Watch What Crappens - #2526 Below Deck Med (S09E12) Part Two: Any Port In A Storm

Episode Date: August 20, 2024

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bright creatures by Shelby van Pelt. Find what piques your imagination. Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial and your first audiobook is free. Visit audible.ca to sign up. Hi everyone, welcome back! This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. So then Ian and Joe are cleaning and I don't know, they're cleaning, who cares? So then let's go to the date. Is that what's next? So Sandy, oh no, they're still talking. They're still talking. Oh God.

Sandy has an issue. So here we go. Go ahead. Hey, Asha. So I went to do my laundry. I was sort of doing a run through of getting ready for wedding day, which is gonna happen soon.

Woo! Yeah, so the laundry room is an explosion. And I, listen, I talked to Bri, I said, you gotta fix this. And I think a lot of our confusion is that I see, you know, you stand and you're eating your meals. You never sit for a meal. It's not like you can teach her step by step, okay? Come on, we gotta, okay, how about this?

Instead of standing and eating your meals, throw your meals at her face every time she messes up. I think that'll teach her. So here's the thing, I was noticing this about Bree. You know, I'm on top of it, I'm a captain. And I noticed that she's a mess and that might be why she's confused. I think I finally figured it out.

How many chartists is this? We're halfway through the season. You know what, I think she might be unorganized. I think she might not know what to do on her job and may be totally unqualified for this. Maybe she died on her resume. Yeah. Maybe you could maybe eat less slices of pizza

in the galley. Help her out with that. That would be great. So Gail and I mean, when is this date gonna happen? I feel like it's like, just take her to the to the take her to the rock climbing already. Jesus. No kidding. These two are so lame. And then they just keep cutting to it over every day. Are we going on a date? Are we going on a date? Are we going on a date? Just go to the fucking day you two my god. So then they leave for their

date. That's the next scene. Okay, so then Sandy is like, yeah, and Asia, John, oh, meet me in the crew mess for a preference sheet meeting. The answer is Reeboks on my shoes with the tux. I love Reeboks, I'm gonna get married to him. I don't care what Leah says. Don't tell her, meet you downstairs, bye. Am I still talking?

I'm lonely up here. You know why? I figured it out. I've been reading a book today. I'll tell you all about it in less. Come on. Come on, everyone. Preference sheet meeting, preference sheet. Okay, I'll just start it.

I'm gonna say it right now. Bamboo linen. That is my preferred sheet. I know we've waited a long time for me to finally announce what's my preferred sheet, but since we're calling it the perfect storm, it's a big episode today. We're finally using the perfect storm

with a the instead of an a. So I'm gonna tell you what sheet I'd prefer. Okay. Is it Ray Brampton Satine? Probably. It's basically rayon with a tiny bit of cotton that they call bamboo. Most likely. But goddamn it, it feels good.

Okay. I'll tell you which sheet I don't prefer. Fitted. That's definitely not one. Also, it's a concept that Norma definitely doesn't know about. Both sheets or fitting. Things fitting. That's definitely not one. Also, it's a concept that Norma definitely doesn't know about. Both sheets or fitting, things fitting. She's not used to either one of those things. She's a sleep on a mattress kind of a girl.

Sleep on a mattress and extremely tight jeans kind of a lady. Norma doesn't even know how to put those fitted sheets on her mattress. I once watched her flop down on her bed and the whole thing ate her up like a Venus flytrap just came right off the corners of that mattress and swallowed her up. She was calling thatrap just came right off the corners of that mattress swallowed her

She was calling that elastic for three days straight. I swear Hey, have you guys ever seen a Murphy bed spit something out? It's crazy She looked like she was in a full body shower cap with that fitted sheet around her Okay Okay. So, Charter Number Seven, Pamela Duke. Spoiler alert, this is a horrifying human being and so is everybody that she knows. She's a Florida based, no shocker there. Oh, by the way, someone in comments, we made a crack in Florida a couple of weeks ago and someone in the comments said, guys, I've listened to you for years and I've never had any idea how much you hated Florida. And they made little crying faces. We don't hate Florida more than any other state.

Okay. You're all trash. Listen, we're all trash together. We're all trash together. We're all human. If you don't think humans are trash, watch television or read a history book. Or God, start a conversation with someone in a home goods. We're trash. Okay, Pamela Duke, her biggest insecurity is that she was named Patty Duke. I understand that. Anyway, she's the Florida-based owner

of a nautical-themed jewelry line, which is redundant because if you say you have a nautical-themed jewelry line, it's already implied that you're Florida-based. So anyway, that's exciting. Her husband's name is Ed. The best thing I can say about jewelry from these pictures is it's probably best when it's taken off your neck and thrown into the water when no one finds it again. Okay.

