Watch What Crappens - #2494 RHONJ S14E11: The Pajama Lame

Episode Date: July 22, 2024

Rachel Fuda throws a very sad pajama party on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and Teresa clues us in on the smoking gun she has on Marge.  Join us for four recaps a week plus video recaps and archives at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch Our Crap In to a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker. Joining me today is the one and only Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Hi Ben. What is new with you?

Happy Monday. Thank you. Happy Monday. Thank you. Happy Monday to you. It's been a crazy weekend in America in general, and it's a crazy weekend on television. I can't believe that Jersey and House of the Dragon are on the same trajectory. There's only the same amount of episodes left per season

of each thing on our Sunday nights. I don't know what they're trying to do to us, but it's fucking with me. It's fucking with me, Ben. Ben Fiesel Is it true? Are there really only two episodes left of Jersey? Pete Slauson Yeah, this was episode number, well, actually, I think, I think maybe there's only one more episode then in Jersey. I think next week is the last one. Ben Fiesel No, they didn't say, it didn't say in the last one. No, they didn't say, uh, there, it didn't say it next season finale.

Uh, so then there's two left and then there's two left of house of the dragon as well. Yeah. I guess. So, well, because they're teasing that they're going on this retreat that, uh, in the preview for next week, it's like, well, I found this great house in the Berkshires. So, you know, the rumor is that they go to Dorinda's house because I think there's like a photo of them in the Berkshires. So, you know, the rumor is that they go to Dorinda's house. Cause I think there's like a photo of them in the Berkshires. So the implication seems to be almost that maybe the finale is going to happen in the Berkshires. No, cause they,

no, no, this can't be because they have their big falls through at rails. Yeah, it all falls through. Yeah. They're supposed to go to Dorinda's Berkshires place, but it somehow it all falls through. How does it fall through? We'll have to just keep watching. Wow. That's wild. Yeah. Well, I guess we'll see. Yeah. I mean, Bravo has been airing promos that say the final episodes of the season. And Andy has gone on record saying, you know, there may be a full recast or something like that. Like obviously the show is in major trouble. There's no reunion.

So you do sort of get the sense that like it's the final episodes of this season, but it's kind of the final episode of this era of New Jersey. Like maybe some major players will not be back. Oh yeah. They're, they're going to, this will look totally different next year. So the last of this configuration, which is sad, you know, I know it's toxic, ma-ma-ma,

I think it's still good. I laughed the whole time today. So there you go, but there's that. Also, we did a Love is Blind season finale recap of Island Patriot. What did I say, Love is Blind? Yes. We did a love is blind. We did a season. We did a love Island finale episode. Nice long recap. That's over on our

Patreon. Go listen. It's been super fun. Thanks for everybody to coming on for coming on to Patreon for that. We've had a great time. That's also where you'll find this video, all our videos and all of our bonus episodes. So get your butts over there. Yeah and we're gonna have dwell hello this week by the way so stay tuned for that on Wondry Plus but let's get into uh Real Housewives of New Jersey sleepover with one eye open season 14 episode 11. So um they go over to Paul, we go over to Paul and Dolores and he's massaging her and he's like, I don't want you to change your body anymore. She's like, Paul, don't talk about my body anymore. But Dolores, I'm trying to massage you and every time I get to this part of your back, it opens up and a D battery goes in. Paul, I paid a lot of money for that.

All right, it's my right. Every time I push in over here, a bulge pops up over there. When I push the bulge over there, it pops up over here. Got so much plastic floating around. Be careful, Dolores. It's called whack-a-mole, Paul. It's like that on purpose, all right? Frank loves it, all right?

Don't start with me, I'm from Paterson. So then we go to the gorgasas and Joe was cooking with the kids. He's like, hey, this is how you boil water. Fill up the pot and then you jerk off in it. Hey. Oh God, did you see Gorgas thing this week? What was his thing this week? A lot of Jersey stuff came out on social media. Joe Gorges was one of his pictures, you know, his pictures where he's, this one he looks kind of like a little thing on top of a car, like a little brand, I guess an ornament. I saw someone say he looks like a hood ornament,

which is so fucking rude, but also very funny. Because it's a luxury car and he's sitting in front of it. He's like sitting kind of at the hood of it. And it's like a fish eye thing so he does look really tiny on this car. But it says something like, real men make women wet, make women wet, not make them wet in the eyes or something like that. Like real men make women them wet down there. Yeah, make them wet down in the JJs and not into eyes or something like that. And people gave him so much shit that he had to take it down,

which why that one? You know what I mean? I know, that's the one that they object to. You know, I'm just, my mind is wandering because I'm thinking about hood ornaments. We don't really have those anymore, do we? But here's the picture. Do you see it here? I'm going to hold it up to the camera. Do you see it now? Hold on. Let me make it.

He's kind of grabbing his wiener. It's hard cause reflecting off my, I see the picture. He's like wearing suspenders. He looks like he's like, just like he just went to a wedding and took a photo afterwards. Yeah. And it says real men make your panties wet, not your eyes. Like Confucius said himself. They say he doesn't study history. Come on. He has a way with words. What can I say? There he is.

There he is. Okay. So that was him. So they also got a cooking, some kind of cooking ad, like, you know what real Italians use to cook this kind of tomato sauce? There he is. So I guess they're leaning into that this week for their home scene. Like, look at us cooking. Yeah. You know, you got to add a little bit of olive oil to the water cuz you're Italian olive oil is everything and Joey Did you see that Joey and the Joe and Joey's like, okay I'll put some I'll put some water and put it on the stove. Yeah, there it is. Put the water on the stove, Joey And Melissa's like like they care to boil water. What's wrong with you Joe? They're men

They're like, okay Joe and Melissa we need to film a scene with you You guys haven't been in the season very much. Give us something that's like fun, shows a lot of personality. I got an idea. We can boil water. Oh, sure. Okay, fine. No, no, let's do a scene with Antonia going to college.

Like Melissa, please no. Okay. She goes to college and works. Let's have a scene about how boys don't like cooking, only girls like it. What if Antonia goes to college and she has to boil water in a dorm? How's that? That could be a good scene. I think we could do that. Oh, that reminds me.

Real men get you hot in your vagina, not in your plate. Eh? Eh? So then we go to Teresa and she's at home with her dog. She's like, all right,? Eh? So then we go to Teresa, and she's at home with her dog. She's like, all right, okay, all three of yous? Okay, Molly, I'm mad at you. Bella, I'm mad at you. No more ripping in the garbage, come on, come on. Here's your chicken collars, okay, don't do it no more.

Okay, Molly, okay, Molly, you're a good girl. I mean Rosie, oh! Meanwhile, Louis comes in with a little, like, Bush's Baked Beans label hanging out of his mouth Louie's just on there with the dogs Fed Do you think you know naming a dog Rosie Do you think that was Louie's dog pre-existing dog?

Cuz I can't imagine Teresa ever naming a dog Rosie or on the flip side I can totally see her naming a dog Rosie as an insult to Rosie. Hey, Oh fucking God, I'm just Rosie, Rosie backstage. Oh, could you name your dog after me? Um, so then by the way,

by the way, Kathy showed up on watch happens live last week. Did you see that? No, I saw, I saw that she did, but I Kathy, by the way, Kathy showed up on Watch What Happens Live last week. Did you see that? No, I saw that she did, but I didn't see the Watch What Happened. Oh, you just muted yourself by accident, I think. Oh, no, it was on purpose. I just did it before I finished my word. I have a new mute button, everybody.

I'm working on our audio, so I got a new mic, and now I have a mute button that's like, you just tap it with your finger seats. So every time I do this, that's what I'm doing. That's why it looks like I'm smoking a cigarette because I'm tapping the mic. I haven't gotten the timing down yet. You're like, I don't think anyone is here the rest of the sentence about Kathy Wikile. But I don't know. I actually, I think she moved to Melissa's neighborhood, right? I think that was the big takeaway from that, right? Melissa said that on Jeff Lewis. She said, you know, he said, you still speak with Kathy Wigely because I love her. And she's like, well, you know what's so funny? Everybody wants to always move onto my street. Like, before, you know, Teresa moved onto my street and then now Kathy moved onto my street. And, you know, she lives,

she found, she got the house of the water. So I guess Kathy got like the nicest house on the block or whatever. And so Jeff's like, why don't you become friends? I think they're trying to put Kathy Wikili back on the show because it's weird that she popped up in Melissa's comments and then she popped up on the show. I mean, that's a lot of Kathy. I got a free cannoli randomly with pizza last week. I feel like even around here, they're kind of pushing Kathy, so. Yeah, I just always think about Kathy, her very first scene when she was on that bicycle, riding into town in Franklin.

Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. She seems so carefree. She just wants to cook things, and then she just got chewed up and spat out by Bravo. Yeah, we'd love that scene. That was our murder she wrote with Kathy Wikile. We're like, Oh my God, I love, love this lady, whoever she is. Okay. So now we go over to Jennifer Aiden and she goes into a Mediterranean

restaurant and she meets up with her brothers. Um, at first of all, we see Michael and Melda. We always have a little check in with Michael and Melda. And then also, what's the name of her other brother? The gay one? Stephen? Stephen. Yeah, Stephen. He likes musical theater stuff and he plays piano. By the way, Jennifer Aiden is slowly turning into Agatha from WandaVision. Right? Like, is she, is she not like turning into the neighbor next door?

I just came by to give you a little snack. Welcome to the neighborhood. Like she's becoming her, her confessionals are so over the top now and I love them. I love them so much. Well, I think that it's funny that this whole season is about like too much violence and this and that, and they go to a restaurant called Kill'em. So, they meet.

Michael and Melda, I have to say Melda is really taking on this house. When we first saw Melda, we were like, of course, Melda is going to marry this guy and she's going to become a cast member. I don't know that that's ever going to happen. I know that in Melda's mind, it's going to happen though. Because look at Melda showing up all housewivesy. Didn't you think? She's housewives coded today. She really is. By the way, I am cracking up every time you tap your mic to mute, because it feels like you're at a congressional hearing. You're like, you're like yourself, you're like, speaker may I request two more minutes?

Thank you very much. Well, I need to figure out how to turn it upside down because I don't want it to always be my finger tapping. I don't want you to see it tapping. But you know, it's really hard to find a microphone with a mute button on it. It's annoying. I need to put it on the bottom, but I don't know.

