Watch What Crappens - #2488 House of the Dragon S02E05: Aegon, Girl

Episode Date: July 15, 2024

This week on House of the Dragon, Aemond’s burning it up on the throne, Alicent has had it with men’s bullshit, and RaeRae realizes that her husband might not be on her side. Watch this recap on video  and listen to all of our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to watcha crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Well hello and welcome to Winter is Crappening. I'm Ronny and that's Ben over there. Hi, Ben. Hi, how are you? Good. It was an intense House of the Dragon day, but before we get to that, thanks for listening to this. If you only want House of the Dragon, subscribe to Winter is Crappening, okay? Do it anyway, because it's fun. Also, we're covering Love Island right now over on our Patreon feed at watch, patreon.com slash watch what crappens. So go check that out. This is also available as a video recap if you'd rather watch it. It's also on Patreon. Thanks to everybody for your support. Ben, how are you feeling about

House of the Draggs? Ben Bickle Well, I feel fine, I feel good. I am enjoying the season. You know, last week was a really big, exciting episode. This is more of like a transitional episode, it feels like, to the next big thing. Getting a little tired of Damon's, and by a little tired, I mean very tired of Damon's, like, is it a dream, is it not a dream?

I'm losing my mind in Harrenhal. I'm over that. But, you know, it's fine. What did you think, Ronnie? I loved it. Okay, so let's go to Dragonstone. Okay, so Driftmark Corlys is just walking around. It's like a Housewives episode where it just starts with everybody going about their day. Like Corlys is like kind of walking to his throne wondering what he's going to wear to the tea party later. You know, he's like, I wish I could ask Rhaenys what I should wear, but she's not here. And then he cries some more. And then in Dragonstone, Rhae-Rhae is just looking out over the sea,

distraught. Mm hmm. Yeah. And then we go to King's Landing and all the small folk around. I love the small folk. They're really interested. You know, they're just having fun and they're just doing their thing. I do not love the small folk. I just went to Ross Dress for Less in Glendale. Okay. Fuck the small folk. Hey, you know what? Let's stop putting all of the merchandise directly on the ground. I'm starting to wonder if this is a Ross Dress for Less thing that they do. Like maybe people will buy more things if we just cover the ground in all of our

merchandise. But I see the people going through there. I don't know what it is about Ross, but they will literally just take something off of the shelf and be like, huh, no, I just throw it down on the ground. What the fuck dude. Yeah. Well, you know, small folk. Am I right? They just, you know what? They're just rebels. They just do what they want. Um, actually they don't. They actually literally are just like trapped in this, this castle. What then the, I keep,

for some reason I have this mental thing going on where every time I want to say King's Landing, I want to say West End instead, which is hilarious to think of King's Landing as the West End. It's definitely not. But anyway, Kristen and, um, Kristen and Sir Gawain, they come back, you know, they just had this big battle and they're like, you know, it'd be really great. You know, people are going to love up ahead a dragon. Let's just bring this dragon head through the streets.

It's going to be a great PR moment for us. What a fucking loser this guy is. Did you guys not have the dodo in this time? Okay. And I don't have cell phones yet, but don't you have like nice animal videos where people are like, wow, look at this dove hanging out with this cow.

We were just talking about it on another recap today. You know, people love animals. You can't just be like, well, guess what? It's a beheaded dragon. You fucking moron. Okay. So this gigantic head. And he's like, why aren't people cheering for us? Because of course people are like, I once saw a video of that dragon cuddling with a little chick, a baby chick, and now it's dead. Am I supposed to be happy about this? You fuck. People don't realize that the the YouTube Raven of

Malice crashing through the floor during the King's coronation is the number one most viewed YouTube Raven in all of Westeros So you basically just like destroyed a viral video star. So way to go way to go Kristen you basically killed Trisha Paytas a viral video star. So way to go, way to go, Kristen. You basically killed Trisha Paytas. So congratulations. Why don't you just put Trisha Paytas's head and just parade that around the fucking town. Okay. Yeah. You know, this is like the,

this is literally the equivalent of the government wanting to shut down TikTok, you know? Yeah. It's just not a good move. So everyone's pissed seeing this dragon and you hear people, you know, you hear small, small folk things like, wait a minute, who would behead a dragon? Hey, wait a second, I don't even want this globe of the world. Hey, Dad, you just dropped the globe on the floor. That's where it deserves to be. That's an abomination. I've lost my appetite for this water soup. Okay, so they're like,

Kristen's like, don't they realize that we've won the battle? This is like a really cool thing. This is like, it was gonna be like, whoa, dragon in the street and everyone's like not cheering. Like, where is the cheering? And Gwyn's like, well, strange victory if it was one. And by the way, I'm just choosing to be bitchy after the five days of travel it took to get back here, after I didn't say how disgusting it was the entire way here. It's just fun to watch you flop around as the head is being dragged through the streets. Because you know that Gwaine had plenty of time to be like, hey, this isn't cool. Maybe we shouldn't drag a dragon head around the streets.

But he didn't. But now that he sees that it didn't work, he's like, you should have known idiot. What a stupid move. So it's just like such a Gawain move. Also like try it out on a smaller market first. Like you had a lot of towns. Open like Chicago. Yeah. Like maybe bring the dragon head through it to little village and see how it goes. See how this lands. I see what lands with the. Like do some focus, like let's do some focus group stuff.

Uh, before we launch this, just do a hard launch in, in King's Landing. Right. It's a bit of a, for sure. Like open it and Poughkeepsie. You know what I mean? Like the paper mill booked, like try this shit out. I know. Come on.

There are a lot of places to do. Okay. How about the Zapp theater? Okay. Yeah. So, um, he's pissed and we see everyone just mortified at this dragon head as they should be. And I was remortified. And also I watched the last half of last week's episode again, before this one, just because my HBO was stuck for some reason. It was like, you still have more to watch. I think cause I changed devices midstream last time. And so I watched the second half again, got that dragon battle was so

good. It was good watching it the second time and even sadder somehow watching it the second time. And like, Rayneese is such a badass, like that she buckled her seatbelt when she knew she was going to die. She's like, well, we're going to die. Guess I better buckle my seat belts. Like I don't want to embarrass my family by like, I don't want to get in a car crash. And then everybody'd be like, oh my God, rainy. So I wasn't wearing your seatbelt. So I just want to give them that piece. I was wearing my seatbelt. I've just left her. Yeah. Uh, but going forward, dragon riders, let's look into parachutes. Okay. So seriously, let's get some, let's, we could work on some of the safety devices. The seatbelt is nice, but I think a parachute is probably more useful if you have a dragon mishap.

Yeah. Could have helped Luke out too, probably. So, um, uh, so Hugh hammer, he's one of the small folk. He's the one whose daughter has been coughing. I know. Let's be honest. He is such a porn star. Hugh hammer comes through the crowd and he's looking at the dragon's head. And the boy next to him is like, I thought dragons were gods. And he's like, well, it's just meat now. By the way, I have a question, Ronnie.

We've met Hugh Hammer before because we saw him with his wife like two weeks ago or whatever, where like their daughter is like, cough, cough, cough, like coughing in the corner. And the wife was like, I had to walk like a mile to get chicken. Okay. But then we had a scene in another episode Obama. Inflation. Am I right? But then we had, uh, we had a scene like not too long ago where there was a guy who went into a pub and was like, guess what?

I am actually like a half brother of the king or the king or something like that. That was not Hugh Hammer. That was a different person, right? Or was that a different person? Thank you. Like, I just want a clarification because Hugh Hammer has big white hair. That's long. That's very, very, um, you know, uh, of those dragon rider ask. So I was like, I didn't put any of these people together that you just linked up. I just thought they were all different characters. Small folk or not monolith. Okay. To me, they're just all people who drop middle of a Ross aisle. Like, so, uh, we see the parade passing by and there's still rat catchers hanging from the fucking walls. I mean, it's just death and destruction.