That's how nautical it is. Really ugly stuff. Nautical which is also not to be confused with not on Norma's eye cow as in a date. Okay Basically cuticle scissors when they look at Norma because she never cuts them just noticles Her cuticles have actually wrapped around her fingers. It's pretty crazy. You know, she could pick up pants without using gloves or hot pads bigger girls and Built-in loving myths. God.

So, she's really let those modicles go. God bless her. Okay. So, Patty Dukes, I'm sorry, Pammy Dukes, Pamela Dukes' husband is named Evan and his business partner and uncle Steve are coming, and his wife Jamie, and then also a man in a big bright yellow-orange-ish kind of wig with veneers will be there. We don't understand his deal,

but he brings a twink or a twink type of person. So we're excited for all. It's a pretty horrifying crew. I just wanna let you guys know, I don't wanna see any smiles on your faces, even though everybody in this crew looks like they were drawn by whoever does the shoebox greetings cards.

Okay, now listen, Captain Lee is sneaking on this boat and he's putting on a yellow wig and a big pattern shirt and he's gonna think that none of us know who it is. Just go along, don't let him know that we know it's Captain Lee, okay. Just make sure that every once in a while he passes by and you say something along the lines of Captain Sandy bastard longer than you.

But be nice, do it in a nice way. Be nice about it. Okay. He's going to pretend to be an older gay with his little, he's going to be a sugar daddy, he's going to have a little, we know it's Captain Lee. Just don't, just let him have it. Let him have this. He's infiltrating, it's okay.

He wants to be part of the Perfect Storm episode. Okay. Guys, guess what I'm wondering? About the date, just kidding. So let's go see what's going on. Wait, wait, wait, wait, we do have a weather update. Everyone, everyone take a seat. Oh, you're already sitting.

Okay. Oh gosh, I really did just scroll past. No, this is important. This is a point. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. We have major weather coming in. We have the Captain Sandy weather coming in.

Okay. And if we were in the States, it would be called a hurricane. Okay. But since we're in the Mediterranean, it's a medicane because that's how they do it out here. It's a medicane. Anyway, high winds. Basically, since they have socialized storms, this is like a basically taxpayer funded storm.

So it's a medicane. It's a medicane. High winds, lots of rain. It's like everything you know about in the hurricane, but it doesn't hurry. It's very slow. It's a medicane. It's a slow-acane. It's a slow-acane, but it's in the Mediterranean, and it's also taxpayer-funded, so it's a medicane.

Yeah. You know what? While you're here, get your teeth fixed. That's the kind of storm it is. You get a medicane. You're here anyway. I mean, hey, if you're gonna be living off the dime of your fellow citizen, may as well get new boobs,

am I right? Is that covered by Medicaid? I'm not a religious person, but I'm pretty sure God sent in this Medicaid to sweep Nate and Gail way off the seat so we don't have to hear about their data anymore. Fingers crossed. So what can we do with shore? Because we're not going to do anything fun. That's for damn sure.

Okay, these people are fucked. And these are the last people you want to get stuck on a boat with. Let me tell you that. Okay? Each one of them looks like they're trying to imitate Mr. Furley. We got Richard Branson going undercover. You ever see that show, Undercover Boss? This is Undercover Branson. Okay. We just got to keep an eye out for him. Okay. Don't let him know. So they have to come up with ideas. And Ian's super helpful. He's like, we got this as long as the zombies are slow. Okay. Well, not really sure what that means, but you know, let's go back to studying those flashcards that I left out to your pillow of what different lines attached to things look like.

I just got an idea. Since there's going to be an off-brand hurricane coming through, how about we do something like go driving during the height of it, maybe to a winery? That's a great idea. Okay, put the guests in a van during a hurricane. Love it. Well, you have got a better one. Kite flying.

Oh that's fun. Yeah okay kite flying during the hurricane. Anyone else? Anyone else got any good? Beach volleyball! Oh wait we can play a game that Scott Scott and I love to play. Stand by glass pins! Oh I love the stand by glass panes. We don't need to have a whole event. We could just make them feel soft and warm inside by walking kids. They love the rain. Okay. It sounds like we turned this charter around. Okay. Let's go to that climb, that

climbing date with those two, those two lovebirds over there. Gosh, this is going to be fun, eh? All right, let's go check it out. So they go to rock climb and it's basic, but then Nathan starts profusely sweating because he's afraid of heights. So if anything shows you that these people don't actually choose to date

and the show forces somebody to go on a date every single year. You shouldn't need evidence because it literally happens on every season of every single version of Below Deck. You should know this is fake as hell. But just in case you didn't, Nathan has chosen to go rock climbing and he's deathly afraid of heights.

