Watch What Crappens - #2481 House of the Dragon S02E04: Somebody Stop That Dragon

Episode Date: July 8, 2024

This week on House of the Dragon, the war finally steps into high gear as the dragon battle commences.  And in typical Game of Thrones style, it has a heartbreaking outcome.  Watch this recap on video  and listen to all of our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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ad-free right now on Wondery+. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap and a podcast about all that crap we just love talk about on Ye Olde Bravo. Although today is not about Bravo, today is Winter is Crappening Day. So today we are talking House of the Dragon. We're talking episode four, a big, a big dragoning episode. And if you are listening on winter is crapping and you're a Bravo curious, come join us on watch or crap ends. And if you're listening on watch or crap ends and you really only want to hear about house, the dragon and none of the Bravo stuff goes subscribe on winter's

crap ending and as to simultaneous feeds with all this stuff. So anyway, how's it going Ronnie? What's going on? Good. How are you doing? You little honey pie. I'm great. It's Monday morning. We just had a very, I'm fucking lying. Why am I saying I'm great? I'm not great. I actually just finished watching house of the dragon and I'm not happy. I was very sad. And also, um, not only was I sad about that, I cried in that. And then I also cried in Love Island.

Who does that? I didn't know you cry during Love Island. No one told me that. I'm new to that show. So I started crying during that bullshit too. So I cried during a completely classy show and then during a complete bottom of the barrel ho show. So I mean, I've cried across the gamut this morning. Wow. Yeah. Well, you know what? You're allowed to cry anywhere you want to cry. Well, I did. Yeah. Well, it was an emotional time for TV viewers this week, you know, a very emotional time. We're going to talk about Love Island on our bonus episode again this week. So join us on patreon.com slash watch more crappens.

You can also watch our recaps, not just listen to them by supporting at the cra crap is on demand level. So come join us. A lot of fun that we're having on that, uh, that we have there. And I think that's basically it. This is a huge episode of house the dragon. So we might as well get into it. This is the episode where the dragons started to fight.

This is like a war of dragons and now the dragons are dragonning it up. What a crazy episode. Um, awesome episode. Yeah. Very intense. Although I have to say the outcome, I started to fear that outcome midway through midway through the moment that, um, and it should go without saying, uh, there are spoilers ahead. I it's like obvious it's a recap. It's a recap. It's a recap show, but some people oddly enough are always surprised. So just want to say I'm not apologizing to you people. You don't listen to a recap of a show and then say,

I'm mad that you recapped the show. Fuck. Who are you? Why are you mad? I don't even know who you are. I've never even heard of you being mad before, but stop it. Stop it right now. Well, they took out Rhaenys. That's the big news. Rhaenys is done. I'm sick of that big dragon. I'm sick of Veigar. I know Veigar is just doing what Veigar has been told, but this is now two people that Veigar has taken out that it's just like, I'm done with it.

And it's not fair either because Vhagar belonged to truly was meant for Verena and then Aiman stole Vhagar. So it was like this ill begotten dragon killing all the best people. I'm done. I'm over it. It's also big privilege, you know, it's like the biggest one wins. And I'm really getting sick of that. Like is there no Mr Miyagi in the dragon's's world that's gonna teach these people like some skill other than just being big?

I don't like that. It should be more than that. You guys can fucking fly. You have these animals that can not only love you and understand your or's, they can fly. You guys need to get out there and work. Like, what the fuck are you doing all day? You're just standing around dirty,

spinning little balls and little things to talk to each other. I need to see you training. I need to see you like, okay, then we fly around in a circle cause we're small so we can fly around, you know, and then come back up and scratch him and then fly back down. I don't like this. Just like everybody getting ramroded by a big, by large Marge over there, fucking Vega, you know? Yeah. Vega is driving me nuts. Driving me nuts. I can't stand Vega.

It's twice now, twice now that Baker has done this. Jared Sussman Although he's pretty cute. I have to say even, you know, it's like those big giant dogs, like, ooh, those dogs are gross. Like what are those Marmaduke call dogs? Great Dames. Oh my God, you see a Great Dan. I'm like, fuck those dogs. Oh God, I just knocked my camera off and my lighting off because that's how I roll. But I always think, you know, fuck that dog, fuck those dogs are so huge, their poop, it must be hellacious to clean up. But then there's still such cute dogs and then they, you know, they get sad and just give you that like sad dog face and, oh, I'm upside down.

You're upside down. Yeah. You guys, I've been a disaster and I'm going to remain a disaster. Um, anyway, uh, it was so cute when he was like, you stay vagaries, not yet. And he was like, he put his head back down on the ground. Like, okay, fine. I'll wait to murder people's favorite beloved characters. By the way, this is the biggest dragon in all the land.

Did no one see this dragon descending into this forest to like, it's like the dragon's like hiding on the forest floor, but like, sure, that's fine. But did anyone see the giant ass dragon going into the forest? I mean, how did people miss that? You know, they, the trees, I mean, people are super tricky with their trees there. Um, as we found out in this episode and also like when she's flying away from him, she's like, oh my God, I finally got away from him. I'm like, why aren't you looking behind the only thing that he could hide behind? You're literally flying

towards the only thing this man could hide behind and it's the building, you know? Like, oh, there's literally the only structure in town. I'm going to fly by that. Surely he's not there. I mean, I don't see him anywhere else and he's bigger than a fucking castle, but sure. And I hate stupid shaming people, especially when they just died. But it's like when you see someone, you know, on one of those like little scooter things in the middle of a crosswalk and they're just like falling over and you're like, well, like you knew that was going to happen, you know? Yeah. It's more like look both ways. I also don't believe that that big ass dragon would

be like, like unseen behind that castle. I don't believe that she would have kept her eyes off that dragon. It didn't really make sense. Like I really think that like that dragon is big and scary and you're keeping your eyes on it at all times. And last we saw the dragon was heading away from the castle. So then when it appears suddenly behind the castle, that means it had to go and like fly around. Like how does she not notice? How does no one notice the big ass dragon like changing, like changing its place, you know, like, like, like literally getting up and flying around a giant meadow to get to hide behind the castle. I feel like there were a lot of failures. There are just so many edits, you know, because the really dragon fights take a long time.

They don't take five seconds. Like when we saw it where they're like, Oh, and now they're here again, you know, because you're right, they have to like go maneuver around and turn, make a U-turn and then build up their speed and then kind of come at each other again. So I think they didn't want to make it a 30 minute fight of just watching, you know, those big ass things try to U-turn because that's basically what it would be is watching big trucks try to U-turn and nobody wants to see that. Yeah.

It's like a reality show. They just cut to the best parts. Unless you're Love Island, which goddamn it, we'll talk about later. Okay. So let's start. Let's get this going, shall we? Let's get this party started. Yeah.

Yeah. So we're here in King King's Landing and, um, Damon opens the doors of the throne room. So we already know we're in a dream sequence, which by the way, here, I just have to say this right now. Is this what our whole season with Damon is going to be? Is this the rest of, is this our path for him that he's going to be the one? Girl, I hate a dream season. He is, this is like when they sent, um,

Aria off to the, the, off to wherever it was where she was training the house of the faces or whatever it was for a whole season. I'm like, Oh God, is this? Cause they even said after the episode was over, they even said they seem to suggest that this is what he's going to be doing the rest of the season is like unraveling his sanity is going to be questioned. He's going to be having visions. I'm like, really? I mean, we've got, we're at the halfway mark where we've got four episodes left. Are we going to really spend all four of those episodes with him having weird thoughts

inside a rainy castle with like an Irish witch in the kitchen making him strange drinks? I'm not a huge fan of dream sequences. I don't like the dream storylines where it's like, with like an Irish witch in the Walking Dead, where they're like, Oh, surely we'll be safe if we go to Georgia. And then they spend an entire season walking to Georgia. And then they get to Georgia. They're like, Nope, there's zombies here too. Let's walk to Disneyland. And so they walk for another season to Disneyland. And the whole thing is about people fucking walking. That's how I feel about dream sequences. I hate them. They make me fucking crazy. No dream sequences. Also, do you think he's being drugged out and tripping because they were very careful to show him taking deep sips of things this week? You know, maybe he is. Um, I agree with you. I, I don't mind a dream sequence,

but I, I would, I like a dream sequence to be like, you know, a once in a blue moon thing. And it needs to be short. Like I, I hated on mad men when there'd be like a whole episode that was a dream or even on The Sopranos, there's one episode where Tony Soprano got food poisoning and the whole episode was his dream. And I feel like sometimes when it comes to dream sequences, it's less about telling a story and more about writers and directors jerking off on camera. They're like, how can we like make this evocative and interesting and like, this would be amazing.

It's like, no, you're not like, you're not really creating any insight for us. We don't understand Damon any better. We don't think that like, oh, he's unraveling even more. Like you could make someone unravel very easily without like an extended and multiple dream sequences. But this seems to be like what we're gonna have to deal with. But it's also very on the nose psychology because people on this show don't think about the pop psychology because they didn't have books like the four agreements. You know what

I mean? Like they do take things personally because they didn't have that book. No one was like, you know what changed my life? The four agreements, you can read it in 10 minutes. And so they're always very shocked by psychological surprises. In this one, he's dreaming of Ray Ray, young Ray Ray, and she's like, you created me. You're set on destroying me. All because your brother loved me more than he did you. And the look of shock on his face, like he never understood, he never considered that psychology before, you know, and it's very on the nose. And it's, you know, it's a treasure trove medieval times,

because they didn't really think about that stuff back then. He's like, holy shit, that might be real. I'm going to cut your head off. So then he does. He just cuts off little Ray Ray's head. Now, while it was nice to see Teddy Mellingcamp finally get what she deserves for being me into Lisa Vanderpump that season, you can't kill baby Ray Ray. Yeah, this is, I think like the decapitation is like the thing that's haunting him. It's like last week was the vision of a, of Jaehaerys, like Ray Ray sewing Jaehaerys' head back on. Now, now Daemon slices off little baby Ray Ray's head and everything. And then of course her head starts to talk, which by the way, this was an unintentional LOL.

