Watch What Crappens - #2472 RHODub S02E04: Toothless, Not Homeless

Episode Date: June 26, 2024

This week on Real Housewives of Dubai, Caroline finally moves into her house, no thanks to Sergio who continues to pester her about being the man of the house. Meanwhile, Chanel goes to the dentist to learn her age and later throws a Queen’s party.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hi, how are you everybody? Welcome to Watch What Crappens! I'm Ronnie, that's Ben over there. We're next to each other because we're in real life today. Hello, Ben. Hi Ronnie, how are you? Good, I dressed like your backdrop today. I know, you're in shades of green. I'm glad that you're not a floating head, because you could have been. I could have been.

Actually, my shorts are matching. Oh yeah, you do have a lovely pair of green shorts on. Let's see if I... I actually like your whole outfit today. You're blue and you're green, your What's Amada shirt. What's Amada? What's happening? I'm glad you like it, because I just literally... I actually slept in this t-shirt, it just occurred to me. there you go. So already yeah party here at watch what crap ends. Welcome

Welcome everybody. This is real housewives of Dubai recap It is on demand if you want to watch it on video or if you want to hear our bonus episodes go over to patreon.com Cuz that's where they are. Okay, welcome to another glorious week of real housewives of do Okay, welcome to another glorious week of Real Housewives of Duborg. Yes, yes, this is a very fun episode. I'm not gonna open up with my new standard monologue of, I'm actually really liking this season. But by the way, I'm actually really liking this season. I do like it.

But yeah, very funny episode. You know what I was thinking was just super weird? What? I really love that everybody's getting along. Is that weird? I mean, I know that everybody's getting along. Is that weird? I mean, I know that they're having like stupid petty fights, but I mean, until the end, when Lisa tries to start a fight over literally nothing,

because Lisa needs to kind of be an asshole. Like she's got that need, she's always had that need, but I think she's so blindingly gorgeous that I just don't really think about it. Like I don't care, because I'm just like, you're so beautiful. Oh, I think, can I be like you? But normally I think on any other show

she would bug the shit out of me cause she starts fights over another. But for the most part, look how I take myself to a negative place. For the most part, I love that they're just like having fun and getting along. It's so nice. Well, it's more like I would rather than get along

and have fun if that's their natural state rather than force a fight if that's not what they're feeling. I don't want that. That being said, like in the final sort of scene of this episode where Talene pulls Caroline Sandbray to have a talk, you know they're all gonna be like, why is she pulling her?

Why is she pulling her? It was such a reality show moment. Like the producers were like, hey Talene, go bring Caroline for a talk. Like who does that in the middle of a dinner party? It was so bizarre. It was very reality show. Can we go talk to the, go bring Caroline for a talk. Like who does that in the middle of a dinner party? It was so bizarre. It was very reality. Literally like a little swife.

Can we go talk to the side? Yeah, but do that. Well, mostly it happens that at the table, they just aired out at the table and actually, well, you know what, how about this? We'll get to that because that's all at the end of the episode and we have a lot of Sergio to get through. So what are you talking about, baby?

Baby, I'm the man of the house. The man of the house. I'm the man of the house. Sergio I've got to speak with Barari. Barari. I'm trying to speak with Barari how many goddamn times do I have to say it. Bar-ari. Sergio. Georgie I don't have, Sergio I don't have time for you to ball me I'm talking to Bar right? I'm paying a bill, Sergio, with Bavari. I could have watched that scene 10 times over. I was trying. I was trying laughing. I'm gonna say this right now, that was the best scene of the entire series so far.

Season one and season two, that scene of Caroline just yelling at Sergio like a dog that just got into the human food. It was hilarious. But he doesn't do like a dog that just got into the human food. It was hilarious. But he doesn't do like a dog and put his tail between his legs and stop. He just keeps going. And then he starts going on how he's such a man of the house

while he's trying to organize her purses. That's what they're fighting about. He's literally trying to organize her purses, screaming about being the man of the house. Sergio, gallate papa, go to the side. That was So funny. It was so good. Okay, so we start with Talene.

Yeah. And she's doing fitness gear. Is she with her sister or just her friend? Because they're very similar in there. Like, oh, look at that, we got gym equipment on the beach. Yeah, we're putting it here. This is how we do it.

Am I right, Lisa? And Lisa's like, yeah, This is how we do it. Am I right? Lisa Lisa's like, God, that's how we do. Women of Dubai need their gym classes. Am I right? Yeah. So do they do they just have a lot of pollution in Dubai? What is going on with to lean to lean? Do you breathe your oxygen out of a tailpipe of a car? What's wrong with you? Abetly, abetly.

Yeah, well maybe because there is a lot of sand and it's really hot. Do you think it's sad? It's because I have gym class on the beach and maybe it's just because the sand gets in my throat because women have never worked out in Dubai before. Well, look at LA. I mean, LA's natural state is a dust bowl

and look at the way we sit here. We're like, allergies in LA. I mean, LA's natural state is a dust bowl. And look at the way we sit here, and we're like, allergies in LA, am I right? Well, not only dust, my good Lord, it's like covered in, oh. Yeah, there's smog in Dubai. There's a lot of smog over there. But I think gay people like it so much because smog is pink.

I remember when I moved here, I was like, the sky is so beautiful, it's pink. And my parents were like, that's called smog, you fucking idiot. And I was like, it's beautiful, it's like a pink sky. It's like, the sky is so beautiful, it's payed. My parents were like, that's called smog, you fucking idiot. I was like, it's beautiful, it's like a pink sky, it's like a Barbie sky. Smog is the gay pollution, acid rain is the hippie pollution. What else?

Litter, that's so straight. Children are straight people, litter. For the most part. I mean, gays have children too, but usually a lot fewer because we have to pay so much for them. We're like, we're not having eight children because we could buy a mansion with that money. Okay, we're having one and we're just gonna make them do everything we wanted our eight children to do.

You're gonna be a banker, an actor, you're going to ballet class, soccer class, tennis class. Yeah, I think that litter is straight pollution. And I think that litter is straight pollution. And I think that plastic things in the ocean that choke turtles and seagulls, that's like what? That's like artsy pollution maybe? Is that like, that's drama club pollution.

But choke turtles, that's drama club, that's definitely drama club pollution because it's like, you know, obviously it's not nice to see a turtle getting choked to death, but also to have this fabulous accessory. It's like, ah,, obviously it's not nice to see a turtle getting choked to death, but also to have like this fabulous accessory. It's like, ah, I'm dying by passion. Accessories have finally killed me. Okay, so the point is this,

not much is happening in the scene. Teline is, we meet her friend. What's happening? Teline is like the feminist of Dubai, okay? Everyone's like, oh my God, they're so strict in Dubai. Not for Talene. Talene's like, guess what I brought to Dubai? A midriff. Crossfit.

It's changed the world. So this is her, it changed the world. And Lori Lo walks up and they're just setting up on the beach, et cetera. And Talene gives us her story. She's like, when I moved to Dubai nine years ago from LA, Rafi was working all the time. I felt so alone.

I didn't have my own friends. And all I could do was work out because there was nothing else to, may I suggest masturbation and calling dominoes every once in a while? Like, do you have no PlayStation in Dubai? Is that illegal to you? Girl, working out. I haven't had shit to do for years

and I don't work out. It's 93,000 degrees in Dubai and you're like, well, I've got nothing to do let me run around the pond. Touch yourself play a PlayStation might I suggest Zelda the Switch Nintendo Switch Zelda is great. Yeah, so it'll last a long time get Get a hobby, go to a Home Goods. I know, did I tell you that I beat Zelda by the way?

The new one? I built, I beat it by accident. I'm so upset. What do you mean? Because I thought I was on a side quest and then I encountered Ganon and I was like, oh, this is like a probably like another one of those like not real Ganons and then there's gonna be the big thing. And then I beat this Ganon.

I was like, wow, this is a big battle. And then, and credit starts to roll. I was like, but I still have like three other like main quests to do. So I, I skipped main quests shit and I am bereft by this. And they won't let you go back. No, they'll let me, but it's like, it's kind of like, well, now I've like lost. I lost a little something in me. I lost a little something. Hmm, I couldn't, there's too much like building things. This one they're like, no, build a platform.

No, I'm not here to build shit, okay? Well, when I moved to Dubai, I was so bored, I just started building things for Zeta. That would be something, yeah. I moved a platform with my eyes. So, Tilleen, yeah, so we get her story. She has nothing to do, so she worked out a lot, um, Tilleen, uh, yeah. So there's that, oh, so we get her story. She has nothing to do. So she worked out a lot. Okay.

Which is great for her. Um, I hate it when your partner, I would have this kind of part. I would be this kind of partner. I would find somebody that is obsessed with working out, but I myself never work out. And I wonder about the dynamic in that relationship. Cause Rafi is like, no. And I feel like every time they go to an Olive Garden, do you think they have that in Dubai?

They have it everywhere. Rafi's like, I'm getting breadsticks and you're not gonna tell me no, my father owns this town. Yeah, but also by the way, the other thing with Teline, she, her whole backstory is that she moved to LA to be a singer and she had a record contract and everything was going well. Well, I'm starting to understand why maybe it didn't work out

because she was like, I had literally nothing to do. So I worked out. I'm like, how about you had nothing to do so you wrote songs or who might make your music. Girl, you can record that on your computer. Even I do that and I'm not very talented in that way. That's an artist's dream. You have all the time in the world

and everything's paid for. You can just do your music. Yeah. Wow, Talene, Jesus. You can just do your music. Yeah. Wow, Talene, Jesus. You thought you were gonna have an easy crossfit scene. You thought the scene would be easy, but you just got some free advice from the aunties over here. We have nothing to do, so we give random people

we don't know advice they're never gonna hear. We're just gonna shame you about your false life choices. Like you wanted to be a musician. Really? Really? Yeah. So she's like, and you know what I realized? In Dubai, there's a void. For?

Human rights. Women's rights, gay rights. What is it? She's like, no, for business. Normal architecture. Normal architecture. Uh, the general stucco. Islands that aren't shaped like palm fronds.

Dependable home foundations. Mountain sides that aren't inside a mall. She's like, yeah, there's a void for fitness, especially targeted for women. And that's when I knew there's a business here. Yeah, so she has started up a bootcamp. So she's telling all the people, she's like, give me a pep talk. Everyone, we're going to run calories, calories, calories.

And we can do anything a man does time 10, right? And they all clap. Except vote and drive. Just kidding. You can vote and drive there. I think, I think that was, that was the thing when I looked up the laws, but driving fairly recent, I think. Uh, that I cannot comment on because I do not know, but I will say that these women are all, by the way,

super jacked. They're like, they really all have my gold bodies. They are. Well, and I really liked her thing because I feel like CrossFit people in general don't care that other people are really into CrossFit. I think their whole point in doing CrossFit is to annoy the people who aren't in CrossFit.

So I think she looked at Dubai and was like, you know what, not enough people hate CrossFitters yet. We don't get, I don't get to brag to enough people that I'm running with a parachute tied to me. So I'm gonna go get other people to do that with me so we can just ignore the fuck out of everybody. And she did it. She found that void and she filled it.

