand half of this podcast because we don't even understand what these bitches are saying and we're repeating it.

This episode is followed by a special bonus episode with miss katie cazorla of ease upcoming second wives we love katie she's been on a zillion times i think she was on this week to talk about the real housewives of beverly hills uncensored uh love talking to her and she's one of our real life friends so we just talked on the phone so much that I cut it off and turned it into a bonus episode. If you like bonus episodes, come to patreon.com slash watchwhatcrappens because we do them all the time. This was our 60th one. And if you become a premium subscriber at any dollar amount, you have access to all of the bonus episodes. So that's 60 hours of content.

All right, people. One thing this Thanksgiving I'm going to be thinking of is you guys. I really do appreciate you guys. So does Ben. Ben, I appreciate you. You guys, I just wish we could just sit here and hug audially for another hour and a half. But, you know, there's a lot of content to get to. So let's get to it.

Real Housewives of Cheshire, followed by a bonus with Katie Cazorla. Love you, guys. Watch what happens. Watch what happens. Guess what happens when there's so much that happens. Watch what happens. Watch what happens. Guess what happens when there's so much that happens. The Real Housewives of Cheshire.

Cheshire. I literally tried to write accents on things and write things like Webster's Dictionary would. Me too. My notes are half in transliteration because when we recapped Cheshire last week, my accent was so all over the map that I was like, okay, I actually have to write it down in transliteration because when we uh recapped cheshire last week my accent was so all over the map that i was like okay i actually have to write it down on transliteration to see if i can get it down and i'm hoping that now that we have two weeks of the show under our belt that our accents will be a little little closer i think it's it's gonna be an ongoing process we'll be workshopping it um but i'm really excited for this recap i'm excited to hear what our voices do

yeah i definitely had to study them more this week and i thought wow if there was only a samuel french bookshop in hollywood that we could go buy dialect tapes for crazy bitches in cheshire well there's one exactly equidistant between the two of us i know but i don't have a tape player anymore and i don't think they just have like the crazy bitch real housewives section of the samuel it's so funny that you say that r Ronnie, because I was walking on Hollywood Boulevard today. And, you know, as there's always trash out and about, there was like cassette tape. It was like the inside of a cassette tape was like, you know how it's like out and streaming around. And I was like, how funny.

Why is there like cassette tape stuff? Oh, God. Because, you know, it was like some old has-been star going down Sunset in that convertible. Like, I finally had it with the past. Goodbye, 80s. I'm going to chuck out my Charles and Eddie single. Talk about turning over a new leaf. That first day you threw a cassette tape out the window.

I still have some cassette tapes. I was like, bye, Huey Lewis and the no longer news bye huey lewis and the old news huey lewis and then no one watches the news anymore because it's something i'm gonna know when i lived in la i used to date her lewis and news well that was one of that dumb hoes claimed to fame today on Cheshire. I've loved Nadella. Oh. And Magali's like, oh, really? Wow.

So, Nadella has lots of Cheshire. I'm already crazy. Let's just get into it. Let's just get into it. Now, I recorded some clips, and I'll play them as they become appropriate. But it'll be good. The clips will help get us back on track with our voices. Because I can already hear you're already doing, uh what's her face uh petty fleur and yes

you know and it's not even a racial thing they're both like the tough girl with the different accent in both shows i think mongali is just a french accent i think it's a straight up french accent i don't think she even has any she sounds kind of like this because she doesn't have disease well see well she talks well yeah she's not like she doesn't like she even has any. She sounds kind of like this because she doesn't have disease. Well, she talks, well, yeah, she's not like a, she doesn't like, she knows she's French-Canadian. She sounds like Celine Dion. Yes, like, yes, like Celine. Like, I could imagine her walking into a casino saying, Rene, no more.

I said no more. Line is drawn. I draw a line, you better not step over the line. I'm a galley. I'm a galley. You speak like this to me, I speak like that to you, you know? I'm a galley. You go into a war with me, I go into a war, you better not step over the line. I'm Magali. I'm Magali. You speak like this to me, I speak like that to you, you know? I'm Magali. You go into war with me, I go into war with you, and I think, okay.

We're in war. We're friends. You want a war with Magali? You are gonna have a war with Magali? I'll come to the war. Here I am at the war with Magali. That's how this episode opens. Magali. Magali. Magali. Magali. Magaliali Magali Magali Magali

What was it good for? I don't know Absolutely nothing Absolutely nothing That's as far as I know Everybody is saying Magali Like Magali basically ate the head off of a toddler last week I mean what the hell did Magali even do at this point?

They're so mad I like to think that Magali is the name of the french version of macgyver she just gets locked into places and has to like make planes out of bubble gum and sticks you want to start a war with me i make a rubber band gun for your head so the uh episode opens with everybody like, Magoli did this, Magoli did that. And then we go to the gates, the W.H. gates. And you're going to hear that a lot because people say things like,

you're going to o'clock that. You can go run up the gates. The gates are very important here. Horses jumping. Yes. Oh, yes. So we're at someplace where there's perhaps the backyard, Dawn's backyard, because Dawn's watching as Darby is riding.

And my favorite part is that Dawn, she can't even pronounce her daughter's name. Her daughter's name is Darby, and she's like, Darby is a fabulous rider. Darby, Darby. It's Darby, not Darby To her, she's talking about the little elf thing From Harry Potter

Darby, Darby, Darby Have more canter Not enough canter, Darby See the canter I'm sure you're doing the canter, right, Darby? I love perfection in the canter The canter And this is her, again, almost obsessive compulsive.

And when it comes to Darby, I'll say, Darby, I want the most out of you. Is that so bad? No, because I'm a mom. And, you know, it's like you're obsessive compulsive with someone else. So she's standing there where Darby's trying to fucking jump over fire pits and like cities on this horse you know looking perfect and like like literally perfect and she's like darby darby do you feel that when you come down from the from the jump that you did it that you maybe could have done it better darby it's like she doesn't even give a specific thing she's just like be better darby you give a specific thing. She's just like, be better.

Darby, you call that a canter. It's more like a gallop. What a canter. What are you doing, Darby? But I love those. So the best part, I recorded this part because she's going on and on. And Darby's response is like this weird, mumbly Cheshire accent that I couldn't even understand.

Here, listen to it and tell me if you can understand what Darby says. I just love perfection. I can't just Dabi says. I just love perfection. I can't just talk to you. I just wish you were objective. Are you listening? Dabi. Dabi, you listening?

Dabi. Dabi. Dabi, I have to speak up. Dabi. Dabi. Too loud, Dby. Darby, I have to speak up. Darby. Darby. Mother. Too loud, Darby. Too loud.

Darby, I just love perfection. You're such an imperfect child. Darby. Darby. All I was trying to tell you right now was that when you speak, you can speak better. I just don't like the instructions.

Darby. Darby, do you hear me? Are you listening to me, Darby? Are you cantering, Darby? I don't think you're cantering or listening. Good momentum. I just love perfection. I love it.

I just taught you. I just wish you had instructions. All I can hear is instructions. All I can hear is instructions. You need to play that clip now of Camille talking to Maurizio. So you're going to... So I said that we're going to be celebrating... Somebody else's...

Yeah, the same day that we hear about our friend's split. So upsetting. Still funny years later. So upsetting. Camille, are you listening, Camille? Darby? Darby? Upsetting.

I just love perfection. I can't just talk to you. I just have to tell instructions to Darby. Are you listening? I love that at the end. She can't even be bothered to hear what Darby's even mumbling about. Darby, listening. You sound like a regular Magali, like a quiet Magali.

Darby, you've been muttering like that your whole tune? Darby? Magali. Darby. Madabi. Maybe if you spoke louder, you'd lose some weight. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, we'll get to that later. You know that that's a huge bundle of bad accents and mommy issues over here. Maybe if you spoke louder, you'd lose some weight. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, we'll get to that later. You know that that's a huge bundle of bad accents and mommy issues over here. And then Nicola comes by, and I don't even know what this bitch is saying. She's like, oh, about my garlic. I want some way to talk about my garlic. It's like, oh, my. What? What?

Stop. What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Girl brought emails in a bag. I was like, what are they doing in Cheshire? Do they know what email is yet? But that new fungled email, ain't it big?

And it's like, mail. New fungal demon, being a pig. And it's like, male. You're male. But the best part for me was that they're talking about Magali, of course, and like going and talking. Magali. Magali. Magali.

And then Dawn, Dawn straight up turns into a pirate. This is a verbatim quote. She goes, I'd rather stick pins in me eyes than go out with my goalie. I'd rather stick pins in me eyes. I'd stick pins in me eyes right now, but I'm too busy running the Cremble and managing this girl band. If you don't manage these girls,

they're just going to be a band of girls. Nicola, are you listening, Nic nicola i like when she's talking to when she's talking to darby and she's like darby how do you feel it went the other night and darby's like well darby the bass could have been better like what are you mad at dob what are you mad at darby about the fucking guy pressing the iTunes button for? And they're not a band, okay? They're not playing anything. Like, Nathan Lane, the queen from the dress store last week, is the DJ

pressing the play button on the iTunes for the Dobby at the Meningitis Festival. Get out of here. Dobby at the Meningitis Festival. Are you going to Menchella? Are you going to Menchella? Dobby?

Meningitis man, Dobby. Dobby, I'd rather have pins in my eyes than listen to Dobby decipher what Dobby's saying today. All right, everyone, get around. Listen to Darby's new song. It's called Satisfaction. All right, Darby, sing. Satisfaction. Satisfaction. Oh, my God.

I'm trying to look at the rest of these notes. I can't see them because I'm crying through this. Then Tanya goes to Leanne's house. Tanya is turning out to be gold. Tanya's like the young sassy one from Sunderland. I'm from Sunderland. Sunderland. She's like, oh, I woke up.

I really didn't want to go boxing this morning, but Leanne would have a pop at me if I didn't. So I go to Leanne and Leanne's like, oh, you came over for boxing. want to go boxing this morning but leanne would have a pop at me if i didn't so i think i got a leanne and leanne's like oh you came over for boxing uh i'm excited to get boxing right now not really oh i'm a pancake for you don't tell daddy you use your hands yeah tanya's that hot one who's like work out i don't work out i love the to be sexy. I'm just not ever exercising. And then they show her at like perfect butt and her perfect body. I'm like, shut up.

You did not just fall off the not eating turnips truck. Get out of here. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So she goes over to Leanne's and they're sitting there and they're talking about the night before. Oh, I gotta go boxing. Go, go boxing. That's Leanne's, soft-spoken Leanne, boring, sad Leanne. I gotta go boxing. And she's like,

I was really wound up about the ticket thing. Oh, man. I had a pop. I had a pop at Magali. I popped at her. That's what they kept on saying. Oh, she's gonna have a pop at me. I had a pop at you. I had a pop at Magali. I was so

angry at the ball because Magali had a ticket and then a ticket of the thing and someone told me be mad at my guy and so i was mad at her real mad donnie was like oh really i got drunk it's really it said boxing huh yeah so. And Leanne's trying so hard. Yeah. Poor Leanne. Oh, so then. Boxing. So then, elsewhere in town, Lauren arrives at a restaurant to have lunch with Magali.

And so I wrote this quote down. I transliterated this quote. And hopefully it will give a good approximation of her voice. Of Lauren saying, I'm gonna find out if I'm gonna have a good approximation of her voice of Lauren saying, I'm going to find out if I'm going to give her a hard time at all. Wait, let me try that again. I think I messed up. I'm going to find out if I'm going to give her a hard time at all.