I don't think this was supposed to be a funny moment because it's like literally her head and it's bleeding out on the floor. But then the head starts to talk and says, this is what you always want it. Is it not? I'm like, this is like literally the end of death becomes her. Well, I thought it was, I really liked when the head just like kind of looked at him and was like, hi, I'm Teddy. Hi, I'm Teddy. So then he wakes up and he, but he wakes up, but he's got blood on his hands.

So I mean, who knows even what that's all about, but in fact, not only do we, because he killed, he just killed Ray Ray in his sleep. That's why. So now he has blood on, literal blood on his hands. It's not literal, it's dream blood on his hands. Also, I found out why I don't respect Heron Hall. There are so many reasons, because it's in disrepair, the guy's just always eating over there and being like, what are you even doing here? Who would want a Heron Hall? So they're not commanding a lot of respect, but also because it sounds like Harris Casino, and that's such a dump.

Literally, anywhere you go to it, Harris casino sucks. And I think they should have changed the name for this because it's too Trump coded to have it like Heron, Harrah Halls, Harrah's halls. It's just like a really overly priced shitty breakfast buffet and it smells like cigarettes and like loss. Yeah, this is definitely like, you know, Heron Hall is like the rural casino of castles in

Westeros. It's like that casino we went to and we were driving through Nebraska that one time and we stopped off at this casino that was shaped like a box. And we went in and it was so depressing, but it was so fun. And that's kind of what Heron Hall is to me, just like a depressing casino in the middle of a prairie that, that people go to, but no one seems to be happy that they wound up there. Um, so. You see what an economy oxygen machines are, don't you? Like that's like such a bustling economy that you don't really realize until

you're in a casino, like that. You're in some like tiny small town, local casino. You're like, wow. So that's who's buying all the oxygen machines. Yeah. That's the big market over there. So, um, uh, so sir Simon is there and he's like, good morning. Good morning. You're great. Step to what I trust. And as I said, there's been a rave in, remember I said rave and remember when you woke up and I said, rave in rave in rave in, and then I had to shake you and pour some fake blood on your hand. Anyway, Raven. Remember I said Raven? Remember when you woke up and I said, Raven, Raven, Raven. And then I had to shake you and pour some fake blood on your hand. Anyway, Aegon's army

departed King's Landing a fortnight ago. And so he basically says how like castles are falling and Kristen Cole's host of men has tripled in size. And now it's a big, it's a big issue. Yeah. Cole's just winning left and right. He's playing monopoly by himself and he is winning. No one's coming up against him. So he's winning and they're like, oh yeah. And people are saying, um, he's, you know, also Ray Ray is a baby murderer, so that's not helping, you know, which you would think

would make Damon feel guilty, but it does not. He does not care. Um, so then we pass a goat and the goats like, because you know, goats and we don't know if it's real or not. It's like one of those like, am I in a dream or is there a goat in your house? Yeah. It's just a goat head talking. It's like, hi, I'm Teddy. I am Teddy. So Sir Simon's like, well, even if you can raise a host of Rivermen, they will not be ready in time to face him. You know what I'm saying? So, how about this? Instead of getting Rivermen, why don't we put on some Patti LuPone and just enjoy some martinis instead? I mean,

that's coming for us all, am I right? So Damon's like, yeah, let's see what your Lord P little pair mouth is made of. So now they're going to go talk to, you know, this Heron Hall boss or whatever. And it's some kid and his name is Oscar Toley. Okay. And so it's like, oh, my arm, your grace. He's all nervous. And Damon's like, oh God. All right. Here we go. And so sir Simon's like, Oh, this is Oscar totally. Grand Sundergrove, totally his air to the river dance. Check it out. Do it. Do a step ball chain for him. Do it. Do it. Oscar's very nervous. He's well, he's 12 and he's just,

cause Damon's very intimidating to people. So Oscar's nervous. And so he, Damon sits, then like Oscar, like awkwardly sits down and kind of like misses his chair. It's like really the worst way to make like a first impression in front of like the King Kong sort. He's also, they didn't have Botox back then. So his, he like, I just got it by the way. So I can't do it naturally. I'm going to have to do it with my fingers,

but Damon's always raising his eyebrows so that his forehead wrinkles like this. He's got like multiple horizontal wrinkles going up across his forehead. And that is what people do when they're trying to seem very, very smart. I've noticed that on The Bachelor, like the dumbest people do. I'm not saying Damon's dumb. I'm just saying like it's an intimidate, it's a move to intimidate. And it totally works on this guy. I think Botox has ruined a lot of intimidation. I'm glad they to intimidate and it totally works on this guy. I think Botox has ruined a lot of intimidation. I'm glad they didn't have it back then. Yeah, it's good. It's a good tool in his arsenal to really intimidate the tweens of the riverlands. Like, look at me thinking deeply. You better watch out. I'm thinking more than you have more

lines up here. What are you doing? You better listen to me. I have more lines, more lines. Yeah. Cause Oscar, I mean, Oscar really, this is he's way out of his league right now, you know? And so he's there because basically his grandfather or a grandsire, as they say, is, um, basically like he's basically like Viserys, like in the last three days of his life, just like rotting away, but still somehow alive. And you know, like he has, he's still like Viserys like in the last three days of his life, just like rotting away, but still somehow alive. And you know, like he has, he's still like grandson.

Literally like, yeah, it's like literally the leaders of our country where people are like, um, okay, so they're so old that they can't move anything. So have you considered a pillow, put a pillow over his head and just end it so we can all move along. Okay. You know, no one will say it in this country, but just come on, just do it. Damon, Damon literally says like, okay So can you kill your grandsire? We're in the great the Game of Thrones universe. Like this is totally acceptable. I'm like literally Fucking my knees. Okay, so

Can you like maybe do this that way we can move this Riverlands thing, you know forward a little bit You don't even have to be in the Game of Thrones universe. People have been killing each other for the inheritance forever, you know? Especially like when you're bed bound, like that's it. It's time to go. Or like, you know, not, I don't mean just bed bound, but I mean like, complete, like in a vegetative state, yeah, pillow me, you know? We have a deal in my family to just pillow each other. So, okay, this is getting dark. We really do though. So don't send me to jail if it ever happens, but do send my mother to jail if I get killed.

Okay, so, cause that's who I have a deal with. Okay, why am I talking about this? Okay, so Damon's like, kill him. And he's like, I can't do that, that's not our code. It's like, oh, your code. You have no code, your house is broken down. Everything's shit, we're all about to be killed. End your code. You know? Call... Get power of Ernie or something.

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or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen to episodes everywhere on May 22nd, or you can listen ad-free by joining Wondery Plus and the Wondery app on Apple Podcast. And so Damon's like, okay, boring. All right. Are you here to speak with your grand size voice for House Tully and the Riverlands? You know, I hate to break it to you, but someday you're going to have someone named Sam in your family. And he's going to be a joke to many of us for a very long time. That'll be pretty cool at the end, but for the most part, he'll be really a joke.

So just want you to know, I already in advance don't like you very much. Yeah, and Oscar's like, what? Make a decision while grandpapa still lives? That's not our way. We love books and monk's robes. And he's like, then you're no use to me. I can see the black words in the blackens

why they did not fear to start a war beneath the nose of that liege lords loser. So he calls them a fish with no head, which is pretty cold. That's like the C word back then. You know, those have totally is a fish with no head. It's almost as bad as calling them a cut purse. So yeah,, yeah, he's basically, uh, okay. The Tullys are really useless. I guess who is it? Like there's the Bracken's and the Blackwood's, which is the one that was in our favor, which I love that he's on the same page as us.

Cause last week we're like, which one was, who was for who Bracken, Blackwood, one of them. He's like, yeah, whichever one liked us. He just bring them here. We'll try there. Okay. I need to start an army. So he's like, uh, sir Simon's like like, well, house bracket declared green your ways. So he's like, Oh God, just some of the blackwoods then the opposites. All right. I require men of action to need my hosts. So, um, the kids like, Oh my God, I'm sure. Sure. Save myself from one there. You're dead soon. Pete Yeah, you're dead soon. Or he will be totally corrupted and go from being virtuous and not

speaking on behalf of his grandfather to being like a total asshole and like some sort of like craven sidekick to Damon. So, then we go over to Driftmark and Alan Hull, I'm sorry, Alan of Hull, he is doing his normal things, which is sort of like standing around a scaffold kind of place. And Renice walks up to him and he's like, the lady and she's like, princess, if you're holding to formalities, he's like, apologies, princess. People in this realm are constantly fucking up. This is how many times have people messed up the Your Grace, Prince, Princess, my Lord, every single episode, someone's messing this up. Yeah. Um, because it's rough, you know, that's what incest does. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, she's like, so you are Alan. He's like, that's right with the Y. She's like, A L Y N is that your spelling? He's like, yes. Now who named that? Have you thought about just being an A-L-L-A-N perhaps or just an A-L-A-N? I just feel like A-L-Y-N. I mean, that's just,

it feels like you're trying to like make a statement, you know, just think about it, workshop it a little bit. So she's like, well, I'm given to understand that my Lord husband owes you his life, but I was not told you so hard. God damn it, you're hot. So your mother must have been very beautiful. What a bitch. You're like, why is she so mad? But then Corliss comes up and was like, oh, what are you doing talking to my son? Just kidding. Just kidding. Go over there, play with something, not my child. And so we find out that this is his love child. So then they do this funny thing, which I feel like only happens in TV and movies

where like Renice and Corliss are talking and Corliss is like, no, we need more privacy. So they take one step to the right. It's like, okay, much more private over here. Okay, listen, what do you want to talk about? She goes, well, I just had a word with your captains and he was the sailor who plucked you from your watery grave, that one, Alan with a Y. Yes. What? And she's like, and you didn't think to mention that that was your whore child? Your whore child you didn't think to mention? And he's like, no, sorry. She's like, were they out of Joes when you were naming him? I mean, Alan, really, was basic. As basic as basic can get. And if Franks.

