Watch What Crappens - #248: Tuscan Ail

Episode Date: December 11, 2015

We cordially invite you, then disinvite you, then reinvite you to listen to the latest episode of our podcast. Here's what's in store: 00:00:00 - Intro; 00:09:51 - Crappens Mailbag; 00:30:47 - Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap; 01:42:14 - Real Housewives of Cheshire Recap Thanks so much for listening. Remember to support us at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at http://facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens visit us at http://watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Today's episode is sponsored by Casper. Get $50 towards any mattress purchased by visiting www.casper.com slash crappins and using the promo code crappins. Casper, an obsessively engineered mattress at a shockingly fair price. Just the right sink, just the right bounds. Two technologies, latex foam and memory foam, come together for better nights and brighter days.

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You know, when they talk about that premium latex foam and memory foam, I'm not saying this just as a shill because they are an advertiser. I love my Casper, and I tell everyone about it. So, everyone, get on board. Yeah, Ben loves it so much that he actually bought it with his own money. So get $50 towards any mattress purchase by visiting www.casper.com slash crappins and using our promo code crappins.

Terms and conditions apply. Watch what crappins. Watch what crappins. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappins? supply. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. It's our favorite thing. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the Banter Blender.

And joining me, as always, not from a Casper mattress, but from Couch Desk, is the wonderful and hilarious and super comfortable Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com. Hi, Ronnie. Hello, Benjamina. Hello, everybody. How are you doing on this chilly day in Los Angeles? I'm doing so good. I moved couch desk right next to the heater, and I'm just sitting here in shorts and flip-flops in front of the heater like a crazy person. Yeah, when I walked down to Ralph's just now to get my Starbucks iced coffee,

I was like, it is cold, and I am not looking forward to carrying a cold beverage in my hand for five minutes in this cold weather. Now, admittedly, I am in gym shorts and a t-shirt and flip-flops, but you know what? It's still cold, okay? It's still cold. It is still cold, and I love it because it's more of an excuse to stay inside, and then people here are such wussies.

I love walking... Oh, I'm stuttering, by the way. It's going to be the whole show. I don't know why, you guys. It's okay. It's okay. Sorry, my phone. By the way, I have to apologize. What is wrong with us? I'm stuttering.

You're getting fucking texts over there. You better turn that shit off. I know. I'm putting on vibrate. I always feel bad anytime my phone does something or sometimes there'll be a notification on Facebook during the show and you'll hear it through the show. You'll hear a woohoo or something like that. And I feel bad for the people listening because there's nothing more annoying than when you're listening to a podcast

and you hear the notification and you immediately think it's your own. You're like, what? Huh? Bloop bloop. It's worse for me because you get the notification and then you're a Ben so you can't help yourself and it's like this Twitch where automatically you grab it then you're a Ben so you can't help yourself and it's like this twitch

where automatically you grab it and you're like looking and scrolling through and you know if there's one moment of silence I'll just repeat the last 10 minutes of what I said again and so I'll just keep going and going it's like this endless cycle notifications are going to kill the show

I know we should just do a podcast of just notifications. We'll just sit here in silence until there's a ding. And by the way, there have been already now like five notifications since we've been talking that you have not heard. You best turn that shit upside down, face down, apple up, darling, apple up. Apple up. Well, people, let me notify you all about all the wonderful things involved with this podcast. First of all, you can support us on Patreon.

It's really such a wonderful thing to do. You know what? I was going to do a whole Patreon spiel today because I was listening to another podcast where they did a Patreon spiel. And I was like, oh, their spiel is so good. I'm going to copy it and do the spiel for our podcast. But I've forgotten the spiel. And you know what else? Now that we're time coding these episodes,

which by the way, if you need time codes, just look down in the show notes. But we're time coding these now and I'm realizing how long these openings are because it's right there in front of my face in numbers. And I'll be like,

wow, 20 minutes. We did a Casper ad and talked about notifications. I'm doing a spiel about forgetting another spiel. Ah! Another spiel. Okay, I'll do the Patreon spiel. No, no, no. I still want to do it.

I want to. I want to. Do it. No, but for real people, Patreon's a really great way to support the show, and it helps us in just numerous numerous numerous ways you can go there uh you can you can support for very very small amounts we're talking like a dollar per episode if you want or like a dollar per month if you you know you can figure it out um and you get

access to our bonus episode which is once a week um we do a once a month hangout with our listeners. We do Ronnie makes these amazing ringtones. And then we have our Krappen's Mailbag and you can submit to the Krappen's Mailbag which we'll be doing in just a few minutes. So really

it makes a big difference for us. And actually the Patreon just came out with a mobile app which is great because now you can listen to all the bonus episodes right on your phone. It's much easier to deal with all of those now because they're private and blah, blah, blah. So you have to be a member to hear them. And just so you guys know what the bonus episodes are, we're putting a clip, a four-minute clip of this past episode where we did Vanderpump Rules ISIS. Yeah, fighting ISIS. Basically, Lisa and the staff of Vanderpump Rules confronting ISIS, and it's gold.

It's four minutes. If we do say so ourselves. It's trying to – we start talking political BS, and then it just goes insane. And then it just goes insane. And, you know, we could basically fix this entire world if ISIS and Vanderpump Rules would all listen to this podcast. We could save the world. And you'll find out. Bring two terrorist organizations together. So after we say goodbye at the end of this podcast, just stay tuned because there is another four minutes coming your way.

Yeah. So anyway, the point is, oh, I think MJ is getting her delivery of sliders outside. Could you hear that, motorcycle? Sweeper is like, Patreon, Patreon segment ended. Sweeping it. Sweeping it. Sweeping it. Anyway, no, the last thing I'm just going to say is that it really means a lot to us,

and we're constantly looking for ways that we can make it worth it for you, too. So that's why we've added things like the mailbag, et cetera, et cetera. And we'll try to add more fun things. And in the meantime, we have to thank our super premium sponsor, Marvin J. Marvin J. Marvin J. is our Thursday sugar mama. Love ya. Okay.

So also. Marvin J. you gobe. Gobe. Gobe. sugar mama love ya um okay so also anyway also uh you can follow us on facebook super fun uh facebook.com forward slash watch what crap and tons of content there and then for other social media go to watch what crap and dot com that's it that's it that's it i did a big patreon spiel and did little spiels for facebook and watch what crap is dot.com. How about that? There you go. And for people who are listening for the first time, whenever we do that laugh, that's our impersonation of Andrea from Real Housewives of Melbourne, season one, laughing at her own jokes. Her own terrible jokes.

So if ever you're confused about things we say or accents we do, it's just usually an homage to something that happened about three or four years ago on Bravo. Just wanted to clarify that. It's random, but it's brand random. It's brandom. It's brandom. I love that. You like it? That is great corporate talk.

Yeah. I'm going to brand my brandom talk. Oh, and by the way, we got a request to please stop using our terrible Melbourne accents. I'm so sorry. This is so bad. Mint julep. Oh, lovely little mint julep who I'm going to announce in a terrible Melbourne accent. Yeah.

Sorry about that. But it's an evolutionary process. Does she want us to stop because they're so bad or is she just because she's Australian and she's like, oh, seriously, that's not even our accent you're talking like south africans yeah that's um you know i told her with emil jerking off six times a day he's from south africa that stuck to our melbourne and now we have bad cheshire mixed with bad melbourne mixed with bad everything else it's like we have a pan english it's a pan english accent okay we just it's a little bit of everything. A little bit of Cheshire. It's a little bit of ladies of London. A little bit of

Emile. A little bit of Melbourne. So just be happy. We're all one. A melting pot. We're melting things in it. Oh! So today we're going to talk about Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. We'll talk about Real Housewives of Cheshire.

And to kick things off, you know what time it is. Krappens Mailbag. Krappens, Krappens, Krappens Mailbag. Krappens, Krappens Mailbag. We're going to make a little jingle for this. Krappens. John Stossel catches a predator

in a child's bathroom. Nope, just Bravo Mail. Yeah, it's the Krappen's mailbag. So we still have other questions that were asked to us. Let's see. Marvin J gave us one on Tuesday. So today we have – it's just loading up, everyone. Just don't mind me while this loads up.

Ben's just checking his notification. Wait for Ben to swipe through the noties, darling. Clear. Clear. Okay. Let's start with Housewives Junkie, who asks, Okay, which housewives deserve a visit from Krampus this Christmas and a smack with his birch branch for their behavior this year?

Tamra? He's smacking people his birch branch for their behavior this year. Birch branch? He's smacking people with birch branches? Aren't we, like, PC-fying this story a little bit too much? I thought he puts kids in a fucking bathtub and drowns their asses and drags them to hell. If he's just switching them with a stick, he could be my Meemaw. Step it up, Krampus! I think Housewives Junkie is unaware of Krampus' power

Housewives Junkie is like oh it's okay I'll just get you know like hit with a birch branch no you're going to hell Housewives Junkie it's like that Chucky doll it's all cute and then it comes to life and just starts murdering everybody and then marries that girl from Bullets Over Broadway listen if

Krampus is going after Toni Collette, he'll go after anyone. That's what I say. Okay. Who deserves to be taken to Hellmore? I mean, that's honestly out of the housewives. How can you even choose? That's a full bathtub right there.

Well, Tamara's already in the bathtub with Eddie. So it's funny because I keep on saying Tamara. She did not even do anything that was that egregious this season compared to other seasons. It's just that whenever we talk about housewife – Unless you're a first name. Well, whenever there's ever a question of like which housewife should go to hell, I'm always like, oh, yeah, Tamara. Even though I like Tamara, I'm like, oh, but she's obviously going to hell. Yeah.

Yeah, Tamara's the obvious worst. But I think that Vicky took her place this year. I think that, like, you know, making up a cancer life for your boyfriend so you could sell cancer products that don't work. I think that's the worst. No, here's the thing, though. I think that the problem is that Vicky has been recently dating Krampus. So I think it puts him in a compromising position, and she's been telling everyone to be nice to Krampus

because he has cancer. Hey, I just want you to support Krampus! You know, Brianna does not support Krampus. She has to support him, you know? He's very important to my life. Brianna's like, Mom, your boyfriend tried to fuck me and then threatened to drag my children to hell

after drowning them in a bathtub. What? You know, I need love too. Mom! Your boyfriend keeps coming after baby Troy. Well, you know, like you all have to just get along. Oh, Brianna, you're just jealous. Stop making up rumors about Krampus.

He did not tell you he had a dick the size of a leg. Stop it. Oh, Krampus is so horny he's got horns I say Vicky and Tamara should both be stuck in there Krampus can drag it and Eddie can still try and be getting a boner all these years later in that damn bathtub it's like his purgatory that's what you get Eddie uh weren't there some other housewives from earlier in this year who did some Krampus-worthy terrible things? There has been some evil shit going on on these shows. Beverly Hills hasn't stooped to that level quite yet. We're only in episode two, so let's see here.

Well, Brandy could be good Krampus fodder, perhaps. You know what? I believe that we should not kick a hoe when she's down. That bitch is – she would love – she would welcome Kr krampus she'd be like thank you for a bathtub or krampus apartment anymore it's been really hard to take a bath at the y every day thank you krampus well krampus would probably just be like you know what fuck this bitch he'd show up with his bathtub and she's like fuck you krampus she'll be like i heard that krampus was krampus was gonna bring all these tabloids to palm springs and make fun of kyle but i was like krampus what

the fuck and krampus is like you know what fuck this krampus why are you stopping the boat um i heard you told people i lived in calabasas get the fuck out of my boat you are not coming to hell like krampus i just want you to know that even though you're struggling with addiction I'm the only one who's been there for you just saying before you drag me to hell I'm the only one who's been there for you it's like okay I guess Krampus is on his way to hell like oh Brandy I did everything for her. I made her famous. I made her a star. Not everyone gets to ride in this bathtub. She betrayed me.

Meanwhile, Krampus meets with Lisa Rinna. And Lisa Rinna's like, I'm sorry, Krampus. You're an addict. That's all. That's what I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. And Krampus is like, uh, and runs away and hops over the fence. I don't know why it just dawned on me.

But since we're talking about Beverly Hills anyway this week, what really got me about Lisa Rinna this week and what I've noticed that has always been the case and I just saw it, is that Lisa's personality, I'm like, what is her personality trait? She's just positive and smiling. That's not enough for me.

So I looked a little deeper and I thought, wow, this woman is reviewing everything all the time. She's like one of those people you pay for fake Amazon reviews when you come out with a product. They're like, it's five cents a word and she's like, this is fabulous! Krampus, you are the most amazing bathtub puller I have ever seen.

I'm in all of your bathtub! How did you make your horns that curly? They're amazing! Do you comb your hair? Where do you get it groomed? Tell me everything, Krampus. You're my hero. I love your huffs, Krampus. I love your huffs. My daughter's always like, we have such a crush on Krampus, and I'm like, girls, I saw them at Coachella. They're

like, oh my god, mom, don't look at Krampus. My kid is making toast! Take the lazy one without a job. She gives Krampus one of her wigs. Now Krampus has Elisa in a wig. Krampus is like, I'll do anything. He's like, this is not a wig.

Look, I'm getting my bangs combed. Shut up, Krampus. I'm not buying it. Be nice to Krampus. All right. So Emily Laird asks, which season of a Bravo show should get the behind-the-scenes treatment like they did for Beverly Hills Uncensored Season 1? That's a good question. I don't know.

Which – I still haven't seen the Uncensored yet. I haven't had time. I'm going to try to watch it maybe tonight or tomorrow. I would be really interested to see another behind-the-scenes of Beverly Hills now, like all these years later. Probably last season. Last season of Beverly Hills. Yeah, last season of season beverly hills yeah last season of beverly hills was good i would even this season because i like now that they all know the tricks and they're trying i really love that they have the whole list of shit they're not supposed to

talk about off camera because this show really has that more than any other show where every season there's a list of shit they're not allowed to talk about on screen and then somebody, Brandy, does it. And then everyone has a bit. And that's the drama. It's like the drama is what they're trying to present and then what they're actually presenting. And this show, I think, fucks it up the most. So I'd like to see them trying to hide that shit now.

Yeah, I think also an argument could be made for Real Housewives of New York City season three when Bethany and Jill had their falling out, I feel like there's probably some good uncensored shit there too. Because the truth is actually over the years, we've met various people. When we met, when we went on Patty Stanger's podcast,

different people of different sides of the story. Patty Stanger was very pro-Jill Zarin. Very, very pro. Really, her insight to it was that Bethany really used Jill and threw her out the window. Other people have different perspectives. So I would like to see the uncensored behind that fight.

Well, everybody who's friends with Jill Zarin says the same thing. Jill Zarin, all she does is do things for other people. She sets herself she's one of those people who's like doing shit for people all the time so that she can get something back and then her friends just pair it the same thing she's so nice all she does is do something for other people and i'm like what is she doing for you did you get a discount on fabric because well that's as far as i can tell we're like sitting here doing a podcast together so it's not like she got you an NBC show.

Drop it, lady. Cut the shit. Jill Zahner's an a-hole. And until she stops being an a-hole, people aren't going to stop calling her an a-hole. Buying people's shit doesn't make you less of an a-hole. You know what? Let's go back to Krampus. Krampus forgot a bit.

