Watch What Crappens - #2532 Chimp Crazy 1 Part One: Monkey See Monkey Don’t

Episode Date: August 26, 2024

This is part one of a two-part recap! Max has bestowed upon us the gift of Chimp Crazy and we couldn’t be more grateful. It’s insanity. Meet Tonia as she runs from the law, PETA and Alan Cumming all in the name of her lover for chimps. If you want the video version, bonus episodes and a full Trailer Trash of Hulu’s upcoming Secret Lives of Mormon Wives #momtalk series, join us over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast for all that crap we usually love to talk about on Bravo today. Netflix, though. Changing it up. Not even Netflix. I'm Ronnie. Not even Netflix.

What is it? Max. Oh, Max. You're correct. We should have a Max show because we also have the House of the Dragon stuff. So you know what? We're just, we're Indie Max. Oh, Max. You're correct. We should have a Max show because we also have the House of the Dragon stuff. So, you know what? We're just, we're indie Max. We're watching you, Max. I almost said I'm Ben. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you?

Welcome home to your happy place, your show. Welcome back. Thank you. Welcome home to your happy place. Also, your show. Thank you. I hope you had a great birthday weekend. Thank you. I sure did. What great times. Being born, am I right? It's a nice. It's nice. Yeah, I suppose. Last year of my 40s, everybody. Here we go. Buckle in. You can do it. Buckle in to go very slowly.

Yeah. That's how I plan on doing everything. I'm just like, I'm older now and I'm sleeping a lot more. I'm like, but I'm so older. You know, like that little tick on the calendar made a huge difference and I'm just sleeping my face off and I love it. So the point is, chimp crazy. Okay. So this, we've been, Bravo's in a slump. I don't know if it's because of the Olympics. I don't know if it's because of, I don't know why, but Bravo was like, you know what, we're gonna air 97 shows at one time, and then we're not gonna air shit for three months. Like it's the fucking pandemic all over again. So they've decided to do that to us. So we've come up with other things to recap, and we've asked you guys what you want. We are gonna try this Mormon show coming up called The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives about hashtag mom talk. And so if you wanna hear our trailer trash, which is our preview of the trailer, our trashing of the trailer, go

check that out on our Patreon. That's also where you find videos for all our recaps, including this one. And today we decided let's try this Chimp Crazy show because everybody's talking about it. Pete Yeah. It's from the creators of Tiger King, which, you know, Tiger King was such a thing. And we recovered that as well. We recapped that on Patreon, and we had a really fun time with that.

That was such a wild, wacky saga full of colorful characters, going in strange, unexpected places. And so when we saw, you know what, there's another documentary about, you know, someone with an unhealthy relationship with animals So when we saw, you know what, there's another, another documentary about, you know, someone with an unhealthy relationship with animals that they should not be keeping in captivity. We thought like, Hey, this could go in.

This could also be interesting because I think the correlation is a lot of times the people who own animals beyond like dogs and cats and normal kind of pets, exotic animals, they're fucking crazy and they lead to good documentaries. So, um, we thought, Hey, why not? And plus wigs. Yeah. I mean, look, I wouldn't normally watch this. I don't think I saw the previews. I didn't know it was from the tiger King people, but I just looked at it and was like, man, you know, I don't know the chimp crazy. Like, I don't need that. I don't know. It just looked like I don't know who who is supposed to appeal to, but I don't really ever see a chimp on the cover and think, wow, I need to see that.

I wonder what those crazy chimps are doing. Yeah, because every movie that had chimps is stupid. I mean, can we just literally then we just all agree on that? They're all terrible. I have never enjoyed chimps in my entertainment. Like I have always hated when chimps show up dressed as something I've always I've always hated chimps in my entertainment. I have always hated when chimps show up dressed as something. I've always hated chimps on greeting cards. I just don't find chimps appealing whatsoever. I don't think that they're cute. Maybe when they're babies, they're sort of

cute but I'm not someone who's ever been drawn to chimps and especially when there were two different horrific news stories about chimps that came out there were like two different horrific news stories about chimps that came out, one of which is covered in episode two of this of this show. But, um, there was another one with a guy who went to visit his old chimp that he used to own and that chimp just like tore off his face and his Dick and everything. And it was, I think an arm was pulled out. It was just like horrifying. Ever since that I was like, no, I don't fuck with chimps.

Like they're strong, crazy animals. Well, listen, part of me feels like that's unfair. You know, part of me feels like telling you that's unfair because that's two chimps out of how many chimps. And it's not fair to judge all chimps based on a couple of chimps. But then, you know what? I won't date anybody. and it's cause I watch the news and no other humans. So I guess I judge all of humanity based on a few bad apples as well. Um, chance of, but I'm right though. I feel like I'm right and you're wrong.

But here's why, because you know what? Here's where you're wrong. I judge the people who think that they can just cuddle up with a chimp like it's a kitty cat or a dog. And it's like, no, that's, that's an animal from the jungle. It's a chimp. Yeah. That's what I judge. That's a chimp. Here's where I think you're wrong. I love chimps and I think they're so

fucking cute. Here's the thing. I just think they're misused in movies. Well, first of all, now we know it's like bad to use them. You can't use them. So obviously we're against it because it's bad. It's mean to chimps, but I just feel like they never really have great roles for chimps. And we see a role that Tonka plays, he's a chimp in this movie. We see a role that Tonka plays, which was Bay Pig in the City. And Tonka, I have to say, that is some Oscar-winning work. That was really good. That was the only acceptable moment. Only acceptable moment in the performance. That was fantastic. They made Tonka a talking lady chimp who was popping bubble gum. I mean,

just the bubble gum work alone, I thought was really good. It was like Meryl Streep type work. Love the accent. Yeah. It was great. But for the most part, like stupid, terrible movies. Every clip they showed, I was like, that movie sucked. And you know what? It's like people with a big dick. It's like a crutch. You know what I mean? Like the chimp is their crutch. They're like, we've got a big dick here, a chimp. And so we have to, we don't have to be educated or groom or read any kind of books because everybody's still going to like us because we have the big dick slash a chimp. Yeah. Well, that's kind of how I feel about

chimps. Yeah. They're a crutch. They're a crutch. They're a crutch for these movies. They're a crutch for creativity. Yeah, I just, I'm not, I'm not like, I'm just not, I'm just not someone that's like drawn to chimps. Now that said, here's something that we are drawn to. Now I saw the, everyone said, men brought it up actually. We were like, what should we, what, what are people talking about right now? Ben said, I keep hearing about this show called Chimp Crazy.