I don't know what time to, I think it means hard time too. Oh, she says, oh, you noticed? She says, I'm going to find out if I'm going to give her a hard time too. So she's like, I'm going to find out if I'm going to give her a hard time too. So she's like, I'm going to find out if I'm going to give her a hard time too. She goes, The girls give a hard time, so I have to see if I'm going to give her a hard time too.

I bring her on board. She's always about to crack up laughing. That's how how she talks and it makes me laugh so fucking hard and i love how when uh magali is asking her about like you know where was she born and lauren whenever lauren talks about being born in cheshire she gets all coy she goes i was born here cheshire i was born here. Cheshire. I was born Cheshire. Yeah. Cheshire.

Cheshire. And then all of a sudden, next thing you know, she's saying, The man who invented the toilet, his name is the Kravala. Oh, my God. It's like, she talks a lot. She says a lot of things. I mean, I like to talk a lot, but she says things. Oh, Lauren.

She says things. She says things. Oh, Lauren. Oh, Lauren. Oh, Lauren. but you know i like it so she's and i'm and together we are and now we are together i like it you say you're gonna i say okay you okay little known fact mcgally was the one who wrote the lyrics in the Spice Girls seminal hit, Wannabe. She was the one who wrote, zig-a-zig-a. You know, zig-a-zig-a. You know, she talk, I talk zig-a-zig-a.

Zig-a-zig-a. So then, actually, this is... Zig-a-zig-a. Oh, that is me. You want to zig-a-zig-a me? Zig-a-zig-a. You don't want to zig-a-zig-a me? So Magali has a lot of really profound thoughts so she's like you know the more i get to know her the more

i'm realizing i'm married she is married i have kids she has kids i wake up in the morning she wake up in the morning right now she's sitting down i'm sitting down i'm in a chair she's sitting down. I'm sitting down. I'm in a chair. She's in a chair. You know, we could be friends. We have a lot in common. And they so don't. Lauren's on the other side of the table like, Have you ever seen such breeding? Was there any breeding the other night?

She's like, she's got manas. She's Wabra. I'm real shisha. Do these girls know what real shisha is? She's W manners. She's well bra. I'm real shisha. Do these girls know what real shisha is? She's well bra. Actually, I took this. Here's another clip of Lauren saying, well bra. She's got manners.

She's well bra. She's well bra. Bra. She's well bra. She's well bra. She's got manners. She's got manners. She's well bra.

She's well bra. Do you want to take that manners. She's got manners. She's well-brived. She's well-brived. Do you want to take that food out of your mouth, Lauren? No, thanks. It's some grapefruit. I've lived in London, the countryside, Horses, LA. I used to live in LA because I'm a bride. So good. Oh, she writes a book. I'm a bra So Good Oh

She writes a book I write a book But I lost my book Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh I once lost a book I've been to library She been to library I mean we're friends I wrote a book She lost a book. I've been to library. She's been to library. I mean, we're friends. I wrote a book. She lost a book.

I'm like, whoa. Okay. My God. That's how Magali likes to sort of put a cherry on top of her statement. She goes, I'm like, okay. Lauren ends it with, this is, well, they don't end it because this goes on the whole show. This is one lunch, but Lauren't end it because this goes on the whole show. This is one lunch, but Lauren goes, she's well-bred.

She's got manners. I'm like, okay. Okay. Okay. So then. Amika. Okay. Now this is another one.

Now this, Amika, sorry. Amika, this one talks kind of like the secretary of dawn you know the i miss my bag but uh amica is like the kickboxer and she's wearing some you know when bike riders are professional and they wear all those like logos and weird things she's like one of those like i want to throw my diet coke cannon out the window and like hit her in the head you know well she's well i love that when we see her she's boxing and she's like punching and she's like i'll get so pissed off at work boxing is the ideal place to let it out i'm like you work at a spa your ideal place to let it out is where you work i'm hard as nails mikey uh well you have a salon so isn't that you can go get, you know, shaved down or whatever they do?

Yeah. She's like, all that relaxing music. All those lovely relaxing treatments. All the massages. I get so pissed off. You ever had a dumb girl look at you in the eye while she's massaging your leg? I didn't think so. I need to punch a man.

I'm in pica. I need to punch a man. I'm in pica. Angry. She's talking about how angry she is, and she's got a gigantic diamond cross poking out of her boobs. And then Tanya, the girls come in to take their boxing class, and you think, well, I think, ew, it's another stupid. It's a ripoff from Adrian Malouf boxing. And now I have to watch a skinny girl pretend she doesn't exercise. This is dumb. And then that side of me was talking.

And then this show shattered right through every expectation I've had in my life. It turned into a really great scene that is probably going to set up a hatred for the rest of the series. Which scene is that? Are you talking about the part where... So they're boxing and they're all laughing and having fun and it turns to Amika because she's all upset because she's

single, you know, she was like married for two years or whatever. And I'm looking here, I'm looking here. I guess there was a lot of stuff going on. The baby dinosaur. Tonya was doing, it's the baby dinosaur. She turned the baby dinosaur. Tonya, do the baby dinosaur again. I love when the day the baby dinosaur tanya was doing it's the baby dinosaur oh she turned the baby dinosaur tanya do the baby's dinosaur again i love when she got the baby dinosaur what is that what are you talking about i missed that whole part i probably broke down something totally different no no it wasn't anything they betrayed the cartel no no she was

tanya was like boxing and then she's like i can't do it i can't do it so i'm just gonna do this pose and send it and they also were like it's the baby dinosaur you know when she's like, I can't do it. I can't do it. So I'm just going to do this pose and send it. And they all start going like, it's the baby dinosaur. You know, when she's had one too many drinks, the baby dinosaur comes out. I'm like, what? This is a far cry from Jurassic Park. It all comes back to Jurassic Park in the end. Always Jurassic Park in big business. Imagine if Jurassic Park was just Tanya Coming out from behind a cage

Hello I was cacking myself I'm a baby dinosaur Be careful I was cacking myself And that's what the baby dinosaur Picking my nose And I saw these two jeeps here

Little children there If you stop moving I can't see ya See they were talking They were like having fun they're like oh and uh and peak is all sad because she's single so she was like she said something like i'm sorry i don't i don't even know what she said but it sad. Her tone was sad. It was a staccato sadness. And then Tanya, the kind of younger one, was like, oh, whatever, darling, who cares? And she said, well, that's easy for you to say.

You got a man. You got a husband, don't you? What if your husband left you? Or something like that. And then Tanya's like what doll in there like a boss another one comes around every 10 minutes they just keep coming and they can take you to new and different places a little faster then sometimes you can have a transfer and sometimes if a lot of people and then you get in the bus and you hang on to a strap it's what you do

sometimes a man will stand up and give you a seat. And sometimes you just sit on an old lighter's lap. And that's how it is with public transport. Sometimes the buses are so big they got an accordion right in the middle. And then Pika's like, well, men are like buses, but you don't want to catch everyone, do you, darling? And she's like, you only ride buses once, don't you? You only got one Metro bus card, darling? And she's like, You only ride buses once, don't you? You only got one Metro bus card, darling. Don't got a month to pass. Actually, Ampika says something that

when I was listening to it, I was like, what the fuck did she just say? And now I've heard it back. I know what she says. But even though knowing what she says, it still makes no sense. This is what she says. You can put a balaclava on,

but he's still got a penis. You've not put a balaclava on that. And if he's going to use it, he's going to use it. I wrote balaclava. I don't know what that is. And of course, I thought that was really easy to Google it.

I put a balaclava on the penis. A baklava? A baklava? Is that what you thought? You can put baklava on the penis and still he's going to put a penis on the penis. You can put a baklava is that what you thought you can put baklava on a penis and still is going to put a penis in the bed

you can put a baklava on a penis but it doesn't make it a penis baklava I know what I'm

all move you can put a baklava on a penis but still not does it but um

actually I think what she was saying was something about balaclavas which is like the thing that you put over

your head but it still doesn't make sense it still doesn't really even make sense what she's saying I'll play it again you can put a balaclava on but he's still got a penis you've not put balaclava on that and if he's gonna use it he's

gonna use it what have we been talking about anymore i mean i don't even know where we are anymore what's a balaclava balaclava is like a thing that robbers wear where it's like a thing over your head with two holes for the mouth and oh like the burglar yeah well no the hamburgers just over his eyes balaclava is where it goes all the way over your face like you can't see you can only it's like it's just your eyes and like sometimes the mouth is covered oh what she's saying is like put something over someone's head but it's still a penis but you can't if you can put a balaclava on a penis but he still is going to use it and he's going to use it it's like what like how did we get from the bus to putting ski masks on penises or whatever like gas robbery mask classic ampica classic you just got on peaked you got on peaked you got on peaked hey darby how'd you feel about

getting peaked i just love perfection like can't just talk to you are you listening i'm here i've been listening just got mp good because like at least toby has a man i don't know what that whole the man is the bus so catch another bus I guess it just means Ambika's like single and everybody else isn't and she's sad and they're like get over it

I mean I guess that's like my translation of what's happening yeah something like that so then then Dawn Dawn is now she's gone to the girls in the rehearsal space. The girls are practicing. To be fair, the girls were sounding much better.

Well, at first. And then when the mom came in, they broke in a five-part harmony, but there's only three girls and they turned the key minor. I was like, what? It's like, is someone whistling and singing at the same time? It's like, all right then, all right then. Darby, here's what I'm saying. I'm your mum, and I'm here to say something to you. And Darby's like, be better.

Oh, my goodness, you already talked to me about it. Shut up, my mum. I'll be shut up. Shut up, my mum. Darby, speak up. Speak up, Darby. Darby, if you want to sing, you have to speak up. Sing better.

Now, girls, if you want to be a good singer, you got to be a good singer. I'm not sick. I've done my job here. I'm glad I came to coach you. And then she leaves and never listens to them sing a thing. I know, exactly. Great coach. If you don't start singing better, I'm going to throw me purse at your faces.

On me and Farrell, me and Farrell PR meeting. Put your butts on the Insta or i'm dumping you the end i got emails in a bag waiting for me in the car so then um and pika then i think i'm actually getting worse at these the more we do them it's like the back it's the opposite of practice. You're aggressive. It's fine because they're getting worse at it too. They actually get worse at English as the episode goes along.

Because then I think then Ampika decides she wants to do a great girly knot. And so she's going to invite everyone. So first she calls Dawn. She's like, Dawn, thank you for having us at the ball. I want to have a girly knot. Come to my place. Dress glamorous. And she's like in a bathtub, in a bubble bath or whatever. Thank you for having us at the ball I want to have a good night Just glamorous And she's like in a bathtub

In a bubble bath or whatever Oh it sounds great Putting honey on her leg with an actual honey wick thing What do you call this? Like a honeycomb thing Yes she's like Alright it's ball it's about glamour I'm sitting in a bubble bath

There's dreams coming up my nostrils just because i'm single doesn't mean i can't mingle with my girls girls night she's literally recreating the mariah carey episode of cribs where at the end of it mariah carey just got into bubble bath was like bye mtv you can go now so what i thought was really funny because this was a total editing producing oversight so now we are like 20 minutes into the show and now i mean we have the girls have gone boxing they have talked after boxing and pika has gone home she is in her bubble bath dawn has done like on to the horses she's now gone to girls they are the girls are rehearsing now all this stuff has happened

and then and pika calls up lauren Lauren and Lauren is still at lunch with Magali I was just telling Magali about our it's like hour 8 of the lunch I was like did anyone realize the continuity issue that was going on here or maybe it was just that long.

Magali's like, oh, she talked, but I say, you want an appetizer? I'll do an appetizer. Yeah, Magali, that's the thing. It took 45 minutes for them to order. She's like, you want a starter? I want a starter. He has a starter. We want a starter.