Wait a second. She's going to be tweeting at Krampus. Happy birthday, Krampus. Fun times in the bathtub. By the way, if people bought stuff from me They could still be an asshole But you know a lovable asshole Who buys stuff for you

Well that's true I don't mind if Jill Zarin wants to buy me shit I'm down Jill Zarin I can send you my Amazon wish list There are several board games on it Yeah apparently we pissed Jill Zarin Off the right the wrong way i mean we have not pissed her off the proper way you know if you're gonna piss off jill zarin you need to do it in a way that she wants to send you something i'll take an edible bouquet like

i don't care you can send me a fruit bouquet and i'll be happy yeah that means leapfrog telling jill zarin um if you could send me a copy of the board game called Orléans, I'd be very happy. Thanks. Jill Zarin, just send us a ringtone. Just send us a voicemail and say, you know what, go fuck yourselves. And then I'll just use that as a ringtone and I'll be happy forever. Zarin, baby, hurry down the chimney tonight. Whatever questions you guys ask in the mailbag, know that it's always going to turn back to hating Jill Zarin. Okay?

Shut up, Jill Zarin. I know. It's like I don't know. I don't have the same hatred that you do. I mean, I think that she's – I don't really have it anymore. I've calmed down because now I see that she's just so – you know, like she just wants to be loved. I have a place in my heart for her. Just like Krampus.

But when you bring her up in the context of what she can do for you or Real Housewives of New York, I get reignited and it feels so good. You guys are really, I've tried so hard for so long to get myself rid of this negativity. And then it worked for a while and I was just not happy being happy, darling. It's not for me. All right. Well, speaking of the holidays, David Gold has this question. He says it's a pressing question, by the way.

It's the Last Supper and Jesus is going to invite three housewives. One will organize the meal. One will be the entertainment and the third will betray him. Which housewives past or present will fill each role? Thanks. Love the show. Kathy Wakili will bring the meal just so she can be in the scene um what's the other ones i forgot there's a lot of details in this so who's gonna who's gonna organize it who's gonna be the entertainment and who's gonna betray jesus okay you say the next um i think let's see so who's gonna be the entertainment um i i don't i you know i i part of me thinks it's going to be kim zolciak but that seems almost too obvious

maybe it'll be like luanne coming out with like you know her whole drag things doing something doing one of her songs being like jesus so, so chic, last supper, the last. I don't know. And Sonya could be in the front row mimicking, like pretending she knows all the words. Yeah, it would have to be that way, because that way, for whoever betrays Jesus, which would probably be Carol Radziwill, then Luann could stop her performance and be like, well, I can't believe you do this during my performance. Oh my God, please let Carol Radzi well betray jesus that would be so funny sorry jesus i didn't mean it i just thought

it was funny you know jesus is like oh i'm exhausted i'm tired whatever who cares it's true i'm a bitch so what who cares um okay so then lola del rio has also a very important question she says you think that lala should take a selfie while she's sucking jack's dick and send it to james sure i say sure no because that that's a smart hoe look no one wants to buy a car if he's seen it being driven around by somebody else okay like you can go to a used car shop and buy a used car and it's fine because you've never seen anybody else in it but the second you see someone else in it you're like that's not my call a hoe needs to be the same way you can't just let every i mean even though they know you a hoe and you've been doing that you have

to pretend that you haven't you know yeah i kind of also it would i'm not saying that we have to see it i'm just saying send it to james just to bother james you know because the thing is i don't think james would post it everywhere he be like, look at this basic bitch. Yeah. This is the girl who I want to be my girlfriend. Stupid mistake. But the problem is I don't want to see Jax's dick because I feel like it would look like

one of the tentacle things from Audrey 2 from Little Shop of Horrors. Sort of green and thorny. I think it would look like that back pain commercial that you had brooks starring in a few a few months ago or that headache what was it it's like back pain and it's just like a bald person slumped over that's kind of how i imagine jack's penis it's exhausted and you can't really do anything to your penis like you can't plop it full of fillers and you can't get fake yes you can oh you can that there are people who put fillers in your wee wee well people do this thing it's disgusting i'm it's like people do this like i don't know if it's fillers or they just like

inject it with like like um saline saline solution or whatever so it gets really big like an oversized pig in a blanket it's disgusting but you can also get implants well what's the point of that so when you get a giant burrito it looks like a looks like a chipotle burrito it does not it does not make it look longer it's just thicker and gross it's like ridiculous you can look it up it's not pleasant that's hilarious so jacks will probably do that too which brings us to our final question by Aubrey who says, does Jax have body dysmorphic disorder? I can't remember if you talked about this in the past episodes.

We did talk about it. I think it is. Well, body dysmorphic disorder is when you see yourself as fatter than you are usually. Like an anorexia. He'd be in better shape. He'd be in better shape if he were dysmorphic. Well, look, he's pretty good for 40 something. I mean, how old is the guy? Like he's got to be in his 40s right he looks like he's in his 40s but the truth is he's like he's probably like the truth what's the truth how do you know i mean

what are you well listen we've both seen him his his old modeling pictures in miami we've both seen him in person you know we remember when jass jeans. He just has had a very severe decline in the past two years. He's like, between the fame and what, who knows what, booze and supplements and, you know, you have a theory about fillers in his face, etc., and he's got like... What theory? Well, I mean, I don't know, because I don't know. Evidence.

I just think he just got fat in the face, because I think he's just gaining weight. But, um, I think that he just has aged, I think he parties hard. When you party hard, it ages you has aged i think he's he he parties hard when you party hard it ages you and i think he's been probably partying harder now that he's famous that's what i'm going to suspect and probably also because he's not modeling as much he's probably let himself go it's like when you see an nba player like five years after they've left the league and they've suddenly got super fat that's what it is yeah that's what happens that's why

you should never be athletic in the first place yeah because then you're just used to being fat exactly i don't think it's body dysmorphia though i think it's uh um which isn't what you're saying but i'm arguing with myself i don't think it's body dysmorphia i think it's narcissism and it's the same thing sheena has like when you're only known for your looks really or you think you're only known for your looks then and you've used that your whole life to get stuff and they start to go away it's like you're only known for your looks, really, or you think you're only known for your looks, and you've used that your whole life to get stuff, and they start to go away. It's like you're desperately clinging. It's like your house is being foreclosed on, and so you screw gun the doors shut, and so now you can't get out of the house, but the bank can't get in. But darling, the bank's going to kick down the door eventually, and then you're just going to have to pay for a door too.

Yeah, and also you know um i i think there's probably like an obsessive quality like i just want my nose to look like this like this i just want my cheeks to look like this and i imagine this is i'm not a psychiatrist or psychologist i imagine there's something in that fixation where you know what you want and then you go to get the surgery and it's it's not going to be exactly what you want because you know i mean plastic surgery is a little it's kind of like an imperfect science i mean you can try to do this at these fillers whatever but you're never going to be exactly having your mind so you think oh well okay well that was that got me halfway there but it's not quite what i

want so i need to adjust it some more just some more and every time it's just like it's an asymptotic relationship you're never going to to get to where you want to be. Oh, your cup is only half fillered. Yeah. It's always half fillered. And you've got to put more and more fillers in there. But the cup just keeps getting bigger and bigger. And before you know it, you're just a Ziploc bag full of wet cement.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, look at Shino. She turned her face into a triangle. It's's true it's like just it comes down to this like it just gets so crazy it's it's like okay i get it okay your eyebrows okay your nose a few times okay okay your chin okay then fill it okay i feel like noses noses are like the only i feel like a nose job is like the only reliably like i don't want to say good plastic surgery but it's like oh you want your nose to look a certain way I think they've got I feel like they've got

noses down pat like and why has he gotten like three or four I don't think they've got it down pat well I mean I don't well he just has I think a bad surgeon his surgeons too attractive to give him a good nose job but I'm just saying in general people get their noses done and they they generally look pretty good like not everyone turns out comes out looking like Michael Jackson unless they do it like a million times. But when it comes to the face stuff with the fillers and the lips and things like that, that is not where it needs to be. I mean they're going so far now. Like Sheena looks like she's had her teeth spaced.

You know? Like it looks like she's had her teeth moved to be more spacey or something. There's, like, there's something weird. Like, are you getting your fucking teeth moved around your house? Because, girl, that is too far. All right. There needs to be a sign, like, those stop choking signs in doctor's offices. Like, if you see someone choking, you know, like, punch them in the ribs or whatever.

It needs to be like that with facial surgery. When you see a face like that, when you have a friend who has gone so far that they're spacing their teeth out now on purpose, it's time to throw them on the floor and hit them in the chest. Well, I feel bad for the Little Jenners, the Kylie and the other one, because they are like 18 and they've already gotten like a lot of plastic surgery. And it's like they're 18 in 10 years from now. It's going to be a disaster. I mean, look at the elder sisters. I think Kim Kardashian, actually, there was a window of time where her plastic surgery was actually pretty good. Although, I've seen the old Kims.

Yeah, there was a period of time, but then she just kept on going. And I was like, nope. Kim's plastic surgery never looked good, And it's because she was so beautiful. To begin with. When you have such a beautiful natural face, there's nothing fake that can come close to the natural. So I say you would have looked better if you just turned 30. I mean, that bitch started when she was young. It's like Chris pulls up.

You know what, Chris Jenner, just because you have the same haircut as when they were five years old does not mean that they're still five years old you can't just drive them around the suburbans and drop them off and you need some alone time she's like, do Kim's nose again I need a lunch without these bitches I do think it's funny that Kris Jenner, for someone who seems, appears

to be all about the image and going under the knife as well as with her daughters that she is still like she stands by that lies and manelli haircut she really does like you'd think by now she'd get some extensions but no she's like one thing i won't change this middle age lady haircut really i'm i know like your ex-husband like got boobs like the least you could do is get a haircut i mean yeah caitlin's got better hair than you at this point you know i wouldn't even call it liza hair because liza's hair i don't know maybe it's because it wobbled so much because of her vibrato but chris has more like linda dano

hair you know she's like linda dano without the emotion because linda dano would just cry on another world i mean yeah her whole thing every You'd be like, you know, John. Oh, that was Days of Our Lives. But like John Black is back on Days of Our Lives. She'd be like, ah, ah, ah. Like pour those tears out. So it's like the haircut, but not the tear ducts because that Kris Jenner don't feel shit.

She don't. So speaking of Days of Our Lives, does this be a good opportunity to talk about Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Beverly Hills! Thank you, Crap and Smellbag. That was fun. Oh, you have to put the song.

Closing music. Crap, Crap, Crap and Smellbag. Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap and Smellbag. Crap and Smellbag. Crap, Crap and Smellbag. Crap and Smellbag. We're going to have to figure out a shorter one of that. All right.

So in mailbag, let's see what happened today in mailbag. Carol betrayed Jesus. Vicky and Tamara were taken to hell in a bathtub. And Chris Jenner is the non-crank Linda Dana. Thank you. Crappin's mailbag made my day. Thanko. Thank you, Krappen's Mailbag. Made my day. Thank you.

I like Krappen's Mailbag. I do, too. There's always, like, funny, like, wacky questions. I like doing that. It's sort of like it kind of forces us to play. Remember, we used to play Smells Like all the time on this podcast. It was like our little game. And then we sort of got away from it. And I feel like Krappen's Mailbag gets us back to the spirit of those games.

Okay. And I feel like Krappen's Mailbag gets us back to the spirit of those games. Okay, so speaking of smelly things, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. So we were talking about Atlanta in our last episode, and I was pondering the very deep question of why is that peach changing hands? Because I thought they dethroned Kenya and made Candy the queen. But I rewound a few episodes because, like, life equals zero. So I rewound a little bit. And it looks like they're just handing the peach to different women to stand in the front each time. So I guess everybody wins a trophy.

It's one of those bullshit things. No, not this show. This show, Lisa is in the middle. That's it. They're like, Lisa, the queen, every time. Yeah. Well, deservedly so. That's it. They're like, Lisa, the queen, every time. Yeah. Well, deservedly so. She's Lisa Vanderpump.

Well, they're laying it on very thick. And I'm thinking everybody is kissing Lisa's ass so hard this season that it's bound to turn. I mean, this is like foreshadowing, you know? Well, you know, it's funny. I was actually noticing that Lisa was holding the whatever she's holding. The diamond. And, you know, she's earned that diamond. She has two really popular franchises.

I mean, this one doesn't belong to her, but she is the star, arguably the star of two. Well, I'm not even getting the semantics. Is she the star? Is she not the star? But the point is, Vanderpump Rules is huge for Bravo. It's probably one of the best shows the past hundred years. And now Beverly Hills, like, she got that diamond. Until Kyle Richards can make an entertaining show about, you know, going through her closet and pulling stuff out for Target, you know, Lisa gets to keep the diamond. I know.

Until Lisa actually uses one of the fake diamonds instead of those big plastic shit things they hold. Because, you know, Lisa's like, darling, I don't need that. I've got my own. I'll hold my own diamond. Thank you. It's like this giant diamond that she just naturally has in the back of her underwear drawer or something. She actually owns the diamond mine. She's like, blood diamonds for everyone.

I lost another family in Kentucky, darling. So sad. There was blood all over this diamond. I had to wipe it off. She's like, you know, Jax, he steals vodka and he lies and he just, he fraternizes with all the people at work, but, you know, he's a great diamond miner. What can I do?

Can't get rid of him. Jax met the cast of Shaz of Sunset one time at our restaurant and he actually took all the diamond water and filtered them so he could keep little diamond dusties. I mean, Jax, come on, Tony. What

can I do? You know, my hands are tied. He's just an excellent diamond miner. So this show has gotten so good at camouflaging their shade that you have to really be a detective like yolanda to understand all the clues that are being left okay the first is that lisa's being ass kissed by everybody which means they're gonna stone her in the street soon okay the second is

that kyle's scene begins with kyle in the kitchen thank you for the back rolls editors love ya and a bra two sizes too small for her. And I want to make clear right now, I'm not making fun of a woman's fat. I'm making fun of the fact that she refuses to wear clothes in her size, okay? Ronnie has to make this disclaimer once a season. Because he always goes after Kyle's back fat. And I always go, aww. And then you always say, wait a second.

Because you know I'm a man who understands body issues and food issues. And look, nothing is gained by wearing a goal size. Get the real size. It looks better in the real. We can't see your goal weight. So anyway, she's at home in her kitchen. And you know the scene is going to be about her money, Mauricio's job, or someone she doesn't know she's talking shit about because it's never about anything

real with kyle but she has little signs she's in her kitchen and she's surrounded by flowers and not one rose it's like any kind of flower but a rose it's like kyle you're even trying to assert your independence from lisa there's always someone kyle's not as good as in her life that she's trying to beat and i think it's so cute and funny are you trying to rose shame her is that what you're doing i am lily i think they're lilies i think i'm lily shaming her nothing says fuck you vanderpump like a house full of non-roses yeah right yeah especially non-pink roses i'm done i'm out and i also noticed in the opening she's wearing a Chanel bracelet but I think it's so fitting that it's just

two C's it's like that's the best way to explain Kyle you know a backwards cut fitness and a regular cut fitness and then a cut fitness probably behind it that you never see named Kathy you know who just weights down the wrist CNC bitchy factory

so anyway so lisa and kyle they they're actually it's good it's crossing back and forth between them cross-cutting because they're packing as you may remember they're going off to tuscany well lisa and ken are going to meet uh mauricio and kyle and their kids in tuscany at a villa. But beforehand, Kyle or maybe at some point, Kyle and Mauricio and all of them, they're going to go on a yacht in the Riviera. And then they're going to go up to London because Nikki Hilton is going to have this amazing wedding. And Kyle just keeps on talking about how exciting the wedding is going to be. And she's like, it's going to be amazing. It's going to be like it's going to be at Kensington.

