Watch What Crappens - #2465 Below Deck Med (S09E03): Deconstructing Cheffy

Episode Date: June 18, 2024

Cheffy begins to slip on this week’s Below Deck Med (S09E03), and unfortunately for him it’s when Captain Sandy’s good friend is on board. Get ready for some chef deconstruction! To watch this recap on video and listen to all of our bonus episodes, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You know we love any excuse to watch great reality TV, so with the weather heating up while chartering a luxury yacht might be a little out of reach, we can still get our fix by binge watching all seasons and spin-offs of Below Deck available on HeyU. The first all-reality subscription service of its kind, HeyU gives you access to every episode and every season of a wide range of captivating reality TV franchises. Plus, you can watch brand new episodes available the same day they air in the US without ads. It's pretty awesome. And if you're looking for a new series to dive into, Below Deck is the perfect choice.

Tune in for a fresh yachty drama on brand new episodes of Below Deck Mediterranean airing now. And once you're hooked, revisit classic seasons of all the franchises, including Below Deck Sailing Yacht, Adventure, and Down Under, all available on HeyU. You know that we've watched every single episode of Below Deck. We have not only watched them, we've talked about them endlessly.

We obsess over them. Below Deck is so good, and it is such a amazing source of petty, petty drama. If you're not watching it, you're really missing out. Slide into summer with Below Deck, new episodes airing now. Watch all seasons and spin-offs of Below Deck on HeyU. That's H-A-Y-U dot com. She was a romance mystery writer.

They glommed on the fact that she writes stories like this. There are murders in all of the books. From Wondery, the makers of Ghost Story, and Feta, this is a story about a murder that rocked my little community. Binge all episodes of Happily Never After ad-free right now on Wondery+. Watch what crappins! Watch what crappins! Watch what crappins! Who cares what happens when this so much that crappins? Watch what crappins!

Oh well you love me too! Who cares what happens when this so much that crappins? Well hello and welcome to Watch What Crapp-ens everybody, I'm Rondel. And that is Ben over there. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Great.

How's it going with you today? Um, you know what? It's spectacular. How's it going with you? Everything great over there for you? You know, things are okay over here. You know, I've started remodeling this house that I'm in here in Los Angeles. So I've been doing a lot of like Lowe's shopping, going to Lowe's

and going to Home Depot. You know, can I just tell you whatever happened to customer service? I mean, there's nobody working at those places to help your ass, especially if you don't know what's going on. So I would just like to say thank you Google and thank you Amazon. Cause I went to Lowe's and the same fucking guy kept coming in down the aisle going, sir.

And I was like, Oh my God, someone's going to help me at Lowe's and the same fucking guy kept coming in down the aisle going, sir. And I was like, Oh my god, someone's gonna help me at Lowe's because literally no one will help you. They will get on their little thing and drive away beat beat people away. Okay. So finally, he's like, sir, do you have solar yet? And I'm like, Oh, you've come to me five times. I can't get anyone to help me in the store. But I get some rando offering me solar over and over. Get the fuck out of here. A solar person. Okay. How about you use your solar energy and get me some goddamn help.

Well, it sounds like you need to be lifted up from that Lowe's experience. Actually, I've got friends in Lowe's places. Truly. I find actually, I find that like Home Depot and Lowe's customer service is very difficult. Although the last time I went to Home Depot, I had really like the bet. This lady was so helpful. I can't even tell you how great she was, but usually it's like you do have to flag them down and they run away from you. They do not want to run my cow ban. I go on the Amazon because look,

I get their big box stores and they're discounted because they don't have as much. I get it. You know? So I was like, okay, I'll do this on my own. So I started researching right there in the store and ended up ordering shit off Amazon because guess what? I looked up all the stuff that they are selling at the lows. They're all three stars and below. It's like, you guys go out of your way to pick the lowest quality shit to sell people. By the way, I hope they're not a sponsor. They're not, right?

They're not. And if they are, then we may have a new perspective. But I will say that. They fixed it! They've just paid me money and if Lois is fixed, everybody go there. Maybe check out like something that's like a little smaller but still big, like Orchard Home Supply. Although I don't know if they're still around. Anna Walt.

There's an Anna Walt. I tried a good old fashioned Amazon. I looked up reviews, found what's five stars, called Amazon, they're coming tomorrow. So thank you Amazon, thank you Google, fuck off Lowe's. What did you get? And big box stores. What were you getting?

Kitchen faucet and a kitchen faucet spout that matches. Oh yeah, don't get Delta by the way. I've heard Delta is the bottom of the barrel. I got it. Did you get Delta? I don't know what's in the end of the room. I had a Delta shower head. It was on Delta. Here's what happened to my Delta shower head.

One night, it was, picture it, Hollywood, 2022. I was making cookies for a holiday cookie exchange, and as I was baking these cookies, the shower just would not turn off. You turn the nozzle all the way up and the shower was just going. It was like the nozzle didn't even matter. Like the shower was unstoppable.

And it turned out it's because it was a Delta shower fixture head, whatever. And it was shitty and suddenly broken it where it was like, no, you know what? I'm just gonna shower. Okay, it's not up for you to tell me when I turn off. So we had to call an emergency plumber and I'm trying to cook 65 cookies

while a plumber is digging into the wall, things are catching on fire. It was such chaos and I blame it all on the Delta brand. So everyone- Well, just like Delta Burke, you know, it was very fun while it lasted and then it fizzled out early. So sorry, designing women to diss you while we're at it.

But okay, let's get into Below Deck Med. This was a very interesting episode because it was a turning point. And man, these editors really tricked our asses because they had us believing somebody was competent when they are absolutely not. So that'll be fun to get into. We did Crappy Hour last night. That's our bi-weekly show on Instagram Live talking about, you know, Bravo Goss, stuff like that. So check that out. It should be on our feed. We also started Winter is Crappin' this week, which is our Game of Thrones podcast. We're recapping season two of House of the Dragon.

Super fun. Subscribe to that feed for on time recaps. If you want later recaps, I'll be out on Crappin's later. But if you want them right away, go on Crappin's. Winter is Crappin' So today, and also video recap, hi, we're on Patreon. Also last week's Below Deck Med was a Patreon recap. Sometimes we do that when we've got a lot going on. And now we're back on the main feed. Hi, main feed. We've

missed you. Yeah, we're back below deck. Oh, gosh. These, these are the sort of episodes at first. At first, this episode, I was like, okay, it's like a humdrum episode. But by the end At first this episode I was like, okay, it's like a humdrum episode, but by the end I was so, I was like enraged. But where we're picking up is the big cliffhanger from last week was our gal and Nathan going to hook up, you know, quietly on camera, because they're both wasted.

They're both gonna have quote unquote strawberries. By the way, I'm ready for the strawberry thing to die. I'm like over it. I don't wanna hear about like, I don't wanna hear about like, oh, I still owe you a strawberry. You wanna get a strawberry? I've got strawberries in the closet. Wanna come to the closet for some strawberries?

I don't wanna hear it anymore. But anyway, she's good. Yeah, strawberry flirting is so weird because it used to mean crack head back in the day. Oh, really? Yeah, it was like a crack whore, I think specifically a crack whore. And I know that because I wrote a musical for UCB, Quick and Dirty Musicals, and it

was based on Hookers at the Point, which was an HBO documentary about hookers. And I made a big doo-wop musical about crackhead hookers. So I learned the term strawberry. How do you like? How do you like that? This is like a regular behind the scenes with Stephen Sondheim over here, guys. I know, I really, this is like, yeah.

For me, you know, it really ruined things like, well, aside from the fact that I don't like strawberries, although I am getting better, I have been experimenting with strawberries. I have been, as in, Crack horse? Been eating some of them, crack horse. Good for you.

I've been like, guys, crack horse are great. But you know who really turned me off to the idea of strawberries as a sexy thing is Justin Timberlake, because he has a song called Strawberry Bubblegum. And I hate the song, and it's just gross. He's like, if you're strawberry bubblegum. I'm like, it's just, I don't know.

It turned me up. I never liked bubble gum and I never liked strawberries, but somehow Justin Timberlake singing about it in like a sexy way, like, like, hey girl with your strawberry bubble gum. It just makes me want to say, fuck strawberries and flirting. I don't want to hear any of it. It's also super creepy.

