Watch What Crappens - #2476 House of the Dragon S02E03: Sister Act Part One

Episode Date: July 2, 2024

This is part one of a two-parter This week on House of the Dragon, RaeRae hatches a plan to see her long lost friend and they realize that they’ve stumbled onto a Three’s Company misunderstanding which won’t leave Mr Furley thinking Jack might be gay, but will probably lead to the death of millions of people. Whoopsie!  Watch this recap on video  and listen to all of our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to watch her crap and add free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. She was a romance mystery writer. They gloomed on the fact that she writes stories like this. There are murders in all of the books. From Wondery, the makers of Ghost Story and Feta, this is a story about a murder that rocked my little community. Binge all episodes of Happily Never After

ad-free right now on Wondery+. Well hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens. But today it's winter is crappening, isn't it? I'm Ronnie, that's Ben. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? So we call him Begon. Begon.

Over in these parts. What are you? If I'm Begon, are you you Ron-mond? Ron, Ron, Ron-er-us. I'm Ben Ron. You're Ron-er-us. I think you're Ron-mond? Ron, Ron, Ron-er-us. You're Ron-er-us. I think you're Ron-er-us. I'm Ron-ron.

Ron-ron. Begon and Ron-ron? I could be Ron-lacent. I mean, let's face it, I'd like to think of myself as a Ray Ray, but I'm probably an Alacent. It's like that Sex and the City thing where you're like, what Sex and the City girl are you? And everyone's like, Samantha, Carrie,

we're all a bunch of fucking Miranda's eating cake out of the trash. So let's not lie to ourselves. And let's also not lie to ourselves. Our names are way too different sounding to actually be part of house the dragon. If I'm going to be beg on, you're going to be back on. Okay. Like that's just how it goes. Like, like, like you might be able to get away with like big gun, but that's almost like the, you know, that George RR Martin was like, I don't know. I think like people could tell the difference

between bag on and big in. So let's do bag on and bag on. That's kind of my style. Well, I hope you're bagging because then if you became a stripper on the show, we could be like, oh my God, you guys, bagging strips. I could just be a begging stripper. Like my lap dance is just getting on someone's lap and then say, please give me money. I would be that kind of stripper because people would not tip me. They'd be like, please put your shirt back on. I am begging from her and Hobbs. I am begging from Harren Hobbs. Please give me some money. All right. Well, welcome to the show everybody. Today we're talking about the most hilarious

show on television. Truly. House of the Dragon. This is a clusterfuck of a show in the best way possible. So much drama, so much telenovela action, so much emocion, Ben, que emocion. So what emotion, you know? Yeah. And really does really I could use some more sobbing, really from everybody, the men, the women, the dragons, I need some more dragon drama. But overall, just love, love, love what you guys are doing over there. Okay. Yeah. Love, love the emphasis

on a wet, rainy, decrepit castle interiors this episode. That was a nice touch. And, um, you know, dream sequences, it's always welcome. It was fun. Plus also Ray Ray and a habit. I mean, that's, that's just fun. Can I just say Ray Ray looks adorable in a habit. I don't think that everybody can pull off a habit, but shockingly Ray Ray really nailed that habit. Also, have you heard that in the books, Ray Ray is supposed to be chunky.

They describe her as like a bigger woman because she's had, you know, Not sure that. Probably still having kids. I mean, I don't know. Yeah. But people are like, why are they not casting, you know, a bigger part?

Why aren't they casting Brandon What's-his-Buns? What's that guy's name? Curious George. No, the guy Brandon Ralph, why aren't they casting Brandon? Ralph? And this aren't they casting Brandon? Ralph? No.

Um, Brandon Gleason. Is that his name? He played Gleason. Yes. Yeah. Why aren't they casting it? Was he curious? George?

Wait, hold on. I have no idea. Tarzan. Tarzan. No, Brent. I George wait, I have no idea. Tarzan. Tarzan. No, Brenton. Brenton Gleason is not Tarzan. Brendan Fraser. Brendan Fraser.

Yeah, because he played the big guy in that movie and people were mad at him for playing a big guy when he's not that big. And that why are they not casting Brenda Blathin? Why not Brenda Blathin? You know what, if you're still listening to this recap, fucking go away already. Where are you even here? Okay. This is a mess. Why are they not casting Brenda Blathin? Why not Brenda Blathin as Ray Ray? I'm a bigger person inside, no matter what I am physically. And I would love to see a bigger Rey, Rey personally, but I'm not going to thin-shame the woman. Anyway, the point is she's been wearing this very heavy drapery.