What's that's called or whatever, you know, where it's's going to be amazing. It's going to be like, it's going to be at Kensington, what's it called? Or whatever. You know, it's at Buckingham Palace with Mickey Hilton. It's just all brand names. It's like Hilton marrying Rothschild at the Kodak Theatre. You know, London Fog. Yeah, Covent Gardens or whatever. So, she's just talking. Catered by White Castle.

Wait, what's her thing? Catered by Fatburger. Catered by White Castle. Wait, what's her thing? Catered by Fatburger. Catered by Fatburger and Wagamama. It is British, after all. I was going to have my white party this year, but I'm just doing it at the wedding instead because, you know, I mean, it's splendid. And then the after party is going to be at Bumpkin. And then after that, we're going to Top Dog. And we'll be like, I've been telling the

people to eat hot dogs sideways for years. She's like, one of my favorite memories of childhood was watching the little hot dog and the soda go to the movie theater and go out to the movies and get a snack. And I was like,

okay, I'll get a snack too. And I just ate the hot dog. I reached into the screen and I ate the hot dog, man. Someone stole all of our ketchup bottles off the tables. Do you know who did it? How lucky are we to have a

drunken American here for us to learn lessons from. Here, Kim, have some almond butter. Oh, Kim, have some almond butter. Oh, God, I would love a crossover of Ladies of London and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Oh, my God. Please. Please, please, please. I really wanted to come to your wedding, but I'd rather do it somewhere else because I'm not comfortable at the Kodak Palace. There aren't couches.

It doesn't feel like home. I want to be able to go through the buffet line and then unbutton my pants on the couch. Bad news, Mom. The Americans are here. Just in time for the gift shop to close. All right. Put the Richard Sisters in the gift shop and close the door behind you. Bad news, Mom.

Walmart's late. Oh, darling. I knew I shouldn't have invited Walmart. That damn family. Trying to turn frowns upside down get out of here so anyway it's just cross cutting and then we go to Lisa Rinna

we have to talk about this cross cutting because packing scenes are a hallmark of real house I mean this is like a whole packing thing and Kyle's like honey what packing thing and kyle's like honey what should i bring and he's like what do you have a babe you just have short shorts and like moomoos like shove them in the bag and then meanwhile lisa's house she's like going over this pink fur and she's like ken darling is this london that's nowhere all right they're like

loading up one of those giant boxes you put in front of your house and then a company comes and picks it up and takes it to wherever you're moving they're packing rosio into louis rosio rosio rosio put this in the box out front hanky get out of the way kyle's got like a backpack yeah headbands in it uh so they're packing, and Ken is being such a drag queen bitch in this scene. Loved it. He's like, because Lisa was going to loan Kyle a dress, because, I mean, Lisa is just sizes smaller than Kyle, so it would make sense. Kyle's like, you're smaller than me?

Perfect. Can I borrow a dress that won't fit me at my niece's wedding? Lisa is going to give her a dress, so she's trying to go through something that will look out on Kyle and can't find anything. And Ken's like, darling, all she wear are muumus. I don't know why you're bothering. If that dress isn't muumu enough for Kyle.

And Lisa, you're terrible, darling. Go have Rocio sew a muumu for her. And then they show a montage because Ken's being such a bitch. The editors put in a video package of kyle and bad moomoos that's that's bad when you're when you are the subject of a moomoos montage that's bad you have pissed off the last staff member missy no one is on your side then the next scene they're shooting her from below i'm'm like, you guys, who hates Kyle here? Raise your hands. It's like the entire editing bay.

I know. We've been saving these clips for years. You know, there's only one other person on TV who wears a muumuu, and it's Homer Simpson. He wears a muumuu and a shower cap. Season two, I think. You know that there's one editor in that editing bay who's pissed off that they blew their moomoo load so early still so many moomoos to have so then yeah we moved on to rinna who is like skinning a cat like let's just make her evil she's just doing lisa rinna is basically doing nothing she's

like i've got diamonds harry hamlin bought me big fat fucking diamonds hey girls come look at the diamonds she wants to call her parents because they're sick and she's like well i don't call them enough but you know there's cameras here let's do this kids yeah so before they call they're like well you know so we're not so depressed when we call let's watch a video of our old parents falling over and they're trying to sit down and facetime for the first time. That's my least ever laugh. Remember that time dad and mom both fell on their heads and now one of them has some kind of head damage? I'm like, you know that one of them has head damage. Well, what I loved is that, like, so she calls up and her mom's like, oh, yeah, well, pap, you know, I gave him a pill and his lips swelled up.

So he went to the hospital and then we came back and went to the hospital again. They stuck a catheter up his penis. I mean, it was like a big, it was just like a big rope. his lips swelled up. So we went to the hospital and then we came back and went to the hospital again. They stuck a catheter up his penis. I mean, it was like a big, it was just like a big rope. It's like right up at him. He's never been in so much pain. And Lisa was like, you know, laughter is the best medicine. I'm like, your dad got a catheter. It was in the hospital twice.

She's like, I don't know if your laughter is the best medicine for him. You know, we just have to laugh. It's the circle of life. We just have to laugh. Okay. You know how the Lion King to laugh. It's the circle of life. We just have to laugh, okay? You know how the Lion King ended, right? In a catheter. Simba got a catheter.

And then he got some big fucking diamonds from Harry Hamlin. It's my favorite part of the movie. I said, Harry, treat me like Simba. Hold me up on a cliff and give me diamonds. Those hyenas are too drunk to attack me damn it I would love to be in a stampede I'll do anything

you pay me I'll get right into that stampede I don't care Scar I'll work for Scar I'll work for Scar I'll work for Mufasa whoever for Scar it's Padma she's like Lisa we would like to speak with you alone pack up my knives Pack up your knives and leave the Savannah

Okay, okay, you know, I gave him my best shot That's all I have to say I gave him my best shot You know, I made some handy snacks You know, I don't know how to cook I don't know how to do anything Harry's always like, you're a terrible cook Enough with the handy snacks

Always try something once though, Padma Always, always You're a terrible cook. Enough for the handy snacks. Always try something once, though, Padma. Always. Always. I did think it was interesting when Lisa didn't ask her mom to run down to FedEx after her mom told her about the pills that made the dad's lips swell up so much. She's like, your father's lips are swelled so huge that he could be a bug. Lisa's like, uh-huh. Send those over immediately. Thanks. It's like, uh-huh. Send those over immediately.

It's like, we heard to look at the bright side. She's like, what pill is that? Jesus. After looking at Yolanda's closet, no one has to feel guilty about taking anything ever. If anyone ever asks me about what I'm taking, because you know I love my drugs if anybody's ever asking me i'm just going to show them that picture and be like look

i have issues okay i have trouble but i don't have this much trouble yeah blame yolanda what would yolanda do darling wallow so anyway um and it's from the musical the fantastics except it's follow follow follow and interesting now that there's one musical theater queen in high school who just got that you're welcome kid but you know what i just i'm realizing right now i wonder if the producers put in this scene with like the about the earrings and and lisa saying how you know she doesn't wallow you can't wallow you just have to laugh and move on i wonder if that was supposed to juxtapose later on in the episode i just thought about this now with yolanda you know wallowing with lyme disease i wonder if that is the case i have to give them

credit for restraint because these editors are cut fitnesses and they would have put it right after you know that's true like we don't wallow cut to yolanda walking they would have they would have put it right after. That's true. It would have been like, we don't wallow. Cut to Yolanda walking in a plug. They would have. Well, they're still in the part of the season where they're actually respecting Yolanda's illness. It's just sort of like an OC. The first few weeks, oh, Brooks has cancer. They treat it seriously. And then they just turn and then played coconut music every time he talked about his disease.

So then Kyle and Lisa are talking on the phone. And Lisa's like, oh, darling, I've got dresses for you. And Kyle's like, yeah, I'm not going to the wedding anymore. And she's like, what do you mean? And she's like, I've been disinvited. And I was like, first of all, that sucks. Regardless of what you think about Kyle, that does suck. Second of all, her family is so

fucked up they are just i mean we know this this is nothing new not but it's it's like a reminder of how dysfunctional and then they and then they show um a clip of of kyle talking about her pilot and how the sisters disapprove but i don't think it's just about the pilot i think it's about it's not about the pilot at all it's about fucking fucking Kyle telling her husband to start his own business when all of his business comes from the man who gave him the job in the first place, who is Kathy's brother. Kathy's like, are you fucking kidding me, lady? We made your nobody husband into something,

and now you're going to not only tell him to start his own business, but also take his clients? Oh, fuck you. You know what? I wrote this in the recap, but this family knows how to swallow a load, all right? But they're okay with that if they make a profit. You do not take money out of their pocket. Yeah, exactly.

But, you know, it just also shows how petty they are. But regardless, if they're having this issue, which is, you know, I get that. A, don't invite them in the first place and then disinvite at the last second. B, just get over it because it's still family. It's a wedding. And you know what? Like, you may be pissed at Mauricio, but, like, suck it up for one night in London. Or Paris.

And who are you going to have looking after Kim? I mean, Kyle is so judgmental. She'll have like a nanny cam on the bitch. You can't just let Twitch wander around your wedding to a Rothschild in the middle of London, okay? That is just a recipe for disaster. Yeah, exactly. There's so much dysfunction between Kim's, you know, her addiction or her recovery process or whatever is going on with that, between issues with this real estate situation, between Kyle coming

up with a pilot that she was able to sell that, you know, the others did not approve of, between all their issues in terms of Kim was the breadwinner growing up and Kyle is supposed to be the one that takes care of her. But Kim has resentment about that. And there's a house and then Kathy and all this. It's just so crazy. I mean, you know what? It's making me want to watch Kyle's show.

Really? Why? Well, we have to watch it. I mean, we'll probably do a whole episode of that when it comes out. I have to assume that Kyle is not writing it. So it's going to be like the best shit since Revenge. It's on TV Land. Have you ever watched TV Land? That's the show that gave The Nanny a show and, like, cursed the alley that show about being on Broadway with Bill Burman and Kramer.

And Heather Dubrow, a guest spot on Hot in Cleveland. Hot in Cleveland. I mean, that's one. Well, either way. So either way, so Kyle got disinvited. All these juicy secrets. It's going to be, like, Kyle, the biggest secret in this show is that you were not the star, okay? Because you know that's the show.

She's going to be playing the role of Julia Roberts. And Kim is going to be like some non-speaking gargoyle that just sits in front of the house and welcomes people. Yeah, and like she'll be played by Markie Post. It's TV land. It's going to be Markie Post and the daughter from elf markie post please play kim richards that's actually the best casting i've ever heard about in my life that's really good fucking markie post and justine bateman welcome to night court okay um so anyway so then speaking of tv, we then have an extended scene where Eileen and her husband, Vince Van Patten, go to Palm Springs and they reminisce about Dick Van Patten.

Listen, if you're ever going to say Dickie's dead and not expect me to be excited, I've been a waiter for so long, I've actually had to wear Dickies for a lot of my life. And I'm glad those fuckers are gone. So don't try and make me cry, Eileen But it made me laugh Well, not that Dick Van Patten died That was amazing when that old person died Let's just talk about all the old people The truth is that seven is enough Seven is enough, okay?

So now we're really at the number we like No, what I just really enjoy about this show enough seven is enough okay so now we're really out of the number we like no um no what i what i what i just really enjoy about this show is that it has evolved into um like the where are they now of 80s tv stars you know and it always has been like that to a certain degree but you know and we've talked about this but that whole generation of of sitcom stars from the 70s and the 80s uh you know kim kyle i while elena is still working but you don't but like what'd you say willis will willis but also you know again there's like this van patten's how they all know each other and they are all on these like network tv shows but weren't like superstars necessarily

but they you know i just find friends at those back tables you know after you stop being like a huge star like the year after even it's like here's your oscar okay now you're at the back tables or whatever yeah so just like this that's where you meet all the x the x stars you know like back tables that's where you can bring your own flask and smoke your hash oil. There's just like a whole subculture out here of these stars that were big at one time. You know, your Joan Van Arks and your... Oh my God, where's Joan Van Ark

and why is she not playing somebody's grandmother on this show? I just saw a picture of her like three days ago. Her face, talk about plastic. She is looking crazy crazy crazy perfect you're cast someone tweet her but like all these all these all these sort of forgotten people from the 80s who were on like one show and had had a moment they just all are friends they're all out here and uh it's i it's i i love it i love that I love that that's what this show has become.

It's like examining that stuff. Someone tweet for Joan Van Ark to just go sit and pump until a camera catches her. Because I swear, once a camera does, that star power will be reignited over the skies of Hollywood. Well, she was on, the last thing I saw Joan Van Ark on was she played, she had a role on Son of the son of the beach which was that wouldn't watch it doesn't count son of the beach was so funny it was so stupid it was that show members like a parody of baywatch she played um the mother of this girl named bj cummings oh no and i seem to remember she played like this white trash white trash trash mom. And I think there's something with a cave that she went in. I don't know.

I love that show. I have to look up her character name on it. And it's out on the beach. I wish she would be on this show just so we could see behind the scenes of that. People pretending it's a big deal. They're like, you play B.J. Cummings, darling. Ken's been trying to get me to do that since the 70ings, darling. Ken's been trying to get me to do that since the 70s, darling.

Oh, her name. So BJ Cummings was the daughter. Joan Van Ark's character's name was Ima Cummings. Ima Cummings. Wow. It's like badly, badly grammared sluttiness.

Come on, Joan Van Ark. it oh my god and the black woman and the black uh the black lifeguard on the show is named jamaica st croix so stupid but that whole show is just stupid shit like that i loved it um anyway so i'm trying to find depressing things happening in eileen's life hey eileen does anything good ever happen to you because i feel like it never does every time eileen's on i'm like oh my god eileen should be so happy she's fabulous and has this like i mean she was she played four characters at once on days of our life four iconic characters all right and now she's just like i don't know sad and like promoting youtube videos and then her father-in-law died now they're in palm springs

which is sad enough you know and then her husband's like trying to do bad stand-up at the mic about his dad he'd do like a the opening of a hubcap or something and then his boobs are sweating all over his shirt. And then you know that on the way back there's an Indian casino. You know, we've both driven to Palm Springs. And you know that they're going to be stopping off there. And she's just going to be adding another year of work to her goddamn Google calendar. And the whole thing just makes me sad.

I also just, there's something also kind of inherently tragic about the Palm Springs Walk of Fame. You know, it's like, I'm sure Dick Van Patten has a star on the real Hollywood Walk of Fame. But last time I went to Palm Springs, which was about a month ago, I saw a drunk old queen pass out on the street at 1 p.m. And it was probably on Dick Van Patten'sten star which is not unlike the hollywood boulevard one also but it's just funnier when it's like an old an old queen doing it be careful because you know that's gonna be me like in the future i'm never going back to texas or new york or any of those places i'm staying here forever because of the weather and then when i'm older i'm gonna start being cold all the time and i'll be in palm springs just like the other old queens

and i'll be passed out on Lisa Vanderpump star. Like why did you never buy me a pump? Not a one Lisa. And by the way, for the record, I would love to have a star on the Palm Springs walk of fame. I just, you know,

buy yourself one darling. They don't just hand them out. You know, you, you, you subscribe to a magazine for 10 years and then you pay a fee. Just put me next to Piazzadora and I'll be happy. Piazzadora.

