Watch What Crappens - #2459 RHODub S02E02: Lush Strife

Episode Date: June 12, 2024

Caroline Brooks works overtime trying to find something to argue about on Real Housewives of Dubai. Will she get under Stanbury’s steel coat of skin? Probably not. But it’s fun watching her try. Watch this as a video recap and find all of our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You know we love any excuse to watch great reality TV, so with the weather heating up while chartering a luxury yacht might be a little out of reach, we can still get our fix by binge watching all seasons and spin-offs of Below Deck available on HeyU. The first all-reality subscription service of its kind, HeyU gives you access to every episode and every season of a wide range of captivating reality TV franchises. Plus, you can watch brand new episodes available the same day they air in the US without ads. It's pretty awesome. And if you're looking for a new series to dive into, Below Deck is the perfect choice.

Tune in for a fresh yachty drama on brand new episodes of Below Deck Mediterranean airing now. And once you're hooked, revisit classic seasons of all the franchises, including Below Deck Sailing Yacht, Adventure, and Down Under, all available on HeyU. You know that we've watched every single episode of Below Deck. We have not only watched them, we've talked about them endlessly.

We obsess over them. Below Deck is so good, and it is such a amazing source of petty, petty drama. If you're not watching it, you're really missing out. Slide into summer with Below Deck, new episodes airing now. Watch all seasons and spin-offs of Below Deck on HeyU, that's H-A-Y-U dot com. Once upon a beat, join me, DJ Fuge, and my trusty turntable, Baby Scratch, for a weekly jam-packed party as we remix and reimagine classic stories for the kids in your life today.

Once Upon a Beat is a new kids and family podcast from Wondry and Tinkercast, where hip hop and fables meet. Listen to Once Upon a Beat early and ad free right now on Wondry+. Once Upon a Beat. She ad-free right now on 1G+. She was a romance mystery writer. They glommed on the fact that she writes stories like this. There are murders in all of the books.

From Wondery, the makers of Ghost Story and Feta, this is a story about a murder that rocked my little community. Binge all episodes of Happily Never After ad free right now on Wondery Plus. ["CRABITS"] Well hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast for all that crap we love to talk about on Ye Olde Broves. I'm Rondal. That's Benoons over there.

Hello, Ben. Hi, how are you? Great. You know, it's funny how the world works. We got these episodes a little bit early and so God knows what's happening in the world. Right now for us, it's the start of May, the first week of May. My face has just been attacked by a facialist with a chemical peel. And we haven't even gone to Europe yet.

We don't even know what our life, we don't even know what's going to happen in our lives. But guess what? To you, it's already happened. Okay? Yeah, hopefully it's all great stuff. Hopefully this is not a super awkward podcast where we're like, everything's great and things aren't great, but I think everything will be great. So yeah, at this point our European shows are done

and we're just relaxing. We're just enjoying life after our European trip. It's great. We're on a plane. We're on a plane now. We're just enjoying life after our European trip. It's great. We're on a plane. We're on a plane. We're flying home. We're on a plane. We're flying home.

We're on a plane. We're flying home. We're on a plane. We're flying home. We're on a plane. We're flying home. We're on a plane. We're flying home.

We're on a plane. We're flying home. We're flying home. We're flying home. We're flying home. We're flying home. We're flying home. We're flying home. We're flying home. We're flying home. We're flying home. Wives of Dubai, episode 202. This one is called Friendship on the Rocks, ooh. Yes, so it starts off with Talene

and she's with her driver slash chef. Talani is her name? Where's her name, Talene? Is her name Talene? I think it's Teline. Oh, for fuck's sake. I wrote down Talani 97 times in these notes. Well, now I've got to look it up.

Now I got to look it up. Okay. I'm looking it up. Talani, or is it, wait, what did I say her name was? Her name is, my gosh, what does Lisa Milan's husband do? Okay. I don't think her name is Talani. God damn it. So what'd you say her name was? Talene. I thought it was Talene. Yeah. Talene. T-A-L-E-E-N. All right. Well I'm going to say this wrong. 37 times. Sorry. Okay.

So she's with her driver slash chef getting ready for a party. I'm just gonna say now, I don't want a chef who's a multi-hyphenate. I don't want a chef slash whatever. I think multi-hyphenates are okay in some parts of life, but not for my cook. I want my chef to be too good to be a driver as well. I want him to be like, oh, that's for other people.

And then I want my driver to be like, I'm just a driver. I don't cook. That takes a certain skill set that I don't have. I think I'm okay with my chef driving me around, but I don't know if I want my chef, I mean my driver to be my chef, if that makes sense. I feel like, like I want the chef,

the primary focus of my chef to be food, and then they can give me a lift somewhere. But I don't want it to be like, oh, my driver's main thing is to drive, but every now and then they're gonna like come in and like cook me dinner. Yeah, I don't like it either. Why is that?

I don't know. I don't know. You know, I think I know why, because I drive. I think all human being, well, not all human beings drive. I drive and here's what happens in cars. And when I look over at other cars, people are picking their nose, they're sticking their fingers in their ears,

they're scratching their balls, you know? And then you come home and you make my food. I just don't wanna think of your hands doing those things. I mean, I know that chefs probably scratch their nuts too, but I'd like to think that they don't do it. I'd like to think that they don't, you know I think that they don't you know what I mean? Because I think we've seen enough. We've seen enough below decks where we've seen the chef having to help out with like clearing a

Table or hoisting a sail and they can do it and it's fine or putting out a fender But what we have also seen are we've seen stews come in and try to cook things and they can't do it. So I think I just have a bias that like the skill doesn't go both directions. Yeah, you know, and I know that I know that biases aren't great, but I'm a bisexual. Okay. I get turned on by having biases. So the point is this. Okay.

So Lena's put too many hats. She's put too many hats on her helper there. Yeah, too many. And so they're getting ready for some party and she's like, is the oven on? I'm thinking of doing some smoked salmon. Is that oven on? CBA? And then Rafi, the husband, comes in with the kids and he's doing that like, I'm just

the husband. I'm stupid. I was going to say he's doing that like, I'm just the husband. I'm stupid. I was gonna say he's doing that. I'm the stupid husband routine, but I've known enough husbands to know that's not really a routine all the time. There's a reason that's a sitcom meme, you know? Yeah, so they're like getting the kids ready for like,

Rob is trying to put shoes on the kid and he doesn't, he's like, oh, what's a shoe? I don't understand how this works. So Talene's like, oh my God, where would shoes be? In a closet, right? I mean, where's Gige? Oh my god, those oh my god, Gige, you're wearing my nipple pasties. What are you doing with those? Oh my god, kids, am I right? Oh, I feel like I'm probably the first one on Bravo to show the madness of having toddlers. So you're welcome, America.

And she's like, my house is Henton Odds, okay? In Armenian, that means mental asylum. That's what that means. Really? Well, why don't you get a, why don't you have your chef act as the main psychiatrist since your chef can fucking do everything. Just go ahead. Have them treat everybody in the mental asylum.

Go ahead. I have two kids under four, three under two. No, two under four. Yeah, this was a fail. Sorry that you're a competition. You're already losing your competition. Okay. Cause on the valley, they have that dude who's like three under two, the three under two, which is three actually two under three, two. That makes much more sense. I was like, wait, they've got three kids. No, no,

they've got three kids. They've got three under two. That is hard. Cause two under four is hard, but three under two, like there's more kids in a smaller, more annoying space of their life. So more poop, thank you. Thank you for summarizing. So then she goes, and I have my husband

who's basically my third child. And then he doesn't even know where the hit the shoes are and like where the socks are. I mean, he doesn't even know where the room is. Am I right? What is this? King of Queens? Am I right?