Can you tell us about the first thing on the menu? All right, I'll tell you about the first thing on the menu. He tells us about the first thing on the menu. She tell us about the first thing on the menu? Alright, I'll tell you about the first thing on the menu. He tells us about the first thing on the menu. She tells us about the first thing on the menu. We all like it, and I say, okay. I can tell by the way you ordered the food that you got manners.

You're well brah. You're well brah. You're well brah. She's got manners. She's well-bred. Wild-bred. Wild-bred. Wild-bred. That's what I'm saying.

Wild-bred. Wild-bred. She's wild-bred. She's wild-bred. She's got manners. Wild-bred. Wild-bred. I'm looking down this.

It's like the mom yelling at the daughter the whole episode. And then it cuts to the mom showing up at the daughter's school listen here darby darby you're fat and you're stupid did you hear me all right mom's out mom like jesus another scene of you yelling at your child leave her alone oh all right so let's get past uh i'mika, putting honey on a honeypot. So, so basically Ampika, uh, the girls are literally like family. Don, Don meets with Don and Leanne.

Is that Leanne? The blonde girl? Yeah. Well, by the way, so the thing, did I skip that? No,

no, no. Just one little thing is that, so Ampika invites Lauren to this girls night. And Lauren's like, I'm here with Magali. Can she come too? And Ampika's like, I'm here with my girlie. Can she come too? And Pika's like,

Oh, I don't want her there, but okay, just put a bottle of clover on her. I've gone whacker and put you in an awkward situation, haven't I, darling? Oh, ho, ho, ho. My girlie would never put on a bottle of clover

because she was bright. All right, then, my girlie, would you right come to my pot a lot it's all about girls and glamour i was like at first i did not want to put on balaclava but then lauren has a balaclava and i have a balaclava i thought okay i don't know if i'm ready to forgive the bad manners maybe if you could talk to me and give me some sort of apology or take it to something. It's like, do you want to come along, bitch? I come to party.

I do it. Do you have free pass to that bus that you keep on trying to catch? Who's riding penis buses? You want to send me penis bus? I get on penis bus. It take me to new exciting places. Tell you the best.

You know, the bus, you get on the bus, it's like, that's how it goes anyway but i like it but i like the bus so so what you were saying before is that don goes over to liane's which is like they're like family yeah she says dougall's literally family. And then she's like, learn, do better, you'll look fit. That's the way to prove it, darling. And then I was like, I'll get her.

I'll get her for you, my goalie. Could you believe the nerve of my goalie? Coming out and not having a ticket, wasn't that something? She's like, can we just get over it? I don't even care. Well, Dawn can get over it, but I'm not we just get over it i don't even care but don can get over it but i'm not ready to get over it for don i'm not ready to get over don getting over it you know what i mean the camera's like falling over from boredom like really meanwhile they're like there's like this little girl bouncing around doing crazy shit on a trampoline the entire time i'm like what

is happening in this scene they're like all right this is gonna be a boring scene little girl get on the trampoline i don't want to tell you how to raise your children but that one could use that one could use a diet and maybe a little less jumping on the head out there that could kill you she's like dawn i was just like leanne i really like to have this conversation but i need to go berate your daughter excuse me all right land it stick it stick it while you're trying to stick it are you listening to me it takes a lot to manage this trampoline paint are you gonna bounce the meningitis next. Get ready for the show. Sucre de soleil. Sucre de meningitis. And it's like, I forgot to tell you something.

Macaulay. It's like, oh, shut up. Okay, so chandeliers in the kitchen, I wrote. Yes, exactly. I know exactly what you're talking about. It's Ampika's kitchen. And all you hear is this. You hear, Ampika's party is always a glamorous affair.

I'm like, who said that? And it's like, Ampika said that. I'm like, what? Don't third You hear, Ampika's party is always a glamorous affair. I'm like, who said that? And it's like, Ampika said that. I'm like, what? Don't third person yourself, Ampika. She's nature channeling herself. She's like, Hey, you see the world, Ampuka? Walking through the kitchen with double chandeliers.

Will check your cup of coffee. Oh, yeah. I'm so pissed off. I'm bad girl. I like to go boxing. I get pissed off i'm bad girl i like to go boxing i get pissed off i discard men and i have a very old lady house with chandeliers in the kitchen and old lady couches some people ask what how many pendants should i put in the kitchen i say how many chandeliers can fit over the granite can it top jesus christ you're gonna hit your face on those things they're not even above you How many chandeliers can fit over the granite can of dope? Jesus Christ. You're going to hit your face on those things.

They're not even above you on the ceiling. They're in your face. And they're gigantic. I know. They are poorly chosen. Poorly curated chandeliers. So we have a fantastic shuffa-fa. Oh, I'm just a bad speller.

It's not their accent. I just can't spell it. I can't type. We have a fantastic chef called Eddie. He can turn his hand into any kind of food. He's the best chef in Shesha. We call him Chef Show. I'm young and sexual, so I'm getting some hot young waiters.

So she gets these hot young stripper waiters. I don't know where she got them because they seem terrified to be there terrified a preschool workout room or something they were scared shitless like little kitties that you shaved down and just dragged out of the box you know and like started throwing coins at yeah they were um they were like who is this crazy wannabe mariah carey cougar and why is she eyeing us? We just want to get out of here.

Why? Why? She was so, like, vocally rapey. She's like, welcome, balls. Look at ya. Let me look at your abs there, balls. Ooh, balls. Let's see the six-pack snare.

All right, now. Put balaclava on your abs. They look at her really awkwardly and she goes and her hair is literally in curlers i mean she could not look like a crazier cougar if she tried and she's like screaming at them like she's in a strip club but it's just her and it's silent and they're like not smiling they're all scared they're like lady your curler is about to hit the chandelier stop it's making us nervous and then i put lip gloss yikes oh i think they just showed her putting on lip gloss and i said

guys yeah mcgoyle mcgoyle so then all the women start to arrive at the party and they're all showing up they're like mcgoyle has a part look at the mcgawley i mean not mcgawley i'm pika i'm pika it's classic i'm pika i can pick as glamorous oh fondue's happening oh i'm pika i'm pika and they're all such bitches they're like what a typical i'm pika party beautiful men and they're gonna leave by morning morning because Ampika doesn't have a whole spin. Every one of them, God, every one of them in some way is like, well, of course Ampika has steak that's not cooked right. She's single and doesn't have a mane. She don't know what it means, the value of cooking something.

But then I love that Ampika's like, she's like in a state, she's like, you know what? I wasn't happy with Magali. And as soon as she walks in, I'm going to have a know what i wasn't happy with mcgully and as soon as she walks in i'm gonna have a say with her and i'm gonna pop at her and then it's gonna be done it'll be it'll be 20 seconds it'll be done and all the drama will be on the other side of the gate okay so i'm gonna i'm like what do you matter what are you mad at mcgully about you had nothing to do

with mcgully like the whole issue there was nothing there was no beef why are you so pissed at mcgully i think she just likes saying over and over again that she can kick people out of her gates. I think she says it 20 times in this scene. She's like, you don't walk out, you can't get out the gates. Take her to the paddock, alright? Get out of my gate.

Everyone, watch the gates open. Someone might be walking through there. Someone's got to do the gate i put a big balaclava on the gate so you can't see it but it's there so poor mcgawley everywhere they go they mcgawley is always their last so everybody's already talked about how much they hate her and then whatever cameraman is terrified of her you can tell because every time they shoot her it's like from below like the cameraman sees her coming and literally crouches in fear and shoots up it's like always kind of an up angle at mcgully and it's just always an awkward entrance for this poor lady she's like hello it's like

mcgully listen here i want to get this out on the table. And when it's out on the table, you can either eat it or you're going to walk out the gate. I put a table on this side of the gate and that side of the gate. And you can decide where you want to put it. On the table. On the gate. Inside the table or outside the table? And Magali's like, yes, but I can't say hello. You have to say this

right away. Like, I mean, I walk in. I just walk in. I'm like, whoa, okay,

whoa. Whoa. Like, I can't say hi? Whoa. Whoa. You know what my favorite, favorite comedian is?

Cousin Joey. Whoa. Oh, it's from Blossom. Whoa. Got it wrong. I'm like six and you're like, you'rein Joey. Whoa. Oh, it's from Blossom. Whoa. Got it wrong. I'm like six and you're like Joey. Except I'm Joey and you're six.

Whoa. Just blew my mind doing a Joey comparison. I'm like, she's six. She's Blossom. I'm Joey. Whoa. Are you going to blow my mind? I'm going to blow my mind.

Whoa. Macaulay. All I'm asking is if a flower hat is complimentary so i liked it it wasn't even impolite in her eyes to come at her in front of a bunch of women she doesn't even know the rude part was that she didn't let her say hi first she's like okay i can see you coming to me with these things But I said I say hi to the first You know I say

I say first hi Hi Hello Kiss Hello Kiss Hello Hello

Kiss Okay then Now what is What is this you want to say The funniest thing is Because M.Pika When so when Magali Walked to M.Pika

He's like You know what I wasn't very happy With you the other night I wasn't happy with you And then that's when Magali's like Let Mbika's like, you know what? I wasn't very happy with you the other night. I wasn't happy with you. And then that's when Magali's like, let me speak. Let me say hello. And so then she comes back.

And she's like, okay. And Mbika's like, I said my piece. I said my piece. Like, what was your piece? You didn't say anything. You just said, I wasn't happy. All right, said my piece. Well, that's everybody tonight.

Because earlier it was Leanne going, I'm going to yell at Magali. I'm going to give her a pop. And then everybody's going to give Magali a pop. But then it comes down to it, and they're like, okay. Right after that, they all felt so bad for Magali that they were like, oh, poor Magali. She just got yelled at. Hey, Magali, I'd just like to say i'm sorry for everything well she was like leanne was like never mind never never mind never mind let's just pretend it never happened okay

goodbye goodbye i'm like are you a reality star or what no reality star says um never mind never mind never mind we have to go let's not fight about this for the next five weeks said my piece i'm gonna need to fight with you about this in a quarter, Satan. But for right now, I just want to say, good night. How about that trampoline, huh? So, and then Magali, if Leanne want war, I give Leanne the war. And she's like, okay, thank you, Leanne. Okay.

Okay, I said hello. Okay. Goodbye now, war. War, Leanne, war. Okay, I said hello. Okay. Goodbye now. Whoa, Leanne, whoa. Okay, then Magali. But what I love is that Magali is really kind of desperate to be friends with everyone. So she sort of interprets everything as like, who would have thought? Leanne, she told me she wants to be in her bridesmaids.

Which is funny. I thought she's already married. She said that there was forget about us. Now we're best friends. Like, no, no, no. She just was like saying she just wants to forget about it. Yeah. Well, it's different when your second language is English and you're listening to these bitches to learn it.

That poor thing probably mishears everything. That's probably why she's so defensive. She probably thinks someone's attacking her all day and they're probably just like, hello, top of the mountain, T. She's like, they just said a fuck you to me, this man, this country. This is what they do to Macaulay. Macaulay. Well, then, so when they also sit at the table,

Tanya's like, I'm going to, in her mind, she's like, I'm going to break the ice. And so she's like, I'm going to start calling you maggots. Yep, maggots. It's like, first of all, don't call her something that sounds like maggots. Don't call her something that almost sounds like a racial slur. And just don't call her anything, really. Was that the name she was going to call her?

She's going, Magas, Magas. Oh, gross. But the funny thing is, so then she's like, how about Mags? And Magal is like, no. No? What is it? Magas about Mags? And Magali's like, no. No, what is it? Magas? Mags?

No? How about Magali? She goes, Magas? This is no football, bitch. That is what you call people on the pitch, okay? I don't see no football. Oh, is that what she said? Yeah, the pitch.

