Watch What Crappens - #2455 The Valley S01E12, Part One: Low Bar

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

This is part one of a two-parterBrittany finally realizes that she’s been getting Jaxxed for the past decade on The Valley (S01E12) finale and leaves that good for nothing pile of nose Atta girl! Janet has a baby, and it turns out that she still sucks even when she’s not preggers so hey! Consistency! Great season. Enjoy! Watch this recap on video  and listen to all of our bonus episodes at Privacy Policy at and California Privacy Notice at

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Starting point is 00:01:54 From Wondery, the makers of Ghost Story and Feta, this is a story about a murder that rocked my little community. Binge all episodes of Happily Never After ad free right now on Wondery Plus. ["Crap It, Crap It, Crap It, Crap It, Crap It, Crap It"] Well, hello everybody. Welcome to Watch with Crappins. It's a podcast about Bravo Shite. I'm Zach. I'm your host, Zach. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Looney Tunes, how are you doing? You sweet little face, you sweet little face. I'm good. I'm good. I'm doodle. I'm so mad because my hair, my barber just bailed on me for today and I'm not gotten my haircut in a month, which is why I'm wearing a hat on our crap is on demand,
Starting point is 00:03:03 and I'm just going to process that like Zach and be like, she is that to me, she is like the queen of England and she is that to me, that to me. Yes, we just came back from being out of town for a long time and I shaved, I was getting ready to get into the shower yesterday. I was tired, but I was like, finally I get to shave. I shaved my head, I had a razor here waiting for me.
Starting point is 00:03:26 Cause you know, I couldn't shave over there, Ben, you know? Cause I threw out my razor right in the beginning. I didn't bring the right thing and blew it out in the socket there. So anyway, I was ready to do it. I get in the shower and my hot water heater was broken and they will not be able to fix it for the rest of the week. So I am poorly shaven. I'm a mess. I did take a shower in the cold.
Starting point is 00:03:49 So my balls are still the size of a pinky. They are like little rocks. How are they not able to fix it for the rest of the week? Because they can't find the part because the builders who built my house put a really old water heater in, I guess. Do you have a ream? Is it tankless? Is it a ream? It's a tankless. Is it a ream? It is, I don't know. It's just, oh guess. Do you have a ream? Is it tankless?
Starting point is 00:04:05 Is it a ream? It's a tankless. Is it a ream? It is, I don't know. It's just, oh, and then I opened it. I opened it. It's a ream, you said? I'm gonna look.
Starting point is 00:04:14 If it's a ream, reams are supposed to be like the worst water heaters. Oh, well. That's what we had originally and it broke. I can't just like go around throwing fucking water heaters, throwing money at water heaters all the time. Okay, I'm not and guess what? I'm moving back to LA next week, by the way. Oh, and so anyway, so I go out, I'm like, fucking hot water, god damn it. I'm like, Ronnie, do not
Starting point is 00:04:35 be upset. You have no right. You just took the most glamorous, most amazing soul touching trip of your life. Do not ruin it by being spoiled about a water heater. You can survive this. So I go outside with the broom. I push up the lid of the fucking water heater. Guess what's up there? A red hornet nest. Hornets come out. They look like small dogs.
Starting point is 00:04:54 No. I swear to God, you would have died. They are huge. I will show you a picture. They look like small dogs. They start chasing me. I drop everything. I jump off the stool thing that I'm on,
Starting point is 00:05:05 I run inside terrified, I go get my hornet spray because I'm in Texas, I got a spray for everything. I come back out in 10 minutes and foam those fuckers, okay? They are still crawling around. They were huge, they were like little monsters. So then- Was the hornet nest inside the water heater? Yes.
Starting point is 00:05:22 Oh, well that's probably why it broke. Well, it turns out it's the ignition or something. Although I don't have the most trust. Anyway, I didn't mean to make this about my water heater. The point is, it's a lot. It's a lot happening over here. So I've got all these hornets coming after me. I have no hot water.
Starting point is 00:05:35 I'm still very grateful for my trip. Here's what I'm not grateful for. And this is what I'm all leading up to. Janet, what a dick. You know, I have to say, what a dick. You know, I have to say Janet is a dick. A few episodes ago, I was like, no, I actually like Janet, even though she's so obnoxious, I really like her. But this this finale, I was like, she's really awful. I can't even really like her and I can't be way anymore.
Starting point is 00:06:02 She's really bad. I mean, I probably will. I love my monsters, but like she's so obnoxious. I feel so bad for Zach. Zach really did nothing wrong. He was complete collateral damage and she is trying to frame the situation. Like he is so awful. She keeps saying things like I was, I gave him a chance. I gave him a chance to get back on my good graces. And I realized like, no, it wasn't gonna work. Gave him a chance. What happened in the past?
Starting point is 00:06:29 What was wrong in the past? I don't know. I did not think I was gonna wind up coming out of the season really being like a massive Zach supporter, but I feel so bad for the kid. Really got fucked like that. Okay, well here's the thing. And I said this last week, by the way,
Starting point is 00:06:43 just so you know, look at these fucking hornets. This is on my phone. Can you see them? Aren't those terrifying? These are dead. And look at how scary they still are. These are terrifying.
Starting point is 00:06:55 I can't believe you didn't get stung. I can't either, honestly. I think they probably don't like gelato, which was still streaming out of my smell glands or whatever at that point. So anyway, what I'm looking for in my phone is not pictures of wasps. I am trying to concentrate, believe it or not. What I'm looking for is some tweets that were happening of receipts and they were posted by
Starting point is 00:07:15 by Wig Hello Drama, that Twitter account that I love to follow because they post the most amazing receipts. But anyway, I said this last week, I will not stand up for Zach too much yet. I don't know Zach on this show well enough to know whether he's a terrorist or not. And I don't wanna be in a position where I'm like, Zach would never say that he wants you and your baby dead or whatever she's accusing him of saying, and then find out that of course he said it
Starting point is 00:07:43 because she posted something that was like, oh really, well, here's proof that Zach did get kicked out of the bar for being horrible because Kristen was saying, they're saying that Zach was kicked out of that bar at the season finale. He was not, I waited for a cab with him or whatever. He was not kicked out.
