Watch What Crappens - #2501 House of the Dragon: Almost Flame-ous

Episode Date: July 29, 2024

It’s finally Hollywood Week on House of the Dragon, when the top Dragonseed bastards are brought together for one final dragon riding audition. Not sure who will win, but we can pretty much guarantee they will be blonde. Watch this recap on video and listen to all of our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to watcha crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello and welcome to Winter is Crappading! I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hi Ben. Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Good, congratulations. It is our 2500th show, 2500th show of Watch What Crappins and it's not even a Watch What Crappins really it's a House of the Dragon. How do you feel about that? I love it.

It would be funny if it was our 2500th episode of House the Drag or of winter's crapening. We just did an episode for every single scene that's ever been on Game of Thrones. But yeah, I cannot believe we've made it 2500 episodes. That is wild that we've been talking that much. Yeah, it's a lot of it's a lot of yapping people. I could imagine doing it with anyone else. Yeah, guys, we love each other and we love being inside of you.

Your ears, that is. So thank you so much for having us. We love doing this. Thank you for being here. If you're on winter is crapening, you're probably like, what the hell? I've listened to you guys for like 10 hours. So get over yourselves. But the rest of you, thank you so much. I know you're only on you're only on episode seven so far of your podcast. I don't know what you're saying.

Twenty five hundred. I know. Well, actually, we I think it's like episode 17 or something of Game of House of the Dragon or Winters Crappening podcast. But guess what? We were also like this on episode 10 of that. We're like, Ben, we just made it to an episode on Witcher's Crabbiting. Oh, oh, oh, oh. So yeah, we're impressed every step of the way with us.

So, you know, thank you for being on. We're impressed with ourselves. We, much like the creators of House of the Dragon, whenever they do their inside the show vignette at the end of the episode, we are very impressed with ourselves. Yeah, we are our best audience. You know what?

Just kidding, you are our best audience. But, God damn it, we're grateful for us too. Yeah, no, it isn't, man. It's been a great ride. And it will continue on for 2,500 more episodes, I'm sure. I mean, we've been doing this for 12 years. And listen, don't give me an excuse to be nostalgic and wax poetic about our time together as podcasters, because I will do it.

I will definitely do it. I will go down memory lane. Well, hey, no one's going to stop you. Lord knows old man Methuselah, it's our time. You know, we can do it if we want. If we goddamn well want to. The history of our podcasts, the things we've talked about is more complex than any family tree on House the Dragon, I'll tell you that much.

I don't know, it gets pretty complex on this show. I spend a lot of my week reading Reddit threads about what the hell happened in the last episode. And I swear to you, by the time I get back to these new episodes and they show what happened before, I'm like, when did that happen? I don't remember that. It takes up a lot of brain space for non-intelligent people, like, I'm just not used to this.

But I still love it. My favorite soap opera on TV. And this episode is ultimately one of my favorites because not only was it a really good episode, but I'm a theater queen and I love a good audition episode. I've been waiting for this. I hope I get it. How many writers do they need?

No, no, no, no. Just a bunch of blonde people holding headshots in front of their faces, getting ready to do the audition for the chorus line. And look, I just did, I even did a rain. I did a rain thing in front of my face. Whatever headshot holding up the headshot made rain in front of my face on our video chat. It's not happening again. So we're doing this is crap is on demands.

If you want to actually watch us instead of listen to us, you can go to our Patreon, patreon.com slash watch what happens. And Ronnie just made a gesture that caused rain to appear. Let's see if I can do it. Can I make rain happen? This I can't make the rain is not happening for me. Lightning does not strike twice, apparently So, um, got an audition episode and it's also really good to see blonde people get a chance because especially as someone from Texas where blonde people don't get anything, let me just tell you, it is nice to see blonde people getting ahead in the swirls. Okay.

Were you not already given the entire fucking world to rule? Do you not already own every high school in Texas? You know what I mean? Fucking blonde people, Just give them more. You know, yeah, I agree. And speaking of blonde people, I spent a lot of energy this episode trying to really decode that tapestry in the opening credits. Because you know, it always has little Easter eggs and stuff in it and sort of shows what's happening. And so there's a lot of blonde people on that tapestry. And I

was like, well, we're seven episodes in. So now a lot of these things on this tapestry, I'll understand. I'm like, oh, there's the little, there's the dead, the dead boy, that little boy. There's the rat catchers hanging. There's two dragons that are going at each other. Maybe that was that battle from like Rook's Rest or whatever it was called a few weeks ago. I was like, OK, I still can't figure out anything on that tapestry and I was really doing that. I was like scrunching up my my eyebrow to show I was really concentrating and I that tapestry I know I could go on

to read it and there probably is an explanation for all the imagery, but I want to figure it out myself and so far I am failing. I am failing. I am not a good tapestry interpreter. It just goes too fast for me. Like I really need to stare at things. Do you know how to do those artwork things where you stare at it?

It looks just like a pattern, but you have to stare at it for a long time and then it turns into something else. Yeah, like Magic Eye. Yeah, Magic Eye. They're called something fancy, I forget. Yeah, something. Yeah, it's probably called like a something Graham. But it's always like a peace sign. It's always someone holding up with their fingers like a peace sign. It's like really? Yeah, yeah.

Or like I saw one that's like a spaceship going into a rock or something like that. And I have never been able to do that. And this weekend for whatever one was on Reddit or something. And so I was like, Oh, I'm going to figure I do that. And this weekend for whatever reason, one was on Reddit or something. And so I was like, oh, I'm going to figure this out because I've never been able to do it. And it took me hours and I finally saw one. That was like magic. I mean, I see why they call it the magic eye

because I really felt like I'm something. You know what I mean? Like, have you ever had that feeling like you're like, I'm finally not a piece of shit. Like I finally learned something about how the world works or I can see like a new way. It was like the first time I did acid and I was like, oh my God, is this just fixed my brain?

I did not feel like that. I did not feel like that watching this episode. I did not feel like that watching this episode. It's very cool. Wearing a shirt that sort of looks like a magic, magic eye pattern now that I look at it. But, you know, so if you, if you stare at my shirt and cross your eyes, you will see

a heart in three dimensions. You are kind of wearing a shirt like that. Yeah, I do see that. And actually guess what I'm doing right now? I'm downloading the opening to Game of Thrones. Now one thing I just want to say, sorry to interrupt, is that I didn't want to scrutinize it too much, because I also didn't want to have a spoiler

for next week. So, you know, I don't know, what I can't tell is, are the vignettes, do they pertain solely toward the season, or is it the entire storyline? Because there's stuff on there that I'm like, that almost looks like it was from season one, you know, or something, like some of it looks like

Baceres is in the tapestry, and some of it, it's like, I don't know what that is, it's a lot of dragons attacking each other. So, I don't know, or something like some of it looks like the services in the tapestry and some of it it's like, I don't know what that is. It's a lot of dragons attacking each other. So I don't know, it's a lot. I'm really tapestry. tapestry Simon this week. Are you? Well, I'm trying to look at it in slow motion. But it's, it's like, I don't know, it's hard because it's tapestry, I need like more details. There's like people working and

then they're bleeding, you know, as you know, and then there's like a guy in a shield, and then there's a guy who's broken. And then there's people who are like kind of groveling towards the ground, like maybe they it looks like they just dropped like marbles and they're trying to pick up all the marbles from the ground. You know, there's a guy getting his... There's a lot of heads being chopped off in this. Yeah, that's a common theme. Heads being chopped off. Um... A lot of blonde people. Every now and then you can see Corlys in there.

