Watch What Crappens - #2524 RHOSLC Season 5 Trailer Trash!

Episode Date: August 19, 2024

The season 5 trailer for Real Housewives of Salt Lake City has just dropped; so we’ve gone and dissected it shot by shot, frame by frame.  We highly recommend joining us with Crappens on Demand so you can watch along with us!  For video recaps and all of our bonus episodes, join us at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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bright creatures by Shelby van Pelt. Find what piques your imagination. Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial and your first audio book is free. Visit audible.ca to sign up. Hello and welcome to Watch Your Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hey Ronnie, how's it going? You know, just so great. Just glad to be here.

I'm loving life. Love Mondays, love dogs, love the sun, love trees. Just so happy. I'm so happy. No, actually, I'm really happy. How are you doing? I am feeling great. I'm feeling great.

Had a really fun weekend and ready to dive into today. This whole week of content, you know, Bravo doesn't have a lot of stuff on the air right now. It's pretty thinned out. We do have our love Island. USA reunion is tonight. We're going to have that ready for you guys or recap tomorrow. Really excited about that. And of course below deck and we have to buy later this week in Orange County, but we're trying to like fill in the gaps a little bit now that right now Twitter is going nuts because the Salt Lake City trailer is dropping later today.

And in fact, I'm looking at Twitter right now. Bravo has posted a teaser for the trailer, which is just shows an image of an avalanche and it says the trailer drops today. So we're hoping that if we saw long enough, we'll be ready to train up the trailer. We're hoping that we'll have by the time we're done recording this episode, we'll be ready for the Salt Lake City trailer episode, which will be on the main feed. But for today, in the spirit of being super into Mormonism, in the spirit of Mormonism, in the spirit of Salt Lake City and in the spirit of it being blazing hot right now, let's go to a cold place. We are still going to do some Salt Lake City content right now, which is we are going to do a trailer trash of a show you may have heard of called The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.

Guys. Okay, so I've seen this show talked about on a little station called The Internet, it's huge. Everyone is talking about this show. I was like, do we need another Mormon show? I mean, no offense to the Mormons, but girl, like do we have enough crackers in our lives? That's my, those girls are like, and I don't mean in the white person slang, although it works for that.

I just mean in the general plain ass, saltine, do we need more of that? But then I started reading it because I was like, well, everyone's talking about it, may as well see what they're talking about. Yeah. Girl, there's some like moms of TikTok scandal where these Mormon ladies, it turns out they were in like a swinger's club and they were sucking each other's husbands. Well, not pokey in the holy, apparently. It's called soft swinging, which

I think is like what Carl invented from Summer House, because he's like, I'm a soft thing. Soft, soft, soft. Yeah. There's like soft swinging, which apparently is like doing everything but fucking, well, everything but fucking. They just, all they do is but fuck. I think so. I think it's like old Catholic school things where if it's not the VJ, so it doesn't count, I think. I don't know, we're going to find out in the show. But apparently they were all cheating with each other and they're all influencers on TikTok, which is

what we were afraid the original Salt Lake City was going to be. Well, this is all influencer moms on TikTok. They all were fucking each other's husbands, and then someone started blowing it up online. I don't know who did what, it's all a mystery. I actually stopped myself from reading about it because I was like, am I destroying the whole plot of the show? Like, if there's twists and turns, I want to watch them on the show. So, I figured we could maybe find out because it's like a real life mystery. Well, it's a mystery because I won't educate myself. What do you think about it, Ben? Are you interested in this kind of thing or... I am extremely interested in this. Oh, wait a second. Did the Salt Lake City trailer just drop as we speak? Oh my God. No, it didn't. I apologize, everyone. This is deeply unprofessional.

speak. Oh my God. No, it didn't. I apologize everyone. This is deeply unprofessional. That is well by the time it does drop it does not focus Ben focus. I need I need to focus. I'm sorry everyone. I'm the last person to ever tell anybody to focus. Okay, here's what I'm gonna say. I am excited for this. I'm excited. Oh no, the trailer Salt Lake City trailers here. Little girl. Oh my goodness. Wait, little girl. Sorry, I didn't even I didn't mean to play it right there. I am excited. Oh no, the trailer, the Salt Lake City trailer is here. Little girl. Oh my goodness. Wait, little girl. Sorry. I didn't even, I, I didn't mean to play it right there. I just wanted to confirm that it is an actual trailer. Do you wait, do you want to do an impromptu pivot and do Salt Lake City first? Should we pivot? Okay. I have the, okay everybody.

We're going to give us, listen up, listen up Listen. Okay, Ronnie, vamp, vamp, vamp. I'm gonna download the trailer as we speak. This is an on the fly episode. So anyway, that's the intro for The Mormon Housewives, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. That comes out September 8th. There will still be kind of a dearth of programming on Bravo, so we are thinking of covering that full-time.

Let us know what you think. Do you want us to cover this show full-time? Also, do you want us to cover some of this? And we're still gonna do that trailer. It's just that like, you know, Salt Lake City. Yeah, we're still gonna do the trailer, but we're gonna do Salt Lake City first, and then we'll have the trailer out

for this Mormon Housewives thing later in the week. So, you know, enjoy this current. That was a nice preview of some Mormon content. We're on play all the time. And that was very- Turning off some Mormon content. All the time. I didn't know it was gonna make audio. It's so into it. You're so addicted. No, I know. I read everybody. It's on the play. It was very awkward.

Is it downloading? It's downloading. It's downloaded. Oh, get it in my drop box. Here we go. Get it in the DBO. Put it in the drop box. Um, uh, put DB, y'all. Put it in the Dropbox. Put it in the Dropbox. Get it in the Dropbox.

Put it in the Dropbox. This is like a lot. This trailer is live right now. This episode is live. Okay, hold on. All right, well, we can start talking about the Salt Lake City trailer. First of all, let's talk about the picture that came out of these ladies because it's a little crazy.

First of all, interesting choice to go with the New Jersey colors. Did you notice that? J.D. Yes, I did notice that. Yeah, we have this cast photo that's come out and they are in the Jersey colors. The other thing that's funny is that all the single photos of people, it's like them posing on a snowmobile,

which I think for some reason that really amuses me, like seeing Mary M. Cosby posing with a snowmobile. You know, she'd be like, I don't write that. I don't write things without those. I don't write things without those. Well, I wouldn't either after that story she told that season when she came up for cookies to Whitney's and she's like, well, I, you know, I'm sorry

I was late, but one of the people in my congregation got in a wreck, flipped out of her car, fell down the freeway over a bridge onto another car under a train, and then Tom rolled down a hill and a burglar broke in and then a girl. So, yeah, I don't blame her. But anyway, they released this beautiful cast photo. Everybody looks great in it. And also, I'm just so happy to see them again. I've really missed them. Here, for anybody on Crappin's On Demand, here's a really terrible picture for you to look at. They're all in purple, which is super interesting. First of all, they're on a heaven background. I get that it's kind of a religious show, but they literally do look like they died.

And I'm kind of down for that, like, just ghost real house. Like, I hope it's like that forever when people really do die, that we get to have ghost versions of that shit on Bravo. Here's a picture now. Do you see it? Did you put it up? I just put it up on the screen. Oh, you did? I was like, how did I air share that to the computer? I'm amazing. You're like, guys, breaking news, ESP works. So, I mentally told the computer to put it up and it worked. No, I just air dropped it to myself and it showed up on the screen. I was like,

oh my God, the future is now… Steve Jobs, speaking of heaven, literally knows what I want even before and he's going to charge me 30% of my life savings for it. And anyway, so the picture's up now. So, as you can see, it looks like they've all died, gone to heaven, and then heaven is like, fuck these ladies and spits them back out. It looks like heaven is barfing them back up, back down to earth. Yeah. It, cause there's an avalanche behind them, is the explosion of snow.

And we see the women, they're all standing there, they're in purples, sort of slight metallics. But if you zoom in, for people who are not actually watching this, what we have is Heather's in the center. And then to the left is Lisa Barlow, to the right is Meredith Marks, which makes sense. By the way, last week I highly recommended that people watch rhythmic gymnastics.

And if you watch rhythmic gymnastics, you would see that the coach for the Israeli rhythmic gymnastics team looks just like Lisa Barlow, which I just liked the idea of Lisa Barlow coaching rhythmic gymnastics. Hi. Okay, throw the ribbon. Now throw the ball. Oh, she dropped the ball. Oh. You know why? You know why? We need more help with rhythm. I think I'm going to call Snoop Dogg.

I'm going to call Snoop Dogg over here for some rhythm. Okay, so then after Meredith. I'm going to call Snoop Dogg over here for some bra time, too. Kind of a touch. Kind of a touch. Okay. So then after Meredith- Didn't she say she, actually speaking of Snoop Dogg, this is a full circle because didn't she say she was on a plane with Snoop Dogg? Yes. Snoop Dogg was actually at the Olympics this year representing America in the commentary.

Yeah. And by the way, bravo, I mean, NBC Universal, why are you not putting any of your real housewives in Paris for corporate synergy? Hello, you need to get the Salt Lake City women there. You should have. So after Meredith, to the right of Meredith, there's the new girl. And if you zoom in, she just looks like black hair Gina

from OC. Well, also, this reminds me of the shot from A League of Their Own, or A League of Our Own, whatever it is. And guys, I know that my references are like super old and I'm sorry, but you know what else is old? Me. Okay? About to get older even. But A League of Their Own. So in that movie, it was the first female baseball team and they were taking promo shots and all the girls had to look like really sexy, really cute and they were getting these cute shots of everybody and they had a girl who's a really good player but she wasn't very cute so they

put her really far away and so her promo shot is just like a little stick in the back. And that is what they did to this poor lady. Like, is she even, is she across the street? The lady get in the shot. Brian Smith Okay, sure. She like there, her hair is sort of lightly giving magicka dispel, as though not with her, the bob is not as severe as magickas. But somehow it's like making me think of it. I think it's because the purple too. I think the purple and the black bob are like just taking me to a magicka dispel space. And then you have Whitney, who is...