I mean, I guess everybody does because it's like Game of Thrones. So like no one's like in a swimsuit, you know what I mean? But she's like in very heavy drapery for her clothes. And I thought they were like, oh, maybe they're making Ray Ray bigger this season. Like she's going to become a big queen, you know, which I would love. But nope, they put her in that habit. And I was like, damn, not only does she look good in a habit, but Westeros has like the hottest habits I've ever seen. Like what a figure glorifying habit that was. Yeah. Yeah. That is a good habit. And it's a hard habit to break one might say,

but I think if she wore that habit, she may do much better winning over the people. You know, like she just has to be like, look, I'm in a habit, I'm gentle, I'm fun, I'm a great time, you can trust me. And I think people would be like, yeah, you know what? I actually think I like that habit. I think I'm gonna vote for. CB. Vote for Ray Ray. Make it a habit to vote for Ray Ray.

AC Well, the episode opens up with the implications of this dreaded war on, I won't say the small folk, because the small folk apparently only live in the city. And by the way, could we see the small folk doing something else? I'm saying this because I just feel like we get such a one dimensional view of the small folk. They're either like marauding in like a whore house or they're getting drunk at the pub or they're just in the streets being awful. And let me tell you something. I guarantee you there are like many small folk who are just like chill, who are just at home, just like hanging out, eating some food, just chatting.

And like, well, you don't see them. I mean, it's like the real world, not the TV show, but like the actual real world. You don't see those people, we're at home. The people you see in public are absolute morons. Like literally I walk into public and I'm like, well, I mean, if it's gonna be the end of the world, now's the time.

Literally right here, you know, this food court right here. Do it. I just feel like everyone on the streets of West Coast was always sobbing or like attacking or drunk. And it's like, where are the people who are just walking around like gossiping about their friends? Like where are just like the children? We wanna talk about your taxes doing nothing for you.

I mean, if you're gonna cry, that's the city to cry in. There's literally nothing. It's like, you know, they pay like 70% in taxes over there. They already make like a cent an hour. Then they pay all that to taxes. They don't have a McDonald's like they don't have a fucking decent streets. The horses just shitting all over the place. Yeah. They're just a crime. Look at the crime. Yeah. It's just the small folk. Well, and now we're in the countryside. We're actually technically in the river

lands, um, which is an oxymoron. If you really think about it, is it a river or is it land? But we are having two feuding families, houses or whatever. So we have these basically young toxic males, they've just come of age, they have their first swords, they're excited to use them. And so we have this first one. But they're like baby toxic. They're like trying to pretend they're toxic, but they're like little dough, right? They just got their driver's license. toxic. They're like trying to pretend they're toxic, but they're like little dough, right? They just got their driver's license. Yeah, like they just got their driver's license

so they're driving really fast on the streets, but they don't- I'm like, guys, you have so much life left to ruin. You know, like you don't need to just spend it all right now on this field. Also, here's what else small people do. Small folk, I shouldn't say small people. I don't like the term small folk. I feel like it's offensive, but whatever.

I feel like another thing they do on this show is just like stand around a field and talk. Pete Slauson Yeah. Pete Slauson Like, guys, have you invented slides yet, at least? Like, do something, go sit on a rock. You're literally standing around in every scene talking in the field. Jared Slauson You literally have like six guys with like standing near a border and then you have another six guys standing near a border and they're like, you know, they're so they're now they're like talking towards each other, not towards like talking at each other. Okay. And so one guy named Davos is like Bracken, put the boundary stones back.

And then this guy Aaron is like, well, we didn't mean for the boundary stones back!" And then this guy, Aaron, is like, well, we didn't move the boundary stones. So then Davos is like, oh, so the stones just move themselves then, just roll their way over so Bracken cows can fill their bellies on blackwood grass. Oh yeah, we're just all dying to eat your grass. You know, and you know who else could use a good complaining session? A fucking cow. Okay? Now you're gonna give the cow shit for eating grass over a border. Give me a fucking break. The cow is stuck with grass all day. Like have a heart. And these guys, first of all, they're the Brackens and the Blackwoods. I'm going with the Brackens because they sound like they have good

hair. I'm just going to go out there and say that. I'm team Bracken, but I think the Brack, the Brackens are team Ray Ray, right? I think they are, let's see. Yeah, I think I, you know, it's calling the baby killer. No, no. Well as the Aaron says, your false queen Reneira is a kin slayer. So that means that Davos is, uh, is pro Ray Ray. And that means that I think Davos is Blackwood. They really need better branding. I think I'm just with team Bracken because I like their hair.

So one of them's like, you're a baby killer. And then the other one's like, well, how dare you? And they're like, and you're false queen Rhaenyra. She's a baby king slayer. She slayed a baby king. And then he's like, your uncle declared for Aegon. Oh, let's fight over our parents' fucking problems. You know, I don't, my parents have too many problems. I cannot spend time fighting over

my parents' problems. My parents are their own fucking people. I feel like someone needs to tell the small folk of Westeros, your parents are also just fucked up people. Don't take it too personally. Just let them fight their own thing. Maybe they're putting their keys in a bowl at a party every once in a while. Like, are you going to freak out when your Spanish teacher is there in the morning? You know what I mean? No, just get on with your fucking life. Okay? You don't need to murder each other, but they do. And they're like, I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you. And then we just cut to everybody dead.