I think I would have to unscrew the whole thing from this thing and I'll figure it out later, guys. Yeah, well, I don't hear any of the workers over your head at the moment. So you're doing great work, Ronnie. You know, but the little light, because there's also, see how there's this little light on it, so it tells you what, oh, I guess you can't see it here,

but it tells you like what noise it's hearing and it's hearing it. Every time the saw goes, it's like, blub blub blub blub, the green light, the green light shakes. The green light. Okay. So they're here. They've all gathered, all the siblings, except for her sister. Her sister was missing. And so they're all saying hi and everything. And you were about to say something. No, I was going to say sister-in-law. Is it her sister-in-law? Does she have a sister or a sister-in-law? No, she has a sister, you know, because they have the same nose work,

you know? They have the same face, basically. Their faces have melded into one. They have melded. So they make small talk. We find out what's going on with her, you know, her family and Jennifer's like, Jennifer singing, So that's like her big thing, like I found someone an apartment off the, you know, under the freeway or whatever the fuck it was. So we see another shot at the big reveal of plastic covered furniture. That's right.

Stephen actually now is when Stephen walks in and he looks fussed to be there. He does not want to be there. Like Jennifer has guilted him and he just, you could tell he hates his older brother by the way. He does not even want to look at him. He's like, Oh, I gotta have lunch with these two. You mean I left the Sondheim Fest 2023 to come see these two. Oh, okay. Yeah. He's getting me some dolmas. I agree. He does not like them. And we get a clue as to why later. That's really funny. But Jennifer's like, Steven lives in New York. He's a music teacher, but he also runs a musical theater festival. He plays piano. He gets people singing. That's what he does. He's

like a maestro. This is what he does. And then he does that with his fingers. And then they'll turn the page like this. Yeah. It's just a game. We're just so into it. Yeah. She does like actually a really funny miming of him at the piano, playing the piano, then pointing at children to sing. So she's like, okay, let's get some, some, some Choban salada. Okay. Enough ordering. No one cares about that. Okay. So I heard that you and John Bryan spent the weekend at my mom's when he was in Florida. What's the deal? You're going once a month now? And so they're talking about just like Florida and Naples and everything. They're making a small talk. I guess mom lives in Florida now, right? We haven't seen her parents all season. No. And then they start talking about how the brother is opening up a store there and she's like, She likes Florida, what's Florida like?

And he's like, you know, let me tell you, Florida is not like Jersey. In Jersey, things aren't scattered. But in Florida, things are scattered. She's like, oh, yeah, things are scattered. He goes, yeah. And also, I think the sister, I think Melda says this, also the people in the Naples, they're not aggressive like the people in Jersey. I'm like, you're talking to the lady who just punched, who just pushed somebody last week and

brought you to a restaurant called Kill'em. I don't know that you're like talking to the right audience right now, but Jen's like, oh yeah, people are super aggressive around here. Steven goes, um, I think they're plenty aggressive in Florida too. Like Steven's like, really, are we going to be pro Florida today? I think Steven's like, fuck these Trumpers. That's what I think. Yeah, I think that's a hundred percent. I'm so glad you picked up on that too. I think Steven was like, uh, no, no, they're aggressive and they're, and if I, if I, Steven the gay man go to certain places, I will get beat up. Okay. Yeah.

But Mike and Mel do like, Oh, but who cares? So, um, so then Jennifer Aiden's like, she's like, you know, I just got into a huge fight, baby. I called her out in a few things. She gave me one to my face. Very aggressive, very hostile, very non-Florida. And I pushed her, I pushed her as a reflex officer. I did, I swore I did, but I didn't mean to. It was an accident. It was just a reflex, a reflex, baby. It's like that time I went to the doctor when I was a little girl and the doctor took a little tiny baby hammer and he hit me on the edge of the knee and I punched him in the face and I held up a razor to his throat and I said,

Do you want to mess with me, you fat fucker? I want to kill you! So you want to arrest me, arrest me, but just know you're arresting an innocent woman who just has reflexes, baby. You're arresting an innocent woman who just has reflexes, baby. So sorry for having a reflex." And they're like, wow, that's terrible, Jennifer. What a horrible, horrible human, horrible human being. Yeah. She's like, yeah, so I just punched her a little bit. I just did like a little push. It was like this. Look at this little water glass. I'm going to move it to the side. It was just like that. And then she punched me outside the head, officer.

And then all of a sudden, with her hands, it was so hard. I saw stars, I saw stars. It was like little, little Aidan children flying around my head, stars, all of them. And she had a drink in her hand when she hit me. And Mel was like, how could she do such a thing? Let me tell you, in Naples, you wouldn't even feel it because we're so spread out. She could throw a drink, you would

never even know. And then when you're like, oh no, they punched me on the side of the neck, you would then realize it was only a hug because in Florida, everyone is nice. Trash. Yeah. So then, um, she's like, Jennifer's like, you know, another thing is I write for Teresa and Laura's like, nobody's business. It's the person that I am. That's just who I am. Writing for people, being the best possible friend to everyone else. I'm a good person. Jennifer Aiden.

Just me. Just here to help the helpless, Jennifer. Jennifer Aiden, whose brother likes nothing but show tunes and whose other brother likes nothing but giving diamonds to a reasonable price to people who were spread out a little bit. So you have to drive an extra mile to get your diamonds. That's so wrong, Mr. CB That's her billboard in Florida. Is that so wrong, mister? That's her trying to get people in Florida to go to her brother's jewelry shop. So anyway, we're in Namaste Bitch's podcast the other day. Which is the funniest sentence.

We're in Namaste Bitch's podcast the other day. And I guess that's the place. It used to be a church. And so Danielle turns around and she goes, wow, it's no wonder the walls didn't start on fire when you walked in here. Stephen's like, well, in all fairness, you've been saying that to me since we were teenagers. You've always thought it was funny. Shut up, Stephen.

Sorry guys, it was a reflex. So Stephen's like, so like, we'll have you spoken to Teresa. She goes, well I told Teresa that night, like what the fuck? I didn't even have to say anything. In the heat of the moment when it comes to rise for me like this, is this how you show up? I never would have expected that baby. Stephen's like, listen I don't want to turn on you when you're paying for lunch. I just wanted to remind you, Teresa, Jude Ice is an icon.

Oh, really? Is that what you're going to do to me, Stephen? Oh, is that what you're going to do? I mean, here we are living cheek by toe and come back New Jersey and you got to stab me in the back like that. So she's like, wow, in the heat of the moment when it comes to Rise for Me, this is how Teresa shows up. I never, never would have expected it. Really, you wouldn't? Because I don't think she's kept one friend since she started this show.

Yeah. Let's see. Well, Dolores. Dolores, but Dolores asks for nothing in return, except that you don't call her a slob. Or tell her any of your problems so she doesn't have to tell like later. It's like, I didn't want to hear about it. I've never seen someone more depressed in my life. I said, don't talk to me about it. It is season 14 and Teresa has never had a friend's back. She's only had the, the men in her life. She will have their back if she's married to them or fucking them. But like she was, she has literally never gotten into a fight on someone else's behalf, only on her behalf.

Yeah, but here's the important thing. Has she ever tried to make a man boil water? No, she's a good person. Hey. Jersey rules. So Jennifer's mad Teresa doesn't stand up for her. Cause Jennifer is one of those people who will kick your enemy's assholes. Wait, why am I saying it like that? She will fight for

you just so that you'll fight for her. You know what I mean? But you start fights with everybody and you get physical and not everybody can just go to war like that. It's not the army. You know what I mean? Right. Right. Commercials, here comes one right now. I'm Dan Tbersky. In 2011, something strange began to happen at the high school in Leroy, New York. I was like at my locker and she came up to me and she was like stuttering super bad. I'm like, stop f***ing around. She's like, I can't. A mystery illness, bizarre symptoms, and spreading fast. It's like doubling and tripling and it's all these girls.

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including American Scandal, Legacy and Black History for Real. So now we go to the FUTA household and for what turns out to be like a scene that's almost as long as the Love Island finale. Did you find the scene with Rachel and Danielle? Did you find that went on forever and ever and ever? I was like, are we still in the scene? They are talking for so long.

I don't know. I don't, I don't, I didn't really think so. I think cause Danielle was just making me laugh the whole time. So I didn't mind. So the girls, the little girls are playing, um, Rachel's youngest is the youngest one Janelle Janella or I don't know. One of them is the little one who is having some speech therapy issues was cracking me up because she's just sort of sitting there and she keeps putting her hand on her chest like me. And so Danielle comes in, she goes, Oh, look at you. I guess she's like, Oh, she's like, Hey, hey, little girls, that a shirt or a bib. And the little girl just says, are like, this, you're going to make fun of your question. This is from Milan.

She just stares at her like, what are you talking about? And Rachel's like, it's a bib. It's a bib with a smock situation. She was, but real love it. Valentina, let's say I used to stick a dish towel in your neck. Remember that before fashion week, that's right. You know, when we started small, we started with dish rags. And that's what it's like when you got taste, all right? You got a dish rag and be dazzled. Suddenly you're fucking fashion week.

You want a piece of me, G&L-L? You want a piece of me? Go out and clutch your chest like that when I'm trying to teach you fashion. You want a piece of me, you little bitch? Come on, come to me! Get this awful woman out of my face. She's spitting on my bib. This bib is for my saliva only.

So, did you know that, do you remember that you called the kids bop thing? Did you really? Have we talked about that on the show? Cause that was some psychic shit. I really remember nothing that I say on this podcast. I enter a fugue state and when it's done. I do too. Yeah. Cause we talked so much. We're talking so much and for so long and we're trying to be funny.

Like I'm trying to be funny and when I'm not being funny, I'm also then quietly spiraling that I'm like annoying the audience with just like incessant strange noises and like runoff sentences that like I'm not even thinking about what's coming out of my mouth until later someone on Twitter is like, Oh my God, what you said about the banana and the orangutan. I'm like, what? Pete Slauson Well, that was good too, the banana and the orangutan. That was a good story. But yeah, this, I guess a few weeks ago, you said, oh God, next her kid's gonna be in fucking Kids

Bop or something. And they, two episodes later, the kid was in kids bop. I do have a very good kids bop, Dar. So, you know. I think it just really was pinging. It's hard not to, but honestly, you can see, like I feel like Danielle is the sort of person who listens to kids bop just voluntarily. She's like, I love this music.