Yeah. It's like, it's like a lecherous for Jason Timberlake. I don't like it. Okay, so they're about to bone, they're trying to find a secret space and the crew is everywhere because they're on a TV show that shoots 24 hours a day. Because they're not wusses like fucking Real Housewives

that stop shooting at 10 p.m. and miss all the good stuff. Thank you. These people have cameras everywhere and they're always going. So they couldn't hide. He hid, he hid in the closet, or the, what do you call it? The closet thing. And she was trying to find him but kept getting lost and the crew kept finding her and she

kept trying to lie to the crew and then was just like, fuck it, I'm going to bed. So that was the big cliffhanger. They didn't bang after all. So she didn't cheat. But you know what? The intent is there and she will cheat in the future. So yeah, it doesn't even matter if you did commit the crime. It's like that Tom Cruise movie where they can tell

if you're gonna commit a crime in the future. And so he's like, oh my God, I murdered somebody. Why am I running from the cops? And they're like, cause you're a murderer in the future. And then they have to figure, he has to figure out who he murdered and why he murdered them before he goes to jail. So it's kind of like Gail,

but you know, with her strawberry instead of dad. Yeah, it's just like Minority Report, except with- Decades. Strawberry report. Strawberry report. Yeah, by the way, there's a little bit of a fail on the camera crew's part. Like that was the moment for the camera crew

to hide behind corners, because the moment she saw that camera crew She was like fuck. I can't get away from them and they kind of cock blocked it and she was trying to she came up With this like excuse. She's like, oh no, I don't need a mic. I think you need a mic. You know Mike You do need a mic and she's like no no. No, I just I just want a glass of water I'm gonna get a glass of water right now. I'm just gonna get I'm just go I'm gonna go to bed I'm gonna go I'm gonna go upstairs and go downstairs to the bed. I'm gonna get a glass of water right now. I'm just gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go upstairs and go downstairs to the bed. I'm good, no, not gonna go make out with anyone, not at all.

Yeah, they caught her. And they're also probably intercepting her texts or something. I don't know how that works. I wonder how the texts, how do they get those texts? Do they have to hand over their phones to production and production reads the texts and then writes them down like how does that work? I don't know cuz you would think that they would just delete the text So how do they have the text unless they're intercepting them somehow, you know, maybe they have to download some app that's

Intercepting all of their calls and stuff. I mean shit. Yeah. I don't know how that really works. Okay, so now it's the next day and Joe, you know, poor Nathan or whatever probably had to go to bed and just listen to his roommate finger banging his butt, you know, all night. Well, he's got a boner, poor guy. So then the next day the crew's waking up in the cabins and you know, Joe's losing his voice,

Gail's saying that she had an emotional night last night and she's really sorry if she woke Aisha. Which, yeah. What were you emotional about? Why was she emotional? Strawberries. And then Sandy is on the- I had a sad strawberry last night,

I'm sorry if I woke you. Arrrr! You've got the sweetest strawberry in the world, let's hug! Arrrr! So Sandy is now, she's on the phone, You've got the sweetest strawberry in the world. Let's go. So Sandy is now, she was like closing out things with that shitty provisioner that messed everything out for the first two episodes. And she's like,

last charter was the worst provisioning experience I've ever had in my career. So we're changing provision companies. You know, I'm normally a three strikes kind of gal, unless it's Hanner, in which case you get half a strike at best, and you know, and then you're out. But you know, when your first strike is so bad, when you really Hannah it, as I like to say,

you're out, you're gone. But I'll tell you this much, I would vote for Bush again. Okay, there I said it. What strike is that for me? So isn't that the George Bush thing, the three strikes law, or was that a Clinton thing't that the George Bush thing, the three strikes law, or was that a Clinton thing? Where did that come from the three strikes law? I don't remember. I feel like it was Clinton. Cause you know,

I feel like George Bush's thing was more like make a fool of me once. Shame on you. Make a fool of me twice. You're not going to make a fool of me twice. Three strikes law, governor Wilson in 1994. So that was Clinton back then. Wow, these guys, you know what? We're blaming me. We're blaming our own team. Wow, hey, the call is coming from inside the house.

That's what I learned. You know what it sounds like? It sounds like you just had strike one. Third one, it's gonna be someone showing up in a screen mask to kill me, okay? Cause the call's coming from inside the house. So, um, she calls a new company and the new company is like, yes, we've got it. We'll be right there with everything you need in five minutes.

And it's like, Jesus, how does that other company even stay in business? Do you think it's nepotism? Yeah, I think maybe they're like a mob front, like they're not really going to deliver anything. They're just like a money laundering operation. Well, do you think that's where they've stowed Kyle away? Cause isn't Kyle from this show or is he from? Kyle is from this show.

Yeah. Cause there's rumors that Kyle's coming back for the next season. I just want to warn everybody. I know, I don't know if that's a spoiler cause I don't know anything. So I guess it's not a spoiler cause I don't, I haven't been spoiled, but I've read on Reddit that people suspect he's coming back, and it is like a horror movie. It's like, you know when cats run inside

when it's going to be a tornado or whatever? That's what the people of Reddit are doing. They're just like, they sense it. They're like, guys, I think Kyle might be coming back. It just, my knees hurt today. And it just, the only time my knees hurt randomly is when Kyle's coming back. I just my knees hurt today and it just the only time my knees hurt randomly is when Kyle's coming back Kyle just flops onto the boat. I'm so exhausted the stress of getting here is so much for me I need to go in the hospital

Papal making fun of me on the plane so papermaking fun of me on the plane. So, Frank, Frank. So gosh, I hope he doesn't come. Although, you know, he is so entertaining to watch. You know, that's the thing I hate to say is that, you know, he is such a big personality. So like, I understand if they do bring him back,

but he is an awful person. Yeah, he's the worst. Okay, so yeah, they found a new provision crew, which is great Okay, so then Brie is Asking Joe said can you make a cup of coffee and he's like a short can do you like it? How do you like it fast and hard? Yes, nailed it Nailed it Joe's just a wacky guy and Joe like what kind of jokes with everybody and so everybody thinks that Joe wants to fuck Them but I think Joe's just a wacky guy. And Joe kind of jokes with everybody, and so everybody thinks that Joe wants to fuck them.

But I think Joe's just an emotionally unavailable funny person. What do you think? I think he has a lot of, I think all his power's in his eyebrows. And the moment he gets them clipped, he's gonna lose a lot of his charm. I think that's his superpower.

But I think that he's- I don't think they're gonna clip. I think they're gonna overgrow and then he's gonna lose his power because they're gonna become so gigantic that you're gonna be like, look into my eyes. Wait, hold on. Look into my eyes now. Now look at them.

You have to move them out. They're gonna be huge. So Gail's on the phone with her boyfriend in their soon to be over relationship because this is not a healthy relationship. And she is saying like, Oh, I regret not going to bed. I share it and I went to sleep, but I got to leave because I need to be on deck. Sorry, boy. She's like, they have this like really insecure energy with each other, especially her to him. It sounds like he's like a real

dick. Like we see this so many times on below Deck, the boyfriend who's like, why aren't you calling me? Why are you neglecting me? Why are you ignoring me? And it sounds like she's trying to cater to his bruised ego right now. It's yeah, I don't know if he's a dick, but he's definitely needy. Or he's like, why aren't you calling me? But I'm calling you. And I'm trying to work on the same boat as you. Like I'm trying to get us a job or working on the same boat. Why aren't you calling me? Do you still trying to work on the same boat as you. Like I'm trying to get us a job or working on the same boat. Why are you calling me? Do you still want to work on the same boat? Like he's probably sensing that she's, you know, shopping around. And he's like, well, you know, you needed me more last week.

And now you don't need me anymore. Am I doing something wrong? You know, we've all been there. Well, I guarantee he's very average looking. But listen, I'm just going to say it. I guarantee he's very average and Gail is way out of his league and he is like, Oh, she's going to find someone that's in her league. Like my time is about to be up and I don't, I'm not ready for it. I, I, I want,

I want to get more out of this. Like I've got this super, super, super hot girlfriend and I'm never gonna get someone as hot as her again. I need, I don't, I don't want to lose her. And I guarantee that energy is what is spilling over across the phone. Yeah, when he knows he's batting way higher than his. I don't know, I can't do sports. I don't know why I even try that.

Batting way higher than his average. He's batting higher than his field goals. Okay, so then Nathan apologizes to Gail. He's like, good morning, I was a nob last night. I'm sorry about that. And she's like, Nathan apologizes to Gail. He's like, good morning. I was a knob last night. I'm sorry about that. And she's like, I was absolutely a knob. We can be knobs together. Want to touch knobs? I'm just kidding. We should though. Is there a closet somewhere? Strawberry knobs. Strawberry knob. Just people just need to go jerk off. Honestly. I know. So then, um, Ellie goes up to Breach and says, hello, Bre, what is your plan

for doing guest laundry going forward? I don't know. Okay. So great. Um, we definitely need a notebook in here because we cannot just keep on doing this. Okay. Well, Ellie, why are you trying to pick me up? You said the notebook? No, no, not the movie, the notebook. Okay. You can put me back down again. Okay. Thank you. You have to be able to bring everything and keep track of it.

Notebook. It is important to have notebook to learn what we are doing. Look, I have one right here. Monday, Playboy Bunny. Tuesday, Fireman. Wednesday, Howard the Duck. Underrated.

Sorry, sorry underrated. Bring it back. Bring it back. I've been thinking of her all week saying, Oh, we couldn't afford the Barbie house when I was a kid, so give me a glue gun and some cardboard! I get the roof over those bitches' heads! RAAAHAH! I don't know why.

That is gonna stick with me forever. I thought that was so funny. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. It was the biggest scandal in pop music. The stars of Milli Vanilli, the Grammy-winning, multi-platinum R&B phenomenon, were exposed as frauds. But none of this was their idea. So whose idea was it?

