Watch What Crappens - #2538 RHOC S18E08 Part One: How To Get Away with Murder

Episode Date: August 30, 2024

This is part one of a two-part recapThe NBCU synergy machine whirs to life on Real Housewives of Orange County as the cast participates in a lowrent version of The Traitors, with Teddi Mellencamp subbing in for Alan Cumming! Who will survive? And will be face MURDERRRR?  Watch this recap as a video and get our Secret Lives of Mormon Wives bonus at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Watch what happens, watch what happens, guess what happens when there's so much that happens. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, joining me today is Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie. Hi. How are you doing today? Great. And I'm so good. So excited to be here, you know, live another day. Here we are, another day on the earth. Okay. It was another day. The earth is spinning around the moon. That's it. I'm just glad to be here. That's it. Thank you for asking. I look young, you look gold.

So today, after we record Orange County, we are going to record the ultimate girls trips legacies that we missed, which are episodes. Well, today we're just doing episode four to air that next week. And it's going to be funny going back to that after we haven't dealt with it in months. I mean, it seems like that was on years ago. I know. It feels so... Watching it again, it felt like that was on years ago. I know. It feels so, watching it again, it felt like it was so long ago, but yeah,

we missed two episodes because I think it was airing during the holidays. And, you know, those shows are just like, they're like big bloated extravaganza's and during the holiday. Hey, that was my nickname in high school. Big bloated extravaganza. So yeah, we're going to recap those. My yearbook headline. We're going to, we're going to fill it out. Extravaganza. So yeah, we're going to recap those. That was my yearbook headline. We're going to fill it up. Big bloated extravaganza. Rami Karim. I woke up this morning thinking about Brigadoon, speaking of high school. I was thinking about,

for some reason I was thinking about what, I was like, Brigadoon, what is the story of that ridiculous show? And I sat there and I read the Wikipedia entry for Brigadoon. That's how I started today. Wow. Well, thanks for the warning. So it makes sense considering that we are going to be sort of teetering into Scottish territory, as this is the Traders episode of Orange County. Kind of a funky mashup of shows.

It was weird. It felt like it was a promotion for the traders, but there's no trader season to promote. So it was just sort of promotion going out into the void, which maybe was by intention. Maybe the producers of the traders were like, you know what? We don't need this kind of promotion. So you can just burn this episode off in the middle of the summer. Thanks. I think Tamara was just trying to promote that she's wanted somewhere else during herself a Trader's Party. Because I think to anybody else, it would be super weird doing an episode based around

a show that you lasted five minutes on. But I don't know. It's like me if I was like, you guys, we should all get together for my protein diet based party. Because it's like something I failed at. You know what I mean? Hey guys, you know what we should get together and do? PE. I would love to do that for my next party. I'm just gonna showcase all of my failures as my party themes. Well, along those... Well, we'll get into it. We'll get into all the fun Trader stuff. That would be kind of fun though. Hey everybody, welcome to my Bible school party. Failed out. I failed out of it. Let's talk about it. Yeah, it's classic Tamra. So we opened up the episode with this random scene at a bar called Palenque and Heather, or maybe it's Palenque. I know it's

like a Mayan temple, right? But, uh, Heather and Emily and Tamara, um, they're all seated at a bar, having a conversation that feels like it was filmed several months later. They're like, Oh, the producers were like, Oh, we need a scene to create some connective tissue from last episode to this episode. So you guys act like you're all having a fun girls night at this random bar in Orange County and talk about the trips and segue into this episode.

Man connective tissue. They've got to worry about that a lot in this town. So Heather's like, Oh, our trip was good or whatever. Cause Tam was like, how was your trip best? We had the best time. The roof was leaking. There were a lot of pictures of me and Eddie and Harley Davidson core. It was amazing. And Emily's like, yeah, we had fun, but it just like Shannon seemed like a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown. First of all, Tamara's the one who made her that way. So I don't know why you're telling

Tamara that, like you're calling the police. Like you're calling the guy in the scream mask to save you. You know what I mean? Also, have you met Shannon Bedor? That's kind of her thing. She's been on the verge of a nervous breakdown for 12 years on Bravo. That's her personality. Yeah. I mean, Heather tried to even commit her to an institution on her first season, because she didn't even understand that. Yeah. Yeah. That's just how she is. So that's why she's been employed for a decade. Okay, guys, let's all take a moment. So then we get flashbacks of Shannon being like, thank you. Thank you for

being so kind to me. And she really does look like she's on the verge of a nervous breakdown, but you know, God, it was fun. Yeah. And then by the way, you called us and told Shannon you wanted to meet with her? I didn't realize it was imminent. Wow! What do you mean? She's not a pope? No, not your eminence, Tamar. Are you still doing that storyline? Nah, I gave it up. It means I didn't know that you were going to do the meeting right then.

What I had to do and I wanted to get it out of the way. So then we see a flashback to the meeting right then. What I had to do and I wanted to get it out of the way. So then we see a flashback to the meeting. Well, first we see the dinner where Tamara is screaming at Shannon that she's a dumb drunk. And then we see where she's inviting Shannon to her party. And she's like, I said, I'm having a party on Wednesday. And I want you to be there because Alexis is not going to be invited.