And now she has people annoyed with CrossFitters even in Dubai. By the way, one thing I'm never gonna do is attach a parachute to me myself and then just run in 93 degree weather in the blurring. Now, literally in any weather. And guess what else?

I'm not going to flip over a tire. I won't even change tire. How about this? Parachutes should go vertically, not horizontally. That's what I say. So you're doing it wrong. Attach it to me if I'm falling, not if I'm running. But anyway, Talene says that she goes as progressive as Dubai is, I'm falling, not if I'm running. But anyway, Talin says that she goes,

as progressive as Dubai is, I'm like, is it? She says, you know, it's still- Yeah, you keep telling us. You keep telling us on this show. Ronnie, don't worry. Well, I'm sure we can go there and hold hands. So- We be everywhere.

Look, we just did that yesterday. We did. So she's like, it's still a Muslim country. So you still have locals that they don't want to like do a workout in the same room as men or they think that taking care of your body is wanting to look sexy. So they're ashamed. So you know, like there's this whole stigma as well. So I saw that I thought I could really help women. So guess what tires on the beach it

is. Now, unfortunately, one of our students wasn't a plane that was about to crash jumped out, but she was wearing her parachute wrong. a plane that was about to crash, jumped out, but she was wearing her parachute wrong. So we're going to have to work around how we're training people to use parachutes. Otherwise, we've done very, very well here. Well, it was attached to her hips. So the good news is she did float down safely.

The bad news is she landed on her face. Her hips snapped and her face is broken, but otherwise, you know, she's great. We gotta tell people there's no tracks in the sky, no running up there. I don't know why she did it like that. So then she is, you know, walking around, saying fitness trainer type things like, oh my God, the form, I love your form, amazing form, wow. Keep pushing, keep pushing, keep pushing, keep pushing.

I started these little boot camps and then that way they could push sleds and flip tires and push cars. Then security came up a few times and were like, what are these women doing flipping tires? Okay, can I, should we help you flip the tire? I mean like, no, no, no, this is a workout. God, I love living here, no regrets from moving from LA.

I do like that though, that they're flipping the tires and the men are like, do you need help flipping this tire? I know, do you need help with this obvious physical exercise you're doing? They don't think like, why is this woman flipping a tire? Like, oh, is she trying to get this tire to a truck right now? Yeah.

So now they're, you know, everyone's exercising. It's kind of hilarious to watch CrossFit. I wonder if this is something that's going to stay around. Cause I mean, we've all seen CrossFit before. Actually, I haven't seen it since I left West Hollywood, but I would see people doing it out on the street there all the time. And so to see it again is just so funny to me. Like, what are you doing?

Do you have any like rubber bands you can use for arm bands or I don't know, to a squat? You know, there's so many props. It's like the carrot top of exercise programs. They just need so many props. They do. And they give each other a lot of props all the time and in public ways too. Like, congratulations, you really killed that wad.

Bra, we fit it today. We crossed today, bra. Yeah. So the women, it's like high fives. It's all done and everything. So then Tullien sits down with Lori and they're gonna have a talk. And you know, she's like, you know, it was a really good turnout today. I mean, like, meaning that we only had 10 security officers

trying to stop the women from working out. But it was a really good turnout. And like, you know, and like, by the way, some of them were like triathlons. Yeah, and Lori's like, yeah, you know what? It made me almost want to work out. Almost, am I right? So they make small talk about that.

And then Tolien's like, I just miss it. Like I used to do it three times a week, you know what I'm saying? I just need to do it more, but Roth wants another baby. Like, do you know how rough that is? I just got these abs back, just got the abs. I also love that she's like, I moved here and had nothing to do.

Cause you don't have to do anything for the kids, you know? Cause later she's like, in Dubai, you have cooks, you have cleaners, you have maids, you have car starters. Like I think it was called slave wait, slave labor man. Maybe I just need to stop Googling Dubai. Because I feel like it's ruining recapping. At a certain point, we just have to turn a blind eye because there's a lot of issues over there.

Yeah. So we now have a flashback to the age-old thing of a husband who wants to have another kid, and she's like, I don't want to. It's classic. And also, he we just have to add the extra misogyny in here. Just because you know, it's that kind of a year for Bravo. But it's not just that he wants a kid. I need a son. It must be a son. Yes, it must be someone to take my name. A girl, never.

Queen Elizabeth who? What did she live to be, 97? She fucking loser. I know. Nothing. We'll be sure to switch that setting on with the uterus to make sure it's a boy. Okay.

So. Yeah, cause I don't know if you've done anything medically ever, but it's the sperm. It's a sperm, sir. Okay. Change your sperm. Work on your sperm, sir, okay? Change your sperm. Work on your sperm and then judge the UDU. So Talene's like, I mean, I finally got the motivation

to get my career back on track, like literally back on a track, like everyone, we're on a track right now. But like every time, my legs just close tighter and tighter and tighter. Actually, I won't get it on track because that doesn't require props. Now, a track is, I guess, a set piece.

But still, I'm a prop fitness trainer. I used to lay down tracks. Now I just lay down on tracks. Okay, you also did not just get your career on track. You are teaching things on a beach. And that to me says I do not have an on track career. People with an on track career teach classes in air conditioning, in a warehouse, or something like that, not on a career. People with an on track career teach classes in air conditioning, in a warehouse

or something like that. Not on the beach. I mean, even Caroline Brooks found a way to make a make a spa for crying out loud. Well, yeah, his name is what's his buns. Caroline Brooks. Oh, we'll get to you. Yeah. All right. So look at everything I do all by myself. Oh, okay. Okay. Now the main event. Now we go to Michael's house, aka Caroline's hotel, as the Chiron says it. It's a mess. There's stuff everywhere. And, you know, Caroline and Sergio are preparing for their big move. So Sergio goes up to Caroline while they're moving, he goes, give me a cuddle. She's like, no. No. Well, who the fuck wants to sit down and have a cuddle in the middle of moving?

God, it's exhausting. Why can't we pack in different rooms? I keep moving and you keep following me, you're pathetic, Sergio. She goes, I just want to be anywhere you're not. He's like, okay. And then he's like right behind her again, following along. She's like, thank God we're getting out of Michael's house

and into our new home. There are not enough rooms to getting out of Michael's house and into our new home. There are not enough rooms to run to in Michael's house. Sergio has keys to all of the rooms here. I thought if we moved into a confusing enough house, he would lose track of me and I'd finally have some peace. But unfortunately, he's actually more savvy than I ever thought and he can follow me from room to room to room.

I've built a cement box with many different mazes with different w-rigs of wigs dropping and flying up so he doesn't know which way I've turned. Let me tell you something. If he were in Hansel and Gretel, he would have been saved every single time. Oh, actually, I would have been saved every single time. Now that I realize that I've gotten the entire fairytale wrong,

it's all because of his stupid face. I've confused myself because I've brought up a story with children getting cooked. I, sometimes I just think about Hansel and Gretel when Sergio's around and think about what sweet relief it would be to be baked in an oven and never have to see his face again. It's time for a commercial.

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So she's like, I don't really think he understood what I come with. I come with hundreds of knockoff purses, children, flat ironed hair on the side of my head that doesn't really make much sense. It's confounding for him, really. Some neon signs from my old business. I have a strange lady who stays in a basement in Valentina and another one named Paulette.

It's a lot. A chain smoking straw head woman that follows me around saying girl boss, girl boss on a gold boss boss. It's very difficult. Oh, by the way, did you hear this rumor? Did someone send it to you too? Uh, Caroline Fleming is moving to Dubai and would be very open to appearing on Real Housewives of Dubai. So bravo, gods. Let's get... Did you hear this? This is Real Housewives of Dubai.

What the fuck are you talking about? Caroline Fleming. Oh, I got my Caroline. Too many Caroline... No, they can't have another Caroline. Sorry. It would be a lot of Carolines, but to have Caroline Fleming back in our world would be truly a gift.

And I actually now need this show to survive to a third season just so we can have that. Yeah, I would love that. I love walking in the fields. She'd have to change her shtick. I love walking on the stand and picking all the natural things. Sand.

Sand. Sand. She would be- Salt water. She would be- Sand. Oh, isn't it so beautiful, the sky out here? She would be so amazing in Dubai, because she'd be like,

the people out here are just so generous and so sweet. The other day I said, wouldn't it be lovely if we had some Comte cheese? And then after 45 minutes, they found me some Comte Cheese and like, cut to all these indentured servants around Dubai, running around in this heat trying to find some Comte Cheese for her. Oh, isn't that so delightful that they found that for me? People are so lovely to royalty here in Dubai. Walking down the street after dark, Van pulled up to me and said, you can't walk alone.

And they put me in the van with the bag over at my head and escorted me home. It was the sweetest thing I've ever had happen. It was so lovely for them to give me a small facial treatment in a bag while I was escorted home. And then afterwards, as I got out of the car, I said, do you know about almond butter?

It's like peanut butter, but with almonds. How lucky are you to have me teach you about almond butter? Oh, so Caroline hates Sergio. And she's like, I mean, I come with three dogs, two PAs, which LOL, that is hilarious because you know her PAs are not paid. And we see a picture of her PAs. There's no way those girls are paid.

No. And then she goes, and a driver, and it just gives a ding arrow her PAs. There's no way those girls are paid. No. And then she goes, and a driver and it just gives a ding arrow to Sergio driving. Yeah. They put, they put like a, a Photoshop hat, like drivers, chauffeurs hat on Sergio. And where Michael used to do his work in the day is where I get my makeup done now. So am I, have I worn out my welcome? Yes. A thousand times. Yes. It's been delicious.

So now there is, so Sergio and Caroline are in the same room and she's on the phone and Sergio is like going to her drawer and he's like, where do you want me to put these bags? Honey, honey, where do I put these bags? All right, please darling, hang on, please. Okay, but like, are you going to help me with all this honey or no? Darling, I'm doing the house for the bills.

Do you understand? Yeah, but we should take the bags out, you know, honey, honey, are you with me or no? Yes, Sergio, but you're emptying the drawer. I'm actually dealing with Borrari, Sergio. Draw Borrari. All right, which wins? Borrari wins. It's harder to say, Sergio, please. So where would you like me to put the bags? I can put the bags over here. Sergio, I am texting with the developer, the developer of Ferrari. I'm coordinating all the setup of the house

to turn on the electricity and finalizing the payments, make sure everything is okay, because everything for the house is in my name, because unfortunately the regulations in Dubai say you cannot have a house under the name of idiot. Sorry, Sergio. Regulations in Dubai say you cannot have a house under the name of idiot Sorry Sergio So Sergio is taking a purse out of a bag and he's like, okay Do you know that you have this in this bag? It's new. I think this is new. Hold on

Baby, baby, hold on baby. Hold on baby. Hold on baby. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on Berari, hashtag berari But honey, it's a purse. Because Sergio hasn't been here long enough, you have to be employed and have a credit history in this country for three years to put anything in your name. Also, you have to have had a legitimate job at least one time in your life. Honey. Sergio, please stop asking me questions.

Okay, let me know if I can help with anything, baby. You can't help with anything because I just got it, so I'm sorting it out with Berrari. Otherwise, we can't get light, heat, water, or service. So you want me to leave it just like this? Yes, please. But are you going to do anything or am I gonna have to do everything? What, Sergio?