Starting point is 00:08:01 And then Janet texted Brittany and Jack separately and said, did he get kicked out? Or did he leave on his own? And both Brittany and Jack said, Oh yeah, he got kicked out. And Jack said, yeah, he not only got kicked out that night, he got kicked out another night this week. So I guess that's just going, it's, that's true. It's also Jack's who literally lies. I will say this. I think that, um, I, I always suspected Zach was a terrorist. Um, I'm like a monster based off of just instinct. Um, and I'm not saying that he's not, I'm just saying in this situation,
Starting point is 00:08:33 it's very clear to me that Janet like excluded Zach because Zach is close with Kristin and then sort of like retroactively started coming up with like reasons for why it was the right decision instead of taking on that. It was shitty. It was shitty. But by the way, let's also not overlook. I have to say another thing, a takeaway from this finale. And this finale was so, so good, which is why we are actually going back and recapping it basically a week later
Starting point is 00:08:59 because we just could not let it just sit there and not be addressed. Cause it was a great season that does like, if anything deserves a reunion, it's this show. I have no idea why there's no reunion. Like this is, there are so many questions, so many things that need to be confronted. So many lies that need to be like people need to be faced with. Uh, it's, it's a travesty that there's no reunion. But that being said, I have to say, I was, it's a travesty. I, you know what? I was,
Starting point is 00:09:24 I was actually very impressed with our little Kentucky muffin, Brittany. I thought like going into this season. This is Brittany's best episode of anything ever. Of anything. I have to say, I really want to give her credit because going into it, everything we were like, you know, they announced their separation.
Starting point is 00:09:39 We're like, oh, this is such a ploy for publicity. God, these two are terrible. But then watching the season and then watching this finale, I really felt like this was a sincere breakup. And I thought that everything that Brittany said was she really stood her ground in a way that I was so impressed by. You know, I know Brittany is not the best. I know she has her problems, but I felt like I was so proud of her for really sticking it
Starting point is 00:10:04 to Jax and holding her ground. And she basically was like, I have just finally like woken up and seen that the sky's terrible for me. And I was really proud of her. I loved her attitude on this whole reunion. I do not know that I believe her yet. I'm too cynical to believe it.
Starting point is 00:10:24 I think that part of me is like, yeah, of course she's fed up, but there's still part of Brittany that's just like, well, you know, maybe he'll come through. I change. You know, he'll change. And Jax is still doing the same old, well, you know, I need to work on myself for sure, for sure. I saw something from their podcast,
Starting point is 00:10:43 which they're still doing together. Someone posted a clip, whether she's like, what do you think about yourself on the finale? myself for sure, for sure. I saw something from their podcast, which they're still doing together. Someone posted a clip, whether she's like, what do you think about yourself on the finale? Hurry, hurry, hurry. And he's like, well, you know, here's what I learned about myself watching myself on TV this whole year.
Starting point is 00:10:56 I learned that, you know, I've got some changes to make. Oh my God, Jax, how many years later? It's 11 years later and it's still the same old song lines. Well, let's get into it because we have a time crunch today and we have a big episode to get through. So it starts with- Hey, listen, if we don't finish, we'll come back after my appointment's done. This is getting everything we need. Listen, if I could make it through the Sistine Chapel, I can make it through this. This is real art right here.
Starting point is 00:11:28 Yes. So we're seeing everyone doing different things. We're at Kristen's apartment and she's like, she's yelling at the dogs and she's like, seriously, seriously, Jill, don't treat your brother like that. Seriously, seriously. And then we see Michelle and Jesse sitting lovelessly
Starting point is 00:11:45 on the sofa on their phones. And Jesse's like, hey, are you not wearing your wedding ring? And she's like, no, I rushed out of the house. And also I don't love you anymore, which is why I didn't put it on. It had nothing to do with rushing out of the house. Making no effort to even pretend. She's just like, I rushed out of the house. Making no effort to even pretend. She's just like, I rushed out of the house.
Starting point is 00:12:07 Jesse also just props to Jesse for being so new to Bravo, yet knowing how to do the Bravo douche bag, making himself the biggest victim in the world. I mean, he is a pro at it. He's really done a good job. He obviously knew that this relationship was over. I mean, their whole thing at the end, he's crying and acting like he's just such a victim.
Starting point is 00:12:27 You are such an asshole, you are such a jerk. I was, I don't care. I was still cheering that her ass left him. And I hope she did. And I hope it was with Rob Reiner. And I hope she fucked him the whole time you were together. Because you fucking deserve it, you asshole. Fucking crying.
Starting point is 00:12:43 Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, I completely agree. I was very proud of Michelle. And a lot of people are like, well, Michelle is very like dead behind the eyes and like seems emotionally vacant. I'm like, that is absolutely true. But you know what? Like I loved when she was just like, basically like fuck you, Jesse. Like this is what's going to happen, but we'll get there. So, um, Jack's is bars can open in three days and they're there and Brint is like,
Starting point is 00:13:05 oh my God, I am so. I have to interrupt you. I'm so sorry. You said it wrong. What's that? You're supposed to say Jack's is quote unquote bar. You need to air quote around the bar. Oh, sorry.
Starting point is 00:13:16 Just come on, this is. Jack's is couch space and like experience. The bar experience at like whatever it is is like Domino's pizza. So I'm so excited. There definitely a lot to do boo boo and he's like, yeah, there's a lot and she's like well We were gonna bring in a bunch of clients, but it's just like so brown hair So we definitely to brighten up Jack's. What are you thinking? He's like, I don't know. You have no idea how stressed out I've been You don't know what I've been through I mean like, I've been like, I was doing this, that, I was losing hair for that job.
Starting point is 00:13:48 And then this job, you know, like showing up, I came here, this has been so hard. What have you been doing? What are you talking about? This bar is like hooked on, it's like the back patio of some other restaurant. You don't even talk to me now. So then meanwhile, Jason and Janet are setting up
Starting point is 00:14:03 their like nursery and everything. And then Danny and Nia are at lunch. And basically they're still talking about like the house. And Danny's like, so you on board for Valencia? She's like, no, Daniel, absolutely not. Let's just like put a pin in it and like take a deep breath. But then when we come back to it, like really, really agree agree that we're gonna see each other's point of view and try to Compromise he's like so what I'm hearing is Valencia
Starting point is 00:14:34 Well, and see ain't that far Yes. Yes, Daniel. It is okay You can't just gaslight into someone you can't gaslight somebody into making Google Maps wrong. You know what I mean? It's far, Daniel. It's far. It's far. It is far.
Starting point is 00:14:50 I would just like to say a special fuck you to restaurants in Los Angeles as I'm about to travel back and live in you part-time. Fuck off with saying things like, hello, sorry to interrupt you, but I'm here to deliver your tri-colored cauliflower. Leave. Please leave.
Starting point is 00:15:13 Please leave with your tri-colored cauliflower. Get the fuck out of here. Okay, so Jasmine and Zach are arriving at pottery class and he's like, hello, you look so cute. What are we in pottery classes? Crazy, I'm gonna like ghost the shit out of you. I hope you're ready for me to come up right behind you and be like, oh my God, it's Patrick Swayze.
