Watch What Crappens - #246: Yolanda in the Lyme Light; Also, Inside the 'Top Chef' Premiere

Episode Date: December 3, 2015

Big episode today! We cover the "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" premiere, give the inside scoop about the "Top Chef" premiere, make ridiculous impersonations of the "Real Housewives of Cheshire" ladies, and end it all with the "Below Deck" reunion, part II. The "Top Chef" stuff is extra fun because we got to go to the taping! 00:00:00 Intro 00:05:12 Crappens Mailbag 00:18:30 "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" recap 01:24:24 "Top Chef" premiere recap / behind-the-scenes gossip 01:51:45 "Real Housewives of Cheshire" recap 02:29:49 "Below Deck" reunion part II Follow us at facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Support us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens? What happens? What happens?

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all the crap on Bravo we absolutely just love to talk about and joke about and sometimes sing about. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the Banter Blender podcast. And joining me, as usual, is my plucky sidekick. Although you're not really a sidekick, I meant co-host. I was thinking sideshow network. How dare you. I know.

I was thinking sideshow network. Right follow plucky up with sidekick. I really just demoted you in such a quiet, passive-aggressive way. If anything, I'm your sidekick. We're each other's sidekicks. We're like two outmoded phones from 2004. We're partners. We're those old queens on The Real Housewives of Sheshire.

I totally took a screenshot of that, too. I'm going to put it up. Yeah, we just sit there and just nod. But anyway, the mystery man. My mystery man sidekick is Ronnie Caram from TrashTalkTV.com. Well, hello, everybody. Hi, Ronnie. You know, I feel very excited about this podcast because I feel like we're already in a little bit of a crazy space.

We already were chatting before we started recording, and I just feel it. I feel in the podcast zone today. You do? I do. I'm so glad. It's like such a week of huge content and I'm writing recaps again. So it's all day. It feels like from recap day to recap, I mean, from podcast day to recap day to podcast day.

By the end, I'm going to need a lovely nap. But it's really a bunch of crazy, crazy crazy funny shit that now i'm obsessing over so i'm glad i have you to talk about it yeah no i am like i am like awake i am i have my venti iced coffee from starbucks next to me i have half a think thin bar waiting for me at some point and i ate a big salad today and i just i'm like i'm ready to embrace life and i love it yeah i have four flavors of nicotine vape two batteries a giant jug of water a 30 ounce a cup of coffee and a good attitude good do this bean all right well Well, let's jump into it. So if this is your first time listening or you just feel inspired to up your experience with Watch What Crappens, feel free to follow us at WatchWhatCrappens.com. You go there.

All our social media is there. Links to like Vine and – oh, I was going to do a Vine. I forgot to post a Vine. Or did I do that Vine? I don't remember. Vine, Twitter, Instagram, stuff like that. And of course, our facebook page is really fantastic we have a ton like over 5 000 people who are uh who are on it uh and not all at once but we super highly engaged tons of links tons of photos and

content it's a really great way to buy the time in between podcasts so face facebook.com forward slash really good when like a bravo emergency happens yeah you know like the david and yolanda love when that happened uh it's like you know it's just everybody comes on to mourn together guys it's like meeting downtown and having a meeting together yeah we have candle candle at vigils on on our facebook page but it really is true. I mean, people, you know, as soon as something happens, people post it on our Facebook page, and then people start commenting.

It's kind of amazing. And it happens on our Twitter, too. In fact, on our previous episode, we were recording. We were live, and someone tweeted at us about Yolanda and David. We stopped the podcast. It was like Anderson Cooper breaking news. We were live in hollywood yeah this just is david's fuck condo yes condo seriously so um and then of course patreon.com forward slash watch what crap and that's a way where you can support the podcast

which we really appreciate really helps us a You know, these episodes are getting longer and longer and we're putting in more and more like we're putting more attention to them. And so when you guys support us, it really it makes us feel like it's not a pursuit in vain. So we really thank you. And you can go there. You get access to a bonus episode. We had a really funny one this week. I don't even remember. Oh, we talked about Vicky's perfume. We did a whole bunch of Krappen's Mailbag. And the other thing is you can do the Krappen's Mailbag, and we'll have a question. We can just start off the episode with the latest question from the Krappen's Mailbag.

Go for it, BN. I forgot to bring up the music, and I'm not going to do it again this time. Yeah, you do it. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. going to do it again this this time okay this one the crap it's mailbag is open and emily laird asks us which current or former housewife has either risen or fallen the most in your esteem during their tenure as a housewife i.e went from favorite to least favorite or vice versa happy holidays love the show emily current uh current or former house or former easy for me who's yours i mean is she the resident of shut up mountain uh no actually no that's that i guess

that would be more obvious mine was brandy because, man, when Brandy came on that first night at game night with a broken leg and a hoe outfit, and then the girls were being really mean to her, and Kim was being nasty, and then both of them were slut-pigging her, and then she was like, at least I'm not doing crystal meth in the bathroom all night, bitch. And then they slut-pigged her. I mean, I wanted her to be president. If she ran for president, I would have made her president. doing crystal meth in the bathroom all night bitch and then they slut pigged her i mean i wanted i wanted her to be president if she ran for president i would have made her president that whole year and then the second year kind of and then then it turned and now like she's fallen so low yeah i

mean if you look if you listen to the older episodes of watch for crappins we defended brandy like crazy we were we just we loved her you know and just for what you said she was this this woman who was uh rough around the edges but wasn't afraid to speak her mind and she called out people's bullshit and then they people were really nasty to her pretty much because they were they thought she was pretty we loved her and then she specifically kyle by the way it was all specifically fucking Kyle. I mean, Kim was too, but, you know, Kim would have yelled at Elmo if he had been sitting down. You know, she would have been like, hey, I want to be on his team.

Yell at me, Elmo. That's funny. Well, and so it's funny, actually, because I just alluded to Jill Zarin. And I actually – I think that Brandy is a better example because Jill Zarin, you know, season one, season two of New York, I loved Jill Zarin. She was one of my absolute favorites. And then she fell from grace. She became too wrapped up in fame and all this. But I still, I never hated Jill Zarin. People hate Jill Zarin. People hate her. I never hated her. I, you know, I got annoyed with her um but if you told me that jill zarin was coming back to housewives i'd be like yay i'd be excited but even if she was even if you

were annoying like as a zarin scale of hate and it has gone from zero to like what how big would that scale be what's a hateful number uh anyway it's like you know that number i that's like imaginary number it's like fuck you imaginary number be a real one between x and i and uh yeah that's how i used to judge hate but now i guess we've been talking about these idiots for so long and i'm writing about them for so long that i really love them and then hate them and then love them and then hate them and generally i learned to like them all like jill zarin over the years when she tweets people and she's like why don't you like me or she finds people's email addresses and she's like why did you say that about me

like why would you post that why are you being mean it's insecure but i get that so it kind of makes me like her because i see at the end she just wants to be liked i mean she's doing it the wrong way exactly that's the that's the mean she's doing it the wrong way. Exactly. That's the thing. It's like it's frustrating because she was so great. For two years she was just like this warm yenta, you know, that sure she got into people's business, sure she gossiped or whatever. But there was something so really likable and relatable about her.

And it's just that she's just kind of like a scorned lover now. She's been like damaged by it. But I don't hate her. I mean, there are times you just want to be like, shut up, Jill Zarin. But again, like I said, if you told me she was coming back, I would be excited. If you told me Brandi's coming back, I would not be excited. Because I think Brandi

went to, like, she revealed herself to be a truly nasty person. And like a liar. Yeah to be a truly nasty person. And, like, a liar. Yeah, and a lot of her stuff on it was just lies. And then when they questioned her, like, why did you lie? And she said, well, it's TV, and my job is to be entertaining. I don't like that. Yeah, I don't like that either.

I like that Jill Zarin maybe was trying to pull, not maybe, was trying to pull strings and make everything happen and control everything. But she was doing it because there were real feelings there. It wasn't just makeup. You know, like the insecurities and all the stuff that even we hated at the end. That was all real. It wasn't just like she was making it up. That was Jill Zarin honking outside.

She's like, why are you talking about me? There she is again. Are you podcasting? Why are you talking about me? There she is again. I would say now to also address this question of we just talked about from favorite to least favorite or vice versa. I would say vice versa. An argument could be made for Ramona Singer because in season one she was really awful. And then we just sort of grow to like her.

But I actually think the queen of going from uh least favorite to favorite and she is still awful but she's like lovably awful but from least favorite to favorite i think actually has to be camille grammar because camille season one camille was so hated she was hated by america there was i seem to remember there was a cover of us magazine where it was like, worst housewife of all time. It was like the most hated housewife. People despised her. You still haven't watched that Real Housewives original? I haven't.

I haven't had time. Did they talk about that? They showed that, and then they showed Kyle like, I felt so bad for her when that happened. It's like, shut up, Kyle. You're the one who was posting off it. Yeah, Camille was the most hated housewife.

And then it was like, she had such a turnaround. By the end of season two, people actually loved Camille. I don't think anyone's ever done that. Camille did that. That was very orchestrated, though. Because Camille,

and obviously it was, you know, good for her for orchestrating, making people like her again. That's not an easy task, so I'm not dissing that it was orchestrated. But Camille is one of those rare people who listens to advice, I guess, because she was married to an actor and people tell them, you have to act this way. You can't say this in public. You can't do this or whatever.

So when some friend ploy, I'm trying to think of a nice way to put it, but like, you know, like when Hagrid or Didi or someone is like, listen, Camille, you came off as really mean. And even if you're not, you're coming off as insecure and you're coming off as horrible. And she'll be like, OK, tell me what not to do. And they're like, don't talk. She's like, OK. And then she won. Like she literally won by not ever saying anything.

like she literally won by not ever saying anything well she not only she not only didn't talk but then she had like she had that epic moment where she outed taylor uh what was it she was out of taylor at the tea party about you're the one who tells us he beats you yeah because taylor i don't even remember the context of that taylor was mad at them uh taylor was mad i think that they mentioned it was having nervous breakdowns like and saying like i know what it's like to feel bruised like she was saying things that were so close to the situation but she just wouldn't say what it was and everybody was trying to just nod and go along with her but it was like her fifth nervous breakdown of the season and it was like episode five and they were at that lisa vanderpump tea party whatever it was for she's like look at

all the different colored cookies it wasn't like that it really was it is for dogs with cancer aids and dwarfism but wasn't it also that wasn't taylor um she was lashing out at them for saying something or alluding to something and then Camille was like you're the one who says this not us something like I forget what her famous quote was because it's been like four years but that wasn't it that that Camille was like I've had enough

of this bullshit like don't accuse us of being the ones when it's been you who's been saying this yeah she was having some weird thing oh yeah because didn't they start talking about maybe he was abused? I don't know. I don't remember what it was. This is why our Facebook page is good.

Our Facebook page is good because people are going to come on and they're going to leave comments. And so if you're trying to remember also or if it's frustrating you that we are not saying it right, it's on our Facebook page. But here's the best part about Camille.

Her lasting legacy, in my mind, is this moment. How sad that we're going to be celebrating somebody else's, yeah, the same day that we hear about our friend's split. So upsetting. I know. Still.

The way she just sort of relinquishes the sentence to Mauricio. She has this thought, and she's like, it's so sad how to hear on this day and he's like i'll hear i'll take it from here camille and then she's like okay i'll just repeat what you say it's like that thought process of i'm talking to somebody kind of smart and i have nothing to say but i'll move my mouth and make noise and then when they leave their impression is going to be, I just had a conversation with Camille. Yeah.

And Mauricio, you know, also part of it was Mauricio. He was kind of like, oh, well, she's not done. You know, listen, I'll take care of this. I'll take care of this thought. You're not going to be able to articulate it properly. You know that happens. To have said that we're going to be celebrating. Somebody else's.

Yeah, the same day that we hear about our friend's split. So upsetting. He's like, I'll just move this along because you're not going to get to it in the next 20 seconds. And today, Frasier, the gardener was outside. Yeah, because he was blowing the leaves. And then in a gust of fury, he put the leaves in a bag. And then he got in a truck and drove away. Eh, Camille?

So fast. It's like, you know what it is? It's like she's in the store perusing something, trying to decide what to buy, and someone grabs her by the hand. It's like, we're getting this and just yanks her out of the store. Oh, yeah, yeah, we'll get that. Well, maybe that's why she has so much shit because she just can't stop being sold. get that well maybe that's why she has so much shit because she just can't stop being sold like i can't go to a car dealership car dealership not by trying by at least or whatever upsetting camille upsetting i like camille well now you're doing the dobby

because in my mind they're mixed now because i think of Dobby every time I think of Camille. So Camille is the, yeah, well, Camille, you can hear her. She just repeats what you say. So if you're talking about this, talking about this, yeah. But Dobby's just. If you don't know what Dobby is, Dobby is. Listen here, Dobby. I'm going to need you to rehearse more with your girl bar, Dob You gotta start with me

because you're my angel So Dobby is Don's daughter on Real Housewives of Cheshire and when we did our last one So I recorded this sound of Dobby talking back to her mother I just love perfection

I can't just talk to her I have to tell my instructions Are you listening? to her mother i'm just i just love perfection i love all three parts of that that sound clip i love that don says i love perfection because it's a stupid thing to say. And then you hear the Dobby going. And then Dobby's just going. And then Dawn just gets so frustrated that she's like, Dobby, are you listening? Just wants to smack her. There was actually another Dobby moment that I recorded. We're going totally out of order.

But yeah, here's the Dobby sound clip from this week. So what we're doing about the band this week, then? Yeah, I think we should have a meeting, yeah. Yeah. Dobby, are you listening? Dobby? Dob, what we're doing about the band this weekend? Dobby?

So upsetting. Okay. We've delayed it. We've delayed it. So that's the Krappens mailbag. Krappens mailbag. To ask your own question, just go to patreon.com slash watch what Krappens

and write us one. Yeah. And by the way, there's like a whole bunch of Krappens mailbag on this week's bonus episode. So if you liked what you just heard, Dobby. Housewives in space. That was a fun one. Okay.

I'm whipping out my notes. While you whip out your notes, let me tell everyone what they're in store for for today. We're going to talk about the real housewives of beverly hills um uh you know premiere we're going to then talk about the top chef premiere ronnie and i what we're at that a premiere of that event that was on the show so we're going to tell you what we thought about the food and the chefs and then we're going to talk about real housewives and then uh we'll circle back for some Below Deck Reunion Part 2. You don't understand. It's like having a mind.

I don't have one. I'll never be happy. I'll never be lucky. I'm Pika. I'm Pika. You're on the triangle of Cheshire. I'm ever. But I'll never leave him.

I'll be with him forever. I don't care what people say I don't care if you say I'm ruining my life It's easier to say someone's ruining their life Than to ruin your own life You know I'm mine No, I'm Pika I don't fucking know what you mean

Could you maybe try it a few more times? You dumb bitch! Okay, so let's start with all real hair swabs Beverly Hills. No matter what city begins, that stupid Australian show is in my brain. Melbourne? Melbourne. I can't remember it.

Melbourne is always in my brain. Oh, God. What if Melbourne comes back at the same time we're watching Cheshire? I don't think we can even do that. I don't think we would. We'd wind up speaking like Emil from Below Deck because I feel like,

I think if you combine Australian with Cheshire, you get South African. Yeah, we'd be like, we just jerked off six times today to get ready for this podcast. Crushing up from nervous, jerking off right now.

All six women on this top bunk in Cheshire. Thanks for sharing, buddy. Oh, goodness. All right. So do you have your notes up? Or should I just, I can just start talking. I have a 7,000 word recap.

Well, I actually didn't, I actually, believe it or not, I didn't take a huge amount of notes for Beverly Hills. But so the episode begins at Villa Rosa where Hanky is looking healthy. Did you notice that they showed a shot? Okay, it's Villa Rosa and Hanky. They're all in the pond. All three swans are in the pond.

Hanky is by the door looking at the door waiting for someone to come be nice to him. Because his only friends are like the humans you know well hanky is going through his own swan version of vanderpump rules like obviously hanky is sheena season one and the other two swans are horse face number one horse face number two swan face one and swan face two in my recap i talked about them as the bitter waitresses in the corner. And they were. So they show Hanky waiting by the door in the pond, just looking at the door. And then they show the other two swans looking at each other off in the other corner of the pond. And I was like, this is so awesome that they're adding the swan drama into this show.

I love the swan drama. Actually, you know who Hanky is? Hanky isn't even Sheena. Hanky is Danielle, the new waitress from season one who wound up uh hooking up with jacks and then stassi went out of her way to create a whole whole smear campaign yeah she talked like that and finally she's i'm an actor will you come to my aa meeting with me i was abused as a child and he like, you want to go get some Coke? But she had the, yeah,

but she had the best like moment of the entire, of this entire season, which is what you told Jax. Like I fucking got an STD for you. He's from you, from you or for you. It was either way. She called out the STD.