Please. Honey, it's fine. It's fine, honey. It's fine. She's like, please, just stop asking me these questions. It's fine. My God, I can't do it., please just stop asking me these questions. It's fine. My god, I can't do it. I can't handle it. All right, this is ridiculous. I'm trying to talk to Barari. He's like, but what should I do with this? What do I do with this? I just like, all right, I'm going to just do what Sam did for me for 20 years and just ignore.

I'm going to take your bags out, honey. Do you want me to take out these bags honey? Honey. Burari. Hello Burari. It's me, Caroline. Caroline Stanley. Honey, listen to me. Listen to me honey. Do you want bags? Bags?

Tiki tiki? Bags? Honey? Honey? What do I do with bags honey? I can't take anymore. I can't take anymore. I'm leaving.

So she leaves. She's like, I've said I'm dealing with Berrari I'm dealing with Berrari I'm dealing with Berrari do you want to move they cannot give the fucking keys without talking to Berrari and then you asked me 57 times about these fucking handbags fuck my life Sergio AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH SH Michael sitting on his couch with his like UT of Austin, Hermes blanket or whatever the fuck he's doing. And he's like, I'm Caroline. What's all the screaming about? She's like, oh my God, he's asking me about fucking handbags, Michael.

I can't take it. Oh, what do I do with the handbags? You have to tell me what I do with the handbags, honey. I'm doing everything, honey. I'm doing everything. She's like, you're doing everything? Person with a house not in their name? Really? Just talk to me normal, that's it. I'm fucking doing everything, so shut up. Yes, shut up,

Caroline. Oh my god. So he's like, talk to me normal, that's all I need. This is normal. Our vows were, listen here, stupid head. Listen here, stupid head. I'm Rich, your heart. We're doing this together. Now shut the fuck up and kiss me. That's why I said in our vows, Sergio. One day I'm going to be talking to Berrari and I'll need you to shut the fuck up for two seconds. If you can see, I'm in it, Sergio.

Stop interrupting. I told you to stop and then you ask and you ask and you ask and you ask and the fucking handbags are going nowhere so fuck off. It's like, oh my God, I cannot believe she just told me to fuck off. Michael's like, what can I help you with? No, no, God, it's just fine. It's just Berary sending me these things

you have to organize before they hand you the keys. He's like, oh yeah, you gotta do that with Berary. Yeah, seriously, service charge, all those things. And then Sergei's like, oh, thank you so much. Thank you so much for sharing that with me because I'm the husband. Oh, you wanna be the husband now, Michael? You wanna be the husband?

Yeah, thank you so much. Thank you, that's fucking lovely Caroline. Like, thank you so much. Why are you telling him and not me? Oh, fuck off, Sergio. You're like a gnat. You're like a gnat that pretends to play soccer from time to time.

But I thought that you loved gnat. No, not Natalie from Facts of Life. It's a a gnat. You're like a gnat that pretends to play soccer from time to time. But I thought that you loved gnat. No, not Natalie from Facts of Life. It's a different gnat. Yes, I love her because she's chunky and she laughs at her own jokes. You're like a buzzing gnat, a bug gnat. No, no. Well, talk to your husband and then let him know, okay? Talk to your husband, Michael, okay?

Because everything's okay. Okay, just let me know, okay? Let me know something. Michael's like, I'm not trying to be the husband. I'm just trying to help, which is what I've been doing for three months. I was like, don't you start, Michael, okay? No one needs you in here getting all smitty about it. Yeah, don't start, Michael,

because we know you did it for the stories. You know you're telling all the other queens that you can't hold hands with on the street. Like, oh my God, Evan, today, Caroline and Sergio, you do not want to know. Listen, we don't have regular physical affection. We get our affection through gossip about housewives. Okay, I'm basically the whore of Babylon right now.

So then, so Michael walks out, he's like, I've had enough. And Sergio's like, Caroline, yes, what now? I'm the man of the house, Caroline. Okay, I'm the man. I'm the man of the house, please. And you have to prioritize me. And you've not been doing that. We've been fucking living here for two months, you understand? Like, so how do you want that?

Do you want me to feel? I'm sorry, could you finish wrapping that Hermes bag while you're crying about being the man of the house? That would be great, okay? Maybe do it with one of the tiny dogs in your other arm. I know, she's literally scolding him like a child, because he is a child. And she's like, grateful, you should feel grateful, you don't make him,

you don't feel Michael feel shit in his own house, you idiot. And then Michael's in his living room just shaking his head, like, I cannot wait to fucking make out with a guy tonight, and by make out with a guy, I mean, talk about what a bitch Caroline is big to Sergio right now. I'm not saying that, Caroline, I'm fucking grateful, but prioritize me, Caroline, say something, because I'm now. I'm not saying that Caroline. I'm fucking grateful.

But prioritize me Caroline. Say something because I'm always I'm always I told you very clearly. Barari. Right? You have to keep talking about my handbags which I will get to. Fuck my life. I just want to get on.

Go. Just go. I'm fucking tired of this fucking shit. Oh, I'm going to storm out but which room should I go to? God crawl into a person die you goddamn that. So then we go to Lisa's house and her mom Juliet is there and she's like, Are you guys gonna be good for grandma? You're not gonna get any candy and the mom's like, please, no micromanagement.

Yeah, this is for you, not for me, cause I'm going out, she's like, let me be the grandma. I'm here now. So then that's it. That's all that happens. Yeah, grandmas can do whatever the fuck they want. My sister's family is gluten-free. And when my sister would drop off the kids, they started calling my mom Gigi and

she was like, Why are they calling you Gigi? That's not what that's not your grandma isn't grandma grandma. She's like, gluten gluten. Go now. So Ronnie, you just sew up the kids are covered in goldfish goldfish crumbs on every side of their face. It's funny like that. it didn't occur to me that Lisa's mom's name is Juliet. It made me wonder, do you think,

I wonder also if Juliet Angus will ever make a cameo on this show. I'm just like waiting for all of the, your ladies in London to show up on this show. No, I'm fine with, I'm fine with Dubai being Dubai. I don't need, I don't need a remake. Although I would have loved to see Marissa Herrmer's divorce because that just happened.

I'd say that just happened. That was here and that was here in New York. A lot of people sent us that actually. A lot of people like, in case you didn't hear, I was like, okay, because Marissa Herrmer's divorce. Cause that just happened. That was here and that was here in New York. Sent us that actually. A lot of people like in case you didn't hear, I was like, okay, cause Marissa Herrmer put up like a post very when she's like, well, we decided to consciously uncouple and like I'm grateful for the experience in my life and like it's been the most wonderful time,

but we decided to, I was like, no one cares Marissa Herrmer. Yeah, I don't think any of us care. I do love the term consciously uncoupling. I think that's so funny. By the way, Marissa Herrmer, I've never, I don't think I've ever encountered someone whose last name describes the way they talk. I am Marissa Herrmer.

Marissa Herrmer. Ma'am, what are you doing while you're waiting for that elevator? Herrmer. Herrmer. Herrmer. Herrmer. Herrmer. Herrmer. Herrmer. Herrmer. So then we see Sarah's house and her sons talking to her

mom and they want her to come visit and then we see Chanel and Lisa going to a clinic. Okay, so Lisa's like, this is my friend Ayan. She's here for the forensic age estimation by teeth check. And Chanel's like, no, forensic, that's for people who are dead, no. I'm sure it's forensic. She goes like, no, no, forensic, because those are dead people are forensic. She's like, let me check on the Google.

So she looks it up. And she's like, forensic age estimation, my teeth. So Chanel's like, you know, I'm excited to find out how old I am through my teeth, because I didn't have a birth certificate growing up until I was older, because my village is in the middle of nowhere, you know? I mean, okay, I get that. But couldn't you have marked a tree or something? I didn't know what year it is, though. So she goes, what if I'm 70? Lisa's like, I get that, but couldn't you have marked a tree or something like that? People don't hear it is though. So she goes, what if I'm 70? At least it's like, I'm guessing that you're younger

than you think you are. You think? By the way, if Chanel winds up being 70 years old, that will be the funniest thing I've ever had. I would die. She's so stunningly beautiful. And I love that that's an honest possibility to her. She's like, I could be 70.

Not only does my village not have a lot of technology, but I have no concept of time at all. She's like, how long have we been here? Five hours? No, we've been here 10 minutes. Yeah. So she's like, it's just, she's like, one of the things I've wanted to know,

I mean, my body I think is 60, and then my mind is like 30. So I really want to know exactly how old I am because then I can actually know how many years I have left on earth because I don't know if I'm 60, I only have 10 years left. And I'm like, wait, 10 years, you have more than that. Well, that's definitely like a 30 year old thing to say, right, like I'm gonna die when I'm 70.

Well, how about this, when did you have your child? Because that'll at least give you a timeframe of some, I guess like. Of what? You can have those things at 12. Well, like look, if she had her kid at 45, she could be in her 60s, which would be hilarious. I would love that. So I would love that. Okay. So now Stambury is going to come and she's like, oh, she's so excited to see how old I am. She goes, yeah, she just wants to make sure you're older.

So they're cracking up and Chanel's like, so I might be older than you. And she's like, oh, God, please. That'd be the only thing that would make me feel better after. She's like, I really hope I'm older just to come here so she doesn't feel like she's a 50 year old influencer anymore. They keep on ragging on Stan Bray for that all episode. Like, well, she's a 50 year old influencer. Well, it's called not having anybody else to rely on.

Try it sometime. I don't like that when Lisa is just like, Oh God, a 50 year old influencer. What are you trying to do? I mean, the only difference is you're trying to influence people to buy your own stupid maternity wear. But Hey, you know, it's working for Bethany Frankel. I mean, Bethany Frankel's latest chapter in life is that she's literally a hugely successful influencer.

She's out there selling. I mean, what's the difference? I mean, listen, I don't love the term influencer either, but you know, people are out there selling, especially when it comes to that Carl, because I'm dying looking at watching Carl's influencer journey on Instagram. Oh, Carl, he's trying. Who is hiring Carl?

Why would he, he's the most awkward. Why would anybody wanna buy anything that Carl is selling? Like, you know what I really like? This resort. Who cares? Fucking care what you like? Hey, you know, sometimes you might say the way I move, there's a method to my madness, and you're right. There's some method. Method all purpose cleaner. I may not do meth, but I do use method.

Me, Carl. Awkward smile. I'd like to introduce you to the Waze scale. Put your weight on me, am I right? Ding! Now to be fair, Bethany Frankel has proven that there is no true way to properly influence because she, I mean, she's killing it as an influencer

and all herself is like, okay, Lemoy, look at this. Okay, let's look at this method, clean this up. Okay, look, okay, okay, okay. It smells nice, it smells nice. You know what, I actually don't like it very much it's actually not a very good you know I don't like it at all I don't like it at all but it's a nice color you know sort of reminds me of pee that's a yellow yes yellow is like a sunshine but take a look at this method it looks like pee smells like shit and I'm gonna take it to a TJ Maxx and give it to poor people I don't like this I don't like

this anymore you know it no one should buy this but I do like that's rectangle on the bottom but round on top that's actually a nice thing hey I like that thanks but it could stink too bad to you because you already smell poor. So maybe it'll leave in it out here. Take this. What do you think about towels? It's barely used. Okay, so I got a towel here.

