Watch What Crappens - #2508 House of the Dragon: Die Another Day

Episode Date: August 5, 2024

At last we arrive at the final episode of House of the Dragon season 2.  Who will die?  What battles shall be waged?  What devastating twist shall unfurl??  Eh, well, Damon touched a tree?  We still liked it though. Watch this recap on video and listen to all of our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to watcha crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch Our Crap Inns's a podcast about all that crap and bravo that we just love to talk about. But today is winter is crapping day. It is our season finale recap for House of the Dragon. So I'm Ben, that's Ronnie. What's going on, Ronnie? Hello, how are you? I wanted to say something, but guess what? I'm not going to, I'm just gonna hang up and I'll tell you in two more years. Bye.

What a lame ass season finale. Shame on you, show. You know what? I've been giving this show a lot of leeway and that I'm trusting that it's gonna get good. There's been a couple of really good episodes, especially when the dragons come out fighting you, kill the main character, et cetera.

This is inexcusable what you guys did today. Shame, shame on you, Dong. Shame, shame, shame. I was also expecting something more consequential. I mean, I liked it. I actually liked the episode. It was long. It was a long episode.

We probably could have cut out that entire scene with Kristen, don't need him. Don't, didn't need to think, hear about his thoughts about mortality in the middle of this long. Really? I thought that was like the only good scene. Like we learned something about Kristen that wasn't awful. Like he had an actual moment. But you had nothing happen in this one. Watching that little girl run around for literal, like I can't. And then watching the guy crying in the castle or whatever. I can't. And then his big revelation is seeing Daenerys' dragons. We've seen it, okay?

We've seen it. And you guys already fucked up that ending. Why are you calling back another ending that you fucked up? And the ending you're currently fucking up. Do something right. Do something. I didn't even watch the ending thing that they put, the little after show thing, which I always watch shows.

And I watched two minutes of it and I was like, you know, the little after show thing, which I always watch shows and I watched two minutes of it and I was like, you know what, fuck this show. It was showing the lady of the, the big lady at the end that he, the Brienne of Tarth, the butt of this show where he had to get to the mudwuffle with this lady. And so I'm playing the wackiest character. I was like, you know what, fuck this show.

This is the season finale. How dare you, how dare you waste my time? I did not have as angry a response as that because I still really enjoyed it. I didn't mind that it ended with like, okay, we're going to war. I just thought that there was going to be something that like a little bit more consequential.

This felt very much like a penultimate episode of the season. And I know they're setting us up for next season will be the big fight and everything, all sorts of things happening But I just was here's the thing is that I watched Real Housewives of New Jersey first Which was very big and violent and in the middle of it my cousin Texted me and her text just goes in all caps. How's the dragon exclamation point exclamation point? So I was like, okay, so she's watching that while I'm watching Jersey. So I was like, oh my god. I haven't watched again

I'm watching Jersey right now. She was okay okay, I normally do it the other order. So I was like, oh my God, something happened on House of the Dragon. That's gonna be something crazy, something wild, something so impactful that my cousin, cousin Melissa had to text me and just say, how's the dragon? So I was like, someone's gonna die.

Something's gonna get burned up. Something wild is gonna happen. And then when it ended, I was like, huh. I don't know the twist. I kept pressing pause to see how long there was in the episode. And I was like, why are we doing this right now? Why are you having this conversation right now when there's 10 minutes left? It's like, Allison goes to see her. They have another long ass conversation about nothing. Everyone's making decisions.

I mean, we'll get through it as we go, you know. But wow, what a crazy, stupid fucking episode there. There you go. Stupid. You're a stupid episode. Okay, I'm going to put that aside now and just get into it. Well, we start. There's a large tent on a beach and Sir Thailand Lannister is meeting with the captains of the

Triarchy Fleet, the free cities of Lis, Myrrh and Tirash, which of course we know totally. So yeah, we're in like finally some warm weather, by the way. Thank you. Thank you for finally taking us to someplace nicer than Westeros, gloomy as Westeros with its cold and wet climate. Now we're someplace nice, nice enough that there have to be servants there with those fans that they're doing very slowly.

So I was like, okay, I like it. I like we're in a different environment. And this guy, the Tairashi captain is speaking to Thailand about, they're negotiating some terms over something about ships and blockades, the usual sort of triarchy thing. He's like, okay, if you want to pass, we'll need one Brazilian dollars. He's like, that's a lot of money.

We'll need $5. It's like Austin Powers. We'll need six Diet Cokes. All right, you've got it. So, um, they were trying to break this blockade basically and they have sent Thailand to negotiate but Thailand's like kind of a huge wuss and nobody takes them very seriously.

So they're like, okay, if you can't give us $9 trillion, we want Donna Summer and the step stones. And he's like, Donna Summer is a national treasure, okay. Also that would be kidnapping on my part. And you guys can't just take the Stepstones. And he's like, Donna Summer is a national treasure, okay? Also that would be kidnapping on my part. And you guys can't just take the Stepstones, that's an actual play. Like I can just give you the Stepstones, you dumb ass. The fucking Stepstones,

all of season one was about the Stepstones. Like, oh my God, the Stepstones, the Stepstones. Remember there was the guy, the crab guy, it was like, have you seen what he does with crabs at the Stepstones? It was like every single day was the Stepstones in triarchy and no one cared and here we are back again negotiating for the fucking step stones yeah and they're like it's just a smattering of rocks i'm sorry did you see season one it was a pretty big deal okay so rocks that's some of the most modern architecture in

west reds just calling a smattering of rocks. People just don't understand art anymore. Yeah. And he's like, Oh my gosh, come on. Those rocks have been disputed for a generation. I can't just give them to you. You know, your pirates have waylaid ships. They've taken slave. They've taken cargo. And they're like, Okay, well, I mean, we can stop all that and just like do taxes. You know what people love more taxes. Okay, let's fucking everybody equally. Yeah, so talent's like, Okay, okay. Okay, fine. I will give you the step stones. Okay. Even though I'll probably get hanged for making this deal. But like, whatever you guys have me by the balls by the by the metaphorical step stones, if you will. And the guys like, great. But just so you know, we have someone named low horror. And we love low horror. Low horror is just, you know, just really fun, really funny. And the thing is this, everyone loves low horror. And

if you want to, if you want to go with low, if you want us to go with you, you're going to have to sort of win over low horror. If you want us to go with you, you're going to have to sort of win over Lohar. So he's like, okay, let me meet this surely a man. As you have used male pronouns with Lohar, I have to assume this will be Lohar. That will be it. Let me tell you one thing I've learned in the medieval times is to respect pronouns. So let's meet this Lohar, shall we? times is to respect pronouns. So let's meet this Lohar, shall we? So Lohar comes in and it's a very tall lady and Thailand's like, oh, wait a minute, I'm

so confused. And Lohar just looks at him and goes, probably, probably we've all asked this at some point and looking at Thailand and just goes, what kind of man are you? Do you notice the irony in me saying that's because they made you think I was going to What kind of man are you? Do you notice the irony in me saying that because they made you think I was going to be a man? I mean, listen, I've gotten that look before I have taken off my shirt at a public swimming pool, but still, it's hard to see it. It's hard to see it on TV like this.

He's like, I'm, uh, he's at low heart, like, are you a poet or philosopher? Soft, if you will. And how's like, um, I'm, uh, he's at low hearts, like, are you a poet or philosopher soft if you will. And how's like, let me guess you've got a dent in your head from having it pushed into so many lockers. Am I right? Just to guess really good. It's math. I take it. So too. Hmm. So do she would be Garland fair friend of Dorothy as they say. Have you ever thrown a baseball before? So she's Keith. I knew it.