I think, I assume it's Corlys. Yeah, I see a lot of blonde people. I mean, it's like watching, you know, it's like watching, uh... a, uh, Republican national convention, basically. Okay, so let's go into the episode. Well, we right off the bat, right off the bat. ...Syrax staring each other down. This was so cool.

This was a beautifully shot scene. Great dragon work in this whole episode. They're really paying off with the dragons. Yeah, I can see why this series took two years to come to HBO because they probably had to spend a year animating all these dragons. This was a very dragon-heavy episode. So we see these two dragons on a beach. We see Ray Ray, we see Adam standing, standing facing each other, etc.

And so Ray Ray is like, you stand before the queen of the seven kingdoms with a dragon, the house Targaryen. And he's like, he's like, yeah, no, I, I fully know who you are. Huge fan. I even fun fact, I actually work on your island. You may not have seen it, but I'm actually, I'm actually on your island already. I just happen to have a dragon. So yeah. And meanwhile, the dragons are like, I think you need to settle down, right? How about you guys shut the fuck up and let us talk? How about that? Okay. So she's like, what would he want? And he says, I want to learn the way of dragon riders and serve my

queen. And then he kneels, which was pretty easy. I mean, that was quick. She basically scored with this one, you know? Yeah, I thought he was going to be like, like, you know what, I have a lot of daddy issues. My dad doesn't even acknowledge me. And now I finally have a dragon and I want to prove to the world that I've got like that I'm worthwhile. And so I thought he was going to be kind of like really annoying and be like, well, now I would like something out of this. No, no, he was actually like totally chill. He was like, yeah, I got a new car.

Yeah, I thought he was going to be like, thanks for the dragon. You don't necessarily own all dragons, obviously, because I have one now. And guess what? I don't want to work for you. I don't want to go to stupid war. I'm. A postmate person now war. I'm a postmate person now. Like I'm a task rabbit. So if you need anything, I will be earning a living the way I want to now.

How about that? It's called independence. And you know, last week my theory was that because he did not show fear, I said the dragon was gonna eat him, but because he didn't show fear, the dragon was like, actually, I like you and you have royal blood in you. But it seems like your theory was actually the right one, which is that no, the dragon

actually chose him. The dragon found Adam and chose him. And he says, he tells Rey, Rey, he's like, the dragon came to me, not I to him. And I have sweated blood in the service of Haspelarion. I may appear lowborn, but I have great hair. And I know much more about service. And if the gods call me to the greater things, who am I to refuse them? And she's like, um, who are your parents, sir? And he's like, well, my mom was a shipwright,

which is like a playwright, but on boats, she only wrote boat plays. So most of them were jukebox musicals, not gonna lie. I know that you guys look down upon that on land, but cruises love them, especially if you serve a little dinner. Ship right more like ship wrong. Yes. Well, and my father, my father, you know, funny story about my father. He's not really important. Definitely not important. You don't know. I'm going to say right now, you definitely have never met him and you definitely don't rely on his advice for anything in your life. So, we don't have to talk about my dad anymore.

And she's like, so your ancestors, are they from my family or... And he's like, um, I don't know. We don't really keep annals. And she's like, well, we do do a lot of anal in this family. You know, a lot of intermixing. You know what I mean? But stuff, you know?

We don't keep records. She's like, no. But stuff, you know. I'll keep records. She's like, oh, yeah, we hate records here. Only CDs in this family or MP3s. Yeah, they get they go fast. If you ever heard of LimeWire. I'm not familiar, but now that I've got a drag and maybe I can learn more things like this. OK, well, what is your name?

Because Adam of Hall, that's two D's. Two D's. And also two L's at the end. So like, all right, consonant lover. Now listen, you've done something I feared impossible. You have made my dragon complain loudly over nothing. Just kidding. He does that all the time. Shut up. all the time. Shut up. I know. Sirax, would you just calm down? Sirax is like, I'm sorry. I just don't like being named after an over the counter medication. Because that's sort of what Sirax sounds like. Don't make me replace you with your brother Pyrex, right? The great unbreakable.

So now listen here, Adam of Hull, do you think you could get that dragon to Dragonstone? He's like, um, I can try. Let's do it. I have a question. This pertains to a comment I made just a few minutes ago. This, all the shipbuilding, all the people like Adam of Hull and his brother, what's his face? Alan, they've been working on ships. Has that been on Dragonstone? Because I used

to I used to think it was actually over at at the other place where Coralist has his like drift, drift mark or whatever or like high tide. It's because you know slash castle I died. But it seems like they're always going back and forth from there so quickly that I that I started to think like maybe it's actually different part of Dragonstone. But I don't think it's Dragonstone because everything's named so obviously here, you know, it's like, yeah, I'm going from Dragonst. I'm going to boat ship. Okay, because I just said that I just made it sound like Adam was working on Dragon Stone, but I don't think he was working on Dragon. So I think he's over at Driftmark.

But he's like, I've been working at Boaty McDocherson and found a dragon. Yeah. So now we go to King's Landing and Allison um, Alison's quarters. And she's like, all I've done. It's like, I feel like she's having a real mom moment, because I feel like my mom has these moments where she's like, well, forgive me for spending my life doing what everyone in this family wanted me to do.

I'm so sorry that I spent all of my time worrying about you kids instead of following my own dreams. Like, Alison's having that kind of a moment because she just got dropped off by her son or whatever. Yeah, she looks like she's getting a mani-pedi at first, but then you realize that she actually just has a scar from when she was out with the people and they called her queen of the fishes.

So she's the, or while as they're tending to her, she's like, oh, please, I just have one request. Don't put leaves on my cut. I just... They don't do anything. I just... I don't want to be the one to have to tell you this. I know you're so proud of your leaves. But it's just gonna heal without the leaves." He's like, "'Well, no, I'm gonna put leaves on this,

but let me tell you something, ma'am. Right? You're gonna have a scar, but here's the bright side. It's gonna be shaped like a leaf. She has nothing is clean here, including your leaves and we see a rat scurrying around because all the rat characters are dead dummies. Yeah, no kidding. Yeah. But also, it's like they killed all

the tortilla makers. They're like, where are all the burritos? Am I right? Um, so, uh, I saw this at the end of the... It's the exact same thing. So I saw at the end of the episode, the after the episode thing, that she got a scar in the same place that Ray Ray got a scar in the first season, which I never would have recognized at all. So thanks, guys. Thanks for letting me know that.

