Watch What Crappens - #2536 RHODub S02E12: Putting Green with Envy

Episode Date: August 28, 2024

This week on Real Housewives of Dubai, Lesa throws a branded spa experience, but it’s not at the Glass House. It all leads to fighting, golfing, and a budding feud.  To watch this recap on video and listen to all of our bonus episodes, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello, hello, I'm already slurring like Caroline Brooks. Welcome to Watch What Crappins, podcasts about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you? Hello, Ben. Welcome to your recap of the penultimate episode of season two of Real Housewives of Dubai. Can you believe it?

Possibly forever. Possibly forever, really? Is there talk that it's not coming back? Well, I mean, I think five people are watching it, so I don't know. I don't know what ratings are required these days, but girl, I feel like we're the only people. And you know what? I've kind of realized what's missing from this show, and we love this show, by the way,

so this is not even to start negging on this show right at the start, because I love this show. I think the season is fantastic. But I think what's really missing from this, it's a ghost town this show. It looks like people are making up a play and I didn't really... It never hit me until I read a comment on Reddit where they said, there's no one in any of the scenes. And it's true. It's this big cavernous town with all of this like marble and gold everywhere, but nobody, you don't see any human beings. It does look like an off Broadway play about real housewives where the only cast members are the six people in it. You know, it's so funny that you mentioned that because in this episode they go to a restaurant at the end of the episode. And I noticed that this restaurant,

at this big resort, this big fancy resort in this restaurant that looks very nice is empty. And I was looking in the background, I was like, there's one person, there's two people. I was like, where is everyone? This is not like they were shooting the scene at 3 PM like they will often do on other shows, but this was like nighttime and it does feel empty. And I was just reflecting on that. It's kind of like during pandemic lockdown when they were shooting seasons, there was a weird vibe on a lot of those housewives seasons then because they were in very empty spaces. And it does sort of feel, it does feel empty. I felt this way about the first season too. It's like, you don't have that pulsing energy of

being out in public because so much of these shows is I can't believe these people are acting this way in public, you know? It's a big cavernous empty space this show. It's like people trying to have an intimate scene in a food court at all times, you know, just big, marble, empty. It's basically a representation of Sarah's personality. It's just big, ornate, expensive, and ultimately empty. And I think that that's kind of a problem. And you know, one of these, the whole point of Housewives is that the city is another character, right? I mean, every place has their flavor because the city really is kind of another character

in the show. So when your city is just empty and void of any personality, it kind of makes it hard. Now that said, I think they've had a really good season and I hope they get another chance. Yeah, me too. I mean, I say it like every episode, I did not like the first season and I've been won over by season two. I think it's really good, really entertaining, really hilarious. I was cackling this entire

episode. So I do hope people take some time to watch it. But last week they got to 0.238 million people. I mean, that's... Summer's hard. I don't think they're gonna be able to be brought back. Summer's hard, people are... That's like a watch what crappens number, you know? Or watch what happens, watch what happens the late night show number, which is obviously a lot lower.

I mean, I feel like... Crazy times. Everyone I've talked to who watches Bravo, they all seem to be watching it, and they all seem to be saying things like, yeah, this season's really good. It's like really funny. Everyone online is saying like,

Dubai is quietly having a great season. Like there's definitely chatter about it, but I don't, it's, yeah. But alas. It's hard, it's hard. It's hard for a newer franchise that if it stumbles out the gate the first season, it's hard to get back to those viewers because people have a lot of things that

they can watch at any given time. They could be watching baby reindeer or chimp crazy or there's so many shows we don't even know about. I mean, when we went searching for shows to recap now that bravo's in this lull, we were like, what the hell are these shows? I mean, there's so many and we're recapping stuff that we never thought we'd recap. Chimp crazy. That's the thing. Chimps. We're talking about chimps.

The Mormon lives of Mormon wives, secret lives of Mormon wives. That's coming up. I mean, some crazy shit out there. Yeah. Someone was like, you got to watch like Gypsy Sisters on TLC or something. Like there's just like a whole, there's like a, I didn't even know you were still allowed to call people Gypsies. I know. They have multiple seasons of that. So I don't know.

There's a lot of weird stuff out there, but. All right, well let's get on with this one, shall we? This one is season two, episode 11, and it's called Serving the Tree. Ooh. Serving the Tree. I don't know if I even understand that as a, Serving the Tree, Is that like tree pose?

Maybe? Girl, you're serving tree. Um. Bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling. That's called being a waitress at rails. Now can I have the. Uh, yeah, can I have the lasagna? But like, ah, could you put common in it?

And like, ah, I don't know. By the way, one of the great, I don't know, think, think, think, think, think. Can you imagine waiting on Teresa just like, what's that, what's that? Can I have that? What's that? What's that? What's that? Can I have that?

Why, cause like Melissa wouldn't get that. That's like stupid. One of the great joys of season two of Dubai has been obviously the addition of Talene. But I find that I randomly spend all week going, Hey, Raph, Raph, what are you doing? Raph, Raph, just see that cloud. Raph, check out that cloud. Raph, Raph. I like doing the general talking like to lean in any situation

where everything is the most dramatic thing that's ever happened. Everything is the most dramatic thing that's ever happened. Roth, you will not believe the list of ingredients on these brownies. Should we just pour them all into the bowl, Roth? And they're so gross, this couple. I mean, as we've gotten, as they've, as we've gotten more used to them, I think a lot of it was that social media video of her last week of the, they wouldn't let Roth in to the restaurant because he was talking on his phone. Do not go there. And that hostess, Marissa, like going off on the hostess. Do not go to the hillstone of Kirby. They

wouldn't let Roth in. He had a very important Roth phone call. Yeah, Gross people. And of course, Roth is that type, walking in a restaurant, talking full voice on his phone with his doll hair. So they're gross, but you know what? It really works for this. It really, really does work for this show. Listen, they're gross.

They're terrible people. They're just right up my alley. I'm like, my favorite. I love, I love Talene and Roth. Yeah. So we opened the episode with Lisa in a ball gown at home. You know, I don't even know if that's true, but I just imagine Lisa's always dressed to the nines, even when she's making pancakes for the kids. But Lisa is at home and she's doing the typical like, I'm inviting everyone to my event thing,

but she's leaving a voice message for everybody, which have you not learned your lesson girl? Yeah, girl, no more voice knows. So she's like, Hey everyone, like come to the, come to like the spa. I'm going to, she's going to show off me and a rose new skincare line. And yeah, she's leaving a voice, voice note for everyone. And then a sexy pic of Caroline, and Sergio sort of pop up on her phone, I guess, from the group chat.

And her kid's like, and she's like, oh my God. And her kid's like, can we see it? She's like, definitely not. No, you can't even come in the room. I don't need you to see this. You hurt my children. That'll be her next thing. Like, oh, why can't I believe you've done this

to my children? Can I just say, I'm gonna need some better housewives of businesses. We don't need any more of your imported China, you know, imported like factory face creams with your branding on them. We need new shit people, okay? I don't want your fucking Tmoo creams that say Me in a Row. Come up with something better. So lifeless, you know? And

I think Lisa's having that problem on this show. She's so fucking beautiful, but she's so depressed and lifeless. Even her voicemail, she's like, girls, I would like to invite you because I have moisturizer. And I'm like, I'm exhausted. Like you're literally, you're opposite influencing me. I don't even want to use moisturizer anymore. I'm just going to start going dry after this episode. You know, I feel like we gave Barbara friend of on Real Housewives of New York so much shit for so many different reasons, but we really should have recognized that she was trying to innovate the Real

Housewives side hustle space a little bit by, but no, no, no, no, not, not the jazzing. That's you're thinking of, not Carol. You're thinking of, you know, what's her face. I'm talking about Barbara. No one knows her name. She had a toolkit. Remember Barbara? Barbara, the construction lady. Yeah. She's like, delegates for women. You know, yeah. How I would, how I yearn to have those days back of seeing a toolkit instead of more skin cream and like wine and whatever else. The bejazzle. Yeah, remember Barbara like the construction work.

She's like, I'm Barbara. I construct things, not bisexual. Ramona's like, gross. Gross. No, Cindy Borschop does the bejazzling. Okay. Yeah, Cindy Borschop. Oh, I mean, although it's never over yet.

Yeah, she had construction, and then she ran for mayor, remember? She didn't run for mayor. Yeah. Yeah. And I ran a marathon. I ran for marathon. Carol Radswell. That's her.

Okay, so she leaves the most boring voice message ever for the most boring business idea ever for the ladies. And then we go over to Stambury's house and Sergio's like, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey. What, Sergio? Hi, hi, honey, honey, honey. There's a lady who sort of looks like you in the living room, but she doesn't want to do tiki tiki.