That's what Hanky will do. I don't even remember that. Yeah, she was, cause I think that Jax is breaking up with her and she's like she's like fuck you i'm gonna be in we're the millers and i got an std from you so fuck you everyone should know he sleeps he does not use a condom he's like this love it well i'm loving this swan drama it's so good and it's so dark and deep like those other swans are so mean to poor hanky but then hanky is so

different like he's literally a different color it's gonna be a race war in that pond it's well you know that the other one white i'm like what kind of racist shit storyline is this to be putting on bravo not cool well you know those other swans it's are like pissed at hanky because hanky is the one who gets carried to the streets of west hollywood by lisa whereas the other two get put in a cage probably and sent off to PetSmart for their checkups. They're going to start biting each other's necks so they can get attention from David. Well, one of the swans is going to, like next season, one of the swans is going to get totally unhinged and accuse another swan of cheating all the time. And then it's going to turn out that that was the original swan who actually was the shooter i think that it's gonna end with hanky being the one who finally goes crazy yeah because like he's so talented but he doesn't believe in

himself enough and then he's gonna have this like person that he hates and at the end he's gonna stab one of the black swans but then it turns out he's been stabbing himself. Oh, I see what you did there. I'm excited for the episode of Swanderpump Rules where Hanky just gets wasted and pours fireball down his throat. Lisa will be like, This foie gras tastes like cinnamon. I brought Hanky in to train everyone. Hanky knows how to do a shot properly, Dom.

You know what's amazing? Ever since we switched over to swans who don't have any hands, our service ratings have actually improved. Thank you, Hanky. Okay, Hanky's going to teach you all how to make a Hank-tini now. Everyone listen up. It's one part pond water. That's from Hanky's

rival swan restaurant that he opens right under her nose and he's like, I have a Hanktini. Hanky! I gave him everything and then he betrayed me. I can't wait for Hanky to get a tattoo on his wing that says, it's all happening. And then Hanky

comes out with his own dance song. And the two mean swans come out with a podcast called It's All Crappening and just make fun of everything Hanky does. Okay, so anyway, this show is going to be

20 hours. I know, we have literally not even gotten to the first line of dialogue. We're still on the cutaway shots. Anytime there's hanky, we can't help it. We see that at some party, everyone has to dress like saloon people or something. I'm not sure what's going on there, but the show opens up with the Villa Rosa gates opening, and it's Ken and Lisa. He looks like the penguin, like the 1930s version of the Batman penguin.

And she looks like, I don't know, like an old saloon madam whore from like a John Wayne movie. And then they show that Catherine girl later and she's dressed. Look, if you're older, don't be doing things in older times. Do future parties. Don't do parties where I'm going to be like, what was the saloon like? Because you don't want to have to answer do future parties don't do parties where i'm gonna be like what was the saloon like because you don't want to have to answer that you don't know i have no idea what you're talking about wait who is it so because you know how they have all these big theme parties one of them has something to do with them oh are you talking about like the costumes are you talking

about coming up this season on on beverly hills yes but i'm only doing that because it opened with lisa in that dress. And I had to say something because I was like, what are you, an old madam? What the hell's going on here? Honky Tonk Piano. David's on the Honky Tonk Piano. Everyone be quiet. David won a Grammy for this song.

It is played in bars, but it is David's. Be quiet. Shh, Taylor. Drunk women are disgusting. What did she say? What did's be quiet drunk women are disgusting what did she say what did she say about drunk women Yolanda oh from last year

I don't remember I remember she met Taylor and she's like oh there's nothing worse than a drunk woman yes yeah okay to all who enter be nice to Hanky. Okay, I'm skipping all of this season on because I can go for an hour on that show. So the first scene is the catcher from the Dodgers, Los Angeles Dodgers, comes over to Villa Rosa to teach Lisa how to throw a ball.

Because she's going to be throwing out the opening pitch at dr stadium on like lgbt night every first scene of every first housewives show ever and you know how i remember history so you guys correct me doesn't it always start with some kind of like narcissistic thing like i'm pitching for the today's lisa day and then i remember the one where bethany the first episode of new york she's like yeah i'm doing a new show for PETA. It's always something like that. Yeah. Someone doing something narcissistic for, you know, people with missing limbs or whatever it is.

Yeah. It is always like some ridiculous like slice of life that really no one no one really cares about. But it's just to show how great their lives are before they descend into the madness of the season. And this is for a gay baseball thing. What's that? What is gay baseball? I mean, it just means like gay day or something. Yeah, it's gay day. It's like the gays go to Dodger Stadium.

And by the way, there's not many gay people who look at baseball? Yeah. I was just going to say that I think it's, it seemed a little unnatural that the catcher of the Dodgers went to train Lisa how to throw a ball. I mean, wasn't there like some high school coach that could have said this seemed, this did not seem like a realistic thing. I mean, is this what, do all people who throw out the ball get like a baseball star come over to teach them the ropes? Well, is he the gay spokesperson for it because in my mind he was like hey i'm a catcher and i was

like oh my god bottoms here call all panties husband darling two bottoms don't make a top darling they'll be fine in the pond together was is he gay i'm not sure i'm not saying no active gay or anything like that i just figured he was like the gay baseball guy so they were like all right gay people we need the gay baseball guy to go over to a real housewife's house for a scene is captain lee is captain lee like working at dodger stadium now anybody in charge of rules is captain lee until another boss comes on this show he's like because it's one two three strikes you got a ticket home out of the baseball stadium that idiot swan just crashed into the house all right swan here's your southwest ticket good luck they don't even let swans on there i want home plate through that machine so watch out tuck them

i want home plate sweep right now it It's a job. It's what you do. Home plate? I need you to throw that ball a little harder, all right, you little girl? All right. Two strikes, you're out. Three strikes. Who came up with that one? That's ridiculous.

If I let you get the three strikes, it's not only your problem, it's my problem, and now it's everybody's problem. Hey, you're out at two strikes, buddy. Meanwhile, Kate is the ump and now it's everybody's problem. Hey, you're out at two strikes, buddy. Meanwhile, Kate is the umpire. Strike one. Strike two. Strike three, you're out. It's not my problem that you keep throwing strikes. Maybe you should be a better baseball hitter. It's your job.

That's what she would do. She'd just shame them from behind the plate. And Amy would be like, don't you love it, you what you do you love being a baseball player because every time you come out here you just swing over and over again don't you want to do something different maybe talk to the ball hug it ask it for dinner i think amy would actually be selling concessions in the stands. Popcorn. Anyone want popcorn? Popcorn. No?

She doesn't. Okay, I'll come back with some cotton candy. Cotton candy. I want cotton candy. I got cotton candy here. No? Cracker Jacks. There's a prize inside.

It's like a big box of Amy. Just look inside and you're gonna be surprised What you get Where you going, Starfish? Meanwhile, Rocky's like out in the bullpen Ironing sheets They're trying to throw pitches She's there with an ironing board I'm ironing

The gay baseball player's swords Meanwhile, people go They're like, I'll be right back I'm gonna go get a hot dog. And they, like, go up to the concession stand, like, I'd like a hot dog. Sorry, you only got beef cheeks here. Beef cheeks. Beef cheeks at the stadium and nothing else.

He would have the white bread in the bag, though. Feel free to grab yourself a roll, you stupid woman. Can we move this box out of the way? There's a big line here. No. Box is important. Gotta dehydrate it back here. Men get beef cheeks, but he just tells all the women to go fuck themselves, C-Words.

Yeah. This is a man's sport. What you doing here? I've yelled at women in concession stand lawns. I made them cry before. Okay, so the first scene. Okay okay so we're at baseball baseball with lisa who cares really i love rosio though the man the uh maid love her yeah she's great um uh so then the next thing is that lisa rena she's getting interviewed for own for oprah's channel for where are they now which

seemed a little weird to me because i think it's like she's hasn't really disappeared from from view like people know where lisa rena is and she's on a show where we see her life so i this was a sort of an an odd choice for me for lisa rena is a personality celebrity like she's known you know she's famous because of her personality and going on talk shows and that ain't a job so you never know when you're gonna get called again you can be called five times a week and then never again you know you've got to always keep it fresh she's like yeah no she didn't yeah i'm still here for interviews you know i work i work all the i don't know why i started to give her a new york all the talk about work ramona comes in your mind i know i actually had like – I was working on my Lisa Rinna impersonation beforehand, and it sounded great.

But now it doesn't. Now it sounds like Ramona. Oh, well. I'll just abandon it for now. It's like, I'm getting beyond Oprah. Where are they now? That must be a question Oprah must ask herself every morning. Like, Oprah, where am I now?

Where are you, Oprah? oprah what are you doing so lisa renna's getting interviewed about like her life and she's just sort of doing her self-deprecating thing of like i just want people to remember me not for the not for wearing a diaper they're gonna say she wore a diaper but um but you know she's really endearing i i really love lisa rena on this i just can't believe how good she is on this show just in a likable way well i like that she's so likable and then she'll cut a bitch we'll talk a little bit more about her later because really with her scenes i don't have an impersonation of her and i mostly just smile and then just wait for it to end so i can make fun of people yeah really all i ever look

at her my big mystery with lisa renna is her wigs because she does this tricky thing with her wigs where she wears a big wig but then she's like but look it's my regular hairstyle just like my wig wait a second so you don't wear a wig i mean it's every scene i pause on it and this scene she opened up with her makeup getting done and she had that queen holding her bangs back so you could see a hairline and i'm like look no one's calling you bald all right rena stop being so defensive and proving you have a hairline and then the next scene she's leaving and she's got a giant wig on i'm like yeah lady you're pissing me off now right i know which which is your hair the wig or the other hair? What is it? With her oversized

she has basically an oversized of every scene that she's in because I'm looking to see what it is. I'm like, which is it today?

And her wig really bobbles around a lot which I sort of like it, you know? She's had that haircut for like 40 years but she came out of the womb

with that haircut. Momentarily, it was like co-opted by Paige Davis but it's the least I've ever known. Where is Paige Davis, anyway, by the way? I don't know. She should be on one of these shows. Maybe she'll be on Real Housewives of Potomac.

That's sort of like her level. Isn't that a river? That's the only way I know that show. I just imagined a bunch of river people being like... River people. We may own the biggest floating home, but that doesn't mean we don't know it. You make it sound like it's Appalachia or something. We may have the biggest black lung, but it still works.

The real housewives of Piccolo, Kentucky. My banjo may be broken, but I can still cut a bitch with it. You can't call a house a log cabin unless it's made out of logs. By the way, there was a promo for Real Housewives of Potomac that Bravo did, which was kind of funny. They were making a joke about the fact that it's such a random, obscure location. Real Housewives of a cul-de-sac somewhere. Yeah. Well, the Bravo announcer was like, introducing the next name in the Real Housewives franchise.

The Real Housewives of, wait, is this a typo? Potomac? And then it's like, Potomac. And then it's like, hashtag, where's Potomac? So it's sort of like they're acknowledging how obscure it is, which I know this may be me falling into the marketing, but it makes me kind of feel like if they're going to choose such a random location with no cachet to it, then it just has to be a really good season.

Is that faulty logic? And I think that there's something going on at bravo meetings where they're like listen we make idiots famous who do nothing but then they become like julia roberts in their mind and demand all this fucking money and all of this stuff and become fame whores and then we lose them let's go somewhere where no one will follow them it's like the real housewives of a cave somewhere we're just gonna be watching people not even knowing they're on TV. It's just going to be Truman showy, but with fall gowns and terrible faces.

Yeah, it's going to be like Real Housewives of Desert Center next. You know that random town on the 10? Joshua Tree or something. Yeah, it's like this random. It's like you see signs for like 20 minutes. Desert Center, 10 miles away, Desert Center. You're like, ooh, Desert Center. And you get there and there's like three rvs and a water fountain it's an oasis so um so anyway so then the

next thing is that we go on to eileen and she is uh in her dressing room on like a little like uh like exercise bike going over her lines and she's just talking about how she's she's been working for 20 years or 30 years and yada she's just talking about her role on the show but for me what was notable was now we'd seen an uh a scene with lisa vanderpump a scene with lisa rinna a scene with eileen davidson and we have not seen kyle and kyle is you know she's like she's sort of royalty bravo royalty not like you know she's a she's one of their one of the faces of bravo and uh she has fallen now she has fallen behind lisa and the soap stars because kyle's officially turned into dana from fucking literally this show

i mean it's ridiculous be quiet about your money lady like that's all she has to talk about she literally bought the crazy sunglasses but we'll get to that yeah we'll get to that in a sec but i love that uh the way that they were putting all these scenes because it's the first one of the year obviously so they're just like reintroducing everybody so to reintroduce eileen uh it was at the end of rena scene and she's like yeah you know i to work every day for that long my longest job was three years but to work every day for 90 years wow that's i mean that's an accomplishment and she was kind of saying it like good for her like eileen's amazing but it was kind of like poor eileen you know she just working because her husband's gambling it's like that's

some poker playing husband she's like can i please husband's gambling. It's like, that's some poker-playing husband. She's like, can I please stop working? I would love to stop memorizing 20 pages a day of stupid shit. And, you know, it was kind of a funny contrast because you have one woman who is doing whatever she can do to get any scraps she can get because she never knows when she's going to work again. And it's like, you're like, ugh, that kind of sucks. She just has never been established like that and then you look on the other end you look at this one woman who all she has is this kind of like ball and chain of a soap career you know like she's done her crappy sci-fi movie that was at the burbank film festival at the mall across from floodwaters

but uh like at the end all she has are soaps and she will never be anything more than that and so you see it's actually kind of like a really funny contrast of of of both sides of that perspective if i'm definitely you know the show is all about the glamorous women and they are i mean hell they're all richer than us you know and they are stars it's not like they're not but in the hollywood scheme of things and the looking up at the Hollywood Hills scheme of things, they're really the blue collars. Yeah. You know, those two.

They're like two blue collar actors being put in the middle of all these, you know, people who are rich for other reasons and stuff. So it's fun to watch. It's like watching Girls with a Job on The Real Housewives. You know, I love a housewife with a job. Yeah. Always have. Yeah. No know I love a housewife with a job. Yeah. Always have. Yeah, no, I think it's great.

I actually think it's a really fun look into the lives of two soap queens. You know, like, to me, it's, like, both hilarious, and yet it makes me respect them, you know? It's like you want to, like, laugh at them in a certain way, but then you also really want to admire them. You actually more want to admire them after that instinct of laughing at these ridiculous lines that they have to recite or the things that like the diaper commercials that lisa rena has to take you know yep and i love anybody with a job and i respect anybody with the job because that shit is hard she's right i was with her when she

said going to work every day that many hours a week like that's rough and i was like yes we have a hard time doing this podcast and that's like only you know it's like five hours every other day like i was thinking about how many hours a week you actually walk the dog and i was like god this could be a job i could be making money from this you're ruining my wells fargo account beulah yeah okay so so anyway, we kind of skipped past that, right? Yeah. Well, there was – yeah. So then speaking of women with – career women with jobs and responsibilities, we then have Yolanda who's ailing in a condo.

And so she's now living in a condo somewhere. Well, first we have Kyle in her sunglasses. Oh, is that? Yeah, it came before Yoli. Oh, yeah, you're right, because it was intercut. I'm sorry. So everybody opens up their business if they've got one, but she opens up her business by a lean to her forever

not 21 anymore story. And she's in there with some salesman who's like, these glasses were made by, like, they're made for the queen of England and the queen of France or whatever and Kyle's like really wow and then she's moving

she's holding these $75,000 sunglasses which look like basically two translucent coasters on her eyeballs they look like regular gas store aviators you guys are $'re $10. Go get some.

Yeah. You can sit on them, break them, and go get some more. Yeah. So she's kind of tilting them to the camera going, ooh, ah. And I thought, why is she staring at these? And then I'm realizing she's showing off her gold Rolex, her giant diamond rings, these sunglasses, and a store of Moribotter. Shut up, Kyle.

Like, no one fucking cares money is not a personality go get one read a book get a job get a fucking hobby lady learn to sew I don't care what it is but you need to do something because I'm sick of you spending Mori's money and then acting like that's 75,000

you know the amount of shit that Dana got on her first season when she spent $25,000 on a pair of sunglasses is nothing compared to $75,000 for sunglasses. It's the biggest bullshit ever. And I guess you could say, oh, it's like because it's basically like getting like jewelry, essentially jewelry with some lenses. But I'm sorry. That is the biggest bullshit. It's not.

With Dana, it wasn't even the amount of money. It was that she is just meeting all these people. And she's like, look at my sunglasses. $25,000. $25,000. Yeah, $25,000. And that's how Kyle is being. It happens to be with sunglasses.

But she's like, yeah, and then we're going to go around Europe. And then we're going to, you know, I slept with a Bentley. And Kyle, Jesus, we get it. You're rich. Shut up. No one cares. It's not about being jealous of being rich. Like, I don't need you to hear about it.

Learn board games. Go to Ben's game night. I don't know. Make some friends. Yeah, come to game night, Kyle. I had a game night last night. Yeah, no. I mean, Kyle is – the sunglass thing, it's too much.

It's way too much. And I agree with you. She is getting a little too Beverly Hills-y. She used to do these commercials for target okay and now she's you know and then she tries to pawn it off on mauricio later he's like well mauricio is like you know he's a he's a luxury lover he's a luxury lover he doesn't want to love luxury but he just does i'm like well everyone loves luxury who doesn't like luxury monks maybe my husband hates luxury wow he really hates being treated well yeah that's a stupid way to

to frame it as if it's like he just he ails from this oh he just has this like ridiculous hobby he just loves luxury he's always on all the luxury forums money yeah who doesn't dumb betch but also my anger is disproportionate to the situation because i watched that real housewives uncensored and ben they show what that night with kim was really like and that whole thing with kim the audition videos is kim saying well kyle's always thinking i'm drunk you know she goes on this whole thing and then it turns into kyle basically trying to out her at that thing and kim's trying to run away from her and she's chasing her through the hallways and Kim's like trapped in a hotel.

