Watch What Crappens - #2483 RHODub S02E06: Take Your Dad to Twerk Day

Episode Date: July 10, 2024

This week on Real Housewives of Dubai, Sara’s son twerks, Brooks doesn’t take the Taleen fight bait, and Sergio’s mom tells him to save himself. We’re going to be doing four bonuses a week on Love Island US over on our Patreon! Watch this as a video recap and find all of our Love Island US bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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ad-free right now on Wondery+. Well hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast for all that crap we'd just love to talk about on Yale Broad. Hi everyone, I'm Ronnie, that's Ben over there. Hello Ben. Hi Ronnie, how are you? I'm good. We have a new way to start our recording days and that is to catch up on Love Island US. So for the next couple of weeks, through the rest of the season, we will be doing mini recaps over on Patreon.

This one was about 30 minutes, I think, 25 minutes? 20 minutes, yeah. We're shooting for 10 minutes. I don't think that's ever gonna happen. Well, I think we're in a high drama moment right now with Love Island. So we're going to know there's a lot to discuss, but it will be episodes, especially at towards the end of the season. It'll definitely simmer down. Yeah. So the goal is to do about four of those a week over on Patreon. They are also on Crappin's on demand. So if you're a Love Island fan and need recaps, there we are, Go get it on Patreon. We're also gonna release a episode

at the end of all the week. For those of you who aren't on Patreon, it'll be a full episode. All of those will be stitched together towards the end of the week for you. But if you're on Patreon, you'll get them all right on time. So we're giving extra to everybody,

extra for people on Patreon, extra to people who aren't on Patreon. You know what? That's it. Because we're getting extra too, which is love to fill our lives. So today is Real Housewives of Dubai. How'd you feel about Dubai? You know, this was entertaining. You know, I didn't think it was the best episode of the season, but it was fun. You know, it's good. It's good. What did you think, Roddy? The real winner of all of this is that kid, Sarah's kid.

He's officially now a star. I love him. I love him so much. He is my favorite. I was thinking the same thing. He is so funny. I think all of us just want to go take care of him, you know, and be like, you're mine now.

Dance for me. Dance for me. You adorable child. Love this kid. Sarah's annoying as hell, but she made a good kid. So it's a wash. I'm gonna say it's a wash. It's a wash.

Let's get into this episode. So we're still on the desert party thing and Caroline Brooks and Talene, Talene is trying to start this fight with Caroline Brooks, which I will say she's ballsy. I gotta have it to Talene, she's not afraid, because I would be. Caroline Brooks is not a sensible person. I would not want to start a war with her on television. Yeah, but she also has no power.

So that's what's funny about her is that gets kind of like low-hanging fruit because Caroline Brooks is not afraid to get nasty But she also is not going to be able to have any true repercussions through life like it's one thing to start a fight with Teresa juda's where she's the true star of the show and She's always gets people to her side or to start something with Lisa Vanderpump. But like Caroline Brooks, like to start a fight with Caroline Brooks, like everyone's in a fight with Caroline Brooks. So it's almost like part of just being on the show. Kind of, but you know, who else doesn't have power poop on the street, but you don't want to step on it because then you smell

like poop all day. You know what I mean? And I feel like that's kind of the thing. Caroline, not calling Caroline Brooks a piece of poop on the street, but just saying it's, the, the pain is the same. Like you don't want to get, maybe I shouldn't say poop on the street. I feel like the analogy is you don't want to step on glass. You know what I mean? Like glass doesn't necessarily have power. It's just a glass. It holds a drink, but you drop that shit, you step on it, you're fucked. Okay. And that's what Caroline Brooks is.

I think being the friend is like stepping on the glass. I feel like, I feel like everyone wants to just sort of like move that mess, move that mess away, you know? And I think like stepping on, stepping on the glass is like actually reveling in the mess, right? Like, that's, that's how I think. I think she's just like, Oh, the more I am just like, I stand up for Caroline Brooks, the more I'm like friends with her, the more it's just going to be shitty for me, the more my, my, the soles of my feet are going to get torn up. And here I thought it was going to be fun and lovely. Like Annie Lennox said, you know,

that song was so happy sounding, you know, like the violin, the piano and everything, but it's not a happy song. It's literally about like walking on broken glass. It's not like walking on sunshine, which by the way, walking on sunshine also would be very painful. I don't think people remember how much sunshine, like first of all, the sun does terrible things to us. Walking on sunshine is horrible, yeah. We would literally die. We would die.

It's a terrible song. We would be dead. Don't walk on sunshine, guys. Okay. Also stay out of it, because skin cancer. Yeah. So like sunshine in general is overrated. How about walk on sensible decisions?

I'm walking on sensibility. Hey, hey. I'm walking on well thought out plans. Don't don't don't don't don't. Anyway. Yeah. And I think you're right. I think that probably to lean is thinking, fuck this. I was brought on as this lady's friend and now it's going to ruin my life.

So I'm going gonna pull the classic move of turning on the person that brought me onto the show because I don't want everybody to team me up with her in their mind and hate me and not like me places as well. So, you know. That's how it works. Cause look what's happening to Saba, right? Saba is just staying loyal to Sara and guess what?

You're just a friend of sitting there at the end of the table. Whereas Talene is like- Saba is also staying loyal to general assholery. I have to say. Saba's not very nice to anybody. And she's just like a snob there at the end of the table. Like nobody wants to hang out with you. You're a dick. But I like that.

And if you're wondering why nobody wants to hang out with you, it's because you're a dick. Like you have to have some kind of charm. You can't just be like snotty making shitty comments at everyone and like being holier than like, that's not what the show is. You need to like lighten up a little bit. Well, you can be, just Caroline Stanbury is already doing it. She doesn't have the humor.

Caroline Stanbury gets away with it cause she's funny. What does Saba have? Has she ever made you laugh? Remember one thing she's never said. Saba makes me laugh. Well, she makes me laugh every single episode, but not really by her own intentions.

Like, but she's not making me laugh. I just laugh at the idea of Saba because she is so snotty. And you know me, you know me, we talk about this. My specific kind of, you know, thing is I love a snobby wealthy lady. Like that's just like, I love wasp. I love just someone stuck up their own ass. That's just, that's the kind of like asshole I'm drawn to. Like you love like a white trash mess, I feel like. I mean, we both love these things, but I feel like that's really like, right? You love someone who's just like a total disaster, right?

Like that. I like a looser cannon. Yeah, yeah. You definitely like a looser cannon. By the way, not calling Saba a wasp, because obviously she's not, technically, but just that Heather Dubrow codedcoded stick-up rosary, where I just hate that.

I hate it in people, I hate it in Housewives. I really like a looser, you know, grosser, I like someone that probably smells like yesterday and also has like that wine lip, you know, like that dried line of stained wine on their lip. Right. I like that kind of a person. Like I want you to smell like Benson and Hedges and yesterday.

Right. And I want you to be someone who's going to a country club and just saying the most devastating things to someone. Yeah. So that's why Saba's kind of my type. Brooks is basically not falling for this fight because Talene really is just trying too hard to make a fight. She's like, well, but then I talked to her and I was like, don't you think it's stirring the pot? Like, isn't it guys? Do you think it's stirring

the pot guys? Is it stirring the pot? First of all, girl, it's 120 degrees out here. Can we not do this right now? Okay. I'm talking about pots and stirring and heat of the kitchen in this heat. I know, Saba's melting in the corner by the way. Every time they cut to her, she looks like she's about to fall out of her chair. Who? Saba. Of course, because when has Saba ever been outside?

You know what I mean? By the way, that's not a bad quality. It's like an equality I emulate. We're like, everyone should stay away from the sun. The sun is a terrible thing. Oh, look at fucking Saba staying inside. Well, you know, I don't even know why I said that because you know I love the inside more than I love Jesus.