That's my mother, Sergio, lay off her. So her mother is there. Her mother looks terrified every time she's there. Like, who put me here? She looks like she just woke up. They took a bag off of her head. And she's like, Oh God, I'm at Caroline's home. This? Why? Oh, so this is, this must be what's boarding school would have been like being sent off to the lap of luxury where no one appreciates you apparently. So she looks like Blythe Danner when Blythe Danner first had to smell Gwyneth's vagina candle. Yes, she does have, she's like, this is what I made.

Danner. She does, she looks like her and she just has that disappointment of like, I'm a serious actor and I've raised a woman who makes vagina candles for billions of dollars now. Great. What I'm sorry, I'm like caffeinated. I keep talking right over you. Well, I never, I never stopped talking about, I make a pause like it's your turn to start talking and then you try and then I just, I'm not doing it on purpose. I can't control myself today. But we've also literally been talking for two hours before we've impressed record because we can't shut up.

We're like, you know what we should do today? We should immediately start working. Girl, what do you think about ovens? We're also giddy because it feels like it's our Friday, but we really still have so much more work to do this week. But in my mind, I'm like, it's Friday. It's Wednesday, guys. So, no, one of my favorite tropes are old British people who are sort of part of the aristocracy who get tricked into coming onto Bravo. Like that's a joy. And that's what's happened with Caroline's parents who are like, oh, okay, we'll be here on your television program. It's a little bit of the lower classes. But you know, we are people of the people. And that's what we can do. We have to represent the Queen or the King, I should say, God rest the Queen's soul. And we shall do it here for American

audiences. So Stamber is like, Oh, mom, it's chaos here. We've got constant people like, you know, upstairs, I've got closet people in the carpet people in. I don't know what to do with that. Someone at the end of my bed in the morning, you know, do you like the house, by the way? And she's like, I think you've done a fantastic job. It's large, looks like there are doors that open. Yes, they do open. I'm free to use them whenever I'd like. Well, that would be lovely. It would be lovely if I could get out of these chains on my ankle and walk towards the door. Please let me go. Please let me. You know, it's absolutely beautiful

household. I mean, you know, some in England would probably call it Godi, but I think that's what you were going for, were you not? I think I love how you said, I'm going to take all the traditional views of what is a beautiful and refined home and turned it on its head and said, no, this is the new look. Tacky furniture, oversized chairs, disgusting things, a butler who's also your husband. Sorry, Tiki Tiki? Yes. Wonderful Caroline, revolutionary. I'm so excited. My parents are finally seeing the house. They've seen all the pictures when we were building it, but they haven't been in yet.

So they're so excited. Just look at my mother. And just cuts to her mom like, God, I hate this. God. Listen, I don't regret sending her to nannies. I do regret sending her to terribly tasteless nannies. You know, Caroline really needs to calm down about all her like brown uniform nanny trauma because like she just has to wait about 10 years and she gets to like get her revenge.

It's like mother, I'm sending you to old people boarding school. Good luck. You'll spend the rest of your life there. It's called being drugged out in a chair in the corner. Have fun. Thank you, Caroline. So by the way, her dad, her dad is in this giant chair. There's like giant drive chair. Her dad seems like he has no idea what to do with it. This chair is a little bit too big. It's not very refined, I would say, but I'll try to sit and be comfortable in it. Well, is this what you call a cushion? Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. You must get soft sitting on something soft. You know, you need something hard. Now, Caroline, don't really approve

of the home, but it is a home and you've got a roof over your head. Have we paid for it? Probably. But you've also found a very strong gate to pay the other half and we've really appreciate that. So in order to celebrate, we'd like to introduce you to Phil, Phil come in and get care of life. But you can't take me away. You're going to boarding school. Goodbye.

But I'm- This is my home. But I'm between the age range of 46 and 50. And much like I am. Sorry, that's Chanel. That Chanel, but let's be honest. So Sergio is like, well, the bar mitzvah was amazing, eh? And Stamber is that Anthony is like, absolutely beautiful. I thought those two young lads look like the one thing, Tama Lads. Now, who were they again? Your grandchildren? Oh, yes. I think there's a person I missed there.

I have one question. What are they doing near you? They're my children, Father. Exactly. Disgusting. It's no school to send them to. You know, traditionally, when you turn 13 of the Jewish religion, that's when you become a man,

and they have to bring in a new class of nannies to whisk away to boarding school. I don't understand why you would spend time with people who are going through puberty. Don't they have questions about how children are born, why hair is growing in funny places? Do you actually answer those? The best part about a horror is that no one can actually really

see when your child gets whisked away to a school on a far off land. The circle dissipated. I would love to have been there for your bat mitzvah. But we didn't really believe in teaching you the Torah, darling. We just believed in teaching you the ta ta ta ta. Wait a minute. Let go of me. You're going now. You're going to boarding school. Goodbye.

But I'm a but when I turned into but but Mitzvah means I'm a woman. I don't have to abide by your rules. That's very lovely, dear. You're off to boarding school. Goodbye. You can be a woman in the far off place. So she was like, well, that that bar mitzvah was amazing. They were so happy. And the mom's like, oh, I think we shed a tear. Didn't we, darling? Did we? Did we shed a tear? Well, I don't know, darling. I mean, I did look over at you and there was one solid tear streaming down your face, but it's always there. Yes, that's been happening for quite some years now. I think it's dry eye, is it? Dry eye. That's doing it right now? Are you sad now? I am, but not crying sad. Mostly just look around and look and see what all your hard-earned money

has bought you. Not much, darling. We've raised a child who's built a disco ball for herself to live in. Caroline, that bar mitzvah was absolutely beautiful and your father and I cried almost as much as when we sent you off to boarding school. Well, I don't remember you crying at all. Exactly. So Sergio goes, well, I wanted the cry to be honest. And Stamberry goes, again, Sergio cries when the toast is ready. The surprise of the toasters ready. And Stambury is like, oh, well, let me tell you, they just built a synagogue in Abu Dhabi, and there's a church that's just been built with the bells ringing next door. I mean,

it is just wild. All of these religions living in harmony, well, the religions, the unwanted religions, all being forced into one tiny little neighborhood that can be sucked into the sand at any given moment. But really, it's neither here nor there. It just depends on how you look. A potato, potato, half full, half empty, you know what I mean. Pete Slauson So, then, Sam Briggs. Sam Briggs I like the idea of them being like, okay, you can have a synagogue here now, put it right next to the church, put bars around it. They're like, wow, we love this town. I was like, they're putting you all in the same neighborhood for a reason.

So Stamber is like, so what's the bit where they put them in the chair? I mean, he, I mean, he got catapulted and fell out of it. I guess, I guess her son fell off of the chair during the horror. Or maybe it was Sergio. Maybe, maybe I fell off the chair. I fell off the the chair during the horror? And maybe it was Sergio. Maybe, maybe I fell off the chair. I fell off the chair, baby. Maybe put me back on the chair. No Sergio, if you fall off the chair, you don't get back on. You just crawl off into the desert.

The image of them lifting that chair, like they do it every barbless spot and then them doing it too hard. So the kid catapults off of it is fucking hilarious. I had to pause that and laugh at that because that shit was funny. So the mom's like, is that part of the ceremony? My child falling? No, mother, it's not part of the ceremony. Actually, well, we thought you'd finally gotten some sense and tried to send him off. Put him on the chair, make

him think it's a party, make it too hard before you know that he's gone to a different city. Next thing you know, he lands in Andover, never have to see him again. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe Hehehehehehehe Hehehehehe Hehehehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe Hehehe He Hehehe Hehehe He Hehehe He Hehehe He Hehehe He Hehehe He Hehehe He Hehehe He Hehehe He Hehehe He Hehehe He Hehehe He Hehehe He Hehehe He Hehehe He He Hehehe He Hehehe He He Hehehe He Hehehe He He Hehehe He Hehehe He He Hehehe He You guys, on this podcast, we're gonna make some picks, talk some sh**, and hopefully make you some money in the process. I'm your host, Annie Agar. So here's how this show's gonna work, okay? We're gonna run through the weekly slate of NFL and college football matchups, breaking them down into very serious categories like... No offense.

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their own from going down. Everyone had an opinion. And after the 10-week trial, the jury could not come to a unanimous decision. To end in a mistrial, it's just a confirmation of just how complicated this case is. Law and Crime presents the most in-depth analysis to date of the sensational case in Karen. You can listen to Karen exclusively with Wondery+. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Apple podcasts, or Spotify. So, Stamber is like, so my father is Jewish, my grandparents are Jewish, my mother is not, which is amazing because she married a Jewish man and now at the ripe old age of 70 something

she's only finding out about the chair part of the Bahamitzvah. Anyway, so I have always been brought up in a very multicultural way and my name before the war was Steinberg, not Stanberry. By the way, me, I was blown away. I was like, are you kidding me? Caroline Stanberry, who always seemed to me the waspiest wasp of all Bravo, it turns out she's a member of the tribe. I couldn't believe it. You could have knocked me over with a feather, much like her child on that chair. You didn't know? If I had known, I'd forgotten.