She's like, I don't see no football. I don't see no football, okay? I don't see no football. Oh, is that what she said? Yeah, the pitch. She's like, I don't see no football. I don't see no football, okay? I don't see no pitch. I don't see no stadium. Do I see a stadium? No. There's no magazine. There's only Magali.

The waiters come in terrified with like some little shriveled up provolet or whatever. Whatever it was. I'm not going to call it shriveled up Because the chef Is George Sands At many things So I'm gonna diss that It looked delicious But the waiters Looked terrified

Carrying it And she's like All I balls Bring in the food Look at these balls Bring in the food Thank god I know

And then And then there's like This conversation Between Tanya and Lauren And Lauren's like Where you from love And she's like I'm from Sunderland And she's like this conversation between Tanya and Lauren. And Lauren's like, where are you from, love? And she's like, I'm from Sunderland. She's like, Sunderland?

Where's Sunderland? I don't know about Sunderland. I met Donald Sutherland in Los Angeles. I lived in LA. I met Donald Sutherland. Guess what? He was very well-bred. So then, and I love though, tanya's don't so tanya's impersonation though so tanya's tanya's

version of lauren talking is like ladies of london tanya's like the way she talks she talks she's like where are you from my dear i'm like she does not sound anything like that unless someone from in sunderland would think that darling oh i thought you liked me Dolan would think that, Dolan. Oh, I thought you liked me. Lauren. Where are you from? Where's Sutherland?

Oh, Sutherland. Did you say Sutherland? And she's like, how about you? Where are you from? Where are you from that said great? Huh? Where are you from? Shasha.

Shasha. I'm from Shasha. I'm from Shasha. I spent some time in a lie but now i'm back in chasha why are you talking like you're from buchanan palace you dumb bitch she's a snorty old goat she gets so mad and i like it because you can tell that she's just getting drunker and drunker as this thing goes on because lauren is probably obnoxious but she seems kind of offensive like don't you are inoffensive what did i just say she seems inoffensive to me what do you think lauren i think she's i think she seems benign i don't think that i don't think that her asking about state school or her asking about where people are from was really too obnoxious.

I think that Tanya is insecure and she feels self-conscious about the fact that she went to state school and that she's from Sunderland. So she automatically projected, excuse me, all this snobbiness onto Lauren, but I don't think it was really there. Well, Lauren's response, at least to the cameras was very funny she's she's she goes tanya think some snobby but she doesn't know me or me or this area let's face it it is a snobby place because you don't go choose to live in bolton like damn okay okay yeah like no she yeah no she mean, she definitely is snobby, but I don't think she was snobby in that moment. I don't think she was trying to be mean to the poor person. And you know why she

wasn't snobby at that moment? Because she's wild bride. I've got my mouth. I'm wild bride. Yeah. So, um... Put some butter on me balls cause i'm well pride well bra you know what my favorite thing at the farm is to push around i love pushing around a

bra put some hair in my wheelbarrow because my world bars bro ride Because my world Bars very bad Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal

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Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal

Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal

Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal

Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal

Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal

Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal

Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal Sondal how how many classes did you have to take before your brain started hurting

was it a lot for you and pika is hating these bitches like she is gonna kill them she's like well she's i can't believe you'd come to my party and this is what you talk about i hate this was everybody talking about this board and the thing with Ampika is that you can see she's like hot. You know, she has like a film on her. She looks uncomfortable. She's had too much booze. Her cheeks are turning red because I think she's got some Asian in her. And so it's like she just looks massively uncomfortable and flustered.

Everyone else looks good, but she just looks like she just needs to dive into a swimming pool. Maybe the one downstairs with all the toys in them that have been discarded. Swimming pool is even inside alone. Your swimming swimming pool is the right side that men go into. I don't got that kind of pool.

Mine is alone in kind of cold on the inside. I'm like, thanks for having us over i'm piker well so so then uh don starts talking about the girl band starts talking about like their weight and i guess she's like one girl's pretty confident which is pretty impressive because she's fat and then and then they all start like jumping on don before she's even made her whatever the point she was going to make. Because I don't actually think she was trying to fat shame anyone. But then everyone's like...

Only in the way a protective mother does, darling. That's what a good mother does. She's like, my daughter is a brand. And unfortunately, it's a fat brand. It's a plus size brand. There's a lot more brand to go around. That's all, darling. If you're going to be a brand, you're going to decide if you're going to be a pee in the pod

Or an express for men Make up your mind I said, Dobby No one wants to stay up off Mashemile and Man To sing songs for them So get in shape And she said Dobby, listening

Dobby, are you listening? Darby, I assume you're going to be the one that's cantering with someone on your back, alright? You're blowing up. Darby, your bass is off. Alright, mother rat. Off to rehearse with the trampoline band. Alright, Darby, you're out the band. Get trampoline girl in there now.

Look, none of you eat anything. Darby, don't get on that trampoline. You're going okay you're fat it's just gonna snap into you so the other girls do start going crazy and tanya is like during you know she's drunk too and she's already yelled it uh the redheaded hoe whatever yeah so it's tanya and leanne and tanya's like yeah but you can't do that to your daughter can you because you know a diet makes the girl oh it's making me sad right now thinking about a diet this is the girl who almost had a heart attack going to the boxing class by the way and then leanne's like that'll hurt you in your soul going on a diet talk to her about that talk to people about going on diet they're all talking about like going on diets when these girls have been all nipped and tucked up the wazoo.

When you have had that much body modification, you really lose the right to talk about what's the right thing to do to a girl. You can't eat a lot of sodium and then get surgery, don't you? At the same time, your head will explode. Oh, it's terrible. Meanwhile, this is the perfect opportunity for Magali to speak to us. And she's like, everyone's talking over like ping pong.

That's the ball that fell on the floor. Someone pick up the ball on the floor. All right, they picked it up. New game. Net. That's in the net. That's in the net right there pop myself she likes to play ping pong i like to ping pong ping pong i'm like okay let's go let's play i do a pop i do a pop and then i do

a whoa whoa and then whoa and then i catch the ball with my paddle and i put it against the table and it makes that noise where it goes, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop like Ramona has like a sudden like, whoa, this is crazy. And Magali's like, whoa, just put two and two together. Two here, two there. Two, two, two, two, two, two, two. Oh, pop. Whoa. Whoa.

We hadn't even had a dinner. We hadn't even had one bite of the dinner and a pop. Let the spiders eat each other. that was so good i love that she's like oh i think to myself let the spiders eat each other like golly it doesn't make any sense why would you pick the skinniest arachnid like couldn't you pick like you know like a furry mammal that's got a little meat on his bones or something but it doesn't even make any metaphorical sense like if she said the snakes, that makes sense. But spiders, they're just spiders.

Spiders don't eat spiders, darling. She can't say a snake because then Ampiku would be like, I'm like a snake. If I eat a snake, I'm trying to digest another snake, and then I'll poop out another snake, and we'll be multiple snakes and poop. What do you say about that, Magala?

I say, here's what i say i say let the daddy long legs walk around each other let my piece of beef eat your piece of beef this is what i say whoa speaking of which speaking of which the chef then brings out gorgeous pieces of of like this it's filet and it is perfectly cooked the color on it is beyond it's lovely I was like wow that's awesome and so they're all like it's Leanne's like it's steak and it's

raw Leanne has never seen a steak she's like I can't believe it. Are we on a survivor challenge? It's raw. Then Don is like, it's moving on my plate. Send it back. This steak is fat.

I'm not going to sit here and eat a fat steak. The air said it. It's not about anorexia. I just prefer that this cow is bulimic. Make an effort with the hoof. You know what I mean? Cow, are you even listening to me? Moo, moo, moo, mean? Okay, are you even listening to me?

And then Tanya's drunk. She's like, I'm more cooked than this. And then the chef looks like he just wants to kill himself. Yeah. And then Pico's mortified. She's like, oh, Eddie? Oh, no, you've charged a hand in life You know what These girls are acting like me with men

They're just discarding the steak It's not right Not like toys like men You can't put a bowl of clover on the steak You gotta eat it With baklava afterwards I warned you that we were having dinner With a bunch of cavemen

No Where are the cavemen at Boys you're kind man Hey boys I'm looking for some kind man i'm so pissed off you're talking about you're talking about your husbands you're talking about your steaks i don't even know what i was to say anymore I can't do it anymore Talking about the steaks and the husband

And the galley I'm just like get out of my heart right now Yeah one second the lady's like So how's your husband Like it got really boring That's what you're talking about Everybody talking about their husband I don't got a husband

I don't even got a step now Because I made it seem bit too I can't even buy one of those Pillows that you got a husband I don't even got a set now Because they made it Send back to Bullshif I can't even buy One of those pillows That you call a husband From Bed Bath & Beyond They're out of them

I had one for Two and a half years And then it left me too I even bought a couple Of boys off the paper And they're terrified of me I'm never gonna win And so she has a fit

She's like Get the fuck out my house I can't take no more And these bitches are like, no. And Tanya's like, no, I'm not leaving. I'm having fun. I'm having a ball. I'm having a blast.

I'm having a pop. Yeah. So MP goes like, I can't take it no more. So she goes out. And then Tanya goes, not Tanya, Leanne. No one else will even follow her. Only Leanne. Everyone's like, I'm here for the fondue.

Yeah, I thought, at fond, the beef's finally cooked right. Don's like, well, I finally got my steak cooked properly. You make me leave now? I don't think so. I'll show you what anorexia's not. Hand me that steak. Steak, work on your base. I'm on a mission to get myself fat

so that way my daughter looks skinnier. Gotta eat that steak. Steak. Work on your base. I'm on a mission to get myself fat so that way my daughter looks skinnier. Gotta eat that steak. Bondu too. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month.

Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more.

She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries

Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat or be eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on

campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. If she ain't gonna do it, I'm gonna do it for her.

I'm gonna stand next to her the entire concert. Be like, if one has me here, except it's me. Now sing. Sing better I'm just here cause I care So I want you guys to listen up You old bunch of loose twats

And I hope you hold on About sex today Alright mom I'm out Good talk Good talk Good talk guys So meanwhile And then

Oh sorry go ahead I was gonna say Aunt Beaker outside, and she's just like... Anyway, she's just saying it's hard. You know it's hard because she's... But what's hard? Did Magali try to come in here with the ticket she didn't want to pay for? Is it Magali? She's like, no, it's because I don't have a man to come home.

I don't have a man. I don't have a mind to come home. I don't have a mind. I don't give a fucking fuck about my goalie. I'm like a snake with nothing to swallow. There's nothing for me to describe. You don't understand what it's like. She's like, you're right. Well, sometimes some people are just meant to die alone. All right, let's eat dessert.

She's like, thanks for talking so she goes in she's like i've got a big revelation and he's the big cliffhanger and i'm thinking oh my god so she's lonely is that her cliffhanger she's like i can't get over the divorce or whatever yeah but no that's what i thought it was gonna be too and i misunderstood it because i didn't understand the language i thought she said i've had a mistress for the past few years at first i thought she said she just got a mattress she's like i have a mattress i have a confession i've got a mattress no she goes i've been a mistress i've been a mission everyone's like which is by the way as you said everything's recycled it's kim zolciak season one yeah um so then i'm so lonely and i

can't find a man because i'm a mistress and he'll never marry me and she's talking to a bunch of married women who are like uh hell no yeah we get a solid whoa whoa myali. Whoa, Magali, whoa. That's not right. Meanwhile, Lauren, I loved Lauren's response, which I recorded. She goes, Mistress, does that mean he's got a wife? Can I have a wife? Does that mean he's got a wife?