Husbands are stupid. So they're just like, it's just like silliness. And then there's a knock on the door and it's Sarah. Sarah's here. I thought that Sarah is just disgusted to it's Sarah. Sarah's here. So. I thought that Sarah is just disgusted to be everywhere. And Sarah's like the big, like, I'm like so in her inner peace and non-judgment,

but all I read from her is constant fucking judgment. And I'm starting to like it. Like she's starting to grow on me. Is that weird? She sort of is, I feel like cut from the same cloth as Caroline Fleming in a weird way. You know, very wealthy, but likes to view herself as being incredibly grounded, but like, you can see,

she's like, lives a life of privilege, and it's in that sheltered view that she thinks is not sheltered at all. That's kind of hilarious. Yeah, so Rafi's like, oh, hello, Sara. So are you from here? And she like, Oh, hello, Sarah. So are you from here? And she goes, Oh, yes, I'm a Maradi, which I'm assuming means better than you. And he's like, I'm a Rati, I think. Oh, I'm a, I'm a, thank you. You see, this is like the shows in

English and I still can't write it down. I'm a Maradi. I didn't know what it meant. So some with the housewives notes, you just hooked on phonics, you know, you just I write what I hear Figure you'll figure I feel like Maradi Maradi is like the name of someone who went to my high school. Hey, you go to Chris Maradi's house So she's like, yeah, I'm a Maradi and he goes oh well my dad's been here since the 80s and she's like so you're Oh, well my dad's been here since the eighties and she's like, so you're a transplant. You fucking loser. So basically I'm still better than you.

Nice, keep talking about your dad that I don't care about, keep it up. So Talene's like, Rafi's dad was a contractor so Rafi came here to take over and so much of what you see here is built by my husband and his family. So she's saying like all the, like the, all these, everything that you know of Dubai is Rafi's family.

I don't know why I had to clarify that. She literally just said it. And I'm like, let me explain that. When she said that like so much of what you see was built by his family, what she really meant was like, so you see a lot of things and those things were built by his family. So yeah, you're welcome everyone. Yeah. She's like, so in long story short, nepotism, good old fashioned nepotism, still

alive and well. So Talani, uh, this Teline is like, are you going to be okay with the kids? Rafi, are you too stupid? And he's like, Oh no, you girls have fun. We're just going to go with one shoe to a beach because who has two shoes? Am I right?" So then he leaves and Sarah's like, well, so where's Brooke? She's fashionably late as always. And Talene's like, oh my God, is she Arab? This is so Arab people time, isn't it? Yeah. She has that aspect to her. By the way, you could say Armenians are like Middle Easters, right? And Talene's like, yeah, I mean, the food's the same, you could say Armenians are like Middle Easterners, right? And Talian's like, yeah, I mean, the food's the same, the culture's the same. We're all about family.

Same. I just, again, I'm waiting for someone to say, you know what I love about my culture? We hate family. We literally hate families. I feel like that's a lot of white culture. I feel like a lot of white culture leads ourselves on how much we can't stand our family. We build entire stores, I'm like, oh God, gotta go home to see the family this Christmas. Christmas with the idiots. But I feel like every other culture is like,

we're Scottish, and guess what we love? Family, family and ice cream and whiskey. And guess what we love? Family! Family and ice cream and whiskey. Yeah, truly my two favorite things are when chefs say that they love fresh ingredients. Their culinary point of view are fresh ingredients. And when people say, my culture is all about family. My culture is all about at the holidays,

family stays away from each other. That's just what makes us special as a people. You know what my culture is about? abuse and, you know, canned food and corn syrup. That's the other people say my culture is all about our culture is all about food. Yes. Yeah. In our culture, we'd like to eat food. Oh wow that's crazy. That's what a revolutionary concept We're totally into the liquid diet in my family like intermittent fist intermittent fasting and fucking drips. Okay, I'll dirty You know, how was that? Intermittent fisting that's a different cult. That's a

Thing there is that is a cultural thing. I'm not personally into that, but I see that some of my culture is into that. I do have the internet. Intermittent fisting. I think, I mean, I would hope that, really, that's the way all fisting is. Could you imagine constant fisting? Yeah, constant fisting is not good. Like, that was the original name of Katie Lang's song.

Constant fisting. Where has all the fisting gone? Well, I know that's not her. That's Paula Cole. Paula Cole. Yeah. What a fisting was one of us. Joan Osborne. I'm a fist, I'm a hand, I'm a fisting little hand. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah, yeah. I said hey. I think that's from a constant fister. Yeah. Just...

That's just the song was written by someone being actively fisted. What's going on? Hey, what's going on? What happened to the intermittent fisters? I wake up in the morning, put my feet outside, take a deep breath and I get real high and I say, hey, someone's got their fist in my butt. Ow. What's going on?

That's ow. Okay, so yeah, we're all about family and my culture. And Sarah's like, oh my God, same. We're all about family and my culture as well. And so Talene's like, well, would you want to be with the Middle Eastern guy? And she's like, oh, I don't mind. I'm open.

I don't really look at Middle Eastern or where you're from, just how much money you have generally. So then Talian's like, Yeah, well, now you've told me my your type, ha ha, dot dot dot. And we see a clip of Sarah saying, I want a guy that's kind and spiritual. I know I'm very, very spiritual. You know what? For me, I'm all about family and fresh ingredients. That's what I want. Jesus.

Or whatever you consider spiritual over there. Guess who's not spiritual? People who tell you constantly that they're spiritual. Okay, these are animal abusers. I'm telling you, there are people who pinch their children under the arm too hard constantly. I've never known someone who claims to be spiritual constantly that's an actual good person. Never, never. So, yeah, so she's just open to anyone. And Talene's like, okay, let me think here, who could I set you up with? And Sarah's like, oh my God, are you scanning the database?

We love to do that in my culture. Let me tell you, good luck finding a spiritual guy that's kind and nice because there are a lot of things to ask for. Most people are not spiritual or kind or nice. Do they love food? Probably. Let's face it. Don't worry, I'll have Rafi build someone. He's built everything here. So Sarah is saying, I've been doing, since doing spiritual healing, I'm very open to love right now. But Dubai is a city of many cultures and people come to Dubai to get what they want and then leave. It's hard to find someone to have. And that's why people come to my apartment. It's crazy. I have so much in common with Dubai. Maybe Sarah, that's like, maybe you should leave.

Maybe you've overstayed. So she's like, it's just hard to find someone to have a relationship with. I'm 37. Please don't fact check that. And I don't have time for that. So then Brooks comes and everybody's hugging and squealing because everybody's so excited to see Brooks. That's not true. Everybody is terrified of Brooks.

Why are we lying? Okay. I think like people. Okay, she comes in, she's got like powder in her hair because she crashed her car into like a plaster or something or another on the way, you just know it. You know she's like the one who drives, so drunk driving is a terrible, terrible thing, right?

Like it's awful, no one should ever drink and drive, people get killed. But you know how when it's portrayed in like a cartoon or a comedy, it's always very funny. The car's going all the way down the road, left and right. I feel like that's how Brooks drives. I'm not saying she's a drunk driver,

but in my mind, I just see Brooks getting behind a car. I'm like, oh, let's get to, let's go to Talene's house or whatever. And she's driving, you just see explosions behind her and things falling over. Oops, I just hit my lamp right there. Well, at the very least, her spirit is a drunk driver and her body is the vessel that she's driving just the explosions behind her and things falling over. Oops, like I just hit my lamp right there. Well, at the very least, her spirit is a drunk driver and her body is the vessel that she's driving because God, like she's a mess.

So they're like, Oh my God, hi, Brooks. And she's like, Oh, really? Why are you so lit right now? Like, seriously, you're on the fire right now, girls. Why are you so on fire, girls? So I was like, Oh my god uh give her some tea and lemon for her voice she sounds terrible it's like she was screaming at a statue all day before she realized it wasn't even human. And Brooks is like yeah give me a lemon and spike it with a little

tequila like double up on that so Sarah's like, no, no, no tequila shot right now. I'm very, very spiritual. Okay. All right. So everyone, since I'm new here, it's time for me to brag about my wealth. So let's come look at this view here. Oh, look, I'm sorry. I didn't even realize.

Here's a view of the Palm Island, the most exclusive real estate in all of Dubai. Take a look. We're above it right now and we own it. We also built it and there's the Atlanta, the Atlanta center at the corner. So yeah, it's super cool. So I wrote this as Palm P O M M E, which I believe is a potato in French. It is. No, it's apple. It's an apple. Palm de Terra is a potato. But then why do they call French fries, Pommes frites? So an apple, so an apple is a Palm P O M M E.

Now I'm getting paranoid. Am I, I think it is because Palm de terre means apple of the ground, which is a potato, which I think is cute. And Palm de terre, I just, I'm Palm, Palm frite. I just imagine it's just like, they don't feel like saying Palm de terre de frite Palm de terre. I don like, they don't feel like saying, palm de terre de frite, palm de terre frite. I don't, that's my, that's my theory that I'm gonna put out there. So, no one's allowed to serve a fried apple in France?