So now we go to Sir Ricard in front of Allison's quarters. She's like, we're out of this dump. Get the car ready. He's like, she said, we're going to Kingswood, bitch. He's like, well, I'll have people prepare a retinue. No retinue. I hate a retinue. All right. Well, how about your handmaidens? No hand means no retinue? No retinue. I hate a retinue. All right, well, how about your hand means? No hand means, no retinue. Just you, just me, and a little tint.

Let's do it. Yeah. So now, Iron Rod comes up to talk to Laris, favorite name. God, I love Jasper. I love a good Jasper Iron Rod, so hot. So they're watching people, they're watching somebody get in trouble, right? Yeah. So basically, they're looking over the courtyard and down in the courtyard, Eamon is sentencing two men of like the guard to go serve at the wall because he says they

started the riot or something that happened last week. So, Ironwood, who's really done nothing this season, he's like, well, guess what? I have received word of a great matter of importance and rumor of a sighting of a dragon, the dragon, Seasmoke. And Seasmoke has a rider. And Laris is like, it's a fine piece of intelligence, but unless you've got a foot that I can jerk off to, I really don't care. Okay. He's like, well, I thought I could seek your advice. Lord Laris, Whispers being your province is like, well, if you consider it valuable, maybe you could deliver it and find favor with Aiment yourself, Whisper Man, Whisper Prentice. And then we see Aiment downstairs like,

you're not Laura Dern and you're not Laura Dern. Guess who's Laura Dern? Me? You're lying. I've got to go to the wall. I'm probably future dead people. So, Iron Rod's talking about this dragon thing. He's like, well, I mean, surely it must be Lady Reyna who found the dragon. She's wanted for a dragon all her life. And there's like, oh, indeed, but she tried

already. But when she was four and 10, 14, sorry, it's just a fun, it's more fun way of saying 14, the best, okay, Seasmoke nearly devoured her. I mean, who else? Who else would it be? And so he's like, so where'd you hear about this? And Iron Rod's like, oh, well, my squire heard it from a stable hand who heard it from his father who's a fisherman whose shipmate claims he saw it. And he's like, oh, really? Well, you're welcome to bring that news to Prince Regent. Perhaps this might be one of those whispers best left to the wind. Mr. Gossipy Gossip,

like who is a ship person to a bird person to a bandaid person to a river person. Too many poor people. Listen, I have a whisper brand to protect and I can't have these long strings of whisper, whisper, whisper telephone games happening. Okay, so let's just table this one. And if we see a dragon, which we probably won't, definitely not by the end of the episode, then we can revisit it, okay? Life isn't a game of Ravenphone.

Get out. Get out! So then we go to Dragonstone, and Jace is squinting, because that's what Jace did. Was Jace's auditioning, was there even a script, or were they just like, Jace, we want you to be very pale and squinty, so just stare at that wall and squint at something deeply. And then say mother.

Say mother in three different ways. Okay, mother, mother, mother, you're hired. I would love a little more mother work, but God damn that squint is good but God damn that squint is good. God damn that squint is good. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. I'm Dan Tbersky.

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and Black History for Real. So small council, Bela Corliss, Chase, Lord Bartimos, Sir Alfred. So they're all standing around and they're, you know, doing business, business, business. Like, did we get sidewalks in the third quadrant yet? Guys, kids are riding their bikes into the street.

Absolutely insane. Also, can we get the lemonade shop shut down? We don't even have lemons here. That's false advertising. Those kids are putting rocks in plastic cups and handing them to people. So they're talking about this sea smoke situation and Kroos is like, so who is this? Who's riding sea smoke? What's going on with this? And they're like, and someone, Gerardus says, when he appears to be a shipwright in your employ, Lord Hand. And someone's like,

A commoner, with respect to your workers, Lord Callis, a lowborn cannot go round seizing dragons. Has the thief been secured? You can't steal a dragon. A dragon's like a husband. You can't steal a husband. A husband has to be willing to leave. Yeah, a dragon is not like a 2013, you know, Kia Forte, okay?

Like, you don't just like pop your credit card into the side of the door and then just drive off with it. Okay, you have to like the dragon has some say in the matter here. I like you making it so that your key is much safer than the ones that were all that were getting jacked on on tick tock. I'm going to make a Kia reference just to remind everybody that I have a safe Kia, so... No, because Kia did a redesign in late 2020 because the Kia's, like, the Kia's for the past 10 years

were so easily, um, broken into. Of course, now I've jinxed it here on our 2500th episode, and now my poor Kia Sport is going to get stolen because of my bravado and hubris in saying that mine and you saying it's you. You brought hubris upon my Kia. You have brought a box upon my Kia and now it's gonna get stolen.

Well, you're basically like Ray Ray. You're like, now listen here. I issue a challenge to all of Kia Stone. Ronnie. There's one unspealable KIA. I have to tell you the story. This is a secret and it's about my KIA and I've been sworn not to tell anyone but I will tell my podcast partner 2500 episodes. There is a song of fire and gas and it is about about the Kia that once was promised.

And someday we will need that Kia, not to be a leader, but to unite all the big seven car dealers. Practice my Kia Sportage. That's so sweet. I got lost. I got lost in my own metaphor there. The point is this, now I'm really worried that my Kia's gonna get stolen.

So now they're like, well, all we know about this dragon rider is that he's poor. Okay. So what should we do? Hand. And Coralice is like, well, I think what we should do is wait for the queen. Cause like I've been here a week and how much am I supposed to do? Like I don't have health insurance yet. Like how much do you want from me people? So like, okay, well she's not coming into work today. So, she's taking another sick day. So, then we go to Ray...

Hey, Corliss has a look on his face when he finds out that it's someone from, like, the shipyard. He has a look on his face, like, "'Eee,' because he knows his... He knows, like, he knows who he's fucked. He knows what's in his children's blood. He knows that it's probably gonna be either Alan or Adam. And he's hoping it's Alan, let's be honest.

So then we go to Ray Ray's quarters and Misery is there and they're like, ooh, mm, mm, mm, mm. They're doing like intrigue talk. And Misery is like, well, hey, at least he bad to you. That's good luck. You know I mean God how many times you're gonna Get lucky today am I right? And she's like or somehow ordained see smoke chosen and he surely has to get him blood in him somewhere I'm the dragon must sense it there will be others. We will find writers for vermouth or and silver wing Do you want to make out again by the way? Well, should we talk about that moment that we had is it awkward?

Is this awkward now and she's like well, I don't know if I trust him, but he's got a dragon. I mean, without him, I've only got Syrax. I mean, Pyrex is no use. You know, it's breakable. Right. So the question is, where do I look? You know, there's Targaryen blood. So I guess it was too thin in Darklyn. but if I can find others with a more direct line of breathing, I don't know, do we have any camera footage of sperm insertions? How are we going to do this? Surely we can find someone to ride Pyrex and Corningweir and several of the other dragons we have back there in the den. Emma Zerio goes, ha ha ha ha ha. Forgive me your grace, but you are better served

looking under the sheets and in the wood piles. I once worked in a pleasure house. Yes, I know. Everything I say to you is like, oh, how's this? How's that? Yes, tell another story about your johns. Go ahead.