Put me in between Piazzadora and Anne Ranking. Done. I worked at a place once that was like a Cirque du Soleil traveling restaurant from Germany. And they would park this tent in New York and it was really fancy. And Piazzadora came in one time wearing this fur coat that had a train. Like, we had to all watch out for her train because people were falling over it. And jogging pants. And I was like, this bitch is crazy.

I love her. She was like, do you have hamburgers for my children? They won't eat this. I'm like, we will find a way, bitch. Have a seat. Well, you gotta love Naked Gun, 33 and a Third. The only movie to bring together O.J. Simpson, Anna Nicole Smith, and Pia Zadora.

And Raquel Welch. Well, Pia Zadora is really the only one out of those three without Raquel Welch. I don't know what's going on with her, but I think Pia Zadora's like the only one not dead or in prison. So, you know, good job, Pia. That four worked out for you in the long run. Good job. Okay, so anyway, also Eileen's for you in the long run. Good job.

Okay, so anyway, also Eileen's sister died in her arms last year of breast cancer. Okay, next. The Lisa's meet for lunch. Yeah, at Hutchinson, which is the same place where Kristen and James had a big fight like two weeks ago. Muhammad must own a stake in that one because that's the only place they go on this show. It's either Eileen 2, Kyle's Forever Not 21 anymore with Eileen 2. Or Mixology 101.

Or somewhere Muhammad owns Mixology. They always go to Mixology at the Grove. It's called Mixology 101. I see it. Every time I go to the Grove, I'm like, can we go to Mixology? And it doesn't matter who I'm with. They're like, that's the douchiest idea you've ever come up with.

You're like, I want a blue cocktail from the 80s. So the Lisa's meet for lunch at, what's it called? Hutchinson. Hutchinson. And of course it opens, because this is renaissance, it opens with, You look fabulous! I love your purse! You're to die for. Are you from heaven? Where did you get that skin?

Who are you? I want to see you. You just sparkles. You're just full of life and effervescent. I just love it. I love every single moment of it. Did you see my big fucking fat earrings that Harry Camelon gave me? She wouldn't even because she knows.

She's like, look, I'm with someone I want to like me. This is all about them, and I'm doing everything I can. She's like, can we order some rosé? Some rosé? I'm like, come on, Lisa. Jesus Christ. By the way, if she tried to show off her big fat fucking diamonds from Harry Hamlin, you know that Lisa would just pull back her hair, and she's like,

oh, and look at my big fat fucking diamonds in the shape of Harry Hamlin. I'm actually wearing zails on my ears, darling. Harry went to buy this tiny little diamond. Isn't that adorable? He went to Jared. I love the name Jared. What a great name.

Ken has such good taste. So what we learned is that Ken is going to be 70, and I was shocked that he's going to be 70. I'm not even trying to be shady. I thought he was like 75 at least. Well, he's 70 in L.A. years, darling. They start counting differently once they're off a boat.

Yes, yes. Metric system and all. Lisa's like, it's a new country, darling. We're rewinding a decade. Because Lisa's not 51 either. I mean, both you bitches, please. Yeah. But continue.

I'll go. So she's like, Lisa's trying to come up with a birthday gift. And what do you get the man who has all everything? So of all the things I thought she was going to say, the last thing I thought she was going to say was, I found this little horse that's half an inch bigger than the smallest horse in the world. Oh, wow. He's going to be so happy with his second best horse. What is Lisa doing with her time?

That she is able to investigate not only the smallest horse in the world, but one that's half an inch bigger. You know, Lisa finally learned Google and the whole world has just opened up to her. Yeah. Darling, they're tiny horses. I have a pencil eraser.

I make Rozeo use it's larger than this horse darling and what does lisa's house smell like you know it smells like a petting zoo over there first of all you've got the flesh room but kim buzzing around leaving silent farts wherever he goes and then you have hanky hanky and the smell of despair hanky sad poops and then you've got the two evil sw and the smell of despair. Hanky sad poops. And then you've got the two evil swans over there. And you know they don't even chew their food. Because you know they're just people binging like stinky pooping swans.

And they probably shit everywhere and blame it on Hanky. Recio, Hanky has a problem. We have to take Hanky to the vet. He's pooping everywhere. And Hanky's like, no, no. They poop into a perfect arrow that points towards the statue that looks like ken at the front door because they know hanky's always looking at it lisa will come out and be like oh hanky

ken please give hanky more love he's shitting in front of your statue again now i'm starting to imagine the other swans as the robbers from Home Alone. With little beanies and scarves. Those swans are so stupid because they're so evil, but they don't even have hands. It's like, let's cut Hanky. Can't hold a razor. Let's rob a house in New York with Macaulay Culkin stuck inside. Can't rob anything because you can't hold a bag because you don't have hands, you stupid swans.

You're only again drop the attitude all right every time they try to undermine hanky it just makes lisa love hanky more be nice to hanky when kyle does something evil i just want lisa to tell her one time i i swear i will shut up about the show forever and never talk about it again just please tell kyle you only work in a shop, girl. You can drop the attitude. Because that's from Absolutely Fabulous. It's one of my favorite lines.

And I think of it whenever Kyle gets too high on her horse. I'm like, darling, you work in a shop. Yeah. All right, next. Clear her. Clear the unknown sister, darling. Clear her. Rich, large Marge for a decent tea party.

Hello, Kathy. So anyway, so the point of this little thing is that essentially Lisa is going to bring Lisa to Ohio and they're going to get the world's second smartest horse and bring it back to L.A. And then Lisa Rinna is going to look after the little horse until it's Ken's birthday. It's going to sleep in between me and Harry. There's Harry sleeping there. And then there's this horse. And then there's me.

Can I pick up the horse? Depends. Get it? That's a reference to the diaper I wore. So now, sad music, everyone. Sad music. Sad poncho music, darling.

It's a mariachi sad right now. Because now Yolanda is with Daisy, her health advocate. She's going to the oral surgeon to get the gold out of her teeth. This woman is gone, Basha Crazy. I of her teeth this woman is gone batshit crazy i'm sorry this woman is gone nuts and you know we've received a few emails and stuff about uh

about lime and people who are suffering from it we got a great lot of reading we got a great comment from one of our listeners about one of our listeners is actually is suffering from like hardcore lime disease which is not the medical way of putting it. And she wrote a big, long comment, which I really am appreciative for, where she talks about how it's ravaged her body and her mind, et cetera, and how she wishes she could get her life back.

And I don't think anyone's... First of all, a huge amount of empathy and sympathy for her. But no one... I don't think anyone... And she wasn't even being combative. She was just shedding light on the situation. But I don't think anyone, and she wasn't even being combative. She was just shedding light on the situation. But I don't think anyone is debating that Lyme disease can ravage your body and you'll do whatever you can to get rid of it. It just seems like Yolanda at this point, it seems like she has now gone down a crazy path. Yeah, okay.

So I've been reading a lot about it because I also write recaps and stuff. And of course I go off in those, you know. And so I've been doing my alarm search. I've been doing lots of alarm search. And so I understand a lot of the differences between the diseases and stuff like that. So I don't even want to go into it here because

obviously I'm no doctor. I just want to say this. I'm not disbelieving the disease exists at this point because there's too many people there's too much going on to where look i love a conspiracy so if there's a mysterious illness i actually want to know more about it and read about it for the rest of my life like i'm interested i believe in it i ain't making fun of the disease i'm making fun of this crazy bitch and i'm telling you right now does not have it i don't care what anybody says i'm a judgmental cunt and i admit it that i'm right a lot of the time

and i said this when she first said it and i'm gonna stick to my guns she lying girl come on you guys there's a point where you have to say i don't think she's lying in a vindictive way but she's she's full of shit that's it Well, so here's the thing. I think where for me, whether she's lying or not, the issue for me, I don't know if she's lying. I think she believes it. I think that she's actually in her head

in a crazy place. So here she is. She's going to the oral surgeon and she is acting as if she's about to go get open heart surgery. I mean, she goes in there and they're not even putting her under. Okay. Cause she's getting, she's getting crowns. She's getting crowns removed.

Okay. She's getting, she's going with the trapper keeper. You know what that means on this show? I mean, that's like bringing in the big guns. Yeah. I mean, it's like, she's got a trapper keeper. It's not even a reunion. This is, that's, that's crazy.

No, but she's, she's going in there. Guess what? Guess who's gotten a crown removed? Me. Guess who's even swallowed gotten a crown removed? Me. Guess who's even swallowed a crown by accident? Me. I had the mercury removed from my teeth, all of my teeth in the back. I had mercury cavities or fillings in all of my teeth, the bottom and the top, so four teeth.

And I had them taken out just because the dentist was like, oh, gross. We can put these in. They're a nicer color, and they won't kill you from cancer. And dentist was like, oh, gross. We can put these in. They're a nicer color and they won't kill you from cancer. And I was like, okay, great. And she said it's really dangerous because they release all these fumes and stuff. It's a big deal and a lot of people are doing it. But she didn't have mercury. She had already had the mercury taken out years ago.

This is white gold, which first of all is hilarious. Too much gold in my blood. Too much gold in my blood. this is white gold, which first of all is hilarious. And so she's like, I wanted to eat white gold. Too much gold in my blood. No, listen, I don't, you know, it's more like, you know, fine. Take out the gold from your teeth. Put in some porcelain ones. I just, you know, she gets in there. She starts crying to the oral surgeon.

I mean, I understand a part of it is frustration, but also she's acting like, I just want to make sure it's not going to be harmful. It's like, woman, it's porcelain crowns. Get some porcelain crowns. It's like, this is like not, you're not getting a pacemaker put in. Okay. And so she's getting, you're getting shit taken out of your teeth that you can pawn next month when you need rent money. So stop your bitching.

Okay. The rest of us wish our mouth was full of little safety deposit boxes full of tens of thousands of dollars. Yeah. Actually, I have to say, I had two crowns put in my back molars like five years ago or whatever. And the doctors were like, well, would you like the porcelain one or would you like the gold one? You know, the porcelain one looked more like they're white. They look like real teeth. But they aren't quite as durable as the gold ones.

I'm like, well, I don't want to go through this shit again. I'm putting in the gold ones. So I have gold crowns in the back there, and then I had a root canal on top of everything else. And I went to the oral surgeon, and the oral surgeon was like, whoa, you got gold crowns back there. I don't see many of those anymore, and I felt really cool. That's just a stupid story. Well, Yolanda didn't. She's like like take them out before you die listen white gold never killed anybody i'm just glad that she didn't you know get white diamonds in there because i do not need

anybody hurting that stock okay so white diamonds gives you cancer and then elizabeth taylor is all like stabbing herself well these have never brought me luck so but the thing is this i guess you know i shouldn't tell someone how to feel but at the same time i also feel like just be like oh so i decided to go to the oral surgeon because it turns out you know um the the my heavy metals are high and that might be contributing to it so we're gonna get them out instead of like i'll take my teeth out if i have to it's like, just calm down. Okay? And then she goes.

She's getting the surgery. It's like we were talking about last week. People who are really sick do not maximize it to you. They try and hide it or they try and not look weak. And they try and stay strong or whatever. Whereas she's kind of masturbating with the lube of this illness and I'm not liking it. Even if it is real. Me no likey. Well, and then she's there

and then, you know, some saliva goes down her throat. She's like, I'm choking. I'm like, that's what happens. What kind of supermodel who's married two trillionaires chokes? Get out of here. You don't have a gag reflex. I don't believe a thing you say. But she's acting like she's, you know, like being held in a tank underwater.

You know, it's like some saliva dribbled down. I mean, it happens to me all the time. I have the worst gag reflex at the dentist. But I always like, I'm like, you know, and then they stop. It's like, what happens? It's just what happens. To be fair, some of it is Bravo's fault because Bravo totally dramatized it for like in the previews for the season and the previews from last week. And then also they did a cliffhanger.

She's like, I'm choking. And they show her finger. I'm like, she's at the dentist. Some saliva went down her throat. That's it. You know, this show is so fucking crazy. We haven't even talked about what a health advocate is. I mean, the fact that someone is walking around with a health health advocate.

Come on now. What? You have to bring someone to convince everybody for you? Come on, Yolanda. When you have to hire a flack to advocate your illness at the dentist's office, and then she's telling the dentist, she's like,

I don't know what metal is in my blood. I need this metal out of my blood because I can't go through airplane things anymore. I need it out of my blood. Get it out. Well, thank you for wearing a poncho. I'm going to give you extra care today. Don't put another poncho over my

poncho. David gave me this poncho. Oh no, this is just one of those spit drips. Oh, okay then. You get to keep this poncho, Yolanda. They open her mouth and just diet Coke cans just start falling out like a broken soda machine we got the metal out yoli so actually david comes and visits her during this i mean also

kind of crazy like i i personally never needed to have my boyfriend come when i went to the dentist okay and i've had all sorts of crazy oral surgery you know i've had wisdom teeth shit i've had wisdom teeth complications i've had all of it i did not need like anyone just you know it's like it's just so over the top and he's david he's just there he's counting down the days till he could serve the divorce papers and she's like aren't you so happy that we're married? And he's like thrilled as he leaves. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break

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early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less.

In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. As he leaves,

he says, no. He goes, thrilled, and then he turns to go and goes, no. I didn't see him say no. I just saw him say thrilled. He says, no. Audibly, no. Wow, that's hilarious. I guess she doesn't hear it because he's on mic, so only we hear it. Then he sighs down the hallway, and she's

smiling like, David came. I'm like, oh, my God. I would like to present this root canal to my David. David is my king, and therefore I'm going to give him this crown. One day, David, I will stop mushing up the chickens I cook for you every day, and we can eat them normal again, like a real couple. And he's like, oh, go fuck yourself, lady. I'm out of here. But David looked. looked first of all they're presenting the nurse or

whoever it wasn't a nurse the receptionist or whatever welcomes david in like he's winning a new car she's like and here's your new car she's got this huge smile on her face she's like welcome to this dentist room and david's face looks shocked. And I was like, did they tell him he was doing something else? Because he's like visiting, I don't know, like Liza. He's like, oh, my God, who did you hit over the head with an alcohol bottle? I'm here for you, darling. And then he sees that it's Yoli. And he's like, oh, my God, why would someone let a sick person in here not wearing makeup?

Fix her. here not wearing makeup fixer so then anyway over in the mediterranean back on uh below deck we have kyle and mauricio on their yacht enjoying all the food and the entire time in my mind i kept on thinking i was just imagining what was going on in the kitchen i was like imagining leon and kate getting angry and then kyle and kyle and maurisa are eating this food and loving it so much while meanwhile it's like been scraped off the floor just beef cheeks it's like stuff they cleaned out the sides of the microwave yeah so they're this is like art i'm like well considering how much you know about art similar but also you know it's not i felt bad for kyle because kyle's really good at getting free shit on the show like every season's like there's a fat burger thing outside her part like she's

always getting everything a fat burger yacht pulls alongside my kid yeah my kid is learning to drive a mercedes benz from the local mercedes armenia store whatever so anyway she's always getting free shit and i thought man kyle sucked so bad that cynthia bailey got a free blow trip deck and kyle didn't you know kyle's like eating ragu out of the bottle or out of the jar just to get this free trip and i was like i do not like feeling a mixture of hate and pity for you at the same time fast forward darling the problem is that kyle can afford the yacht and cynthia bailey she can't even afford a figurine of a yacht. Okay, so it's probably like, oh, we're going to give it to Cynthia.