Oh my gosh. Was that a part of Ladies of London that she was Jewish or half Jewish? I think so. Yeah, I think so. So you know what, when it came up, I was like, Oh, yeah, but I didn't say that I wasn't shocked. I don't know. Maybe I just accepted it. Like I did know it before, but maybe I didn't. So there's a loud clang and Stambury's like, everything okay? God, what's going on up there? Are they trying to get in through the windows? They'll never stop trying, Caroline. That's what they're paid to do. Mother, tell them to stop. I'm not going back to boarding school.

We'll see about that, darling. You know, I'm sorry. They're putting in the glass. I get so stressed. There's so many people here. Sergio, leave the house. Ah, much better. Sergio, they're moving the heavy

marble up there and if they, I don't want them to drop it onto the floor and ship it again. Lie down. So if they drop it, it'll fall on you. Go on. Hey, uh, hey, Anthony, it'll fall on you. Go on. Hey, hey, Anthony, I want to show you the barbecue. You wanna come with me?

Yes, Sergio, show him the barbecue and be sure to put your head into it. Thank you. We are men. You wanna go be men together? Come on, honey. Come on. Come on, father, honey.

Well, yes. So, mother, hmm, so nice to have you here. We have such a warm relationship. It's just been really hard building a house. You thought this was a piece of dirt land last year, and now it's Sergio. And the house too, it's brand new. Well, it's lovely, darling.

In a few years, I'll just be back to a piece of dirt. I can't say that sounds half bad right now, but you build a house on me too. And then Elizabeth looks at the dog and goes, you're not going to bite me today, I hope. Oh, sorry, mother. We sent him off to boarding school and he came back traumatized also. So this is so funny to me because this whole scene is like, all right, mother, well, listen, they've said that I'm not showing enough of myself on The Real Housewives.

So I need you to come over. Well, we're gonna talk about our feelings. I'm sorry. Our feelings, you know? Yeah, things going through our minds. I just, I don't. Her mother. Sadness, happiness, anything. I'm afraid not.

Her mother is the definition of stiff underlip British society, right? So Stamber is like, happiness, anything. I'm afraid not. Her mother is the definition of stiff-up in the British society, right? So, Stamberg is like, mother, do you see a change in me here? And she goes, Elizabeth says this such coded language, because yes, I think you're much more relaxed here. Definitely. You're less of a bitch.

It's like, what the hell? You dress more like a slut. I'll say it right then and there. You shan't be invited to any function at Birmingham Palace. Oh, well, not Birmingham Palace. Buckingham Palace. Birmingham Palace. Buckingham, nor Birmingham Palace. Neither city wants you in their palaces anymore. Oh, well, Caroline, Mother, do you see a change in me? You've had five faces since I've last seen you. Of course I see a change in you? You've had five faces since I've last seen you. Of course I see a change in you. You're literally a different head. All right.

Well, you're not afraid to act like a monster on television. So yes, you do see much more relaxed. Someone like me, unfortunately, is concerned about my public image. So I guess that makes me uptight. An uptight monster who sends her daughters off to boarding school where they can meet future leaders of the world and come home and then blame their mothers for it. Darling, you look so relaxed. Thank you, mother. That wasn't a compliment. You look so comfortable. So she's like, well, mother, I've learned from hypnotherapy that I'm not soft. Oh, really? You learned from hypnotherapy, did you?

Is that Hypnotherapy Bravo television? Yeah, no kidding. Have you seen yourself on television? And Elizabeth goes, did you? Yes. So the Hypnotherapist, she's taking me back to boarding school. And Elizabeth goes, oh, yes. Well, hmm. Yes. That's the best idea I've ever heard of actually. Oh, I can't wait to re-litigate this argument for the 45th time with new evidence entered in from the hypnotherapists in Dubai. Sounds so reasonable, hypnotherapist.

Why is it that you constantly try to hurt me? Have you done one thing since I've been here that isn't trying to hurt me? Have you done one thing since I've been here that isn't trying to hurt me? You've got a tiny dog on furniture, you're dating a child, you've moved into a marble shithole that looks like a disco ball, and now you're going to a hypnotherapist. Are you kidding? I mean, therapy is bad enough without adding hypno to it. Why don't you just grab a knife and stab me with it? Grab a knife made out of tiny dog fangs and just stab me in the gut with it 30,000 times. That's her inner voice. Her outer voice just goes, mm-hmm. Oh, that's lovely, my, that's lovely to hear. What have you learned? Well, you know, boarding

school, it's a very unnatural place, says Caroline Stanbury in a giant empty box that's surrounded by green grass in the middle of the desert. So. With the backdrop of a tree that she had to have crane lifted over her home from a different country. As she drives down her street on a palm frond in the middle of the Persian Gulf.

That's a very unnatural place. With a face remolded out of old Howard the Duck parts. Like, who are we kidding here? So Elizabeth goes, absolutely. Listen, everyone went to boarding school. That was absolutely normal, Caroline. She goes, well, at the time, yes. I mean, it's a very English thing, mother, but it's just so outdated now.

Yes, Elizabeth goes, yes, I think it is very outdated, you know. People don't want to, I don't know, get good educations and learn independence and meet powerful people who they could become future husbands and wives with. It's a very outdated thing to actually think about your future. I get it. But you know, it also does teach you to be independent and it teaches you discipline and it teaches you about relationships and it teaches you the value of how nice it is

that your parents can have some silence in their home for once. Things like that, very outdated. This, listen, of course it's more modern now, darling, but back then we didn't have iPads. We actually had to come up with creative ways to ignore our children. You know, someday when your children get a little bit older,

you'll realize just throwing money at the situation is just a great way to live life. Send them off somewhere. So, Stambury's like, you know, if I'm ever going to have a relationship and move forward, I may as well let them live in the joyous little bubble that they did the perfect thing for all their children. And I hope my children one day do the same for me. So, she tells her mom, well, you're actually softer too now, mom. Like, you're way softer than you were when we were growing up.

She goes, how would you know? You never saw me when you were growing up. Well, still though, I mean, you seem nicer. You've smiled at me. I've not smiled at you, Caroline. Look, what are you doing right now? Am I smiling right now? No, you're not actually.

That one tear is still coming down your eye. I think I'm sobbing. Am I? Get your father. You know, mother, here's the problem in boarding school. I think you don't learn about relationships. I think it stunts your relationships. I think it disconnects you. Like, I'm not very good at sharing my problems. And Elizabeth goes, well, that's good. You shouldn't share your problems. Caroline's looking at her like, what? And she goes, well, not big time anyway. Like, I don't know.

Like if you have a problem with, let's say, how your mother sent you to boarding school, you probably shouldn't share that. Just keep it inside and smile. Yeah. She's like, but it makes it hard, mom, to be married and to have kids because I'm such an insular person, you know?

And she's like, mm. That's a good thing. She's like, I've done my job. Listen, I mean, I'm sure it doesn't shock you. I'm kind of team Elizabeth here. I mean, I think that there's like a middle ground, right, between what Caroline wanted growing up and then what she got. Because honestly, I don't need everybody's feelings and thoughts barfed all over me all day, every day either, you know? I think some of us could use a little more Elizabeth in us, but, you know, she does go a little far with it. It's like, Mom, I can't open up to anyone. She's like, congratulations, thank God. It's like, finally, a compliment on my parenting.

Matthew 16 Well, I mean, what would you want to open up about? I don't know, issues with Sergio, exactly. No one needs to hear that. It would be a question. You're welcome. It's basically a confession. I mean, look, I think that sending kids off to boarding school, like seven or eight, which just sounds like that's when she went off. That is pretty rough. But I don't know. I

think that Caroline going on and on about her boarding school trauma for the past 10 years, because this was her storyline in season three of Ladies of London. Like it's getting old, because I understand you felt like you were sent off, didn't get to be with your parents, yada, yada, yada. That's all legit. But I don't know. And we're sharing airtime with other people on this very network who actually went through the foster system. I don't know. It just doesn't feel it's like, oh, look at this. You don't understand how traumatizing it was for me to go to boarding school

and have myself set up for the rest of my life. Well, Caroline's also one of those people that only does this stuff because she literally has to for the show. They're like, Caroline, you have to have some kind of feelings. No. Well, Caroline, I mean,

something must have happened bad when you were growing up. I mean, no. Well, what was your relationship like with your parents? I don't know. What do you mean you don't know? How was it boarding school? All right, we're going to go with boarding school. All right, talk about boarding school. Because she doesn't seem that traumatized by boarding school. She never has. She's just always like, it's just so hard not growing up with your parents, you know, going to boarding school and are we done with this yet? Can I go to lunch? Are we done with this? I mean, like, every trauma she brings up isn't really that traumatic. I think she's just one of those people who just kind of goes through life and she's fine. And then people are like,

but you have to feel something. And she's like, I don't, but aren't you worried? I mean, your husband's so young. Exactly. That's why I have him. Right. But like, what if he wants a kid? He can't have one. Well, how do you think that affects him? I don't care. Well, don't you think you should act like you care? Fine. Let's do another scene about that. Do you really need a child? Let's think about it. I mean, she's been doing that for three years. Yeah. I mean, and the irony is that here she is, she doesn't want to have a child. She doesn't want to have to deal with a little kid again, you know, like her kids are growing up, like one daughter is going to college. The other two are like about to trip. Are there going to be teenagers soon?