I worked in a pleasure house where generations of Targaryen princelings had their revels. There are four scorched... She's basically like, there are blonde babies everywhere and I basically watch them get pumped and dumped. So, you need them? Yes. I've got a list.

So, Ray Ray is like, oh, you speak at the lowborn. And she's like, yeah, they're likely to serve you as highborn lords or ladies, perhaps more. And so Ray Ray is like, Yes, no, but that's ridiculous. I mean, like highborn. Okay, first of all, hybrid horse houses, you know, there's ancient fealty, there's honor. Okay, we are rich, and we have honor. She's like, really? So you'll have brothers, a gun, a month whose blood is pure and the wage war against you for your throne.

Are they about my honor? She's like, yeah, but poor people. Listen, have you been keeping up with the books that come out for the coffee table called People of Driftmark? Because it's pretty gross. A lot of thongs in lines. Okay.

So Rere is kind of like well whatever I guess I guess we might as well hire the poor's okay let's raise an army of bastards well yeah basically she's like everyone's been making fun of my children for being bastards behind my back so you know what fuck those people let's make a whole army of bastards and I was like yes love, I love it. I did some, I gave her some snaps. So now we're over in Dragonstone and Adam's looking at his guest quarters and Corliss walks in and I'm like, my Lord.

And Corliss, who never acknowledges Adam ever, is like, my Lord, well, how you've come up in the world. And I'm like, does Corl course know that Adam is his son because Adam knows that Coralist is his dad but does Coralist know that Adam is his too like how much they know about each other? Yes I think last week they made it clear that they know right? Right well he said that he says that like Coralist never even speaks to him pretends that he's like pretends that he's not doesn't even like exist right so now So now I'm like, is Coralist still pretending or is he not pretending? I guess that's more the question. Like how much is Coralist

acknowledging right now that this is his son? Is it like a Kenya Moore situation or not? I think he acknowledges it because he does the whole like, I'm proud of you son, and then leaves. He's like, oh god, that hurt. God, that hurt for me to give a compliment to my child. He's like, oh, God, that hurt. God, that hurt for me to give a compliment to my child. But I did it. So he says, so you've certainly come up and Adam's like, well, by the way, just need to take a break.

Cause I like have a dragon now. I was thinking maybe post-mating, but you know, like until I'm completely confident in that, I'm gonna maybe be working for the war or whatever. And he goes, oh, shut up. You'll leave as granted. And by the way, well done, well done. Oh God, that hurts, oh God.

So then we go over to Harrenhal, the latest in hallucinationality. So basically what's his face Lord, the new Lord Tully has arrived little kid. And so although he's not that little, he has deep voice. So Okay, explain to me, explain to me how even the kids on House of the Dragon have that stupid push forward hair. I was gonna say the same thing. It's the Gen Z fluffy bang, the broccoli hair.

Yes. Okay. The combing your hair forward, like, perming your hair and then combing it forward. Come on, even on House of the Dragon. I was gonna say the exact same thing. I was like, this kid has the same haircut as every 17-year-old in high school.

And by the way, I was watching the Olympics. It's all over the Olympics. The gymnasts, they all have the fluffy bangs. It's out of control. TG So, Damien's talking to Oscar and he's like, oh, sorry about your grandfather dying probably by that crazy witch lady who poisoned his cornflakes. But congratulations on winning. Okay. So you are Lord Paramount in the Riverland. Wowie. Glorious. Well done. And he's like, I did nothing. It's like, well, nevertheless, you're here, which is the important thing. And you were quick enough to dismiss me before. Well, you have no significance with me

then. But now, now I should have my great host, you have a decision to make, and I presume it's clear, which is the right one. So basically, he's like, Damon's like, Okay, can we like get this army together yet? We finally got your feeble grandfather out of the way, you're in control. Let's do this. Let's go forward. Yeah. So he's like, Okay, call a meeting then of all your vassals. All right, and we'll get a war going. And he's like, well, that might be difficult because you've murdered so many of them horribly. So that probably wasn't a great move. I told you it was supposed to be blowjobs.

We were supposed to give gay blowjobs to the men. And it just went out of hand. That's it, it was an accident. And he's like, they hate you. And he goes, I don't need their love. I need their souls. So now we gotta go have a meeting with all these people that Damon has just ruined. He's ruined all of their lives and killed all of their families.

He's like, okay, let's go get them to volunteer, am I right? Damn it. Fucking damn. So they go out to... they go out to the patio under that tree. The tree which is in the tapestry, so I'm wondering if going back and looking at the tapestry scene if we see this scene unfurling here. So all the heads of the houses of the river, all the river lords are there and they all hate him. And Oscar, you know, he's young and he needs to establish himself as like the ruling voice of all these people.

So he's going to do he's got to do something big. So he's basically like, you know, hi, everyone. This is Damon, you know, and Damon's like, well, one thing is clear. The rhythm and honor the old ways and abide by tradition. Here then is tradition. Grover Talia's dead. Lord Oscar raised up in his place. You've been summoned here to swear anew your fealty to him and as his bat-a-man answer his calls.

So are you with me? High five. Hands in the air if you're with me. Anyone? Anyone? No? And they're like, why would we listen to some kid? I mean, look at that hair. And he's like, how dare you? You better respect me. I've just tattooed a butterfly on my chest. They're like, oh, God.

How would you do that? Oh, it's Gen Z, people. Terrible. Look at the way I make a heart with my hands. I don't put thumb and index finger together. I do index finger and middle finger together because I am from Gen Z and I now rule the Riverlands. They're like, oh, this is terrible.

Things have just gone from bad to worse. So now they're like, and we're now delivering the traitor Amos Bracken and his son. And they're like, oh really? He's the traitor? Who's the traitor? Blackwood's the traitor. And he's like, listen, I know that I'm

young, but I've also got a lady suit on today. Like, damn it. What is happening to the youth of America? Pair necklaces are for boys now. Oh, the Riverlands have been ruined. Now you're just trying to confuse us. been in the mood. Now you're just trying to confuse us. So anyway, the point is that Oscar, no one likes no one likes Damon and he's not gonna let Damon just call the shots here. Oscar has to do something to show everyone that like he

hears them, you know, because what happened was that Damon had Damon had told, basically it's white Yocum over there, listen, go do something, use the power persuasion to get people to our sides, which again, I thought meant like give out blow jobs, but it turns out it was murder the children and the wives. So it was a big yard disaster.

And yeah, like complete like slaughter. And so the kids like, um, the kids like, listen, we've pledged fealty and you know, we should stick with that even though this guy's a piece of shit. And so, um, Damon's getting all mad. He's like, watch your tongue. He's like, you watch your tongue stupid, you stupid fucking boomer. Okay. Like you're the one who needs, you're the one who needs my people. So they're like, well, we need to kill this fucker who killed all our family if you want the band back together basically.