We feel bad for her. Oh, Kyle. So she's out there on this yacht. She only went to Tuscany because they told her there was unlimited breadsticks at the Olive Garden. Get out of here. She doesn't even know anything about Tuscany. Shut up, Kyle. You know what's funny is I think tonight at game night, I think I'm going to play my

board game about Tuscany. It's called Tuscany. It really is. It's called Viticulture with the Tuscany expansion. It's so fun, everyone. You're going to put the entire village on camera so you can get free stuff out of them. Oh my god, you guys still have ponchos? I'm getting this for my dying friend.

I would put out the board and be like, where's the butler? That butler was amazing, by the way. Around this time, I think there was some cross-cutting between Lisa and Ken arriving, and I loved, again... I love Pastor! What I loved is that again, the producers are totally

throwing Yolanda under the bus because they're getting there and Ken and Lisa are like, it's just so beautiful. And Lisa's like, I don't understand Yolanda. Yolanda's ridiculous. And then they cut to Yolanda last year being like, every year David and I go to the Amalfi Coast. It's almost like a job now.

God, little did she know that's exactly how David feels. It's like I've been to Yolanda so many times now it feels like a job switch my map yeah that was one of yolanda's most um tone deaf moments and the fact that the producers trotted it out again just shows where their intentions are but are there because see we're reading these intentions different ways, these producer intentions, because you're reading them as making Yolanda look bad, and I'm reading them as them making Lisa look bad, because Lisa's making fun of a woman on her deathbed,

as far as we know, you know? Well, it could go both ways. Well, she doesn't like the Amalfi Coast. I guess they don't have enough time for Yolanda's drink. Or whatever. Well, they're doing two things. They're setting up that Lisa is going to basically be turning on Yolanda, right? That's what they're setting up.

But they're also saying, and when she does turn on Yolanda, we're taking Lisa's side. Well, the good thing about Real Housewives producers is that they're such fickle bitches. Look, at the end, when you've got a producer on your side, everybody loses. It's fair. It's very fair even scoring in this game. Because at the end, no one wins. Yeah. So then, anyway, Kyle and the family get off the yacht.

And Porsche is. Kyle's rented a honey I'm about to fuck somebody else car. Yeah. Yeah. Mauricio has, you mean. What did I say? You kyle oh sorry kyle was kyle was busy getting porsche off the gangplank she's like benoit could you get porsche for me i'm like why don't you just pick up your own daughter benoit benoit i'm like who's benoit darling i was like oh look who came up um and then there was

just like an extended sequence of tuscany porn it was like driving to the countryside and looking at the vineyards and looking at the little houses and here's the villa and I'm like oh I can't wait to play my dusk my Tuscany board game it's just like the board game oh I love how our brains are so similar and so different you're looking at the beautiful scenery and I'm like sitting there just waiting for Kyle to wear something terrible because I know it's coming. And then sure enough, she's like, welcome to our beautiful villa that we've rented, our villa slash mansion. They have air conditioning, right? I'm like, you're in Italy.

Shut up. No, they don't probably. And you're also sharing the bathroom with all of your neighbors. Have fun, bitch. But anyway, she's walking around the house and I'm like, oh, God, she's going to put on something terrible. have fun bitch but anyway she's walking around the house and i'm like oh god she's gonna put on something terrible short short fucking short short unitard what do you call them when they're all one piece um jumper short jumper it's a jumper short short jumper creasing up her hoo-ha with a possible peace stain loved it couldn't have planned it better i'd like to say thank you to kyle richards and david my

love and then all she did was complain about um grasshoppers so then um so then we have so loud there's nowhere to shop grasshoppers in beverly hills we voted him down at the chamber of commerce yeah grasshoppers wanted to build a subway and we said no get out of here so kyle is making a huge effort to be friends with lisa this year she needs lisa back on her side so people will stop throwing things at her from gay pride floats well they've been that was achieved last year because of the kind of because of brandy you know kyle's a shady bitch and everyone knows it and no one's going to forgive Kyle for a little while. So Kyle's like really trying hard. She gets a villain Tuscany that Lisa comes to, obviously.

She even bought a Lisa floppy hat. Of course, in her own color. It wasn't pink. There were a lot of signs pointing to her making an effort. I thought it was really nice. It was. It was really nice. Speaking of making an effort.

Rosé champagne. I mean, rosé champagne. Come I mean, Rosé Champagne. Come on. I was going to say, I was going to talk about Lisa and Eileen then going to visit Yolanda. Unless I skipped over something. Go for it. No, I just had to say Rosé Champagne because it's really big and bold with pink. I don't know why it was so important, but there you have it. It's a song. Isn't Rosé Champagne

performing at Mickey's tonight? I think so. I think that's where she's performing. So Lisa Rinna and Eileen go visit Yolanda. And it's like, so they show up. And I love, like, in the entryway is the V Magazine. It's V Magazine, right? Or is it W?

It's V, whatever one of those. And, you know, it's that famous cover that had Bella and Gigi on it. And they're like, oh, look at them. I love how they both look so different they look so different so beautiful and Anwar the other one I thought that magazine was so sad

because it's like look at Bella's beautiful nude photos and then look at these other girl look at these pictures of this other girl who's in lingerie with her face crossed out in red marker like all those people from Revenge. I think you mean Gigi. That's the other one.

Oh, Gigi is the one. I am so angry at the other one. She infiltrated Gigi's photo shoot. I told the other one don't enter the W. And what does she do? She gets a room there.

And now she's undercover. Hide the milk from Gigi's picture. I don't want her to see it. I am so happy because they put the mailing sticker on top of the other one's face. Because my marker just went dry. So this saves me the marker. So then they go in. So when we first met Yolanda on this show, she was showing off her fantabulous refrigerator that was three stories high and had glass doors and all these impeccably organized lemons and produce, etc. Now, her version of the refrigerator is her medicine closet,

which is impeccably organized with every single drug known to CVS. There's hundreds and hundreds and hundreds. I mean, what the hell? There's tons of bottle in there. It looks like the weed dispensary.

Pfizer has nothing on Yolanda's closet. Alright, I'm sorry you're not feeling good. Take a Walgreens, The weed dispensary. I mean, Pfizer has nothing on Yolanda's closet. All right. I'm sorry you're not feeling good. Take a Walgreens. Then at lunch, I want you to take two CVSs and wash it down with a Rite Aid. All right, honey? Now, go on.

I mean, this is, you know, I just don't understand. Like, that's just too many medicines for the human body. Not only that, she has Daisy, the health advocate, who I guess is doing her job, because she's like, oh, let us stop by the closet and you can see the medications. It's like giving the house to her. And why would you do that, too, by the way? I think that's a very odd thing to do is to say, oh, look at all her medications. It's not a normal hospitality.

It's more suffering lube into Yolanda's palm, darling. It's like, come on. And here's a little thing that annoyed me. So the health advocate's like, your friends are here, and Yolanda's in the bed. And she's like, oh, send them in. And they go into the bedroom like, hi, Yolanda. And she's like, oh, hello. Should we go into the living room?

I'm like, well, if you want to go in the living room, you should have been in the living room in the first place. But you wanted them to come see you in bed wallowing. Did you not notice it at the beginning of the scene? It's like ding dong. Hi, Eileen and Lisa Rinna. And then Yolanda takes off her glasses, puts down her book and pretends to be asleep. I mean, what are you, five? Are you trying to stay home from school?

Okay, it's not the bus driver at the front door. Calm down over there. It was basically like Ferris Bueller's Day Off. It was like a mannequin that was tied to a string. And, like, you open the door and it rustles. It's the most lifeless Ferris Bueller's Day Off ever. It's like nothing happens. Hey, Ferris, what'd you do

on your day off? I drank some green juice and talked about my poopies for five hours. It's like, oh, worst sequel ever. Like, Yolanda, did you drive the Lamborghini into the forest? No, I was too tired. I had Daisy do it. I drove the

ambulance into the trees. She's like, don't be ashamed. Oh, no, chica chicas I don't want to get any more lime Yolanda Yolanda Yolanda Foster

Foster So then, say go Yo, yo, yo Ronnie, this is the first time Where our banter has actually properly coincided with your dog bueller bueller make you a bark he's sleeping right now and giving me a guilty look at the same time he's like don't sully my name with yolanda foster uh so a couple more things and i'll shut up about this scene but no no so not only are you

pretending to be asleep your iphone screen is on like they're gonna see that you were just on that thing yolanda's the worst faker of all time by the way so she shows off this medicine cabinet and then lisa rena why would you show lisa rena that you know the last time she saw that was twitch's glove box well that's what's gonna happen now right that was my first thought like lisa rena his glove box well that's what's gonna happen now right that was my first thought like lisa rena she she doesn't deal with bullshit as as funny and as warm and as as sparkly as she is she calls bullshit out and you give her that that's like a big old platter of bullshit and she is gonna use that also i think if anything is wrong withanda, it might be her kidneys because that shit has to hurt. What are you, a goat?

That's like a soda crushing machine. Who can take that many pills a day? I wrote down the, actually I didn't write it down. I took a screenshot last week of all these medicines. Do you want to hear a list, Ben? Yes. I didn't send this to you. I'm sorry.

I always forget before the show, but it's this poster board. It's the Shannon B. Dorr poster board of board of a terrible marriage but this is about of her disease so these are all the meditative meditives these are the conventional alternative medicine done and medicine was spelled wrong and they tried to fix it but it didn't work okay um oh god ronnie i need glasses okay lufa neuron i this is one day by the way these are split into days one is lufa neuron iv vitsi gg math colloidal bilos msm paul de arco which sounds like a designer these all sound like her friends. Oxy slash mag. So she's on Oxy, which explains a lot.

Natchianese, Chinese herbs. That's one day. Okay. Then the next day. Oh, God. I mean, seriously, there's so many. It would take the whole show to read them. There's that many for every day of the week.

Among them, absinthium uh avena sativa which is weed so she's on we even she's she's smoking weed and taking oxy okay because i have only one question for you ronnie i mean is she on reversitrol revesterol oh my god well she is on wellbutrin uh adderall which are both amphetamines, I believe, which I guess keeps her awake from the weed and the oxy. Hydrocortisone, Hydrocodone, Depion, Tendamax, Macrobroid, Bellasora. Oh, you know, she doesn't like that one as much. Five Hour Energy. Rifepmin, Dilipunizumab, Neupron.

I mean, it's everything. But she does have a lot of good drugs. I mean, she's got Adderall and Oxy. I mean, I say, you go, girl. You're like a party. You're like the party and the nap after the party. Oh, well, but... Yeah, the nap after.

Well, you know, so here's the thing. The women go to the living room for what looks to be a pretty painful conversation. It looks just so boring. But Yolanda's talking, and she's like, yeah, and I had a two-foot-long parasite. I'm like, okay, so here's the thing. Lisa's like, really? Where did you throw it away? Can I eat it?

Because I love a diet. That would make a great bangle. That would make a great bangle for my wrist. So here's what I want to – I'm afraid my daughters wear that until they save up for a bracelet. Take it to the deli bracelet take it to the deli take it to the deli so here's

my rudimentary knowledge of Lyme disease it doesn't involve two foot long parasites okay so someone actually I'm going to find it on our I'm well I'm not going to find it on our Facebook page but Yolanda and this is jumping ahead a little bit Yolanda, and this is jumping ahead a little bit, Yolanda

apparently was offended that Lisa Vanderpump alluded later on that it was once Lyme disease has now turned into other things, maybe it's something else now. And Yolanda was offended. I'm like, well, you have Lyme disease and you have a parasite too. You have things, like you are sick from you you're sick from something and it might be in your head and it might be from something else but it might not all be the lyme disease like it's time to pour the tea into my mouth because i got a hangnail from the limes and it was to pick up things i know oh i got a i stubbed my toe from the lyme disease now i need another pill. Oh, Yolanda.

Eileen's like, well, where did the parasites come from? She's like, I don't know, but they were two feet. She's like, oh, okay. Well, my sister died, so I'll believe you. Like, oh, Eileen, stop projecting your own pain onto this situation. This woman's a con woman. You're going to be stuck on the couch looking at her in her dirty-ass white jeans, you know, like crying about the other one not doing well enough, and you're going to be stuck on the couch looking at her in her dirty ass white jeans you know like crying about the other one not doing well enough and you're going to be stuck there the

whole season listen to cody's mom and run something is just so fishy um i don't think it's a brooks situation i don't think that she's conning trying to find sympathy i think that she's really like gone off the deep end and and i think she she has these other illnesses which are perhaps brought on by all the medications or these strange experimental things that she's doing um or just they're just other illnesses or maybe they're linked to depression as kyle said but she's seems to be fixating them all onto lyme disease i think she is just in such a crazy place right now bitch needs some help hey how, how are you, Yolanda? And she's like, oh, look at you.

You are so healthy, the both of you. I look at you and I see health. I wish I had health. Did you walk into the room? Because I can't walk into the room. Did you enjoy the walk? I wish I could have walked down the hallway. I'm like, are you serious?

And then she's like, oh, you went to Dickie's funeral? Oh, yes, he was wonderful. Well, you never know when the time is going to come for you, right? Circle of life. Get out of here, circle jerk of life, Yolanda. So what cracked me up is so afterwards, Lisa and Eileen get into the car to leave. And Lisa's like, they were talking about, oh, she looked and Lisa's like they were talking about oh she looked terrible she's not getting well oh she looked terrible

and Lisa goes it just makes my heart so heavy and then they cut to Tuscany speaking of hearts getting heavy let's watch skinny people eat pasta yeah they're like poor Yolanda meanwhile in Tuscany are you enjoying Tuscany. But then, so then, okay.

Are you enjoying Tuscany? I wish I could one day see it again before I die. Oh, shut up over there. They gave me the Tuscany board game, but I can't even understand it. I can't think. David's like, look, I'm not gonna

look at you with your mouth pried open one more fucking time, so I'm just going to start sending you my violinist. All right? Here's one of the tenors from the basement. It's like, oh, funeral dirges. So over in Tuscany, so the women are in their sundresses. On their ragu boat. On their ragu boat.

They're walking around. They're having a nice time, whatever. But then Kyle and Lisa start talking about Yolanda. It's sunset. The crickets are chirping. And we have a butler following us around with margaritas. What a wonderful day for friendship. Let's talk about how full of shit our sick friend is.

What a wonderful day for friendship. Let's talk about how full of shit our sick friend is. What a nice scene. But, you know, Kyle said something that I feel like has a lot of merit. She talked about how when her mom died, for two years she felt ill. She felt like she had something wrong with her. And they diagnosed her with everything under the sun. And ultimately it was, you know, she was depressed. And the depression was manifesting itself in physical ailments. Which, you know, and she was saying maybe that's what's going on with Yolanda, which makes, to me, total sense. I mean, that's like the thing that makes the most sense of all.

I mean, look at it. Her marriage is falling apart. Her daughters have, two of her daughters have moved out and they're doing very well and they don't need her anymore. And she has, you know, the other one, Anwa, who, you know, that doesn't fulfill her. But, I mean, all jokes aside, her kids are growing up. There's only so much soccer you can watch. Yeah, but her kids are growing up. Issues with the marriage.

I would not be surprised if she were depressed and all this was happening. It's like she needs something in her life. I mean I'm not a psychiatrist, as I said before, but I would be really interested to get a psychiatrist or psychologist read on this situation. We have one, Dr. Julie Stark on Facebook. Yeah, she did. Lonely woman who needs attention, married to two men who can't give her attention. And she cited, she actually cited like a medical whatever passage or whatever. Yeah, that's on our Facebook, one of the Facebook threads.