Listen, I know who he is callous. Alan's past, there's no fault of his. He saved his Lord's life and he should be raised up and honored, not hidden beneath the tides, you idiot. So he's like, Oh, what are you here to give me a bit of subject me to an inquisition about the whore? And she's like, Oh God, I came to tell you, Baylis called me to Dragonstone. So she's like, basically our kids are fucked. Ray Ray's not there to boss anybody around. Nobody knows what to do. We're fucked. And he's like, where has that woman gone? Because, you know, like we said, it seems like they get places really

quickly, but, you know, she had to stop by Party City too, to get that men's habit. So it's taken her a long time to get there and back, you know? And last week, I wanted to point out, remember last week, and you're like, oh my God, they're being so loving towards each other. That means he's going to die soon. You were so close. I was so close. She died this week. Not him. die soon. You were so close. I was so close. See died this week. I know. I thought, um, I thought he was going to die because he's been preparing to go out to sea. It's been

like, by the way, five episodes of them, like hammering at ships. So I was like, okay, now, now they're going to get in that ship. But like, not yet. Like I didn't really see that coming. But I will say this jumping ahead, as soon as she said that she was going to go into battle, I was like, this does not seem good. This seems like a bad idea. I'm not happy about this. But yeah, this scene was basically like a, okay, let's give, let's give Rhaenys and Coraless one last scene. This way she can acknowledge Alan. We can see that like they still have a nice relationship despite some issues. And, um, and now she's going to go back to dragon stone, you know, but it's like one last final scene between the two of them.

I didn't love this. I'm still upset. And why couldn't it be Corlys? Like Corlys is fine and everything, but I don't need Corlys. You know what I mean? I need Rhaenys. Corlys, I mean like he's great. Fine. Great. Fine. Bye. But I need Rhaenys. This is a housewives show, not a househusband show. Rhaenys is like by far the best character on the show, so the fact that she gets taken out this episode is really upsetting. Yeah, I loved that when she was like,

well, I saved people in the only way I knew how, and it was the simplest, most nonviolent way. I was like, you just killed hundreds of poor people. Oh, that doesn't count. That doesn't count. Yeah, no, poor people don't count on this show. So she's going to head back. She's my hero. She is actually the one who deserves to be on the throne by the way.

She really is, is the one right? Because she is, she was like, it was passed. She was passed over because just because she's a woman. So on top of everything else, like this whole war is happening. You know, and on the inside she's like, yeah, but like, it's me, it should have been me. And you guys are all fighting and I'm the one who really deserves it. Yeah. So now we go to Alison's quarters back at King's Landing and she's playing with the dragon sculpture. It looks like one of those little toys that the King would make when he made his fake town that her son

just ruined with a baseball bat last week because he was having a tizzy, he was in the tizzy having a temper tantrum. So there's a knock at the door and she drops the dragon and now that smashes on the floor. You know what? Can Viseris's crafts just fucking live a day? You know what I mean? I know. I'm like also like play with these toys, like over a table or something like that. Like it's just, I just hope they have a good return policy on that toy. You know, I hope we can get a replacement. Yeah. So now the doctor comes in and he's like, Hey, I brought you some abortion juice. And she's like, Oh my God, thanks.

Don't tell anybody. So you don't know it's abortion juice. He's like, did I say abortion? Sorry, met Coke zero, right? You said Coke zero. I'm working on it all day. It was really hard taking calories out of that Coke. Quote unquote friend, even though we've never seen you socialize with anyone. But anyway, enjoy this. She's like, thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. By the way, Chris and Cole, he's now over two with with Royals who want to have his baby. Okay.

Because Lassie's and Ray Ray took the same T when Kristen Cole, uh, you know, she had a moment with Kristen. So, uh, he is really like, no one wants to have his babies. Well, it's like the drug companies who are probably just like, Oh my God, am I just here to make Ozempic? Like, does anybody want anything else right now? Because like, I feel like I went to college just to make people thin. And that's not why I went to college.

I went to college to help people, you know, like with deadly diseases. And all it is now is Ozempic that everyone wants. And I feel like that's how the doctor feels, but like with abortion juice. It's just like, Jesus, no one needs cancer healed. No one. I've been working ever since Viseris. I've been working on that hole in your face medication. Nobody needs that now. Okay. I guess I'll just do some more abortion juice. It's like, honestly, like, does anyone want clearer skin? I've got like a really good remedy. No, you just, you just, okay. You just want the specialty. Got it. So, uh, she's like, by the way, by the way,

whatever your name is, all while, all while. Anyway, tell me, do you believe Viserys wanted Aegon to succeed him? And he's like, this feels like a trap. I don't know if there's a good way to answer this. How about I just say, I could not know. His grace never raised the matter with me. But if you look at my face, you would say, why would I ever. His grace never raised the matter with me, but if you look at my face, you would say, why would I ever think that the king would want that dipshit on the throne? Anyway, enjoy your tea. I mean, I hope your friend enjoys the tea and I'll just be outside. I just in case you didn't know what was in the bottle, she touches her stomach and stares at the drink like, Oh my God, should I take a portion tea?

I know. So then we go to the small council room over at Dragonstone and it's Bela, Reynes, Jace, or Alf, they're all talking about the war or whatever, they're all gathered. So Bela's like, well, Christian Cole is slaying in his new Caesar cut, literally. The man got a new haircut and he's basically taking everywhere over town by town. He owns every Chuck E. Cheese in the kingdom. Yeah, they just love the look. It's just winning people over left and right. And so then they're like, but what is cool? Where is he heading? They're like, it's difficult to say because

I scared him into the woods and now they only travel by woods. Sorry about that, by the way. I just couldn't resist, but, um, you know, it's been fun and he's just off in the woods and we think he's going west. And the old man are like, stupid girl, she doesn't even know directions. Hey, if you saw them, why don't you burn them? Stupid. She's like, well, when you're good enough to have a dragon, maybe you can burn them yourself. How about that? And then, you know, they're like, they're talking about how his army is getting so much

bigger and then Lord Massey is like, well, can Damon hope to meet it with his own dragon in time, his own army in time? And if I know the riverlands, he has more disentangling ahead of him than the end of a Liseni Or orgy. Am I right? High five. Oh, that was good, right? That was a good joke. Good joke, right? Lisenni orgy. Cause you know, Lisenni orgy is like very large, very complicated. It's hard to get out of them, you know? Okay. Have you guys even been to an orgy before? I mean, what's even the point of me making these jokes if you guys haven't even been to an orgy.

So they're like, where's your dad? Just like, I don't know. And they're like, well, we sent Ravens, okay? It was even in a dream. It was even in a Ray Ray dream. So anybody have progress reports? I mean, come on. And they're like, no, nobody knows. So they're like kind of war, war, war talking,

war, war, war talking. And they're like, well, it would be nice if we had a boss, which is so funny because you guys don't listen to your boss anyway. So I don't know. It's like, you'd think all these men would be so happy that they finally don't have a woman that's bossing them around. And now they're like, well, where's the woman who's supposed to be bossing us around? Which just goes to prove you can never please anybody. You know what I mean? Yeah. And Sir Alfred is like, this council is rudderless.

And Rhaeny says like, well, I'm doing my best to steer it, Sir Alfred. So then Sir Alfred stands up and says, well, why should your voice be any louder than ours? Princess, the Queen did not name you Hand. It is her voice and that of the King concert that we need to raise a line. He's just getting all mad because no one's there. He's having a tantrum. But then Coralus walks in and then they settle down because, you know, he's a man. So they're like, oh, wait, there's a man here. Okay. Well, we'll be quiet now. Yeah. He's like, we have a march. We'll be quiet now. Yeah. He's like, we have a march.

Everything's going to shit. Now we're going to call for power. And Rainy says like, well, we do not know the Queen's doings, but we must trust that she seeks the same as us at this table, which is decent cottons. Really? How can they call things cotton when my butt has never stopped itching since I was born into this kingdom? There's things I just don't understand. Do we not have fabric softener? Let's discuss that until the queen comes back. Oh God, here we go. So then we cut to lots of dead bodies. We're over in the crownlands. We're at House Darklin

and Kristen Cole has just massacred, his army has just massacred a whole bunch of people and he is now yelling out to them being like, Men of House Darklin, all who bend the knee to the true king Aegon will be spared. You can earn back your honor by raising his banner and fighting in his name against the whore of Dragonstone who honestly I sort of have a thing for, but you know, unresolved weird issues that I have. Anyway, all who refuse will have their death. You got to love that Christian's walking around calling people whores when back home, his girlfriend just got some abortion juice delivered to his room. You know,

not that I'm slut shaming anybody, but I'm saying he is slut shaming people. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, last time I checked, he was banging two different, you know, queens mean? Like, keep it eating. Pete Yeah, last time I checked, he was banging two different, you know, queens. And on top of that, he was banging away instead of doing his job, and a little child was murdered as a result of it. So, who is the real whore here? Jared Yeah. So, now Lord Darklyn's there and he's like, oh, is there no honor left in this world? No. Have you looked around? I mean, Jesus Christ, it's the world! I don't think there

was ever a time in the world that I can remember that I can remember, haven't been alive that long. But like, even when you read about it in history, I don't think that anybody, like, there's no part in the Bible where everybody's like, you know what things are right now? Great. Things are just so honorable and great. Like in history, nothing's ever been great. It's always sucked. Okay? Yeah. And I'm sure Lord Darklyn talking about honor and et cetera, well, how much are you paying the people in your castle too? Let's talk about that. And then you want to come back and talk about honor. Okay. I'm sure the peasants have different- Let's talk about a living wage, Darklyn. Yeah. I'm sure the peasants have a different view of honor. Okay.

