Watch What Crappens - #2517 Below Deck Med (S09E11): Cuts Like a Fish Knife

Episode Date: August 13, 2024

Obnoxious guests come on board Below Deck Med, and one of them has very specific opinions about a fish knife.  Or is it a butter knife?  Plus, Joe humiliates Ellie. To watch this recap on video and listen to all of our bonus episodes, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch Work Rapids, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today, Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Good. How are you? Doing so, so well.

We're here today to talk below deck med, the latest craziness there. A lot of other stuff is happening around our world. First and foremost, we cannot urge you enough to go listen to our recap of the Jersey reunion. We're not talking about the watch special that they did. We're talking about the actual Jersey reunion, which was allegedly not happening, but it turns out it did happen and we have the audio for it. So go listen on our podcast feed for our leaked Jersey reunion audio. So go check that out.

Also thanks for everyone who came to crappy hour last night. That was so much fun. We had a great time with you all and a little little personal plug, go check out Virtual Reality Podcast. It's the Page Six podcast. I got to go on it with Danny Murphy and Evan Real. And we talked about all sorts of Bravo stuff. So go check that out on Page Six. And I think, was there anything else to, from my friend Tom? Wait, oh, here's one. Sorry, this is a full on shill. My friend Tom just wrote his very first book and it came out today.

So everyone go, go buy the Kindle version on Amazon and help them get to the top of the charts for his very first book. A little shout out to my friend, Tom Donnelly. What's the book? Oh yeah, I guess I should. The book is called Year of the Rabbit. Just buy a book. Everyone just buy a book out there. That's my year actually. So maybe I will check it out.

Yeah, go check it out everyone. Maybe it's about a person named Ronnie. Yeah. Sexy beast named Ronnie. We love rabbits. Got a pimple on his cheek. No. No reason. Actually, you know what? It was not for no reason. It's because I'm obsessed with ice cream. I'm like an heroin addict with ice cream. Do you know how many ice cream places there are around here? There's so good. Van Leeuwen's, Salt and Straw. Shit, Baskin Robbins right down

the street. There's a new gelato called Fredo's. There is so much shit happening around here ice cream wise and their packaging is all really good too. Like Van Lue, I think it's Van Lewin's and, um, what's the other one that's similar to that McConnell's. A lot of them, they have packaging that's like, you're dead soon. Eat stupid or like, you know, life is too short to worry about calories. You know, it's like they're very like girl power packaging, but then they have that wording

on them. I mean, that's like a deadly mixture for me. I'm like, Oh my God, girl power and calories. Oh, and it's killing me. You got it. I got any splendid ice cream. It's really good. Jenny's splen. Yeah, you told me of that. Jenny splendid. So you know what? I'm just on a journey. I'm on the Fat Elvis journey. Can't wait. I even practiced that song on the piano today. Just if I have a poop on the toilet or if I die pooping on the toilet from all this ice cream, I want it to be to my own recording of wise men say. Okay, let's get into it. Below Deck Mediterranean. From cloud nine to flat nine. That's what

the episode is called pretty controversial episode. These guests suck. You know, that new that the guest suck knife controversy. I don't know the guests suck. And I looked up the primary. She has a TV show on own, or at least she had one on own. I don't know. The guests suck. And I looked up the primary, she has a TV show on own, or at least she had one on own. I was like, Oh, okay. So you have a basic, basic, basic cable show. And so now you think that your one day charter, you suddenly are like Leona Helmsley. On own network. I'm trying to see.

I don't know why Leona Helmsley was like the first rich lady I could think of. I maybe Belinda, Belinda Gates would have been a better reference, but, um, I don't, I forget what the name of the show is, but I saw it on her Instagram bio. Oh, I looked up the other one. I looked up the butter knife lady. What a fucking idiot that one is. Oh, and do you know that she is a she has a like a manners class like a manners course she teaches butter knife. Yeah, she was trying to be funny on her insta she's like my you know her bio

says something like learning about knives on below deck or something like that. She's trying to be funny, but you're an absolute piece of shit on that show, lady. You deserve every amount of crap that you're presumably getting inevitably getting on the internet right now. And the fact that you're trying to go on there and promote yourself as an etiquette course. happened that was trash. That woman, that butter knife woman was such trash because we've all seen her at bars and at restaurants. We've all gone out to dinner and someone brings someone like that. And you're like, Oh my God, I'm mortified. Like we've all, and you know, she says something really obnoxious and then she gets clocked back by the staff. And then she gets now, then she gets all pissy when it was her who was being obnoxious in the first place. Yeah.

All right. Well, we'll get to that. Let's start at the beginning of the episode, shall we? So you know, cleaning, clean, clean, clean, clean. It's four hours before charter. Asia's having Bre clean and Ellie is, Ellie's like, John, we are elevating today. Here we go. And Ian's gonna set up some basketball because there's an

NBA player. So you know, it's good to shoot some hoops. Like every pro NBA player does, you know, they want to come on shoot some hoops on a four foot tall basket. Fisher price basketball hoop. And so then Asia checks in on breathe. Laundry. Oh, good. Are you in Asia checks in on Bree, like, is the laundry all good? Are you in a good spot? Oh, dear. You're ironing the ceiling. Wow. I'm very impressed. And then Joe is talking to Gail and Ian and they're talking about provisions and they don't know when they're coming. We're going to get a call when they're coming in, everybody.

And Ian is hoping, you know, he's like, he's like, well, for the first few chapters, we know we've had a few, one or two hiccups, little hiccups, and I'm just hoping that we can have a smooth one period this time. So where you're going to just going to dig deep and just, you know, for the love of the game, man, do it for the love of the game. I'm like, it's not been just like a few hiccups. It's been all season long. Like we are on episode 11 now and it's been non-stop problems

from you, sir. So Bree's like, Isha, Isha, I'm down in the laundry. Oh, Ellie, do you want to see if Bree needs him taking anything from laundry? Not clothes, only rags, only rags, please. They're still doing this test. They were, they were, they're doing this test of like, Ellie can't go into the laundry. Dun dun dun. Yeah, rags. Yeah, Ellie's allowed to do rags and that's it. But now I am only doing rags and towels. Things are not going to change because of this entire time. It has been pretty fucking up. So I'm expecting things to continue being the same as they were the way they have been all this time. Spoiler alert.

I have been all this time. Spoiler alert. It works out actually. Yeah. So, then the provisioner is texting about provisions being at the dock, you know, so now we got to go get them. So Ian's like, you, Gail, I want you to go, let Gail drive there and then just radio it when you're on your way back. Now as you'll see, there's the boat right there for you to get into.

There's the tender. It's actually a jar of peanut butter. Oh, my bad. My bad. So Gail gets in the tender and she tells us, one of my biggest insecurities is that I don't have enough tender experience and that scares the shit out of me. I'm like, my insecurity is my posture, being shirtless in public, just generally sometimes being confrontational with people. But you know what, like, you know, if your insecurity is riding a tender, that's great

too. You know, we each have our own demons. You know, not all of us are lucky enough to have hair on our back. Some of us have to go looking for insecurities. It's like my biggest, you know what my biggest insecurity is? I don't have enough experience driving tenders. I have smoked my first so much. If I was in heaven, would I choose knock knees, love handles or tender experience? Definitely keep it the same. Much easier being chubby and knock kneed. So she's like, it just scares the shit out of me because when I apply for new boats,

deckhands have to drive the tender. And then she docks it and she's like, oh my God, I docked the tender. I actually moved this small boat from one place to another. I can't believe it happened. I'm the biggest geek when I progress. Life's like all about the little wins. So when I have a little win like that, it's like, yeah, go me, go me. I love the privilege. I love pretty people who like their only insecurity is can I drive a small boat that's easily drivable? I can. Okay. Well, I have one less insecurity in life. Hot people with no insecurities, just celebrating little wins.

That's what I love to see. You know? I just love to think that I'm standing there on dock, like, God, my thighs won't stop rubbing together. I need to get longer underwear. And then you just see this hot model passing by going, hello, be radio, motor, y'all mistake. Motor, y'all mistake.