Starting point is 00:15:30 No way, it's a Whoopi Goldberg. I don't know, am I turned on or terrified? You decide. Ha ha. Oh my goodness, the idea of Zack doing Patrick Swayze in Ghost is a little odd. I mean, to be fair though, his hair does look like it's been in a kiln. It's a pretty, pretty clay hair he's got there. So I was looking at his hair
Starting point is 00:15:57 because there's like a lot of talk like, no, it's real. It's not like it's not fake. It's not big, it's like really his hair. But it's like, it's brushed over his forehead so, so stiffly, like it's like a sideways hair. I just, we just wanna go in and help. We wanna help this young man figure out- I just want some of it. I mean, it's actually kind of a wig I could get away with, I feel like. I feel like it would look cute on me.
Starting point is 00:16:22 Just cut it off and give it to me. Actually, he got a haircut. I saw it on the internet. Did he? Yeah, the tweet I saw said something like, you guys have bullied this poor man into getting a haircut. Which I thought was so funny.
Starting point is 00:16:35 And it's like shaved on the sides and then big and curly on the top. And it still looks like a wig, I'm not gonna lie. It looks like, it just looks like a different wig glued on top of a bald head. I don't know what to tell. Oh, poor guy. Poor guy with a very beguiling hair. Yeah. So Jasmine's saying how she's really happy to see Zach. And she needs to decompress from everything that happened at Big Bear. And he's like, she's like, I never want to go on a baby moon ever again in my life? I'm like, I feel the same way. I've never even been on one.
Starting point is 00:17:06 I just already know. I never ever wanna go on a baby moon. Especially not one for Janet, you know? It's just terrible. So can we just have a Janet moon, which is to celebrate the last days where Janet gets to complain that she's pregnant before she graduates
Starting point is 00:17:26 to complaining. But I'm a mother. Yeah, I know. So Zach is like, so how does the baby moon, can I assume you were like talking about me? Did my name get brought up? Can I just assume? Hilarious. Let's talk about it. Let's do it. Let's do it right now. Do it right now. So she's like, well, yeah, like me, Dan, Brittany, we're all sticking up for you. And just like saying how you felt like not being invited, Jack's dropping the bomb about you not being invited was mean and everything. It's like, well, I don't know if you saw, but I posted on Instagram. Did you see? Did you see? And she's like, oh, yeah, it was definitely the topic of conversations Oh, was it oh my god girl. It was a joke. Oh my god
Starting point is 00:18:08 I kept you guys were talking about my Instagram on TV. Oh my god. I Mean I wasn't even upset about it or in my feelings or anything. I was just basically being Julia Roberts and Richard Gere movie Patty woman I'm sorry, I was Patty. That's it. I'm Patty. I'm sorry. I was like the queen of England. Patty. Pat T. Am I right? I was like the original queen of England. There was like a patty cult under my junction. All right. That's it. I was like Patty. Well I hope you realize you're all part of the Heartbreakers and I am Tom Petty, okay?
Starting point is 00:18:45 And she's like, yeah, I mean, it really stressed her out, Jack, because I really stressed her out, Zach, because like, I mean, you stress Janet out, you know? And we were like, you know, he's probably just like upset, like maybe it's just in his feelings, because I wasn't upset in my feelings. I was just basically like in the Golden Girls, I was like Patty White, all right?
Starting point is 00:19:04 What's up? Yeah. Jasmine's like, well, Janet admitted that she went wrong and she should have like reached out like to you first, like whatever, instead of having Jack deliver the message. And on the boat, I said, look, take Kristen out of all of this crap. Do you like Zack at all?
Starting point is 00:19:25 Do you want to be friends with him because that is what it comes down to it is That is exactly what it comes down to and she started and went into like well I just like don't trust him and I was like bingo there it is Oh, yeah, but that's giving me like shady boots like if you don't like me just say it You know what? I mean like what are you making a hate cake, Petty Crocker? And well, I was like, are you ready for that? Are you ready for that? And he's like, well, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:19:56 He's like, well, you know, you think like I'm going to be like, it's gonna be real fun when we go to Brittany and Jackson's opening. It's like, well, are you ready? She's like, oh, I'm ready. I am ready. I am ready. I have so many petty puns you don't even understand. Like, guess what? You want to hear about a cartoon from a different era?
Starting point is 00:20:13 Petty poop. That's right. Oh, and Janet, you thought I was the problem? Oh my God. Well, look in the mirror, cause you're the problem, okay? And you're not gonna create a narrative that I've done anything wrong, cause I'm not doing anything wrong
Starting point is 00:20:30 and we are gonna have a talk. I'm gonna walk in there and I'm gonna say, what a dump. That's right. It's Pettie Davis. Bitch. Yeah, someone's like, oh my God. But I do have to say,
Starting point is 00:20:44 this is, I think the first time we've ever seen a pottery scene on Bravo where the people did a good job at making the pottery. I know. Lowkey, they did a very good job with the pot. Again, I think Zach has a lot of experience with his wigs. So like he knows how to handle a pottery wheel. He just leaves wearing the clay dripping down his head. It's like, finally, a new car.
Starting point is 00:21:04 It's been a long time coming. I don't even wanna glaze that. I'm not gonna glaze that. I don't like to participate in pottery. I like to participate in, you guessed it, pottery, got it. It's like guys, I would go to the parking lot where my car is, but I really need to let my hair pat.
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Starting point is 00:23:28 You can listen to the competition early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus. So we go to Jack's day one until opening. So Brittany's like, oh my God, once this gets filled, I'm gonna love it so much and here it's been so hard. We did. We put so much hard work into it. She's breaking down. Somebody put a nickel into Britney. She's like, laugh crying as she puts succulents into the pockets for this wall. Another succulent. Only 67, 67 more succulents. 99 succulents in the pockets for this wall. She's like, that's another succulent, only 67 more succulents,
Starting point is 00:24:07 99 succulents in the pockets in the wall, 99 take one down, pass it around, 98 succulents in the wall. And Jax is like, Britney, stop singing songs about beer, you fucking alcoholic. So she was working inside and Jax is outside pretending to work. He's like the worst.
Starting point is 00:24:27 I can't even believe that this guy has anything resembling a restaurant, but he's out there like with a napkin wiping off the sign that says Jax's trying to pretend he does not want to have to deal with the succulent wall. Hi Jax, can you ask somebody if we have bulbs replaced on these string lights? Because we need to ask somebody if there are bulbs, you know, because a bunch of them are out, you know, can that be your next job when you're done doing the
Starting point is 00:24:52 fake job you're doing right now? He's like, No, this is like a real job. Like I just like want to look nice like when people walk in, you know, it's like, okay. It's like, okay. He's over there, gotten back to her, he doesn't have nothing to do for those y'all. Whoa! So then, let's see, so they go inside and they're like,
Starting point is 00:25:14 I just can't believe we've made it, you know? And Brittany's singing and she's like, I'm just so happy, Jax. And he's like, are you? She goes, yeah. I mean, come on guys, are y'all happy? And they're like, as long as Brittany's happy, we're happy. Yeah. So, um, Ali is there. So, um, is Ali, Jack's sister? I forget. Cause Jack's sister makes a surprise appearance, but I'm not sure.