Kyle is the devil incarnate. Anything I've ever forgiven with Kyle and learned to get over, reignited, bitch. Reignited. It's on, Kyle. We knew it was going to happen. So anyway, so while,

so Kyle and Lisa Vanderpump are chatting, they always have like a lunch at the beginning of the season and they're just like chit-chatting about stuff. Do they start talking about Yolanda? I don't know what it is, but we do get to Yolanda. Yeah, right now.

I don't need to feel sick. And you're like, okay, you know who else feels sick? I wrote, you know who should be blowing 75 grand of their husband's cash? Yolanda. And then it cuts to Yolanda with frowny face on the couch yeah her white clothes like one of those people from the leftovers who change smokes and like

won't speak and wants the end of the world do you ever watch that show i don't but i'm amazing so she's she's in there in this condo and she's like well you know you know with all the illness and stuff you know it's just too much to be in a mansion like that's you know i don't need a mansion i just need to be in a condo i, that's, you know, I don't need a mansion. I just need to be in a condo. I'm like, bitch, no, you're separated from David. Alright? We know this now. We were in the condo, and everything was normal, and then I disappeared,

and I arrived in this place. I don't understand. What is happening? Yolanda is the leftover. This is all Yolanda's leftovers. Like, David has just left the Earth, and Yolanda never will understand why and damon lindelof damon lindelof sure is how i'm gonna tell her he's gonna be like ah the storyline ends and you never know where david went like damn it yeah she's sitting there

she's ailing she has like an iv in her in her in her uh arm and she's talking about all the treatments that she's had she went to the bahamas and got stem cell this and that and she's talking about all the treatments that she's had. She went to the Bahamas and got stem cell, this and that. And she's just, you know, you know, when Yolanda first said she had Lyme disease a few years ago, you know, I felt bad for her because no one wants Lyme disease. Lyme disease sucks, you know. And then she started doing this now. It started to become excessive. It's like, okay, she needs this.

All right, all right. Now this is milking it. I'm sorry. This is over the top. I actually went to the CDC website, and I looked up what the symptoms of Lyme disease are. Okay, these are the later signs and symptoms days to months after a chick bite. There's headaches and neck stiffness. There's some rashes.

You get some arthritis. Sometimes you'll get like a facial or Bell's palsy. You'll get joint pain, irregular heartbeat, dizziness or shortness of breath, okay, inflammation of the brain and spinal cord, nerve pain, shooting pains, problems with short-term memory. What you don't get, according to the CDC website, you don't get like coughing and like this perpetual illness. I just feel like – well well i mean you have perpetual illness but you don't have white and now my throat hurts damn you lime it just seems like she's talking about oh i have this sickness on the inside or whatever i'm not a doctor i'm not gonna just try to act like i'm even gonna try to like diagnose her clear up what you're because you're looking

at lime okay so lime disease is one thing and And yes, I said it without an S, everybody. Are you happy? I finally learned how to say it. And I'm mad at myself. So Lyme is a real thing, obviously, with those symptoms. It can paralyze you. You can have moments where it'll put you on the ground. Not good.

Yeah, it's terrible. But the ish is chronic Lyme. So if you get Lyme, your doctor knows. They treat you with antibiotics, blah, blah, blah. Chronic Lyme, that's different. That's where they have a ton of different diseases. Did you see that chart that they put up? One of the first screenshots is Yolanda's medicine chart and her illness chart.

It is disturbing as hell. It's all these posts. It's like 100 post-it notes. I'm not even – did you see it? I missed that. i must have been like oh my god it's amazing so ben let me let me i've got to pull it up it's amazing so it's a chart of all of her medicines and stuff that she's taking it's a hundred things i mean every day there's 20 to 30 things that she's taking and i wonder why she's sick yes her liver hurts her she's getting all puffy i mean girl that's like ingesting a gmc every day that shouldn't go for you it's like you ever see that movie safe with julianne moore

yes that's what she's doing to herself where she's become convinced that she this and so she's going to these more and more outrageous treatments that are probably starting to poison her more than originally it was i don't i don't i don't um doubt that she had Lyme disease. But what I feel like, though, this is above and beyond. Now, of course, she did have that Instagram post not too long ago where it was like, it turns out this is all being caused by leaky boobs, right? Leaky boob job? Yeah, but she's still holding on to the Lyme, too. She didn't cure of that.

I mean, she's still on that path even after the implant was removed. Yeah, I think something is fishy about all this now. I am now officially, I feel like this is above and beyond. I don't know. Something seems strange. So you know that I called that, I called that on that forever. So I've always thought that. So now where I'm at with it is like obviously it's a lie at this point so a couple things first of all she's friends with muhammad which is how lisa knows her right what kind of permission switch

went off when they were like turn on yolanda because to me it's fishy that they all turn on her so the world has basically turned on her the first episode airs where she's basically called a liar. And then David leaves the same day of the. I mean, I know he didn't leave the same day of the premiere, but that they announced it that way. It's like a victim casserole for Yolanda. You know, it's like a request for casseroles, basically. And so why is it all timed this way? And why is Lisa now allowed to question it in a way that she never would have to protect Muhammad and all of them?

It makes me think that the whole family is like, Yolanda needs to stop. She's probably making the entire family crazy. Yeah, I think so. And they're like, just fucking turn the switch on her then. It's almost like, what, the godfather turned the switch and now everybody on the show is finally allowed to call her a liar? That, to me me is very fishy well and beyond the actual illness she's obviously so depressed and sad yeah that's what it is i mean this is you know i mean again i'm not a professional in any way of any in any field but you know i mean she probably she probably is very sad there obviously are issues in the

marriage they just announced their divorce i wouldn't be surprised if somehow this was a manifestation of dealing with some sort of emotional distress. That would make more sense to me, and that I would not begrudge her for. But I think she's faking it for the intent. I mean, I think she's the kind of person who marries people that can't give her any kind of love. Like, you marry David. How many times has that guy been married? A zillion? You marry some rich dude. You're basically in servitude for him to just do anything to make him happy

he can't connect you on an emotional level because he's a fucking narcissist anybody who's seen him for five minutes knows that so you can't get anything emotional from that weirdo so what the hell are you doing it's like you're in these situations where you can't get love but then you're acting out to get love in ways that's destroying every character. Well, now she's being so sad, and it all comes from depression and needing relationships. It's fucked up, man. Yeah. Well, the good news is that I'm finding it very entertaining because it is being presented to us as entertainment.

So I'm sitting there watching this. She's now gotten so over the top, and she's so over the top with everything now she's sitting there and her friend comes there her friend comes over and she's like oh my dear friend cody simpson's mother she's come to visit me like oh i'm so glad that you could make it through to come here to see me before i pass. I'm like, she's not too sick to not name drop once again. Oh, you know, Cody Simpson and Gigi, they once were dating, but they've now transitioned into other people.

But I'm friends with Cody Simpson's mother. It is rare to meet a mother who has children as hot as mine. We are friends of matching hot babies. So welcome Cody's mother to the show. And she's like, oh, hello there.

I'm real excited to have some positive energy with you. I feel real bad about sitting here talking to you about your illness because you already know about all the cool things. You probably read them all on the internet. I'm like, you're a dumb bitch. You are just like her. And I cannot believe you're not on the show now because she's the one who got deported and can't be on the internet i'm like you're a dumb bitch you are just like her and i cannot believe you're not on this show now because she's the one who got deported and can't be on the show

wait cody simpson's mom yes this was supposed to be reported yes so this was supposed to be her entree her her entrance onto the show and the fourth thing is stuck with fucking yolanda like welcome to housewives look i have 20 matching jars full of medical supplies. Would you like one? Thanks for having me over, Yolanda. Why did she get deported? She dragged along to her first group scene with Yolanda and watched her pretend to cop and then get dragged away. That poor woman.

I'm sorry, Tony Simpson's mom. You know what she should have done? She should have done what um lydia did uh members when lydia was on uh real housewives of orange county the first big dinner that they had at the like the construction side of cut fitness she arrived with alexis belino and then tamra and alexis got in that huge fight where tamra just screamed at alexis and finally alexis left and lydia's like i I think I'm going to stay. That's what Cody Simpson's mom should have done. Whatever her name is.

She should have. But she doesn't want to look like she's being a bad friend to a sick person. But man, her face in the car on the way home from that party, she was like, all right, bitch. I'm done with you now. Do you understand me? I'm dropping you. Cody's in front of you from Facebook. I'll tell you that much. Forget Cody's Insta likes.

I'll tell you that, bitch.'s Insta likes Will tell you that bitch Well isn't that the worst Have you ever been dragged to a party Not dragged but your friend takes you to a party that's going to be super cool And you're so excited to be there And your friend's like I think we should go And you're like I want to stay but you know you can't stay Oh I hate that

No I never get dragged to good places by my friends I've been dragged to like rodeos Or I'm trying to think of places My friends drag've been dragged to like rodeos or i'm trying to think of places my friends drag me to never anywhere that i want to stay and they don't oh i there have been times i've been like at a party i'm like oh i i want to stay because they're like famous people here um so uh not that i really get to go to famous people parties every now and then you get to go one more quick thing before we move on from the scene. So she literally has a medical supply office in there. We're not exaggerating.

It's nuts. So she's saying, oh, I was telling you about the chart of all the medicines. That was crazy. But there's another chart. By the way, these are on poster boards with sticky notes like a Shannon B. Dore thing. OK, so she has another poster board and this one's not medicines. It's all the diseases that she has that are associated with

now it's not chronic lyme it's neuro neurological lyme which is she's changed it so i'm not sure what that's about now it's like brain lyme whatever so it's all of these diseases that are uh that she's that she has symptoms of that are part of limes if that makes or lime if that makes any sense then it is crazy it's an entire poster board full of diseases you do not have all of those diseases the more obsessed she becomes with it the more convinced i mean this is crazy she's literally losing her white jeans i'm telling you it's like sweaty thigh bacteria creeping in somehow from those fucking white jeans go do you not have no they don't have an old navy in malibu but come to la and go to old navy david's fuck pad oh yeah david's bachelor

fuck pad oh yolanda this is so sad all right let's talk about something so well okay so the next so then we go back to um lisa and kyle and um the what i loved is lisa vanderpump's fake sympathy and she's lisa's like well you know i don't really care much for yolanda you know she was just What I loved is Lisa Vanderpump's fake sympathy. And Lisa's like, well, you know, I don't really care much for Yolanda. You know, she was so rude to my husband. But I have to let that go. She's not well. So, you know, I'm going to let go of the fact that she was so rude. I'm letting go of how rude she was to my husband.

One of my favorite things that I've done recently is letting go of how rude she was. I'm so glad I've moved on from how rude Yolanda was. Staff, we're having a meeting. I brought Yolanda Foster in to teach us to be rude to people. Once you've hurt my feelings, go wait while I cry in the dining room and wait for my husband to recover. And then you can come back in and say hello nicely. You know, I'm so glad that I've moved on. So now we can turn this negative moment to a positive thing. Here, staff of Vanderpump Rules, come learn what rudeness is.

And then you can learn not to be that way. Oh, we've really turned that around now. Yeah, she is definitely listing the people who have hurt her in the best. And she's sitting with Kyle. So that makes it hilarious because Kyle's like the worst. And Kyle's been behind most of it. So she's sitting with Kyle who's bragging about her sunglasses again. And Lisa's like, oh like oh darling mine were 500

000 yeah pink ones love it yeah i love it right down and then and then so then uh costar's talking about how she's like in development on a scripted show about her her childhood and but that uh kathy hilton has some concerns about that i'm like kathy hilton kathy you have concern about a scripted show your daughter's giving blowjobs on the internet for crying out loud like this is gonna be the least embarrassing thing that happens to your family no one's even said anything to me yet like no one's even i do feel kind of bad because who sells a show and then their family doesn't say congratulations on selling a show it's tv land it's not like there's going to be any deep dark secrets in that yeah you know kim's always going to be at work the kim character is always

going to be at work at walmart or something they'll change it you know kyle will make her life even worse she'll be like not a child star at all kyle will be the star in this one well actually by the way please make kathy hilton the fat character. Just make her a fat sister. I don't care. Just to see her get mad at Christmastime. So then there's more like blah, blah, blah. And then talk about Kim. Look at my phone, darling.

Look at it. I texted Yolanda. And I said, Yolanda, can I come to your home with cameras? And she said no. But, you know, maybe she really does feel sick today. I don't know. I'm trying to be a friend to Yolanda even though she betrayed me and hurt

Ken. And it was so rude after Ken was rude to her. So then... Thanks, evidence. So then I love that there was, when they started talking about Kim, that Bravo made like a Kim wasted montage. Those are my favorite montages. I know we shouldn't laugh at

her being an addict but it was like I'm going to have a baby next year. She's like oh yeah. While she's hitting a shoe to her hand. Yeah. Okay Kim. And then they do really unfair stuff. Like they mix stuff in that

weren't dramatic drug scenes like Kim just going whoop whoop whoop, whoop. Dancing or raising her arms. They're like, oh, there she is, a drunk person. Then it comes to her like, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. Is this a comedy montage or a meme montage? Make up your minds because this is rude. It's rude and amazing. I want to make a meme montage. Make up your minds, because this is rude. It's rude-mazing.

I want to make a prediction here. I think at the end, Lisa is going to end up kind of helping Yolanda. This is a stretch. No, I think that, no. I mean, Lisa Vanderpump? At the end of the season. Because Yolanda is going to get so beat down that she's going to feel bad for her. Lisa loves a broken hoe.

Okay? That's true. Always loved it she loves well she doesn't guard in general if she doesn't think that yolanda is truly broken though she's not gonna like that well if she's faking an illness to the point that she is to get attention she's bitch is broken like lisa will fix her in a way because i think she knows her as kind of a hoe from Mohammed's house. Probably. The rumor is that Yolanda was like a yacht girl or whatever. Like Lala, darling. Be nice to your Lala.

And so she found her rich man and has just been passed down from rich man to rich man at dinner parties ever since. So I think Lisa has always, Lisa will always feel for someone who works. I think she probably sees her as like Muhammad's help who made it big and is now being crumbled and at the end she'll be like, Yolanda, please sit next to me on the couch. Well, either

way, the big news is that Lisa Rinna is having a birthday party so she calls up Yolanda and invites her and Yolanda and invites her. And Yolanda's like, oh, well, my love David is in Seattle. But Cody Simpson's mom will join. My good friend, Mrs. Cody Simpson. And then after that, Yolanda has the moment where it's like, just bust out a violinist.

Like, there should just be a violinist in the opening credits of this show. She's like, if it weren't for my kids,ist in the opening credits of this show. She's like, if it weren't for my kids, I would have jumped off the balcony already. I'm like, Jesus, just shut up. Also,

it wouldn't have been a balcony. It would have been that like cliff over the PCH. No one needs some model splattering all over the PCH. All right, get out of here. The little mermaid towel seller comes to clean her up. Get out of here. No one's falling for that shit. He's like,

finally, the moment I've been waiting for. Towels. Employing the towels. Finally, these towels come in handy. Thank God no one bought them for me. Yeah, David's like, I'm glad I didn't make you clean up your towel service. Good job, buddy.

So Yolanda starts explaining her stuff again. And she's talking about, oh, I have the weak legs, no brain function. I haven't driven a car in three years. Was there ever any evidence that there was brain function before the Lyme disease? You're a model. No one expects that from you. Haven't driven a car in three years. They just showed the entire last season, and you were driving a car last season.

Just fine. So please watch your own show before you start driving a car last season, just fine. So please watch your own show before you start making shit up on TV. I know. She's like, no, I'm talking about bumper car. I love bumper cars and now I can't do it. I just, every time, the Lyme disease has ruined me so much

that when I drive bumper cars, I just don't hit anyone. It doesn't have fun anymore. Bumper cars took, Lyme disease took away my neck crick. It has ruined bumper cars i feel no pain now what is the point what all i do when i do bumper car i just drive around the periphery and i avoid everyone there's just no no more joy in it lime has taken my life and bumper cars from

me at one point she says i would do anything to feel normal. I would rip out my teeth to feel normal. I'm like, whoa, okay. Now, you don't have to literally turn into bricks. Well, that should be like, now that my Lyme disease is cured, I just can't help but wonder what it would be like to have teeth again.

I would take out Lyme disease again just to have my teeth again. i just told myself i've got a balcony it turns out lyme disease is less painful than toothlessness have you ever tried to eat an omelet with no tooth so we didn't talk about the daughter gg calling on facetime eating something oh what a bitch that is so rude to do to your mother you know your mother doesn't approve of you eating you know she's sick she's like hey mom why don't you just say fuck you mom and hang up the phone exactly carl sold a show who cares about carl whatever gg gg has a dropout of college she's so successful like she doesn't act like she even going to go to college for the first place

You got her like a townhouse On the Upper East Side Gigi's like well that paralegal career Is going to have to wait Sure So They're going to the baseball game now right So it's baseball time who cares

They're like on a car with Rocio my queen Who's wearing like a Hillary Clinton jacket. She's wearing, you know what she is? Some fundraiser. A crown. You know what? Like on Arrested Development, Lucille Bluth's cleaning lady, Luce, she's always wearing hand-me-downs from Lucille. So she always has these like weird like random like coats and shirts and stuff like that.