This is girl. Just doing my own majestic music. Hello, Radio Motor Yacht Mystique, this is Gale. Just doing my own majestic music, I like to celebrate the little winds. But I've got provisions and we're on the way back to the boat and I am driving them up. Hello, this is Gale. I'm here to celebrate a little wind that I had. I was really concerned because I was only so insecure that I never tried double mint gum. And then I tried it. It's a big win for me.

Now I can say I've had insecurity gone. Duh duh duh duh duh duh. Duh! Well. Ah. I'm so- That was a very small win. You're like, brrr.

I'm just so insecure that it won't be a good final note. You know what I'm insecure about? Math hole noises. So Sandy sees her and she's like, oh my God, look who's driving the boat. I couldn't be prouder. I'm driving the boat. I know I see you. Gosh, let's celebrate her a little win. Everybody

line up with medals. You know, the Olympics may be over, but the Sandy picks are still going on, going strong. And you get both the, you get, you get gold, silver and bronze. Oh, wait, hold on one second. Oh, unfortunately, actually Romania, I get the bronze and tender driving, but you get gold. actually Romania get the bronze and tender driving, but you get gold and silver. We had to take the bronze. We forgot to handicap your difficulty level. It's much more difficult for you because you are hot and have crippling insecurities. Then Aisha, speaking of little wins, she's like, I thought I was going to have to blow up all the balloons, but other people blew them up. Do you know how amazing it is?

The guests want to do a fire and ice party and the balloons have been blown up from it. Asia, please stop making horn noises with your mouth. She's a model. Okay. It's just back down. Get with your crazy balloons. Just back away. We only celebrate it. How people do little model. Okay. It's just back down. Get with your crazy balloons. Just back away.

We only celebrate the hot people doing little things. Okay. We're just happy. We're just happy when they, they don't fully just sit on their laurels. Hey, Olympic reference. Wait, are you saying that I'm not hot enough to have a win? No, I'm not saying you're not hot. I'm just saying you've got real insecurities.

This poor girl is only scared about tinder driving and she did it. Okay. Tomorrow I'm going to challenge her to open up a lollipop wrapper. So I didn't notice that this was a fire and ice party. I love it. I know, but you're also like praying for the dragons to show up and just eat these fucking people. That would be one of their asses. Yeah, truly. So everyone's firing guys.

All right, here it is. So the crew is changing into their whites. The guests are coming in 15 minutes. And Bri has put on her shirt and she's putting on her epaulettes after she put on her shirt, which I guess is much more difficult. And Aisha's like, why don't you put them on before putting your shirt on? You're making your life so much more difficult for yourself. Brie's like, I have a difficulty of 4.7 with my shirt. I'm celebrating the little wins. Oh, but you put the epbbing on your nose. You don't

get more music for that one, Brie. Dammit. Yes. So then the guests are pissed. They do not like the tinder. They're like, gross. Yeah. What is this, a fishing boat? And Ian's there. So he's like, gross. Yeah. What is this, a fishing boat? And Ian's there. So he's like, welcome, welcome. The big boat is anchored because the wind is picking up. They're like, ew, fishing boat, that is a bad tender.

And so far I'm like, okay, well, they're not wrong. It is kind of a gross tender, but they don't look great, but they don't look terrible at this point. And now the champagne is getting ready. And then one of the guests starts waving from the tender and goes, I hope they have mother of Pearls spoons. And that's when I knew it was a trash barge floating towards this boat. Yeah, absolutely garbage.

Listen, people who really love their, uh, you know, their fish eggs and all that don't need to beg for a mother of Pearl spoon. It's pretty standard. And I knew that these are a bunch of fakers on their way. They just wanted to announce that they have had caviar before and that the, and that they know that mother of Pearl spoons are like, as you said, the standard. So like, we know, we know, these are a bunch of people who are trying to act like they are like, as you said, the standard. So they're like, we know, we know. These are a bunch of people who are trying to act like they are so, so wealthy and yet they can only afford

one night on this boat. They can't even do a three night charter. Yeah. It's like, so I started off being kind of embarrassed for them, but you know, then I was like, but maybe it's going to be great for them because, you know, they're going to get their dream of like coming to get to take selfies on a boat that they'll

be sharing for the next 30 years. Cause you know, they're like those people who just invested all of their self-worth into their wedding and you're going to have to see those wedding pictures every day for the next 20 years. We've all got that friend. He's like, God, this reminds me of seven years and three days ago when I first thought about getting married to this gorgeous creature. Now look at me. Look at me in my wedding dress. Like, let it go. Please just let it go.

It's like the people who post up photos of their wedding photos any time they can on Instagram and they're like, wow, now that the Olympic games are over, it makes me realize that the true champion here, it's my husband. If it weren't for him, I don't know where I'd be. So I would give you all the medals in the world, babe. Thanks for being here for me. Oh my God, there was an earthquake. And it reminded me that I married the strongest, firmest, steadiest man of all time. And here's a picture of me in my wedding dress. I know. So now the guests are coming in and they're hauling up the anchor and everything. And one of the guests wants to take a photo. Her name is Mahisha.

She's the primary. And Asia's like, well, why don't you go to the sun deck? But if you want to go be in the sun, but this, you know, this it's nice. There's some couches over there. And she's like, oh, well, the couches, they're in eyesore. So that doesn't work. We can't take our photos out there. Lady, crop, take different angles or whatever, or just like, it's their sofas, you know? And- Is it the same lady who had to have a martini as her welcome drink? She couldn't just have

a glass of champagne with everybody. She had to request a martini right away. It's like, oh God. It's so embarrassing. You're so embarrassing. So they have a problem with these couches. Now, do these couches look like a hemorrhoid? Yes, they do. But it's yacht style.

Like Woody, it's like designed for Robert Goulet to spend eternity on. RIP Robert Goulet, I should say Mr. Goulet. But yeah, this is like a Robert Goulet type thing. It's not supposed to look good, in other words, but they're like, please have those remain. Okay. We'll just throw those overboard. Yeah. I mean, yeah, she literally says make the couches go away. Now it would be one thing to like, I'm so sorry. Can I make a ridiculous request? I would,

could you just like move the sofa out of the way for just like one second when I could take my photo? Like that shows like, yes, I realize I'm being ridiculous. But to just say, oh yeah, make the couches go away. It's just so obnoxious. And these people are all about selfies and getting photos at the right place, which means in my mind that they're really just trying to advance a narrative on social media

that they are living the most fabulous lux lifestyle there is out there. When again, they can only afford one night on an already discounted yacht cruise. So let's be honest. And then we see the picture that they take after the couches are moved. And it's like the most basic, they're standing by a railing and you see blue behind them. Idiots. Yeah. So they move the sofas and everything. She blew behind them. I could have taken that anywhere. Idiots.

Yeah. So they moved the sofas and everything. And then, and then, um, Mahisha is sitting, this is the, I think the worst thing. Mahisha is sitting at the bar and her martini is at the coffee table, like a foot away. And she goes, um, can you get my martini? I just like really legit need to wake up darling. Want to bring it to me? And she's like, Oh, which one? She's like, it's over there,

over there. It's over there. So she knew, I thought she was going to be like, Oh my God, I didn't realize it was right over there. I'm so embarrassed. But she knew the martini was a foot away. And she's like, this one, you want this one that's an arm's length away from you. Is that the one you want? She's like, yeah, that one right there. She's like, all right, well, I'm more than happy to go and grab your very, very close drink. It's like so deeply obnoxious.

Also, who drinks a martini to wake up? I don't think it was an espresso martini. I think it was just a martini martini. Doesn't really work that way. Yeah, it's kind of sad because she's trying to put one narrative out there. Like, look at me, I'm so rich and I drink martinis to wake up, but you just look like a poor alcoholic struggling to get a selfie to prove otherwise. It's a sad moment. It's a sad moment.