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podcasts. So then we see Ian, Ian the Boson and he's talking about how he wants every chart to be better and smoother. He's going to say, I want to give it, I want to be like the best boost neither and give it 100 cement. The producer is like, what's 100 cement? He's like, oh, it's basically saying yes, but with more letters, like, or you just said percent wrong and said cement by accident. Yeah, because that methodist makes very sense. Try to fix it. But we know what you did. Girls, girls, I want you to go and work on the cabins girls.

And Ellie here is on the radio. She's like, Bri, I want to help you. Okay, I tell myself a specific amount of time to complete tasks and that's it. So you need to do this. And so Brie's like, yeah, I've been in the industry for two years and I know my place and I know I'm the baby. So maybe I can make it happen and make it work. Well, first you have to come up with a plan. You can't just fail for like two weeks in a row or whatever it's been and then show up with no plan, You can't just fail for like two weeks in a row or whatever it's been and then show up with no plan, Bree. Come on. And I like you, Bree, but come on now.

She's like baby giraffe. And you know when they first come out of the womb and their legs are wobbly and they're just trying to figure out how to waff? Yeah, ha ha ha ha ha. That's Bree. Except imagine a baby giraffe that's trying to iron the wall. That's really more Bree. Imagine a baby giraffe that's trying to iron the wall. That's really morbid. Okay, a preference sheet meeting. Guess who I prefer? Gigi, Gigi Fernandez. So guess what? That's my preference sheet.

And luckily enough, the provision company came through already because guess who's coming aboard? Gigi. I win. I'm a winner today. Yay me, hugs. So Gigi Fernandez is a 17 time Grand Slam doubles champion. You may

remember her from when I subbed in on regular blow deck and she came on and reminded everyone that she's a 17 time Grand Slam doubles champion. Anyway two different times she's won gold in the Olympics and you know I had her as a client we became friends after that mainly because I kept saying to her gosh I can't believe that you're a 17 time Grand Slam doubles champion and won gold in the Olympics twice. She really likes that. Yeah and she kept saying to her, gosh, I can't believe that you're a 17-time Grand Slam double champion and won gold in the Olympics twice. She really likes that. Yeah. And she kept saying, whoa, you're a captain of a boat. And I said, whoa, you're a Grand Slammer. And she said, whoa, you're the captain of a boat. And I said, super cuts. And she said, super cuts you. I said,

super cuts. Before you know it, we're best friends. It really worked out well. Oh, that's amazing. Should we do synchronized service for them? Uh, oh yes. Yes. Synchronized service. I want to do it with you. Can I do synchronized service? Please, please, please, please.

Okay. Okay, good. Okay. I'm going to do it. Great. Synchronized service. It is. Where's my swim cap?

No, it's service, not swimming. Oh, I'll still do it. I'll still do it. Yeah, come on. I want to jump into bowls of couscous in shapes. You know, like I'll go first and JJ can go then you can go a Busby Berkeley type thing. Hold on. I'm still synchronized swimming. Are you sure? Okay. I have a guide on how to do synchronized

service here. It's by Esther Williams. I'm just gonna go upstairs and watch it for a little bit. service here. It's by Esther Williams. I'm just gonna go upstairs and watch it for a little bit. You're hopeless. Okay. Well, listen, you know, last time we had seven courses each meal. Okay. So her expectations are high. Okay. So, you know, one day Mexican food, grilled fish tacos, super high expectations. Okay. Gigi likes fish tacos. Do we have cereal we can put in a bowl with some milk? Gigi loves that.

Huge expectations, guys. So when you serve the tortilla chips, that's Mexican, by the way, when you serve it, okay, let's just raise the bar. Let's add salsa, okay? You know what? How about instead of bowls of cereal, we have bowls of chips that are cereal

and you put milk on those Yeah, I don't do something crazy. Gee-gees. Oh, gee-gees crazy. She's out of her mind. So there's this thing Okay, I'm gonna let you in a little secret in Mexico. There's a thing called pico de gallo I want you to put that by the chips. It's gonna transform the whole experience and also some okay Do you know back what avocados they're like a thing, guacamole. Look it up on the internet. It's really high standards. Super fancy.

High standards. Yeah, super fancy. Basically avocados are like ball gowns for chips to wear to the Oscars. Okay, very, very fancy stuff. Gigi only likes to eat fruits and vegetables that sort of look like tennis balls. So really make sure you peel that avocado

and maybe draw some little lines on it and put it on the plate. Well, throw them Gigi see if she can hit him. So it's just like oh there's gonna be a possible yoga session on the yacht because Roberta's a yoga instructor look at that Roberta I wish Roberta was here right now so I could hug her and say Roberta it's not an easy certification to get you, go girl. Okay, I'm gonna anchor in Russia Bay, which is funny because we're not actually in Russia, but I was in Russia once where I got attacked

by some of Putin's pirates, but I got out of there all right, it was okay. This Bay is like every other Bay, except it's super cold and there's old guys riding around on bears. Okay, Gigi's gonna love that. Gigi said I want to dock in a bay that wants to terrorize other bays. Okay, so uh so that's sitting on the dock of the bay. My bae's gonna nuke your bae. Your bae's gonna go away. Cause my bae's gonna nuke your bae.

Okay, so it's kind of a depressing bae, I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, I pitched that song to Clive Davis and he said, no thanks. So anyway, after Russia bae, you know, I was wearing my synchronized swimming makeup too so maybe that's why he was turned off. But after that, okay, we're gonna go to Poros, okay, but we're not gonna tell Gigi it's called Poros,

because she has high standards, we're gonna tell it's called Richos. And there's an ink. Homie Richos, okay? Gigi would never say it out loud, but she actually calls poor people Poros. Like, gosh. Can we go to Louis instead of Home Depot, Because Home Depot has a lot of Poros,

you know? Sometimes she likes to toss an avocado in the air and swat it with her racket right at the Poros. Guess what sport tennis isn't for? Poros. Okay? So, because there's an anchor right in the front of town in Poros. So, all right, let's go to preferences. Julie, no male. No one likes Julie. Julie, you know what I mean? Who wants to hang out with the person who doesn't like male? Matt, that's for sure.

Stupid Julie. And also Julie doesn't like lamb, veal, turkey, duck, or pork. Julie's an asshole. Okay, everybody. Julie, you would think she's a vegetarian because what she likes, beef. So no lamb, veal, turkey, duck, or pork,

but give her hell of beef. Nothing but steak for Julie. And John was like, she also has a gluten allergy. Oh, and the spice level is eight to 10. I feel like these guests are good with spice, except for Roberta. Ooh, Roberta.

Roberta's stupid, am I right? God. Roberta and Julie sitting in a tree. G-O-A-W-A-Y. In go away, Roberta and Julie is my point. No male, lamb, veal, turkey, duck, pork, or spice, or gluten. I mean, geez, what are we doing?

We might as well be living in Russia Bay, am I right? Plot twist. She also hates seafood, whereas seafood is the top request of the primary. Oh God, what a tangled web we weave, am I right? Russia Bay, more like the kiss of the Spider Woman Bay. Okay, that was a little far out of my real house. It didn't really make sense, it wasn't really my wheelhouse. It didn't make sense.

It wasn't really an appropriate analogy. It's like, I couldn't think of any country that was known for its spiders. Okay, well, it's going to be a challenge. It's very difficult to please Gigi. Okay, now, let's go to it, guys. And so John was like, I don't know if I have that much exposure to a group having so many bearing preferences. Shimmy shimmy, shimmy elbow shimmy.

Because I've never worked in a restaurant, one eye winking. I have an Olympian with high end taste coming aboard and it's a lot of pressure. Sometimes I don't even feel like a chef. I just relate to being a designer because I'm more of a designer or an architect. Go back to that. Go back to figuring out how hot dogs interlock with a buns, sir. Because maybe the reason why you don't feel like a chef is cause maybe you're not a chef. You're like, I've never worked in a restaurant.

I've never worked in a restaurant. I've never cooked for people who have different preferences. You're just someone who throws a nice dinner party for your friends. Okay. Let's be honest. And like, I'm trying to like Jono cause I'm trying to support fellow gays and I'm trying to just tell myself I think he just has resting bitch face but I also get this nagging feeling that if I were hosting a game night and I was like okay everyone we're gonna play celebrity or something like just a fun party game night and be like okay here's what you do you write down

celebrities and you're gonna put them in a hat. And he goes, so you write down celebrities and this is fun? I'd rather not. You guys just play. I'll watch. Fuck you, Jono, and my hypothetical game night. I'm just gonna watch, but then he would guess everything. Yeah. When it's not his turn.

And when it's time to read the names, he'd be like, this lady, she has a talk. You know what, nevermind, pass. Okay, this lady, she was a pilot. You know what, nevermind, pass. Okay, this lady, she has to talk. You know what? Nevermind pass. Okay. This lady, she was a part, you know what? Nevermind pass. Okay. This lady, she's a singer. Nevermind pass. It's like, John, oh, you got to try. He's just burning through all the clues. We all know people who are bad celebrity game players. Not that they're good.

Not that they're bad at the clue giving. They're bad at being joyful at the game. But then he'd apologize like five weeks later, like he does in this episode. Okay, so provisions come. So everybody's excited, Gels flirting with Nathan and that's cute. And Asia's just so excited to have a real company coming, and Bree is like, oh my God, guess what I'm doing?