So I wouldn't trust the peasants really either. I mean, it's so easy to be like, Oh, you know, this is like such a, this is like class warfare, but those peasants will rip you, rip you to shreds. If you walk through the streets there, we've seen this show. Everyone's terrified of the peasants too. Like nobody is safe. Peasants are pissed because they keep on having to give up their sheep for the dragons. They're, they're annoyed. It comes up again, this episode, every single episode, they're like, by the way,

the peasants are saying they're still angry because they're giving up too many sheep to the, to the dragons. So just want to just remind everyone about that. So maybe there'll be a, everyone's mad about gas, but then they're driving their fucking SUVs around. Okay. So you don't want the gas. Don't drive the SUVs. I'd like to see you all on fucking bicycles. Okay. Did you get to this protest on a bike? Then be quiet. Yeah. How about you start, how about you start growing some corn instead?

Get in on the corn game. Okay. I know it's not invented yet, or maybe it doesn't even exist in this fantasy world, but think about it. Think about it. So he's like, so you'll second your own Queens castles and putting our people to the sword. Mr. King maker. Oh, look at you. King maker. Spreading your own rumor around. I know you've got 20 Reddit accounts that you're walking around saying, Oh, Kristin Cole sees a cut King maker, King maker. I know it's you.

And then he's like, you're not fit for the white cloak, which you know, that's a devastating thing because we saw that Kristin Cole literally had a hissy fit two episodes ago about the white cloak. And he's like, clean that up. So, Kristin's like, whatever, you're gonna get a better death than you deserve because honestly, I would torture you if I could, but instead I'm just gonna do a good old fashioned

sword to the neck little bit there. And you know. A little beheading. And he does it well. He's fashioned sword to the neck. Little bit there and you know, a little be heading and he does it well. He's a good be header. Very, very clean. Very, uh, very, very nice. I was watching this with Dom and he looked up at that moment cause he doesn't watch this show, but he was just on his phone. And of course he looks up right at that moment as like, it's like a walk and he was like, Ooh, it was like, okay, great, great. Glad I looked up to see that. I loved it. Honestly, I watch a lot of violent shows and stuff.

And I think that's like the classiest way to go is just a simple beheading. You just slump over. It's over. Your head's gone. You're just like, you're done. I mean, I like it. I think it's, it's the best way to go as we've seen on these shows. That's for sure. Unless you're in a dream sequence in which case you will still have conversations. Jared Larkin Yeah. Pete Slauson But so, he's like, we're gonna, now we're gonna follow the coastline and go northeast. And Gwaine is like, well, I realize you were never born nor

bred anywhere near the crowd lines, my good lord hand, but Haron Hall is to the West. Cause Gwain, as you guys might remember is Alison's shithead brother. He's tagging along just being like, why are you turning there? Why don't we go into Whorehouse? I want to go to Whorehouse. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Are we in a Whorehouse? Can we stop at a Whorehouse? I just want to go peepee in it. Yeah. And, um, uh, so anyway, he's like, why are we supposed to go into Heron Hall? It's like the rainiest spot in all the land. We got to go there. Kristen's like, I got nothing coming. We're going to go to the Northeast instead, but we don't understand why. So that we go back.

Also, I'm sorry, but I just have a question. So Gwyn is like location shaming him. He's like, well, I get that you had not born no bread anywhere near the crowd lines. Poor person. Weren't you like a servant's son? I mean, Otto rose to power kind of late, but it's not like he was the fanciest person in the town, right? Yeah. Otto was like, I mean, they're like middle class at best, right? Yeah. He's getting all shamy there. Like he's fucking, you know, I was going to say the queen of England, maybe not that fancy, but at least, uh, we'll know what I mean. I think he's just said it. They're middle class at best.

Like get off your high horse. You only work in a shop girl. You can drop the attitude. They sound absolutely fabulous. Where is Otto anyway? I know that he was, you know, kicked out. He lost his job, but like, where is he hanging out? Like where, like, where, where does he live? What's he doing? What's he up to? Like, I think it's like at a quarter video place, you know, he's like at a porn video shop or something, get drunk. I don't know, send me orgy if you will. Come on everyone.

It's a funny joke if you really think about it. Okay, so now we're back at small council room at King's Landing and everyone's still talking about war, war, war, war, war. And I got like, fuck you. I said we should have sent our dragons. Now look what's happened. Damon is taking heron hole. I mean, everyone's no one listens to me. I have the big bowl. I have the big bowl. I'm going to spin it around right now. Look, big bowl spinning, big bowl spinning, big bowl spinning. And Laris is like, well, that castle is more crippled than I am your grace. That's what I'm saying. I love a good self-deprecating cripple joke.

I know. He's like, Laris is like, I'll fall on the sword for that one because, you know, I'll do anything for a joke. You know, it's like a dry, base best is saying, look, it's going to make Damon go mad. I mean, like you should have seen the dream sequences my dad had before I killed him there. They were awful. Okay. So he's going to have the dream sequences. There's no money there and I control the gold anyway, whatever money it does have, it's going to just be sucked into it. He's going to lose all his resolve and uh, it's going to, you know, it'll, it'll, it'll distract him for a long time. He's like, I've probably poisoned all the water there.

Let's face it. And the hooker queen remains trapped on her Island and sir Caesar cut is taking castles in the Crownlands. So don't worry. Everything's great. And he's like, well, how am I supposed to know if nobody tells me, okay, nobody tells me anything. I'm about to be made a fool of in front of my allies and my enemies.

And Amen, Amen sitting there, AKA Laura Dern and, uh, his face looking more Laura Derny than ever before. And he's like, having hall must wait. So Christian is marching on. Rooks rest. And he goes like, Rook's Rest, that's a prize. I don't know if it's a good Rook's Rest. Who wants to go to Rook's Rest? Rook's Rest is so 10 years ago. No one goes there anymore. Isn't a rook like the lowest thing you can have in chess? I mean, who would even name the town that? It's like, whole people, you know, unnecessary player piece landing. All right. Who named it that?

And Aemond's like, well, you know, the castle is small and weakly defended and Lord Staunton, no relation to Imelda, a great actress, by the way, sits at Rhaenyra's council and after Cole smashes it will have dragons, though, and effectively cut off by land. This war will not be won with dragons alone, but with dragons flying behind armies of men. So they're like, no, I want Heminghall, give me back. And he's like, Cole's preparing his attack already. He's like, well, how do you know? Have you guys been plotting behind my back?

Yeah. Yeah, dude. Last time you saw this guy, you were making fun of him when he was naked, necky neck in the whorehouse. After you barged in, like, do you expect them to call you for lunch? Like this guy has no clue about consequence. You can't make fun of someone's wiener. Hey, and by the way, internet, why is everybody making fun of Laurie Dern's wiener?

I thought it was perfectly fine. Are they? I didn't realize that. What are they saying about it? They say I'm small. Like it's little and stuff. I don't think it's little. And also I think he had very nice swag walking through with his wiener hanging out. Like he didn't look shy at all. He just had his head held high and he's like, I'm Laura Dern, bitches. Suck it. Bitches suck it. Commercials, here comes one right now. Nancy's love story could have been ripped right out of the pages of one of her own novels. She was a romance mystery writer who happens to be married to a chef.

But this story didn't end with a happily ever after. When I stepped into the kitchen, I could see that Chef Brophy was on the ground and I heard somebody say, call 911. As writers, we'd written our share of murder mysteries. So when suspicion turned to Dan's wife, Nancy, we weren't that surprised. The first person they look at would be the spouse. We understand that's usually the way they do it. But we began to wonder, had Nancy gotten so wrapped up in her own novels

There are murders in all of the books that she was playing them out in real life? Follow Happily Never After, Dan and Nancy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Happily Never After, Dan and Nancy early and ad- free right now by joining Wondery Plus. See, this is why we never get male frontal nudity because like the moment we finally get it, everyone makes fun of the guy. Okay. People like you need to like just like let, let say it privately.

Don't put on the internet. So that way we get more of it. But if you say things like this, we're never going to get more, more full frontal. Well, the people make fun of girl new to be all the time too. Everyone has something to say about that and there's still boobies everywhere. So I think we're okay. But you know, like respect the man's peep peeper. I liked it just fine. I just want to go on record and say, that's a nice fine penis. Yeah. Nice job.

Well, so anyway, so now Eamon and Egan have a argument in penis. Nice job. Well, so anyway, so now Eamon and Egan have a argument in high Valerian and Eamon. Oh girl, some high Valerian. I love some good bilingual burn. Like cause Egon can't speak this for shit. He doesn't know what to say. And Eamon's basically insulting him. He's like, well you had more pressing matters to attend to, such as holding court and choosing your sobriquet and naming imbecilic lickspittles to your king's guard.

Do you have a wiser strategy, my king? If so, you should voice it to your council. We all await your answer. That was sarcasm. And then Agon's like, um, how you say cucumber? Seriously, you're not gonna speak Hilarian at all? Hold on. Por favor, un momento.

Necesito agua en mi taco escuela azul. He's like, oh, idiot. I feel like he didn't understand half of my dis. He's so bad at it. I mean, I said Lickspittles in High Valerian and he didn't even get it. I mean, what a waste. I said Sobrequay in High Valerian. Do you know how hard it is to find the word for that? Sobrequay. I mean, that was an expansion pack on the Valerian that I bought through Rosetta and he didn't even get it.

What a waste. It was really hard. Ergon is like, Tengo caliente en la agua azul leco consensual. And he's like, can I have to make war, Cucumber? And he's like, oh God, Heron holds a usefulness morass. You some weak, wisp little rug rat there. I said rug rat and Valerian. Packs more of a punch in this language, doesn't it?