And the guy is like, no, I just was doing my job. So like, if anything, I'm getting a raise. So, okay, let's all gather around in a circle. It is not my day for cupcakes. I get the biggest cupcake and also I'm getting raised right Damon and Damon's like goodbye head and just like yeah kind of beheads the dude. He does because you know Oscar kind of got him back Oscar's like you can't treat us this way and Damon has to

Damon is bummed because he liked this guy. This guy was kind of like a good sidekick. He passed the sidekick test. He's doing everything right but he had to kill him because he has a good murdering assistant. It guy was kind of like a good sidekick. He passed the sidekick test. He's doing everything right, but he had to kill him because... Yeah, he was a good murdering assistant. It's really hard to find a good assistant who is not only like great at taking calls, but fantastic at like, slaughter of innocent people. Yeah. Yeah.

He really, he was really on the rise in Damon's corporation, but you know, sometimes those regulators come by and like, you gotta make some. But you know, sometimes those regulators come by and like, you got to make some cuts, you know, literally. So then Damon is like, well, that was fun. I had a nice scene there. Didn't have to hallucinate. Oh, no, it's hallucination. There's my dead brother sitting on my bed.

All right, well, let's do this. Let's have another hallucination. Yeah. So yeah, he got and also I would like to say there's no Botox for Damon. I feel like other people get it, but Damon's like, you know what, the future is now and I'm just not gonna do it.

I'm gonna have a, one certain wrinkle. I saw somebody say like, why does, on Twitter, they were saying, why is everybody after Damon when he looks like a foot? First of all, that's extremely rude. I think Damon is kind of handsome. But then, when he does his forehead wrinkle, he does look like the bottom of a foot. Just that part of his head really does.

And, you know, I don't know. Everyone else gets Botox. Why not Damon? You know, make it fair. So, Damon is now in his bedroom, and he's having a vision of Viserys in his most decrepit, falling-apart face, on the bed, and he's holding the crown. And Damon's like, what's this?

Which is like, it's literally a crown. Like, how do you not realize it's the crown? And Viserys goes, I never wanted it. I was right not to. All the pain I caused, it crushes. Whoeveras goes, I never wanted it. I was right not to all the pain I caused. It crushes whoever wears it. You always wanted it. Do you want it still la la la la and Damon Saras at the crown. I'm like, Oh my god, can we please end Damon's hallucination arc and is driving

me nuts. I thought we got through the episode. It was like, Oh my god, we finally had a Damon scene that did not start with him lying in bed and someone's footsteps showing up beneath his doorway. Like I was like, oh my god, we're back in another hallucination. Well, at least this one was short and we also got to see Damon behead somebody. So that was fun. It was quick. It was quick. So we go back to King's Landing and now Aegon is trying to walk across the room and Orwala's

supporting him and then there's like Therapy before they came up with like any like real way to do physical therapy This is how they used to do it then move hurry do it do it walk stupid You're falling down. You're dumb. Do it again. Get up here Let me hit it with a stick. Okay, I have something to say here. You guys are like literally at the top of the packing order of this entire continent. Can you not source a better cane? Like this cane

snaps and a gun falls to ground and he's like, he's like, ugh! And of course, and Orwell falls too. Like, Orwell, you're supposed to be supporting this guy. How are you not... You're supposed to be there in case the cane snaps. There's something is fundamentally wrong with the care that Aegon is getting. Well, also, he's so thin. Like, you can't even find a cane

that will hold up a thin person. What are the rest of us gonna have to deal with? You know what I mean? It's like, you can't even break your leg in that town. Or while just starts putting leaves on the cane. No, the cane doesn't need the leaves. Actually, no one needs the leaves for a while. I have to break it too. The leaves are doing nothing.

Yeah, so Laris is like banging on the door. He's like, let me in. Like, Laris doesn't have a key, please. So he comes in and he helps them. And he's like, wow. So he kind of whispers, by the way, Egon not doing great. Okay, Egon. Some accidents on TV, especially soap operas, people like look bad or they have a face cast and then they come on, their face cast comes off and there's still Marlena under there. Like nothing changed. He's not Marlena. I mean, like he's busted. Okay. It's like, yeah, it's like, it's not going to go well for him. So Laris is like, Oh, your progress was impressive, but I'm afraid you must work

harder because there are adjustments to the gate and so forth that you'll learn now that you're grody. So then, um, Laris then goes over to Orwell and was like, you should be more cautious. And Orwell's like, well, I should learn that. I mean, he needs rest. He should be a bit. I push him on your instruction. And Laris is like, well, I'll have this entry, give you more warning and let him try again in a few hours. But he's spent, it would be long before he may rest again, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, meaning shit's going down. This King's gotta start walking soon.

Yeah, I like that. He's like, you need to be more careful. He's like, you're the one who made me get him out of bed. He's like, but still. commercials, here comes one right now My name is Georgia King, and I am thrilled to be the host of And Away We Go, a brand new travel podcast on Wondry+, where we'll be whisked away on immersive adventures all around the world. Where we go, what we do, what we eat, drink and listen to

will all be up to my very special guests. We've got Ben Schwartz taking us on a whirlwind trip around Disneyland. We'll eat a bowl of life-changing pasta with Jimmy Oh Yang in Tuscany, Italy. And how do you feel about a spot of sugaring off with Emily Hampshire in Montreal? And away we go, we'll immerse you

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I think I'm hearing it right now. But then we go to Dragonstone. Oh, the Dragonstone shipyard. There you go. That answers your question. There we go. And it is due to Chelsea, our fantastic note taker on here, who's way smarter than we will ever be. Yes, they are at the Dragonstone shipyard. There you go. They are. So they are not at high tide, which explains because otherwise we would have seen many plates full of, you know, all you can eat shrimp cocktail from the buffet. Yeah, they're not at Bodie McShip Ship.

So Coralus comes up to Alan. Alan, can I just say Alan's got to stick up his butt. I've never seen anybody this tight. I mean, the guy is just like, his butt is puckered. Coralus is like, well, I've got tasks that need your personal attention. Something I was gonna love, except that the other one is now riding a dragon. So, was it me who was wrong? I will not be wrong. Will you ride a dragon? And he's like, um, listen, I am really good at boat things,

and I'm gonna stick to boat things. And he's like, well, your brother is a dragon rider now. So, are you gonna audition for that? And he's like, "'Well, your brother is a dragon rider now, so are you gonna audition for that?' And he's like, and he says, "'I confess, I knew very little of your mother's heritage.'" Hmm. Duh, duh, duh. So maybe he didn't know.

And Alan's like, "'Well, you know what? My brother was always restless and he always wanted, you know, he always wanted some sign of his worth, but you know, I am salt and sea. I am down to make ships. I don't want I don't want to be on a dragon. I was like, I am not the he's like, I barely know how to work in this to Graham.

And that fucker has been buying followers for years. OK. Why is his I ride dragons now announcement? It got like 83000 likes, but only three comments. Okay. Ask yourself. Listen, I, I don't even know the CV. Okay. That's just, I like to read. That's just my vibe dad. It's like, all right, fine. So now, um, Ray Ray and, uh, the, the, the, the, the, I'm not, it's actually not really, but Raina and then all the kids,, the, the, the, I'm not, it's actually not. No, this is Rina. Rina and then all the kids, they're leaving the Erie

and Jane Erie is just sort of staring at them, menacingly, I don't know why, I don't know what's, I don't know what her problem is. She should be happy that we're leaving. That lady's a weirdo. That lady's a fucking weirdo. She's always so menacing. Do they need to follow her around more?