Juicing. I'm juicing, Allie. Oh my God. Good for you, girl. Good for you. What are you juicing? A washrag. Um, no, you have to take that out of the juicer. It's not going to be good.

That was delicious. And Joe's like, what's the juiciness out of euphemism for something else? And they're like, oh, it's like, watch the juice in this, I have a euphemism for something else. And they're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. It's like, that might be a little something starting between me and Joe. Oh, Joe, oh my God, but Joe, the juice is definitely worth the squeeze, am I right? I'm just imagining her squeezing his eyebrows

after a shower and all this water coming out. So, uh, Asia is like, she loves the cabins look great time to pull for lunch, et cetera. And Gail starts texting her boyfriend, um, to see if they can chat before charter and everything. And then, uh, Gail does her thing. That's her, her storyline for this episode is banging her head. That's what she does for the rest of the episode. We see, did we see a shot of her cabin,

and then the GoPro cam just shakes. She goes, oh, I just hit my head. You know what I just realized? I think it was the last season of Below Deck, or maybe it was two seasons ago. There's so many seasons of these shows. But there was one where they did these little interspersed cuts of somebody

just chugging water, remember? Like the music would stop and they'd be like, look, look, look, look, and then it was like, are they an alcoholic? What was it? And we never found out why they had the chugging water thing. Yeah, I'm trying to remember who it was. It was last season. What a loose thread. You guys can't just do that to us. You can't give us little bread crumbs like that. Like I need to know what the chugging water was about. Were they an alcohol?

What? Let me know. Let me know, call me guys. You know, it's an overarching mystery. It's an overarching mystery that's gonna be revealed over many seasons. So I think we just have to be patient. Yeah, it's gonna be like one of those shows

that just takes an entire season. What? Okay, an entire 10 seasons. Okay, anyway. Everyone, okay, get to the front deck. My best friends and 17 time Brand Slam champion and two time gold medal winner, Gigi Fernandez is coming on board.

Everyone, my best friend is here. Hi, best friend. So they come aboard and Sandy's like, I'm just so happy you're here. And Gigi, cause Gigi comes to the bridge after tour and Gigi's like, I just want to watch. She's like, yeah, you know what? I just want to watch you pretend you're swinging at something

and I'll pretend I'm steering a boat. Okay. Oh, I know exactly what I'm going to swing at. Did you see the poros on the deck? Oh, don't get them close to me. Is talking to some guests in the saloon and she's like, so where's everyone from?

And Julie's like, I'm from Delaware. Oh, you're a poros then? It's GG now. And then Laura's like, yeah, that's where President Biden's from Delaware. And then Julie's like, yeah, my tennis partner is his next door neighbor. Oh, that's exciting, I guess, for someone. It's approximately by someone else's tennis partner who's a neighbor. That's great.

That's amazing to know someone who knows someone that does something with someone I don't care about. Good for you. Someone who's the president of a country I don't live in. Also, Delaware is so small, I have to imagine everyone's tennis partner is neighbors with Joe Biden. By the way, I'm sorry I called Delaware poros. I really don't know anything about Delaware. That's not nice. But, you know, I mean... But you know! You know! Come on, Delaware! Be cool! Come on, Delaware! Like Like what do you guys do?

What do you do in Delaware? Delaware is home of the DuPonts. I've never heard anything about Delaware. Delaware is home of the DuPonts. DuPonts are one of the wealthiest families in America. And that's all in Delaware. So they're Delaware. Anywho, by the way, which one of these is a Julie?

One of them has like, by the way, which one of these is it Julie? One of them has like fun short, mostly platinum with some little green streaks. You know when someone puts dye in their dog and they have like a little weird highlighted accents in their hair? That's what I think Julie did to her hair. So Julie's the one with the short hair, the short blonde hair? I think so. I think she is the one who also doesn't do veal or lamb or. Of course.

I'm just double checking that. She's like the wacky one. She's like, I'm different. I've got bleached hair with a little dye and I don't eat veal or pork. She's wacky. Yeah. She's trying to do like a Cyndi Lauper thing a little bit,

you know? Yeah. She's like, I got the way it's this. OK, you're going too far with this, Cyndi. OK? Cut that crap or we're dropping you at Russia Bay. Okay, so Asia's like, well, I feel like these guys have high expectations in the last case. I mean, Joe Biden's neighbors have no neighbors. I mean, come on Poseidon, God of the ocean.

Give me Stoozy know how to do their job, please. I feel like that's not high on Poseidon's list of things to do. I feel like Poseidon's like, I wanna create a hurricane, I wanna make a giant whale. I don't think Poseidon's like, oh, I'm going to provide a, I'm gonna provide a stew to help out with Gigi Fandaz. Yeah, the God of the ocean's never been like,

how can I help? You know what I mean? God of the ocean's always like, how can I destroy anybody who tries to enter me? Yeah, let's figure that out. God of the ocean, whenever like Neptune or Poseidon are like depicted, it's always like rising on a wave with like dolphins and a Triton and like power and fury. It's not saying like, Oh, I'm beside it. And by the way, here are some stews. Please enjoy. They're really great. We really like them. So God bless. We haven't seen Poseidon lately, but really portrayed in anything.

I think Poseidon probably got his like his head stuck in one of those ring things that keeps diet cokes together. stuck in one of those ring things that keeps diet cokes together. To a dolphin down there somewhere. Like where's Poseidon? Guys, we've just littered too much Poseidon is indisposed. That's probably accurate actually considering there are like giant like patches of garbage and floating in the ocean, the size of Connecticut. Like the Poseidon is probably like, you know what? I used to just laugh at the seagulls and the dolphins,

be like, how could you guys not figure out what to do with, like how to avoid these things? But now that I've got like a coke ring on my neck, I get it, I get it now. Exactly, and this is why Poseidon tried to destroy us as much as he possibly could. We fucking deserved it, okay? Humans, great job.

We're doing great, humans. Okay, so let's get back from our fucking fanfic possibly could. We fucking deserved it. Okay. Humans. Great job. We're doing great humans. Okay. So, um, let's get back from our fucking fanfic of trapping Poseidon and die. Die again, trash and get back to Joe and brief flirting. So he's talking about working and she's like, I'm on the fucking break. And he's like, so am I. And she's like, oh yeah. Like you want to get married? Yeah. So they're talking about the guests and stuff and, um, he's, he's, he's enticed by her tattoos. He's asked about the tattoos.

And he doesn't have any. And he's like, I love a good tattoo. Quite attractive. Personally, I wouldn't get one because I promised my granddad, my granddad is Italian and he was my father figure. And he kind of guided me through everything for some reason. He was like, no tattoos, no tattoos, no tattoos. So his thoughts for the granddad, no tattoos, but on a female it's forbidden fruit. So it does something for me 100%. Like, okay. Another strange piece of biographical information wedged into a scene. Like, hi, my name's Joe. My backstory is my grandfather forbade me from having tattoos.

Also just a general note to people struggling with this, you don't have to honor your fucking grandparents. That's not in the Bible. Do whatever the fuck you want. They're going to die sooner. Just do, like, just promise them whatever they need to hear because you love them and then just do whatever you want. Like, seriously, I have enough people to honor without having to worry about what Meemaw wanted. You know what I mean? Like, I'd be married on a farm somewhere, so whatever. A good grandfather would actually want you to do what you wanted to do and not what he wanted to do. And maybe maybe the grandpa was just like, don't go to a tattoo concert.

He wasn't saying don't get tattoos. He's just saying no tattoo. I don't like that group. Don't hang out with tattoo from love boat. You know, he's just a user and a climber. So leave him alone. I like Bree's tattoo locations because he's like, where do you get tattoos? And she said, I've got them on my ribs and on my lip.

Odd. So there are odd tattoo spots. No, I mean, I'm not a tat person, but those seem like out of the way. Well it turns out they're not really tattoos. They're just burns from the iron. That she just sang our tattoos cause she's too embarrassed. They're just deadly mistakes. So, um, she was like, I was holding up a shirt to see where it was wrinkled. And then I ironed it. So, uh, now it's time to change into reds and everything.

And, uh, Ellie walks into the cabin and Breeze laying in bed and like startles her and Breeze like, thank you so much for the help Ellie. Like you really teach me how to be, like you need to teach me how to be flirty. And Ellie's like, I can do that. Yes. And how to be seductive as fuck. Oh, who are we aiming for? Eyebrows? No, just in general. I want to be flirty. Perhaps towards iron. I don't know. Last time I got kissed by iron, I got burned. Get it. Now this is, get it. Now this was a big mistake on Bree's thing. You know hindsight is 20, 20 and all.

Or foresight is, because I've already seen the previous for next week. But this is gonna be a problem between these two. Eyebrows, fighting over eyebrows. Yeah. And she should have just said, yeah, I like eyebrows. Because then she would have claimed it, because Ellie's gonna, I think, gonna try and pretend

she claimed it, and it's gonna be a claim war, a claim war over somebody who is emotionally unavailable. I'm telling you right now, I just see it all over him. He's an unemotionally available jokester. Good luck with that. You're gonna be fighting for nothing, okay, for Peter Gallagher eyebrows. Where is Peter Gallagher? Does anybody know where he is?