She looks like Kyle Richards in a way, but she's wearing a very older lady, like older lady at a charity function, kind of a glitter dress with like the sleeves and the... Yeah, it's a very matronly outfit, which I think matronly is always in Salt Lake City. We love matronly. Do you know where it's always in? Watch what crap it is. Yeah, watch what crap it is. By the way, that's a compliment.

It's a compliment. Yes, we love a matronly girl. Now also something else I have to say real quick. It's very difficult to tell what she looks like because nobody on this show looks anything like this. They all are so photoshopped, they look like the bottom of a foot. Every single one of them, every single one of them looks like someone is getting a pedicure on the soles of their feet.

They also photoshopped Heather's face onto Whitney, who's the next one over. Whitney is wearing a big half cape. I think that's a half cape. Would that be considered a half cape? It's actually like a shoulder cape. It's like a cape that's dedicated to one shoulder cap. And, um, she's like, it's like one of those window dressing a curtain that doesn't ever actually cover the curtain. It just goes in between the wall, but never does anything. It never covers the window. It looks like a big blue piece of fennel.

A blue fennel. She's like, but I love celery. It looks not unlike a blue shallot skin. She's like, I don't think this funnel is working because I tried to use it to pour oil back into the tube, but then it went all over the counter. I need to buy, I need a new, I need a new funnel in my kitchen. So I bought a bunch of funnel seeds to grow one. Who would, who would eat a funnel salad? Do you know that there are some carnivals where you can literally grind up funnels and turn them into cake. It's how Justin got so much money from China into his account.

I'm the funnel one. Summer should be funnel. So yeah, she has this. I actually like this look on her. I love I love her as her little dedicated shoulder cape. You know what I look I like on her this look of non-confusion, which is a lie. I'll tell you that. Lies look good on you because she's like, my arm is in front of my stomach and my hand is under my chin and let me tell you, I'm thinking about something right now. Her eyes are kind of squinted. Girl, you are not. Stop pretending.

Now, I will tell you one thing I read about Ms. Whitney Rose is that she, I'm becoming gayer by the day, by the way. I don't know how one person can get gayer, but I am. By the way- Let me tell you about Ms. Whitney Rose. By the way, I didn't know if I could, but if I zoomed in on the photo on my screen that it was zooming up here, that's much very helpful by the way. There you go. Okay. It is actually helpful. Yeah. Um, how who's, I feel like someone's behind me. I am now. I'm on the show too. I am behind you. I'm on the show. Oh my God. I'm on the show. Gina, we know it's you. I'm like one. So Whitney, what I read about Whitney is that she got rid of Whitney Rose products, which by the way, we just had to sit through five seasons of you rebranding this shit and Justin

savings or whatever. But now she rebranded it and now it's like officially an MLM. Because before remember she's like, it's not an MLM. How dare you everybody? This is not an MLM at all. It's a business that it's not a pyramid, it's a square. But now it's just like, hey, you want to be on a higher level, sell more shit. I don't know. She's like, sell it out of your trunk. Anybody can do it. Moms unite. Which is kind of Utah's thing. So good for her. I think she heard about this moms of Utah thing. She's been hiding her own swinging and she's been hiding her MLM tendencies. Now she can be out of the closet about everything because those ladies are about to be famous. So why shouldn't she be a fucking mommy blogger with, you know,

an MLM who soft swings? Yeah. She's also holding up her arm with her other arm. And she, you know, she's like, my left arm has actually fallen asleep and I'm holding it with my right arm. And she, you know, she's like, my, my left arm has actually fallen asleep and I'm holding it with my right arm. And the fact that you're not honoring this moment for me shows that you have no respect for my childhood trauma. I feel I can't feel anything in my arm. I feel nothing. And I feel nothing. Yeah, Whitney. Meredith. Oh my God. Literally everybody looks.

It's Gina. Hi, I'm on the show. Hi, I'm Gina meets Magica Dispel. It's Carl Gina. Who's Magica Dispel? I wasn't going to ask you, but now you keep saying it, so I have to ask you. Magica Dispel is, she is not a real person. Oh, she's from the Darkwing Ducks. She's from DuckTales. She's a major villain from the Scrooge McDuck comment.

That's funny. I'm glad I asked. It's worth it. She's given some Magica Dispel a little bit. I love it. But it's like, not full. It's like if Mag of dispel a little bit. I love it. But it's like not full. It's like if magic of dispel had a soft turn in her life. It's like before magic of dispel got fancy and became a charity lady because she looks a little punk in these pictures that I'm seeing right now. Yeah. Now this is magic of dispel older. a charity lady, because she looks a little punk in these pictures that I'm seeing right now. Yeah, this is Magica Dispel older, her kids have gone off to college now, she's working

in charity. Yeah. She's been very mean. I hope that she's as mean as Magica Dispel. Oh, I would love it. I would love someone who brought true Magica Dispel energy to this show. Yeah, me too. I'm going to show people just who don't know

who magic of dispel is, who it is. Okay, can you see her on the screen? Hahahaha. Wait, Ed just has a frame of reference. This is where I have to get crap in on demand people. This is a full, this is a 4D experience. Oh, but it's funny. Okay, so now why don't we start with this. I am not amused by you calling our new friend

who doesn't have a name, Magica Dispel. She's a unique woman, she's not a cartoon whatsoever. And I resent the implication that you would say that you'd call this lovely lady Matt. Look, we are best friends. I am best friends with magic and a spell. Okay, well, let's get going. We real quickly, we should we should at least acknowledge Angie

K. I'm so sorry. Okay. knowledge Angie Kay. I'm so sorry. I'm Greek. Angie Kay, thank you so much for panning the camera over to me. I am Greek. She's wearing ice skates. She's wearing ice skate heels. That shit's hilarious. Are they all?

Did I just not notice that? No. Pan over. Those can't be ice skates. Those are ice skates, girl. Look. Oh no, is she wearing an ice skate heel? She's wearing ice skating heels. Turn it over, is everybody? No, just her, I love it.

Or is it just like an artifact that was not properly photoshopped out? You are mother, you are mother. She is mothering me right now. Oh my God, Angie, how was your birth? Cause you just mothered me. I love her dress actually. I like the color of it

and I love the way it pools out onto the floor. Cause I'm sorry, and he's not going to be in the first few episodes cause she just gave birth to me. She's mother. I can't. Okay.

Oh my God. Your mother's milk tasted like tzatziki. Just saying. It's so hard cause I'm trying to eat bread right now. I got milk. Whatever, mother. I got milk. Whatever, mother. I got milk.

If you ever. Mother. Sorry, I just brought some Heather Dubrow in there. If you ever call me mother's milk again, this will cost you a lot. We didn't say anything about Mary, but she is wearing feathered sleeves, so that's good. And Lisa just looks like maybe 13, and she looks like she's in an anime and I'm not really sure. It's like an anime version of Lisa. And I just mean cartoonish. I'm not really sure what's going on with her. And Heather, you know, center square.

It looks great. She's ready to take on the world. Always going to be center square. Good old Heather. Yeah, I was going to look up another photo, but I think it's time to move on to the trailer. I think we could do that. I think so. Unless you want to see these Marlowe on top of a snowmobile, but I think we could just move forward. Well, I hope that she pays the rent on it because she's being sued by like 10 people for not paying her bills. You know that, right? Oh, by the way, we talked about that on Crappy Hour.

Yes, we do have two friends of I think someone's named Bronwyn which Turns out there are more than one. There's a and then Brittany BRITTA and I Brittany Brittany Bateman and a Mellie workman. Oh There's not a there's not a Bronwyn maybe that's the other Mormon show It's time for commercial. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial. I'm Dan Tuberski. In 2011, something strange began to happen at the high school in Leroy, New York. I was like at my locker and she came up to me and she was like stuttering super bad.

I'm like, stop f***ing around. She's like, I can't. A mystery illness, bizarre symptoms and spreading fast. It's like doubling and tripling and it's all these girls. With a diagnosis the state tried to keep on the down low. Everybody thought I was holding something back. Well, you were holding something back. And tension, I.

Yeah, yeah, well, yeah. No, it's hysteria. It's all in your head. It's not physical. Oh my gosh, you're exaggerating. Is this the largest mass hysteria since The Witches of Salem? Or is it something else entirely? Something's wrong here. Something's not right. Leroy was the new dateline and everyone was trying to solve the murder.

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And his cause of death was blunt force trauma with hypothermia. Or a corrupt police cover-up. If you believe the defense theory, however, this was all a cover-up to prevent one of their own from going down. Everyone had an opinion. And after the 10-week trial, the jury could not come to a unanimous decision. To end in a mistrial, it's just a confirmation of just how complicated this case is.

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Okay, so we open with a shot of Heather, who is doing her line, her receipts, proof, timeline. What? Otherwise, put it up on screen. Oh, thank you. It wasn't up there. She's doing her receipts, proof timeline. Okay.

This was great. Loved your line. Love that you got on the news. Love that you became an international icon. That was fun. I never need to hear the line. I don't need to hear the line every time I see anything about this show. Enough.

Enough with the line. I love the line and I'm always happy when people say it. I don't know, it's weird, I love it. I think it cracks me up every single time. Okay, you know how whenever they talk about Celine, you start hearing, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. The Titanic theme, that's not the same as this.