I knew it. Cold it. Laura's like, I will not sell with a man who cannot best me. And everyone laughs and Helen's like best you at what? Brothers. I'm very good. I'm very good at Super Mario Brothers, I'm very good. I'm very good at Super Mario Brothers. Cut to them having a tap dancing competition.

So we cut to shop point and Aiman's sitting on his dragon and he's watching the city burn and giving a dirty eye. He's like, Oh yeah, just burn down that city. Okay. Hi. You know what? HBO is not cheap. We pay a lot of money for HBO. Why am I not getting to see the city burn? Okay. Why do I have to sit in another close up of Laura Dern's face in front of a green screen trying to blink an eye and making one eye cry? Stop it. Show me that city burn. Give me something. Also make us care about a sharp point. Like at least give us a scene at sharp point so we can care about like I was like what is first of all it wasn't even totally clear that he had burned down in sharp point he was just staring at it and I was like is he staring at a city that maybe one of the new Dragon Riders burned down? Did he burn it down? What is sharp point? Is there a sharper image in sharp point? Can you get a massage chair there? Is the massage chair now burned down? What is happening?

Yeah, agreed. But what is Sharp Point? They should have had like, Oh my God, you know, you look so happy and how can you not be after getting back from the happiest place on earth, Sharp Point land? It was wonderful. The way that Sharp Point is the only place in all of Westeros where you can have a child's museum and a Chuck E. Cheese right next to each other. Oh, and a little animal vet. The only place we can take our hamsters to get fixed. I mean, make it something special before you just burn it to the ground. Yeah. Like this. Yeah. I give it some sort of vibe, you know, like we let's meet the locals. Let's see the local gangs like the sharps. The sharps. Yeah. Sharp point where Donna Summer was born. The world's largest Dr. Pepper Museum is at Sharp Point. What did you see what I'm drinking?

Dr. Pepper, cream soda. Did you see that? Whoa. You just happened to make a Dr. Pepper. When do I ever have a Dr. Pepper in my hand? Never. That is when I don't believe in sodas anymore. But guess what I have right now? That's how upset I am today over this show. I was like, you know what? I don't do drugs anymore. So I went right into that Ralph's and I said, give me a fucking Dr. Pepper. I'm getting dirty today. Make it a cream soda kind. Cause I didn't even know that was the thing. Make it sugar free though. I'm about to make a lots of Donna summer references today. It sounds literally disgusting. Uh, sugar free.

Is it a sugar free Dr. Pepper cream soda? Those are just concepts. I don't want to pair together. Listen, starve yourself enough and anything tastes good. I could be eating. I could be drinking. People are sharp points.

Listen, if anyone knows that it's the people of sharp point, sharp point, the inventors of Aspartame. All right. They're like, well, unfortunately, our 7-Eleven just burnt down. So without soda at the moment. You'll never have another cream soda sugar free Dr. Pepper again, unfortunately. Yeah, make me care. That's our point. Make us care. So now we go back to King's Landon. Landon? King's Landon? And Aegon is, you know, of course lying in bed because that's really all he can do. And or while is there attending to him and a guns like, um,

some room wouldn't go in this and or was like, but your grace, I was just about to put some leaves on you. You want the leaves, right? They're doing such good work. Yeah. 10 infections. They're almost gone. Now what they called by leaves? Perhaps, but the leaves are also fixing them. It's a cycle, you see. Your Grace, we've come up with something new to treat your flesh wounds. We've taken the pupil of a deer. And we're going to...

We have a mountain of tears that we were thinking about just smashing right into that cut of yours. So of course, Laris comes in and he does, and he's like, Oh, well, Jorgreys. He's like, fuck! A nicer word. God damn it! Or I'll just have a seat then. I must ask Jorgreys, steal yourself, steal yourself.

We must leave here. We must leave. We've got fucked up feet and we're about to be chased. Chased by Laura Dern with one eye. It's not pretty. You should see what that bitch is doing to the East Coast It's terrible Hey guns like you know I'm the king Why is the only one who visits me this creep okay?

And there is this like but so the pretender has found three new drivers for her dragons and your brother You everyone thought it was impossible and your brother thought the same he flew to challenger and it was rebuffed fled in terror from what i hear terror amand is afraid everyone pass it along amand is afraid well he's gone in fury to sharp point and laid waste to the whole of the town that had so many huge things going for it let me look up their wikipedia i'm sorry we didn't write one okay never, nevermind. Sharp Point. That's not a bad place, am I right? Dole Point is what we're calling it now. It's gone. I don't know much about Sharp Point. It's always kind of like a literal flyover city for me. But no, sorry to hear it.

You can say that the West Coast is now pointless. All right. Anybody at that? Anybody? Okay. Let me tell you something. They don't have any more TVs. I don't remember the sharp brand. It's a television. Anyhow, anyhow, it's gone. Sharp point is gone. That's what I wanted to say. Negan's like, wow, fucking mad cut fitness. She really did it then. She really did this. Got some dragon riders. So he's like, all right, so we need to run because the gods are cruel, et cetera, et cetera. I hope you can see the urgency here. And he's like, I'm the king. Why should I run? He's like, well, you're not hot anymore. The prince is trying to kill you. You're missing

half of your face. You don't have any hair left. You don't have the hot factor really going for you. Time to run. Okay. Let me tell you, people are not nice to people in general. They're really not nice to ugly people. Get in the car, get in the trunk. We're leaving. Listen, no one really likes you and people want you dead. Multiple people want you dead. So you can either lie here and drink some of this shitty rum and have this guy over

here, but leaves on your stomach. Am I right? Or we can go to a farm and you can tend to sheep and you know, we can pretend, which is an old couple and we can read poetry and, I don't know, make nice meals together and it'll be lovely, a lovely time for both of us. And Egon's like, I just don't understand though. I'm the boss. So why would I be scared of him? He's like, all right, let me explain to you. Laura Dern, there's the Laura Dern from Jurassic Park, sweet, loving, supportive of Jeff. And then there's the Laura Dern from Jurassic Park, sweet, loving, supportive of Jeff. And then there's the Laura Dern of literally every other thing she's ever done.

Have you ever seen her pissed off? You don't want to see that Laura Dern pissed off. Have you seen Big Little Lies? Just think about it for a moment. Okay, pretend you are now at the drop off and you've taken her parking spot. Okay? Enlightened. Check it out.

It's worth the Showtime subscription just to see how murdered you're about to be So he's like, okay, let me just like prop up this guy's ego look look no here So you can go to a far off land and you can get healthy and then you can come back They're gonna tear each other down and then you'll come back and they'll say oh look And then you can come back, they're going to tear each other down. And then you'll come back and they'll say, Oh, look, it's a gun, the victorious egg on the peacemaker egg on the super hot. So they probably won't call you that. That was just me indulging your ego.

Egg on the toasty face. I'm sorry. That one was a little too far. All right. It's a gun of the very good breath. You might have very good breath by then. So that's something to look forward to.

Egon, his face would be better than the actual face he's got right now. I'm sorry with that. It's too much. Egon, the good spoons player. Because guess what? When we're on the farm, I'll give you some spoons. You can learn how to play some ditties on your knees with them. Think about it. So he's like, you want me to live with a bunch of goat fuckers and SOS? He's like, oh, well, you know, I'd like to think of them as goat, um, daters. And it's not automatically straight to fucking. I mean, I know that's what everybody thinks about it, but you know,

we can be, don't judge a book by its cover. Even if the cover has a zipper undone and a large penis hanging out and slapping a goat on the face with it. How about Aegon the goat icon beloved by goats near and far for the pleasure he brings them. So finally Aegon is like he's on board and then it's kind of funny because Laris has all these like flowery terms like Aegon the victorious, Aegon the peacemaker, Aegon the rebuilder and he's like, wait, I got one egg on the realms delight. I was like, okay, girl, you work it. Yeah, I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or what, but I was assuming that was sarcasm, but like, why don't we just call it egg on egg on the master sequence.