Is that what you're telling me? What? Fried apple is just out in the wind? Out in the rain? Hey, I just told everyone how to do good fried apples. That's Jill's errand. No, it's palm as in palm tree because the island is shaped like a palm.

Right. Yeah. That hit me later because I was like, no one's going to design an island to look like a potato Ronnie, but I stuck with it because I wrote it once. And so I stuck with it. Now I'm imagining a giant potato shaped.

But it wouldn't even, it would be an apple anyway. Cause it wouldn't even be a potato. So, well still. So then we're really in the woods right now. So I don't care what you're- By the way, a potato shaped- I designed these woods that we are now currently trying to slog our way out of.

By the way, you know what I call a potato shaped island? An island, half them look like potatoes anyway. Let's be honest. So she was like, yeah, we live on the Palm. My husband helped build the Palm. It's this incredible island built in the shape of a Palm. And if you live on the Palm, you did something right. And then it cuts to judgy ass Sarah,

who's like, I don't want to live on the Palm. A lot of expats live there. The ones that wanna show off, you know? Like you're wearing, isn't this the scene where she's wearing like a giant two, two dress that costs more than people's homes? Like, come on. Probably. I mean, I'm actually, I hate show offs, don't you? God. I'm with Sarah on this one. I'm with Sarah because when I show the palm,

I've always, you know, I've seen this before, but I've never seen it sort of like up close in this way where I've always seen like a nice aerial view and looking at it It just looks like Rancho Cucamonga except with like waterways in it and then like it's still Rancho Cucamonga It's just it's tacky as fuck, right? Okay. Let's just say that it's tacky But anyone from Dubai who calls something else tacky is so ridiculous She's like, oh my god people who just want to show off you live in Dubai ridiculous. She's like, Oh my God, people who just want to show off.

You live in Dubai. Are you fucking kidding? There is no show off of your place in the world than Dubai. What are you talking about? You're on the Real Housewives of Dubai. You basically live in a gift shop and you're acting like, get over yourself. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. I'm Alaina, an autopsy technician. And I'm Ash, a hairstylist.

And we just love swapping stories about all of the morbid things that fascinate us. And if you do too, join us on our podcast, Morbid. It's a safe space to let your weirdo flag fly. On Morbid, we cover dark historical events, sinister science, unnerving paranormal events, and sordid high society murders. We also dive deep into the most notorious crimes in history. Our podcast is grounded in rigorous and painstaking research. We're also not afraid to read a b****.

We keep it weird because a dash of snark is necessary to get through grotesque true tales of demented minds. So follow Morbid on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Morbid early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. I'm Shimon Yai and I have a new podcast called The Competition. Every year, 50 high school senior girls compete in a massive scholarship competition. I wouldn't say I have an ego problem, but I'm extremely competitive. All of the competitors are used to being the best and the brightest, and they're all vying

for a huge cash prize. This will probably be the most intense thing you've ever gone through in your life. I remember that feeling because I was one of them. I lost. But now I'm coming back as a judge and also a kind of teen girl anthropologist. Because if you want to understand what it's like to be a young woman in America today, the competition's not a bad place to start. Hopefully no one will die on station night. From Pineapple Street Studios and Wondry, this is The Competition. Follow The Competition on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen to The Competition early and ad free right now by joining Wondry+. So T is brought and Brooks is like, Well, hi, most talk about my voice. I sound like a pre-pubescent boy. I'm like, do you know how puberty works? You're more like post-pubescent by a picture. Something you went through puberty 90 years ago, okay. You sound like the ghost of Abe Vigoda. I mean mean like,

like what children have you been hanging out with? So they ask her how she's feeling. She's like, great, relax Halina, I feel my best because I've got my two closest friends at the table right here. I can call you in the middle of the night, I can cry, I can laugh with you, and we have these people, Ion, Lisa, Caroline. Remind me to never be we have these people. I need to care like, oh. Remind me to never be friends with these people

because every week it's like, you can call this person at 2 a.m. I'm like, your car's broken down. And they'll come and get you. But they'll talk to you for a long time, but you can call them at two in the morning. And then another fight was like, I just don't want the 7 a.m. calls anymore.

I'm like, could you just, can you guys just stick to business hours? What is happening? Why are you calling at seven? Why are you calling it to well, it's alcoholics is being friends with alcoholics because it's Brooks and well, I think Lisa said those thing about, Oh no, you're right. Caroline, uh, other Carolinas like, Oh, we have seven and a call seven in the morning phone calls. And I suppose I don't need those phone calls anymore. Weren't those from Brooks? She's like, oh, you're not gonna get any more

of the 7 a.m. phone calls. Something like that. But yeah, there's something about drunks in general who love speaking on the phone. I'm like, it's 24. And at drunk times. I mean, in the middle of the morning or when you're coming home at 7 a.m. or whatever. Yeah.

So Talina is saying that she noticed that Stamber is getting closer to Lisa and Ayaan. And Brooks goes, yes, fantastic, I'm gonna call home tonight, it's noon in the morning. And Sara's like, well, I think we're just all trying to get along, you know, not be like one of those people who live on the palm tacky.

So Brooks just gives her a look like, oh, we're going in there, we're all gonna get along today. So then we go over to Stanbury walking very slow motion. She's like, I'm here to eat in a restaurant. How slow motion is it? It's like, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. It's actually real time. I'm just pretending that Sergio is waiting for me

at the table and I'm doing whatever I can to delay the conversation. I'm just moving as quickly as one of my ovaries is towards the light. I'm hoping that the more I do things slowly around Dubai, the better chance I have of Sergio just disappearing one day. So, um, then Lisa gets her own slow motion thing. We're going to be here all day, literally waiting for them to walk into the restaurant. So they do a double kiss and talk about being hungover.

And then Chanel comes in very slow motion. Guys, I don't have time for this. I feel like I've aged three years waiting for them to walk into a restaurant. It's hot, they can't move quickly, okay? Like, just go slowly and you won't pass out. So like, it's a beautiful day. It's 112 degrees. It's nice and cool. And so basically, Chanel's like- Start ordering and Chanel goes, I'm gonna have some pineapple because I enjoy pineapple.

Well, you go. Yes. I love watching people get what they want. Did you ever think the three of us would sit down and enjoy? Elise is like, this is monumental. And I was like, yeah, it's so quiet, I needed this. It was too loud yesterday. Someone was yelling and yelling in my ear. I'm like, you and Sarah were fighting at the corner on Shezmine.

That was you guys. It's like when we're done recording some days, my ears are ringing and I'm like, oh my God, like me. When we're done recording some days, my ears are ringing and I'm like, oh my God, I just need everyone to shut up. And by everyone, I mean me really, because I've given myself a headache from yelling at myself all day and yelling at you. Yeah, I do that all the time to myself as well.

Like I go to sleep at two in the morning because I'm like finished taking notes. I'm like, oh my God, why are we doing so many shows? Like here, I'm up to two in the morning. I'm like, you also started doing your notes at one in the morning. But I just want to project that everyone else like it's everyone else's fault. Yeah. So then they're talking about how Tulene just talks too much. And she knows like, I don't even mind the talking. I'm in the voice is like squeaking like squeak, squeak, and Chanel's like, uh, Teline wouldn't stop squeaking squeak, squeak.

She reminds me of a bird in South Africa, a hidey da, the hidey da bird. And you see, you see her be, you know, be like, whatever Teline's, the Teline's making noise. They cut to like the bird side by side, also making the exact same noise. So she's like, yes, the Hydrida bird. So then she's saying she's just exhausted mentally from it. And Stamberry is like, that's exactly how I felt about you last year.

Mentally exhausting. Welcome to your own boat. So Lisa's like, so how did you feel about your conversation with Sarah? And Chanel says that she's never played a victim in her life. She's a survivor. And she says, you know, I think that God chose me. And they just agree that like the word victim really triggers Chanel. And you know, and Chanel's like, you know, you don't use that word when you've gone through

stuff. So then over at the other group of girls, Talene's like, yeah, and guys, Sarah was ambushed at the party. And so it's like, oh my God, they attacked me. She was like, you're a demon. It's like, oh God, here we go, Sarah. Sarah hasn't really still learned any of the terms like microaggressions or anything like that.