So there you go. Next time miniature golf, can we just have miniature golf? And by the way, you are in Greece, you're in Athens, and you're turning your nose up at doing something beautiful and romantic in the old streets of the city. I know, some of the most beautiful mountains and cliffs to climb in the world.

He's like, smell your Chuck E. Cheese, Sally. I know, let's climb mountains inside. Okay, great, you did it. So, they do that. And then they climb the mountain. And a little kid does a much better job, by the way, I like to point out. So now we go back to the yacht

and Bree and Joe are having a chat. Cause Bree is like, remember Bree wanted to have a chat. Joe, this is 50 euros of yours. It was in your pants. He's like, Hmm, pretty sure this is Captain Sandy's ID. Oh, I see now. Well, she really does look like Benjamin Franklin. Uh, there's Benjamin Franklin's not on the euro. Well, then who invented electricity? on the Euro. Oh, well, then who invented electricity?

Good point. One person brought up a guy today and it's going to be in your head now for the whole day. You're done right. It is. Are you sure this isn't just Carla Bruni? So I do. Okay.

Well, you wanted to talk. I was drunk. Like it doesn't count when she's texting you in the middle of the night. You don't get to ask the next day. It's like a different mindset, but he does. And she goes, okay, well, even though they wanted to tell you, don't fuck around. And also don't make me feel dumb either. Bri, you are actually ironing your cell phone right now. Oh, sorry.

Brie, you are actually ironing your cell phone right now. Oh, sorry. It was wrinkled. Don't make me feel dumb. So no more? She's like, no more. Okay, so let's cut the shit. We'll cut the shit. Which by the way, I don't believe for one second that they are ending this.

Of course not. She's like, my time is just done. I know Joe is now. It was nice to feel wanted, but I see the role is bullshit. And next time I want to be wanted, I'll just wait until somebody says, Bree, where's my clothes? So Aisha's looking at activities. And then she then brings Bree into the laundry room. And she's like, okay, well, Sandy told me this morning it was a total shit show in here.

And I said, what else is new? And I did high five and she didn't respond to that very well. So you seem like you're doing better at not misplacing things, but you're doing worse at placing things. So I feel like you work quite inefficiently. So what I do, okay, so here's what I do. When

I take things out of the dryer, I don't put them in a pile with all the dirty things. I just fold them and say clean. And then I put them in the section that they belong and for the person. It's very simple. Oh, okay. I can do that. Yes. Oh, okay, I can do that. Yes! What exactly do you want me to do? Great! Glad we had this talk. It's totally gonna work out. So then Ellie sees Joe in the mess, and Joe's just standing by the counter, and she walks past him and she goes,

Where did my Pepsi go? He's like, Sorry? I'm looking for my little drink, the Pepsi. Oh, that was yours? Yeah, Dick. What are you drinking people's shit out of the fridge? He is so that guy too. He eats a sandwich out of the fucking office fridge and be like, that was yours. Was it yours? I know. Did you remember bringing it? It's always shocking when people do that. Do you remember putting it in there? Then no, it's not yours. So Nathan and Gail returned from their date and we really don't, then Nathan's talking to Joe about it. No one in the medicane cares about this date. So now people go to bed and everything and ask the morning, five hours before charter, that Medicaid is coming in.

Oh God, get ready for a Medicaid. By the way, I think it's so funny that hurricanes in the Mediterranean are called a Medicaid. I feel like that is so European. Is that true? I can't, I can't believe. I feel like it's not true. I feel like they just didn't have the rights

to call it a hurricane or something. Bravo is like, we're cheap. I feel like it's not true. I feel like they just didn't have the rights to call it a hurricane or something. Bravo is like, we're cheap. We're not paying for hurricane rights. So, well, there's Mediterranean tropical, tropical like cyclones often referred to as medicains, but sometimes also as Mediterranean cyclones or Mediterranean hurricanes are a meteorological phenomenon.

Why can't they just be hurricanes? Yeah. It's just like, you know that someone in France is like, no, this is a French hurricane. This is not just hurricane. This is not American hurricane. This is a Mediterranean hurricane. It is special and beautiful. It is a medican. Well what's with the misogyny, God? Can we just call it a hemocane? How about that? So it's always on the woman. What was the hemocane like? Not even a storm until the woman storm stole a rib from it and like made some bad decisions or two in a garden? I mean, come on. Hey, fuck, marry, kill, hurricane, cyclone, typhoon. Fuck them all, frankly. I'd fuck them all just to show Norma how much more storm ass I get than her, honestly.

Yeah, the truth is that Norma could really only pull Medicain, and that's just sad. At least in my experience. Norma couldn't even get fucked by NovaCain. Okay. She couldn't even get fucked by Michael Cain. But that makes sense. She was like the one voter for Herman Cain. But that makes sense. One voter for Herman came.