I said, no chimps, no, absolutely no. I will not touch a, a chimp show. That's I have very few lines in my life. Okay. That is one of them for whether, I didn't even know until recently, but that's one of them. I failed my pitch though. I failed. I didn't say, I didn't even hear that people were watching it. I just saw that it was coming to max. They had put up a big thing. And where I had failed was I didn't say there was a chimp show with a lady with

a big wig. Well, that's what, that's what I was leading to is one thing we do like, because I didn't know this one, yeah, Ben didn't mention this part, is that there's a housewives looking lady with a Kim Zolciak wig on the cover, sexily posing with a chimp, with everything being pink. I mean, when I saw the poster, I was like, oh, what's that? And then when I watched the show, I was immediately pulled into the show. I have to say the filmmaker dude who does this does a great job. Because I remember watching Tiger King and thinking, wow, I've never seen anything like this. I mean, the colors of it, it wasn't just the

story of the crazy guy. I mean, it was that, but it was just the colors and the way it was done and the way that they had all these twists and turns throughout the story and it just got crazier and crazier. And I thought, he's not going to be able to do that again. And why would you want to? Why would you go from something like Tiger King and think, I need to make another wacky animal lover documentary? But he did it. I mean, to me, I think it's so good. I think it's just brilliantly done. The way that they do all these twists and turns, the characters, all the stuff that the characters reveal, the stuff that he had no way of knowing was going to happen during shooting that unfolds during the shooting. It's just so good. I mean, it has me. I love the show.

I mean, that's why, I mean, like, again, like, I feel like if you just put a camera on someone who's like really into exotic animals and, and like, but also I was really into having a shitty home for them, but they think it's a great home. You're going to get like a good, a good documentary. I don't know if I love the show to be honest. I think it's interesting. It's fascinating. Um, I, it's not fair to compare it to tiger King, but tiger King to me felt like it was more about the human drama, but the Joe wasn't him.

Joe exotic and like all these crazy people in his world and like how he had his culture personality that drew people in and his, you know, he had this boyfriend and he had like a rival with Carol. And then you have this boyfriend and he had like a rival with Carol. And then you have this other guy who was like this long blonde hair. There's a world of characters that are all scheming and it was, it was, it was fascinating. And then this one is just like Tanya. You got Tanya and you got a what's her face. Who doesn't want to be on camera. And that's basically it. And it's basically like the first,

this first episode to me was just like, so we got chimps. PETA doesn't want us to have the chimps. PETA is going to take away the chimps. So to me, it wasn't like, uh, the first hour was like, it was interesting because it was interesting to see how like they like, wow, it's like, I can't believe they're keeping these, these chimps in these conditions and everything. But look at this also, strange relationship they have with the chimps. But in terms of like actual like twists and turns to me, I was like, this was not very twisty and turny. They were have chimps in shitty cages. And Peter was like, can't do that. And the government was like, but ended with a good one. It ended with a good one. I don't know. I loved it. Okay, so let's start from the start. Shall we? So, we start in like a kid's bedroom.

It's super weird. It's like a sci-fi movie or a kidnapping movie where people are kidnapped and then put into a child looking room in the basement. That's what it looks like. That's where it looks like we're in. It's all pink. There's a couple of bunk beds. And then there's, um, we, we see some stuffed chimps on a bed, I guess. And then a little baby chimp is cuddling and you know, you see the baby chimp and it's like, Oh my God, you're cute. Unless you're Ben, which are sitting in your living room going, you're ugly. No, I thought the baby chimp was cute. It was still in its cute. It's cute era. Um, there was still in it's, in it's like, like acceptable to be on TV or there.

I mean, all these chimps are basically like child stars. Like that. This is the story of many, many hairy child stars who are cute for five years and then afterwards discarded into a cage in Missouri. So then we have Tanya and she's like, monkey love is totally different than the way you actually love your child. If it's that, if it's your natural born child, it's just, you know, it's natural because, you know, you actually gave birth to that kid. Like, what the fuck?

Yeah, thanks for explaining what natural children are, Tanya. Immediately I loved her because she's like, yeah, the monkeys are different from natural kids because your natural born kids are yours because they're natural from you because you have the kids, which makes them a natural kid, because they came out of you. Fuck those kids, by the way. Those kids suck. Those kids are the most disgusting kind of kids. Which is kind of where she leads to. She's like, but then you get a monkey and that bond's much deeper than a normal kid. You know? Yeah. But her poor kids, do we get to meet her kids?

We never meet them, but she literally was like, yeah, the bond with the monkeys so much deeper than with like a child. Cause a child learns to talk back to you and then slowly stops loving you when he gets his first girlfriend and suddenly you are just a scar by the side of the road, but a monkey never stops loving you. It was a deeper relationship. And just we have to visually give it to this lady, Tanya. I mean, just her look. She's got this huge wig, this huge bleach blonde, curly plastic straw hair wig, these gigantic pop off of her face lips, huge fake eyelashes, a really magda level spray tan. I mean, she's everything. I mean, I really do think this was

just like, whoever this person is, I forget the name of the. I mean, I really do think this was just like, whoever this person is, I forget the name of the guy who directs, Mike, I guess is his name who directs the movies. I'm just going, I forget his name. He seems like a Mike, right? And by the way, he's given me so much in my life and I can't even remember his name. Sorry, Mike. But that guy, I think it's like all gay coded because Joe Exotic obviously was gay and this isn't gay, but there's nothing more gay coded than this woman. You know what I mean? I feel like this was made for us. Yeah. Yeah. Like she's definitely like, I'm like, I cannot believe this person actually exists. Like that's what this is.

I think that's what I'm trying to say before. This one's like less about the twists and turns to me. This is just more like look at this crazy lady. So, so she's talking and we're seeing footage of, you know, a couple holding up a baby, like a lady's holding a baby over her head and Tanya's speaking and she says, human children are meant to grow up and build bonds with other people in society, but not chimpanzees. They're, they, they, they just want to throw shit at you. And that is such a deep and meaningful experience.

Checking out a baby's shimp, you're their, their mother is everything. I mean, they really love their mothers. such a deep and meaningful experience. Jared Fuck those kids. But a chimp, I mean, their mother is everything to them, you know? That's all they think about. And so when you're a chimp's mother, you become their mother. That's your all they want. That's all the year. I mean, it's just so on the nose psychologically. It's like, my children hate me and this chimp loves me and he has to, because I'm its whole world because you've kidnapped it. It's got fucking Stockholm syndrome. And listen, I think the same thing about dogs. I mean, Bueller loves me. He's obsessed with me. When I come in, he stares at me.

When I leave, he stares at me. When I'm sitting here, he stares at me. When I walk across the room, he stares at me. You know why? Because I feed him. Without me, if I die, he's fucked and he knows it. He literally knows nobody else in the world. You know what I mean?