Listen, it's going to keep Damon occupied while we weaken Reneenyra's support on the mainland and we'll deal with it in time. But right now Rook's Rest is an easy target. Don't you agree? My king. Hold on, hold on. Let me do air quotes in Valyrian.

My king. Air quotes, air quotes. And then Aegon's looking around like, what the fuck did he just say? Does anybody know? And Aemon's like, bye. Lickwool and you're not stupid. I'm going to do whatever I want. Bye. Egon's like, I think he just asked for an omelet. I'm not sure. My high of Larry. And honestly, I should have taken more classes. I really should have. So now we have Alison.

We go to Alison's quarters and she's like, come. And she's holding her stomach. I mean, Alison learned to fake it. You know what I mean? She's like, come, I've just taken abortion tea. Ow. I'm sorry. If I'm her, I'm not letting anyone in until this has passed, but she's like sweaty. She still has her tea out. Like the top is off. It's clearly just been had. So she's not paper. She's ordering it all the time. She's just constantly ordering abortion.

Like that's why the doctor is exhausted. He's like more abortion T. Your abortion T should turn this into a pill, you know? Um, but yeah, she's just like leaving it out now. You know, it's like leaving your lube out on the audience. Check is his side table. Uh, Rod is checking his side table. So Laris comes in the worst person to have that.

First of all, use the people ask, or maybe before someone comes in and say, who is it? I don't know. It's that way. You have like, uh, some, like some time to put away the tea kettle thing or the tea, the jar. So, uh, he comes and he's like, Oh, I thought I'd looking on you, your grace, after your absence in the small council. I did something was a miss. I'm also really horny. Could you take off your slippers, please? Take them off. Take them off. So she goes, he's like, listen, I know that it's been rough, but this war, achieving victory will be a great feat. Feet. Show me your feet. Go ahead. Go ahead.

And so she was like, oh, well, well, you know, indulgence was my, I'm not feeling well, but you know, I ventured into the lamprey pile at last night's supper. Too far, I feel, overindulged. You know, the thing is this, I've really grown to become quite lamprey intolerant, it turns out. Just the worst gas. So, oh God, I wish they had made some good enzymes for it. I've tried lamprey, but it just doesn't work as well. I think it's a big lamprey. It's the way that they're treating the lamprey crops.

It's the hormones, the hormones that they're putting in the lamprey is these days. Just, you got to buy organic. You must. Have you seen the size of a modern lamprey? I mean, they're just not meant to be that big, are they? Yeah, it's unfortunate because it is one of my favorite pies, but I just wanted to have one slice. I was like, Alicent, do not have a second slice of that pie,

but you know me, it's been rough. It's been a rough time for me. I'm sort of eating my feelings, you know. Have you ever looked at a lamprey before? Yes. They have quite the face. Wow. I didn't know what they were. I thought it was pies. I thought she was like, oh, you know, I had too much pie. No, these are like fish that look like their nose is like a big circle like a sucker that goes, I guess, along the ground and then it has teeth. It's disgust.

It's literally disgusting. It's so hard to look at. Where are you guys eating though? Of course, I love a monkfish. Have you ever seen a monkfish? Monkfish look crazy, but they're delicious. Monkfish look crazy. Okay. For people who are on Crappin's on demand right now. You put up a lamprey. I'm going to put it. Look at this. Hi. It's Jill's Aaron. Still, still Aaron. Her new face left. The first, if you go onto Google and you type in lamprey, the first thing that comes up, it says people also ask, are lamprey is good or bad? The answer is lamprey have value despite their bad reputation and strange looks, especially in the great lakes where sea lamprey have found their way in through the man-made Welland

Canal to naive hosts like Lake Trout. And frankly, they're just cool. Oh, well, that was a bit of editorial commentary. Courtesy of the US Fish and Wildlife Service. Yeah, let's keep your opinion out of it. USFMW. Do lampreys drink blood? They're billed as vampire fish because they suck blood from their prey. But I have to have this.

You know what? You can try and make lamprey sound sexy. They're not. They're horrifying. Cause when I Googled it, it said, are lamprey an invasive species? Which by the way, I mean, you gotta love a human asking that about really anything.

Like, have you looked around? Have you looked at a small town yet? Wait, we are the invasive species. I know. Right. But I have to say something. If you see a lamprey where it's not looking at its mouth, cause by the way, lampreys get a bad rap because everyone takes photos of like their worst feature, right? Like would anyone want someone to be like, oh, here's my headshot. It's a, it's a closeup of my anus.

Like that's not, you're, no one's going to want to see that. But if you actually look at a lamprey from the top down, they are adorable. They are so adorable. No, they are crazy adorable. This is look, wait, look, just do a, do a Google search for lamprey. They just have a, they just need some dental work.

Oh, well, who doesn't? Who among us couldn't use a little dental work? Yeah, I mean, they're cuter. Oh yeah, they are cute. It has like big cartoonish eyes. Yeah, big eyes and a big snout. They're like actually really adorable from the top. They look like they're just kissing.

They just have a terrible mouth, you know? Yeah, that's how I look cutest too, from the top. They look like they're just kissing. They just have a terrible mouth, you know? Yeah, that's how I look cutest too from the top. Okay, so she's like, oh, lamprey, too much of those. And there's like, hmm, that's a written dolt, but I believe it's a sin to deny your appetites. I did just get a boner. Are you going to show me a toe? Show me a toe. Appetites make us fully alive and mortal men." And she's like, okay, thanks for coming by. Listen, I'm still a bit discolored from the last time you splooshed on my foot. So can we just skip that part today? And he's like, she's like, what was discussed at council today? He's like, well, your son is a baby babe and screaming and crying all over the place. And

Damon sees Harrenhal and his Grace is not very happy about it. Very, very unhappy. No one at least brought him a nickel machine home. Very, very upset. And Alison's like, well, you know, I thought you'd be really upset about Damon taking over Harrenhal, by the way. And he's like, whatever, I don't like that place. You know, Dragonstone's attentions are greatly divided and first in the Rivellans and the Gullet and now in the Cranlins and Sir Christian wins every challenge. He's basically giving all the tea about what's going on and everything.

And you know, Laris is basically like your word. He's like, you're with the quarterback and the quarterback's winning. He liked it. The quarterback's winning. Just drank his abortion tea. Are you sad that you're not going to be having winning quarterback baby anytime soon? Come on. Are you? She's like, Oh my God, why is everything you say fucking with me? Which he is like the guy can't just make a sentence. He's always like, yeah, just say something straight. Yeah. straight. Be straight forward. He's like,

if I may be so bold, my queen, you have not seen yourself of late. She's like, well, listen, fuck wit. Only weeks ago, my Lord husband was alive. He had a hole in his cheek, but he was alive and the realm was at peace. And now I barely had hours to grieve one tragedy, him before suffering the next. My son, I mean, my grandson, it's hard to tell who's the son and who's grandson at this point. You know, so I'm sorry if I've been eating a few more lamprey pies than normal, okay?" Yeah. And he's like, "'Well, I did not know you shared your lord husband's love for the histories, madam!'

And she's like, "'Well, I don't know if I love it, but I do have an abiding interest. I just broke another toy. Do you have any glue? Are you good with gluing dragons? Yes or no? But listen, the voices of history guided Viserys, and his wisdom alone could only reach so far. And he's like, well, do you think that's why he changed his mind in the end? No matter how suited he thought Reynier for the crown, the voices of history, as you call them, would they have told him how the realm would react to her succession? Tell me, what do you think? Does your son deserve it? Does Rhaenyra deserve it? Does no one deserve it? Does no one know how to kill their parents to earn a seat in this town?"

It is based like a lurk. Rha, for nearest supporters will believe what they wish and so will Aegon's and the war will be fought, many will die and the victor will eventually ascend the throne. The significance of Viserys's intentions died with him. So what I'm trying to say is, why do we care so much? Why can't we just have some lumpy pie and some good ale and just enjoy ourselves for once? We've got a nice castle.

Why don't we have fun here? Gosh, she's like, who cares what dead people think? Am I right? and just enjoy ourselves for once. We've got a nice castle. Why don't we have fun here?" Jared S Yeah, here to welcome everyone to yet another dream sequence. So he gets out of his bed with the sword. He does the whole thing all over again. They did last week. He goes stalking around with the sword up and he sees Amy. He sees like a young, it's like blonde hair. Is it Ray Ray? Is it Amy? It looks like it's Amy. He follows Amy into the room. He puts his sword down. It's like, Oh my God, what's it going to happen? He winds up in a kitchen and there's Alice. Alice is there, Alice Rivers. And we saw her last week, which she was, last time he had a dream last week,

she came up to him and was like, you're going to die here. And it's like, oh, thanks, Alice. So now she's like, huh, it's a touch late to be talking about the exchange castle, putting people to the sword, don't you think? I'm just trying to make a little potion here and you come in with your sword. It's not appropriate. I like that we've got such another simple name just spelled funny. Like George RR is just like, just name her Alice. That's my favorite maid from the Brady Bunch. Just call the maid Alice. Just use a Y. It'll be great. No one will notice. So she's like, I'm called Alice. He goes, strong. Rivers. So she's like, I'm called Alice. He goes, strong rivers.

And he's like, oh, it's your name? Cause that's what, you know, that's what bastards are called. They're named after wherever they're from, kind of. Cause this is like Riverstone or Riverland. Oh, got it. Yeah, so she's Alice Rivers. Like I would be Ronnie El Basso. She's like, can we talk? I don't like that actually.

I'm Ronnie Basso. She's like, can we talk? I'm Ronnie Basso. She's like, can we talk? Can we talk? I want to talk about your fashion. What is this? Who are you wearing? Who are you wearing? It's like, wow, you really, you really are Rivers, aren't you?