That's okay, this is not okay same as this. That's okay. This is not okay. You see what I'm saying? You are not Celine. You understand? Okay? So I'm trying to say there's no flute. There's no recorder here playing.

Stop it. Okay. For me. I get it. I understand it. Thank you. That's all I need. You don't have to agree with that.

I just need to be seen. You need to be seen. You are it. Thank you, that's all I need. You don't have to agree with that. I just need to be seen. You need to be seen, you are seen. Thank you, mother. Okay, so here she goes. Let's see what she's saying. Let's hear it again. Seeds, truth, timeline, trailer. We're on play all the time.

Oh, see that's a throwback for her. I'm on play all the time. Do you ever pause yourself? her. I'm on play all the time. Do you ever pause yourself? No, I'm on play all the time. So we start seeing little shots of the ladies in their real house house in New Jersey, purple background rip offs. Angie Kay. I'm Greek.

I am Greek. Yeah, they're all Greek. I have shoulders. Look at me. I have shoulders. Look at me. I have shoulders. This is actually she's actually we this is her lying on her enormous mattress. It looks like she's standing but she's actually just rolling on her mattress. This is only purple mattress. It's just one small section of her enormous mattress. Now we did a thing last year of making funny- Sorry, continue. I was doing her Greek dancing.

Greek dancing, am I right? We talked about last year how she kind of does this thing with her head like a robot. I want you to notice how still she is staying. She put a stick on her spine and she's purposely staying still. Please to anybody who listens to this show, stop it. This is not for you to listen to. This is for us to make fun of you mercilessly. And if you change anything about yourself, we're just gonna make fun of the new stuff. You cannot win. Hurt people hurt people. I was hurt one time. And that's just it. You're not gonna solve my childhood trauma. Just stop trying to fix it.

Okay. She is, what's funny is that she's trying to spot like a ballerina, you know, like ballerinas and figure skaters have to spot. She's like trying to spot, but she's only doing a half twist. She's acting like she's doing like a triple lux or she's about to do like a whole bunch of spins. She's like, oh my goodness, I just saved myself from getting dizzy. She's always doing the look at the exit sign so you don't fall down, but she never stops

looking. She's like, oh, I broke my neck. My neck is broken. Wow. They teach you this at Greek mafia school. She spots but her body keeps turning and her head just breaks off. Mary Cosby is Mary Cosby is acting like she just told someone to wrap up her dinner. She's like, mm hmm.

I'll take that to go. She's like, I can get my head completely over the back of my shoulder. Speaking of awkward head turns, look at that. Good for her. Mary Cosby is like, I told you everybody wanted me back because she's finally back full time. She's like, suck it. Oh, here is, um, uh, least coming up as Lisa Barlow, singing the opening parts of bad romance's like, suck it. Oh, here is least coming up is Lisa Barlow singing the opening parts of Bad Romance like or whoa, bad romance. Whoa, I think caught in some fresh. I don't remember any of the Lisa Parlow jokes. Tiger.

I don't either. Love that. Love that. Like we forget, like people- Love that. Whoa. She's at a sporting event. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, The box only came with one. What am I supposed to do? Why is her jaw like that? Well, who unhinged her?

I don't know. It's like someone said, hey, Lisa, what is your, please sing your favorite syllable of the Star Spangled Banner. Okay. Oh. Like, oh. I can't get to a new. I can't get to your news until you release me.

Oh, say can you see oh, by the. Mary Cosby's like, I'm not the anthem too, but I won't sing it. Oh, say can you say, say hi? Say, can you see, oh, oh. That's her singing the American flag song. That's her trying to remember the lyrics of the national anthem.

Oh, hi. Her trying to remember the national anthem. Oh, say hi. Oh, say, say. Can, hi. America, Jack. Okay, so let's move on. So Whitney, Jack.

I'm Whitney Rose. America's great. What is Whitney? What is Whitney doing? Okay, Whitney is swinging around her little mini shoulder cape with one arm. She is in a polarity. Just in case a boat comes at me, I want to be ready.

She has fallen victim, now I'm someone who loves some Botox and I have fallen victim to this as well in the past, so that's why I know what this is. She has fallen victim to the overboat or the misplaced Botox Groupon coupon over one eye, because she's got one walked now. Look at that. It's like she's always kind of winking at you. She's like, oh, it's me. Doesn't she look like her voice is going to be like this this season? It does. Hi, it's me, Whitney Rose.

Hi, Whitney Rose. Here in Branson, Missouri, thank you for coming to my show. There's no business like show business like no business like no. Here I am boys. Here I am world. It's me. Everything's turning up Whitney roses. She's also doing a magic trick. She's like, guess what?

There's gonna be a rabbit that shows up under my cape as soon as I'm done swinging it. Ready? Here it is. Oh, I turned into Meredith, that's my trick. One, two. Now I have a bruise on my arm and before I didn't. Abraca dab, I turned to Meredith. Now on my arm and before I didn't. Yeah, abracadabra, I turned to Meredith.

Now I'm back. And now Meredith. Now I'm back. Oh, who's that? Lisa, ow, this hurts. Can you hijack? Hi, hi. Guys, watch.

I'm going to move my arm and then I'm going to turn it into a dirty slut. Ready? Well, I received the accusation that they're calling me a slut. Hi, I was formerly Whitney Rhoam, but I was turned into me by magic. People listening at home are so confused right now. We're going from shot to shot to shot at the women and it's like frames, but in real time, but like we're going so slowly that it's, it's more than it was. Okay. So now Meredith is like the rumors and then we cut to Whitney and look at this Whitney shot. Do I have something wrong with my throat?

Do you have a popsicle stick to hold down my tongue? And it's a really big deal. She's just singing a note, doesn't even have a song. How does she say really? Let's see if she says really. Let's see it. The rumors are true. And it's a really big deal.

That's a metaphor. deal. Little girl. It's a really big deal. I love it. Little girl. But American even feels. And it's a really big deal. Little girl. She's so funny.

She's like, I don't say really like that. So she goes, it's a really big deal. You tell them, Whitney. Yeah. Little girl. Did they give Ann? I guarantee they don't give Angela. Oh, no, they do.

They give her sunglasses. She's going to say Did they give an I guarantee they don't give Angela. Oh no they do. They give her sunglasses. She's going to say I'm Greek. I'll bet you anything. Let's see. I feel like this is a love letter. Let's see. And it's a really big deal. Little girl. Wait, what's my line? I can't read the teleprompter with these sunglasses on. Oh, they gave her a shitty one. I missed it. She said it's all Greek. I am Greek. I am Greek. I am Greek.

Oh, say can you Greek? By the dawn's early light, I'm rapping like this because I am Greek. I am Greek. Chess boat, chess boat, chess boat. Doo doo doo doo doo, do, do, do, do, do, I'm Greek. I'm Greek. Do, do, do, do, do, I'm Greek. I'm Greek. You've got to pray, pray, you've got to pray, pray, you've got to pray just to make it today,

in Greece. All right. To the Greek, to the Greek, to the Greek, to Greek, hey, hey. That's enough of that. All right, you've had your fun. It's like, shut up. The pun section of this preamble is over. I think it's time we get to the trailer

and if Lisa Barlow wants to dance, we're gonna have a problem. Stop dancing. This is how I dance in Columbia. Wow. I'm doing it like this because, oh yeah, lift it, lift it. It's a new Mormonism. We dance, we dance new Mormonism.

I've really learned. Yeah, yeah. Angie, sing that song again. Dancing. I'm gonna get in trouble. I do not want to get in trouble. I will not keep singing. Now what's Meredith said? The season 5 trailer is here. The trailer is here.

The season 5 trailer is here. The season 5 trailer is here. The season 5 trailer is here. The season 5 trailer is here. Uh oh, it stopped playing. We shortened it out. All right, but you can't leave. Uh oh, it stopped playing. We shorted it out. Why at all? Well, I'm tired of monsters. We have officially.

We'll go back to the images. We killed it. We'll go back to the image. No, no, no, it's okay. I'll get it back up. It's just, that's how much we were fucking around with it. We messed this whole thing up. Little girl.

Mary Cosby's just sitting there waiting for you. Look, they're all waiting. They're just staring at us. Okay. Okay. So here we go. We've gotten, wow, we made it farther than I thought. We're 17 seconds in. That's pretty good. All right. And season five trailer. It's here. It all starts in three, two, one. Oh, they're the two friends of us. Okay, those were all the new people. Okay, let's judge them.

So, Angie's like, Greek, Greek, Greek. And then we go to, okay, so we go to the Kyle Richards Duck lady. Charity Gina Kyle Magica. Okay, so this girl Magica is 90 90 or 20. She 90 or 20. She's like, my arm is 20, but my, my, my right arm is 20. My left arm is 67 and going to a fundraiser luncheon. This lady has been put together by a bunch of different people. I feel like they're like, she, I feel like she's legitimately wealthy

because she's got like 10 different stylists and each of them are assigned one part of her body. Someone is assigned her shoulder and her arm, and then the other person is assigned her other arm, and then someone else has designed her the front of her hairline, and someone else gets the back. Like there's so many people and none of them, they're all fighting right now. She's like, I'm a fit model for Fisher Price, specifically their hair. So when they're designing new hairs for their Fisher Price figures,

they use my hair as a guide. I legit cannot tell you if this is AI or not. We're entering that time in history where we just don't know if shit is real. Like Salt Lake City pushes the boundaries. This could be like an Alexa, you know? Don't you feel like she was in the process of taking off like the top part of her dress and they're like, oh no, we have to film you right now. She's like, but I didn't get my arm out of the sleeve yet. No, we have to film you. I think they're just like a focus group is putting a bunch

of ideas together and seeing what we're going to like. And I feel like they're going to get to one of those dinners, they're going to be like, hey, I have an idea, let us play a game. What kind of sex do you like with your husband? And she's going to be like, I'm all about that bass, that bass, that bass, no drama. They're going to be like, is this an Alexa? Because literally everything I ask you, you just play Meghan Trainor songs. They're like, ma'am, new lady, you should probably look into the camera. We're speaking to the camera right now.