And that's what Rocio is basically. Rocio's are all panties though. Lisa's like, here's your Hillary Clinton cape, darling. Oh, thank you. And she got red hair and red,

uh, eyebrows and she's wearing a crown. She is so cute. And Lisa's all nervous to go pitch this thing for gay people. Like we don't expect much. We're gay. We're at a baseball game. As long as she can do a better job than Mariah Carey throwing out a baseball,

then she'll be okay. What did Mariah Carey do? Oh, my God. If you look up on YouTube, there's a hilarious video of Mariah Carey throwing out a baseball in, like, Japan. And she basically, like, she, like, winds up and she, like, throws the ball and it goes, like, afoot. She just, like, basically throws it down on the ground. And she's like, it is the funniest shit. Like, it is still funny 10 years later i love that

video clip but i loved about lisa it's just like it's just it's because it's like mariah carey too and then she just like does her little wave you know she does that like flappy thing with her hand where she like closes her whole hand when she waves she closes her whole hand up but she only does it with like her middle three fingers she's like it's like a fopping it's like a fapping wave so she throws the ball down on the ground like a toddler throwing something off

of their high chair. And then she does the fappy wave. It's just perfectly a Mariah Carey. She's funny, man. I have a friend who was a backup dancer

for her and went on tour with her. Oh my God. Those stories are effing amazing. Oh yeah. Oh, Mariah. Mariah!

Mariah! Come here, let me fix you lisa van der pump come into my arms darling tell me about that boy who left you mariah betrayed me lisa loves to take in a hoe and then be betrayed by her this year well next season there'll be a there'll be a there'll be a beef with hanky i'm sure so um my favorite part about Lisa throwing out the ball was that she's like, I'm so nervous. Here comes the moment. And then Bravo, like, slowed everything down like it was the natural. And they, like, focus on Ken.

And then they focus on Jiggy's face in slow-mo. Like, oh, no. Even Jiggy has judgments. But then it was fine. And then it bounces. Yeah. Like, the ball bounces. And she goes, it didn't bounce

darling my poor blind lisa how does she even do any she really counts on rosio for a lot lisa would be showing up in bikinis and pajama pants you know yeah or for someone put dressing her it's like just put me in something fabulous darling it's probably rosio this whole time that's controlling everything yeah yeah behind the scenes pulling the things so um so yeah the first pitch i hope i never get asked to throw out a first pitch because i would be worse than mariah i'll tell you that much i've never been able i mean i'm listen i am very gay in certain ways and one of the ways i'm very gay is that i can't throw a ball for my life for the life of me i know that might be like i know many there are many gay people who can throw balls very well but not me i'm the stereotype i'm the stereotype i for all

my life i've never been able to throw a ball i'm such a stereotype that even when people like toss me keys you know okay get in the front they'll toss me the keys like i move out of the way and i always hope that it just happens naturally every time i flinch at everything embarrassing so um then we have lisa rena oh she's going shopping with her kids like on melrose somewhere probably and uh what i loved is lisa talking about her um spoiling her kids and how she doesn't want to spoil them and i thought it was gonna be one of those scenes where she was like well i don't want to spoil them because there's so many kids that get fucked up by getting spoiled and then she buys them everything because that's what kyle's every year there's a scene where kyle is like well you

know i don't want to spoil my kids but at the same time i want to make them happy and then she like buys them maseratis and mercedes and stuff like that porsche is like buzzing buying her little like like golf cart my first vespa or something. So I was expecting it was going to be the same thing. But then Lisa's like, no, my daughter works at a deli. A straight up deli. She like toast bread at a deli. And I just lost it. I was like, I love this woman.

This is hilarious. I was cracking up when she started laughing. She's like, she makes toast. I was like, this is what we love about lisa she is she does she actually does keep it real because most if if like a rich kid is going to get a job it's usually like a fake job or like some bullshit where they're working like three hours at like a retail store but no she's at a deli full-on deli with like mustard it's also the difference between and i'm not taking credit away because i agree with that too and i had to start working when i was like 13 so i'm with you lady but there's a difference between making your

kids work because you want to make them responsible and just not being as rich as some person next door i mean yeah these harry and lisa work okay They don't just get handed sacks of money for every little thing they do. They're out working, and the parents in that neighborhood are like, rich as hell! It's not like they don't work, but I mean, that's like real rich. She's probably like, you know, make that toast, buy your own car, and help us pay rent. Yeah, exactly. It's all together but then what i really love about lisa is that you know she's about to make this proclamation about like well you gotta work because if you don't work

you know you're gonna be miserable in your life and so she's like you know i know plenty of women who have every bag under the sun and do they feel good probably actually yes and so i love that she's like she kind of takes the piss out of her own like sanctimonious, which wasn't even being sanctimonious. But, you know, if she was about to get up on a pedestal about making kids work, she takes the piss out of herself. She sort of double takes the piss out. She has her kid working at a deli and then she takes the piss out of herself for making

her kid work. I just love it. I love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it.

Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it.

Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. So then we move, we go back to Eileen who is now taking down the heavy stage curtains from 1982 Joanne fabrics or whatever with jewels tied to the end, like big plastic jewels tied to the end. She's taking those down because Brandy made fun of her house. She's like,

well, I don't want to give her the credit but thanks bitch and only eileen could do thanks bitch in the in that perfect perfect way that turned it right around for me i was like i love you now you're no longer boring me have fun removing your kitchen your uh curtains i will watch this now. Yeah. Again, I don't have the experience with days that you had, but I loved Eileen last season, and I think I'm going to continue to love her this season, although I think she's going to get into a fight with someone,

maybe even Lisa, but we'll see. Well, I saw an article, some blog post, about her being the only one who will stand up for yolanda still she says i know for a fact she still has lyme disease bitch and um i thought wow if you're standing up for yolanda at the end i think there's a big finale i love that we already know all this stuff but it doesn't end well for yolanda and this. I don't like that Eileen's going to go that way. I don't like that. Yeah, so I think Eileen is picking Yolanda. But in fairness, they're Malibu neighbors.

They probably actually see each other out. No one else is in Malibu. That place is fucking 45 minutes away. I know. Well, Camille's out there. Well, I'm going to enjoy Eileen now. Another wonderful day. Yeah.

So, yeah, Eileen's taking down the stuff i think the only thing that was notable about that was that she was shamed by brandy into improving her interior design so look brandy can do some good things too they cut back to her being like wow nice psycho house yeah i still think it's kind of funny that eileen says that was so hurtful i'm like it was like you know it wasn't polite but i don't like i don't know even i don't think that was hurtful i was brandy but that was so hurtful. I'm like, it was like, you know, it wasn't polite, but I don't like, I don't know. Even I don't think that was hurtful. It was brandy, but it was not hurtful. I think just hearing, I think she was just saying that hearing her house was ugly was hurtful

because nobody is honest here. So nobody will say like, Eileen, dude, faux painting on the walls and like plastic jewels on curtains that look like their first stage. No, honey. But no one here will. They'll be like, wow, what if we never work again? Eileen might get us a job.

And Brandy's like, your house is ugly. She's like, I was mortified to find out my house was ugly. But, you know, I guess I'll change it and here I sit in lingerie. I'm like, you know what? You need to just call Brandy before you do anything and let her just tell you the truth. She may not be good on the show, but she's probably a very good guide. Yes, that's true.

So then we go to Lisa Renner's birthday. And so Lisa shows up there first with – who did she get there first with? I don't even remember who she arrived first with. Kyle. Wait. Kyle was there first with Lisa. Oh rid of lisa right so they're just there and then and guess what kyle was talking about money how she's gonna go on this vacation in that vacation and i'm like do you know that she just did a scene about how this is all

bullshit i can't wait till you see this you dumb bitch and also kyle was wearing these short shorts kyle girl you are fine how you are. Stop wishing you were two sizes smaller and buying wrong clothes. Buying clothes that are too small for you doesn't make you thinner. It makes you look fatter. Buy your own size. You're fine how you are. You don't need to lose a

pan. Stop being an idiot. But if you do, please keep doing it in such a spectacular fashion. Those short shorts were amazing. And then she put her purse in front of him to try and hide her wedgie. And Pandora it up. Girl, love it. So Yolanda comes because she's going to make an effort.

And she comes. She's not wearing any makeup. She's like, oh, I just can't. Oh, my love, David. He told me don't put on the makeup. Make sure they see how sick you are. And my favorite part of that was that everyone just could not believe she wasn't wearing makeup. Everyone's like, well, you just don't go out in Beverly Hills without makeup on.

This is shocking. I'm like, everyone needs to just get a grip, okay? So, so good. I could barely move here here it took five people to get the white jeans on but i am here i'm like oh my god you look like shit and carl's like no woman comes out in beverly hills without makeup and then lisa rena says it's like your armor and then lisa vanderpump is like darling if you couldn't put up makeup, you shouldn't come. They were more concerned.

You can't even brush your hair. Maybe it's time for a TV dinner, darling. They were more concerned about her lack of makeup than they were about her health. They were like, well, she's had this illness for three years, but she's not wearing makeup. Oh, no. It's finally a disease that everybody can get behind. There's something going around Beverly Hills where women aren't wearing makeup, darling.

And everyone's like, cure it, cure it. If that was something to do with Lyme disease, that shit would be cured in five minutes. Muhammad would donate a house or some shit and get that shit cleared up right away. I know. Well, she must be sick. She's not even wearing makeup.

Couldn't even spend 10 seconds to put on a little under eye. Anything. Terrible. That was hilarious. That was really good. And then I think that people, obviously, everyone's decided going into the season that they already don't believe Yolanda and blah, blah, blah. that they already don't believe Yolanda and blah, blah, blah. But then at the same time,

if Yolanda has been anything like she was in the first two scenes to everybody else, I can totally see it. They're like, shut up, Yolanda. Well, I think right now they're trying to front load their concern and their sincerity. So that way, when it comes time to turn on her, they can be like, well, we were concerned. And then you betrayed us. I sent a text.

Look at it. It's right here. Right now they're depositing concern into the concern bank. You know, they're making their deposits so that way when it comes time to turn on her, they will have plenty of friendship capital. They don't go with the brand name.

Kyle's so obvious. She ruins it for everybody. Kyle is the worst. She can't even be subtle. to turn on her they will have plenty of friendship capital so they don't go with the brand obvious she ruins it for everybody kyle is the worst she can't even be subtle it's like first of all when lisa renna is showing off her diamond she gets diamond rings from harry and she's showing them off and of course kyle shoves her face full of food i started laughing so hard i was like jealous kyle and then the first minute there's a little in conversation kyle's like so what do you guys think about yolanda yeah no makeup right immediately bringing her up and then someone said she goes i think she looks good and ken's like you can't say that she doesn't look good she looks awful you can't say it must be awful to be a man she has a wife who's sick and you try and spend some

time with her but then you do everything you can and she's still sick and you go back to work because what else can you do? And they're like, yeah, poor guy, poor David. I know. Meanwhile, well, the reason why there was a lull is because Yolanda's sitting there and all of a sudden she's like,

suddenly I'm tired. I'm like, yeah, that's what getting tired is about. That's what happens when you get tired. One moment you're awake and then all of a sudden you get tired. That's how getting tired is. It's not like you get like a text message and be like, in five minutes you're going to be tired. It happens. She's like, suddenly I am tired. Just like that.

And then she's like, and so then I'm like, well, you know what? Maybe you know what's making you tired? How about all the FDA unapproved treatments you're getting in the Bahamas? How about that? Maybe you know what's making you tired? How about all the FDA-unapproved treatments you're getting in the Bahamas? How about that? Maybe that's what's making you tired. Maybe it's the strange drugs in your body. No kidding. Your breakfast was like goat toenails and donkey sperm.

You feel sick for a reason, you dum-dum. She's coughing. I'm like, again, I'm not a doctor, and I don't know much about Lyme disease, but I'm pretty sure Lyme disease does not cause coughing. Mommy, does anyone have a Ricola for my lice? Yeah, not everything. And you know what, by the way, just to get back to the makeup thing, I was just thinking about it for a moment there.

And, you know, because Lisa Vanderpump is British and it's always in what she's not saying that is most important. And what she's basically not saying is if you're going to take the effort to do your hair and get, you know, into some, into a nice outfit,

it really is not that hard to put makeup on. The fact that you don't have makeup on means that you're looking for pity, right? Well, by, by not wearing a makeup, she's wearing a costume. You know,

she comes to a party. She's not wearing, she's got ghost face and she's got her hair pulled back in a greasy mess and she's wearing her white leftovers uh cult clothes so she's coming in costume basically to a dinner party as a sick person so she's doing everything she can to just get attention when she gets there she sits down there's hardly anyone there and she starts they, they say, how do you feel? And she's like, oh, like dying. Because look what happens to my stomach. And then she whips out her stomach and starts like touching it and prodding it and going into this story about medical things.

And then Lisa walks into the restaurant like, hello, darling. And totally interrupts her. Then everybody starts trying to have fun and stuff after she's just told everybody that she's dying. And then everyone's having fun. And then she starts. Kyle's rolling her eyes while she's coughing in her face. She's like, I have lime consumption. Early onset lime consumption.

I love chicken, but my lime is allergic to it. Remove it! Yeah, and the best part, though, is also how Yolanda leaves eventually. She's like, I'm too sick. I can't wait for Harvey Hamlin to show up. So Yolanda leaves, and Lisa just can't stop shaming her. She's like,

you know, I just can't help but wonder, you know, if you're only going to come for five minutes, if you're so ill that you can only come for five minutes, maybe you shouldn't have come at all. It just seems strange. But I guess that's that classic Yolanda rudeness that I've moved on from. Ken didn't touch your arm, did he,

darling? Good, we've talked about that. We've talked about that meme, Ken. And then Yolanda's like, you know, I'm like a car that has overheated. You know, I've pushed myself too hard. I'm like, you know, I'm like a car that has overheated. You know, I pushed myself too hard. I'm like, bitch, you were sitting in a chair. You're like a car that overheated. How would you know?

She's like, I remember from three years ago when I could still drive. And because I had the Lyme disease, I drove the car too hard and I overheated it. And I realized no more driving. The Lyme disease has told me. I'm glad I'm not an overheated car because I would be so excited to drive myself. But then I would find I couldn't

drive. Oh! How is this car overheated in the first place if nobody's driving it? So then she leaves and then Ken I love that Ken. He's like, I told her she looked better. She didn't. And then Ken. Deep shit with Yolanda. And then I love that Ken. He's like, I told her she looked better. She didn't. She looked terrible.

But every woman likes to be told by a man that she looks good. I'm like, way to go, Ken. You're doing the good work. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of

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by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February,

Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less.

In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for Black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. I love that he turned it in.

It sounds like he's being feeling for Yolanda, but then it turns out that in the end, he's not feeling for Yolanda at all. He was feeling for David for having to put up with the woman who will go out without no makeup. I was like, this show needs every Emmy that has ever been formed. I know. It's true. Has ever been cast.

But wait, look, what am I? More is thin again. Had to say that. I wanted, what was I saying about Yolanda? Yolanda is tired and her hands are sweating.

Oh, I wrote Yolanda. She's like yolanda is tired and her hands are sweating oh i wrote yolanda she's like i am tired my hands are sweaty you see this i need to go bathroom i'm like what that's my life my hands are sweaty right now me too i'm exhausted my hands are sweating my face is puffy and i don't wear makeup put me in a fucking hospital get out of here yolanda if you can't enjoy a good round of calamari you need to go home so then the then the then the episode ends with um kyle talking to marie so about kim and i i kind of thought this episode this scene was for like a nothing it was like my only note i said is kyle yammering about kim she was just like doing that thing where she talks about how she just wants things to go back and she wishes things go go back, but then at the same time, it's nice everything open.

Let's listen to Kyle talk about what a victim she is. Okay, she hasn't seen Kim since, according to her in this, she says they haven't talked since that big fight. They had it so bad. If they've talked, it's just been a little. And she's like, you know, I know Kim's going through all this stuff. And, like, now she's, like, sad. And it's so hard for me to just not go in there and you know

swoop her up and say hi swooping up and saying hi are two different things kyle you can go there and still visit your sister in rehab without swooping her up and paying for a lease she can't afford like yeah i don't know i ain't gonna feel for you but guess what i feel him either so yeah i mean i have i have a little bit more empathy for Kyle because I just don't think even we bash Kyle or whatever but no matter what I don't think it's easy to go through to deal with a sister who is such a mess

so I have empathy for that but I know what you're saying she does kind of play it a little bit she's a little bit too self-serving if she was tough love listen and listen, we're talking about, we told Kim no more support, no more this, and tough loved. I'm not saying she has to just be nice to Kim because Kim's an addict.

I'm not saying that at all. Well, you know that. You've heard me talk about it for hours. But it's not that I'm saying that at all. It's that she purposely goes out of her way to out Kim in ways that they won't do. It's a family, I guess. I guess that's what that yeah well they're all they're all when they showed her really going at it and doing her best to fucking out kim that was so gross and i get the feelings behind hating kim

for it but just the way she did it it's like yeah take a drunk while she's wasted and then put her in front of a ton of cameras and then bring brings all the girls everywhere she goes to gather around like a girl fight where you gang up and you attack like the waitresses on Vanderpump Rules. I mean, that woman's awful, man. They're all fucked up because obviously their mom fucked them up and they were all told, you know,

Kyle even said it, we were always told to keep things private and so, you know, if you're always told to keep things private, you're going to find other ways. You're going to try and get your sister on a tv show so you can out her to the country instead of your and then you can still be quote-unquote private because it wasn't it wasn't you didn't you didn't say anything but kim was either way so um beverly hills is back uh fun first episode i enjoyed it so why don't we the other premiere from this week was top chef top chef california top chef cali top chef cali i love top chef so glad it's back it's the first real

cooking competition thing that i think that was on but that's the only good one too it's the only good one too so um so finally we're able to talk about this. Ronnie and I were lucky enough to be extras at the food event that was on this season premiere. So we got to go and we got to try all the food that you saw last night. We got to meet all the chefs. What was for me funny was that some of the chefs I didn't really remember from our time there. And some of the food I didn't really remember. I'm so glad to hear that because I was mortified. I couldn't remember anything.