Like honestly, like this is the thing that makes me happy. I don't need to listen to Blibe or Solana Gomez. Like, give me the kids bops. Yeah. So they're making kids bop small talk as people do. And Rachel's like, oh, you had your kids bop thing. How'd that go? Was that both of your kids? Was that just one of your kids? Was that Valentina? Was that Valentina and Dominic? Like, who was it? Who wasn't kids bop? Did either one of them talk about my husband? Because that would not be right. And I will not have that in my house. And she's like, that was Valentina, but you know, Dominic's like, yeah, I want to do a bop. And I was like, don't take Valentina's fucking spotlight. And then Valentina was like, mom,

let Dominic shine too. I'm like, wow, that's shocking. Yeah, it's totally cute actually. It was actually like, it was wild. Um, you would think especially after like the, the behavior that, um, her mom has patterned for them, uh, that you do not, you do not share with your siblings. Well, give it to her because you know, in 20 years on real housewives of New Jersey, uh, Valentin is going to be I don't talk to my fucking brother. I'm gonna tell you, I get one fucking chance to do a dance on national TV and he comes out

and taps shoes, fuck him. Never supported me, never fucking supported me. I remember the day like it was yesterday. They said, guess what, Valentina, you're gonna be doing a cover of I Like Your Smile by Shanice, a great song from the 90s. And just as I start to go, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da go da da da da da da da da da Dominique comes in and goes da da da da da da da da I said this is not a duet it was over from there.

It was meant to be now. So then Valentin is like we're going shopping everybody and then he's like get us some groceries what you had to go out in there go out in there go out go to play rule go to play rule get us some groceries in the play will money and if you see my dad tell him Are you gonna come to my luncheon tomorrow? Okay. Have a fun time kids then then and then Rachel's like locks them into the playroom. She's like, okay, I'm gonna lock you guys in here because We're gonna talk so I'm gonna lock you can also keep my husband's name out of your fucking mouth.

So let's see so Danielle's like alright listen I don't know if I told you you know what we invited my dad to a wash party but my dad was gonna come but then he didn't come I'm destroyed I'm destroyed that my dad didn't come my dad does not support I'm never speaking to my dad again he's kind of. He's kind of off that motherfucker. Apparently he had to go and have surgery because he bit his fist a little too hard. So I almost got right into the bone. It's crying. So then they talk about the stepmom having eyelid issues or whatever. And Rachel's like, well, that sucks that she missed two things though. Cause she missed two things. And she goes, yeah, especially after what happened with Jay, you know,

cause like back in the day, like I could talk to my father about it, you know, like in high school stuff would happen. You know, I'd never forget one time I got this out occasion. This girl was in school and she said, you want to go in front of me in the fucking buffet line? I said, fuck you, do I look like I need fucking help from you little miss Pritz? I grabbed her by the ponytail and I slammed her in the brunch. She walked away fucking mad

because she's coming out of her eyes. I said, Dad, listen what I did to this girl. He said, good for you, kid, good for you. But next time, treat your mother with a little bit more respect. I never spoke to him again. I didn't speak to him again till third grade. I love it's like, you know, I used to talk to my dad about this kind of stuff. Well, you know, what you could do now is you could also just talk to your dad about this. You weren't even talking to your dad about it. Your dad was just called to the police

station to bail you out and you had to tell him what happened in front of the officers. What is wrong with you? I used to talk about my dad. Yeah, every time I used to kick a girl's ass, I could call my dad and be like, I kicked that bitch's ass right there. He'd be like, good for you, kid. They show photos of the dad who looks exactly the same.

He's apparently always looked this age and he just has this smile. He's sort of like the, he's sort of a strange shaped man and he's got this, and he has that beard and that's that sort of smile. He looks almost like, like a cartoon logo for like a local bakery, right? He's like, you know, you know, those bakeries with those men that go like a pizza box face, you know, a face on a pizza box. So, uh, she's telling the story about the altercation. She says, yeah.

And then my dad was around the corner when I got this allocation and it goes, fuck. Yeah. I'll never forget that. The fuck is wrong with this family? This is so Staten Island. Does anybody ever leave Staten Island with one eye that's not wonky? No. Also, I think I just realized who the dad looks like. The dad looks like if the Hamburger Helper glove came to life and became a human. I don't remember what he looks like, but in my mind, he looks like James Lipton from Inside the Actors Studio. Yes, he does. Like the Staten Island version.

Yeah, like I could imagine, but with like a little Dom DeLuise scarf, you know? If Hamburger Helper became a real human, but then also went into acting and then wound up being someone who hosts a show about acting, that's what he would look like. Ha ha ha ha ha. The Hamburger Helper, I just remember the hand, the actual hand.

Yeah, I'm saying like, if that hand actually sort of morphed into a human, it would bite itself. Like he has like, he has hamburger helper glove energy. Like when you see him, when you see those photos, it's like that's the hamburger helper glove in Mandalorian. So she's like, yeah, you know, never forget that, you know, cause you don't remember those things when your parents were actually fucking cool situations. Don't reprimand you.

You know what I mean? Cause I know he would have backed me on this one cause this is like the last time a relationship I had with my dad, which is why I pissed it all away. It's why I pissed it all away. Okay. Well, I wasn't listening to any of that. So tell me about the podcast. She goes, oh wow, it was in a church.

It was in a church? Did the place, I mean, not the placebo, did the place burn to fuck down? Placebo? What? Anyway, bro, bro, bro, that's exactly what I said to Jenny Aiden. Oh, you spoke to her? Yeah, yeah, well I guess you could say that. I spoke to her as much as I speak to my father, which is not very much, if you know what I'm saying. Yeah, so then we're trying to make it peaceful back there. And so I was like, yeah, yeah, we are peaceful. We are peaceful.

I'm going to go back out there and watch your show. So I walked past Jen and I bent down and I go, by the way, you look like absolute fucking garbage shit, you piece of shit, stupid bitch. And then I left. That shit was funny, right? And I turned around the corner. I was like, God, I wish my dad was there to see that. The dads in the corner being like, Oh, I did see it. You

just didn't see me. The dads at home on the couch biting his hand going, I've missed so much. I've missed so much. My daughter has terrorized so many women in the time that I haven't spoken to her. So Rachel's like, so I was thinking about getting all the girls together and having a night in like an elevated pajama party type of thing. You know, like playing games, having champagne, wine, bartender, just to

like girl stuff, bond a little bit. Oh, okay, will there be any kids boppeling? Probably not. Probably not. I have such fond memories of slumber parties and really being able to just like have slumber parties where people like slumber and girls have fun and do ba do ba do ba do ba do ba do, do ba do ba do ba, do ba do ba do ba. That's what it starts talking about when Rachel has a monologue. That's what it sounds like in my head. It just starts turning like Charlie Brown's parents talking. And I don't really hate Fuda or anything. She

just shouldn't be given monologues. Don't be given monologues. Oh, also, she shouldn't be given the benefit of the doubt. Because did you read the stuff about Fuda that came out this week? That was good. Pete Slauson No! What happened? Jared Make Someone was post maybe Bravo and Cocktails, sorry if I'm not crediting the right people. But something came out, newspaper clipping, somebody got to the microfiche, okay? I know things in the old days we didn't have, we didn't, everything's not catalogued yet, but somebody went out and got the microfiche pulled up. And apparently it wasn't just 16 years old sold a little weed. It was 20 years old and went in with

a gang and broke into someone's house, kicked their door down and pistol whipped somebody and robbed them. Yeah, but in Jersey, that's just like delivering a pizza. I didn't think it was the worst thing either, but it's also not look, I'm not saying it's good. I'm just saying it's not murder. You know what I mean? But it's not calling someone a slob. Right. But it's not 16 years old and just got caught with the law. I think that was a different thing. I think that was some other drug.

I'm not going to specify, I don't want to get sued, but I'm guessing it was another drug and I'm guessing there's probably multiple incidents or whatever. But you know, just had to mention it because it was out there in the Jersey world. And if you don't come here for news, what the fuck are you here for? Yeah. Well, that's wild. That's hilarious. Of course, it's not as innocent as it sounds. But anyway, Rachel's telling us about slumber parties. I like when she says like her memories of slumber parties are telling secrets and doing prank calls. I'm like, in Jersey, that's like, I thought you're not allowed to do that in Jersey. Isn't like telling secrets and having prank calls the equivalent of just like ratting

someone out to the feds? It's like, hey, this is a quote unquote prank call to a number. I have no idea who's on the other line, but guess what? Joe Giudice has been scamming old people. Okay, bye. That wasn't that a funny prank, everyone? That was a totally funny prank. Well, they use a lot of terminology

that I don't understand why they're using it in the show. Like Teresa goes, I can't wait until Margaret Joel songs. Everything comes out cause I'm gonna sing like a bird. I'm like, it does not make you a rat. I don't think you're supposed to say I'm gonna sing like a bird. I'm like, it does not make you a rat. I don't think you're supposed to say I'm gonna sing like a bird, no?

Yeah, I think sing like a bird is like what you, what you talk to, what the cops coerce you. Yeah, like I think you're gonna get shamed. I wouldn't talk like that, yeah. Well, Teresa, you know, a wordsmith, even she admits she's not a wordsmith. I'm a word Jones. I'm a word Holly Oak.

That's that's a that's to that she would never make. She would never make that joke. I don't say only I think the only one who would make that joke is Holly Oak. Is that the right Holly Oak? Right. You know what I'm the only one who would make that joke. Is Hollyoke, is that the right? Hollyoke, right? You need to know what I'm talking about. I'm tearing off the cover of an Amex card and you know these things really are metal.

Look at this. That's crazy, that's what I'm doing. Okay, where are we? Holyoke is what I meant to say, not Hollyoke. See, like I can't even make fun of Teresa when I'm calling them Holyoke, Hollyoke. I don't think I'm going to totally different podcast. These are serious. I have now. I'm not even going to work anymore. I'm in an alternate universe where people are actually paying attention to the stupid

joke of actually articulate. I'm sorry. Now lost in the weeds on. I'm into credit card technology now. Have you ever seen the chip inside a credit card? Look at that. It's actually a big chip. Oh. Well, I feel safe. Even though this got stolen,

which is why I'm tearing it apart because I had to get a new one. So thanks a lot, Steelers. Okay. I don't know if I knew they'd be dead. They'd be dead to me. Part of it's like part of the rules of watching Real Houses of New Jersey is that you get your, you become a victim of fraud. I'm sitting here like tampering with credit cards while we're talking about Jersey. It just seems fitting, doesn't it? Okay. So they're talking about this

party who she's going to have over over and she's like, listen, I know you're not in a really good place with Jen, but I want to have Jen over. And she's like, no, I don't have a problem with Jen. I just have a problem with people that she's friends with. And she's like, no, obviously I'm not going to invite Teresa. You know, it's my house, you know, and I really didn't talk to Jen Fessel at the fashion show. So I feel like I don't hate her, but it's like a similar thing with your dad in the sense that sometimes it's easy just to move past it

then rehash it. Some things are easier to skate over. I'm like, has Danielle moved forward with her dad? Has she skated over that? Yeah, she hasn't. Also, I wouldn't bring up your relationship with someone you've known for five minutes to her deep traumatizing relationship with her father, you know. Now, is it traumatizing

because she made it that way? Probably, yes. But still, like, I don't know that I'd compare those. But anyway, they're going to invite Jackie too and whatever. It's a party time. So then we go to Teresa's house and one of the dogs is just watching her slathering peanut butter on a rice cake. Just kidding, she's like, don't look at me Rosie, god damn it. You done earned this from me, all right? I gotta bring this up to Gia.