She's like, aren't I? Aren't I looking at the camera? Oh, she has a side. Okay, she does not look directly into cameras. Look, she's like, I'm only going to show my left side. That's her thing. That's her damage. Oh, you think she's doing like her Sheena thing?

Because to me, it looks like she's using one of those webcams that corrects your eye. So it always looks like you're looking at the camera even when you're not. Oh, I didn't know that was even a thing. She was like, I've been a lot of time getting my hair to stick behind my ear. So I really want to present that.

I want to read into that. Yeah, she's crazy looking, but pretty. Like I'm not really sure what's going on. She's just robotic and I don't know if she filters. She's something that's weird. This stuff. That's what this reads up. Like I think when we see her in this season, she'll look like, she'll look much more like not effortless, but like it'll, it'll, it'll work more. I feel like there's no way this is going to look effortless. I'm going to tell you that I don't think she normally wears this like formal

wear. I think she's like an athleisure girl. I think we're going to see her in Fabletics all season long. Really? Because she has like a charity face. I think she's trying. She does have like the season one Leon Locke and Blush on. Oh, wow. Those are fighting words.

OK, so then we get to a girl who's like two, and she's putting up the finger representation of two so that we know that she means the number two and not just, you know, two, T-O. She's really hot, but I can also see, I can imagine going to a bar and she's there. She's like, hey, you guys want some shots? You want some shots? I'm just like one of the guys. I don't know. Like I can see her being like that. Girls hate me because I'm too hot. Maybe but she's like, do you guys want shots? How many? Three? Can we get some shots? No, three. So to you, she just always does that. No, three

shots. Sorry to drink to to drink minimum. Yeah, well, three is your work. I'm sorry to drink minute maximum. Say so much. So one, we'll get to have to we'll get an order of two shots in an order of one maximum. Okay. So about two, one, we'll get two, we'll get an order of two shots, then an order of one shot. Okay, but for the order of one shot, you have to have a two drink minimum. She also does the thing where she irons her hair and does a blowout and does this whole thing

to make her hair flat and then scrunches one little part right here so she looks casual. One little part is, she's like, I'm just like a casual get up out of bed girl. You know, just like I love beer. I love beer. And she's also got kind of the Rachel on the sides here. I don't know, there's a lot of danger signs about this person and I like her so far.

She's super hot. I feel like she's... Yeah, that's not what I was... I'm like a super hot guy. You know why I like her? Because she's super hot. She's like super hot guys. She's hot, but it might rattle people, which is fun. Yeah, that's not what I was... I'm like any poor man. You know why I like her? Because she's super hot.

I like super hot guys. She's hot, but it might rattle people, which is fun. Okay. I'll tell you who's hot. Jose, who just got back to the house with a bag of El Pollo Loco for the guys working. Yeah, that is hot. I love that. I love that fucking guy.

I love any man carrying a bag of fucking fast food for me. Okay, so let's see who's next. So then, oh, so this lady is... Oh, good. I'm positive with every single Real Housewife of all time. I was gonna say this is Dolores, Kelly Bensimon. Teddy. This is everyone. Teddy. This is big Resi.

This is so many of them. You're right. She's going to be a shit starter. She's saying one. I am the one. You took every Real Housewife and I am the one. Congratulations. Welcome to the one password version of a Real Housewife. Do you guys want drinks? Sure. Could you get us three? One. No, three. Two. No, three. One. One, two. One, two. Thirty. One, two, one. Forty-five. Forty-five. Armpit. Armpit. Armpit. Waitress. Waitress. I could use a drink. Waitress. Waitress. Two. Sure., waitress. Two. Sure. One. Sure.

Where's the bowl? Listen, I may not be full of, I don't BS, but I'm ready for a bowl. I don't want to be annoying, but waiter. Yes, Whitme. You exploited my vagina for your butt. Hi. Later. Pete, Whitney just waving her sleeve. She loves that sleeve. Okay, so then we get to Angie in her sunglasses, because that's her thing. And then we get

to Lisa Barlow sucking a straw, trying to be casual, but looking terrifyingly at us. She's going... Lisa looks like you just pulled up on her in traffic and she's like, oh, you're watching me drink this coffee in my car. You know what the part of that movie where the robot lady, Megan, where she finally turns crazy, this is Lisa, where they just finally show you Megan

from a different angle. She's like, it's me! She looks scary and also she cannot feel her mouth. Look at how she's drinking from the straw. That's like when you go to the dentist and you get major dental surgery and then your mom gets you a frosty. This is how you drink it. I can't believe that other car is looking at me at the stoplight.

Oh gosh. All right. Well, you know, Heather's going to do Heather's going to do a receipts proof timeline. I want a tub. I want a tub on set. I don't think that's asking for too much. Get me a tub. This really speaks to the hierarchy on the set, uh, which is that they give Lisa Barlow a $2, 7-Eleven Diet Coke and they bring in like a $2,000 tub for Meredith Marx's shot.

a $2,000 tub for Meredith Marks's shot. But I like that they can all be like described by prox of some kind, right? Like Meredith Marks gets a bathtub, that's her representation. Whitney gets just a sleeve that she doesn't know what to do with. Yes. You know, I think that Heather gets her line. Heather's going to get her sunglasses. I feel like Heather's going gonna have a big long receipt. Like she just went to the supermarket and bought one,

like she went to CVS and bought like one deodorant and got a receipt that's like five miles long. Yeah. Yep, I called it. She did. I called it. Did she watch this? Did she watch this before?

I did not, this is live. I'm telling you, this episode, it's not a live episode, but you know, when they say this is live, you know, on Survivor, like it's a live, it's a live tribal council. Well, she does. Here she is with her big long CVS receipt. That's funny. Good call. Commercials, here comes one right now.

Welcome to the Offensive Line. You guys on this podcast, we're going to make some picks, talk some sh**, and hopefully make you some money in the process. I'm your host, Annie Agar. So here's how this show's going to work, okay? We're going to run through the weekly slate of NFL and college football matchups, breaking them down into very serious categories like no offense. No offense, Travis Kelce, but you got to step up your game if Pat Mahomes is saying the

Chiefs need to have more fun this year. We're also handing out a series of awards and making picks for the top storylines surrounding the world of football. Awards like the He May Have a Point award for the wide receiver that's most justifiably bitter. Is it Brandon Iuke, T. Higgins, or Devontae Adams? Plus on Thursdays we're doing an exclusive bonus episode on Wondery Plus, where I share my fantasy football picks

ahead of Thursday Night Football and the weekend's matchups. Your fantasy league is as good as locked in. Follow the offensive line on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can access bonus episodes and listen ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Also, hair I don't understand. She looks like she's from-

A little Madame Tussauds. What's that movie? Little Madame Tussauds. What's that movie? What's the movie that the South Park guys made where it's not South Park though, it's Marionette Puppets. Yeah. And they're like, America, fuck yeah!

Yeah, Team, yeah. Team America or something? She looks kind of Team America. She's looking a little bit... Well, the post-docs were working. Just talks, we need like the projectile, the projectile vomiting version. It's a moon. It's a full moon, because it's reality TV.

It's the only kind we get. Look, this... What do you mean you're full? I need help. I'm not feeling very well. What am I supposed to do about the air conditioning in malls? No, not Dr. Moon is full. The actual moon is full.

Oh, thank God. All right, I'm on my way. Tell them I'll be there in five minutes. Wow, it's a tennis ball. So the moon is full. You know what? I'm using a fork to scratch my face, but I also have fingers,

so I don't know why I'm doing it. It's just I have fingers. Because it feels better when, because it's more, it's more, it's the, yeah, it's like sometimes I scratch my back with like, if sometimes I have an item and I'll scratch my back with it instead of my fingers, because it's just more direct. Yeah, it feels like, yeah, it does. It feels better when it's a fork. You are doing a full Ariel though right now, just so you know.

What does that mean? Like when she like basically sticks a fork in her hair. Oh, Ariel the mermaid. I thought you meant like an Ariel shot. I was like, oh God, does this, you can see me like you're in heaven? Okay, I'll come. I'm sorry. I'm supposed to be with you in the video. Full moon. Oh no. What's the deal with that moon? I want to see, want to see them sleeping. Okay, let's go. Bravo, bravo, bravo. Welcome to bravo. Oh, our favorite thing, a temple with a lady on the top. She's like, I can balance better than all of you. I can have balance. Hey, how's that lady standing on the top

of the tip of that building? I've got Joseph in my blood, sir. Also, I'm attached. I was built on, I don't really have any separation. Stop giving away my secrets. Stop giving away my secrets. Secrets of the Mormon temples, the lady on top is attached. At the very end, for whoever gets to the end of the Book of Mormon, it's just like, at the very end for whoever gets to the end of the Book of Mormon, it's just like, a cement. Like, oh, damn it, all I had to do is skip to the back. By the way, this trailer is significant because normally we open up in broad daylight. This

is a very daylight show. Last season, although last season we had, oh no, that was the opening episode where they all were walking around like the Payless shoes with like walking dogs and coming out of like Range Rovers. But yeah, we are not looking at sunny, snowy mountains. We're looking at Salt Lake City at night. It's dark. It's a dark season. Yes. And with this building, I think it's just some kind of temple or something. It looks like it might be. Maybe it's a capital building.