I mean, it's just crazy. By the way, do you know that there's a active news story right now that a yacht sank off the coast of Sicily two days ago? Oh my God. Is Captain Jason okay? It was hit by a tornado. It was hit. Oh my God, is Captain Jason okay? It was hit by a tornado. It was hit by a water spout. And that like people are missing.

They're like people, like there's like a tech billionaire or something that's missing. And there's a lady who like her baby almost got swept away. It's a crazy story. Oh my gosh. Well, you know, you said that. And so I opened a news page and it's horrifying. So I'm setting it down now.

I just, I saw flashes at the end of the world and wow. I've had enough. I don't know. The orcas are like. School shooters, school shooters, crash, oh no, I can't. Blah, blah, blah. Okay, okay, I'm going back to below deck.

Jesus Christ, give me a Medicaid every once in a while. You know what I'm saying? Also, fuck you tornadoes up staging those orcas. Those orcas, that's kind of orca. It's like the orcas thing to destroy yachts. Okay. I think it's like a tornado comes. Orcas are so fucked up that they're doing that, but also there's such bad asses in

a way too. The orcas are just like, we're sick of you guys. Fuck you. I'm batting you with my tail. Bye. Isn't it a little surprising that Bravo didn't do the season off the coast of Spain, just hoping they could get an orca attack on camera? I'm like a little shocked that it didn't happen.

I mean, there's an idea, you know what I mean? Bravo literally needs something. They need something new. I say, let's figure out what the fuck the whales are talking about so we can get down there and give them a housewife. You know what I mean? But of course, you know, the moment that Bravo puts a yacht down in Spain, they're going to have like,

there's going to be like a brie orca. They're like, I'm so sorry. I went that. It's like you hit a rock. You're not supposed to be trying to take out a rock, take out the yacht. I got confused. That's very sorry. It is so confusing for me. Okay, so then. We spent so much time trying to teach Bree Orca how to attack yachts that the yacht got away. Thanks a lot, Bree. Yeah, the Orcas are just mad because their pants are missing, you know?

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Okay, so then the provisions are here, but it has started raining and hailing. And so Captain's like, oh, fuck, this sucks. And now everybody's doing provisions in the wet. And then we cut to Candy. Candy, that's Sandy's hooker name. We cut to Sandy and the crew met. Oh, hey, want to see my hooker moves? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't know why I'm singing to Rick.

Because it was written by Candy Burris. My favorite song. Yes. That's a good song. That's been my first dance with Leah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. The ring didn't mean a thing. Just kidding.

It did. I know. The ring means so much. Okay, I'm going to do some stripping moves for you. Did you just undo the top Velcro of your Reebok? I sure did. Does that mean nothing to top Velcro of your Reebok? I sure did. Does that worth nothing to you? Does anybody have a one?

Anybody? My favorite show, P-Valley, loved watching that show. Which as we all know stands for, you know, Patience Valley. Gotta be patient with people. Something I've always got. Hug Valley, you know, that's where I'd like to go. I'd like to train people. Okay, let's get back to this.

So it's going crazy up there. There's a storm. I read about it in a book and it came true. And now I'm in the galley and I'm looking at bread. Okay. And hold on, wait for my line. I want them to submit this to the Emmy, the Emmy board, okay, when it comes time.

Sometimes I just want a piece of toast. I don't want just toasts. I just want a piece of toast. Blip, blip, blip, blip. Oh, what the hell is that? The beats of the ring didn't mean a thing? God, why do I hear that everywhere I go? Where's that dripping noise coming? Oh no, we've got it. We have another leak in the forward cabin. Oh geez. Ring didn't mean a thing. Oh, oh man. Pass

through that metronome. I can't. It's like a metronome, but. Ring didn't mean a thing. She's compelled to sing it. I mentioned, but in the med we call it a medronome. Basically it'll give you a rhythm, but every rhythm that it gives you has to be featured in Zorba the Greek at some point. God, I can't believe the forward cabin, which has had a leak since the first episode is leaking. Oh man, I can't believe all that, not fixing it. Didn't fix it.

Oh my God, I can't believe a leak is like Hannah banana. It only gets worse the more you let it fester. Why have they not fixed this leak all season long? They knew it was gonna rain at some point and guess what? Now it's raining. So she's like, Oh God, this is not good. Deck crew is the Boatswain's locker open or is it closed like the door to many romantic

possibilities to Norma? Or is it closed like every door is that Norma knocks on to hand a Valentine to? It's always Valentine's or prom with my Norma. You know that song from Joseph in the Maid's Intent to Call it Dreamco was written about Norma. Close every door to me with online dating. You know where they started singing that song a lot? Fredericks of Hollywood.