What does mistress mean? Does that mean something different in that part of the country? Does he got a wife? Is she a wife, bruh? Mistress, does that mean he's got a wife? A wife? Does he have a wife? Or was someone just kind to her in the department store?

Because they were brides with minors. Mistress. Is the mistress her-bred? You know what I like about her boyfriend's wife? She's got manners. She's well-bred. Oh, mistress. Maybe she's a teacher. Maybe she's well-bred.

I wonder if she went to state school, if she's just well-bred. My favourite couple of all time is Jennifer and Brad. I love Brad I love I love Angelina and Brad Angelina's wild, Brad So is Brad Brad's wild, Brad

I will suck him like a sandwich With Brad And two pieces of Brad It'll be a bread sandwich. Bread, bread. I want bread, bread sandwich for bread. Bread, bread. That's how she says bread pit.

Bread, bread. My favorite actor is Brad Pitt. Have you seen the new Brad Pitt movie? Hello there. I'm not sure if I have the right number. I'm looking for Brahma. Have you seen the Brahma movie, 12 Bunker?

Bunker? Oh, that was Tom Crow. My favorite Brahma movie is Carcass of Benjamin Baha. Don't you like that movie about Benjamin Button? He keeps getting younger, we'll get older. Good old Benjamin Button. And Pika's like, I sure do.

I'm Benjamin Button, mother donor, back into the Middle middle ages No one's ever gonna touch it again Boys You wanna set a mama's lap Boys They're crying now Look at them I have a secret to tell all y'all I'm a mistress

And my boyfriend He's a baby Used to be a man Got younger Who's trans age? We're going the wrong way. We'll never get married. We're going the wrong way.

We've officially reset age. His mother's the woman from Empire. Cookie. I love a cookie. More than pride. I wonder when that little Benjamin Button's going to show up on Empire. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Okay, so she's like, I'm going to unleash the truth. You all got your husbands, and I'm bobbing around like a cock on the ocean. And Lauren's like, darling, you're doing it right. Reach for record. Reach for record. She is fully living the Whitney Houston, the seminal Whitney Houston song, Saving All My Love. That is the mistress, the sad, unfulfilled mistress anthem. And Ampika is living it right now.

I'm really confused because this is spoiler alert this show aired a year ago it's already on season two but spoiler alert next week she's like no i wouldn't say and i was sleeping with the married man just that i'm not his wife i'm like get out of here she's like yeah don't yeah which makes me wonder if she's even doing that or she just wants everyone to think she's getting laid. You know, part of me is like... Maybe she's like, oh, no, I'm not with the married man. I just took over a school.

I'm a headmistress. That's all. Because I love to give head to married men. All my naps in the circus. I'm the mistress of ceremonies. I'm Pika. How awful. Rengar Fire's addictive, isn't it? i'm pika how awful ring of fire is addictive in it uh she's talking about bobbing like a sorry she tries to explain it i don't know why i can't get off this but when she's trying to

explain it she's announcing to the whole table she's like no he it. You got princess ideals growing up, don't you? Oh, Cinderella cleaned a couple of stoves and found a man. Sleeping Beauty was asleep in a glass cage and someone made out with her anyway. Which is probably that right, let's face it. And then you got Snow White, which, you know, she's the whitest, so there you go. And I've been fucking married, mate. What? How does that have to do anything with those Disney bitches?

You are a hoe. Stop. Yeah, stop it. Stop it. Move on. Just like fucking Cinderella. Get out of here, Ampica. I'm not going to feel sorry for you.

If you know you're never going to get married, he's never gonna leave leave her for you then move on i don't feel bad that you're a mistress that's your own problem yeah me too i mean i ain't gonna judge you for it i'm not mistress shaming you i'm just saying might not want to bring it up at the dinner table like kind of awkward it's almost like you want a high five for getting dick but i don't know you can't even get a stripper no one's gonna believe you got a married man do you think yeah come on i'm pika all right well that was the episode nice to i'm pika and then leanne of course don't air your dirty laundry in public i live in a house it's quite nice

that's what she does she does she does gamble voice british gamble voice in the opening credits I live in a house. It's quite nice. That's what she does. She does gamble voice, British gamble voice in the opening credits. I live in a house. I married a footballer. It's quite nice. I married a footballer. I make pancakes.

Or sometimes I watch other people make pancakes. And, you know. I'm Leanne. I've never had my water turned off. My golly. I'm scared to get on a trampoline So I watch my daughter do it instead I know She's got manners

She's well-bred That's the name of this episode She's got manners She's well-bred That's the name of this episode She's got manners She's well-bred Guys, we love you Darby, are you listening? Are you listening to all this, Darby? Are you learning?

Darby We are thankful for this party We are thankful for all these crazy British people That Bravo keeps putting on TV that allow us to talk for an hour in a crazy accent. Thank you. Let's move on to the bonus bonus episode with Ms. Katie Cazola. I hadn't talked to Katie in a while, so we had some catching up to do.

We started with Vanderpump Rules. Unwatchable at this point. How dare you, ma'am? No, but really, I think it's's honestly i think it's unwatchable i just talked about it for like an hour and a half so i would heartily disagree i think it's amazing sheena but shay you can still drink oh my god she's she's fucking retarded, Shana Marie. She is. Don't be an alcoholic. That's so gross. I swear to God, it's like, let's take the dumbest fucking people in Los Angeles, which

I mean, there's a lot. So there's a lot to choose from. And let's put them on a show called Vanderpump Rules. It's like trying to pick the dumbest goldfish and a giant goldfish you know plastic swimming pool at a fair darling when's the last time that you've gone to like pump or serve on friday i go there ironically because whenever i know people from this you know we're friends who like this they always want to go to one of those places because you always see one and we saw james he's like oh hello there i'm james yeah that's right how you doing you enjoying your evening you enjoying your evening there miss yeah and he kind of like his

head kind of bobs around like he's always dancing to something in his head wait a second he really does work there no that's like's like Disneyland, you know? One of them has to come in every shift. I think there has to be one of them a night. And I think they just kind of walk around. I mean, this is what I've heard. Didn't I hear this from you? Actually, you could be all the gospel about that place. Yeah. But they, apparently someone is supposed to be there every night, you know, Minnie Mouse to greet the children, if you will. then lisa comes in and says something rude to them and then jets off in a giant car oh my god yes that's totally true

they have to have one person from there every night so it'll keep people excited like oh well i saw kristin or oh well i saw whoever you know yep And when they're desperate, she just unplugs Ken. It's like, all right, darling. Go on in there, Ken. Go on. Shuffle. Hello. Hello. Shuffle around there.

Hello. Shuffle around. Flesh Roomba, darling. That's Ken. He hits a wall. He just turns right around and moves in a different direction, darling. Sometimes he gets caught in carpets. You know that's really true it is true i've seen him do it a few times and it's so

funny because he walks around in a matching outfit with the dog of course he's in like a gorgeous suit that costs more than my life and uh he walks around with that little dog jiggy in the same outfit or whatever i don't even know if the dog's real. I've never even seen it move. Like, for all I know, it could just be a little puff of something, you know, in a sweater. And he just, hello, hello. And people are like, Ken, can we get a picture with you? Sure. He never smiles.

He's like, sure. And he just stands there, click, click, click. Do it again. Different angle. You know, tourists, we are And he just stands there. Click, click, click. Do it again. Different angle. You know, tourists. We are. I've done it. And he's just, you know, when he's done, he just hollow, hollow, continues cleaning the lobby.

How many stores do you have open right now? So I have Everything Nails, The Painted Nail, High Society, which is like my little hip, cute, Harry Potter-esque tea house that's opening in like a month. What? Are you going to have medical marijuana at the bar? You should have some special cupcakes. That's a perfect name. No, but we do have the Truman Capote, and it's our featured scone and a large cup of tea. I need to ask you a very important question.

Okay. Do you serve penis brew? We do. We're going to have that. So you're going to get a Keurig machine, basically, is what you're saying. Yeah. Spring for a Keurig. Can I just tell you, though, we are going to have cold press on tap,

and our tea is keg. So you can bring in a growler and get our Earl Grey. I don't know what any of that means. It's just hip, cool shit that I feel like, you know, L.A. really needs because everyone's on this like stupid, you know, craft coffee thing where it's like, let's make it better than that. Yeah, let's make it better than that. Yeah. Let's make it craft tea. Yeah. It's like if, if Alice in Wonderland went to prep school with Harry Potter, that's the whole design of the place. I think that, uh, the millennials, Oh, so old. I know. I know how I sound,

but kids today is what I'm trying to say. Basically. I think that there's something different in the way that they grew up, uh, chemically, like there was something different in the air because their noses are everything have you noticed that like the tea you'll have to know everything about that tea because those hipsters are going to come in and be like well the guava flower that grows in the himalayas yeah first flush darjeeling this seems like it's more like quarter of the mile down the mountain. Like I know it's going to be that yet. None of these people have jobs because they can only work like a three day work week and they can't show up on time because they have things that they need to

get done in the morning that interfere with their job. And then they have to take multiple vacations throughout the month. I know I run storefrontfronts it's hiring anybody under 25 is like literally i'd rather play russian roulette with isis yeah i would you know they'll cheat too sorry there was a bullet in every machine gun i know I know. I would rather do that with a, what's it called? A Karushnikov. Well, I know how painful that can be because I was one of those employees once. Yeah.

Well, you know what? When I was in my 20s, I actually went to work and I listened to my boss and I didn't post bullshit on social media. So. Well, we didn't have it, darling. I know. It's because we didn't have social media. Yeah.

Well, there was no Instagram. You just talked shit about each other in the break room or the, you know, like the wait station or whatever. I know. And then when someone's like, did you say that about me? You're like, no. And they're like, well, I saw it on blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Nowadays, there's like Twitter and Instagram and Snapchat.

And I don't even know half the shit that's out there. I literally know how to do Instagram and social media, which i'm at the painted nail and at high society h-i-s-o-c-i-e-t-e-a pinkies up um yeah but i mean i just i think that you know watching vanderpump rules is a sorry reminder of people who are 25 and under and i don't know what happened i think everybody must have like done GHP when they were they were pregnant and this is what the result is I think they're pretty normal they just have access to more um dick um drugs and money and fame for no reason it's kind of amazing if you think about it you know being famous and and being a being a waiter. I like that. I mean, I've, I've grown to love that idea. You know, I think it's, I think it gives people false hope.

And I, I think what it does is makes anyone think they can just move to LA. And well, they can, I mean, that's the thing. If you're hot, you can, that's the hilarious thing about LA. It's like we reward complete, ignorant, stupid, gorgeous people. You know, we'll ignore the bad stuff as long as you're hot. And then we complain. We're like, they're so dumb. Well, of course they're dumb. It's like giving a dog a treat and then getting mad that he ate the treat.

Oh, my God. So I would, you know, I'm okay then. I'm okay with this situation. I would rather be marginally okay looking but superior in my intelligence. I guess we're on the same page then, Ronnie. You're really good looking. The thing is it's about being good looking and like 25. I think that's like the maturity level.

You know, you're like a carton of milk. People will barely touch you even when you're perfectly at the right date because every other milk looks just the same. You know, they're not going to get some old ass milk from the back. You know what? I actually drink the old ass milk. So I guess that sets me apart. You do? Well, it's almond milk.