She doesn't want to have to go back to a toddler phase. I'm like, Caroline, don't you realize the answer is in front of you? Have the baby send it, send it to boarding school. Yeah. It's called have someone else raise it. It's called the circle of life. Get with it. Your mother gave you the tools to deal with this situation. Don't you understand though, I can't even get a package from the front door. Because when I see someone in a brown uniform,

I just have to curl up into the fetal position. I've been traumatized by nannies in boarding school. Yeah, I just think Caroline is one of those people that's like, I'm rich, I'm fabulous, and I'm fine. And so they're like, you can't be fine. So she's like, all right, fine, I'll just come up with things, just roll the tape. But I think ultimately, Caroline's fine. And people just don't know how to deal with somebody like that. You need to have some kind of trauma or some kind of drama or some kind of insecurity. And she just doesn't. So I feel like everybody's like, she must be a sociopath.

If we're going to keep her on the air, we need something more. Yeah, I think that's actually a really good theory. So basically, yeah, Stamberry does not want to, she's like, still concerned about, does she have a baby? Does she not have a baby? And Elizabeth is like, well, I think that's what you've got to do. You've got to think about it and talk about it. And by talk about it, I mean, don't talk to anyone about it because it's a problem. I think you need to ask yourself, how do I feel about this?

And then tell nobody. Keep it on the inside and just smile. So, Stambury is like, well, you know, Sergio wants more babies and we've got an embryo, but I do understand that, you know, he feels like he's the only boy in the family, you know, don't you have a gardener? Mother? Well, seriously, just get a gardener and say, oh, Edward, you've always been like family to us, I should do it. Give him an extra hundred

Christmas. Darling, have you not been participating in the family charity, Adopt an Orphan? You just have to do that and you'll be fine. She's like, well, you know, Sergio really wants someone to carry on his name. Oh, I'm sorry. Are there no more Corallos in the world? We run out of those. So now a song takes us to the next scene and the song is like, I like to swipe because I can afford it. If you're blowing up my line, then it better be important. I'm a boss. Yeah. I'm in charge. Some good old Trixie music. I like that Trixie's modernized.

She's like, all right, we've got to modernize. We can't just say boss bitch over and over again. All right, we're going to bring technology into it. I swiped, I swiped, I swiped my fucking phone bitch. I'm a boss. All right, print, print. It's good. Speaks to modern, modern technology. No more dial phones swiping, swiping on an iPhone. So now... If I'm dancing with my arms, give me shit, I'll cause you harm. I'm a bitch. A boss bitch. Are you dancing with your arms, Trixie? It's TikTok! It's modern!

My car! I park my car and I plug it in, cause I'm a boss bitch. 30 miles because it's a hybrid to you. Yeah, that's right. I modernized it. Like the trick sees just become an absolute worse. Get out of my dreams and into my car. Once it's done charging. We're going drive and on the freeway for 30 miles till I have to plug in again. Being poor can be a drag.

I'll never use a plastic bag. I'm Trixie. I'm Trixie. Trixie. Save the world. That sort of thing. Trixie, what happened to rock and roll Trixie? You're plugging in your car and using cloth bags. What the fuck? Stay modern. Got to keep up. We're not in the 80s anymore. It's 2010.

Okay. So, we're at Lisa's event. One of the most soulless events we've ever been to. I have to say, I agree with what comes up later, which is how does any of this have to do with pregnancy clothes? I don't understand how all that works together. She's like maternity wear and moisturizer. Yeah. Well, you know. I don't know why it even matters to me. Well, when you get pregnant, you also get stretch stretch marks. I know like a lot of my, my pregnant lady friends have had to like moisturize a lot, you know, with the stretching, et cetera. So I can see a link there.

It's all like face products. Well, you know, since it's like moisturizer, this isn't like cocoa butter or whatever. What you want to do is you want to make sure that your baby comes out with great baby skin. So you moisturize from the outside in, okay, just put a lot the mean, put the mean row on the on the stomach and let it just penetrate into the uterus. And then that way the womb gets moisturized, you know, how do I how to explain it to you?

PK So she's proud because after two years in the making, her skincare line is going live, guys. So she gives us her speech about that and she has branded everything. She's gone to this spa in Albarari and she's put Mino Ro decals over all of their decals. So it says Mino Ro everywhere. Exactly. And so people walk in, they're arriving. The whole, the whole gang is, is showing up. And so, uh, Talene is like, um, by the way,

Hey, let's go into a flashback for this event that you're doing. Have you thought about doing a little bit more of a fitness collaboration? Cause like me and Raph, we always love fitness. Okay. Okay. How about this? We attach a parachute to everyone as they walk into the spa. We thought about doing a little bit more of a fitness collaboration because like me and Raph, we always love fitness. Okay? Okay, how about this? We attach a parachute to everyone as they walk into the spa. Okay? How about that?

You like that idea? In my fitness business, I do a lot of work with women who are also postpartum, which is crazy because that means they've just had a baby and it's like a lot for them. It's a lot. So you know what I do? I say, put the baby down and throw a tire. That's it. It's huge business now.

It's a multimillion dollar business. So then the ladies are arriving and Sara's like, well, I come to the heart and soul spot like almost every other week, sometimes twice a week. That's where I do my spiritual healing. And we get like a flashback to where Shaman dude be like, all right, okay, come on, bring that good energy up through the stomach. And three, two, one, you're totally healed.

Everything that went wrong with you in your entire life, it's healed, congratulations. She goes, but when I walked in, I could hardly recognize it because it's all branded for Mina Rowe now. Dun, dun, dun. Why is everyone shocked about this? It's an event. She's branding her event. I could hardly recognize it because it's all branded for Mina Rowe now. Why is everyone shocked about this? It's an event. She's branding her event. Like have they never heard of a pop-up before? Even if it is a pop-up for only six people? I do think it's weird that they're going so hard for Lisa on this. I think Lisa's just

kind of pissed everybody off this year. She must have. And I think ultimately she's just not very fun and I think people are sicker as shit. I'm Dan Tbersky. In 2011, something strange began to happen at the high school in Leroy, New York. I was like at my locker and she came up to me and she was like stuttering super bad. I'm like, f***ing around. She's like, I can't. A mystery illness, bizarre symptoms, and spreading fast. It's like doubling and tripling and it's all these girls. With a diagnosis the state tried to keep on the down-low. Everybody thought I was holding something back.

Well you were holding something back intentionally. Yeah, yeah, well, yeah. No, it's hysteria. It's all in your head. It's not physical. Oh my gosh, you're exaggerating. Is this the largest mass hysteria since The Witches of Salem? Or is it something else entirely? Something's wrong here. Something's not right. Leroy was the new dateline and everyone was trying to solve the murder. A new limited series from Wondery and Pineapple Street Studios. Hysterical.

Follow Hysterical on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Hysterical early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. So all the women are arriving and then Pam is there. That's Lisa's mother-in-law. And I just, for some reason, I just thought it was so funny. Like, Chanel Ayan, Talene, Lisa, Brooks, Caroline Vanbury. And Pam! Pam!

Who literally looks like Rich in leggings. Pam did not know what she was doing. She's trying to do Downward Dog. So Pam comes in. So Lisa gives a speech like, guys, welcome to my skincare line. Now we're going to do yoga. Okay. Didn't quite match, but that's fine. So yeah, so they're doing yoga and Talene's like, guys, don't worry.

I won't kill you guys. And she has like a stopwatch hanging around her or stop clock, whatever you call it, like hanging around her neck. I'm like, well, what sort of yoga are you about to do that requires like this device, like this doing laps, et cetera? It's like, this is not going to be. I know that we're just doing yoga right now, but I want you to imagine that your yoga instructor is the crocodile from Peter Pan. Okay, let's get going. Let's get going with this.