So she goes up to Gia, who's studying at her little desk and everything for LSATs. And she's like, well, it's good they gave you the week, the month off to study for the LSATs. Like, you taking the month? Oh, you do month off for that and she's like, yeah literally just a month of October mom Yeah, it wants to become a lawyer she becomes a lawyer like whatever her heart desires I'm just grateful she went to college for four years because I look around, you know what I mean? But she's there and she went to college and if she actually wants to still be on the way after all of that, I'm gonna be like,

I'm not on. So does daddy know you're studying? She goes, yeah, he's happy. He's already calling me a lawyer. And I'm like, not a lawyer. Wow. Remember when Gia had a sparkling personality like season one? No. Um, so Teresa's like, yeah, Joe didn't graduate from the high school. He only got his dad.

I went to college for like two years and my vocabulary is not that great, but like, it's okay. Look at my kids. and my vocabulary is not that great, but like, it's okay. Look at my kids. Melania. Melania sitting in a salad. I was gonna say, Melania sitting on a sushi, on the sushi section of the store. Hey, you know what though?

Gabriella is at Michigan, which is a great school. So there's- Her kids turned out great. Yeah, her kids turned out great. Yeah, I don't see, there really is some truth to that, that like those kids should have been way more fucked up than they are. Yeah. Yeah. So apples do fall off trees, but they also roll away from them. You know what I mean? Exactly. Gravity. We've learned a lot about gravity. So GS says this, she shows, you know,

dad always says you guys went through a lot and you guys could have been really screwed up and you're not. And I'm like, thanks, Captain obvious. Holy shit. Oh, am I right? Okay, well, that's fun. Sorry, you were gonna say something. No, I was just gonna say it's the first time anyone's ever elevated Joe to captain level. But Teresa's like, you know, when your sister know what, you guys had a lesson at an early age and it made you guys who you are, who you is today,

so you're welcome student, all right? Yeah, well, and she goes, you know, the lesson is, that's what makes you stronger. Don't trust Margaret, that's your lesson. All right, here's what you learn because you have good parents. Margaret's a bitch. All right, here's what you learn because you have good parents Margaret's a bitch Just right down on the LSATS Margaret is the root of all evil

Louis going to court Louis stress. He's been going to clock He's been like going to court with her for like three years like since the day I met him. I love that like Louis for like three years, like since the day I met him. I love that like Louis being in court with his ex-wife for all these years was never a red flag for her. Commercials, here comes one right now. My name is Georgia King, and I am thrilled to be the host of And Away We Go, a brand new travel podcast on Wondry+,

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I think I'm hearing it right now. So she says that like it's been three years and recently she filed a restraining order against Louis, which is like, but why? Like, oh, it's like fine. It's like, I mean, it's not nice to have a restraining order against Louie, which is like, but why? Like, Oh, it's like, fine. I was like, I mean, it's not nice to have a restraining order put against you, but like also like, why is Louie like hanging around with her? Like, why should it even matter? That it seems like they don't even want to be near each other.

This relationship is insane. I listened to the Bravo docket. You know, I love that podcast. Shout out Sassy and Angela. If you guys haven't listened to the episode, go check it out. It's called like, the title is very obvious. It's like, Louie's ex or whatever, like the lawsuits from her. It is so fascinating how nuts these people are. Like, literally both of them seem completely bonkers. Yeah, they seem completely bonkers. This just does not seem like a relationship you need to be in

at all ever. I mean, we all saw it. We can see Louie, you know, it's not like it was a big secret, but it was kind of a secret to know how crazy it is to me. I didn't know it was this nuts. Yikes. Really? Wow. What are the big takeaways? Do you remember? Well, the first one mostly focuses on her, on stuff that he's saying that she's doing to him, which is like, she became a therapist, so she's trying to, she wrote these letters for him to sign that are like, I'm a narcissist, I'm bipolar, she's like trying to diagnose him with all this stuff and get him to admit all this stuff, almost like she's trying to get him to commit himself for, I mean, it it's just loony tunes and I can't even explain it because I didn't write down any notes of it, but it's just literally cuckoo. It's to the point, because I just thought Louis nuts. I mean, we see that Louis nuts. I mean,

that's a given. So, I just assumed it was all Louis, but they seem to both be pretty out there. I'm sure they both. And it's just toxic and insane. It's just insane. And they never even got married, I don't think, did they? They were just engaged. I don't know. I don't know. But either way, Teresa is saying that this case is like crazy

and she goes, you know, you just don't do that. You don't put lies out there about someone and try to hurt them, okay? Like you don't do that. Anyway, Evan Goldschnatter's having sex in the gym and also Melissa Gorga, I heard like sheut is having sex in the gym. And also, Melissa Gorgon, I heard like she was making out with a guy after her fashion show. But like I didn't say it, Laura said that. So if you want to go tell everyone about

that, that's what happened. Yeah, that's why I got so mad when people were saying that Melissa was a strip on national TV that I had nothing to do at all. So to do it at all. So the reason why I hate Margaret so much is because she's been part of this and like she's behind it and she's like talking to Louis X the whole time and we got proof of it. So she's like, yeah, I want to move on cuz I you know, like I can't move on till the case is over. And she's like, yeah, like it's not even closed. I feel like once this is settled, it's kind of just like, gotta be like, and I told you so for like Margaret's sake, you know, because people are going to be like, told you so Margaret's sake.

And then Teresa's like, you know what? It's going to be done. Well the case can be done soon. And like I want the woman to know that this is like serious and like, this is like not a joke. Okay. So I'm going to have James Lennon explain the whole situation. And then we have like a flashback to Teresa FaceTime and her lawyer who's wearing his most formal sweatshirt. Um, and he's like, yeah, I'll be, I don't have to tell the old woman about this case.

This is so funny. I want to gather the women to explain. It's like a Tupperware party, but it's like, I know. All right. Does anybody have the bitch lid to the fuck face pot? All right. Of the market set of the Tupperware. This is the Jersey version of Alexia inviting her lawyer friend over to tell all the women about whatever it was that he was over there to talk about?

She's gonna have like a party to lecture everybody on what a bitch Margaret is. So also James Leonard, who was helping Teresa and Jen with this blogger situation or whatever was going on with them and try to manipulate everything through the blogs. I mean, these people are all nuts. So Gia's like, yeah, cause, oh, Teresa says James Leonard, he's not representing Louie. He's my tiny, but like he follows the game. So he knows the inside out, just like I know inside out. My favorite one is depression. She's so cute. And Jay goes, and no, even the people that you become really close with, like Jackie and Jen Fessler, like Jen Fessler calls a spade a spade.

And when she sees this, she's going to be like, you know, that's fucked up. Thanks, Jay. Yeah. I'm so excited for this sneak preview. Cause this is so bad. Like there's going to be nowhere for somebody not to like, what's in black and white. Everybody's going to say, that's wrong. Yeah. Closing statements knocked it out of the park. I mean if there's here's the thing though,

if there's anything this show has proven to us over, you know, 12 years or so or 14 years is that when facts are laid out in a very black and white manner, people have no problem just looking the other way and believing something else completely. And that is basically your mother. It's really directed really at Teresa. Yeah. So then we go to Marge's house and she's setting food out. She's like, oh my God, I got you apricot cheese, Joe. Okay. This one's fig and cherry. This is me being nice to you through Jesus just in case you're really sick, Joe. Okay. Enjoy it while you can. All right. I'm actually letting you touch something other than the Velveeta that's in the fridge. You know what, Margie? I couldn't care less about apricot cheese.

But I got fig and cherry too Joe, what are you complaining? What were you diagnosed with CDO, complaining disorder overload? Like what is this? What is, oh, okay, not only do you have high PSA, but suddenly you got high cheese standards too, eat the apricot cheese Joe for crying at that. I've got a high PSA for you. Hi, this is your PSA. You're an asshole.

Okay? I've got a public service announcement for you. Beggar shouldn't be choosers. Eat the apricot cheese. I got it for you from Tenefloy. Are your hands clean, Joe? He's like, pretty much. What does pretty much mean?

Jesus Christ, from a plumber? No, they're not. What are you going to get, pink eye? Last time you said pretty much, you said that you set up at our wedding with pink eye. Joe, go wash your hands. Joe I got you fig and cherry cheese, not sludge and footprint. Pete So, Melissa and Joe Gorgor come over and he's like, hey, yeah, you know what? Knockers should be on the lady, not on the door. Am I right?

Just use the draw up. Quiet Joe. Jesus. Jesus Christ, Joe. God Joe, you always have to do that Joe. God. So they walk in and Joe goes, Hey, my buddy, my buddy.

Hey, why's your breath smell like apricots? Like, sorry, Margie made me eat the apricot cheese. I didn't even want to. Hey, that's not what a man does. A man says when life gives you apricots, you jerk off on it. Hey. So they are over there so that Joe Gorga can cut a tree down, a dead tree in Marge's backyard.

She's like, you know what? I know that you used to be a landscaper. Just go cut that tree, Joe. And Melissa's like, what do you want him to cut the dead one? No, Melissa, I want him to cut all the living trees and leave the dead one up there. Come on. What the fuck do you think I want? Joe, go out there and cut down the dead tree. Now, you might not know it, but before Joe was ripping off Home Depots and not paying people back all over town, he was actually cutting down alive trees. There he goes. Doesn't he just look like the type of person who could climb a tree?