All these people, everyone came out of people, everyone came out of the door, like their barns and everything, and was like, did you hear that they moved the boulder stones? Outrageous! And so they came out, they fought, and there's also a lovely windmill. By the way, the whole episode opens with this beautiful windmill.

Now it's burned down, which I don't know what even the point of that is, because if you're gonna fight like that, you might as well take over the windmill and use the windmill. But, but like one family burned down a windmill. So you're not just, you're just ruining your, your land value at that point. It's also a difficult thing to burn down a windmill cause it's just a big tall

thing of stone. I mean, there's so much other things to burn down. I just feel like it's stupid for them to do that. And so I think it was one of the guys fighting. We see with a sword in his neck at the end. Yeah. Flies he was around and stuff. Yeah. It's classic fly, classic fly activity. Flies flies have, they love their games. They love playing around the dead head. It's very fly flies really know how to live. I feel like in every helmet TV thing, we're like the poor,

poor people or like, you know, why are people fighting their parents' battles? No one feels bad for flies. You know why? Cause they know how to live. They'd party. You poop, they will make a party out of it. You die, they'll make a party out of it. You have a delicious meal, they'll make a party out of that too. Like they will party the same come rain or shine. This is what, okay, this is a fly conversation that you will probably hear around the red keep. Oh my God. Do you know what I love? What smelly people. Me too. I literally love smelly people. I know. Do you want to go like playing around some smelly people? Yes.

Let's do that right now. But you know what else I love? People that smell good. And also people that don't smell at all. And also like dirty things, but also clean things. You know what I love? Food. That's like kind of old. I know it's weird, but I just like love old food, but also new food. I love all kinds of food. Good to literally do nothing and please a fucking fly. Okay. They are not picking up. I love poop. Love it. Also things before they turn into poop. I literally love everything. So, okay. So you know, that's just like a little vignette. All the Ted people, all the dead-ass bears. And the flies. And the flies.

And the flies too. And the flies. Yeah. The flies are like, we're still winning. I'm like, I don't know who's winning the human war, but the flies are winning this war. That's for sure, the fly war. So then we go to Ray Ray and we're at the twin funeral sesh, I guess. The twins are aligned next to each other. AC It's the funeral of Eric and Eric. AC Yeah. AC They're being buried, which I guess in the lore of this show, they don't get buried in casket, they just put a nice blanket down and surround their shoulders, which is good because I don't

know if you noticed in the opening credits in the tapestry, we saw the baby, the toddler, they showed him being sort of like dead in the tapestry and then like blood goes across his neck to elude that his head was decapitated. So just the tapestry. That tapestry is doing a great job because then we also saw the dead rat catchers after that. Yes. Hung rat catchers. Like, let's get the rat catchers made it onto a blanket.

Hey, so Joanne, since you just got married, I made you a blanket, just a little something. It's just, It's just fun. And this is just like represents you and your family. And then I just put some dead rat catchers on it. I hope you don't mind. I just thought I wanted to really depict that as an important part of our lives. It's mage.

I was happy for the rat catchers because they never thought they were gonna be famous like that. And now somebody is like literally cuddling with them somewhere. They're famous. So, um, cause that's like a blockbuster movie back then, you know, being on a blanket, they're like the Tom Cruise.

Top gun, top tapestry. People, they, they carry that tapestry to the streets. You go, you want to talk about long acceptance speeches, the best go, da da da da da da da. You wanna talk about long acceptance speeches? The best tapestry of the year award. Oh my God. They are thanking people literally for the 20 years it took them to make that shit.

They call those the Tappies. It's a really great, everyone tunes in for the Tappies. Ratings have been down recently, but that's just because of the media landscape we live in. But you know, it's a legacy. It's a legacy. It used to air in the summer, but they had to change it to winter

because like nobody wants blankets in the summer. Yeah, they had to delay it this year because of the strikes. Yeah. Okay, so they're giving twin funeral, and someone's like, oh, fuck that other twin, whichever one he is, because he's a fucker. Oh, you mean Eric? Yeah.

No, I'm talking about Eric. Eric. Yes. Not Eric. Yes, Eric. I thought you said Eric. No, Eric. Let's just bury them so we never have to have this conversation ever again.

And Ranier is like, listen, I cannot fault him for like doing his job. The man did his job and they're like, you killed an Amazon driver for throwing your package at the front door. And she's like, he did his job badly. And now he's beheaded. But these guys like literally were doing their job. Mike, what do you want? You know what?