Starting point is 00:25:42 Oh, no, I don't think they've brought in the sister yet. Okay. Jenny, Jenny is. No, I don't think they've brought in the sister yet. Oh, okay. Jenny is the sister. I don't know who that is. I don't know who Ali is. So yeah. Brittany, I'm feeling, who is here? Maybe someone who just works there. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:25:55 I don't know who this is either. Maybe it's Ali. Maybe it's from Shazza Sunset. Oh, wait. So then, so Jenny is there because Jack, it's a flashback. So Jenny is there because Jack's is like, wow, it's so good having Jenny here.
Starting point is 00:26:11 Thanks for bringing her in. That was really cool of you to do. And then we see a flashback of Brittany bringing Jenny to surprise him and brother-in-law. So Jack's is like, oh yeah, you know, I mean, I didn't even think about it, but like, of course I wanted my sister here, you know, and my, my brother in law, of course. And she's like, see, I'm doing something.
Starting point is 00:26:29 I feel you were just being mean to me. Are you sorry? You call me a dumb, stupid, fat alcoholic. You sorry now jazz. Come on, Jack. Hi, Jack. You know what you could do to make me feel better? Make me feel better.
Starting point is 00:26:39 Come on, Jay. Like, hee hee hee. So, so Brittany's like, you know, she's saying how it's like, she's like, that's okay, but you need to talk, you need to talk to me instead of being like, like, you know, being really like, like immature and everything. And it was like really hurtful when you talked to me like that, he's like, I know, I'm just like really overwhelmed right now, you know.
Starting point is 00:27:05 I don't know. I don't even think that you're, you're attracted to me no more, he's like, I know, I'm just like really overwhelmed right now, you know? I don't know, am I in the flashlight? I don't even think that you're attracted to me no more, Jase. And he just stays quiet. He's like, I'm just busy. And she's like, yeah, but you're maiming me. And then we see a flashback of him berating her for drinking in Big Bear. And he's like, I made a mistake, look,
Starting point is 00:27:19 I thought you were drunk, sorry, I thought you were drunk. And the point is you're not supposed to be fucking calling your wife an alcoholic on TV and spending the entire season making everybody think that your wife is a fucking alcoholic. Like, even if you think that some other of your child, like, what are you trying to do to your you know that that could have effects on your actual child, you douchebag idiot. So we actually have had some DMs from people being like, I can't believe you guys are kissing Brittany's ass when she's clearly a terrible mother
Starting point is 00:27:50 and she's an alcoholic. And all he's doing is pointing out that she's being, she's a bad mother. He made them move out of the house because he didn't wanna leave. He purposely is treating her as shitty as possible. So she'll break up with him and he can say, you're the one who left, I'm keeping the house. After calling her a bad mother all season, after calling
Starting point is 00:28:08 her an alcoholic all season, don't fall for another fucking man on Bravo. Give me a fucking break with that. Come on. Also being like, oh, so and so is a bad mother on Bravo. Like what else is there? What else is there? No kidding. And if she does- That's the network of bad mothers. And if she, what's the thing?
Starting point is 00:28:28 If she does have a problem with alcohol, then why are people being mean about it and being like, well, Brittany's a fucking alcoholic and she's a terrible mother. When meanwhile you've got summer house when there's a drug addiction or something like with one of those guys, it's like, oh my God, poor thing.
Starting point is 00:28:41 But then if it's somebody else, it's like, fuck them. Fuck her, come on. It's like this is somebody else, it's like, fuck them, you know, fuck, fuck her. Come on. It's like, this is somebody dealing with Jacks have a little, that's a really good point, Ronnie. That's a good point, Ronnie. You did Ronnie. That was such a good point. That was like a really good point. That was like such a good point that it was almost petty. It was almost a petty moment. It was so good. Okay. So, so,
Starting point is 00:29:09 so he's trying to be nice to her, but he hates her even now. And she just sees a little bit of him trying to be nice. So she's like, don't you wanna hug me? Don't you wanna give me a present? Don't you wanna compliment me? Don't you wanna make me feel pretty? Come on, Jack, make me feel pretty.
Starting point is 00:29:21 Jack, make me feel pretty. Jack, make me feel pretty. God don't want this for our future. So now it's day of the bar opening. We're at Kristen's apartment and she's like, I am like so excited to get out of here. Like we go to Colorado and we're gonna like stay for how many days? Like a few days?
Starting point is 00:29:41 A few days? We're gonna be there like, huh? How many days are we gonna be there? Seriously? We're gonna be in like, huh? How many days are we gonna be there? Seriously? You'll be at Colorado? Seriously? Seriously?
Starting point is 00:29:48 He's like, we're gonna stay there a couple of days. Maybe then we can go to Indiana. She's like, okay, so a day, right? Like I can go for like a day, right? I mean, Indiana, I mean, sounds fun. Please fucking count me in on what this is. Isn't it funny how Indiana sort of sounds like I don't wanna and Chris he's like, she's like, you know,
Starting point is 00:30:09 there's a little bit of like there for like what? Like half a day, like a layover basically. We don't have to stay that long, right? And she's like, it's been like a really rough summer. Like needless to say, and I know that Luke and I are just ready to get out of California for like a minute, literally just a minute. And then I want to come back. And then I wanna come back.
Starting point is 00:30:25 I wanna come right back, right back. Yeah. And she's like, let me get us some dresses really quick and we can like finalize our Colorado plans. And by finalize, I mean, you know, making you commit to me going for one day. Gah.
Starting point is 00:30:38 I just think that like Luke and I just like need to focus on our happiness, yeah. So he's like, so what are your thoughts on tonight? By the way, I have to say it, pause for one moment and say, when I was in Amsterdam, I was in the, I went to the van Gogh, the Van Gogh, uh, museum. I must have the Van Gogh factory, the Van Gogh factory. And we made a joke about how like Luke looks like Van Gogh. Cause someone, someone actually sent it to us to us to Luke is Van Gogh.
Starting point is 00:31:05 And honestly, walking around that museum, I could not stop thinking about it the entire time. I was like, there's Luke, there's another Luke, there's another Luke. I'm like, this is what this show has done. This is what Bravo has done. I am here looking at masterpieces of humanity. And all of the magic.
Starting point is 00:31:23 And after seeing him deal with Kristen and all and after seeing him deal with Kristen for so long, you can really understand the whole cutting off his ear thing. Hey, I was like looking for paintings of Jill. It's like, where's Jill? It's just a little pile of poop on the floor. Oh, Jill, Jill, damn it. Be nice to your brother. She barks a lot, but she's really nice. It's funny. Where are we?