And I feel so stymied because I was sure that Tamra was just being nice to Shannon to get her at this party where Alexis would, you know, rag on her again. And I was wrong. She didn't even have Alexis. I hate admitting that I'm wrong. Do we think that Alexis and Johnny Jay timed their engagement perfectly with this episode, knowing Alexis wouldn't be on the shows. That way it kept her relevant in the headlines this week. They're so disgusting. We didn't even talk about that. So Alexis and Johnny Jay posted a very aggressive Instagram post.

She's doing that thing where she's like holding onto him with one hand and then shoving her hand in our face with the other one to show us that, oh God, I shouldn't have showed those to you guys. But shoved the ring in the face of the camera like she's about to backhand me. Get your fucking tacky ass fake-o child, I was going to say child bride ring. What do I mean? Blood diamond child labor ring out of my face. Even though I totally believe in children having jobs and always have, but still gross. You two are disgusting. Yeah. I feel like the timing feels, I don't know why the timing feels so peculiar.

It's like she knew she wasn't, yeah, she knew she wasn't going to be on the show. So it's like a don't forget about me kind of energy. I was listening to the Bravo docket, which breaks down court cases and all that, as you know, I mentioned them all the time. And, uh, they were talking about this, uh, you know, him suing her for all this money and, uh, the fact that she tried to settle and pay him the money out of court, but in return she wanted him to sign an NDA and he refused to do it. And the NDA wasn't, it wasn't even an NDA,

a typical NDA, it was a mutual disparagement contract, which means she wouldn't go on the show and talk shit about him, and he wouldn't be able to use her for publicity and back talk either, and he refused. So I think that pretty much goes to show where that fucker stands. And also, I don't believe any of this is happening, because I read in another thread, because really all I do is sit on the internet all fucking day, we all

know that. But I read on some other thread on Reddit that Alexis is... Someone looked up her... What is it called when you get a divorce? Her settlement. And they said that she gets a huge settlement as long as she's not with somebody else, which I think is a typical way of a settlement. Now, I don't know how true that is. That's just, I read that from a comment, so please don't sue me. I'm always afraid of the Bolinos suing me for saying anything. Please don't sue me. I don't have any money left. It's all gone. And they're... Man, I'm so sorry. I'm really ADD today. Anyway, why would she marry him and give up that settlement money if he can't even

spring and spring for a facelift? You know what I mean? You're, if you're going to marry someone who's too poor to pay for a facelift, then you're going to need to keep that money. So I don't know that I even believe any of this at this point. Well, he's either too poor to pay for a facelift or he is just a petty asshole who wants the money back. And either way, it doesn't seem like that would work well with Alexis's lifestyle to which she has become accustomed to. Yeah. Well, there you go. I don't know what it is, but get that

fucking ring out of my face and shame on you too. Yeah. So, uh, either way, the Tamara, Emily, Heather, they kind of guide us to our flat our previous leaves this week. And, um, the question is like the video, cause Alexis last episode was like, I have a video that would destroy Shannon and whether or not they bring up the video to Shannon and Tamara's like, I don't think we should mention this to her at all. And Heather's like, no way. The only videos we're going to discuss are Air Bud 5, which I had a fleeting role in. I played waitress number three in 1997.

You're welcome. So then we go to Speaker Works with Shannon and her CEO, Steve, who is turning into David Foster, right? Has he always looked just like David Foster? How many tenors do you think he has locked in his basement? I know. This fucking guy. It's a fairly common trajectory for men.

There's like a certain path. Certain men turn into Al Gore, like John Jansen. Certain men turn into, you know, David Foster. Others just turn into just like grimace. I don't know. I can't think of any. I'm trying to think of like other older men, Jimmy Buffett maybe.

But I think the certain category is that like we as men just sort of morph into in our old age and David Foster is one of them. Oh, you're muted. Oh, thanks. I think I'm gonna have a Bernie Sanders slant. Oh. Just with more Lebanese coloring. Like, and I'll have more hair coming out of my ears, I think, and my butt crack.

And everywhere, really everywhere, every pore. But yeah, I think I'm going to have that like kind of just pissed off old man look. I mean, I'm already, listen, I'm already on my way. I feel like I'm going to, I think I might go in a Harry Dean Stanton way. That might be my path forward. That's a good way. I like Harry, Harry, now my goal might go in a Harry Dean Stanton way. That might be my path forward. That's a good way. I like Harry, Harry, now my goal would be Tony Shalhoub, even though he's not really old old, but I feel like he's on a good trajectory.

He's just got that kind of dopey, like just solved a mystery on accident kind of a look. I would like that, but I'm not, I have, if I was gonna be an angry old man, I'd like to be Clint Eastwood. He's so sexy when he's mad, you know? I'm gonna be Bernie. He really pulls off yelling at an empty chair really well.