She's like, I was absolutely attacked. She called me a demon. No. You weren't attacked and she didn't call you a demon, Sarah. Also remember how this is an argument about how you accused her of playing the victim card and now you're saying, I was attacked. She was like, you're a demon.

Yes, call the police, Sarah. We're all waiting for you to, we all know it's coming at some point, so just do it. So Brooks is like, oh yeah, sometimes she wants to behave, she wants to behave herself, and then next day she's a shady witch, like pick which one you want to be, am I right? Like Brooks, you're talking to the wall right now.

Yeah, well this wall needs to shut up. I can't talk to such flat things. So Sarah's like, you can say whatever you want. I never said you're not a victim. In your childhood, you were a victim back then. I was saying that, but today as a woman, you're not a victim. And she's like, yeah, I was just saying it meaning that every time she does something wrong, she says, I was traumatized.

And that's her excuse for bad behavior. So Chanel's like, no, it's like my dad all those years and never got an apology from him. And it's like how it is with Sarah. I just wanted her to say what I said was wrong so we could move on. And then Chanel tells us that her dad used to beat her and stuff. And, you know, if she's so she's like, if I'm happy, just let me be happy, you know, and joke around, because it's really hard and I put a lot of stuff inside so I don't have to feel it.

Yeah, now look, I don't like when people use their trauma either, but again, this is pretty big trauma. I think you get a pass on using this. Yeah, I would give this a pass. I give this a pass. That said, Chanel does start a lot of shit and then act like, what? I can't believe anybody would be upset with me.

Sure, sometimes I speak my mind. It's like, no, you antagonize a lot and then act like, what? But she gets away with it because she's hilarious, you know? So I'm always gonna choose her side over Sarah's. Right, and Sarah's like, you know, she gives a lot inside and that's okay, that's okay, you know? she gives a lot inside and that's okay. That's okay. You know, but I'm going to help her. I'm going to help. Cause you know, I think probably

like sometimes I think like, Oh no, I should let people drown sometimes. And Talene goes, you're a savior. Like, yes, that's what I think of with Sarah. Just a savior for the masses. You know, Sarah, just not letting all those people drown. That's just how Sarah is, you know. So many drowning people I save just because I have to. It's me, you know. Oh God. Unless they live on the palm, so tacky.

Don't need to save them. There's no saving palm people. No saving people who live on a tacky piece of land that's built to look like a frond. Yeah, well yesterday everything was complete and utter chaos. That's the only way. Yes, you did.

Something's like, oh, the whole thing about me toppling over and landing in a man's lap, where did that part come from? They said she toppled over and landed in a man's lap. Did they cut that? That's new. That's new, right? They must've cut that from the first episode

to not get her in more trouble. I never know how they're editing this show because you can get in trouble for a lot of this shit on this show, so you never know. They're like, keep the part about her getting wasted, but falling into the man's lap. Absolutely not weird. Not that channel. So I was like, that's not okay. And tweens like, yeah. And I was just like, I'm glad I got a Brazilian. I mean, I made a joke about it, you know, and Sarah was like, I love how

you handle things. You're like spiritually healed. You're like pre-healed. I love it. And Brooks was like, no, it's not okay for her to say that, Sergio, I saw your female anatomy. Okay, I'm going to call him up tonight at 2 a.m. and tell him that myself. Brooks is trying so hard to galvanize everybody over nothing, like literally nothing. It's so funny because it's so her. She spent her entire first season doing it. And now we all know what she's doing. And I'm shocked that anyone is listening to her.

I mean, Talene supposedly knows her well enough to know this is what she's doing. And Sarah knows damn well what she's doing. She's been on TV with her before. So it's gonna be funny to watch this implode cause you know that the second these people don't start yelling at whoever Brooks wants them to, she's gonna be like, hey, you betrayed me. And now I'm friends with Caroline Stanbury, and we're coming for you to lean, you fucking bitch.

And so Caroline Stanbury is over at other groups saying like, I definitely did not say it that way, the way that she's repeating it. I was too busy getting water splashed on me by Beyonce. Just got to remember. And Lisa's like, yeah, if it's coming from Brooks, we know not to believe it. So then Lisa's with her cone boobs in the confessional, which I love. I love them because I always think, you know, the first time I saw him was Madonna. And I always think of Bugles, the chips. Yeah. I just feel like I invented it. That's it. That's all that I have to say. think of bugles, the chips. Yeah.

I just feel like I invented it. That's it, that's all that I was gonna say. I know that I was, as a kid, putting bugles on my nipples. I know that I was, and I feel like somebody somewhere saw that. I mean, I think we all know the proper place for a bugle is at a finger tip. When you turn your fingers into little puppets and then you get the hat off of them and you're like,

hey, someone ate my accessory. No. No, well, that's too bad. You really miss out on a vibrant childhood. You know, my culture were all about fresh food and bugles. My family, my family's all about it. I liked putting bugles point first into my belly button and then kind of like making it look like they were trying

to talk but they couldn't close their mouth. I like pretending I was making an announcement like attention everyone quiet on the set into the bugle. I should I should also mention that a bugle was involved. I mean I still do that even without bugles. Attention everyone quiet on the set. I say it to my socks. So then back to Stamberry. St is like, look, I like her. And this because we all do. And she's like, you know, it's just she comes guns blazing for me. I mean, clearly Brooks has guns out for me. I can't believe it's to lean. I mean, I can't believe anything offends Talene. Good Lord, have you seen the woman? I mean, it's like a bordello, what do you call it?

It's a bordello madam getting offended at a fart joke. You know what I'm saying? It would just not happen. I mean, when you see a vagina like that out in the open in Dubai, nothing's really going to offend this person. I mean, watching a tapalove, it was like watching a ferris wheel of hair. So I'm not really concerned

about her. It's really about Brooks. And I'm not even going to go there with Talene. I told her how I meant it and you can accept it or not. I mean really offended. It's like watching a pole dancer wipe down a lap before she sits on it. You know what I'm saying? Wouldn't happen. So Lisa's like, yeah, she seems really rational. I mean, when you explain it to Aline on her own, she got it. So Brooks is like, tell you, is one of my oldest friends. I've known her for about 35 years since I was in the womb. We were roommates and like you don't talk about a wife and a mother Like that you're a hypocrite because I've seen you on some nights out. I'm telling you this right now

Oh god, she's yelling at the M&Ms now And Sarah's like, okay. Okay, don't do what she did. Don't talk about her. She's oh, yeah Well, I think we need a little woo-sa, woo-sa, where's my palo-senso? That's what I need, palo-senso. And Sarah's like, what, placenta? Ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha. Everyone's like, ha ha, we are such close girlfriends.

This group is not gonna last. No, Talina's obviously going to defect over to Stanbury and it's gonna be an issue. It's gonna be hilarious. So now Chanel's going to the salon. She's going to, she's actually going to visit in on Ion Beauty, cause she's launching a beauty brand. And there's models there, there's Somali,

and she's like really happy about it. And she's like, we are going to be rich. I never thought I'd be this rich. I was like, or you're gonna be in massive debt because Real Housewives Beauty brands have never taken off in the history of the Real Housewives. And her husband Chris is running the business and he's like okay we need to talk some business return rates lead levels online ordering and she's just Chanel like and she's like I'm sorry I'm really tired I can't. Let's talk about the girls. It's like, God damn it.

I told you, you had to actually do this job. It's like, I told you, if we get a puppy, you're gonna be the one that has to walk it. So she was basically talking about Sarah and she's like, no, I could have expressed my pain in a better way. And I can say something hurtful. And then 10 minutes later, I say shit. And I care for something hurtful and then 10 minutes later I can I say shit. And you know, I care for people. I love people. I love giving pineapples to people. Okay.

And I think God, I think God could have made me a prophet. Because I love people that much. A pineapple prophet. Oh, so she's like, I've decided to write her a letter. And he's like, really? When was the last time you did that? She goes, when I think it was when I wrote that, 10 reason I should marry you. And he's like, oh yeah, we wouldn't have been married without that letter.

I'm like, oh damn. So this is like, I love that this is the pattern in her life. She just tells people off and then feels bad and has to write a letter and then pronounce her love. Like I know I was like this to you, but I really love you. Yeah, so now we go over to Lisa's house where the dad, I forget what the dad's name is.