I don't know. I feel like he hasn't been seen because he is stuck behind his eyebrows somewhere. They've grown out and he is now tangled in them and can't leave the house. Maybe he's like, um, doing like a one-man show of the OC, like a stage play of the OC. Who knows? But, um, uh, It could be called like high brow, Peter Gallagher and some high brow entertainment. That would actually be very funny if he just like owned it, you know? Um, Ellie is, uh, by the way, there's been no indication that Joe seems to be

very into Ellie. I think Ellie is reading into things here cause Joe seems to be flirting, you know, more with Bri. And I don't see it happening the other way around to Ellie. Well, Bri, I think that the only person we've truly seen him flirt with is the dude that they're working with because he told him when he first met him and they were roommates, he's like,

well, I like finger banging my butt hole every night before I go to bed. I mean, that sounds like flirting. I don't know. I mean, that sounds like flirting. I mean, I don't know. I guess we all do it differently, but you know, it sounds pretty flirty to me. That'd be sexy. Come the shoes.

Here comes one right now. Nancy's love story could have been ripped right out of the pages of one of her own novels. She was a romance mystery writer who happens to be married to a chef. But this story didn't end with a happily ever after. When I stepped into the kitchen, I could see that Chef Brophy was on the ground,

and I heard somebody say, call 911. As writers, we'd written our share of murder mysteries. So when suspicion turned to Dan's wife, Nancy, we weren't that surprised. The first person they look at would be the spouse. We understand that's usually the way they do it. But we began to wonder,

had Nancy gotten so wrapped up in her own novels, There are murders in all of the books. that she was playing them out in real life? Follow Happily Never After, Dan and Nancy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Happily Never After, Dan and Nancy early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. So now Gigi is looking for, she wants to do yoga. So she's telling Asia that. And then

meanwhile, Jonno tells us, the request today was to do a Mexican themed lunch. And like the last place I worked at, the owners were from Mexico. So I'm gonna bring the spice. The tacos are going to be talking. They're going to be saying, eat me, eat me. I'm like, wait, so your credibility here,

and not credibility I'm like, wait, so you're, so you're, uh, so your credibility here and that not credibility, but like, he wasn't even saying he worked at a Mexican restaurant. He just worked at a place where there were owners who were Mexican. I'm like, I feel like this is not going to go well. The owners were from Mexico. You're right. Yeah. It's just like, I know Mexicans. He's like, I, I knew some Mexicans one time. So I mean, I'm basically gonna make Mexican food. I mean, they love peanut butter and jelly. So it's gonna work out great.

I once was in an airport and I saw that there was a flight leaving for Mexico and I was like, you know what? Spices, I get it. Yeah, so then the producers start listing what he's putting in this spicy rice. Okay. Garlic powder. I mean, okay great Paprika, I mean, okay. Yeah that works chili powder. Sure. Sure cardamom no

No No, it wasn't just it wasn't just like a pinch. It was a whole okay cardamom Cardamom is not a spice you do en masse. Okay, cardamom a little goes a long ass way and it doesn't, I'm not gonna say it doesn't play well with garlic powder and paprika and chili powder. I believe that there's probably many ways it does work, especially like in Indian food, but.

But it's not a spice for Mexican rice. For Mexican rice? I'm gonna put, do you use cardamom? Cause maybe I'm just wrong, you know, but I've been making Mexican food like my whole life. I'm from El put, do you use cardamom? Because maybe I'm just wrong, you know, but I've been making Mexican food like my whole life. I'm from El Paso, so let me see. Do you use cardamom in Mexican food? I don't think so. I understand trying to do a switch up, but like cardamom is really strong and it's really overpowering. Doesn't even show. Doesn't even show. It says, which regions of Mexico use cumin?

That's the first thing. So yeah, coriander, allspice, cloves, thyme, Mexican oregano, cinnamon, cumin, cacao, etc. Okay, yeah, sorry. I tried, listen, I tried giving you a defense here. It just, no, Tom. Well, look, I will say someone, there is a recipe for cardamom, horchata out there, which makes sense. I can see cardamom working in horchata, but, um, yeah, yeah,

I don't, I don't, I think this was a mistake. It would have been one thing. It would have been one thing if you went with those other spices and added like a little dash of cardamom, maybe to add like a little, a subtle layer of flavor, but he treated it like a main spice and that's not going to work out well. Yeah. And like also the degree to which he was pouring those spices in to that pot, like I really cannot,

we cannot emphasize enough how much powder was going into those pots. Yeah, that was a lot. Okay. So Asia is telling him they're ready for lunch and now he's adding more spice and he's just doing his like shimming his shoulders and twerking his bat and going, I see you. I see you spice, not spice, not cardamom. What? Not cardamom. It's giving spice. It's giving spice. It's giving cardamom.

So, um, Gail hits her head again, by the way. Just in case you wanted to know, quick update. She hit her head again. I like it. She's just too pretty to live. It's like she just, I feel like it makes it fair. Evens it out a little bit if she's constantly, you know, damaging the goods.

So then, Julie, of course, is asking for her laundry to be washed. I don't know why that's going on. Of course, Julie. Of course, is asking for a laundry to be washed. I don't know why that's so normal. Of course, Julie. Of course, Julie. Wacky Julie. Wacky Julie. She's like, can you wash my laundry and please don't put any

veal or lamb in the machine? Thank you. Like, please. You know, I don't know what I passed today, but my t-shirt smells a little bit like veal, please only in cold water. Um, it's really important that you do this laundry the way Joe Biden does it, cause I have a friend who's tennis partner lives next door to him.

So then Ellie's like, oh, after the whole Panini Gate last trip, I'm definitely holding my tongue around and that's kind of hard for me to do because I'm currently working on my seventh language, oh snap, mm snapple, mm snapple, mm snappage, mm snoop, mm fallow, which means snap.

There's many ways to say snap, as I just proved to you some. So now everyone sits for lunch and they all start eating the food and Gigi very politely says hmm this spice has a very distinctive taste and the other guest is like do you like it no tastes like losing and I don't lose and they're like yeah there is something spicy in this and Julie's like no Julie Roberta's like it's like, no Julie, Roberta's like, it's

too spicy for me to like Roberta. It's a one on the scale too spicy. So then Asia's like, okay, breed, you have everything written down. So you don't forget. She's like, I'll do it now. Thank you, Asia. So she's telling us I tried to do the best I can in laundry, but I just hate laundry so much. I mean, thank God for this notebook idea though, because like it's so hard for me to remember

things in my head. And I don't know, but you know, I didn't think about the notebook, but it's actually such a good idea. Because if you think of something, you could just write it down. And then when you write it down, you tear out the paper and throw it in the washing machine and then you just never look at it again. And then I don't know, it still feels good. Oh, sweetie, that's not a notebook you're writing on. That's just an orange and that's not a pen. It's a mail packet.

Plus your heart. So then I have to say the fact that she is is blown away by the concept of a notebook, like the concept that like, oh, I can't remember things, I should write them down. The fact that this is blowing her mind really has me questioning her longevity as a stew. Yeah, I mean, I'm with you.

I'd love to lie, cause I really like her, but you know, it is what it is guys, and what it is. Needs no excuses. Okay, so now Ian's talking to his deck team and he's just so annoying. They hate him now. They hate him. Like suddenly hate Ian, which who can really blame him.

He's like, I need you guys to come to a music festival with me sometime. We can be mates bro, whatever you want to hear. I dress up as a wizard sometimes bro, not even kidding. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. can be mates bro, whatever you want to hear. I dress up as a wizard sometimes bro, not even kidding. I mean I can see why I would suddenly hit him after that. Like like you're inviting me to a music festival. Like what is the opposite of a love language that is inviting me to a music festival dressed as a wizard dress as a wizard. I don't want that.

So then, um, Ian's like, all right guys, he's like, if you want to help me stop putting things in the water, I'll only go up and prepare the crane in Lake one, if you can join me. And he just talks about like how everyone's improving and stuff like that. And the guests, um, the guests are like, Ellie's checking with the guests to see what time they want to have dinner. And the guests do say they want late night munchies, which I felt like was going to become a big thing on this episode because late

night munchies were an issue last episode. But I'm here to say, that's not a thing. No, no late night munchie issues. So they're doing water toys and stuff and then it's time to paddle board. Someone asked Nathan if they can paddleboard. And it's fine. Dun dun dun. And Ellie's like, oh, these guests are so chill. Yeah, I think I'm going to go on break. Are you fine?

Is everything fine? Because nothing bad ever happens when they go on break. Ellie's like, yes, of course. So she goes up to the deck and starts talking to Scott on the phone. And she's like, you know, when I get these little check-ins with Scott, it's really wonderful way of bringing me back to reality. You know, it's like suddenly I can leave the horrors of a super luxurious yacht and be in the sweet, smelly, stinky confines of a vine in rural New Zealand. Oh God, what I would give to be in a place that smells like urine with ants crawling over every single surface right now.