So, no offense. So I'm outside but I'm not saying that. You know who created the inside? You know who created the inside? Jesus. He did, thank you. So he certainly created the inside of my heart. So, anyway, Brooks is not falling for this. She's not gonna fight because she sees what

Talene is trying to do. She's trying to make a fight with Brooks to get a storyline, and she's not gonna hand it to her. And she says it's because she's been going to therapy. Girl, you've been going to Xani bars, okay? You've been taking Xanax and I understand this religion because anybody who is fairly new to a Benzo understand, is Xanax a Benzo? I think it is. Anyone understands the glazed eyes in Brooks's face.

And she's like, yeah, no one's gonna get to my inner peace. Girl, puff, puff past that inner peace. I want some. So then Sarah, she's like, okay, how about this? Tell her how you feel, and then let her tell you how you feel. And then that's it. That's it. And then Stamper returns to Sarah and goes, what are you, the Brooks Whisperer? We're sitting here in the middle of the desert. We all came here to watch them fight. Why are you trying to end it right now, you imbecile? And she's like, it's not that I don't care. It's just like, she's just struggling to find words and she's like, what am I supposed to do with this? And Sarah's like, you're saying what you're saying is you already had a conversation and that's why you don't care to talk right.

Because yeah, okay, okay. Let's just ignore it. And Sarah's like, no, you cannot just ignore it. You cannot. And Talene's like, oh my God, I feel like Sarah's just shaming or something. Well, I feel like you've got your hand up her ass and you're puppet, you're doing puppet things. You're doing puppet things with Brooks. Just get your hand out of Brooks' ass already. And Sarah goes, well, maybe I've got my hand up her heart, not her ass. That lie was so quick because they were all fighting. I was like, that was the funniest shit. Like, I feel like more people need to appreciate the bullshit that line.

No, I have my hand up her heart, not her ass. So Chanel is like, I think that Sarah is trying to guide Brooks because Brooks can go zero to a hundred. And if you piss her off, oof, oof. And, uh, right now she is wearing a big epic silver ruffled. This is a new look that we're seeing for Chanel and she is, she doesn't have a wig and she had this big gown and like, I don't know, she just never ceases to amaze. We've never seen her completely bald, no? I don't think so. But of course, amazing.

She looks so beautiful. Oh my gosh. The best. So then Sara's like, I'm just asking my friend to apologize, Stanbury. Stanbury's like, oh God, stop speaking for her. Jesus Christ, next thing you're going to be asking old hairy-backed Russians to fix broken toilets. Well, if I tell her to apologize, you're upset at me. And if I don't tell her to apologize, you're upset at me. There's nothing I can do, hand and heart. And Sarah's like, well, I would like you to let her speak for herself. She has her own opinion. Plus, she's also

wasted and it'll be hilarious to hear what she comes out of her mouth. And so she's like, well, I don't understand what Brooks has done to Sarah to make her back her blindly. You know, Sarah has a lot of shit to use against her, and I'm wondering if Brooks has brought this stuff to Sarah's attention. And part of me feels gross even talking about the gossip on the show, because I feel like people from this show

can get in a lot of trouble for, like, trivial gossip to the rest of us. Mm-hmm. That I don't really talk this show can get in a lot of trouble for like trivial gossip to the rest of us that I don't really talk about. But there's a lot of, just Google Sarah's name, Sarah Aldamani, right? That's her last name. And the guy from that Netflix show that she was, they were talking about her dating last week,

I think he was married or like, there's all this gossip about Sarah. So you can, you guys can look it up on your own because I don't know, it feels grosser talking about general gossip on this show. But I wonder if Brooke's like holds stuff against her. And then Sarah's like, well, I don't want that girl on my bad side. But whatever it is, she's definitely riding hard for Brooks. And it seems odd that she would do that to me and to Sambury as well. So she's like, I mean, it's like La La Land, step back

a minute to see what's happening, realize that you can't sing more than two notes in a row and stop trying. All right, Ryan Gosling, like, is it not enough that you're gorgeous? Do we have to listen to you sing it mediocrity as well? Sarah's like, well, I don't get it. Why are you triggered every time I talk? And Stamper goes, well, you couldn't stand this woman last year. Don't you remember, Sarah, you are a hypocrite, Sarah. And Brooke's like, no, she's not. And she's like, and Stamber is like, well, she points out the way Sarah talks is bollocks and is annoying and asks why she can't talk like a normal person. You humble jumbo is your humble jumbo's butt looks fucking ridiculous.

And Sarah is just like, you are, you're fucking ridiculous. It's just, oh, shut up, Sarah. Okay, you guys, this is why I think a lot of people last season were like, you are, you're fucking ridiculous. She goes, oh, shut up, Sarah. Okay, you guys, this is why, I think a lot of people last season were like, why do you like Caroline Stamberry? She's disgusting. This is why. I stood up in my living room. I was like, fuck yes.

Okay, I had a foam finger on. I was like, yes. Except it said I'm with stupid and it's meant to point at Sergio, but I love her. Finally, someone said what we were all thinking. Shut the fuck up, Sarah, okay? Shut up, you phony. And Sarah's like, you shut up.

She's like, oh, no, you shut up. No, but you shut up, but you shut up. You shut up, shut up. And telling us, it's like the Squid Game zone over here. Am I right, everyone? I don't know what that meant. But that was really funny. I would love it if this was what a challenge was in Squid Games.

It's like, all right, you have to say shut up to someone until one of you loses your voice and then you are killed. If you think about it, Caroline Stanbury was the first at Squid Games back in Ladies of London. Remember when she was in the car with her driver and she was like, all right, go forward, stop, left, stop, left, stop, back, stop, forward, stop. I mean, when Squid Game came out,

I actually thought of Stambury in that scene. Oh God, Squid Game is coming back, huh? Listen, Squid Game, you're already a fucking ripoff of literally everything else that came before you. I'm not, you were decent, but I don't trust you. That guy completely bailing on his daughter to go back to the Squid Game. Fuck that guy.

I enjoyed Squid Game so much, but the ending bothered me so much that I'm like, I don't think I could ever watch it like another season because it like, I was like, this is bullshit. No. Yeah, Squid Game was fun, but the good one to watch out of those shows, because there are a ton of them like that,

but the best one out of them, in my opinion, is Alice in Borderland. That one is so good. Oh, it's so good. Okay, go watch that one. I mean, it's like watching Alice in Borderland over here. So sorry, it was actually Shalini who said, it's like watching Alice in Borderland over here. Thank you for not co-opting my voice.

I don't watch those ridiculous shows. So Lisa's like, I don't know why Stambury is getting so worked up. This is always how Sarah's been. She's a walking Instagram meme. See, this is the thing with her that I don't understand. Why does she hate Stambury so much? She should be best friends with Stambury. Well, Stambury at the reunion said that Lisa got all her designs, like they were like stolen basically or ripped off. Yeah, but that's because Lisa had been coming for her all season, poking at her, poking at her, poking at her. Like why does she hate Stambury?

Like, let's be honest, if you were in like a group of friends and Caroline Stambury is in it, like Caroline Stambury is an asshole. Like you probably would hate her too. But I agree that like- Well, yeah, but so is Lisa. That's what I'm saying. They're so similar. Sometimes you have to. They have the same opinions

and they have the same balls to go after people. I wish they were friends is what I'm saying. I agree. I think that they would be a good duo. But anyways, by the way, I have to say to Lisa's credit, when she said that Sarah was a walking Instagram meme, I did think that was very funny. And I did let out a little chuckle. So Sarah then is the standard, she's like zero class,

brands from head to toe, but zero class. Oh, shut up, Sarah. You're pathetic. I don't care what you have to say. I'm rich. And Lisa's like, well, I probably wouldn't talk to an Emirati woman like that, but that's because I don't want to go to jail. That line right there kind of encapsulates my problem with this show, that it's really hard to get past, is that sense of danger that just hangs over this show. And it was a thing last year with Sara as well, like, don't fuck with Sara, she'll call the police on you for cursing in public or fighting in public or whatever that is. And that just really, that really bothers me. I mean, I've watched a lot of

handmaid's tale and I don't like it. I'm sorry. Yeah. I mean, I've just sort of just, I've just, I've, I've, I've accepted it and decided I'm just going to have to just move forward because it just, it is what it is. What am I going to do? Obviously moving forward, but I'm just calling out. I feel, you know, see something, say something. There, I saw it and I said it. I don't like it. I feel uncomfortable and the threat of basically like,

fuck with somebody from this culture and you will fucking die. I don't like that. It's not fun. Everyone's like, oh my God, this is like the lightest housewives ever. Like I've just like, it's always fun. It's not that different in America, I gotta say.