It really is. And Asia's like, I'm more than happy to go grab your very, very, very close drink for you. Just ask me politely. So she brings it to them. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappence commercial. Divorced beheaded died. Divorced beheaded survived. We know the six wives of Henry VIII as pawns in his hunt for a son, but their lives were so much more than just being the king's wives. I'm Arisha Skidmore Williams. And I'm Brooke Zifrin. And we're the hosts of Wondry's podcast, Even the Royals. In each episode, we'll pull back the curtain on royal families, past and present, from all over the world to show

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And now they all play on water toys and they have fun, et cetera, and then they're asking for drinks and they have fun, et cetera. And then they're asking for drinks. And like someone asks for a vodka soda. And so Ellie brings the vodka soda. And then Mahisha's like, where's mine? I thought you came with a surprise. It's like, bitch, you didn't order one. She was like, I would love to make one for you too.

Let me go do it for you too. So then meanwhile, Aisha is checking on bringing the laundry and it's the most modern way to check on somebody ever to check on an employee. She's like, hi there, just doing a mental health check. How are we feeling? Anything triggered us today in laundry? Really? How are we feeling about our childhood? Can we continue working? Do we need any naps or hugs or snacks? Right. I've been watching these folks for ten hours but they are still not dry yet. Oh, please take the flatware out of the dryer. That's not the right place for them, Bri.

It's okay. You're learning. You're learning. Small victories. She's like, are you doing okay? And Bri goes, 80 percent. 80 percent. She's like, are you doing okay? And Brie goes, 80%. 80%. Okay, well, I'm just gonna sing the Olympic theme song for you until you get there. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do. So now the guests are ordering drinks and ordering more drinks and ordering more drinks

and ordering more drinks. And meanwhile, Joe is radioing Ellie and he's like, how are you getting along with those drinks there? She's like, oh, the drinks are going to be there in one minute. Do not worry about my drinks. You sexy man. Stop flirting with me. I can't do anything without this man flirting constantly. They need their drinks. Oh my gosh. I would have married you. Maybe, possibly. Ask me nice. Well, the guests are coming up, I think. Oh, well, the judgment ordered before them. I'm sorry. The gentlemen.

The men. The judgment ordered. I was like, what? The judgment. You may not. There was some judgment and it ordered. I'm somebody named Ronnie has knock knees and they're disgusting or did the martini. So I'll be right back. I understand. They were just asking me. So then, yeah, so there's more people just being obnoxious and everything.

And then now it's going to be Tom, we're starting to head in to our caviar dinner. So Brie is down in the kitchen trying to help out Jono and he's like asking for like some plates because he's gonna be doing a sea bass and a tomahawk tonight. So everything's sort of just getting ready for the evening activities. And Jono's like, the primary one's flashy food. Really high value protein cooking for Queen Mahisa, darling. And John was like, the primary one's flashy food.

Really high value protein cooking for Queen Mahisa, darling. Pussy popping. And of course, of course these are the sort of guests that are like, okay, we're on a yacht. I demand caviar, lobster, Wagyu beef. They want all like the on the nose expensive foods. I can't believe they didn't ask for gold leaf on. I know that all the, all the play, all the fake players try to do on this show.

Yeah. I'll never forget that lady who asked for a steak and gold leaf is ridiculous. They did it so badly too. Or when John and I just like boiled a pear and then wrapped half of it in like one square of gold leaf. Or that too. Okay. So then the guests are like, oh, okay.

So now the caviar tasting begins. So we see his plating. It is kind of oddly plated because he spoons the caviar for them onto Bellini's, which I don't think that's how you do. I've never had it served. But also these people pretending like they are super fancy and do this all the time. They're like, Oh, look, we have Bellini's. You do not have a brunch cocktail. You have Bellini's. You've never done this before in your life. It's like they're acting like they've been there before and like they don't even know

the name for their little pancakes. And I wouldn't even normally be like, you don't know the name of blinis, but it's just more like it's a blini, right? Blini B-L-I-N-I-S. But they asked, they said they were saying, oh good, there's blinis here. And it's just showing their ignorance about like they're being obnox's just showing their ignorance about, like they're being obnoxious and they don't even know what they're being obnoxious over. Yeah, I hear you.

So she's like, so do you know anything about Caviar, Aisha? And she's like, well, I can hear the chef come up. Jono, you able to come up to the bar to talk about the caviar? And meanwhile, Ellie can't find a dress. And she's like, where the fuck is my evening dress? Brie, Brie, Ellie, Brie, Brie, Ellie can't find a dress. And she's like, where the fuck is my evening dress? Brie, Brie, Ellie, Brie, Brie, Ellie. Yes, it is me.

Please, please stop torturing me. I cannot do this. I cannot do this anymore. I cannot do this. Please. I am calling because I don't know where my dress is. And she's like, oh no, oh, hold't know where my dress is. And she's like, Oh, no, hold on. I cannot make laundry mistakes.

This charter, but I'm pretty sure it happened before Asia implemented new rules, so it doesn't count. So she finds the dress in her purse. What is her, what is it doing in her purse? That was in her bag. And she said it was in her bag. I don't know what that means. Is it her laundry bag? I don't know. Like, she told disaster.

I think it was just her bag. And Ellie is like, it wasn't in her purse. Like lipstick, chapstick. Oh, any dress. Stupid. Ellie's like, my evening dress is not being washed. Shocker. We've been treating. She's treating Bree like a baby deer. And if I bring this dress up and get Bree fired because of it, I would be like, I shot Bambi, okay? And like in home country, I would be national hero, but on boat, no.

So it doesn't work in my favor whatsoever. And that is so true because everyone's like, poor Bree, she just doesn't, she just doesn't know. It's like everyone sees Bree fucking up, but they're just like, but poor thing, look at her. She's like, oh, it hurts my feelings so much the way I messed up the laundry. I know. Yeah. And like Ellie's, I mean, I want, for people saying that Ellie is a villain, look, she, she could have literally had Bree fired right then and there, but she's just like Ellie's, I mean, I want, for people saying that Ellie is a villain, look, she could have literally had Brie fired right then and there, but she's just like, no, I'm just gonna bite my tongue

because I know I'll be the one that looks like an asshole. So I don't want to look like an asshole. I'll just deal with my dirty ass dress that I'm gonna wear while I serve these guests. So back to the guests, Mahisha's like, Beluga, as we understand it, which we do quite a bit, right ladies? Beluga is a top tier and it tastes a little bit like a washcloth.

That's what top tier tastes like. I know. What did she, what was she expecting? Have you ever tasted caviar? It tastes like dish water. Okay. Um, now I'm guessing this is probably because he didn't serve it ice cold and it was probably sitting on a Bellini.

Cause I'm joking, it shouldn't actually taste like a washcloth. But to people who are not very well versed in caviar, like me, I mean, I've worked in fine dining, so I've had it plenty. But to people without like a rich person palette, I guess I should say, it does kind of taste like a dirty washcloth.

Yeah. Sometimes, that's just life, you know? Yeah. And so John was like, oh, that's no bueno. Like, to be honest, this is like what was available. It's like kind of hard to source things here. I'm like, well, I mean, it's not like you're in some remote island in the Caribbean. I mean, you're in Athens. I think you can find caviar. And you're working with provisioners who provision super yachts. Like at Mykonos. Yeah, you can find, you can. And also that's just about the answer you give. Like, I'm so sorry,

but the only thing we could find for you is crap. No, you don't say that. Don't say that. You just say, oh my God, normally this is a very delicious caviar. I'll be sure to remedy with our next version. Exactly. What we send you, like who says that? It's like when someone said, what is this? And he's like, some grandma on the internet made it.

I know. His customer service is not great. So she's like, I got it. We'll just continue that brand. Just lie. You've got to sell it. This is always running for office. I was watching one of the politicians, I think it's the new vice president nominee, whatever his name is, no offense,

sorry. Probably will vote for them because, you know, I'm me, but I don't really know you. I don't follow that stuff enough. But anyway, I was like, oh, I wonder what he talks like. And so I pressed play on the video or I pressed the volume on the video to listen. And he's like, Trump doesn't understand. He doesn't understand what it's like, because he's never been poor. And he's never had it where you sit around the kitchen table and you have the tough talks about how to pay the electricity bill. Hey, where are the kitchen table talks? Where are those? Where are the talks around the

kitchen table? And I was like, Oh God, that's a thing now, the kitchen table talk. Hey, have you ever had a kitchen table talk? You can't run this country. And I was like, Oh, they're really branding the kitchen table talk. But you know what? The man knows how to sell it. You have to sell it like a politician. You got to be like, yeah, I'll tell you what this caviar has done. This caviar sat around the table and talked about a phone bill. You are lucky to have it in your mouth. They'd be like, Oh my you what this caviar's done. This caviar sat around the table and talked about a phone bill. You are lucky to have it in your mouth. They'd be like, oh my God, this caviar totally gets me.