I understand. I get it, you know? and I understand that it's crazy loving something like that because I've kidnapped him and I've given him Stockholm Syndrome and I'm totally fine with it. But, you know, that's how you are with these monkeys and it gets even more disturbing when they talk about they're basically humans, right, these chimps. They're like, oh, they're humans. They feel the same as us. They just don't talk as well. So, we kidnap them and keep them behind bars for life. You know what? I'm sorry. There's nothing like holding, loving and being around a chimp. It's the best thing since peanut butter, which incidentally does not qualify as a good

Mother's Day gift. I want to highlight that again. I can't explain it because it's like something that you just don't ever feel. Okay. It's, it's so empowering. They're just, they're just like us. Well, especially Tonka who's more like a truck, but like he's, they're a lot like us. Kyle Soria Tonka is so much like us. And she does say Phil and Rill. It is very Whitney from Salt Lake City. So we meet Tonka. We cut to Tonka. Tonka is in the cage putting sunglasses on, which is like so human-like. And, um, she. And she's outside Tonka's cage and she's going, give me a kiss Tonka, Tonka, give me a kiss. Good boy Tonka, Tonka, give me a kiss right now. Open mouth, double cheek, all kinds of kisses.

Tonka knows them all. Tonka and I just found each other, or more like Tonka was trapped in a cage and I walked in the room and he had no other choice but to find me because I was the only one there you could look at. And Tonka loved me as much as I love Tonka and it was meant to be. It was just natural. As natural as two species that really are not really supposed to have that kind of relationship

is and more natural than having your own natural kids, which by the way, that's when they come out of your vagina. It's as natural as your love for God. Whoa. I think that's when they come out of your vagina. Pete Slauson It's as natural as your love for God. Pete Slauson Whoa. Pete Slauson I think that's learned. Pete Slauson Atheists are furious at this documentary. Pete Slauson Yeah, I mean, just on technicality, not even to get into religion, I believe that your love in God is kind of a learned behavior. So, she's like, yeah, it's like your love for God,

and I'd do anything to protect that primate, anything. Pete Slauson So, we know it's going to get ugly with Tanya. Pete Slauson Right. Pete Slauson And so, immediately, they're drawing their parallels with Joe Exotic, like, it's going to be a crime documentary. And then we cut to helicopters whirring over the home and news clips saying, the fight over chimpanzees should be over. But the chimpanzee lady now making national news and then we see Tanya talking to the news camera being like, oh, they're gonna have to bring sheriffs, they're gonna have to bring everything they can. This is like trying

to take peanut butter from a caveman. Who was preparing a Mother's Day gift for a soon-to-be-disappointed mother. So, I would give anything that I had to possession wise for that child. I would, I would give my life for maybe not my wig. I'll keep the wig, but everything else I'll give up for that chimp. And that's what I did. I gave up everything for Tonka. Oh my God, what happened? And then the title comes up, chimp crazy. Now, I was in love already. I was like, this is my kind of show. I need this to have 20 seasons.

Cause this is amazing. And this is also an amazing shot because she's sitting in this pink bedroom with like bunk beds behind her and she goes, I would. And that's what I did to be honest. And then she stares at the camera and this little baby chimp crawls out on the top bunk bed out of nowhere. I was like, that was the most perfect shot. It was this, was this. How did they do that? How did that work out so perfectly? Did they just like pause the camera? I think so much of this show, and that's what I really like about this show, because, you

know, it's a documentary, but we're so used to doco series or whatever, whatever they're called, like doco dramas, that we get used to thinking, oh, this is a documentary. It's like Real Housewives are just documenting these lives. This is actually a film, you know, that things are just kind of naturally happening on the camera and they're catching such really cool shit. I mean, they're really catching a lot of cool stuff. And that was just one little moment of it, which I don't think you can plan that. Like that little monkey just crawling so slowly on the top bunk, kind of making its way into the shot. And she's just having a very serious shot straight to the camera. It was a perfect shot, I have to say.

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Apple podcasts, or Spotify. So now we cut to Sarasota, Florida. Inevitably, we knew for some reason we just knew this documentary was gonna take us to Sarasota and we're atevitably. We knew some, for some reason, we just knew this documentary was going to take us to Sarasota. And we're at the home of Pam Rosair, who, um, by the way, I don't understand Pam Rosair's role in all this, but I loved her. I wanted more of her. So, um, she's, uh,

she and her husband and a chimp are watching a movie on the screen. They're watching 2001 space Odyssey. That's the famous scene where, in the beginning, where a chimp, someone in a monkey suit, is banging with one bone against another. It's the invention of tools, and we hear the music going off. The also-sprax-era-three-struck-like-da-da-da-da-da-da.

And this chimp is watching a fake chimp on TV, but thinks it's a real chimp, and is losing its mind. And this, Pam Rosair, there's no reason. Pam Rosair is only watching this movie to fuck with her chimp. I'd like to point out there's a way she's like, all right, everyone, let's, let's, let's watch the movie to watch, make our little chimp go crazy. Again, he thinks it's real. It's hilarious. Well, yeah, I mean, you want to watch chimp things with your champ, right?

It's like, when you have a gay person in your house, you're like, let's put on a Housewives show for Ronnie, you know, keep him busy or like a show too. And like when I was a kid, my mom would just throw on Little Orphan Annie, the movie or whatever. So yeah, you got to keep the chimp interested. But I love the chimp's audience, his audience abilities, because we see the chimps watching things throughout the show and just watching how they react to things. It is very like us on a season finale night of Housewives. They're just like moving back and forth in a diaper, which is me soon, but just like, proceeds, prove, time on, banging shit on the ground, you know? So Pam goes, well, my dad asked me what I wanted to do

with the rest of my life and I said, I wanna be the world's most famous chimpanzee trainer. We'll put that on LinkedIn. America, this is where we really need to beat our children. You know what I mean? Like, no. You know, sometimes you just need to say no and you need to bring spanking back. And you need to say, read a book, get a job. You know what I mean? Like, no. You know, sometimes you just need to say no, and you need to bring spanking back. You need to say, read a book, get a job. You know what I mean?