I don't really know what that means. I know it sounds offensive. Just sit with that for a moment. My Joe, my Joe is like Super Mario. He's a plumber. He's Italian. He likes to step on turtles. Okay, he can do a lot of different stuff, but he's climbing. But no, he's not climbing a tree. Okay. Last time I checked, there was no such thing as Mario and Luigi go up a tree. All right. Okay. That was for you, Joan, if you watch, if you play Nintendo. I'm not sure if you do. Okay. I don't know who it's really for, but it's for someone. They do. They go out. They go out with some chainsaws. They're very excited. And so then Martin's like, that is hilarious. I love chainsaw jokes and so many jokes. Joe could be dying of cancer. Could happen any moment. I just hope he gets that tree down before it happens. Joe, don't go up the tree, okay? Because your prostate's already enlarged. Last thing we

need is for it to get a splinter. Okay, Joe, just stay on the ground. Just stay on the ground. Yeah, and this is obviously very serious because cancer, you know, fuck cancer as usual. Of course. But it's just these housewives shows how they do it. It's like, ha ha ha, oh my God, I can't wait till we have a sleepover. Oh my God, are we gonna sleep over or sleep under?

Joe could have cancer entirely much. They just switch so fast. Like, am I, have a moment to stop smiling before you go into the most depressing conversation of the episode. So this is, I love this. So then Joe Gorgas is going up the tree. He's going up.

That's kind of impressive actually. He really gets all the way up there. He's got that strap thing and he goes, and he's like, has gloves and he starts pulling at stuff. And Joe Benino's like, like what? He's like, hey man, what's going on? And he's like, ah, boys and Ivy bro. Boys and I was so I don't know why the phrase boys and Ivy bro

is so funny to me. Okay, so then the tree falls and Marge is like, as long as it doesn't take out my new two recess, I'm fine with it. Hey, if a tree falls in Tenafly and no one's there to hear it, do you still jerk off? If you jerk off on a tree, but no one's there to catch your sperm, did the tree get pregnant?

Hey, if a tree falls in Tanafly and no one's there to jerk off on it, does Frank still suck a golf? Hey, take a few bands. Excuse me, Joe, I appreciate you taking down that tree, but I just got a call from Serena and Tanafly. Why are you jerking off trees in Tanafly? Hey, you've never seen splooge go so far as when you jerk off from the top of a tree. I get the poison out. So Melissa is like, Oh, so wait a second. I saw you commented on Jackie's post, you know, her

daughter, she did that bat mitzvah thing. And then we see an Instagram post of Jackie's family celebrating the bat mitzvah thing. And then we see an Instagram post of Jackie's family celebrating the bat mitzvah, which is Amazon boxes all over the floor. All the guests were just instructed to bring Amazon boxes and throw them at the little girl's head. Yeah, the reception was just in the driveway and people just had to open up boxes to find their lunch.

So, that's a cool back to several years ago. So yeah. First yeah, first fight Amazon fight. All right. It was Jackie's first big fight on the show. There are a lot of Amazon fights that season because then there was issues that Jennifer Aiden would just give her kids Amazon packages for doing their homework. So then, yeah, it was the whole thing. So so basically basically Margaret posted something that was like two prayer hands and two blue hearts.

Margaret's like, wait, was the Amazon box, I'm sorry, this is important now. Was Amazon boxes on the, did Jackie do that where she was like, for birthday parties, I just get Amazon boxes and kids open them and get whatever they want. That did happen, right? Is that in my head?

I think it was like pizza, it was like pizza, the pizza was not on the ground. I think it was that they, like the party favors, I think it was like pizza. It was like pizza. The pizza was not on the ground. I think it was that they, like the party favors, I think were just like in a box on the ground. And when they got their party favors, they just like reached into the box. It was something like that. Okay, it was like that, right?

The boxes on the ground, the Jennifer Angel's horrified. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. But I do remember also Jennifer being in her own backyard playing basketball with the kids. And I was like, whoever wins this game gets an Amazon box. Something like that. Okay. Okay. Sorry. Go ahead. Continue what you were saying. My little friend. She's like, no, I didn't even know her daughter was even having a butt mitzvah. Listen, you know, of course I'm going to comment on that. Like I could be totally social and cordial, unlike Jennifer

Aiden and Danielle. Okay. And this goes, Oh, so they both come into Rachel's's did they both say yes. Yes. They both said yes Oh, and what are those two gonna do? What are these two gonna do? What are they gonna do? I mean, we're all having fun at a pajama party, right? No, huh? We're gonna have fun, right? Are we gonna have fun? We're gonna have fun. Oh So the guys come in and they're like, oh my god, he cut his hand off. You know what cut the crap I see you with it with you motherfuckers. See that? Because it's hilarious. You know, it'd be more convincing if you didn't add mustard to it also. Sorry,

Ma, I did this habit. Who chops off their hand and gets helmets all over their shirt, Joe? Jesus Christ. You even stain your shirts doing an innocent fun prank. Unbelievable. I'm glad you weren't wearing the seafoam. So we go to Jennifer Festler's house and Dolores shows up and Festler's like, oh my goodness, look at this, you brought me flowers and a cannoli, it's not even my birthday. See Kathy, is Kathy coded? This episode, they're trying to get Kathy back in our minds.

She's coming. And Festler's like, it's not my birthday, why'd you show up with all this stuff on me? Well, I figured you like cannolis. You know why? Who doesn't like a fucking cannoli? All right. You want to ever pretend to know somebody, bring them a cannoli and watch them say, you know I like cannolis? Everybody likes a fucking cannoli. How do you feel about cannolis, Ronnie? Overrated. I don't like the dough of a cannoli. I think it's too chalky. I would prefer a crispier fried taco. You know, I'm trying to think of a Mexican cookie.

That's like a fried dough that's very crispy and covered in sugar. What's that called? Not a churro, but the really crispy. Yeah. I would like that kind of dough. Like a pudding cookie. Yeah, I don't like the soft kind of chalky dough. And I do order them. I did actually get a free one last week with some Italian food, and so I ate it. And I was like, yep, still chalky. No matter where you get them from, they're always chalky. And also, if you're going to make a tubular thing, you need to find a way to get that cream through

the whole tube. Because I find that the most recent cannolis I have, they splooge in each side and then there's like two chunks and then there's nothing in the middle of the tube. Like the very center. It's very bad, it's very bad cannolis splooging. What do you think of cannolis? Jared Soule You know, I haven't had one in a while. I never thought they were like amazing. To me, they're very like mid pack. But like, I think the last few can always I had were actually very, very good. And it went all the way through. So I feel like obvious I had, I think obviously, if you get like a good cannoli, it's, it's going to be like delicious, but I don't have like a childhood nostalgic, you know, connection to them. And like, weirdly enough, like for me, like,

I love like a black and white cookie in terms of talking about like sort of Northeastern kind of, you know, patient desserts things. And like, I love a black and white cookie. And so many people are like, really those are state say those are too chalky, but like, they're chalky for me. Yeah. And so, but I think that's like maybe it's cause you bring so much like cultural and personal and nostalgic stuff to it. And I just don't have those connections with the cannolis. So for me, cannolis are like fine,

but I've yet to find a cannoli where I'm like, I must go out of my way to get this cannoli. Yeah. Um, yeah. I, and for someone who just shat all over cannolis, I eat a lot of cannolis because I'll always order them from an Italian place. Because you know when you just want something sweet, but when you order pizza, they don't have anything sweet. They just have the pizza and then they'll have maybe like a tiramisu or a cannoli. It's not like ice cream or M&Ms, you know? Where's a pizza place with M&Ms? Just give me that.

I'll take a cannoli over a tiramisu any day, I just want to say. I take both usually. Okay, so let's get away from my eating disorder and move on to Dolores and Fessler talking about cannolis. Okay. So, Fessler is like, oh, I love cannolis. Thank you for the issues. Yeah, I know. So, look at this house. God, I don't normally get to enjoy it because every time I'm here, there's just so many people here, but it's big. It's big. Oh my God, are these white countertops? Hold on. Do you mind if I do something? Where are you going? I'm walking from the living room to the kitchen to the dining room to the living room. I could

live here. I could live here. It's great. Oh, and you got rails on your stairway too. Wonderful. Oh, and look at this skinny picture of you. Look at this. You look wonderful here. This is the best you've ever looked. Oh, it's your daughter. Nevermind. I thought it was you. So then they start talking about how fun her family is when we see pictures of them doing shot skis and stuff. And then we move on to talk about gossiping, dun dun dun dun dun.

And Dolores was like, listen, I wish you could have been with us when we had real fun, like the women in Ireland together. Gosh, wasn't that a good time? And Dolores was like, listen, I wish you could have been with us when we had real fun, like the women in Ireland together. Gosh, wasn't that a good time? Were there any big fights in Ireland? Well, there was... Why do I feel like there were? There were, I mean, there were sort of small skirmishes. And that's, of course, where Danielle

learned about Laura and all that stuff. But there were skirmishes, but it wasn't major. They got along really well. And so they're, they're all like, they're, they're reminiscing on that time when they were all hanging out, they all enjoyed each other. They all could laugh in each other's company and have a good, good time. And Beth was like, well, I can't imagine a scenario where anything will ever be that funny with this group ever again. And the Lord's like, well, that's what I'm so upset about.

Look at my face. Look how upset I am. Now I'm happy. Now I'm upset. Can you tell the difference? Look, right now I'm having a cannoli. Now I'm having a frog's ass. Now I'm having a leaf. Hold on. I'm laughing out of control. There, I laughed. Yeah. So listen, that's not the only thing bothering me. There's a couple of things I'm very upset about right now. That, Peppletiles, Teresa's a mess. She's like, oh, God, she's very, very Teresa. It's like, you think, stress, I mean, what do you think? She's stressed, she weighs, what is she, three pounds? Okay, so on the way here, on the way there, Teresa calls me and says, I've got anxiety beyond anxiety. And then she goes, if I pass out, please call 911. I'm not good. Because

there's a court case is going on. And I said, you know what? That's all I want to hear. I don't want to say anything else. I don't want specifics. I don't want fucking details. Because if it gets out, I don't want to get blamed. I don't want to ruin a court case. None of that. So just, you know what? Continue not eating over there silently. Okay. I wish you the best. The less I know the better. I don't want any single person to tell me anything about this court case. Cut to next week. James Leonard telling Dolores everything about the court case.

Well, you know, I didn't want to know, but then I heard that might be a focaccia crocodile. So Festa was like, me neither. I don't know anything about nothing, honey. So they're talking about the court case and everything and how stressed Teresa is and how Teresa is a shell, a shell of what she used to be. So Teresa was a shell. That's the point. Teresa is a shell. Okay. That's why we love her. She's a shell with, she's a shell with pretty hair. She's a peanut shell with a hairline. We like her. Okay.