Nothing good is in town. Like, can we add a waterfall? You know what I mean? Like there's other things, sidewalks, like there are things this town needs and you guys are just not decorating. Well, there's so many, a mural, a mural to celebrate someone. I don't know. They can go in so many different directions. We got to beautify this place. For real. So, Alison and Aamond are watching from the roof and she just looks at him and he's smiling and she's like, she notices that dagger in his belt. Okay, so we didn't talk about this dagger last week. You were like, I think that might be the king. So I was like, yeah, duh. Really rudely to you, which I apologize for.

I've been bristling all week since then. I was like, I can't believe that Ronnie dismissed my dagger observation. Well, you were right too, because later I was like, that was pretty rude, Ronnie. That was pretty heartless. So sorry about that. But we didn't talk about that dagger. So that dagger, we saw Allicent holding it to Ray Ray earlier. Oh yeah. Or last season, whenever that fight happened. And also that dagger has been featured in Game of Thrones itself. It's a very famous dagger. Is that the dagger that was used to kill? Yes, the Valerian steel dagger. And did it kill the White Walker guy?

Maybe. It's called the Mick, right? Mick Dagger? Hey-o! I apologize. Thank you. This has been Winter's Crappening. We appreciate you all listening. And this concludes our service. We officially quit. Okay. So Valerian, this is called a Valerian Steel Dagger. Okay. Is it one of many or is it just the one? By the way, they also- It says a Valerian Steel Dagger. That dagger once belonged to Agon the Conqueror. It was Aenar's before that. And before that, it's difficult to know. Before Agon's death, the last of the Valerian pyromancers hid his song in the steel. So, the song is hidden in the steel of this,

and this is according to Viserys. Pete Slauson That's what they had to light up to see it. You know what? Well, I think we all know the history of that dagger. It belonged to Aegon the Conqueror, and before that it belonged to Aegon the shopper, Aegon, And then before that it was a gun, the hot dog lover, the hot dog lover. But then there was also a gun. They just like to tidy up a little bit. Um, and then there was of course, a gun, the, um, always shows up five minutes late. You know, it's, it's long a story history.

They got the late, um, who's not dead. He's just always late. Okay. So after the fall of the Targaryens, it was given to a cat's paw to be used in an assassination attempt on Bran Stark. This weapon would indirectly begin the War of the Five Kings and years later also end the Great War when Arya Stark used it to kill the Night King. Grrr!

Love it. By the way, we have to say also, it hasn't come out yet, but we did a guest spot on another guest spot on the big flop and we talked all about Game of Thrones and the final season. So everyone, we keep an ear and an eye out for that podcast and we'll, uh, alert you to that. But that was some bonus Game of Thrones content from us on that fun, fun show. So now there's a crate being carried through the castle and it's like, Oh my God, who is

it? You know, hopefully a child because that's where child children should be kept until in crates. Yeah, it's a great. And it turns out that it's egg on body. And it's just some beautiful shots in this show. I mean, really just be this whole thing of carrying this crate through the entire castle and like under the arches. I mean, just beautifully shot. Also did the regular game of Thrones look as much like Elden Ring as this show? Have you noticed that this show literally is just the sets from Elden Ring all over again? It's crazy. Like the literal sets and castles from that show are in this show. When they later on go to the twins, which is basically a bridge across a river. Um, I was like, this looks exactly like Elden Ring. I mean, the truth is that Elden Ring looks more like Game of Thrones, right?

But it feels like both both properties have come together and it made me actually really nostalgic to the year that we spent Ronnie playing Elden Ring and talking about it before every single episode that we recorded. Did you catch my city cat? To an audience of non-Elden Ring players which is pretty funny. They're like you guys please shut the fuck up. Can you talk about Real Households of New York and not Elden Ring right now? Yeah it's pretty crazy. So then, um, he is a mess. This kid is a goddamn mess, but I love that they left him kind of cute because it's like so TV to do that

where they're like, he's burned, he's burned beyond recognition, except for half of his face cause he's still got to be kind of hot. I mean, come on, this is HBO. Yeah. And for all the talk about Valerian steel, guess what? That body is not in good shape. So, you know, they do, it's the usual, Alicent's there while the Maesters are trying to do their quote unquote surgery, which is like,

they're just putting leaves on him, that's like all they do. God, learn about modern medicine already. I know, it's like old medics. They're just like, hey, could someone tap him on the forehead with a pebble? Okay, that didn't work. Okay, hit him on the head with a pebble? Okay, that didn't work. Okay, hit him on the head with a shoe. Do that.

That didn't work either? No? I'm going to blow on him. I'm going to blow on him. I've been soaking this maple leaf in some water. I thought maybe I put it on his chest. No, I'm an anti-maple leafist. I've changed his shirt.

Did that help anything? Is he better now? All right, well. I found a twig and I was thinking of just putting it on his forehead. I like that. I think that's a good idea. Let's do that. All in favor of twig, aye.

All right, the twig shall go on the forehead. So basically, they are surgically removing and by surgically, I mean, they're just like grabbing their hands and pulling, yanking it off, but all the Valerian steel that's been broken and burned to his body. And it is disgusting. There's a lot of fleshy closeups and blood. And I was like, okay, fine, fine, fine. And then when they get to a shot of a- He looks like a vegan turkey. Has anybody out there seen a vegan turkey?

Thankfully, no. Has anybody out there seen a vegan turkey? I like it. I like people raising their hands in their car so they listen. Me. Yeah, man, this is disgusting. That looks like a vegan turkey. I believe that. That's funny.

I was like, okay, until they show like a broken bone and I was like, I had to have heard my, I was like, no, I can't look at this. I don't do broken bones. And I just heard a snap and I was like, Nope, that's it. I mean, while Alison's just standing there, they're like, um, uh, ma'am, we're we're sort of doing some leap surgery right now. Could you give us some space? She was like, absolutely. And then she's like still hovering right there. It's like, ma'am,

these leads are not going to put themselves onto his torso. Okay. Let the maesters do their work. I literally don't have a television guy. Just please stay here. Nothing else for me to do. So she's like, so is he going to die or, and they're like, man, please leave. We're trying to work. She goes, yeah. So what's the ETA dead or alive? What are we thinking? You guys want to take bets? Like, man, please. So then she's like, of course. So she, she's like, of course, let me, let me,

let me get out of your way. And she like, takes like one step back, man, we need more than just one step. She's like, Oh, my apologies. Yeah. Half step to the right. Like, I'm like, man, you're doing the macarana now. Okay. Cause you just get the fuck out of here. Don't we need some levity? I mean, that's what a queen is here for. Yas queen. There's a reason why people say that we want levity. So, um,

Eamon comes in and he's of course so Eamon about it. He's like, well, someone, someone he's ruling this stead. I mean, look at him. It's burnt to a little crisp down there. All right, I win. And then we go, and then we go over to Kristen, he's polishing a sword. He's taking a lemon and he's, he's like, he's like squeeze, not squeezing, but he's like rubbing this lemon on his sword. That's not good for your blade. Everyone knows you don't want to leave your knives. If you, if you slice a lemon,

you don't want to leave your knife with citrus on it in the sink. You got to wash that citrus off it. That's what, but it's good to clean with. It's good to clean. What does he need to clean it with? Why does he need to clean it? He just murdered 20,000 people, bro. He needs to clean the sword. Fine. Literally saw a battle last week. He's got a sword to clean. You keep it as like brag,

but like this is the blood of the people that betrayed me, you know? No. I don't know. This town has no, this town has no food and you're gonna waste a lemon on your sword. It's not right. Well, lemon's not really food. It's like a food stuff.

