Watch What Crappens - #2445 RHODub S02E01: You Say Dubai, I Say Hello

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

The Real Housewives of Dubai (S02E01) has made its grand return, and this time the ladies are ready to play. Stanbury still hates her husband, Brooks still wants to create drama, and Ayan just wants to wear big gowns.  We’re into it!. Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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We obsess over them. Below Deck is so good, and it is such a amazing source of petty, petty drama. If you're not watching it, you're really missing out. Slide into summer with Below Deck, new episodes airing now. Watch all seasons and spin-offs of Below Deck on HeyU, that's H-A-Y-U dot com. Once upon a beat, join me, DJ Fuge, and my trusty turntable, Baby Scratch, for a weekly jam-packed party as we remix and reimagine classic stories for the kids

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for a weekly jam packed party as we remix and reimagine classic stories for the kids in your life today. Once Upon a Beat is a new kids and family podcast from Wondry and Tinkercast, where hip hop and fables meet. Listen to Once Upon a Beat early and ad free right now on Wondry Plus. Once Upon a Beat. Watch What Crappins! Watch What Crappins!

Who cares what happens when this Oh, Watch What Crappins! Watch What Crappins! Oh, I need my computer! Who cares what happens when this Oh, Watch What Crappins! Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappins! A podcast about all that crap on Bravo

that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the wonderful and hilarious and beautiful Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Hello, how are you? I am doing just great. We are here today to talk about the season premiere of Real Housewives of Dubai, which has this show not been on the air for two years.

Was it not on on 2023? I don't think it was, was it? Has it been that long? It feels like it's been a very long time, but it's back. However long it was, I'm going to look at it a second, however long it was, it's back. So we're here to talk about it. And of course, be sure to check out our Patreon, patreon.com slash watch our crap ins check out our bonus bonus episodes. crappens on demand. You can watch us not just listen to us. And we always have a fun time. So there's not much more to say other than

that. Follow us on social media. But let's get into something fun. Yeah, because we are actually recording this early because we've got a crazy month coming up with traveling, going to Europe, Europa. So it's crazy because we are doing this before our crazy trip. So who knows what we're going to be like tomorrow. Tomorrow we're going to come back and everything's going to be totally different. All of just come back from Italy for nine days. No, no, we're praying and loving and living. How could you forget? We are in we're in, we're in. Italy right now. You're in Italy right now.

Oh my God, Ronnie, you know what, Ronnie, let me just tell you something Ronnie. Eat that bread, Ronnie, eat it. Okay. You're still going to be fat tomorrow. You were fat yesterday. Just eat it. Doesn't matter. Fat's fun.

Everybody loves it. Nobody cares. But you eat that shit. Nobody knows you. Nobody knows you get naked and eat some goddamn bread. Dance over the cobblestone streets. And by dance, I mean dribble some pizza juice all over yourself and fucking Italian person. Live your best life, bitch. Well, uh,

I just looked it up. Dubai did premiere in 2022. So it has been two years since this show has been on. I think for, for a while, a lot of us were like, is this show coming back? Is it gone? It didn't really light up the internet very much or pop culture. It's just sort of arrived and was like a curiosity. So I think we all kind of thought it was going to go away. But then with BravoCon in 2023, they were definitely all there. And Lisa Milan was like, was cutting up and there's definitely been some back and

forth share with Chanel, Ion and some people. So like they've been gearing up for their second season. And now it's here. And Caroline Brooks is always all the Twitter starty shit ready to go. Caroline Brooks is always ready to start with the girls. Like she's going year round. So is Chanel. So yeah, Lisa Milan as well. So yeah, they're definitely, they're ready to rumble this cast for sure. Let's see what they bring. Now listen, it's really a rough show, A, because there's so many problematic elements to it, just by its very nature. But also because it's just in a very hot place. I mean, every time they shoot, I'm like, aren't you hot?

How are you wearing all these wigs and these ball gowns when it's 110 down degrees out there? You almost be dying. It's just uncomfortable. Like it feels uncomfortable. Yeah, it's a hot show. I'm not gonna lie. I came into this premiere with some trepidation

because honestly, I thought the first season sucked. I'm gonna say it now. I thought season one was- Oh, you said it then as well. But I'm saying it more blatantly now. Season one I was like, no, there's like some potential and like I feel like there's some good get.

No, like I thought season one like out like it was a blue But so I was like, okay. Oh god. What's season two gonna be like, but I think actually I really like this premiere I thought like I had really good energy I felt like season one felt like very languid to me It just it felt like it was done by a production company that doesn't normally do stuff for Bravo And it just felt like they couldn't quite get the tone right and the energy and the vibe. But now I feel like it feels like the tempo is right. The editing is right. It feels like the women are more like, Oh shit,

we got to step up our game to really make a splash. Cause we kind of didn't do it the first time. So I am cautiously very optimistic because I really like this premiere episode. What did you think? Well, I thought I liked the first season more than you. I didn't love it, but I liked it. I was very first season-y, you know, because a lot of times housewives take more than one season to really get going. I didn't really think this was any different than the first season. I thought it was very similar, but I liked it. I didn't mind it. I liked the first season.

I like that we know them better now. And I liked that they know each other better, which is super important for these shows. But also, you know, certain predictions that we can make, seeing them just come true, like just this, uh, the new agey one, uh, Sarah, sorry, it's been a long time, but Sarah just being such a fucking phony and like having her just knowing what a phony she is and her just leaning more into it every time, you know, there are things like that. I think the new cast member is really great. Yeah. I think Chanel came back with more of a softness and like willingness to work with people rather than just be constantly going, you know, like having her housewives moments going off. Yeah.

I like that she's really leaning into the fashion thing and not, not letting that go by the wayside. I think that's really funny. It's like a wide, they need, beyond wide angle lens, they need like the Hubble telescope to get like all of her like look onto the, onto the camera. It's, it's amazing. I mean, I was definitely laughing out loud. I think that Caroline also seems to be more in like the Caroline pocket that I like, which is her just rich and snobby as opposed to her being like bratty and like, like, I don't like her. You know, I like this is not hang out with these people. That's what that's what kills it

You can't be like that. You have to hang out with the people, you know, and so this time she's more in on the joke I got very little Sergio this first episode which I appreciate it except Sergio drives me. Absolutely nuts I think he's like he is painful to watch So the fact that they minimize him Lisa Milan also like I feel I feel like last season, Lisa came on, she's like, I do maternity. And like, okay, and she's like, these are my kids, we put ice in the pools. You're like, okay, well, it's not that interesting. But now she seems like a little spicier. I just think they all kind of they saw each other. They I think they saw what season one was. And they said, okay, we took all the notes and we're ready to play. All right, well here we go.

So we see the season trailer and it's a lot of money being spent on the sand. Yep. And there's a lot of money being spent building things on sand, which has always confused me about this city. Um, but you know, architecturally, I just can't wait to see what happens. Yeah. And so it was terrifying.

Biblically is scary. Yeah. So we see this trailer trailers good. And then, um, we see, uh, camels cause of course they've got to show camels first. And then we have Chanel and Chanel, Ion, uh, who,, who again, I don't know, do we call her Chanel? Do we call her Ayan? I sort of go back and forth. Both. Yeah, so Chanel's in her,

she and her husband and her kid are driving in a car and Chanel's like in the backseat, but like in the middle, it's kind of like very funny. It looks like they're not really driving. It looks like they're kind of like green screened, like on like on Broadway or something Um, and so she goes, okay everyone, okay Knock knock and so our son goes who's there?

Imagine you're driving a car and you see a dinosaur It's like and the dinosaur stops to give you a lift. What does it say? And they're like, what? Ride, you know, like, ra ra ra. You get it? It's a dinosaur. Ra ra ra ra. Hello? Hello?

Is this thing on? Is this thing on? There are so many ways that this joke doesn't make sense. First of all, you're driving your car, but then the dinosaur stops and gives you a lift. You're already driving your car. What's happening? So then Sarah is climbing a wall with her son and she's like, Oh my God, do I have a wedgie? He's like, mom, you're thick. She's like,

how dare you? So then Lisa's son, uh, I don't know. She's just like a little family thing. Yeah. Like her, her husband's looking at her son's teeth cause his teeth are coming in. And then we go to Caroline Brooks's Day Spa, the glass house. The glass house by Caroline Brooks. And I love that it's called the glass house. First of all, that's so funny. Don't throw stones in a glass house. And she's got a huge stone chandelier. I just love it.