I'll never forgive Johnny Carson for what happened to my game. Outlawed Rivers just making tasteless jokes about everybody who passes by. I deserve a late night talk show. That's what I got to say. So she's like, well, you've never settled in, huh? I've come to know the face of tortured rest well enough. That's you. Sleep can be thin in this place. Unlike you. See, you found the muffin cart. Am I right? That was for you, Joan. That was for you. He's like, what would you know of my sleep? She's like, well, Harrenhal's been cursed since its first stone was laid. Black Harren felled the grove of weirwood trees that grew on these lands.

It's like, what are you saying right now? You know, herch trees, imbued with the spirits of those who lived long before them, you know? So it's said whispers can still be heard sometimes, especially when you're sleeping and I go up to her and I say, Daemon, you're really fucked up. That's just like my favorite thing to do. So she's a witch, huh? He's like, do not try, do not try me with your insolence, witch.

She's like, ah, well, I guess it's hard to be obedient to one who replaced you as heir, am I right? And a woman too. Girl child, if you bounced on your knee before you bounced on your wiener. Am I right? That's for you, John. That's for you. You know, as we stand here with a castle and a dragon attempting to draw an army of men, that's you, stumdum. Anyway, drink this, drink this. You'll need your sleep if you're to win this place by your side. So he just drinks it without even, like this strange ass lady,

who's been very ominous and is coming at him. He's like, well, she sort of gives me the heebie-jeebies, but she did give me something to drink. So I'm going to drink it. Yeah. And so he does, it's like made out of guts and stuff. Cause of course that's like, that's like a juicer back then. She's like, well, just questioning some brains and some, you know, bloody guts for you. The original diet. Yeah. It's the original wheatgrass.

Before the Miami diet, there was the Heron Hall diet. Are you on keto? There's no carbs in this. Don't worry. Oh, he's like, you're a strange kind of a woman and she's like, I'm no woman at all. I'm a barn owl, cursed to live in human form. So let me guess, you came here because you got in a fight with your wife, is that right? He's like, what? Why would you say that?

Because your shirt's on inside out and men can't dress themselves. That's for you, John. So he drinks this thing. He drinks this and then all of a sudden he like kind of like wakes up like at the council. He's sitting with sir, who was at a table really. He's sitting, he's with sir Simon Strong and sir William Blackwood. And it's like no time has passed and they're talking and everything and they're yapping about the Brackens, et cetera. And Damon turns to the Blackwood guy and he's like, who are you? And Sir Simon's like, Oh, this is Sir William Blackwood of House Blackwood, your grace, as I said. Hmm. backward, your grace, as I said." And he's like, well, what do you want? He's like,

it was you who summoned me, your grace. I was given to understand that you want an army, an army. Well, some 20 years ago, my law bent the knee to King Viserys and acknowledged the Princess Rhaerys as her rightful heir. So it would be great if you avenge the Brackens. If you want my army, that would be great. Do whatever you can, avenge us. And then you get my arm. Excuse me. I don't think you're really in the place

to be making demand, sir. Your army was just decimated. Okay. So give us what you got left or you're all gonna die. All right. Yeah, exactly. You should be so- I've got this lamprey on my screen. I need to get it off.

Just look at it from up, look at the lamprey from the top down. And it's much more pleasant to look at bottom up. Not good. Not a good look for the lamprey. It just needs to see the doctor. That's all or a dentist. Um, so anyway, yeah. So basically they're like, okay, well, you know, come join the, come join the cause and, uh, it's going to be great. So, okay, well, come join the cause and it's going to be great. So now we go back over to King's Landing and we're in the small council room and they're at the table and Aegon's like spinning that ball and he's so bored. The ball's just going around and around and around. And finally, and they're just yapping back and forth, having

just kind of councily talk like, Oh, well, you know, the crown, the laws and the crowns are grousing the hosier livestock struggle to keep pace with the dragons relentless appetite, big awesome particular. Oh, yes, but the crown needs more than what that's holding taxes taxes also the war where do we march? Where should we march to? What's about robes? Should we get new robes? I would like new robes. I see the request for a fresh green, a tender greens to be put in. I just think it's too expensive for that part of town, really. All right, do we not have soup plantations anymore?

I mean, we just had a sweet greens, so if there's a sweet green, do we really need a tender greens? It's just like, I just feel like they're going to cannibalize each other. So they're like, wow, look at Sir Caesar Cat. Oh, he's killing it. Isn't he doing great? He's turning every castle, every yokel, his face, including Duskendale. I mean, who wants Duskendale? It's got Dusk in the title. Nobody wants it. When I grew up, people used to call it old Duskendale. It's so funny. The witch of that river's castle used to do that. That

woman was funny. Always made fun of my clothes, though. You know, they're calling Kristen called the Kingmaker. And Aemond and Vega are with him. They're just doing such great work. It's almost like the three of them are the most important people here in this entire country, perhaps. It's almost like it doesn't even matter that he's the Kingmaker because he's sort of like the King unto himself. Am I right? This isn't making anyone feel weird in the room. Is it? No one? So Egon slaps down his little ball. He's like you bore me you Bore Me I was like, oh my god, this is season one of Real Housewives of Dubai Jesus

I haven't seen a reaction that strong in a long time. I know that was for you Joan So Orwell that was pretty you John that was for you. That was for your John for you, John. That was for you. That was for you, John." So Orwell is like, well, perhaps Kristen will be able to procure more livestock through his campaign, you know, for those peasants, et cetera. And they're like, yeah, basically everyone's like, this is awkward. King is really on one today, you know? And then we go over to Aegon's quarters. And I thought it was funny because the King storms out. it's like, you're so boring, I hate all of you, you all suck. And he leaves and they're like, so, tender greens, how are they so tender? Do you think that they actually steam them or do they just let them ferment a little bit longer than other vegetables? Do we think that King's Landing is ready for a Chipotle? I know

it's a bit, it'll really open up people's palates, but they may not be open to it. Do you know what I'm saying? But I think it's basically a healthy McDonald's who's gonna argue against Chipotle? Am I right? I've been really trying hard to get a sushi restaurant open, but people are very much not into raw fish. They don't understand that can actually be quite delicious. We actually had to stop the sushi place because Queen Annexon couldn't stop with the

lamprey murders. It was really disgusting. We had to tell her there's no such thing as a lamprey roll. And she was like, well, then why is this restaurant even exists? I mean, you said, but there's other beautiful things you can still get eel. And she said, but it's not lamprey. And it was drama, a lot of drama. So now we go to Egg On's quarters and Allison comes in and she's like, where was she's already in there? He's like, what the hell are you and Alison comes in and she's like, where was she's already in there? He's like, what the hell are you doing in my room? She's like, well, first of all, I'm missing a lot of lotion. Are you jerking off out the windows? He's like, no. She's like, all right, where are your father's books then? He's got a lot of Danielle Steele's.

I'm extremely bored. Well, mother, I ordered them removed. Oh, and with no thoughts of the centuries of knowledge in those pages and very sexy chapters. He's like, I said I removed them. I didn't burn them. Chill out, mother. So she's like, what's wrong? Why are you moping around? He's like, nobody listens to me. Everyone's doing things. Not even listening to me. It's like they don't even want me to want to know what I think about anything. And she goes, what thoughts would you have? It's like, damn. So she gave away all those fucks that she had to give because she does not care. She's just like, why would anyone ask you, you fucking moron? Jason Cosper Yeah, she's like, I fucked up the situation so badly, and now I've got to stare at

the consequences of my misinterpretation. So she was like, do you simply think wearing the crown imbues you with wisdom? Those men at your council table earned their seats. It was my hope that once enthroned you would honour the burden of your new duties, be silent and strive to learn from the more studied minds around you, in the hope that you might be half the king that your father was, which is actually more like quarter of a person because he had half of his body. But you get what I'm saying. It's like tread lightly, tread lightly. She's like, or what for fuck's sake, what are you going to hang me like the rat catchers? Or I've been banished as you did your hand. I ruled in your father's absence throughout his long illness and Otto Hightower was as cunning

a statesman as ever lived and I've also been on Bates Motel. I've had a long life. So you should be humbly seeking our opinions and counsel. You have no idea the sacrifices that were made to put you on the throne. You. Oh, stop acting like you did him such a huge favor. You did this for yourself. Okay. And for your dad. Let's stop acting like you're like the fucking giver of all givers over here, you selfish asshole. AC He's like, well, what would you have me do, mother? She goes, do what is needed of you. Nothing. And he's like, that hurts. That's a bit different. CB Also, here's the thing that always bugs me about Allison. She's just like, she's not

a great mother. I get it. I mean, she's also a victim of like sexual assault. I mean, she ended up getting with that old man when she was like 13 or something crazy, you know? She's like, she's got a lot of victimhood stuff, but she's also like not the best mom and stuff, but also the worst. We've seen a lot of bad mothering on Game of Thrones, okay? It's not known for that. But they're always like, I like a Cersei bad mother who's also super manipulative and she just can't do it. Alison can't do it. I mean, anybody should know that you don't tell this kid, you know what you need to do? What is expected of you? Nothing. Because what does he do? He's like, I'm getting my dragon. Bye, I'm going to go burn everything and ruin this entire war. Bye." CB Yeah, exactly. So now we go over to Kristen's camp and they're like hunting down trees

and stuff because they're ready to go to Rook's Rest and everything. And he's like, on your feet, everyone to Rook's Rest to battle. And Ser Gwynn is like, but excuse me, but it's broad daylight and we must hold here because we're sort of like a nighttime crew if you know what I'm saying. He's like, no, we're going to move now and strike by day. They will not expect it. And he's like, well, they won't expect it because it's a stupid idea. All right. I mean, did you not forget?