So Dolores is like, you know what? Teresa alone can handle anything, but Louie gets worked up and Teresa feeds off that. And now worrying about Louie and what's going on with Louie is literally killing her sort of like me facing that pebble tile every single morning of my day. Why does Frank keep bringing it over? So Dolores is like, and now Jennifer gets up and she screams in her face and has every right to yell at her, by the way, she has every right. But like, and Professor was like, oh, so now, but you're like, worried about Teresa though? You're worried? Is this what's happening right now? And she's like, well, I was, because I was worried about Teresa. I said,

don't take it out on her, Jen, Jen Aiden. Don't take it out on her. Yeah. So, Dolores yelled at Jen. Dolores, who's so sick of everybody yelling at everybody, is like, and then I yelled at Jen. I said, I got in Jen's face. I said, you get out of her face. So, then they start talking about Rachel and Fester's like, well, I sent her a text. I'll read it to you. Okay. It says, dear Rachel, was like, well, I sent her a text, I'll read it to you. Okay. It says, dear Rachel, woke up this morning, bought myself a gun. Sorry, that was a masturbatory text to myself. That was for you, James. That was for you, James. So she is talking about basically, I told her, listen, I have learned my lesson, I will never stand up for your husband

again. And I've learned that you do not like me standing up for your husband because I never would have said anything bad about your husband, all I was doing was standing up for him. So, I will now forever sit down anytime your husband is mentioned. There, you win. Hmm? Matthew 10 And she didn't even text me back. I can't believe my text that at first appeared like an apology, but then turned out to be a passive aggressive jab generated no response. So then came in, these party invites came in. So then she's like, but then there was a slumber party and she invited me, so I didn't text her back. And then she said, I hope you

did not text me back because I didn't text you back. And I said, well, I'm not coming to your party. She said, oh, it's not because I didn't text you back and then she said I hope you didn't not text me back because I didn't text you back and I said well I'm not coming to your party. She said I hope it's not because I didn't text you back and I said well I've thought about it I'll come. What do you think about that Dolores? Huge huge drama here Dolores, non-stop. Well I would be fucking aggravated with her. I am aggravated that's the right word. Well but you expected what you deserve, but more than she is able for sometimes. And I also think you guys were vastly different in life. You're in different places. So I don't think that being so close makes a lot of sense to me. Look, she's 31 years old going on five and you know, I don't know, 73, whatever

it is, you guys shouldn't be friends. Listen, you're Methuselah. She's a baby chick with new lips. For women, you're nothing to each other. Now, if you were Frank and Brittany, you'd be getting married in an Olive Garden probably. But for women, this makes no sense. Look, she's not old enough to even know who James Gandolfini is, okay? Every to even know who James, James Gandolfini is.

Okay. Every time you say you slept with James Gandolfini, she looks at you like you slept with Woodrow, Woodrow Wilson. Okay. It makes no difference to her. You need to be friends with people. Be impressed. Anytime we say you slept with Gandolfini, she says, why would she sleep with Harry Potter's teacher? We say that's not even the right movie, Rachel. Every time, every time you say you slept with the head of the Sopranos, she's like, who the fuck cares if you're sleeping with Placido Domingo?

She doesn't even get that right. So Festa's like, you are a wise woman, Dolores. She goes, I know, you know what, Gandalf, Gandolfini. she goes, I know, you know what Gandalf, Gandolfini. Geldorf, Bob Geldorf, God, I love Farm Aid. So she's going to go to the party now. They're all going to do Fuda the biggest favor of showing up to her sleepover party. So then we go to Teresa and Jen meeting at Capital Craft.

Capital Craft, this weird restaurant. It had like a picture of Sundays on the front page of the menu. So Teresa's like, Hi, I heard your voice. And Jennifer's like, Oh my God, baby, your hair looks darker. She's like, Yeah, I got a glaze. My eyes pop darker. Tereza's hair, it's so funny. She has that hair cut, the hairstyle today where it's like, it's really straight, but like it's really coming out and forward. And if you look at her, she literally looks like she's in the Traders and she's just arrived in the turret about to vote someone on. Like I'm expecting her to take her hair and pull it back. Yeah. It literally looks

like a hood of like, you know, Ellen Cummings gonna come and ask her who her choice is. That's funny. How about you? They make small talk about the podcast and they order chicken nachos and garlic not chicken parm. The fuck, how do these people eat like this and look like that? I've never understood on this show.

And then he brings over this gigantic plate of nachos. Oh my God. It was like they lowered Shamu made of tortilla chips right in front of them. It was massive. You don't I mean, what is it? How do they stay like this? I want to know. It's not fair. So then they start talking about the other night. Teresa was like, yeah, I'm sorry about what happened the other night on my podcast, because I wanted to help, but then I was like, I got things to do, because it's a podcast. And so I was like, I got to go out there and I got to do a greeting and see, I don't know, I couldn't do nothing. She's like, how could you, Teresa? You didn't even stand up for me, baby. That was just me alone being nailed to a cross. I said, Teresa, come save me. And you basically handed someone a drill to make it quicker, baby.

How could you? A power drill. This is one of the few times where I agree fully with Teresa. It's her own event. She has to go back on stage. She cannot get into a fight in the middle of her podcast about keeping the peace. Okay. And a church, no less. So in this case, I do support Teresa being like, whatever you guys figure this out. I got to get back to work. Yeah. So Jennifer is that. Well, see you altercating with somebody.

He never asked me to button, but I do it anyway. Cause it's my personality. I guess it's my fault I'm just too good of a street fighter. So what you get when you spend so much time in the crowded crowd of compact streets of New Jersey as opposed to easy go and spread out Florida. So what you're just like, well, I'm sorry. You feel that way. But I know you're stressed out with the car case

and everything, but like, you know I need a friend. I want you, I want you to know I'd rather die for you. I love you're stressed out with the car case and everything, but like you know I need a friend. I want you I want you to know that Ryder died for you. I love you Teresa. I do. I do. I love you. She's like I wouldn't like I wouldn't like died or died for you too. No Ryder died Teresa. Well I I already wrote it in it. It's already in them but I'm not Ryder did nothing right now. Ryder, Teresa. What? I thought Rider Vans was still in business. No, I didn't say that Rider died.

I said that Ride or die, Teresa. Well, yeah, okay, I will do that. And she goes, well, I just like to feel like it sometimes. You know what I mean? Hey, hold on a second. Wait a minute, come over here. You stupid fat fuck. Nobody likes you, Teresa. I here. You stupid fat fuck. Nobody likes you.

Teresa. Uh, I think he's mine. Teresa! Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Um, well, if I had to pick between you and Danielle, obviously I'm going to pick you.

That's all I needed to hear, Teresa. Thank you. She's not a good friend to you like I am. She doesn't love you the way I do, Teresa. OK, so what's going on with this court case then, by the way? And she's like, because basically Jennifer Aiden is like, OK, I just needed to know that you like me more than Danielle. Hi, dear Teresa. Okay, so what's going on with this court case then, by the way? And she's like, because basically Jennifer Aiden is like, okay, I just needed to know that you like me more

than Danielle, so we can talk about you now. So. I was thinking to get that on the record. Yeah. So basically Teresa's like, one way and so she's, you know, they're talking about like this, you know, the judge is making a decision and crossing every T

and dotting every I, et cetera. And they're just talking about the case and she's saying how, you know, the judge is making a decision and crossing every T and dot and every I, etc. And they're just talking about the case and she's saying, hell, you know what? It took almost six months, but you know what? If that's what it needed to take, I am so thankful because we want peace, we want happiness, and we want to use this against Margaret Joseph, the root of all evil. Yeah. So then Rachel Fuda's household. So I guess the thing is they're waiting for this

lawsuit to be over and then Teresa can bring up the court case stuff. I'm not really sure, but there you go. So Rachel Futa's household, here we go. Pink, everything's pink. And Rachel's like, I've done everything for this party. I have a caterer, I have a party planner, I have a bartender, the babysitter. My kids are tucked in. They've got beds, they've got sheets, they've got pillows. The only way their beds are staying up there is because there's a floor up there. It's on the next floor. It's a floor. There's a carpet. It's a rug on a carpet. But I want more. So she's saying everything's getting ready and everything. And she's talking to the bartender. She's like, Oh my God, I almost lost an eyeball. I'm going to peek

at your bar. He's like, yeah, come check this over. So she's like, the last few times the ladies have gotten together, it's not gone great, but I hope that the ambiance will help everyone have a good time. And by ambiance, I mean the empty sterile quality of my house. So everybody comes over and Marge is like, oh my God, I've been standing here ringing the joy down. She's like, oh, you look so cute. I got all you guys slippers. Oh my God. You know what? You got us all Joe's. That's what I call slippers because Joe is always falling down. Stupid fucking Joe.

Oh, wait, did I say that? I'm sorry. We're having a very dramatic time with Joe right now. Get these slippers out of my face. How insensitive are you? Has anyone done a PSA test on these slippers? Okay. So now everyone's showing up and Jennifer is like,

hey, so this is your house, baby. This is new construction. Okay, where's the mall that you look at? No, you don't have one. Oh, that's too bad, baby. How do you sleep at night with that big fluorescent lights from a parking lot shining through your window? Yeah. Well, you know what? It's raised ranch and we took the roof off and put two floors on top of it. So it's like technically a renovation or it's also what we talk about. I was going to try to make

a ranch dressing joke, but I couldn't get there. So Rachel's like, we have champagne. Jackie put slippers on. You know, we do as the Romans do. Jackie's just like, Romans? Romans had a party where they had slippers? Well, no Romans invited me to that fucking party. Guess I know where I stand with the Romans. Thanks a lot, Romans. She goes, oh my God, these are really comfortable.

I have the biggest feet ever. Oh, come on, you know, your feet are, no, your feet are really, they really are big. They've got huge feet. You know what it's are really, they really are big. You got huge feet. You know what it's like? It's like looking at kangaroos. You know how kangaroos have large feet. You got kangaroo feet.

Jackie's got kangaroo feet, everyone. Everyone look at Jackie's kangaroo feet. Everyone look, look, look, look. She's gonna hop around like a kangaroo. Everyone, Jackie, go and snag a kangaroo. So for the second time, because at first Marge goes, you know what? You got slippers for people? Well, some people have hooves. So you better watch out for the second time, because at first, Marge goes, you know what, you got slippers for people?

Well, some people have hooves. So, you better watch out for the slippers. So, now Rachel's like, I've got an eye on it. She goes, oh, I didn't know that. You know what? But you know what I said earlier? I said that some people have hooves. Isn't that hilarious?