I mean, poor Norma. You know what's funny. The only customer they turned the store private for. You know what's funny? I also heard that Go Go Go Joseph was based off of Norma, but it was more of a request. Go Go Go Norma, get out of my face. Go Go Go Norma, not interested here. Please go away Norma. Here in the med, they changed the lyrics because go go go was just too much. They just wanted it clearer, so they just said no no no.

No no no Norma, you know what they say. No no no Norma, you're turning guys gay. Go away Norma. Go away Norma, Be at home, stay. Really? Go away, Norma. Take off your halter. Go away, Norma. Our population will falter. Okay, go. Okay? Please just leave our men alone. Okay, so- Captain Sandy, as much as we appreciate the songs, can you tell us where the leak is?

Norma's got. I'm sorry, were we talking about that? We're talking about the boat again. The woman really eats a lot of popcorn. What can I tell you? Listen, the ring didn't mean a thing, but I'll tell you what does mean a thing. This leak, we got to get to the bottom of it. OK, so they they're looking and Ian is, you know, Ian's shitting himself. He's like, Oh my God, if I left that Boson's locker open, it's like I'm fired, but it was closed. Okay. Well,

go look again. Is the door closed? Yes, closed. Okay. Well, I don't know why water is coming in here. It's almost like, it's almost like this yacht is crying, like someone trapped on a date with Norma. Okay, no, now's not the time. It's urgent. It's urgent. No Norma jokes. I gotta do this. We gotta figure it out. Now listen, if this boat takes on water, guess what's gonna happen? Something that has never really happened to Norma, it's gonna go down. But at the same time, if that happens, something that does happen to Norma, it's gonna go down. But at the same time, if that happens, something that does happen to Norma on every single day of hers, it's gonna sink.

So then Aisha is talking, Aisha's trying to set up lunch and she's like, well, we probably shouldn't have everybody eating inside because it's a gloomy day. So let's maybe have it outside. The logic is kind of odd. Maybe I misheard it. So there's still, it's like leak repair. Everybody's trying to do stuff. And then Joe is trying to help and no one can really figure out where, I like that Sandy goes, where did the water come from? The Lord. Like, where do you think? Do you need me to teach nature to you? Outside, you didn't fix the holes.

I'll tell you where it didn't come from. John was deconstructed chocolate cake. That thing was dry as a bone. Gosh, I'd love to make some unattended two holes jokes about Norma, but really we'll be here for five hours. Okay, should someone fix the hole? God, I hate the rain so much. Would you say that you can't stand the rain?

Come on, just say it, just say it. Can't stand the rain. Kiss my window. Making me love. Making me love the rain. Oh yeah. So, hey, so by the way, I just want to ask again, where did the water come from?

It's just a question for the ages. It's an existential question. Where does water come from? What is air? Where's the wind? What is wind? Where does wind come from? We feel it, but we don't see it.

What is it? What makes wind? Okay. Hey, I want to say thank you to the storm. You know why? Cause it's showing us where the leak is. So we're going to able to, we're going to need to fix that and our cabin. Okay. I'm going to have this mattress taken and I'm going to have some fans put in here. Okay. Um, yeah, anybody, anybody need a wet mattress? Yeah. It might go with Norma's wet blanket. So listen, okay, it turns out,

so Luca, he's on the second floor and he told me that there was a safety valve. I'm upstairs from you. Perhaps you've seen me before. Only at Tom's diner, but it was plugged before. Listen, okay, hurry up everyone. Okay, so it turns out, Luca just told me that there was a safety valve and it was plugged before,

but the plug fell out. So guess what? We need, it's like every time I walk into a Norma's apartment and I take a deep breath and I say, you know what, we need a plug for my nose. Okay, it took me a long time to get there. We need a plug guys. There's a leak.

It's been a long Dave Norma jokes. Okay, what are you gonna do? There's just so much going on. I'm saying in one moment, I'm saying the ring didn't mean a thing. And next thing you know, it's raining on my head. And I'm downstairs. So Aisha is checking on food with Jono

and he's making smoked salmon blinis because he learned how to make blinis last week. So he's gonna really lean into that that one and salmon doesn't really take much because it's already smoked. So then he's doing crab cakes and like a sushi thing. Yeah. Something like that. So now we have another backstory for Jono. He's like, we need to put all of these monologues together another backstory for Jono. He's like, Hmm Jono, we need to put all of these monologues together because they're amazing. Like taking them, taking them all together. It's like, what is happening here? Okay, go ahead Ben. Sorry.

Part of preparing for discharges, digging deep and finding discipline to focus on and producing really stellar food. And like I used to ride horses growing up. And when you take care of a horse, it requires a lot of discipline. And if it wasn't, if I wasn't on top of my game with show riding that horse, I could have hurt the horse, you know, or myself actually. And I am thinking from that discipline to focus on how I can produce really stellar food now that we're stuck at the dock.