This is a towel. It's small. I don't understand how you use it. It's stupid. We shouldn't have towels anymore. We're beyond this. I don't like this anymore. Don't towels.

You know what? This towel needs to be thinner. I need a thinner towel. Okay, how about this? Skinny towels. Yoga block. Okay, what do you do with this? Like what are you gonna build a house with this?

You gonna build a house with this? Look how light it is. This can blow away in the wind. Okay. You know what? That wolf towels. Yoga block. Okay, what do you do with this? Like, what are you gonna build a house with this? You're gonna build a house with this? Look how light it is. This can blow away in the wind, okay? You know what? That wolf, I understand what you meant to do now, because you just blow once, it just falls over. No one even talks.

Like the reverse influencer. Like that time she was eating all the seafood in the hotel room out of a wine bucket and going, oh my god, look at this. It's like crab legs, but it's in a bag. And you get the crab legs and you eat them out of a bag. Oh my god, it's like, I'm never gonna eat that shit again. I'm never eating crab legs in a bag and you get the crab legs and you eat them out of a bag. Oh my God, that's all it is. Like I'm never gonna eat that shit again. I'm never eating crab legs in a bag again or crawfish or whatever the hell that was.

Or my favorite video of hers that I always reference titled, I went to France and hear all the things I hated. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay, so they're in the forensic age by teeth place

and giving Caroline Stamburyiship for being an influencer. So then now we see Chanel, because of course they have one thing to announce the next thing, right? So they're at this event to announce that she's having a queen party. So then we see her calling everybody. I was like, finally.

No, not for you, Michael. I thought I was gonna, finally. No, that's for you, Michael. I thought I was gonna have something to hide in the trunk for and have a cocktail. Damn it. So Chanel's like, I'm having a queen's dinner because I've always felt like I'm a queen. So I want the girls to feel the same way I feel about myself. It's like, that's so nice.

What happened to her? I love it. I know, but it's such a softer, gentler Chanel this year and I really like it. Well, Chanel really is a huge star. So she's saying, instead of us always bickering, I want them to plot each other and remind themselves that they are queens,

even if they sat very far away at Beyonce. They're queens of smaller countries than me. Smaller queens, but they're still queens. They're queens with generaler queens, but they're still queens. They're queens with general seating seats, but they're still queens. So then the nurse comes in and they go to do this x-ray. And while she's in there, Caroline comes in and sees Lisa and they're kind of fakie-bakie to each other, you know?

And Caroline's like, I have a feeling Ayaan might be older than me. Yeah, and then, you know, Lisa's like, you know, the saying that black don't crack and everything. So then meanwhile, Chanel's looking at her, her mouth X-ray and the dentist is like, uh, you don't have a tooth there. She's like, Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I don't have a tooth there. But my mother removed it when I was young. It was very painful. She just went, I don't have a tooth there. Well, my mother removed it when I was young. It was very painful.

She just went. I was like, yeah, 13 or 14. She's so casual about that. Well, people were harsh back then. I can imagine how it was like in a little village. My parents used to tie our teeth up with string and then put it to a door.

Did you ever have that and then slam the door and then your teeth come out? No, because I was raised in the 1980s. So was I. I can't believe it. So was I. I can't believe it. I've heard stories about that. Usually it was pliers.

I'm not shaming your parents, but I've heard stories about that. It's horrifying. No shame then, they deserve to be shamed. It was horrifying and my dad did it. They used to use, my grandpa, my papa used pliers. He was the one that usually do it. But my dad did the door thing,

cause he's like, this is how we did it growing up. And we were like, nah, he's like, I'll show you. And he did it. It worked. Was it your baby teeth or just a tooth I need to take? Oh no, I still have my regular teeth. So I guess it was like when your teeth get loose or whatever, but not loose enough and they need to pull them.

My grandpa would get a wrench and my dad would be like. The tooth fairy appreciates pain. Yeah. That is a... You get more money for the struggle that is emanating off your tooth under your pillow It's like now if you can hear the tooth being like Let me tell you something. I'm still traumatized. I'm still traumatized by castaway

like I'm still traumatized by that seed and castaway and That's just the first thing I thought of and like the fact that she's so blessed. I remember that what happened I just remember him talking to a ball and getting progressively homelier. I didn't like that movie. Well, okay. So the movie starts, cast away starts. That's just the part of the tooth. He has to take his tooth out.

What does he do it with? He has something, it's like either a rock or maybe there's like a random ice skate. I think there's like an ice skate that had washed ashore or something like that. I don't know, but he has to, and you know it's gonna come the whole movie because before he even gets on the plane, when he's having dinner with Helen Hunt,

he's like, Oh, I have a toothache. I'll have to take care of that. And you're like, you're about to get stranded on an island, sir. And I know what this movie is about to do. I know odd because that's such Helen Hunt acting. I feel like Helen Hunt's acting is always like her tooth hurts. She's always like, hurts. She's always like, she has, she has hurt tooth acting. Here comes one right now. It was the biggest scandal in pop music. The stars of Milly Vanilli, the Grammy winning multi platinum R&B phenomenon were exposed as frauds. But none of this was their idea. So whose idea was it?

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or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Blame It On The Fame early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Okay, so back to this scene. So the doctor's like, wow, she removed that at 14? She goes, yeah, I think, or 13. I don't really know how old I am. I could have been 90.

So who knows when she removed. Honestly, I blanked out and when I woke up, I didn't know if a day had passed or three years. So I really have no idea how old I am. It's the origin story. I mean, I only sleep a natural amount of time, six years every night, right? He's like.

No. So Lisa's right? He's like. No. So Lisa's outside, Lisa's like, I don't think they're gonna have her exact age. And Caroline's like, yes, that's what I was told. Hold on one second. Ferrari. See Sergio at the dentist door, just be like, but Caroline.

So he's like, I can give a very close estimate to you, but probably not for a week. Because I'm gonna send it out. Can you give an estimate or not, sir? What the hell? You have to send it to AI? I'm paying to come in to the doctor. Yeah.

So then Lisa's asking Caroline about how the house is going and you know, Caroline saying that she's like stressed and everything, but she's looking forward to dinner. And then Lisa's asking how she's doing with Brooks lately. And she's like, well, I don't really know if I'm over the issues, to be honest. Hold on one second, let me try to remember what the issues are for the audience.

Don't remember, hopefully the audience remembers. Anyway, at this point, it's made me re-evaluate quite a lot, to be honest. And Lisa's like, okay, okay, that's fair. So then she's like, I see things being cool with her. I can see us being in the same room, but do I feel the same way about Brooks? Absolutely not. I treated her like a real friend. Did I ever make her wrap a purse while I berated her? No.

But she would call me to see you next Tuesday. I mean, the thing she's doing, it just seems to be aimed to hurt. God damn imbecile get out of my interview room baby please please baby you just see like an Hermes bag creep into view while she's talking please

Sergio you don't have to arrange the handbags I'm doing an interview with Barari I'm the man of the house baby please. Please baby. Baby. Baby. Baby.

Baby what do I do with a handbag? Tiki tiki baby. Tiki tiki. So she's like, who needs friends like that? So, um, Caroline's like, well, you know, of all people that I can just coexist. And Lucy goes, oh yes, you're very good at that. Yes, I am. So how are you? Do do do do do do do do do do do I'm sorry, the elevator

music that plays in my head when you're flapping your gums is playing out loud, isn't it? So the nurse brings in Caroline and Lisa into the dentist room and everything or whatever exam room and Caroline says, I'm more excited about this than you are because soon I'll be able to say I'm the youngest influencer on this entire cast. I like Chanel. She goes, this is the longest I've ever been quiet. So then we suddenly walk in and Caroline looks at the X-ray and goes, I hope those aren't your teeth. Are they? Or maybe I should say,

I hope those the absence of those teeth aren't your absence of your teeth. I'm sorry, but why are we watching a video image of a broken cobblestone street in Rome? I'm sorry, why are we looking at this footage of a bowling alley after someone's knocked over a few pins? Whoever did this is a terrible bowler, I'll tell you that right now. Terrible. And she's like, no, those are my teeth. And she's like, but where are the ones at the bottom that you're missing? You look like a piano. She has no concept. And Chanel is such a good sport, because this could have gone either way.

You know what I mean? Yeah, that could have been like, what the fuck? Like, what the fuck, lady? I came from a tiny village and you're sitting here mocking me. But Chanel was taking it, so she was laughing with her. Which I think goes to prove our point that these two were meant to be friends.

I mean, in the beginning, we were always like, oh my God, they would be so much more powerful together. Yeah, well, Caroline was super annoying last season and now she's like back in her groove and it's great. So Chanel's like, well, it was it was so rotten when I was young. So they just did this and my you know, like that my mom like this and then it just came off. And she goes, but you're not putting anyone new ones in. What are you talking about? Look, when you're playing like a baseball game, when you take the picture off the mound, you put a new one in, okay?

Listen, one SEM is pulled out and a SIRG is installed. You get the SIRG pulled out, you get a new SEM installed. Do you understand how it goes? Sergio, now is not the time for a handbag. Baby, please, please, baby. I guess I never thought about putting anyone in. She goes, oh God, she's not missing a tooth. She's missing half of her bloody mouth. I mean, totally. What's wrong with this person?

I mean, totally explains why she says skinny. Cause the food just falls out the side of her mouth when she eats. She's not doing our impersonation of her. She's the worst. So, Lisa, so Carolyn's like, I've never noticed it because she's never smiled around me before, all right? She also hides it really well.

She smiles like this. And she starts, she starts imitating her smile and then they show pictures of her doing it. Oh my God. This show, and then Chanel just cracking up as she's being totally made fun of. This show has totally redeemed itself. It is, it really has done on 180.

Like I can't tell you I was sitting there laughing. I mean, like two years ago, I cannot I would never be able to say this two years ago. I was like, this is the worst shit I've watched. And now I am sitting here I am laughing. I am crack. I was watching them down. We were both laughing there. This was so funny. So then she goes, All right, well, doctor, how old do you think she is just spit it out already. So then she goes, All right, well, doctor, how old do you think she is? Just spit it out already. Much like Chanel can anytime she puts food in her mouth. Spit it out much like Chanel trying to eat a steak. All right.

He's like, well, let me do my studies. And Lisa goes, Well, how soon he goes, I need some time. She goes, Oh, for Christ's sake, we're not gonna find out today. I did not drive and leave moving house to come and look at your missing goddamn teeth. She goes, oh, for Christ's sake, we're not gonna find out today. I did not drive and leave Moving House to come and look at your missing goddamn teeth. Although now that I think about it, it's quite refreshing to be away from Sergio. Anyway, do you have any other patients

we can talk to? Do you have any experience removing husbands? Try that. God, how I wish that X-ray were me and that gap were just Sergio. The doctor was like, okay, let's go. I'm gonna go ahead and lock up behind me. Baby, please, I'm still in here.