It's not any dark drama. And then it's like, don't fuck with her or she'll have, you know, sense to death. It's like whoa. Okay. I don't think American ish. Unfortunately I don't think American history is too different Unfortunately, it is actually current history kind of is Levels of rights. Yeah are currently quite different. Yeah Sorry, we've got so we've got some dark history in our past, but

yeah, but anyway, this is not this is not a referendum on cultural comparisons. I just made a comment. I'm just saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm moving forward. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crappins commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial. Hey y'all, it's your girl Kiki Palmer, your favorite quadruple threat, actor, singer, dancer, and my new role, podcaster. My podcast Baby This is Kiki Palmer is blowin' up, y'all, cause every episode I bring on an icon. Like when John Stamos and I talked about internet trolls hating on Disney adults, or when Jordan

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why did everyone blame them and not the man pulling the strings? Follow Blame It On The Fame, Milli Vanilli, on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Blame It On The Fame early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. So Sarah is basically like, you know, when you disagree with Stanbury, you're suddenly a mouthpiece. But when I defend her to Sergio, she likes it, huh?

And well, of course she likes it. Everyone likes it when you when you're defended on like if someone, you know, defends you on your behalf, you know? Yeah, of course. Yeah, why wouldn't she like it? you on your behalf, you know? Yeah, of course. Yeah, why wouldn't she like it? So then Sarah's like, well, I'm not going to be Stan Bray's puppet and her attitude of you're with me or you're against me. Well, but you're being Brooks's puppet.

So, I don't know. You're always someone's puppet. You know what I mean? Pick the more fabulous person. That's what I say. So then Brooks, Lisa, and Sarah are like, okay, let's go stand and talk a little bit away from the table because the producers told us to, okay and Sarah are like, okay, let's go stand and talk a little bit away from the table. Cause the producers told us to. Okay. It's like, okay, great. So Brooks is like, okay, I have a question. Was there any comment made about Lisa's home? It's like, uh, okay. And then they're basically saying how like, say it like Sarah,

Lisa said that Ion shared that Sarah was, this whole thing went, last week they went to the restaurant and, um, Sarah was expressing concern for Lisa, like is everything okay at home? Because Lisa seems really stressed, uh, these days. Right. And the reason it's confusing is because basically Sarah was being very passive aggressive and saying, Lisa's a bitch. Is something wrong at home? Why is she acting like that? And then when it was confusing, Saba jumped in and was like, she just snaps. So we knew what she was really saying,

but she was, she's trying to pretend cause Sarah's such a wuss. She's trying to pretend she wasn't really saying that. She was really just trying to show that she cares. She was concern trolling, which is what it's called on the internet. Where you say something rude, but you, you shroud it in concern.

Like you're right. Right. Like you. Right. I'm really worried for you. Like you're pretending like you really care. Like Sarah suddenly cares about Lisa's home life when I don't think- Has Sarah ever been to Lisa's house? Have we ever seen that happen? Did that happen last season? Right. Like you're a real asshole. Are you okay? Is it because something bad's going on? Have they ever hung out one-on-one? Who's hurting you to make you this horrible? Yeah. Have they ever hung out one-on-one on this Like I feel like they don't even like know each other, you know? So Sarah's now saying like, no, that's not what I said. I said, is Lisa okay with everything at home? You know, cause you know,

Ayaan definitely sent the wrong message to Lisa, you know, cause in Arab culture, it's very normal to ask about home and if everything is okay. And like, is your marriage falling apart? That's just like a normal thing to ask. Like, hey, you didn't get a cold brew today. Is your marriage falling apart? That's just like a normal thing to ask. Like, hey, you didn't get a cold brew today.

Is your marriage failing? I feel like it's failing. That's just the Arab culture, you know? Yeah, literally no other culture is like, hey, how are things at home? Glad you cornered that market, Sara. I don't know. Like, I feel like,

I feel like it, like New York culture is like, so everything okay? What's going on? You're looking skinny. Everything okay at home? I feel like if you went to Manhattan, you would definitely hear that. Literally everybody says, hey, how are things at home? Hey man, how are you? How's Dom? I don't think I interpreted what you said correctly. I think I had to get my sarcasm. I didn't get your sarcasm. Ronnie is sneezing. Sneezing his sarcasm out. How are things at home, Ronnie?

I was like, no, Ronnie. I did not pick up on your sarcasm at all. Yeah, literally everybody in the world says, hi, how are things at home? But Sara's like, why wouldn't I say that? I'm Arab, only Arabs say. I mean, anyone who doesn't understand my culture would surely not understand why I'm asking how things are at home.

Yes, Sarah, it's only fucking you, okay? So yeah, but Sarah, of course, is Sarah, so she will never admit that she was being a dick, you know? And really all Sarah has to say is, I felt like Lisa is being defensive and an asshole to me. Why are you being a defensive and an asshole? But she can't say that because it doesn't fit in with her, you know, paid classes on how to be a spiritual person and get the rage out or whatever the fuck she teaches. So she's got to be like, I really just care about your home life. Yeah. And, um, basically Lisa's like, she basically was like, um,

the fact that you asked about it implied that she thought there was something wrong. And, you know, I trust the way that Chanel's, you know, interpreted to me, this was not a case of Chanel got it wrong. Right. So then, um, we see shots like the beginning of the episode, right? We're like, oh, that's wrong. Right. So then we see shots like the beginning of the episode, right? We're like, okay, that fights over. Let's really start the episode and see what everyone's doing at home.

And Brooke's kid is wearing the MetaQuest thing, like the virtual reality headset, which I thought was really cute because he didn't choose like a rollercoaster or like dinosaurs or anything. He just chose like a really nice mom who plays Monopoly with him. Like, what are you playing over there? I thought he was playing. I thought he was like trying to beat zombies because I definitely, he probably was. Because I had a distinct reaction where I was like, wow, that kid is doing like a

zombie game in virtual reality. Cause that's intense. He's like 10 and I would not be able to, I put on a virtual, uh, I put on like the Apple vision mask and I went into like, I turned on a thing that was like, John Favreau presents when the dinosaurs roam the earth and you're like flying over dinosaurs. And I, and there were pterodactyls all around me and I was terrified. I was like, one of these things that come at my face, cause you feel like everything's going to come at your face. And I was like, I, I was like, this is too intense. So I'm like, I couldn't even do something that involves zombies.

My hand is off to this kid. Yeah, I'm a pussy by the way. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, anything flying in our faces, we can't have. You know when someone throws me keys, I'm like. The rules are keys, balls and pterodactyls. They cannot be near my face. All right. So I think that's a good rule. Pterodactyls that cannot be near my face. All right.

So I think that's a good one. Pterodactyls especially. So yeah, I don't know what it was. I just liked the idea of him like finally getting virtual reality and being like, I would like a normal mother, please. Like, hi honey. Virtual reality, virtual virtual better Brooks.