So I feel like it doesn't expire. Oh, almond milk's not the same. I can't drink regular milk. It reminds me of Girl Scouts when I had to milk a cow in upstate New York. And that smell of like hot udder mixed with that milky, gross smell. Every time I smell milk, I'm like, oh, Girl Scouts when I threw up at some like dairy farm in upstate New York. Oh, my God. The Girl Scouts make me love milk. That's when I fell in love with milk, thin mints and milk. Oh, my God. Girl Scouts, I love you. I'm just going to give you a counterpoint to everything you say. I'm like, no, waiters money i'm a broke walter i'm a talentless broke walter you're broke walter oh my god speaking of which i totally wish i could talk about the

project he's working on right now but i will say this yesterday i we were going to do this podcast yesterday however michael bolton was singing um i believe it was like moon river or something in my living room so we couldn't do it. But he's working on another album. That's so exciting. But I'm like sworn to secrecy. So I literally can't talk about it. But you just like said.

No, that's a different one. That's a different one. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Put it this way. She's a woman. She's a huge diva. Everyone in the world loves her. She's massively famous.

And she can do no wrong in anyone's eyes. Miley Cyrus? in the world loves her she's massively famous and she can do no wrong in anyone's eyes so miley cyrus you nailed it sheena marie it's definitely sheena's um no it's actually luann de la i know that that's not true because she's playing thanksgiving in jamaica new york at wait is she real does she really tour Oh well I don't know if it's a tour she you know The housewives you'll go they'll give You 20,000 bucks to shop to show

Up at some Las Vegas Bar or whatever some Las Vegas club And then they put it all over the billboards in town Or in Atlantic City you see it a lot there They'll be like The bus boy from Vanderpump Rules It's gonna be here

two nights before new year's fifty dollars and people really go to that oh yeah my parents went to one a long time ago and anna nicole smith was there because my parents loved vegas so obviously i'm dating myself but it was a long time ago and my mom goes who's that slut and i said god mom that's the point like celebrate it and she's like she got up there for thanksgiving and she didn't even know how to count she was like everybody oh happy new year 10 nine seven doing sugar like she'd start talking to people my mom was like new year's was rung in by everyone else before her she couldn't even remember how to do it remember her poor assistant kimmy where she'd be like kimmy god that show was so good that was one of my all r.i.p r.i.p and nicole smith i loved her yeah she was an amazing nut

they made a tv movie about her but the girl who played her was so serious I had to turn it off because it was so sad like I really like the laughing part I don't like the whole dying of an overdose or whatever that was terrible um you know what the guy um or what is it uh Larry whatever I thought he was supposed to get a reality show with the daughter danny lynn i don't someone sued somebody and then they had a deal on for e for a new e show and it was going to be danny lynn and larry not larry david what's his name could you imagine all right go ahead do your dance isn't she talented everybody oh my god that's pseudo bernie zanders um i just i feel like um that would have been a great show i would have watched it just because i loved anna nicole smith so much and that would have been something i watched but i don't know what happened to it

so if anybody knows i mean feel free to leave something in the comments where i can look it up well everybody was suing everybody i mean mean, they were like, money, money, money, grabbing money, grabbing money, grabbing money, and trying to get money from everything. Anna Nicole actually did win. She lost one, but won another $800 million or something, but the money is in the trust for Danny Lynn now. Yeah, and I think someone was trying to get control of the trust.

I mean, I don't know. It's over. Sadly, it's over. That wasn't the fun part anyway, you know? God why are we even talking about it out the death years ago yeah edit out the horrible thing what's the point of being a celebrity if you can't just edit your life you know and if you can't well i don't need to see the unedited unlike real housewives uncensored no actually we have more to talk about before we get to that so you have a lot going on tell me everything because you've already had a show the nail files and you've been on a zillion

other reality shows what were you on recently my big fat sweet greek wedding life oh yeah so i you know normally i do like home and family that's you, you know, like my gig on the Hallmark channel. But I did the Fab Life, which, oh my God, did you hear the news? Harry Banks quit. She quit her own show. What happened? I have no idea. I think there was a lot of beef between Chrissy Teigen and Tyra because there was just some weirdness there.

But I know that she wishes everybody well and she's still going to kind of oversee, I think, like executive produce or whatever. But if you watched it, it was a lot about Tyra and like her makeup line and Tyra Beauty and Tyra this. What else is she going to talk about? I've never heard her talk about anything else. I know.

It just got so obnoxious to the point where it's like it's a giant infomercial. You know, I went on that show. I had 300 gift bags I put together for the audience that had nail polishes and do it yourself, nail kits and all that. It literally cost me like thousands of dollars. And I wasn't even allowed to say it was from the painted nail. Oh, wow. Because it was a cosmetics line after I already talked to the producers and everything was cleared. Then they cut my segment out completely because they didn't want to show my brand. Ah, yes. Whoa. Yeah, it was ridiculous. I was like, I'm never doing this again. Like it was honestly like a really awful experience. I did get paid and the producer was really nice because I worked with her before on nail files but it was just so like they just kind of like it was like having a um what's that called

a c-section where it's like you know you go in they cut you open take the baby out and then on to the next like that's literally how I felt yeah but then they didn't ever tell anybody or anything or just acknowledge that they were even pregnant. It's like, it's weird. Yeah, it's like I didn't even know I was pregnant. Like that show, that's what it was like. I had a baby in the toilet. Yeah, I was at my prom and all of a sudden I went to pee and a baby fell out.

And you're like, really? You really did not? How do you not know you're pregnant? Like, that's insane. Anyways, well, that's what that show, I will reference it to. And now everyone's pregnant on that show. And well that's what that show i will reference it to and now everyone's pregnant on that show and tyra's gone i don't know they should just call it the shit show instead of the fab life but um so i was doing that and clearly you know probably not going to be called back for it and then i was well who cares i mean what are you going to do

they're like would you come back and then um bring products and then we'll cut you out again? Yeah. That was really fun. Felt good to us. Come back. Yeah. Give away all free stuff that cost you thousands of dollars and then we won't even give you a shout out. And you know, Tyra used it too.

She was like, wow, this shit's good. I know she did. This is really long lasting. The glass isn't lying. This is a new formula. I shall find out formula. I know. And probably the next thing she has coming out is her Tyra do-it-yourself nails.

But anyway, so I did that. I mean, I love Home and Family. That's like my one gig. But yeah, my salon's been featured on. Tell me what Home and Family is. I don't know what that is. And I'm so sorry that I don't even know what that is. But you know you have to tell me this stuff.

It's a talk show. That's a daily talk show that's on the Hallmark channel you're on a talk show every day not every day I do it maybe like two or three times a month whoa I didn't know that what do you so you do is that what you talk about home at what home and garden it's like it's like filmed in the old leave it to beaver house up at Universal Backlot. It's really fun. And it's Mark Steinis, who used to host, I think, like Extra or Access Hollywood, and Christina Ferrari. And, you know, it's just a fun show. They have, like, cooking segments and do-it-yourself stuff.

And Paige from, what was that? Extreme Makeover Home Edition is on it. And Debbie Matanopoulos is on it. Oh, right on. Yeah, it's cute. You guys could be sisters. I know. I hear that all the time.

Remember when she was fired from The View because she danced at Coyote Ugly? Is that what she did? I don't remember. I remember that she was always arguing. She'd be like, well, whatever, Barbara. I know. So they had her go on assignment to Coyote Ugly when the movie came out. So she went down there.

And part of the thing was to get up on the bar and swing your shirt around. So she did that and cut to literally the next day, Barbara Walters finds out, and Barbara Wawa said, that's it. You're out of here, and fired her for basically sending her on assignment to do her job. Oh, Snapple. I know. So then they got that little Elizabeth Fox News lover in in there i can't remember what her name was but oh elizabeth hasselbeck's in the news too because she's leaving fox and friends and she's leaving uh her says she's leaving to

spend more time with her family and i'm like wow that's like a politician who gives a blow job in a bathroom like that's why they leave. What'd she do? Yeah. What'd she do? Something happened. Because you don't just leave a job like that at such a position unless something, there's creative differences. That's another way of saying it. Or irreconcilable differences.

Yeah. She's been working with those kids since before they were born. you don't suddenly decide that family's better, darling. I know. And her kids are like 10. So that's what's weird about it. Yeah. She's like, now that the kids are old enough not to need me, I'm going to go home. And focus on my family. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. There's always such weird stuff in television. I mean, you know, I told you, gosh, it was like in February of last year that I was asked to housewives, Beverly Hills housewives again. And remember we went back and forth. Like you were the only person I told because I was like, are you going to totally,

if I do the show, am I going to be like the brunt of all your jokes? And yes. Well, I mean, not the, but of course. But you know, the more I watch, the more I start having, like, horrible anxiety. Like, first of all, there's no fucking way I'm going to fit in because I'm in my 30s. And I don't want to be looked at as dumb, dumb Megan. And then, which, oddly enough, when we get to it, I mean, can we just fucking discuss last night? It's crazy. Megan was right all along um but yeah i just wanted a casserole so i don't know why everybody's so upset with me because you know all i really

wanted at the end of the day was some dinner and nobody could even send me some dinner you know so you have to over enunciate with a terrible midwestern i can't do it if i add the if i add the nasal in i try to get the nasal because she is so nasally but uh i really can't do it if I add the nasal in. I try to get the nasal because she is so nasally, but I really can only do it if I tack like this, which doesn't really sound like her anyway, but in my mind it works. She always says, uh, email. I received an A email that said, um,

The postman came in and he wrote something down with a Sharpie on a post-it note, you know, an email. He wrote me an A email. I'm like, it's N note, you know, an email. He wrote me an email. I'm like, it's an, an email, a, an. It's not a email. Like, when is she going to ever fucking get that right? It drives me absolutely crazy. Every word is so over enunciated.

I think someone told her if she does that, she'll sound more intelligent. You know, it's like over and unsee everything. So it sounds like you know what you're talking about. You're an idiot. But as long as you sound like you, as long as you understand phonetically what you're saying, that's all people are really looking for. And I was looking through my emails and I saw, I noticed they wrote me, they wrote me an email. And I'm like, how is that? Doesn't she listen to herself and go, oops?

Or does she just think she's right? She's tricky, that one. She's a master. Well, I don't know a master, but she's very manipulative. She'll change her voice or change her cadence with whatever's going on. So when she's in trouble, she'll do things like, well, you know, I saw the letters and no, no, I don't believe him. Because then there was an email. So that means he doesn't have cancer then.

Like she'll start talking like a little kid. I know. And when she tries to parent Haley, that's always my worst. When she's trying to stir her rice-a-roni that she already burned. Wait, Megan? Yes. Oh, Megan? Yes. Oh, I'm talking about Vicky. Okay, that is how bad my Vicky impression is that you think it's Megan.

No, this is Megan. Haley, I'm making rice. Megan's basically my Kristen, too. Oh, my God, yes. But here's the thing. So this is what I didn't understand. Why did they have to put, so the two new cast members on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, one of them is married to a guy that's like almost 90 years old.

Which one? Oh my God. You don't know this? No, because I actually recap that show on Trash Talk TV plus talk about it on this show. So I ignore it until it's back in my face when they're like it's on i'm like okay i'm sitting down i'm doing this okay so the newest housewife um her name is like erica jane i think erica jane she's a singer which is so weird because i i like literally have never heard of her and i mean you, you think I would know, right?

I don't know. Oh, well, yeah. Yeah, of course. Walter. I'm like, really? Yeah. Erica Jane. I mean, really?

You think I would know? So they added her into the cast. Her and this woman named Catherine Edwards. And the funny thing is, is so Erica Jane gets her nails done by a friend of mine who like does everybody from like, she just did Adele's nails for SNL. Well, as we've learned from housewives, the bitches who do the nails know everything. Um, they do. I know we know everything.

So, um, so, so Catherine Edwards is married to, um, Donnie Edwards. He used to play in the NFL like a bazillion years ago. And Erica is married to Thomas Girardi, who is a lawyer. He's like an attorney. But the funny thing is, is there like a bazillion years difference? Oh, yeah. Well, isn't she older? I thought she was like late 30s, but apparently she's in her 40s.