It's shocking. I thought I would. There were a lot that I remembered. But then there were some times, like, for instance, so Jeremy Ford, he was the one who won the show, the episode, right? His dish, his crudo, won at the Elimination Challenge. The hot, silent one who didn't speak so but I seem to remember that we thought

his crudo was sort of average I have a memory of being like yeah it was nice but it was like kind of bland what is crudo

I don't even know what that is it's basically it's like sashimi you know it's like raw fish oh that was terrible that was so stupid

it was like cut fish yeah cut fish fishness that's what it was yes we did not like because it was like cut fish yeah cut fish and another one cut fishness that's what it was yes we did not like because it was plain and i remember we were saying how can this do well if you didn't cook like that's a huge thing on top chef well it's not i mean that if you don't cook but it's also there was you know it was nice it was nice it was nice the way you know crudo or sashimi would always be but it wasn't i don't i just remember feeling like if you're gonna do that the flavors around it have to be really special

and you know we thought it was just you know fine that was boring and that's a bad sign for the season too because there was a lot of really flavorful stuff that day there was some yeah so that's the thing i was really surprised with the things that i remember really liking not being on the same wavelength as the judges, actually. So, for instance, Karen, Karen Acuna-wish-wish or whatever, she's the one who served up that apple gazpacho whatever. She's the one who had the, as you mentioned, before we started recording, the trans husband. Yes.

And I didn't realize, I was confused. I was like, wait, I thought thought it was she said oh my husband is going to the awards but then the husband calls up and it's like a lady and i was so confused because i didn't realize it was trans yeah well i'm thinking i'm just guessing because the voice and then the picture it looked uh like a trans woman but yeah you just say husband i mean what do you say what do you have like a special title for it no i just was confused because i no i just wasn't expecting. So when she said husband, I just automatically assumed it was going to be a man.

Oh, like a biological man. That's not easy to be in a in a kitchen. I'm not I'm not a chef, but I grew up under one. My mom and then grew up cooking for her and in kitchens and doing all the shit work, the grunt work. And that's a rough crowd ma'am the chefs they're dark and there are so many original people on this show like this lady with the pink hair karen is married to a trans uh trans man and then who else is on here oh there's another lesbian on here and i'm like you know what that's awesome that kitchens have evolved that much

you still probably get made fun of every day but well i think that like like on top chef and and i think what we've seen across the board is that like a lot of women uh who are in the kitchen i shouldn't say a lot but a lot a lot that we've seen on top chef there's been like a lot of lesbians and uh and it was funny because then when when top chef just desserts was on a lot of the men were gay men. So it's funny how the image that gets put forth on Top Chef of chefs these days is they're sort of like rock stars, and they're rough, and they just do this,

they do that, whatever. And so it's funny that this seems to be linked with lesbians. And then on Top Chef Just Desserts, it's all about being meticulous and being very careful whatever and then you see a lot of gay men with that um so to me it's a very funny uh link it doesn't there's no causality between them uh that i that i know i'm sure there is i'm sure there is

uh there are theories but um i do think it's funny that like top chef's dessert is like gay men it's more of the feminine like pastry chefs or whatever, or the world of pastry chefs is more like the feminine side. And then cooking that you see on Top Chef is more on the masculine side. I don't know what I'm saying, everyone. No, no, that's true. But cooking the way that Top Chef does, Chef is a blue-collar job.

It's a rough job. It's a 12-hour-a-day gig. So you're a worker bee, but It's a rough job. It's a 12 hour a day gig. So you're a worker bee but it's also art and it's also a study because the meticulous part and getting everything just right. But it's also controlling a whole ship and it's

usually being in control of a lot of people who you don't see in the front of the house. It's like the people who will work for cheaper and there are really good like lesbians to be a lot of immigrants and stuff like that but i think that the male like control and lead a team and dominate i think that that's all that's kind of a manly thing don't you so yeah well i think that there's like an element of and again we're just talking generalizations here because obviously there are straight women and gay men in the kitchen but like i think there's like an element of the modern restaurant kitchen um world of uh or in the image

of the modern restaurant kitchen is like getting in there and getting dirty and going to war it's like you know people get these tattoos because they've been working. It's like a source of pride. Yeah, I spent two years peeling potatoes for this chef. I was miserable. I didn't get to sleep. But it's like this raw. It's like getting your hands dirty,

getting into the mess. Whereas in the world of pastry chefs, it's like order and it's about everything is meticulous because it's a science. You're also working alone. So when you're a pastry chef, you're usually just by yourself or you'll have an assistant that you never see that comes in and does your prep. It's not a team sport. It's your own thing.

And also dessert menus change. So if you're a pastry chef at a restaurant, usually you're creating all the time. You're not making the same thing. When you're a chef, you're a rock star while you're creating the menu. And then it's a different – you're the rock star that's still on the road 30 years later doing the same songs perfectly every night because people still want it to be the best that it can be. So anyway, but that goes to say – so Karen – so we were talking about just how we were on different wavelengths. Karen made that thing that – I think it was some apple gazpacho or whatever. That was my favorite thing at the entire event.

Remember, I went back to that like four or five times. And I went to her. Yeah, but you went back to it because there was still some, let's say. No. Everything else ran out. Well, maybe she just knew how to portion better. You know, I love that. I thought it was great.

And I'm surprised it wasn't in the top. I thought for sure it was going to be in the top three. I do remember the Grayson meatball. We were like, what? I actually liked her meatball. Yeah, but it was a meatball. Yeah, exactly. That's probably because a meatball is a meatball. It was a meatball. Yeah, exactly. That's probably because it's like a meatball is a meatball.

It was a meatball with ragu sauce on it. Like it was good. It wasn't dry or anything, but why are you making a meatball? Well, I actually went back to her thing. And I think I seem to remember she said the judges were really rough on her. She was like trying to like. She was in full on whiny victim mode already. But she was like trying to like she was in full-on whiny victim mode already and she wasn't but she was cool yeah but she was like yeah here i am here i am again you know yeah she was in that

like you know she's kind of a rocky in that way when you tell her something's bad she's like great i'm a horrible person thanks for eating my food and not dying after now angelina angelina who was in the bottom three uh she made the goat cheese croquette i don't i don't remember very well but i don't seem to remember thinking it was in the it was deserved to be in the bottom i remember thinking i think i just liked it i don't think it was a cold goat cheese ball with breading we didn't like it now i remember uh now carl carl dooley he was in the top i think i don't remember his soup at all i don't remember him or his soup and it's like a little nerdy white guy it's like my favorite kind you know i love that kind of guy so cute i like when they're short because they have some weird control issues i just think it's

so cute like i love that little gorga that little joe yeah he's not he's not nerdy but so garrett so garrett fleming he was the one who actually got eliminated this week. He made that Vietnamese sort of a pho thing or whatever. I think we went to him first. If I remember correctly, we went to him first, and we both really disliked it. That one, I remember really disliking it, and other people disliked it too. Yeah, it was sour. I don't remember what it was, but we just did not like it. It was sour.

That wasn't a good one. Renee Kelly. You're the things that stick out in your mind yeah i seem to remember being over salty i remember being over salty and just not flavorful um renee kelly she is the redhead like the sassy one from kansas whatever i remember her i'm sorry i love my life but i'm a very happy person and i'm positive and if you don't like it well then learn to love your life because I'm happy okay and then the judges come up to her

and they said so what Padma what are you going for today and she's like well my style is approachable and I just want my food to be approachable and so this is approachable like I find approachable ingredients and now you're approaching so it works

you know what's not approachable is undercooked pork how about that because when we went there she was playing out these pork loins and like half of them were raw and she would have to like she was like trying to find slices that were cooked that cooked enough for people to eat she's very friendly but her shit was undercooked which is probably why she's friendly but we came back twice and she talks your head off the whole time and is behind and giving you raw shit. I'm like, how about keep your positivity on the inside? You could kill us all, okay? So then right now we're just basically going through the cast right now on the website.

So Philip, he's already emerging as like a big douche on the show. But we went to his booth relatively early on and i loved it i thought and the judges loved it too it was really um that crab someone on the our facebook page was like how was the the crab and like the shit grass it was good the crab was was delicious that was one of my favorites of the entire day i don't remember that it was like he had like a grass no he had like there was some crab and there were some vegetables and there was this and that and like sort of when you looked at on the plate it almost looked a little simple you know uh but oh i didn't like that one oh i love that one like a little salad so it was salad-esque it was like there's some cauliflower i think that was a salad

that was oh no that was the pickled vegetables right yeah yeah i think that's what yeah that was good yeah i like that one a lot i remember thinking wow i like i'm liking something with vegetables like i'm not forcing myself it was good yeah that one was good so marjorie's reaction to him she said yeah he's got that new la chef thing going on with his little man bun and yeah beard exactly so he's turning out to be a douche you know he has a lot of issues with his restaurant right now because here in la uh there's like a mini saga going on with his scratch bar. It's like issues between him and the owner, and then he moved to a different venue, and the owner kept – I don't know. But now it's like now that we're seeing his personality, it's like, oh, okay, maybe some of that messiness is making sense.

He's so Hollywood-y. Yeah. He's the kind of guy that you know you meet out at a bar and he talks about himself and who he knows the whole night and then he gives you his card and insists that you call it so he'll have your number two and then he'll send you shit the next day like hey man great to meet you last night here's my twitter thing to follow it's like shut up you know i already know 100 of you get the fuck out of here well i'd follow him on twitter if he gave me more free food because i liked his food um let's see marge i don't remember marjorie at all from that day do you remember marjorie i do yeah she was nice and our food wasn't very good but uh she was really nice and i loved her in

this episode because she's the only one who called out the fact that they're doing a food challenge in a fucking dog park and yeah where those tents were set up that they it's not a technical dog park but it's a dog park what about the dog owners who kept showing up and they were so pissed yeah oh people were getting so mad people because the thing is the production vehicles took up all the normal parking spots and people would drive up with their dogs and then they would just they would curse a little fuck this is ridiculous i'm like you know what how about you just walk your dog on the sidewalk how about that you can still do you know what? How about you just walk your dog on the sidewalk? How about that? You can still do that.

It's a lot of room to walk your dog. But I mean, but I get it. I get it. What did she make? I forget what her food was. I don't remember. I really don't. I don't remember even from, I don't remember from when we first were there.

And I don't remember from last night's show. Well, when she was, I just watched it right before this. This is really sad. When she was, when she was cooked, was cooked when she served it rather i was like gross it was a mike isabella you know what it was didn't she make a mike as she did something and when garrett who got eliminated was like oh well mike isabella does a total bastardization of italian cuisine whoops we already knew that but he's obviously close to somebody here because every year now somebody who's bragging about working for the Olive Garden chef or whatever.

Mike Isabella. So Kwame, I liked Kwame's food a lot. Me too. They dissed him. They dissed me. We loved his. We loved. And you know what I liked?

He sort of had this deer in the headlights look. He was overwhelmed. And I just sort of wanted to give him a hug. But I loved his food. They were about to cry, man. Some of those chefs were about to just fucking cry. I know. I really liked Kwame's dish.

And everyone else did because he made it into the top three. And then the judges were like, no, he should not have been the top three. I'm like, yeah, he should have been Kwame. Pray for Kwame. Something with pineapple. It was like a thing with pineapple and something. I don't remember, but it was good. I just remember light.

I got seconds of that one, too. So the next guy is Amar. Oh, wait. Can I just say something? I remember when we went to Kwame, he had some sort of foam, and his little foam thing wasn't working right. And you could see he was all panicked. And I was like, oh, Kwame.

That's why I think I wanted to give him a hug. Really over foam anyway. Hate it. It's just a big loogie on the plate I'm never going to get used to it stop it like putting a straw into a chocolate milk and blowing can make bubbles on top but I don't need that just give me the chocolate milk

did you see by the way that girl that girl with all the makeup did you see that she made it onto the show do you remember that girl she was the one she was wearing like a yellow something or another. And she had like anchor woman pancake makeup on. And she was kind of like a bitch.

She was like fake friendly but also a bitch. So at one point we were eating our food. And I like made some sort of sarcastic joke. And she like didn't get it. And she gave me a crazy eye look. And then she went off and she did something on camera. She was the one I think from pop sugar she um she did her like little thing on camera and then she comes back and this is she then she noticed that she had like lipstick on

her tooth and she's like oh my god i have lipstick on my teeth i can't believe you didn't even tell me you let me go on camera without lipstick on my teeth and i'm like first of all i didn't see it second of all it's not my job to tell you got lipstick on your teeth third of all i don't even know you i was like get out of my face yeah she's one of those girls who's like you're gay so you're one of mine you're supposed to tell it's like no girl we don't we ain't your gay get out of here but of course i was like friendly to her i was like oh no it looks fine but that's inside i was like get out of my face weren't you looking at me while we were talking didn't you know i'm like no i was looking past

you like i am right now the only reason i even remembered that is because you told me again later and she got done trying to get a day there was bus fights oh my god well that's the thing so so then is that her yeah so the thing is this so the entire time i was like rolling my eyes this girl kept on trying to get on camera but she totally redeemed herself like total reversal and then i i turned out I loved her. Because when the event was over, we'd been there for like five hours. We're ready to go. And they have these shuttles that take us back to where we had to be.

And so we're waiting in line to get in the shuttle. And like Ronnie and I are at the front. And then this girl is like next to us. And some other, two other girls come up and basically try to cut the line. And this girl, this PopSugar girl, she's the exact sort of like alpha bitch who says in this very sweet but bitchy way, be like, excuse me, you can't cut. We've been waiting here in line for a very long time. I'm sorry. No, you can't.

You're not allowed to. If you want to get on the bus, you have to get to the back of the line. You know, like girls who just get bossy like that. Loved it. It was amazing. And then we even got into the van and van she was still going off on them i'm like all right you have won me over i know because that stupid girl who cut in line was still trying to be snotty in the back because she still crawled her ass in there i got stuck in the back

oh you were with that one always get stuck with these bitches crawling all over everybody and then like i'm up against the wall smushed like trying not to sweat to death and they're like you don't mind do you you're one of ours you were holding court back there because i was in the front you were all the way in the back and you were like cracking jokes back there you had like a whole little like thing and i was i do when i'm terrified that's how i deal with it i do it every time. I'll be put in prison and have a show every week. Come on, everybody. Just don't rape me. So then, okay, so back to the cast. So Amar, he's the one who had the meatball that everyone loved.

Amar's like the bitchy gay Dominican, which makes me already like him. And he's overweight, which makes me already like him. But I cannot get behind somebody with a faux hawk. I can't fucking do it. Top Chef behind somebody with a faux hawk. I can't fucking do it. Top Chef, stop with the faux hawks. Stop. I mean, that's like since season one, someone's been showing up with a faux hawk.

Stop. And how has no one told you, Omar? You're a gay man. Come on. Dominicans don't hide the truth. They'll tell you. You know, the thing is this. Not all gay men have tastes.

So there you go. But yeah, his meatball was really good um one of them i don't have great taste either it's just a faux hawk damn you amore damn you i wanna like you amore so then we have uh jason stratton okay so this is interesting to me because he served like a poached chicken with radicchio and the judges were like oh really a great perfect example of like classic. We both hated that. That was my least favorite dish of the day, I think. That was terrible.

That was not good. There was no flavor. Also, he's wearing yellow pants and red socks with Mary Jane shoes. Stop. You two, stop. I remember thinking, I mean, the chicken was perfectly cooked and was juicy and everything, but it had no flavor. And the radicchio was bitter. I hated that dish.

And the judges liked it. Me knew likey and I can't believe they would give chicken, I don't know, chicken. It just didn't seem right. It seemed so boring. The whole thing, not good. He seemed very nice though. And also these pictures, like as a person he seemed nice. I'm looking at the pictures of the chefs.

Grayson is so great. She comes back on ready to go. She is like in leggings. Uh huh. Perfect heels. She's cinching her waist right at the most thinning spot. This bitch knows how to be on TV again. I was going to laugh my ass off when she was going to be the first one kicked off.

I thought, please kick her off because this is hilarious. I know she was losing it. And she was losing it at the judges. Yeah. I was like, Grayson, what are you doing? So then Frances, she was basically the only one that wasn't an executive chef. She had a big line at her station, but I remember not liking it very much. And the bitter melon was bitter.

It was bitter. And she even says on the show, she's like, well, most people don't like it at first, you you know because if you don't know bitter melon melon at first it actually tastes like poison i'm like yeah great strategy great strategy i'm top chef on a show where people who have never had bitter melon have to vote for you like this one was all audience vote so yeah oh dodo bird but again this one seems so cute and nice i like her isaac was isaac was great he was really warm and his food was delicious yeah i'm a new orleans girl i can't even do that new orleans the new orleans yeah new orleans my mom's friend mom has a friend wesley okay wesley so his dish was really tasty he was a mess well i was wondering why there were sticker there was a sticker coming out on my poop

the next morning it's because i left all the stickers on the tomatoes and just put them in the blender, fucker. He was a disaster, and he had his, like, he had, like, a spiel. I heard him do it three times. He's like, well, I'm actually from Alabama, but I do this, da-da-da-da. Like, it was like he memorized it. He, I thought he kind of, he gave, like, an asshole vibe, but, like, fun asshole, but it was really tasty and really strange,

like that potato salad and green curry something another it was so strange guys who says yeah i'm just a sloppy guy just a regular guy my wife calls him a sloppy i'm like okay guess what that's like cute and stuff but you're cooking food now so maybe don't brag about that like who does that you just fed me a tomato sticker betch and then he ate with his spoon and then put it back in the thing. That is so gross. And Padma gave him robot Padma. I love that.