Yeah. And he's like, well, listen, no matter what we call you, it's best to live, don't you think? And he goes, is it? My dragon is dead. Which we didn't know. I don't think that we knew Sunfire was dead. I think we knew Sunfire was injured, right? I think we knew Sunfire was...

Well, either way, we know now. I don't think I knew. I'm mourning all over again. It's like when I found out Robert Goulet was dead. I think I found out that Robert Goulet died like three times. And every time I'm like, that's so sad. Robert Goulet, I knew him one time. So anyway, he's like, my dragon's dead.

I'm burnt, I'm disgusting. I'm alone and I'm a cripple. And Laris is like, you are not alone. You do have a sing really off key though. You forgot to put that in your long list. No one is alone. And then egg on says, my cock is destroyed. Did they tell you that it burst into flames like a sausage on the spit? Geez, poor guy. They really,

Marcia's like kind of ruining a little bit of my plans for the farm, but that's okay. We can still work with it. And Laura says like, you know, I've never really been known as the positive one in this relationship, but my cock works. So thank you for giving me that. I know. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial.

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Right. This is a few more times. Poor, she's running. I wonder if she'll find a dragon. So then, um, we go back to dragon stone and Jace Jace, who has really entered his whiny phase, he's stomping around and he hears Hugh Hammer and Ulf talking and Ulf is now like officially extremely goofy and unlike anyone else on this show and he's like, oh that's more like it Hugh, okay let's drink, drink, drink on Paul and I don't have manners, okay, oh and Hugh is like, we're meant to be at the training yards leading the commands and he's like, oh yeah I'll go but surely they won't deny me my pleasure after so long. I may not have

to eat fish again. I'm in the wealthy place now. And this feeder on the table and Jason's like, feed on the table? How dare you? He's like, I rather not have my feet off the table mate. All right. Oh, I'll tell you. Hold on. Hold on. What's your favorite Whitney Houston song? Tell me now. the By the way, we all know the best song is Saving All My Love For You. Wrong song. Why did you choose all the wrong Whitney Houston songs? I can't believe you're my brother now.

By the way, Ulf is disgusting and they make Ulf as gross and stupid as they can. And I'm like, come on, we're not all Walmart people. You know, I don't like to throw like, look, it's a poor person. Anyways, growth. Um, but also please kill Ulf like immediately. I can't, I can't take off anymore. And this is not one of those real housewives situations where you're like, Oh my God, fire that housewife. And then they get fired. And then we're all sad that the housewife got fired and we're like, Oh my God, but they brought so much to the housewives universe. Not off, get rid of off. I understand that off is a poor and he doesn't know the ways of the court. But this is just like a cartoon right here. Like this is someone in a totally different TV show. Like this is,

and this is completely inconsistent with whatever realism they attempt on this show. And like, I would, I would see him attempting to try to be proper, but he's a disaster and I think he's written as a disaster. So in a way- No, I don't know what this is, but you saw that there's a new spinoff starting, right? It's called A Night of the Seven Kingdoms. Dun, dun, dun.

And they're built off the novella series, the tales of dunk and egg. And this seems like you like that. Doesn't it sound like it? Dunk and egg. So I have a far from fire and ice. It feels like these are like fun, wacky characters like Ulf in the Ulf universe. And I can't, I don't like Deadpool. Is he like the Deadpool or the Thor of Game of Thrones? Yeah, just it's, it's too silly. It's too silly. I mean, I listen, I like levity, but this is just silly. So, you know, he was like, by the way, my levity, you know what I mean? Less levity, right? Less levity and more burning sharp point. So he was like, hey, dummy, this is the prince. Take your feet off and like, you know, be better. And so then, you know, off gives like

hugs Jace and Jace is like, you poor person hugging me. And it was like, ah, the young young prince. I look at that hair as dark as they say, let them tell us we don't have target in blood. I was like, how dare you? My mother is queen and goes, ah, dragon riders, boat you and oar bro, eh? Cut from the same cloth, don't we? Well, mine does smell a little bit better. Look at you with your laundry privilege. He's like, how dare you? Do you know that what has happened in the last hour? The so-called Prince Regent has burnt down Sharp Point. Where? Sharp Point. Sharp Point. City and all of Westeros.

Surely you know of Sharp Point. All right. Sharp Point. The inventors of Skeeble. No, it's not it. All right. The inventors of Lipgloss. No, who told you that? What do they invent then? Nothing of note, really.

Why should I care? Why should I care about fucking sharp point? Because they've got a Popeye's there, it's the only one in the room. Popeye's does have very good fudges. Yeah, that's pretty good. That was very good. Well, that's a shame. It's a shame to lose that.

That is sad. Come on Mr. Sharp Point. If only we'd known earlier that he had a Popeye's, it would have made a pilgrimage there a long time ago. So anyway, Jason's basically like being super petulant. He's like, my mother's the queen and you're not paying attention and there's lots of people who are dead and they're lost and they're in harbour and ashes and will you prepare to face such an enemy or will you stay here and make yourself easy

if you hinder out our efforts to slaughter unreadiness I will see you hanged and your body thrown to the dogs in the street. Yeah So then we go to the Dragonstone shipyard for a talk with Ray Ray and Corliss So she's like, oh my god. Okay found new writers, but really not sure of the character They are blonde though, which is helpful, you know, yeah, that's good She's like, you know, I don't know any of them, but good news is Adam with 2Ds. At least you know him, right? And Carlos is like, oh, yes, yes. He's a shipwright and my employee. And it is reported to me, he's a man of integrity. I don't know who his dad was, but I bet he was pretty cool. Am I right? Just look at him, right? She's like, well, I was hoping to just deter people because, you

know, Vegas are threat, but now he's that match. So I'm not gonna have to fight anybody. He's like, yeah, vagar is not their only dragon. She's like, well, you know, the sun tested, he's like, well, they've got dragons. All right. And you're forgetting there's not only the little dragon, there's another. She's like, Helena, Helena does not ride. Well, she might ride. He's like, listen, Helena might ride. And don't forget, Alison has a brother who, you know, rides dragons, but we haven't cast him yet. So you're probably not going to see him until next season. But he's

out. He's flying a dragon or another son. Sorry. You know, it's hard to tell, you know, the line between son and brother is so difficult on the show sometimes. But anyway, we don't know who he is. We just hear about him. His name is Darren. He really wanted to be a CPA, but they said, get on the dragon. So he's on the dragon now, but we don't know who he is yet. So, but just he's out there. So be wary. And they really want Helena's dragon dream fire. And she was like, Oh, dream fire hatched when the conqueror was king. It's like, well, thanks for the expo. She's formidable. Still Helena is no warrior. And he's like, well, listen, amen, thought he was invincible. And he learned that he's just not so

you know, let's not get too big for our britches. Okay. He's like, Look, he like, he's not gonna stop with sharp point. There's still, you know, you know, easy, easy potato. And there's grassy grassy nook. And of course, our favorite place, you know, windy, windy rocks. She said, what's all these places you're talking about? Surely we don't have all these cities in Westeros. You're making these places up, right? At a sharp point, even a real place.

So she's like, so how's the sea snake? And he goes, oh, by the way, we're not calling it sea snake anymore because that's just so full of narcissism. I named that after myself, you know, because my gigantic snake and I am in the sea. So I've decided to name it after something just things that I like. Now it's called Masturbation and Netflix and Chill Alone with a Bag of Poppies. It's quite a long name, isn't it? All right. Well, how about The Queen Who Never Was? Like your son? Oh, sorry. Sorry. You the his dragon has re-partnered, right? Because his dragon is... It's Love Island. Yes, it's required.