And the director, Eric, not Mike, Eric says, and how old were you? She was seven. So at seven, she, she both wanted to be a chimpanzee trainer, but also the most famous one. Yeah. So then we, um, cut to a circus with Pam, some video footage, and she's like, my ancestors are all circus people, so I couldn't just have one chimp, you know. You had to have at least three chumps, because then if you got three chumps, then you got an act. And one chimp is a solo, two chimp is a duo, three chimp, you're in business, baby We see her doing her act with her chance and like she's got it look at that it does make a difference having three Yeah, it's like a reverse cat lady. You know, if you got one cat, you got a cat You got two cats. Oh, you got two cats. You got three cats

You're a cat lady, but it goes in reverse the monkeys with monkeys we can get three. It's you're an act That's when you're most special of all as a monk is when you get three hits, you're an act. That's when you're most special of all. Pete Slauson So, she's like, and let me tell you, chimps have a long life, right? They got the same lifespan that we got. So, I picked the right trait because I'm still performing with my chimps, all right? We all fart a little bit more in the middle of numbers, but we're still doing them, right? And then we cut to her doing shows with her chimps. The shows are kind of sad, right? Because, you know, they're all on a chain, they're all

on a big long chain, and they're kind of like doing a cartwheel. And she's like, oh, chimps can do anything that they want to do because they've got our intelligence. Well, I don't know if you've watched the news or talked to random strangers out in public lately, but I don't know that I'd be bragging about that, you know? Jared Yeah. Have you watched the other people in your documentary? I don't know if intelligence is a word we should be throwing around so easily. Pete Literally turn on TLC and then tell me you want people, you know, making more. Jared Yeah, no, they're right. They're calculating. They watch every movie you make. They learn to read people. They know what you say, every movie you make. They learn to read people.

They know what you say, every word you say, every breath you take, every word you make, every place you go, every chimp you stow away, they'll be watching you. Ladies and gentlemen, Bully! That's not Berlin. His thing's... I don't know why that made me think of that. It's the police, babe. The police. Well, they're going to be in this later, so we'll see them soon.

So she's like, yeah, Chimps are real smart. And then we see her loading her chimps into the car after the circus. And one of them is joking that it's like wanting to get a beer on top of the car. It's like, should I get the beer? Should I get the beer? Should I get the beer? Pete Slauson Chimps have the personality like that creepy uncle who's always kidding, but then he's thrown in jail at some point for something terrible. You're like, oh, I just thought he was funny. And it's like, no. And, you know, I hope that's not me because I'm an uncle. But I thought of that and I was like, oh my God, am I the creepy uncle that

eventually goes to jail for something? Sorry, I got sidetracked. I got sidetracked in my fear for my own future. I forgot what we were talking about. Natalya Klinger Well, we were talking about Pam endorsing chimps, and she goes, you know, they are 98.4% human DNA. So therefore, I mean, they're our closest living relative. They're my kids, and they're always going to be my kids. And and years ago I had a baby chin born two months premature and premature baby chimps cannot digest formula and he wasn't doing good He was dying, but I just had my daughter daughter dot Dallas. So I did what came natural He's a baby that needs feeding feed it, you know Cut to the baby cut to the baby chimp at McDonald's JK cut to the baby chimp at McDonald's. JK, cut to the baby chimp on her tit, okay, with Dallas.

She's got a ba, the husband's like, I'll come in one day, she's got Dallas on one booby and the chimp on the other. And I said, whoa, what are you doing? And will you do it? Well, I got the beta max, worrying. And then it becomes like a national inquirer story, which meant that her husband went and

called the newspapers, but hey, my wife is breastfeeding a monkey, want to write about it? Pete They were like, this is it. This is how we make it. Jared Because back in the day, there wasn't a TikTok. You can't, there's not going to be some video of you yelling at your kids hilariously that's going to make you a family name. You know what I mean? You had them like actually make an effort. I mean, back then people really woke up in the morning, like get out the beta max. I'm breastfeeding a monkey and we're going to spread this around.

We're going to put this on a mobile home tour until it gets somewhere. You know, it's really true because she's like, next thing you know, it's in the inquirer and then star and oh my God, like baby chimps, say by breastfeeding mom. I mean, it was, I was living my dream. I was the most famous chimpanzee trainer and I trained them from, from the teat. Pete Slauson And let's just point out, I mean, times change, you know, and she would be in jail if this, if this came out today. If this came out that some lady had a monkey on her boob. They would be like, that is animal,

you know, abuse and you are going to prison, ma'am, you know? Yes. And I'm not sure whose side I am, whose side I'm on, like the past or the present, because she saved a monkey, I guess. But then the other part of me is like, was there no bottle that you could put the breast milk in? I just don't understand. I don't understand. She saved the monkey. To be your booby. So that would kind of have a long, flourishing life dressed like a little

cowboy doing cartwheels on a chain. I mean, that monkey would have gone to heaven without ever being dressed like Mae West is a fireman. And I'm not stepped in. But yeah, like you saved the monkey, but what about your nipple? I haven't felt like a pizza, you know? I'd be very concerned about that. So she's like, you know, to me, they're my life. I mean, that's my life's love. They were my first love. And I wouldn't want to have my life without a chimp in it. And by the way, as we see these chumps,

I can see how people fall in love with these animals. They are just so sweet. They are really, really sweet. And Dallas, who's her daughter, is like, and by the way, Dallas, I don't know, we haven't found out much about this storyline yet, these people yet, but Dallas is very like gypsy for anybody who knows that musical. I'm sorry, I'm so like old Queenie with my, it's my birthday, I'm reminiscing on everything that's past. But, you know, it's very child star of that era, you know, like the 50s or whatever. This is the one who was supposed to make it, Dallas, you know, that Mama Rose put everything into. And she still kind of looks like she's on break from the circus. Like she's still kind of in her stage makeup with her stage

hair, and you know, she's wearing some pleather boots. And she's still kind of in her stage makeup with her stage hair and you know, she's wearing some pleather boots and she's like, Oh, he was just gentle. He was very kind. We're like brother and sister so much that the instant a boy would like me, he, you know, he would be mean to that boy, whip off his dick, put it down his throat, you know, rip off one of his legs and beat him with it. I mean, so what brothers do Yeah, couldn't can't imagine my life without him. It would have been very different If you were gonna serve me a summons without a chimp you'd probably be able to do it So Eric good is like so if someone wants a chimp, where would you buy one in America?

She goes, well, for a long time it was Conocasey. She has chimpanzees, but it's too bad because it's the end of a dynasty. She lives in Festus, Missouri, not to be confused with Fetus, Missouri. That S is really important. More fester, Missouri. That's just a place in Missouri where older balding fat men go to live and just grow pale. She doesn't want the attention. Speaking of the creepy uncles, there's a whole town where creepy uncles are sent to.

Fester. Fester. Don't talk to Connie Casey about Fester, Missouri. Bad things happened over there. She's like, Connie Casey. And this is where we find out, Connie Casey does not want attention. Connie Casey, you sell circus chimps and used to go on TV trying to like make yourself famous with these. I get you don't want it now. I mean, as it goes on, we can see why Connie no longer wants attention. But we cut to fetus Missouri.