Is it Mark? Nick? British? British person? I never wrote it down. I didn't see a Chiron, so I just ignored it. His teeth. I'm just gonna call it teeth for now

because it's got a lot of teeth going on there. He looks like the guy from Murr Notice, you know? Whoever that is. So the dad- he's like- I'm not really a USA kind of a person. I'm embarrassed for you, but go ahead. I know, I'm like embarrassed that I have an awareness of Burn Notice, but you know, such is life.

So he's playing soccer with the kids, or football as they call it over there. And Lisa's like, you're such a stage dad. And he's like, yeah. He's like, well, that's what, I just love what they love and it's like, you're such a stage dad. And he's like, yeah, he's like, well, that's what's, I just love what they love and it's football. So by the way, your mom's coming tomorrow. Okay, you want to cry about it a little bit and pretend like I feel bad that I took you away from her. She's like, oh, my mom's only resentment towards you is that you took her best friend away.

And so we find out that her mom is really looking forward to raising those grandchildren, but unfortunately she was stolen away to a foreign country and it was her mother was robbed of grandchildren. Yeah, so they want her to move to Dubai so that way she could be around. And he's like, ha ha ha, I love that idea. I love your mother so much. I love her. I cannot wait to see her. I'm just going to smile really hard and love your mother. She's like, oh God, I would love it if my mom lived here. He's like, oh, I would love that as well. You should set her on the sunset. Tell her it's 120 degrees here right now. She'll love that. 120 degrees here right now. She'll love that. She'll love that." I was like, oh, my mother. So then we go to another slow mo supermodel walk into a restaurant. It's Ayaan meeting with Sarah

and now's the big apology letter meeting. Dun, dun, dun. Yeah. So they're very nice to each other considering the last time they saw each other, they were fighting. And so they're like, Sarah's like considering the last time they saw each other they were fighting and so they're like Sarah's like, Oh, I love what you're wearing. She was like, Oh yeah, what are you in meeting? You look, you look. Oh, sorry. Sorry.

I forget for a moment that you have never worked in your life. Anyway, hot things. I'm still recovering from that brunch. And Sarah's like, it was a lot. She's like, yeah, it's a lot. I love that how they're talking about how that brunch was like so much. They're acting like they were not the ones that made it a lot quote-unquote a lot like cod Everyone was wild at that brunch, right? Oh, man. That's crazy. Can't believe we had to sit through that

Nuts so Chanel's like, you know, so Sarah drinks the water and she goes oh This is sparkling I need still. Oh, too much, too much. Like my, I'm sorry, I've healed my spirit and I can only do still. My spirit needs to be still like my water. Sorry, still only please. So Chanel's like, oh, I've used so many words I shouldn't use so I couldn't sleep.

So I wrote you a letter. This is very special coming from my heart. Okay. She's like, okay. I wrote it in big font too. Dear Dr. Sarah. She's like, oh God, no doctor, please no doctor, please. Yes, of course, doctor, doctor.

Oh, sorry. Let me, I forgot. There were air quotes around doctor. So it's all good. It's all good. So dear doctor quote unquote, Dr. Sarah. Uh, and she was like, so I would like to apologize. It was the wrong time to bring up the conversation with you. Cause my darling, she goes, you wrote my darling. Yes. Yes. Also an air quotes, also an air quotes. My darling.

She's like, I'm so good at writing, I should write a book. She's like, you wrote this alone? She goes, totally alone. And then they cut to Chris writing it, of course. And he's like, okay, we need to write, it's the wrong time to bring up the conversation. And she was, why up?

Why up? Just because you brought it up. She's like, hmm. way up. Just because you brought it up. Commercials, here comes one right now. Nancy's love story could have been ripped right out of the pages of one of her own novels. She was a romance mystery writer who happens to be married to a chef. But this story didn't end with a happily ever after. When I stepped into the kitchen, I

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in her own novels... There are murders in all of the books. ...that she was playing them out in real life? Follow Happily Never After, Dan and Nancy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Happily Never After, Dan and Nancy early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. So she's reading this five line. The letter is like on a little piece of paper and it has five

lines in it. It's all written like really big lettering. You know, so it's not the most in-depth apology. So she's like, you know, Sarah goes, you're good, you're good. And she's like, I just, you know, I want to forgive you and move the page. And so Sarah's like, okay, well, I would also like to apologize to you because of what I said. Although I didn't mean it that way. I know that I made you feel bad. Although I didn't mean it that way, I know

that I made you feel bad, so I brought something for you." And she's like, is it your bag? Because I want your bag. She's like, no, you give pineapples to people, so you're not getting a bag. Okay, no. So open your hands. Every time you feel the decision to open up was wrong and every time your people and your culture tried to take you down because you were just yourself, remember you are this. A tchotchke from a shop that I walked by on the way to this lunch. You are just something else from a tourist shop that will probably only be here temporarily in this form an angel.

You are something I found at the Hallmark shop, enjoy. So she's like, oh my God, I love it. Yeah. And she's like, I don't want to cry, I'm too pretty to cry. So Sarah's like, I understand why she misunderstood what I said. She's still not apologizing. No.

This is still like the way to not apologize. And she goes, but you know what? I know she's going through a hard time and I apologize, because that's what friends do. So she's like, basically, if you have a problem with me in the future, come to me. Which we know is not gonna happen. Because this is a surprise.

Which no one has ever done in the history. Like we've seen, we've been watching these shows for 12 years and everyone says, just going forward, next time you have an issue, just bring it to me first. And you too, absolutely hugs for more years of talking behind everyone's backs. Well, you don't even know it's a problem until you talk to other people and they tell you you should be offended. And then they're like, oh my god, I should be offended. Oh yeah. Did you take care of that yet? I am furious. And by the time you actually talk, they've worked you up to the point where you're just frothing, you know?

Yeah. And God bless you. Never change. So now after resolving that, if they have an issue with someone, issue with each other, they'll bring it, they'll bring it up to each other's faces. They now proceed to talk about other people. So, uh, she's, she knows like, you know, like that's the, that's what we need to do in this our group. Cause there's a lot of, she said, she said, she said, she said, like same thing with Stenberg, like going through now, like it's what's happened with me, you know? And Sarah was like, you mean with Brooks?

You know, Brooks is a good person deep down. And if you just sort of like can get through all that tequila in her stomach, you can find the goodness. She's the worm in the bottle of the tequila. You just got to keep going. And Chanel's like, no, she's not a good person. You'd like to think everybody's a good person. And she's like, I give the benefit of the doubt. That's what I give. Because my culture likes food. And Chanel's like, well, maybe take the doubt out. Just wait to me to keep the doubt in. And she's like, they're like stumped. Neither one makes a huge

amount. And Sarah's like, I'm saying I don't want to doubt her. She's a good person. And she was, no, I say, get the doubt out. I'm confused, I'm confused. God, English is so fucking weird. So I was like, I'm speaking to Arabic. You can speak Arabic, right? And Chanel's like, yes, for example, Habibi. So then we go to Brooks at her salon. And one of the ladies is like, Brooks,

there's leaking under the sink of my room. She goes, this is unacceptable. Get Zora out of the phone. Zora, I need this. I forgot what I was saying. What were you talking about? It's nonstop. I'm literally here every single day,

Tuesdays and Wednesdays only. I mean, it's just like one day the toilet fell into the ground, another day the sink is leaking, another day I had one of our walls fell down because it turns out it was just cray paper. I don't know. It's just like it's a lot for me right now. So Tilling comes in with her daughter and Brooks is like, oh my god, you have her lucky jacket. Oh my god, does she have a handbag on it? That is crazy ever mentioned that handbag you little get in there get in there work on that sink don't come out until it's done okay to lean my good friend of 15 something

years called it two in the morning yesterday you answered thanks yeah so well you know I kind of tell you my like my son used to have long hair, but then Zoran cut it off and his hair didn't grow back the same. Anyway, I'm happy. I'm a happy person right now. You know, I went through a lot of depression, but I'm happy now. Like I'm happy now. Like there's a leak in the sink and leak in the ceiling.

You know, at this point, I'm just going to turn this into a water spa. So I don't know what you want to do. Until he's like, oh my God, you're the happiest I've ever seen you. I mean, I just agree. You are so happy right now. And then it just cuts to a group of Brooks going, shut up you two-faced bitch face, slut face bitch, fuck bitch.