Did you forget the little encounter we had on the road to Rossby? All right, with the dragon trying to kill us. All right, that was the daytime when they could see us and dragons can't see us at night because they don't have fire coming out of their mouths and fire doesn't like, nevermind. I forgot what I was talking about. And he's like, yeah, I mean, this is like the dragons just across the bay. I mean, what are you, have you grown tired of living and Kristen's like, are you afraid, sir? You're afraid. He's like, worse. I'm rational and I'm also a bit horny and I was planning to

go to the whorehouse. So. And also, yeah, everybody's afraid of dragons. Like, what are you afraid of? A little nuclear bomb? Yeah. Yeah, I am. So then we go back to Dragonstone and Ray Ray returns and they're like, Oh, well, and Jace is there being all adorable. He's like, I'm so mad mother. Okay. And he's like, we need to send a dragon. She was where he's like to support the war that your vassals have been fighting in your absence. You didn't even tell me where you were going. I mean, I tried looking for you on find my

friends. Apparently we're not friends anymore, mother. Well, and Rhaenys is like, well, Colossus has grown since riding a brawl and he raised the levies of both rods being soaked with and their combined strength has sucked Duskendale." And then Lord Duskendale's like, Duskendale, was someone going to tell me before this moment? Why did you wait until right now to tell me that my place, I am literally Duskendale. Why did you not tell me that my place was sacked? And Corlys is like, oh, right, Duskendale. Hi. Um, yeah, your city's fallen and, um, your man declared for egg on and those who didn't were killed. He's like, what about my father? I'm sorry. Who's that? Lord of Duskendale. Oh, right. Duskendale. Can we

write that down? Can we get some name tags in here? You know what it is? I look at you and I'm like, you are such like an old town person. And I just don't think Dusk and Dale, but you are Dusk and Dale. That's what's so funny about it. But yeah. Oh yeah. So your dad, he kept his oath, but they took his head for it anyway. Cause they don't want to order in lunch before we continue on with this meeting. Anyone? Hey, before we order lunch, when you hear Dusk and Dale, does anybody else hear Ducks and Dale? We think Ducks and Dale, Dale is a chipmunk and he's with Chip. The ducks are different. That's the Donald.

It's like a crossover. It's like the crossover we always wanted, am I right? Ducks and Dale. Lord Dusk and Dale, are you crying over there? It's like, when my father just lost his head. Oh God, I keep forgetting that's your father. Oh my God, this is awkward. So I can't, you're not, you're probably not going to want lunch, huh? So Jason's like, anyway, where have you been mother? Where have you been? You've vanished without so much as a word. And she's like, well, I apologize for my absence and the secrecy, but I had to go to Party City, which was completely

out of the way. And then I went to King's Landing and he's like, tell me about possible land, how could you? She's like, I tried to sue for peace and that doesn't mean lawsuit yet. It just means begging at this point. All right. It's like, you saw, I listened and she's like, I did. And she's like, but you could have been taken or slain.

Well I'm standing in front of you, bitch. So what's the problem? She's like, I'll tell you what I slain my outfit. I looked absolutely amazing in a nun's habit. Incredible. I inherited 80 years of peace from my father and also a fear of gaping cheeks. And before I was to end it, I needed to know that there was no other path. And now I do know. Only one choice remains to me. Either I win my

claim or I die." He's like, good to hear it, mother. We stand at the ready. And she's like, all right, well, cold victories. Oh no, Rhaenys is like, it's a card these fucking names. Rhaenys is like, gold victories have only emboldened him. He marches on Rook's Rest next. And um, Renair is like, why Rook's Rest? What a dump. I mean, what the fuck? It's a tiny little town. They have a gas station, a holiday inn, and a quarter machine store. Oh. Is that where, is that where the auto is? They're like, no, no, no, he's doing it because Lord Stoughton, mother of Melda, great actress, by the way, is a member of this council. And because his castle is small and vulnerable and therefore the taking and Cole knows we have no army on the

mainland. Well, you know, you would think that after they took a dump like Duskendale, they just would stop. They'd be so demoralized. Oh, God, I keep forgetting you're they took a dump like Duskendale, they just would stop to be so demoralized. Oh God, I keep forgetting you're still here, Lord. Duskendale, I'm sorry. I won't mention it anymore. And this is what kills me. They're like a tiny little place along the coast where they know that we're unguarded. It's almost like a trap. Why would he be going there? I mean, surely he's not going to trap us. That is crazy. Why would he trap us? Let's go. It's another trap, right? Yeah, no problem. So Sir Alfred's like, he is daring us to act. It's like, yeah. So don't call his bluff, you know? So, and then Jace is like, we need to send a dragon. And Ranier is like,

well, there are those who have mistaken my caution for weakness. Let that be their undoing. I will go. And they're like, what? You are the queen you get. So then Rhaenyra's like, no, I will not lose dragons to war whilst I hide near my castle, even though I did just hide from you guys whilst at someone else's castle. But you get what I'm trying to say. And then Jace is like, no, no, I'll go. I'm like, you guys are like the people pretending to fight over the back seat. Like, I'll sit in the back. No, I'll sit in the back. No, I'll sit in the back. You know, but they all know they're going to sit in the damn front seat. You know, I feel like these are those, this

is that kind of argument. So they're like, no, I'll go. And everyone's like, another one of you are going. And Randy's is like, but I guess I'll go. I could die today. They're like, Oh, that would be fun. Bye. Bye. See you later. Have you had a chance to have a romantic discussion about your husband's, um, some with a whore? Just go. It's going to be great. Everything is going to be fine. So at this point I personally did not realize it was a trap, but what I did know is that when we cut to Egon drinking wine in his quarters

alone, I was like, fuck, he's ruminating. He's feeling powerless. He's going to bring a dragon to that battle and it's going to be a disaster. And so then I was like, fuck, people are going to die. Like Renice, like at the very least that rainy is his dragon is going to die. It's going to be a disaster. I did not think any of this, but I was scrolling since I watched it this morning and didn't finish it last night. I was scrolling through Facebook and someone spoiled it. So fucking lame. Can we have a day or two without you like literally posting her picture and going, I can't, I can't believe they did this. Why would you post that?

Oh, I would mute them. When people do that, I mute them forever. It's so annoying. It's like literally the morning after. Give me 24 hours, you know what I mean? Or say there was something so shocking last night, I can't believe it and don't put her picture. Yeah, I, um, I, some of my best friends are muted because of their willingness to spoil things like survivor, this show, white lotus, things like that. I had white lotus spoiled for me and I was, it was,

I remember I complained about this. It was, it was like six 45 on the West coast. And it like, I was driving to go watch it at seven o'clock. I was being judicious and someone on the East coast spoiled it because they just had to put up a meme. I understand that it's fun to put up memes, but I was so bad. I was so, so mad.

Yeah, annoying. So, Rany says, like, Al'll go, Mayleith is your largest dragon and no stranger to battle. I will meet Cole. I was like, okay, so is that your only plan? You're not the only side with dragons. By the way, I wasn't thinking any of this while I watched it.

It wasn't until the aftermath that I was like, what was the plan? You were just gonna fly in and burn everybody and that's your whole plan? They have dragons too. Yeah. So then we, so we see Agon and he's sitting there alone and there's like a picture of, you know what, honestly I would say a nice picture that someone probably found on Etsy and was

like, I think the cake would like this. And so they put it on the table and he just pushes it off the edge and it just shatters. It was a big day for things falling off tables and shattering and then he walks out of the room. And you know, he's the kind of person that he can't just get mad. He has to be mad in a way that other people have to clean it up literally. Like he's always breaking things or throwing things or it's like he's only,

he's only happy being mad if he makes a maid work, you know, he's just really fucking rude. He's bad to servers. Okay. If anyone feels bad for Eggon and like, oh my God, he just has daddy issues. This mom doesn't support him. Fuck him, he's mean to waiters. So then back over at Dragonstone, Jace goes into his mom's bedroom and she starts,

he's like, he's like, but mother, I only want to fight for you for your claim and mine. And she's like, listen, I know we're all about incest and things in this family, but I'm not going to fuck you, my son. I have to tell you something else, okay? There's something I have to tell you, Jace, something I should have told you when you became heir to the throne. And as she's saying this, we're starting to see like the battle starting to take shape and everything. And she goes, it has passed from King to heir. I'm sorry. It's a secret that Viserys told me when he named me his successor and it's passed from King to heir since Aegon the Conqueror's time. And I never told you because I was unsure

that I believed in myself, but the Targaryen, it's like, come on, just tell him, just tell him, tell him the secret. Like stop taking so long because on this show anything can happen, a dragon come bursting through the wall. Just get it out there, get it on paper. Yeah, it's a very important monologue. She's like, this is the song of ice and fire. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. He's like, really, what's that? She's like, a fabulous story on HBO this fall.

So she tells him that whole thing and egg on, they're here to protect the realm against a common enemy. And he's like, Tender Greens? She's like, no, everyone keep bringing up Tender Greens. He's like, well, just saying I'd really prefer a soup plantation, more affordable to the people. She's like, focus! All right, we're going to be killing zombies soon. All right. By the way, I don't even think it's really the same Egon that we're talking about in the first place. I think it's probably Jon Snow, his Rea'rna, and doesn't become King anyway. I mean, this whole thing is a clusterfuck really, but it was a good dream.

It was fun, wasn't it? Did you like the story? Anyway, yeah. So just know that someone's going to be a protector when you're not the realm and the, you know, so that's the secret. It's like, so the secret is that someone's going to protect us. Yes. Well, I mean, it was much more dramatic in the way that I was trying to tell it for some terrible recap.

I just came in and stole my monologue and shat all over it. Basically, there's a story hot blonde person takes over and needs to unite everybody to fight really ugly zombies. We all do it even hotter person who's brunette now a brunette in our family disgusting. I know still song of ice and fire. All right, mother, but every time you say song of ice and fire, Mother, it feels like a very serious story. I don't know why you're dancing with your shoulders so much.