Fetus, festus, fester, Missouri, Festivus, Missouri. Um, and so Peter Loffer, so someone named Peter says that Missouri is basically one of the few states where you can do anything with animals. I did not know this. You can have like exotic animal auctions. You can do anything. Any wild, crazy animal. It's there. Come to Missouri. Come for the butter cake. Stay for the exotic animals. Yeah. Stay for the giraffe adoption. You know,

so blue whale is like Connie Casey. She was doing this stuff big time, which was breeding chimpanzees at her Enclave, the Missouri Primate Foundation. So, he's like, back in 2010, I was one of the last journalists to talk to Connie. So, Eric, whose name is not Michael or Chris, whatever I was calling him before, is like, yeah, I've been trying to talk to her. He's like, oh yeah, she's not going to talk to anybody. I'll tell you that. So, Eric's like, yeah, I've been documenting exotic animal people for a very long time, and they're already distrustful, but you know, I made the Tiger King and now no one will talk

to me. No one trusts me in the animal community. So, he tries to go, he tries to go, like, show up at Connie Casey's. So, he's like, he drives up and it's just all these really angry dogs just staring at him from like this gate. And he's like, mm, you know what? I think I'm gonna come back another time. So he tells us that he had to hire a proxy director to go undercover. And so he is with the proxy director.

I forgot his name. What was his, I know his stage name is, which is Dr. Wasabi. It's Dwayne. Pete Slauson Dwayne. Dave Korsunsky Right? So, he's like, we got a proxy director. So then we get this guy come in and he's like, I'm from the circus. Like, oh my god, of course you are.

Pete Slauson Yeah, I guess if I scroll down one more line, I would have seen his name as Dwayne. Dave Korsunsky So, we see the property, right? It's a chain link gate opening up and it says Missouri Primate Foundation. And we see statues of chimps. It's just kind of funny. And it's July 2021. And Dwayne is meeting Tonya, the lady with the big plastic crazy hair. And they start, it's like, I guess, you know, the first day of filming for them. And she's like, we just got in at 330 this morning, she's talking on the phone, and then we meet her. She's like, I'm Tanya, basically I'm a nurse,

I'm from St. Louis, and I came down here to Missouri Primate Foundation to help Connie Casey preserve the chimpanzees that she held, because Connie, I mean, hold on, everybody just quiet on set. Connie's a legacy, Can we have a moment and just bask in the glow that is Connie? Connie, silently burp like you do so we know you're the... I felt it. Did you guys feel like that? What a fucking legacy. She has a legacy that is greater than anybody could ever imagine. She is a world renowned chimp person, basically responsible of three quarters of the captive bred chimps that are here in the United States currently. If you ever look

at a chimp in a cage and think, God, that chimp looks miserable, she'll be out in the jungle. Just say, that was Connie. Connie did that. She's an icon. You know, Connie's the first person to look at a chimp and think, you know what that chimp really needs? A shadow of bars on his face. You know what? Connie looks at a chimp. Some people see this as a wild animal that should be swinging from vines in a different continent, but she sees someone who could be dressed up like a little whore in an old West bordello. She's a genius. Connie sees that as somebody who could really entertain a bunch of children at a party until a year later when it gets murderous and tries to take down the neighborhood.

So what a legacy. Good girl. Hey, we've got a lot of chimp statues. Where's the Donnie statue? It's exhausted. That's where it is. It's under a blanket somewhere. Real tired.

Sorry, this is her Wheel of Fortune watching hour. So basically, Connie's like minivan or something, pulls up and Tonya goes up to Connie to try to be like, hey, I want you to meet this guy that's doing this documentary. His name is Dr. Wasabi. He's a real reputable guy. He went to he went to he has an advanced degree. He is it's not Mr. Wasabi. It's Dr. Wasabi. I think you should talk to him. I don't remember. Hey, you come here. I'm sorry. I don't know your name. Okay, I guess you know that. And I know that sounds rude. Guess what? I know fucking Connie. All right, have some respect. So he comes over, he's

like, Hi, I'm Dwayne Cunningham, completely a filmmaker, not tricking you at all. It's a pleasure and an honor to meet you. Yes, I am juggling. Yes, I fucking am. That's just how we do it in the business these days. We just thought people needed to hear your story and while I ask you questions, I'm going to be going back and forth in the same foot on this unicycle. Love your car, by the way. God, back in my day, we could probably fit about 45 of us in that thing. Okay. Did you know that they can fit 40 people in a clown car, according to Alexa, but then they can only fit 25 in a clown car, according to Siri.

Now does that mean that Android is just generally more positive or are they delusional? And Apple's like, no, you can only fit them safely. And if you want more, you have to buy more storage for clowns and it's going to cost you five times the national average. I think it's clear that Alexa is the Connie Casey of Clown Car captivity versus Siri, which is going for a more humane numerical account. You could, but we're not going to endorse it. We're going to say you can only keep 25 in there.

I know that because I was trying to show my friend how the Siri works. I was like, look, Alexa is so much better than Siri. So I was doing a test and that was a question. I was like, look, Alexa is so much better than Siri. So I was like doing a test and that was a question. I was like, just ask anything. How many clowns can a clown car hold? And Alexa said 40 to 45. And I was like, Siri won't even answer because Siri is an idiot. And because normally Siri in the car goes, I'm sorry, I can't do that while you're driving. Like Siri literally won't do anything in the car. But she did answer it. And I was like, maybe they upgraded Siri. I don't do that while you're driving like Siri literally won't do anything in the car But she did answer it and I was like, maybe they upgraded Siri. I don't know. Let me tell you something The most humane of all might just be Google because I said how many clowns fit in the clown car

14 and 21 clowns Greg DeSanto of the International Clown Hall of Fame Estimates that somewhere between 14 and 21 clowns and their props could fit into a car prepared in this manner But only one clown if it's Gail Hi, this is Padma Lakshmi my new gig is response is reading Google results I don't why is it telling me a different thing on Google? Okay? I did it just how many clowns can fit in a car? Oh thing. On Google? Okay.

I did it just now. How many clowns can fit in a car? Oh, I see, because you were asking. Okay, now she's telling me how many clowns can fit in a car. The number of clowns that can fit in a car depends on the size of the car and how densely the clowns are packed. That's a hedge. Listen, can I get a consistent fucking answer here?

How about you answer the question instead of trying to be elusive, Siri? No, this is Alexa who did that. Oh. Well, okay. I really resent that answer. What depends on the size of the car? Well, no shit, Sherlock. A standard clown car was the average.

That's annoying. All right, so we'll go back to Jane. Wait, I want to point out something very important that I just learned. My, my cousin's wife, Mallory has, uh, informed me that there is a hipster clown movement that's happening right now and that this is like now the new thing. Like going to clown school is like a hip thing and clown comedy is now a big deal. And she's like, I'm gonna go to a clown show tonight in fact. So like this is like, Dr. Wasabi is on trend. No, good luck to you, you know, I mean, you gotta have a hobby, go for it, I believe in you.