It's like a flavor. It's gonna help the grass taste better that they have to eat. Yeah. So basically- What, suddenly you can't have lemonade for the small folk? So Allison's like, so? And he's like, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um,

so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, so, um, um, so, um, so, um, sofire was long in the dying. She's like, okay, are you going to tell me what happened to the king? Give me the tea. I sent you out there. Do you have any tea? My brother's not talking to me either. What's the point? And he's like, well, his grace fought valiantly. Okay, well, then what about Aemond? What was his part in this? He goes, I could not say. I'm like, okay, so after all these battles this guy's been through in his life, suddenly this is the one that traumatizes him. Well, yeah, I mean, I guess the first time

you see a fucking dragon in action, you're like, okay, we're fucked. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial. Divorced beheaded died, divorced beheaded survived. We know the six wives of Henry VIII as pawns in his hunt for a son, but their lives were so much more

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Hysterical. Follow Hysterical on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Hysterical early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. So then we cut to Drag it Stone and Ray Ray is talking to the small council and the men are like, we're men and the dragons have been killed. Men, men, men, men, men. Oh, hopefully no one with boobies has anything to say. She's like, so do we have any news on boobies, stroking boobies, make it stop. Yeah, this episode was the commentary on sexism episode. So Sir Alfred is like the blowhard and he is really upset. He's like our largest dragon has been killed and Kristen Kohl marches about the crownlands unchallenged and

Duskendale and Rookswest and Mockendale and Rostrestfuless are all savaged. We have no ground army but the one we hope that the demon will raise and he has left us after some marital spat. Stupid. And Rere is like excuse me why are you bringing my marriage into this? Do you have a problem with me? He's like, no, I think my loyalty to you is proven. You know how I say, please boobies don't talk and then you talk and then I say, why are boobies talking? I mean, I mean, he's like, I could never doubt your capabilities and quickness of mind, even though you are just a set of boobies in a dress, but you know, you are the gentler booby sex and have not been privy to the strategies of battle and men things. Yeah.

He's like, only men can fight battles that you don't have experience. And she's like, yeah, we've always had peace in our lifetime. So you haven't seen battles either. Okay. And he's like, yeah, we've always had peace in our lifetime, so you haven't seen battles either. Okay? And he's like, a burn. Wow, all right. I will be quiet. Just as when I was a babe, I've been silenced by breast.

I shall now sit. Thank you. And now, of course, all the dusty men of the council are all weighing in, like, we must go to Rook's Rest. And like, no, we've lost already. big odds depleted, but the big odds dead. Where we will soon know, they're all like men, men, men, men, men. And she's just getting frustrated.

Yeah. And they're like, we need to strike King's Landing because that dragon is going to take a nap and going to wake up even more pissed. And she's like, I'm going to go to King's Landing. And they're like, God, bro, you can't, how many times do we need to, bro, you can't. How many times do we need to tell you, you can't go?

You are the mayor. So then we go over to the study and Jace is all angry. So he's like stomping through and Bela's hanging out. She's like, what's going on, Jace? And he's like, I'm going to go to Harrenhal. I'm going to talk with Daemon. Okay. Because Renise is falling and we need to get Daemon back here.

And she's like, what makes you think that he's going to listen to you? You're like three feet tall and he's got rage issues. And he's like, I don't get to do anything. My mother sends you away to scout to fight. And what am I allowed to do? I'm just sitting here. Coral. Coral. I'm a prince. It's humiliating. So then he comes up with this great idea. He's like, you know what I'm going to do? I suddenly got an idea right now, conveniently in this conversation. I'm going to go see the phrase, the phrase who really are never, never wants to do bad things.

The phrase, by the way, were the ones who were behind the red wedding. So you know, at the moment he says, I'm going to, I'm going to make an arrangement. The phrase, I think we all are like, don't make a deal with the phrase. No, the phrase are no good. Don't do that. Bad news. So, he's like, well, Craig and Starks Greybeards are marching to the south and if this man had direct route to the Riverlands, we could not have to wait for Damon to act. I will

treat, I'm going to talk to the phrase and get an end." And she's like, Ray Ray's not going to like that. And he's like, well, then don't tell her. It's like, oh, this never ends well on Game of Thrones. Yeah. Don't make a secret deal with the phrase. Is he dead like next week? Are they already going to kill him too? He's so adorable. Don't kill him. You guys are killing too many people too fast. I know. So, okay. Well, now we go to Damon and, uh, he is on dragon and he's, he's found, uh, the Brackens, you know, the old bracket in the Blackwood situation.

So he's found some Brackens and he's basically trying to intimidate them. He's got the drag and he's like, so, uh, bend the knee or else I'm going to burn you alive. And the guy's like, fuck your dragon. I'm from the river lands. We don't care about dragons. We just care about, you know, hard work, pub songs and being, you know, and like, joy. He's like, I'd rather be suitor be the Lord of bones and sin does than bend my knee before some heathen Blackwood cup fitness in his high dragon. I was like, wow, you're calling him a cup fitness. You really do not care. He does not care. They're like, just what, what are we living for? Okay. You've burned everything. We have nothing. We don't even have

a Walmart left. Just fucking kill me already. Yeah, exactly. We have an electricity in like five days. We don't even care anymore. So, um, now it's like they've been burned. It's some time has passed and demons like, damn, I did not think. He didn't know. We saw the dragon's head come down and that was a great shot by the way. So this guy goes just burn us already. You fuck. And so he turns away from the dragon and then the dragon you just see behind him, the dragon lowers his head. Like it's such a good shot. That makes this, this, this dialogue make much more sense. Cause he's like, oh, I didn't even see him die.

So then he's sitting with Gawain and he's like, I've never seen someone so eager to die. They literally did not even care. What the hell? Yeah. So, you know, it was like, God, there's gotta be another way. They're like, the threat of fire and death is not gonna work. There's gotta be some other way. And then all of a sudden Damon's like, well, then perhaps you could try less fighting and more persuading. And of course my gay brain is like, Oh, he's going to seduce him. They're going to bone.

Like there was something at like the gaydar pain. He's like, you seem a little gay. He seems a little gay. I'm sensing this is all just sexual tension, so go seduce him. And I was like, yes, okay, cool. I'm sorry that I called him Gawain. This isn't Gawain, obviously, this is Willem. So sorry, everybody. So, he's like, well, wait a minute, we can't just persuade them. I mean, we fought for an age. And he's like, well, more persuading is what we need. He's like, no, well, I guess they are unyielding in battle, but every man has a weakness. Let me provide you some knee pads. So you take my meaning then. There are things the crown itself must not be seen to do.

Oh, show them your worst guzzler. Get out there. Tell me, are there a lot of back alleys in the Bracken lands? Dun, dun, dun, dun. So Willem grabs the sword and rushes away. So then we go to the Uri, the seat of House Arryn and the Vale of Arryn. So Lady Jane Arryn is speaking to Rhaenyra. I mean, not Rhaenyra, Rhaenyra. Rhaenyra, Rhaenyra Targaryen. So Jane's like, you know, over the centuries, many and more armies have broken themselves

against my bloody gate. Are you listening? That was a metaphor, if you know what I'm saying. Da na na na na. The area itself is impregnable, unless of course we're descended upon from the sky. And Rainer's like, uh, yeah, hi, I'm busy. Okay. Cause it takes like days to travel in this world. And you promised us 15,000 swords. Where are those swords? And she goes, oh, well, that was in return for protection from a dragon. Where's my dragon? Hmm? Well, they give you actually two dragons, beach. And she's like, well, still wet from the egg. By the way, this lady thinks that she's special because her place is vulnerable from the sky. Guess what? Every place is vulnerable from the sky in this place. Okay? So she goes, I have hunting accounts that are more fearsome. Marina goes, well,

they're dragons nonetheless. And I do not recall you specifying the size of the beast that you're in your requests. And she's like, well, you goad me child when your bread and shelter now depend on my pleasure. Oh, you are so dead lady. You are so, so dead. The errands are always, I mean, these errands, remember in game of Thrones, remember, remember the, the, the air in the one like banging her son or something. Yes. Well, she had that son Robin and they had that thing where breastfeeding him when he was 13 or something. Yeah. They're always just like a little off. These errands are crazy. That's a goop. That's a real goop family over there. That's a real between the errands and the phrase this,

this episode has them all. Am I right? real between the errands and the phrase this, this episode has them all. Am I right? So she wants a like bigger dragon, which I mean, so if there are smaller dragons and who rides the smaller dragons and how do you train them? You just have two gigantic beasts eating all the animals and nobody's like communicating with them. It doesn't sound like a good idea to just ask for dragons. I also kind of feel like the Uri is kind of out of the way. Like no one really is interested in going to the Uri. That's Reyna was literally sent there to get out of the way with the kids because it's out of harm's way. And she's like, call your town Uri. That's its name.