Nobody really reacted. Even the recappers who had it written down right in front of their face ignored it. But you know what? I'm going to say it again. Some people have hooves. Guess what? I'm going to say it again. Some people have hooves. Guess what? You know what I'm going to start calling Jackie?

Jekyll O'Neill. Get it. She has large feet. Very huge. I know yours are big too, Rich, but Jackie's are big in a way that's very, very point-outable. Okay. Hey Jackie, did you hear? Someone dropped out of the presidential run.

I think you should run and you should run as President Hooveser. You know what, Jackie? Speed chat. Jackie is very good at taking over people's jobs because she really knows how to fill out those people's shoes if you know what I'm saying. Her hooves, so big, so big. So then Fessler comes in and she's talking to the driver. She's like, oh, thank you for the ride, my friend.

Wish me luck, won't you? Wish me luck, will you? Wish me luck, please. She's like, I'll do that, please get out luck, please. He's like, I'll do that. Please get out of my car. He's like, I don't know who you are. I'm a no-brainer. You just have big teeth.

I always see teeth. Wish me luck. Trying to sleep tonight. Try to think about your teeth. So inside the house, the women are chatting it up and talking about Cosmoth and everybody's making small talk. It doesn't really seem that awkward at all, actually. Yeah, it's fine. It's like a, it feels, it feels like a deeply unfun party. Cause you know,

they can't play music probably because they're filming and the lights are up really bright. And they're just sort of like in this like sort of like their house is sort of empty. I don't know what it is. It's like cold. It's emotionless. And they're just sitting there trying to do fun things. But first, Rachel pulls Vesseler to have a chat. She's like, will you walk with me? It's like, okay. She goes, have you read anything? She goes, no, I'm not that hungry, but this looks amazing, right?

Okay, let's have a conversation. I'm going to let this all go. Okay, I don't want it swirling around my head. I'm just done with it. Here, I have to say it. I slept with big pussy too. Oh, it feels good to get that off my chest. So, they basically talk and she's like, listen, I'm trying to defend your husband. And Rachel's like, but like, seriously, you're bringing him up on camera. She's like, I didn't want to hurt you.

She goes, but I do understand that I did hurt you. And she's like, but I understand that I made you feel bad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I love you. I like you. And then they hug. I was distracted this entire time because I couldn't help but notice that Jen Festler had this big green mark under her lip. Did you see that?

It was like a green soul patch. I don't know if something went wrong with her makeup or maybe this was shot after the fruit rollup scene and presented out of order, but she had a splotch of green here the entire time. I'm like, I'm like, how do you have this? How do you have this heart to heart? And Rachel, you don't say a single thing like, Oh, you know what, Jen, why don't you give her the thumb? Give her the little thumb like that. You know, you give like, yeah, let me wipe that off of your chin.

You just, yeah. Real friends don't let friends walk around with green spots on their face. Yeah. I will say Rachel was forgiving and everything, and she said she's sorry and all that, but she did not seem to be over it. She was just kind of looking at her like, still hate you. So, I don't know. Well, and also I don't think that Rachel seemed to even understand how her reaction was,

honestly, a bit of an overreaction. You know, like Jen Fester definitely, she should have just been like, whatever, I'm not gonna get involved with this. Jen Fessler was trying to be a peacemaker in some way, defending, but also be a peacemaker. And maybe she, she maybe stepped over too much, but then Rachel had way too outsides of a reaction and she was really mean to her friend. Yeah, but she was trying to play both sides of it. I think Fessler, and I think when Fessler

says at the end of this, she's like, you know, basically, this group is so toxic, it leaked onto us. And that's what basically happened. We just learned it and how can we not? We just copied everybody else. And I think in a way that is true because it's like they're on a Housewives show and they're like, we have to do this and this. You know, I have to make up with these people because we're on a Housewives show and then I have to talk about this storyline because we're on a Housewives show and I have to fight with people." And then they get caught up in it and it's like at the end of the day, there's no one to really coach you and tell you, you're doing it right, you know? And I think you just, you got to keep the people on your team.

You got to have somebody on your team. You can't just go in there swinging at everybody. And you're kind of compelled to take sides, I think, on reality TV. I think you're sort of drawn to be sort of have an extreme reaction. And I think that she was like, you know, we got a little caught up in it, which I thought was a very accurate thing. So then, uh, Chrissy, Chrissy, the lipstick reader joins the group and, uh, Chrissy is going to do some lipstick reading. I've never even heard of lipstick reading. This is, I mean, look, all these things are a little, they're a little far fetched for me. Um, you know, palm reading, coffee reading, you know, tea leaves, all that. I'm like, it's fun. But like, okay, whatever. But now lipstick reading. This is, I don't think you can really learn anything from a lipstick kiss.

No, this isn't a real thing. This is just people making shit up. Yeah. This is just people making stuff up. So Jennifer is like, are you a psychic? What, baby? She's like, I don't claim to be a psychic. I am an intuitive empath. Choose a color, give it a smooch, and I'll read your personality based on your lip and breath. Who is that, you? Is that Bill and Drag? Again? So, um- I just wanted to come. Every time you go out and have fun with the girls, you just leave me alone on the couch in front of the bed. I mean, let a boy live. So then Rachel gives us a really interesting backstory on her life. I've never done a blipstick reader before. I want to do it for my bridal shower, but my mom did a make your own

perfume bar instead. I like to have things at my parties that not everyone else has, so I thought it would be perfect. Make your own perfume party? The fuck kind of terrible idea is that? That is horrible. That is horrible. I'm sure that Marriott hated your ass after you left,

because you know it still smells like terrible, like sardine. Blackberry and powder, baby powder. You know those perfumes that smell like baby powder? They those are truly the worst perfumes in the entire world. I used to wear baby powder deodorant. You would have hated it. You know, baby powder on its own. Like I don't love the smell baby powder, but it's like fine. But when it's like, when it's like baby powder perfume, and I don't know what the brand is,

because it always smells so terrible. The last thing I want to do is, hey, what sort of perfume are you wearing? But it's just that awful cheap, like disgusting scent. You know it when you smell it. Yeah. So I don't know. I love, I love that smell personally. I don't know. Maybe it's like missing my childhood or just wanting to fix my know, maybe it's like missing my childhood or just wanting to fix my childhood, but it's like too late, but still want to smell like it, good. Maybe, yeah. Maybe I'm like, I could still go back and make everything right, right? Right? Right? I'm a baby.

But then at the end of the day, you're just B.O BO all over again. It's like you're still almost 50 and everything's fucked. Okay, back to the show. So they're getting these readings done. And then Marge is like, does lip filler affect the lip reading at all? Because every, every one of us is going to have some problems with that. Oh, let me, let me ask you this, Missy. Okay. Does lip reading have anything to do with people who have herbs?

I'm not saying that anyone here does have herbs. But one person here could play in the NBA, because her feet are very large, which denotes that she has a tall height. But the irony is she's not very tall at all. I'm talking about Jackie. Why is no one laughing? about Jackie. Why is no one laughing? Oh, gosh. So, they get some like very basic things. And Chrissy does Marge and she's like, do whatever your heart desires. Beautiful. Here's what comes up. You're romantic. You're passionate. You're letting all the good things in. I feel like you've come so long because there was a time when you were very closed off and you wouldn't let anyone new come into your life, especially after being on this earth for as long as you have. Older than a cedar tree in a public park. Wait a minute, Quessy bitch.

You remember what it was like to see a penny farthing going down the street and now here we have Teslas. What a life you've seen. Excuse me. I'm not that old. OK. So that's like, oh, that was the first laugh I've had in like three days. She's like, OK, all right, all right. Melissa, you ready to go? Melissa's Melissa's your turn.

No, I mean, Melissa, you say something. OK, you ready to go to Louris? OK. Anyway, they're just like all they're all talking. It's a lot of crosstalk. Jennifer Aiden has read, she's read Jackie's book. She's like, so is it selling? Is it book selling, baby? She's like, yeah, I mean, I thought it was gonna be a New York Times bestseller, but it's not. That's okay. And Jennifer Aiden's like, not everyone can be Teresa Junas, baby. She like, it turns out it was a lot harder than I thought. I mean, that's okay. It's okay. I'm not really upset about it. You know, never let Rand forget about it, but whatever.

Jennifer Aiden and Lala can have a support group. Yeah. Don't you know that does go to number one because you're supposed to buy all the copies. Aren't you a zillionaire? Buy all the copies. That's what you're supposed to do. Buy them all. So now the cake, Danielle shows up with a cake and it's like a homemade cake. And she made these like, she made these little figures that represent the women

and made them all smiley faces. And the one that's Jennifer is like cocked over to the side and falling off the edge of the cake. Marge is like, okay, is this one Jennifer, the one that's falling over? This was so funny to me. And she goes, don't call that. Was that intentional? And she's like, oh my God, to Laura, stop, okay? It's just a joke. And Antonio's like, Liz, I must have hit a bump on the whale, okay? That's what it was. And Ian's like, listen, I must have hit a bump on the way over here. Okay. I swear it was.

And he's like, it's all right. I'm not eating that cake anyway. I don't need that cake. So it was so funny. I was cracking up and Danielle tells us, listen, I'm going to behave myself today at this party, but am I going to do something to the wheelchair? No, no, no, come on. But then I do something to the cake, the wafer cake under the representation. You bet your bottom dollar, bitch.

I just also want to point out that this entire empty space in the upper right-hand corner, that represents my dad. So by the way, I love how much this show really does exercise demons through dessert. Like from the sprinkle cookies to this cake, it's just a great tradition that this show throwing Siggies cake across a restaurant. They never stop. They take care of a lot of stuff. So now they play some games. They do some champagne bongs. I do this like fruit roll up strip thing where they like, they, they like,

they're like pulling up, they're going to eat the fruit roll up and, um, and Jennifer Aiden starts early and they're like, stop it, Jennifer. And she's like, sorry, baby. It disintegrated my mouth. And the lawyer goes, it's not her fault. She has the saliva of a Komodo dragon. That was for you, Joan. Hey, wait a minute. We jumped out of this hoax ever. So do Komodo dragons have a lot of saliva? They have their poison. Don't you remember the story of what happened to Sharon Stone's husband that got

bitten by a Komodo dragon? No, what was it? To the San Francisco zoo. They went to the San Francisco zoo. And I don't think he had his sneakers on. And they said, you got to wear sneakers or something like that. Where he had it open to a sandal. The Komodo dragon, he wants to see the Komodo dragon. The Komodo dragon got spooked. I mean, we're just excited. I mean, Sharon Stone was there. That Komodo dragon's like, everything I got, gotta eat something. And it bit his butt. And it was like,

oh, it was a major issue for him. It's like one of my favorite Sharon Stone stories. Sharon Stone has so many wacky stories. She got electrocuted once because like, Sharon Stone has so many wacky stories. She got electrocuted once because like, um, I think it was her. Like she was like, like lightning struck her house and she, like she was near her toaster and she got zapped. And then there was the time where she was being interviewed and she started bragging about how the Dalai Lama was her friend. I mean, it just, it goes on and on with her, but yes, Komodo dragon is part of Sharon Stone

lore. Oh, I had no idea. Yeah. Um, but Jen sure got that got that thing in her mouth really quickly and swallowed it. It was pretty impressive. And then wait, what made Dolores laugh so, like at one point, Dolores laughed,

like during the, I think it was during this game, Dolores thought something was so funny and she goes, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I think it's when they start talking about sex because they all sit down and they're like, okay, Mars is like, let's play a game. What's the move your guy puts on you to have sex? Mine is Joseph's, I promise I'll be done with the living room by 2032. Gets me wet every single time. And Rachel goes, all my husband has to do to want sex is walk past me.