It's six PM and I'm home to read you a story. Oh, mom, you don't have to show. I do. Hey, hey, Adam, what are you doing on your virtual reality mask? I'm just sitting on a toilet that's not embedded in the floor. Oh, Zoltan Zoreg, whatever your name is. All right. Let me wear that thing. All right. embedded in the floor. Zoltan, Zorreg, whatever your name is. All right, let me wear that thing.

All right, get me a Zoltan with a shaved back and a talent for installing toilets properly. That'd be great. So then Sara's kid is twerking. And she's like, oh my God. Cause Akeen comes over and she's like, oh my, it's like ding dong, she goes, Akeen is here and he runs through the door and starts twerking. And she's like, oh my God, no more twerking.

Please. He's twerking. And then Akeen takes off his shirt, which I really appreciate, and jumps in the pool. Karma love. What did he call him last week, the kid? Caramel, caramel seduction. Caramel seduction? I mean, the kid has a way with words.

I mean, like, look, he calls it as he sees it, you know, for us, not for him, obviously. I am dying. So he twerks, and then, yeah, Keane jumps in the pool, and then Talene's kid is crying about having to go to school, you know, which I get. And then Talene is like, okay, fine, you don't have to go to school. I was like, excuse you.

You put that kid on that bus. If they have buses in Dubai, they probably have just like private like Tesla limos that take everyone to school there. Oh God. I can't say anything because I refused. I would refuse to the point where I would miss the bus and my dad's like, you're going, you're going to walk. And then he would follow me in the car. I would walk on the train track, literally just hoping to get hit, all the way to the school.

I would follow the train track and my dad would follow on the street to make sure that I actually went to the school. 12 and a half years later. What a pain in the ass child I was. Literally followed me all the way to the school. It was not close. It's like the runaway bunny, except it's the runaway Ronnie, you know,

it's like, if you're on the train tracks, I'll be there. Um, it was all because of PE. I was like, I will not go to a place that subjects me to exercise. I will not. I can't believe after all these years of podcasting with you, I'm still learning these amazing stories from your childhood. Like they just, that's amazing. Like can we- That just came back to me when I saw that kid crying.

I was like, aw, you're so lucky your parents aren't following you and making you fucking walk on the train track. I want, okay, as a Crappence community, can we start a GoFundMe so that way Ronnie can have a pilot to make his life into a TV show because these stories, like what is like, you should have like your own version of the wonder years. No God, like the wonder years, something like that. Like, I don't know,

like just lowered. It's amazing. Oh, I need therapy more than a book. So then we go to Chanel and Lisa, they go to a sheet cafe. Oh, by the way, uh, we were saying something. I was, we were like, why are they there in August? They weren't there in August. They were at a restaurant called August. And a lot of people were like, guys, you're dumb. So you're right, we're dumb. Okay. So now they're at a sheet cafe called Society, and it's Chanel and Lisa. And Chanel's like, oh, look, these boobs are boobing. And Lisa's like, yes, I brought the milk for the coffee. And she was like, I will drink it. And they're boobies.

And they're laughing and everything. And talk about the meal and everything and talk about Brooks. And they're also really surprised that Teline decided to just decide with the Stanbury. And in fact, they actually don't really like it. They feel like it's kind of gross that like the moment that there's a fight, that she goes to her best friend's enemies So I was like, oh, I was surprised that that was their reaction. So they actually don't like to lean because of this And so then Lisa yeah, and I kind of think that they're right

Yeah, I do too, but I just was surprised that that's where I was surprised that that was their reaction I thought they're reaction like I'm so glad she finally realized that Brooks is terrible But instead they were like actually she's being a shitty friend. Well, yeah, because she is. Yeah. Because like you just go to the other person's side. That's like she's like, I wouldn't even do that. I would never do that to my worst enemy. But Brooks was just Caroline's friend. So she just betrayed Caroline. So I don't think it's as bad. But I don't know. There's so much betrayal. I just can't keep there's so much betrayal over virtually nothing. So then what was funny to me was that Lisa was so mad

at Sarah's comment. Like, is everything okay at home? Is everything okay at home? She was so mad, but then she's like, you know, I was thinking about it and like, yeah, she's like, yeah, turns out things aren't great at home. That's what's so funny. She got so mad that the comment was said, but then as she reflects, we realize, okay, there may be some issues after all. Yeah. Well, you know, it's just, if you have something to say, come to me and say it. Don't be like, is this, why is this girl being such a bitch? You know? Right. But, um, she starts talking about her problem at home and basically she's like, you know, I have these kids and I'm trying to do this business and then my mom's stressing me and

then my mom told me what if Rich leaves you, you better have, um, you better have a backup plan and this is looking like trouble for Lisa. Yeah. And I guess they're also having some intimacy issues as well. So, you know, it's, it's not like what Sarah said was totally, I mean, it was obnoxious, but although honestly, you know what I have to say, like Sarah is obnoxious. I don't think that what she said was really like crazy, crazy obnoxious. I agree with you. She was totally concerned trolling.

So she was obnoxious from that point of view. But for her to be like, God, like she's really been like crazy lately. It was, I wonder if everything's okay at home. I don't think that that's like, sort of going back to what we're saying. It's not the wildest thing to say. And especially when it turns out that there are some issues. Well, my issue with it isn't that it's a wild thing to say. It's accurate. Right, I totally get it. Right, it's accurate. I totally get it. It's just that she's inassuable. It's just her not being able to say it,

she just can't be honest about it. Exactly. She's always talking about honesty, but she can't just say, I did say that because you seem to be getting pissy a lot lately. And I think it's like, I'm wondering what it is, are things like that at home?

I mean, I did say it, but I said it out of concern for you, not because, you know, I hate you or anything. Right. Yeah. No, I totally get it. But it's just funny because I feel like the narrative of this episode is kind of like, wow, Sarah was obnoxious about that. It's like, no, but like, you know, she just sort of said it the way I could see myself saying it. That's what always happens is that every time I come down on someone, then I put myself in that situation. I'm like, but I probably would say the exact same thing. And then I feel bad. And then I'm like, actually they're right. They're right. Cause I like made myself.

It's like villainous empathy. And I feel like I suffer from that a lot too. Like I really liked the Disney movies that started to come out from the villains point of view. You're like, Oh, so that's what Cruella was thinking. Or like, Oh, Maleficent, she was a good chick after all. It was everybody else's perception of her. You know, and I feel like that that's what Cruella was thinking. I'm like, oh, Maleficent, she was a good chick after all. It was everybody else's perception of her. And I feel like that that's a total Housewives watcher that we do that naturally. And that's how we pick our favorite Housewives.

We're like, oh my God, the villain's actually the hero. It's like a Disney mindfuck. Yeah. So now we go over to the Stambury house and the dogs are humping and Sergio's family is there and his mom is sitting at the table and his sister is there as well and the boyfriend. And they're talking about what they're going to do in the evening. And Stambury is actually like pretending to like these people, even though she clearly does not like them at all.

And she goes, you know, I'm not avoiding his family this trip. It's just how I am with family. I give them the keys and I say, you know, off you pop, off to boarding school. I mean, that's how it is in my family. You don't talk to your loved ones. You just send them off to distant places where nannies in brown uniforms can take care of them. That's it.

It's like, I'm so glad you're here. So I don't have to be. Please make sure he pisses on the pad, all right? And she's saying how, she's like, you know, I just need my alone time. That's all. I'm sure you all get it. I mean, you you birth this monster of a human Sergio here. I mean, everyone needs a little bit of break away from him. Am I right? Do you Sergio? Don't mind. I'm just high fiving your mother. Okay, there we go. Now listen, God forbid I say anything offensive here, but the thing is I just need a break

because I feel like a mother who's always stuck at home, mothering a child who wasn't mothered properly in the first place. No offense, darling. All right. No offense. I know that was your job. I'm sure you were very, very busy. You didn't stay at home at all, did you? You did. Every day. Oh, well, I don't know. Pay attention. Pay attention more. I guess that's my advice to you. All right, Toodles. Oh, before I leave for the spa, Sergio's mother, whatever your name is, you are fine carrying our baby. Am I right? Right, because he's just looking for someone the age of his mother to carry a baby these days.