I've never missed shitting in a bucket in front of someone like I am right now. Totally discord. Oh, this prison of being in this high luxury vessel and the scenic grease. I just can't do it anymore. But you know it's Scott would be totally would work well on a boat you know when you see the way he runs his bar in Breckenridge he's got the highest standards I mean considering it's a bar he runs out of his van and smells like urine considering he's just

running around with the soap bar really considering I'm the only customer it's not a real bar just me sitting on a bucket outside next to the tires he's just bossing around the Milky Way let's be honest but I like him to feel employed so I applaud it I tried to have him boss around three musketeers but he said that were too many people he said he wasn't ready for a team yet and then the snickers he felt very uncomfortable made him feel like i was mocking him so um okay ian tells gail he rad Gale, to take three hours. And she's like, oh my god, you know how many times I can eat my hidden three hours?

So she's like, but I'm the only person on the swim platform right now. And he goes, it's okay, Joe's coming to relieve you. So, um, dun, dun, dun. Next, Asia's like, Sandy, after dinner we're going to do a toga competition. JJ wants you to be in charge. You know, you know what judges do a toga competition. JJ wants you to be in charge. You know, you know, judges do they hold up those scorecards. Oh, yeah, I was a judge once. I was a judge on a TV show. Basically, I held up cards that said you're a heroin addict. Get off my boat.

Your table decorating skills are a one. Goodbye. You're fired. Hannah Banana. Okay, yeah, that show was called this one. Oh wow, I'm back. I was a judge on Indian Oceans Next Top Pirate. And when those Somali pirates tried to get my boat, I said, guess what? You get a one, cause you lost. I left them in my dust. Now those pirates are kind of dust eaters.

Okay. So it shows like cracking up that they want to do a toga competition. And it's just so funny. So then, Nathan is like, okay, well, he's like, yeah, we're trying to get back to the boat, but we're actually drifting away from it because the currents is so strong. So yeah, we're basically stuck at sea. I'm shitting myself. I'm shitting myself right now. And meanwhile, Joe is like

showing the other guests his abs and the producers are showing how far Nathan has drifted away and nobody has noticed. Yeah, they've actually, they've like drifted out of the Bay of Russia. Now they're just in, now they're just in the Bay of Arctic circle at this point. They are just far away. And then Joe is like, Oh shit, where are these two? Oh, where are you? Uh, this is really embarrassing. Oh no, this can't be happening. Wouldn't it be funny? It's like the first blow deck. We're like, well, unfortunately we blah. One of the guests and one of the deckhands have passed away.

They drifted out to sea. So anyway, I would prefer they just end up on like below deck adventure. What are you doing on this boat? We found a stew in the water. Come in here little stew. By the way, I'll put you to work, but I'm going to need you to wear a little bit of eyeliner and lipstick and please do your hair before you come to work. Oh, Gigi Fernandez, I'm going gonna need you to put your hair up, please. So that it all look good. It's rescued by Faye in Alaska somewhere.

I would love that. So anyway, so these two, Nathan and whoever's with Nathan, I think it may have actually been Roberta, are lost at sea. They're drifting away and Sandy's like, this does not make me happy. So then they send of course, a tender to go save them. And they come back. Why couldn't it be Jen? Is it Jen, the one that doesn't like deal or Manny's?

Julie, Julie. Oh God, why couldn't it be Julie? I mean, it could be Jen also. We don't know Jen, but I know her. She's a real bitch. Jen is a real bitch. Guys, she used to be Jen. Now she insists on being called Jennifer.

I'm so sure. Oh God. Give me a break. With a PH, awful. Ever since I said, my name is Captain Sandy, she said, oh really? Well, my name is Jennifer. You know what?

I would never say this out loud, but fuck Jen. That's right. Fuck Jen, not Jennifer. Yeah, I wouldn't get a tender for her. She's dead to me. She could drift off to see how she wants. Whoa, whoa, just coming back to it there. I'm back. I'm sorry. I'm back. Save him. Call someone, go save him. Save, save Nathan and the lady. So they save him and Sandy says to Joe,

so was he on a paddle board with him? Like no one was really watching them? There's a trick question, because I know the answer. And she was like, no, it's my fault. I should have had eyes on them, but you know, sometimes those awnings come down and it's really hard to see through them if you know what I'm saying.

It's really hard to look out to see when I was looking down at my abs. Just so good. Well, well, listen, you know, less sit ups, how we say. Well, you know, I'm like a parakeet, you know, when, when the sun goes down and go to sleep and unfortunately, uh, when those eyebrows get too big and bushy, I, I sometimes, what I'm trying to say is I had hair in my, I literally had hair in my eyes. I couldn't see. It was too dark.

I appreciate Joe taking accountability. You know, that's one of my favorite things. I just love that. But you know what? It goes back to Ian. You know who hasn't taken accountability? Ian. He's probably fired.

So let's see who else takes accountability. Hey, Bird, did you poop on the deck? You did? Thanks for taking accountability. You want Ian's job? He's a fucking loser. Takes no accountability for nothing, I'll tell you that much. You're hired.

You know what? I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom. Bird, did you poop on the deck? You did? Thanks for taking accountability. You want Ian's job? He's a fucking loser. Takes no accountability for nothing, I'll tell you that much. You're hired.

You know what? You always need to have eyes on the guests and when your name is Ian and you literally have two eyes in your name, that's your job. Okay, so she's like, yeah, here's how it goes. Guests are in the water on any toy. One person is on a Tinder following the guests on the toy. Guests are a priority, okay?

Be tender on a Tinder. Okay, now go apologize to Gigi and let her tell you that she's won 17 grand slams and two gold medals, okay? Go apologize to Gigi. Leave Cardamom out of it for now. Tell Gigi she's the best also and say, loves Captain Sandy. So Ian's like, I mean, I don't know.

I'm in trouble now for something I didn't even see. So that's kind of not fair, but guess what? I'll just need to keep my eyes on my team more than I've been keeping my eyes on the scene. That's it. So Gigi, I apologize about that. She goes, Oh, well, you know, it could have been a disaster, but, uh, turned out all right. You know, it could have been a real John O lunch. If you know what I'm talking about,

hashtag disaster. This could have been a real Mexican rice. All right. This could have been a cardamom in the Mexican rice situation. If you know what I'm talking about, this could have been a Carter mommy and the Mexican rice situation. If you know what I'm talking about, it's good. It'd been a real, Hey, I think I'm a good tennis player, but I just decided to play Gigi Fernandez, AKA disaster for that person situation. It'd have been a real pickleball effect on the community. Am I right? Pretty much a disaster.

So he's like, um, well, um, okay, well, you know what? At the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. That's what you can say for the life of a poros. Okay. But it did happen. So you want to slide? You want to go on a slide? Go on slide. And she's like, okay, let's go on a slide then. So then, um, Ian's annoyed. Gail checks in with him and he's annoyed. And he's like, I figured with the three of you out there, it'd be enough. And I wouldn't have to keep my eye on them as well when I'm also doing toys. And she's like, whatever, it's on him. He's someone who sent me down. Bye.

Yeah. She's like, um, yeah, you put me on break. So anyway, um, Ellie's checking in to see what time dinner is, be eight 30. And, um, John was like, so they still haven't said anything about snacks? Because I'll still prepare them anyway, because I don't want you to be in that situation again. And I am sorry that that happened. I am sorry. I mean, not that sorry. A little sorry.

I'm just not really that sorry. Like a decade later, he's like, yeah, remember that time? Sorry about that, by the way, toots. And she's like, oh, thank you. And so he's like, you know, I'm upset at what happened and I'm committing to making sure that doesn't happen again. Not only for me, but for her as well. Because at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing.

And that's all you can say for the life of a porous. And just in case no one got that the first time. And we're a team and we need to have each other's backs. So I don't know why I'm not calling her a stupid bitch today. I don't know really what changed. Nothing's gonna be explained to you, Adidas. Just go with it. Well it is finished and it is behind us so we are going to improve. He's like yes I'm ready to move forward and work well together. So then the deck team is on the Zoom platform. And Ian is all being fussy because he got yelled at.

And he's like, can we discuss this so it doesn't hit me again? So if you do something like that, you need to have your radio. To be fair, I was up on the bridge deck working out my wizard costume for the next music festival I was gonna work on. And so the three of you were back here,

so you guys really need to be on it, okay? But oh well but oh well oh well and Joe's like um he knew exactly what was going on because I full blow to his face told him what was going on and what sort of happened in hindsight is Gail sort of stayed on the platform with me so take some accountability for your actions as well because I need you to have a percentage of that blame, like 20%, 30% maybe, like, which is the percent of my stomach that is actually made of skin and not muscle. Which I was looking at while that lady was, was drifting away. Will you say percent?

Did you mean cement? I'm a little confused. So now as they're bringing up- I have to say Ian's a shit bag for this, but Joe is also at fault. He was literally looking at his abs and fucking around while those people was fucking around. So Joe doesn't just get off here cause he likes to fingerblast himself.