It's like she knows, she knows the theme and she's just going with it. Oh, I didn't notice the stones chandelier. That's amazing. I'm going to look. Yeah, it was so funny. It's very clever. So, uh, she has an assistant and so she's staging the assistant and then the the girl was like, okay, I'm going to stage you now. She's like, no, not the ashes in my wig. So then we see Caroline and Sergio sort of sadly trying to make tick. They're doing a tick tock challenge and it's like the answer questions about each other by like, like they hit each other and they have been the face with

the pillow to say like, who is the funnier one? And it's like, I'm going to smack Sergio or something like this. It's actually, it actually made me very scared. I was like, uh, the season's already done. It's I can't, I cannot with these two. I cannot watch these two doing some stupid ass TikTok challenge, but I was there for, uh, pillows in the face of Sergio. Well, living in LA for so long, I't need more but living there so long you still being there We see this older younger dynamic all the time, right? And it's not the only place that has it obviously

But that's where I see it the most was in LA and you always see the trajectory of it and I'm really impressed that Stamberry has kept it up for this long because like no pun intended but Stanbury has kept it up for this long, like no pun intended. But, you know, part of that dynamic is where the older person pretends that they're super young still and they have this young energy because they love the young energy that the young person brings to the relationship. So they're like down with everything. Like, I'm just young, we just laugh, we do TikToks. And then two years later, they're like emotionally abusive and being like, we're staying at home. Why don't you stay at home anymore with me, honey? And just like changing

everything. And Caroline's really kept up the like somewhat fun aspect. And I think it's because she never went too overboard with the pretending to have fun in the first place. I think she's been pretty misery forward through most of it with like maybe 10% more smiles and maybe that's the secret. Well, so that's my issue is because the real Caroline Stenberg would see people doing a pillow challenge on Tik Tok and say, what sorts of pathetic people are doing? Valentina gets me a pillow. Okay. Valentina stand there. Okay. Pop.

I just got you Valentina. Now that was actually rather fun. Okay. Get out of here. We're going to play a Tik Tok challenge. Valentina. Now that was actually rather fun. Okay, get out of here. All right, we're gonna play a TikTok challenge. Valentina, stand there with a pillow. I'm recording. All right, now put the pillow on your face. Now push it down. Harder, harder.

Stop breathing, stop struggling. Valentina, you're still breathing. Amber, sit on the pillow. Amber, sit on the pillow on Valentina's face. Paulette and Amber, take Valentina's body and put it in the tens, thank you very much. That's the thing, it's like Caroline Stanbury would have the same reaction to this pillow challenge

that we do, and so the fact that she's participating in it makes me annoyed. I want her to make fun of people doing that instead. So that's why I got very nervous. It's because it's a different chapter because when we saw her on Ladies of London, she was married to an extremely rich guy. And remember when she had her, she was like,

I have a company buying gifts for rich people. Rich people hate buying gifts. Yes. That was her thing. Like she was gonna like buy the gift registry or whatever the fuck it was. Well, now she does not have that money and now she's an influencer and you literally have to do Tik Tok shit on there.

So, you know, there it is. We're seeing what it's like to have to work. And I even like that because even her poor storyline is just still so fabulous. You know, it's like not poor at all, but this is like her version of a poor person storyline, like I have to actually record things on a cellular telephone that broadcast to teenagers all over the world to sell a little Botox. Fuck's sake, just fucking kill me in my face.

Please don't let Caroline Fleming see this. She actually thinks I'm still part of the aristocracy. So, it's not how you pronounce that, but that's okay. So now we go over to Club Padel, which so Padel is the alternate to pickleball. It's like the new pickleball. We saw them play it on Miami and then there was a New York Times article saying that Padel is like the new hot thing. And I want to hate it, but I actually like it because I know how much it probably pisses

off pickleball people. Like what? Pickleball? Like what is this like fake pickleball like that's stupid it's not padel it's pickleball is what you want to play i'm like yeah padel is here to fuck you over well doesn't lisa call it paddle paddle ball it probably is but i call it padel i don't know i've never said it i don't think i think it's called paddle ball. But paddle ball is one thing, but this is Patel and it has like a little accent on it. Oh, well, there you go.

I don't know if it's pronounced Patel, but I call it that because it sounds exotic. It's Pat. I don't know. I don't know how to say it. I'll look it up next week. So Chanel comes dressed to the nines, of course, and she's like, Oh, look at me coming to play the game. Game with bows. I can't. And Lisa's like, girl, come on, why are you wearing gloves? Because she's wearing leather gloves for the look. It's for the look of it. And it's 90 degrees outside. So they do some stretching and she's like you need to stretch and she's like artistically I won't do it no your arms I don't know what you mean you stretch your arms I don't exercise stretch your arm pull your arm she's like what like this she's like hitting her elbow she's like ow huh you you mean like this she just holds her arm up she just holds her arm up in front of

herself and just like she just hoisted up's like, the arms are flopping. That's not a stretch. She's like, like this. Like this. She's someone that I believe when she says, because a lot of times on these shows it's like, Oh my God, I eat whatever I want and I don't exercise. I believe her. She does not exercise. And she probably doesn't claim to eat whatever she wants either. She tweeted something, I think it was around the time of BravoCon, where she's like,

oh my God, what is this about American food where I come here and instantly gain 15 pounds and can't stop eating? They're like, it's what we do to our food. So I think there's something to that. I blame this country for everything, my ass included. So she says, me and Lisa are so close. It's like, it's like how God and Jesus are close. I'm like, yes, exactly. We know we call each other every single day, like God and Jesus. And sometimes we talk about what did you eat for breakfast? Like God and Jesus. Did you poop today? Like God and Jesus. But Lisa has this new hobby called Paddle I know nothing about paddle just like American food. What is it? But now a little ball Because I'm gonna say it like five more times and I I just don't want to get the emails about how it's pronounced

So we're gonna look it up Yeah, and Lisa's like, oh my god. I love paddle ball And I drink matcha tea even though it's disgusting. I'm so glad you came and it's like, oh my God, I love paddle ball. And I drink matcha tea, even though it's disgusting. I'm so glad you came. And she's like, well, I don't want you playing with other people without me. And she's like, I'm allowed to have friends outside of you. Which I think is gonna become the big fight of the season.

Cause they don't follow each other anymore, I think. Paddle. Yeah, they broke up. And then I saw a post that Caroline Brooks made. It was like, seriously, these are two of the women that in the world, no matter what problems we have, just knowing that they're friends was enough for me. And the fact that they're not friends anymore really needs to be somebody to do something about it. I am serious guys. And so now they're considering making up and being friends again. Yeah. So by the way, I know that I don't have Caroline Brooks's

voice, but there's something, there's a seed of it there. And I'm just going to wait for that seed to grow guys. Okay. So just give it time. You're very close. I think you're very close. Okay. So something there, but I crack up every time she talks. And especially when she drinks,

it's like, well,, they kind of look. I know there's like a little Jane. Jane in my impersonation, but it's something that's like further back in the throat, but it's not quite Dorinda, but it's something that's like echoey. It's like their throat is making kind of an echo back there. I'm gonna get it.

I will get it. So Lisa tells us, Ayaan does not play sports at all. She does not know the difference between a basketball and a football. And she knows like, you know what, I grew up in Africa and we have so many different sports. I mean, we run, we chase the animals, we climb the trees to get food.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Because we have so many sports. What if a basketball came up to you and was like, do you want to ride? Mom, it's not a knock knock joke. Why is the basketball shooting at me? Why is it giving you a ride?