Yeah, it looks like it. But yeah, it kind of looks like House of Cards. It looks very like, ooh, the intrigue, what's coming up? There's a lady about to jump off the tip of a building. The scandal. What's happening here? The scandal, it goes all the way to the top. Dun, dun, dun. A bus, a blue bus going to Draper.

John, John, John. Well, maybe it's gonna, will there be a stop for Cochina, Co Kachina Toscana? Oh. Oh girl, some violins. Hold on, I have to rewind it because I want to hear the sound. I love some entry.

It sounds like a Beers Diamond commercial. Like House of Cards into Beers Mixed. Okay, you ready? Yep. ["The Last Supper"] Never in a million years after everything we've been through did I think that you would reach out to our sworn enemy. That is the most Heather Gay monologue. First of all, if there's anyone who loves saying never in a million years did I think

it is Heather Gay, I mean, she would like, you give her the wrong name at Starbucks, like, Heather? Heather? Is Heather here? Never in a million years did I think after coming to the Starbucks you would ever mess up my name, Heather, not Heather. Well, I don't think we'd make it into the show, but what's so funny is this is the voicemail that Heather left us after we nominated Monica for a crappy award.

Never in a million years have we won our crepits with different platforms. Oh, just kidding, just kidding. It's a good old fun, guys. This is also, it's another year, another terrible house that they've rented. You know it's true. This is like big and it has dirty carpets. You just know. This is also, it's another year, another terrible house that they've rented. You know it's true. This is like big and it has dirty carpets. You just know. This is a different house? Or is this someone's house?

I think this is the same. Or is this Heather's new house? I think this is Heather's house that she had. This is that bad Mormon money built, the house built on bad Mormon. Ooh, I love it. Yes, sexy bad Mormon. I mean, it's not ugly or anything. I just mean like it looks big and grand, but on the inside, you know, it's got a dirty carpet, but not if it's Heather. So I just

thought it was a vacation home because they're fighting. Yeah, I want to say I just want to back you up on something that like now once we hear especially with the audio, these opening shots do definitely seem like a DC thriller. Like every DC thriller always starts with those aerial shots of DC at night and you see cars driving along like the Potomac and everything or whatever, the Tidal Basin or whatever it is. It is, this definitely feels like a political thriller right now.

For sure. Okay, let's see. In a million years after everything we've been through, did I think that you would reach out to our sworn enemy? Eyes. And then we go red, which is, you know, everybody knows, satanic. Yeah. Okay.

And then we go to a farmhouse. We go to a light blurring us into a farmhouse. The scandal takes us into a modern farmhouse where Whitney Rose is defending her honor. That what I have to assume are allegations that she reached out to Monica, which is, that was all the gossip. That was all the rage. 05.30 Well, Monica went on the podcast and said that, He asked me to come back and do something in the finale, but some of the housewives refused to let

me back. And I can tell you that it was not Whitney Rose or Meredith. 05.30 So I guess it was Whitney Rose and Meredith. or one of them, probably Whitney, like you said. Oh. Dun, dun, dun. This is Whitney's house. This is a new house, I think, for Whitney, which is good because I could not stand that

strange planned community she lived in. It's also... Well, yeah, I remember because she put her... I think we read her listing on one of the crappy hours and it was hilarious. Her real estate listing was her house, but then it would show the living room, but then on the big screen is a picture of her and Justin getting married, like scenes from the show. Or then in the bathroom, it was all of her face products lined up. It was like her Zillow ad was like a realist or like an ad for all of her businesses and stuff. Okay. I sought out proof. I sought out proof and was given the proof. You're recording us?

I am disgusted! Meredith Marks bellowing out from yet a new house. Okay, so now she's just fully moved into like a concert hall. She's Meredith Marks- I was gonna say, now she's just living in like fucking super villain house above the city looking down on everyone. Well, we decided that this year's rental is going to be the Sydney Opera House,

but the one that sits in Utah, not the one in Australia. Please stop looking at me. I'm trying to have privacy in my own home. Ma'am, I'm a painting. Well, stop looking at face the other way. Ma'am, I can't move. I'm a painting. Please. I now live in a giant eyeball with the eyelid coming halfway down. Okay, so Whitney says, I searched out, or I sought out proof and I was given the proof. Doesn't that sound biblical? I love this show.

I sought out proof and he saith, I have been given, giveneth the proof. Fine. And then Meredith, you are recording this? I am disgusted. Ma'am, I work here. Ma'am, you're on TV today. Oh, I forgot. I'm with Bravo.

It's a filming day. Thank God. I actually put a mic pack on you. Oh, wow. All right. I thought that was that correct. was a filming day. I actually put a mic pack on you. Oh, wow. All right. I thought that was that. Not a terrible point.

We have this many one here. We're just looking at houses, by the way. We're just hearing voices and looking at their houses. You know, let me tell you what I'm seeing here. I am trying to remodel a house. I'm not doing a great job, I'm not going to lie. It's kind of an arts and crafts hodgepodge up there so far. But what I'm noticing looking at all of these exterior shots of homes are how much they cost. Do you know how much all these bushes cost?

In Utah. That shit should be free. Do you know who made these bushes? God. Okay? Did God charge you to make them? Because that shit's free. Why should I have to pay for that? It's like having to pay for water. That's natural. I shouldn't have to pay for that. Look at all this landscaping. This shit costs so much money. Look, I want it to look like the wilderness. You're in the wilderness. Why do you have to pay somebody for it to look like that? I want my house to have a lot of natural features. I want my house to look like, wow, it's the natural Utah landscape,

and there just happens to be an enormous wall of glass and light coming out of it. Very natural. Very. All right, let's see, I am disgusted! I am disgusted! You're the biggest liar in Utah, you big fake. Mary, the good thing about Mary is that she could be talking to anybody and we'd

believe it. Mary, she could be ordering doorknaps. I don't know. Mary has the biggest doorway in all of Real Housewives, even bigger than Teresa's old angel wing doors. I mean, this is like an arch and then there's a big arch and then a smaller arch and then the door is itself an arch. It's like, it's like an infinite loop of when you aim like a camera at a TV, but you also, you're like recording the TV, but you also have a feed from the camera onto the TV and see the TV, TV, TV, TV. That's like what her doorway is. Yeah. Yeah. Like when you're, there's a mirror behind another mirror or in front of

another mirror. And when you look in the mirror, there's like a million mirrors. You're like, wow. It's kind of like that. But I think that Mary probably just like passed a McDonald's and was like, they have double arches, I need the third one. And then had a third arch built just to compete. She's like, you're not going to beat me. But she spent all this money, but her doorknobs are uneven. So that's what I don't get about rich people. Like really, you needed three arches, but you couldn't get them to screw on your fucking doorknobs the same. It's classic. Do you see it?

Yeah. Classic. Classic. Biggest liar in Utah. Pink. You're a big fake. You're lying about me. You're lying about me. I didn't do it to you. You're lying about me. You are lying about me. I didn't do it to you.

Who screams I didn't do it to you? I love this. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I love all these people. I are lying about me. I didn't do it to you.

Who screams I didn't do it to you. I love this. I love all these. I love how I love this. Just external shots of their homes at night with all the screaming going on, like as if like at night they're all screaming at each other in their households. It's great. Behind closed doors. You're lying about me. Who screams I didn't do it to you. Who screams I didn't do it to you?

That's Lisa. Sounds like Lisa, right? That's just like her scream voice. Her scream voice is a different like, I didn't lie about you. You know, it's just a different. I didn't do it to you. I can't wait to hear what Angie Kay is. Angie Kay is not, she'll be like, electric, come here, give me the salt. She does sometimes. Why are you ignoring me at this party? Do you want a piece of me? Why don't you have your husband stop sleeping around with half of Salt Lake City?

You know, she's gonna try to one up her you look like a trampoline with eyes comment. So she's gonna have some really strange like analogy. You look like a cardboard box with oil spots on it. You look like a brick with boobs. You look like a piece of wood that fell down a mountain and also rolled into some marinara sauce. You look like a popsicle covered in pepperonis. You look like a stack of nickels that someone stepped on with an ice skate. Ice skate.

We were friends. How could you do this to me? Jesus, what is going on this year? Is that Angie? What is that? That has a different voice. I don't even recognize the voice, but I think it's Angie's house. It sounds like it's probably Elektra.

How could you do this to me? We were friends. That doesn't even sound like Angie's voice. It looks like Angie's house because it's modern, but maybe it's, I don't know. Let's see. We were friends. We were friends. I think it's the new lady. I think it's the new matronly charity lady. How could you do this to me? We were friends.

Chad. I'm guessing it's her. Let's see. You do this to me. This season on the. Oh God, now it's fun and games. Whitney's sex dancing on the ground, everybody. Whitney was anticipating Brat Summer

with her green shirt right there. She is ready for it. Look at me. She's, she is ready for it. Look at me. She's like, I'm pole dancing. Look at me on the pole. Like, no, you're just very close to the ball, but you're not actually on it. Oops.

Whitney is entering her show tune era because before she was wearing that cape that she was swinging around like Mama Rose. And now she's in like Eliza Minnelli glitter thing by the pool. Look, even the glitter shorts. Meredith is not impressed. Meredith is sitting there. that she was swinging around like Mama Rose. And now she's in like Eliza Minnelli glitter thing by the pool. Look, even the glitter shorts. Merideth is not impressed.