So yeah, you know beyond beyond all that stuff i just at this point i'm like she's ridiculous she went to the premiere party for real housewives of beverly hills and of course looked fucking gorgeous because she is gorgeous you know of course she's gorgeous and all dolled up and people uh one of the reporters was like hey i mean you're sick so how do you look so gorgeous and she said oh the things i have to do to show these women you know i had to dress like this for these women like she was all pissed off that she had to dress up just to get everybody off her ass and i'm like you can't even go to a fucking premiere and of your show and take a compliment without somehow blaming everything on somebody else those get out

of here you'll want it nobody did anything to you yet. They haven't done anything to you yet, but just you wait, Henry Higgins. Just you wait. And just to jump ahead slightly, in the previews for next week, Taylor Armstrong is back. And Taylor Armstrong says exactly what you've been saying, Ronnie,

all this time, which is like, I don't understand, you know, it's like a happy selfie, and then it's a sick selfie. Then it's a happy selfie and then a sick selfie. It's like, yeah. You know, all these detective agencies are spending so much time, like, spying on people. Go onto Instagram.

It tells you everything. It's like the mystery of life all explained right there. I did want to end with one more clue, though, of the season since we're all fake detectives on these shows now. of the season since we're all fake detectives on these shows now uh my other clue that lisa is really genuinely loving kyle and trying to make this friendship work even if kyle isn't i don't buy it kyle but i think that lisa's being genuine because she wore a muumuu for kyle and i know that's what i was thinking i was like that is love right and her bra was sticking out bought it in kyle's color she didn't even wear a pink muumuu she wore like a kyle muumuu i was so proud of her.

Well, maybe it was from Kyle by Eileen. Oh, but wait, we're not over yet. Yeah, I was about to say, we still have a little bit. Oh, yeah, yeah. So the news is that... I hear next week and I'm like, next! I said I was just jumping forward a little bit. So now they all gather for dinner at night.

And Kyle's like, yeah, well, I'm going to London for the wedding. And he's like, but I thought you were uninvited. Kyle's like yeah well i'm going to london for the wedding and he says like but i thought you were uninvited because like well no i'm now now i'm awkward because whenever whenever lisa is around kyle's family she says things that are gonna mortify the family every time last time it was like a joke about the dad's stories about like sleeping with transgender hookers and stuff in front of portia and And it was totally that moment all over again. And I'm like, oh my god, Mario just got a blowjob from somebody in town.

Like, who was it? Who was he? Well, in this case, so Kyle is now back invited. So already that's kind of crazy. What do you mean? Of course I'm going to the wedding. It's the wedding, so I'm going. And Lisa's like, she acted like Lisa had three heads. Yeah, and Lisa's like, and Lisa's. It's the wedding, so I'm going. And Lisa's like, she acted like Lisa had three heads.

Yeah, and Lisa's like, and Lisa's drunk, by the way, which I love. She's like, darling, don't you remember calling me, crying, upset, you know, pulling out what's remaining of your hairline, darling?

Don't you remember that? And I was like, what? Why wouldn't I go? Well, that's bullshit. You know, here's what I think about large Marge. And then she starts going off about large Marge to the whole thing. And then Mauricio's like, well, no, I'm not going.

I'm going to London, but not the wedding. But I support Kyle going. I'm like, yeah, you told Kyle to go. So she'd take your fucking business cards and take the rest of those clients who were all going to be there, motherfucker. London, bald wedding. Well, then Ken, meanwhile, then Ken starts going down the entire table like, you going? You going? Portia, you're going.

And here's where it gets kind of crazy. Farrah is in the wedding. Yeah, Farrah is in the wedding. The two teenage girls are not invited. And then Portia is the flower girl. I mean, if you want to talk about it. And then Mauricio is not going. And I don't know if Mauricio was invited and he's saying no, he's not going, I don't know what's going on there

but I mean, I could not that is to me a wildly dysfunctional situation Darling, I'm sure she meant to invite the other two children, she's just probably like the rest of us and forgot their names, darling I mean, it's probably just two blank spots on the Evite.

Check it out again, darling. You know, Alessia and Malassia, whatever their names are. Things could have gotten confused at the wedding between Evite and Paperless Post, darling. Maybe it was a Facebook invite. No one checks those. I remember when Facebook got married to Myspace. I was right there in the front

row sitting next to elton john who had just rewritten candle in the wind for a metal death of friendster friendster in the wind would have liked to know you but you never accepted my friend request. That social network burned out long ago. Finster in the wind. So he gets a like. I can't let Finster go.

So, no, but they say that there are no kids allowed at the wedding. It's a no-kid wedding. But then they have Portia there. I'm like, that's bullshit. Those two girls are old enough to go to a wedding. It's just they don't want, like, eight-year-olds. But you can have, like, a 14-year-old and a 15-year-old. Also, rich people, please don't put restrictions on your wedding.

You're Hiltons, okay? Everyone should be given a water fountain and a fucking – their own wedding cake when they go to your wedding okay yeah i think that was i understood ken and lisa's confusion because it is such a that is a tacky ass situation uh but i wouldn't expect anything less from the hiltons well l, Lisa basically starts doctor filling it, which was so fucking good. She starts lecturing everybody. She's the family therapist, and I was dying. She's like, Kyle, darling, you have one family.

Then you have your own family, darling. And now that you've got your own family, if they don't want the entire Forever 20 not winning anymore by Kyle and Eileen, too, with her family in their Walmart, they don't get that. It's like, Jesus Christ, Lisa, calm

down. She's like, you don't stand in the middle of a highway and expect large moths not to run you over. Get out of the highway, Kyle! I was like, uh, you're drunk. I don't care. And what did Portia do? Is everyone still mad that Portia poops her pants too, darling?

I'm like, oh, my God, stop humiliating this family. Where's Benoit? Benoit, take Portia. Is it that the other one got a period, you know, the last time there was a birthday party at a Hilton? It's like, oh, geez, Lisa. It's so embarrassing. I may be out of line, but you know what, though? I think Kyle's really liked it.

She kept on saying, can we not talk about this here? But I think she's really liked having Lisa bash Rick and Kathy there on TV. Yeah, she totally sicked Lisa on her family because now Kyle gets to look like a victim. Like, I can't believe Lisa would do that to me on TV, which, you know, she'll pull because she does it every year. And so she's going to look like a victim. Plus,athy's just get gotten told off on national tv yeah and lisa's still being nice to her it's like kyle good play by kyle she knows how to do it she knows how to do it yeah she's getting better at it now this is not using brandy all right this is not using brandy as a weapon against lisa this is using

lisa against a weapon as a weapon against the entire hilton dynasty and she can bring it down lisa is the only one who can do it lisa is our little nuclear bomb that we're putting inside the asteroid armageddon style be like welcome to the new hilton pump the new pumpton when we we care enough to leave the light off, darling, because no one needs to see the face of your mistress here. Sounds great. I'm in. Oh, I would hate to stay there,

because the maid service would be the worst in all hotel history. It'd be like, you're invited to this hotel, but the rest of your family has to stay at a Best Western. Okay? And that's just how it is. We're Hiltons. Bye. Bye.

So, yeah, that pretty much is it for Beverly Hills. So let's move on. So before we go into Shasha, we have a sponsor. And it's not Star Wars. We're the only thing on Earth that does not have a Star Wars tie-in. Instead, we have Tipsy Elves. The Tipsy Elves. Everyone needs an ugly Christmas sweater this time of year.

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Everyone kept on coming up to me. Yeah, and it's nice and soft. Yeah, it's a good sweater. They also have onesies. So if anybody really loves me, please feel free to grab me a bright, loud onesie. I'll wear it. They also have Hanukkah stuff,

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off site-wide discount. That's tipsyelves.com and our code SIDESHOW. Thanks, Tipsy Elves. Thank you. Speaking of some tipsy bitches. Let's go to Cheshire. Tipsy Ladies and Elve Homes.

Let's go to Cheshire. Doesn't it look like that? It looks like the Hobbit set sometimes on the outside of there. The real housewives of the Keebler Elves tree. Look at that woman living in a tree. She's a pinwheel. So so every time if you look deeply enough at these episodes of any housewife show you can see uh the theme of the episode which i love i love reality with a theme storyline arc and this time it's filing? These bitches must, all they must do is organize things because they say

the words, sort it out! It needs to get sorted out! You need to sort that out! Sort it out! Sort it out! Sort it out. If you're in Cheshire and you're ever in doubt, sort something out, alright?

Darby, I need you to sort it out. Darby, you're listening to right. Darby, I need you to sort it out. Darby, you're listening to me. Darby. Watch your language, young lady. What you say? You better not say that to me face game, Darby. Oh, that's me daughter talking dirty. All right, you're right.

I should get my hysterectomy sorted out. Dr. Dorby. I don't even need notifications. Every few minutes I hear a and it's Dorby notifying me about my hysterectomy. It's on Dorby's mind.

Must be on Dorby's mind. When Dorby, when Leanne tells me that Dorby talked to her. I know. It's on Dorby's mind. Must be on Dobby's mind. When Dobby, when Leanne tells me that Dobby talked to her. I know. It's on Dobby's mind. Dobby, what's on your mind? It's what we're doing about the band this week then. Yeah, I think we should have a meeting, yeah. Yeah.

I think Dobby talked to her. When they showed the previously on the Ruha's World's Tisha. Ah! Previously on the Ruhaswos Tisha Darby are you listening I love perfection I just love perfection I can't just talk to you

Tell me instructions Darby are you listening Are you listening The first scene this week is yeah yeah and it's basically intercut between Magali oh this isn't

intercut but it leads into Magali talking this talk and this shit was so funny Tanya's like I had my book pile and shit went down. And I was like, oh, clever. Clever. Clever, darling.

So this was boring because Leanne just talks like, I'm here to tell you about the party. I was fighting with my girl in the loo. And then Tanya just like falls over asleep from hearing it. She's like, you know, I think the reputation she's talking about is I used to be a table dancer. Oh, yes. That was her big secret was that I was a table dancer. Like, what?

You're the most innocent-looking, soft-spoken table dancer. Even Tanya didn't believe it. Tanya was like, you dance with tables, then. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. She literally walks into Ikea and grabs a table and just does the waltz with it. Yeah, like a really slow waltz. The table gets bored. I used to make a dollar a night with my book step.

I'm dancing with a table. I think I worked out pretty well. She's saying, I can't believe she's attacking my reputation Tanya goes Reputation? What kind of word is that? I haven't heard the word reputation since I was 13 And I'm like what were you doing at 13

That people were talking about your reputation girl I was starting for my bat mitzvah I'm not Jewish First time a table dance was doing And I was doing a bat mitzvah. Oh, wait, I'm not Jewish? First time a table dance was doing a bat mitzvah, they started throwing corns on the ground and I couldn't help myself. They put me on a chair up above the crowd and told it to hurrah.

I thought, what about my reputation? It does make sense, though, because a lot of times dancers will have a little baby voice. Because daddy issues. I read about it. Google it, you guys. Hashtag justice. But a lot of times they have baby voice.

And that kind of explains hers. Because she's like, once upon a time, I was a table dancer. What? I've never been shy about it. I've always been pretty honest about it. It's on all my breath of mouth is that what my guy was talking about by the way one of the my favorite parts from last week which i don't think we talked about it but i saw it in the previously on was when mcgully said like

she said like yeah you know i talk about your reputation to your face that's what i do i talk about it to your face i'll tell you about it when I talk to you in your face. I was like, you are in her face, Magali. When they take a feather out of me and they inject it into your face, I'm in your face. I will scream it then. Okay, Magali, you tell her, girl. So then Lauren and Magali go shopping. And Lauren brings her little rabbit. And Magali's like, oh, the rabbit and Magali's like oh the rabbit

and Lauren's like what's wrong with having a rabbit what's wrong with sweater I've got a little rabbit I'm like you have a rabbi are you saying you have a bat mitzvah. I brought a rabbit. You don't see the problem with bringing a rabbit into a store? Maybe you could follow the pathway of little tiny poops it just left off. Who does that? I don't see what's

the problem with sweater. What's wrong with sweater? Sweater's well, bruh. She has manners. Sweater is pure's wrong with Sweater? Sweater's well bred. She has manners. Sweater has pure bra. Sweater won't poop everywhere. You know why?

She's got manners. She's well bred. And then Magali having a fit. Oh, who does this? Who bring rabbit to store? Oh, rabbit. Oh, I don't get rabbit. And they just show Magali

looking off into the distance, shrugging at no one. She's like, who does this? She's like, so she bring a rabbit? She bring a rabbit to store? And I say, whoa, rabbit. Whoa. Whoa. Rabbit like, ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. What did you think of this lunch?

What did you think of this book party? This lunch with no words? What did you think of this launch? What did you think of this book party? This launch with no words? What did you think of book with no words? Lauren. I thought the girls got on quite well, actually. She's like, no, some people cannot drink. Some people cannot take too many drinks. She's like, I can.

What's wrong with drinking too much? She's like, well, Leanne was upset. What's wrong with drinking too much? Well, Leanne was upset. What's she got to cry about? She's got a perfect loss. A perfect loss. Three popular children. You've got three popular children. Popular.

Popular. And I like Magali. She goes, is she leaving, Shesha? Behave like Shesha. You live in Shesha. You must, if she live in Shesha, behave like Shesha. You live in Shesha. You must act like you live in Shesha. Reputation. Reputation. You know what?

I say, I come to Shesha. You behave like Shesha. We're in Shesha. And she say, whoa, whoa, Shesha. I don't know. So she brings up the reputation. She brings this up. She's like, oh, she better not get in my face. Boom, boom, boom. I say boom, boom, boom. Bam, bam, bam.

Reputation. Reputation. And she's like, I don't know if you should talk about reputation. And she's like, let's go. Let's go. Take off the clothes. That's a remorse. Nice.

She goes, don't dish off the dark, my girl. You won't like it. Don't throw rocks at houses, at strippers living because the maid had a glass that they paid a lot of money for and it'll break

down on the head and they won't be able to take the bloomers off anymore and then they won't have any money, Magali. I liked Magali's response. She's like, she's a clown and I'm not joining the circus. What's wrong with the circus? I'm not joining the circus, sir.

Lauren is arguing with everything here. Of course, Lauren has stripper defensiveness. Duh. So she's like, what's wrong with the table dancer? Otherwise it'd just be a bunch of flies sitting there wasting space. Intentiveness, duh. So she's like, what's wrong with the table dancer? What's wrong with... Otherwise it'd just be a bunch of flies sitting there wasting space.

What's wrong with the girl entrepreneur? I like a circus. I like a tent. I like a lion. I like a bears. I like aquabots. I got my starting barn and bail. I used to shoot clowns from my tits.

Oh, Lauren, stop poking now. I love the trapars. Magali got so upset about this because Lauren's trying to, like, be nice about it. And it was making Magali so mad, which was killing me. Magali does what she does. And she just resorted to sound effects at this point. She was basically like Eddie Murphy in that Beverly Hills cop. Boom, boom, boom.

Bang, bang, bang. Dong, dong, dong, dong. I think she's more like the guy who does sound effects from Police Academy. She's like. Oh, that's who I meant. That's who I meant. She's like. Oh, I'm confused.