Yeah. Like literally nobody cares. You should be grateful. Anybody's even here visiting you. You know what I mean? But then of course, Jane is like, Oh my God, but we need protection. And like, we're like in danger. It's like, you're not in danger. You don't even have any like notable landmarks here. There are no UNESCO world heritage sites here. No one cares about the area right now. I know you need to get more like historical land.

Yeah. You don't even have like any center of commerce. There's like, there's not even like a, not even like an embassy here. Like no one's gonna attack the area. There's no home goods here. There's no home depot or a home goods. Like there's nothing with home in it.

You can't even- We're home, you can't even like sign up for global entry there. There's not even a global entry, like field office. You guys have to drive like an hour and a half to pay for global entry. Yeah, you have to like, it's terrible. So Rayna is gonna stay over there and have supper with them.

And Jane, after just trying to hard bargain, is like, oh yeah, sorry, your grandma's dead. But guess what? Guess who else is dead? Anybody who gets attacked by a giant dragon tonight, because you guys failed us. So enjoy your nap, stupid. Yeah. I'll go feel real safe with your baby dragons standing over our kitchen. Thanks. So now we go back over to Dragonstone and Ray Ray is talking to Miss Aria because she basically has no one else to chat with. So she's like, Oh, the way girlfriend, the way that they all spoke at the small counts today. And there's like, Oh, I know. Do they hold you responsible for a nice and her dragon?

She's like, Oh, I wish they had this big around me, not to me. They would make me queen, but they wish me to keep me here confined. Am I right, girlfriend? Masori was like, Oh, just because they betray their own smallness. And so she's like, so listen, I'm the sovereign, but you know, I can't do as I please, you know, and I guess it is war. So I guess that that is men's job. And Missouri is like, yeah, but you're your dad's successor. And she's like, well, he didn't teach me to fight. I mean, if I'd been a son, they would have given me fucking lessons, but I'm not. I'm just some girl, so I don't know anything. You know what I know? Here's what I know.

It's useless information. I know every king, what they like, their favorite foods, their favorite colors, like literally everything about all the kings or queens or cousins. I mean, such useless information, Ma, right? Yeah. And I'm not going to go call for Damon because if I'm basically a supplicant to my own husband, what does that make me? Okay? Okay. I don't like, you know, I just, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do, Miss Aria. And she's like, hmm, Christian Cole made the mistake. Parading a dragon's head through the streets

like a prize of war, but the people see it an ill omen. Okay, you know what, could you just stop talking like that? Just talk like a normal person, Zaria. That's all I want right now. Talking like what? Like that, you just did it right there. You like that. No. Just monitor, monitor in these times.

It's war, we can't have talking like this. Have normal patterns. Well, the people in the street are saying that when Viserys lived there was peace and bread. Bread, it doesn't have to be four syllables, Miseria. Just bread, not bread. And Rhaenyra's like, well, will whispers tear down stone or break shields? And she's like, don't underestimate your subjects.

There's a thousand thousands living in you. We haven't gotten up to that number to actually make a new number for that, but there's a thousand thousand. You know, it's so strange. You're not singing a song and yet I feel like there's a song trapped in my head when you talk. It's really difficult. Okay, do you think that these people will turn on me?

She's just a small town girl living in a lonely world. Do more, do more. It's oddly appealing now. On and on and on and on. To the discontented, the rumors are feet. Your grace, what you cannot do, let others do for you. There's more than one way to fight a war." We're joking, but I did give this scene gay snaps when the scene happened and she's like, oh my God, I can't believe all I know is everything about everyone. How am I going to win a war?

And Misaria is like, gossapitch, that's how we're going to gossip bitch. And I was like, yes, yes, Misaria, yes. Because you have the important things. The dragons aren't the important things. You guys have to trick each other and manipulate each other into doing things. You know, come on now.

Exactly. I like more manipulation on these shows. And I loved, I actually love Ray Ray and Mazaria teaming up. Like season one, I was like, Mazaria was just sort of annoying and just like around, but now that Mazaria and Ray Ray are working together, I think it's great. Yeah, agreed. So then we see Linda wearing a hooded cloak being led out of Dragonstone's castle because she is going to be the little message bringer from Azaria. Little birds, if you will. Little birds. Little birds. So now we come to...

Worms birds, birds worms. Poor Linda. Poor Linda, that name. They're like, Linda, is your name Linda or Aylinda? She's like, my name's Aylinda. Because apparently when my mother had me, they name, they're like, Linda, is your name Linda or A Linda? She's like, my name's A Linda, because apparently when my mother had me, they said, what do you want to call her? She goes, eh, Linda. It just sort of stuck. I'm a boring Linda.

Whenever someone says, hey, who's at the door? They look into their ring cam and they say, eh, Linda. It's better than being me Linda, Linda, but you know. I still don't like it. Slightly less boring than that bitch, but still. So Ray Ray and Bela are sitting together and Ray Ray is holding this like little container thing, this little metal shaped container and she's, Bela's like, oh my God, I'm broken by her enemies. She's like, Oh, let's say wonderful things about your grandma. I'll start. I love to renounce Jackie. What about you?

By the way, did your grandmother ever tell you this about the night she claimed Melisse? I've never really been able to talk about this because your sister's been around. It's a real trigger, you know, being able to claim a dragon, you know, your sister, she kind of failed on that one anyway. Ah, we can laugh about this now, right? No. You're not laughing. Okay. Well, anyway, to claim Maylis, she basically took a big fly swatter down there and they said, do not go near that dragon. But she did. And she smacked it on the head with a fly swatter and she said, I'm yours now and you are mine. And then they've been happy together ever since.

Yeah, it was a good time. You know, I loved your grandmother, my aunt. She was really great. I mean, even though she was sometimes a total bitch to me, in the end, you know, I learned some things from her, like, you know, the power of pretending like you have a loss in your mouth at all times. It really disarms people and judgy eyes. I love her judgy eyes. So anyway, take this box to someone. Thanks, bye. Pete She's like, and you know, she was fierce. She didn't really like me, but she was nice to me in the end. So, that was good. You know, so, I know you loved her with all of your heart. Well, let me make you feel better. I loved her for about four percent of her life.

Pete Okay, hugs. All right, leave now. Goodbye. Pete Take this to your grandchild. Pete Yeah. Also, I love the kind of the backstory in all these dragons is rebellion. You go and you just say, you're my, I don't care what the fucking rules are, you're my dragon. And then the dragon's like, I respect that, B. And then you become besties. Cause everyone on the show, I feel like is getting their dragons when they're not supposed to be, or they're stealing them somehow. And so I think that's the lesson here. Yeah. Also, by the way, for Raina, you know,

I know she has a whole, um, complex about the fact that she never got to have a dragon because Amon stole her dragon. Here's my suggestion. Why don't you hop on the dragon when it's little instead of when it's fully grown? And then it'll be yours. Like, just like, like why, why wait so long? Right. Get the little one and you'll be set. And then you got a dragon with spine problems that can't fly because you were riding it too early.