Merideth is sitting there, Whitney, I appreciate whatever this is that you're doing, but unless you have on some sort of a garish pattern, I'm not interested in talking to you right now. Yeah, let me guarantee that anybody who's friends with Whitney does not want this from Whitney. You know what I mean? It's like me being like,

hey guys, oh, we're on a group trip. How fun being with all my friends. Anyone want to hear me sing My Way Karaoke? And we're like, no, why would you think that? This is Whitney's version of that. Just like sex dancing on the ground. It's like, oh Jesus, here she goes again. I'm just trying to enjoy my marina.

Yes. What a feeling. Keep believing. Da na na, da na na. Cause I'm on a yacht and I'm wearing green today. Okay, let's see. She's in on the real house size. Oh, I am Greek mermaid in holding, holding.

Oh, I'm surprised. Tamara Barney? What's Tamara doing on this show? That's Tamara, right? Who's this? That's Heather. That is Heather. But she looks sort of like actually Heather.

She looks a little like Lindsay too. Lindsay Hubbard too. If you think if you're. Wow. She looks totally different here. So they're Girl Scouts. Okay. so they have a unicorn thing going on. Knock over that that frappuccino over there on the counter. Like that is like with the way that that seahorse head comes flinging around. You think like Angie Kay is is knocking. It's just trying to get a drink. It's like,

ah, missed it again. Also, it looks like it was made for that unicorn because the unicorn's beak would fit right into the edge of that cup. Coffee people, who invented the top of this cup, by the way? Is this supposed to help anybody? It's a stupid dolly. Who is that supposed to help? It's supposed to help the whipped cream. It's like, we don't want to crease the whipped cream. So, let's let the whipped cream have some space. I'm like, great. I can't wait for the first bump I hit on the road for all that whip cream and coffee to come flying out of the cup. For those listening at home,

it's probably a cup that has a big open circle at the top so the whip cream can thrive. What a stupid lib, I don't get it. Okay, so then they're Girl Scouts, and I can guarantee you this is where they're like, let's play a game, girls. Yeah, this is a very standard, what we have here, this image is a very standard Salt Lake city, um, set up,

which is that, um, since they are the, the, the runt of the litter, sort of, I feel like budget wise, they, their scenes are like, let's get a bunch of foldout chairs from Costco, put them out with a folding table and congratulations, this is your elegant picnic. And then you just compare this to any scene on Beverly Hills whenever they have a picnic and they have it catered, it's like a $10,000 picnic with like champagne glasses

and bouquets and here's just, you know, they're putting out their solo cups in the background there. There's like a thermos. Girl, I mean, look at this park. They even had to bring in their own log to put in there. You can tell. Look. It's like leaning up against an old log. Jared Slauson Bring your own log. Pete Slauson Yeah. It is very sad, but I think also they're

not allowed to film a lot of places in the city for some reason. But yeah, it's sad. It's another folding chair party for Salt Lake City. But you know what? Some people's sad is another person's treasure. Everyone, today, the dress code is the hill behind us. Okay, make sure. I just want Heather to look like a pair of floating eyes. Everyone, everyone, the color scheme is hill and fire pit. Okay, everyone do that dress like that. I Have the perfect jacket looks just like a Girl Scout outfit, but it's part it's fine Do you think they're gonna make Mary Cosby come to all the events cuz I feel like as a friend of she wasn't as Obligated so she could hang out on the side now that she is a fish to hear. Yes. I think she's in the red

Can't you tell she's the one who was clearly like I'm not gonna wear khaki like I don't know. I'm gonna wear red It's the Girl Scout party. I'm gonna wear bright red. Yeah. Yeah, I think I think they probably told her if you're gonna come back You have to show up. I would think but I don't know. Okay, let's see in Mount Mountain Yeah Yeah. Welcome. Do I look like a serious driver? You do. So wait, that's the matronly lady?

Yeah. So she's like 20. I'm telling you, she's not- So then she's like 20 years old. She's not used to wearing that kind of clothing. See, she look at- Oh my gosh, you're right. I thought she was like-

You could tell. Tearing 70 in that other picture. Wow. She doesn't know. She's like 20 years old. She doesn't know. And now she's sitting on tires. Oh. Which is the true trajectory of a real housewife

of Salt Lake City. One moment you're in sequence, the next you're on a tire. And then back, you know, where it starts on the tire, then ends in sequence, and then you're back on the tire. They also- Oh gosh, let's not bring Sonia into every conversation. You know what I mean? They also don't like her.

And you know how you can tell is because when she says, do I look like a serious driver? They all say yes, like very quickly to be like, oh my God, shut up. They're like, do it right now. Far away. Do I look like a serious driver? You do.

You do, shut up. Get through. I don't think you're supposed to be jumping into this. Okay, now they're standing on a cliff and jumping into a waterfall. Is that what's happening? Wittany's like, I'm going to go on point right now. It's like, Whitney, you just coyote, you just did Wile E coyote yourself off this cliff. What? My toes are going arabesque.

Surely I'll make it. Okay. It's not that high. I was like, she's going to die, but no, it's okay. Jete, jete. Whitney, your legs are still together. Jete. Grand jete. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow Oh, I love it. So Lisa's gonna have her own dress up party and make everybody dress up like her. That's what it looks like. Everyone's had to dress like Lisa right now. That's the ultimate Lisa revenge for all the costume parties. She makes everybody come to a lunch that's for the Lisa's and she tells the hostess, I have a reservation for eight Lisa's. I pay people to make me look like this.

What does this mean? No alimentar la fauna silves? What does that mean? No animals maybe? Only service animals maybe? Or no service animals? Oh. Fauna usually means, I imagine animal and service, service. I think it might be a service animal issue.

Because they're like hiding the sign. It's like the housewives are coming, hide this sign, we don't wanna offend them. Doesn't it look like that hand is not attached to Lisa? There's someone behind the reservation podium that's like, help me. It's Monica Garcia. Oh my God, girl, they punched me, help me up, girl.

Hey, I Googled that and it just brought up a page in Spanish, come on guys. Why aren't you translating it? Translate, let me go to Google, okay. Oh, I'm still on Turkish translation from the Lodak. How could you do this to me? I am Greek. Okay. Okay.

No one cares about the stupid sign. Okay. I get it. Why don't you guys care? No one cares about how to ask other languages about animals and restaurants or what? What am I getting here? I have a reservation. Ah!

Party of eight on her. No, English. English. No, I want it to be spent. What is wrong with me? I'm sorry. It's just going to say service animals. Wait, let's, okay. All right. What? It says, facilitates poaching animals, cease. See, it's good. Fac facilitates poaching animals cease, see, it's good, facilitates poaching as animals cease to fear humans. So there, that's what the sign says at the restaurant. Facilitates poaching as animals cease to fear humans.

Maybe don't poach animals. Don't poach animals and they'll stop being afraid of humans. Maybe that's what it means. Guys, let's all take the advice of this restaurant. Stop poaching, okay? But there she's, maybe that's why she hid the line, the sign, because Lisa came in and Lisa loves wearing her furs. She's like, please stop poaching. Take that sign down. All the Lisa's are coming. They're going to call eight managers when they see that sign. Okay. Observation for eight Lisa's. Eight Lisa's. I love that. I love that. Do you love that?

I love that. I love that. Do you love that? The waiter is not happy. Water aerobics. And now we, this looks like Angie Kay has forced them to Greek dance in the pool. She's like, guys, do you know I'm Greek? We're just like fucking poachers.

We're just like fucking poachers. Fucking hate these poachers. Dressed like my hands. Do you know I'm Greek? I'm Greek. We're just like fucking poachers. We're just like fucking poachers. Fucking hate these poachers. Just like my hands. Yeah, so Angie made everybody do water aerobics. Like Greek dancing in the water, Greek water dancing. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.

Oh, say can you see? Bop, bop, bop,-ba-ba-ba-ba-da-da-da-da. Okay, so then they're on vacation, I guess, and Angie and Heather are being wacky. Do we pasta? Let's see. Wow, Whitney's got a huge Styrofoam cup. I love that this show just doesn't give a fuck. We've seen fur, now we see a huge Styrofoam cup.

This show's just like, just start the earth on fire. And is that the new, is that the friend of in the background with the fan? She's sort of, now she looks like Lisa Hoxdeen back there. I was gonna say it's Lisa Hoxdeen. It does look like Lisa. Let it be. They're just showing us footage of anywhere but Utah right now. Yeah.

Oh my gosh! Oh, great, great, great! I f***ing love this new Mary. I ate dirt. Oh my gosh! I love this new Mary. I ate dirt. Okay, yeah, so they have Mary out having fun this season and Whitney loves it. And now here comes the new lady. She's going to be wearing a some sort of jacket that looks like a giant heart, but it looks

it actually looks like two chicken looks like two red chicken breasts. It does. It looks like two expired chicken breasts. Ma'am, I don't think you're supposed to be eating those. Or it looks like a tongue. It could also be a tongue. Or like the back of an angel's wing, I guess. I don't know. But she's wearing kissy pajamas too, so I guess this is supposed to be sexy I like a Galentine's day. Maybe it's a Galentine's see now. She's looking matronly again, by the way. Just want to point that out. I Can't believe she's like 20. I'm never gonna recover from that shock. Okay, let's see Bronwyn is everything you could want in a friend. She's funny. She's witty. She's got the best wardrobe. Bronwyn crazy. Okay, Bronwyn is starving. Okay, look at her walking down the street. Okay, it is cold and it was gloomy in Salt Lake City. Okay. And she was like, Okay, I saw what Angie Kay did. I'm gonna I'm gonna top her. So she's wearing a bathing suit, a yellow. It's like a yellow cheetah print bathing suit with boots and

like a yellow puffer. And I guess she's going to a restaurant. She's stomping down the street in a bright plastic yellow bikini with matching boots and jacket. She's looking angry. She looks like she's getting floaty. I know that guy didn't just look at me right now on the straight. I can't believe people are looking at me in this like 32 degree March weather. She looks ridiculous. I love it. Okay. So she's like, that's her thing.