He was loyal to a day cat, unfortunately, but he was loyal most importantly, you know? Yeah. Loyal as well. Yeah. So Renisa, yeah. So, um, so Renisa is talking to Rainier Raniera and she's like, you know, she's like, I don't know, auto high tower. If I, that guy, he honestly, he used to, I fucked me in the court all the time. I just,

I feel like I understand him and uh, he wouldn't have allowed this. I think that he's not, I think he's, this isn't him't him. Someone else is doing this. There's hotter heads in power now. I don't know. We got to check this out. Yeah. She's like, you know what? No one liked Dick Cheney until we got Donald Trump. Yeah. Let's all remember that. Okay. Call Dick back. Someone call Dick back. Okay. So we shot somebody in the face. Who cares? Like literally who cares at this point. So everybody's mind is kind of changing about old Otto. Call Otto back. CB He's getting a good edit this season. In the world of Real Housewives, he's getting a good Camille Grammer season two edit. So basically, Renice is like, soon they will not even remember

what it was that begun the war in the first place. And Ray Ray is like, uh, yeah, that's pretty obvious because I was usurped. So let's not play that game. She's, oh, really? Or was it the child who was beheaded or when Aemond killed Luke or when Luke took Aemond's eyes or the time that Luke had a little bit more soup than Jace or the time that Aamond, you know, tripped on a branch that Luke had put out there or I mean, should I go on? There's so many examples. I mean, she has a point. But like, look, here's how I look at it. This show started in very happy times. Everybody was covered in dirt, and no one had lighting. Okay. Fast forward, it's bad times. Everyone's covered in dirt and there's no good lighting. Like it's literally the same thing. So what are you going to do? I mean, you got to keep entertained. Just, you know, keep doing whatever you're doing. You guys are

doing great. Yeah. So Ray Ray is like, you know, you know, what's so funny about all this, if you really think about it is that like last time I talked to Alison, she was like, you'd be like a great queen. And now all of a sudden, like, what the fuck, right? Is anyone, anyone else think that's kind of like wild that that happened? And Renice is like, Oh, well, you know, it's very funny that you mentioned that because she, uh, she knew that war was coming and it would be savage beyond all compare. And by the way, there's no war so hateful to the gods as a war between kin. So let me just suckle on my lower lip while you think about that. It was delicious, actually. I actually had some cilantro today.

If you had that stuck in between. I have the gene. I can't have that, unfortunately. Delicious, unfortunately. I think I'd still eat it even if it tasted like soap to me. It's just I can't. I see guacamole and I always want to dip a chip into it, but you know, you just can't have it. It's good. I need to lose some weight anyway. Not in that habit you're about to put on you don't. I'll tell you that. It was a fabulous habit. It's a bespoke habit for you. So we just maintain this body weight.

We need your head size to remain the same. The habit curation in this town is really something. I mean, we don't have air conditioning yet, but whoever is designing those habits, I mean, God, do we have gay people yet? Is that a thing? So, Rere is like, okay, well, okay, let's, I know we want to talk about that. By the way, I just have to say one thing. I like that she's one thing. It's like 20 minutes, and we've talked about two seconds. But she's like, you know, there's nothing more offensive to the gods than a war between kin. Have you read the Bible? Because God wrote that. And it opens with a war between kin. God's kind of into it. Yeah. God loves it. God loves a good brother killing brother story. It's just how it is.

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Listen on Wondery Plus. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. So Ray Ray's like, well, you know, it's funny about Alison's because she actually sent a Raven, but I just don't really want to read her message. It's just like, you know, whenever you get a Raven and it says at a well calm, you're like, Oh, I don't even want to open this up. It's just gonna be a spam Raven. You know what I'm doing? Not I'm talking about.

I love that Ray Ray is just like, she sent a Raven. I read the headline. It was like claws. That was it. Like if you can't fit it, if you can't fit it like in the claw grasp, like if I can just like read beyond the claw between like the two little toe things

and read your message, then I'll know. If you can't fit it in there, I don't have time to unravel. Your little scrolled up piece of paper, lady, okay? I don't care how long it took this fucking raven to get here. Yeah, Rey-Rey's like, besides, Renise, I have to deal with a prince in Nigeria who needs my assistance. Like, oh, you really need to be more discerning about which ravens you open up.

So you'll open those ones for you. Yes, well, it turns out that I'm the only Ray Ray within 500 miles of the last Ray Ray to ever live. They had a house with a swimming pool. All right, that could be mine. Really. All I have to do is send over my number from my Wells Fargs. So so basically, once the routing always forget the smaller number, but I have to advise

you please don't send this to there is there's no such place as Nigeria. Last time I tried to do this, I put the routing instead of the banking and then it was sent back by Raven. I mean, it was three weeks by then they'd found another Ray Ray literally lost a fortune on that one. That's a good thing I have a journal about being a queen and all. In this town have you looked around? Have you? We don't even have insulation in this house. All right, back to it then. I didn't read her stupid Raven message and she's like, don't be mad at her. It's the men around her. And they'll see bloodshed and she's like, well, she permitted it. And she's like, well, you