You can't drive. So let's see here. So they take their little lesson and it's wacky and crazy. And Chanel's like, oh, what an easy game. You chase a ball, you hit it here, and then you move back to the exact same spot, stupid. And then they show her like completely flailing all over the court. You you know did you see that so Chanel's like you know this one I leave it for rich people to

have fun because they're bored they're not climbing up trees like real sports so uh now they sit down to have some smoothies and she takes off her gloves finally and Chanel's like saying thank you for inviting me I can see why you love it which was so sweet of her to lie like that you know Chanel's like what the fuck is this sport this is the stupidest thing I ever did in my life yeah and Lisa's like so positive so we should get the girls back together because you know it's the first episode of the season so it's like oh god let's call these these hookers back in. So now they're talking about the Beyonce concert that was like kind of a big deal over there. And that was the last time they all saw each other

and they could just both keep going. I love when everybody pretends to be so rich on these shows but they're so impressed how many times they get to say the VVIP. And they're like, we weren't only in the VIP, we were in the VVIP. It was so VIP. It was like better than VIP. were in the VVIP. It was so VIP. It was like a better than VIP.

It was the VVIP. VVIP. VVVVIP. Last month there was a big opening of Atlantis at the Royale. So Beyonce came to town. It was like a whole weekend extravaganza. And the big finale was the actual concert. And money could not buy you this ticket.

Only a select few people got invited. And me, Lisa Malan. I was like... buy you this ticket only a select few people got invited and me Lisa Milan I was like there were a lot of people there I think I don't know it's like world leaders and the lady from the new maternity wear like wait a second that lady has a maternity line that I feel like she's about to reboot. Let's get her. I think that lady knows somebody who's obsessed with French fries. Can we get her? I know.

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but when the truth came out, Rob and Fab were the only ones who got burned. Looking back now, it's hard not to wonder, why did everyone blame them and not the man pulling the strings. Follow Blame It On The Fame, Milli Vanilli on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Blame It On The Fame early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. So then Chanel's like, oh yeah, we were partying with Kendall Jenner, Beyoncé's mom, and

none of the other ladies were in the VIP. And then Brooks is like, Uh, just because you're in the nosebleed section with Kendall Jenner doesn't mean you had the best tickets in the house, honey. I was so close to Beyonce that if the wind blew, I could smell a freaking conditioner. And Stanbury is like, I got wet from Beyonce.

Literally. She splashed me. I'm now suing her, stupid ass. No one gets me wet. Who are you to get me wet? To quote the great Ramona Singer, who are you to get me wet? I was like, Sergio, please stop crying on me.

And then when I looked, I saw he'd already fainted on the ground and the water had come from Beyonce. She'd dance here whilst I had water coming over my face unlike anything Sergio has done for me in several months. I love that the VVIPs were block away. I said I love the idea of her being wet because Sergio was so excited to see Beyonce that he just sweat all over her.

He cried, cried and sweat. He was crying and sweating. Every type of water was coming out of Sergio's, pathetic. Sergio has made me wet in quite a while, but Beyonce surely makes me wet through Sergio being wet. Really, how did we get here? Every single time Texan Holden plays, I literally have to hold Sergio.

It's the most pathetic thing I've ever seen from a man. So Chanel has made out, not made out with, made up with Brooks, oh no, Stambury, and they've moved on and they call each other occasionally and check up on each other and Lisa's like, that's good. And now we see Chanel's diary room session and she's in this gigantic rose headdress. She's very Anne Getty's baby today.

Yeah. She has like a globe of roses on her head and then her dress is just roses and red and everything. It's just wild. And so she's like, me and somebody's relationship was how Dubai was, the desert. But now I have this thing where I want to water the desert with Sergio's tears. Yes, with Sergio's tears and see what's going to grow. I don't know what's going

to come out. Maybe an apple. Maybe it's a snake. Who knows. So now Sergio and Stamber here driving their hot little Porsche love this car. Yeah. And I just don't, first of all, I don't have the money to pull that off. So that's that's the first blocker. And I just don't have the like confidence or do she the confident douchey must have pulled this car off. I just can't pull it off.

But God, it's so cool to see it on TV. I want one. There's a lot of money on the show. So Sergio's like, so are you excited for this honey? Honey, are you listening or not? I'm trying to drown out the voice of a pathetic crying man who fainted before Beyonce could even sing one note and then splashed me all over my face. Sergio, do you hear what I'm saying? Listen, I always tell you, I feel your presence,

but I don't always feel your energy. She's like, oh God, Sergio, there isn't a couple on the planet that spends more time than we do. Not one, please. Be quiet. Sergio and I have been married for one terrible full year. What is life like? Well, it's like every marriage.

Sex is getting less, that's good. Crying is getting more, that's not good. He's still as clingy as ever. I'm trying to cut the umbilical cord, but it's a slow process, filled with lots of whining and whimpering from this sad excuse of a man. I don't even want to say cut the umbilical cord,

because in less than five minutes, did you say umbilical cord? Are you pregnant? I did this to myself. So they're talking. Oh, sorry. Yeah. She's like, I'm ready to get, I'm ready to get into our house at this point. I'm over living in boxes. I have no clothes. I have what? Like four or five walk-in closets. It's like I'm basically a pauper at this point. So we see their new house. Well, she's sitting in front of their,

she's sitting in their new house to do this interview, right? So it turns out pretty crazily. I don't know if it's gorgeous or just huge and shiny. I can't really tell. It's different, that's for sure. It looks cool, I think. It's enormous. It's enormous.

So basically they started working on this house two years ago. I think it was in the last season and, um, they had to move. They moved out of their apartment. They moved in with her best friend, Michael, well for what was supposed to be two weeks. And now they're 12 weeks in. And so just like, Oh, Caroline, are we going to do Tiki Tiki in every area of the house? She's like, have you lost your mind? You ridiculous man. You lost all tiki tiki preferences.

The moment you slumped over my arms during love on top. Love on top. I told you not to call me love. It's like the only position you'll accept. So, um, she's like, yes, Michael has asked me very politely if we would stop doing sex gymnastics and by sex gymnastics Sergio pulls out his pee pee. I hold my hand up and say no. And if things get very bad, I swat it with a pillow.

So he's dying to get some because he hasn't been able to fuck in Michael's house. Sorry, I was just really thinking about the visual you just presented of her saying, stop. No, just arm outstretched. Valentina, please joke off Sergio. Thank you. So where do they get their money? These two? She's an influencer.

I mean, how much influence does the woman have? That's a lot of, that's a lot of house. Okay. And it's all marble and shit. I'm not buying this. And how much did he make as a footballer? I'm not sure, but she came from money, right? Like she went to school with like the Royals and then her husband was really wealthy. So it sounds like she got a good settlement from that. So I think she's just killing it right now. Or they have no money.

There's a lot of money. Or they have no money. Yeah, that's a lot. So then, uh, cause I feel like truly rich people don't do influencing, but then again, of course they do. I mean, Kyle Richards is worth a zillion dollars at this point and she's still like Amazon live. I need to she's still like Amazon live. I need to talk. Okay. Amazon live. I'm not a lesbian. Hold on.

Let me comment something on something about scissoring on Morgan's Instagram. I would say old money does not do influencing. So that's what's weird. Cause Caroline gives old money vibes, but maybe she's not that, maybe her money's not that old. You know, in England it's like, if your money is like 300 years old, it's like, ah, neither of us is trash. Yeah.

I'm more impressed with new money. I think it's so great when people just go make their own money, you know? I want new money. I want new money. I mean, let's face it, I can't have old money because you can't rewrite history can't make my parents less lazy. Know what I'm saying? Well kidding guys, I love you parents and I go to work more work more serious. It's not too late.

So we're at this house and Caroline's like building a house in Dubai is very, very stressful and getting a mortgage is like winning the lottery here and God knows I didn't win the lottery with Sergio. What's the opposite of a lottery is like winning the lottery here. And God knows I didn't win the lottery with Sergio. What's the opposite of a lottery? That's what I have. You know, I'm 46. Please don't look up the math on that. And I had to do a full body health check.

I had to have an EKG. I had to run on a treadmill. I had to pour a bowl of cereal for Sergio over here. I was awful at the amount of work I was doing. Just for a mortgage. That's crazy to get a mortgage. They do health tests on you and shit. That's wild.

They have to make sure you don't drop dead. I mean, seriously, it's not like any other country in the world. Yeah, I don't know that I'd be bragging that that's where I moved to. That sounds fucking crazy. In America, they're like, have fun with that sucker. Can't wait to take your house back in three months.