So she's like, so your son wants a child, which is absolutely disgusting. Does everyone agree? All right, talk that over. I'll be out of here. I know I'm supposed to apologizing you to you for not wanting to raise your son, but you're certainly not apologizing to me for not wanting to raise your son. So let's just call that a draw, shall we? I'm going to the spa. So Sergio's sitting there talking to his family. He's like, oh, I missed a cat a lot I used to know. And his mom is like, what, the total bitch? He's like, yes, I missed that.

And so they start talking about, of course, he wants to have a baby. And he's telling them that, oh, we only have a year left to have the baby. And the mom's like, oh, no, don't worry. There's time. There's time. It'll be fine. It's more important for you guys to have the baby and the mom's like, oh, no, like, don't worry, there's time, there's time, like, it'll be fine. It's more important for you guys to be have a healthy relationship

with that monster of a daughter-in-law I have. You know, I really thought it was going to be more of that where the mom's like, uh, run, this lady is obviously not going to give you a child. She doesn't want you to have a child. One, this woman is horrible. But actually the mom and the sister were like, give it time, you know, and the mom does say I don't see her with the child, but she's saying it in a way that's like, Oh honey, I don't even think the mom wants him to have a child. I think she's like, Oh honey, you can't, you can't, you don't even know what to take the popcorn out of the microwave on time. Like you've literally never made unburned popcorn. I don't want you to have a baby, honey.

I know. I mean, she's like, you can see the mom's like, she already has four children, including you. Okay, so she doesn't want another baby. The mom actually gets it. But there was also part of me that felt like the mom and the sister, they probably hate Caroline. And they probably were like, no, no, give it time.

Give it time. They're just kind of like knowing that the clock is going to run out. And then they're hoping that Sergio will leave and find someone who will bear him a baby. Yeah, I think what they were saying was you have time, you have time. And he's like, no, mother, it's only one year. And then she has to prioritize me. She has to prioritize me. I'm the man of the house. There's only one year. The doctor said one year. If there's no one year, no baby, no baby ever, no baby ever. And they're like, you have time. And I think they mean you have time. Like she's got a few, she's, she may have months, she may have ovarian months, but you've got so much more time to find another one. Cause even Caroline Stamber is like,

I mean, he's, he's good for now. Like how long could he possibly last? You know, he's deliciously flavored half and half, but he's still half and half. And eventually, I'm gonna have to buy a new car. I know, she speaks about him like a Suzuki. Well, you know, it's nice, but after seven years, they really do start to break down. But like,

But it was cold. I used to drive a Suzuki, how dare you? I don't know why Suzuki is the brand that I went for. I drove a Suzuki sidekick. I remember those Suzuki sidekicks. It was a little box, a little red. When I moved to LA, I drove here to LA and that it broke down twice on the way here. And I had to have a, I also had a sidekick, a telephone from T-Mobile at the same time. I had a sidekick.

You had a brand. I drove a sidekick. You had a brand you had to maintain. Um, I, uh, like when they're like, yeah, don't worry, Sergio, you same time. I had a sidekick. I drove a sidekick. You had a brand you had to maintain. Um, I, uh, like when they're like, yeah, don't worry, Sergio, you have time. I'm like, does he have time though? Cause he's already, he's like 30 and he still thinks that a model of a vagina isn't your canal. So I think, men can have babies. Like who just got somebody pregnant at like 97 years old?

You know, the guys will keep him pregnant. Alec Baldwin still pushing them out. I mean, that's true about having hilarious push them out or whatever. But yeah, oh, you know, they have a show coming out, right? I think it's on TLC. Terrifying. I know. Yikes. Okay, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm having a lot of concentrating. I know me too. Either way, I'm convinced that this family does not like Caroline. I'm convinced that they want to stall out Sergio until Caroline is no longer viable to have a baby. And I'm convinced that they just are hoping that the longer that Sergio stalls out, the more time it will... Like the greater the chances that he'll wake up one day

and realize that maybe there's a better person in his life for him. I think they know that he's never gonna realize that, but they're just waiting for Caroline to tire of him and get rid of him, because she really does act like someone sitting with a meal that she didn't order. Like, mm, I'm sorry, this has bacon on top of this, you're gonna take this back.

And they're like, no, keep that. We'll make you another one. And she's just looking at it like, well, it's still something I didn't order while she was waiting for the real meal to come. She, well, also Sergio keeps saying things like, I just, you know, I want to have a descendants. I need to have my descendants.

It's like, do we need to have Sergio's descendants? Is that DNA that needs to be propagated? I'm not fully sure. I think like we can keep it on his sister's side. It's like Valpax. Did this really need to be printed? I feel like that was stupid. How many car washes can we go to? I don't have a dry cleaner. I don't need Dundee's coupons.

We don't need copies of this crap. We didn't need the first one. We don't need multiple copies. Just litter it all over the world, okay? Keep that shit to yourself, bro. Surgio's DNA is like a Val Pak. Just put that one up in our... But you know what? Why can't... I just don't understand. Because Surgio's whole thing, like,

she's like, I would have 10 by now if he just put it in someone else, you know? She's like, take the frozen embryo, put it in an oven in Arizona, grow it and ship it back to me when it's ready. We'll get it to nanny and by the time it's old enough to yell back at me like, yes, man, I'll be dead probably. But he doesn't want to because he's obsessed

with having pictures of her pregnant or something. He needs his cute pictures. It's just so weird. Just Photoshop, just Photoshop. It is actually hilarious that she has given him an avenue to her having a baby and he won't do it because he does wanna have those photos. And that's just, he's just an idiot.

He's just one of the biggest idiots on Bravo. Yeah. God, he's so cute. And you know the way she complains about him, who doesn't want someone adorable who only thinks about them and just stares at them all day and, you know, it's like, whatever you want, whatever you need. I love you so much. I mean, I don't personally, but I can see the appeal. Yeah. So, uh, now we go over to, uh,

Ion's house and she is FaceTiming her sister, Ifrah and her sister's her big sister and talking about how close they are and like Aion Beauty, like there's going to be a launch coming soon. So the sister's going to come visit and Aion says like everything's going really well. And her brother is going to come from London and all this stuff. And they're basically just like stuff. And they're basically just like chatting. They're having a very happy chat. Chanel talks about how her FGM really bonded her sister because her sister was there for her, et cetera. So they're bonded through this trauma. And then they wind up joking because the sister is like, I'm excited to come and I can cook for your son because basically Taj, is it Taj or is it Tal? He basically gets no good cooking all

year long. Yeah, see, that shows a clip of her being like, oh, we're going to order some snacks. And he's like, you don't order snacks. And she's like, yes, I am. I'm ordering oranges and lemons. He's like, that is disgusting. That's not a snack. But the sister's like, oh, yeah, I'm going to bring some maize power, but you know, powder, maize power, maize power, which is what you get after eating a corn tortilla. We all know it, but she's going to bring some maize powder and she's like, but it's white powder coming through the, coming through the airport. So I might get stopped. And I totally know the feeling.

Do you? Yes. I'm being terrified. you're going to get full. I mean, it was for like actual coke. I was like, I felt like Jack Taylor knows this specifically. Here comes one right now. Nancy's love story could have been ripped right out of the pages of one of her own novels. She was a romance mystery writer who happens to be married to a chef. But this story didn't end with a happily ever after.