Not each other re-coupling. A gorgeous new bombshell came into the villa. His name was Adidam. And yeah, I think that dragon re-coupling, and then I read online, this was just a comment on Reddit, so I have no idea if this is true or not. It was just a theory, but when Helena was saying, look, one of these crickets has stopped singing, that that meant that he died. Oh. No, I don't know why he was a cricket.

Maybe it's because gay guys love show tunes and he was singing and so one cricket stopped singing. I don't know. Jiminy Cricket, like he's like, hey, the cricket, it was the one with the top hat. It was one of the little fey was the one with the top hat was with a little fey The one is the one who always loved giving advice to people with giant woodies, right? Oh, no The cricket that pretended to stop singing

And then went to a different part of the cage is actually stopped singing now, you know, she's very literal Yeah So I think he's dead Yeah. So I think he's dead. So Corlys is like, well, you've got six dragons. So listen, if you want me to take masturbation and Netflix and chill with a bag of pop, we've really got to work on that name. All right. Well, I'm taking, we can make an acronym. I'm going to take dead wife boat out whenever you tell me my ships sail at your command and my men serve you. But the Lannisters are marching. He's basically, it's a little bit of an exposition scene. It's like, well, these are the people of dragons.

And these are the people that have, who also have dragons. These are people who could have dragons. And this is where the armies are. So should we attack? She's like, yeah, it's got, we've got the, we've got the Lannisters coming. We've got the high towers coming. So, you know, it's not time to dither. You

know, she's like, no dithering. No dithering. So then we go to Harrenhal and Lord Piper sees Daemon. He's like, Lord, a word. It seems the ship on our land has been sold up river. My vassals have been sent a trove of swine. Dragons do eat pigs, I presume. Damon's like, yes, actually, they like pigs more. Okay, great scene, Lord Piper. You did great work and we'll probably never see you again. Good morrow. Join Piper Parabot in obscurity. I'm sick of listening to you. So I was just thinking about it.

What happened? I don't know. Maybe she'll show up next season on this show. So now Simon comes and he's like, well, the older man coming for a scene to talk like this, your Lord is a Jesus Christ. What is it get to get through it so I can have another scene where I'm tripping out this Godorsaken castle wandering around in circles while my, my, my forehead wrinkles do this. So Alfred Broom has come to see you. So Alfred comes from Dragonstone and he's like, Hey, so can we talk and can we go someplace

more private? So they go outside and this is very soap opera-y what happens here. So they go outside to talk and while they're talking Sir Simon steps outside and listens in in classic passions or another world style and Alfred's talking and he's saying like, you know, I was faithful to the king, your brother, and I pledged my banners to Renea, his air and I will never serve the usurpers, but battles to be fought and times like this. And then a voice goes, Trader, which, by the way, I didn't realize the voice even said that I thought it was just

a noise, but it was a voice that said Trader. And he's like, do I hear something? Do I hear something? And he basically is like, look, I like Ray Ray and all, but I think we need you to be a girl. He's like, I guess she's, she's trying, but she has boobs. So come on, let's be, I have no idea what you're up to here, but it's gotta be better than what she's doing. Am I right? So, um, Damon's like, Oh, I never took you for a turn close to Alfred. And he's like, yeah, well, she's gone. So then we don't get an answer, but we do see that they've been listened to by sir Simon strong, Tom Tom Tom. And Simon does that soap opera thing where he turns away from the door and ponders like, Oh dear, what do I do with this information? Yeah. So then

um, Amen is talking to iron iron rod about what's going down, basically. And Amand is like, Oh God, everyone's a coward. Put an end to this madness. No vessels come in or out of our harbor without our inspection. He's like, Yeah, but we have to let the fishermen do their thing. He's like, No, we don't. He's like, Yeah, but the only thing people have to eat right now is fish. He's like, I don't care. Have them fish for licorice on land. So that's not how it works. So yeah, this is like trees then Snickers trees. Do you understand food?

No. How do you think I got this body? So now, Alison and Helena are in their private quarters and Helena is like, why do people hate us? Alison's like, Oh, honey, you're just realizing this now. Listen, they're unhappy and unhappy people look for someone to hate because but we didn't order the blockade. No, but we are the crown and they expect us to break it. So here, drink this, get drunk like I do. That's how you get through the days.

And Helene is like, I was happier before I was queen. Like, yeah, well, you're not the first to say it. You're not the last to my right. Never drinks this stuff. So she's like, why don't we leave this place? And Helene is like, but where would we go? Which means they're dead soon. At least Hel Helena is dead soon because people die when they're like, Oh my God, there could be a better life. I believe that's when they're a better life for me and you. It's like, okay, bye. You're dead now. So Eamon comes in and Eamon's like, by the way, Helena, the crown has need for your service. And I was like, now we were just talking about escaping. I mean, hanging out here for the

rest of our lives. And Aiman is like, well, the pretender has raised new rodents against us and we must answer in kind. I need you to fly with dream fire to battle. And she's like, no, I don't want to do that. I'm supposed to stay near weird things like crickets and make prophecies. Yeah. And he's like, well, you're doing it. You're going to fight. And she's never seen battle. I don't care. You're going to fight. Put yourself out there. Go." And he grabs her arm and Alice is like, how dare you? Oh, God. You stay away from my Helena. I read that in the books, Helena loved nothing more than riding her dragon all day. And she's a real good writer. I wish they hadn't taken that out of the story

because I could see some more dragon riding in this. Yeah. So, Eamon, he's basically like you see now what is the concept is basically saying like we need a rider and mom you were really weak and now look what happened. So, so ha and Alison's like what is parallel that move what is parallel that moved you to burn down the town of sharp point an iconic town in Westeros that we all loved going to because they had that, what was the name of that place? Burlington?

Yes, the Coat Factory. Well, now where do we get a frocks? So he's like, well, who's going to protect Halema if she cannot protect herself? She's like, well, who will she be if her mind is broken? He's like, Oh God, why would you not have us prevail here? She's like, Oh, no, we will not win like this. We will not win like. So Alison is she's like, Oh, my family.

So she goes and sees or while he's. Yeah. Yeah. It's not raising your children, Allison. Okay, you can't just hand your kids an iPad when they're two months old and then expect them to turn out okay. Make an effort, lady. So Orwell's like, oh, you're grace.

You came just in time. I'd made a huge breakthrough with my leave technology. Turns out they don't work. So we're gonna try some other things, maybe Bach. I think that's what she, okay, whatever, I don't work. So we're going to try some other things. Maybe bark. I think that's what she's... Okay, whatever. I don't care.

I must again request your assistance. I need passage and your discretion. So then we go to a very deep conversation with Kristin and the brother, Gwain. So what's his buns? Kristin is smelling a handkerchief that Alicent gave him. And it's so weird because first of all, handkerchiefs are for snot. Can we not pretend that they're for snot?

And it has like a decently-fonted A. I wouldn't call that like a royal font, but whatever. And I didn't love the font, but it was also filthy. And Kristen's like, oh, I'm going to smell her snot. Yeah. And I know that you're not supposed to kink shame, but that's a gross kink. Get a better. Well at that point, he's just smelling his own chest. That, that, that, that, that handkerchief

no longer has any scent of, of Alison Donna. That is just pure Kristen chest sweat, you know? Well in that case, boner, boner time. Speaking of look, B, he was licking himself back there. It's cute. Yeah. So, Gwynn. Yeah. So, Gwynn's kind of like, um, excuse you. Why are you sniffing a hanky that has my sister's initial on it? That's wrong. You like, you like are fucking the queen and that's like unacceptable on my watch. And Kristen's like former queen, whatever. What I want to fucking mom. He's like a fucked everybody. What are you going to do? It's like I can send you to the wall.