And the funny thing was Yolanda Foster was not going to come back, but they were going to have, do you know Cody Simpson, the singer? Oh, yeah. I read that his mom got deported, I guess. What happened? Okay. So, yeah, because they're from Australia. And so what happens is to be on the show, you have to have either a work visa or a citizen.

Yeah, because it's a job. It's a job. You're getting paid in the United States. That's why a lot of people who try out for like The Voice and all those shows, they either have to withdraw from it or they can't be on it because they don't have work visas and they could be extremely talented but it is not the case I read something, someone posted a tweet that she wrote saying

I was looking forward to being on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills but unfortunately I've been sent back home yeah it's so weird that's why it took so long to kind of figure out what was going on and she also mentioned that she it was a long process that she fought really hard for which I thought was

interesting because I always kind of thought of the process as them being like you want to do it and then people are like yes and then that's it I didn't know it was like a big like the voice voice, you know, like come in and just yell at somebody for being late. No. So it's kind of crazy how they do the process. So first they call you in. Right.

And it's like last year. So the year before I got called in and Walter was like, absolutely not, you know, whatever. So then this year, again, they called me and I was like, you know what? I'm just going to go and see what it's all about. So they put you on tape. It takes like an hour. And they ask you like every single question about your life. How well do you know everybody like Lisa Rinna, Yolanda, all those people.

Yolanda would have been like, hello, Katie. You were on the Fab Life. Welcome to the Even Fabber Life. No, I actually saw her at Kenny G's concert in downtown LA. Everybody was there, Martin Katz and all these people. And I saw her backstage, and oddly enough, she was really nice to me. She gave me a kiss on my lips, and her lips were wet. I was like, oh my God, am I going to get Lyme disease?

I was like, what the fuck? No, she's not a tick. She's got some obnoxious qualities, but give the woman some credit. Oh, my God. So I know. I didn't know anything about it, but regardless. So I wasn't even sure she was going to come back because David was saying she's sick and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I'm like, you know what?

Maybe I'll go in for it and see. So you go through this long process, and then it takes months and months and months. And they do all this background check. They do all this stuff on you, like Googling and internet and all that. My, their issue with me was I was already on another show just a year and a half before. So they think it was too new, but then they came back. They're like, okay, well the network wants to meet with you, blah, blah. So I go back in again. Then they were like, okay, the network network really likes you we want to film at your house so then they come and they film at the house with Walter then they want to meet your friends I mean it took from think about it I didn't get an answer until I was up to do other shows until August and

I went in in February this past year and during And during that time in June, I was asked to do a new show for E which is like, wait, before you move on there, I have to ask you, what was your scene with Walter at home? What were you guys doing? I love those scenes. Like being all awkward. I know it was so weird. Like it's so uncomfortable. And you can tell when people are uncomfortable with cameras. Walter is always in the beginning, uncomfortable. And you can tell when people are uncomfortable with cameras. Walter is always in the beginning uncomfortable, like when we were doing nail files. So the cameras would come in, you know, I had a long day. I have like all this crap I have to do. I come in, the cameras are following me at this point. I don't even understand what's happening. I walk in and Walter's like,

oh, hello there. So how was your day? And I'm like, what the fuck? Like, I was like, why are you talking to me like this this is so weird and there's no think about there's no director there's no whatever the way well the way we filmed it it was super natural so I don't I've seen how they film Real Housewives because we did um Kim and Taylor trying to reconcile in the painted nail. And it was like very like set up. Like, okay, now you're going to walk in. Okay, now you're going to blah, blah, blah. Why would you put Kim in a chemical tank

filled with nothing but huffable things to make up with Taylor of all people? What the hell were these people? We'll get to that when we get to the main show. But what the hell? These producers are so fucking evil. Okay? They're like, yeah, put Kim Richards in the nail thing.

All right, call Katie. It's like, Jesus, people. Have some respect. Okay, so anyway, go ahead. Okay, so anyway, so it was definitely uncomfortable. It's like when they filmed Kimora. Remember Kimora's show, Life in the Fab Lane? They filmed it in my store. And like literally she was like i don't

know what to talk about and the people the producers were like okay well why don't you talk about like your daughter and her new jewelry line with um uh simmons jewelry or whatever and it's like everything was so weird that like i get why people kind of do like the under pump rules because these are clueless kids that like they're, they're not rehearsed. They really kind of just throw them in these situations and just let it like Jersey shore. They didn't have to rehearse anything.

It's very organic. And I think that's why those shows work as opposed to, okay, you guys are going to meet here at one and okay, now you're going to walk in and you can kind of tell when that shit's like super set up. Let's reshoot the walk in. All right, everybody reset. We're going to walk in and you can kind of tell when that shit's like super set up. Let's reshoot the walk in. All right.

Everybody reset. We're going to walk in again. That's why it was so eye opening to watch uncensored Real Housewives last night because you're like, well, the good shit, they're not even filming. Oh, yeah. I was like, this is the shit that should be on TV. Not like everyone waking up with fake lashes and extensions already. And speaking of which, oh, my God.

Okay, I have to tell you something. Okay, everyone's going to love this. So I was getting out of work at the W. So both my stores are at the W Hotel. And also you're a prostitute. Yeah. You can do everything. And you're going to have a tea shop there.

Yeah. No, but this is such a crazy thing. So they had this okay magazine party and I was like, all right, I'll just go upstairs and see how it is. Cut to is, you know, whatever. So I walked back downstairs. I'm like, I'm just going to get a drink. Well, it's called okay, darling. I mean, what did you expect? I know it was okay. Um, so I go to the bar to grab a drink cause the W is like my home away from home. And Lizzie from Real Housewives of Orange County is sitting at the bar alone. Cut to she, her and I start talking. She was, went to University of Kentucky.

I went to UK. I danced there, cheered, you know, the whole thing. We become instant friends. Then Taylor shows up from real housewives of beverly hills we start talking so i'm like hey do you guys know jen redinger the casting director from real housewives they're like oh my god yeah so we fucking all decide to call jen redinger and talk to her on the phone and she's like what the hell are you doing with all the girls blah blah blah blah like it was this crazy whole scene and then taylor

text me like a couple days later it was like i want to bring kennedy in to get her nails done but she was asked i guess to be on the show but now she's going to be a friend of the housewives and so is lizzie she got demoted to friend of the housewives well lizzie already was this year she so she was she's already a friend of the housewives. And Taylor, yeah, I wasn't sure what they were doing. I guess Taylor's going to come in and fight with Yolanda about Lyme, but I'm not sure. It seems like the season's going to be everybody going against Yolanda for the Lyme disease, but I don't know. I don't know. It's kind of weird.

And here's the even weirder part. So she was telling me about her book thing. Like, she tours and speaks against domestic violence it's so crazy she was telling me like how bravo like totally manipulated the whole thing about russell committing suicide and like how all that shit was like so awful and honestly it was it was really heart-wrenching to hear her side of it like it was like a totally she was opening up to me about all the shit she has a what do you mean they manipulated it that's interesting because i've had a lot of rude judgmental things to say about it so there's another side hand it over yeah so so taylor was

telling me that um one of the things they didn't um show is that she got beat so hard in her face when russell got drunk and they got in this huge fight. She has a titanium jaw, a titanium cheek plate and had to have her jaw fixed. And then she also has underneath one of her eyes. Um, it's like, you can feel it. I like felt her face and she had black eyes. She like showed me photos. This shit was like so scary and that that's why kennedy has like a lot of like social anxiety and problems like they didn't show any of that they basically made it out like taylor wants to keep up with the joneses but they and that was the character that was built around her yes she liked to throw over the top parties and yes she

would say crazy things but that's all that they would show there was other shit that they did not well they did i mean um just to play the devil's advocate they did show that like they did show that it was a super awkward marriage i mean the first season they all go to vegas and and russell's there and he just wants to leave like he doesn't want to speak to anybody super uncomfortable and she was drunk and it got really awkward and that's when everybody started talking about it and then every time kennedy was around kennedy was always very quiet and very kind of awkward um there was there was always something something going on over there for sure and she did make it um she was really over the top like in in the – and we'll talk about it in the main show. But when she was talking about the party and, you know, she was like, yeah, I mean, it looked like it was just all about me.

And Kyle was the one who looks like a good mom because she's just having like a normal party. And I'm the one who looks like I'm crazy, but I'm over it. I was like, yeah, but you literally were. You had Dana from – Dana. I mean, that's all you need to say. Dana. Yeah. The party planner. who she's like just make it amazing it's like i want golden swans laying eggs 50 grand or something yeah it's like dancing on the tables i mean which you know it was fun that was a great uh a great scene and everything i'm not even dissing her for it. I'm just saying, like, sometimes it's better to just say,

yeah, I mean, I look like an asshole on TV. I never had an idea I was that much of an asshole until I saw myself. And now I'm better. Like Camille. Oh, God. Camille. I know. Okay, we can't move on because this is like a full-on bonus now

because we've got so much stuff. So I want to hear about the new – is that okay that this is a bonus? Oh, yeah. I mean, here's the thing. So I'm doing the new E! show, and if all goes well and it goes like full series pickup – because you never know. Shows can come out. They can air one episode, see how it fares with the test audience or whatever, and it may not go. So I always say it's not a done deal until I see a full series pickup. Yes,

I did sign stuff. Yes. It's, you know, I always say like, until that check is cashed, I am always nervous and hesitant, you know, because I don't want to jinx it, but I, it's not real until someone's turned you into a GIF meme. I know. So I did sign a deal with NBCUniversal, and we are going to film. I kind of have an inkling of who the other women are. That I cannot say, because I know they want to do kind of a thing. But I did hear that Jeff Timmons' wife was up for it from 98 Degrees, who's the Chippendale in

Vegas and then some big Beverly Hills plastic surgeon and then somebody else but the funny thing is is like I was told that the none of the other women have jobs so I'm like it's gonna be like I don't even know how we're gonna schedule this because I literally am Jamaican and have like 13 jobs man so what are you lazy you got eight job man you only got eight jobs i got 13 jobs so it's gonna be weird because i do run like a bazillion things and i don't you know i don't know we'll see how it fares out it's well you're there's always that that lady on the housewives he's like i work i work this is what i do i work you'll be like the vicky slash leo black meets lisa vanderpump you think you're not a lisa vanderpump darling okay first of all i'm so not a lisa vanderpump like i i don't even own a pair of spanx

i like to wear flannels you liar you don't own any spanx no i don't own any Spanx. No, I don't own any Spanx. Katie. I'm a size two. I will make you pee in a cup. No, I know that you keep on top of that shit, but I just don't know anybody. It's like a police officer going out without a bulletproof vest. You could do that, but why would you? First of all, what are the Spanx going to do for me? I was a gymnast. I don't have children.

I work out regularly. I play on a football team on Saturdays. I play softball on Thursday nights. Well, first off, all of that's disgusting. So just stop doing all of that. Sit down and watch your television. See, I ride my motorcycle to those games. So I'm like, I'm borderline like, you know, I could date women. Oh my God. I wear my flannel to my football game on my motorcycle. I'm not glamorous at all. I can get glammed up, but I don't have a swan in my pond. I have koi fish.

So there's a difference. I have ugly koi instead of a big swan that I carry around to my fancy Beverly Hills restaurants. What housewife do you think you would be? Like if you were cast, you know how there's certain types. So do you think you would be that one who's just like, I'm working, I'm working, and here's my business. Hey, come in and look at my nail palette. Like what would you? I don't know.