Padma was like, yeah, if you're going to put a spoon in your mouth, don't put it in my food. I was like, eee. But she recognized. Then she's eating it. And she's like, is there an orbit in here? I taste orbits. And possibly a couple of peanuts. Did you find those in the break room?

I love peanuts. So now here's one that I've been waiting to talk about for months now. Giselle. Giselle Wellman. What a bitch. What a bitch. And I love that she's a bitch on TV too. She was such a bitch to us. This poor girl has that kind of personality.

She's not a bitch. She's an asshole. She's just that kind of girl who is trying to be something, but she's just coming across as an asshole. The first thing she told us, she's like, I'm just not used to this because I'm an executive chef at fine dining restaurants. I mean you know the restaurant, blah, blah, which I don't. Petrosian. So, well, here's the thing. Like the condom?

Really? No, Petrosian is like a famous caviar-centric restaurant. So she says she works at Petrosian. So I, in an effort to try to be friendly, for some reason I had in my mind that there had been another chef from Petrosian on one of these shows. I don't know why I thought. I was like, oh, wasn't there someone else from Petrosian on this show? And she goes, no. No.

As if I'm being fucking ridiculous. No, I've been there for a while. I remember thinking that when we walked away. I was like, that girl's really an asshole for someone who works at a caviar restaurant and then that shit comes in a can like you don't have to do anything put out a cracker get out of here bitch and then you cracked a joke about target or

something like that you made some reference to target and she just was like so nasty to you she was like uh you were like what did you say you said something about like well they're crazier than target she's like well how do you know what Target I go to? You're like, well, because everyone goes to the same Target. Yeah, she was saying she just moved to West Hollywood. So I was talking to her about the neighborhood and stuff and she was not having it. And I loved it because I love getting that kind of look from people here because people take themselves so seriously and I don't or myself. You know, I just think it's all so hilarious

so when someone's like um i've worked at she listed like 10 places and she's like and now i'm the executive chef at petrosian a caviar restaurant you know what that is right i'm like no i don't know what it is and then when you started saying like you do know what it is i was like oh no here we go and i thought she was gonna get on it and she didn't she shot us nasty to me then i was like okay so i'll be nice and then she still wouldn't have it and i'm like bitch you open cans for a living shut the fuck up get out of my space can't wait to watch you look like an asshole so every time yeah every time they showed like they just they showed like a little bit of her bitch flower blooming on the show like a little bit but i'm

like oh i can't wait for it to fully bloom because they showed it she reminded me of that girl that's not even a bud that's like already grown cilantro you buy in tiny pots and put in your fridge that's just like a dandelion she's a fucking dandelion like yes at this at this point you just put little parts of it off at a time until it's dead she reminds me of she reminds me of corinne from survivor remember and she even looks a little bit like corinne so i make so she actually made a soup and the soup was actually delicious but she put that prosciutto in it remember she's like i made a vegan soup and then i put prosciutto in it and i remember that the prosciutto was really chewy and it got in the way if she just made the soup it would have been amazing the soup was i love the soup pulling it off the wrapper that it came in you know how prosciutto comes looking

kind of like bacon where it's just all late or like a salmon and she's like pulling it off really lady i don't need to see your costco wrapping or whatever the hell it was she was annoying i hated her but i love that i hated her and i'm gonna love to hate her on this i don't remember this chad guy at all this i like i like i vaguely remember his grasshoppers vaguely, but not that well. But I liked it. He's fun. He's middle of the pack. He's cooking grasshoppers. You've got to love it.

Yeah. I love that guy Wesley True is wearing acid wash mom jeans. I love this show. I'm so glad it's back. My favorite thing, because I never remember the food, and I don't really care that much about food. I just like volumes of food. So I like when the personalities show show and they've got some crazy ones on this you can tell this giselle okay let's see who's gonna be the craziest giselle let's see grayson is gonna be right the rocky this amar is gonna be a total bitch and i love it

angelina is gonna be one of those like typical like ingenues or like their version of ingenue that lasts like like longer than you'd expect and they would be like oh you're really growing but then they're just going to cut her oh angelina i love her she refuses to smile so she doesn't look old i love something that takes place in la where people look down on you for being younger every other show on bravo they're like crashing their faces into walls to try and get them restructured and shit to look younger and then there's an actual young person they're like gross you're young she's like i know i want to kill myself oh also this renee kelly of course the one who's talking about positivity she's going to be the biggest bitch because the ones who hold that hard to positivity are always crazy every single time

and also this jeremy ford is going to be a douchebag renee kelly is sort of like a like a slightly heavier tori amos in the kitchen that's what she is except happy with like that southern person that southern junior league thing i always talk about that smile but you still have a stab right in your heart Sarah Chalk Sarah Chalk Sarah Chalk grows up and gets like mad about something but tries to hide it behind a smile we're into your top chef we can't wait to see the rest

of the premiere it's another episode tonight so next is it time to go to Chasha premiere. It's another episode tonight. Yay! I don't do that much Top Chef, but... Is it time to go to Cheshire? Cheshire. Hold on, I'm going to stop. I could do Ives.

I'm going to stop the recording for one second, so that way it gets saved. Hold on. Can I go pee-pee? Yeah, go pee-pee. I gotta pee. I'm going to eat the rest of my Think Thin bar. I'll pee it for you. We'll be right back. Okay, we're back

Ryan and I were just singing Sondheim off the air But it was Dick Tracy so it doesn't count It was like Sondheim light Madonna Sondheim All the things that happen behind the scenes Can't wait for the Watch for Crappens uncensored special to come out Then you'll see all the show tunes we sing off the air It's the easy version of Sondheim for Madonna He's like Madonna's doing it all right let's uh retime this everybody yeah

well at least it wasn't like uh like that into the woods Sondheim where it's like I'm going it's like going to the valley because the valley needs to go into it's a very happy valley in the valley is that whatever that's actually a half rest that comes at the end that's Sondheim he just fucks with people he'll like put a dot at the end that's Sondheim he just fucks with people he'll like put a dot at the end of the note and be like still didn't get it let's do it all from the top you son of a bitch

you're doing that on purpose so um I could tell you stories of me and Steve yeah so you want below deck or Cheshire first I love that we take all this time to go pee and talk and we never talk about what we're going to actually do well we had said we were going to or Cheshire first? I love that we take all this time to go pee and talk And we never talk about what we're going to actually do Well we had said

We were going to do Cheshire next but we can do Below Deck That works for me, I'm good with either We're doing them both at some point Alright so why don't we do Cheshire The first note I wrote for this was Woe Lian Woe

Woe Lian So here's just a general note about magali first things first what we last spoke about cheshire actually about two weeks ago because we pre-recorded our last cheshire uh episode um so for the past two weeks i found myself very frequently saying to myself, oh, Magali. Magali. Magali. Magali. Today I was like... Today my blender started to leak

and I started saying to myself, Magali. Oh, Magali. Oh, Magali. Or even the other women saying it so funny. Magala. Magala. So the other thing that I love about Magali I've noticed, you know, we talked about this last time.

She always either, she has like these conversations with herself and say, she writes a book, I write a book. I do this, she do this. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Ba-ba-da-da-da. Ba-da-da-da. So the other thing she does, I noticed, is she really builds you up for something and then she lets you down.

So she'll be like, you know, I she'll be like you know i see this talking over here and i see this talking over here and everyone's like and everyone's getting mad and i said to us you know what i'm going to do i'm going to sit down and watch like oh mcgully don't come to party where people pop up i want to get up i want to walk over there and i'm going to get something off the buffet over there. These women are making me so mad. What I'm going to do is I'm going to get right up in their face. And I'm going to say, excuse me.

I'm going to sit down now. I'm going to sit down now. So we made fun of the opening lines and how they just, they're a monologue. Every opening line just goes on and on. And some of the scenes are like that on this show, too, where you're like yeah i think the scene should have been over already yeah the first one is i'm big i'm bigger that the this little old get my head down her old queen friends come by who are like maybe 70 they look like the gay they look like the gay guys from best in show you know uh

what i forget uh michael mckeon and the other guy that's and they just they they come over one of them has like a drink and they sit down and they just say nothing the entire time they just listen to their crazy women friends go off and she's telling them well the big news that did a party was bae and they're just looking at her like, yes, we know. Go on, tell us everything. Yes. Well, they have men, they have children, they have cars. And I said, fuck yeah, I don't got a car.

I don't got a man. Get out of my house. I'm never going to get my watch, Ross. I'm never going to get the watch, Ross. And then I love that their advice basically was all you need is to have sex with somebody and then marry somebody else it's like they're giving her gay guy advice basically they're like there's friends and levels and she's like yes that's how to do it i'm like no that's living like a gay man that's not how to

do it girl if you want to do it like a girl you need to not hang around gay guys who are like yeah we just married each other because we can share each other's sweaters we still fuck out that's not good advice see i read it as that they were just they've heard this all before and they uh they basically they hang around empika to say that they hang around empika because they can be like, oh, she's fabulous, she's our friend, but they actually don't really care what's going on in her life. So they just sort of dial in their advice because the guy was like, the way I see it, it's a perfect situation.

You know, you go have fun with him and then you come back and you can have fun with your girls. You don't have to come back to him. He's off doing that. And then you can hang out with your girls. I'm like, that does not sound like a great long-term situation i mean you're supposed to want to come back to them it sounds like a dream you know they're like well would you move out of town darling no would you damn it i just figured it was them just basically trying to put a positive spin because as a gay man

when you give advice you can kind of as long as you put a positive, like, positive inflection in your voice, you can make anything sound great. Like, girl, no, it's great. You know, because now that, like, now that your husband's died, you can, like, have free time. That's great. It's like, no, that's actually. There's no one to fart. There's no one to fart under the blankets. You'll be fine.

It's amazing sleeping alone. And then there and Peeker, like like but the fall under the blanket's the only thing that can keep me warm i'll never get over it it's like she won't let it go no matter what anybody says yeah but that's what i need some people need the pain of being alone and knowing that they can never have the man in the log on the wat dross it's weird because like i feel like whenever i do a british accent it'd be like wat what what dross what what i can't i'm getting all confused now but it's like there's like this weird cheshire thing where it's like a almost there's almost something vaguely twangy about it it's like a wat dross yeah my, Ross. I'm not going to get my watch, Ross.

Instead, I just got a balaclava on my penis. But the balaclava is like, if you can't get the balaclava, you still got to wear a balaclava on your head. It's not a watch, balaclava. So funny. Someone said, by the way, one of our listeners said that balaclava is Cockney rhyming slang for having sex. Oh, and also we learned gobe when When she says, what's her name? Stupid woman, whatever her name is. I'm Pika.

No, Dawn at the beginning says, I'm Dawn. I'm gobe. I'm crazy. I'm gobe. Gobe means like she talks a lot, I think. It's like Gabby, but gobe. So then we go to Lauren and Magali meet up.

And this is, to me, a perfect example of what you were just saying, where it's like, shouldn't this scene have ended about two minutes ago? Not only are they talking, but with the Ampika scene and the Lauren and Magali scene, they're recapping what happened in the last episode. But they're not even bothering to really give flashbacks. They're just talking through it. And they've already talked through it. Like they and uh they've already talked through it like they pretend that they've never talked about it i know or that it was this huge thing it really wasn't that big of a thing and they're acting like it was world war three it's so funny and lauren's there in this leather like leather kind of cowboy hat thing yes it's really shiny and

smooth and it goes down it's almost the same color as her face. It looks like a face hat, if that makes any sense. I'm like, I can't believe that hat's going out without makeup. I'm embarrassed for it. I actually liked her outfit, believe it or not. I liked it. I thought it made her look, you know, everyone's like, oh, you know, she's so posh. She's like so posh.

I'm like, she has this crazy red hair. She doesn't really look that posh. But this looked a little bit more posh. She's like so posh. I'm like, she has this crazy red hair. She doesn't really look that posh. But this looked a little bit more posh. I called my fiance at the party. It's not the worst I've been called. Most girls call me loose. All these girls are slow. Oh, she called me fiance. I wrote down this quote. I don't even know why.

Lauren just goes, How did you find the girl at the party? I don't even remember why she asked that. How did you find the girl at the party? Is that what it was? I don't know. How did you find... Oh, maybe it was the girls. Oh, that's what it was.

She goes, So, my girlie, how did you find the girls at the party? Huh? Oh, yeah. How did you find the girls at the party? Oh, yeah. How did you find the girls at the party? How did you find the girls at the party? She's the one who, she has like that thing where it like trails off.

If there's like any like A sound, it just trails off. Like, oh, my God, Cheshire. And then she goes, well, you know, Cheshire, it's the wealthiest triangle outside my fire. I like that she speaks in questions and giggles. Like she's always about to laugh and she's always asking a question. They were talking about Ampika and I guess she's friends with Ampika in real life. So she's trying to explain it to Magali, who's not getting it at all. She's saying,

She's not one of those girls who married a footballer and come to China. She's a girl who wants to have a man, but get married but stay with a man who won't be mad. She's just going on.

Magali goes, Why would you want to live like that? This is stupid. Who has a relationship? Does your husband hit you on the head with a soccer ball? Then it's not real. I don't want to hear it. What an idiot. The problem with this man is too much money.

Not love. Not love. I love she just, that's her thing. So when she's doing her interview, she has her fingers up. She has both, like a little field goal. And she'll be like, the problem is not too much money. It's her thing. So when she's doing her interview, she has her fingers up. Like she has both, like a little field goal. And she'll be like, the problem is not too much money. It's the money. Then she'll like lean forward with one of the fingers and go, not love.

Then she comes back, field goal. Then one goes forward, she leans in, not love. Too much money, field goal. Not love, lean forward point. Or maybe the field goal is more like she has her hands up as if she's miming against the wall so her hands are up and then she leans forward no not love but i loved i did love though when i for some reason i listened to laurence a triangle like five different times i'm surprised i didn't record it because she says trying Triangle. My favorite subject in Cheshire High School was geometry because I love triangles.

I love class, manners, well-bred triangles. That triangle's well-bred. I want you next movie. I'll think of algebra. I love X's. I love of algebra. Oh, I love triangles. She called me fancy. She doesn't know I'm a tramp for much.

She likes triangles. She's wild. Because Tanya was like, yeah, because I don't want my kids to turn out like you, miss. Or whatever. She was being rude and calling her a snob. And Lauren goes, I don't want to be a snob.

The girls don't understand. It's the fancy strong. Only the richest or the rich, Livia. They don't even understand our fancy. I also liked when Lauren cracked herself up. I'm't even understand how fun it is. I also liked when Lauren cracked herself up. I'm not even sure why she said it, but she's like, we're on it like a cow born it. And then

she just laughs. We're on it like a cow born it. So they're deciding to go, I don't know, whoever's fucking parties today. They're meeting on a park bench, which was killing me, because that's so season one of a Housewives show. They're like parties today they're meeting on a park bench which was killing me because that's so season one of a housewife show they're like okay just sit on this park bench okay and if we see anybody coming for permits we run okay get behind that bush

and poor things like no restaurant will let them film yet you know yeah what do you call that community cable yeah like pay public access access yeah So then we go over to Dawn's house. Doby. Doby. Doby, can you hear me? Doby. How do you smell that? How do you smell that?

Like the couch room. It looked like a furniture store in there. It's like gigantic couches everywhere. It don't even make sense. I'm not even facing anything. I love perfection. Dawn. Doby. Doby. Can you hear? Are you listening, Doby? makes sense. I'm not even facing anything. I love perfection. Don! Darby! Darby!

Can you hear? Are you listening, Darby? Darby, are you listening? Do you hear me, Darby? I love listening to Darby talk. She's like a sexy actress. I wonder what Darby thinks about me having to get a maesterectomy.

Darby, I don't want the entire world to look at me and think, there's a woman to count over baby, Darby. I mean, I'll get me a hysterectomy. Darby, now I know I have four children, but I don't want people to think that I can't have more. They ain't going to think that because of your hysterectomy, okay? They're going to think that because the top of your forehead's like now a duck tail behind your head.

Crazy. I want people to think I can have a lot of babies in me womb. The only one shocked that you can't still make a baby is you, okay? The rest of us got over it ten years ago. Catch up, darling. You know what's odd? This town really is is into plastic surgery just like all the other ones everybody looks crazy including dawn yeah but dawn looks very different in the opening uh i'm dumb i'm gold but that that whole house was opening she looks like a totally different person that she doesn't realize she has like a she has like a peg leg walk in that she like she like in the opening credits she sort of like stumbles and then she

sort of like comes to this resting position where she sort of like leans onto her leg real quickly it's like the most it's the least graceful walk i've ever seen on that show she sort of like shakes into this position i would smack the song if it said something mean to darby darby this is how you do it darby darby this is this is how you look smiling because in the opening she's so smiling and she really does look like this young fresh girl but then in real life she's like darby it's on the contract darby don't eat that darby darby no darby what are you eating that Darby Darby no Darby Why are you eating that Darby

You're getting fat and lazy Oh my god Okay So now Tanya Talked about this darling Now Ampika is just going to talk about this To every single person who surrounds her now And she's also done this thing

I think the gays were like Mr. Tin types person Could you stop implanting this who surrounds her now and she's also done this thing i think the gays were like mr tin types person could you stop implanting this on a tin and they were like all right wrap it up we'll be waiting by the park bench yeah because they stopped shooting because i think the gays were like listen honey you cannot go on tv and talk about fucking a married guy you're whole the whole point of the married guy fucking you is that you're not on tv telling people about it you cannot tell people a married person is fucking you can't do it so then in the next scene after just telling the guys how she loves boning this

basically married dude which is what she said the whole time now she's with tanya and tanya's like said i just don't understand so he's married you know i understand that you want a man he's married so you know that's the thing he's like he's not married he's not married at all i don't know what people got that impression when i said it was a mistress yeah i'm a woman who's with the man that's all i mean you're talking about i'm sick of it like you know what own that you're a mistress be like yeah you know, I'm in love with him. But, you know, I'll never get my white dress. And that's okay because I don't want it because I'm happy with him.