So now we go to Caroline Brooks's house with her assistant, Kaylee, and her son, Adam. So they're planning a birthday. She's like, oh, we're gonna have a birthday party for you. Where are we with the birthday party, Kaylee? By the way, I'm about to do a monologue about how I do everything on my own. Kaylee, do you have that birthday party ready? I have the birthday list, yes, Kaylee. By the way, I'm about to do a monologue about how I do everything on my own. Kaylee, do you have that birthday party ready?

I have the birthday list, yes I do. Good. Yes, so I'm going to be getting the cake and the presents, I'll be decorating the house, I'll be cleaning the house, I'm arranging the stools in the semi-circular pattern the way you have- Pinata, Kaylee, Kaylee, did you get a pinata? Kaylee, you are the pinata. I'm the pinata. Start swallowing this candy, Kaylee. Okay, you can eat me with the Kaylee, you are the pinata. Start swallowing this candy, Kaylee. You can beat me with the stick now, because I'm the pinata.

Start swallowing this candy. I have now swallowed five Kit Kats and their wrappers, so if you beat me, they will pop out, thank you. Swallow this remote control. I want it to be so if someone hits the pinata and the right spot, a remote control. Swallowed, I swallowed the remote control. Thank you, thank you for this honor.

So Adam's like, you know, Kaylee, all that stuff I sent to you, did you send it to my mom? I told you to. And she's like, you can't tell her what to do. She's an adult. She doesn't work for you. She works for me. Kaylee, did you do what he said he wanted to do? And he's like, oh, sorry. Wow. You're checking on the remote control, Kaylee. I'm replacing this bitch. Hey, and so Adams being like a little sort of he's being a little hyper and everything. She's like, I don you're checking on the remote control, Kaylee. I'm replacing this bitch. Hey, and so Adam's being like a little sort of, he's being a little hyper and everything.

She's like, I don't like that. I don't wanna stop it. Behave, behave. Okay, what do we have going on? Okay, it's gonna be an army party. So it's gonna be like military style. We'll do a military style imitations. We'll have a three tier cake, party favors

and all that I'll deal with. Okay, I'm like, do army parties have three tier? Is that, are you talking about a wedding? Why am I very uncomfortable? Okay, here's what we're going to have. Am I the only one uncomfortable with this entire party theme? Who does that? I've never heard of that. You were having an army party. Army party, seating charts,

flowers everywhere. We're going to have some violins playing. Here comes the bride. There's going to be a trellis, everything perfect. Army party. It's like, you're talking about a wedding, army party. So she's like, all right, Adam, forward me the list and let me order everything that you need, okay? And by mommy order, I mean, I'm gonna tell this idiot to do it. So Adam's like, ask her to send it to you,

cause I don't. So I kinda was like, okay. So she's like, okay, Adam, you wanna cuddle with mommy? He's like, no. She's like, oh, to send it to you, because I don't. So I was like, okay. So she's like, okay, Adam, you want to cuddle with mommy? He's like, no. She's like, okay, all right, Adam's not in the mood. He's in the mood, he's in the mood. Isn't that funny that both Caroline's had a cuddle thing? She's asking the kid to cuddle,

and the first Caroline, Sergio was like, cuddle? She's like, no, I don't want to cuddle, God. Disgusting little boy. Disgusting, I'm going to have andle. God. Disgusting little boy. Disgusting. I'm gonna have an army party and have you sanctioned, right? I know. I want to have an army party for Sergio,

as in I drop him off at the army and never see him again. And then I throw a party. I want to have an army party for Sergio where he uses his arms more to lift my purses and his mouth less. So- More army, less mouthy. Got it. So Caroline's like trying to get hugs from her son.

He doesn't want a hug and everything. And she's talking about it's a phase. And she talks about, you know, that thing about like, oh, my mom used to tell me one day you'll understand and now I understand. Yeah. And Caroline is still trying to get a hug and he's like, please leave me alone.

So Caroline's like, he doesn't want a hug, he doesn't want a cuddle. Oh my god, with his kid. And Caroly's like, he doesn't like girls. Shut up, Kaylee, who asked you? Fucking Kaylee, plan the party. He's like, that's a lie. So then he tries to throw a pillow at Kaylee. Caroline's like, I'll accept that.

You can throw pillows at the servants, yes. I prefer vases, but baby steps, am I right, kid? That was basically like a cuddle to me, watching Kayleigh get a pillow to the head, so. She's like, no, don't do that to her. Don't throw that pillow at Kayleigh. Get a larger one, come on. If you don't know how to throw knives properly,

you're never gonna be in the army. So she says, when I divorced Zoran, I became the primary provider for my child. The contract where I have my ex-husband say that Zoran has to give me nothing and that's how I got full custody. So everything is provided by me. That's why I work so hard to make Kaylee work hard for me. But it does hurt that I don't have as much time

for Adam, given I've got to call Caroline in the middle of the night and call her a seaward. What am I doing with my time? So the producer's like, do you ever experience mom guilt? She goes, all the time. That's why we just came back from the Maldives and I flew his entire friend group out

with all the money that I make completely on my own with no help from anybody else and always have. What are you talking about? I mean, listen. Well, she was in real estate. She was in real estate, I think. Wasn't she? She's flying to the Maldives and opening a huge,

like glamorous spot in Dubai. Yeah. I mean. Something's up here. Something's fishy. It's not just that she's reading. You know what I mean? She flew a whole bunch of kids to the Maldives. Yeah, which is, I don't know. So, uh, the read math, I think that we're doing

on this show. Yeah, exactly. Uh, so then her, she gets a call from her mom and, um, you know, she's, her mom calls and she basically tells her mom that like, uh, like, that she and Caroline have been fighting. Oh, of course, she's just a victim and doesn't understand anything. She's like, mommy, Caroline and I are having problems. Can you believe it, mommy? I just have no idea why she would be upset with me.

Yeah, and the mom's like, why? She's like, Anima, you know that we're very close, you know? She's like, I mean, but you know that we're very close, you know? She's like, oh, I know you are. And you know, and you love Sergio. She's like, yeah, I mean, it's just been awful. When you get here, you can figure out. You're like the voice of reason. You need to watch some footage.

I know. So then they have like a mom on FaceTime scene where it's like, mom, your camera's on, not on, not on mom mom did you just press the mute button my so now we go to Saba so we met Saba last week and she's like an official friend of because she's getting she gets interviews this episode Saba is a complete asshole and I love her great Amazing casting. I love her. I love her. I'm like, yeah, Sabah. I love her posh accent. I mean, to me, I don't actually,

I don't know the British accent nuances well enough to know like aunt, like, oh, this is a posh accent, but to me it feels very posh. Sabah's posh. She seems very posh. If it was Cockney, I would be like, it's posh, it's coming from her. Well, she says strawberries.

She says strawberries. Not strawberry. Yeah, she's strawberries. Strawberries. She says strawberries, not strawberries. Yeah, she's strawberries. She's a strawberry. Strawberries. Strawberries. Not Aries, just strawberries. Strawberries.

Breeze, like straw, it's a breeze. That's how you make it wealthy. Strawberries. That's how you know you're wealthy. Because you're so wealthy in England that you have assistants do the extra syllables for you. You don't even do all the syllables. Strawberries. Love it.

So they're ordering and Sabah's like, I've got a cheesecake and one crock chai. Sarah's like, that's so Pakistani of you. Is it? Sabah's like, I'm actually surprised that they said they had it here at this poor and deserter, disgusting organization that you brought me to.

Cheesecake, which only Pakistan has. It's insane, really, isn't it? And yeah, because that's an Emirati thing as well. That's why we're such good friends. I mean, cheesecake, am I right? Our cultures, the way they can come together like that, it's like cheese and crust. So I was like, you took it from us. So I was like, did we?

So she goes, if you're ever in Dubai, you cannot, Sarah says, if you're ever in Dubai, you cannot drink chai, you cannot not drink chai. That's a really hard sentence to say. You cannot not drink chai. You cannot not drink chai. You cannot not drink chai. Oh, yeah, and I know that they were talking about the tea, not the

cheesecake. Still, I love the idea of just being like cheesecake. How Pakistani. So Sab, this is where Sab's very first interview is, she goes, For the record, the Arabs borrowed the Karak Chai recipe from Pakistan. That was her only interview. I'm gonna go to Sarah and she's like, it's not her drink, it's an Emirati drink. So the waitress, I can't wait till they hate each other.

I know, cause they have to hate each other. They will, they have to, right? I think so. So, yeah, so Saba orders her strawberry cheesecake and he like, she's like, did you just say, how do you say strawberry again? She's like, strawberry. She's like, say it again.

Strawberry. Strawberry. Strawberry. So Saba's like, do you know how difficult it is for me to even say strawberry again? She's like, strawberry. She's like, say it again. Strawberry. Strawberry. Strawberry. Strawberry. So Sabah's like, do you know how difficult it is for me to even say this word? I have a lisp. And you know Sarah's like, I know that. Sarah's like, she goes, oh, I didn't know you had a lisp. Sarah knew, they're business partners.

She wanted to bring that lisp out on TV. Sarah's like, please answer the phone and don't forget to say, so happy day, we're so happy, someone called us. She's like, please can I have less S's when I answer the phone? By the way, I've renamed my business, Sabah. It's She Sells Seashells by the Seashore. Suffering succotash.

Is that okay with you, Saba? Saba, absolutely. And she said, I've worked for 10 years to conceal my lisp, but it's really hard because my full name has three S's in it. Saba Youssef. That's her way of being like, hello America, I've arrived. My name is Saba Youssef, you can look me up.

Here's my vulnerability. I have a slight lisp that I've arrived. My name is Sabah Youssef, you can look me up. Here's my vulnerability. I have a slight lisp that I've worked past. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for opening up about your lisp. That really means a lot to me. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you.

So Sarah's like, Sabah is one of my best friends and also my business partner who I've never actually asked her a question about her own life, which is why I'm only learning now about her list. But we're on the phone 24-7. She's mainly listening, I'm mainly talking. Either gossiping, fixing my problems, or just talking about my business. Yeah. And we see a flashback to last week of them working hard, and Sabah's like,

Oh, well, we need to talk about different branding for the alcohol drops because whenever I dripped them into my drink, people think I'm drugging myself. And Sarah's like, oh, that's hilarious, drugging yourself, ah. Like, wow, I love the date rape jokes at work. Fun times.

I just love- What are the alcohol drops? I don't know, but I love the Dubai security checking in on all these women. Like, do you need help with that tire? Are you drugging yourself? Like women are so stupid. They make these strange decisions on their own.

I want to know what alcohol drops are. Do you think we can look them up? Do you think it's a thing? I'm sorry, I don't mean to stop the whole show, but now I'm really curious. Look up Sarah's alcohol drops. Look up She Sells Sea Shells by the Seashore Alcohol Drops by Sufferin' Succotash.

What's her name, Sarah? Sarah, no, Saba Youssef. Oh, Saba Youssef. It's Sarah, I forget Sarah's last name. You-sef alcohol drops, let's see. So then, conveniently, Sarah gets a FaceTime from Akeen and Akeen is this hot guy in Germany. So she's like, oh, hold on, hold on.