So Brooks was like, I'm confused. What does yoga have to do with maternity wear? Why is heart and soul completely rebranded to look like me in a row owes the building? I'm the one who owns a spa. Leave it to Lisa Melon to do the most. I a fucking spa. Leave it to the least of them to do the most. I'm the spa owner. So they're doing yoga and everything. Ayaan is bumbling and awkward and gangly. And you know, she's like, the only exercise I do honey, honestly, is my husband or if you drink a

glass of wine, apparently it's like going to the gym for an hour. So I guess I'm going to the gym every day. Like I don't think that glass of wine is the's like going to the gym for an hour. So I guess I'm going to the gym every day. Like I don't think that a glass of wine is the same as going to the gym every day. I don't know who told I on that. Yeah, I've never heard that. I've never heard that one before. So they do all they do yoga and kind of make fun of each other for all sucking at it. And then after, you know, it's time to start talking shit. So they go, some of them split off to take massage, to get massages. So Stam go, some of them split off to get massages. So, Stambury and Talene go to get massages, and then Lisa and Sarah start gossiping. And so, now they're talking about Makhtoum. So, Sarah's like, oh my God, he's good. I

mean, it's hard for him to sleep at night, right? Because he was almost kidnapped. Okay, this is just fishy as hell to me. And how is the storyline so little? They're like, oh, remember that time Makhtoum almost got kidnapped? God, that was fun. Pass a sushi roll. Yeah, he's like, you know, he's like very afraid that he's going to get kidnapped. And he's like, is anyone in the house? He wakes up. Sometimes he'll be like sleeping and I'll be like barge in the room and be like, oh my God, are you kidnapped? And then he'll be like, oh my God, am I about to be kidnapped? I'm like, I think you were almost kidnapped. And then I'll be like, okay, good night. And he has just so much trouble. He has a really hard time falling asleep after that.

I don't know why. So then Lisa's like, yeah, I hope that doesn't affect him for the rest of his life. And she goes, Oh, no, no, listen, I take him to a lot of therapy and stuff with me and healing. I mean, right there, you know, where they're getting their facials right now, you know, we've had so much therapy.

And I said, Makhtum, are you afraid of getting kidnapped? He said, yeah. And boom, we w we pulled the wax off and you know, little tiny back hairs came off. His trauma is gone. His trauma is gone. No, but like, you know, I take him to therapy. So like, you know, he knows how to let it go. I mean, he's just scared because he found out that men were going to come into the house and like, you know, all that try to kidnap him. And they already came to the house. So like that, he's, it's just really nothing. Like, what? And Lisa's like, well, I guess I wish that he didn't

have to hear about that. I know, but I'm very honest with him and listen, I'm not telling him everything because, you know, I told him about the kidnapping, which is terrifying, but wait until he hears about something called due process. Have you ever heard of this? It's ridiculous. It's absolutely a nightmarish idea. So Lisa goes, you know, but for me, I'm the opposite because like I try to protect my kids as much as I can because we don't want them to lose that innocence. You know, just kind of like very politely saying, what the hell are you doing? You're exposing your kid to way too many details of this situation. And Lisa tells us, I know that like the way people parent is very different. And I personally would not have shared that much with my children, but maybe someone would look at me and think I'm being an overprotective

mom who simply doesn't want her child traumatized the rest of their lives. So I don't know. I think I'd rather be overprotective than do damage control. I don't know. This whole story has bugged me all week. just how Sarah's like, oh my God, isn't it crazy? So we found out, because we see a flashback of it now, where she's like, isn't it crazy? So we found out that for six months, the maid was covering the camera, and then we found out she was drinking with men in the house with alcohol. And then she tried to kidnap my son. I'm like, wait a minute, where your kid, did you find the maid drinking in the house or something and then you were afraid that you were gonna look like unreasonable for sending her to prison for

that so you added in kidnapping? I need more proof of this because it's already... The workers' laws over there are already so scary that somebody can just be like, oh, and then I had her thrown in prison. I need to know what's happening. Like, is there any court trial for this... Is there any trial for this lady? Is there any proof of any of this happening? Cause frankly, I'm worried for workers rights. There I said it. Okay.

And I'm, I don't want to call Sarah a liar, but so far she seemed full of shit. And I need some kind of proof. So in the other room, Brooks, uh, is with Stamber and Talene and Stamber is like, Oh, are you just here to watch? Like my mother does as I go off to boarding school and Brooks is like, yes, I mean, you guys just leave, don't worry. Are you guys enjoying having good times enjoying which part I'm lying down. So then they're like, so first time I've been able to lie down without Sergio coming in

here and nagging me for a son. So yes, I'm enjoying myself. And so then Lisa, then in the other room, Lisa's talking with Chanel and and she's sort of, you know, they're kind of like touching base after they're fighting everything. And she's like, so have you been, you've been pulling away from me and getting closer to that one, Stanbury. She's like, yes, I have. It's just, haven't you learned your lesson?

Isn't she the reason why we're having these issues? No, you're having these issues because you betrayed Sarah's trust and then Chanel betrayed your trust. And then Caroline Stambury betrayed Chanel's trust. You all started it. She's at the end of the trust chain. So I don't know. Look within is what I say. So, Chanel's like, you know, look, I had lunch with her in Bali and it didn't feel real. But then

they came back and she felt like her apology did feel more real. So, she's fine with her now. And Lisa's like, well, she should be sorry because we never fight. And that really took a toll on me. And she's like, well, you know, I still love you. But then she's telling us that she feels like Stambury and Lisa are like the tigers on her dress, constantly fighting and then she shakes her shoulders a little because she's got those huge tiger heads on either shoulder and she's just in the middle, you know, and she just wants to be friends with everybody.

Right. So Lisa's like, I never want us to get back to that ever. Like, you know, I know it hurts you a lot as much as it hurt me and I don't want you to get too close to that bitch because I'm jealous and they laugh and everything. We will always see in the preview for next week, Ayaan basically saying our friendship is over. So we know this is not going to last. Yeah, we've been waiting the whole season and I guess they really did wait until the season finale to crash that relationship into the ground. Um, so then, um, Brooks, okay. So Brooks and Stanbury and Talene, uh, back to their room. So Brooks is like,

Oh, I've been here before. I've been here. She goes, Oh, to this spa. I'm here all the time. I live here. She's, Oh yeah, well I'm here every week downstairs. I do my healing here. So that's why I mean, I'm here. I would appreciate it if maybe you guys could come do your stuff at my spa. But whatever. Yeah. I'm here for, I'm here for healing. Does it work? So haven't you been to healing one time? I know exactly. And then she's like, you know, there's a lot because I would have given her my place for free. And she goes, and Stanley goes, but why aren't we at your spot? I don't know. Maybe she doesn't like toilets that are sunken into the ground.

She didn't ask you. No, she didn't ask me. Wow. You could have done this. You could have done this Brooks. Just ask Raph. I said, Raph, couldn't Brooks have done this event? I'm sorryaph couldn't Brooks have done this event I'm sorry couldn't Lisa done this event at Brooks' spot and Raph was like totally and I was like thanks Raph for backing me up Raph was like hold on honey I'm on the phone I was like that's Raph he's very busy I'll wait for an answer patiently unlike Marissa at the fucking Hillstone Kirby. And Brooks like, yeah, well, I was actually surprised.

Like, why didn't you glass house? And everyone's like, yeah, getting her worked out. Because it's like, whatever, I have my own spa, whatever. And they're like, why isn't this at your spa? How offensive? I mean, she should be supporting your business just as much as you're supporting hers. And Brooks is like, Yeah, yeah, I'm very supportive of everyone's businesses and I love to see women thrive in business. So yes, it is a little bit offensive

to me. So then she gets worked up. So now she's changed it. She goes, Lisa, what are you doing? You try to invite me to a spa and you're trying to act like you bought the spa. You don't own the spa Lisa. I own the spa. So now you're a spa owner? Look, while- I don't know that she's acting like she owns the spa in Al-Burari, but okay. No, she's not. It she owns a spa in Al-Burari, but okay. No, she's not. It's like a pop-up. You're hilarious enough to just follow you down this path. Everybody's the same way.

What she's saying makes no sense, but everybody's like, completely reasonable argument, bros. Yes. And we all know that if Lisa tried to do a pop-up at the glass house, it would be a disaster. And I think Lisa was smart. She's like, I'm not going to mix my business with this drunkard. Just first you come into my spa and you try to put your branding over my name. That's what I mean. Trying to erase the woman owned business. Like you're never going to win with Brooks.