Go on a little, just, you don't have to go crazy. Just go on like a little light down the driveway and back. Yeah. Um, yeah, just like break it in slowly, you know? Yeah. So, she is taking that for her grand-sire, that package. So then we go to Heron Hall, blah, blah. Now Damon's hallucinating a mysterious blonde woman and she's, he's, you know, given her some and she's, he's, you know, given her some WALALALA WALALALA WALALALA WALALALA WALALALA WALALALA WALALALA WALALALA WALALALA WALALALA on her for JJ. And he's giving this big speech about him

and you were always a strong one, the finest swordsman, the fearless dragon rider. Okay, listen, you don't look great as a bleach blonde, but we couldn't change the entire lore for you. Otherwise, you're just fantastic. If only you were born first, my favorite son, you're fucking your mother in your dream, ha. So, um, and then he's like, Oh no, another terrible dream. And I, my hand's bloody again. So, sir, Simon. And then we're all supposed to be like shocked that he was fucking his mom. And I'm like, Hi,

it's house of the dragon. So you guys are going to need to come up with something a little bit more like the Pearl clutchy than that. Exactly. And then it turns out actually he's like, he's eating, he's actually at a table. He's having this dream while he's at dinner, which is the most annoying part of it all. So sir, Simon Strong is like,

is the duck not too liking your grace? Sir, Simon, thank God for sir Simon Strong. He just lights up every scene, every scene. He's just great. He's the only one on this show who's actually like can play for laughs. And he brings a little bit of that, you know, elder assassin to it. Like that's the only upside to these endless Damon hallucination scenes is that they always, they are these scenes cause they're not dreams cause he's awake. So I think the witch is drug they're not dreams because he's awake. So I think

the witch is drugging him or something and he's just like- The witch is drugging him, he's having masculinity issues, he's feeling like insecure about his place, blah, blah, blah. So he's got some bloody duck and they're like, the duck is not too liking your grace. And they're like, would you rather goose? And then some guy's like, I love the goose. I'm like, could you wipe your mouth? Like you can never be a waiter, you like, I love the goose. I'm like, could you wipe your mouth? You can never be a waiter. You're not really selling the goose. CB. Damon's like, I'm not hungry. I'm like, you literally just already sliced your piece

of duck and it's on your fork, and now all of a sudden you're not hungry. So Simon's like, well, as I was saying, given the other dire news from Rook's rest, it appears the winds have shifted and each side has suffered great loss and we're unsure what is to follow. Also, the roof caved in on the kitchen, so if anyone wants to go patch that up, that'll be wonderful. Otherwise, we're going to be having rain soup for the next two months. Yeah, basically it's like, I'm glad you love your new house so we can't afford to keep it up, so you're going to be paying for that, right? Okay, there's a lot of bad shit in the hallway, we need to get that done. The toilet hasn't flushed upstairs in a little

while. And the wallpaper of the dining room is just disgusting, not this dining room, the butler's dining room. Absolutely disgusting, embarrassing to invite anybody over. Rayway is going to be giving you a budget for that. I just spoke to someone from the Riverlands, they say we need a beam, actually, that this wall is not going to be strong enough to maintain the roof. So, do we have anything in the budget for a beam for the living room? Perhaps. Pete Iseman He's like, yes, so, budget? And he's like, what do you mean budget? He's like, you know, your wife, the queen, he's like, how dare you?

You need to call me the king. You are the king. Consort. Okay, so that. And Damon's like, don't you think that last bit seems a bit unnecessary? No, it does not. Sir not earned. Okay. Yeah, sir not earned. Exactly. Commercials, here comes one right now. My name is Georgia King and I am thrilled to be the host of And Away We Go, a brand new travel podcast on Wondry+, where we'll be whisked away on immersive adventures

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Georgia, do you know what joy sounds like? I think I'm hearing it right now. So now back to the now at another dysfunctional small council. Now we have Meister Orwell. He's like, well, everyone, big news, the armor was Valyrian steel, but his grace up his grievous bones over much his body. But don't worry, we got the maple leaves. They were wet. They're on his chest. They do wonders. Just give it about eight months or so. It'll look great. Don't worry. By the way, that armor was so hot and I was eating corn and a little bit of corn dropped

onto it and it got so hot that it actually popped open like a little flower. I think I'm going to call it popping corn. Orville. Orville. You might be under something. I was thinking about calling it, I don't know, Orwell Red Keep Bucker. Can we just shorten that a little bit? Red in Bucker?

Yes, that sounds much better. Well, we are grateful for your work, Grand Maester, but has he woken yet? That's Alicent. And he's like, no, he might not ever wake. He might not ever wake. I've applied my crafts to their fullest extents. He might be dead, but I'll tell you what lives. Movie night at my house, because, wow.

Well, Queen Alice and I have done everything in my power. I've put a leaf in some water and put it on his chest, and well, that's about all I can do. I smacked him in the forehead with my shoe. Still nothing. I sang a song. I smacked him in the forehead with my shoe. Still nothing. I sang a song. I told him about my friend. I gossiped a little bit.

I told him about my friend, Jean. She's a real bitch. Went to med school together. But yeah, it's the best that I could. He's still probably going to die. Let's be honest. The leaves can only do so much. He's dead.

Turns out the leaves have a 0% success. Egg on out, popcorn in. Yeah, egg on out, popcorn in. All right. So Alison's like, well, the King cannot rule in asleep. So let's, let's take a vote for who shall be queen. My name is queen Alison. So I shall be queen. Everybody raise their hand right now. I said, so I'm the queen. Do it. Why isn't anybody raising their hand? Excuse me, counter argument. Yes, you are you have experience more experience than any of us and you are learned and you are wise. Counter argument. I've been fighting for counters this entire time I've been living here because when I

come home for the grocery store, there is nowhere to put down my groceries. So don't tell me you're coming up with a counter argumentargument. I started the counter-argument. I want counters in here immediately. That is my first stop as Queen. Hey, Robo, might I remind the small council, boobs, thank you very much. She's like, I was the Queen when my husband had a hole in his face and his stomach

and his arm and his foot. And I did pretty good then. So I think I can stand in while my son is a tostoni pizza roll. Okay? With leaves, like a grape leaf wrapped tostoni roll, I'd like to add, thank you, Master Orville. So she's like, okay, Laris, could you back me up here a little bit if you want to see the foot, you better give me your backing. He's like, Hmm, yes, no. A regency will show the people of stability. And I think, Amen. I say amen. I say amen. Yeah, but what she's like, what what are you talking about? And

then she turns to basically everyone, basically everyone says, Amen. And she is a human. Yeah. Even Laris. Yeah. Yeah. Like you just said, there's a thing. So then, um, so I like that, uh, Laris was like, okay, no. And she's giving him the look like you are never going to splooge between my toes against her. And then Laris punts it over to Kristen. He's like, well, surely it can't just be me who speaks on this, Kristen. Fuck, boy, anything to say? Anything to say? Or you got any dicks in your mouth right now? Can you speak? And Kristen's like, he's right. Only Aiment can do it. He earned it. Do you think this, do you think Laris was being petty because he knows that the queen is sleeping with Kristen? Do you think Kristen's being petty because,

well, just Kristen's Kristen? Or do you think that Laris is like, we know Aiment's going to fail and like let's let him fail upwards because then you will take over the power vacuum. What do you think? I think that he knows that he's fucking the queen. But I don't know that he would look at Aiman as a failure. I mean, actually, if you look at it, Aiman is doing a great fucking job on this show. I mean, Aiman gives no fucks. He's coming to kill whoever he has to kill, then he jumps right up on that dragon that wasn't even supposed to be his. It's like the biggest dragon in the world and he

can just climb right up on it and be fine with it. And then anybody who fucks with is dead. And then they tell him, you can't win this war. And then the king tries to fuck with them and he kills the fucking king. I mean, I think so far he's kind of winning this show. So I think that Laris would probably respect him because Laris is also a family killer to get what he wants. So I mean, game sees game, you know? Yeah. But you would think that he's, he's so ambitious. You would think that he'd want the queen to be in power and then that way he could be the hand. So I'm wondering what, what his, what was going on here. But I think, I think that ultimately you're right. Like game meets game. Like at the end of the day, he's like, I'm wondering what was going on here. But I think that ultimately you're right, like game meets game.