Black guys from the 80s. She's like, all I hear is ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba. She's basically, all I hear is ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba. Click-click-click-click-click. Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick- Joe moved into the Golden Palace. You're like, no, that was a different sitcom. Okay. Facts of life. Golden Girls. Separate. All the 80s are one big show in my head. But Magali said two of my favorite things. She goes into this thing and she goes, you want to throw?

You want to throw rocks at me? Oh, you don't throw rocks at Magali. Okay. I don't throw rocks. I have boulder. You don't want boulder on your face. She called me. I said, delete, delete say delete delete delete delete delete bye bye bye bye and then she starts making this window washing movement like she's in the karate game she's like bye bye okay bye bye now

you don't know what to me to throw my boulder i have a one-way ticket to b, Colorado, okay? I have Boulder now. I throw Colorado at you. You want to do this with me? Look at your reputation when you have Colorado on your face. Your favorite music is rock and roll. My favorite music, Boulder roll. Yo, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

I delete, delete, delete, delete. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Bling, bling, bling. Ding, ding, ding. Bbye. Bye-bye. Chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka. Ring, ring, ring, ring. Bling, bling, bling. Ding, ding, ding. Ba-dum-bum.

Chicka, chicka. Oh, you chicka, chicka. I ba-dum-bum. Whoa. Whoa. You throw a rock, I throw a boulder, and I say, whoa. Whoa. Geology.

Whoa. Whoa. So next up, Lian. Lian. So we learned from someone who works on the show that there's nowhere to shoot. Because this town is not like Los Angeles, for example. Or Atlanta, where we're like, oh, you're going to shoot the outside of our business? Fine.

Ruin our business for an entire day with whatever trash you drag in here. I guess they have standards there still. Standards. Standards. So they can't shoot anywhere. That's why they're always like in someone's kitchen or their garage or a park bench. In this case, I think it was,

I don't know, it was like the ditch down the street. I don't know. They're talking. It's like, Leanne's like, welcome to my ditch. Let's talk about a chat. And Dawn's like, good for Leanne having a chat. It's her first one. It'll be interesting to see what she does with the first charity.

I want to do a charity, charity fundraiser. Dawn's like, I want to have another daughter. Well, that's charity in a way. Thank you for sticking with my theme. Actually telling yourself that you could possibly have babies right now is being very charitable to yourself okay you're supposed to be charitable to children who just lost parents that's what she's like it's a charity for children who've lost the parents and she's like i want to be a parent again it's like you're missing

uh you know i have no this is so i was watching this at like two in the morning and then I passed out. And this is around when I passed out, so I can't remember the scene very well. But I do have a note that I think I wrote when I was like half asleep. It just says, go have a hysterectomy. Oh, because that's the big thing. She was told last year she has to get a hysterectomy. Right. She's like, I don't want to do it because I want to still have babies.

And her friend Leanne is telling her, you have to get a hysterectomy. You have to get your vag sorted out. It needs to be sorted out. She's right. Leanne's right. I've got to get my vagina sorted. I just need my vagina to have a bunch of papers that aren't making any sense. And then I need my vagina to put them in alphabetical order.

Sort them out, vagina. I need to get rid of me vagina. Nicola, Nicola, come over here and help me with me vagina. All right, now, Mum, I've got to put them right on the field. Hey, look at this big unsorted vagina there. Who's going to do all this sorting? So then, speaking of sorting, so then Dawn goes to her clothes for like 10 minutes of air time.

You know, the problem with this show is that there is a pacing issue. Scenes just keep going and going and going. And it's just like, all right, here's a denim bag I once got. It's a bad, I don't like the denim bag. I got it with you, Leanne. Oh, that's so funny. And then here's a strap I found. I remember when I bought these jelly shoes

and I couldn't walk right the whole way because my feet were sweating. I remember that and I told you, you've got to get them jelly sorted. And I said, yeah, I sorted them right into the bottom of the closet pile. Good sorting, friend. Ten minutes later,

here's another dress I found in me closet. Oh, I like that dress too. That's a good one. You should probably give that one. All right, ten minutes later. Oh, here's another dress i found in me closet oh i like that dress too that's a good one you should probably give that one all right 10 minutes later oh here's another skirt ring pops like oh geez so then finally we get we um i'm gonna have frozen eggs she keeps she keeps going back to her eggs yes she's like i don't know if I want a baby, so I'll freeze them. I'm like, darling, your eggs already come out frozen. Don't lie. During a period, it's like one long

slushie. You're already an ice queen. You don't need a freezer. She's like, if I donate me dris, does that mean I don't have to get my hysterectomy instead? As long as you sort out a donation dress, get it sorted. Get it sorted out. You have to get it sorted out, Dawn.

You know what I need to get sorted out then? My face. Maybe I'll get another nose job while I'm in there. She's like, I can't work on your vagina and your face at the same time. She says, of course I can. One time I went to get a pull-up removed and I got a new belly button. What the hell is happening on this show? Well, speaking of craziness So then we cut to Ampika

Dressed like a slutty cheetah At an animal sanctuary And she's there and Lauren comes to join And Lauren's like I never know what exactly I said I can't believe it's an animal sanctuary She comes in a ball gown She told me we were going to sanctuary

So I dressed nice I didn't know it was going to be a big room With dogs pooping I thought it was going to be a club Didn't know it was going to be an animal sanctuary Don't take these pooping dogs to a store Macaulay will make sand effects the whole day. And then Pico's just like, oh, law's dressed like a

blotting fashion week in London when it's really a blotting sanctuary. I mean, how many times do I have to tell you it's a sanctuary? It's like you can put a balaclava on a sanctuary but it doesn't make it London Fashion Week it's Animal Sanctuary. This show I was cracking up because now that I know they can't film anywhere, I'm dying to see

where they're going to film next. So this started in a dog park. And Apika is wearing a leopard print onesie or something. Lauren shows up in a ball gown or whatever. And she's like, you can't go in the ball gown. Go into the rabbit home. So they have like a rabbit rehoming center. So they go into the rabbit shop or whatever. And then they're sitting on the go into the rabbit shop or whatever and then they're sitting on the

floor of the rabbit shop and i was like wow this show just crossed every boundary and then pika starts talking about her ex and she's like okay for my i'm like is it his name matt or mac or mark ma ma i can't understand i can't can't have a ham. I can't have a ma. But I have a new mystery, ma. Today, all rules. Maybe I'm in love with Mac. She's like, no, darling, sometimes you don't know. Because my relationship's fire. So I don't like fire.

It's like going from a firehouse to a party that's on fire i just want everyone to know by the way that all my notes for this show have nothing to do with anything that's actually happening i just keep on writing down funny quotes of their accent like i wrote down i have a fire relationship and a beaker goes lorne's very god she's gone they all just sound like geese God. She's got. They all just sound like he's very far. She's got it with a fire of relationship.

You know, it's like I'm I and he's how we meet around. I'm at our pie. This was so good. So I'm Peeker is trying to talk about her relationship, which no one will let her

because she's fucking some married dude. Like no one needs to be talking about that on camera. They're embarrassed for you, darling. Take a hint. So... I'm a mistress. She's trying to talk about it,

and then Lauren turns it into her relationship, and Lauren's one of those girls who has, like, a really... Fiery? If she would say it. Fiery relationship. Semi, probably, like, two-way abusive relationship.

I mean, it basically sounds like they beat the shit out of each other. Oh, I thought she was equating it to a fairy. I didn't realize she was saying fiery. Well, you take your husband to one side of a pond. Sometimes you bring your car. You pick him up when he's ready and you take him back home. No, I knew it was fiery.

It's a very fair relationship i don't lock when i have to stand in staten island and wait for my husband to get on the fire so good so they start this talk about lauren because she's always talking around the issue she'll never just say we hate each other and all we do is scream fuck you at each other you know she's like what far and so on peter's like she's on autopilot with this bad relationship sayings and she does lauren's like you see in my relationship i'm an eye and he's head likeed. I'm like, uh, okay. I'm A for Annie, and he's Z for Zed. We're like a bookshelf.

It's got bookends on the end. And in between there's books. And at the end there's another end. Do you know what I mean? It's like day and night. It's like we're sort of like a word problem. Like, I'm Buffalo, and he's Albany. Albany.

And we're both two trains. And when do we meet in the middle? If he's going 60 kilometers per hour, and I'm going 50 kilometers per hour, we're going to have a fire crash. He's Scrabble, and I'm Bogle. And it starts with a bunch of jumbled messy tiles, but at the end, maybe we'll make a word together. Here's Patrick Swayze and I'm Jennifer Grae.

And at some point, we're going to run at each other and he's going to lift me up. But can I do the lift? I don't know. One thing we have in common is that Whoopi Goldberg is both on our fuck it list. I've had the time of my life. I can't tell you what road I'm on with my husband. Because he's a city block and I'm a country block. And in between us there's a town square.

Neither one of us are allowed to comment Do you understand? I understand that I'm alone That's what I understand Well, let's get that sorted out then I got a mystery man And you know what? I go have great sex with him

And then I go home and cry And it's very far a cry I understand fire Because I cry fire Do you know And it's very far a cry. I understand fire. Because I cry fire. Do you know what it's like to cry fire? Then maybe you shouldn't talk then. Because you don't know where I'm coming from, Len. When I go out in public with my mystery man, I have to put on a balaclava so no one can see who I am.

What if her mystery man is Brooks? What if he's just like fucking someone from every Housewife franchise ever? That would be Slade. He's the answer of the air, love my man. I've got a trapper caper. I've got a gay old sword. So anyway, speaking of sorting, then Leanne has a dreadfully dull scene where she's getting help from her kids sorting out dresses to donate. Which is, by the way, again, a scene that we've seen many times in other Housewives.

She's like, Anyone want to help me with my dresses? They're like, No, Mom. Okay. What about this one? It's like you're packing a box of G-strings for children who just lost their parents.

Have some respect. And also, Leanne, strippers shouldn't name their kid Lola. I mean, come on. Darling. Well, a personal highlight for me is when she put her little girl in a dress. She's like, it's Alexander McQueen. I expected Annabelle to run and be like, Alexander, you've just killed him in Cheshire.

This grumpy spirit of that bitch will follow her wherever she wears it. Some little kid is going to be wearing some ball gown from alexander mcqueen being like i don't know where i want to go today but i do so then i mean that was like a nothing scene i have nothing to say about it do you have anything to say beside well my last note was that leanne said oh i've got some salt and that to do i was like oh she was ready enough with this it's so funny i totally noticed her saying that all the time too it's so funny I totally noticed her saying that all the time too it's so funny that you've been like that's like been your thing

for this episode because everybody's in different scenes they're not even hearing each other say it they're just all saying it for whatever reason in this scene it's like that one episode of Melbourne where Pettyflor couldn't keep saying I'm freaking out and then it never came back again it was just

like 20 times in an episode so anyway then the next scene is tonya got some champagne i was like oh jesus christ have you people heard of anything did champagne just make it over there to shasha shasha so tonya and mcgally they they meet because Tanya wants to hear Magali's side. And I love that Magali, you know, when she's talking about the fact that Tanya invited her to lunch or to dinner, Magali's like, I thought to myself, why not? Why not? It's just, there's nothing even inherently funny about that. It's just the way she says it, which is like, you know, Tanya invited me and I thought to myself, why not? Whoa. And then her speech myself, why not? Whoa.

And then her speech to Tanya was so funny. She's like, Tanya, you invite me to the lunch. And I say, whoa. And then I say, why not? Because you reach out to me. You make me feel so good. Because you tell me, Magali, I hear you. And I say, oh, my God, I'm like song playing and people here.

I'm tree falling in forest And someone is here to hear it So I just don't thump quiet Thank you Tanya Like Alright darling Just drink your drink then She's like

She's like When Tanya called me up It was like Ring ring ring And I missed the call So I wrote you an email So I was like Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap

On the phone And then And then she was Then she was like Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap And tap tap tap tap tap tap And then we have, you know. Swipe left, swipe left, swipe left, swipe left.

And then finally, double tap for heart, swipe right. Well, I love also that Tanya's like, You know, Magali is a force to be reckoned with. I'm like, why is Magali a force to be reckoned with? I mean, she's really not done anything that's like a force to be reckoned with. She's raised her voice slightly. But she basically, all she does, for most parts, every time she's been in the group, she just sits there quietly. She just, I mean, she even says so.

She's like, you know what? I see a lot of pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa- And I say, you know what? I'll be quiet. I just watch. I'm going to go out and tell her. I'm going to make her sorry she ever said anything to me. I say nothing. This is what I do. This is my revenge. I'm quiet. I wait until her face is back there.

I say to face, third time face. I say to the third time face. Not the first time face. Okay? Get it right. Get it straight. Okay? Boom, boom, boom.

Swipe left, swipe left, swipe left. No double tap for you. So she's, Tanya's basically hinting around. Yeah. She wants to find out the reputation. She will spill the beans, because Tanya already knows the beans. She's eating the beans. She's eating refried beans, and she's like, what were you saying about

the reputation of that girl? And she's like, you know, I'm not going there, because it is not fair to say, because I need to say it in face. So I could hurt people. You know, it's not worth it. The children have children face. You don't say nothing to children face.

You wait for old stripper face. I say to old stripper face. I'll tell you that. Tanya's like, well, Magali brings up that. I feel like a child in a ground that people play. And there's a play. It's a play area. Play area.

People swinging from a bar. And I say, I want to swing from a bar. And they say, Magali, no, no, no, no. You don't swing, swing, swing. And I sit and I look up and I think, oh, my God, nobody like. I'm not going to say it because it could hurt. There are two areas. Oh, sorry, honey.

I was going to say there are two areas. There's play area and was going to say, there are two areas. There's play area, and there's reputation area. And I'm in play area. Do not swing on my reputation. I like when Magali said, there's a wall around Lian. She has to climb very high. Very high. That's so Donald Trump.

He was just to have that. I was just imagining her being like, and there's a moat. And there are crocodile. And the crocodiles go chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp. And you have to avoid crocodile, and you have to go over the moat. A drawbridge comes down, and you have to climb up ladder,

and then you're in the wall. Then you're in the castle. And then there's a ring doorbell, and you get let in, and then you're in my castle house. Okay? Then you walk up the stairs, and I'm at the throne,

and I'm at the chair, and you have to come, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. And I say, okay, okay. You can come in, and I'm like, whoa. You made it. There's big wall around Magali.

Big wall. She have to climb high. Big wall. Oh, you climbing walls? No, you don't climb walls like Magali wall. You don't climb the wall around Magali. You don't climb the wall of Magali, okay? You don't come into my play area, okay?

And then Tanya says, well, don't you just apologize? And she looks at her and she throws a french fry in her mouth like she spears this french fry in her mouth and goes like she just caught a piece of popcorn or something and then she goes no apologize i apologize for nothing i don't apologize for nothing so good climbing the wall. So then we see Lauren. Now it's time for Lauren to go through her closet with her mom. And I like how Lauren's talking about her mom and her mom's her best friend

and that her mom's always glamorous and if you ever see my mom her high is always done. She always has good high. And then get to her mom And she's like Hello there darling What are you gonna give to

Chaka doll Her mom didn't actually have as much of a Chacha accent Her mom actually seemed to have like more classy English accent But Lauren's like Mom I've got to put on Supergirl Supergirl costume Here I come to save the day

That's my name, sorry. It's a bird. It's a plant. Which I love. Petula. So cute. So during this part, when Lauren's telling us, I've got five dimes.