I mean, just like a real house was in New Jersey and see what happens when someone just tries to put up a step and repeat at a charity function. Okay. It leads to chaos. It leads to the end of a show. So... When it killed you to put eight and five six times me up here, baby. Where was eight and five six surgery at the Lisa Malone show? Where was that, baby? So Brooke, the producer's like, well, Brooks, do you really think like she's trying to make it look like she has a spa she said she is Well, she decals the floor Decals the windows if she's not trying to make it look like she owns the venue a real friend wouldn't try to rain on

Another friend parade. Well, she's Barbara Streisand. She's not that's not a whole glass house maternity land No, I didn't try to compete with her. I wouldn't do that. Also, because pregnant women should be wearing glass. So put that in your pipe and smoke it. So Brooks, I love Brooks saying like a real friend wouldn't try to ran another friend's parade as she's actively a tropical storm over this spa. Like over this event, she is flooding. Cars are hydroplaning through this yoga class and these massages.

She's so delusional. She goes, I wouldn't put my friend who spent millions in building her business independently. You've not built the, who are you kidding? That money came from what's his butt. And you admitted it in the first episode. Yeah. She's like, I wouldn't put her in a position where she felt uncomfortable. You're, she's literally offering you a massage. How could you make me feel so uncomfortable and so unrelaxed?

So Stanford's like, we'll go and speak to her. Maybe get into a fight too. It's on camera. She's like, yeah, agreed. Oh gosh. So now Saba and dinner, Saba and Sarah go together. Another hilarious scene. All these scenes are hilarious today. So Sarah walks in, she's like, well, she walks in and she's clearly very, very late. And Saba's like, Oh, well, there you are. I was wondering where you are.

It looks like you came from Mars. Oh, sorry for being so late. She's like, well, it takes a long time to come down from Mars. Yeah, it is, you look sort of, I'm trying to put forward the thesis that you look like you're from outer space because you're wearing a dress that looks like it's,

it's got to shine to, okay, just sit down. I think I'm just going to let it go. I get it, babe. We're aliens, you know. We're so much better than everyone else. We must be from a different planet, babe. But, you know, yeah, well, I'm surprised that you made it at all, because you're so late. Yeah, well, I have kind of a phobia when someone says surprises, like, babe, I'm this close, I swear to God, to having a nervous breakdown. This close to it. So please don't say surprise. Well, I'm this close to stabbing Akin with my chopstick to understand I'm about to write

him a letter that says, from the desk of Slava Yuslev, I am professionally and personally parting ways with Akin for being a very handsome but awful person. And Sarah's like, well, if you're gonna stab him with a chopstick, don't do it with a drink in your hand in one of my guest rooms. You're going to prison for a very long time. Tell you that. Babe, you're going to jail is not worth it. Okay? It's not worth it.

It's not worth it. Are you in the mood to talk about... Sarah, are you in the mood to talk about something traumatic happening in your life? She's like, well, of course. I'm here on this table. We can set the cameras here. Of course I'm here.

Listen, we've been arguing. And he's been putting in effort. And he's like saying, let's fix things. Let's fix things. I will care. Let's fix things. But to me, this is just an effort to move forward and to let, like, shut me up and move forward,

but brush it under the rug. But there's no solution to the problem. I'm like, well, there is a solution. You could just dump him and leave him. He's not even in your country. You could just not accept his calls anymore. Oh yeah, this relationship's fake. Sarah's so full of shit.

I don't believe any of this. So she's like, me and Akeen, I mean, we're just arguing from Germany to Dubai. It's crazy. And Sarah's like, I'm not gonna settle. You're literally trying to marry an Instagram thot. Who has no money. You saw ads and you're now like trying to marry an Instagram thot who has no money. You saw abs and you're now like trying to conscript him into service in your household.

Despite the fact that he's like a horrific person because I'm a single mom because I settled and I've been in abusive relationships because I've settled and I got my money taken away and stolen because I settled and I'm not settling anymore. So anyway, I was thinking, and maybe I might marry this guy anyway, even though he told me to give him $5,000 because you know, he has a nice smile. Not second. And Sabba's like, you can't expand yourself until there's nothing left in your battery. It's like a battery in a vacuum

and you keep vacuuming and vacuuming and before you know it, there's no more vacuum and then there's dirt all over the floor because there's no more battery in the vacuum. Do you understand me, my friend? All right, please calm down. I've never used a vacuum. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't understand these things. Is that the loud stick that my maid used to push around the floor? So she goes, I need to be with somebody. Saba's so dramatic, it's cracking me up.

She's like, please, please listen to me about this Instagram hookup, please. No, I need to be with somebody who's done the work and healed already. I don't need to heal someone that I'm with. And the napkin, the server just puts a napkin in her lap. She's like, I'm so sorry you have to be part of this conversation right now. I'm like, are you talking to the waiter or are you talking to us? No kidding.

We both need tips at this point. So she's like, oh, and then on top of Akeem, having to go to the police every morning and court for the nanny, you know, doing everything for my son and my own, and then this nanny situation, you know, I do everything on my own, which is why I have to have multiple employees thrown in jail. What are you talking about? So, she's like, Saba, I'm tired. I've been so strong my whole life.

I'm tired of wearing the superwoman fucking cloak. I'm tired. He doesn't help. This doesn't help. None of this helps. Me, Sarah, doing everything on my own. I mean, I've gone to a healing class in the Alborari. I've sold $10,000 tickets to scream into a pillow. What more can one woman do, Sarah? What more? Sarah has always been an independent woman. All the Sarahs who are independent, wave your hands and speak. Anyway, she has been independent financially from her parents at a very young age. I learned that when I went to sleep young soon in Dubai. Akeen doesn't have the success that Sarah

has, so of course he will try to control the situation because he needs to feel like a man. This is why I always tell Sarah, you have to be with someone on your level, Sarah, do it, be on a Martian level. I'm sorry, can someone explain to me how Sarah's been independent from her parents since she was, come on with this. So she's like, Please, he just needs to feel like a man. Don't let him deplete your battery. Please, Sarah, you need to be someone on your level. Please be with someone on your level.

And she's like, But listen, when I see, she goes, I don't know. I've just done everything on my own. She goes, Sarah, when I see you hurt, my heart hurts so much. What is it that you feel you need to accept this low level of behavior? Where is it that your value is lacking? Have you ever considered a bigger battery? Lithium possibly.

Please, Sarah. No, no, I feel, I feel guilty. Have you ever considered a bigger battery? Lithium possibly? Please, Sara! No, no. I feel... Ah! I feel guilty. But of what? Of walking away from people. But why? Why do you feel guilty about walking away from shitty people? Because...

When you are healing, you notice everyone's wounds. And you notice who needs work. And you notice all of that. And I feel my job Is i'm here on this world Just to help I fainted my share Yeah, I love you. I love that you pick those fixture uppers of physically perfect specimens every single time

You're just you're just a florence night real florence fucking nightingale over there this self-serving You're just a real Florence fucking Nightingale over there. This self-serving monologue of, I just feel like I need to help. I see people who are damaged. I need to heal them. This is just what I do. Once you're healed, you must heal. After she just said that she needs someone who is already healed and did the work. But she's doing this. This is like the equivalent of saying, so tell me about yourself. What is your biggest flaw? Oh, it's just that I care too much. My biggest flaw.

I just can't walk away from sick people. Cool, tell me about yourself. What is your biggest flaw? Oh, it's just that I care too much. My biggest flaw. I just can't walk away from sick people. Did George Clooney walk away from people in the ER? He literally quit when his battery was low. He literally quit ER, Zara. I know. No. That's my point, babe. Do you understand? That's my point. Listen, I look at the keen and I see a man, a man who needs healing. He needs a nurturing soul. He needs healing also pecs and, and you know, abs and like a beautiful ass and like a big dick. So like there's that too, but healing it's about healing. It's about healing.

So Sarah's like, Oh my God, I'm going to cry. Oh no, please, please don't cry, Sara. So Sara's like, yeah, I just, my end goal is it's marriage, but there are a lot of things missing, and if we don't fix these things, maybe there's no future, because futures have fixed things in them. You have a son. You're an excellent mother. Think about him. It's either we come up with a plan or I go to Germany and I deal with him. But not before I get my little cubes of beef. Because she's like really into beef. She says you sabotage.

Yeah, she's like you sabotage her. She goes, Saba, Saba the sabotager. Bravo, you will be making t-shirts for that, right? See everyone at BravoCon. We know that this relationship goes to other shit, right? So I hope we get to see that at the reunion. So now we go to a hotel with Talene and Roth, okay? And they're on a golf trip and Talene's like,

no one likes golf more than my husband, except Sergio Chris and Rich. So we thought, what better way to host a golf trip at Jebel Ali? It's a place where people golf and you have to really love golf. And guess who loves golf? There he is. His name is Rolf. Rolf, do you love golf? Tell him how much you love golf. I love golf. I love golf, Rolf. I love golf, Rolf. I'm on the phone right now.

He'll tell you later, he's very busy. By the way, what a funny sentence. No one loves golf more than my husband, except maybe every other male on this show. You really narrowed it down. So now, hi ladies, I'm going to leave you. This is tall. Okay.