permitted the murder of a little boy in his bed. I mean, really, are we to judge? God damn it, the cilantro's delicious. Are you sure you don't want some? So Rere's like, well, let me have my first of 45 different instances of choking up this episode. me have my first of 45 different instances of choking up this episode. Alicent is in King's Landing and her son sits on my throne. There's nothing more to be said. Oh gosh, doesn't it at least make you feel good that another blonde person got it? I mean, whatever happened to blonde unity? Yeah, no, it just goes to show, blondes are never happy. Okay. Our note taker today, Shelby, wrote this one last look at the bodies and they barely covered

them despite digging for the last five minutes. I love the Grave Digger judgment, Shelby. Yes. Shelby is not happy about it. I'm sorry, I found a girl right there. Shelby's like, what the fuck? You guys sit there, where are you putting the dirt? Look down at Ray Ray. She's like, you put all this dirt on my shoes. Like, oh, I'm so sorry. That's not the girl right there. She'll be like, what the fuck? You guys sit there. Where are you? Where are you putting the dirt? Like, look down at Ray Ray. He's like, you put all this dirt on my shoes. Like, I was so sorry.

Shelby of all the details so far in this show, that's what really got Shelby. She's like, fuck these people. Like seriously learn how to cover a body with dirt. I know. Am I right? So now we go to the red keep and look, there's Kristen Cole and he's like leaning on a chair. He's all sad. It makes it look like he's looking in the grave.

It's like, you know, it's a director's trick. And then this guy comes up. It's like, it's all bad Lord hand. And you know, he's like, fine. It's time for me. Like it's time for his first day in the job to show up to the small council as the new hand. Yes. Um, so that's what he's good. He's like having a mini freak out. His acting super weird. And I don't want to say he's a bad actor cause you know, I hate him. So I think that he's doing a good job, but, um, well we know weird acting. Cause I think this is supposed to be him freaking out.

Like it's the biggest day of his life. And they said in the after show thingy that he's freaking out, but they show him and he's just like, I have a Caesar cut now. Exactly. That's his life. I think that's what I was going to say. This was actually, technically this was the last scene pre Caesar cut. So I think it was like hit the look on his face was not that he was concerned about, can you do his job? The look on his face was like, is it Tom for me to take the plunge and do a Caesar cut? I think it's going to happen. He's like, I need a new haircut. I've got a new job.

I need a new haircut now. Am I too early or too late for the George Clooney? He literally has Cersei's haircut in the late seasons of Game of Thrones, actually, if you think about it. He does, but he's got a little of the curl. Yeah, he's got a little of that. So he comes into the small meeting and everything, and all the guards, they're all looking at him like,

this guy really. So he comes in and he's like, good morrow, your grace, my lords, forgive my lateness. I was like, you should have played on your first day at your new job. Seriously, to stare at a wall? Like, come on. Agon's like, important business, no doubt.

And Kristen is like, oh, so I see we've appointed new knights to the King's Guard, Your Grace. And he's like, well, yeah, we lost some, didn't we? Maybe appoint some rat catchers. Get it? Ha! So Kristen starts talking. Now they're talking. They do a whole lot of like administrative talking like, well, I don't know if you heard about this, but Bracken

was talking to House Blackwood and they had a fight and Samuel Blackwood took it upon himself and now he's slain and now the windmill is burned down. And then Bracken went on talk to Brackish, which is a whole different house. They have great water, by the way, you can preserve anything in there. And then Brackish was getting mad at Blackpool. Blackpool, not to be confused with Blackwood. Blackpool is totally different. And then we also have Blackfyre. Anyway, they're all fighting right now. I don't know really what to do. I say we just go in there and kill them all. What do you think? Yeah, so they're basically like everybody's murdering each other out there. And he's like, good, because it's a war. And so people are fighting for us. The king's all excited. And

they're like, yeah, it's a lot of dead people people and alive people are the ones that we use like for, you know, slavery and like paying very little to deliver our Amazon boxes, building, you know, rivers, malls, et cetera. We kind of need people to be alive because for rich people to be rich, there need to be poor people to make them feel rich. Do you understand? He's like, oh no. And so, you know, Aegon loves this. He's like, great war. This is what I've been waiting for.

Not war, what is it good for? War, what are we waiting for, right? So he wants to jump into it. And this guy Orwyle, he's like, well, we sent a raven to Lord Tully and these houses are his vases, are they not? He must control them. And they're like, oh, I think your raven was actually hacked. Yeah, we got a lot of messages about your raven. It turns out like it was really asking for some weird shit and people were not happy.