Okay. So they walk through the house and there's like a guest room. She's like, here's the guest room. Oh no, but this could be the baby room. She's like, okay, well, here's the pacifier. Curl up in the corner and congrats, it's a baby room. Sergio's ovaries are on fire. Every time he sees a baby, he wants a baby.

It's kind of the same feeling I have whenever I see a fly swatter. Well, we went through IVF and we have one baby boy on ice where he can stay for the foreseeable future, which is by the way, this is like, this to me is like the Caroline Sanberry that I fell in love with because she's the only one on Bravo that would say this. Everyone else is like, this to me is like the Caroline Sanberry that I fell in love with because she's the only one on Bravo that would say this.

Everyone else is like, we have a baby and I'm just like, I'm really like eager. She's like, I want that baby to be on, that baby can be like, Nancy Kerrigan, just stick it on ice. The only time we're bringing that baby out of the freezer is to put martini shaker. The only time we're breaking that baby out of the freezer is

it's show Sergio how to be a real man. He's like, but the baby can sleep on my side. And he's got that kid energy where he's like, but I'll walk the baby. I'll feed the baby. She's like, no, absolutely not. But the baby has to be with us, honey. Oh, so you're going to cry on the baby instead of me? Because that would be pleasant. Listen, I'm older than you.

I'll probably be dead first. The baby is what I'm leaving you in my will. I'd like to have some furniture and a kitchen, and I don't want to think about having a baby right now. Unless that baby comes with four legs and something I can sit on, I don't care. So then we go to Brooks's spa and she's like, the glass house has been open for three months. The business is booming. We have the most fabulous red carpet for the grand opening. You know what? The who's who's do I was here. It's just like Caroline and Sarah. Caroline, Sarah. Caroline and Sarah. Caroline, Sarah.

The person from the song La Hot at the mall. No, the other mall. The woman who got wet by Beyonce. That was awesome. The person who takes your tickets when you wanna do the indoor skiing and the slopes. So then the producer's like, well, why didn't you invite Lee Sin-A-Yon

to your grand opening? Ah, because I invited the people who are most important to me. Yeah, I'm sure they were really upset that they didn't get to go smell the dye jobs, you know, like everyone was just dying to come to a hair salon. The other fair Friday night, I really showed them. So the producers like, well, how did you get this open so fast? I mean, while the place was under, this season one aired in 2022,

it probably was filmed in like 2020 or 2021. Now it's like four years later, like how did you open this lot so fast? She's, money, if you pay the cost to be the boss, you can get anything done. Welcome to Dubai. It's all about being the boss, boss bitch and the money. And then anything done welcome to zubai it's all about being the boss boss bitch and the money and then it just cuts to Zoran her

ex walking in it's like right when you're wondering wait how did she get her money I forgot Zoran walks in he's like oh god it's me what do you want what do you want from me you call me in here to salon here I am again you call me to fix toilet for salon. Come on, what do I look like to you? I'm very angry. God, I love you. Please come back to me.

You come back to me, I give you the life. Listen, this hair salon, you can have the world of hair salon. Just come back to me. Come, come. Zoran, look, this toilet, it's sinking into the floor. I mean, look, have you ever seen a toilet sinking? It's like, yes, well, that's because nothing but sinking into the floor. I mean look it's it's have you ever seen a toilet sinking It's like yes. Well, that's because nothing but sand under the tiles. Well, it's all on you gotta fix that

I'm not handyman. I'm construction. I don't do maintenance She likes this is gonna fix the light bulbs then it's like I will send people Electrician I'm very angry Russian man Then do it already People, electrician, a very angry Russian man. Then do it already. So then we cut, I miss these two. What a couple, these guys. I'm really glad they got these two together for this season.

I mean, not together together, but they're like, Zoran, you're gold. You're back in every episode. Just built some shitty toilets, pun intended, and we're going to have fun with you. So then I don't want her to know truth because she gets mad. But if there's no broke toilet, who calls her? Nobody. You have to leave a reminder so that way they call you back.

So now we go to Sarah. She's meditating with Alexander who's a spiritual healer and he's like definitely from Venice beach, California, who made his way to Dubai and now is conning this woman for thousands of dollars as he should because as long as there are people like Sarah around there con them. So he's like so Sarah what's going on? How is your heart? Like how is your mind? It's been like a couple of weeks, couple of weeks since our last healing session, am I right? And she's like, oh, I see a lot of changes.

I'm so much calmer. I'm so much calmer now. And then Shaiyoon, who's also there, is like. That's the sidekick, Shaiyoon. Yeah, Shaiyoon. That's a great clap, Shaiyoon. Great clap, you're doing great work there. So is Shaiyoon already in it?

No, we've had flies, so she's. I believe in you, Si. I believe in you. I keep telling her clap above the fly and the fly will fly into your hands, but she just doesn't get it sometimes. She's just very on the nose. She's very like she's she's slow to I mean,

does she really think you can really kill a housefly? Clapping just faster, Shion. So Sarah's like spiritual healing. I've been doing it for like five months now and I've seen a huge difference. I used to have $40,000 in my bank account. Now I have $25,000. Big difference. You know, this guy, he goes deep into your traumas, okay? And it fixes it on the spot while you're doing it.

It's very, in Islam, it's very common to use words of affirmation and gratitude and speaking positively. It's just such a human way of healing. I love that you- Yeah, okay. I love that you just like fix- I love that you just like oil change

or oil change trauma. I was about to say, I was about to say, this is like the valvuline of spiritual healers. It's like, oh, you know what? My light just went on, I have trauma. I'm just gonna go and get it fixed in the spot real quick. Fixing traumas while you wait. I read a People magazine and while the time I read it, my traumas were fixed. I'm amazing.

I couldn't quite do the, couldn't quite finish the crossword. It was a little difficult, but you know. My traumas were fixed before Shaiun caught a fly. I said, I'm not gonna pay a lot for this trauma. So, so anyway, I was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, trauma. So anyway, I was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, trauma. Okay, listen.

Sorry, that was an old time, okay, because it sounded like I was being mean to you. You're like, you've gone too far, Ben. It's starting trauma into the O'Reilly auto parts song is too far. I'm so sorry, I didn't see that coming. I thought we were moving on hold on Shying is just doing this like wait a minute So you are you the trauma oil change balloon man outside the no Shion doing surfing USA Everybody goes surfing.

Got it. Got one. So why was I saying, okay, I forgot. Oh, okay. Here's the thing, Shaiun, babe, Shaiun and Andrew or whatever the fuck this guy, you guys can't charge, you know they're charging like $90, babe, Shayoun and Andrew or whatever the fuck, this guy, you guys can't charge, you know they're charging like $90,000, which of course Sarah is getting free

because she's like influencing for it, you know? She's like selling a trauma fixing in under 10 minutes on her Instagram. But you guys need to do more than whip out a laptop and ask literal questions from a computer. That was, they're like, okay. So Shayoun's like, she's like wiping off the fly on a paper towel. She's like, okay, sit down.

I've got a MacBook. Okay. Tell me about your trauma. She's like, well, my first husband, it was abusive. It wasn't good. She's like, good. On a scale of one to 10, how do you feel about? I'm like, Shayoun, can we not just phone it in

on the MacBook, babe? But also, do you need the MacBook to, they're entering data, it's literally what you have to do to get a car at Avis. It's like, okay, so on a scale of one to 10, your trauma, okay, how was X number one, how was your trauma? And she's like, it was the worst. Well, it was bad, and he abused her, so that's not funny. But then it's like, okay, X number two, X number one, how was your trauma? And she's like, it was the worst. Well, it was bad and he abused her, so that's not funny.

But then it's like, okay, X number two, X number two, how about him? Well, I felt a 10, he cheated on me. Like, okay. And she was like, I just don't want my son to go through a negative relationship again because he witnessed everything. He witnessed verbal and physical abuse.

And she wants, my son craves a father figure, but I can't make the same mistakes okay all right all right that's not on the Google Sheet so that's okay let's talk let's okay it's time to heal okay he literally says time to open your heart sister can we just bring in the shaman a colorist from Dallas at this point right yeah it's a, the traumas were serious. The fix, I don't know, was very serious. Right.

And he goes, congratulations, sister. Were you able to cut those cords? She's like, yeah, I think I feel so much better. He's like, great. Well, it was about half a gallon of oil, which was kind of amazing because you just got some put in. You are really oil guzzling. I'm saying good job. Say you still got the MacBook open. Charge her ass. Charge

her ass. Could you put your fingerprint on this? Okay, we're Apple pay your ass. Okay, sister. And Sarah goes, Oh my gosh, I feel nothing but light. It's like I feel good. And moving on. That's where you gain the power. And Alex goes, raise the roof. He's like, I feel good. And moving on, that's where you gain the power. And Alex goes, he's like, raise the roof. That's what I'm talking about. I'm like, are you at Applebee's now? He's really having trouble staying consistent in his role. Here comes one right now. I'm Alaina, an autopsy technician.

And I'm Ash, a hairstylist. And we just love swapping stories about all of the morbid things that fascinate us. And if you do too, join us on our podcast, Morbid. It's a safe space to let your weirdo flag fly. On Morbid, we cover dark historical events, sinister science, unnerving paranormal events, and sordid high society murders. We also dive deep into the most notorious crimes in history. Our podcast is grounded in rigorous and painstaking research.

We're also not afraid to read a b****. We keep it weird because a dash of snark is necessary to get through grotesque true tales of demented minds. So follow Morbid on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Morbid early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. So now we have Lisa. Got one. Shaiun, that was just a piece of dust. It was an easy catch. So now we have Lisa. Got one.

Shaiun, that was just a piece of dust. It was an easy catch. So Lisa takes her kids to soccer class and she's like bragging about them being accepted into some academy. She's like, it's a really big deal. And they're going to have private training because they're going to be like so big in sports that they're going to take care of us one day. That's our retirement plan. Yeah. And she's also excited about her brand because she's got a new team, a new rebranding. They're going to be more editorial and they're going to have new products. So she's just excited. And she goes, my haters are going to have a front row seat to all the success that is coming.

Well, as long as the front row seat does not include getting splashed, because I don't care if you're Beyonce or Lisa Milano, I pay a lot of money for this hair, so no water, please. So then, um, we see who her haters are. Reunion flashback to Sergio tweeting that his friend was the one who funded Lisa's eight-figure business, and then Caroline accusing her of stealing designs. DUN DUN DUN! And Lisa says that Caroline came from my business and my character

and she really hurt her, but deep down I don't think that she's a witch. I think she's just... sometimes she's a bitch. So she rhymed. And now we go over to... And. And everyone in the country LOLed. So now. Alex is like, Woo-hoo girl, you did that. You did that.

Cheyenne, wasn't that funny? All right, she's busy. She did that, girl. She's busy. Cheyenne's busy. We'll play the joke for her later. She was really traumatized about that Sergio tweet. In under 10 minutes, she's okay.

She's like, I'm not influencing for you, get out of my scene. Fucking Andrew. So let me think back to that season. It's really hard because it was like 20 years ago in Bravo time, like two years is so, do you know what has happened in two years on Bravo? A lot.

So I'm thinking back to it. Lisa started that stuff with Caroline, right? Wasn't Caroline? I don't remember. I feel like Caroline just kind of showed up like, hello, poor people. Does anybody want to try to talk to me? I've been on television before. I think she was like generally rude. But didn't Lisa start the stuff at that outdoor party, that huge party that Nina Ali had where- Caroline was gone to a fight with Caroline. Caroline got into a fight with Sergio.

But Brooks, oh no, Brooks was with Sarah. She was mad at Sarah. But wasn't, wasn't Caroline fighting with Sergio that night and being like, oh, shut up, Sergio, you fucking loser. And then they were like, oh my God, Sergio, she's so mean to you. And then she's like, I heard you said I was mean to Sergio. Like, is this all in my head? I honestly remember so little from that season because it was so long

ago and so unrememberable to me. Like, let's be honest. I remember that party and we were like, wow, and the economy out there, there must be like circus, a circus performer economy, because there were like always circus performers at every party. Like every, every time I went to a party, they're like, oh my God, it's someone hanging from a ring on the ceiling. This is crazy. I think Lisa just didn't like Caroline for a variety

of reasons. She didn't like that. I don't, I don't remember. Caroline was a brat on their vacation. Maybe she didn't like her from that. I don't know, but like. Yeah, I remember Caroline was a brat and Lisa, yeah. So I don't remember who started the first fight, but that's important in housewives lore to know who started the very first fight

because it never stops. Like the first argument builds and builds over 20 seasons or whatever until it's just like everyone's dead at the end. You know, there's just blood all over the screen and it all started from that first fight. So it's important to remember who it is. I don't remember whose fault it is, but maybe I should go back and rewatch. Damn you. So damn you. Oh, be careful what you wish for. So we're at the W hotel in Dubai and Sergio drops off Caroline, which made me so happy that Sergio did not come in. Like she just was like, he's like, you wait there, Sergio. No, you are my husband, but more importantly, you're now my employee.

You wait by the car, Sergio, just wait, wait. Lale, if he starts to cry, just slap him. You have my permission. So, Sunel joins her at the restaurant, looking fabulous, of course. And she's like, I brought gift, and it's a pineapple. And she's like, oh, thank you, ammunition. What do you mean ammunition?

This is pineapple. Oh, these are the only things that I can throw at Sergio to make him leave me alone. Literally one of the only things he's afraid of when it comes to me is getting a bloody face, as that's how he got me in the first place. Oh, I just had a wonderful idea. I'm gonna tell him this is our new baby

and he'll cradle it for about three years before he catches on. Just shut him up had a wonderful idea. I'm going to tell him this is our new baby and he'll cradle it for about three years before he catches on. Just shut him up for a little bit. So they order champagne and basically Caroline saying that they had, you know, she's like, you know, Chanel and I, we had a tableau and and we both just parked it, much like Sergio with that car over there. And we said, let's just start afresh because we're both honestly way too fabulous to be fighting and we're better off together and the people love us.

So, you know, when she says, I'm prickly but sweet on the inside, that is the biggest compliment she has ever paid me and I will take it. So now they're talking about what else? Beyonce. So Carolyn's like, did you like Beyonce? I presume she didn't get you wet. I was looking for you guys and I was like,

I don't see them. And she's like, Oh, fine. You've been, you got to be with Kendall Jenner. I get it. So then they start talking about, uh, their kids going off to college and Chanel's son is looking at Stanford and Harvard and Princeton. And you know, Caroline's like, yes, that's nice. My daughter wants to go to UCLA and some big place called Washington. I don't know. We're all embarrassed for her. I'm just begging her to go to ABH. Where is that? Anywhere but here. It appears she wants to go to public institutions, which I don't even understand the idea of

that. So we're all just laughing and we've decided to erase her from our wills at this point. They talk about how they're scared for their kids to go to America because America is so dangerous and, you know, in Dubai, the kids can just run around and stuff and be fine. And you can't do that in America. Which is funny because like this just the just us not knowing America is not really knowing what goes on over there. It's like sounds scary to us to go over there, right? Because I don't feel like I can just run around doing whatever I want. It's like a gay guy.

I don't feel that freedom, which is crazy. But I don't know. I believe the show. I believe the propaganda that is the show. Where they're like, no, it's fine. When they're like, we love gay people as long as nobody knows. Yeah. I'm just like, I don't know. I feel like I've said everything to be said about Dubai. I'm like, whatever. At this point, I'm just going to enjoy the show. Yeah. I don't necessarily need to get on so much about it. It's just funny to hear them be like, oh, America's so much less safe than Dubai. As a gay person, I'm like, yeah, I don't know that I've

ever felt that. But okay, I'll believe you. Dubai is super safe. Just don't touch another man's hand if you're gay. That's all. Please, yeah. But by all means, you know, just put that propaganda in a blender with a couple of splendids and I'll suck it right down. Not in a gay way. Chyoon. Chyoon, this is a serious topic. Stop flapping the blender, Chyoon.