Raph and I want to invite you all to a little golf trip overnight stay at the Jubble Ali Lakeview hotel. And we're all going to pretend like we know what we're doing. Okay. Raph, anything you want to add Raph? Raph has nothing to add. Well, let me tell you audience staycations. Okay, Raph, anything you want to add, Raph? Raph has nothing to add. Well, let me tell you, audience, staycations,

they're this thing in Dubai, because we have the most beautiful hotels in the world, and there's never a single soul in them, except for you. So, you know, a staycation in Dubai is where you like get on a, you don't have to get on a plane, but you get a break and you're in like a seven-star hotel. Like, I'm not even kidding you. There are so many stars. It's like between six stars and eight stars. There isn't even

an eight-star. It's the top seven-star hotels. You know that staycations are like a thing literally everywhere, right? Yeah. And I've never heard of a seven-star hotel. Is that evencations are like a thing literally everywhere, right? And I've never heard of a seven star hotel. Is that even true? Is that a thing? They know that. Yeah, they do exist. It's true. They exist? When did they start adding stars to hotels? There's a whole, here's the thing. There's a whole class of hotels in this world that

are so luxurious and so fancy that like normal people don't have access to them. Like they're not listed on travel websites. You have to like know about them. I know this because one time I found an old job, I found a binder of like luxury destinations. It was like when I was working at like a studio lot. And it was like these hotels and these retreats that are just, they don't, it's like a, it was like these hotels and these retreats that are just, they don't, it's like a, it was like a secret binder. It was like, Oh,

places that are like $10,000 a night, you know, and like, you've just never seen anything like these, these things. And yeah, it's a whole new, it's all other world. It's wild. Rich people have, they just have access to accommodations that we don't have. Hmm. Yeah. I wonder who built those. So they cut to everyone arriving and, um, Brooks is late, of course. And so then she finally comes and she's like, the queen has arrived. The queen has arrived. Child of Roth are going to be pissed at him, I believe, but I had to work on my salon that I actually own. It wasn't pretending.

of my salon that I actually own. It wasn't the pretending. So she's like, yes, step your money up, leave them alone. So they are all now it's time to all go golfing. So they all go golfing and then Chanel, which means that we get a time time honored classic trope, which is Real Housewives on golf carts being like, we are women. We don't know how to drive golf carts being like, we are women. We don't know how to drive golf carts. In this case, actually, Ayaan really doesn't know because she doesn't even have a driver's license. She's like, I cannot, I cannot drive

a car because my brain only works for three seconds. I cannot, I cannot pay attention longer than that. Yeah, I, uh, this is too much guys. You need to talk to each other, housewives, producers. I know that you're all different production companies, et cetera, but having two, the only two housewives on at the same time, both having golf outings within two weeks of each other and both doing the wacky golf cart thing and both doing the wacky swinging thing. You guys need to kind of coordinate because come on.

Yeah. Let's all go get our vaginas frozen next. Right. So we get a lot of the usual stuff, you know, trying to hit golf balls, missing Chanel actually winds up being the one who hits the ball the best, which is pretty funny, et cetera. And the funny part of this was Saba going, I grew up playing a lot of golf and I feel like the men are so threatened by me on the golf course, Sergio won't even make eye contact with me. They're all terrified. A sabre, the sabature golfer, extraordinaire. And then we find out

that Sabre has texted everyone on the group chat being like, watch out, hide your husbands because the most amazing golfer is coming to the course. And then she can't hit the ball to save her life. From the desk of Slabber Youssef, I've decided to personally and professionally part ways with the sport of golf. I had many fond memories as a child, but I'm realizing in adulthood, I need to have more fruitful pursuits. For any questions, please see the number below. Thank you so much. So now they're all talking after golf and they're talking about, Lisa and Talene are talking and Lisa's like, did you enjoy the event? My mother-in-law did. And she's like, I did. It was a good event. She was, well, I heard that Brooks was like complaining

about something. And Talene's like, well, you know, I think that you should talk to Brooks about it, but you know that she also has a salon and a spa right? So I feel like maybe it would have been a good idea to speak to her about either using her facility or something like it might be something along those lines. I mean I certainly didn't tell her that she should be furious with you because she also has a spa and you're kind of manipulating her out of even being an owner and making the entire city think that she doesn't even own a spa. I didn't do anything like that. Maybe you guys should talk. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I get, I just, I think you should talk to her because I don't

want to miss quote. So Lisa's like, I mean, at the end of the event, like while clearing the bill, she basically says that like she noticed that Caroline Brooks was fused all the services like massage and whatever else that was being offered. Because she said that she didn't want to, she felt uncomfortable or whatever. So Tony's just, I know she was kind of put off by a few things. So just go talk with her. She's like, no, I will go talk to her. So now the women and the men split ways

because the men are gonna keep playing golf and the women are gonna go like gather and have- Yeah, the women gather in like a big empty space where there are no customers again. And so they're kind of joking around, but then Saba is like, so Lisa, how was the rest of the spa launch? What happened after? You just used so much of your battery. Was it completely depleted by the end of your spa event?

Poor Lisa, please use less battery. And she's like, well, it was amazing. First of all, thank you ladies for coming and supporting me. It meant so much to me. It really did. Brooks, you had an issue with the fact that, you know, what was it? I don't even know what the issue was. You got free massage and you were like, no. And Brooks is like, well, I just have a spa owner. So you hosted your event at Heart and Soul. And you know, it's just a weird location to have our friends do the services that I provide in

my salon. Are the toilets basically holes in the ground at this point? Yes. But do we offer massages? Also, yes. So when I saw the location and the massage, I was just like, I'm not going to take part because that's like conflict of interest to my business because that's what Talene told me I should say. It's a conflict of interest. What does that mean? It doesn't even make any sense. It's a conflict of interest to my business. And then it was like branded, like you own the spa.

And that's, I mean, that's what it looked like. Just, well, first of all, you were never in my thoughts when I was planning this. So it wasn't to hurt you. And I'm sorry if I did hurt you, but when you do an event, you brand the event. That's what you're supposed to do. And Talene's like, yeah, it was the branding though. Like, not once did I see heart and soul anywhere. Not once, I didn't even see Aiden plastic surgery.

So it was just like a lot. Yeah, and I guess heart and soul was the charity that she was supposedly doing. No, heart and soul, I think heart and soul was the, uh, charity that she was, she was supposedly doing. No heart and soul. I think heart and soul was the name of the spa. And so they're like, wow, you eliminated all of their branding. And they said like, well, that's how it should be. Mina Rose paying to be in heart and soul. And, um, Lisa basically is like last year they came from my business. They came, they made up lies, yada, yada, yada. So I'm like, I'm doing this event.

I'm doing a clean, like buy the books event as the way I should. And they're still coming for me. So these girls are just jealous of me. Yeah. Um, so then Chanel's like, she has a right to throw her a party wherever she wants. Why are you coming for her? And she's like, I'm not coming for anybody. Like, don't even talk to me like that. I'm not coming for anybody. And she was like, we are women. We support each other. She's like, I told her to speak to Brooks. So then to lean tells us like, don't the reason I'm saying anything is cause after the heart and soul of van, I got a call from Brooks for reeking. Oh,

like she went haywire. She was so upset. I had to say something. Brooks is always going haywire and so upset. She's like, Oh my God, I was walking home and there was a line of ants on the sidewalk. And I was like, what you think you just because you can walk in a line means I can't walk in a line. It was just like, so disrespectful and a total conflict of interest for me. Yeah. So then Lisa's like, okay, well, to be honest, you don't have a business to lean. Okay. So when you do throw a line and a launch of your own, so she's getting upset with to lean,

but it's really Brooks. Like Brooks, I feel like always gets away with everything because no one really wants to go for Brooks because they're afraid of her. There was like, you know what, to lead them the way, I'm going to get mad at Talene instead. I don't think they're afraid of Brooks. I think that Brooks is just annoying to fight with because she's just like drunk and she's just like... Well, yeah, they don't want to fight with her is what I mean. I don't mean like they're cowering in terror. I just mean they don't want to get into a fight with Brooks. She's hard to fight with. I have a business of my own. Thank you very much. Okay?

It's called Attaching Parachutes on Women and Watch Them Run Alongside the Highway. She goes, okay, well, you will not host a whatever your business is called event and not plaster your logo everywhere. You can't plaster logos on the beach sand. I'll tell you that. I've tried it. I've tried it. So, Stamberry goes to the bar and orders champagne and she goes, nothing I say will be the right thing on either side. So, I'm mute and I'm happily mute. Looks like boarding school worked after all. Finally, took a life lesson from it, how to be mute.