This guy draws inspiration from everything except for cooking school. This is just tell you that nothing in this story made me hungry. Horses? Not, doesn't make me hungry. I think a lot of flies and tails whipping at the flies. What does horsing having to do with anything? And then it's like, and the discipline of riding a horse taught me so much. You quit architecture school.

What the fuck are you talking about? No, he did architecture school. He just quit his firm, right? Listen, this is what I don't want to hear from my five-star yacht chef. I Listen, this is what I don't want to hear from my five star yacht chef. I wasn't formally trained, but don't worry. I'm drawing from experiences riding horses and going to architecture school. So it's going to be what? Like a stack of carrots?

Yeah. A piled on top of one each other to make a triangle, like a larger carrot. I don't know. But yeah, they're the oddest cooking monologues I've ever heard. He's like, you know, part of preparing for this charter was walking on every crack in a sidewalk and then kicking a squirrel and pulling down lampshades. What the fuck does that have to do with anything? And that is when I learned how to make a cake. What? You know, when I was five years old,

I had the cassette of Amy Grant's Heart in Motion and listening to that over and over and over again gave me an appreciation for the finer sounds of life. Baby, baby, every heartbeat, all that stuff I put into my music. And to this day, it has nothing to do with my food, but I just like to bring it up. I just like to say Amy Grant.

Every time you bring up Amy Grant, I think of when Amy Grant went from being a Christian singer into being a pop singer, and my mom heard a song in the store and she said, that's Amy Grant, whore. Like, wow. Okay, so. And Amy Grant responded by saying, I will remember you.

Okay, so Asia's checking on cabins, Bri's doing great. Nathan is talking about Bri having a hard time in the laundry. And he's like, you know, stuff is going missing. If you see her, go easy on her. And Joe's like, Oh my God, clothes are still going missing and Bree is responsible, but I know Bree's treading on eggshells. So I'm not going to say anything. I'm just trying to keep away, keep away from all that trouble. I broke an eggshell. I'm so sorry. So, anyway, okay, here we come. Here come the guests. Okay, incoming, lots of patterns, lots of Florida, lots of Key West looks. Okay, everyone get ready. Big blonde wig that looks sort of like cheddar cheese on top of Richard Branson incoming. everyone get ready. This crew is motley.

So I was a motley motley crew and also Pamela, the main lady just gets out of her car. She's got this big head of like blonde hair and big lips. She's kind of like a poor version of Jennifer Coolidge from White Lotus. And she just gets out and immediately starts going, whoa. She leans into it right away.

Well, shut up. Oh my God. You are a siren for you're like a sire. This is why you're like a siren. You're you're what makes ships crash into the rocks. Oh, well, everybody just gets confused and drowns. Well, welcome aboard. We're so happy to have you. Asia is going to show you around the boat and then afterwards I'm going to have a chat with you. That's going to be a really happy chat and look forward to it because I have nothing but great news to tell you guys. Okay. So get ready for a big chat.

So they get the tour, blah, blah. Everyone loves it. And then Janie, one of the ladies, is like, oh, my God, this one was perfect. This is the moment taken this from right here. We're getting it. We're getting it. These are all wrestling fans. They're all like the WWF people, you know, as of extremely. As a former WWF person, I take great offense to that generalization, but you are probably correct.

Come on. It's a big episode for the WWF or the WWE as it's known. Real ones know it was the WWF at one day, at one point. I used to be really into it. You don't even know. I was hooked. I watched it every week. Yeah, but I mean, you look out to the audience, right? But that being said, these are definitely like some, these are, these are some full on like Jimmy Buffett, Jimmy Buffett, WWE, bright patterns and big wig energy people

coming in here right now. Guy mullet wigs, you know, like pink guy mullet wigs. Really bad wigs. They're like bowling, they're like a mix between like bowling alley people, WWF and like people of Walmart kind of people, you know? Not anyone who goes to Walmart. I mean, specifically the book, People of Walmart. people of Walmart kind of people, you know, not anyone who goes to Walmart. I mean, specifically the book, people of Walmart, if you don't know what that is, look it up

and tell me I'm wrong. Okay. Okay. Then they come on wooing and they go on, on their tour and all that stuff. And then, um, Joe shows Pamela or Joe's showing Pamela her cabin. And he's like, where do you want your luggage? I mean, I don't know, who the fuck, why am I right? Why are we talking about this?

Okay, so Aisha is talking, she's offering the salmon blinis. She's like, oh look, a horse architect found something new, blinis. She offers the salmon blinis and then this guy eats it and he goes, wow, that's like salmon on a pancake. I'm like, well, funny story. You just ate salmon on a pancake. Can we at least pretend people

on a pancake. You know what this tastes just like salmon on a pancake. This is a wild, this Mediterranean life. All right guys, I've got some bad news. Okay. We're ready for a chat. It's the weather. Okay guys, we have a medicane. God damn social ends on Facebook Obama. Oh no, not Medicare. Medicaid guys. Oh thank God. And so this, guys. Oh, thank God.