Yeah, I need to find out what's going on with her. She's, she's a total weirdo. So, Ray Ray runs the hell away. She's like, oh my god, finally get a break. So she runs away. And she is checking out the burnt grass with all the dead animal bones everywhere. And she's basically like, I'm gonna ride a stray. She's basically like, I'm gonna go find that stray and I'm gonna claim it. Jared Sarkissian Yeah, I'm gonna make it happen. So then, um, Allison, meanwhile, is riding on horseback and sir record is setting up camp and he's, you know, he's like, I what, what are we doing

here? What is this task that we're doing? I'm sitting here like dealing with eating like a mouse that I caught a squirrel. And she's just like, Okay, I'm gonna go to sleep now I'm gonna get in this tiny tent, have fun sleeping in the poison ivy. Fucker, good night. Can I just say, Allison's whole go find myself storyline is probably the most boring I've ever seen. This is supposed to be her eat, pray, love moment. And literally she just walks around for maybe five minutes

and then like lies down in some water and looks up at the sky and then sees a bird flying. And she's like, I know what I must do. Really? Is that your whole storyline? I need you to go fuck a stranger, Allison. You know what I mean?

I need you to like do some drugs in a foreign city. I need you to like steal a Kia. You know what I mean? Like a breed. A breed. Like an actual Kia. Yeah, not a metaphorical Kia. Like they should have a Kia on the show. She just steals it and just drives it. Yeah, not a metaphorical Kia. Like they should have a Kia on the show.

She just steals it and just drives it. Yeah, like do something. I mean, there's no like, I was taking a walk and now my life has changed. No, Alisson, I need more. Yeah, Siracard is on. God, he really hates his position right now. So now we're back at Dragonstone and Jace, okay.

So Ray Ray is at her little desk and Jace comes in and he's real he's really bratty today. Okay Jace is brat um in the worst way and he's like mother to lowborn claiming claiming dragons was that her idea Lady Misaria and she's like oh well you enthusiastic enough when Sir Stefan made his claim. I'm like, Do you not remember, Jason, this was your entire idea two weeks ago, of like, let's look through scrolls and find someone to ride the dragon. And now you found someone to ride the dragon and now you're mad about it. Come on.

Yeah, but he's like, but now you're finding mongrels, which we don't, we don't use that kind of language in this house, sir. Okay. Also, pot calling cattle, like, what are you going? What Which we don't we don't use that kind of language in this house, sir. Okay also Pot calling cattle like what are you gonna? What are you doing? You're not allowed to do that It's very self-hating of you chase and she's like, what is your problem? And he's like, okay. Here's my problem Obviously you were banging strong. Who's my real dad because I have dark hair. Okay, what do you think? I don't know you think I don't hear people making fun of me and calling me a bastard? Okay. Well, I'm allowed to

drive ride a dragon because you're still lying to everybody about my parentage. But now if everybody who is a bastard, it gets to ride a dragon. Now it makes me look worse. It's like that ship is sailed. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm like, sorry, you're the one who came up with this idea. And now it's like, it's desperate times call from desperate measures, sir. She's like, well, what would you have me do? Prosecute a war which will lose in which thousands will die or fly against being on myself or perhaps you will fly against her on the max. I mean, come on now. You have a dragon that sounds almost like Carmax. That's just embarrassing.

Not to mention, Vyrmax has ingested so many other dragons that we're now just calling it Max. It's just easier. I mean, yes, you could fly as yourself or you could fly as Chip and Joanna fly. I mean, there's just so many more options into one umbrella now. Understand? So Jace is like, well, what happens when you die? And she's like, uh, dumb, dumb, you're my error.

Do you not remember what this is all about? He's like, but do this is when he's like, but whatever. But I look like Harwin strong. Okay. Like, didn't that cross your mind? Like I'm a bastard. And, uh, he's just really emo about this whole... Yeah, he was basically saying,

look, I had a right to your throne because I could kind of prove that I belong there because I rode a dragon, but now you're just letting any old fool ride a dragon. And so now it's gonna be easier for people to argue against me taking the throne or whatever. I'm like, you know what? You might wanna just concentrate on living long enough because literally nobody on this show does.

So, you know, like let's calm it down, okay? Why don't you focus on... There are like a million people who are the product of brother and sister relationships ahead of you at this point. Yeah, why don't you focus on like being likable and that way when you are named king, people are like, yeah, I'm down with that instead of just being a baby right now.

So now Mazaria walks up to Alan of whole and she's like, and in the whole, do whatever you must to see that this finds so it's way to her, She hands him a message. And so, uh, Alan then gives the message to a fisherman. And the fisherman goes to King's Landing with a basket of fish, and he gets... and guess who he finds? Elinda. And so he gives a message to Elinda, and then Elinda starts going around to everyone and King's Landing starts whispering. She's a little gossip about Elinda

in her little red riding hood. And it's just a big... a big scene of stirring up the small folk. And finally, we get to the tavern, and this is where Ulf is. And they're like, Ulf, can we take your order? He's like, I'd love a kayak. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Like, too soon, Ulf.

So basically, Ulf's friends are giving him shit because they have just heard that there are dragon... And Ulf has been bragging about being a dragon rider. They call him Wolf the Dragon Rider or some shit. And so they're like, well, if you've been bragging about it, listen, you've been telling us that you can hit as many octaves as Mariah. So now's your time to squeak. And he's like, oh, my God, but what if I can't squeak?

And they're like, are you a fucking liar or are you not? Are you a man or are you an oath? Yeah, so now they're basically like they hate all right. They see all as like this grifter who's always annoying. He's always bragging about this dubious claim that he's a Targaryen. And so finally, like, oh, yeah. Well, why don't you prove it? Do it. Do it. Because guess what?

You've been you've been getting lots of free drinks around here. And if suddenly you're not a Targaryen, you're gonna owe a lot of money. So he's like, fine. So he has to kind of go and do this thing, even though he really does not want to. And then we go over to Hugh Hammer, second best name on the show.

So we go over to Hugh Hammer's house and I guess her daughter died. Did that happen last week? We didn't see it, but like we had several weeks of the daughter in bed going, and now she's dead. RIP. Turns out that cabbage did not save her. No, I think it was Romaine that he had last week.

Remember when he's like, I'll take that. I'm going to steal that food right from you. And it's real. By the way, everyone's so hungry in the city. Why would anyone dare throw a fish at the Queen? That's that's nourishing. Because they're sick of fish. They're getting fish and they were very upset about fish. Queen of the fish.

Yeah, I just love I love the sick burns on this show. Queen of the fish. You're a fish queen. So then, um, cat there, they're talking and cats like, no, you don't have to do this. I have a brother, a're a real fish queen. So then, um, Cat, they're talking, and Cat's like, no, you don't have to do this. I have a brother, a brother in Tumbleton. He's like, oh, God, Tumbleton, really? That's not even a real place.