Akeen's calling, hold on. A really hot man from Germany is calling. Saba, who's calling you? Any hot men calling you right now? No, oh, that's too bad, Saba. Okay, anyway, Akeen. So- I love that Sarah acts like her standards are like, I don't know if I can be with this guy

because he doesn't believe in aliens and I'm really crazy. You couldn't be with that guy because he looks like a middle Eastern Richie Cunningham. Okay? You can be with the total himbo who works out seven hours a day, who's hotter than the fucking Dubai sun. And I don't really blame you, but let's stop acting

like you're on some fucking moral high ground over here with the guys you're choosing. That was my first thought, because they show this guy, Akeen, who is like, dropped dead. Literally dropped dead, I'm dead. I'm not even here right now. This is a ghost during this podcast,

because that guy, I died. He needs to be on the two judgey girls march madness next year, he is gorge. And then they show a flashback of the guy from last week. He needs to be on the two judgey girls March Madness next year. He is gorge. Gorge. And then we see, and then we, then they show a flashback of the guy from last week. It's like, oh, this is why it's not, has nothing to do with anything he said. It's because you're already chatting with the hottest man on Bravo right now. And then you're pretending to go on a date with my fourth grade science teacher.

Yeah. Mr. Kober. Yeah. This guy is gorgeous. So she's like, Oh, this is my best friend, Saba. She does this thing with alcohol drops. That's hilarious to hotel security. So Saba is going to be here because she's going to make sure I'm doing okay in this relationship. Okay. And so I was like, Hello, how are you? Are you a kid? Are

you in the gym? What are you doing right now? He's like, relationship, okay? And so I was like, Hello, how are you? Are you a kid? Are you in the gym? What are you doing right now? He's like, Yeah, like always. I love a good personality. Yeah, he's always in the gym. And Sarah's like, Yeah, 24 seven. He's like, I'm about to go in that thing. What's it called? The thing with the heat? It's just a room with the heat. Please don't try and make me say Thonna, please. heat. It's just a room with the heat. Please don't try and make me say Thonna. Please.

So sorry, I was like, a few months ago, I was in Germany, just I was just like sitting in a meeting with my investors. And then this tall, handsome, muscular green eyed man passes by and like, I don't remember anything the investors were saying after that. Luckily, it helped that I didn't actually have a business that they were investing in. I was gonna say, I'm sure the feeling was mutual. I know. So here's the thing, we want drops that go into a drink that are similar to date rape drugs, but don't really do anything. Does that make sense? So Sarah's-

How much money do you need? 19 million dollars for this. But also they'll come with a bell that you ring while you stretch your knees. So Sarah's like, she's like, I don't know where you're trying to reach you with your body because I think you've already reached that. Saba. Okay, show me the hot men on your phone, Saba.

Anyone? Saba? Saba? No, nothing? Nothing for you, Saba? Oh, I'm sorry. Nobody that you're ignoring besides S's. Saba's like, I'd like some more strawberries, please. So then they show a shirtless photo of Akeen.

Thank you for not making us wait. Thank you for not making us have to do the research. They just put it right up there. I know, I love that they didn't keep it like a season long mystery where they're like, we were not gonna show you Akeen's nickel, nipples, until the final scene of the season. It was just like, here's Akeen.

He's naked and gorgeous. So Sarus, he lives in Germany, but we maintain the friendship, and he came to Dubai a couple of times for work, and we're getting to know each other. So far, what I know about him is he's got a great body, and that's really all that matters. And what he knows about me is I'm an odd lady

who came onto him in a hotel Marriott lobby, and I'm on TV because they show one of their first meetings and it's on a basketball court where he's shirtless. And he, I think, is this in my head? I might just be stripping him down in everything. But I wish you had been. Okay, so it was just them. And he's handing her a little gift

that's a statue of an alien. And he's like, because you like aliens. I was like, oh, a king getting on TV. I respect it. After the date with Daniel, remember that guy from last week? Oh, please don't show the footage. Ah, ah, my eyes are getting seared just the thought of the footage being shown to all

of you. Ah, the face that me and him like, we just don't have a connection. And I thought about Akeen and I told myself, hey, we don't have a connection either, but you're so much hotter. So anyway, let's see if this can go further than it is right now. The only connection that man seemed to have was an ugly stick connecting with his face. So unfortunately, I've had to call

this text for cop person, Akeen. So Sarah tells Akeen, well, you know, Saba is my police guard. Look at her, look at her. Look, she's like, she, doesn't she sort of look like Officer Krupnik anyway? Look at Saba, look at Saba. I am, I am the guard.

And if anybody does anything to my girl, Thera, I'm going to say, stop, stop right there. I'm the police. Hold on, Akin, let me just throw a sugar cube at Sabah's face. That was so fun, wasn't it? So Sabah's like, I have eyes in the back of my head. I decide who she dates.

And Sarah's like, yeah, so you're going to spend time with her. We are best girlfriends, right Sabah? Best girlfriends for life. Like, oh God, I can't wait till these two fight. I cannot wait. What do you think it's going to be over? I think it's going to be because Sabah is going to first hate Stambury for Sarah, but then decide that she loves Stambury and Chanel, and Sarah's gonna get super pissed off.

Yeah, and I feel like Brooks will also get into a fight with Saba over something stupid. She'll be like, Saba, who even are you? So then Sarah's like, okay Akeen, I'll leave you. Go back to your seven hour workout. Okay, Saba, now you can tell the hot person on your phone to go. No, still no one out there. Oh, Saba, sorry.

Oh, Saba. So then Caroline's new house is chaotic. They're moving in with my million people. There's still people working there. And she's like, finally, we're in the home. Hallelujah, praise the Lord. Did I say that too loud? I meant praise Barari, all right? We're finally fucking here.

Oh, we're gonna stay here tonight. And they're putting up art everywhere. And Caroline's like, it's unbelievable. Oh, you like the art? No, I was talking about Sergio's capacity to be annoying, even in this instance, unbelievable. So, you know, they're just moving stuff around, moving stuff around, pardon me, and Caroline's like, Oh, God, it

doesn't really feel real. This moment, my face. To be honest, I really, really never just let myself ease into it, do I? But looks good. I'm like drooling. I'm just so excited for my first night in our new home. I don't care that I'm gonna be sleeping on the floor, it won't be as painful as listening to Soji or say literally anything. Listen, I dated, I married someone as an intelligent as a floor, so I certainly don't mind sleeping on one for one night. one for one night. You know, my kids are here. We're all going to be under one roof again. I'm so excited for Yasmine to get to try out her new mocking room.

That's where she brings Sergio into a room and just mocks him. So that's going to be a very exciting time for Yasmine. So then let's see. Caroline is talking to her kid about his room and it's the math and Sergio is bringing it about like who cares? Okay, they're basically getting it, but Sergio's like, I found my Barbie pants, baby. We're better now, we're not fighting now, are we?

I've got Barbie pants. These are like, wait, these are like so iconic. Baby, where should I put my Barbie pants? Maybe, I love that he doesn't even bother with Ken pants. He just goes straight for the Barbie pants. I'm not Kenuff, I'm not Kenuff without you. Please come back to me. I think that if we had stayed at Michael's house one more minute, Sergio would have gone

back to Spain and I have to say never in my life have I ever prayed that a moving truck would be one minute late. I'm Caroline enough. I'm Caroline enough. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Where are you lying? There are look at all these boxes. There's so much to go through and get rid of. Okay, let's see the first thing. Okay, Sergio, we'll put you in the to go pile. Great. Okay, I think that we have to throw everything and start fresh. Look how amazing what we've done. Now let's talk. Can you believe this? I want you to know that when Michael step into our conversation, I'm so sorry. If I reacted in a way I should not have. Do you understand?

Do you understand? You're laughing, right? I don't, Caroline. Barari. Caroline, cuddle with me. Excuse me, I need to rent a car. I'm looking for a Barari. So. Basically they make up, you know, but she's like, God, you're an idiot. But it's very sweet.

So then the dogs come running in and immediately piss all over the floors. She's like, oh God, the dog peed. Wait a second. That was you, Sergio. I was excited because you walked away, but then you walked back. I couldn't help it. I couldn't help it. But you came home. Sergio, go to your dog bed. Oh God, I thought you...

To the dog bed. Yasmin, come in here. Yasmin, make fun of Sergio. Come with me. Do it. No, no, no. I'm going to my bed. It's a bed that I bought from Berari. Tiki. No. So we go to Tullien's house and Raffi is there. This is Raffi's face at all times. He's like, well, I can't even do I guess my Botox is working but he raises his eyebrows like right in the

middle. He's like, so the daughters are playing and she's giving them lollipops and just like shut up, please, I'm like, I don't have time for this. I'm the CrossFit master of Dubai. Everybody just go to your rooms and respect my profession. I've never seen so many children with parachutes attached to them. So Talina's like, what if I'm slipping over a fucking countertop?

She's like, yeah, I guess that was my fault, Rafi. Okay, what do you want, Gigi? You want cookies? You want cookies? Okay, look guys, I'm gonna make some cookies. So she pulls out like a cookie mix, you know, and which by the way, like honestly, like you could just make the cookies with like some butter and sugar, but she takes out the cookie mix and then she's like, I'm never in the kitchen.

Not because I don't want to be, because when I first moved to Dubai, I've been forced not to be. Like we have a chef, which is extremely common in Dubai, but like I have no idea of my way around the kitchen. I don't, like if the help we get, we have a cook, we don't have to be a driver, we have a nanny. Like you couldn't get that help in the States. I just love the luxury of Dubai. Oh, luxury, the luxury of it, I know, right?

The luxury of being totally helpless around very simple things. You know who else says that? Old Navy shoppers. Like people on iPhones. I'm like, you know, I just love. That's what I was thinking. I just love people not getting paid for their jobs.

It is just amazing. I believe in child life. The children who built this phone are doing a fantastic job. You know, it's just such luxury. Thanks guys. You're doing a great job over there know, it's just such luxury. Thanks guys. You're doing a great job over there. So she decides to wing it with the cookie mix. Okay. It's like cookie mixes. Like I know I'm like, you could just make it.

Cookies are very simple to make just from scratch, but I get it. Sometimes you just need to have a mix, but like the mixes are so simple. I don't know how you even fuck them up, but she's like, okay. Uh, like, what should I do? She I just like wing it? Is this what I do? I'm like, you just said you have all the time in the world. You have nothing to do with your life except work out. How about take some time to read a recipe

and just follow the instructions. But also if you have all this help, where are they? Why are you having to read the box? Have somebody else do it. Where's the fucking nanny? I mean, listen, if you're gonna use the indentured servant thing, lean into it, okay? Right. Am I supposed to feel for someone who's use the indentured servant thing, lean into it, okay? Right.

Am I supposed to feel for someone who's got 10 indentured servants and still is insisting on using boxed cookies? Yeah. So then she's making these cookies and then she starts talking to Raffy and she's like, so how was your night with the guys? How was guys' night?

It was like, it would be better if I had a son. I'll tell you that much. Oh, it would be much better. had a son. I'll tell you that much. It'll be much better. So thank you so much, Bravo, for deciding to include this guys night as a few fleeting flashbacks because to think that this show for a moment was trying to do the Salt Lake City, New Jersey thing

and have like guys night. No, it's not a new, no, I'm sorry. These guys cannot do it. These guys cannot, these guys cannot anchor a scene. I'm sorry. They can't, but they sure tried it. They're like, these guys cannot anchor a scene. I'm sorry. They can't, but they sure tried it. They're like, so how's everything going with you, Sergio?