I will say that I think that that's just big circus because for a long time, a decade ago, people were really into, they were taking circus classes, like where you learn to do the trapeze and stuff like that, remember? Oh, I hated the trapeze. I hated the trapeze. People were always like, oh yeah, my new exercise is trapeze class. And I go, oh, okay. So I think big circus is just like putting this shit out there and tricking people to constantly keep people interested in circus economy. I think so. I think this is definitely like

Barnum and Bailey's attempt to get like a right back into like relevancy, which it won't be. Okay, so back to the show. Yes. So, sorry, sorry, I thought that sentence was over. I didn't mean it in a wrong way. It was, it was over. I was thinking it was over. So, back to the circus, back to the show. So, Dwayne, proxy director, is like, Connie, I'm Dwayne, and listen, it's a pleasure, it's an like, Connie, I'm Dwayne. And listen, it's a pleasure. It's an honor.

You are a legacy. We just want people to hear your story and we're going to get it out there in the court of public opinion. So I'm like, what has happened with Connie? Like, why is Connie hiding? Why is Connie so afraid? But Connie's like, fuck no.

I talk to nobody. I talk to nobody. Here's who you can do. Here's who is going to answer your questions. The hood of my minivan, bitch. So then Dwayne tells us a little bit about himself and why he is suitable for this job. He says, well, I went to Ringling Brothers in Barnum and Bailey Circus Clown College, class of 75. Yeah. Jimmy Carter was our commencement speaker. It was great. And I got to work with their animals every day and then I became involved in the animal industry for pretty much my entire life.

And I've had a relationship with the federal government over exotic animals. So that's his way of saying he was thrown in jail because we see headlines. He was thrown in jail. Yeah, we see his record pop up on the screen. Pete O'Brien Yeah. Pete Slauson It was a rough time, 1975, there was an oil crisis, but I'll tell you one thing, it was a good time to be packed into a clown car. We were the only people who got anywhere back then. Pete O'Brien Oh, God, I was the toast of the town back in 75, a fresh young grad. I was in everyone's living room from Suzanne Summers to Joyce DeWitt. They

all wanted me. So when they called me and said, you want to be the point person on this thing, get in there, see what's going on. I mean, that's right up my alley, you know? And once, once these people knew in my background, they're not skeptical of my presence at all. They say, who are you? I say honk honk and squirt some water in their face through a flower on my lapel. Putty in the palm of my hands, these fuckers. Commercials, here comes one right now. What's up, guys?

It's your girl, Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season. And let me tell you, it's too good. And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay? Every episode, I bring on a friend. I mean the likes of Amy Poehler, Kel Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on. So follow, watch, and listen to Baby. This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. So now Dwayne is getting a tour of the chimps. Tanya's giving a tour and there's a chimp banging on a light and everything. And he's like, is this normal?

It's like, oh yeah, he's just displaying this because there's other males here. That's that's for shame to show his dominance in his territory. I mean, if these bars weren't here, it'd rip your face off. Probably your dick too. But I gotta love, you know, they're just so sweet. Just love these chimps. And this is one of those moments where I was shocked because you're expecting it to be like, oh my God, look how cute.

Like there's chimps everywhere and it does look like prison. It does look like a big prison with bars everywhere and the chimps are like, ah, like they're going crazy because there's someone in there. It's like an insane asylum in there and it does not look like, oh, how touchy feely. It looks like what the fuck is going on here. Right. And she's like, yeah, you know, it's just acting like that because there's's another meal here. It's like, you never watched a Republican national convention. I'm all right. And Connie, I was for you, Con. Hold on one second. Connie just bought a vowel. Okay. She loves playing along. Yeah. Connie, let me tell you something. Connie never spends

money. The only time she ever spends money is for these chimps and the occasional vowel. That must be a hard puzzle. I believe in you, Con. We all believe in you. Leg, C. You have an A? Give me the A. That's right, legacy. You win, Con. Connie is a little sour these days. She really did not want Ryan Seacrest to take over Pat's job. She, strange, her write-in candidate was Heather Locklear. Didn't even understand that one, but you know, I support her. Ryan Seacrest is the host of Wheel of Fortune. He's taking over.

Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah. Come on. Haven't we given Ryan Seacrest enough goddamn money? I agree. I would have liked some fresh game show talent. By the way, we need, we need a new crop of game show hosts. The old, the old ones are all dying off. One just died last week.

So like, I forgot his name was named something Parker. I'll look it up. Well, it's a seemingly much of a legacy. I'm like you, con Peter Marshall. Oh, this poor guy, Peter Marshall died and they put up a picture of Alex Trebek instead. Oh. Pete Liesveld I mean, the lack of respect happening today, not only on the news, but this podcast. Jared Liesveld He was the host of Hollywood Slips. Pete Liesveld That's back? Or back in the day? Jared Liesveld It's definitely not. He was 98.

Pete Liesveld Well, so is Charo. I still watch her ass on the Instagram. Do you ever watch her? She's my favorite. If anybody does not follow Charo, please do yourself a favor and consider it a gift from me. Go follow the official Charo on Instagram. What a fucking ray of light this woman is. I love her so fucking much. I can't even describe how much I love her. I'm like one of the champs watching TV when she comes on my Instagram. Because all she does, like her favorite thing is she'll be like, let me tell you what I'm going to teach you today. Open a watermelon. Watermelon is so healthy. Watermelon. And

then she dances and opens a watermelon and I watch it 20 times and cry. I'm like, are you so talented? I love you, Taro. And she's like, watermelon, look at me, no wrinkles. I'm like, oh my God, this woman's amazing. I once saw her walking on a sidewalk in suburban San Diego. I was like driving through a neighborhood. I was like, is that Charo walking on the sidewalk? And it was Charo, because it's Charo. Like, you know, it's like the hair and everything.

It's like, she's dressed like Charo and she had her little dog. I was like, what is Charo doing? Charo doesn't seem like someone that would just be on a sidewalk, especially not in the suburbs. She's like in some... She is.

...somewhere, but she was right there on the sidewalk. No. Charles is fucking amazing. Yeah. She doesn't change a damn thing. She wears like an ice skating skirt and those really thick hose that are flesh toned, but not see-through. You know, like Taylor Swift wore in her concert.

What are those called? Like ice... I don't know. Like I'm looking at everything as ice skating, but yeah, basically she's dressed like an ice skater, opening a watermelon in her backyard. God, I fucking love that woman. Okay, back to the show. So, Duane gives us his background, and then we go to the large room with the pink cages everywhere, and the chimp's going crazy, and then we see Connie is showing a video on her phone.