I guess. Yeah, go for it. No guys. And you can also ruin your own reputation of the high tariffs, reputation reputation. OK. Wow. The king mother in his hand. Ooh. Like Kristen's acting drunk and he's like, listen, she saved my life love her. So there is that God forbid a poor person fall in love, you know, after completely sex shaming someone and murdering, murdering someone murdering a gay person and then becoming a total hypocrite and doing the same thing,

I sex-shamed that other person. Anyway, that's my other hidden word there. Here's the point, I'm hot, we're gonna die anyway because dragons are fucking terrifying. No matter what you may see in this show, dragons kill everybody, so nothing really matters, am I right? Yeah, and he's like, you know,

she's the beacon that I follow, which is his way of saying, she's the one who hits on me. She, she does it first. So, um, he's like, Oh, I thought he was saying like, I love, I'm in love with her. So I don't, well, I think it's like, it's like both. It's like, he's both, he's both saying like, I revere her, but also like, I follow her lead. If you catch what I'm saying. And Wayne's like, well then resist it. He goes, Oh, would it, would it were that simple? And he's like, well, then resist it. He goes, Oh, would it would it were that simple? And he's like, well, your brothers in the Kingsguard find a way he's like, do they perhaps they do or perhaps the well boning in the tents? Yeah,

I've heard it. I've heard the noises at night or perhaps the mineral club or men are corrupt and true honor is a myth that melts in the morning. Just relax. Okay. Just get back to your hands. Right though. Anybody, just get back to your hands Right though anybody who presents who pretends that they don't is probably a fucking liar. Okay, watch any congressmen give a speech So Gwaine is like well, that's bleak. He's like have you looked around? I know you're new here, but this is a Game of Thrones spin-off Bleak look around you silly silly man. This isn't Duck and Dookie. This is House of the Dragon. Listen, let me take out my swords, that way music can start. Okay, and three, two, one, ominous music. You know, I'm here to protect the righteous and dispense justice on the

rest. But now you saw what I saw. The dragons dance and men are like dust under their feet. And all our fine thoughts, all our endeavors are for nothing. And we march now toward our annihilation. To die will be kind of a relief. Don't you think?" He's like, whoa, chill, bro. I was just saying, just stop banging my sister. Yeah, I know. He's like, God, I just came over here to murder you, not to get depressed. Geez, man. He just like walks away with his sword like deflated. He's like, God, I just came over here to murder you not to get depressed. Geez, man. Just like walks away with his sword like deflated. He's like, give a man a Caesar curtain.

Watch him really light up the room. Am I right? Yeah. Commercials. Here comes one right now. My name is Georgia King, and I am thrilled to be the host of and away we go a brand new travel podcast on Wondry Plus where we'll be whisked away on immersive adventures all around the world Where we go what we do what we eat drink and listen to will all be up to my very special guests We've got Ben Schwartz taking us on a whirlwind trip around Disneyland We'll eat a bowl of life-changing pasta with Jimmy O'Yang in Tuscany, Italy.

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Georgia, do you know what joy sounds like? I think I'm hearing it right now. So then we see a mud fight and Thailand is getting his ass beat by Lohar. And finally he gets up and does a shuffle ball change and she's like, damn it. That's something I haven't learned before. I respect you. I'll sail for you.

I'll do whatever you need, big boy. So yeah, she is won over. And by the way, at first I was like, is this supposed to be a man? Is it supposed to be a non-binary? Like what is going on? What are the pronouns here? But in the after thing, they do refer to Lohar as like she, her.

So I was like, okay, so I think this is, it is, I wasn't sure what they were trying to do here, but I do believe it is actually in this case. I don't think they had Instagram bios back then. They didn't have, they didn't have, they didn't have this kind of discussion in Game of Thrones days. Well, because I already know it's on their Instagram profiles at that point in time. So, yeah.

So either way, uh, low horror, low hearts. Oh, you beat me up. Oh, well, would you like to eat the flesh of your villains? He's like, uh, no. And then she gets all mad and it's like, she goes, I'm just kidding. Oh, I'm wacky. I'm wacky. Low heart. Come on. Let's have dinner. So then we go to Jason's house and he's like, I'm so upset. Baylor's like, Oh my god, you're so hot and so whiny. Listen, your whininess is starting to outweigh your hotness. Can you please just go back to squinting and pouting and stop crying? And he's like, well, poor

people got to be like, poor people get to drive dragons and what's going to stop them from driving dragons over me? I'm brunette. She's like, oh my god, stop your goddamn whining and stand up and do something. It's like, but it's hard. And privilege is so much harder like this. And everybody has it. It's not nepotism, is it? Is it? Listen, if you keep on whining, we're gonna have to go back to my sister wandering around in a field drinking from streams and no one wants that. Do they? back to my sister wandering around in a field drinking from streams and no one wants that, do they? But I don't want to run. Fine. Let's go to Reyna. Reyna, what are you up to?

So then we go to Reyna, who is wide-eyed, running around looking for a dragon. And this poor actress, because they just keep going, okay, now look shocked. She's like, I'm so shocked. Like, okay, cut away. Okay, now Reyna, come over here by this lake. Look shocked. She's like, I'm so shocked. Like, okay, cut away. Okay, now Raina come over here by this lake. Look shocked. She's like, okay, what am I shocked at? It doesn't even matter. Just look shocked. Okay, we got that.

Okay, come over here by this curb and the stop sign. Look shocked. Okay, curb and a stop sign. Look shocked, God damn it, you're fired, so cool. All right, we've got your whole season in the can. Here's $5. So Thailand is now at dinner with Lohar and all the triarchy people and they're making Thailand sing and he's like,

here come my lads my comely boys and split your sacks ashore for all the sailing. Baby you're a firework, blah, blah, blah, blah, try your key. You get the fair hipstones and scene. He's like, I'm a feminist girl power girl power. It's like, oh my God, this Katy Perry album is played out before it even happened. You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream. They're like, okay, okay, enough, enough, enough. You can take a seat.

But Dr. Luke produced this next one. They're like, all right, now you're just making a problematic tie when sit back down. All right, this is definitely the Thailand singing part was definitely a moment I pressed pause to see how much time was left. Why are you wasting my time with the storyline? Why are we getting a wacky Thailand comedy?

Like it's like a, it's a Xena warrior princess quality scene. Why are we getting this? I liked it. I did like it. Cause it was better than the moody shit. I was like, fine. I like this weird ass storyline we have going on. And they have this rando character running around

having comedy scenes with some I think lohar I think lohar is gonna be a big character next season because that's why they're setting lohar up right now, you know, Lindsey lohar So lohar's like well done little tyron. Well done A good song was delivered everyone and he's like it's lohar is gonna be killed in five minutes Can guarantee you they're gonna go to war and lower is going to get her head burnt off and that's going to be lower. Kind of looks like the crab guy actually, if you think about it. So then, um, basically, yeah, this whole, this whole singing scene.

Okay. So then she's like, Oh, by the way, before you go to bed, I just wanted to tell you you're so handsome and you've proven your virility. I wish I have children by you. And he's like, So are you offering me money for my sperm to so you want me to put it inside of you? She's like, No, fuck all my wives. Like, how many wives do you have? She's like, Oh, and now we go back to Dragonstone. And all is getting drunk at dinner. It's like Ray Ray is having dinner

with all the dragon riders. They're having like a private cool kids dinner. And there's like a huge amount of food, which I'm like, you know, you guys are like in a war and you're like on an isolated Island. I don't even know how you got this food, but you're kind of wasting a lot of it right now. You're not all going to eat this, but they're eating it.