I always think about that. Like where would I fit in? I, and that's, that's a huge question that they always ask you in all the casting things from the producers to the casting directors to the network. They all say, who do you think that you would get along the most with and who don't you think you would? And you know, old school Kyle Richards, I thought I would, but now the new one that's like very visible and on TV and all this, I don't think I would, even though she does run a run. And I use that one with my air quotes signs. I don't.

Even though she does run? Run a business. Oh, uh-huh. I don't think, honestly, I don't know. I feel like I'm kind of upstate New York-y still, living in this weird L.A. life, and nothing really faces me. So I still love to blow it out at Target. I go to shitty bars. I like to drink beers.

I don't know. I don't know what happened. It's hard for me to get fancy. Well, I don't think it's about getting fancy because eventually, well, I mean, it's a different show, so I have no idea, but I would imagine that they'd be like, okay, you guys are going to have lunch at this place and someone's going to be some kind of a drama queen and start some shit over nothing. You know, I think I'm going to be, I think my whole role is I run businesses. I run a real brand. I work really hard. I don't really take a lot of vacation time

or breaks which i haven't in nine years i care about my friends i will punch someone in the mouth if they won't shut the hell up so i feel like i might be the one first one to get arrested if you want to know the truth a temper do you have a temper on you oh my god like i'm fiery i'm small but mighty. So it's like I – because I don't – I can't stand when people – like Brandy, I would have punched so hard in her stupid fat whore mouth. Like, there's no way. We could have – like, when she said that shit to Nikki Edmonds, to Babyface's wife at Yolanda's dinner. Oh, what did she say again?

She's like, how much did you cost? Because, like, he bought you right yeah like i can't even see it like hold trying to hold up a ring oh yeah bitch you don't even have a ring like your husband's fucking leanne rhymes like give me a break like to me i would have been so defensive and crazy i would have i would have been i would be the theresa judice but i you know i pay my bills so that's who i would be or judice would be the Teresa Giudice, but I, you know, I pay my bills. So that's who I would be or Giudice or whatever the hell her name is. I see no reason to waste a good table setting.

Oh my God. Oh my God. What if I am the Teresa? Well, minus the prison bank. Okay. Please do scenes with Walter where you're like, Walter, you want to do it? You want to do it? want to do it yeah steal it walter joe judice impersonation oh my god please make him be joe judice so what who cares what

so i'm going to jail so they get blowjobs in jail huh huh am i gonna have to suck some dick in there tell me the truth that's like his only question about jail was how much dick he was going to have to suck or how much he was going to get his dick sucked. They even brought that guy to help him. He's like, you got any questions? And he's like, yeah, hey, I'm going to get blowjobs in there. What's it like in there? BJs. I love it.

I fucking love it. I think it's going to be, listen, I'm a little hesitant about what by the way did real housewives in new jersey come on and then just go off uh no it didn't just come on oh that was the special there was a three-part special called dunstan checks treat theresa checks in so they had a three episode thing where theresa would call from jail and be like, ring. It'd be like, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Hey, it's Teresa. Hey, this is a call from the Danbury Correctional Facility.

Do you accept? And he'd be like, yeah, so what? Hey, Joe! Joe! Girls in here got dildos, Joe. Joe, I hear I'm doing it all night with dildos. And he's like, yeah, so what? Dildos, Joe.

Joe, I hear I'm doing it all night with dildos. And he's like, yeah, so what? And then they fill all the middle parts in with the lawyer. I swear to you, they gave the lawyer a talking head sessions. Okay, that lawyer, he's got hair like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's business manager and Tommy Mottola. Like, where you look at it, you're like, that is so transplant from like 1989. That is some Saul Goodman hair. That is totally Saul Goodman hair. He's from the back of the,

he's like a back of the bus lawyer, but they gave him those like glowy, glowy effect, uh, talking head sections. They're like, lawyer, how do you feel?

And he's like, well, it's really sad to be in a home where the parent is taken from the child. Very, very sad. Very sad. By the way, I'm hopping on a plane to go on my vacation in Florida. So I'll be right back. Like, it's just so.

Any more questions? I'm charging you $500 an hour. That sounds like my lawyer. What is this show? It was three episodes of that. It was ridiculous. And now Teresa's coming out with her book from prison that I guess she wrote on napkins. I mean, who the hell knows?

You know what? I wrote it with a plastic spoon, Joe, on a dildo. How are they still living in that house, though? They got it paid off. How the fuck did that happen? I know. I've been calling. I mean, I've said this five times.

And since it's all cut together as one episode I mean, I've said this five times. And since it's all cut together as one episode, I know I've said it too much. But Extreme Home Makeover, Bravo Edition. That's what they're doing now. It's like they're making people famous who spend too much money. It's like a credit scam. They get people addicted to the money. And then they own them for the rest of their life.

They're like, okay, your house is almost gone. We're doing a special in jail. And you're coming out with a new book. Yeah, because I don't think she wanted any of that shit shown, but now it's like, we'll let you keep your house. Like, we'll pay off your mortgage and your debts. I mean, look, you know that the new girl that's on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Erika Jayne, her husband has like, they owe like millions of dollars in back taxes like literally millions and millions and millions of dollars in back taxes to the irs to franchise tax board like literally we're talking like 10 million dollars he's almost 80 and she's 46

yes she's gwen stefani's age and and imagine g imagine Gwen Stefani being with an almost 80-year-old. Well, does that transfer when he dies? Like, will she be stuck with back taxes? Yes. Or does that all expire when he goes? They're married. So what happens is it's like... So she can't just kill him.

Okay, well, what if they have a prenup? It doesn't matter. The spouse assumes the responsibility. That is disgusting. So that's why women are always running credit checks on men. Some of my girlfriends do that. So that is disgusting. So that's why, that's why women are always running credit checks on, on men. Some of my girlfriends do that. It's very smart. You know, they'll run like a, yeah, you've got it. Or at least if, or at least pay the liens off. Like, yes, everybody can go through tax problems. There can always be hiccups with business management and that doesn't

make you a bad person. It happens to everybody. However, if it keeps going and going and then the outstanding taxes never get paid. And then there's all these liens filed, like let's say he dies, all of that debt will now be her debt, which I feel like is going to going to get so fucking juicy. Like the guy's going to slip on a banana peel. She's going to collect the insurance, but it's not going to be enough to pay the lien. She's not going to live her private jet. She's flying around in fucking private jets yet. They owe like $10 million in back taxes. Oh,

that's how they do. Oh my goodness. Yeah. That's real housewives in New Jersey. I mean, Teresa's in jail for, you know, whatever.

She doesn't even seem to know. Nobody really seems to know, really. Like, something, Joe did something. He took something on some papers. They took out a, what is it called, when you finance. They defrauded the bankruptcy court, or tried to. They lied to the bankruptcy court. You know, bankruptcy fraud.

I actually do know what they were doing. I'm just kidding. But if you ask them, they're like, what? I don't know. We signed some papers. It was stupid that we signed papers that people made a sign and we had no idea what we were doing. Even Joe said, yeah, now I understand. You know, like, whatever.

Everybody's telling me that I did something bad. So, you know, I've learned so what? So I did something bad. So, okay, I'm sorry. Whatever you think I did that's bad, I'm sorry that you think I did something bad. Like, that's not really kind of the same thing. You sound so remorseful.

It's like, oh, yeah. So I bashed this guy's head in and he died. But when I was kicking him in his head, I didn't think he was going to die and he died. So what do you want me to do about it? It's like,

oh my God. Wow. You're such an awesome person. I didn't know. I didn't know. So what? So what? Who what? So what? Who cares?

So what? Anyway, any who's all, yeah, that might be really good. What were we talking about? We were talking about Real Housewives of New Jersey and how I thought the show was on, but then it didn't.

It was just like a special, and then we were talking about Oh, yeah, she wrote her book in prison. Okay. So she, yeah, I think she wanted it shown. Of course, Teresa will make going to prison, like a special and then we were talking oh yeah she wrote her book in prison okay so she yeah i think she wanted it shown it's of course theresa will make going to prison you know a chance to write a book take pilates class every time she called she's like i just got back from pilates class joe hey joe i just got back from yogas hey joe joe i could touch my toes i just took a bike

ride jesus lady she's like i went on a canoe trip in the prison yard. I was like, where are you? It was like, she's imprisoned at 24 Hour Fitness, darling. Exactly. And you know what? When Joe, which was so stupid, he should have had someone there to like stop what he said. Did you hear the part where he goes, oh, you know, it's like being in a resort there. She gets acupuncture and she does this.

I'm like, what the fuck kind and she does this now i'm like what the fuck kind of prison is this i'm from upstate new york i'm from elmira new york we we have two of the biggest correctional facilities that are like maximum security and let me tell you something those are not a resort that is like where you don't want to go that's like you're getting a broomstick unloomed up your ass there's no there's no acupuncture the only thing you're getting a broomstick unloomed up your ass. There's no acupuncture. The only thing you're getting punctured is your butthole. So I don't even. I don't think he'll mind.

And it's not a needle, by the way. I took a music class. What did you learn how to play? Oh, the skin flute? Awesome. Like, hey, Joe, what are you doing to prepare to go to prison? Working on my gag reflex you know i got my fist almost in my mouth so you know so what i got skills i got skills i can do

things with my hands in prison places not to hide in prison the broom closet it's just such a such a scary weird thing that they're taking it so lightly it almost feels like they're like i thought it was a door so what so i saw a door so i opened it and i went inside and i closed the door i mean so what it could have gone in a hallway i don't know i don't know what happened what what disgusting disgusting people but you know what i mean i don't want to say i would relate to her at all but she does work she does this i mean look i don't know she works she works she works her her book is called which i've tried to say before I keep blabbering on, her book is called Turning the Tables. Oy, oy, oy.

Oh, my God. Is it really? Yes. So good. So perfect. And I'm sure that as many people will be reading that, I don't even know how to finish that because she wouldn't. She'll be like, finish it. Oh, God.

Who's going to read that book? Nobody, darling. But they'll buy it and put it in their homes and be like, I love you, Tree. I support you. You're so strong. What you doing? There's fans for everybody, darling. If Hitler were alive, he'd have quite a following. He'd have retweets and shit.

People being like, you better speak the truth, buddy. Oh, my God. He actually would. You're right. He would have retweets and shit people being like you better speak the truth buddy oh my god he actually would you're right he would have retweets he would have so many followers yeah anybody can have a fun darling oh my god okay so can we yes let's move on to the main show and discuss because this is a nice full bony baloney and we're putting out 30 hours of content this week so i'll give people a chance to digest a bit a little aperitif and let's move on to the next show katie cazorles katie cazorla at the painted nail and what's the new what's the new one oh at high society it's h-i-s-o-c-i-e and then t-e-a i cannot wait for your new show what is it called are you allowed to say the title you know what i don't know if it's going to be called this but right now i think it's called the second wives club i like that yeah so do you remember that

wasn't that a movie the first wives club was the movie oh yeah that's right they all get revenge on you bitches so it's like a promising title because Bette Midler and Goldie Hawn and Diane Keaton could like ruin your lives just for fun. Well, to be fair, Walter was going through a divorce because his wife at the time was cheating on him. So if anything, it would be the other way around. Oh, maybe we'll get to watch walter get a little revenge or you can get well you can get revenge for walter he actually did get revenge he got me i'm younger cuter and funner and i have a job so lots of strikes against that old crow yeah get out of here crow get out of here you fucking crow why don't you go sit on a wire somewhere i didn't

know it was a wire but i just sat on it i didn't know what it was and my butt hurts okay everybody katie i love you happy thanksgiving everybody all right thanks hey prime members you can listen to watch or crap and add free on amazon music download the amazon app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.