We looked it up. Tumbleton does not exist. It's from children's literature. No, I swear he's from Tumbleton. He says it in his letters. And he's like, no, I can't ignore this audition. Now listen, there are things I've never told you. I didn't know my father. That's true. But I did know my mother.

I hid it from you. She worked in a pleasure house. She was granted more freedom than most because of who she was and because rich men paid more to fuck a woman with silver hair. Dun, dun, dun. She used to tell me, dun dun dun, I was no different, dun dun dun, to her brother's Viserys and her brother's boys,

Viserys and Damon. Dun dun dun. So Viserys and Damon's aunt was a prostitute. Is that what we're hearing? She fell from grace and worked in a teacher's house. Do you want me to educate you on what I learned from that? I don't think it's a spoiler alert if I learned, because I thought it was pretty interesting.

Hold on, because I've got nine million screenshots in here. This is like when you find out someone famous is on OnlyFans. Okay, so this is from the House of the Dragon subreddit. I read a comment in there. I thought it was interesting. The mention of the Pleasure House means Hugh's mother is specifically Princess Sarah Targaryen. He was very hard on her because she was very defiant

and refused to conform. After a big sex scandal, she was sent to the Silent Sisters. She escaped after a year and a half. She fled to Lees, where she was a very popular courtesan. Allison said that the Lyseni had made her daughter a whore. Jaehaerys answered that she was always a whore. Allison attempted to bring her back to court several times, but Jaehaerys refused.

The argument resulted in one of their great rifts. Wow. So this Sarah was kind of a badass, and I hope that she's a character in a future story, because I like her. She's like, I'm gonna fuck whoever I want, dad! And he's like, fine, go have fun in a whorehouse. And she's like, I will. I'm gonna be the best hooker in all of the land.

And he's like, oh, good. Will you never come back to this house for dinner? She's like, I don't eat anyway, you old boomer. So there it is. That's that's because we saw Hugh, we're like, Hugh has really blonde hair and he's been featured a lot on this show for no good reason. So basically a terribly mysterious show.

I have to say that this is not a show that really pulls some mysteries on us and makes us I mean, can you everybody's blonde well there was a good twist that I'll get to a little bit later for me it was a good twist so he's basically like yeah so sort of awkward but I actually am a Targaryen so I think I should probably do this and she's like but but I don't want to be a widow and he goes well I have to do something otherwise I'm just sitting here with you eating fish. No offense. But I'm just saying, let me just do this. OK.

Yeah. So he's like, I'm out of here. And she's like, but why? We have such a good life. I mean, our daughter just died. We have no money. We haven't been paid for weapons in years. We don't have a movie theater in town. I mean, why would you want to leave here? Why would I want to leave here? This is amazing. He's like, but dragons.

So now, uh, the, we see the small folks, they're all, they're all getting on the boats. Even though I thought that King's Landing was closed, I thought no one could get out of the city, but now all of a sudden they can get out of the city. So they're getting on the boats and you see, right. Say, open it back up a little bit. Maybe they're like, you know what?

Maybe maybe open. Yeah, could have been so we see Hughes in line, but we also see all fizz in line and Alan is helping people on the boat because he loves boats. And then meanwhile over in the in the forest, Allison is being annoying and looking at birds in the sky while she floats in the lake.

And for a moment, it seems like she might just kill herself. That's what I thought. Not not to laugh at that, but I thought like she was gonna be like, what what purpose do I have? What was I made for? And uh but she doesn't. She actually gets inspired by the bird. And she's like, I like this. So we'll see how that plays out next week, I guess. So then we go to Dragonstone and when there is watching all these blonde people, all the poor blondes being brought in and we see the Dragon Keepers having a fucking fit.

They're like, this is an abomination. We are people who are trained to poke dragons with sticks. We will not have poor people coming in and messing with them. Like, listen, you're no winners with PETA Dragon Keeper. Okay. He's like, we're out of here. I'm like, get out of here. No one wants you anyway.

You fucking poker, you stick, you stick poker, get out of here. You're not doing anything. You're not helping. Look, we've already seen someone get on a dragon without you, and we're about to see two more people get on without you. So, honestly, your position is purely ceremonial, so don't think that you have any sway here. Yeah. Um, so they're all mad, and, um, they bring in... She's like, well, listen, we've got to try.

I mean, uh, Sir Darklyn had the blood of the dragon. He's like, well, listen, we've got to try. I mean, Sir Darklin had the blood of the dragon. He's like, that was a blasphemy. He was no dragon lord and neither of these. So basically they leave all pissy. And then she's like, I shall now walk around, walk amongst the people and give a speech. And so she gives a speech about how I used to think that being rich was everything because I was rich, but now I'm kind of poor and I realized, maybe it's okay not being as rich. Anybody following me? Are you all too poor? They're like, no, we kind of get it. She's like, okay, because frankly, you're poor people. So you're very stupid, except that now I believe that poor people may not

be a stupid. What is two plus two? Anybody? How stupid are we? Anybody? Okay, so well, here's the news. Turns out we have a dragon that's almost as big as Vega. Surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise. There's a big dragon here. And we need someone to ride it. So we call them, its name is Vermithor, but we also call it Bronze Fury. So if you call it either way, it's fine.

So if anyone wants to try to get on this enormous dragon, good luck, I'll just be up there in the balcony watching. So... Some people have a calling for the Lord, some people have a calling for a dance. And you have a call for the Lord. Some people have a calling for a dance. And you have a call for dancing with Lords on Dragons. Everyone here? All right. Most of you will probably die.

Guess what? You're poor people. You're gonna die anyway. Food poisoning. By the way, just sent a shipment of romaine that had rat poop on it. I hope you all wash that with clean non-fish water before you hear that. Anyway, most of you will die anyway because you're poor. So would you rather die of dysentery or dragon fire? Congratulations, you've got the option. Who wants to come up first? Oh my goodness, Courtney Love, what an exciting thing. I didn't

even know you were here. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought my mistake. You're just a regular poor person. Okay, step right up. We don't know who you are. We've never seen you before, so you're probably going to die. And I will just step over here and watch this unfold. So, of course, the guy, this poor guy, walks up, tries to take this big-ass dragon, huge dragon. I love that. She's like, I'll be over here because I've done my speech. Good luck dying. Bye. I'll be watching from the balcony.

So this guy goes up and you know, he like he like tries to touch the dragon and like within a second. I mean, this dragon is like blowing fire at him. Everyone's dying. People are running. There's chaos. The dragon's going nuts. It's suddenly it turns into Jurassic Park. This is the T-Rex the dragon's going nuts. It suddenly turns into Jurassic Park. This is the T-Rex chomping down on people. Fire. It's like Jurassic Park and Godzilla all together. People are running. People are fleeing. Ulf winds up grabbing a torch and running deep into the dragon den, which is not always smart, but he goes off. And then meanwhile, Hugh, Hugh is hiding and then he's behind a rock and the dragon's doing its thing. And then there's a lady, but then the lady tries to run a rock and the dragon's doing its thing. And then there's a lady, but then the lady tries to run for it and the dragon goes after the lady.