My mom's got her hair always durn. Like, there's such weird words that they accent completely differently than everything else yes exactly there's certain words there's certain words that like because they're they're near liverpool so there's like there's liverpool accent that comes through but then these weird especially with lauren she's sort of hot she's sort of i don't know how you sit but like when she says things like five five she doesn't go fall if she goes like five five she's like it's weird stuck in her throat

it's weird because she's so consistent but then it's like one word oh my mom's hair's always turn mom's hair so i was doing was laughing that she's talking about her mom. She's shooting a scene with her mom and her confessionals. She's wearing this dress that's a little bit folded right where her areola is. And she's got like part of her areola sticking out from her boob fold. And I was like, God. My areola. No one come into your house and like make sure your hair is okay.

Or like make sure you don't have a shiny nose. It's like her fucking nipple is hanging out. Nobody said one thing ever. Because I'm classy. I'm classy i'm well bra and i have an areola that sticks out normally the location scouts take care of that but since we're all doing it in our homes in the rabbit sanctuary there's no reason so i'm a very fiery areola her clothes are pretty much what you would think uh wonder woman costumes and uh like see-through glitter jumpsuits it's like mom look at this and she's laughing and i'm like bitch you would still wear that you probably wore that last week it's like a three's company

jumper and her mom's trying not to look grossed out which i really loved i know mom probably does not like being on tv in the first place and her mom's like what what outfit is that for darling the beach like oh god last time she went to the beach people were still wearing like full length jumpsuits with stripes yeah fucking cheshire imagine that beach oh my god it's probably like one of those really rocky beaches where you hurt your the soles of your feet it's the only beach in the world that tans the sun because they're all wearing glitter this is like it's getting darker darling cheshire is helping global warming. We're going to go surfing. Because I used to live in L.A. I lived in L.A.

I lived in L.A. Ew, I just touched my tongue to the mic because it came out. Ew. You licked the mic. Mark phone. I'm Cheshire. So then we go to Magali talking to Dean. Her husband's named Dean, right?

And they're small like normal they have like the kathy wikilei kitchen you know remember like everyone has their mcmansions and then kathy had like a normal house that's what magali has she has like a normal size kitchen yeah magali hasn't hasn't gotten up at the james's yet but um yeah that was fine she just says that i well this was killing me because the the stuff with her husband is so cute. God, any difficult person, I hope I find someone like her husband because I was like, you see, there are people out there who will enjoy taking my shit

because they're feeling like they're fixing me or something because that's totally our husband. And she's like, I'm supposed to go to party. I'm not going to go. I'm like, okay, so that's officially every party you've ever been invited to on this show so far. It's like party number four, with Magali standing in her kitchen with her husband going,

I'm not gonna go. They disrespect the Magali? I'm not gonna go to party. And he's like, babe, you should go to the party. And she's like, no, I say no. I won't do it, okay? And he's like, darling, you need to come from place of peace. Oh, I'm not Mahatma Gandhi, okay? So don't mess with me.

That's what I say. I'm not Gandhi. You write me an invite, don't put it to Gandhi, because that's not me. If Gandhi messes with me, I tell Gandhi, no, no, no, no, no. Delete, delete, delete, delete, delete. So funny. Why would I go give money to a woman with so many dollar bills in her underwear? Have her take off her pant.

There, children fixed. Play area time oh i wanted to mention the very end of that leanne scene leanne's trying to like run around and be happy and she's like my mom is my brain and i was like oh no because her mom's so dark she's like darling you all right yes she's drawn on clothes mom and then at the end, her mum goes, how's your husband? And she goes, who's golfing? We're fine. We're really fine.

And then the mum just looks like terrified. Like really worried. I was like, oh no, mum hints. Hashtag fiery. I'll lift him in the rabbit sack, Sarah. If they can find that hat, I'll lock himself in there, but I'll forgive him later.

You know, the rabbit sank. Shroudon, Tantra, Shroudon. Sweet, I almost took off one of his fingers. The Tanya's charity sale. Yeah. They're arriving at this huge castle or some shit. I love Tanya. She goes, I love charity.

I love charity. You love goes, I love cherry. I love cherry. You love cherries? Cherry. Cherry. That's one of those circles, guys. That's ringing a bell. I love music. So they go to this big castle and I'm thinking, how are they shooting

in a castle? They just shot in a dog park. How did they get a castle? And then Leanne's like, welcome to my charity event. I've rented a room in a hotel. I'm like, oh, okay, that makes sense. Yeah, it's just the room. And of course, Leanne is talking about Magali again. She's like, she has to be careful about what she says.

While we sit here on these lobby couches i'd like to order some champagne isn't that fancy wow champagne shocker exactly and then don walks and she's like i love this event me own mom is here i love that leanne got mad, so Tanya goes to this lunch and Leanne goes, I can't believe she had lunch with Magali. Did she tell you about my table dancing? She goes, no, I told you to tell me and she wouldn't tell me nothing. She's like, oh, well, she'll tell the truth when I bring it up here. Let's see if she'll lie to my face then.

I'm like, wait, so you're mad that Magali didn't tell someone you're a stripper? Yeah. You're getting ready to yell at your own charity event for children who've lost siblings and parents at somebody who didn't call you a stripper on tv listen to yourself yeah meanwhile mcgully went and had lunch with her ginger friend james and i love all this my buddy friend and i love that like i love all the friends or like i'm assuming he's a gay also but he may not be we couldn't tell enough because all the friends on the show he's got the accent well the women go out every time the women hang out with their gays basically they

just like talk for 10 minutes and then the guys say like one line of dialogue he's like well you know the best thing you could do is have a conversation with i know that i know that james it's so funny because as a gay ages at least this has been my uh experience as i age as a gay i'm like okay these bitches need to stop calling me for therapy every five minutes some days it's like five girls will be calling me crying and i'm like you know this is my own fault for buying lunch at cheesecakecake Factory and listening to this bitch in 1982. I'm still hearing it. Yeah. Because that's what they do to the gays.

The gays are never at the parties. They're never doing anything fun. They're only showing up when someone needs to complain. She's like, thank you for coming, funny gay friend. People are mean to me. It feels like ground play. And then after 20 minutes, you get like a token. Oh, so how are you?

I'm good. I actually, I'm having an issue. Let's just go home. Yeah, it's always like – yeah, you say something like, well, actually, I'm having a really – I just got fired from my job. I'm like, ugh, that sucks. You know, that reminds me of when I once was fired. And that reminds me – and you're like, okay, well, that was my moment. It was nice having job to go to and not being almost dead in a closet full of 500 medications.

I don't understand. How my kidney... Do you have kidneys on the menu? I have bad ones inside of me. So meanwhile, at this charity event, after the Magali, after, you know, when Magali decides not to show up, there's actually nothing left to do in this episode. So we just sort of

watched 10 minutes of random chatter at a charity event. You see Tanya. Tanya makes a joke about her teeth which i appreciate it she's like the closest thing to horses is my teeth no one's like yes i have not met that was funny you should go to the animal sanctuary there's little poops on the floor leading to a path with a safe haven cage, darling. Yeah, they were just going on. There was an Ampika and Dawn fight, which was so funny because Ampika can't be happy and she doesn't understand how to be. And when people tell her to be, she gets mad at them for telling her to be. And if she starts a conversation and then somebody agrees with her, then she'll get mad at them for agreeing with her.

It is hilarious. She's just always mad no matter what you do. So, Ampika's talking to Dawn, hysterectomy Dawn, for those of you who don't watch. Get my vagina sorted out. So, she's telling her. Oh, well, first they had the speech. Okay. Because, of course, I was fascinated by this whole thing.

But I'll make it quick. So, the lady gives the speech. She's like, this charity is for children who lost siblings and parents. And everyone's like crying. And Tanya's like, every time I say a chatty speech, it makes me cry. And so she's like, everyone's like crying and feeling things. And then Pika goes, it touched me. Which is her way of saying it touched me.

Oh, it touched me. I was waiting to hear what she said. No, she goes saying it touched me oh it touched my i was waiting to hear no she goes it touched my it touched my so the story is like a very very uh plain it's like there was a boy he was just a little boy like one you'd see in a painting possibly in the bathroom well some of our boys just look like little boys But then the little boy lost someone in his family. And he was sad. And now he needs a lollipop. And everyone's like, oh, oh, oh. It's like the most honest story ever.

And then that peeker goes, listening to the stories about the little boy being lost without anybody at home made me think of Mark. I know. You take this poor boy who's like lost his whole family and god knows how because no one ever told us and then you turn it into mark like maybe i shouldn't have left mark maybe he feels like that little boy maybe then i'm donating a dress to save mark so now she's now she's thinking that she's going to be remarrying Mark. So she goes up to Dobby and she's like, not Dobby, she's like,

Don, all this sadness reminded me of Mac. And Don's like, well, it reminded me that I've got to get my vagina sorted out. You didn't need to get that sorted out. You still got your vagina problem. Yeah, I haven't sorted it out. Well, file it, girl, file it. So then they get in a fight because she doesn't understand that sorted out you still got your vagina problem yeah i haven't sorted it out well fire let go fire let so then they get in a fight because she doesn't understand why don isn't getting a hysterectomy and don's like uh because maybe i want more kids and she goes now don you've already got four

children don't be greedy it's not fair that don's talking about freezing an egg when she knows i've only got one baby i I was like, really? You're going to get mad that someone not even related to you is going to have a baby because now they have way more than you and you can't catch up? You're officially an idiot. And I love it.

Yeah, I liked when Empika said, I wouldn't want to get day release from my old age home to go to my son or daughter's graduation. I was like, there we go. There's some American style shade. Good for you but aside from that they're gonna be cleaning up your ass who minds what age they are darling the young ones can take more than the old ones am i right but you know aside from that like little

fight it was literally like 10 minutes of watching a charity event it was like being at the charity event at one point don's like leanne's doing such a good job i was like why are you telling me about the good job of her charity like no one's even being a terrible manager no one even cares so proud of don't i don't worry about her giving a speech but then she got up there and she gave it like a toga and i'll say don't you go even the bass was perfect. I wish Dawn was here to see it. And she'd stop being such a fat off-key singer with bad bass. Although I do wish that Dawn had, I do wish that Leanne had lost a little bit of weight,

at least for the sake of that little boy. It makes me want to have another little boy. I love they're all crying. By the way, no one gives as good an orphan as little British boys. I mean, if you're going to talk about an orphan that's going to make you cry, get a Little British Boy right there. You'll get everyone crying. Donate all their McQueens.

Oliver Twist kicks the shit out of Annie, okay? Yeah. On every level. So on that note, that's it. That's it. I'm so a-black. That's the only thing I wanted to say, because it ends with Tanya possibly being pregnant

Which I don't know how a baby Could survive that environment There's so much in there This little baby's gonna come out with the cleanest saline washed head ever It's like gonna have perfect vision It's like I've been resting in saline All night mother The baby's gonna be like it's very thorough

Of go back Yeah that's the big cliffhanger Baby's going to be like, it's very far, boom. Of Goldberg. Yeah, that's the big cliffhanger. Of Goldberg. And Leanne goes, I thought the psychic was right about your vagina. And then they showed us a clip of a crystal being held over her vagina. And then the lady air drying her hands over her vagina. And she's like, I thought my boob got. It's like, oh, myob guy it's like oh my

god this show well fun fun all all the same so everyone um thanks for listening thanks for listening um you can follow us on patreon.com forward slash watch what happens and facebook.com forward slash watch what happens and also watch what watch for crappins dot com um we really appreciate all the support and thank you for listening we love you and stay tuned right now for the four minute bonus vanderpump meets isis it'll be playing right after we say goodbye goodbye by the way what do you think about this craziness about Donald Trump saying no more Muslims? No more Muslims. Good luck with that.

Yeah. Yeah, let's vote for him because then we're not going to have any more Muslims. Oh, Donald, you're terrible. It's not like people are saying, come on over, terrorists. Let's just make a vote for the terrorists. All they really need is a hug. Tambourine was terrible. If you're going to use that basis to say, well, no more Muslims, well, then you better kick all the white people out, too, for all the shootings that have happened over the past year or two.

I mean, but no more angry white males are allowed to go to school anymore, okay? So no more males. Yeah, it's them and us but soon it will only be us, honeys. Let us all gather together and hold hands! If you want to cast simplistic, nasty generalizations about people,

leave it to Bravo. Leave it to the Bravo stars. Put that energy towards judging Lala and Sheena and Yolanda, etc. If anyone needs to stop coming into the country, it's Sheena. Okay? And her ilk.

Yeah, there should be a fence around Azusa. Why doesn't Donald Trump build a fence around Azusa? The Drudge Report shows this picture of four women just standing there staring at hundreds of photographers or whatever, like like about to come in and they're equally separated and they're in full burkas from head to toe and they look like ghosts and the way that the pic the picture is presented they look terrifying i mean it's like a horror picture yeah and i'm thinking yeah they look scary imagine what they see when they look back

okay imagine them staring at sheena and imagine what's going through their minds like here we are in this new place they're gonna rip off our fucking faces put shit in our tits make us look insane and we're just basically gonna be fuck meat puppets and go to hell so great this is a great country thanks I defy Isis to

be able to defeat Sheena and Kristen because they can't by the way they may try to capture them and they may try to bad them and and Kristen, because they can't, by the way. They may try to capture them, and they may try to behead them, and she'll be like, I can't believe this happened at my wedding. Like, seriously? I have glass on my foot,

and you're going to behead me right now? Like, seriously? The guy's like, oh, never mind. Sending you back to America. I was following you on your iPhone, ISIS. I have your iCloud password, okay? I don't like that you were, like, saying that stuff to other girls.

Seriously? I'm a changed person. I've been working on me a lot, Isis. Seriously? Stop suicide bombing my heart. Seriously? You're going to behead me? Seriously?

That's so immature. Isis, you just need to cheer up. Okay, let me do some comedy for you. Isis, why'd the chicken cross the road? Isis, why are you stabbing the chicken? Isis, don't pull up the chicken, Isis. Isis, I just want to get back to where we used to be, Isis. Seriously?

Seriously? Isis, I'm sorry I came to your work, but, like, I had to know, Isis. Why won't you call me back? Isis, our service rating has gone down four points. The Zagat. You know, the thing with Isis is, you know, they just keep on murdering people and destroying heritage sites and committing acts of terrorism and beheading people, but it's hard to get a good bartender

around here, so I'll keep them. Isis kills someone, Jack steals a bottle. Now what am I supposed to do? Vanderpump rules Isis. No, I think Vanderpump rules is what we need to rely on to destroy Isis. It's the only thing at this point.

Isis, no one is going to take you seriously as a world power until you know the table numbers, darling. Alright, Isis, we brought in a sommelier to help you out, alright? You can't fix terrorism with egg whites, darling. Isis, you cannot pair a pinot noir

with a steak. This is ridiculous. You're never going to get a foothold in the Middle East that way. Darling, you can't possibly have that many virgins waiting for you in heaven. There aren't that many left. Believe me, they all came to Sarah, and they did not leave a virgin. Welcome to America. In America, heaven, there are no virgins, darling.

We're out of them here. You're going to have to travel back to the Middle East and go to that heaven. All right? Isis, did you bring your resume people start immigrating here but then it overcrowds our heaven people are like damn it stop heaven immigration go to your own heaven all these virgins are clogging up the bus system in heaven goodness goodness gracious we could just talk about you for as long as this war has lasted isis hey prime members you can listen to watch or crap and add free on amazon music download the amazon We could just talk about you for as long as this war has lasted, Isis.