You know, you just gotta present it right. I never thought that we would link this caviar to the VP candidate, but here we are. Sorry, I don't know why that happened. But I have been watching around. I told my sister the other day, cause she was cause she was in town visiting and she's like, you know, it's just so expensive here. Everything costs so much money.

And I was like, do we need to sit down and have a kitchen table talk? And she's like, what are you talking about? I said, you don't know the kitchen table talk? Like you're really out of touch. So get with it. Um, big Tim Walls influence. So now we go versus Tim Walls. Tim Walls. Tim Walls up. Walls influence. So now we go versus- There he is.

Tim Walls. Tim Walls. Tim Walls up. Walls up. My walls are up. My walls are up. Okay, this is not an endorsement, not an endorsement, but my walls are up. You know Bethany is like, everyone, I know you're waiting for my endorsement, but it's

not here. By the way, new trailer for New York drops today. FYI, speaking of New York. Anywho, so now it's time here. By the way, new trailer for New York drops today. FYI, speaking of New York. Anywho, so now it's time to have dinner. And so they're eating, they're being served seared sea bass and crab couscous. But we have to do Johnna's line just because Johnna was so funny. Oh, sorry. I can't do anything about the fact that your caviar tastes like a washcloth.

I didn't shit out those eggs. Some fish did it. It's like, blame the fish. Now can I get back to making your fucking dinner? Yes. Also, you know, technically the fish doesn't shit out the eggs, but that's okay. But yeah, I love that. I know. Like, fish did it. I can't, we can't really stand behind him as like one of the greatest chefs of all times, but he is pretty funny. He has grown on me so much. Like he is so funny and he's like really adorable.

He just is his food is kind of questionable. Like they serve up the sea bass and crab couscous and the crab couscous just looked, it was just like brown and sad looking, you know, but you know, they all liked it and everything. And they're all talking about how the fish is buttery and soft and flaky and all that wonderful stuff. And meanwhile, Joe is talking about like how he, you know, he messed things up with Ellie with his song, the last episode, and he's saying that they're now on good terms.

So maybe there's like a chance to reignite the flame, no strings attached and Ellie is like, oh yes, I've moved on from what's happened and we can proceed now with our little flirtation and by little flirtation it is me dry humping his side while he looks at Bree. Yeah, so then we go to the best part with one of the guests. It's like, um, guys, why do I have a butter knife? I mean, where's my bread and butter? Where's my knife? I need an actual knife instead of a butter knife. And someone goes, you already used it. And she goes, I did not in fact.

So where was my bread and butter? Because this is a butter knife. So I remember being little and my mom put a VHS tape in and it was all about etiquette. And she said, you're gonna sit down and you're gonna watch this. And that's when I learned as a child, utensils, the plate, that's how it started for me.

Does nobody, did nobody have VHS here? Is that what's happening? Yeah, this backstory of etiquette by VHS is amazing. And so someone's like, I feel like I've been to enough place settings that like that have been right. So when it's not like, I'm just like, I'm not sure. I don't know. And she was, I mean, like I said, I've got a bread, I've got a butter knife. Like, where's my bread and butter? Like, where's my bread and butter? Like where's the bread and butter? So she asks, so then...

So Aisha hears this and she's just like trying not to embarrass the lady, right? So she just goes to the pantry and she tells Ellie, she's like, oh my God, she's holding a fish knife and being like, this is a butter knife, what do you do? And so back to the guests and she's like, I mean, I don't want to be rude, but should I tell her?

Oh, here she is. Here she is. Oh, excuse me. I was looking for a knife and this is a butter knife. You fucking moron. And Asia just has no patience for this. She just, she just goes, it's not, it's a fish knife, you know, because Asia, normally if she likes you, she'd be like, Oh, actually, this is a fish knife. It's actually designed to be used with fish.

But she was like, it's not. It's a fish knife. And she goes, oh, she's going to school me. Guys, the poor person is about to put on a show. Go ahead. Go ahead. School me. And she goes, yeah, actually, I've worked in service a very long time. and that's a fish knife. It's because fish is not supposed to be tough. It's supposed to be smooth. So it just cuts through. And then the guest goes, well, your caviar service sucked. Just saying. Oh my God.

How would you know? Fucking know what you're talking about. And I know that you think that learning etiquette from a VHS tape as a kid is a flex, but it's not. It's the saddest shit I've ever heard in my life. Yeah, I mean- What the fuck is wrong with you? Exactly. I mean, I'm just imagining her

in that apartment with a VHS tape. I mean, look, this is someone who's like pretending that she's old money while she's talking about how her mom had to give her etiquette lessons via VHS. Cause you know, old money, you're going to a dedicated class for like three years of your life. You know, it's not just like Kermit the Frog teaches you etiquette, you know, in 1983. Yeah. And Asia really, whatever they were doing off camera must have been worse because for Asia to snap like that. I mean, you never

do this on service. It was fun as a viewer to watch it, but anyone in service probably cringed at least a little bit. I was cringing a little. I was like, you know, you don't do that. You have to be like, oh, actually, oh, you know what? Here's a knife. Like you want a regular knife? Here you go. And just either not say anything or let somebody else correct it when you only give that person a knife. And then somebody else says, oh, hey, well, do I get a regular knife too? Then you can be like, oh, actually, uh, no, this, this is a fish knife. But sometimes people don't like using the fish knife.

They like using regular knives. That's no problem. You know, try and do whatever you can to like make them look 100% while it looks like you're trying to save them the embarrassment and let them look stupid. Cause this was like declaring war on ladies like this or people like this, but in this case, a lady like this, and she took it as a declaration of war. Because people like that are used to being wrong, but they have more money than you for some inexplicable reason, and they're used to kissing their ass. And she didn't, which is very rare, especially in fine dining. I was shocked and I was also scared

that I was about to get fired. Yeah, I had the same reaction, which was like, this was fun to watch, but like, wow, she probably should not have like stiffened up her back so much against this guest. That's sort of just like not what you're supposed to do. But it's just where it was like, yeah. Exactly. And I think that Asia knows that.

I think Asia knows like, ah, this isn't really like real yachting. This is like TV. I'm going to do this because this one's a bitch. And she was totally obnoxious. And Aisha's like, these are people that like to claim that they're from the upper class. And it's like, well, where's the class part? I'm experienced enough and good enough at my job that I actually don't care if fighting

back at these guys gets me in trouble because I've got to stand up for myself at some point. Yeah. I also do think it's funny sometimes on these shows. I think it's so funny that like the staff is always that the staff looks down on like the new money people also like like the staff really appreciate it's like, oh, these people are old money. Like I respect that they're old money. I don't know why it's funny to me because you would think that there would actually be something more relatable about someone who's new money. Turns out everyone does. Well, I think it's because just people's attitudes. There is just so such a large percentage of the new money people act like such assholes.

Whereas old money people are just used to being rich and that's just how they are. And you can't really hate people because that's how they are. But a lot of new money people are just trying to be something and you can hate people for trying to be something. You know what I mean? Because the new money people just act ridiculous, you know, especially on this show. It's just funny because they all act like such idiots. Like, oh, mother of pearl spins, of course.

Beluga? Why, that's a caviar, isn't it? Quite a fancy one if I do say so, Missy. So, um, Gail gets embedded with Nathan, they cuddle, and she's saying things like, Please don't be such a dick. Please don't be a dick. Please. He's like, I want to hurt you. Good. Because one of my greatest insecurities is being hurt by a man.

No. He's putting a pillow on properly onto a bed. Well, you got this pillowcase on right. I did. You're giving yourself majestic horns. I am. It's the small wins. It's the small wins. It's the small wins.