And Elf is being like a pig and he's like, whoa, whoa on here? Timing a dragon's first to work. Oh, and also, Gavna, some of these little birds, please. Little birds can have a little more. Fill up a little bird. Thank you. They're called wings, you tacky, tacky man. Now listen, a toast to our new riders. The three of you are not of noble birth, but one of you can fart the tune of Merrily We Roll Along, so that's something. It's like, you want me to do it again, mate? Once was fine.

Ulf. Now, I do love my son, Jace, but he has been pouting a lot, so I invite everyone to throw little peas at his nose until he laughs. Okay, Ulf, we'll start with you. Now if you serve me well, I'll make you knights. And all of us are like, Oh yeah, we think that boy is really nice. Just like that. She's like, well, I thought, um, the very fact of you might stay my enemy's hand, you know, seeing such big blonde people who can ride dragons, but Lord Corlys is right.

We must strike while we have the advantage and end this war. So we're gonna train on our dragons for five minutes and then murder everybody we can. And Bael is like, he wished for us to kill innocents. And he was like, I'm saying many of them. And he's just like, it is hard, but it cannot be helped. Just like it cannot be helped that I don't get enough attention from mummy."

And Rey is like, well, we must break the will of our enemy or more will die in a struggle that stretches on without end. I love people on this show acting like they give a fuck if innocent people die. What do you think you do as Dragon Riders? You kill innocent people constantly. They're like, what? Innocent people? Have you watched this show? Yes, you're gonna kill the innocents. You just blockaded them so they can't eat. Now you're pretending to care, get the fuck out of here.

So Ulf is being disgusting and Rere is like, a knight will comport himself with grace at the queen's table. And he goes, well best make me a knight then. And Jason's like, you forgot yourself, friend. So I have a sense of humor, do you all good? So are they gonna have to do like a My Fair Lady storyline with him where they make him like,

give him manners and stuff? That'd be fun. I don't know, I'm like exhausted by Ulf. Yeah, so then they are talking, oh, so a message comes from Heron hole and we find out it's from side Simon strong, the little spy Damon has raised an army, but sir Simon fears treachery and it looks like a church art bizarre in there. So Ray Ray's like, well, I am not one thing I won't stand for is treachery, especially

not from Damon. So I'm going to go add to them. You come with me and Jason, of course pouts because he wasn't chosen and all of us like, give me the more these little bird, their wings for Christ's sake. I'm all this stinky sauce. It's blue cheese for Christ's sake. No more football until he learns how to eat without the bone sticking out of his mouth. I never thought I'd get to go to a BW squared, but here we are. Please just don't call it that. Okay. It's just Buffalo Wild Wings. We don't do that here. So then we go to the godsward, Alice and Damon. So Alice is like, she wakes him up, right?

So he's sleeping and she's like, get up. We're going to God's word. He's like, don't you ever sleep, which it's like, not really. Yeah. Let's go look at the scary tree. It's going to be fun. Listen, big news. You get to touch a tree today.

So wake up, wakey wakey. It's going to be fun. OK, you're going to have a great time. All right. It's like, oh, fine, fine, fine. So I go out to the courtyard and when they get there, he sees like, he has a vision of someone like an antlered human is what the closed captions actually said, which I wonder if it was like a vision of like the, the children,

the children who started this whole thing. Remember the children of the woods or whatever the children of the known, the children, remember the children that were in the tree, children, the fault, whatever they were, those annoying kids in the tree. So he has a vision and now she's like, okay Now do you wish to touch the tree? It's a real fun time Not a lot of people get to touch this tree better touch it. You should touch it touch the tree Go ahead touch that spark. It's great. Have a great time That is your ass crack. Well, sorry girl has to try. All right, that's the tree. That's the tree. So he does it. And then it's like, he starts seeing visions and there's dead

dragons and there's the night king and there's Daenerys with her little three dragon babies, you know, coming over her. And then he sees Ray Ray on the iron throw. What? There was like a comment at one point. There was like, or like a meteor. There was like some flaming boulder that was like hurtling towards earth. A meteor, if you saw that, it was like, Oh, yeah, but I didn't know what it was. I as me,

like, whoops, slipped into another franchise by accident. I wonder if it's like this meteor or whatever it is that comes to earth is what causes the white walkers to be resurrected or something. Also I thought that the Night King looked a lot like, um, a gun. I kind of feel like, yeah, I've been wondering if it's Amon's, but I guess would he be missing an eye or does that heal you if you get, I don't know. Well, there was talk last season. Remember when we saw, um, Amon's I, his eye was blue, right? That was the big thing at the end of last season. His eye was blue.

So people thought that he was with the night King, but this Night King didn't look like Aemond. He sort of looked a lot like Aegon, and Aegon already has his face already half burned. And this Night King, his face looked like it was burned. I don't know. That was the theory that I was hatching. Well, he gets beat by Arya spoiler alert Okay So then we go to King's Landing and Aemond comes to Helena to try a different tactic other than you will fight your dragon I'll fucking kill you don't be oh So he's gonna try to be nice Which is like sister we share the same blood you and I I wish no harm to anyone look at me It's just me sweet sweet the sweet him. And you've always known a, but sometimes you got to kill some people and want to do it. Let's do it. Let's do it together. I mean, you Bonnie and Clyde murder people guns. You had the guns.

No, we don't need it. We got fucking dragons. Let's ride this bitch. She's like, listen, um, I've been in the corner here, sort of having prophecies and, uh, Oh, we didn't mention. Here's what I saw. Right away. That, that, that prophecy ended up with Helena. We see Raynera on the throne and then he hears Helena's voice and he turns around and sees Helena and she's like, it's all a story and you are but one part in it. You know your part. So now it looks like Helena has been controlling these visions the whole time of Daemons, right? Or at least she's communicating with him, right? Like and so, because as we come into this next scene, we're sort of like melding into

the scene from the vision, which is sort of interesting. And so, so, so Helena is kind of like, Hey, so Eamon, I know you want me to write this dragon, but I was just tuning in to my favorite TV show called My Brain. And what was on today's show was, Agon's gonna come back and he's gonna be great. You're gonna die now.

So I don't know how else to put this, but it's not looking good for you. What do you think about the money dragon? She says, Agon will be king. He's yet to see victory. He sits on a wooden throne. So that's a different throne now. At the wheelchair, I'm assuming. Is that a throne? I don't know. Maybe it's the toilet for going there. He doesn't like the porcelain throne. But back then it was wood You know, like the porcelain drone. Back then it was wood.

They didn't have porcelain. I've seen him. He's very powerful in pooping. He's a president of pooping. So there's that, but you're dead. You were swallowed up in the God's eye and you were never seen again. And he's like, I could have you killed. And she's like, won't change anything.