At the end of the day, he's like, I'm a killer for what I want. Aiman's a killer and we need a killer right now, not the queen. I think Laris is probably one of those people who sees himself as the ultimate power. He's not thinking of the queen as the ultimate power. She's just a stepping stone. So he's going to find a way to get himself in there somehow or get himself a kingdom or whatever. Or he recognizes that she has no power and like, her power has been basically drained, like drained away or, you know, over the past few weeks, she's been complaining that she has no one listens to her and he realizes there's no point in me being

an advisor to her because even if she's the queen, no one's gonna listen to her. So, this is the next best way forward. Yeah, the kids no longer listen to her, because even if she's the queen, no one's going to listen to her. So, this is the next best way forward. Pete Yeah, the kids no longer listen to her, so it's time to move on to someone who will, buddy! And also, his king is just died, so he kind of needs some kiss-assiness of Aymond. Pete Yeah. Pete So, anyway, that guy, basically, Aymond, this is such a good part, so. Pete Yeah, I love this. Pete Aymond just looks at everybody and he's like, thank you. Sorry, mother. And he just grabs the

ball, his talking ball and he's like, Prances up to the, not Prances, Laura Dern walks with confidence up to the fucking head of the table, puts the talking ball in the talking hole. And he's like, so let's get down to business. PBS, we're not funding it. Let's face it. Out of great performances, one out of 10 is good. Do we need another opera? We don't. All right. Get me some jukebox musicals. I'll consider it. Until then, no. And yeah, he basically just takes over and he immediately has plans. And Alison is just sitting there in her chair and she is enraged. This was actually, I thought such a great little moment. Like this was great acting. Like you could feel her anger.

They really conveyed that feeling. I think we've all been there where you're just sitting there and you're like, fuck this person who just said that thing to me. And you know, like she is, she is livid, but they just continue on and I am, you know, it was like, okay, do this, do that, do this, do that. And by the way, cut down those rat catchers. Yeah. He's like, get down the fucking rat catchers. So then we go to Hugh Hammers home and we get like, Oh my God, the poor people. His daughter is purple, like literally purple. She's still coughing in the bed.

Yeah. And they're like, Oh my God, we need to get paid for these weapons. Your daughter is purple. And he doesn't have the heart to say it, but he're like, Oh my God, we need to get paid for these weapons. Your daughter is purple. And he doesn't have the heart to say it, but he's like, money doesn't solve purple children. You know what I mean? Like, here's like, she's purple. She's not long for this world. Like we might as well just wait for the money, you know? And she's like, he's never sending you the money.

The king's a fucking liar. We got to get out of his mom's house. She wants to go stay at her mom's house. And he's like, no, I want to wait for my check. She's like, your check isn't coming ponytail. Okay, let's go. It's basically the, um, the Kyle and Amanda storyline from the latest season of summer house.

She wants to go out to the suburbs. He wants to stay in the city. He's like, but my whole life is here in the city. She's like, no, but the suburbs, it's like, I want to have a backyard. I want our daughter to stop coughing. I want to walk barefoot on the grass. He's like, I want to mix Celine Dion songs in with Beyonce songs. I'm a DJ now.

But little did they know. One thing that we didn't mention is that, you know, the small folk are unhappy and the council knows this. And so, uh, people are fleeing. There is some, there's some real drain happening in the city. So at that small council, uh, basically they say, you know what we're going to do? We're going to close the gates and now no one can leave the city. They are forced to stay here. That what that's a great way to make people support

us. They'll love us now. We're going to trap them. Yes. So now, uh, Allicent goes down to the courtyard because Alicent just loves doing shit in public with Kristin. I don't know what her deal is, but she loves being completely obvious in public. So she corners him, well, not corners, like she courtyards him in the middle of the courtyard where everybody is. And she's like, oh, well, seeing faithfully to the Prince Regents commands, I guess. And he's like, listen, Aemond is the next in line.

It's the order of things. Now, please, if you'll excuse me, I'm traumatized and I've still got a seizure cut. I'm trying to enjoy all the stares I'm getting, but also not to cry. You wouldn't know what that's like. You know what Aemond is, what he has somehow become. Has your loyalty faded, or does it flourish only at night and flee the sunrise like a moth? Do you know what I'm trying to say? Bang me at night, ignore me during the day. How dare you?

He's like, um, everyone's armor melted because dragons are fucking rough, okay? And we gave the war to the dragons and whoever's gonna win this war is gonna probably have a dragon. You do not have a dragon, okay? And we gave the war to the dragons and whoever's going to win this war is going to probably have a dragon. You do not have a dragon, okay? So, what more do you want from me?" She's like, we are lovers. And he's like, I don't care. He's like, I, trust me, I saved you. The next part of this war is disgusting, it's horrible, the things that we have to do. Is that really what you want to do? And she's like, I didn't ask for you to spare my feelings. And by the way, stop calling me Alicent. I never said you could call me Alicent. He's like, sorry, Alicent. Hey! Really, no one listens to me anymore. Jared Sussman You know, I did say before, like, oh, this guy, why is he so traumatized? He's

already been through so much battle, but all of a sudden this is the one. But actually, the truth is, this was his first battle, I think. This was his first significant battle because they've been in peace. So yeah, he's realized that he- And he saw that guy disintegrate right in front of him. I know. Well- Even bad people get traumatized. I know. I just don't, I just hate him so much. I don't even want to allow him to be traumatized. But the truth is that he didn't, he never, he didn't really realize what he had unleashed

by tricking a dragon, like doing this, his whole trickery thing, trapping a dragon, causing dragon fighting. He has basically set off the A-bomb. The cold war is upon us, but not so cold. Anyway, the small folk, they all want to leave. All of a sudden, everyone wants to leave all at once out of nowhere. So I don't know. They're like, we're get around whatever to people like, let's go as everyone at 9am, we're all going to leave the city.

So everyone rushes to the gates and the gates are closed on all of them. And you know, now they're, they're trapped in there. And, and the small folk are like, you want me, you can't keep us here. No, we want to go outside. We want to go to the suburbs. And then it's like Texas Texas on a Mother's Day, you just see people standing around going, meat, meat, meat, meat, meat, meat. And they're like, we don't have any meat. And they're like, oh, we're going to kill you. And then so, like, a little mini riot starts. And they're like, Aemon, first of his name, Durned of his strength, and Lored of his stature,

demands that you go home. And they're like, wait a minute, which Lord Durn was that? Was that Ramblin' Rose, Lored Durn, or Big Little Lies, Lored Durn? I'm so confused, which Lord Durn are we listening to? Jurassic Park, Lored Durn, the best Lord Durn there was. Now go home, everyone. Wild at heart, Laura Dern says, Bwadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadad chicken. I don't know where that came from. Anybody out there who's, who's wondering where that came from. I literally don't know. So the small folk are not happy. They just start overturning Ross dress for less is in the middle of the street.

And it turns out that Hugh hammer and cat, they're just trying to protect their daughter. And it's like, Oh no, like just when you thought it was safe to leave with your coughing daughter. Nope. Bad day to do it. Bad day to do it. Yeah. So then, um, the twins, the twins, like we're at the twins. Sorry. There aren't twins. We're not seeing the twins died. This is the twins, not the twins. This is the twins. Like the bridge with a, you have to get through it. The phrase, This is the twins, like the bridge with a, you have to get through it. The phrase,

the phrase, the phrase, the phrase. Um, so, uh, so Jay says this is meeting with the phrase they're on the bridge and um, he's trying to like, you know, broker deal with them. Um, you know, because it's going to be a big strategic important thing, you know, cause the army, the, the, the, the Starks army is coming coming through yada, yada, yada. And of course the phrase, they are sneaky folk and they want something out of it. I love, by the way, I love, I love the matriarch of the phrase is the Sabbath. She's great. She reminds me of like a young, um,

what's her endowager countess from down Nabi. What was her Sautner I think you just said, I don't know, like her real name or her character name. I just thought it was her grandmother. Pete Slauson Whatever her real name is, that's what she reminds me of. I love this lady. Jared Sautner So, this scene, basically, he's like, hi, I'm Jace. And they're like, oh, God, a child. And he's like, you better give us help. And they're like, no. He's like, please. And they're like, no. He's like, come on, but I'm hot. She's like, I don't care. He's like, but I'll give you dragon. She's like, no, you, no. He's like, please? And they're like, no. He's like, come on, but I'm hot. She's like, I don't care. He's like, but I'll give you dragon.