I just love it. It's a song. A song of ice and fire. Why is it called a song of ice and fire, Mother? If we're just talking about protectors? Rarely know. Ice is cold and fire is hot and you shouldn't touch either of them. So there, you've been protected. Ha, it worked. What are they going to call it? The song of not crossing the street before you look both ways. All right. This is the best advice we could put into a sexy title song of ice and fire. Listen, it was a temp title. Okay. We reached out to Joni Mitchell's people, like, could you rename the song for us? Give us some good lyrics. She never got back to us. And it's just sort of stuck after all these years. So just that's what it is, the song of ice and fire.

So then we go to Kristen and they're in the middle of an open field, you know, where they're not supposed to be. That said, what are you going to fight a whole war from behind a bush? There's a lot of men. So eventually they have to go out into the field, you know? And so, you know, they're shooting arrows and stuff and Renise is approaching on her dragon. And we know because we hear the butterscotch being sucked from like a mile away. It's like, hmm. And there's lots of fighting. And then the dragon comes and like, Oh, fuck. And Gwyn's like, "'Til the seven hells with you call, you may as well have sounded the horns

to announce our coming." And Kristen's like, "'No, no, this is perfect. Order the Darkling levies to break off and move ahead. We must keep the dragon's attention divided. Make the signal.'" And Gwyn's like, "'What signal?'

Gwyn's like, Signal what signal what? Gwaine, pay attention. You know, all you do is stand there and complain. I know. Gwaine is like, Gwaine, complainy-gwainey. I think Gwaine is literally there just that way Kristin Cole has someone to explain

what he's doing for the audience, right? So. I think so. And also the only way to kind of make someone a root for someone terrible is to give them someone more terrible to talk to. Yeah. Like Wade is terrible. So we're like, Oh, look at us kind of rooting for Kristen for a minute. So now everyone starts doing the 101 Dalmatians thing where it's like a horn

and then like another horn far away. It's like, and it goes, you know, relays the horns relay down the, down the forest. And we wind up, we see it, we're like in a patch in, in, in the woods, deep woods, and Amen is sitting on Vega and Vega is camouflaged. It's actually kind of like cute. He has like a little netting on him and some leaves that like attached some stuff to him so way like he still looks like a dragon, but now he's like a leafy dragon, you know, like a nice mound of leaves on the forest floor. Right. So he starts to get up because the signal, the horn! And so he starts getting

up, but then Aemon sees a dragonfly over and he's like, oh, Jesus, what the hell? This little idiot. And we see that it's Aegon flying sun fire towards the battle. Really? You brought sun fire, the hippie, the tiny little hippie? No. What are you doing, sir? Don't you have anything to break? So then we cut to Renise flying through the field again,

and now she's just burning men, you know? And so then Kristen sees Aegon coming with fucking hippie dragon. and Gwyn's like, who's dragon is that? What's he doing here? Why is there another dragon here? I didn't approve of this. We should be in a whole house right now. He's like, oh God, it's the king. So Ser Gwyn is like, oh, so that's your secret plot, huh? Having the king risk his life. Real smart one. Duh. Hey, is anyone free to come over here and just make a circle around Caesar Cut and go duh over and over, duh, duh? You know what, let's add in a dur,

because that's even more offensive, dur. Yeah. And so now Kristen is really upset because his plan's messed up, but also I imagine that if something happens to the king, it's going to be on Kristen. It's like Kristen's fault that he led this battle that the king jumped in on or whatever. So now there's just all this chaos. Now Renys and Aegon are in the sky and their dragons are attacking each other and the fire is going. But Aegon, Sunfire is adorable but like really not up for the challenge of going up against Melis. Yeah, and it sucks having this like little, you're the king and you have like this little

cute hippie dragon, you know? So it's not really working. And Melis, you know, picks its ass basically and grabs it by the neck, thrashes it around, scratches it. And then it's really cool watching these dragons fight, by the way. I was like, whoa, this is amazing. At first I was like, oh my God, the dragon moves,

like watching them fly through the sky, it does look a little... You know when you watch like an old movie now how the special effects look so old for the time, it's like so obviously... The dragon flying kind of looks like that, right? When they're on the dragons, it looks kind of fake to me. I mean, it is fake. I know it's fake, but it looks, I don't know. I'm not buying it all the way, but man, these dragon fights were fantastic. Yeah. And basically, Melisse like takes its claws and just like disembowels Sunfire. And so all of Sunfire's guts start like tumbling out and the dragon's like flying over the man and it's like dragon guts are falling on men and Aegon's like dangling. That was badass and all the guts fell on the guys. It's gross. And then basically it's like it's chaos and essentially at a certain point the dragon

Sunfire falls from the sky with Aegon on it and they like fall into the woods and it's a disaster. Well, also because Eamon comes, right? Oh yeah, that's right, sorry, I skipped. Eamon comes, he's like, okay, I guess it's time to go jump in and help. So he sees the fight and he sees that his brother is getting his ass kicked, but he's like,

oh, I'm gonna get this fucker back for making fun of me at the warehouse. So he's like, Drakkaris. So his dragon, Vhagar, fires at both of them, both Rhaenys and what's his buns, Aegon, right together. So he gets them and then Sunfire just falls from the sky. He's like, suck it. Yorch!

Suck it. And Crescent's like, my prince, and he runs towards Aegon, which by the way, that it. Yeah. Yeah. Suck it. And Kristen's like, my prince. And he runs towards Aegon, which by the way, that's your king. How many times in an episode do they have to say it wrong? It's my king. So he runs towards Aegon. He still feels like Alicent should be the queen,

I guess, eh? I guess, I don't know. I think everyone's just confused at this point. So now there's been all this chaos and Renise is, she's flying, she's leaving. Cause she's like, okay, my work here is done. But then she sees, she's like, you know what? No, I got to do this. So she orders Malise to go back and she's like, she goes after right after vagar and then they started attacking. Oh shush.

Phone. Sorry, everyone. I had my phone on because I was expecting a package, but I can turn it off. Um, so now it's just more dragon fighting and, and they a package, but I can turn it off. So now it's just more dragon fighting and they're just, they're going right at it. So Vegard attacks Melis and then they're spinning around and fire everywhere and people are getting crushed on the ground. Kristen gets knocked off his horse. Unfortunately, not hard enough.

We find out later. And then Melis is looking tired and Renise is looking really tired and then, um, Vegar, basically this is where she's trying to fly. She's like, well, I don't see the dragon anymore. So she keeps flying and she's like, well, I'm going to fly over this castle. The only thing in the road, you know, surely nothing's hiding behind that. And then Vegar comes straight up and grabs the neck of Melys and starts thrashing it. Yeah. And like basically strangles it. And this is not unlike when Vega killed Luke,

when Luke had a big battle and then finally got into safety and was like, everything is fine. And then Vega once again did a sneak attack and killed Luke. Because for a moment it looked like, okay, they had a really bad fight, but now they're going to go their separate ways because it looked like Vegard was retreating to the woods, etc. But lo and behold, Vegard comes out of nowhere from behind the structure, bites Melissa's neck, strangles Melissa essentially, and at this point, now Renius does her big dramatic death where she starts to fall back down towards Earth and she puts her hands out like, ha!

And they just fall onto the castle and break through the walls. And it's stuck because, well, she's such a good actor, you know, but you see just multiple times in this fight where she's like, well, this is it for me. You know what I mean? She's like, well, this is it for me. You know what I mean? She's like, well, I guess I have to go back and fight this fucker, so I'll do it. But she just has this resigned look in her face. Like this is it. And then when that dragon finally gets her, she's just like, oh, well fuck. And then you just see her falling back and she just lets go like, oh God, here we go.

Like fuck it. Oh, I forgot to tell Alan Hall my recipe for gazpacho. Shit. Oh well, guess he'll die with me. So Kristen comes back up and he's like, Oh my God, we got to find the king. We got to find the king. And he touches this one guy is like, Hey, where's the game? You seen the king? And he touches the armor and the armor just falls apart and it's just all ash inside because the dragons burn really hot fire. So he's touching a dusty guy. And then he finds Aemond, Laura Dern and Laura, I love the Aemond's just like, Ooh, found a pretty knife. And picks up a gorgeous dagger, a bejeweled dagger off the ground. And what's his buttons? Kristen is like, where's my king? Where's Princey Poo? And Amos just points over like, he's over

there. I call the dagger. Yeah. Cause I think it's like a special dagger. I think it was, I think it was Aegon's dagger. So yeah, it's a, oh, so it's right by the scene of the crime. It's a special kingly dagger. And so yeah, that's the end. So next week, the scenes for next week, we see them bringing the body back and I guess, I guess Aegon is dead or seems to be dead. I guess we'll find out, but that was it. It was a big shocking episode. Huh? I have to say, I hate watching the dragons kill each other. I do not like that. I'm fine with the humans dying. It's kind of like in real life, like they show murder and death

and war and everything else on the news and on Twitter and everything. And I'm like, okay, I guess I'm desensitized. But man, you show like a dog getting mistreated and I'll get really upset. And it turns out that that extends to dragons. It upsets me. I do not like it. When Vegard grabbed the neck of Maelys and choked it to death and then broke its neck. That was not okay. I got a little squirty. I was mad. And especially because we know that this is going to lead to basically dragon extinction for hundreds of years until of course, Game of Thrones. I mean, which is probably for the best, honestly. It doesn't look really fun for anybody else,

but it's still rough to watch. I don't like to watch all that. I mean, I do like to watch it. I love the getting there, but the actual dragons being in pain, I don't love that. But humans keep killing them. That's fine. All right, everybody. Well, thanks so much for being with us for another week of Game of the Dragons show. Yes. Thanks for being here. We'll catch you next week on Winter is Crappening and we'll be here all the rest of the week on Watcher Crappens recapping our Bravo stuff. We'll catch you in the next one. Bye everyone. Bye. If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus

in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey. It was the biggest scandal in pop music. The stars of Milli Vanilli, the Grammy winning multi-platinum R&B phenomenon, were exposed as frauds, but none of this was their idea. So whose idea was it?

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