So, Chanel is like, uh, saying that she's been really sad lately. And she says that since she opened up about her FGM or female general mutilation story, she got attacked by a lot of her own people online and she comes from a culture where no one talks about it. And we, we do see a flashback about how last season she had that very emotional

moment where she was crying about it and sort of like revealing this horrific chapter in her life. And she said, she, she says that she was never planning to talk about it and that Sarah really encouraged her to open up and said like, oh, this will help you. And this is going to help you. And then she's, and then Chanel tells us that then the person that I opened up to went to the media and said, I'm playing the victim with my story. And we see a headline that says Sarah Al Madani Chanel Ions traumas are no

excuse for bad behavior. And then it says, um, that Sarah told the outlet for her to take that story and victimize herself. I mean, we've all been through traumas in life, but that's not an excuse for us to treat people in any bad way or behave in a certain way. Oh my God, what a monster, this lady. I can't. So Chanel's like,

she was literally attacking me as much as everyone else. I was literally in shock. And she's like, how could she do this to me? And, you know, she's going on. Now we have to remember that Chanel's not like a, what am I trying to say? Shrinking violet? Like a, thank you. She's not some shrinking violet, but Sarah, I mean, this is low. You don't take that and use that against somebody. I mean, if you're going to come for Chanel for coming after you for any other reason, okay, but you can't use someone's like childhood trauma of females for competition against that.

And just be dismissive of it. You fucking, like who does that? Yeah. I mean, I agree. Like, you know, you still have, people still have to treat each people with courtesy, but I don't think, I don't have a memory of Chanel saying, oh, because I went through this specific wretched thing that I'm there for going to be like, that's excusing my act, my behavior. I really don't feel like that. I don't have a memory of that, but then again, I apparently don't have a memory of anything.

Well, and frankly to me, if you use something like that as an excuse, if you're like, well, I treated you like that way because of this childhood trauma, this specific childhood trauma, I'd be like, okay, some things are usable as a pass. That's what I say. I say that's a pretty big one. You're allowed. Yeah, like if Kim Zolciak says,

oh, I treated you that way because as a child, a burger fell on my foot and ruined my date. I'd be like, okay, fuck you. But I think that Chanel, we're gonna, we allow it, we allow it. So Chanel's basically saying that it makes her wanna crawl into a little cocoon and just not wanna talk about it or anything and Caroline's like,

well I would do the opposite, I would go loud. Like watch this, Sergio you're an idiot. Not good, Sergio you're an idiot. Much better. I still can't wait to impregnate you. Damn him. Hold on. He needs to be quiet. For sure.

Ow, I'm bleeding. Thank you so much for that pineapple. I'm glad I practiced American football all those years. It came in handy for this exact moment. Sometimes you've got to teach a footballer what an American footballer can do. You know what I'm saying? All right, what were you saying?

And she goes, oh, I want to make you laugh. So I went to Africa to see my mom. And listen, I always thought my mom was 65. She's not, she's 80, which means I might be older than you. That would make me so happy, almost as happy as if I could just see the black eye forming around Sergio's face with that pineapple. Could we go look real quickly?

Oh my God. Listen, how do we check? I mean, there must be a way to tell, like dogs. Do we look at your canines, DNA tests, blood? Here's how I do it with Sergio. I turn on baby shark and just wait for him to go... Da da da. Do do do do do do do. You see? You see, you see.

I'm sorry, don't arrest that man with a bloody face and jumping around singing Baby Shark in a hotel lobby. All right, it's my actual husband. Someone married that person and it was me, I'm mortified. But I'm being loud about it though. Anyway, Chanel, I'm going to drag you to some hospital and tie you down so we can see how old you are. You know, the last year Chanel dined out on my age. Oh, and Ayaan is older than me. How ironic. If I could rip out one of her teeth now

with this brunch, I would. That has nothing to do with her age. I just want to do it. I love pain. That has nothing to do with her age. I just want to do it. I love pain. So she's like, I could be 50. She says, well, you do look good to be fair. And that's all you're getting today. And she's like, well, in our friend group, everyone is hot, but I'm the hottest. I'm actually having a lot of fun.

Are you having fun? She says, yes. This is me having fun. Hold on, give me your shoe. Thank you. Oh no, there's a shoe in my eyeball. Now I'm having fun. I correct myself.

Pineapples aren't the only things that make him facially bleed. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. So now we go to Brooks and Teline at coffee. So now we're gonna meet the new lady. So Brooks is like, Teline is one of my closest friends in Dubai.

I've known her for almost a decade and we are crazy, but the best form of crazy, well, as crazy as we're allowed to be in this country which is not very crazy at all but we sometimes light sparklers on on fire and wave them around and it's pretty wild we have wild times we've often known to loosen a couple of toilets about a day did i say that out loud don't tell raf sorry that tells Ruffi is Talin's husband. What can I say? I'm wasted. I can only tell them apart.

Literally being crazy right now. So Talin's like, after living in LA for about nine years, moving to Dubai was rough because all I knew was my husband. I didn't have any family here or friends. And then nine years ago, there were a lot less Americans in Dubai. And Caroline was the first one I met and we've been shit face ever since Caroline Celine Singh she's like a proud drunk from yes

Listen you can call Brooks at 2 in the morning your shit face on the side of the road Is there a dinosaur to give you lift? No get out of here Chanel You need a ride home Caroline's the one you Is there a dinosaur to give you lift? No, get out of here, Chanel. You need a ride home. Caroline's the one you'll call and she will pick you up. I mean, you might be on the phone for two hours and she might crash into a few buildings on the way there and the way back, but like maybe you need that at that moment.

So now we find out is Lisa's pool party brunch thing is coming up. So does Talene wanna go? And Brooks tells her, um, yeah, well I heard about you at the Beyonce event. Caroline Stamberry was watching you like a hawk. She said that she fell down and showed everyone your vagina. And I mean, I did move to LA to be in the music industry.

It's kind of what you do. So she's like, yeah, I literally scooped you up with one hand and we continued as you do. That's what we do. And she's like, how was, how is that fun? And she's just falling over drunk. You know, Caroline and I have developed this by the way, this is the part of our podcast history where I just start doing an impersonation of your impersonation. So it just gets all weird. You better watch out because this is not even close. No, yours is really hilarious. This is literally the blind leading of life.

I'm walking into a lot of walls vocally today. It's kind of like whoever does the impersonation first, then it's like you've established and now I follow. So Caroline and I have developed this amazing friendship over the past year. So she's one of my closest friends in Dubai now, but when she came after Talene, it really rubbed me the wrong way.

And I'm gonna have Talene's back no matter what. Which means I think we're gonna have to fall out. That's what happens. A new person comes on, we're best friends, and by the end of the season, it's over. Yep. And so now Lisa and Chanel arrive at Good Weather Girls' Brunch. And did I get everything?

Yeah, Lisa goes, the weather is finally perfect. It says 91 degrees. Sergio's standing on the side with a melted ice cream cone. Oh, Caroline, it melted again. It melted again. Oh, God, look at that. Is that our son? Oh, damn. All right.

Oh, God. Oh, God. So, Chanel is wearing these huge platforms and having trouble walking in the sand. And she's like, you didn't say it was going to be in the beach, bitch. And so they're just, you know, coming on. Zoran just putting a toilet down.

He's like, ah, toilet installed. Oh. Sergio's dropping Stamberry off. And then Chanel's talking about how she went to lunch with Stamberry and brought her a pineapple. And Lisa's like, you never know what you get with a pineapple. Sometimes it's sore.

I think you said sore. So sometimes it's... I think people can get sores from pineapples because they are very acidic. You like, there is like, um, like I know, like sometimes if I eat mangoes, I get like a little, my lips turn like a little red. There's like a little irritation that can happen with these like acidic. Like a canker sore or a herata? as we call them. Oh god I hate a canker sore. I have to, I use Sensodyne because I'm very prone to getting canker sores. I use Sensodyne. It's that way I

don't have it. It's that annoying. You're welcome everyone. You've got some insight. Little canker sore insight. Shaiun! Stop trying to catch canker sores. I'm trying to catch kinkers stores. I'm trying to catch kinkers stores. The kinkers store lovers. So you go buy your own kinker. Sergio drops off Denver and is like, okay, anything you need, honey. I'm right here. Okay.

She goes, I'm just going to the beach, not war. You imbecile. Oh, could you do me a favor and bring me something? Anything. Silence. You say anything me something? Anything. Silence. You say anything I need? Yes. Okay.

Take this car and drive it in a straight line until you hit a building or drive off into the ocean. Thank you. Okay. So, I'm saying that mostly to myself to stop giggling. I'm like, okay, I don't think I've ever had so much fun doing a Dubai recap. I swear to God.

Um, so Lisa's like, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Here's the thing with Lisa. I love Lisa's like attitude. I think she's got like the perfect housewives vibe. It's just what comes out of her mouth is never great. You think it's gonna be all these really great one-liners and zingers, and they just never really land.

You know? Like, you never know what you'll get with a pineapple. Sometimes it's sore. Yeah, it could be our typing, to be fair. It could be our typing typing, to be fair. It could be her typing, but to be fair, when she says, keep your friends close and your enemies closer, it's like,

can you do better than that? That's a little basic, you know? Yeah. So then Stamber is like, well, Lisa and I did some awful things to each other last year. And then we see the reunion with Lisa saying, why don't you focus on being in Jeffrey Epstein's notebook? And she's like, oh, please, you're a former escort in Miami.

And Lisa's like, if I was- I forgot that it got that nasty, but that's just amazing. And Lisa's like, if I was an escort girl, I would have been a rich bitch. So it's like, oh, so you're like, I'm not that wealthy because I was not an escort in Miami. Ha. So Stamber is like, Ayaan has always said

that I would get on best with Lisa. And I think both of us are ready to try. That's why we both brought boomerangs to chuck at Sergio from over the fences. So they all toast to new beginnings and then Brooks, Talene, Sarah come and Sarah's like, I'm wacky and crazy. I'm going to wear a blow up donut for the water around my waist. Guys, trauma's over now.

Okay. Guess what? I have the best spiritual healer. He took my trauma and turned it into amazing donut floaty from Amazon. I love this man. So now they're talking about like guys, Lisa announces, oh my God, it's only 94 degrees. They'll have to buy winter. Oh my God, I'm so glad the weather is getting better.

And now it says it's 94 degrees. So they're talking about Sergio and Talene is asking Sarah if she's picky about men. And Sarah goes, no, I just want a guy who's kind, empathetic. I'm very spiritual, so I want someone who's spiritual, but I need someone who can be very spiritual in less than 10 minutes. I'm not really into long form spirituality. Do you understand? Oh yes, I attract narcissists. And by narcissists I mean immature man boys who should have gotten to a skiing accident 10 years ago. And we find out that Talene is Armenian, but she was born and raised in good old Virginia,

and she moved to LA at 17 where she wrote wrote music and she was signed with Jamie Foxx and then went on tour with Christina. She opened for a sting. It's like, she's like, Oh my God, am I name dropping right now guys? I'm so sorry. Why do I feel like Teline basically was on a Trixie monocle path? Like, I feel like half the songs that we hear on these shows, like, we're gonna take off. It's just like Talene singing, like it was her demo. Well, Talene Sting, I'm looking her up. Clean Sting, it says, did you mean, okay, what's her-

Was she on American Idol? Do you think? The Princess of Dubai. Talene Marie, okay, let's go look at Talene Marie on Instagram. Now that's a bad sign if you're doing like the Sheena thing. Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think?

Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think?

Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? Do you think? 9,000 followers, almost 20. She's into tally fitness and something cosmetics

and she was in Harper's Bazaar, Arabia in the culture section. Okay, Talene Marie songwriter, I'm gonna look up. Talene. Well, you look that up, I'm gonna continue with more of her bio, which was that she went on tour with Christina and opened up for first thing and then she says,

I always thought I'd be in California for the rest of my life but then when I met the love of my life, my husband Rafi, I had to decide, do I want to pursue music or love? And then I realized he was driving a G-Wag and I thought, love it is, quote unquote, love it is, and I moved to Dubai. I guess I could do this on my own time, right? I'm falling down a Tilleen Marie hole. Oh, there's a YouTube. There's a YouTube from LA to Dubai. I'm ready to show the world a glimpse into my life of music, fitness, fashion, my friends and the luxurious jet set setting lifestyle. Star emoji. Wow. Yeah. Okay. I'm done. Her story is, her story is definitely like a very LA story,

which is someone comes to LA has some, some success, some, some hits, some, some things go forward. Most things don't meet someone rich and says, you know what, rather than having to slut my way to the Roxy for the 15th time this week, I'm just going to marry Rich and live a life of luxury in Dubai. I'm into it. Sounds good to me. Okay. Singles and EPs. Marco Petralia featuring Tilleen, The Nicer Feet DC and Tilleen. Let me see. Miscellaneous, Wendell Coles, DJ Funkadelic, Serge Devant, Willem Duroux.

I don't know. I don't know. I'm into it. Now here's where you lose me when you say, I'm into music and fitness. It's like you got me and then you lost me. You know what I mean? It's like you got me interested and then you kicked me in the face. Yeah.

So Chanel's like, guys, let's talk about Beyonce because I want to remind everyone, we were in the VVIP area and I did not see any of you host there. And Lisa goes, to be fair though, we all had the same tickets. Like we were all going to be exactly there, you know? And she was like, no, I wasn't.

Stop it. Stop blowing my sandals, bitch. So they're all like laughing. And then Chanel turns to Talene and is like, by the way, I heard't. Stop it. Stop blowing my standards, bitch. So they're all like laughing. And then Chanel turns to Teline. It's like, by the way, I heard that you fell down and your ass was out. And so is your vagina. Here comes the feud. Someone fell over and their vagina was showing for a second. And Stambury is like, we see a clip of her being like, Tilleen face planted, all I saw was an ass and a G string.

I think Sergio saw a vagina. He wasn't sure, it's been a while for him. God bless his heart, but he did get very excited. Then he realized he was just looking in the mirror. So... He just started asking, is my child in there? Is my child in there? Is my child in there? And ding donging like it was a goddamn doorbell.

Knock knock. No, not right now, Chanel. This is not the time. What if a dinosaur came up to a vagina and it wanted a ride? Honestly, at this point I would take a dinosaur over Sergio. So I'd say, get in, big boy. So, um, so, Leanne's like, oh, it was a great time. And Samurai's like, well, Sergio saw your vagina.

He loved it. Bruce goes, well, it was a little topple. It was not that serious. He's wasted. She's like, it was a little topple. It was not that serious. She's wasted. She's like, that was not a topple. That was a face plant. All right. And Lisa's like, oh, that means you had a good time,

right, girls? Caroline, you can't be serious. What are you trying to do here? Are you trying to humiliate Teline or what? What is this? Oh, and Teline's like, why he is like, why is my vagina? Why is my vagina the table talk? Did I take a bit of a stumble? Sure. Okay. But if a JJ never made a, it might a cameo. Okay.

It stayed in. I can be a little assy, but most of the time I'm classy. Take that Lisa Milan. That's how you do it. Lisa belongs like, damn, that was really good. I don't know what to do now. So Brooks is shit faced. She's like, and they say, you gotta say that. The bathroom right now. I'm hoping the Zoran didn't do this. So I don't risk falling into the goddamn desert. If you never see me again, just tell my children I love them.

I got swallowed up by a sand pit in the bathroom. So, Stamber is like, I have never seen her like this. Why is she so 100? Sarah goes, well, you know, recently, I've been doing a lot of spiritual therapy, which has, by the way, this does not answer your question at all, I just feel like talking about myself. I've been doing a lot of spiritual therapy

and with shamans and healers, it was great. I was in between meetings. I came in for the 20 minute special. I got all cleaned up. They said my brake pads need to be replaced. But you know those places, they always want to do that to you. Anyway, I just made Brooke start as well. Yeah, we saw this season already. You trying to get other people involved in your horse shit, okay lady, for influencer points or whatever the fuck you're up to. So Lisa's like, well it's gonna take more than a shaman for her. And so it's like, oh but it's like beautiful and it's in Bali and it's going to fix your soul. That's why you do it. And Ayan's like, uh, and Lisa goes, are

you okay Ayan? Do you have something that you would like to say to this very spiritual person from Bali?" She's like, no, I'm not okay. I'm not okay. There's no use crying over spilled milk. Am I right? It's like, okay, Lisa. Okay, Lisa. So she's like, so Chanel's like to hear you speak like that.