She's like, no, you won't. He's like, yeah, I will. She's like, no, you won't. But your dragons have to fight. He's like, so? They can fight for you and for us. And she's like, no, they can't be everywhere at one time, stupid. We need something better. He's like, well, what do you want? She's like, Heron Hall, what else? Listen, I want Heron Hall. I love a fixer-upper. Get me Heron Hall. He's like, damn it. Okay, you can have Heron Hall. They're like, but you can't promise Heron Hall. He's like, yeah, I can because I'm hot and I fail upwards. You can have whatever you want. Heron Hall it is. Okay, I win. Yay.

Oh, but your people all have to bend the knees to my mom. Like, well, I think it's worth it. That's the equivalent of like waving the contingencies on a new house. Like, yeah, it's a competitive market. We'll take Heron Hall for that. Listen, it's like us on a Saturday night. You got to bend your knee to somebody. Yeah. May as well just keep it easy. So speaking of which, we're over in Heron Hall. Damon is chopping wood because he's sort of like pretending like he's one of the people. And Alice Rivers, of course, just staring at him in her

witchy way. And she, she, of course, Damon's one of the people and Alice Rivers, of course, just staring at him in her witchy way. And, um, she, she, of course, Damon's one of those guys. I feel like in Damon, in modern times, Damon would be posting that on Instagram. Like, look at me, I'm a man. I just would. He's really trying to prove his masculinity these days. And, but of course Alice is like, Oh, you were born to wield a sword, but not so much next perhaps. And he's like, um, there are others who would sit idle and wait for their claims.

I'm doing shit. I'm actually I'm putting in the work. She's like, oh, you're stupid. Just spitting fire would justify what's your what's followed you here. Huh? And he's like, fuck you. He's like, let it not be said that Damon Targaryen failed to dirty his hands in the war. And he's like, so what have you heard about me? She goes, not literal things, but I've heard it on the wind. Babies screaming, ripped from their mothers, ladies sobbing in the road. He's like, wait a minute, did you just get video footage from

the Ross dress for less? Dresses on the floor. Because they really left that place a mess. And they really, really did these small folk shorts, dresses, minis, Max's hole on the floors. It's in the wind. Even the artwork, even the artwork. So, um, you know, he's talking about how he's like, you know, like, he's like, well, you know, I'm not a good guy, you know, the Brackens had their chance. They had their chance to join and they didn't. So, you know what?

I had to kill some of their kids. I murdered them brutally. I murdered literally all of them and their children and their wives. Did it, let me know, that's what you do, right? I mean, this guy, how many times are you going to do the wrong thing and just keep doing it? He's just like, I'm just going to go murder everybody and surely they'll listen. How many times is this not going to work for you, sir? How many times are you going to go attack children and realize that that's not the way to endear people's hearts? This is the second time. I think what I gather from this is that they went in and they like abducted the children or they abducted the children, they killed the children, they did something to the children and the women and the bracket member like.

Yeah, he sent that guy to convince them to sway them. And then he just went, they're like, okay, let's just kill all the babies. Sounds great guys. Great plan. What happened to the secret blowjobs? It's one of the things that makes me crazy about this show. No one's particularly good at it. And I really like that Ray Ray explained it today, like no one's been at war. So they literally don't even know how to go to war anymore. They're all kind of like little kids flailing around trying to figure it out. And I think that that contextualized it in my head because I'm like, how is nobody

good at this? Like they literally just keep making the most dunderheaded decisions. I think the only person that we've seen do a decent job at this is Aiman so far. I mean, he is definitely seeing through his vision. So you know, he's, Damon's basically telling Alice, look, you know what? The people are not going to support my wife. Okay. They want a man for strength. Okay.

You know, the high towers, they're scheming. The Sarah, they want what do they want the high towers or they want the Sarah says true air, which by the way is me, okay? And when I take King's Landing, Rey, Rey, it's totally cool if she wants to sit by me and she can get me a coffee in the morning, but it's going to be me. It's like, I'm the one. Pete Slauson And she's like, Rey Rey, it was a pity, don't you think that you never knew your mother? Pete Slauson Which is obviously like, hi, I'm the witch who's been in your head.

Are you still not gonna listen to me? And he just like gives her like kind of a bored look. Like I'm so bored with your brain interfering. I could literally come up with something else. So then Simon walks in, he's like, ooh, a message, your grace. Fresh news from Stonehenge. Not to be confused with Stonehenge, I don't know

why we have something so close. Might as well... Oh wait, excuse me, I've got another piece of news here from the Lifel Tower. Oh, and excuse me, the Fland Canyon. Why are we naming these things like this? Come on now. Now the Blackwoods have overwhelmed the Brackens, and Lord Amos has pledged his banitue as long as he gets season-long passes to Lysneyland. I don't know who named things around here, but they seem to be lacking in some creativity, I would say. House Bracken is yours.

And Amos is like, okay, well then get Sir Willem here so that I might congratulate him. Also, I haven't heard much about blowjobs, so let's not congratulate him too much, you know what I mean? But the Blackwoods will be feeded in these holes. Oh, sorry. Did I give Laris a long distance boner there? Sorry, Laird. Sorry. So now we're back at Dragonstone and Baylor goes up to Coraless. He's like, well, he's like looking at high tide from afar and he's like, my costume is a tomb. It's empty. It's haunted. She's like, yeah, God, I really wish I'd seen it when it was awesome. You know,

back when you guys had parties, people would come by. I heard a high tide was the best. Yeah. Tell me about your glory days, dad. That sounds great. He was like, I'm so sad because my wife is dead. And she's like, yeah, got it. So listen, do you want to be the hand? And he's like, not really. What is she trying to use me after getting my wife killed? How dare she try to compliment me and make me feel like a man just because I just lost my wife. Fuck Ray Ray. And she's like, it's actually a pretty good deal and you literally just like go sailing around in the sea all day and you smell.

Please just take a desk job. Please, finally, please just take a damn desk job, okay? You need to know what it's like at happy hour at Chili's. You've never been able to do that. He's like, okay, well, do you wanna be my heir? She's like, I like as cool as it sounds, I don't think I really want to take up a place called High Tide.

I mean, is that like just some cheap casino in the middle of like Idaho? No, thanks dad. Grandpa, I should say, I'm Salton C. I mean, I'm a pirate. Well, he wants to give her that because she's, you know, he does this thing like, I can't, I can't live without my wife.

And she's like, okay, hi. We thing like, I can't, I can't live without my wife. And she's like, okay, hi. We're on a show called Game of Thrones. Literally, all of us are going to die within five minutes. So, we only have so much time to go over Rhaenys's death. Okay, are you done? Can we wrap this up? Okay, just take this little box and let's finish. She's like, oh my God, I love your brevity. You want to be my heir? She's like, no, wrong plot again. Just keep following this hand thing until you're dead too. Okay? Just move it along. Pete If only you had another child that people didn't know about who maybe works in, I don't

know, the shipyard. Maybe they can take over Hightide. So, now we go back to the, now we're back in the council room in Dragonstone. And Sir Alfred is there and Ray Ray is talking to him. And she's like, by the way, you know what I was thinking about it. You're right. Yeah. You know, like, you know, our best hope is to have an army with Damon. And, you know, I probably, I probably made a mistake and, you know, wanted to prove myself. And, you know, so do you feel pretty comfortable? Do you feel like I've supplicated myself to you? Cause guess what? You're going to Heron Hall. You were going to Heron Hall. Congratulations. Good luck with that. You're probably like,