He's like, oh, you know, my wife is terrible to me and I'm really sad and her kids don't respect me and all I want to do is hug her. Cuddle, does your wife cuddle? Oh my God, yes, I would like to order. Cuddles from my wife, please. All the husbands are like, Ferrari. He goes and gives a sob story to the man

about how his wife makes fun of him. That's what it is. He's like, oh, Yasmin makes fun of me. I mean, I don't blame him for not loving that, but dude, it's your first night out with the guys and you're complaining about, I mean, come on, get it together. Here's the thing, he married, he's so whiny and babyish.

You were 24 years old and you married like a full on shark. Middle aged woman, yes, whose eyes don't move with, you know, children. Like what are you doing? You married into a very biting and cutting family and then you're like, but they don't treat me nicely. I'm like, yes, that's the point. That's the point, that's why you were welcomed in.

You are the punching bag. You are the common enemy they need so that way their relationship can be good. Exactly. So God, didn't that feel good? Yeah. I love diagnosing terrible relationships. That's so obvious.

Yeah, be grateful for what you have. You know, like you should be paying her ticket prices every time she cuts you like that. And listen, Yasmin I think isn't getting away with it as much because she's not really funny yet. You know, like Caroline's hilarious. much because she's not really funny yet. Like Caroline's hilarious and so she can say really mean things and get away with it

because she's funny. But Yasmin isn't really funny yet, she's just mean. So she hasn't learned to balance because she's a child. She's like a baby vampire. When they make the vampire, the vampire's an idiot at first. It's eating everything it sees, it's making all these mistakes. It almost ruins the other vampire's coven

or whatever clven or whatever, clump or whatever you call it. Vampire clump. The vampire clump. But you really need to give that vampire a few kills until it gets good. And that's Yasmine, she'll get there. She just needs some more time in the oven, that's all.

Can we please stay away from the cooking children fairy tale? What is it? Hansel and Gretel, oh, God damn day. Yes, the witch is like, the Yasmine the yasmin pie is not ready yet. I mean, what are my breadcrumbs? I'm the one being followed in this story. Imagine Hansel and Gretel where the witch is the one trying to get away from the children. I don't understand.

Have you ever seen a version where the witch is just running into the oven and shutting herself in there? I've seen a version where the witch is just running into the oven and shutting herself in there. She didn't even try to lure the children. They showed up at her door and she said, that's it, I'm done. She started throwing Nabisco boxes at them and then put herself in the oven. So, um, Sergei was like, the first year of marriage, everything was so amazing, but now the shit is hitting the fan, you know?

And the guys are just like, Oh God, can we just like have a normal conversation? You know? So then it cuts back and Ralphie's like, the first year of marriage, everything was so amazing, but now the shit is hitting the fan, you know? And the guys are just like, oh God, can we just like have a normal conversation, you know? So then it cuts back and Rafi's like, we're older than him, right? Well, we older, who's older? Yeah, but he looks up to you guys, you know? It's like, yeah, I mean, look, we all have a couple of years on him,

plus we have families of our own, so he just wanted advice on what to do, and we don't have experience in raising children that aren't ours, so you know, it was fine. The fuck kind of thing is that to say? Rafi is problematic okay? Rafi started this by like I just want a son and now he's like yeah I'm raising the kid who's not mine what the fuck do I know what he's going to do? We don't know anything about secondhand children you know? So and then we go back to the flashback which I can't even believe and Sergio's like Yasmin is horrible to me.

I'm like, you know, sometimes she cross the line and the way that she talks to me, she's horrible. And Rafi's like, that's why from the beginning, you gotta set the tone. Here's what I do every day, crossfit, not without a penis running around this house. So then, yeah, then Rich is, whoever Rich is. I don't know who he belongs to.

He's like, yeah, but she's gonna go, oh, Rich is Lisa's. And he's like, but surely she's gonna go off to college soon, right? He's like, yeah, I mean, I'm praying for that. Oh, please, go to college, please. Please. So, Raffy's like, I said you're closer in age

than the kids, than Caroline, so they're gonna respect you, but respect you as a friend, not as a parent figure. And Tilly's like, you're right, you're right. Oh, did you hear that Yasmin was saying him to him at the party? I mean, it wasn't very nice. I love this busy body just into someone else's relationship with the kids. Yeah, we see a flashback of Yasmin telling Sergio, Now you can live out your lifelong dream of wearing a dress.

He's like, Oh, but you'll do that. Okay, let me get my Barbie pants. You are a bit clingy. I mean, you follow my mom around like a lost puppy. Don't you? Did you just pee on the floor, Sergio? Telling it's like he had like tears in his eyes. Like, I think it's just like a lot. It's all hitting him right now. And he's like, what's hitting him? What is it? I think the problem is that he hasn't hit one too many times by a ball to his head. So, Talene's like, you know, me and Stan Barry got over our issue.

You know, we're getting a lot closer. We're getting a lot closer now. By getting a lot closer, I mean, I'm not accusing her of saying things about my vagina, and she's not literally trying to poke me in the eye with a stick every time I see her. That's nice. By the way, can I put aluminum in the oven? I can't.

Come on. Listen. You're a fucking failed singer from L.A. Let's not pretend you don't know what an oven is. Yeah, you lived in the tough streets. You made some fucking bagel pizzas. You were in no, listen, we know you were in North Hollywood. Get the fuck out of here.

What the fuck is your life? You toast-donied some shit in your life. I know. Fuck out of here. And so then she pulls out that she has this tray of cookies ready to go. And Rafi's like, you made six cookies with the whole box. She's like, what? I messed up. It's like, it makes two dozen cookies. I was like, I really, honestly, I really need to have I want to find out what the

deal was with those cookies. I want to know how they turn out. What went wrong? Did they taste good? Like six cookies? Did you make like six big mounds? It just- A Ronnie serving or a Katie, a Katie from Vanderpump Rules serving. Remember when she made those cookies? It's just like one big pan of the goo.

And then you just kind of cut it up. That's how I roll, baby. So then we go to Lisa's and she's talking to her mom and she's on her way to dinner. And she's, you know, it's that getting ready for a party thing. Basically. Yeah, she's gonna wear a crown and then Talene is with her

mom and she's talking about how everyone has to wear black. Actually, she says she's not gonna wear a crown because actually it's quite tacky to wear a crown. It's a theme party. I know. And she's your best friend. You should, if you thought it was tacky, you should have told her that beforehand. So then Nataline's getting ready with her mom and they're sort of like choosing a look

and her mom's like, don't forget that, it's too slutty. So then we go to Ayaan's. And so Ayaan arrives first to her own dinner at the Atlantis. And she is dressed to the nines, of course. A huge gown that's like overflowing across the entire sidewalk. The host comes and he's like, oh, hello, I'll show you to your table.

She's like, I was here already for Beyonce. He's like, oh, wow. You know who also said that to me? 19,000 people. He's like, I didn't realize Beyonce performed here, huh? And so she was like, yeah, I was VVIP. He's like, that's amazing. That's amazing.

I was spat upon by everyone at the concert. Well, I just tried to serve drinks. So she sits at the table and she goes, oh, we're literally next to where Beyonce was. Beyonce is a queen. And so now I have a party where we're all queens. Beyonce, VVIP, 2023. So she's just sitting there.

She's like the only one there. She's like, well, I might make you queen next to me, but I'm still the VVIP 2023. So she's just sitting there and like she's like the only one there. She's like, well, I might make you queen next to me, but I'm still the VVIP queen. Ha. So she's like, where is everyone? So she goes, where the fuck are they? Seriously, they're going to be late? Well, I'll entertain myself. So she gets up and she does a whole scene of herself with the whole camera crew just dancing around the fountain and having a music video. I love her. Yeah, so people are arriving.

And so Sara tells us, wait, wait, that was not the memo. I don't think Ayan gave dress memo, but clearly she wants to know, wants to look better than all of us. She didn't tell us anything. It's called a queen party and you're wearing, I mean, she looks

like a queen, I guess. You know, like, who knows? I think she looks like they're just throwing some footage in here just to pad it out before we get to the semi fight. Yeah. So Lisa, so they all arrive and the to lean like we're in Mecca where it all started. Mecca the place they came up with aluminum doesn't go in ovens. Yes, because again, this is where it all began. And Tallin's like, yes, my handstands are right up there where you could see my vagina. And Brooks is like, oh, well, I was talking to your asshole apparently.

And Psybus is like, what are you saying? What did I miss here? Sir, it's their own language. It's trashy people language. You don't have to hear it. It's what people without sleeves say when they're in private. It's okay. Because Brooks is like, yeah, Beyoncé was right there. I was there. Beyoncé was there. And she was like, and that was VIP, VVIP,

right next to Jay-Z and Beyoncé. I was, whoever you were, I was just a little bit closer. And we start seeing cracks in this relationship, because Lisa goes, babe, it doesn't matter. Oh, really? You think not? So then they're making fun of her. They're like, oh God,

all she needed was one out of V to the VIP. We get it, we get it honey. And Caroline Brooks is like, I was the VIP because my storyline did that hair for her. And so we're the VIP as well. I'm like, that's not really how VVIP works, but that's fine. So they're still all talking about this Beyonce concert again and Chanel, Chanel's like, you know, this is why I brought the girls here

so that way they could be in the VVIP section because we both know they were not there that night. So they're talking about Beyonce some more and then making small talk. Lisa's mom just left and then let's see, food starts coming and Chanel gives her speech. She's like, I'm so happy to have all of you in my life. Each one of you brings something different to me and I like it.

Lisa brings best friendship. Caroline brings a full mouth of teeth, which is nice. Sarah brings a Lisping girl. What's everyone talking about? You're all queens to me, so cheers to queens. I love you all. And so Caroline talks about how she's moving and they're like, Oh my God, congratulations.

Just making some small talk or whatever. Right. And Caroline Brooks is kind of giving dirty looks, everything that Stambury is saying. So they're like, are you okay? She's like, I'm disagreeing, I just swallowed my food. I'm not making any face to anything. Yeah, and she's like, yeah,

I feel like you act like everything is, oh, Chanel points to Stambury and then to Brooks, and she goes, I feel like you, like you act like everything is great, but I know it's not. So like, what's going feel like you act like everything is. O'Shaunnell points to Stanbury and then to Brooks, and she goes, I feel like you act like everything is great, but I know it's not. So like, what's going on between you two? And she's like, nothing, everything's fine. She's like, yes, I think we're all over it now. Everyone's friends, everyone's happy and friends.

So Caroline's like, well, I think we're totally in a cold war. Like I walk in and the wind blows. Yeah, it's sad to see where our friendship has gone. I've done my best. I've been there for her, but friendship is 50-50. I've done my best. How are they not rolling clips from the last three weeks? I know, right?