Tilleen's like, I can tell that you're really happy. It's because of Sarah, right? Yeah, she's a real friend. She's really helpful. She encouraged me to go to healing. Oh yeah, how many healing sessions have you done? One. So, someone brings her, one of her employees brings her a tray of something and she's like,

what is this? Call me loyal? Don't wink at me. Don't wink at me. What do you say? Do I need call me loyal? And she goes, you need call me loyal? She runs off. So Taline invites her to a party that she's going to be throwing and she warns her that they're going to be inviting Stan Barry and Brooks is like, really? I didn't understand. She is so nasty to you. The way she said you're a vagina was out and fell into a man, you know, the biggest slot in the palm frond island thing.

I mean, aren't you mad? Be mad. Be mad right now. And Talene's like, um, Brooks is trying to help me, but I'm not one to hold grudges. I want to move past it. Let me make that decision on my own. And she knows what's happening here. Yeah, translation.

I wanna be friends with Caroline Stenberry. I'm gonna drop you. I chose you. I'm new, and just because you glommed on first and got me an audition for this doesn't mean that I'm tied to you forever, okay? I've literally been waiting for a TV show to dump you publicly for years.

I know. My husband built this place and he'll tear it down. Sir Brooks is like, you get over things faster than me. I can't do the fake smile with teeth. I'm like, really? Cause that's all you do is fake smile and show off giant teeth.

Yeah, she's always like fake smiling to people. So then Rafi brings over a grocery cart and because you know, he's crazy, he's a wacky husband. He's got a grocery cart on the inside of the house, guys. And Tulene's like, oh my God, babe, what are you doing? So wacky, am I right, driver chef? Okay, this cute ride, the setup, and she goes, me and Rafi,

we throw the most epic parties in Dubai. I know that's a huge statement, but we have it down pat. When I first moved here, there were so many restrictions regarding alcohol, but really now all you have to do is have a license, beg and hope you don't get caught. It's amazing here now. I just want to say not to jump too far ahead. This party was not epic. It was like a very lovely cocktail party.

It was just like, oh. It was a very brightly lit party in a nouveau riche home. Yeah, I mean last year to Nina's credit, she threw a party that had like fire dancers and like Cirque du Soleil and like motorcycles doing evil, Knievel shit. That was an epic party, yeah. Yeah, this is like, oh, it's nice. Nice party with,

you know, you know what this is like? This, this party is like that, that gift I got. Remember how I was starstruck by that gift at the Netflix is a joke party. The girl from the gift. There's a gift for a girl goes, Oh, and I was like, I think that's the girl from the gift. It goes, Oh, and that's what this party is. Just go, Oh, he goes, oh, and that's what this party is. Just go, oh. Oh. So now we're at the airport because Lisa's mom is there

and that's super exciting. And then we go to the, Kyron says, Michael's house, AKA Caroline's hotel. And it's a mess and this queen wants him out immediately. And the dog's on the bed. And it's just, Sergi was like, you immediately. And the dogs on the bed and it's just Sergio's like, you want to give me a baby? So I had to get my own baby, Zoe the dog. Okay. Good. You can take that dog on a college tour someday. That was a joke, Sergio. So not coming with me.

You're not coming with me. Dogs don't go to college. Sorry. Yeah. No, so he's like, so they're about to move out, but she's got to go to a college trip. And Sergio's like, so someone told me that I'm not allowed on the trip. Well, to be fair, you're really not allowed anywhere near me. So it's really not just this trip. But yes, this trip is for me and Yasmin and her father to look at colleges. And Sergio, where did you hear you're not allowed

to come on the trip? Go ahead, tell the television audience. You recorded it and made it my phone ringer? Yes, and then what? You called it 10 times. Let me do it again. Do, do, do, do. You're not coming on the college trip.

You're not coming on the college trip. You're not coming on the college trip. I'm letting it go to voicemail. Are you crying? He even changed my voicemail tone. Hold on. I think gonna text you again. Stay home. Stay home. Stay home. Why are you texting me so much? There is a voice note on this one.

Hold on, let me listen. You're dang childless. So she's going with her husband, Sam or Kim. Was it Kim or Sam? I forgot. I don't know. He's so cute. He's so cute and so rich.

So he's going with their daughter, Yasmin. Oh, fuck him. He ruined, he took Caroline away from Ladies of London. Fuck him. I mean, that's nice that we have that show. That's true. Do you think that show would have gotten cancelled anyway? I think it would have. Yeah, probably would have. So anyway, so he's like, and how do you think I'm supposed to feel with you going on a trip for seven days with your ex husband to the US? Anything can happen. This guy's one of the biggest idiots on Bravo.

And she's like, he's like, you're going to fly together on the plane? She goes, yes, of course. We're going to fly together on a plane. He's not like you. I don't put him in steerage and take him out the crate when we get to baggage. He's like, but I can't do it, honey.

I can't picture my wife with the ex-husband of a new honeymoon. I can't do it. You cannot do this to me. And she's like,band of a new honeymoon. I can't do it. You cannot do this to me." And she's like, it's not a honeymoon. It's a university to her. Jesus Christ. We are literally going to UCLA. What part of Westwood Village sounds like a honeymoon to you? And she's like, I cannot be in a more polar opposite relationship than I was. Chem, Chem or Sem, however you pronounce his name,

never looked at me, was never home. Sergio on the other hand can't travel to the Dubai mall without me. And then he starts to cry. Don't cry. Sorry. He starts laughing and mocking him. He's like, mud. He checks his phone. No, I changed the ringtone. It no longer says don't cry. Sorry. I'm just so used to it. We're not going to be back together. And even if we became a family again, you could still live with me.

Are you, are you kidding me? Is this a joke? Yes, of course you wouldn't live there. Oh, I've been, the whole goal is to get Ken back. Shut the, be quiet, go outside. Of course it's a joke. You'd be living in the yard up back and they'd throw bones at you and you could gnaw at them until you just shrivel up and die.

So then Talene's dinner party. So her parents come, they have an assistant. Haeg is in the house, I don't know what that means. Talene, oh no, Haeg is the dad. Haeg is the dad. Yeah, Haeg is the dad. And I love, so her parents come in and like right away, her mom just goes into the kitchen,

starts bossing people around. We don't see her bossing people around, but we know she was bossing people around because there are people in there who are like handling the kitchen and her mom's in there like picking up like meats and rearranging them. Yeah.

So she's like, my dad moved to the States at a young age. He was 13 and he worked his ass off to be the most bad ass lawyer in town. He built other lawyers in this town. Any lawyer you've seen in this town, my father built that lawyer. But now they're here more for the grandkids because you know, my culture is all about family.

So Sarah shows up wearing McQueen, which I just think for some reason, it's just as funny to me. It's funny when people are like really spiritual and like all about like natural and the earth, but then they show up wearing designer clothing. I don't know why it's, they can, they're allowed, but it just feels like, it just feels weird.

It just feels weird to spend that amount of money on clothing. I'm not, there's no judgment. There's no heaven through the, what is it? A rich man, a rich man's path to heaven is through the eye of a needle, something like that. Like there's some biblical thing that talks about how hard it is to make it to heaven as a rich person. I don't know what that means, but I do know this, Jesus never bought any shoes. Okay, now I know we're all different religions, but that man was all about, that was a freegan, that was a dumpster diver there.

Mm. So, so then Tullien's sister shows up and Tullien's like, oh my God, we sound exactly the same way. Come on, Lowe, say something. We talk exactly the same way. Wow, it's like the same stereo. Exactly the same way. We sound exactly the same way.

Exactly the same way. Exactly the same way. Exactly the same way. Exactly the same way. Exactly the same way. Exactly the same way. Exactly the same way. Exactly the same way. Exactly the same way. Exactly the same way. Exactly the same way. Mom, mom, which of us is talking?

Mom, which one of us is talking? Mom. She's like, oh my God, please. Could somebody make dinner rolls small enough to fit in my ear canals? Both of them are here. So, and then Sarah's like, do they trick you on the phone, Rafi? And Rafi's like, why would I be talking to them both on the phone?

So. What a strange prank. Why that made me laugh so hard. I guess they wouldn't be talking at the same time. But they would, I guess one calls to pretend that she's the, I don't know why that made me laugh so hard. I didn't really think of it. I guess they wouldn't be talking at the same time. But they would. I guess one calls to pretend that she's the, I don't know, but that's funny. So Sean, I don't know, a bunch of people are here. There's a, oh, you know what we forgot to talk about?