wait a minute. You're just trying to get rid of me. Cause I disagreed with you in the meeting. And she's like, no, no, no, just go, just go now. You're going to love it. No, I think you're the best and I'm sure you totally won't die at Heron Hall. I hear it's a great place. Doesn't have a roof. They serve duck all day long, which is nice at first, but it gets really old and you're going to get rained on and there's a witch. So you're going to love it. Have fun. But she's basically like, okay, I need you to kind of spy and see what Damon is thinking. And if he's a betraying me because I don't, you know, that's important to know. So go

see if he's trying to get himself an army or me in army. And he goes, well, do you have any message for him? And she's like, tell him I would like to finish our last conversation. It's like, okay, fine. So now we go back to Heron Hall and now Damon has been summoned. Oh, well, God wait, no. Yes. Damon's in bed. There's light under his door. There's a heavy knock. It's like, here we go again. The old heavy knock at the door thing that's been going on with him. But this time it's an actual knock. So he's summoned into like the dining room

and there are all these like people from the river lands who are really not happy. It turns out people are just, they don't love the vibe of abducting and killing children. Yeah. They're like, yeah, your guys pursued the women and the children and looted and burned. What the fuck? And he's like, Hey, well, it's fun, isn't it? She's like, no, and we're not going to fucking bend the knee to an asshole tyrant. So go fuck yourself. How do you like that? He's like, literally no one is scared of me. I cannot believe mass murdering children didn't work again He also by the way, he opens the scene Daring to complain about their etiquette that they woke him up. So late at night like alright I think we need a lesson in etiquette around here. They're like you have stolen babies

The child murdering complaint department opens at 8am. So they really don't like him. And this one lady, she is really mad. She's like, no, this interloper, the Riverlands are an ancient place. Watch closely by the eyes of old gods and new and dragon or no, rastras for less or not, floors that are clean or messy, we shall not raise our banners for a tyrant." So they leave and he's like, oh god, da! This guy kind of sucks at it. Last season they made him so good, you know? They're like, wow, this guy maybe should be the heir because

he's like, he can go into that battle and then fight all those people all by himself and still survive. Like they kind of made him a bad ass. And this year he's just, he's a dick and he's like, frankly, an untalented dick, you know, he's not even fun. I guarantee the actor is hates this because this is so, he just is walking around the castle all season. So now we go over. Oh, and so he puts his hand up on the fireplace and it's like, ah, lost in thought. And then we cut to Ray Ray and her hands on the fireplace and, ah, she's lost in thought. Yeah. And they're just

doing her hair. She's like, Oh, I'm getting my hair done. Damn it. There's so much more I could be doing. So then, um, we go to the spy Linda or Linda. It's just Linda. The guard is like, who goes there? Oh, wait, it's just Linda. Come on. It's just Linda. Linda. Okay. Put it through. Put it through. Most people want to get out of here. She wants to go in classic Linda. She was like, I'm here to do things for Ms. Missouri. It's like, I don't even care. Just go. Your excuses are bothering me. Just go. I'd rather be someone cooler. Just go. You're always so boring to talk to. So now Linda's going to, she's going through King's Landing and it's raining. And then she knocks on a door. They're like, someone's here. Is it bread? Is it food? Eh? she knocks on a door, they're like, someone's here, is it bread, is it food? Eh? It's Linda.

Okay. What's going on, Linda? So she goes a door knocking, and then we cut to Driftmark, and Corlys is on his throne, and he's looking at the king's hand pin, and then he's like, well, who am I to deny fashion? And he's like, ready to party now. He's like, I did it. I'm going to do it. By the way, I want to mention something. Chelsea, our note taker, she really picks up on things. So she points out that the lady who opens the door for Linda, she is Diana and she's the serving girl that Aegon raped in season one. And we also saw her in episode three of this season serving Ulf the white who claimed to be the Sarah's and Damon's half brother and his friends. So we've learned a lot of things right there. And furthermore,

answered our question was that Hugh hammer. It was Ulf the white, of course. So thank you. Then that's some insight to effort for everyone. Yeah, that was good. So It is good education reading these notes. I'm like, wow, that's like an after the show thing. So then we see Eamon staring at the throne and he's just looking up at the throne like, it's mine now, it's all mine. But then there's Helena behind him and she's like, was it worth the price? Next time go to Ross Dress for less, better savings.

And he's like, yeah, almost killed someone I hated. Didn't hurt, I'm sorry, am I supposed to feel bad, stupid? Anything else? And then we see Alison and she's checking in on Agon and he's like, so she leaves and as she leaves, he goes, mommy. Next time say mommy a little earlier, because if you had the energy and you should have just

a second earlier, it would have been better. Yeah, really, and who's the mommy here anyway? There we go. So then we cut to Dragonstone and Jace goes to Rainier's quarters and Rainier's like, Vegard's first rider. Oh, she's studying. She's studying the book. And there's a picture of Visenya Targaryen holding the sword Dark Sister. And she's like, Vegard's first rider and the first wielder of Dark Sister. And Jace is like, well, I hope you don't mean

to use her as an example because she was stupid. And Rennier is like, well, why shouldn't I? He's like, but it was a long time ago. It's like, all right, son, what's the mood of the twins? Ha, I knew you were there. So tell me everything. What's going on? Spill the tea. And he's like, well, they want Heron Hall. All right. And she's like, Oh, I'm so proud of you, Jace, giving away things that aren't yours. You're really learning how to fail upwards, like a true man of the kingdom. That was sarcasm. Have you learned about sarcasm yet? Did they teach you that at the Twins? And he's like, well, why are you so angry? She's like, well, because you know what? You

chafed at being prevented from action. Imagine my lot, okay? Imagine how hard it is for me, your mother, okay? I'm a dragon rider as well, and I'm stuck here getting my hair brushed by someone else. Stupid, I hate it. So he's like, well, you're not allowed to go because you're the queen. And she's like, who else is gonna go?

We're kind of running out of dragon riders here. Okay, we've got a dragon. I can ride the dragon. We can only win this war with a dragon. Sell any other ideas? And he's like, I know. We should only win this war with the dragon. Sell any other ideas?" And he's like, I know. We should audition people to be dragon riders. An open call? Yes, it'll be wonderful. Like, hmm. He's like, I've got an idea. You know,

we're a pretty promiscuous lot and we've probably spread our seed far outside what the history books know. So I bet there's some other Targaryens out there that could ride the dragons. I bet if we looked through all these scrolls in this room, we'd find someone, someone, someone. Yeah. And she was like, oh my gosh, we should do like a DNA dragon riding audition thing. It's like, yes, it's going to be amazing. So then we see scenes from next week where people are basically lining up to try to see if they could be the lucky one to ride a dragon. So do we think it's going to be Hugh Hammer or Ulf the whatever Ulf is? Because I mean, Ulf said

he was half, Ulf said he was related, you know? Yeah, I mean, I guess that would be the lead up, right? That it would be Ulf and that he's like really like not trustworthy at all. It was like fucking mouth. Ulf the mouth, which doesn't really have a good ring to it. I feel like Ulf and Hugh are gonna be contenders to be Dragon Riders. Trying to figure out what Hugh's role in all this is cause he's now gotten a few scenes.

But then Ulf had a really big scene. So I guess, well, that was actually where it ended. I was sort of surprised. I was like, oh, the cliffhanger is we're going to read. I was like, okay. Yeah. I didn't love the ending. And I literally went, I need more. I need more. I need more because they didn't get more, but we will next week. And did you know there are only eight episodes in the season? I didn't know that. I'm very upset. Yeah, we only have three episodes left. Um, but you know what though, we love a tight, we love a tight season. So, um, you know,

things are going to start, uh, culminating very soon. Excited to see how this all plays out. Excited to see what Missouri's plan is. Excited to see so much. So, uh, thank you all for being here as usual. Don't forget to subscribe on winter is crapping and' and catch us on Patreon if you want to watch the video of this, patreon.com slash watch what crappins and we'll see you next week on Winter is Crappin' and all week long on Watch What Crappins. Bye everyone. Bye. Bye. If you like Watch What Crappins, you can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members

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