And also like I think one like one person probably still could have kept an eye on those people. Like I don't know if you needed two people, two people is like the more prudent thing, but like, you know, Joe, some of this falls on Joe. So now they're bringing everything on board and now it's time for Roberta to lead a yoga lesson. And then the stews are cleaning and everything. And Ellie is saying how Brie really seems, you know, really like receptive to her advice because, you know, like if Brie fails, it's, you know, Ellie sees it as that she's a failure too. She goes, you know, I, I would like to be like Lamborghini. I am fast. Like I'm your player.

I'm like a fast Lamborghini. Brie would be like Mazda. You know, she gets you from point A to point B. Why was it so funny to me to think that like Ellie even knew what a Mazda was? Like to me it seems like Mazdas would not even land on Ellie's radar as a car. But like that she chose a Mazda as opposed to like a Toyota or a Nissan that she went Mazda. It's just so funny. Mazdas.

And are Lamborghinis really known for being reliable cars? I don't think so. I feel like they're not. Are Lamborghinis reliable? Explore the truth. This is from lambocars.com. So I think they're going. Our Lamborghini is reliable. Explore the truth. This is from lambocar.com, so I think they're going to be a little bit biased. Let's go to Quora. The Lamborghini Gallardo is reliable.

There you go. So at least one is. As long as there is a shop with factory-trained mechanics, you're fine. Okay, guys, go back to your Lamborghini's guys. As long as you don't touch the gas with more than like, point three pounds of force and your car goes speeding off into a tree. They're very reliable. Yeah. So, um, Nathan's like, wow. So everybody's basically like this guy's a total dick when he's mad. Ian, you know, he's like, I've got no time for the micromanager, mate. It's a side of a week both into me. And Joe's like, oh yeah, he's being a cut fitness.

Oh, sorry about that. I meant he's being stressed, sorry. Yeah, he, yeah, cause he's being a real dick as they're, they're pulling up the slide, the fucking slide. And Ian suddenly was like yelling at them, they're like, come over here, come over here, come over here. So they're like, fuck this guy, basically. And so then, hey, hey, hey, everyone, get ready to drop, drop the beat,

because Gigi Fernandez is on board 17 time winner. Hey, yo, everybody put your hands in the air to the left, to the right and Gigi Fernandez. Also drop the anchor, we are at Russian Bay. Okay. Hope you're ready to jam cause Gigi's ready to hear with a grand slam. God nailed it.

Hip hop hooray. Ho, hey ho. Gigi Fernandez, hey ho. Anyone, come on, everyone join in. No, no, ho, Gigi Fernandez, hey, ho, anyone? Come on, everyone join in, no? No, just me? Okay. So the guys are still bitching about how they hate Ian because now Ian's like, you can't do anything.

So here's how to do an anchor. They're like, oh, hate him now. So then Brie is actually doing well. She's learned what a pencil and a piece of paper are. And so she's improving. It is crazy. And Aisha's like, wow, she's like a Pokemon. She's going from Charamander to Chisaudi

or something like that. I don't even really know what I'm talking about. Charizard. She's gonna slowly morph into a more evolved Pokemon. Gotta catch em all. Mistakes that is, unfortunately. So Gale is like, now she's talking to her boyfriend and she's like, oh are you feeling better?

I'm sorry that was my fault. Think like thing you were not talking to you enough. I'm gonna be a better girlfriend. Love you. Also, I'm gonna cheat on you don't don't worry though I'm out of your league so you'll still take me back yeah I notice she's not like I'll be better I'll call you later with a little strawberry action nothing no well because he had sent a text earlier that

was like oh you must be really busy huh so like, fuck this guy. Yeah. So then, um, Ellie's decorating the table. She's made it a mythical garden because it's a yoga party. So now the guests are kind of annoyed that they have to dress up in this yoga thing, which is funny because it just proves the guests have nothing to do with this shit. Nobody on a super yacht is like, guys, what we really need are theme nights on our two days in paradise. Let's pretend like we're stranded in a cabin and have nothing else to do with a bunch of employees of a boat. Yeah, no one does. So Gigi is going to be a judge Gigi and Sandy are going to be judges.

You know, Gigi loves doing this though. Gigi loves making her friends dress up. And then she just judges them. No, you're bad. You're suck. You're no, no, no. Listen, you're not a champion level. Sorry. That sucks. You look stupid. They're like, that's not even about my toga, Gigi. She's like, yeah. Okay. So she's coming down in a taupe colored toga. You know what? You were just never cut out for the sports industry. Sorry, Jen. Sorry. Sorry, Jen. Go back. Maybe bowling, Jen. Maybe bowling is your sport. I thought this was about togas. There's a little part where, so one of the guests goes, are we having a competition? And Gigi goes, my life is a competition.

So do you feel that way, that everything's a competition? She goes, well, when you feel like you have to beat a two-year-old at cards, that's a problem, right? Do better, do better. I'm wearing a Satine toga. Do you guys like it? You're not need Okay, you're gonna be better at maybe ping-pong Okay, get off the stage you fucking loser

Okay before this toga party begins I just want to request that everyone put their gold medals on. Oh, none of you guys have one. That is so funny. Guys, we're gonna judge each other's gold medals. I win, I win. Hey, can I just see what your Grand Slam award looks like? My plate's just like really big. I love holding it over my head.

How's yours? Oh, you don't have one. I just keep on forgetting. So it's time to eat and John is plating dinner and the stews are putting gloves on for this dinner, which is kind of hilarious considering what's about to come out. And Sandy's like, the expectation when you're yawning

in the bed is five star food cause Gigi has traveled the world. She's been to paradise. She's been to me. She's also been to Chili's. A lot of places. And she's getting chicken today. Guys, chicken is not something you serve on a super yacht. Okay. Everything has to be perfect on the super yacht. Chicken, no. Chicken, dad. No, no. By the way, it's not even the best part of the chicken. It's not even the thigh, which is the most juicy, delicious part.

It's chicken breast. So here they are with their little gloves on doing synchronized service as if they're in LaBernadanne. And they're just like, all right, well, you've got the seared chicken breast with lemon, coconut sauce, and the substitute is cauliflower. And if you're as very good, you'll get a baked potato and peas also, so enjoy.

And one of the guests goes, whoa, chicken. Wow. And they're like, yeah, I guess we're just gonna go with this. So they're mortified that they're getting chicken. What do you think about chicken? Do we ever see chicken on Below Deck? I guess we really don't, do we? Not for dinner. I don't yeah, again, you don't really see chicken in fine dining.

I feel like it's possible you could get some. I actually went to a really fancy restaurant about six months ago. It was like a whole tasting menu and everything. And they actually served chicken at one point. And they did a whole spiel. Like it was one of the things like the head waiter, like the maître D like stood up in the dining room and did a whole spiel for everyone in there and was like, we felt like cause it's winter, we're going to do something that's like a little more homey and a little warm and comforting. And this is like a heritage chicken. And we've been cooking it in hay from Pennsylvania and it's in a Dutch oven and yada yada. It was a whole thing.

They have to really gussy up the chicken to serve it. They're like, guys, this is not just a chicken. This is an educated chicken. This chicken has been to college and is from very good parents. I kid you not. It was literally a hay from Pennsylvania. They're like, we got this hay from Pennsylvania. We've been cooking, it's like straw or something like that. So they serve the chicken and it was very nice. It was a very nice piece of chicken. But the entire time I was thinking,

this is not me being snobby. This is me saying, I think I would have liked something else. Like chicken can be so deeply, wonderfully delicious. We both know this. Like chicken can just, like sometimes you can have a piece of chicken and it is like, it is an eye in the back of your head experience, right? But especially with fine dining,

if you don't do it, you have to, if you're doing it for fine dining, you have to nail that. You have to give that moment. And both the restaurant that I went to, despite it being a great restaurant, didn't really do that. And you could tell that for fuck's sake,

Jonna was not doing it right here in this moment. Well, let me also say, you know, Asia presented this as seared chicken breast. That sounds like salmonella to me. I don't think you're right. I don't think you're supposed to sear a chicken breast. That's insane. And that he told her to say that is crazy. You cook a chicken breast through, you don't just sear it. So I'm disturbed. I'm disturbed by the whole thing. I didn't even know not serving chicken breast was really a thing. But now that I think of it, I guess it makes sense. But yeah, seared chicken breast.

I mean, I'm kind of horrified. And it's amazing that this guy had people fooled and then he's this much of a disappointment. Well, yeah, it's like a it's a I mean, again, chicken breast can actually be delicious, but it's chicken breast is really hard to do. Let's do right because it can just taste so bland and it can get overcooked so easily. Yeah. And this the presentation was not five stars or just like a P it was like cafeteria, like chicken breasts with some vegetables on the side, some cauliflower, the other, it was just a white day. It was just white. It was just not good. It didn't look refined. So then, um, Gigi's like, well, wow, this is just too much. I mean, it's just too much. Jen. All right. I'm sorry.