So Hugh is like, no, he's trying to be heroic. So he steps in front and he distracts. He does the Jeff Goldblum thing where he waves the dynamite, you know, to distract the T-Rex. And so the dragon comes over to him and Hugh was like, come on, come on. And apparently this dragon is really turned on by like aggro dudes screaming things.

And so it's like, oh, somebody is screaming at me. I'm in, you're my guy now. And it's like, yes, you got it. And I really liked that before all this happened, Ray Ray walked right to this big ass dragon who's terrifying. She's like, come dragon. And the dragon listened to her, which I thought was really cool.

And then she's like, hello, dragon. And it like put its head down to her. And then she like puts her hand out and touches this big snout. And he's just like, god damn it, you've got soft hands. And she's like, I never do an ounce of physical labor. That's a secret. And it's like, I love you. She's like, I love you at all. And so I think it gave everybody false confidence because they were like, oh my God, what a nice dragon. And then

the dragon ate them all. Yes. Literally just ate them all and they could not run anywhere because they were stuck in a dragon pit. So, okay. So that one is claimed. So then Ulf is thinking he's getting away and now he's in like a separate little cave. He's like run to another cave and then crunch. He steps on a dragon egg, which, which not easy to come by those. Also, I thought dragon eggs were a lot harder than that because aren't dragon eggs like big giant stones that they can never open or do anything with.

I thought so. Also, how did he not see the big dragon that was there? Like, I feel like we see a wide shot of him walking in and we see blatantly a dragon. Like, we see the wings and everything. I'm like, do you not see there's a dragon just lying there? Are you gonna at least try to like strafe against the wall? It was behind him. It was behind him. Yeah, the dragon was behind him because you see the dragon behind him because he's holding a light or whatever. He's holding fire and then you see the dragon kind of rising up behind him, you know, it's like a spooky dragon. And it's also I think the same color of the walls.

It's like a pretty it's a pretty tricky dragon. So at this point, I think all physical honor because, you know, there was talk someone had messaged us like, Oh, office claiming that he's have targeted but it's really gonna be shoe hammer. And so it was you hammer. So it's like, aha, so now all is going to get his come up. It's for lying. So then like Ulf is scared, the dragon's coming to him and Ulf is like scared and he stumbles back and he's lying up against, up against the, uh, the rocks. And then the dragon comes in and starts pushing him. Yeah, that's what it is. And then it's like pushing him like a ball and knocking him down. And so he keeps falling down over and over again.

And finally he's like, Oh, just fucking kill me. You know, he just basically gives up and the dragon's like, you know what I love? I, I hate aggro guys screaming in my face. I love people who just fall down and play dead. It's like possum is such a fun game. You're mine now. And Ulf laughs. So I thought, Oh, this is like, they're, they're doing a fake out. Like, okay, it seems like they bombed it,

and then the dragon's just gonna come and eat him. But no, actually, it worked. They're both our riders. I was really hoping Ulf was gonna get killed, because he's annoying. Yeah, he's not charismatic. He's like a busker. I just feel like he's gonna, like, sing a cover

and ask me for money, and I'm like, can I just eat my Mexican food? You know what I mean? Like, I did not come here for you. I just feel like he's gonna sing a cover and ask me for money. And I'm like, can I just eat my Mexican food? You know what I mean? Like I did not come here for you. I came here for a taco. Like leave me alone. He just wants to talk about Jimmy Buffett all the time, you know?

Yeah, it's like Whitney Houston assault. Like leave me alone, okay? So over at King's Landing, we're over at the small council where they're just like business, business, business, Oh, house Beesbury is doing things. Does that people are at the house Beesbury's and there's all this and that, whatever. And you know, triarchy and then people outside are being like dragon, dragon,

dragon. So it's, this totally disrupts the meeting. And, uh, well, we also hear in this that Prince Darren's dragon, Tessarion has taken to wing. So we saw him at Darren. That's the other son of Alicent that has been raised in the other place. So apparently he's get he's raring to go. His dragon's like, okay, I'm ready.

Which means that probably I'm going to assume next week there'll be some giant battle. And just when it seems like the good guys have beaten the bad guys, Damon's gonna come out of nowhere with his dragon and, like, ruin everything, and Rey-Rey and her people are gonna have to retreat. That is my prediction. Well, yeah, because she's got the most dragons now, right? I think she's got, like, a zillion dragons now.

So, basically, they're like, dragon, there's a dragon outside. So, they go out and, um, Adam is just driving his... He's like, look, I can drive. outside. So they go out and Adam is just driving his, he's like, look, I can drive. And he's just driving all over the freeway. He's everywhere. He's all over the town. It's about staying within the lines. Or is this Ulf? This is Ulf. Sorry. This is Ulf. This is Ulf. That was my bad. Yeah. And Ulf is being silly. So Ulf is like, okay, he's a dragon rider, but he is not going

to be a reliable dragon rider and he's going to be annoying about it. And so he has now provoked with his own silliness, he's now provoked Aemond. So Aemond is mad. So he like runs out of the city and he goes and he finds Vhagar who is just like hiding in the trees and he hops on Vhagar and I guess he goes to chase down Silverwing, but as he chases down Silverwing over to, um, it's Dragonstone, he then sees that, whoa, there are a bunch of people riding dragons over there. It's not so great. So he turns around. Yeah, and Vegard's not listening to his ass, by the way.

He's having trouble controlling that gigantic dragon. But he's trying, and finally, Veg Vegard does listen and they turn back and Vegard I'm kind of jealous because it has a very tiny tongue She has a very tiny tongue and I have a very large tongue and so I'm like I have tongue and B because I'm like I have a tongue and my tongue is gigantic and I can't pronounce words, right and look at Vegard with this little tiny short tongue So congratulations ma'am. But anyway, they find a way. And then we get a shot of Ray Ray who like comes out on the lawn and she's like,

that's right. You better get off my fucking lawn. You damn kids. And then we see the three dragons like kind of coming around her kind of reminiscent of a Danny shot with her three dragons. And it's just like a really nice family photo. Oh, it's really sweet. Yeah, it is really sweet.

And so then next week, I guess we're gonna see how this all plays out. Like what's gonna happen? I would like to see Damon be doing something consequential to this show because he's just been stuck in Heron Hall having hallucinations and trying to get the Riverfolk together. So hopefully he will now have his band of Riverfolk fighters and they will do something of consequence

to the overall narrative. That would be lovely. But, um... I think it'll be a lot of nothing happening, and then in the last 10 minutes, they'll get in a big battle, and someone we love will die, but then it'll still be kind of a cliffhanger for the next time. And ultimately, A-Gon and his or A-Min and his people are going to get the upper hand yet again. And we will find out what happens on the 5,000th episode of Watch Your Crap. Yes, we'll be doing 2,500 more between now and another decade. Thank

you very much. In another decade. Oh no, I I mean after that. Like, we'll find out after what happens in that cliffhanger. It could have gone either way to be honest. In 90 years when this show returns. All right, everybody, thanks so much for being here, and we will talk to you next week for the season finale. Bye, everyone. -♪ The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end. The end Bye everyone!