She's like, and then she's like, and then all of a sudden she's now she's like tweety bird. Yeah. I mean, I kind of like her because she's kind of alt, right? She's not like Erika Jayne or Sutton where they're just wearing crazy expensive, or maybe these are crazy expensive things, are they? They probably are. She's definitely like, Angie Kay is not going to know what to do with herself because Angie Kay was the one going for extra looks and now this woman has

fully just taken over. Like there's like a big burp. Yeah. So we get new looks. Yeah. She's wearing like some kind of fur feathered dress with a puffer over it, like a neon puffer over it. And then she's wearing like a wallpaper dress from the fifties with a rose slippers, like house. She's freezing in that, in that one, because in the other two, she was able to get a puffer going, but now she can't get a puffer like in this look. She sort of has like a Winona Ryder, Shannon Doherty look. She's basically the cast of Heather's RIP Shannon Doherty. I think she's like Kinley from Project Runway.

Do you remember her? What was her name? Kinley. Kinley, who's the villain from that. Also has a little bit of Hester in her. Yes. Oh, god. Hester's the worst, though.

I hope she's not like Hester. Oh, my god. Okay, let's see. She's got the best wardrobe. Bronwyn is not here to make friends. You don't want to hug somebody, do you? And I don't trust her. You're going to need to get your words in order with all of this crew because you have been telling everybody a different story. If you don't want my support, you don't got to take it. I like her. She looks different in every single shot. I don't get it.

She looks like she's like... I like her. And then here she looks super rich and her attitude is super rich. She also looks like a completely different age here. And then here she's like alt and working in a Barnes and Noble and being like, if you don't want my help, then I won't give it. Like, I'm sorry, I thought you wanted the calorie count of a Frappuccino.

Like, what do you want from me? Her hat doesn't even have a smiley face on it. It just has a flat face. Like, I have no reaction to your women right now. It's like, I have pride, but it's like, why? You know? She's like, have you guys heard of it? It's like sad pride.

So Heather has found somebody else she doesn't trust. But I like her because she says, you don't want to hug from me, do you? To Lisa, Lisa Hockstein. By the way, you know, Heather's whole thing is going to be this. She goes, you know what? After last year, after we let Monica into the hallowed space of our homes, around our families, around our childrens, and our careers, and our friends, and all of our loved ones. I don't know if I can open my heart again to someone new, and they're gonna have to earn that trust,

because this time I'm gonna be a lot more careful. It's gonna be about Heather. Like, will Heather ever be able to open her heart to someone new? Oh yeah, Heather's just gonna be traumatized. How'd you get your black eye? Okay. Don't trust her. You're gonna need to get your words in order with all of this crew because you have been

telling everybody a different story. If you don't want my support, you don't gotta take it. She's like, I'm missing out here, so don't fuck with me. No, they're just shorter than the other ones. Oh, is it? And we're not used to that. That's her season one teeth, because I can guarantee you by next season, she'll have a whole new set of chompers, because this is Housewives now.

Yeah, they don't let you back with season one teeth. That's your season one teeth. That's your price of admission. That is your national uneven teeth line from season one. And I like, this is Heather's bitchy down, bitchy, what was I trying to say? Dumbfounded luck, where it's just all tongue. She's like. And that's Meredith's, I think I left my macchiato on my car roof.

Did anybody see them? I just ate something. Oh God, I've got something about something. What's Heather pointing at? When you eat something from the charcuterie board and you get a little stringy piece of prosciutto in your back tooth, and you just can't get it out. That's what I'm working on right now. Why are you staring at me? Ma'am, I'm a camera. I'm going to go back to this.

Is it crunchy or soft? I can't even tell. I've almost got it out. I think if I just put my tongue in crunchy or soft? I can't even tell. I've almost got it out. I think if I just put my tongue in that back tooth I can get that out. Oh no, it didn't. It's very fibrous. Can't get that prosciutto out. Can't stop staring at Heather's finger. Oh god, I am getting sleepy. Fingers just going back and forth.

I really hope I didn't leave my macchiato on the cart roof. I hope I left it inside. All right. If you don't want my support, you don't got to take it. You know how that would kill me? It's something that never happened to you. I just felt like a stain. Oh yeah, he got in a lot of trouble. So Mary's talking to her son and they're crying and she's saying, if anything happened to you, I'd be so sad. But there were all those pictures passing around of him- Doing drugs.

Showing off drugs or like taking pills and did he get arrested or were those just pictures? I think me, well, there were the pictures, there was like, there were some real issues going on with him and oh, this is, I hope he's okay. I really hope he's okay because that's sad and you know, and that's my parents too. So yeah, we won't make fun of that. Okay. Next. My daughter does need me. Like I don't let her sit and game till two in the morning. How dare you ma'am. Okay. Your daughter, we will rip apart. Electra is fair game. Okay. You gave that bitch a horse and if she's not listening

to you, then she's got a problem, man. She's telling Heather they're sitting in her city bed, you know, her giant bed that's as big as a city, saying, I don't let my child stay up until two in the morning gaming. Who does that losers? How dare you? Okay? We are very productive people and we stay up till seven in the morning gaming all the

time. Yeah. I think let Electric play her games. Let her play Elden Ring or whatever it is that she's playing. She can't play. Where's your husband? Oh, you know, he got a pearl necklace. He's really tired. Oh, that's, I can't believe you're saying that on camera. No, it's right there on your bedside. Do you see it? It's just behind the orange beverage you brought into my white bedroom. You know colors are not allowed here. Oh my God, some Lisa with a pile of hair on her head. Lisa with a very wide chair. You know, Lisa's very upset because she's like, I have curly wig today. Okay. And I'm

in an office chair. Let's go, let's go, let's go. That brick background looked like it's green screened in. She's like, I'm actually in front of, right now I'm in front of a green screen and I've told the producers, make sure it looks like a brick wall. It's more evocative. I only wanna be in front of walls

that are the same color as my skin. If I swivel this chair, there's a good chance it'll hit a brick. How dare you say anything about me? I'm drinking my chemicals out of a paper cup today. How dare you? How dare you? I'm making an effort.

My patio chairs look just like office chairs. Isn't that amazing? Guess what? You thought you were in the office? They do. Guess what? It's a patio. We're in a patio right now, Heather.

I can only relax because I can only relax when I'm working. Okay, I'm seeing. About my parenting, I'm a great mom. That's a blow blow. I don't. Uh-oh, there she goes, she's gonna cry. You're talking about my parenting? I'm a great mom.

That's a blow. Ah. Jack, let me tell you something. Would a bad mom, would a bad mom let her son have puffy bangs? I don't think so. That's a good mom. Good mom. And her jaw is straight here. I just want to point out, because I was ripping her apart earlier, but her jaw is straight here, which means this is before she lost the screw. So that's just to keep in mind for people who are paying attention to plot.

Whoa, I don't think you've been a good friend to me lately. Oh, wow. I don't think you've been a good friend to me. We didn't need to rewind for that, but I did have to rewind to say, at least it looks absolutely gorgeous here. That's a beautiful shot. Oh, there's the snowmobile. She looks great. Meredith Marks is like, I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to attach a dog collar to my, to my neck. But, Here we are.

Stop staring at me. I'm a, I'm a breadbasket. Oh, all right. Well, does her, does her, does that label say Cadillac? What does it say on it? It says baddies because I think, or bubbles. No, bubbles. Because they are having a motorcycle day or something. I mean, I know it's a snowmobile, but I think they're trying to be like badass motorcycle people because there's leather.

There's a lot of leather. But doesn't it look like the snowmobile is about to suck in Meredith's head? I almost wish it would because I still have not gotten over the tragedy that is leaving my macchiato on top of my genome syndrome. Dave Korsun Okay, there's a lot of things going on here. One, there's tea with a rosemary. It's not just a rosemary sprig, it's a rosemary branch. Get that the fuck out of my drink, okay?

Get it out. You can't charge me $20 for putting a plant in there, okay? Stop it. Look at how big Lisa's mouth is. I forgot how big her mouth gets. I don't think that's a low blow. Back in the bad romance. Okay, so she's yelling.

Now let's see what she says. Oh, I don't think you've done a good thing to me lately. You've been a f**king bitch to me. You've been a f**king bitch to me. That's Angie screaming. I love how Angie always gets her, she doesn't just point, she revs up her hand to be like, here it comes, and here is the puffinger. And meanwhile, Sharia is back there just watching.

So we get a shot of the new lady. She is also staring at the pointing, like Meredith was staring earlier at a pointing figure. There's a lot of staring at pointing fingers in this. Whitney is how we know this is a motorcycle event because she is wearing a full Harley vest. Also known as her pajamas. She has a bright red lip on somewhere a tamer judge is watching this and like masturbating. Oh, okay. You're not always the victim.

No I am not. Have a good day, okay? Yeah, you used me for three years. I got the memo. Uh oh. Wow. Well, we knew this was eventually coming. You're not always the victim.

No. I'm not. Are you using- Please stop staring at me. I'm a lion, fam. You used me to get closer to my tiger photos and guess what? The game is up.

The tiger will see you out now and if you see my mock you out there, I would appreciate it if you at least gave me the courtesy of not driving away with it on your roof. So then Mary gets mad at her and leaves, and then Meredith says, you've been using me for a while, so we'll see later.