Starting point is 00:31:50 So they're just talking about it. They're gossiping now. So she's like, I'm so excited for Brittany and Jackson's bar to open. I mean, of course I'm not a fan of everyone that they're inviting, but what are you gonna do? I mean, Justin and Michelle, I mean, I saw Michelle in nice tux, you know? And are you going to do? I mean, Jesse and Michelle, I mean, I sent Michelle a nice text, you know,
Starting point is 00:32:05 cause and I meant every single word that I said, cause like, I want to have a conversation with Michelle, you know, and Luke's like, well, the Mondrian, that chaos and everything, like, when we were getting in the elevator, you said Michelle had a boyfriend for a year, and like, I didn't know that part of the equation. And she's like, um, which was not true.
Starting point is 00:32:25 So if I said that, what I meant was a year ago. That's a totally different sentence. And she goes, and then she goes, oh, here we go again with my misuse of words. You can't just be like, here I go again with my misuse of words. You said, just be like, here I go again with my misuse of words. He said, oh, I've been dating someone for a year behind Jesse's back.
Starting point is 00:32:51 That's very different from like, there was a boyfriend a year ago, which both things are pretty bad for that marriage. But like, whoops, there's my misuse of words again. Between her and Jax, they are so ridiculous together. Between his lying and her liar, whoops, didn't mean to say it that way. I guess I was high on parking lot median flowers again.
Starting point is 00:33:12 Yeah. And so she's like, well, I mean, like, I feel like such a shit friend for even saying it. But like, look, Jesse was a terrible husband at the time. And like, honestly, I do not blame her. And she's like, I don't blame her for texting someone, even if it's Rob Reiner, he's one of America's best underrated directors. Seriously. So then we go to Jesse and Michelle's house and Michelle like, Jesse's like looking for something and Michelle's like, did you find something?
Starting point is 00:33:43 And he's like, no. He's like, you have like a million clothes. And he's like, well, I'll figure it out last minute. I wanted to do something a little bit more dressed up because I know there's gonna be a lot of people there. Like they're obviously talking about getting dressed for Jack's party. By the way, the other thing that came out with Jesse over the past week is that people unearthed this photo,
Starting point is 00:34:03 this photo shoot of him and Anna Nicole Smith, which is hilarious. And it was weird to see young Jesse. And then I guess was Jesse saying that he had a fling with Anna Nicole? Is that what happened? Or was he joking about that? No, he said he was, he was hooking up with Anna Nicole. Like he had an affair with Anna Nicole and it was just interesting cause I just listened to a thing about Anna Nicole and it was so sad. I mean, there was not one moment of happiness in this entire woman's life. And I just, right after I, it's like a week after I listened to this, here comes Jesse like,
Starting point is 00:34:36 yeah, banged Anna Nicole, best time of my life. And I was like, oh my God, you just contributed to this woman's sadness. You know, empty. Yeah, he does. He does love that. Yeah, he does. Because you know, um, Michelle really does talk like Anna Nicole towards Ian when Anna Nicole was really suffering from pain, pill addiction and stuff, Michelle, which, and I'm not even, that is horrible. I listen, I hear myself talking. I wasn't planning on saying that. I understand how terrible and problematic what I just said is, but it does sound like that
Starting point is 00:35:11 pill moment for Michelle. She talks like that. She's like, but did you find anything to wear? She's got that kind of vibe, but yeah, I think you're right, he's attracted to voids. He's attracted to empty voids. Yeah. I think that's just about it. I was like trying to think of like, is there anything you could add to empty, beautiful voids, hot, empty,
Starting point is 00:35:36 beautiful voids. You ever look at the universe and be like, that's fucking hot. Like that's what he's attracted. He's like, he's like, let me look. He, you know what? He's, he is attracted to like a good Dyson vacuum. I was gonna say, like, I wonder if he like gets a boner every time he hears a vacuum just sucking the life out of something. A void, a style, a hot void, hot vacuum.
Starting point is 00:35:59 He loves a hot void. God, I loved Anna Nicole. I was so sad. I'm sad even thinking about it. Okay. I feel like you feel bad about what you said about Anna Nicole Smith. I think it's okay.
Starting point is 00:36:09 I do, because I really liked Anna Nicole and I'm like making jokes about drugs. I don't care about that. Listen, if I get counseled, I get counseled. It's not that, it's just, I mean, I like her and that was just such a sad life. But the only thing is just like Jessie, it's like the saddest life you've ever heard about
Starting point is 00:36:24 and then Jessie's like, yeah, I banged her. I'm like, so Jesse, you know? Okay, so anyway, back to not almost crying about someone who's been gone a long time. Jesse's like, yeah, so I wanna have a conversation with Jackson Brittany where other people aren't there. Cause like, I'm the only one going through a similar situation, you know, cause at the wine lunch,
Starting point is 00:36:47 he said Brittany would never leave him. And Michelle goes, Yeah, I mean, we always joke around that we have a very similar marriage. Yeah, well, do you want to go outside and talk about this? It's getting a little hot here. They decided to have like a scene change. They're like, wait a second, let's shoot this outside.
Starting point is 00:37:08 So they go outside and Jesse is like, yeah, I said a bunch of stuff about our marriage and about his marriage. And Michelle's like, well, why? Did you think I would never leave you? He's like, no, I just thought like you had such strong family values that you would do whatever it takes to fix any problem and not a ban just abandon the problem.
Starting point is 00:37:30 Okay, like it's okay. Stop trying to guilt her for not having a lady boner for you anymore. Okay, with your hair dents. Okay, like you're an asshole who talks about like having fake spiritual awakenings on your ayahuasca retreats. There's no reason when she has Chateau Marmont down the street with famous people why she would ever still be attracted to you.
Starting point is 00:37:53 And I know that I just don't trust him. So I don't know if that's where this is coming from, but I took it as a veiled threat when he's like, I just thought you had family values. I was like, oh no, he's gonna whip out the Trump card any second, you know, to get her. He's not, this is not the Trump card. This is the Dan Quayle card
Starting point is 00:38:08 that he used against Murphy Brown. I mean, just be better at this. Right, but just like the Republicanism thing, cause that was like the big thing used against her, right? So I thought he was gonna be like, oh yeah, what about your family values? So she's like, I'm not, oh, and by the way, at the beginning of the season, he said,
Starting point is 00:38:29 he never got up to take care of the baby, or she said it. One of them said that he never once got up to help with the baby, so fuck this guy. Listen, if his ship is sinking, you abandon the ship, okay? You're not a bad person to not drown. So good on the shelf. Yeah, this guy talks about family values. Good luck for you and Rob Reiner.