She's showing a video to them to show us, I guess. And she's like, yeah, you know, the grandkids playing in the hot tub with Kirby. Listen, I don't want to be on TV. Get me off the TV. Why are you putting me on the camera? Get me off the camera. Connie ain't playing around. She's a diva.

No, she does not want to be on camera. So then Duane tells us, at that point, it seemed like Connie Casey was exhausted, exhausted physically, exhausted mentally. Like there's nothing about Connie Casey that seems like she ever was not exhausted. I have to say from every photo we've seen of her, this is an example. This is a lady who, when they asked her when she was seven, what she wants to be when she grows up, she's like, I want to be the most famous exhausted person. That's what I want. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and I get it. Cause I'm that kind of a person too. Like my ultimate goal

is just to be successful enough to stay in bed all day. That's really all I want. Oh jeez. I'm dropping everything off. I love sleeping. I love being in bed and I'm, yeah, I'm like her too. She's like, get that fucking camera off thing. I'm going to bed. How is she not in a nightgown right now? So now, um, now we have Tanya getting, um, eyelash extensions. She's like lying on a table extensions are going in and she basically has this enormous monologue, which is like, well, she doesn't really get work. This was, you know, her stuff work this was you know her stuff this

this this eyebrow person eyelash person herself looks natural instead of looking real crazy i don't want to look crazy okay the last thing i want to do right now is look crazy on television okay can someone put some shit on my lips right now dwayne dwayne points out he's like i was a little nervous to take this job, but once I kind of saw the way that Connie was talking and then once I heard the way Tanya was talking, I realized that we were on it. It's a love story. And for a minute, you don't know if he means Connie and Tanya, because there is something

between them that's like super deep too, or the monkeys, you're assuming it's the chimps. And then another thing we keep coming back to, can I just say how funny is it? This, a literal clown is hired to be a fake director and like the moment he's assigned the role of fake director, he starts talking as if he is the director. He's like, yeah, it's, you know, the more I listen to that, this is a love story. I really want to capture this dynamic. Like you're not the actual director, Dwayne, you're a clown who has a label Doc with Bobby on his shirt. But you know what? Fake it till you make it. Fake it till you make it. That's what happens,

you know? You pretend you're a director long enough before you know it, you're like, guys, first of all, I need some more water. Second of all, or maybe it should have been first of all, can I get a better Lutz? I mean, what the fuck? first of all, can I get a better Lutz? I mean, what the fuck? So, another thing we keep coming back to is kind of a theme of this show, is Tanya and the Botox people and wherever she's going to get her tans and her makeup and her lip injections and her, we always end up back there and it's so funny. It's like where Tanya opens up and she can really just be Tanya, you know, because they just keep the camera on her during all of her procedures. And so she can't go anywhere. And she's so comfortable in front of the camera. I think

she thinks that they're not going to use any of this because it's like, Oh, they're just sitting with me while I'm getting my lips done. They're not going to use this. Surely. But they use all of this footage. Yeah. She was like, like every single like terrible angle on her. So she's lying on this thing on this table. Yeah. She was like like every single like terrible angle on her. So she's lying on this thing on this table. She goes, you know, everybody compares me to Dolly. I don't know what, but they do. I'm like the Dolly partner chimps or I'm like the crazy monkey lady, but usually the Dolly partner chimps.

You don't know why they compare you to Dolly because you've given yourself boobs as big as cars and a big, gigantic wick cause you're, you're dressing like Dolly every day. What do you think? You look like a tourist shop in Nashville and listen, I'm all for it. I love it. Who, who are the people calling her the Dolly partner chimps? Like what, like who are the people like, and what's, what's, what is the circle that she's in where people are like, Oh yeah, Connie, I mean, Tanya, Dolly Parton or chimps, who's saying this? I don't know, but I feel like probably everybody. I probably feel like people in the Buc-E's are probably like, that's Dolly Parton or chimps.

I mean, look at her. It's the gay chimps. They're like, Oh my God, icon. She is the Dolly Parton of us. All the gay chimps. They're like, Oh my God, icon. She is the Dolly Parton of us. All the gay chimps. So she was like, yeah, you know, um, I owned a Capuchin Capuchin as I pronounce it. I think I had a Capuchin monkey for about 20 years. And I just love the Capuchins, but I always wanted to chimp, you know, chimps are the big leagues. Yeah. Capuchins, Capuchins are just like, Oh, what the capuchins, the chickpea, uh, champ is a head of cauliflower. Yeah. Yeah.

Chimp. Yeah. No, perfect metaphor. A champ. I don't really know where that came from. Cauliflower is like the Dolly Parton vegetables. It kind of is actually a chimp. You know, a chimp is way better than the Kabuchins, our Kabuchins, but like, and just, they're just like so much better than you because you can shape them into being you. Like have you ever seen a chimp with a giant wig

and huge lips? That was me. I did that. I shipped it right. Have you seen the chimp white lotus that came out? Well, you ever seen a chimp, chimp fall off of a yacht? I did that. These gay chumps, they're trying to kill me. I wrote that. I did that. She's just so, she's so on the nose with her like, yeah, I wanted chimps cause it could shape them into being you. This is some creepy, unlike your children,

fucking guys and children. God forbid you try and teach a kid to, you know, smile with a half an orange in her mouth and make people laugh every once in a while. I told my kid, hey, dress up like a 60 year old woman at a boarding house in New York city and talk to a pig. And my daughter said, won't do it mom. But Jim, Jim does it every time.

Yeah, this is also another parallel with Joe Exotic. What I thought was interesting is just the complete narcissism that goes into this, because his whole thing was Botox and bleach blonde and the glam of it all, and, you know, there was like a certain obsession with his looks and the fame of it all. And that's kind of her thing too, you know, they look at the animal, you know, they both say, they both do the platitudes of, spout the platitudes of like, oh, this is for love and there's nothing like the love between a human and an animal. But then when it comes down to it, it's really kind of about their own narcissism, you know? Pete And they're also like, probably, I'm assuming some sort of like abandonment issues where like,

they never got the love or the attention or anything. So, it's like, oh, I can shape this exotic animal into like what I want it to, because I never had any sort of like power or exotic animal into like what I wanted to, because I never had any sort of like power or, or love like this in my life. So here I, someone who can't protest me and can't reject me. Right. Because they're in a cage. So, um, I thought at one point I can afford when my kids are grown, they haven't done shit for me. So who needs an inheritance when you're them?