Looks like they're in some sort of museum or public space. Yeah, it looks like an art gallery because all the art is the same sepia-toned weirdness, but I don't know. Maybe it's not because one of the art pieces is just a lady in a Utah hat. You know the Kyle Richards felt hat thing? Yes. You're sneaky, little snarky little stuff. Leave me alone. Get out of my house. How dare you kick my bangs out of this house.

Look at all the work that I've put into this. These bangs are a ponytail. How dare you? Look, I have bangs and a ponytail. Look I'm edgy edgy on this side and on the other side. I am Audrey Hepburn. Not edgy. It's not Audrey Hepburn.

Yeah. Here I'm Aub'm Audrey Hepburn normal. Now I'm Audrey Hepburn when I ran through a fume of lawn mowers. I would like to show the table how I planned to open Mary's front door with my head. Here we go. And push and push and push and push. One, three, two, one. And it's off. Okay.

I'm out now. It worked. It worked. How could you kick me out when I'm wearing Angie's husband's eye cow on my neck? That is a pearl necklace. I know. Get out of my house. Who's this? That's Lisa Barlow.

She's sad. Wow, I make up can really change a person. Who even is that? I don't even recognize her. I know, and she looks so sad. Wow. I make up can really change a person. Who even is that? I don't even recognize her. I know. And she looks so sad right there. So this is, I guess, the motorcycle party because she's wearing like a fanny pack. I think she's getting ready.

She's like in her closet deciding on the look with the stylist. Okay. So she's looking sad and getting ready. Let's see what she says. You shouldn't open up to anyone in this. Oh, a stylist. That was Meredith. I dare you. I have style. So I'm a stylist. I believe in style. So I'm a stylist. That is what I believe. That's my religion. Hold on one second. Let me show you what my hand looks

like when I enter in my penitent ATM. I hope you didn't memorize that because of the security risk. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, the eye, all at once, do this. Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke. We need to make a GIF of this, because this is amazing and I can't do it smoothly enough, but it's so good. Okay, so she's telling Lisa, you don't need to trust anyone in this group, Lisa. Anyone in this group. Whitney's listening from behind the door.

She's like, guys, let's listen from behind the door, but be quiet. Whitney, is that you by the door. She's like, guys, let's listen from behind the door, but be quiet. Whitney, is that you by the door? No. Whitney, I think that's just the room with all the modems and stuff. It's the router room Whitney. No, no, they're speaking in there. No, it's just nothing but cables and machines. No. They were saying something. Angie K wearing her evil eye thing again. Yeah.

That's it. And I'm sure she can hear me now. No, I can't. Get away from the door, Whitney. I'm not by the door. This is just the sound of your door speaking to you. These walls have ears, but the doors have hats.

With me running away from the door after she got caught. She needs to open in the orange caftan. Is that the new lady? Is that Bronwyn? It's got to be Bronwyn because it's kind of crazy, right? She's like, I'm already in motion. She's like, you guys are just running away from the door now, but I was already walking away. I anticipated this. I have built everything I have. On the backs of other people. You can get that wig off your head.

You will never be me. Oh my goodness. I revoke your Lisa ship, your Lisa citizenship. Take the wig off. You're not allowed to represent me at this table any longer. I know, coming for someone while you're dressed like them is really something else. Lisa citizenship, take the wig off. You're not allowed to represent me at this table any longer. I know coming for someone while you're dressed like them is really something else. While you're dressed sort of like Lara Croft.

Yeah. And then Lisa's like, I'm so mad at you. I'm going to swipe the table. I've worked for everything I have. Do you think Vida built itself? Do you? Do you think Vida, Dickie that built itself? Who do you think hired six lawyers? Lisa's casting a spell and Whitney is like trying to deflect it with her hand. She's like, no, deflectimus, deflectimus, deflectimus. No, take a wicket officus. Defectimus, deflectimus, take a wicket officus.

Take a wicket officus. Patronus. Wait a minute, your Patronus is me dressed like you. Exactly. You didn't count my Patronus. Stupid Patronus. I'm doing you Patronus! Wait a minute, your Patronus is me dressed like you. Exactly! You become my Patronus. Stupid Patronus. Connecticut! I'm doing you Patronus! Connecticut!

Connecticut! That's just a state, and even I know that. Connecticut! There is a lot of just finger pointing in each other's face this season. Wow, a lot of it. F***ing wig off your head, you will never be me. Oh my God.

She is a- Lisa telling someone, you'll never be me. At a party, Lisa telling someone you'll never be me at a party. She made everybody dress like her and call themselves Lisa. She made everyone dress like her just so that way she could make someone undress. Be like, no, you're Lisa. Revoked. I want to pay for this bill with my credit card.

Okay, try to guess who it is to sign. Is it yours? No, that's Whitney. She'll never be me. Everyone. Is it yours? That's Mary. She'll never be me. Everyone. Okay, is it yours? That's Mary. She'll never be me either.

Now everyone, after this luncheon, we're gonna go to the Museum of Art and we're gonna steal something and I'll be a bunch of Lisa's. And which Lisa's the one who did it? I don't know. Lisa Barlow affair. Okay.

You got your hat. You will never be me. Oh my God. She is a liar. Don't call my wife a liar. She's a liar. She's not a f***ing liar. She's a liar. She's a liar. She's not a f****** liar. Don't call my wife a liar, Liza. Um, you're wearing a fake Givenchy shirt.

Justin looking very natural in that Givenchy t-shirt with the blazer. He's like, yeah, this is totally my everyday look. Justin, who would never misrepresent anything wearing a fake t-shirt. Justin is about to do a PowerPoint for like a new iOS update on his cricket. You know, Justin, I saw Justin at BravoCon. He's nine feet tall, first of all. He's very cute. He has a super cute face.

This hair is really, it's like an 80 year old's hair. Who's doing his hair? Why does he look like the guy from the actor's studio? Who's doing that? It looks like his hair was airbrushed. It's the only part. This is a Stephen Sondheim birthday celebration? What are you doing? Someone did a face tune on his hair. That's what it looks like. It has a blurry, non-distinct look. what it looks like. It has sort of like a blurry, non-distinct look. He's, it's like making the hat. Painting the hat. And then you hear, stop looking at me. It's a, it's a painting of me on the wall. Lisa Meredith. I love that John of the Black Blazer Party? That's what I wanna know. So I love that Lisa is fighting with Justin and John's laughing.

He's like, he's gonna get in so much trouble for this later. He's gonna be like, oh God, you didn't stand up for me. You didn't stand up for me, Chad. Chad. They're at Angie K's house, we know, because there's the family portrait of Angie, Sean, and Elektra. Yeah.

And then Heather's watching this fight. She's like, oh my God, I can't believe it. I can't believe I would offer for this. Okay, let's see. She's... What are you saying? No, nothing. What?

She's a liar. She's not a f***ing liar. Okay, so this is the soap opera thing where we get everybody at a party dressed crazily. With hair tendrils. With hair tendrils, yeah. A lot of wig hair and curls and giant costume jewelry and then dramatic music as we close up on all of it. Is Angie getting remarried? Why is she wearing a corsage?

She probably is. I thought it would be someone else getting married. Okay, so Heather face, and then we get Mary face, and then we get... And then we get... Amalgamation face. Amalgamation. I was going to say it's a... I forgot, Brooke Burke face. Where's Brooke Burns? I really love this lady. I love the amalgamation housewife.

I think I'm going to really work on, on a curb your enthusiasm. She has zero lines in this preview. I think. I don't think she said anything, but I like her. I like her face. She takes on lots of people. She takes on whoever's face is nearest hers. Which means that somewhere Her face is near as hers. Which means that somewhere, uh, somewhat, nevermind.

Go ahead, which means somewhere. I couldn't think of the name, so I just move on. So they're all shocked, something is happening. Raquel Welch, she's a little Raquel Welch-y in this one. Like she's someone, there's like an old Raquel Welch People magazine lying around that she took on. Doesn't she? Okay, let's see. Now Whitney. Okay, Whitney.

No! Okay, now is the section where I throw grape leaves into people's mouth. Who's going to catch this dolma? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Okay.

I don't think she has a recording device in here. How do you know? Well, I've watched her on television. So this is before they find out they're being recorded and Heather says, I don't think she has a recording device in here. Well, I don't know if it's before or not, but someone's recording the cast. I love this. It's not actually stupid.

Do you think? Well, they're all, I think they're all like really traumatized by Monica. I think they now feel like they're, they've been invaded. So I think violated the privacy, the privacy. So I don't know. They're traumatized. So this begins September 18th. So almost exactly a month from today,

everybody. Wow. I mean, looks pretty fun. I'm excited. I'm so excited. Yeah, it's going to be a good one. Oops. Andy Cohen says that it's going to be a good season, although he often says that, but I guess we'll see. Andy Cohen lies, lies like hell. He says everything's going to be a good season. That's true. Now you can't trust him. Well, everyone, thanks for being here.

This was amazing. We thought we're going to be recording something else entirely. And then it turns out we got Salt Lake City instead. But we are still here. Here we are. But come back later this week because we will be releasing, probably Thursday-ish or Friday, I don't know, one of those days, we'll be releasing the secret lives of Mormon wives. And let us know in the comments of this here recap over on Instagram, what you want us to cover. Do you want that Mormon

wives covered? Are there other shows that you want covered? Because we're going to take something on that is non-Bravo related. Yes, and movies too. We'll talk to you next time. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's always a possibility. Yeah movies are a possibility. Just let us know. We're open. Okay talk to you guys next time. Bye.

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