Rosemary. Sorry, Jen. Sorry, Jen. Overpowering herb. By the way, I just also want to say that they're in Greece right now. And like one thing that Greece like one thing that Greece is a Greek that's famous in Greek cuisine is like Greek, like a Greek chicken with like oregano and lemon and garlic. And that like, why did, why not do that? Like that just seems like such an obvious choice. That's such a perfect Mediterranean kind of meal. That's a great use for chicken. So they're just basically hating this chicken, but everybody's trying to be nice. So you just hear the clinking of the forks against the plate. And no one wants to say anything. It is so quiet at the table! And coming

from someone who proclaims very loudly every time they love food, roll the clip, roll the clip! And we see Aisha just taking a bite going, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Oh, having a lollipop, like going crazy over every single bite she's ever had on this show. But she's absolutely right because everyone is silent because no one wants to be the one on TV to be like the deck to be like this sucks but so they're all just like they're basically pun intended playing chicken with each other like who is going to be the first one to talk about how shitty this is right now. So Aisha starts clearing and now Jono is finishing dessert. Ronnie Ronnie I just can't I don't know how I can,

I'm gonna need some deep breaths for this segment here. This is hard. He has called it deconstructed chocolate cake. We see him making it. It is a cake, which is made improperly, and he is breaking it apart with his hands and shoving it on the plate, and then topping it with bright red sorbet.

Store-bought. It melts all over the cake. Store-bought. Okay, first of all, if I may do a, the 1990s called, they want their plate back. First of all, there's that. Second of all, what is deconstructed about this? It's just a cake. It's just a cake.

It's a cake. That's a broken up piece of cake. It's a broken cake. That's not what deconstructed about this. It's just a cake. It's just a cake. It's a broken up piece of cake. That's not what deconstructed means. If you're going to deconstruct a cake, you take the different ingredients of whatever you're making and you serve them individually. You don't just break something. Like a deconstructed egg is one piece of an egg on one side of the plate and another piece on the other side, dude. It's like, here's the flour of the cake. Here's some flour and sugar of the cake mixed and toasted. And now here is the cream and the egg made as a pudding. And then here is the chocolate melted over it. That's a deconstruct. I mean,

I don't know if it sounds good, but that's what it means. And the deconstructed thing is also kind of old. That's like very 2003, you know, like a deconstructed Caesar salad where you have like a little wedgeset like like some lettuce and then you have like an anchovy and then you have an egg and then you have some parmesan and you scoop them all together. You made the cake wrong. You made the cake wrong. It's just a cake that you tore up and then you put some really jarring looking raspberry sorbet right on top of it and Asia makes a really good point, which is like, Spongecake! I mean, it's the most boring of all the cakes. This is like poop on a platter. You made me serve chicken,

and then I've gotta give them spongecake. Like, I've got to be the face of all this. She's right. Spongecake is like, you know, it's nice, but it's like the thing you serve with like some coffee. It is like a snacking cake, you know, give it in the afternoon. It should actually even be a little something you serve after your main dessert with like coffee,

a little something or other. But I'm just, I, okay, you know what? I've got to reel myself in. Look, to be fair, Asha having to be the face of this when she's the cast member who brags about pooping in a bucket kind of does make sense. Like at least it's poetically, you know, justified or justified. Yeah. Just a, just a goal.

So I think just just, just, just by your love. Yeah. So, um, let's see. So then Asia's checking on them. She's like, is it okay? And she's like, um, it could be more. Wow. You know, I actually missed the chicken. That's not weird. Could be more chocolatey. Maybe could be something by the way, and that scoop of sorbet on top, like it just is, it's like you're like a BJ's or something like that. You know, like,

we're what's going on, like at least put it on the side or at least make it. BJ's actually feels good at least. At least make a canal out of it, you know, but it's just like a full on scoop like you're at a kid's birthday party. Oh God. So now they're going to do a Toga party. So, um, the crew joins in, the guests are not happy. And then there's like a little metal thing that's one of their necklaces or something. And one of the guests is like,

what is that a fucking butt plug? And he's just like, yeah, I thought it was appropriate for, or was it one of the other guys who died? It was Julie, it was Julie, the anti-veilist. She's like, I thought butt plugs were appropriate for Roman times. My best friend who has a test partner who lives next door to a butt plug. So, you know. Oh gosh. So, uh, the prize is like a butt plug. So everybody goes to bed after this lame competition, but before they go, Ellie's like, what is the plan for brunch tomorrow? What would you like for breakfast tomorrow? And she's like, um, 830. How

about huevos rancheros? It's like, oh, that sounds great. What could go wrong? What could go wrong? I feel like the guests were like, you know what? Let's just give them a softball because we just got something called deconstructed cake after chicken and cauliflower. Let's just make this easy. Say scrambled eggs. That's too easy. Make it at least with salsa port on top. Okay. Huevos rancheros. Now, Ronnie, I've actually never made huevos rancheros and I really just never ordered them. I don't think I've ever...

Believe it or not, I don't think I've ever ordered them. So can you actually tell me how one makes them so that way I can pass proper judgment on what happens next? Well, it's generally a tortilla with some kind of like a bean or something like a black bean spread or something. It doesn't have to be black bean,

but like refried beans or something. And then an egg, like a fried egg on top with salsa. That's it. It's a Mexicany egg. Wow. This is generally a vegetarian. Yeah, it's very simple. That's what I thought it was. But I was like, you know what, since I really, I don't have a lot of experience with huevos rancheros. Sometimes you'll find them soupier, like there'll be like a fried egg with a ton of salsa on it and like crispy fried tortilla with melted cheese all over it. You know, you'll find different variations,

but it's basically tortilla, egg, salsa, bean, occasionally cheese. So it's pretty easy. So what he seems to do is he says breakfast is ticklish. That's a ticklish one. It's a ticklish one. Doesn't make any sense. And he says it's time to assemble huevos rancheros. And that's it takes time. No, it doesn't. It really doesn't. You put the tortillas on a plate first. Yeah. And then you have the other stuff ready to pour on top of it and you have to make the eggs hot. Like I don't,

I don't know when the right person would think it's okay to pre-make eggs for any dish. There's no dish that you pre-make an egg for except for what is a dig, a dish that has like a cold egg on it, like, um, like that sushi where it has kind of an egg on top. I think a deviled egg is really the only acceptable, you know, use for that. But so me having never made this before without having much experience with this, I'm watching he makes all the tortillas. It looks like he makes them from scratch,

which is, or does he make them? He just fries them. You fry them. I should say, but he like, he puts effort into them and he does whatever. And he puts the eggs and then they sit there because the guests don't wake up at 8 30 they actually wind up waking up they wind up coming to the table around 10. So the the the huevos rancheros are sitting around for 90 minutes and just puts towel over them and he puts the towel over them like very late too. But the towel it doesn't even matter that's not going to our later he throws a towel on why you just put a cold towel. It's probably dirty frankly knowing you at watching you You put a towel on cold eggs. What do you we thinks gonna happen at best? They're gonna have little little pills of cotton on them. Yeah I what I what I didn't understand watching it was really what you just said Which is why did you not like just make the tortillas ahead of time and the salsa and all like the accoutrement and then just fire up those

eggs, like all in a row, you could done all of them all at once and then have them good to go. Like I don't understand why he just, why he did it that way. It made really, really crazy. So, um, it says serves it okay. And when the guests finally, by the way, I know the guest said 830 or whatever, or at eight, whatever time it was. Who cares? They can do whatever they want.

If they said scrambled egg, we all want different eggs, would you have taken their egg order the night before and made them all eggs and just had them sitting there? I mean, that's just crazy. It's insanity. And I can't believe he's not sent home immediately. I would just be like, you just served last you served what you did last night. And now you served cold eggs by get off. Were you fucking kidding me? Well, so of course, you they ate they eat it and they're like, this is it's cold, you know. So after breakfast, Gigi goes up into the bridge where Sandy is and Gigi sits in a chair. She's like, well, the eggs were cold.

I sent them back. I said, I can't have cold eggs. But I mean, last night's dinner, chef's choice, this is what you choose. And to call something deconstructed just means it didn't work out. I mean, I have a high standard. And normally, this is where I'd make another Gigi Fernandez.

I'm a 17 time champion. Because last season when she was on, she was like inconsolable about that. But honestly, she was a hundred percent right here. Yeah. And she's like, wow. Yeah. The charter. Yeah. You charter a yacht. You want the food to be superb. Wow. So what would you compare this to? Oddly enough, I would say it's not even as good as a grand slam. It's really not. She's like, I would actually prefer to go to Denny's and get a Grand Slam

than to have what I had this morning. Well, it's just like, we're going to fix it. We're going to make this right. We're going to call Johnno, who seems to know what he's doing. And we're going to say, do something better and then see what what that produces. I can guarantee you it's going to be probably mediocre. But I'll see you next time. Twin haircut. Okay. And so now that's the cliffhanger. What will happen to John? Oh, well,

we'll just have to wait until next week. But, um, you know, nothing gets my blood boiling on blow tech. A chef putting out shitty food. You know, nothing gets my blood boiling on blow tech than a chef putting out shitty food. Yeah. Especially when who's already like given enough bitchiness to make us trepidatious. It's a ticklish one.

Yeah, it's a ticklish one. All right, guys, we sure love you. Thanks for being here. Watch these videos on Patreon and go catch our Crappie Hour Live. And if you're a Game of Thrones fan, go check out Winter's Crappening. We will talk to you next time. Love you guys.

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