Well because you have an off the boat Italian like I do, welcome to the fucking club. Hey, what makes you know it's like coming right now? Well, the shirt's off and he's walking towards them and he said, hey, pretend you're a door and I'm 20 years old. I'm going to bust you down. I'm bust in you. You know what I'm saying? Put a pistol whip everything inside of you.

In a sexual way, I mean. So Melissa's like, Joe just says you're pretty. And I'm like, fuck off. And then Fester's like, oh, Jeff is more like, hey there, Carmela, Carmela, finally gets me. And Marlowe's, okay, he's like, Hey there. And you get moist. That'll do. Panty dropper. That'll do. Yeah. Some of these stories, I'm like, wow, this is creep.

That's kind of creeping me. Cause Fessler's Fessler does say that her husband just comes up and goes, Hey there. I'm just kind of like nudges her. Hey there. Hey there. I'm just kind of like Ned is there. Hey there. I get so horny. So they're just going on and on about like this and that. And they're talking about like what gets them horny, et cetera. It's and like Margaret, then Dolores talked about, they just opened up their Rachel's. They asked Dolores how business is going. She's like, it's good. Our computers arrived. I have my desk. So now I walk from my desk to the water cooler, back to the desk again. It's very good. One time, Paulie, okay. One time I was walking from the desk to the water cooler to the kitchenette to the desk and Paulie put out some pop tarts and I walked from the water cooler to the kitchenette

to the pop tarts. I said, Paulie, this is too many goddamn things to stop at, Paulie. But he's learning. He's learning. So... Pete Slauson It's too many points on the map. She's like, talking about getting electrocuted, like, four stops, four stops on my walk. So then, they start talking about, they're like, so, Dolores, do you guys have sex on the desk? And she's like, I don't mix my business with pleasure. Don't shit where you eat.

You know what I mean? That's like mixing pleasure. But he's so gross. And then Jennifer goes, yeah, you know what I do? Milk that prostate, baby. Milk it. Too soon. Too soon.

Hey, did you get a PSA on that prostate before you milked it? I can't be careful. Be careful what you're doing. What the hell? And Trusler's like, you milk the prostate? And Marge goes, what does that mean, milk the prostate? She goes, yeah, milk it.

Milk that prostate, baby. And Danielle's like, she said she milks her husband's prostate. How do you do that? Is it like tap, tap? Is it two fingers up? What you do is you stick a finger in the butthole and go reach far in and you wave for him to go, just like that baby. And then you find the button and you press it and then that milk comes right up baby. I'm sorry to interrupt everybody, but I think I could

read your lips a little bit harder. Jen, is that your name? Go home. We all know it's you. Well, I should have known something to do with cock would bring everyone together. Maybe I should have hired male prostitutes. I don't fucking know. I'm like, actually, you should have. That would have been hilarious. So, uh, by the way, I just want to say before we pivot into the next little bit here, I did look up the Komodo dragon thing with Sharon Stone's husband. It happened in 2001. And, uh, she was with her then husband, Phil Bronstein, and Bronstein was on a private tour of the zoo and Saturday when he entered the

Indonesian lizard's cage, the zookeeper had asked him to remove his white tennis shoes to keep the reptile from mistaking them for white rats. And then, um, I don't know if he did take up the shoes, maybe, oh no, he did. Because the reptile attacked his shoeless foot, crushing his big toe and thrashing the body around. And that's according to Sharon Stone who witnessed the attack from outside the cage and he was able to pry the reptiles mouth open and escape through a small

feeding door. And then he went into surgery, uh, because of that. So that was Sharon's experience. Here's the thing. Nowhere does it say that the man's foot was covered in a ton of saliva. The question was, do Komodo dragons have a lot of saliva? And you're like, yes, don't you remember Sharon Stone's husband getting his fit foot almost in?

Was it covered in saliva or not? You're missing the point of the story here, sir. Well the zoo actually, this was Sharon Stone's version of it, but apparently the zoo had a different tale to tell and apparently they got it all wrong. But whatever, we won't get into that. Sharon Stone's such a nut. I heard her on Oprah's podcast one time and she was like, Oprah, you know how she takes everything so seriously? She's like, Oprah, you have changed the entire world, girl. And let me just tell you what I, Oprah's like, well, what'd you learn during COVID?

Because this was during lockdowns and stuff. And Sharon's like, here's what I learned. This was so nuts. I sat down with my family and Oprah, let me tell you something. We talked. She's like, really? Yeah. Because that's apparently what you do. We actually." She's like, really? Yeah. Because that's apparently

what you do. We actually just talked. It was crazy. I mean, Oprah, have you ever asked your neighbor how they are? It is just insane. People talking to people. I'm like, Sharon, that's what most of us do every day of our lives. Sharon Stone was so shocked that she had to speak to somebody else in the world. She couldn't get over it. God bless her. God bless. God bless. We're so lucky to have Sharon Stone. Anyway, let's wrap up this thing. So Dolores tells everyone, you know what, since we're in a sisterhood mood, let's fucking catch the sun while it's shining and tell you what, you know, what Jen and I talked about. Okay. We were having, we're talking about having a little retreat together.

Who wants to go on a retreat? What sort of retreat? The sort of retreat where you see Jackie's giant hoof coming down, you got a retreat, otherwise you get crushed to death. Is that kind of what you're talking about? That was for you, Joan. Another one. Listen, I wanted something close so we could drive a few hours away, all right? We had a beautiful time last year when we went to Ireland. There's so much goodness here, but you know what we are?

We're cracked, okay? We're broken. We had a beautiful time last year when we went to Ireland. There's so much goodness here, but you know what we are? We're cracked. Okay? We're broken. And I don't see any fucking reason why people should be this angry at each other. Okay? We got to get around this, but it's all up to you guys. And Jackie's like, you should be mature enough to be in the room with somebody you don't

like and be nice to them. Even the ones who didn't buy your book, because your book is not a bestseller, which isn't really anybody's fault except all of yours. So I'd just like to say thank you to all of you bitches, and you're probably not going to invite me on this trip anyway. Go ahead, disinvite me right now. Hey, Dolores, would you invite me so you could disinvite me in about five seconds, which I know is coming? Go ahead, I'm used to it. I just want to say that we are actually very broken as a group. We're almost as broken as any shoe Jackie tries to put her foot into. Okay? She has herbs.

She has herbs. Big feet. You know all this. We're about as broken as Jenny and Sean. Jenny and Sean's gonna be if she ever fucks with me in good fucking ugly outfits. That was for you, Dad. Dad, you there? Dad?

I'm just looking out the window, hoping my dad's gonna pop up his face and say, fuck yeah, you told that bitch. Oh I've been here all along So Jack yeah Jack is like hey you should be open sure enough to be in the same room as someone and Laura's like yeah Because you know what? Once you make believe a little bit it starts to become natural fake it till you make it am I right? That's how I get along with Frankie after I got divorced

You know who wants to touch that guy saliva falling all over your face every time little bit, it starts to become natural. Fake it till you make it. Am I right? That's how I get along with Frankie after I got divorced. You know, who wants to touch that guy saliva falling all over your face every time he says the word platypus? Yeah. Yeah. That's what I do. Say I say I fake it sometimes, you know, I say I don't really want my fingers up feels but right now, but then he starts moving like a cow until he's done being milked. And I say, you know what? That was worth it at the end of the day. And Melissa's like, yeah, I've done that with Jen Aiden a couple of times. Oh, Melissa, I didn't even realize you were here.

I didn't know you're still on the show. OK, because yeah, no, I am. And you know what? I just like fake it. I fake it with Jennifer. I pretend like everything she says is actually funny and interesting. And it turns out you do it enough. It is kind of amusing. And Jen's like, yeah, it works, baby.

And so Dolores is like, well, it works, baby. And so Dolores is like, well, listen, I'm going to be transparent and truthful. All right? This is also about at least trying to fix things. Can we do that? And Jennifer Aiden's like, you're inviting Teresa, what kind of fix are we doing? You're inviting Teresa to this song, don't you? That's what I do when somebody doesn't invite Teresa, guys.

I want everybody to note that and tell Teresa I just did. I'm so mad at everybody for not talking about Theresa. Okay, I feel really good. Thanks, guys. So they're just going to try to get Theresa there. So they're like in the spirit of healing. They all do some shots, some lemon bomb shots, limoncello bombs. And Melissa's like, open your mouth like the little hoes that you are. Woo! Pajama party! Yeah, so that's that. They're gonna try and have a retreat. So who knows what's gonna happen.

I imagine this is all gonna go to shit once Teresa has her party of gather round and let's hear what an asshole Marge is. Right, Marge is gonna be like, well I'm not gonna go on a trip with her. She's this stupid little skank. And then it's going to turn into World War III and it's all going to fall apart. And it's all going to culminate in a dinner or a luncheon at Rails with broken glass on the floor. Oh yeah. Actually, the one who is called the skank is Marge because in the coming next week previews, we see Louie. Jim is there going like, oh, let's talk about Marge. And Louie's like, this woman's a fucking skank.

Classy. You know, Teresa always, one thing that is consistent is she will always pick a classy man to be with. Always. Always. All right, everyone. Well, luckily you have been listening to two classy men in your ears and from one classy man to another classy

man. Fun times today and we will catch you later this week. We got Winter's Crappin' coming up as well as a million Bravo shows. So go check those out and we'll catch you in the next episode. Bye everybody. Bye. Watch what crap ins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney. Strolling the park with Caitlin Clark. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Itchels.

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