So, Lisa's like, well, if you're going to come to a Me in a Row event, you're going to see Me in a Row everywhere. And Talene's like, you want to lower your voice with me? And Lisa's like, no, because you're getting on my nerves. She's like, well, you don't have to talk to me like that. Don't patronize me. Do not patronize me right now.

Well, don't fucking point at me, Talene. Don't point at me, Malene. Oh, but you can point at me. Don't point at me, Malene. You can point at me, though. You can point at me. Talene. So Talene's like, Malin. You can point at me, Tal. You can point at me. Talin.

So Talin's like, you put yourself on this high horse, which is not even a yoga pose I'd like to point out. She's like, well, you cannot go to a Mino Ro event and not expect to see fucking Mino Ro everywhere, which is like a very true point. So they're fighting with each other and it's like not even their fight, which is weird. So Sara's like, I believe people that can control themselves try to control the environment and when the environment is out of control, they get angry and aggressive and that's what's happening with Lisa. And Brooks is like, um,

we've now expressed our feelings. I told you how I feel. You told me how you feel. Let's just drop it. Like they're fighting because of you. Yeah. Like this, and it's also the stupidest fight. Like I can't believe you put so much branding up. So now we're in the hotel rooms because everyone's going to change before dinner and everyone's sort of chatting.

And Lisa's talking about how she's basically telling Rich about what happened at lunch. And you know, Rich is- And Rich is just so uninterested. I mean, Rich is so out of this marriage. I can't even believe these. I looked to see if they divorced yet and they're still married. But he's like, so did you have fun, darling? She's like, no, you won't believe the fight with these ladies. And he's just like, oh, God. So they're basically just all venting to their husbands and stuff. And Stamber is telling Sergio, you know, I'm not interested in getting in between the clash of the Titans, but it was brilliant.

It was the first time I've not been involved. And I really enjoyed it. Sergio, why don't you try to be not involved between me and my uterus? You'll really enjoy it. Baby, baby, baby, I can't. Baby, I can't. Please, please, baby, I can't, baby, I can't. Please, please, baby, please don't make me die with no one having my last name. Please, baby.

So now, it's just, they're all getting ready. So now we go to dinner time. They show up at this empty restaurant, a very nice looking but empty restaurant. And they're all sitting down and everything and the chef comes out and gives them a little speech about what the meal is. And then Sarah says, the dreaded words we hear on Bravo. Guys, I was thinking, let's play a game, okay?

Here it is. Here are the rules. Find a really hot guy on Instagram and then try to make him your husband and then be upset when you find out that he was actually kind of a dick. Okay, go. Yeah. So, Savansar are going to run the husband game, right? So, the first question is, so,

what was your wife's nickname growing up? And Sergio's like, oh my God, I was in the live, how should I know? Which was pretty good. And they all start cracking up. And you know, they just have these silly, it's like a silly typical, yeah, like how long should sex last? They're all laughing. It's actually more endearing than I was expecting. And gracefully short too. Yes. Okay. So let's, I'm going to fast forward through here. Okay, so then Sergio's like, okay, so then Chanel's talking to Brooks and she goes, what was that about today? You know, I was confused.

And Brooks is like, it's about the fact that I don't support other spots because you know what? That's my business and that's my niche. And she knows that. And what part of that don't you understand? Would you get a massage from a place, if you had a hamburger place, would you ever eat a hamburger from some place that didn't you understand? Would you go to massage from a place? Would you, if you had a hamburger place, would you ever eat a hamburger from someplace that didn't massage you with that

place that you got a massage for your hamburger? I wouldn't tell you that. And she knows basically like, well, honestly, it kind of felt like jealous. You know, no, there was no jealousy whatsoever. She was no, they do was jealous. Oh my gosh. No, I have, listen, I have a very successful business. They say in Dubai, if you can get two people into your business, that's basically a blockbuster day. I mean, look around, right? There's no one in the city. And she, you know, we know that Chanel is just doing Lisa's dirty work because that's

what Lisa said. She's like, these ladies are just all jealous of me. That's the only answer, which is such the middle school answer, right? I mean, because they're jealous, honey. So, that's like her thing. So, Chanel's just going and repeating that. And she's like, well, I didn't like that. And Brooks goes, well, I did exactly what I need to do. And Lisa, me and you have already spoken. I've already told you about massaging hamburgers, right? Listen, I don't have jealousy. I supported you from your fashion show to the whatever you do about things that you do.

When you have dog clothes, you put dog clothes on dogs. I support it. I support women. Unless they're hamburger making women, which I do not support. And Lisa basically, cause Chanel's like, well, I'm saying that's my opinion. So Lisa tells Chanel, you know, it was a lot.

Your feeling is accurate. You're acting like you don't, you know, you don't use outside services. You don't even have your own hair done at your salon. Black people come into your salon to do your hair. And Brooks like, Oh, what, what are you talking about? And it's like the African people come to your salon, do your hair and don't pretend you don't go and do outside services because it's

becoming ridiculous. So she's basically saying like, uh, don't act like you're like, it's a conflict of interest to use people outside of the world to the glass house. Right. She's like, you don't even use your own services. So Brooks is telling Toline now, wait a minute, how many times has an African ever come to my salon

to do Ayan's wig, my wig, anybody's wig? And Toline goes, I'm gonna go ahead and stay out of the salon. So all of my services are done. My salon. Okay. I have the same glam squad I've been using since I was four. Okay. So I would never just dump them off because I've been, I've opened up a multimillion dollar business. I'm going to say it again, five more times.

Are you mad because you don't have a fucking salon bitch? You have to wash your hair and you're sinking home. I'm like, I'd guarantee no one is jealous of Brooks because she has her own salon. I just don't think that's someone, something people care about owning. It's just, Brooks has started up this whole argument that makes no sense in the first place and everybody's falling for it and it's just becoming complete nonsense. It's hilarious. And then Brooks is like, Hey, wait a minute.

Haven't you ever been to my salon? Were you walking in the salon? You see all my wigs or wig heads? Come on. So, Talene's like, what kind of salon is this? It's just like you go to the salon and just to see all of Brooks's wigs. You know what? I got in trouble for opening my mouth and you know, you weren't roasted. I was on your behalf and I was called a bitch too many times. One too many times, Raph, okay? And Lisa goes, well, you were acting like one, Talene,

and you were acting like one, and you had your hand and like you were getting loud, so that's what happened. Where I think everybody can agree here, Lisa was the one getting loud, right? And she is again, she's like pissed. So Talene's like, well, you know, I love how you forget when you're the one who's loud. She goes, yeah, because I was just matching your energy.

She goes, no. And she's like, yes, and you were speaking on a situation you're not qualified to speak on, and you have the audacity. And Jolene goes, oh, so now we're going for qualifications and whose finger is in whose face now? Cause it looks like your finger is in my face. And Lisa's like, mine now.

She's like, well, you called me a bitch. Yeah, and I will call you a bitch again if you keep acting like it. You are so trashy. Because, well, you're a ghetto. And the fact that you had the audacity to even address me and my business. And then meanwhile, the guys were like, women on my right! Raph was like, God, take a look at these ladies, ladies arguing. Yeah, and Rich was like, it's done, darling, drop it.

So then Chanel's like, you know, Talene can be a bitch, but Lisa's taking it too far right now. She's done, darling, drop it. So then Chanel's like, you know, Talene can be a bitch, but Lisa's taking it too far right now. She's like, our husbands are here, we can't do this. God forbid. God forbid. She's like, you know, I don't want to tell my friend to calm down because I don't want to embarrass her in front of everybody, but damn. So then dessert comes and Talene's like, I lost my appetite.

Dawn dawn dawn. So the dinner is ruined. Dinner is ruined. And next week is the season finale where we're going to see what happens with Lisa and Ayaan that causes their relationship to be severed forever. So, uh, stay tuned for that and people watch the show, tell your friends, get into it, catch up. It's good times. But we're done with this episode right now.

And we'll be back on Friday with Orange County. We also have part two of Chimp Crazy. That recap is coming up tomorrow. So that's a big show on Macs that everyone's talking about. And we just have lots of other shows all the time. We did a bonus this week, which is talking about remodeling and oven choices. We really did go online shopping for ovens. So join us. Then it turns into an introspective moment about taking on people's input. So it's really, it's a journey.

Yeah, guys, come for a spiritual oven journey. Yeah. Thanks everyone for being here and we'll catch you on the next episode. Bye Watch what crap ins would like to thank its premium sponsors ain't no thing like Alice and King Ashley Savoni She don't take no baloney stroll in the park with Caitlin Clark. She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniela Itchles Aaron McNicholas. She don't miss no trickle. This she's never scary. It's the green fairy Jamie She has no less name-y Hava Nagila Webber Know your worth with Jason Kurtz. Sip some scotch with Jessica Tratch. She's always supplying. It's Kelly Ryan Kristen the piston Anderson. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino

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