It really makes me so confused, Sal, because just like what you're doing with Brooks, I really trusted you and I literally opened up to you about your about my story. And then I then I see you calling me a victim like fucking going everywhere. When did I say you were using your story to be a victim? I said your story is not an excuse to be mean to people. Just oh, well, how the fuck do I use my story to be mean to people? Because I never said you're playing victim. I gave you my shoulder to cry on. I was there for you for nine minutes. Your husband even called me to thank me just before you put a knife in my back. Boom. Don, don, don.

Stop it, Chanel. Stop. You don't need to go low. Everyone's told me you've been speaking about me behind my back and then Lisa Milan's like, why did you call her a victim? So Brooke's back like, hey everyone, I'll have, okay, quarter pounder with cheese, diet coke, large fries, whatever else is good. And it's like, we're not, she's really wasted, isn't she? Yeah, Stan Burrows is like, guys, stop, please.

I want to enjoy my bread. It's very rare that I ever get this, all right? Everyone just stay quiet, hold on. I can't enjoy it. I don't know if it's you or just a simple fact of what I know it's gonna do to me later. Gain one pound and Sergio's all up in my business calling me pregnant, mother of his children.

I can't bear it. Just bring me anything that doesn't move, that's chilled and possibly came from the ground. I don't even care what it is. Just make sure it's calorie free, please. Could you please have this conversation alone? It's like I've got two Sergio's yammering away in my ears. It's the same thing I say to Sergio

every time he brings up baby making. Please have this conversation alone. So Ayan and Sarah walk away and they like go over to like these loungers and Ayan's like saying like, Sarah, I was so comfortable with you. And then when that interview came out, I felt like you really betrayed me. I was so comfortable with you. And then when I came that, when that interview came out, I felt like you really betrayed me. I was really hurt by you saying that.

And Sarah was like, and I was hurt that you went on Twitter telling people I don't have any businesses and that I'm broke. It's like, oh, okay, this is what it is. So she says you have no businesses and you say, oh, well, she's acting like a victim because she had female genital trauma stemming from female female circumcision. Yeah. Again, like there's no fight here. You know what I mean? Like you win.

You automatically you win. I say, but and also, you know, but we'll just Chanel Chanel in general, cause she comes back this season doing kind of that second season. Like look at me just fun loving Chanel. Chanel in general, because she comes back this season, doing kind of that second season, like, look at me, just fun loving Chanel. I can't understand why anybody would be arguing with me. And then it cuts to the tweet like, you're a loser, you never even had a business, and you're poor.

She's like, what the hell, bro? But here's the real reason why Sarah was upset, because then she goes, and then I post a picture of myself with a beautiful quote. So then we see a photo on Twitter of Sarah being like, it's like a selfie. And then the quote says 7.5 billion smiles in the world. And yours is the one that set my heart on fire. What is this bullshit? And it's like, of course it's like a thirst trap photo a little bit.

And then I, then she goes, and you said, oh, now you're modeling now, Sarah, on Twitter, ha ha. I love Shemelle. Shemelle, I think it's single-handedly why this show is picked back up. She is so fucking funny. And she goes, what? I thought it was funny. Knock, knock.

I'm not falling for this again. So then back at the table, table, table, Celine is talking to Stamberry. She's like, you know, it's great that I'm so good with everybody at the table. I'm good with you, right? Are we good? Are we good?

Are we good? Are we good? Are we? She's like, are you talking to me? I'm sorry, is the person who couldn't make it singing songs in the corner of a Starbucks in Los Angeles talking to me, someone who went to a academic institution with a royal person?

I'm sorry, Sting, would that be the singer or the feeling you got on your ass after you fell on it and showed your vagina to everyone at Beyoncé? You know, I opened up for Sting as well, you know, I went up to him and I said, I have to share this with you. The person who's singing right before you is terrible. There, I've opened up to you. All right, now you keep using this we, we, we. Let me just give you a little lesson,

darling. There's no we in I, right? It's just something you need to say. It's like you and I, we're good, right? She goes, I mean, I guess so. I love watching people fall down, you know? Without that, there never would have been a Kramer. I just want to make sure we're all good because you've been talking to Caroline about the VJ and the way it was brought to me.

I was like, I can't believe to lean behave like this. Because I said that's about you. I just don't normally talk about people in the service industry casually, you know? And Brooks is like, I think we can all agree that the 7 a.m. phone calls from Caroline should stop at this point. And Stember is like, well, I won't call you again

with pleasure, Brooks, with pleasure. You know, if she has such an issue with me, I don't know why she didn't share it with me when I was actually on the phone during that 7 a.m. phone call, which as we all know I only do it because when the sun rises, Sergio starts to whimper. I need any excuse to get out of that room.

The only reason I pick up the phone at that time of the morning is to avoid the flagpoles that await me in bed. that time of the morning is to avoid the flagpoles that await me in bed. So, Stamber is like, yeah, like I didn't, like, I'll knock, I won't call you. And she goes, and I never said, is this how you're going to be?

I said, I find that funny. I said, I thought it was funny that your vagina was out. I was like, look at that, that unmoored person who's probably from America showing her vagina all here amongst us wealthy people. It was hilarious. Yeah. I mean, I guess the thing I would have to remind myself about this show is that could be very bad when you're telling people that lady's just showing her vagina all over town. That's like,

Yeah, maybe the Dubai laws. You literally can't do that. Sometimes you have to remind yourself like, this is not just a regular housewives. Like last year, one of the ways that Sarah really showed her ass last year was when she threatened to call the police for somebody for using bad language and stuff. Remember when she was fighting with Caroline, wasn't it Caroline? That she was like threatening to call the police and that became a big, huge thing. I mean, it's different, you know? It's a different place. So, yeah, so she's like,

yeah, I mean, I think it's hilarious you're like throwing your vagina around, but they're like, yeah, not here. Okay, ma'am. So then back to the other argument, Sarah's like, listen, what I was saying is you cannot victimize yourself and hurt people because you were hurt don't don't bleed the people that didn't cut you and I am like, um, do I look like somebody that bleeds circus? What all I want is to say Maybe laugh. I love Ion. She doesn't even really have to understand what you're saying to just rip you a new one Yeah, I know and she goes no all I want is for you to say, I am, I hear you, you trusted me, you opened up to me and I put salt and vinegar into the pain.

I actually made the pain quite delicious. Now that I think about it. And Sarah's like, all I said is you victimize yourself because you want to be the center of attention. And it's true. I'm like, well, that's different. Now, now the real, now the real, the real opinion comes out because before it was like, Hey, just because you went through shit doesn't mean you have to hurt other people. But now it's like, Oh, you want to be the star and you're using your victim. You're, you're using this trauma to be a star. And I don't like that. Yeah. She's gross. Sarah's gross. Yeah. So, um, Ion is like, but I am the center of attention. And Sarah's like, you know what? I don't even want your apology, so just save your apology. And she's like, well, you can just stop pretending

to be a kind, loving person because you are not a good person. And maybe you should check your soul. And she's like, maybe you should buy your own clothes instead of borrowing them. That's what I love when someone acts like they're so above all the pettiness and the immediate go to the second you get under their skin is you're poor. Yeah, you're poor. And Chanel goes, I do buy my clothes and sir goes, you're full of shit. Oh yeah. You're full of shit too. Instead of doing all this face surgery, get your soul surgery because your soul, your soul is shit. Soul surgery. So they had to rejoin the other women and.

I thought that was so fucking funny. Instead of more face surgery, get some soul surgery. And Chanel's like, we can never be good. And I apologize and she said, I don't need your apology. And I meant what I said, I'm not taking it back. And Sarah's like, but I don't need you to, I have to valid who I am, I said, I'm not taking it back. And Sarah's like, well, I don't need you to, I have to valid who I am. I know who I am.

And Tulene of course is like, we should all take a shot, all right? Can we please get a round of tequila and pour it on Sergio's head? That's how you have fun. And that brings us to the end of Real Housewives of Dubai. Everybody. I mean, I enjoyed that episode. I'm hoping that, you know, onwards and upwards, we're like, you know, let's stay in this zone,

you know? Yeah, the auto zone. All right. Under 10 minutes, y'all. Thanks. Sayuna. Sayuna, it's the end of the podcast! Guys, in the comments let us know on a level of 1-10 how was your trauma by the end of this episode.

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