Commercials. Here comes one right now. My name is Georgia King and I am thrilled to be the host of And Away We Go, a brand new travel podcast on Wondry Plus, where we'll be whisked away on immersive adventures all around the world. Where we go, what we do, what we eat, drink and listen to will all be up to my very special guests. We've got Ben Schwartz taking us on a whirlwind trip around Disneyland.

We'll eat a bowl of life-changing pasta with Jimmy O'Yang in Tuscany, Italy. And how do you feel about a spot of sugaring off with Emily Hampshire in Montreal? And Away We Go will immerse you in some of the wonders of the world. We're going to be seeing some yellows and vibrant oranges. And the shoes clicking against the cobblestone. If you're looking to get somebody in the mood, have them look at the Chicago skyline. You can listen to and away we go exclusively with Wondery Plus. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Georgia, do you know what joy sounds like? I think I'm hearing it right now. So now back to the guest, this guest, Nielsa, Nielsa,

Niles. I'm sorry. I'm not going to ignore it on purpose. I just forgot how to pronounce it. But let's just call her. Let's just say that guest the knife guest. So she's like, I mean, everybody thought it was a better knife. Right? So did I because it looks like a better knife. And someone's like, Well, I mean, it does look similar. She goes and she's like, No, it's not. I mean, I'm okay with being wrong. But she was like, and then her face changed. I mean, the way her face changed, you guys, did you see the way her face changed? I mean, wow. Like you're going to keep trying to come up with ways to not look stupid, but you're even looking worse now, Karen. Just relax. God, I'm sorry for anyone who's ever had to go out with this, this retch of a person. I mean,

like we've all had to do it. We've all been out with these people. We've seen them at bars where they get into a bar fight with their own stupidity. And then they spend the rest of the night being like, I just can't believe you just the way she looked at me. And then she was like, and then she was like had stank face the entire rest of the

time, like her eyes, like you can see, like she was just being me. She was being judged. You could just see it. And you're like, okay, it's over. You got into your fight. Can we move on, please? Yeah. And one of the guests is like, you need to calm the fuck down, lady. And she's like, I know I need to calm down. I do. I do. I need to.

So then Asia shows up and say, you've got quail, nail, sun, truffle, pimento. Enjoy that. I hope that Tomahawk steak gets his aid up as Nielsa just did. All right, enjoy. Would you like a straw to eat your steak with, stupid? No? So then Sandy goes up to the guest and she's like, hey everyone, so how was dinner?

Everyone get the proper knives and everything. And this guy Mike is like, yeah, it was really good. And then she's like, so then Naesla does, is it nice? Do we think it's nice or nice? Lila? Whatever. That's embarrassing that we don't us. So like so problematic. We don't know, but I don't even know how to look it up on us. Well, you know, yes, I do with Google. Let's see if it Googles.

Anyway, go ahead. Well, anyway, this idiot, why don't we call her that? So she does the thing where she now is gonna be really nice to captain Sandy's that way someone could vouch for her that she's like a really nice person and that way she's like, like that way if there's like an issue and Asia complains, Sandy will be like no, but she was really nice. So she's like, I got to point out the toe shoes, Sandy, like, I've got to see the shoe collection. That's like amazing, Sandy. And Sandy's like amazing, Sandy. And Sandy's like, yeah, it's called being a lesbian weirdo. Okay, so then I looked up the name to see how to pronounce it. And it brought up this woman's Instagram immediately. So, but I guess that's a good thing about having a unique name.

You always get the first Insta. Hey, so, um, she's got 11.8 thousand followers and this is her bio studies fish and butter knives after Bravo slash newly certified etiquette coach slash hospitality specialists certified in tea etiquette slash author slash lover of fish. I think she's trying to own her own stupidity on the show, which I can't be bad at. She's trying to, but girl, her pen post is her opening her certificate in her kitchen, I guess, for being an etiquette coach. It feels good to have the certification I've been working on.

Being able to consult hotels, restaurants, country clubs, et cetera, is not the only side of the business I'm intrigued by. It's the patron side I love most. Etiquette doesn't have to be stuck up or boring. I believe it's fun and simple. Etiquette is a universal language in all caps, dot, dot, dot, dot. It's an ellipsis and a period. Unlike punctuation, which is maybe not as universal. Um, I have to, one of her friends, I'm so sorry though,

one of her friends says, I can't help but feel like this is a shady response. You've worked on this for several months. So excited you're certified, hands in the air. I like when people are like, you've been working on this for about five minutes. Good for you. I have to give her credit because she got off this boat

and then probably realized very quickly she's gonna look like a total asshole. So in anticipation of this episode airing, she fully put herself into an etiquette school. So that way when people like us come on here and be like, what a fucking idiot. She's like, no, I have a certificate now. It's not just a VHS anymore. I think Captain Sandy's speech that she gives later on whipped these people right into shape. And I think probably the husbands who were really nice and one of the ladies, I

think was decent, but I think someone was like, why would the chef, why would the captain give us a speech like that? What's going on? And it was probably like, oh, we're tipping $90 million and we're going to be on our best behavior. Yeah. That was, the change was crazy. Yeah, there were definitely was a reaction. Yeah. But it was really just two people who are obnoxious. It was just, uh, Mahisha and Naisla and so everyone else was fine. So anyway, so she's anyway kissing Sandy's ass, everything. And then Mahisha was like saying how she wants to go up.

She wants to go upstairs to a dance party. So Aisha tells Ellie to stay by the bar. And then Mahisha's like, I just really want vodka all night long because I'm fabulous and I live a fabulous lifestyle. Cast me Bravo in your next Real Housewives. And then someone's like, oh my God, like here we are, we came upstairs and now we don't have service. I mean, who's up here? Nobody. When we need them, like who's here? So Ellie comes up and she's like, what can I get you? And Mahisha orders a vodka and she goes,

oh, and make it a double, might as well triple it since we'll be up here alone. And Ellie's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? You moved upstairs immediately bitched that there wasn't someone there, even though they were staffed at the bar waiting for you. And then the second she comes, you guilt her for not being there enough.

What the fuck is wrong with you guys? You are terrible people. And Ellie goes, well, we check on you every 15 minutes, nothing has changed. Don't scoff me, I can kill Bambi. And I'm not afraid to do it. And listen, I've tried before and I will hit one day. So, um, they're like, oh my God, did she literally just go like this on her way

down and, and, uh, yes, she did, because that is the second staff member that has sassed you, which, you know, I have to say, as much as I hate these people, I'm also kind of horrified that they're getting sassed. I'm sorry. I know that's not going to be a popular opinion, but I was like, so then they're noticing it, obviously. So then Ellie tells Asia, she's like, they're getting sassy up there.

Joe, please go charm the ladies. And then she goes, yeah, they're going to bitches. So then Mahisha's upstairs, like drinks, please, drinks, please. So by the way, I will say, sort of to back up your point about how it was cringey, these women are being totally obnoxious, especially Mahisha.

I mean, Asa had that really bad scene, but Mahisha is being really obnoxious and the staff is really stiffening up against them. But the truth is that we've seen guys act like this so many times on below deck. Guests were like, I need my drink. I need my drink. Where's the drink? This is the wrong knife. And no one sasses them. So I am now all of a sudden feeling angry about

about this in well, I feel like we're used to seeing the guests be assholes. It's below deck. So we've seen it a million times. We've seen the guests be assholes, but we have not seen them get sassed a lot. It's very, very rare that they get sassed. And when they do, it's a huge deal. I mean, Kate and the penis blanket is like a famous example. It's very rare to sass back a guest. And I think it shows like when Asia does it, then of course Ellie does it, you know, because it's like open the, it's opened the door to it.

And I hate standing up for these guests and I'm not going to call it, you know, whatever. I'm not going to label it with a certain kind of like racism or misogyny or anything else, but I'm going to say everyone, like it happens all the time. Like why now is it such a big deal? And I feel just like as someone who's worked in service, you can't do that. You just can't do this. You need to make these idiots look like idiots. They're making themselves look stupid enough on national TV. You need to do the old like Southern like, Oh, so you were downstairs, but now you're upstairs and you need me to be here within five seconds. Great. I can do that. I can do that. Yeah, I, uh, I, I agree. I feel like, you know, as in terms of service, you need to, like, you don't fight that battle. You then you have, you talked to Captain

Sandy, which is what they ultimately do. But as a viewer, like you said, as a viewer, it was great, great to watch, but like it felt kind of wrong at the same time. Yeah. I mean, customers are going to be assholes, especially Nouveau Riche customers. So anyway, then Sandy is like, how's it going out there? And Ellie says, they're mean girls. And Asia says, well, one of the ladies had a fish knife. And I was like, I really wanted to, and said she wanted a knife for a fish, but you've given me a butter knife. And I was like, that's a fish knife.

And then captain Sandy goes, Oh, you know what? And next time they do that, I thought she was going to say, just give them a knife and just pretend that they were smart. I really thought she was going to say that because captain Sandy is a stickler about service stuff, but she goes next time they do that, say, see the point on the knife, see this one's a fish knife and the round one is a bread knife. Then clink them together in front of their face and say, stupid, you're stupid. You're stupid. Clink, clink, clink, clink, dummy. So now everyone looks like everyone goes to bed except for the primary. The primary is still sitting on the sofa with her husband.

And so basically, she's like, hey, so. She's going to try it. Of course. She's like, you know what? I haven't been enough of an asshole today. I'm going to pull another standard asshole move on below deck. It's like she's watched every episode and she's just going to be the biggest villain she possibly can today. Exactly. So here, and so now she's also, she's also now commissioned her husband to, to do this, to do her bidding in this case. So he's like, hey, Aisha, let me ask you a question.

So she gets hungry at night sometimes. Great. Well, the chef has prepared some sandwiches. You're lucky you weren't here on episode one. Am I right? High five. No one's here. Okay. Awkward. And she goes like, I don't eat sandwiches though. Oh, yeah. My wife's bougie and I don't eat sandwiches though. Yeah, my wife's bougie and I don't think I've seen her eat a sandwich in 20 years. That's not, not eating sandwiches, it doesn't make you bougie to not eat a sandwich. I hate to break news to everyone. A sandwich is not the same as having like a Twinkie.

Okay, a sandwich is, a sandwich is not an indicator of your class. Yeahwiches were invented by an Earl. So like get over it. But also the fact that the husband was like, great sandwiches. And she says, I don't eat sandwiches. He's like, oh yeah, my wife doesn't eat sandwiches. It made it sound like it's bullshit. And she does eat sandwich. But I love that she's thinks that that makes her super fancy. So he was like, okay, well yeah,, she, she doesn't eat that. She goes, okay, well, the chef's in bed said we've got nuts and dried fruit. And she goes, really? And he's like, okay, well, Barry, she, she says something like berries and she goes, sure. So she goes, and she goes, I can't even with this. I'm going to bed. Oh, I'm so sorry. Well,

they, you know, they could have cracked open another can of asshole eggs. Yeah. And then he's like, but you just ordered berries though. She goes, can you just eat the berries instead? So she goes downstairs and Asia, Asia gives him the berries. And so he's just going down the stairs. And you know, the other thing is Ronnie, Asia, Ellie, you don't have to fight these fights. You don't have to, you don't have to snap back at the guests. Let the Lord do it for you. Okay. Let it go and let God, honey.

Because Mahisha then just falls right down that staircase and it was great. And it was on camera and she was mortified. Yep. Um, I died. I mean, I'm just waiting for everybody to, I'm just giving a pause for everybody to just relish the moment because it really was fucking funny. So then, uh, Joe's like, uh, I said, tomorrow we're going to a specific island, aren't we? Should I do a bit of research and print it out and, you know, give some facts? And she's like, well, if they got fixed from you, they'd absolutely cream themselves. I feel like I've been managing to scratch by all season with three stews, but when we're really pushed, this is when the cracks start to show and I just want to do what I can to help my stews get through.

I mean, like, I'm Asia. Everything everywhere all at once. Creaming that is, creaming everywhere. I love that she invoked that movie, which is amazing. So good. There's so many different Asias and different timelines. There's a movie star version of Asia. There's a main version of Asia. I'm even a giraffe in another life. But let me tell you something. Every single one of them figured out how poopy worked by sticking their thumbs up their bums, even the drive. And trust me, that was painful. So now second day of charter, people are

waking up and everything and started some breakfast service and stuff. People are taking photos. Mahisha wants more berries because she didn't have any last night. Asia tells them that they're going on an excursion to the temple of Afia. So they all seem to be excited about that. And then Sandy is talking, checks in with Asia and she's like, hey, how are they this morning? And she's like, I don't know, fine. I mean, you know, the same, like I ran into Mahisha this morning and she was like, I'm hungry. I was like, okay, so I'll stop bringing breakfast up. And she's like, oh, okay, don't worry. This is another thing I didn't notice. I didn't notice her being rude about breakfast. She just said, can we eat now? I was like, I don't know. I think these people have just rubbed them the wrong way and they

have not had any sleep and they're just fucking over it, I guess. Fuck these people. But of course, Sandy is that kind of person who's like, guess what? I've been working on a speech all night. Can I give it? Leave it with me. Okay? I was going to do hugs, but I've already done that one. I already did wind. I'm considering going with naps. Meanwhile, uh, Ian is just puttering around cause he's just like, basically not even on the show anymore. And Gail's like, well I guess that Ian's not like the best communicator. And so like Nathan, Joe and I, like whenever something needs to be done, we just get it done. And like maybe in some way Ian's like, you know, management genius, like he

structured this in a way that like the team is just self-sufficient and he doesn't even like have to do that much work. I'm like, and that's how he's a boss. And not because he's so good at it, but because he's so inept that the team just has to do it and then it makes him look good and he just gets hired on job after job after job. Yeah. So then we go to the bar where Sandy is with the guests and one of the husbands

is like, hey, I'll tell you, this staff that you have, they are just so good. I mean, they are just so staffy like, just really good at staff stuff. And she goes, oh yeah, they're pros. I always say this, if you beat a character down, you're going to kill their spirit. And who needs a bunch of dead maids on a boat? You know what I mean? But if you're gracious and you're thankful, you're going to build them up. And then they're going to want to do more for you. Then they're going to want to start sleeping with their chef boyfriend in their other room and in their own room. And when you don't give them their way, they're going to go rifle through the back of your enemies and get photographic evidence to ruin their careers. God, that was fun. What were we talking about?

You know, it's funny, I had a client that spent $1 million on a charter, which is funny because my friend Norma once went on a date and a guy spent, I think about 35 cents on the dinner. I don't know. I guess we just live in different worlds. Yeah. Her date said, God, I would give 100, 1 million pleases to not be on this date. And I said, gosh, if a please was worth a dollar, am I right? Yeah. God, I think his name was, I don't remember his name, but I seem to remember that when Norma went on that date to Domino's Pizza, he said, you know, you're supposed to avoid the Noid and you're not avoiding me right now. So it was a real,

what wasn't wasn't wasn't love wasn't love. So yeah, he's been annoying him. He's been a million dollars on a charter. And they were just so rude to my crew. And I brought Norma out and I said, if you want to be rude to someone be rude to Norma. Okay, let's just all say something rude to Norma. So we got in a big, big circle and that we covered her face in a, in paper towels and we just said rude things to her. It really was so fun. And then after that I pulled the primary in and I said, listen,

I'm going to cancel your charter tomorrow. If you ever treat my staff like I just forced you to treat Norma again. Do you understand me? Motherfucker. And then afterwards, one of them actually took Norma out on a date. Well, he had a date with another woman. He just asked Norma for a ride. So and then she got to hang out in the Topgolf parking lot until he's done. Let me tell you, they turned it around just like that. Because I

called the owner and the owner said, I don't need the money. Okay. By the way, has anybody made Norma walk the plank again? Could you please live stream it so I could watch it here from from my helicopter? I said, sure. So then Nilsa is hearing this conversation and she's she knows that they're being schooled and lectured and she goes, Oh my god, I'm like so over this conversation. I'm out of here. She picks up on it very quickly. Anyway, that concludes my speech. It has nothing to do with anything that's happening with this present charter.

Just a fun story that I coincidentally brought up right now. Have a great day, everyone. And if anyone wants some more of my shoes, they're upstairs. Hope that was subtle enough for you guys. I just don't want anybody to be mean because meanness is like Niels' on a chalkboard. Okay, well, have a good one. Wow, it feels sort of tense in here. You can cut it with a fish knife, which is a real thing.

Okay, so then it's excursion time and Joe is, you know, really excited that he has, he gets to be a pro and give an excursion and he's, you know, waving around pages and pages of Xerox paper. So it's what everybody wants from a tour guide. Yeah. Um, this really should have been Asia to do because she loves old things in history. So they're going, they're, they're going to this fertility temple. Ellie is horny as fuck and she's really feeling it. The guests, meanwhile, all they want to do is just take selfies by the temple. They don't care at all

about anything. They don't care about the history. They don't care about seeing anything about it. They just want it as a backdrop. Joe's like, oh, well, I guess the history is not as appreciated as I thought it would have been, but I'm having a good time. Do I have, I just had a Jono trill, you know, someone for so long, you sort of pick up their habits. Yeah, so he's, he's, he doesn't get to use his newfound knowledge of, you know, printing things out from the internet. So he's sad, but yeah, the ladies are just like posing and getting good pictures. And then back on the boat, Captain Sandy gets a call from Leah that their dog has died, which is super sad. And also it's the second time on Bravo this

week that this has happened. And I need you guys to stop torturing me as my angel is behind me. I don't want to think about this stuff when I watch TV. My God, only kill people on TV, please. So Sandy's just like really sad and she talks about the dog and how the dog was in her life and et cetera. And actually it's really sad because she says it reminds her of the people in her life who have died while she was at sea. Like Both her parents died and she was at sea. That's devastating. That's really, really sad. Aisha consoles her and hugs her and it's really lovely. Meanwhile, the people

out at the temple, they start heading back to the boat. Ellie and Joe take a photo together where Ellie kisses Joe on the cheek and everyone's like, ooh, which becomes a tiny plot point later on. Yeah, cause they're like, oh, while we're talking about fertility, what about you two love birds? And so Ellie plays it up by kissing him on the cheek.

Dun, dun, dun. So then John-O is doing an Asian feast. He's like, because I spent a week in Ho Chi Minh City at this Asian master of chefs farm. I was mostly there to fix the ceiling because, you know, I'm an architect, but it was incredible. We learned five or six dishes in one day. So that's basically being a, that's pro level, right? Can we not have someone who learned six dishes in one day try to whip that out right now?

Please, I paid, well, not a lot of money as these guests, but I've got a discount, but I'm still on a yacht. So I learned so much when I went to Vietnam. So here are some Chinese dishes instead. I'm going to do scallion pancakes, garlic, ginger, baking ducks, and you know, like, you know, because these guests like fancy shit and like nothing says rich motherfucker like some duck for lunch, which I thought for sure they're gonna be like, ew, duck, who eats duck?

But spoiler alert, they were actually fine with it because they come back on the on the boat and they're friendly. They're like, oh, hi, how are you? Thank you so much for this napkin, Aisha. Thank you. I would love a cocktail. Thank you so much. And whatever type of knife you plan to serve for dinner tonight, we are totally down with it. Yeah, they have obviously had something has happened between last night and today that has changed everybody because they are really laying it on thick today. And which is nice because you know what? A lot of people could double down and they didn't, you know, I was actually shocked by this. So it was

nice to see on below deck. So then, um, and now they're talking about the night out and Joe and Nathan are talking about it. And, uh, Joe's like, I've got myself in a car. Poffer. Cause Ellie was very generous with me today. And then he shows, uh, Nathan and Gail the picture and they're joking around about it, how she's kissing his necks, his neck, sorry, that was me. How does he know us? I have single necks.

Well, you know it's a real big issue if it's not just a kerfuffle, but it's a kerpuffle, you know? So then now- It's a gay kerfluffle. It's an even gayer kerfluffle. So then everyone sits down to guest sit down to have, um, uh, their, their duck and everything. And then, uh, then Joe is talking to Nathan and Gail they're all in the crew mess and Joe's doing that annoying thing where he thinks anyone really cares about like his

dilemmas about who he's going to hook up with. He's like, Oh, what, what the fuck do I do? I don't want any of them. I don't know what I'm going to do. And Nathan's like, Joe, I'm sick of hearing about this. Nathan's like, everybody else in the fucking audience. Joe is so pathetic. He's one of those people who goes around and really flirt hard with everybody and tries to get them to like them, him. And then when they do, he's like, Oh, gross. They like me. I'm just like, what do I do? What do I do? And he goes, he's like, oh, gross, they like me. I'm just a popular. He's like, what do I do? What do I do?

And he goes, he's like, you know, I don't want anything, but then I have alcohol. And then I turned into a demon. It's like, oh yeah, sure. It's the alcohol's fault. So that means either then don't drink alcohol or consider your choices. Like I'm sorry. Like it's, it's just classic fuck boy attitude. Yeah.

It's crippling insecurity. And also you're going to need something to rely on other than hotness. Please learn something because you're pathetic to watch. Seriously, do you have anything going on? Do you know one thing about this guy except he likes his grandpa? No, I know nothing. Then Bree walks into the crew mess and it gets really awkward and silent and she's just there staring.

He's like, where's my t-shirt? And she's like, good luck in Nathan's cabinet, you monkey. Because she's heard him and she's annoyed. And so Gail's like, look at you just playing with these women. And she's like, I feel like they were talking about me. And then all of a sudden, it went quiet. And that hurts me. I don't want to feel as if you're talking about me. So obviously, I'm going to

be upset about it. So then Asia radios and she tells Jono, guess what? They really like your dog. He's like, Yes, that's right. Crispy skin dog. All I had to do is tell Bri, can you handle this dog and she ironed it right away? crispy skin duck. All I had to do was tell Bree, can you handle this duck? And she ironed it right away. Crispy skin. So Joe checks in on Bree and she's like, as if you care how I am. He's like, I care Bree. I actually do. In all honesty, I do care. Sorry, go ahead. No, I was going to say, Ellie then is in her room and she's speaking to Gail and she's talking about how she has such a nice time with Joe on the excursion and everything. I really like him.

I think that, that, that she's basically like, she's into Joe and Gail has just listened to Joe say like, he's actually not that into Ellie. He doesn't really want to have anything. And she's heard all this, but she's sort of letting Ellie just, you know, natter on and get like, you know, excited about this. And Gail says, well, I don't know my ethics lie because I'm part of the deck crew.

Am I supposed to be loyal to the deck crew? Because you know, like they are my people, but like Ellie's kind of like falling for Joe and Joe is kind of stringing her along. So I don't want Ellie to get hurt. I think you tell Ellie, because as much as you try, you say like, oh, I'm in the deck crew, I'm one of them. And I'm going to be part of it.

Like the truth is what we've always seen time and time again is that the, the deckies, it's always a boys club and like you may, they may like pretend to let you in, but they don't let you in. And they would not, they would not extend the same consideration towards Gail, that Gail is considering towards them. So I say, I don't think there's any loyalty that they have towards her truly, as evidenced by last week's episode, when Joe was a snot to her. So I say you tell Ellie and like save her from getting embarrassed on national TV.

Or to put it more succinctly, sisters before misters. Okay. Also, you know, you don't have to go in there and be like, this is what he's saying about you and he's not really into, you don't have like totally tattletale. You could just be like, that guy's a douchebag and he's clearly leading you both on. So, I mean, he's obviously using you, you know, something to where maybe you're not like betraying, but you're also like girl, like, don't because Ellie is and I don't think Ellie wants a relationship with this guy or anything. But I mean, I just will never get the vision of the end of this

episode with Ellie and her curling iron just sitting there so happy like curling her hair for her date and then just pausing with the curling iron in her hand and then being crushed. Yeah. And I think that like, um, uh, I forgot what I was going to say about either way, Ellie, like, I don't know, something about probably getting her heart broken, fuck boy, yada, yada, you just fill in the blank of what I was going to say. And that's probably what it was going to be. Well, I'll tell you what, I agree with that. I agree with this as usual. Am I proud of you for saying it? Yeah, no, I think that like, Al should have said something like, I'm sad for Ellie that after she heard the song, he was singing on the piano, which I thought was actually just like really,

it's just like, yeah, sure. It was like silliness, yada, yada, yada. But I think it also highlighted for her that like, he's not taking any of this seriously. And he's just thinking of it as conquest and he's just warning. And I'm sort of bummed that she's now not only still pursuing him, but she's like being the active pursuer. I just don't like that for her. Yeah, I don't like it either. Cause it's not like she's expecting something more or needs him to need something more. I think she's fine with it being casual, but he's like blatantly

disrespecting you and mocking you in front of the whole crew. And then for you to just be like, oh, still like him. Now, on the other hand, I have been in a room many times with the last piece of pizza. And I know what that's like when you're like, oh, would I rather be eating, you know, something better? Yes, but it's the last slice of pizza. Like, what are you? It's the last slice of pizza. Yeah, it's the last slice of pizza. Is a pizza nice to me?

No, does it respect me? No, it's done nothing but caused me harm over the course of my life, but I'm still gonna eat it, it's the last piece. So now it's time to dock. So we're docking and let's see how Ian's gonna fuck up. He's like, he's like, all right, what we will do is cross our lines first

and then we'll do straight backs. And Gale's like, Ian, that's not right. Sorry, I'm empowered because I drove the Tinder. Heaving lines should be on the straight back, right? Not on the cross lines. And he's like, okay. And so they dock smoothly because of Gale. Because once again, Ian fucked up and he's like, okay. And so they dock smoothly because of Gail because once again,

Ian fucked up and he's probably gonna get praise for getting his shit together when it was just Gail who piped in, piped up, piped out, whatever. Yeah. And she is like, I know what I'm talking about. I just need to trust myself. And someone's like, the tender needs drive. No, I could never. I could never. It's my biggest insecurity. My biggest insecurity. Okay, so now it's the end. They're saying goodbye to these monsters. But then it turns out they're not mean at all. Mahisha's like, hey guys, this was great. Thank you, chef. You're so amazing. You have great taste. You know, you had a mother of Pearl spoon. Your caviar was delicious.

Loved the fish knife. Okay. And if I love birds, can't wait to see what happens later. You know who you are. Okay. To the supporting crew, you guys were just absolutely amazing. So we had no issues. Zero, zero issues. Hahaha. Who are these people? Will we be on the same chat?

I mean, I'll take it for sure, but this is confusing. So... Those ladies aren't so bad in the end. That's because you gave them all our clothing and they left with an extra wardrobe. Hahaha. and they left with an extra wardrobe. Hahahaha. Wait a minute, is that lady walking away with my silver shoes? So, um, so then Joe's upset. He's upset because he's like, who, what the fuck just went on there? Why did I get called out? You know who you are.

No, I don't. So, um, then how do you know it was you? So Asa basically tells everyone, like, she gathers the stools and she's like, so I know this is a shit chart, a guess was, but nothing went wrong and the laundry, both of you were there doing stuff, but it's like, you know, you're still having to train the job, yada, yada, yada. It worked, the pointers, it worked. Now let's all hold hands and know that everything

is solved. So basically we've just proven that Ellie is a liar liar with the paints on fire. All right let's keep it going. So Ellie's like, um, Isha I'm going to invite Joe on a little date. What do you think of this? And she's like, where's Joe? So then Ellie is like, I'm over this stagnant energy. I would rather get out of comfort zone and make this first step and see if there's something actually between us or not. So she goes, I'm going to wear my astronaut outfit. So Ellie goes up to Joe and Joe, I have a question for you. How do you feel about Bambi? And if someone were to kill Bambi, would you like that person? Would you understand what they are coming from?

Should I use shotgun or chainsaw? It's been going through my mind a lot. I'm not going to go ahead. What's the question? So I want to invite you on a little date tonight. How you feel about that? Oh, shit. Just me and you? Uh, yeah, let's do it. Let's do it.

He gives her a high five and everything. She's like, good, it'll be a fun time. It'll be fun. It'll be so much fun. I promise. So Ellie feels like she herself has just had a little win and she goes bounding off downstairs full of joy and glee. So Gil is like, um, Joe, I heard I heard her invite you for a date. Did you say yes? And he's like, obviously, she is like, um, Joe, I heard, I heard her invite you for a date. Did you say yes? And he's like, obviously. She's like, that's a bad idea, Joe.

He's like, listen, I've never been asked for a date before from a bird. I was in shock. Hey, Nathan, I really like her. She's obviously very attractive. I'm not asking for either of them. Huh? I just, I'm just going with Ellie and I'm just going to listen. I'm just going to listen.

And Nathan's like, oh, he goes, I'm just going with Ellie and I'm just gonna listen. I'm just gonna listen. And Nathan's like, uh-uh. He goes, I'm not, well, I thought he was saying I like her, but he was saying he likes Brie, I think. I think he was saying, I really like Brie. But Ellie's very trying. I say listen, he may said go listen, I mean like, I'm gonna say listen, I don't wanna go on this date.

And so- Because he's saying he doesn't wanna be with either one of them. Okay. He's basically in the, he's, he's starting to like concoct some sort of logic to back out this date. And Nathan is like, no, bro, you already said yes. And he's like, no, listen. He's like, he's like, I already said yes, but I don't want to do it. And I said, yes, but I've had second thoughts. I'm so sorry, but I thought about it. I actually don't want to do it. And, uh, Nathan's like, yeah, but was she really happy

that she said, yes, I told you an hour out of your day, you know, which is true. It's like, it's just an hour. Just go on the date. And he's saying, Joe's afraid to go on the date. And Joe's like, yeah, because I'm genuinely petrified of her. And Nathan's teasing him. He's like, that's because he loves her. So they're kind of joking around it about it, but this is also the below deck standard where they forced two young people to go on a date every season. That's true too. And I think he's like, I don't want to do that just for the cameras. Like I don't want to.

And maybe he senses that now online, everybody's going to be like, you're a couple and if you're not still with her, you must have done something wrong. You're the worst. Maybe he's trying to avoid that, but, a couple. And if you're not still with her, you must've done something wrong. You're the worst. Maybe he's trying to avoid that, but you can't say yes and then embarrass somebody on national TV, especially after you've been coming onto them literally every day for weeks, come on. Yeah, exactly.

So Gail predicts that Ellie is going to bring the whole boat down, which I think is correct. So now it's time to have the tip meeting and everything. All right, everyone. Okay, so, okay. Everyone get involved. Okay. Guess what? Guess what? First of all, question. Who are the lovebirds? Okay. We can eliminate Norma because I don't think that phrase has ever been used with her. No offense, Norma. Okay. Who is it? And then they're joking and everything. And then they're like, Oh, it's Joe. And Nathan's

like, it's me and Joe. So, okay. Well, okay. You guys don't want to pass up. Okay. Here's the tip. It's 20,000 American dollars. Great work, everyone. And great work to Ian. You did a great job. It seems like you finally have the great leadership and have all the tools to lead this boat to glory. So good job to Ian and to no one else. This was incredible because it's a short charter. So they got basically a full charter good tip, you know, because that's considered a good tip on a full charter and they got that on the half. So they, those guests really tried, but I don't think the internet's going to have it.

No, I think they fucked up enough. The internet's like, fuck you guys. You're screwed. So now is where Ellie is on the bed with a curling iron and she's so excited. She's getting ready for her date. And, uh, Joe comes in and she's like, are you excited? I'm so excited to go. I'm like ready. Let's do it. And Nathan's like, I'm shitting myself.

She's going to kill him. Let's talk. Um, to be honest, I feel a lot of pressure. I don't want to date. Dawn, Dawn, Dawn. She's just like, yeah, when they're curling iron, like, I'm going about to choke on some very delicious curl. Yeah.

What a dick. So we'll see. She'll get her revenge and I hope she does. We'll have to wait till next week though, to see how that all pans out. But in the meantime, everyone, thanks so much for listening and for being here. And we will catch you on the next episode. Bye! Bye!

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