So they are like, listen, we need to get totally house. Okay, we need to call totally and I was like, oh, he's gross. And I don't like him. Yeah, like, but there's a guy with like a big castle, we should get the big castle. Like, yeah, let's go get her and hall. That's really big. Like, yeah, her and halls huge. Let's get her and hall. And he's like, I'm going to take a dragon and I'm going to burn every motherfucker to Harrenhal from here to Harrenhal. We're going to kill everybody. And Alyson's like, man, can we please stop burning everything down? We need the poor people. Do we not remember who's going to run Yoghurt Planet? And so, but Kristen, of course, he wants, he's like, No, we must be the gods favor the bold analysis, like, but they did not favor Sir Eric. Well, he's a what was wrong with Sir Eric. I mean, yes, he did retreat and join the other side. No, not Sir Eric. I'm talking about Sir Eric. I still don't understand. He was was. So, Kristen's like, okay, listen, we can't just drag in everybody all the time, okay? We need the Riverlands and Heron Hall is the key to the Riverlands because it's a big house, okay? So,

I'm going to go get some guys and we're going to ride out there and they're going to be guys that I've trained. So, guess what that means? They do not fuck people because that's a sin, which I would never do. I would never fuck people because we have taken a vow of chastity. Am I right, babe? Am I right? All right. Call me. Call me. And they're very godly people and we're just going to go take care and haul quietly. Okay, we don't need the dragons. We don't need the big things. We just want to do this quietly. Jared And then Thailand is there and he's like, well, my brother Jason is raising a good army at Castorly Rock. And in a matter of weeks,

he'll be able to harass the Blackwoods from the West. I think that'd be pretty cool, right? Anyone? No. And then Orwell is like, well, should we not aim to these armies then strike as one? And then Thailand's like, oh, the great military mind of the Citadel. I'm like, you know what, Thailand,

I think you need to calm down. I think Orwell's contributions are perfectly sound here. **Jay】 Well, they see a power vacuum. So now all these guys are like, oh, Otto's gone. Let's take his job, Sal. And they're like, here's what we should do. I say we should take bread from the South and give it to the North. And then other people are like, we need a train track.

And then other people are like, you know what? We need cheaper hot dogs. And then everyone's like yelling and fighting. And Alison's like, guys, can we stop acting like that? Cause we just need to get the river area or whatever. Can we concentrate on Heron Hall? Yeah, let's do that. So Chris is basically like, look, I'm going to go in really quickly.

I'm going to go there. I'm going to like get like, as I come through, everyone's going to just like naturally, you know, turn to my, to our cause. I'm going to have a new haircut. Everyone's going to be like, who is that? You will watch all these people that were for Raniera, they're going to be for us now. And then we're just going to strike. They will not expect it whatsoever. And she's like, but you don't have a lot of guys like you're going gonna be killed at the first wrong hole do you mean? And he's like, yes, but sees a haircut. I don't think you understand how powerful it really is.

Okay, am I right everyone? Am I right? People kill people. People do not kill George Clooney. Don't you worry about me toots. It's gonna be great. It's gonna be great. But that's, that's really stupid.

And he's like, really? Well, let's just see how this himbo makes out because I'm doing it. And then Agon's like, yeah, amazing. So are you gonna take Aemond and Vhagar too? And he's like, no, that big ass dragon needs to defend the city, okay? And then he's like, good, then I'm going to war.

I'm bringing Sunfire, the butchest dragon of all the fleet. Sunfire. So Aegon, and he's like, your grace. And he's like, you'll need a dragon. And he's like, well, well, as Kristen's like, well, my plan was actually not to draw attention away from the Caesar haircut. I mean, I'm just wait tomorrow. You guys will not be able to believe it.

And so Aegon's like, well, and then what will you do if you encounter one or more of Rhaenyra's dragons? She'll want to answer for Sir Arryk. Yeah. And he's like, well, you know what dragons love to fight? Dragons. Okay. So maybe if we just don't bring a giant dragon, people won't see us coming. Okay. We're going to in there. We're just gonna sneak in there. He's like, are you sure? How about five dragons? He's like, no dragons. Or how about a semi truck on top of the dragon? Because a dragon, how about a dragon with a clown's wig and a big nose that you can squeeze and it'll make a horn sound when you come through? No, that's the opposite of what we're looking for. Okay, stop, that's the opposite of what we're looking for. It's that stuff. A dragon and a George Clooney Caesar haircut. I'm not competing with the goddamn dragon. All right.

All right, the Caesar haircuts kind of my thing. I think we should all drop it. It's just gonna be me who does that. All right, everyone. So there we I mean, by the time Caesar comes around, they're gonna be calling it the Christian. I'm really gonna pioneer something here, everyone, at the very least. You know, Kings and Queens go fashionists forever. Am I right?

How did you just put pie in my ear? Sorry toots, but I did say I was going to pioneer something. Just had to have some gravitas in my first meeting. Quite literal, quite literal with that pioneer bits there. Listen, Egon loves the dad joke. He's got daddy issues, all right? Listen, I'm the boss now. Do you think I don't know how to work the room?

All right, thank you. So now we see Seasmoke. God, these, honestly, these dragon names just keep on getting worse and worse. Last week I was like, I can't believe there's dragon name Moon Dancer. Now we have Sunfire and Seasmoke. What, I mean, what happened to the ones that were like

Bogar, Levar, Vargar, Xanax, you know? But now we have- Xanax, Big Benzos. First of all, I never pay attention to the dragons, obviously, like I'm sure we sound like complete morons. But they're all- Really to everybody. But I don't pay attention to the dragon names really.