When I stepped into the kitchen, I could see that Chef Brophy was on the ground and I heard somebody say, call 911. As writers, we'd written our share of murder mysteries. So when suspicion turned to Dan's wife, Nancy, we weren't that surprised. The first person they'd look at would be the spouse. We understand that's usually the way they do it. But we began to wonder,

had Nancy gotten so wrapped up in her own novels... There are murders in all of the books. ...that she was playing them out in real life? Follow Happily Never After, Dan and Nancy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Happily Never After, Dan and Nancy early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus.

So then we go over to the Glass House and Caroline Brooks is there with her mom and her son and she's like, she's like, well, my mom comes every year and this year she chose to come to hang out for Adam's birthday and right now I really need her because my mom keeps me calm and she does understand how to get a toilet out of the floor. So maybe she can help out a little bit. So they have a menu. I cut the menu. It's like a tea menu and a coffee menu. Oh, I thought it was gonna be funny because they showed the menu. So I took a screenshot, but it's like Moroccan mint tea,

chamomile tea. So they can order anything because it's very fancy. It's a glass house. And so the son orders tea and Brooks is like, ooh, Earl Grey tea, why would you be ordering Earl Grey tea? What the hell, now you're ordering tea, idiot. Yes, she's so obnoxious about it because he's like, he doesn't know how to do, he's never had, he never ordered tea before.

And so he doesn't know how to do the tea bag. And she goes, well, why did you order it if you don't know how to make the tea? I'm like, you should be so happy that your son has decided to have tea. And then mocks him when he gets the tea. Say, oh, really? Let's see if you know how to brew that stupid.

Like, wow, you're you're great. You're great at this. She's simultaneously asking him, like, why is it that you open up to your dad about things, but not to me? And then meanwhile, she's mocking him for the way he puts it. You're literally tea shaming the child. I mean, my God, he's gonna go home and put on that fucking meta thing,

and it's gonna be like, oh, you're having Earl Grey, you lovely child, why don't you try that with a little honey, here's how you do it. So yeah, so she's basically an asshole to her son. She really is an asshole. Belonging the short of it, yeah. Yeah, and that's that. So then, but she's gonna throw him a big party assholes to her son. She really is an asshole. Belonging to the short of it. Yeah. And that's that.

So then, but she's gonna throw him a big party to show everybody what a good mother she is because she spends a ton of money. And of course she's paying for it all and Zoltan's not paying for a thing. No, nothing. So now we go to Sara's home and her new home, which is like a big modern thing.

It's a big, you know, super expensive, super lux building. And she says, today it's very sad. Akeen is leaving. He's going back to Germany. Maktoum is heartbroken. He's not gonna have his boy's time anymore. Stop twerking Maktoum, Maktoum, stop it. Maktoum is like up on the door and be like,

doot, doot, doot, doot, doot. Stop it. Maktoum is like up on the door and be like. And then we see all this like time that Akeen is spending with Maktoum and it's just so sweet. I saw this tweet the other day that was really funny that said something like, I think it was on Bravo and Botox, who, hi, love you, who compiles all the funny tweets from the week and stuff. And one of them was like, Sarah talking about how all she cares about is finding the perfect father for Maktoum when she's dating an Instagram thot, basically. Exactly.

Who lives out of the country. Right. So she sits Akeen down and she's like, so Akeen, you know, listen, this is crazy. By the way, did you notice that Sarah gets absolutely crazy eyes when she starts talking to the guy? Did you notice that that happens? I've never noticed her with crazy eyes before, but when she starts talking to the guy, her eyes get really wide and she's like, ah, I kind of told my mom about you.

And she said number three, AKA meaning her third husband. But you know, she also shares that once she, you know, also I'm saying that once I introduced a guy to my family, you know, they kind of stay with me. So everyone's worried. What do you think of that? I was like, oh my God, she literally gets crazy around the guys. She is, or she's just dignitized. It could be all of the above, to be honest, because she is definitely like, I feel like she's saying way tooized. It could be all of the above to be honest because she is definitely like, I feel like she's saying way too much. She's like, yeah, tell my mom she loves you. We're gonna get married and we already have a venue.

I mean, just kidding, we don't have a venue. Like we don't, we definitely don't have a venue. But anyway, like, have you thought about a venue? Have you thought about, look, do you wanna do a talk? Do you wanna do a theme shoot? Do a Star Wars one? What do you think? He's like, whoa.

How do you feel about this? Do you see a future? Do I see a future? Do you see a future? And he's like, I see a future as well. She goes, oh really? What kind of future? What kind of future? I see a future. Do you see a future?" And he's like, I see a future as well. She goes, oh, really? What kind of future? What kind of future? What kind of future? Do I have long hair, short hair? Am I wearing creams? Are those spaceships? Do we have flying cars? I really wonder

about like, specifically everything about the future. Is there more public transportation in the future? Because that's disgusting. I don't want that kind. What kind of future is it? Tell me. Has Mactoum won a twerking championship? He wants to know. That's a question from him. And he's like, well, it's a future between you and me. She's like, well, I like to be direct. He's like, okay, well, then I mean, you know, a future, a relationship, marrying someday, deadlifting my own body weight, you know,

get kids from the kids door. What are you? Caroline? Stambury the only other cast member I could imagine being like, Oh, just go get some kids already. So every one's got me with this. Just go get some. So he's like being pretty chill about this so far. Like everything's like, Oh, just go get some kids already. So everything's got me with this. Just go get some. So he's like being pretty chill about this so far. Like everything's like, you know, like I feel like a lot of times the story is with someone who's like clearly like a fuck boy. Like the moment you start talking about commitment,

they start getting squirrely or whatever. So I'm like, Oh wow, he's doing well. And then she goes, and how do you see the man in the marriage? Cause I see them as the protector, the provider, and the sole provider. And he's like, sole provider? You know, he was like looking around at this enormous house,

this personal trainer in Germany. He's looking at this enormous house. He's like, wait, you're supposed to pay for me. He's like, I'm not even buying you things for your soul. Like you're not even getting shoes out of me. You're dating a thought from, from fucking Instagram, who personal trains for a living.

How are you expecting him to pay for this lifestyle, ma'am? Cause he was there. He was looking for the free meals. He's like, I want to be the next Sergio. He's like, I literally like, I went on to be Sergio.com and was like, I signed up and I got paired with you. How did this happen? I'm not the sole sole provider. Yeah, I think you're barking up the wrong tree here. You know, you can't just like pick the hottest one and be like, and now you can also support me. That's just not how it works.

You know, they're different. You need to find a go find a Zoltan. Like, let's be let's just not how it works. You know, they're different. You need to find a go find a Zoltan. Like let's be, let's just be real. Okay. You can't just have your cake and eat it too. Talk about wanting your cake and eating it too. You just can't do that. So Akeen goes, okay, well, when the man pays for everything, who has the most say in the relationship? And not you.

Not you. Okay. This is, okay, this is not a stockholders meeting where whoever has the most shares gets to pass the laws for the company. Okay, this is a relationship. And by the way, Sarah, you know that discussion you were saying how you've had a bad history of picking men, you've found men who've been narcissistic and who have treated you very poorly. This would be the sign on the highway that says, um, last exit before the toll. Okay. Like you're, you've been warned, get off, get off the highway.

Yeah. But it's also like saying, I want a highway that's private that only people with money can be on. God, I hate toll highways. You know what I mean? Like, complaining about paying the toll. Because she's literally like, you know what I want? I want a man who is the protector, provider, the sole provider. The man is the man, and the woman is taken care of. Like, she's going for such old, like, I mean, for us, you know, bar culture. Well, she's going for super traditional. Like, she's going in this, like, ultra traditional way, which, you know, it's like, I mean, for us, you know, for our culture, she's going in this like ultra traditional way, which, you know, it's like, we've kind of been fighting for the right to not have that as our only option.

I guess that is still an option. I'm not saying it's not, but I'm just saying like, she wants her cake and eat it too. She wants to be like, oh, this is what I want. I want a traditional marriage. But he's like, oh, you know, you mean the kind of marriage where the man is the leader of the house? And she's like, no, no, I'm still the leader of the house.

The problem is that like, it's not crazy to say, look, I want you to provide for the family. I want to like raise the kid. I'm going to do my thing or whatever. And you provide, but where it's a partnership, but like that's your end of the partnership. That's fine. But the thing is that she often expresses things like, I want this to be super traditional. This is the way we traditionally do it, that you're the provider, but like it's tricky because it also makes it sound like she wants really traditional gender roles too.

And I think she just needs to have a conversation with Lindsay Hubbard. And I think that like she could be like, how do you say it? How do you explain it? You know, because I think Lindsay's actually kind of saying the same thing to Carl and Summer House, but Lindsay frames it not like, oh, let's, I want this relationship steeped in tradition. She's more like, you provide for us. I'm gonna take care of the kid. And that's how it's going to be.. I'm gonna take care of the kid. And that's how it's gonna be. And I'm still gonna call the shots. Well, if any man ever said to me,

I get to call the shots because I make more money, right? No. I would be like, you're fucking out of here. So fuck this guy first of all. Yes, that's the most important takeaway. Thank you for reminding me. So fuck that guy. I just think that going into it and being like,

I want a traditional marriage where the woman is taken care of and provided for, that's also pretty gross to me. I don't love that either. I don't like either one of those things. Right. So either way, I think it's a recipe for disaster right here.

Lindsay, I think was different because Lindsay was saying, I want you to be, when we have a baby, I want to be able to stay at home for a few years with that baby and I need to make sure that the baby is provided for it because right now I'm making more money and if I'm gonna trust you to be the one who's gonna provide this money, you know, whatever.

I don't know if they're even talking about children or whatever, but just a flat out like, well, I want the man to do this. You know, I just don't like it. It just reminds me of too many things in modern culture that I'm fighting against. It felt regressive. But yeah, no problem. Such an easy way to put it, but I need to spend 20 minutes stumbling over my tongue.

And obviously the two of us fully support. If that's something that you want in your relationship, then that's fine. More power to you. But it just feels, the way she phrases it, it feels regressive and then she's like surprised when there's like a regressive response to it too. So, but doesn't excuse the regressive response in any way. But also we're also kind of falling all over ourselves about having an opinion about not wanting women to be treated like they were in the dark ages.

We're acting like that's the worst thing to say. And that's how I feel. I'm not apologizing. So Sarah then tells us about her dad provided everything, you know, with yada, yada, yada. And you could see that Akeen is just like, fuck, I'm not paying for this house. He's just looking around. He's not even listening anymore. He's like, how do I back out slowly from here? I'll pay for everything if we can live a Wendy's kind of a lifestyle, but not this.

If you want a baked potato every night for dinner, I will provide that, you know what I mean? Yeah, he's like, I'll get us some protein powder, but I think outside of that. I'm a personal trainer. So now they talk about, but what about Akeen? What about Akeen leaving and are you gonna be exclusive? And she's like, you know, in Arab culture, if you're dating somebody, that means you're prepping for marriage. But he's not a boyfriend until

he meets my family. But he's basically saying, if we're together and I'm dating other people, if we're together, then we have to be exclusive. I'm not going to be okay with you dating other people. Right. So, then we go over to Caroline and Yasmin at a restaurant. And Caroline says that she wasn't able to go on the college tour because of the house delays, etc. that she she wasn't able to go on the college tour because of the house house delays etc which I know it was important to Yasmin but guess what my bonsai tree

needed to be watered and given vitamins and that's it sorry unfortunately I saw Sergio walking around our toaster with a fork too many times to be feel really confident leaving him home alone. So I just had to stay home and keep a watchful eye on him. I tried going with Yasmin, but Sergio lied down in front of the airplane wheels and started crying and screaming, my baby, my baby, I'm the man of the house. Please respect me. Honestly, that's probably what it was because like if Sergio were like had any sort of, you know, capability of doing anything on his own, he probably would have said, I'll

take care of the stuff at the house. You go on this college tour because like that's important to college tour. But she can't she can't leave Sergio alone because he's like otherwise the house will just crumble into dust. Also, he was sobbing about it because he's like, well, you're going on a honeymoon with your with your husband. How do you think that's going to make me feel baby? How am I going to feel baby? Prioritize me baby. Be quiet Sergio. Go back into the, into the luggage bin. I pulled you out of, I don't

even know what that means, but it felt nice to say. So, uh, so then the kid is like, like, well, you know, uh, yeah, I'm'm into UCLA, but I like Miami a lot, blah, blah, blah. And so they're talking about the relationship and Caroline's like, do you feel like I prioritize you whatever your name is? She goes, no, mother, I don't feel like you prioritize any of us. She goes, us? When you say us, who else do you mean?

Me and the other two children. There are two others of you. God, I nearly do you mean? Me and the other two children. There are two others of you. God, I nearly forgot about that. Shocking. And then Caroline talks about how, you know, it was very difficult because my ex and I were distant. Then I meet Sergio, then COVID hits, the husband leaves and Sergio moves right in. I mean, what was I supposed to do? You know, I mean, in COVID, you can only get close to your lover. I mean, was I supposed to spend more time with my children, they might have had germs.

I mean, what was I supposed to do just leap Sergio on the street, let him rot and die out there in a COVID infested landscape. Actually, though, now that I say it, it does sound quite hilarious. So now that I say it, it does sound quite hilarious. So Caroline's like, well, I don't want you to think that I take Sergio side. She goes, but you do take Sergio side. That's what really upsets me. You know?

Well, let me explain something to you, darling. Sergio is the child that I wanted. Does that make you feel better? You just came at a time and a place from a person who just didn't want you. Does that make you feel better? You just came at a time and a place from a person who just didn't want you. Does that make you feel better? You know, by the way, this is not the salad I ordered. It's exactly what I said when you came out. Does that make you feel any better, darling? You're not a person. You're like a salad. All right. Salads don't cry. Do you understand?

You know, here's a way to look at it, Yasmin. In real estate, when you're buying a house like we just did, you can either get a fresh new house or you can get a fixer-upper. And all children are inherently fixer-uppers, aren't they? It's like an 18-year fixer-upper. And I thought, you know what? I want new construction. So I just went and got Sergio. I think now it makes sense, right? I mean, look at the new mansion, darling. There was a big plot of dirt, just raw dirt, disgusting. You get water, you get mud all over your feet. That was you. And then I said, you know what would look better there? A bonsai tree. So I had a bonsai tree craned over the

house and into the dirt. The bonsai tree's name is Sergio. Does this make more sense now? Do you feel better? And, I mean, we can all agree when that tree was finally installed, everyone was so happy. Even those two adorable street urchins on the banister. Those are your children. I just keep forgetting there's more than just you. Isn't that hilarious? So Caroline just hands her a napkin, like, here, stop blubbering. She's like, I have my own napkin. She's like, then use it, please, God. It's disgusting. It's embarrassing. So then she's like, darling, I promise you, I'm going to shift priorities more. I'm not

going to only ignore you. I'm also going to ignore Sergio more. So we just even it out. Do you feel better now? You've made me realize that I do need to change my priorities. I need to hang out with Michael more and be away from all you whiny brats. Thank you. Thank you for shining that light on me. Now we go to Talene's house and her sister,

Lowe is there and also her mom and Rafi. Rafi, did Rafi get Chucky hair or has he always had Chucky hair? Because he's got Chucky hair. Chucky like the doll? The doll, the doll hair, yeah. He's got like, he's got doll hair. Plugged in there.

Like the big red crazy hair? No, it's not the color, it's that it's doll hair because it's like blood. I do perhaps I'm going to have to study. I'll go back to the tape and study and come back with an answer. That guy's got more plugs than a lamp store. And I was like, they look pretty good. I mean, look, it took me how many six episodes to even notice them. So I think they look pretty good. I mean, look, it took me how many,

six episodes to even notice them. So I think they're pretty good. I'm gonna get them. Could you even imagine me with hair? I can't wait. I'm gonna get the Rachel. I think I would, I would love for you to have the Rachel actually.