And so this person goes, well, we pay it, Sidney Pollock over there is like, well, we pay to be on the yacht, not off the yacht. And then the lady goes, okay, well, so where's my alcohol? I've seen this show before, we're sucking, give me, just put the Margaritaville footlong into my mouth right now.

And poor Pamela is so used to disappointment. You know, I mean, look around her. And she was like, this sucks. I'm gonna kill myself or something. And they're like, oh Pamela, it's not your fault guys. Okay, it's just the weather and my life. What are you gonna do? Why did it have to be our trap, am I right guys?

But why wouldn't it be at the same time? Am I right? Yes or no? Reverse, ew. Okay, reverse, ew. It's ew. Ew. Well, don't worry, everyone, don't worry. I organized a wine tasting after lunch to go to one of Athens' oldest wineries, which when you say oldest wineries, we're talking like 10,000 years old. So does that sound okay? It's absolutely beautiful. So that could be a nice excursion for the afternoon, you know, give or take a metacane. So then Gail and Nathan start cuddling in the bed and have a discussion of like, who's the big spoon?

And he's like, I can't be the big spoon. I can't be the little spoon. I'm a man. She's like, guys can be little spoons. Like not me. I'm a big spoon kind of a guy. You just needed help rock climbing. Okay? You need the emotional support through rock climbing. I think you can little spoon for a day, sir. Yeah. I think that's probably why he wants to be the big spoon because he's feeling emasculated about that wall. So he's like, come on, let me earn it back. I'm being the big spoon. Big spoon. I've never needed to be a bigger spoon than I need to be right now. Please. Let me be a ladle. So the more stuff is happening, spooning, sushi, things like that. Okay. So now they're getting ready to go on this trip to the winery in the middle of a hurricane and as they're, but they're first, they're serving lunch and this is a significant thing And as they're, but they're first they're serving lunch. And this is a significant thing

because they are serving the sushi, but one Jennifer, one of the guests, Jennifer, she can't have raw fish. And this is a big thing because we've seen in the trailers, there was a moment where Jennifer has served raw fish. So I'm setting this up right now. Oh my God, have I been mean to Jennifer and she dies? Jennifer. That happens to me all the time.

She didn't even get to say goodbye to her convertible one last time. You know, you know, that's true, by the way. You know, she's like of a convertible French family. You just know she is, yeah. And they're like, God, but it's Florida, it's so hot, Jennifer said, I don't care. I can't believe Jennifer hasn't died of heat stroke yet,

but the fish got her, the fish got her. So, sorry, I don't know what I'm doing today. I'm sorry, everybody. I'm sorry for everybody who's offended. I just can't help myself. So, Donna's like, this one's for Jennifer because she doesn't eat raw fish. So, it's cooked prawn and this one is for Janie

because Janie doesn't like sesame seeds. I'm like, there are so many ways to murder everybody on this. But how do you even, how are you, how are there even chefs anymore? I wouldn't do it. Like literally every day at work is another chance to murder half the people in the restaurant. I just always think about the time that Zoe Deschanel appeared on Top Chef and she's like, Hey guys, I just want to have like something that's vegetarian. And the chefs all lost their mind. They didn't know what to do.

They were like serving her tin cans. Oh, it's vegan. They lost their minds and they were like, they were serving like boots and like, well, we all know what to do. So here's my belt so you can eat that. Yeah, pretty much. She was like, oh my God,

this gazpacho you guys made from shoelaces and fingernails is actually kind of delicious. I think that fingernails aren't vegan though. So you gotta go home. Yeah. I just always think of her as like, she's like in my mind, the one of like, she wasn't even like, she wasn't even picky. She's just like, I kind of have something vegan, but whenever I think of chefs not being able to figure out what to make for a

client, I always think of that challenge. Yeah. I'm rearranging my camera. I can see, I just, I made it bigger for, I made it closer up. And I don't normally look at my myself on the screen where we're recording. Cause I'm looking at notes, but I just caught a view of myself and I was like, Holy moly, look up my nostrils. Everybody want to check out my throat cavity. God bless it. I'm going to change my view.

Look at this. I'm going to go to Australia. Oh my God, look at you. Okay. Well, thanks for keeping that on track. And like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to paint my room. Someone has to be at work. We can't just both leave the desk at the same time.