Vhagar I started to, why? Cause he's bigger than them all. He's huge. And so like we know who he is cause he ate that little innocent dragon. And now I'm starting to pay attention and I was reading a thread last night cause that's what I have to do after the show.

I have to go read somebody kind of explain what happened. Cause I don't know. I'm just like, I love her nun dress. You know, that's what I left with. So I was reading and people were talking about the dragons and someone's like, oh yeah, well, her dragon, Reyna's dragon, who we see later. Right, was stolen, right? It's small, but it's really fast. Or Bela.

Was it Bela? Bela. Reyna, Aiman stole Reyna's dragon back last season, right? Stop confusing me. Okay. So some lady, some girl that we see today, which we'll get to you later, And Aiman stole Reyna's dragon back last season, right? Stop confusing me. Okay. So some lady, some girl that we see today, which we'll get to you later, is on a little dragon and they're like, Oh, but that's good. Because her little dragon can move quicker than the big dragon.

So it's got, and they were breaking it down. Then someone else was like, Oh yeah, I don't think that dragon is bigger than that other dragon. And they're like, Oh yeah, Sunfire is bigger than so-and-so because I went to the official size chart for the dragons. And I was like, there's an official size chart for the dragons? Well, they're one size until someone

gets the lightning bolt thing, and they all shrink for about 10 seconds and then they get big again. That is a different show. Okay, I wanna look, I wanna look at, okay, you keep talking. Okay, well, so we see Seasmoke flying over the sea and also making a lot of noise and Misaria is there watching and so Ray Ray walks up to Misaria and

she's like, I was told you'd never you turned back from your ship to bring warning. She's like, I was not believed at first. And she's like, well, you saved my life. What is the life of a queen worth these days? Okay, well, do I have to answer everything like that? Do I have to answer everything like what? It's like that sort of like you're sort of asking a question. I mean, you were asking a question in that case, but like, you just like talk normally. I talk normally all the time. I was like, see, you just did it again. The tone is just very annoying to me. Well, you said your earnest desire was to flee Westro so what

are you doing here? And she's like, and you let me go. You showed me grace and you could have not shown me grace. So I figured I would come back to whoever's showing me grace instead of who's not showing me grace. Could you not? It actually sounds like a song. It's starting to become an earworm in my head. Well, I think it's pretty amazing when people show me grace, don't you think? Amazing grace. Oh no. I feel it. I feel like a song. It's on the cusp of my... I feel like there's something there. That's... it's good. It's good. I actually like it. Oh, Asian grace. God, how sweet the sound. Oh my God, write that down.

Write what down? I've lost it. What is it worth it to you to have it written down? Oh God, is everything a negotiation. This is... listen, this is number one hit right here. Write it down. So she's like, okay, if you don't want to flee, then what the fuck do you want, lady? And she's like, hey John, I'd it to work for you here in your court. Oh God. I don't just know when works here. I mean, last guy worked it had a twin show up with the same exact name,

stabbed him in the face. Right. Who wants to work here? Literally no one has left us a good Google review. Nobody. Well, and you let me go. You showed me grace when you could have withheld it. I'm not often surprised. It's like, okay, all right, all right. So one turn for the fine. You can work in the court, suit yourself.

It's sort of shitty pay. There's like no pay to be honest. You just have to figure it out. You can find rats eat them. I don't know. I don't know. HR. It's in your paid in drapes that you wear around your body that make you look gigantic. That's what we pay you in here.

Here's what we do. They're not even warm, actually. They're still drafty, believe it or not. Very heavy and still drafty. But no living wage, no living wage, but we'll give you some royalties on this grace song that we're working on give you some points on the back end and that should probably be good, right? So she's like, I have secrets. I could tell you what's happening in the red keep. I know everything about everybody. I could tell you secrets. And she's like, okay, all right, fine. All right. Well, listen, I've shown you mercy, but don't, don't confuse that with pliancy. All right. And sea smoke starts

screeching and they look out and this dragon is just having a fucking fit. It's like stomping around the ocean. It's like, I'm so mad. Why? I hate everything. I hate boobs. I hate them. What's wrong with that? And I love how completely emotionally out of touch everybody on this show is because Reynira is like, oh my God, that's my late lord husband's dragon. He's grown restless of date We cannot known why we cannot know why Missouri goes maybe you know me and then it just cuts to Ray Ray like The fuck does that have to do with anything? That's right never had a pet acting out Ray Ray's never had a pet or something like that You know, you could tell when your animals acting up, sometimes you need to get them another one, right?

Well, yeah, because to us, I mean, like, I feel like we're so over pop psychology-ized in our time, that we're like, of course your dragon's feeling things. But back then they're like, feelings? Oh shit. Sam. It's a dragon that's lonely. It's a dragon. It can literally fly anywhere it wants. Go find another dragon, you stupid imbecile, seasmoke dragon. That dragon poops and can cover an entire city and drown everybody in it. And it's crying?