I'm gonna do it. So it's a sad day because their dog Coco died. And so they're all sad and they're talking, they're reflecting on Coco. She's like, oh my God, guys, we lost Cokes. And I was like, oh my God, I've been there too. Why am I like with so many people today? You know, airplane, airports, you know,

you gotta dump things before you get to TSA. So Talina's like, Coco has been with us longer than my husband. We took her everywhere. She has traveled more than Lady Gaga on a world tour. And Talene is, so she's like talking, she's telling the table. She's like, you know what everyone I want to say in memory of Coco, the one thing Coco loved more than anything else was a grudge. So here, this one's going to be for you Coco. I wrote about Coco dying in a group chat and the only ones who reached out were Ion Lisa and Sanberry Brooks

Didn't do you know how hurtful that is a dog just died. How could you not reach out to someone? A dog just died and Rafi is like you guys you always have your drama and then it gets back to normal the next day so whatever women Huh? Women women And. Huh? Women. Women, am I right? So Talene's like, well, we haven't spoken in a week. And then, you know, and then Brooks was trying to make it

seem like these girls are terrible. And, you know, I call her out on it. And then Brooks, you know, she starts acting out. And I said, you know what? Isn't this like stirring the pot a little? I mean, low. Do you think it's like stirring the pot a little? Ma. I mean, is the pot stirred? Is it stirred a lot or a little ma? It's stirred a little, right?

It's stirred. It's stirred. I love how low is the mom. They all have the same voice. It's very stirred, Talene. Everything is stirred. The whole thing is stirred. It's so funny. It's like Marge Simpson sisters, which we also say about the girls from Jersey, the sisters on, Melissa Gorgas' sisters on New Jersey, like, hey, Melissa, hey, honey, how's it going? Good. Talene's like, I'm seeing a side of Brooks that maybe she wasn't the friend that I thought she was.

And it's just like really, really hard to digest, sort of like the cookies I made last week. So we go to Adam's 11th birthday party and, um, it's this big fancy party and Zoran comes and, uh, you know, I keep calling him Zoltan, his name is Zoran. I keep calling him Zoltan. I know. Is Zoltan the guy from big in the, um, he's the future telling machine, right? I have a Zoltan.

I went to a game place and I, I did the Zoltan kind of got to open this car door. I'm dying in here. It's the Valley in the summer and I'm recording in my car like a fucking crazy person. This is how I'm going to die. But anyway, I went to one of those game places and I got a Zoltan reading. I should bring it on and read it. I don't want to get up. I'll do it later. So it's this whole beach set up kids party and everything. Zoran comes in and Brooks goes, my relationship with Zoran is like the toilet in the glass house up and down and never know. You never know what you're going to get. Also like the toilet.

It's like a roll of the dice, like the toilet. Basically, what I'm trying to say is so much of my life is wrapped up in that toilet. And the producer was like, is he footing the bill? She's like, putting the bill, the voice for your bill for his vodka tonic. That's my son's birthday. That's on me. That is all on me. So then Sarah and Lisa come and they talk about how,

Oh, we spent so much money on birthdays in Dubai. And Lisa's like, yeah, I'm already planning Max's birthday at the world's seventh star, Bergeral Rob. What is it called? Bergeral Rob? Bergeral Rob. The teardrop, the teardrop thing. Sorry, I don't know how to pronounce it.

I'm, I'm, I'm ignore rant on that one. So Sarah's like, once I went to a two year old's birthday and they gifted a Rolls Royce. I mean, what the hell is a two year old going to do with a Rolls Royce? Well, then I asked that two year old if he wanted to marry me and support my family. I was going to say, oh, I'm just remembering that was actually the party that I threw for my tomb. I asked that kid to pay for the Rolls Royce. And then that two year old climbed on top of the Rolls Royce and it worked. So, they're all chatting and everything. And the big thing here is that Talleen has not shown up

or she never RSVP'd or whatever. So they're in like a big petty fight. So Brooks didn't reach out about the dog. So Talene's not going to the kid's birthday. Yeah, it's pretty shitty. Although at the same time, she probably is thinking, I'm probably going to fight with Caroline if I go this birthday and I don't want to do that at Adam's party. So they're all hanging out. They're joking about like how, you know, Stamber is like, well, I'm never gonna drink again. After the night I had with you, roll that footage, roll that beautiful bean footage, as I've learned from Ronnie. And we see on Instagram, Caroline being drunk

and falling into a bush, sort of Countess du An style. She was like having so much fun with Talene. Yes. And then, is it the husband who compares Stanbury to Margot Robbie? I know, I think it's the, maybe it is. I don't remember, someone did it. Maybe it's, yeah, I think it was the husband.

Yeah, because there was also footage of Stanbury like late at night going into Raffi's room and like crawling onto him. And he's like, oh my God, I get woken up by Margot Robbie. And then Talene's mom is like, who's that? Is he a porn star? So then back to the kids party, Brooks and Sarah are talking and Sarah's like, so did you see Stambury's story?

What does Talene doing in those stories? And Brooks is like, yeah, Lisa said this to me. Stamberry, Talene hanging out on Instagram, deep diving into the pits of hell. That is very, very fitting. Gunner meets gunner. Wow. Like, geez. Geez, that's like your best friend that you're, you may be in a fight, but that's like your

best friend that you're talking about. And she's like, Stam, you are complaining about Selena. Bush is open at Beyonce, and now you're letting her jump right into your Bush. And you also just made a joke about Bush's beans and the footage. A lot of Bush talking, can we get a fourth Bush?

No, comedies and threes and fives, I'm done. No more Bush references. Yeah, but at the same time, you were over there standing up for her and her showing her Bush to everybody, and now you're calling her gutter trash. So, whatever. Exactly.

So Brooks is like, it's like a child, when you tell him, hey baby, the fire's hot, don't touch it, you're gonna get burned. You know what I do? I pour the hot Earl Grey all over her head,

and I say, burn, you Earl Grey ordering a little fuck, burn! Her son just passes with like a bandaid on his head. He's like, hi mom, thanks for the party. So then we go to, back to Talene's and Talene and Stamber are talking and Talene's like, well, I'm not chasing.

I'm not going to Adam's birthday. And Stamber is like, I mean, I probably gave Talene more of a chance because Brooks made such an effort to keep us apart. The more I've gotten to know Talene, she's her own person. She's just very, very funny. She's like the anti Sergio. Enjoyable, pleasant, smart.

Say it again. I'm sorry. Enjoyable, pleasant, smart. Really all the good things you look for in someone you socialize with. And the producer is like, is she funnier than you? And she's like, no one's funnier than me. Laugh. Valentina, please come in here. Valentina. Okay. Laugh. Someone, I think Tullien's like, so do you think that, why do you think she's so mad? Do you think she was drunk? And Stamberry goes, Oh God, Brooks is always

drunk. And that's how it ends. And they're like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. And we come to the end of Real Housewives of Dubai. And then we got a mid-season trailer, uh, which was good. And it also makes me feel like this would be a nice, like a nice tight season. I'm going to say 12, I've 12 episodes, maybe 10 episodes. My favorite kind of season. You know, I love a 12 or.

I feel like, you know what, like on a show like this, a tight season works really well. So thank you, Bravo for being on top of that. And thank you everyone for being here. We sure do love you all. Remember to go check out our love Island footage. I'm not footage. We just are taking footage. Well, it is footage as well. Yeah. Our love Island content that we're doing on Patreon. We'll'll have wrap ups that we'll compile together at the end of the week, so there's that too. And also check out our website if you're looking to get into some back catalogs on some of our shows.

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