God's eye swallowed person. change anything. God's eye swallowed person. What's the God's eye? Well, is the God's eye some sort of mystical thing where he dies in it, and that's what causes him to become the Night King? I have so many theories and questions. I don't know, but I'm mad at this show, so I'm not even going to give it a second thought. You're like, I will not indulge in this because I'm furious of how it wasted my time last night. Yeah, because this show, I feel like at the rate this show's going, it's just going to make up something stupid at the end that doesn't even make any sense. And so why put any thought into it? You know, it'll be like, well, we got we put area on a rubber band and she ended the whole thing. So then we cut to her and whole and Ray Ray gets there. She's like,

Hi, sorry, traffic. Traffic was terrible. Got here in about three minutes. All right, let's do this. Let's do this, bitch. Yeah. So she, she meets up, you know, sir, Simon's like, Oh, I'm so glad you came just in time. We're about to have some more elk. So please and peas. You really like it and duck too. She's like, Okay, well, I'd like to see Damon, please so Damon she goes into the castle, which is now full of all full of all the River folk and Damon comes through the crowd and he's like I wasn't expecting you and because well that seems like rather a lapse in foresight So they're kind of like they had this like tense

Reunion that we've been waiting all season for. And in the after show, the creators were like, well, unfortunately, you know, Damien just had to go through all these experiences to get to where he gets to in the scene. And it's just, he had to go through it. I was like, he really didn't, you could have just had one scene of, of like epiphany, but that's fine. That's fine. We didn't have to wait all the time. I know, especially because the epiphany was like, he just touched the tree. You could have had him touch the tree in the beginning. Okay. Don't get me. Yeah. We needed a whole season of this shit. Touch the fucking bloody tree, sir. So, um, he's like, well,

I've learned that the world is not what we thought it was from the wall. It's just the beginning because winter is coming. Melissa Gorgas said it real housewives of New Jersey. So we're just coming and it's going to have darkness and doom. And she like, you sound like my father. He's like, I thought, I thought, I thought that we cannot withstand it. We cannot withstand it. And somehow we must. Now hold on. I'm going to tell you the rest of this in Spanish so nobody else gets it. The realm's only hope is a leader who can unite it. And my brother chose you actually. You are the true queen, Reneira, first of her name, protector of the realm, wearer of a sick dress. God,

I love that on you. Great silhouette. I am the leader of the remote control. By the way, will you ever tell me where that thing is? I really miss Telly. Honorary mayor of Sharp Point. God, when was the last time we were there? We should go. Protector of the realm, driver of fastest dragon in the world. Got you here really, really quickly. Now, I'm meant to serve you and all of those with me until death or the end of our story, which I call it a story now. I heard it from Helena. You know, life is basically a story, isn't it? God, be boring in real life, but goddamn, she's gorgeous

in a dream. She's got a wind machine for her hair. You really should look into that. Makes someone instantly less boring. What are we talking about? It's so great here. I mean, God, last night, so I went, woke up in the middle of the night, went over to the tree, touched the tree, had this great vision, saw dragons, saw some other girl who looked like us, maybe like a descendant. Then Helena was talking to me, I died, zombies are coming. And yeah, it's a great time over here. So what were you here for? So now we have a daddy and son scene with Corlys. Everyone bows down. He bows down to her.

I'm sorry. Yeah, skip the most important part of that scene. I'm so sorry. Yes, everyone bows down. He bows down to her. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, I skipped the most important part of that scene. I'm so sorry. Yes, everybody bows. He bows down to her, so everybody bows down. So glad the band gave you guys permission to fucking bow down. I'm telling you, the show. So then they go to, we go to the daddy-send scene with Alan and Corliss. And Corliss is just like, just me, your father trying to give you a little speech.

So listen, if you want people to follow you, you're going to need to have a little bit of charm of which you've got none. Now, I don't want to offend you, but goddamn, you're boring. You're a boring, boring person. Do you have any hobbies? Don't tell me about them because I think your hobby is staring at a wall and being boring. All right. So whatever your hobby is, get rid of it, get a more charming hobby, but just be more charming. Right. And Alan is like, um, well, I think I'm pretty charming and I didn't even want to lead in the first place, so, uh, I'm just going to be angry at you right now.

And he's like, listen, I'm trying to help you. It's like, help you want to help. Um, why this is this to help you off after all these years, a reminder to be grateful. Do you know what it was like for us to grow up fatherless, to be sneered upon as bastards, never show the bread to feed us? Do you know what the hunger does to a boy? What grief does? Or shame? And of course, like, I don't know why you're directing this at me because we're surely not related. So don't take out your issues with your dad on me, because I'm definitely not your father, so please.

I'd like to watch you to be waking up and having to fish from dawn till dusk in the cold, just to feed my brother, and then to watch you walk your other children around wearing fur, getting sweetmeats just so you can eat them at the fire after dinner. And now just because your other kids are dead, you need another kid, so now you're going to be nice to me? Well, I don't know. Listen, I know you probably haven't seen much theater, but they're called understudies. Alright, so, had a few extras just in case something happened to these. You're the extra. Stop your whining and get on the stage. You want to be Taft Hartley?

Here you go. Get your equity card. Oh, really? So now you wish to suddenly scatter the crumbs of your favor. I'm an honorable man and I will serve you because I must. But if it is all the same, I would decline any offers of help. If I survive this war, I will continue as I began. Alone. I'm sorry. I really wasn't listening. God, that's a really beautiful boat. Don't you like that boat? I renamed it. What were you saying?

That is my boat called Masturbation in the Snow with a blanket made out of horse fur. That's really a long name. It's quite disgusting. There, that's the sort of leadership we want. Speak up, speak your mind. Most charming thing you've ever said. Now we go back to Dragonstone and Rey and Mazarya are on the balcony and Mazarya is like, you have done what no one else would dream of and you have been rewarded. The gods favor you. They put the means of victory in your hands. And Rey is like, but I have to send thousands to their death.

Who really wins in war after all? Um, okay. Hey lady. Whoa. Ooh, ooh. Burn shit with dragons down. Give me a fucking break with that. Hey, you know what I wonder is happening?

What's happening with Raina? What do you think? Oh, I would love to know. I'll bet she is figuring out a mystery of like how people keep dying at start point. Just kidding, she's running around looking for a dragon spell. Reina just loves to Reina it up.

She finds, well, this time though, she sees a dragon in the sky and she runs towards it. So Reina, you know, big storyline going on over there. Meanwhile, Ray Ray is in bed and she gets woken up because someone's come in the middle of the night. Now the last time this happened to Ray Ray, it didn't work out so well. Twins murdered each other in her bedroom.

But this time she's like, I think this'll be better. Let me tell you, people on this show do not remember what happened five minutes ago because she's not even scared that she's being woken up, which you would think she'd be traumatized. And she doesn't really seem to care that anybody killed her son like three episodes ago. The show's so weird with that. Like everybody's just kind of over it. It's like, well, they ended that with like, my son is dead. And then they showed her face. It's like, I'm going to give her revenge. And then they showed

her and she's like, I feel better now. What should we do? Nothing sounds great. Let's do that for another nine hours. Right. So guess what? It's Alison. Alison has come to see Ray Ray and Ray Ray was like, Oh, of course. And she was like, well, you know, Alison says, you know, I was raised to believe that there was an order to things, that there was security and following the paths laid out for us. I resented you, I think, for caring so little for any of it. Plus, you're also super rich and I was just like a tutor. So, just sort of naturally, I kind of resented you. But anyway, I did not know what I wanted. I knew only what was expected of me, which was to sleep with your father.

It was gross. I didn't like any of it. Yeah, the scene is basically our center of all people being like, well, you know, I was pretty stressed out the past couple of years after having to fuck that old man and have all these terrible, awful, god awful children. But now that I've been kicked out of power, I actually took a vacation. Let me tell you, have you ever taken a vacation? I mean, one or two my ties in your whole world changes. I just want different things now, mostly points. I'd love to travel and get points. The more points you get, the better your seat gets.

If I get more points, I'm not going to have to wait in the long line at the airport. I can go in the shorter line at the airport. I mean, it's really quite an amazing life. So I quit everything. Would you like to be head one of my children? You can. I really just want points. Do you have any points? I just hope we're clear on this. Like clear, it's actually a program you can do. You just go scan your eyeballs. You just get right on the plane, basically. It's really wonderful. I'm learning so much ever since I saw that bird flying in the sky. Who knew birds, they exist?