Really? Everyone has an emotion these days. Dragons, this new generation of dragons, I tell you, they're all about their emotions. Do you realize that to make that dragon fly, you have to go up to him and say, I understand how you feel and your emotions are valid. And then it will fly. But if you don't say that, then good luck. Good luck to you getting it in the air.

Okay, so guess what I just looked up? What? I just looked up the size chart, because I had to know, do you know how many dragons there are? Nine million. Okay, no idea. There are so many dragons. Who's the biggest one?

Well, well Balerian is the biggest one See, you're good. You're better than me. Well, I'm looking at the Balerian's the biggest. I'm looking at the chart Oh, yeah, I said it to me. Oh, well, I was testing you as a quiz All right, and then vagaries second the Moraxes the cannibal. Oh, I love the cannabis the cannibal So I here's what I would actually really like to know. I would like to know, like at some point there was like a naming convention, like Maraxis, Vegar, Tyraxes, Ares, Vermax, but someone got in there and started naming them things like Seasmoke, Sunfire.

There's someone in there just named Morning. There's just a dragon there named Morning. Morning. I think that, yeah, I think, you know, it's different generations. Some are like very formal and then some are just like stoners. They're just very on the nose, you know, sheep stealer, sheep stealer. That one's sheep stealer. Stole a sheep once. So it's just sheep stealer. That one can't find the remote control. I mean, seriously. That one over there said, Lizza Catan, they just named it after their favorite game. It's embarrassing to be honest. That's Marisa Tomei over there. I just really love her. Actually self-named. We said, who do you want to be named after? And they said,

Marisa Tomei. So there we go. But there really is a sheepstealer. Oh God. Yeah, there's a sheep stealer. They're like, that one's Marissa Tomei, that one over there is like, peak tick cousin Vinny, you know, not the nicest name, but it's true. All right, I want to introduce everyone to my new dragon. We love this dragon quite a bit.

And as you know, we do not judge either by the looks or the names. Anyway, here's my new dragon, Tatum O'Neill. Come on up. Come on up, Tatum O'Neill. TATUM O'NEILL Can I just say there are a couple worth pointing out here of the smaller dragons. Most of them are smaller.

There's a couple of whales, by the way. Do you see the whales on the side? There's whales? I'm cracking up. There's a sizing chart. There's some whales on the side? There's whales? I'm cracking up. There's a sizing chart. There's some whales on the side to show what these dragons are to size. So there's a blue whale, there's a sperm whale,

there's an elephant, there's a horse and a human. So in case you wanna know how big these dragons are. That's crazy, isn't it? Okay, so there's a couple who are worth pointing out of the smaller fleet. Mourning, who you already pointed out, is adorable. She's pink. She is.

Well, we don't know that she is just a she. I guess we shouldn't gender some- It's like the Frankie Grande of dragons. Some dragon based on their color, but the what? The Frankie Grande of dragons, let's be honest. Oh God, don't do that. I love this dragon. Mourning. Frankie Grande is annoying.

Okay, and then Taraxys is GI Joe themed. Yeah, Taraxys looks very cool. You know what, I feel feel bad for the smallest dragon is called the last dragon. And I feel bad because who wants to be named that? Like you, your name should be the last last drag. You're the last one. I mean, talk about building an inferiority complex. So talk about a town without hope, you know, it's like, all right, your name is the best we could do now we're dying.

Right. There's also there's silverware. So I talk about a town without hope, you know? It's like, all right, your name is the best we could do. Now we're dying, right? There's also, there's silver wing and there's gray ghost. And what's funny about this is that like, you know that gray ghost is probably really jealous of silverling, because gray ghost is like, I'm sort of the same color.

Why does he get to be silver and I'm just gray. And I'm a ghost, he's a wing, but I'm a ghost. It's not fair. He has a British accent. And I also like that everybody here is about to do like Lord of the Dance, like all the dragons and no one's just like sitting down, they're all like, they're like about to do the karate kid move where you're like, and you get a kick, like you lift your hands up like in a flamenco pose. They're fabulous. These dragons are like really fabulous. All of you. All of you doing great work. I love this like Radio City musical line that you guys

have in your diagram. Seasmoke, I actually love the color scheme on Seasmoke. Seasmoke may be my favorite. Seasmoke is pretty, that green. Sea smoke is like a pretty kind of a green. I like Aurochs, that's like kind of crap in splu. Yeah, yeah, Aurochs is all right, you know? Well, we've only got nine hours more of this show to do. I think we should take a little break. Let's take a little break. Yeah, that's a great idea.

Because actually, we're recording this late today. Sorry this recap was out late. It's been a nightmare of a day over here. Obviously better now because we get to talk to you guys. But we do have to go record Crappy Hour, which is our Instagram live show every other week. So we're going to do that and then we are going to do part two of this probably tomorrow. So we sure love you guys. Come back. We'll talk to you later. Bye. Watch What Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors!

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