You know what I mean? So let's try to find a baby chimp. And Connie Casey was offering chimp encounters. Which again, this is something I feel like is just you be jealous for this. So I made an appointment on chimp encounters dot earthlink dot net. And it was the most rewarding and most experience I ever had. I put it like, okay, if having your own natural gross babies, and that's probably what, number 12 or so, this is like a by far, like what's even beyond number one? This was like the chimp encounter. This just like, I didn't even need this wig after this.

My hair naturally got big and curled because I was so excited. Yeah, it was a chimp encounter. It was amazing. It changed my whole life. I mean more in childbirth. Childbirth really only changed one thing. They didn't let me wear my eyelashes. So I looked crazy in every picture. Otherwise fuck that kid. Am I right? But that holding that champ,

that changed everything. I wanted to go back and meeting you. I wanted to pay another $300. It's like $300. Holy shit. You could have done drugs for a week. You could have just gone to a zoo also, by the way. And so she said, Connie lived the life that I would have loved to live. Living in a giant decrepit place in the middle of Missouri. That's, that's what, that's what you call living. Festus. She's my idol and she needed help. So I just went to volunteer one day a week and then I'd edit it up three to four days and then I'd edit it up five days and I started putting

eyedrops in her milk just waiting for her to pass. Yeah, it's a slow game, it's a long game. Am I speaking out loud right now? Eyelashes, am I right? And thank God I went to Connie's five years ago or I never would have known. Like, that's the only time in my life I have ever been so happy. I'm 53 years old, definitely 53. And then five years was the best five years of my life.

You know, the eyebrow technician was just like, I have to hear this story every single time she comes in. Well, we don't see the, the eyebrow eyebrow eyelash technician for a while. It takes another episode before we finally see him. And when we finally see him, he's like some hot bear guy. He looks like he's an auto mechanic. He's just like, all right, all right. I'm going to move around your filler for a little bit, all right, honey?

Singing. I'll just, when you're talking about showing some of that lip. All the men kind of look the same, like Connie's husband, this, as the, this, this med spa guy and the guy who does the animal cremations, they're all, I'm like, are they, is that the same guy? Is he just have three jobs? Yeah, it all looks like my memories of the bowling alley for sure. They're all bowling alley people. So then we cut to Tonka and it cage banging on his wall,

banging on the wall going crazy and Tonka is cut to Tonka and Cage banging on his wall, banging on the wall going crazy. And Tonka is like, Tonka, you crazy little guy. Come on, he's just playing around guys. Tonka's like, I will murder you. Like if we knew Morse code, it would be Tonka being like, get me the fuck out of here before I murder Ollie. You know, he doesn't have outdoor access because he's a sick chimp. Tonka, you know, he had a massive stroke last week, so he doesn't climb or anything. And you know, that's just the most active he is. And by the way, he's not a big champ, he's just fat. He's a big fat champ.

Tonka's like, excuse you, I'm right here. Some sensitivity, please. Don't mind Chonka, he's just a fatty fatty two by four, couldn't get his big butt through. Why is Tonka so mad? Wow, Tonka's getting even more mad. Maybe stop fat shaming Tonka. Let him live. She's like, well, we've got seven chimps and each chimp is individualistic, okay? Just like humans, except for my children,

basically little globs of mayonnaise. It could have been on any sandwich. And let me tell you, sandwich I'm not ordering, am I right? Why can you order sandwiches but not children? How come I can get a sandwich made the way I want but not my own spawn? Let me tell you something. Of the two things that don't talk back when you put them in a cage, a sandwich is the one that I'm going to take. Because you know what? Children put them in cages, they're not as calm as Tonka is right now. The sandwich is kind of...

What am I talking about? So Tonya is like So, okay, let me tell you... Let me give you a tour about our chimps that all have very basic names, except for Tonka. I don't know why Tonka's name is in the mix, but here's Connor. Connor is the hallmark reading card chimp. Okay, he was born in Brennan Connys facility, so he never really liked... He never really lived anywhere else. We have Tammy, Carrie, Michaela, spelled like she's on, you know, MTV Teen Mom, M-I-K-A-Y-L-A, Candy and Crystal. Tammy, Carrie, Michaela, Candy, Crystal and Connor. The most basic names.

Pete Slauson Yeah. Because it's hard to come up with, there's only one Tonka, you know what I mean? After that, you're just like, all right, we're just gonna have a hundred of these. We're just going to have to start naming them human names. Sorry. Can we get a John? Can we get a John or two? It's actually funny. It's not that they're basic names because on their own, they're perfectly fine names. It's just that somehow as a group, it's just like one of them. It's just like this very, I don't know how to describe it.

Well, it's not a family. It's not a family, right? It just seems like a reality. It's like maybe a class. You know, it's maybe like a. Well, it's not a family. It's not a family, right? It just seems like a reality. It's like maybe a class. A reality show, you know? It's maybe like a classroom, but it's not a family. Cause in a family, there would be more similar names or names that kind of went together. But these are like, Tammy, Michaela, Candy, Crystal. What are we going for here?

You know, what is this family's vibe? It sounds like, that sounds like people auditioning for a girl group, right? It's like, okay, who's next? Tammy? Okay, come on in, Tammy. Hey everyone, this is the end of part one of this recap. For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. She has no last name-y! Hava Nagila Webber! Know your worth with Jason Kurtz! Sip some scotch with Jessica Tratch!

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Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD! We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva! Let's get real with Kaitlyn O'Neal! Don't get salty with Christine Pepper! Can't have a meal without the Emily sides! Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall! We got our wish, it's Jen Plish! She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch.

She's a little bit loony. Junie. My favorite Murdo. Karen McMurdo. We love him madly, it's Kyle Podchadly. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. The incredible, edible Matthew Sisters. Give him hell, Miss Noelle.

Ring that bell to a Rochelle. She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke. Shinin' out of a cannon, Anthony. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Coutar. We love you guys. If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey. Welcome to the Offensive Line. You guys, on this podcast, we're gonna make some picks, talk some and hopefully make you some money in the process. I'm your host, Annie Hagar. So here's how this show's gonna work, okay?

We're gonna run through the weekly slate of NFL and college football matchups, breaking them down into very serious categories like No Offense. No offense Travis Kelce, but you gotta step up your game if Pat Mahomes is saying the Chiefs need to have more fun this year. We're also handing out a series of awards and making picks for the top storylines surrounding the world of football. Awards like the He May Have a Point Award for the wide receiver that's most justifiably bitter.

Is it Brandon Iyuk, T Higgins, or Devonte Adams? Plus on Thursdays we're doing an exclusive bonus episode on Wondery Plus, where I share my fantasy football picks ahead of Thursday Night Football and the weekend's matchups. Your fantasy league is as good as locked in. Follow the offensive line on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can access bonus episodes and listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus.