Watch What Crappens - #2480 RHODub S02E05: House of the Rising Son

Episode Date: July 4, 2024

This week on Real Housewives of Dubai, Sergio and Raffi put pressure on Caroline and Taleen to bear sons. Meanwhile, Sara brings around her hawt potential boyfriend Akin, and Ayan crams a ball gown into a Lambo.Watch this as a video recap and find all of our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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ad free right now on Wondery Plus. Watch What Crappens! Oh, and you won't be too crabby Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens How are you? Hi, how are you? Well, welcome back to Texas. I mean, you were in Texas on our last episode, but now it's daytime Texas. So everyone can really see how does it feel to be back at back in Texas home? Good. Really good. It actually does. Yeah. It feels really nice.

So it's, it's, um, drowningly hot outside, like when it's hot and Austin, it feels like it's drowning you and it feels like your lungs are getting smushed every time you go outside. And I was like, Oh my God, I've missed this feeling of suffocation. Oh, it feels like it's drowning you, and it feels like your lungs are getting smushed every time you go outside. And I was like, oh my God, I've missed this feeling of suffocation. Oh, it's so nice. And you know, just, there's already been two people here to fix a water heater, and they're just funny

and talking about the election. I mean, it's like terrifying and fun, and it's great, I love it. Glad to be back. Nothing makes us feel great going into July 4th weekend, like thinking about the American election this November. Well it's America.

Okay, welcome to America Day. Let's talk about how we can fix it y'all. America's having a season four Real Housewives of Salt Lake City season at the moment. Okay. Well that was pretty good, wasn't it? Yeah, but it was really intense too. A lot of stuff happening. But it was like literally the best season.

So, you know, I think that, I think America kind of is like a housewife show where we really do need to learn to look at this as one of the best times because it can get a lot worse. Okay. So we're like one of the ending Nini Leak seasons when we were like, what's happening to this show? And then we were like, Nini should probably take a break

cause this is just getting too depressing. And then Nini did take a break and then it just, went completely downhill. So let's be honest, we're in a Nini season, let's appreciate this Nini season, okay? Could be the last one we have for a while. Some may just say it's a season 13 Rony. We're getting ready for a reboot.

We need to, we need to fucking reboot, okay? Got the same old fucking jokers in there as forever. I mean, I can't believe we're having the same, we shouldn't even talk about this. But we're having the same election with the same people for how many years? I mean, let's just let it go, guys, please. Okay, so anyway, here we are with season two of Dubai

and Bueller's here somewhere, which is the other good news is to have my little baby back. You know, that is good news. Well, let's dive into Dubai. Okay. So the episode opens up. We're at Caroline Stamberg's new house. Everything is still in boxes. There's chaos everywhere. She's holding her dog.

She's dictating a text and she's saying, hi girls, just wanted to invite you all to the desert on Saturday. Wear things you can do activities in, so no ball gowns, eye on. Sergio, that shouldn't be a problem for you. I'm sorry, for Sergio that's an issue of no balls as opposed to no ball gowns. Anyway, can't wait to see you all. See you there in the sand. So there are people working everywhere and someone drops something or there's like a loud noise and Caroline's like, what's wrong with the fountain,

Sidge, you know, he's like, ah, honey, honey, so there's a leak in the fountain, okay? It will be fixed, I think in the next two days, but right now there's a leak. And she's like, well, better a leak than a baby, I suppose. Oh, your parents are coming, aren't they? Well, they can just sit under that leak and let it drip on their heads.

You know how much I adore them. Can't wait to ignore your parents for the weekend, honestly. I look forward to ignoring your parents almost as much as I do as ignoring your request for a baby. So we're in the new house. Michael's probably doing naked cartwheels right now. And my entire life is in chaos. I'm still sleeping on the floor

because I would rather have my back interface with hard tiling than to have a single fingernail of Sergio's touch my body. We see them, Sergio's taking a selfie of them. And there's like workers walking behind them as they sleep on the floor in the living room. There's like a washing machine next to them. It's chaotic.

So Caroline's like, oh, and now Sergio's family's arriving in two days. I don't really know where they're gonna sleep, frankly. Well, I mean, they should sleep with Sergio. You made that bed lie with him. I mean, they should sleep with Sergio. You made that bed lie with him. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Unfortunately, our sad people from a foreign country room

is not available, so we don't really have a dedicated room for them quite yet. I'm sorry, I'm already sleeping with the laundry room. There's no more room for wash-ups. Do you understand? Please leave. Ha ha ha. Sergio's like, you know, they have to keep on snagging the stuff. Like, look up there. Look at, they've got to fix that. Do you understand? Please leave.

Sergio's like, they have to keep on snagging the stuff. Like look up there, look at, they've got to fix that. Look up there, there's a open wire up there. And there's like a socket with a wire dangling. And it's like, I would rather stick my finger in that open socket than to think about conceiving a child with you, Sergio. So there's a knock at the door and it's like a knock with feathers. So he's like, Oh my God, is that Ayan?

She's like, it is. Oh, please, honey, please. I'm the man of the house. Please listen to me, honey. Please, please tell her no heels in the house. Please, please, honey. Please, man of the house, man of the house. And she's like, all right, Ayan, why are you wearing heels?

I've texted you. She's like, what did you text me 10 minutes ago? I'm not taking them off. No. She's in like, I don't, like she's in like these tall, tall heels. She's got this sparkling kind of like mini, is it a mini dress?

I don't know what you call it, but like she's not dressed like she was about to tour a construction site, that's for sure. No, well, yeah. I mean, there you go. I mean, that's Ayan. That's Ayan, you know. So he's like, Oh, it's okay. You don't have to take your shoes off. You are a gay icon. So please walk very slowly through the house.

She's like, would you like to look around? Not at Sergio, please. Don't. Please. He'll just stop crying and begging for a baby. How ironic is it that the first of my friends to come see and congratulate me on the new house is iron? Could you even believe it? And how ironic is it also that I've married a giant gaping vagina of a man? I guess that's not really ironic.

It's more hilarious. So Chanel starts walking around, she's walking around the house looking at things. She's been very nice. She's complimenting things and everything. And Caroline's saying how, you know, last year I think I aren't things. I was brought up in a barn and never owned a home. So here it is. I do have a home, although I do have something of a pet that I'm actually married to, unfortunately.

I mean, it's still covered in animal feces and, you know, a baby who's lying around in a veritable manger, but still. Do I live in a barn? No. Am I married to a small donkey? Yes. So they go to the backyard and the guys are working and she's just, you know, showing off the house.

She's like, this right here is going to be a waterfall. This will just be flowing. So I can hear water, put a fountain out there. You know what waters do? They give you the sound of water. Yes. Wow. And how gorgeous is this tree?

Look at it. It just lights up the whole house. A bonsai tree in the desert. Water everywhere. Why don't you just fucking strangle the earth? Just, do you have any of those little like plastic coke rings that Water everywhere. Why don't you just fucking strangle the earth? Just... Do you have any of those little, like, plastic coke rings that you could just

hang a bunch of strangled dolphins as a chandelier in your dining room? I mean, what the fuck, lady? Well, the plan is this. If Sergio ever annoys me, I'll just climb to the top of the tree and hope for some peace and quiet up there. Listen, I asked for a 34, I asked for a 70 year old bonsai tree years ago and I ended up getting a 34 year old bozo. So you know, it just goes to show you, be more specific when you visualize things, you know. You know, we got, my favorite feature of our new house

is an 80 year old bonsai tree. We got a giant crane to lift it all the way over the top of the house. And unfortunately that crane could then not lift Sergio out of the house and remove him completely. But you know, one out of two isn't bad. That tree has two men that come in twice a week. Today, one had a wash and vitamins. They feed it vitamins.

And she's like, smiles proudly. I was like, Caroline is more proudly raising this tree than her children. She's like, children are disgusting, but trees get washed and vitamins. I know. That tree is gonna be like, I had nannies growing up and I was into tree boarding school

and I'm angry about it. Well, your boarding school is way less formal than my boarding school. Fucking kids today. Caroline's smile is so funny to me with her big old lips. She's just got new lips and she's got new teeth and when she smiles, she's just like, vitamins. Vitamins, am I right?

So now they're going through more of the tour and Caroline's... This floor is where the children are I've been sure to put no lights up here so we can't see them It's on purpose. No one worry You can only get up here if you know the passcode and only the passcode The passcode keeper the nannies And here's where Sergio and I live. And Sergio's like, oh my God, look at the curtains.

Oh my God, I saw our bedroom, what'll be here, right? And she's like, with a bathtub, your bedroom is going to have a bathtub? And he's like, yes, and we put them here here. She goes, oh, to watch yourself, to have sex, send me videos, send me videos of you having sex. Well, it's just mostly, have you ever seen videos of a man at Taco Bell in his car just sobbing?

Well, imagine that, but instead of tacos, it's my vagina, and Sergio is the man. You know, I sometimes just gaze out at that Banzai tree as it receives its vitamins, and I think back at the folly of when I initially altered it, I said, I want a vital man, and they said, you want vitamins?

And I said, sure, I guess vitamins work too. And Dree was like that. Well, it's not quite finished yet, but this is my closet. I mean, it's everywhere. And so we see the glamor, the, you know, inevitable glamorous housewives closet shot. And Ayaan's like, what size are you? So she could see all her clothes.

But they're different sizes. Caroline's at 38 and she's at 40. I love hearing thin people talk like that. Cause you know, girl sizes are very different so she could see all her clothes. But they're different sizes. Caroline's a 38 and she's a 40. I love hearing thin people talk like that because you know, girl sizes are very different from guy sizes, but I am really struggling to not be a 38 and 40. So I feel like totally thin watching this.

I'm like, yes, such a good, so I'm so proud of my size. Proud of them. So then they go into like the home theater and there's like a star ceiling like with twinkle lights and Caroline's like, look at this, okay, when you lie here, there you go, Ion. It's like you're back in Africa. The only place where there's stars. That big star ceiling.

I love that you were raised in a Rolls Royce in Africa. Now you also had a giant bonsai tree outside your bedroom growing up in Africa, did you not? It was just like home. So the producer's like, so do you think Stambury's house is beautiful? And she goes, well, I don't see anything that was, you know what, why be a bitch? Yes, it is nice. Good for her.

What do you think she was going to say? I was going to say maybe warm, personal, indicated that there had ever been any sort of family, there was any sort of family attached to this house. Um, yeah, you know, I think it's a big, just someone said, I've seen her house. It's a big giant concrete box, which, you know, I mean, doesn't sound bad to me. I think maybe because I'm American, I like that's how we roll. Right? Yeah. I think so much can be fixed with flooring.

You know what I mean? And I love their flooring, that black and white square thing that they do. It's like a striped square, whatever it is. I think that that's so cool. It's like so gaudy and I'll never be able to, well, you should say, never say never, right? I can't imagine ever being able

to afford something like that. So it's pretty, it's like a mall. It's a mall house, a Heather Dubrow mall house where you're like, oh, the fanciest tomorrow I've ever seen. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's like going to the South Coast Plaza in Costa Mesa. Also near where Heather Dubrow lives.

We're the Sunland Park Mall in El Paso, except you need the big, the big like standing horses. Their statues and they're white, they're like painted to be, look like marble, but they're just like hollow, cardboardy type horses that are just like leaping, you know, their gorgeous horse mains are flowing in the air. Well, we don't unfortunately have horses for my home,

but we do have assistance. So Valentina, get on the pedestal and do a horse pose. Okay, hold it for six hours. All right, thank you very much. Valentina. Valentina. I don't want to hear about your arthritis today.

All right. Paulette, you're the other horse. Okay. Different pose from Valentina. Valentina ignore Paulette. She doesn't know what she's doing. Paulette, you're my favorite. Valentina.

I always lie to Paulette. Okay. And go. You know, it's so amusing about Valentina's arthritis stories. Is it something's always hurting, but she's always able to flap her gums. Is there an arthritis customer service that I can call

and request that the arthritis moves to the jaw area? All right, Paulette, your horse pose is actually a little too evocative. Sergio is crying. I'm gonna need you to be a little more scary. My hands are cold. set Amber on fire. We're just always starting Amber on fire and ladies of London. So those are all, uh, Stanbury's assistants from ladies of London.

I heard through a comment, which is where I get all my information that, um, Caroline was saying on the after show or something that one of her assistants is from the gift gallery from Ladies of Linden. So I love that. Really? Yes, we saw two people working for her last week and one of them was one of the OGs. Wow, but it wasn't Valentina though. Bad news, ma'am, I couldn't get my visa for Dubai.

I don't know what Valentina is doing right now, but I hope it's not using her voice because she definitely needs to be on vocal rest, that kid. I don't know what Valentina is doing right now, but I hope it's not using her voice because He definitely needs to be on vocal rest that kid bad news mom We've lost another gift another gift was on its way to a rich person. We've lost it bad news Mom just got fired at the British Museum now I'm leading tools on sidewalks hoping that people will pay me and I can show them the sites God only help for you help for your old Valentina mum. So they go down to eat some food and Ayan's asking them about a baby because they've just

seen the baby room and Carolyn's like, this is a potential baby room. And Ayan's like, well, why are you putting your baby in this room and then you're going to be upstairs? And she's like, like every other baby I've had. I mean, of course. You have a nurse. It's going to be disgusting. No one wants to be on the same child, the same floor as a child. Absolutely. It's awful.

I mean, you're looking at the person who pioneered the act of getting a restraining order against your own baby. Okay, we need to be on separate floors at all times. The first and only time that baby was closer than 20 yards to me was when it came out of me. And then he's like, no, wait a second, no, wait a second, no, baby has to be with us, honey. I love how Sergio just doesn't seem to ever understand. Like, things have been like way in motion and he like always finds out like after the fact. Caroline's like, okay, you're right. You know, the baby has to be with, you know, it's, you know, what's so funny is that the baby is actually already with us and I'm looking at it right now.

So the baby's getting its first traces of back hair. You know what? You're such a child. You need to be 20 yards away. Go further, further. Valentina, please come in here and lift this child away from me. Thank you. Valentina, please put the home arrest cuff onto his foot, please. Thank you. Sergio knows like, you know, listen, oh, she tells us Sergio really wants a baby in his soul.

I can feel it. What do you mean you can feel it? He's literally crying in every episode going, please baby, give me a baby, baby. Honey, honey, honey. You're going to give me a baby, honey. Come on, honey. You know what, Sergio, tough titties. If you wanted a baby so much, you should not have married someone who has said they don't want to have any more children because she's already had two or three. Like I think this is, you know what, Sergio, you're just gonna eat what you're gonna get as a cabbage patch doll and you're gonna have to deal with that. Okay. Yeah. And, you know, be happy with it, you know, and the only reason Carolina let you have that

is so that she has a goal face to show the doctor. So now they sit down and they've taken out like a million takeout containers. And Carol's like, this is is breakfast lunch and dinner all at once It came in paper bags, but I requested styrofoam instead It's We're going to bury it under the bonsai roots afterwards quote unquote vitamins Nothing is gonna make me happier than watching a vitamin up bonsai tree slowly die.

It's very important for me when I get takeaway that I order about 35 different containers because it distracts Sergio for a good 45 minutes. We're naming this bonsai tree, Sergio's chances at fatherhood, and I'm going to bury a styrofoam container under it every single night. styrofoam container under it every single night. It's like it's like munt it's like it's like the what's our for gypsy rose blanchard except with the bonsai tree. Oh god. Gypsy rope bonsai. Okay, so Ion is, so Caroline's talking about like, well, my stress levels are through the roof. I've, do you know how stressful it is to be very wealthy and watching other people doing things for you all the time?

And charge. Very, very difficult. And- Poor people sweat, it's actually contagious. The poor people start sweating and the Sergio starts sweating. It's actually contagious. The poor people start sweating and the Sergio start sweating. Really disgusting. I just wish I could just be disgusted with one fewer person in my home. Does everyone understand? Of course you don't. You're all poor. You know about Sergio, he actually sweats through his eyeballs. I think those are called, those are just tears.

Tears I'm not familiar with the concept. Those are called, those are just tears. Tears, I'm not familiar with the concept. Those are the things that all of your employees from the gift workshop, the gift gallery had when you told them they were gone. Oh, oh tears, yes. I use that as, what do you call it when you fire someone for good reason?

I was gonna call it probable calling. Every to call it probable, probable call every day. I use that for every day. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crap. It's commercial. Hey y'all. It's your girl, Kiki Palmer, your favorite quadruple threat, actor, singer, dancer, and my new role, podcaster. My podcast, baby, this is Kiki Palmer, your favorite quadruple threat, actor, singer, dancer, and my new role, podcaster.

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Listen, Ayaan, you've come all this way and refused to take off your shoes. Would you like to start shit between me and my actual children? She's like, sure. You know, the other day, Yasmin was talking to me about how she doesn't want you to have a baby. And then we see a clip of Yasmin being like, absolutely, mother, she'd not have a baby because she had us. She never saw us. At least I was there to raise my brothers what would this baby have well first of all Sergio yeah get the fuck out here I don't like this so then she's like oh please Yasmin was not all alone growing up all right I mean she's not totally raised by

nannies listen I'm a working woman I had 87 employees at the time. I'm home on the weekends She's not living in a hovel. She's fine. The worst thing she ever had was a little rain coming out of her eyes I mean Yasmin has no clue what it used to be like. Look, here's a girl who was 75% raised by nannies I was 100% raised by nannies and not only that, there were brown uniforms with brown gloves. It was so formal and disgusting. It was like the Sergio of nannies. And then, with my kids, I wasn't around that much and I ran a big business and Yasmin wants to be a lawyer, so what am I going to do? Tell you, oh, have kids and you're never going to live your dreams? Absolutely not.

No, children, you know, I always tell her, Yasmin. No offense children a dream killers. All right Would you like to kill another child's dream? All right Let's stop the cycle Other question Yasmin. Have you ever caught a child in a dreamcatcher? Absolutely not of course because dream catchers only catch dreams not children two different concepts Aren't dreamcatchers lovely. This is a lighter. It's called a dream killer It's called a Dreamkiller. Right? It's much more productive.

Oh, look at Sergio. I call him a pathetic catcher. He's a dream spinner. He's adorable. Hold on. Ow, honey. Ow. Why are you starting that lighter on me?

It's so fun. I'm telling you, endlessly fun. Sergio, take off those brown gloves and brown uniform. It's too much, it's triggering for me. Honey, please, listen to me. You're not gonna cosplay as my nannies and get me to listen, I'll tell you that much right now. Take it off.

I love that you can't tell whether she's more disgusted that she was raised only by nannies or that they were wearing brown. She's just like, you cannot believe, Yasmin just doesn't understand. I was raised by people wearing brown. Wearing a drab uniform, at least have some florals or some prints. Boring, just like Sergio. Have we never heard of a dress shirt dress? Have we never heard of a dress shirt dress? So just like, sadly, as much as I love her, she cannot control her mom's happiness. The baby will come at the right time, you know, and I actually want to dedicate time to the baby, you know, I want to be a father and you know,

I believe the baby that we will have, it will be a fun baby. That's what he said. I couldn't understand what he said. Fun baby. Chanel goes, farm? Like from the farm, a baby from the farm? So she goes, F you. And both of you are too idiotic to be in my presence right now.

I'm going to retire to the bedroom where I'm sure there'll be a chipped TV stand waiting for me. Thank you. I'm not going to a farm. I'm not moving from this house, which as we've already gone over is already kind of a farm. Look at this full circle. So then we go to Talene and her nanny, Jamie, and they're at a park and Talene's barely even kidding. She's barely even trying to pretend that she's parents. She's like, honey, yeah, isn't great for us to be at the park. Just go with Jamie. Just go. You want an

ice cream? Get it from Jamie seriously Go, please walk. Please keep walking. Oh my god. Raffi is so hard being a mother Geez for ducks these poor ducks cuz Talleen's like Sienna give the duck a cucumber I'm like really if these ducks are like, oh shit. Here comes some humans Is everyone ready for some bread or something really delicious that we can't find in the pond. Like yes, queen. Here come the humans. I'm in line first. It's like, here's a cucumber. It's like, huh, sort of hoping for something a little bit better. We're in Dubai.

But it's such a personal trainer thing to do. Of course the lady in CrossFit is like, let's go feed healthy things to the ducks. I know the duck doesn't want a cucumber. I guarantee you that duck was not happy with a cucumber. Nobody's happy with a cucumber. She's giving the duck a fucking protein bar. She's like, Hey, duck, I just got my body back and you too. You can too. Okay, don't feel like you can't get your body back

just because you're a woman in Dubai. Got it. All right, meet me. I'm going to tie a little parachute this duck. Oh, there it goes. Okay. You're taking this a little too far. Come back. Sorry, guys. afraid to work out with men. Mommy, mommy, my brother's being mommy. Are you okay? Okay, that that's joking on the cucumber. All right, I'm really fucking up with the ducks here. Raph, let's go. Jamie, deal with this. Clean this up, Jamie.

By the way, I did this, of course, this is me. I looked up what do ducks like to eat and then Google's AI generated response because you have to say if something's AI these days, otherwise people get mad. So everyone, I did not do all this research. The AI bot did it. Ducks like oats.

They love cracked corn. They love rice. They love broccoli. They like fruits. Almost all fruits are acceptable, but ducks especially like watermelon, strawberries, and blueberries. Apples, pears, cherries, and plums, peaches, and apricots are also saved to feed. But you have to remove the pits. Vegetables, peas. They love a pea. with the pits vegetables peas they love a pea no mention of cucumber I've got oh also protein this is they love scrambled eggs and mealworms so they I feel like it's a little fucked up for a duck to eat scrambled eggs but you know what what's in as long as they're warm you know well it's not below deck this poor duck I know don't don't let this duck be a primary guest on on below deck. Med, but John are cooking.

I'm surprised that ducks have such a wide palette. I never knew that. Well, to be fair, I think most animals will literally eat anything, but the this I feel like ducks seem to be really into brunch. It's like, hi, um, can I get some scrambled eggs with some watermelon on the side? Thank you so much. And I'll have some oats. Oh, duck chef.

I'm sorry. Gale duck didn't like that very much. Okay, so back to this. So Talin and Raph are talking and Rafi's like, look at all the ducks! Why are they following you, Gigi? What's happening? Hey, the ducks are following Gigi! That's crazy! You know what they wouldn't follow? Oh boy, we need a son. I gotta have a son immediately. Please give me a son. What am I gonna live my business to a fucking duck guru?

Why would I have some ducks following around the CEO of my father's company? We built the city, honey. We built the city. I need a penis coming out of you. Oh my God, Raffy, he thinks he's in Game of Thrones. He thinks he needs an air or something like that. I mean, it's ridiculous. You know what? He thinks we need someone to take over the company. And, and she says, you know what? These girls are a lot and you're not as hands on as sometimes I wish you would be rough. And he's like, how can I be? I'm a man. I got a job. I got listen, I work like six hours a day.

And then after that, like, how do I have time to help a kid out? Yeah, he's like nepotism is a full time job, babe. You know, going around all the spots that my dad built and saying my dad built this. Come on. You know, I'm hearing it from Rafi. I'm hearing it from his family. I'm hearing it from his family. I get it, we're Middle Eastern, so family members chime in all the time because I basically have a mother-in-law being in bed

with like a whistle and a clipboard telling me which position I need to get in to have a boy, which I thought that was hilarious actually. A whistle and a clipboard. Here's how you have a baby. Here's how you have a boy. Is it you stand to have the baby? What are those old wives tales? Like you stand you have a baby. Here's how you have a boy. Is it you stand to have the baby? What are those old wives tales?

You stand to have a boy and then you lay down in missionary to have a girl. I don't know. There's all these rules. You study whatever Teresa Giudice did and do the opposite. But I mean, you could say that literally for everything. I mean, I can get an IKEA bookshelf and read the instructions, and it would just say, do whatever Teresa Giudice would not do. Yeah, that's fair. That's very fair.

So, Talene's like, you know, I had a really, I really had a very tough time with pregnancy and I just feel like I just got my body back, you know, done so much running with parachutes. It's really awkward. He's like, yeah, I know, babe. You keep on knocking over things off the table with that parachute.

Yeah, sorry, I shouldn't do it in the house anymore. This whole discussion of, I have to have a boy, I have to have a boy girls, girls can't do it. It's like, fuck off. You know, it's just fuck off. This is just so annoying to hear, to still hear this conversation in 2024. Gross. Be better, do better.

You know, I hope you're, I hope your children are really fucking smart and realize that all they have to do to take your company is make everyone think you're crazy. Then you can sign over the company and they can take it over and have you committed somewhere with your stupid male ass. Get rid of your stupid ass and then be the biggest real estate company in Dubai run by women. I hope they get their fucking revenge. I'm telling you, I'm only watching you on this show to watch Gigi smarten up and get rid of your stupid ass. Rafii you fucking misogynist piece of crap. I want I'm ready for her to walk into the board meeting and say I am taking over the

country and if you do not follow me you're all fired or whatever it is that Joan. Oh fuck with me fellas. This ain't my first time at the Dubai Ferris wheel. So and then Raffi's like, uh, telling this like thing how she had a tough pregnancy and she just got her body back and Rafi's like, yeah, but Gigi's kind of self-sufficient at this point. She's like, Hey, you should try and follow her lead by herself. The girl. And then Gigi comes over and is like, can I give the duck lettuce?

And they're like, sure. And then she goes, they're like, go, go talk to your nanny. It's like, yeah, she's real self-sufficient, as in there's a nanny taking care of her now. She knows how to ask the nanny about lettuce. She's basically an adult. Give her a driver's license. Yeah. So anyway, so, you know, Lisa at the Queen's Dinner kind of like went into attack mode with me a bit. Like, you know, I do want to give Lisa the benefit of doubt.

So I let I let things go and I'm like ready to move on. But with Brooks, I get like 2 a.m. calls being like, she said this, she said that. I hate that. There's a toilet that's falling into the ground in my place. You know, all that bullshit. So after the Queen's dinner, the morning after, I get a phone call from Caroline Brooks and Caroline tells me that she heard Caroline Stanbury say to Lisa, I don't know why Tal pulled me away from the table because Tal and I aren't friends like

that and then she says, Tal, don't you get it? And then I'm like, oh my God, what are you talking about? She says, Tal, Stanberry doesn't like you. So I, Tal, pick up the phone and call Stanberry. I'm really going to cement Tal in your brains today. Okay, we're calling me Tal from right on. Does everybody got that? Well I'm really appreciative that she asked me to my face. I have to say, this is Caroline Stanbury talking now, okay? Because she said, did you say this? I said, no, I did not. So then,

I called Lisa, well, actually, first thing I did was I hung up, I bashed Sergio over the head with my phone, and then I called Lisa. I call that Sergio bash. It's fun. Fun little game for the family. Then Lisa's like, and out of nowhere, I'm getting calls from Stanberry basically telling me that Brooks told Talene things that I never said. And I'm not one to defend Stanberry, but that is not what I told Brooks. I specifically said Stanberry was also confused as to why Talene needed to pull her to the side. You guys are fighting over literally the dumbest thing I've seen in a long time.

I know, and there's all these graphics on screen. There's like all these cartoons and like phones and everything. And Caroline's like, I mean, why is Brooks inserting himself again? Although also I could ask, why is Sergio inserting himself again? His hand is in a toaster oven right now.

Should I save him? Probably not, I'm gonna let him go. I don't want to ask Sergio why he's inserting himself because every time I ask he just says, baby, honey, baby. So I tell him like, I mean, Rafi, Raf, Raf, what was she trying to instigate things because of a rishis with Stanbury? That's a struggle with Brooks. She does some, she sometimes does things to instigate. I always flashbacks. Yeah, I'm like, you're on a reality show. I hate to break it to you. But this Brooks is just so ham handed at it. She can't do it. Like she's just really messy with it and really bad. I'm clearly is having some kind of a problem this season with something. No, I don't know what

it is. I know we're not supposed to talk about that stuff. But she is just a mess and doesn't even seem to remember what she's doing half the time. And so Rafi is like, Well, listen, you need to ask her to stop it. Brooks isn't our Brooks is our girl, but tell you don't want to hear about who said what, because you don't really care what you're concentrating is on giving birth to something with a penis. Yeah. And she's like, she's like, Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what she's gonna say. But she's gonna be like, well, I was trying to be a good friend. It's like, great. Well, that as my good friend, I'm requesting you to stop talking to me about that stuff. I don't know. I don't know what she's gonna say, but she's gonna be like, well, I was trying to be a good friend. And it's like, great. Well, that as my good friend, I'm requesting you to stop talking to me about that stuff.

I don't wanna know. That's what you should tell her. She's like, all right, all right. Well, we all know Brooks. Is she gonna take that well? And he's like, well, choose your words. Choose your words. Or a penis.

It would be great if you choose a penis too. It would be great. And give it to me, please, immediately. What am I gonna do without a boy? And then we go to a Mina Rowe photo shoot with Lisa and a photographer. Listen, congratulations on your business. I think it's great. I'm bored.

Yeah, basically the scene, she takes photos. It's nice, her business is doing well. Her husband, the CFO, is happy. And she sets alarms for a lot of things cause she's a busy lady and it's, that's her personality alarms. So, uh, that's, that's what happens. I mean, listen, last year, I don't think we noticed as much because last year the worst personality on this show was really into French fries. Um,

and this year it's been taken over by alarms. She's like, you know what I do? Alarms, it's my thing. Well, at least she doesn't have a secret fruitcake business on the side that she's gonna spring out on the set. Oh my God. I miss the secret fruitcakes, I'm not gonna lie. That was Nina's best feature.

What about my fruitcakes? You didn't support me. I have a fruitcake business. You don't support my business. What business? The fruitcake me. I have a fruitcake business. My business. You don't support my business. What business? The fruitcake business. You have a fruitcake business? You have a fruitcake business?

You have a fruitcake business? So now we go to a coffee shop with Sara Maktoum. See, that's what I'm talking about. That's on the list of shit that we don't appreciate while we have it. Yeah, I know it's true. So Sara Maktoum and Akeen. Akeen is the, his name is Akin, right? Is Akin not, not Akin. I can't, what's Akin. So, uh, he is the super, super hot guy from Germany that, uh, Sarah showed us last week and they're, they're

hanging out and no settling in and stuff. And Sarah's like, it's been two months since I last saw last seen Akin and I'm so excited to see him. I'm just going to like have like an instant spiritual healing moment right now. Oh, I'm healed. Filled. You know what I have to do to really heal my feelings? Hold on.

I'm going to bite my fist and yell into it. Oh, oh my God, I'm so healed. That's what I really needed. Thank God for hot people, instant healing. So the Magtum is cute and he loves this guy. I think we all do, because he's so hot. And he's, Maktoum's like, mm, you're like caramel seduction.

And Sarah's like, ah, yes, caramel seduction, yes. Thank you. This is an odd scene with McComb. He's like, mm, mm, mm, caramel seduction. What is, what is he doing? What is this kid doing? Who is being really funny though? And Sarah's like, this time we have a much bigger intention.

I'm going to decide whether I friend zone this guy or whether I take him to the next level. And so far it's been going like this, check, check, check, oh my God, and those abs. Sarah, how many times are you gonna do this, okay? I think it's time to start to stop judging people based on their abs. Okay. And also stop introducing your child to men the five minutes into it. That's weird, right? I don't think

I don't think you're supposed to tell people how to raise their children. But this is, I don't think I don't think you're supposed to do this. We're not supposed to tell our children that we're not supposed to you're not supposed to tell people how to raise their children, but you are allowed to judge this. We're not supposed to tell our children We're not supposed to you're not supposed to tell people how to raise their children But you are allowed to judge it and I think that honestly like whoa If you don't want to like get poor little McToon's hopes up

How about you like give some do like a test run with these guys for like nine or ten months something like that before you start? introducing Yeah And I don't know I feel icky kind of judging that, but can't help it. Sorry. It's my opinion. And I'm watching this and being like, yeah, don't do that to poor little McTomb. I love him.

I don't feel icky about it. Cause I know we're all thinking these things. Okay. And if you're not thinking these things, no one is watching this at this moment, whether you agree or not with how Sarah should be doing it. No one is watching and saying like, I have absolutely no opinion about, um, whether or not Sarah should be introducing this guy to my tomb. Some people are like, no, it's fine. It's totally great. This is how it should be. And I'm totally,

I'm totally open to hearing that reason. I don't, I mean, I'm actually really not that invested in it. I, my instinct says probably wait a little bit, but we're all thinking different things, which means we're all passing judgment. So I don't want to be shamed for weighing in on this situation, not in this day and age. Not today. Not today. Um, well, yeah, but I mean, even if it's like, don't judge the mommy part of it.

It's not even the meeting him, you know? If you want to say, hey, this is my friend, whatever, nothing's going on, we're just friends. I just wanted to see if you'd get along or whatever. That's one thing, but I mean, this kid's already like, when are you going to be my daddy? It's like, Oh no. Yeah. He literally asked that. So he's, she's like, so you guys know each other so well now. I mean, you guys have been to ice cream together, which is basically enough for me to marry somebody, you know, have done that before. And also it bothered me after last week when she was like, Oh yeah, my last husband was terrible. Like he wasn't, he never even acknowledged my tomb. I'm like, wasn't that a sign? Like, did you never notice

that going into it? I don't know. There's just a lot here where I worry about that kid. Cause he's just seems like such a sweetheart, such a sweet little boy. Okay. So Sarah had a keen actually babysit my tomb. And so they spent like a day together. They went to multiple gas stations to get a slushie, which I'm like, OK, that's an interesting tactic, introducing new potential romantic partner by doing like a test run daddy session. It's like, interesting. You're worried that Mactoon will get a little bit too attached,

but you're also really putting a keen in that daddy role really quickly. I don't know. It feels like, doesn't feel like the way I would necessarily go through it. commercials. Here comes one right now. So they're talking about how they got slushies together and Mactoon loves him now, basically. Because I mean, really, slushies are love. It's like Mactoom's love language, and that's just

it. And so Sarah's like, you know, and this comes with a risk, of course, because if it doesn't work out, my son gets attached and then the guy is gone, then what do I do? Like, yeah, well, I guess relate to that one. So then Muktoom's like, yeah, when are you gonna be my dad? Or my stepdad? Ikeen's like, I thought I was just coming in for a booty call and this got real deep, real quickly. Yeah, and so she's like, oh my God, I'm so sorry, Papa, he's just my friend for now.

We're getting to know each other. He's not your daddy yet. Give it a week my right?" Rikim's like and Mark Twomb's like well he's great because he has 10 packs. Nancy's love story could have been ripped right out of the pages of one of her own novels. She was a romance mystery writer who happens to be married to a chef. But this story didn't end with a happily ever after.

When I stepped into the kitchen, I could see that Chef Brophy was on the ground and I heard somebody say, call 911. As writers, we'd written our share of murder mysteries. So when suspicion turned to Dan's wife, Nancy, we weren't that surprised. The first person they look at would be the spouse. We understand that's usually the way they do it.

But we began to wonder, had Nancy gotten so wrapped up in her own novels... There are murders in all of the books. ...that she was playing them out in real life? Follow Happily Never After, Dan and Nancy on the Wond wonder yet or wherever you get your podcasts, you can binge all episodes of happily never after Dan and Nancy early and ad free right now by joining wonder. He plus. See back to him. He's young, but he understands what's happening. He's like, okay, mom found a hot guy.

He took me to get slushies. I think this is gonna work out. Mom last week, mom found a homely guy who kind of believed in aliens. But now she found a hot guy who kind of believes in aliens. So mom's in this one to win it. Sarah's coming off as kind of a shallow dick. Alright, so let's go over to this Caroline and Sergio walking into a fertility center. So just like back in back in the game, babies, babies, babies. Oh, good. It's my favorite place to hang out. That was sarcasm, Sergio. I don't know if you understand that

concept. Sergio really is like you're back in the game. Here you are. Now your game is babies instead of football and you're still being benched. So they get in and they're just like, hello, we're here to make a baby. No, we're not here to make a baby, darling. We're here to see the doctor and if anything, we're going to see if this fertility clinic can somehow make you infertile going forward. We're not here to make a baby. We're here to quiet a baby. Doctor, quiet the baby. Tell him what he needs to hear. But baby, please, to follow up on our baby on ice. Our baby ice. Yeah, we're here to follow up our baby ice. In the last few months, I've literally not thought about my baby boy embryo because the stress of moving is completely taken over my life.

But I did get a Ringcam footage of all the lasers being disrupted as a chubby man who looked a lot like Raffy was trying to contort his way under and over each laser trying to get to my little boy embryo. Quite odd, don't you think? And honestly, you just had to ask. I would have honestly just taken about five cents forward. I mean really, anything to get rid of this embryo. Quite odd, don't you think? And honestly, you just had to ask. I would have honestly just taken about five cents for it. I mean, really, anything to get rid of this embryo. I just don't want to have another child. That's what I'm trying to say. So they go to the doctor's office and Caroline's like,

oh, okay, remember what this is Sergio? She shows like a model of like a vagina. And he goes, oh, and yeah, can now honey. She's like, Do you see what I'm you see? Do you see now my joke about getting rid of the embryo isn't so isn't so tasteless is it anymore? Right? You see what I'm working with? And the doctor is like, All right, well, I guess that's why we're here. Right. Welcome back. Today we're here because it's the age issue and the pregnancy issue. Usually you try doing this before the big five. Oh, and he's like, Oh my God, what is the big five?

What is that? What is it, baby? What is it, baby? What's the big five? Is it happening right now? What does five Oh, Oh, 50, 50, 50. Yes, honey. Five Oh means 50.

Wow. What, what's the point of even having a baby on ice when you have one sitting right next to you? I don't know how to do it. And so he goes, oh my God, but that's only like one and a half years. And he goes, no, she's 46 now, and in a month she'll be 47.

And he goes, ah, so then two weeks until she's 50? Come on, baby. You know that Caroline was like, you idiot, my official bio says I'm 46, not 48 and a half. Please, everybody, trust Wiki over this monster. So she's like, oh, God, and they don't have surrogacy in this country. And the doctor's like, no, not here, but you can always let's say you cannot carry the pregnancy.

You can always transport the embryo to another country like the US or Spain and have them grow it there." And she's like, oh god, I don't really know how I feel about surrogacy. I mean, it's illegal in Dubai. So if I can't carry the baby and my baby's in a baby mama in America, just for nine months, I'll forget about the baby. And then before you know, it's like ding-dong to the baby at the door. Valentina, get the baby at then before you know it's like ding-dong to the baby at the door Valentina get the baby at the door she's like if the baby listen if you have a surrogate mom over in America I'm not even gonna check in for nine months it's ridiculous like getting a baby from America I mean it's the difference between ordering a package that's delivered by UPS from Amazon or during

the package that's delivered from FedEx from Etsy. You'll get the Amazon the next day. Etsy god knows when it comes. And when it does come, it's going to be in so many pieces. You don't even know how to put the goddamn thing together. Have I gotten ahead of myself? Sorry, I've ordered a lot of shit from Etsy lately and I'm like, why do I do this every time? Every single time I do this and it takes 10 months. Why do I do this every time? Every single time I do this and it takes 10 months. Yeah, it's so funny. I always think the same thing.

This baby is going to arrive for Caroline the way like when you pre-order an Ina Garten cookbook in April and the pub date is in October and you're like, oh my God, there's a cookbook at my door. I forgot. That's funny. I've been down that path. Yes.

But of course, so surrogacy in my mind seems like it's probably the way to go because she had a difficult pregnancy last time and it was traumatic and she honestly really shouldn't be getting pregnant again, um, based on what she's saying. And it sounds like she doesn't want to get pregnant again. So it seems like surrogacy is the path but an argument against surrogacy is I want a picture of Caroline naked with her tummy out. Oh, I have to have it. I have to have the photo of you naked with your tummy out. I'm like, you know, it's called Photoshop. Just use the smudge tool and just just distort that tummy right on out. Why is she gonna risk her health so you can have a photo Sergio? But I want it. You know, those pictures where the lady is holding one booby and then there's a baby hanging out. I want that. I want that. I mean that. I mean that.

So the doctor's like, well, he's like, you know, well if we do this in a year or so, I think you could do it yourself. You know, you have a beautiful embryo and oh, by the way, I have a picture of your embryo. So he pulls out the picture and Sergio's like, where's the boy? Where's the boy? I said I get the motion of now because what? Because I can't I can't see this. I cannot see it. It's a bubble Because it's just like a circle

Literally looks at it and goes where's the boy? It's an embryo you fucking nitwit. Oh my god. It's so embarrassing. I was so glad because there are so many times that we've seen people look at blobs on ultrasounds and be like, oh my god, it's my child. And then Caroline's just like, it's a bubble. Oh my god, look Sergio, they've got a picture of your brain. It's a bubble. Look at this single-celled organism. Somehow smarter than Sergio. What does the doctor say? He goes, wait, hold on, let me look for it. I'm lost in my notes. But he goes, where's the boy? And the doctor's like, it's the genes. What did he say? Something like that. I was cracking up. He said the boy doesn't show here. It's a genetic test.

What did he say? Something like that. I was... He said the boy doesn't show here. It's a genetic test. So she was like, even though it's just an embryo, it's just so special and emotional for me. Like, oh, I'm going to stop crying now. I'm like emotional. I like, I love my baby. I want to have this baby. Even though it's on ice, just just like the idea of having this little boy close to me is literally making my heart melt. She goes, no, it's making my heart melt. The idea of you actually melting in a pool of lava. That's just really heartwarming to me.

What are you thinking baby? Baby, baby, baby. Don't look at me like that honey. I'm very sensitive in this state honey. But I'm looking at Caroline and she's not really on the same page as me. So I'm thinking, oh my God, how do I say to Caroline, I need this baby. How do I say it? You say it every morning. What are you talking? You've already said it. She knows you need it.

You know what I mean? It's like when I'm waiting tables and people are like, I ordered my meal 30 minutes ago and I'm like, I don't care. What does that have to do? Do you think that that makes any difference to me? Like, do you think I'm gonna just speed up the chef by just you saying something? It's not how it works, stupid.

Wait for the oven to finish. I think the idea is like did you forget my meal because that has happened to oh it's happened many times so Sergio's like okay so the latest we could do this is that the quote unquote big five oh see honey I used it are you said big five oh I understand what it means now I wanted to watch a new TV show the song called called Hawaii Five-O, but it's too depressing because I know it's the end of our baby. Baby. Baby, honey? Honey? So, he's like, please honey, I'm so sensitive. She's like, oh God, all right, fine. We'll do it in a week. Yeah. Decade. I'll be dead. We're not doing it. Sergio, I just got terrible news.

I have to go away for a business trip for about one and a half years. So I do hope I'm able to carry the baby at the end of the trip. No. Oh dang. Looks like I missed my window for carrying the baby. She's like, well, I don't know. I'm just not the best baby person. I'm great with puppies. And she just smiles, that crazy smile, but she's also, um, no, no, she's not good with us. She's not good with us.

I think really all she needs is they need to change the psychology on it and be like, you know, who the biggest influencers on the market are mommy influencers, it's the biggest moneymaker and influencing everybody knows. I mean, I would think that everybody knows it. So if you really want her to do that, you need to explain to her that that's where the real money and influencing is. And she'll start popping them out like tarts. I mean, like the, the toaster strudel, not the Caroline Stanbury,

mommy influencing would be the funniest thing of all time. She's like, this is a cardboard box. I just got it. You can get it for free. You put your child in there, put it in the corner and then you go shopping. Look at this. The newest Apple product. It's an actual Apple. You shove it in the child's mouth. They can't make a noise for hours. Here's a hack. Do you understand when your Macar parrots are always squawking in the middle of the night, so you put this

thing over the birdcage. Now try putting it over a child, it looks like a charm. And so, like we used to do with Taylor Armstrong's kid, like leave her in a crate and put a blanket over it, you know, I did not remember that. And the recaps, that never really happened to everybody. Don't get all upset. So, I forgot what we were talking about. Yeah, don't have a baby with Caroline.

I mean, who wants a baby with somebody who's like, absolutely not. Do you want a baby? I'd rather put my hand up a bonsai tree stuffed with styrofoam DNA than have your child, you fucking loser. I cannot wait for you to carry my baby, honey. So the doctor is basically like, you know, it's a miracle to have this kind of embryo at age 45 and he's like, honey, it's a miracle. It's a miracle. Big five. Oh, he's like, she's like, okay,

all right. And the doctor's like, better not waste it. I'm like, Rafi is ready. Just, just call up Rafi. It will not go to waste. Yeah. So that baby. So then we go to a seafood market with Caroline Brooks and it's the first day of Ramadan and Saba is sitting there inside. And so it's like a big Ramadan party or whatever. Ramadan, break the fast. I'm guessing. I think it was, it's a, it's dinner. They're, they're breaking their fast.

And they're all, um, they're eating, they're sitting on the floor and they're in, they're eating, they're sitting on the floor and they're in this like small room, which is fine. But it was awkward to watch just because of the cameraman. I felt like the cameraman was like up against the wall and in corner and I didn't know what to do with this camera. But they're all- Also Saba is not making it easier to watch

because Saba is just, she's so pretty and I love her accent and stuff and I love her snobbery, but she kind of sucks the air out of her room, doesn't she? I don't know what it is about her, but just her presence. She's like, hello, I love, I simply love Ramadan. What a fun evening I'm going to curate for everyone. We're going to go into a small room and sit on the floor and eat food.

And you're going to be entertained by me. Saba, the most entertaining friend of this show has ever seen. Has anyone used the, I simply love french fries comments? Okay. We fired her last year. Darn it. All right. I love to feed ducks vegetables.

Sorry we've used that one, Sobs. All right. I'm running low here. I set alarms. Sorry that one's taken. Oh, God, I'll come up with something, surely. Just let me sit here for a while on camera. I'll think of something. I like a specific type of chai tea. That was her thing last week, the chai tea talk. So, um, uh, everyone comes in and Chanel of course is wearing a big giant dress that is honestly a little awkward in this small room. And that's the point. That's that Chanel and that's wearing a little dress into like,

she's just walking in and now people just go, wow. No one's impressed anymore. Like wow, Chanel. Wow. So they're all are they're all sitting there and Ayan sees you know, Akina is there. Ayan is like, Wow, you're a very good looking man. I mean, you know, and Sara's like, well, he's a model, you know, you would relate. She's oh my god. Yes, I recognize us. Yeah, because

you're gorgeous. Okay. But She was like, oh my god, yes, I recognize us. Yeah, cause you're gorgeous. Okay. But it was also funny when he walks in, cause everybody just stopped and stared and went, whoa. They all audibly gasped and wowed. And she's like, what a hot couple you are. And then Brooks is just staring at him like all wide.

I said, oh, he is so happy during Ramadan. I mean, isn't that like is that not how long? And Ion says, You remind me of giraffe in Africa. They're so tall and muscly and the most gorgeous animals they are. He's like, thanks. So. So then Ion says, like, do you know who Sarah's Sarah's ex-boyfriend was, the actor from 365 Days movie?

Sarah says it's Michelle Morrone. Sarah knows how to pick something hot. Do you know who this is, Michelle? Was not that 365 Days movie like that really hot sex movie on Netflix that people went crazy over for like one week? Let's look him up because I think that's who he is. Oh, he is hot. He is gorgeous, Italian actor and model. Oh, he is gorgeous Italian actor and model.

Yes. This is that sex movie from Netflix. I didn't, I totally missed this, this movie, but whoa. Yeah, he's pretty. Oh my God. And he's so stupid too. I love it. His first picture is him showing off his biceps. He's sitting on a piano bench in a crop top and he's like, uh, flex, he's pushing down on the bench so that his biceps flex while he stares at the piano keys. He's like, I'm super deep. I'm looking at a piano, but look at my arms. What are you looking at first? My talent or my arms? He definitely seems awful. Like you can tell, you can tell when someone is like hot,

but like sweet versus hot and awful and he's definitely giving hot and awful, right? I mean, I don't, I don't know. I think I'm too shallow to be there right now. I'm assuming that anybody that's hot is naturally awful because the world hands them so much that they can't take the power. Um, so I'm going to assume that he's awful, but I mean, I don't know. I can't stop staring at his biceps at a piano. I mean, those are two of my favorite things. Biceps and a piano. This guy is really, uh, really gorgeous.

It's, it's out of control. Okay. I'm going to close the tab. No, I don't want to close it. Sorry. Sorry. Oh, he has art. He has art.

Oh, but now if I try and sign in, it's going to make me double factor author. I can't, I, you know, Instagram, you're killing me with this two factor authorization bullshit. I can't. Our authentication. Stop it. Stop torturing us. Just let me into the account. I want to look at this. Does him bo's artwork. Okay, back to the recap. So, um, they order some food and everything. And Sara's talking about, it tells us about Ramadan and how it's basically, you know, a lot of fasting. It's fasting during the day

and then from sunrise to sunset, it's fasting and then afterwards it's just food, food, food, food, food. So a little Ramadan lesson there. And Sabah's like, okay everyone, hello, girlfriends. Who fasted today? Did you fast today? Did you fast, girlfriend?

Who fasted today? Did you fast today? Did you fast girlfriend? So they start eating and stuff and um, Sabah's like, so are your muscles okay on the floor like that Akeen? Sitting on the floor cause Sabah hates him. Okay. Sabah's like jealous of Akeen. I don't know if she's just like, Sarah deserves better than some slutty model. I don't know what she's thinking like Sarah deserves better than some slutty model. I don't know what she's thinking but she does not like this guy. She's like so Akeen are your muscles okay on the floor? What kind of modeling do you do? Is it for stones in front of a home because you're basically a lump of stone sitting there. You hateful hateful gorgeous man and he's like

I model sports clothes, normal clothes, street wears. Brooks goes, what's your mix? Yeah. And I was like, what type of Africa are you? And he's like, well, my dad is American. Your mom, your mom, what's your mom? German. Calm down, Brooks, Jesus. Little moped starting up there. Caroline Brooks is like a leaf blower trying to start.

She's like, where are you from? What's your mom like? What do you do? What's your favorite game? Come sit on me, sit on me. Sabah's like, do you feel like it's easier for you that he's Muslim? Girlfriend?

Look how easy going and, and fun I am. Cause I say girlfriend at the end of things. Girlfriend. I'm sorry. I was like, of course it's easier that he's Muslim. And she's like, so Akeen you're leaving soon. He's like, I live on Sunday. Yeah.

And she's like, Oh, and then you're moving to Dubai soon. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You got sabbath. It's like I'm working on it. She says, of course you are. I hope that you can find some innocent single woman to victimize. I'm sorry, did I say that out loud?

Get me my chai, get me my chai, emergency chai alert. What's your surname, Akeen? And there are basically, Sarah's like, oh my God, I thought his name was like fake. It's like a stage name. I could not even believe his last name. She's like, what is it? He goes, Fontana.

Fontana. Fontana. And Sarah's like, oh, Sarah's like, oh yeah, we don't take names here. And someone goes, what? Emiratis don't take names? I mean, how could we be best friends and I not know this? Are we best friends?

Are you marrying Akeen? What's happening right now? Who am I? Where am I? Is this normal tea? Do you even like chai tea, Sarah? So Sarah says that you don't know, like your name is your dad's pride,

so you take your dad's pride with you, and stuff like that. And Brooks is like, well, I'm happy to see you, look at you, look, she's glowing, she's smiling, and I love this, and I love this for Maktoum, he's at an age where he needs a man in his life that he can look up to, and that's a positive role model. It's like, Brooks, you're talking to a falafel right now.

Eyes up here, eyes up here. And Ayan's like, oh, so you've met the child? And he's like, yes, I love him. We bonded over five slushies. Sarah goes, oh yeah, he loves him. And Brooks is like, oh, this is what I want as well. I want this kind of relationship where I could be this much in love and my son

can also love the person. I just love Sarah. I'm so happy for Sarah. I just want a keen, someone like a keen, whose name is a keen, a keen Fontana, a keen Fontana man of slushies, many slushies. I'm going to get him. I'm going to get that man. I'm going to get that man. Give me that man. She's just grabbing a key to put them into a van. She's like, you know, who's not, you know, who's not on a keen Fontana Zoltan. How does she wind up with a keen Fontana most beautiful man alive, the giraffe and I on Zayas and I have Zoltan.

I literally married a guy who sounds like he's a magician. Let me guarantee you one thing this man hasn't done broken a toilet when he shit on it. I'm waiting. So waiting on that reimbursement Zoltan. So they just make chat chat. And Brooks is like, Yeah, you know, well, I want this vibe because I'm a single Bob. But by sudden knows how I have to work to take care of them. It's very difficult. And so it's like, I feel like a lot of moms do a lot because also they're so scared of mommy guilt. Was everything she says completely full of shit? I don't believe one thing that comes out of Sarah's

mouth. Do you? Well, it's more like, I just feel like, it's not an issue of whether or not I believe. It's just like, I feel like there's something, she does that thing that I normally love when there's like a really wealthy person pretending like she really understands the ways of the world. Sort of like Caroline Fleming. Like this is very Caroline, she's very Caroline Fleming.

But like there's something about Sarah where there's just like an element of, there's just like a layer of bullshit that's even thicker, like too thick that I'm like, oh, shut up. Why are you, why are you being so patronizing about mommy guilt right now? Like she is a mom, but like the way that she carries herself makes me not even believe that she's a mom. It makes sense. Like it makes me think that she's mommy guilt.

She probably has very specific like experience with mommy guilt. I'm just like, oh, Sarah, once again, she just says everything like she's just so full of shit how she says every single thing. It's like, oh, I really believe in healing myself at the crystal of the moon of the bloodless. Oh my God. You know what? I think that mom sometimes feel guilty about working. Yeah, really deep, Sarah. No one has ever said something like that before, you know? It makes me not believe her and I'm like, but I've seen her sign, like I believed it. I don't know.

She definitely has mommy guilt, you know? But like, I don't know, it just feels like when she starts to weigh in on things, you know what it is? It's not so much that I doubt like whether or not she understands what mommy guilt is. I think she knows what mommy guilt is. I don't mean that specifically. I don't mean that I doubt that specifically.

I just mean she's full of shit in general. No, but I'm sorry. I said it wrong. What I said is more like it's more like when she says things, I feel like her intention is more to show off some sort of like deep wisdom she has about the world. And it doesn't, it just doesn't come from a sincere place for me. Yeah. Like a sincere place of empathy.

It comes from a place of like showing like, I wanna put in further evidence that I'm a deep soulful person. It doesn't seem like she's really trying to empathize. Well, it's just very like, you know, all I want, all I want is the perfect, perfect man for my child because I cannot accept anything less for my beautiful child. I will only date 25 year old models from Instagram.

What? Exactly. Come on now. So anyway, um, but also it's where the scene goes. You know what I mean? That annoys me. Okay. So then she's like, um, you know, it's just like moms feel guilt, am I right?

And you shouldn't feel guilty as a mom. Speaking of Lisa, I think Lisa must feel it because something's going on with her, right? I mean, something's bothering Lisa. I mean, does she have something on her mind or something at home? I'm like, see, now you're acting like you're using this good person persona to shit talk somebody else.

It's just gross Just shit talk like anybody else just be it be be bold enough to shit talk a person and be shitty doing it Don't hide behind this good person persona exactly. That's where the sincerity issue comes in Which is like she's talking about mom guilt like like almost like a bonding way But then she's really just using it as a segue to talk shit about Lisa So Sabba's like, she just snaps. And Ayaan is like, what are you guys talking about? And she's like, what are you doing?

It's your Queen's dinner. And so we have flashback of Lisa quote unquote snapping, which I really don't think that that was that much of a snap, by the way, of Lisa being like, Talin, you're being bitchy right now. And so Ayaan's like, well, you know, her mom just left and she has three kids and she works and she's really busy and her alarms didn't go off midday and so she missed her, you know,

afternoon apple juice. She has 77 alarms. It's a very rough life that she's living. And so she goes, so she's overwhelmed and she goes, yes, you know, she's very hands on mom. And then she goes, no, but you know what? She really needs to take it easy because as a mom, you can burn yourself out. Is she burnt out? Is she burnt out? I just want to say how much I support women except the one I'm shit talking right now

for everybody else. She's going crazy, right? Is she burnt out? Give me something here. I am like, I would never just sit around and let anyone ask me questions about my best friends. It's like really uncomfortable. I'm like, you kind of are doing that right now, just so you know. But she's like, you know, if you have a problem, go ask her. Like, what do you want me to say?

Yeah, I like this because she's like, I love her and she's my best friend. And if you guys want to talk to her, go talk to her. Like, leave me the fuck out of it. So I like that. That's rare to see on these shows. And so then we see Caroline Brooks walking into a restaurant in a silver jumpsuit. She is wearing the Angie Katsuneva C3PO top from the last season of Salt Lake City. She has taken it as her own now.

And Talene comes in and- Our note taker, Lauren, thank you Lauren for these brilliant notes. Our note taker says, Caroline Brooks walks into a restaurant in August in a silver jumpsuit. Yes. Well, the restaurant may have also just been called August.

It's hard to tell. Oh, I thought she said in August because like why is she dressed like a, you know, in tin foil in the middle of August in the desert? I have no idea. Cause it could be, it could be in August. It could be a restaurant called August or honestly, it could just be both. I'm just putting this dry ass personality on Laura Lauren. So Talina's like, I was like, talk to me. How was, how was iftar?

And she's Caroline's like, Oh, I was like laser focused on the fricking God across from me. God, a keen. Wow. I mean, do you know when you've lived your whole life, it's the Zoltan and then the keen comes into your life. Oh my God. Christ is Sarah know how to pick them. Am I right? Oh god, all right. Sorry. Oh, I'm getting hot in here. Is it me or is it just my silver jumpsuit? Wow. How are things with you? You know what? Speaking of men, Roth is on my ass about having a boy. You know me, I'm just trying so hard to get my career back together. I just tied a parachute to like five old ladies last week.

I mean, it was absolutely amazing. So I don't know how he expects me to do both things. Yeah, by the way, sorry for being late. I just tied a parachute to our SUV. It sort of slowed us down a little bit. It turns out guest cars don't really need to have exercise in that same way. So then Tolien's like, honey, you're losing weight. I mean, the thinner I see you, the more I'm worried about you. This is not healthy. And she's like, well, I've been working, working like seven days a week 18 hours a week 18 hours a day seven days a week 97 hours a year. I'm just so much work crack toilets crack toilets crack toys

Yeah, well your arms are like coat hangers right now. She's like, well, of course, I've got two kids. I got a glass house, I have a child, I have a really, it's really difficult to balance, especially when you've been exposed to a keen and then Zoltan walks through the door and you just think about, oh God, what my life could have been if I just made some better choices.

So, um, Talene's like, she's just so stressed out right now with this business. I mean, she looks like a really thin astronaut. So she's like, are you good? She's like, yeah, I'm good, babe. You know, it's more, I'm just more concerned like Sam Barry invited us all to the desert, which is like, oh, so now you want to buy this or something. Thanks. Okay. The old me would have been very confrontational towards it. But the new me is like really just thinking about a key nonstop. Am I right? Am I right?

No, I just expect less from people. So I don't get myself disappointed. And let me just take a hard sip at this this cocktail. The new me doesn't get mad. The new me just buries her emotions into cocktail. All right. The new me just tries to ruin people through other people very awkwardly. And so then Toling goes, listen, can I say something?

You're not gonna like this, okay? But it's coming from an honest place. I think that sometimes you can kind of instigate behind the scenes. And she's like, really instigate what? What are you talking about? Instigate what? What?

What? Well, you are maybe fearful that I'm not gonna have your back and I'm not gonna be like blindly loyal to you. I don't want blindly loyal to you. I mean, what's that? I don't even want that. Let me finish, let me finish, let me finish, okay.

After the whole Queens thing, you called me the next morning and you brought up the whole Sam Berry thing and you said, oh, I don't know why she took me away from the table, we're not even friends like that, okay? That's what you said. That is what Lisa said to me. So I repeated that to you. It would be horrible for me Do this was that something like that not come to you? All right, it wasn't that way Caroline It wasn't I didn't feel like it was in that way where you were trying to be they'd be there as a friend

I don't feel that way First of all, don't tell me what to do. You know very well that you are the queen of the telephone game. Roll the footage. Don't, don't, don't. The telephone game is like the worst thing anybody's ever said.

And then it goes downhill from here. And Caroline's like, Tal's gonna believe her friend of 10 minutes over a friend of Chahe's. Literally I projected this girl like she's my child. And now what are you going to do? Take a knife and stab me in the back. I was like, Oh God, this lasted even less time than we thought it would last. This relationship. I know. Does protected like a child does Caroline Brooks also call her kid at

like two in the morning drunk and they'd be like, let me tell you something about what your friend said to you. Probably. Yeah, actually probably. Yes. Probably. So Caroline's like, you said, I feel like you're stirring the pot amongst friends that I knew before. And she's like, Jesus, you can't even take one bit of a critique. It bothered me that you called me and said, you know, Sam, Sam Bray was talking shit about you. Um, so she's like, are we good? And she's like, not really. She's know, Sam, Sam, Brad was talking shit about you. So she's like, are we good? And she's like, not really.

She's like, okay, well, are we good? Okay, fine, I'm good. And then they just, Caroline Brooks walks off all huffy and they just are mad now at each other. So then we go to the Stamberry and Sergio's house and Sergio's like, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, Madam, the house here.

When is the TV going in, honey? When is it going in? Today. Today? And we have a piece of marble, honey? honey, honey, honey, honey, man of the house here. When is the TV going in, honey? When is it going in? Today. Today? And we have a piece of marble, honey? Where's a piece of marble? He's like, Oh no, honey, you're not going to like it. Is that chipped marble?

Valentina, come here and stand with your finger over this chip. For the rest of your life, I'd never want to look at this chip. I don't ever want to see this chip, Valentina. You sound- It's an actual chip. I know it see this chip, Valentina. It's an actual chip. I know it's a chip, Valentina. All right. Stand there covering it.

You know, it wasn't there yesterday. And then today there's a chip. It's almost as if someone put that chip there. So I'd have to stare at it and fixate at it while Sergio's family comes in. And you know, now I won't even be able to see them because there's a chip there. And I definitely did not put that chip there in order to have an excuse not to talk to Sujil's family. So she starts calling the chip people and the doorbell rings because her parents are here.

It's like, honey, honey, they arrived. She's like, well, guess what? I don't have enough time for your fucked up family because I've got a fucked up piece of marble here and it's much more important to me to fix that, right? Tell your mother to stop hugging things. Tell her she can come in here, just don't hug things, including me.

Alright, oh god, there she goes. She's out there hugging a lamp post. Stop her, Valentina, go out there and stop the mother from hugging things. Mom, bad news, I've got my finger on a chip. God damn it. Alright, well just extend your foot and trip her before she can get to me once she gets in here, please. Anyway, it's lovely to see you all, you lovely non-nannied, non-boarding-schooled people. I would hug you, but unfortunately, it's against my ethics and morals. It's so glad you made the trip in here all the way to Dubai. I shall see you in seven days to see you off. And until then, I'm going off to the desert. And if I happen to Die there so be it

Sergio's like oh no, honey. You're going to die when you see the amount of suitcases they brought. I'm like oh god well whatever you've Brought so much baggage into my life already haven't they Sergio? They're not planning to move in are they?, only until the baby shows up. All right, well, they can go on the children's floor with the Yasmine and I'll see them in about 18 years. That's the policy. She's like, well, I used to hate the parents. And then we see a flashback of her telling everyone, Sergio actually expects me to sit with his parents

at our rehearsal dinner. Disgusting. I actually have friends that I grew up with that are sitting with us at our very important day. Since when do parents come to important day things and expect to sit next to the married couple? Well, but I get on with them quite well now once I realise that they also can't stand Sergio so that really bonded us.

You know, they make Sergio happy, they make me happy. We all point our fingers and throw tinfoil balls at his head and it's a great time, I love them now. Once we were playing a Bravo game of answers and I found out that their biggest regret was also Sergio and really you just need one regret in common to build a bridge. It turns out all that luggage they brought

was actually not their belongings, just the last of his belongings they wanted to get out of the house. So let's see, so Caroline's like, oh God, I can't wait to go with the girls this weekend. I'm not ignoring the in-laws on purpose. I just want one relationship that doesn't have to do with the baby. want one relationship that doesn't have to do with the baby. So then we go over to Brooks and Saba and Talene. They're all on the side of the road because they've all kind of been dropped off there. This is Caroline's big day of desert activity. And so Brooks is like, well, the desert is super hot. It's very sandy. And then I have Talene and all I want to do is just blow her away.

Yeah, and only season one, you know, she's she's working hard. She'll get there. So then I on walks up with this big blue wig and a big blue dress and something goes, what the blueberry loop? What the hell is that? Jesus, she looks like dessert, not desert. I think she thought dessert chic. And Ion's like, well, I wish I had news so I could put out my fashion. And the producer's like, uh, she sent you a message. She was like, oh, she sent that? I didn't pay attention. So now the girls gather, Stambury sent them a video and she was like, hello girls, it's me doing this video from air conditioning. Now I'm sorry we had a party bus waiting for you,

but it broke down. Sergio kept following it around, sticking his penis in it and begging for a baby. I'm very sorry. I'm really sorry. To the minivan, as for you guys, here it is, a shitty little car that you'll have to cram into, Good luck. And they're like that. I

just tiny little van. God damn it. So this is like Stamberry clearly maxed out her credit card on her new house. Like, why is she putting us in a toot toot? So they all get there. Oh, they'll go get the thing. I mean, while Stamberry is with her friend, Juliana, and she says, uh, well, they're going to be so mad. I'll be shocked if they all show up. It's hilarious. I decided to bring my friend Juliana to lunch. We've just always had so much fun together. She makes me laugh.

I think my house, something present from her was a, a meds plate and a vibrator. So, uh, she's great. She was just hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. You know, for my bridesmaids party, she acted my hen's party rather, she showed up, everyone else wanted to go to a stripper. She was the only one that said,

"'Pin the puppy on the Sergio face.'" You know, I mean, she's really just my type of a girl. You know, it was so lovely that she gave us those Hermes plates. It's just a shame that we spent all evening throwing them at Sergio's head. What a waste of a good plate.

But at the same time, was it a waste? On the other hand, Oprah, am I right? Yeah. So, yeah, so they're all gonna, they're just waiting for everyone to arrive. And it's like fun activity day, right? So they're all, they're all gonna, they're just waiting for everyone to arrive. And it's like fun activity day, right? So they're like making wacky comments. Um, but then they drive it to do the fun stuff and they get Lamborghinis

that they get to drive in and they tell us how important cars are in Dubai. Car culture, super important. Big deal guys. And Caroline's like, Oh God, Juliana's husband collects sports cars cars are more important in dubai people have small houses that are about you know ten dollars but they've got two to three million dollars worth of cars on the driveway right and really the highlight of this is watching chanel cram her giant ball gown into this tiny like lamborghini front seat and it was just like you just see the windshield and it's like full of gown.

And he says like, Chanel, I can't drive like this. She's like, hold on, hold on. And then eventually she crams it all behind her and just see her in this in the Lamborghini with all this fluff behind her. Yeah. So they're riding in their separate Lamborghinis or whatever, and they're almost pulled over, but it was an ambulance. No, guys, it's okay. And Lisa's already gossiping. She's like, I'm surprised that Talene and Brooks aren't riding together. And then back in the car with Talene and Stamberry, Stamberry is like, well, what's up with that?

How was your dinner with Brooks? And she's like, Oh my God, well, it was good. But me and Brooks, just, you know, look, I said, you can be an instigator. And then it was World War Three, Caroline. I mean, it's like I told her that there wasn't going to be a penis coming out of my womb for a while. I mean, absolutely ridiculous. You know, when her eyes get wide, like the rage takes over. I mean, she she had the crazy eyes and she goes, Oh, my God, they might pop out like one of those string bowl machines.

You know, I'm really beginning to like to lean unlike the other people. She is not going to blindly follow Brooks down any road she wishes. That takes real balls, something I definitely don't have in my household right now. So then they are going to have a little lunch set up in the desert and they're like in a sand surf. Or whatever, right? Down a very small slope and so they do that

and it doesn't really work out. Chanel's dress is just dragging in the sand. So they all kind of give up on that and they sort of like arrive in this oasis where it's a hundred degrees out and they're having food and I think Zaba has to break her fast And they sort of like arrive in this oasis where it's a hundred degrees out and they're having food and I think Saba has to break her fast because she's like I'm not gonna fast in this hundred degree weather right now I need to drink some water

so then they go to the eating portion of After the fun and game stuff and they start grilling Sarah about her boyfriend and she's like, he's not my boyfriend yet I'm old school. I would get to know him, introduce him to the family and then get married. I'm not dating for fun. And Stamberg is like, well, do you kiss him? She goes, no, of course not. And they're like, oh, bullshit, you're a liar.

You make out with him. Come on, come on. And they're all giving her shit. And who says it? Lisa, because they will not stop. And Lisa's like, yeah, it's a bit disrespectful to ask a Muslim woman if she's made out with someone cause that's a haram for her, which means forbidden.

I like that my name is one letter away from forbidden cause I'm cut out. Yeah. You're like, that's why you always walk that line between saying the forbidden thing versus just talking about childhood. So they're like, you haven't kissed and Sabra is like, I would run for the hills. I mean, actually I have kissed and run for it. I mean, either way, you're not with Sergio. Just keep him. So yeah. And then Sara is saying how like, no, well, you know, she's like,

it's different in the Arab world. You know, intimacy is a sacred thing and Akeen is Muslim. So he really understands that. And, you know, she's like, I can get the guy with a smile on my clothes on girl, which, you know, I believe that too, but I also believe that they've kissed. Let's be honest.

Not to be culturally insensitive, but I believe they kissed. So Sabah's like, Sarah, how long are you going to make him wait until you introduce him to your parents? And she's like, well, maybe two or three months, but my mom thinks my choices are wrong, and she's right. But I told her, Mom, I've done therapy. I screamed into a pillow.

I'm fixed now. I told my mom, look, I have chosen really bad men in the past, but don't worry. There's nothing about a young personal trainer that has a red flag. So I feel pretty good about this one. Listen, I know I haven't chosen right in the past, but this one. It's always shirtless on Instagram. How bad could it be?

So Stamber is like, well, I have to agree with you. It's like suddenly a minute, like, well, they're all like, I can't believe by the way, Brooks that you are suddenly healed. Cause Brooks goes, Brooks has said, I believe therapy changes people and I love my healing journey. And they're like, that was really quick Brooks. What those two fast, two guys. Ayan goes, um, no, yours was too fast. And they're like, but be happy. She's happy. And, uh, Sam Bray is like, yours was too fast. And they're like, but be happy she's happy.

And Sanbray's like, oh yeah, right. In one minute you're a changed woman. So they're all mocking her basically. And Brooks is like, I'm a please, I'm a please now, Wubbles. And Sarah says, well, therapy takes time, but spiritual healing is on the spot, like direct. It's crazy. Sign up for my workshops that I do with my business partner for all this magical healing for only $9,000 a week or whatever the hell it is.

Oh my God. Glad to hear. I'm glad to hear she found a hack for therapy. Yeah. An instant hack. Pay enough money. Pay me enough money. I don't think Brooks is at peace. She just may be more drunk. So I think, I don't think she found therapy.. She just may be more drunk. So. I don't think she found therapy. I think she found a doctor willing to prescribe Benzos. So, Teline's like, well, she's not so calm, everyone.

And so I was like, no, no, she's calm. And then she was like, well, I'm pretty sure you had a moment last night. So Teline, do you want to take it from here? And they were like, whoa, what happened? What happened, what happened? So Teline's like, no no I got into a bit of an altercation with Caroline that's all well I wouldn't call it an altercation I

would call that you made a comment and I made a comment back and that's it oh really that's what you would call it okay well I just told her as a friend and I feel that you know you know you can instigate that's what I said and Brooks is like and then I said you're fern I'm not gonna tell you anything anymore And I left it. I left it. I left it at that And that was the end of that that's funny. Okay. Yeah You know what you call me the day before I'm having a bad morning, I'm sorry see you're not letting me talk No, I don't care about this. I don't care about it. So that's why I'm not letting you talk about it.

Well, if you don't care about this, then we are not as close friends as I thought. And that's fine. That's fine. So that's how it ends. As to be continued. Dun, dun, dun. What will happen in this magical relationship

between Teline and Brooks? I don't know, but I do know that I just destroyed my throat doing Tilleen's voice a little bit too aggressively right there, so now I'm like. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Anyway, you all, everyone, thank you so much for being here. For those who are celebrating July 4th, meaning that you're, meaning like,

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