So then it's basically small talk, so they're bored. They're like, we need to fight now, right? So they're trying to like figure out who's gonna fight because Caroline's did not take the bait. So now she knows like, so Sarah, let's talk about your man. I heard you met a German and an African. So she goes over her BS storyline. And then Sarah's like, okay,

so now they're gonna play this game. And instead of a shady game, it's gonna be, I would like you to choose whoever you want and say how you feel about them as a queen, Which is good, except you know a lot of queens have been beheaded too, so this can go, this can go badly. So Lisa's like, I'll go first, I choose Sarah. As an Arab woman, I feel like you own who you are,

the real original bad girl. And Sarah's like, thank you so much, I do own who I am. I love you all, thank you so much, so much. Okay, I pick Sabah, you know what? I think we're supposed to be picking queens, okay. Nevermind. Okay, I pick Lisa. I love how you take care of your kids.

You do have kids, right? You have patience and you're nice. And that goat that you have is so sweet. The goat died. Oh, I'm so sorry. Well, I'm sure it fed a lot of deserving people. We threw it in the trash. Oh, all right. Well, we'll just stop at the first two. The first two descriptions I've already forgotten. Someone else goes, everyone's like, Oh my God, that was so nice.

She called her nice. Yeah, she called her nice. And then she called her nice back. It was really sweet. So then Brooks is like I'm gonna pick Chanel Aeon now one you dropped it gorgeous I would not be picking an ugly person for this number two you exude femininity and number three you chew yogurt like it's a sandwich oh and I would like to choose Brooks like sometimes you drive me mad crazy let's not get it wrong but there are some things that I would like to choose Brooks. Like sometimes you drive me mad crazy, let's not get this wrong. But there are some things that I really like about you. Like I like that you're fun, you know what I mean?

Cause we can really have a fun time, you know? And then Caroline Samberg tells us, she's like, what is this? Like is someone passing by mushrooms? Like, is this something I have missed? Isn't like the way that you show that you care for someone just tearing them down relentlessly in their home?

And Lisa's like, yeah, what's gotten into Hyena? This is really fucking weird. And Chanel's like, the best thing I've realized with Brooks is to be nice to her because she is like the hungry Hyena. The nicer I am, the calmer she gets. So then Talian's like, um, okay. Is that how hungry Hyenas are? You're just nice to a Hyena. I don't think that's, hey.

I don't think that's, I think hyenas. Like getting pet, they're on their back like. Yeah, I've seen, I've seen our planet. I don't think hyenas are chill like that. So Talene's like, okay, my turn. Okay, Miss Caroline Stanbury, you are unapologetically yourself and you suck. See, that's what I'm talking about.

You're just yourself. You're hilarious. And you know, you've been through a lot. Like you suck. See, that's what I'm talking about. You're just yourself. You're hilarious. And you've been through a lot. You were born wealthy, went to a boarding school, and you continue to be wealthy. It's a lot that you've been through. And to go from a long marriage and kids that then failed miserably,

and then to be stuck here in Dubai, and then you found this guy, Sergio, LOL, we all agree, LOL, that's really amazing. You know what I mean? You were married to somebody who dumped you, you don't know what CrossFit is and you're married to a child now. You're doing great, kid.

And you have the lack of self-awareness that would normally drive people to not be an influencer at 50 years old, so I applaud you. And so Lisa's laughing and she's like, yes, she's a role model to 50 year old influences. Okay, well, you know, it's working. So I'm not saying you're not working, but it's shitty. I don't know, don't shame someone with the job.

So they all cheer and then Talia's like, oh, Caroline, can I talk to you for two seconds? Sorry guys, sorry, sorry in the middle of this dinner, I'm gonna pull Caroline away in a really showy way for a moment, okay. So they're like, what? Why is she pulling her aside? This is so weird, I can't believe it.

What type of problem could they be having? And Caroline Brooks is like, oh, I don't care. Just mind your own business. And so then Talene talks to her. She goes, no, look, I just felt so weird bringing it up at the table in front of everybody. So I want to do it privately just for the camera crew.

And then everybody can hound you about it later. Okay. So this way I can prove my friendship to you and make Brooks mad at me. So Sergio went out with the boys. It was mostly cut footage because we've all married lumps of coal basically. But my lump of coal has great eyebrows.

So he did get a couple of lines in the clips and basically what's happening is Sergio is complaining to everybody and gossiping about how mean your children are. Caroline's like complaining or describing because those are two different things. You know, like how are your children rude to me? That would be correct. You know, I mean they have been raised. Yeah. Well he basically says they're very, very mean. She's like, thank you. Thank you so much. No, in a bad way. I don't. But is that how is that? Is that? I don't understand

that perspective. Did you try to explain to him what a love language is? Well, I just want I just want you to have that conversation with him because I know he's hurt. Now listen, I know that the children want to push boundaries, throw slippers at their head, aim a water gun occasionally. They need moving targets. Do you understand what I'm saying? You know, he's not their father. He's basically just a, you know,

he's like a walking television, nothing but pure entertainment for them. He's basically like a Twinkie. He just never ages. And never goes bad. Listen, he has a role that's between a father and a big brother. It's a role that we call stupid, okay? And it's very difficult for him to say something that makes sense. You know, people without jobs are often just there to make fun of.

And that's why I don't let him get a job. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yasmin and I have a very dry sense of humor. I'm a little funnier, I'll admit, but I've told her the jokes I make to him aren't appropriate to come from her because she's just quite frankly not funny enough to do them. Hopefully, she can meet Elaine Boozler and get a little humor in there somewhere and we'll send her back. We'll send her back in the ring but for now I've told her to give it a rest and Sergio also needs to understand that she's a 17 year old girl you know just a veritable child who's

about seven years in age different from him you know. Listen this is what I told Yasmin here take stone, now pound it. Congratulations, you've just learned about poundstone. Learn something from her. I told Yasmine, put a sock over your hand, now make the sock move. Congratulations, you've just made a more intelligent version of Sergio.

I said, Yasmine, what's your favorite precious medal? She said gold. I said, congratulations. Now go learn about Judy Gold and everything will be fixed. 80s comics do really well here in Dubai. Yasmin really responded to some old tapes from Judy. Before Beyonce came to the Atlantis, it was just 80s comic after 80s comic, lots of shoulder pads and polyester suits. So she's like, well, I'm taking it back.

Obviously hearing this from somebody I've just met with a parachute tied around her ankle, but I'm more mad at Sergio for discussing my private business and my children with somebody I've just met. Now, I do appreciate Jennifer, what's her name? New person being concerned and bringing it to me, but not doing that and not doing it publicly. You know, that's very nice.

It's very respectful, which is the whole point, right? The whole point is that like, Talene wants to show that she's being respectful to her. She telling wants just she wants to cut ties with Brooks. That's what this is. Right. So now the girls are still like, Oh, my God, why are they pulling them pulling each other aside? What's going on? So then they finished up this conversation. And it's cute. Caroline's like, Well, I, I hope it'll work until he's like, do you think he regrets getting married? She's like, do I regret getting married? Of course. No, does he regret getting married? Do I regret not burying him instead of marrying him every day? No, does he regret not getting married? I'm sorry, do I know you? Why are you asking me so many things? Could you grab me a glass of something? I don't even care what it is at this point. This is what I said to Sergio. I said, look, okay, I don't want you to ever stay because you feel like you have to. I want you to stay because you enjoy us berating you every single day for our own amusement.

And if that ever becomes tiresome to you, the door is perfectly open. You can walk out any time you want. And Talia's like, what? She's like, yes, you can walk at any time he wants to. Well, how long do you give this? Oh, I don't know. 10 to 15, 10 to 15 years? No, minutes probably.

She's like, I mean, we're having a wonderful time now, but one day he may not want to be here. I don't want Sergio to wake up when I'm 60 and he's 14 and have to go, well, there's my wife, look at her. 60, 60 looking 20 years younger than him and so much smarter. I know. You know, I mean, look, it's going to be very difficult for him to wake up next to something that doesn't biodegrade. I showed him all these older women with grey hair, disgusting, and I said, this is what I'm going to look like, babe.

She's telling him, it's like, girl, you'll never get your let your hair be gray that will never ever happen. I don't want him to one day wake up and realize that he's married to the same people that I encourage him to run over with shopping carts in the grocery store. Do you know what I'm saying? I would hate for him to wake up and realize he spent the last 20 years doing nothing when he could have just been doing also nothing. So really lose lose. Something like girl, you're never gonna get great. I mean, you can't lose that man. You're not gonna let that happen. Just listen, he can have a young girlfriend and I'll have

the hot sugar daddy. All right. I love this idea that Sergio is gonna leave me hilarious. I mean, what do you not? I'm sorry. sorry, are you calling me a fly? No, Natalie from Facts of Life, I love her. I absolutely love her. Why do I get the feeling, Talene, that you have expired milk in your fridge from 10 years ago? Because guess what? Things come into my house and they leave when they need to. So they come back to the table and she's like, what'd I miss?

And Lisa's like, nothing, what did we miss? She goes, nothing. She goes, well, What did we miss? She goes, nothing. She goes, well, what was that about? She goes, why does it need to be a big thing? I'm asking what everybody is thinking. She's like, I was looking out for a friend. Why is everybody up in arms? And she goes, no one's up in arms.

I just wanted to know what was going on. She knows like, I was, I wanted to know what was going on. We just had questions and like, why did you have to go all the way over there to talk? And he's like, it's out of respect. I had to be very respectful when I told Caroline that Yasmin makes fun of Sergio.

Okay, point made, moving on then. I was like, okay, well you move on then. He's like, bitch, I moved on. Don't call me a bitch. Don't go there, don't go there, Taffy. Well, you're going there, you are. I like you, I don't wanna take it there.'t go there don't go there talking when you're going there you are I like you I don't want to take it there like Started it though, but you're being bitchy for no reason I come the fuck down

I asked a simple question your and you give the fucking answer and I don't want to keep going back and forth now You said bitch twice don't go there. Yeah, I did. I said you're being bitchy. Okay, that's three times now Well, that's because you were being bitchy. That's four times bitch. I'm tired of telling you that you're being bitchy That's five times now. That was actually six. Yeah, that's because you are being bitchy. That's four times. Bitch, I'm tired of telling you that you're being bitchy. That's five times now. That was actually six. Yeah, get it right, bitch. Oh, seven. You're being really bitchy with the way

you're counting about the number of times I'm saying bitch, bitch. Oh my God. Do you know what? We could be doing reps. I'm gonna do a squat every time you say bitch, but I need a prop. I'm gonna hold the topo chico.

All right, go ahead. So, yeah, so basically this is like, I'm not close to Brooks, but I do generally feel like it's weird that Talina is bigging up Stanbury and pulling her to the side, knowing that those two have a beef. Ayaan and I would never do that to each other. Ever. First of all, Ayaan's going to hate you in about five minutes. And second of all, what are you talking about?

She's bringing Stamberry to the side and they have beef and you would never do that. You're, grow up, dude. We, third grade, come on. But this shit was funny. What a good episode. So funny. Everyone, thank you so much for being here.

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Nancy's love story could have been ripped right out of the pages of one of her own novels. She was a romance mystery writer who happens to be married to a chef. But this story didn't end with a happily ever after. When I stepped into the kitchen, I could see that Chef Brophy was on the ground and I heard somebody say, call 911. As writers, we'd written our share of murder mysteries. So when suspicion turned to Dan's wife, Nancy, we weren't that surprised. The first person they look at would be the spouse.

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