But she's like, you can't be a mistress and then complain that you'll never get your white dress. Okay. Like, you can't talk about how much you're in love with someone and then complain you're not. It's like you either accept that you're a mistress and just move on. But you can't get – I guess what I'm trying to say is don't get mad at your friends because they all have husbands. And they're talking about their husbands. And you feel – and then you feel bad because you're a mistress and you're never going to get that. Well, then stop being a mistress.

Don't get mad at your friends about that. Either accept that you're not going to get – What's so weird is that she not only gets mad. She's like, they don't understand me. I can't leave them even though i know it's bad like in this in this part she tanya's just trying to say whatever she needs to hear she's being a good girlfriend so at first she's like it's all right it's a mad man you know they know how to commit to things it's all right you know you know we can't all have we can't all have single husbands you know and so she's trying to say what she wants to hear and then ampica actually says this ha tonya means well but how can anyone truly understand me you're a nail salon owner who's

fucking a married guy like what is so deep yeah exactly just put a ball of clover on it so um the cliff's notes would be longer than the actual story darling just because we're trying to explain what the hell you're thinking so she won't take it and then tanya switches and gives her the opposite advice and she's like well if you're gonna be with this man then just know what it gives you know what the man gives you and take it and she's like i can't do that i'm like you don't even know what she's saying because none of us do. You're just disagreeing to disagree. Shut up, Ampika. That's why you ain't ever going to get married because you argue about stupid shit.

Pick your battles, stunning. I know. Ampika is really annoying, I find. Stop choosing them on your face. I mean, good Lord. When she pretended that she couldn't take facial pain in the salon and that she's never felt anything on her facial skin. I was like, you look like a butt. Like your face is at this point shaped like a butt with two jewels

on it. What are you even talking about? Of course you know pain. If anyone understands pain, it's one of these bitches. This show is really guilty of pushing the whole crazy rejuvenation treatment thing. We've had in the past two episodes episodes like ten different things and it always

follows the same arc it's like I've never done the vampire facial before but Tonya says it's really good so I'm gonna go with her and it's like well that was quite an experience I'm never doing that again it's like every single episode it's like well that was interesting I'm never doing that again

it's like well why do we keep having to watch this they never like it there's always one person who has to do it we said that we even there was the crystal therapy too which we didn't talk about they did oh did we pass the crystals already yeah we passed the crystals which is fine nothing happened except that the crystal like like was twirling around the vagina and they're like and then she took it away from the vagina and then the crystal lady lady put her hands a few inches above the vagina like she was getting her hands warmed. It was really cold, and she was just drying her hands or something at the gas station like an air blower machine. I was like, what are you doing? She's just holding her hands above the vagina.

Whatever happened to paper towels? Whatever happens to paper towels? I also, by the way, the vampire facial. First of all, they look like they were having a facial because they all look like they had jizz on their face. Second of all, I don't even understand. Nice facial. They put Noxzema on your face. They're like, it was cross. It was a Noxzema vampire.

And what were they doing? Were they injecting fat from their arm into their face? I was so confused. It was gross. I don't think they actually took anything out of them, did they? I thought they injecting fat from their arm into their face? I was so confused. It was gross. I don't think they actually took anything out of them, did they? I thought they said they took something from the... I mean, no, they took something from their arm, I thought. I don't know.

I think they each had five turns in the seat, because they just kept each getting in the seat. It's like, what is this, layers? Layers of crap that they're doing? What are they doing to you guys? And then the conversation... This scene really went on for... Forever. I mean, I think it was like

they came back to it three times and every time they're like what are you doing nothing what are you doing nothing it's like it's like last week when mcgally and lauren had had breakfast or had lunch and then like five scenes went by and then they came back to them still having lunch here's what i say when they fill up my water i say you want to fill up my water you better by and then came back to them still having lunch. Here's what I say when they fill up my water. I say, you want to fill up my water? You better don't fill up my water. You know what I do? I walk right into that kitchen and I

walk right up to that chef and I say, chef, excuse me, I'm trying to find the bathroom. He has a bathroom. I have a bathroom. He like to cook cook I like to cook I say whoa Whoa Whoa Leanne

So much Whoa Leanne So much chopping Chop chop chop Chop chop chop It's like whoa Whoa We may open with that

From last week I started laughing So Whoa Leanne Whoa Whoa Leanne Whoa She's the new Joey

Whoa Leanne Whoa Whoa So next week Go over to Don's office She's the new Joey Woah Leanne Woah Woah So next we go over To Dawn's office Alright here We need the curtains Taken down

I want to make sure That we get catches That are the right Solves for the room Send me five more catches Into the catch room Dolby needs someone To talk to

Dolby Someone get Dolby A megaphone So then she goes into She goes in the office And then she's like in her private office With Nicola And Nicola's like

Oh when you get When you get your hysterectomy ma'am When you get Get seen there And then Don's like Oh I gotta get me a hysterectomy I just don't I just don't have the time.

I don't have the time with all me meningitis. I can't take my insides out while Darby's still working on her career. Gotta get their fat asses out on the stage. I think that this chick, Nicola, knows the gay guys. like the older gay guys. Yeah.

Because I think the older gay guys came by and they were like, darling, we saw the first episode. Slow down. No one needs to hear you talking like a corkney sailor on the back of a train. She's like, all right, then. Because today, last week, she's like, all right, miss. I'm in the back. This time, she's like, what are we going to do about your Easter root to me, mum?

What we're going to get, got to get it out of you. I'm going to make an appointment for you if you don't do it yourself. I'm going to be the one, I'm going to stick my hand up your vagina and pull it out myself if you don't do it soon. Don't make me use any stapler, mum. So this, this is so housewives by the way a woman goes to the doctor a year ago he tells her you need a hysterectomy then she doesn't ever do it and just ignores it and then like two weeks into shooting a real housewife show she's like oh i still need to get a hysterectomy i'll do it on the camera. I'm like, Jesus, you're season one, but you're already so real housewives. I know.

I love perfection. I'm holding my cancer treatments until the cameras are here. It's not spreading. Until that cancer not to spread, the cameras aren't here. It's like, Jesus Christ, even the diseases on the show were a fucking fame whore. So then later. I'm so sorry because I just talked so much, but I have to say she goes, I can't do it. I'm scared to go get me a streptomy.

I've only been put to sleep twice. Once I woke up, my boobs were gone. One time I woke up as a dog. What are you talking about? They're not putting you down. Yeah. I hate sleep. I i love perfection i hate sleep all of perfection i told you she loves perfection in anybody but herself as long as she can boss

other people around to make perfection she's fine with it but when it comes to herself she ain't even gonna get her vagina fixed i mean what kind of perfectionist is that you know who likes to sleep fat Fat people, like the girls in my girl band. They're all fat and sleeping all the time. We'll have it. They better wake up. Better wake up and lose some weight because I love perfection. I've been lazier about getting me a strectomy than the fat

girls of the bond. Darby, I've taken away your bed. That way you can't sleep anymore. Be more like mum. Darby, pick a couch. Go out there and pick a couch. Darby, here's a stool yes now you're a big girl now darby now you get to sleep like me like your mom on a stool sitting up with your eyes wide open that's right because i don't go to sleep darby darby right now is sitting on the couch he's been giving me a goat look for an hour and a half but he's sitting on the. He's been giving me a goat look for an hour and a half, but he's sitting on

the couch and he was giving me a goat look and then he turned around and reached, he's really long, he turned around and reached all the way to his

butt and he's sitting there biting his butt. Oh, well that's like this show. I'm only pointing that out because it's fucking amazing

to see it. His stomach's like hanging out the side. I'm only doing, I'm only fat shitting. Whoa, Bueller.

Whoa. Whoa, Bueller. Whoa. Bueller has a butt? I have a butt? hanging out the side. I'm only fat shaming the crowd because we're talking about Dorby. Whoa, Bueller. Whoa. Bueller has a butt. I have a butt. Bueller likes to itch. I like to itch. Do you know how many calories are in that butt fur? I didn't think so, you fat bastard.

You think Britney Spears eats her own ass with that word about calories, Dorby? No, she looks it up. So anyway, then Tanya invites Don over because Tanya's having, the reason why she had this whole facial is because Tanya's having a book launch.

Book launch, as they call it. So first of all, she serves Don some flat warm champagne. And Tanya makes it seem like, only Don, only Don, she's only Don, she's such a snob. It's like, no, it's flat warm champagne, That is gross. I was on Dawn's side.

So then Tanya shows her book. And the font is enormous. And the margins are like three inches each. And it's supposed to be like, here's how to slip your way up and get onto Maxim. And then have a husband. And then have big veneers. This is how you do it. Three chapters.

I don't know how she got a book. So funny. Well, you don't get one. It's not like the old days where the publishers had to deem you appropriate. You know, there's Amazon now, darling. Yeah, that's true. You can have a book. I'm going to release all of my notes as books. I'm going to start saving up all my notes and then just releasing them.

Because they say things like, Tanya and app facial, question mark, question mark. What's the point? Just get it taken off. Yeah. You see, that's good. Misspelled. So I loved Lauren. Later on at the book launch, I loved when Lauren totally shaded Tanya's book.

And she's like, lots of half pages. Is that to draw pictures? You're doing so well i'm here looking at your book the words are so big you've got the biggest word of any books congratulations you won something more i love lauren i love her so much oh there was so there was a scene by the way where dobby talked with with Leanne at the stables, but that was like a boring scene. Dobby, it's me, Leanne. I want to talk to you.

I've known you since you were a little girl, Leanne. Dobby's like, I'll talk to your mother about the history. Cut. Yeah, I was like, okay, next scene. So what I loved was that... I buried a footballer.... I buried a footballer.

Cut. Yeah. I buried a footballer. That's quite nice. I like to think... Cut. So then, so then, so it's the book launch, and Magali picks up Lorne. For some reason, I love the idea of Magali always picking up Lorne.

Lorne's like, I don't like to drive. So I got Magali. I don't drive because my boob is getting the world for one. And it's more important to keep a man on track than it is a car. Thankfully, my girl is here. She likes to drive. She's wild broad. They have those cameras that are already put in the car you

know like in the yeah but they have like the shitty ones but it's like low resolution yeah they have like webcams like to a like verizon thing on top of the car like a little verizon box from best buy or whatever oh we in t-mobile zone it's not fun. Cell phone towers is an estate. Sports is cool. So anyway, the funny thing to me is that they're just being shot this whole time, you know, in these cars. And you can tell that wherever they live is very far from everybody else because they're always driving together. And the conversations, it's like hour two into the conversation when we come in. Because you can tell because they're bored.

It'll be like like look at that McDonald's has a new flavor oh and then I was going to tell her oh yes look a rest stop do you have to stop no I don't like to rest good scene guys this was great

yeah just make it another hour and then they do well you know I mean I don't know how Lauren survives those rides because Magali probably compares everything on the road

she's like oh McDonald's I see a McDonald's McDonald's on the left Burger King on the right hospital on the left funeral home on the right

house on the left house on the right I say whoa also Magali's like me she has that judgmental part so anything you say she'll say something horrible and critical and she'll be like oh met a new god not today sold with the life blower they're rude they shouldn't be doing this i tell them what you want me to come to your house and i don't like it, blow, blow? No, I don't like it.

Oh, well, I met the Pope the other day. I don't like a hat. I tell him, you take off your stupid hat. I don't listen to people with hats. So much traffic. It's like beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. All the cars on the street, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. How about you just go?

Just go. I'm like, whoa. Magali is like, no, whoa. What was she saying in this one when she's like, do your research? Oh, Ampika. I think it was Ampika because Lauren was saying, I'm friends with Ampika. And she just wants a husband. But she can't do it.

And Magali is like, that's bullshit. She's going for married man? No, this is not how you do it. This is not how you get husbands. You know, prepare. Look, prepare yourself. You know, do the research. Something.

There was something about do the research that I started laughing my ass off. So funny. I know. And then, so then they're at the book launch and everything. Everyone's making fun of the book. So at one point, Lorne. Did you write anything down about Kitty? I was wondering if you caught Kitty too.

No, I didn't see Kitty. Tanya's book is a motivational book. It's talking – yeah, like you already said, but her motivational partner is Kitty, and she looks like Frenchie from Grease. And she's like, this is my motivational partner, Kitty. I wouldn't do anything if it weren't for Kitty. Hey, Kitty. And she's like, if it weren't for Kitty. Hey, Kitty. She's like, look at everything. Look at them strippers.

Yeah, Kitty. You want to go talk to the strippers? Oh, Kitty, yes. And Kitty's like, hello, boys. Oh, yeah. Rub it on. I'm going to be painting you a little. She's kind of quiet, but she gets up to these strippers,

and they cut to one of the strippers just looking terrified. This whole Cheshire show, all they do is terrify strippers, and I love it. Has there been one hot stripper who hasn't looked terrified yet? I know. They all do. So then eventually the episode culminates with Magali and Leanne in the bathroom. And Leanne's like, I decided I was going to clear the air with mcgully because it's all so stupid and i thought like i'll just say something so first leon's like oh it's really

a wonderful book don't you agree it's so lovely that's a great party they're in the bathroom and she's putting on lipstick that looks terrible like everything's going wrong mcgully is like what is this Why is this conversation Happening right now It's weird It's so fake Strange I don't know

I'm like Oh this Leanne You know every time She talks to me I say fake You know I don't know You know she's putting on lip I say I don't even believe

Your lip Your lip lie Lipstick What's sticking What's there to stick Okay It's just a lip And she is

Leanne is so like that So good she walks in the bathroom hi mcgully shut up leanne so apparently they've been friends for 15 years which is surprising insane so these bitches have already hated each other and it does make me feel for mcgully again that they just automatically were like make her the bitch even though they've been friends ever that's not cool so leanne's the bitch even though they've been friends ever that's not cool so leanne's a bitch so leanne's like i hope you understood what i was doing at the dinner when i got upset with you it's because i'm sticking up for my friend

so i hope that you understand and mcgully's like oh wait no i don't know and then leanne's like leanne's like you know i thought i thought that when i said that to mcgully she would say yeah water under the bridge we'd all be moving on i was surprised that she didn't want to move on i'm like yeah because you brought up something that you were totally sticking your head into of course she's like not gonna just be like oh it's okay like you were a bitch or you should apologize yeah thank god everybody against her and then pulled her aside to have your own scene trying to yell at her and then tried it again and now she's not going to take your shit betch and the golly let her have it and i was dying and then when she started screaming when leanne started screaming i was like oh this is

why she's on the show because she's one of those really nice mousy girls who just loses it yeah and she's like you got a reputation my go You know you like You get Magali's like What have I asked For a free ticket for What have I asked for They're like What about fashion Well so

But it's your reputation Magali You have to understand That people have A reputation Magali Oh I have reputation Really

Name these parties Where did I try To get free things Oh you want me To do it Magali Yeah She wants you to do it And thenali? Yeah, she wants you to do it. And then Magali's like, oh, you want to talk rumor? I tell rumor about you.

Is this what you want? You want me to tell rumor about you? Oh, Magali! And then she loses it. She lost that. What reputation, Magali? What reputation, Magali? You know that Magali just made that up, by the way,

which I thought was funny, too. Oh, hell no. You know Leanne Bones, so many footballers trying to get to her man she's probably got you know it well there wasn't insta back then i guess we'll go back to tintypes or polaroids or whatever she's got like giant 70s bush polaroids all over mcgully's shoe boxes you know she mcgully will save that shit and just wait till later because she knows it'll come in handy one day. But Magali goes, Magali's favorite thing for me was, she goes, oh, you want me to talk about your reputation? She goes, yeah, tell me about my reputation, Magali.

And she goes, no, I won't tell you because I tell you to your face. I know. I'm like, what does that mean? I'm like, you are in her face. I know. She's like, I'm going to go behind your back to talk in your face. What? This show's crazy.

And then Dawn came into the middle of it. She's like, I'm here to talk about my hysterectomy. Dawn was in the bathroom the whole time. She was in a stall listening. And then she comes out of the stall and she's like, Oh, I heard that. What's going on out here, Doby? Doby.

Has anyone seen Doby? Is she over at the buffet? Oh, you're farting. Okay, goodbye. Goodbye. I'm finished with you. You're stupid. And then Leanne stands there going,

Fuck it off! Fuck it off, Magali! Fuck it off! Whoa, Leanne. Whoa. Leanne? Whoa. Oh, wait, we have to say, by the way, for like two weeks in a row,

we were talking about how Magali sounds like she's French. She is from The Hague, as one of our listeners pointed out. She is actually Dutch. It's not just that her husband played for the team from the Netherlands. She actually is Dutch. So there. It's settled. She's Dutch.