Now listen, telling someone about, that's a TSA joke for you, I'm really done with all of this. All I care about is flying. So, you know, put my shoes in the bin, get them through there, and let's be on my way. So I hear there's actually some mystical program where if you enroll in it, you don't even have to take your shoes off anymore. I mean, that would just be the dream to walk out of King's Landing with my shoes on my feet the entire time. Oh, I mean, Laris wouldn't like that. Let's be honest, but I would. So here's my deal for you. After fucking your father for a long time, siring his children, then insisting that one of his children gets in over you, then murdering your child. After

you blinded one of mine and got another, basically, you should be queen. Just come in, I'll let you in. When the kids are away, I'll just let you in. You can take it over. And then I'll go get points. And I know it sounds magical. But if you have a wand, would you use it on me to make sure that I don't have any bombs on my person? God, I would love that. Really would. And Rere is like, fine, hold on. Okay, if you insist, I will frisk you. But in the meantime, you know, this sounds like a nice plan. I'll just insist, I will frisk you. But in the meantime, you know, when I this sounds like a nice plan, I'll just come into King's Landing, etc. But you

know, I'm gonna have to kill your son. That's the only way that people will really, you know, see that I'm the real queen. And not only behead him, not only kill him, but behead him. I have to behead your son. You understand that, right? She's like, Yeah, well, you know, it it's like it's like slicing off the burnt meat after the barbecue at this point so don't worry about it do people behead a christmas ham i don't think so he doesn't even have a penis anymore he's already he's been beheaded in one way already so yeah she's like all All right, well, I guess son

for son. Fair is fair, right? Aruba heard of it. She's like, she's like, Honestly, my family is trash. They're all trash. I'm sick of it. I hate it all. I went swimming and saw a bird and my life is literally changed. I killed my family. I want to go into witness protection. Get me out of here. Okay. Because after this scene, guess what? I'm going to wear a better dress too. Yeah. She's like, I don't get to make decisions anymore. Behead them all. I don't fucking care. Okay. I'm going to take Helena and we're going to open a fucking tarot card reading

business on the boardwalk in fucking Atlantic city. I don't even give a shit. We're out of here. I got a bus ticket to Florida and we're going to go there right now. It's like, everybody's talking about me. This is seen with so bizarre. I'm like, okay, so we're just all going to give up our goals now. Okay. Makes sense. And Rainier is like, Oh wow, you're going to let me be here to a child. You know, history will paint you a villain, a cold queen grasping for power,

and then defeated. She's like, Oh, whatever. It's better than being, you know, fucking Norman Bates is best friend. That's what my last job got me. All right. I'm just never going to win this business. I'll tell you that history history will also remember me as someone who got through security about 10 minutes faster than a normie. Okay.

So, um, I'm fine with it. I'll take it. How is history going to remember this? What is that? It's a neck pillow that I can fit in my dress pocket. You know what history will remember? The queen who was allowed to keep her laptop in her bag. So yeah, I mean, this is what they were leading to all season with her, which is that like power was taken from her.

Everyone just treated her like shit indignity after indignity. She realizes she fucked up. She realizes she has monsters as children. They don't even seem to love her or like her and everything just leads to misery. So why not just go get a nice little cottage on a hill somewhere and be quiet and leave leave this world behind and just do like so or something like that. So Ray Ray is like fine we'll do it. So now she has Ray Ray has hatched a plan. She's with Alison instead of killing thousands of people. They're gonna let Aiman, you know,

she has information about where Aiman is going, what he's going to do. Aiman will get killed. She'll go onto the red keep and not red keep, but the King's landing. She will take over and she will be had. Aiman the deal is that she'll be had Aiman, but little does she know. At this very moment, Aiman is being, I mean, a gone, I'm sorry. A gone is going to say, yeah, Aegon, Aegon. I keep calling him Aegon, Aegon, but he's being smuggled out of the city, which, which we now know is going to probably fuck up this whole plan in the first place. And, uh, and we get snapshots of what

everyone is, is up to around the music's like playing Dun Dun Dun and Dun Dun and not cause it's the season finale. We know there's going to be a huge battle this is gonna be excellent though this whole boring episode has been leading up to this moment yeah they're gonna go in they're gonna one of these armies marching somewhere is about to get their ass killed it's huge they're showing like war shots of everybody prepping for what's like on a housewife show where they're like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And they feel like Melissa putting on a dress, getting ready for the reunion fight, you know. But this one is gonna be the biggest battle of the season.

And then they all get their clothes on and we see what they're doing. Hugh Hammer and Adam of Hole and Ulf are being armored up with their dragons and Ray, little Ray, Rayna, is still looking for the dragon. She finally finds it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they cut to a million different things. Oh, later on.

She finally finds her dragon and it seems like, okay, well, now she's going to get on her dragon. She's going to claim this dragon is going to be an amazing. And for her, she's probably going to get into battle and kill somebody. It's going to be amazing. And then we see this army marching that army marching. I could, by the way, I have a so bad. I couldn't tell them. I didn't know whose army was what like I saw like there's one.

I was like, well, this one's blues. This is probably the high towers and this one. Oh, I'm not sure who that is, but they're going across the bridges. I was like, oh, it's just armies that are marching. There's a dragon that we find out. I didn't know this. But I found out through the after show there's a dragon that is Allison's other son flying that like this blue dragon. So

so he's in the mix. Now all the armies are going the triarchy fleet is setting a sail and low har is like pretty cool. And then Coralus is on his ship and, and Alan is by his side. So we have a naval confrontation brewing. Yeah. So it's like, don't don't battle, battle, battle, battle, battle. She gets the dry. I want to cage dragon. And then it just ends. And that's literally what, what, no, I was, I thought there was gonna be a battle because at this point I because I thought that the scene with with Ray Ray and Alison was so was actually really good. And I was so drawn in by that scene that I wasn't looking at the clock. So I was like, OK, here it comes.

There's gonna be some big battle and something epic is gonna happen. And then it ended. I was like, what? Really? Okay. What a shame. I mean, to have a show like this that makes you sit through eight hours and then does nothing to end it. And then you have to wait till what 2026 or some bullshit to see. I mean, come on, you guys, come on. Not cool. I mean, I like the episode. I just felt like I was, I just just I thought we're gonna get something more to end the season But I guess it's just like okay like Next season's all the fighting. This is like the lead-up to the fight last season was the okay Like how do we get into a state of tension now? It's like, okay now we're in a bad place How are we now gonna devolve into war and now next season is the war?

It's just so funny how things can change your opinion. Like they do the interview with Condole and he's in that stupid leather jacket. And I'm always like, it's so cute that like his partner, wife, whatever husband, I don't know, makes him put on this little leather jacket to pretend he's like cool for a second, like, you know, and you go through it and like, he's writing a good show and he's doing so good and this and that. And by the end of this one, I'm like, fuck him in his stupid fucking mother jacket. I hope someone pushes his head into a locker,

fucking dork, you know, like by the end, I hate him and all my goodwill is gone. And then Lisa, who's the other producer of this that they cut to you and she's like, well, here's what we were thinking of with the scene with Lohar. I'm like, oh my God, stop talking at deep like you're inside the actress studio about a Xena the warrior princess scene. I can't with you people. I

was screaming at the TV by this end. I'm so disappointed and I will be back in two years and I will be I know old I will be old watching this show. You better stop fucking with me show. Okay, I know I'm I will say despite everything I'm like, I'm really ready for the next season. Now I really want to know what's going to happen. I mean, they did, they did what they needed to do. They left us with the cliffhanger and that's sometimes it's not the cliffhanger we wanted, it was the cliffhanger we needed. So until then, thanks everyone for being with winter is crapening the season.

And don't be sure to go listen to the back catalog and listen to our final season of Game of Thrones recapping as well as first season of House of the Dragon if you want some more Game of Thrones content to buy the time before the next season and of course go feel free if you are listening only on Winter's Crap and come over to watch Crap and listen to what we're talking about over there it's really not that different it really is not thanks everyone for listening and we'll catch you in the next episode. Bye If you like watch what crappens you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about

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