I'm kidding. Okay, so here we go. Tech team, if there are any tech hands available, it would be nice. We need to carry a dead body of either Jennifer or Janey up. Someone's about to die. Sesame seeds or fish? No, I'm going with Janey and Jennifer. What? Now you're in the mad. I went to Greece. I was like, I actually have a picture of Greece. So I put that up. I like it. It's very nice. Very handsome.

It's more very handsome in Greece. Love it. You know what? I've been told my best angle is in Greece. So it's good. It's good angle. It's a grecian angle. Okay. So they are Nathan and Gail. I literally can't even deal. They're just getting worse and worse over the course of one episode. So now they're really are. Everyone's drinking and everyone's gonna go to this winery. And so they're Aisha and Nathan are gonna go

to the winery together and they're just preparing. It takes a very long time. So Sandy is like, everyone have fun. Hey, oh, also by the way, Aha, don't drink any wine, okay? She's like, I will not drink any wine. I absolutely will not. Okay, and remember, the ring didn't mean a thing. Sing it.

Whoa. Whoa. Oh. Had nothing to do with the wine. I just wanted to trap you in a conversation so I could sing it to you. So then we get some more seafood stuff. John was bringing up the thing that he made

with cooked seafood and Eric goes, she can't have raw seafood. And Asia says, she isn't. I love that Asia is just in her kind of snapback era. She's like, fuck off. I've had enough of you. Okay. All of you. So then, um, Gail is still, oh my God, I can't with that. It just goes on. They just keep going on. And also I'm kind of getting sick of Gail's like,

I'm just, I'm just in love with every moment of the having a cuddle with Nathan really made me think, am I ready? Am I ready for this? Mommy and say, oh, shut the fuck up. Cinderella, just like enough. Just literally your phony, like your performative, like naivete. I'm not buying it anymore. Okay. It's played out.

I need the villain Gale era. That's what I need to enter now. Okay. I've had enough of this. Just just interesting Gale era. So why I'm rooting for the birds to pack out had enough of this just interesting Gale era. So I can see a white. I'm rooting for the birds to peck out your eyes at this point. Do something more. Anything. Anything. So now Asia escorts everyone off the boat to the car and she's like,

can I get someone an umbrella? And then Pamela's like, yeah, I don't need an umbrella. And Erica's yeah, this isn't rain. This is what we call in Florida, pre-rain. So then as the lightning and thunder is flashing across the sky and booming throughout the land, they get into the vans and they take off to the vineyard and the rain just starts to pour down. It's gonna be 30 inches of rain. Oh my gosh.

Oh, thank you so much Amazon. Really glad you got my book delivered to me today. Can't wait for this sequel. Oh my God, the sequel really starts going fast. 30 inches of rain. God, how is this going to be a whole trilogy? This is crazy. They're just giving us so much. It's such a rich novel. I hope it gets adapted into a future film. So now the rain is so bad and the guests are like, why the fuck are we driving in this rain? There are cars floating down the street. You just see the Acropolis like floating down the street. Yeah, this is like, yeah, Neptune is just like up there. Just like, hey, everyone, decided

to come out of the ocean for the day. It's really bad, which is also kind of deserved because the guests were having such hubris about the rain before. We call this pre-rain. Now they are driving in wild, wild, wild rains. There's no reason that they should be on the roads right now. And so they're getting kind of scared. And then- Well, the ladies are, the guys are just like, what's the worst that can happen? My wig will get washed. But the lady's like, fuck this, what's the worst that can happen? My wig will get washed. But the ladies are like, fuck this, we're going home. So they do, they make Asia turn around and go back home.

And then Joe's like, Jesus Christ, look at the storm. And Gale goes, this is why the storm had a name. It sort of implied that she was telling everyone, I really don't think it's a good idea to leave the boat right now. There's a bad storm and it has a name. It has a name. Everyone, I think we should stay on the boat. I feel like there was stuff that was cut out of her warning everyone to stay on the boat and away from the danger. Yeah. So they're turning around and everyone's like, oh my God, and then there's more water and Sandy's just cursing up a storm. And she's like, oh my God, well, surely we fixed the roof now, right? Downstairs. It's dripping,

Sandy. Fuck, fuck. The leak is back. The leak to be continued. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Well, yeah, well, let's see what happens if they can find that leak. Yeah, dun, dun, dun, dun. Well, yeah, well let's see what happens if they can find that leak. Yeah, they're in a hurricane right now, which I'm surprised we haven't really encountered this before in Below Deck, but.

Gosh. Hope no one dies. Yeah, you never know on this show. They really need to up the ante on here. All right, everybody, thank you so much for being here with us for another week of Below Deck. It's been great. It's been so fun.

Kind of loony tunes. Why was this an hour and 40 minutes? No one really knows, but we sure had a fun time baking this bread for you. Hope you enjoy the carbs. Yeah. Catch you in the next episode, okay? Bye. Bye now.

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