We just have to do Yolanda, but deeper. And less David Milo. Whoa. Magali. You know what I think of Leanne? Trash! Trash, trash, trash, trash, trash! It's like, you know the sound you make

when you put things in the trash? You say about my reputation? I say about your reputation. She has a reputation. I have a reputation. She is a woman. I am a reputation. She is a woman. I am a woman. She likes to yell.

I like to yell. So it's like, whoa. So I'm going to go and just sit down and listen. I'm just going to listen to all of them and be quiet. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, Leanne. So fun.

I cannot wait to see what happens. We both downloaded this season from the same place. So you know how they're all out of order? Are yours all out of order? Well, no. I watched this episode on my DVR. Okay. So in the folder, they're all out of order.

You can't see the episode numbers on them because it just says Real Housewives of Cheshire dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. So I keep hitting the wrong one, and I turn it off immediately when I see that it's ahead because, I mean, it's not a mystery. that it's ahead because i mean it's not a mystery you know like no one it's not like i'm gonna find out some huge spoiler but i don't even want to know what happens because they go crazy so fast imagine what they're going to be doing in seven episodes they're going to be cutting each other at dinners i mean the things that they hate each other over an hour not even big deals it's like hardly like someone wanted to come to your charity event. Who cares? Yeah. Nothing. So I cannot wait. And there was one,

I think it was towards the end of the season and they're all in these ball gowns at some outdoor party. And Lauren walks up. Oh, she looks like she's going to murder somebody. I mean, when that lady stops the giggling act, man, she gets Disney villain face.

I'm like, Oh my God, I cannot wait until you're Lauren. Giggle. Disney villain face. I'm like, oh my god. I cannot wait until Lauren Giggle tells somebody off. I bet. Okay, you talk to me. You better double think that.

Okay, you talk to me. Why are you laughing, darling? Well, brah. Oh, you're very well, Brad. So that's it for Sheshla. It is. So why don't we go on to, let's wrap this up.

Let's touch base about Below Deck a little bit. Let's get into the Below Deck reunion. So, let's see. So the parts that I enjoyed, I liked when Rocky, towards the top of the episode she was um she was sort of accusing captain lee of having an alliance with eddie and kate and i just love the way kate just cuts her down it's just like it's not an alliance it's a rank it's a job i just love when kate does that that just makes me so happy well it's so true she never gets rocky never got it through this entire thing she never once understood even when the captain laid it out as straight as possible and started yelling at her

when he's like i've seen her take responsibility he did it she did it he did it they did it she's like yeah but like it was hard you know like i had a job and then like the refrigerator wasn't stocked and then like remember when the air conditioning came on and my hair frizzed oh i cried to mom for an hour no and i and by the way when captain lee was scolding rocky one thing that i hate is that they cut to like a shot of eddie and he was just being like yeah yeah i'm like shut shut up eddie eddie is so on my shit list he's such a cocky bastard i hated him on this this hour of the reunion i actually didn't see the first hour yet because i'm still so behind on everything oh oh you didn't i'm totally behind i was gonna ask you if we had recapped this whole hour first or not. I don't remember.

I only watched the second part. I'm going to still watch the first part, but I've only seen part two. I thought it was really funny also when Connie was talking about Rocky. And she's like, I don't hate you. I just can't stand you and find you incredibly annoying. And you're just someone I would never want to be around. But, you know, you're still a friend. People are friends like that.

I'm Rocky. Yeah, but, but like i thought we were friends you can be friends with annoying people um i also liked uh i think at one point like didn't andy like try to sort of elicit compliments like like we're being so mean to rocky does anyone have like didn't rocky do something good whatever and amy's like well you brought a lot of positivity rocky so there's that some positivity i was like oh you know sometimes on saturday morning when you turn on the television what would you do if there wasn't a cartoon on rocky you're like bugs bunny bugs bunny's not a good waiter though That's all folks Bye Bye

Amy A couple things Just in general I've already talked about this so much That I feel bad making you listen to me Or anybody listen to me Because they've already heard it But go on

I'm going to just mostly try and comment on you But Amy The thing about Amy in general That just cracked me up was she's so serious like she showed up so serious this time and she's in her housewives ball gown looking gorgeous like she had those legs crossed in the big i mean she looked beautiful and i was laughing because there's always that one like leanne and shesher where it's the credits and it's just the one no one pays attention to so she only gets

the line like I made a football cut and everybody else gets a monologue and that was this Andy would be like hey how you doing it's really great to see you so Emil you jerked off six times a day tell us about that he's like yeah Andy can't keep my hands all fit

okay great Kate you're looking good. God, you look beautiful. What's it like having a favorite color or whatever? And then it gets to Amy and he's like, wow, Amy, you combed your hair. Okay, hi. And then he moved right on to the next. You are such an asshole.

Don't disrespect Amy. Oh, poor Amy. I loved how Emile, well, again, there was a part where Connie was just talking about how dumb Emile is. She's like, yeah, no, he's handsome, but he's an idiot. They kept on cutting to Emile, and he had that look on his face. He's like, am I supposed to be laughing at this, or should I be offended? He just had no idea what to do. He just sort of kept his eyes, he kept on darting back and forth with this goofy smile. He's like, wait a minute, is this a joke, or am I supposed to be offended be offended right now well he kept taking cues from what everyone else was telling him to say he's so

stupid he doesn't know how to feel about anything unless somebody tells him which way which is why he was so easy to get used you know exactly he's been used everyone's told him already and the internet hello has already told him he looks like an idiot but then andy says something like so am you like you're so handsome but what is it like when you get screwed over and he looks like an idiot but then andy says something like so amil like you're so handsome but what is it like when you get screwed over and he's like well i'll have to look at this rocky's my friend and i really love rocky and she's a good girl and i really love her and this and that i'm turning into cheshire now but she's saying all this nice stuff and then amy's like or somebody i'm in my mind is am saying something like, but didn't she hurt your feelings, Emil?

Oh yeah, she hurt my feelings and no one treated me like that. He totally changed. Yeah, he was like, it wasn't right. He's so dumb, but so beautiful. I also liked when at one point, Connie called Rocky a cuckoo bird, and then Emil could

not stop laughing. He's like, she's a cuckoo bird. He was like, cracking up on the couch for like, everyone had like, moved on, laughing he's like oh she's a cookie bed he was like cracking up on the couch for like everyone had like moved on and he's like still cracking up into his hand over cuckoo bird so you don't know because you haven't seen it yet but at the very beginning when andy's asking them all questions andy's like so emil you smell like sperm where did you get your suit and emil says oh thank you andy it's my grandfather's suit and i oh that was just so cute only emile would show up wearing his grandfather's suit and then return it with sperm spain

the part where they were they started talking about him jerking off and then he's like well i gotta do it i'm a man and that's what i gotta do i gotta jerk off you know 100 times a day that's what we do connie's like yeah it was really great being your roommate and having to like go watch the deck early every day so you could jerk off he's like what my man that's what we do i liked also there was that one moment where like kate and rocky had it's sort of like a conciliatory moment and so then rocky did the crazy daniel staub hug moment you know uh remember when danielle staub hugged jackie uh on one of the reunions and it was like super awkward so rocky like kate said

like one nice thing about rocky and rocky like stands up and gives kid a hug but i love it kate like does not even stand up she just sort of like accepts it like this limp rag she's like you can just see kate being like please don't hug me please don't know she's gonna hug me she's hugged me all right I'm not standing for that I'm not standing just that's just okay she's not gonna hug her back Kate was like doing like she was like doing a protest like the like the like the Occupy Wall Street protest thing where you just go totally limp she's like okay if you want to hug me you've got to pick me up and you've got to embrace me but i'm not doing anything like even when you're nice you're being unprofessional at least you're consistent biggest gold star i can

give you i'm consistent thanks kate i forgive you let's hug and then like rocky charging you from across the way oh my lord i don't don't blame her. She was probably terrified. So then there was a part where Ben came out. It didn't really interest me that much. It was just like the hello. Hello. Hello, Kate. I just want to make it clear before we

go any further that I don't want to put my penis inside Kate. Does everyone got it? Please stop. No, nobody thinks that you're in love with Kate. Kate doesn't think you're in love with Kate. Kate don't need you to be in love with Kate. Okay, Animaniac?

Take it back to the food truck. Fuck out of here. So, um... Hello, Captain. And then the captain kept being like, Bran! Because he'd say something rude. I'm just being funny, Captain.

There's no room for funniness. This is a yacht, not a comedy show. Well, it's actually technically a reunion show. You're not on a boat. It's still a yacht. Life is a yacht. You better get to work. I'm giving you a one-way ticket to a different life.

Life is a yacht, unless you want to live in a Walmart. life. Life is a yacht unless you want to live in a Walmart. So anyway, I feel like the meat of this was really about Rocky and Eddie. And the first bombshell was that Rocky said that she and Eddie hooked up twice after the show. And

everyone was like, and Eddie totally denied it, which meant it totally happened. I'm sorry, Eddie, you lost your deniability, like your ability to not deny anything because you did that on the show and you were a liar. And you're also a bad liar. He's like, no, no, that never happened. I am going to deny that. Or he just laughs it off like she's being crazy.

One thing we've seen is that she is crazy but she uh isn't a liar yeah although she did say she hung out with connie like after the show and well that's weird okay did you read that blog that she wrote yeah i couldn't tell she was being funny kate was like no i said hey here's my question do you think that she could have been being funny and she goes no it's like it's like no this is let me show you what funny is this is funny haha so funny yeah well what's weird though because connie does say i'm sorry rocky says outlandish things like in that blog she's like yeah and then i went to france with all my supermodel friends you're like oh shut up rocky and then she posts a picture she's like oh

wait huh wait what's real what's real what's not real yeah she has a crazy well when she started on the show remember i said this girl ain't gonna commit to anything ever because she's had 20 dreams and she's like 20 every dream she's like and then this is my dream to be a chef on a boat and here i am because i'm a trade chef oh it's my dream to be in a circus swimming around a pond it's like what how many dreams do you have I'm an international assassin I can't let leftovers go Well I think that

In this case I believe Rocky more than I believe Eddie Eddie Rocky has been It looks like pretty forthright about this situation This relationship but she seems like she's been pretty honest And like she's been real And Eddie is super shady he keeps he keeps accusing her of of the one like she's the

one who caused it and it's like really it's like a really eddie just keeps on being really kind of misogynistic uh sexist and i did not like it at all to be honest when Ben's like well I gotta say good on you sleep well I can't now I'm doing Cheshire's like well I'm just proud I was kind of proud of it I'm kind of proud of the boy I was like this is disgusting you know they are they're patting Eddie on the back for keeping

it secret and banging this girl when he's like sort of in a relationship and then and then blaming it on her and making her world is still like that where there's still guys this douchey and there's a lot of them yeah what else happened on here that was really too i mean ben's always kind of a douche but that was really that's like a ton of douchery and i was oh vanderpump rules i cannot believe these people act like this like how can a man in can a young man in 2015 talk like that to a woman?

What the hell, man? Exactly. But for some reason I feel like this was more offensive because I feel like these people are smarter, a little bit smarter. And I did not like the whole sort of like giving Eddie a metaphorical high five. And Andy Cohen was, I wish he had actually been a little bit more vigilant because he was sort of like, you know, it sort of seems like everyone's kind of like giving Eddie a pass and everyone's blaming Rocky. And I was like, I wish he kind of pushed that harder

because Eddie was really being cocky. He was making little asides. He was really blaming the woman. It was very old fashioned, very mad men. I actually was really disg the woman. It was very old-fashioned, very madmen. I actually was really disgusted in a way that, like a real-life disgust, not like, oh, this person annoys me on Bravo, you know? Yeah, it was a pretty sad statement for the world. Well, Andy isn't really much of a feminist anyway.

I know I'm supposed to stop saying feminist, but I mean, come on, it's Andy. And he was really pushing the Rocky thing the whole time. It's like, okay, we've got a villain, so let's just do this a million times. Every other question was to Rocky. It was like, okay, and then here's a guest that liked the slide. Rocky, what did you think about the guest on the slide? She's like, well, it was hard.

Everyone's like, oh, you're stupid. I mean, every single other question was to Rocky. Everyone. Even when they didn't make sense because they can rely on her to be emotionally unstable. And that, I don't like when shows give me somebody to dislike and then they make me like them

because they're so mean to them. It happens every time and I fall for it every time and I know I'm falling for it. But it's mean. I don't like that Andy's sitting up there with some old man talking to a really i'm falling for it but it's mean i don't like the andy sitting up there some old man talking to a really young girl he knows what it's like to be screwed over and have your heart broken and all this shit yeah still like being an asshole to her what they really didn't and you know what they didn't i really feel like eddie needed to have his comeuppance i feel like the way he he treated Rocky when he did not, and he called

her crazy, the way he was prince ground, and then when he comes out with it, he's like, yeah, we fucked. It was such a, it was really so disgusting. Everything about it. What I think is where they were coming from, and the reason that they weren't

on Rocky's side, aside from just thinking she's crazy and a liar at first and probably thinking she seduced him and all whatever horrible things that they probably think i think the main reason they couldn't come on her side is because she fucked a guy with a boyfriend also she fucked a guy on a boat now if you're on a boat i'm sure that's like doing theater or something like that when you're at somerset or wherever you're performing there's like kind of an unspoken thing i mean if you you see people do all sorts of things they shouldn't do but you can't just go post it on facebook like it's kind of on the down low no matter how mad you are you can't just go you can't have a secret affair with somebody and then be taught going and telling everybody so and telling everybody. I know that sounds crazy.

She didn't tell anyone until... She told everybody. She told Emil. No, but what I'm saying is she didn't tell anyone until the situation got really bad. She felt ignored or whatever. She felt ignored and I honestly get it because she was

probably going through this emotional, like, why is this guy he's ghosted me all of a sudden he's not talking to me i have feelings for him and i've got no one to talk to like she probably was overwhelmed like she needed to talk to someone i don't i honestly don't begrudge her and i don't think that he gets a pass just because she was chatty like maybe it was poor form no no he doesn't get a pass i just but it felt like they're kind of like they look like she's getting more vilified an asshole for talking about it, no matter what he did.

Like, if you're in a situation like that, where certain things are supposed to be on the DL, and then she's not being on the DL, they're all thinking, well, what about all the people I fucked in the fucking storage pod? But still, either way, she's being vilified more for talking about it than he is for really being awful awful to her and i i just i don't like that it really makes me upset but what i did like um there's like this

really small part but when they asked captain lee about it he's like well i was disappointed and then they cut to a clip of him going not gonna lie to lie, I was disappointed. He just cracked me up. They needed to have video footage of him saying he was disappointed to prove that he was disappointed. But then I was like, you know, that's what he loves. He's like, yeah, that was some great disappointment. That was one of my favorite disappointed moments of the season. Let's have a nice montage of the captain's most disappointing moments. Disappointed.

Disappointed. That's a real disappointment. Here's a plane ticket. Yeah. Well, that's a bit of a real disappointment. So the last thing that I wanted to say one thing about this anything real quick. I think another reason that this kind of got out of hand is because Eddie just said once he was caught. Corrected.

Okay. This is after he knows he's been caught. said yeah that sucked of me i'm sorry whatever like he did his he said sorry took responsibility he apologized or even still now when he's being an asshole all people really want is you to say i'm sorry and then they'll move on even if they know you're not sorry because he keeps still saying the same shit it's like he's not really sorry but yeah he said sorry so they move on that's really all you need rocky won't do it they can't move on from anything because rocky cannot understand that it's work everyone has to explain to her like this is a job like k was getting so mad and she and he'd be like so kate what do you want her to die why do you want rocky to die and she'd be like well i don't want her to die i would just like her to be better at ironing yeah and then

rocky would be like oh you're mean okay i'm sorry i'm a horrible person you know what maybe i'll just hang myself but then you know like it'll be dirty so i wouldn't want to do that to you just stick up your ass it's like no no one's being mean to your about your personality, honey. It's a work. It just kills me. So you're saying I'm a horrible person and everyone's being mean and they start feeling guilty. So Kate's like, well, I do love creativity. And yes, Oreos on a salad or grenadine, whatever.

But I admire your creativity. And Amy is like, I tried your salad i loved your salad well i like you cannot stop saying that to people i love your salad i don't get it well i liked kate's housewives lines because she wrote like as if they were all housewives so they and they all had that that same sort of flow like i may be a da da da but I da da da but then for Leon she just goes tonight I'm serving beef cheeks because I could imagine him

standing there like a housewife and going tonight I'm serving beef cheeks and that made me laugh and that was a lovely way to end a great season of Below Deck that really was good that was a fun season and a lovely way to end a long podcast

mmm just say goodbye goodbye goodbye everyone so thanks for listening we will be back next week or if you listen to this out of order you could be we might be back right now so follow us at facebook.com forward slash watch what crap ends be sure to go to watch crappens calm to find our social media and you can support us at patreon.com forward slash watch what crap ends be sure to uh go to um watch crappins.com to find our social media and you can support us at patreon.com forward slash watch what crap ends

and subscribe won't you won't you subscribe won't you subscribe on itunes that way this podcast will appear in your phone or your laptop or wherever automatically you don't have to ask where's the next episode it's gonna come to you the automatics i'm like whoa so uh everyone thanks so much bye you guys are like bye and then i say hi and then you're like bye and then i'm like bye whoa bye Bye. Cool. Cool. Cool, man.