The thirsty kid on Real Housewives of New Jersey opening. Did you notice that one of them had a nephew or something that kept turning to the camera and being in every single scene. Every time there was a fight, he was just like standing there. We forgot to talk about the guy, the cousin who was doing the worm. That's him. Yeah, remember?

Like there was the middle of this entire scene out of nowhere, we just see that cousin. It was Jen Fessler's cousin doing the worm on the floor. Oh, he's so thirsty. He was in every scene. Every time they started fighting, he would jump in front of the camera and like stare at the camera. They couldn't even cut thirsty. He was in every scene. Every time they started fighting, he would jump in front of the camera and

like stare at the camera. They couldn't even cut him out because you know, they tried. Okay, anyway, that in that guy was great. The release time. That was like a month ago. Sorry, everybody. Okay. So it was a month ago for it. By the time this comes out. That was a month ago. It's like, oh, I've been waiting a month for someone to reference that guy doing the worm. I'm like, has anybody I've been waiting a month for someone to reference that guy doing the worm. I'm like, has anybody mentioned Ethel smarting off to Fred?

It's like, Ronnie, you know, it was a TV show from the 50s. Okay, so Brooks comes and, you know, everybody's showing up, whatever. And Chanel comes in kind of like a hooded dress and somebody's like, oh, you are giving me Whitney Houston vibes in the bodyguard. Who said that, me or my sister? Oh God, it's a quiz. It's a quiz. And somebody is like, oh, you are giving me Whitney Houston vibes in the bodyguard. Who said that? Me or my sister?

Oh God, it's a quiz. It's a quiz. You're giving me Whitney Houston vibes in the bodyguard. You're giving me Whitney Houston vibes in the bodyguard. I believe that children are our future. And I will, I go high. When you go low, I go high. Oh my God, that sounds like leaf blowers are fighting. Please.

Don't make me sing this song. I wish I remembered the lyrics. The mom's just like shoving French rolls in both of her ears, like please. I want to run to you. I can't remembered the lyrics. The mom's just shoving French rolls in both of her ears like please. I can't take them both. So Chanel goes up to Sarah. She's like, oh hello Sarah what are you wearing? And she's like, McQueen, how about you? So then Stan comes in. I don't know. So Stanbury comes in and Brooks is just giving faces like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, bleh. Very subtle. She's being very subtle, Brooks.

They were me, she wouldn't even be at this party, but you know, as Helene is trying to be the president's wife and be present with everyone, and she's learning from Lisa being the pageant queen that she is like, ma'am, did you want a soda or not? I don't know what I'm talking about. Yeah, and she's there with her cousin and she's like,

I ain't gonna talk about this. I'm talking about that bitch. And he's like, be cool, be cool. She's like, I am cool, totally cool, man. I know she's worried about me, I'm totally fine. So then Sarah's like, I am cool, I'm totally cool, man. I'm totally fine. So then Sarah's like, Brooks, come here, come here, because she sees her, you know. And so she does, and she comes over and says hi,

and kisses, and it is fake, just like she said she would never be. She gives a very nice kiss and hello to Stamberry and Sergio. And Brooks is like, oh, hello. How are you love? Oh, to lean. I hope your vaginas wax this time. Hmm. So it's like, stop it, stop it, stop it.

And process, you smell so good. And so it goes, I farted. I smell your parts all day long. I don't really care. Now I don't want to get negative on the show cause I actually, I actually kind of enjoyed season one and I'm enjoying season two so far. Here's a problem they did not fix from season one.

Brooks just trying to make stuff happen all the time. It shouldn't be Brooks just trying to start fights with walls, like that's what season one was. It was Brooks like pretending to get furious about the dumbest shit on the planet. Just relax into it, lady, okay? We don't need all your community theater antics. Like chill.

A vagina. Someone saw a vagina. Oh my God, make a season about it, Brooks. So Sarah says, you know, she's like, you know, I noticed Brooks has been in the pressure at work and like she's at the office until 2 a.m. And I noticed lately she's been drinking more more but that is not a good coping mechanism I think my ass is not I

Think I'd be drinking if I were in that leaky ass toilet sunken into the ground quote-unquote office till 2 a.m. Every day Drinking is the coping mechanism. They call it a crutch for a reason, ma'am. All right? Yeah. So Chanel's talking to Stambury and she's like, it's so odd with Brooks at the moment. I'm just confused. I mean, you kind of expect it from someone you don't know,

but not from someone you'd let into your life. And I don't need this bullshit. I've still got Sergio sobbing every time his phone rings it's actually hilarious that's what I do to get over these dramas just watch him cry and I laugh and laugh and laugh call him you're not coming to call it Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! just feel as free to be that much of a whore around me as I'd like to be. God, it has to be at least since, I don't know, Caprice in season one of Ladies of London. You know, this woman just seems so nice. So Brooks and Lene are just like, being like, oh my God, we're friends, like we're such good friends, best friends, known each other for 15 years.

And Brooks is like, should I give Caroline Brooks the hoo-ha, the Caroline Stanbury, the hoo-ha? She's so obsessed with them. I mean, come on a couple of margaritas, maybe I will. So she's humping Teline's leg and like being wacky and Teline's like, who needs a shot? And Stanbury is like, who needs a shot? Not them because they're both shit face. And I like that they're being so performative about just how shit face they are. While they're trying to move the storyline along that they're so offended that someone suggests that they're

out partying too much. Like make up your mind, choose your lane lady. I'll tell you who needs a shot. Sergio right in the foot, that way he stops following me around everywhere. Gunshot that is, just to clarify. I'd love if we could give Sergio a shot. Steroids, preferably. I'd love if we could give Sergio a shot of personality. So she's like, I'm not surprised to see Brooks and Talene wasted because every time I've seen them lately, they're wasted. I have to get there. I have to get there before the

party starts to see them not wasted. I think, you know, I'm, if there's anyone here who's wasted, it's me, as in my talents and time are wasted with my husband. So then Brooks is watching them talk and she's like, Stabberry's talking about you're like a kid breastfeeding your mom. Wait, don't walk. There's a hot guy over there. There's a hot... And he's like, no, no, no, that's Daniel. I'm setting Sarah up with him. Daniel, come here. Daniel, come here. Daniel, come here. It's a queer. Which way? Hey, he's got a twin brother.

No, there's just only one person there. I'm pretty sure there's two coming towards us. So Chanel's like, I mean, I'm sorry. So he comes over and Teline's like, I'm trying to set this guy up with Sarah. And Brooks is like, oh God, here he comes. He's coming to see me. He's coming to see me.

He's thinking about leaky sinks, marble beauty salons there. So, Talene's like, Daniel, this is Sarah. Isn't she absolutely gorgeous? And he's like, Oh, hi, what do you do? She's like, Oh, I run tech companies and I'm a public speaker and some may even call me a doctor.

I don't know, something like that. I don't know. I just don't, I don't drink sparkly water and I am very spiritually healed at the moment. It's like so many hats. Yes, I also have a hat company. How did you know? And Talene's like, how long have you known Rafi and I?

This is crazy. Wait till you guys hear this. Wait till you see here how long Dan has known us. Dan, Dan, how long? He's like, a long time. Told you, nuts. Isn't this crazy? You guys have so much in common, Sarah.

So much. And Dan's just sitting there hard blinking. So this Chalene's just like a social climbing mess, right? Yeah, she's giving me kind of like Dubai, Jill Zarin vibes, to be honest, like a little Yenta-ish setting people up, although she drinks more than Jill Zarin does. Yeah.

So Sarah's like, yeah, I don't want to be introduced to a guy and he's just like blinking hard, like, let's talk about financials. Like pie charts. He's like, I can't believe I drove all the way over here from the Palm Island just to speak to this lady who has no interest in me. So, uh, now there's more dancing and shots and partying and, um, this guy, Daniel's like, so, uh, I don't know, where'd you get your tattoos?

How about that? That's a conversation. She goes, Oh, I love her. The world. I was like, could you not be annoying about that? That's a conversation. She goes, oh, all over the world. I was like, could you not be annoying about that? Can you just answer one thing in a non-annoying way? She is like unbearable this time. All over the world. This one here, Anaheim, California. This one here, Staten Island, New York. All over the world.

Everywhere. So, so Sergio's like, oh my God, I thought he said, where did you get your boobs done? And so they all start laughing. And then Sarah's like, yeah, I'd love to talk to you, but they're all nuts. Bye. So then Brooks comes to talk to Stamberry.

She goes, yeah, I've missed you, even though you've been a bitch to me. You are starting everything. What are you talking about? I know. And Stamberry's like, oh, hello, putt, kettle of black. Give it a bitch to me. You are starting everything. What are you talking about? I know. Zimbr is like, oh, hello, putt, kettle, black. Who?

Whose kettle? Are you replacing me with a kettle? Yes, Sergio. I'm divorcing you to marry my tea kettle. I'm sorry, he's an idiot. I don't know why I brought him here. Yes, I do, to laugh at him. Okay, here comes a text.

Hold on, watch this. Stay home. Ha ha ha ha. Oh, come on, be nice to me, Brooks. We've been friends a long time. And then Sarah's like, oh my God, have your shots and then come with me to the balcony. Come, drunk people, drunk people.

So, but they all three go to the balcony. That's always a great, that's always a great. Do some shots and drunk people, let's go to the balcony. That's always great. Do some shots and drunk people, let's go to the balcony. Like that's where I always want to, it's a great place for drunk people to be, at a balcony. So Brooks is like, I'm gonna upset, I can't lie. We know Brooks, okay? We know, we get it.

It's communicated. And so Sarah's like, but if I could be the jelly to the peanut butter because my family likes food, you guys can make this work. So I'm gonna go do your thing. Oh, well thanks. That's not how jelly works in a peanut butter or jelly sandwich.

I was gonna say, thank you for incorrectly using jelly. You were a little, maybe you were the knife that spread it and then now you've spread it and now you can be put in the sink. But like if you're the jelly, you're now bonded and part of it and making it a delicious experience.

And I am not seeing any evidence of that. Leave it to Sarah to not know how peanut butter and jelly works. I know. She's like, I heard this is a thing that regular people do. So I'm going to be relatable. Yeah. So she goes away kind of, but she's watching the whole time, obviously. And she's like, oh, my God, both of them always talk to me like a priest in a confession room you know so she goes i can't be here anymore the messenger always gets shot and brooks is like oh i'm not gonna lie i've been a little upset yes you've said that about 45 times over the course of this evening no shit you've been winding stuff up

with talleen and she's told me. Oh what? About what? Oh well, about me not liking her, about me telling you I don't like her. I said that. You said that to her. I said that to her. Are you sure? Yes. I'm as sure as you saying that as I'm sure that Sergio is about to cry the moment I get... Call him right now. Hold on one second right now. You're not coming with us to America and you might be replaced by the time I get back. Mwahaha. So, uh, Brooks is like,

Oh, she said that to you. I'm that. She said that to you. I'm the fool. She said that to you. Celine! Celine! Celine! That's my sister. That's my sister. That's my sister. Get out of here. That's my sister. That's my sister.

That's my sister. Get out of here. That's my sister. Get out of here. So she's like, yeah, Caroline is saying, sorry, I got lots of my nose because I was screaming too much. So our conversation started with the fact that she said that you said to her that I said she doesn't like you.

Well, you told me to look, you said, look, Caroline's not your fan. Like, Caroline doesn't like you very much. No, I said that Caroline was saying your pussy hole was showing at the Atlanta's Royal. That's what I said. I never used the word pussy hole when it was not related to Sergio. Okay. What am I, a 30 year old, three year old, touching your old boy? The last time I said pussy hole was when Sergio went golfing. Talene is like, this is a lot of tension about my vagina. I love it. I feel like I'm finally here on Bravo. So she goes, you guys.

I'm shooting for the day where I actually had this much tension in my vagina, am I right guys? I'm Talene, I'll be here all week. Listen, there's a lot of tension between you guys. There's a lot of tension between you guys. Come on, Lo, you're not in the scene. And Brooks is like, yeah, there's a tension because I defended you, that's why there's a tension.

And Tilleen's like, I'm fine with it. I have consent over the fact that my vagina has been spoken about. Can we just drop the fact that my vagina is a vagina? Okay? And Brooke says, Brooke says, well, Caroline is saying if this is any indication on how she's going to behave. That's a no. I did not say that. Excuse me. You disrespected my friend, but we're okay. Well then let it go, let it go. I did. Well if you're fine with it.

So Sergio comes. We're just like stop trying to start fights about it. She's like what are you talking about? Sergio checks in and goes, are you okay? Are you okay? She's like, oh, Sergio, when in life have I ever needed you to help me in any situation? Please go back to the punch bowl

and stick your face in it and drown, thank you. It's like someone drowning and being thrown a boombox. It takes him longer to drown than the average person because he has so much emptiness on the inside. So, Brooks is just trying to- He's like a balloon, just barbs up and down in any liquid you put his head in. It's very difficult. So Sergio's, so they're both like, Brooks is like, I'm fine.

And Stamberry is like, I'm fine. And Tullien is like, I'm fine. Can we just move past it? And so Sergio's inside worrying. He's telling Chanel, I don't want this energy on her again, you know? I mean, she might never come back from America. This could be our last moment together. So now Chanel comes out and she's like, are you guys okay?

And Brooks is like, I don't like people saying my married friends are looking at vaginas. I do not appreciate that. She's like, oh, come on, you guys, that's what's funny. And Celine goes, well, you know what? She is loyal to her fault. And Stamber is like, okay, well Brooks Brooks is taking this like it's some huge thing And it was not like that and Brooks like Oh Brooks is saying is what?

Absolutely ridiculous, it's absolutely ridiculous. No, I said it's absolutely it's absolutely with are you sisters? You said it's absolutely, it's absolutely weird. Are you sisters? Are you sisters? Listen, when you've been peeing into a hole in the floor because your trot sunk down into the Dubai subway, you have a lot on your plate, you know? So Chanel's like, oh my God, they were being funny and Talene's like, just let it go.

And so Brooks gets mad at Talene and she's like, you don't know this woman from a hole in the wall, from a can of paint. Please stop talking about Sergio. Okay. She can't hold her eyes open. And it's like having a conversation with Jabba the Hutt. That just the Star Wars reference just came so out of left field from Stanford. I'm surprised she even knows what Star Wars is. Sergio's made her watch it, you know, it's so funny. So then Brooks is like, it's my pain is my pain from a place to know where or what so she's just wasted. Even till on he doesn't know when

wants to talk it's embarrassing, you know, Brooks is just fucking embarrassing at this point. So Stanford is like, yeah, we're not gonna go back. So she just gets up and walks off. And then Talani goes, why would Stan Barry leave right now? You guys are not entitled to just spray your crazy all over people. This fucking nuts. People have the right to walk away from abuse. This is crazy. Talin is upset because she's like, she wants to be friends with her. She's been dying to be friends with her forever.

And now Brooks has scared her off. So I'm sure the next episode will be something like, you know, Brooks, I love you. I've known you for 15 years, but like I did not like this side. I saw you at my party. I didn't like that at all. That's not how we talk to people

and then their rift will begin, I guarantee. Oh yeah, that's what's coming for sure. Yeah, she was mad that Stamberry walked away because Stamberry needed to see Tullien sticking up for Stanbury against Brooks, you know? So then she was like, why would she leave right now? Brooks was like, because she's this fucking dumb bitch. That's why he's like, bleh.

And Tullien's just kind of cringing, like, oh, God, why am I tied to this one? You know? Stanbury's like, we've got to go. She's on one. She's got to go. Oh, Sergio, you didn't think you're actually getting in the car with me.

No, you're going to walk. I'll see you maybe tomorrow afternoon when you get in. So, Tulene tells us something is going on with Brooks. I don't know what it is, but as someone whose father built this city, it's gotta be fixed. It's gotta be fixed. It's about more than my vagina.

It's about more than my vagina. It's about more than my vagina. It's about more than my vagina. It's about more than my vagina. It's about more than my vagina. It's about more than my vagina. It's about more than my vagina. It's about more than my vagina. Oh my God, Caroline. Caroline. Sergio left Caroline's purse out here.

Let me call him. You're not going to college. Oh! Get to the car, Sergio. Just kidding, you're not allowed in. No pets or Sergio in the car. Brings us to the end of Real Housewives of Dubai, episode 2, everybody. Thanks everyone for listening and we will catch you on the next episode of Watch What

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