Starting point is 00:38:46 I'm gonna send you as many punch bowls as I find, you two crazy kids. So she's like, I am not abandoning you. I am trying myself. I'm being honest that I lost a lot of the feelings for you. And he's like, so he tells us, we are on two polar opposite sides of our relationship. And the whole point was to spend the summer working towards the middle ground. And every
Starting point is 00:39:09 time I take three steps forward, Michelle takes six steps backwards. Like, well, if you walk towards someone and they walk in the opposite direction, what does that say about you? Like, if I walk into a room, literally, and everyone's like pushing, like trying to like back out of the room when I walk in, I think, you know what, maybe I should check my deodorant. So maybe Jesse, check your emotional deodorant right now. Yes, I'm sorry, I was typing you a text. So stupid.
Starting point is 00:39:39 Oh, excuse me everyone, let me check it. Is my mic blowing out again? You can just, wait, why are you being demure now? Last episode, you're like, Ben, your mic is blowing out. Is my mic really blowing out? I know, because I don't want to stop everything. And I thought I was going to be able to type more quickly than I was and be subtle about it. But then I was still typing because I'm not subtle. But yeah, I think your mic is still blowing out. But just so you know. You have to just tell me also, because I my, I put my phone on do not disturb during recording because I've had too many times where it just started
Starting point is 00:40:08 going off for some bullshit. So I decided, you know what, do not disturb. So you just have to honestly, it's, we're in, we're here, we're with family, our listeners are family. You can tell me, my mic is blowing out. Okay, I'm gonna try to fix it right now. You take over. Well, no, don't do that.
Starting point is 00:40:21 Cause then we'll just have to mess with the settings again. As she's saying, she can fix it. We're talking to Christina, who helps us these days put these episodes together. So Christina will take care of it. Christine's a magical. Miss you, thank you, lady. Talk soon, we're recording right now.
Starting point is 00:40:35 We are so professional, you guys. We are like, there's a reason we're number one in the country, JK. Okay, so Michelle's, this is where Jesse is just, you know, being such a victim, like, oh my gosh, you know, like, how about this? I mean, if you don't wanna feel like this, and why don't you start every morning with talking about
Starting point is 00:40:59 what an amazing husband I am and how great Jesse is instead of the negative, because you're not a great husband, Jesse, and you were an asshole. And if you're this much of an asshole on TV what do you like when the cameras are down like you've got to be ten times as bad okay so stop this poor poor Jesse because I'm not fucking buying it so she's like well I want to be in love with you no way that I used to be. But I don't know if I can
Starting point is 00:41:31 to Jordan read all that. And he's like, I don't know, I'm sorry. I may have I don't remember. I don't know. I really don't know where we are. I'll I know I didn't read that part. I did not read that part. We are going to be professional from now on, that's the point. I'm having like a hot flash right now. Oh my God, I wish we had hot flashes like women because I just want it to be official.
Starting point is 00:41:53 You know what I mean? I think I've had too much caffeine. Ronnie, it's your time. It's your time, it's the hot flashes, this is the new chapter. Cause I always just suspect, I'm like, has it happened? Am I on the new stage yet?
Starting point is 00:42:05 I am. I'm like, is it, has it happened? Am I on the new stage yet? I am. I'm like, I'm like sweating right now. I don't know why. There's too much going on. There's too much. The excitement of the Valley has taken a hold of me. I am. I'm sweating with passion right now. Anyway, I have to say, I do love how Michelle's just like, yeah, so I don't love you anymore. And we just hear a bird call, cuckoo, cuckoo, which is very, very Mariposa, very Kristen in the background. Yeah, this is Kristen in the back.
Starting point is 00:42:32 Told you so. Cuckoo. Told you so. Cuckoo. By the way, okay, I feel so, I just looked right now, it is 82 degrees down here. Why is it 82? I've been sitting here recording. We've been sitting
Starting point is 00:42:45 here recording for so long that my house thinks there's no one here anymore. Like I've just been sitting in this chair. So the house went into eco mode. Okay, no, do not be 80. This is our four. So there you go. If anybody's wondering why we're loony tunes, we've been literally on the phone together for four hours. It's a straight. I'm like, why am I boiling right now? It's because the air conditioner went off. It says literally, okay, home. I am home.
Starting point is 00:43:11 Okay, Google. Yeah, googs. Okay, so nighttime. I thought something was happening to me. I was like, why am I sweating all the time? I'm literally dying. I'm like, why am I sweating? It's that the house thought we've been recording so long,
Starting point is 00:43:27 the house didn't even think I was here anymore. And put it on eco setting at like 82 degrees. Commercials, here comes one right now. Nancy's love story could have been ripped right out of the pages of one of her own novels. She was a romance mystery writer who happens to be married to a chef. But this story didn't end with a happily ever after.
Starting point is 00:43:53 When I stepped into the kitchen, I could see that Chef Brophy was on the ground, and I heard somebody say, call 911. As writers, we'd written our share of murder mysteries. So when suspicion turned to Dan's wife, Nancy, we weren't that surprised. The first person they look at would be the spouse.
Starting point is 00:44:10 We understand that's usually the way they do it. But we began to wonder, had Nancy gotten so wrapped up in her own novels... There are murders in all of the books. ...that she was playing them out in real life? Follow Happily Never After After Dan and Nancy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Happily Never After Dan and Nancy early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Let's go to the bar opening. Brittany's like, oh my God, they got the TV set.
Starting point is 00:44:46 Oh. I love that they're, she, he says something like, babe, can you believe it? We have a bar, a bar in Hollywood. She goes, it's a bar in North Hollywood. And he goes, okay, a bar in North Hollywood then. And I think she's trying to say like, let's be proud. We live in North Hollywood then. And I think she's trying to say like, let's be proud we live in North Hollywood or something.
Starting point is 00:45:06 But if she's so proud, then why is she using wallpaper from the Beverly Hills Hotel? Which is better than North Hollywood and North Hollywood. First of all, you're giving way too much credit because he just says Hollywood. She doesn't even say North Hollywood. She doesn't even give him that credit.
Starting point is 00:45:24 She goes, we're in the Valley. And I think that this moment right here is such a, this little moment is such a great insight into Jax. He is literally like he's trying to gaslight all of us. He's trying to gaslight the viewers, like we have a bar in Hollywood. Like you literally are not in Hollywood and your show is called the Valley. Like we know where your bar Hollywood and your show is called The Valley. Like we know where your bar is, but this is Jack's and this is like sometimes in Hollywood. So in Los Angeles, you will often find a hotel and this is a message for people from out-of-towners who come to visit. It'll say like the Beverly Hills Oasis or something. And it is not in
Starting point is 00:46:01 Beverly Hills. It is miles away, but they just say Beverly Hills. They know that it'll like fool people. Jack's is the person who opens up the hotel in the middle of like, you know, like, oh my God, and call it the Beverly Hills Oasis. They will open it by LAX and call it Beverly Hills. I mean, you can't do that. That's just fucking advertising. They are such liars. And that's what Jack did that once they were like, Oh,. They are such liars. And my parents did that once. They were like, oh, we're staying in Beverly Hills. And I kept driving and driving.
Starting point is 00:46:29 It was by the airport. I was like, you guys, oh my God. That's what Jax does. Jax is a fucking liar. And even down to this thing here. And he's like, well, okay, we're in the Valley, sorry. I think this is an important time for me to announce. I mean, I kind of already did, but just after this entire season and really after years
Starting point is 00:46:48 of ragging on the Valley and mostly Ben, honestly, because Ben rags on it more than me, but I do, I do join in on it occasionally because I'd love to location shame. Why not? I have to say as the co-president of the hippocrap party. I am proud to announce that next week I will officially be living part-time. Half the year I will be living in Studio City. Thank you. Which is the valley.
Starting point is 00:47:15 That is the valley everyone. I will be living in the valley. I'm literally in the same neighborhood as Jax's Studio City. Well, first of all, congratulations. That's major and that's awesome. And I'm very happy that you'll be spending half the time here in Los Angeles.
Starting point is 00:47:30 Me too. And I still reserve the right to make fun of the Valley. Oh, you will. And guess what? I'm gonna have as many dinners as I can over there so that you have to come. It's fine. I go to the Valley every week for game night.
Starting point is 00:47:42 Like I'm there all the time. I go to like my two least favorite neighborhoods, the Valley and Culver city every week for games, for board games. You know, I get it. Because you know what? People hate Hollywood. That's where I live. People hate it. We're allowed to. We're allowed to. It's LA. You're allowed to shame whatever neighborhood you want to. I think it's all within reason. Because the truth is we all do. Well, you know, I believe in shaming. I love shaming. I do it here every day. It's my career that we've built together. And I love it. So shame away, bitch.
Starting point is 00:48:11 Can't shame the shameless. I have to say something. Here's something I'm actually not gonna shame. I'm not gonna shame Jax's Studio City. The reason why is because A, after watching, you know, establishments take multiple seasons on Banner pump rules, just open their doors. Like literally every spin off restaurant takes two seasons at least to open up.
Starting point is 00:48:37 The fact that he opened up his little room or whatever in like he, he expedited it. I'm kind of actually like impressed. I think it's like, like they got it open. It looks like a bar. It's not, it's not. It's someone else's place. They literally gave them a hundred dollars to pick a wallpaper and call it a day. Honestly, and you know what?
Starting point is 00:48:57 If that's what it takes, then that's what it takes. Like I was just like, you know what? You did it. You got it open. You slapped your name on it. You put up some wallpaper. You put up a TV and some plants. There's no-
Starting point is 00:49:08 You changed a few diapers on the bar. There's no starry ceiling. There's no a million soft openings. There's no Peruvian tuna tartare going around on a platter as part of another, yet another chasing for shorts and sandies. They just opened the fucking thing up. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:23 Well, they did that. Okay, so he is really excited and maybe having a stroke. That's where this is coming from. I do have you know, I am you're complimenting. Continue on. I don't know. Let's calm it down. So Jax is excited and that makes him I'm gonna kill you if you don't let me finish this sentence because we've got two minutes to recap. I didn't say anything. And I'm a very professional person.
Starting point is 00:49:49 You literally did right now. Say it again. Don't say something. I said the. Okay, let's do it. I didn't say anything. You son of a, you son of a. Okay, so we start taking a shot.
Starting point is 00:50:03 I'm just fucking with you. I was drinking my coffee. God damn it, Ben. So we have Jack. Jack speak my name. God damn it, Ben. So Jack. You are the Valley of people right now.
Starting point is 00:50:30 I have not, I literally said nothing and you accused me of- You are like the human embodiment of Studio City right now. I'm literally gonna move to you. No, go ahead. I literally wasn't saying anything. I was literally sitting from the coffee. I just, you were talking. No you weren't.
Starting point is 00:50:46 What? Okay, so, Jax is being nice to Brittany cause they're opening this bar. And of course Jax is like, hey, we're opening. Should we have a shot, baby? Should we have a shot?
Starting point is 00:50:56 You've been calling her an alcoholic all fucking year and now you're offering her shots. Come on. That was the first thing that came to my mind. I was like, you're really gonna do this right now. And you're probably gonna accuse her of being an alcoholic right after this. Yes, he will.
Starting point is 00:51:11 He will get her drunk and then he will accuse her of being an alcoholic. You know it's coming. So now people start arriving, Zach and Jasmine arrives and Zach's like, oh my God, what is this? Like a red carpet? I feel like Penny LaRue. He goes, I don't understand why we're even calling this Jax's.
Starting point is 00:51:35 Cause this entire bar has Brittany written all over it. I'm like, what is Brittany's style exactly? I'm not seeing beer cheese smeared on the walls. Well, she did do everything. If you think, she picked the wallpaper, which is that Palm, the Beverly Hills Hotel wallpaper. She did the flower wall. That's all there is.
Starting point is 00:51:56 That's the whole bar. She got chairs, at least in our version of it. That's literally the whole bar. So, I mean, I think it is Britney's. It is literally a low bar and all senses of the phrase. That's the name of the episode. Did you know that? I called it low bar. So yeah, people are arriving. Tom Schwartz shows up, which is great for everyone. Uh, he's died his hair back to Brown.
Starting point is 00:52:21 Um, you know, since his bleach blonde experience. And then, and like he brought like some stuff as a tribute to his dad or whatever. And then like to Jack's his dad and Jack's, it's like, Oh my God, my dad loved fireball. So then Janet and Jason arrive and the tension ratchets up because it's now Janet's there, but also Zach. Don, don, don. So Michelle's like, hi Janet, do you want to get a diet coke? And she's like, yeah, let's go get a diet coke.
Starting point is 00:52:55 So they do. And then she's like, I've established a boundary with Kristin and Zach. I need space. If there's any stress or drama tonight, I'm gonna run or waddle as fast as I can out of this place. So Michelle and Janet, they're hanging out and everything
Starting point is 00:53:19 and Janet's like, so Jasmine, because Jasmine's there, Jasmine, I saw that you and Zach went to a pottery thing together. So did you find out if he actually came to Big Bear or what was that whole thing about? I cannot believe Janet is really so rattled by that stupid IG story. She's still talking about it. And Jasmine's like, no, he was trolling. And Janet's like, oh, yeah, I don't like that. I don't like the trolling. You just invited him from the cast, the very first big cast trip and you just invited him.
Starting point is 00:53:49 But it's the IG story that's the more offensive. Well, she's gotta make it sound like he's trying to murder her baby. That's what she's doing. It's really gross. And you're trying to other the only fucking gay person on this show, you asshole. And then using other gays as a weapon against him,
Starting point is 00:54:04 your little fucking sea urchin eels from Little Mermaid. You're gross. And you know what? I don't even like calling them that anymore because you don't get to be Ursula. You know what I mean? You don't deserve that fucking privilege, lady. So Nia's like,
Starting point is 00:54:23 oh, I feel like you need to go and talk to Janet. And he's like, is she going to be even receptive to me if I like go out there and talk to her because I'm telling you this much, I'm not going over there. If she's not going to be, there's a comment that I'm going right now. I'm going in right now. So Janet's like, is Janet sitting on the sofa and she's like, you know, I feel good that like I gave him a chance this summer and like I forgave him for our past stuff, which I don't know. Like I still don't know what the past stuff is. We tried to move forward.
Starting point is 00:54:53 Like I don't hate him. I don't want ill will for him. I just want him to be, feel really excluded for this entire group and feel like he has no friends whatsoever. That's all. Yeah. I just want him gone. He'll stop doing that. So she's like, Hey guys, can I join?
Starting point is 00:55:11 Can I join you guys? And then Michelle's like, can Zach join us? And she's like, yeah, I mean, you can do whatever you want. He goes, Jada, Jada, Jada, Jada, Jada. Would you like to have a private conversation with me, Jada? And Michelle's like, well, I mean, you can just talk now. She's like, yeah, I think we can just talk now. So let me just explain this. And this is all I really have to say. I didn't send Jax to uninvite people.
Starting point is 00:55:41 I never once told him to go in and be my messenger. I don't know why he delivered the news like that, but the way that the news was delivered to me by the eels with the notepads and the pencils and the crocs was not the way that the news was supposed to be delivered to Jax. And for that, I say, I'm sorry, I cannot control straight people, only gays.
Starting point is 00:56:03 I was actually, I was actually planning on inviting you on that phone call. And then you got really aggressive, even though the phone call was after, uh, Jack's already told you that you were not invited. Cause I told him that. So I was going to maybe invite you afterwards, but then you were being aggressive to me and I don't need someone to talk to me like that. And I decided I didn't want that energy. Janet upset that Zach is upset in reaction to her initial behavior. I'm writing a book. Yeah. I didn't like that whatsoever.
Starting point is 00:56:35 And Jason said, and then, and then, and then of course, Zach rolls his eyes because it's bullshit. And just like, wait, wait, Zach, is that like not what happened? Like you just rolled your eyes on my wife. You just rolled your eyes and just, oh, fuck off, Jason. You know what? What does Jason get off? Jason's like cute and he works out. And so everybody's like, oh my God, Jason can do no wrong. Jason's like the new best man of Bravo. Quit the fuck out of here with that.
Starting point is 00:56:58 Jason enables this dick. Jason marries her and he cheerleads her. I don't, Jason doesn't get off that easy with me. Fuck that guy He's like enabling the biggest villain that we've seen this year He doesn't just get to walk away innocent people who enable people like that are evil themselves They just don't have the balls to do it publicly. So they let somebody else do it for them. Trust me He'd be calling the manager every five seconds if he could but he needs someone else with a fucking balls to do it every five seconds if he could, but he needs someone else with the fucking balls to do it. Yeah, so then Janet's like, you know,
Starting point is 00:57:27 Zach, Jared and Simon both heard the entire conversation and they thought the same thing. And Zach goes, I don't care what crock of shit boots heard. I literally could give a shit less. And then they cut to Simon and it says, Simon, AKA croc of shit Shit boots those stupid boots So Zach's like, yeah, Jenica's I'm done with you. I am done baby murderer And he's like, yeah, we'll get the fuck out of here. You don't actually want to talk. So just go and Jason's like don't you ever
Starting point is 00:58:03 Talk to my wife like that again. Do you hear me? Jason? Sit down, Jason. Sit down. You know what? There was something I thought was so mean in that moment. Like here, like Jason is like big hulking guy is standing over Zach. I mean, not Zach's not petite by any, by any means, but like standing over. Well, but he's not like, he's not like a little like wave or whatever, but he's standing over pointing at, at Zach. I'm being like, being like, don't you ever, I will fucking wreck you, dude. There was something about this, like big straight bro pointing his finger
Starting point is 00:58:44 and just kind of like yelling at Zach as like the sole gay male on this cast that I thought was actually troubling. I thought there was something like this guy, you know, like, I don't know, like there was like, it really, it really bothered me. To me, I felt bad for Zach because I had to imagine Zach as a kid, probably had a lot
Starting point is 00:59:06 of moments getting bullied by straight guys like in this moment. Not like Zach is so great, but Zach did nothing and was not invited to this trip. He had a right to be frustrated. And then he just found out that when he called and spoke to Janet, that she had him on speaker, which is humiliating. And so he rolls his eyes, which is the least offensive thing out of all these things that happen. And Jason gets and starts gets in his face like that, threatening basically to be like, I'm going to beat you up. Not a good look. And all big, big, douchey, a big douchey,
Starting point is 00:59:37 like alpha straight guy being in a gay guy's face, like threatening to kick his ass. It's just gross. I don't like it. It's very true. You can't get mad at a gay guy for rolling our eyes. It's our nature. And you like railing against it like that is homophobic. I don't care what anybody says, fuck that guy. I don't like him.
Starting point is 00:59:52 He's an enabler and he's now a bully and I don't like him. And I don't care if it's in defense of your fucking wife. How about you ask your wife why she's bullying people on the cast and being a fucking asshole and trying to turn everybody into thinking that this guy wants your baby dead, which is just crap. You guys are trash.
Starting point is 01:00:14 And Jason, you belong in that trash heap too. So get over there, sir. I'm sick of your bullshit. So then Zach's like, whoa, okay. And Jason's like, done, it is done. And then he's being so over dramatic, Jason. He's talking in this really weird cartoon voice. And Janet's like, I don't need trash in my life.
Starting point is 01:00:32 I don't need trash, loser ass trash losers. So why is that okay, Janet? Like, why are you like the paragon of virtue, but it's okay to walk around calling other people trash. Piss off. Yeah. Hello there. This is a two part recap, okay?
Starting point is 01:00:49 This is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two. Watch what crap ends. Would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney. Strolling the park with Kaitlyn Clark.
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Starting point is 01:02:27 She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Coutar! We love you guys! Or you can listen ad free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at slash survey. I'm Alaina, an autopsy technician. And I'm Ash, a hairstylist. And we just love swapping stories about all of the morbid things that fascinate us. And if you do too, join us on our podcast, Morbid. It's a safe space to let your weirdo flag fly. On Morbid, we cover dark historical events, sinister science, unnerving paranormal events, and sordid high society murders. We also dive deep into the most notorious crimes in history.
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