Like that's, he really has that certain like angry old man thing down pat. It's like he's been training his whole life for that moment. And now he's finally aged into his fate, you know? Yeah, cause most, I feel like senior citizens who are angry are represented on TV as being like, I don't know, like not hot, but he's grumpy and does pushups, which I think is like

a really nice take on it. I love you, Clint Eastwood. I saw a picture of Tony Danza yesterday and New York Times had an article that was like inside the Upper West Side apartment of Tony Danza. And I was like, that's an interesting headline. I will click on it. And I didn't actually read any of it.

I just wanted to see what Tony Danza looked like these days. And you know, he's aging pretty well considering. And what was so funny was that like two days ago, I decided to look up the Wikipedia entry for Taxi and I read all about Taxi. And then the next day was an article about Tony Danza. And then this morning I woke up and there was a whole profile about Carol Kane in the New York Times.

So like, I think what I'm trying to say is, I need to do something better with my time. Tony Danza aged really well. I just looked him up. He looks fantastic. He looks really good. And Carol Kane did too, by the way, for the record. Carol Kane's doing a great job with her aging. Tony Danza, the hair, he's got long hair and stuff,

long silver hair, what a bastard. Okay, let's get back to it. So Timber's gonna have this big party and Shannon is at a place getting a breathalyzer installed in her car. And she's like, well, since my DUI, I purchased a new car. And only Shannon can really make a DUI sound like the most fabulous makeover anybody's ever had.

I mean, Shannon got a DUI and came back on the show with a new body, a new face, new hair, and a new car even. I mean, what are we doing? I've been getting too many drunken while walking non-tickets. I'm gonna try driving and walking. I think it would help my aging trajectory.

It might. So we see flashbacks of her with Emily, like about a week ago or something where she was, you know, Shannon has to get a new car because she totaled her other car by crashing it into a house. So we see her at like a dealership looking at cars and Shannon's like pretending to like sit on the car

hood and everything. I'm like, oh, this is a very natural pose for me. This is, I wonder, um, that if this looks sexy, got it, really does take a lot of hard work to to be a slut like the ones David walks around with. So she's like, well, when you get a DUI, there are a couple of options. You can have your driver's license suspended for six months. Hold on, let me press my lips and move my eyes to the left and move them to the right. That's what I think about that. Or you can install a breathalyzer in your car,

which is wackier. Let's see while I do the breaststroke on top of this car. And she's like, well, you know, because all my children are in school. Well, two of them are in school. One's off in Paris, just wasting all our money and they can't really drive me around. And I tried with Archie and that didn't go very well. And that's actually what happened that night, if I have to be honest, but I want to protect him.

It's like Bonpar the Fanaties. And I want to have that ability to drive. And second of all, I think it's good for me to be reminded of my very, very stupid choice, not to drive drunk, but to engage in a relationship with John Jansen. I love being reminded of my stupid choices. That's why I'm currently scrolling through David's face

for God's sake, God's sake. So she tells us that she hasn't been in the driver's side crawling through David's face. God damn it. God damn it. So she tells us that she hasn't been in the driver's side of a car for six months. How does that work? Well she hasn't driven. She just get it, but she just got a DUI. That hasn't been six months. You know what? That's the thing. Like housewives timelines are so weird because they record certain interviews, certain amount. Well, let's say she got her DUI over the summer, right? Like, like about a year ago, I think.

So then if that was in August or September and then now it's March or so, it could be, it could be six months. November ish. Wait. Uh, yeah. November ish, I think. Oh, well in that case it makes sense. 2023. I don't, Wait. Yeah, November-ish, I think. Oh, well, in that case, it makes sense. A lot of 2023? I don't... Yeah. Well, that's when she was sentenced. So I don't know when she actually got it, but that's when she was sentenced.

Either way. July... Yeah, I don't know, but that doesn't make sense. Yeah. None of it makes sense. Yeah. Well, like I said, Archie's been doing the bulk of the driving anyway, even before the incident. So he's like, Yeah, well, like I said, Archie's been doing the bulk of the driving anyway, even before the incident. So he's like, yeah, well, you'll be fine.

I'm drunk on balls? Well, it's fine to just walk around a neighborhood drunk on tennis balls. That seems to be fine. Archie doesn't have to breathe into anything, although he has no problem spittling all over everything. Could you get this out of my Jackie O suit? Thank you.

So, well, okay, so Sarah, can you tell me a little bit about how this works? And the guy's like, well, don't worry. First of all, it happens to a lot of people. First you'll wanna start, you have to do this before you start the vehicle. Cause if you start the vehicle, it's gonna count as a violation. So you don't want any violations.

Oh, okay. No violations. I have a question. Does it count if you have an affair with a woman that you walked along the beach with? Because that seems like a violation of marriage. I don't know where David Doors takes her, but I don't know why I'm the one who gets the violations. I'm sorry, am I bleeding too much of my personal life into this moment? So, Christian's like, the way that you do this is you have to, you can't just blow into it,

because that would be a violation. So, you have to like meditate. Well, well, okay. So, you have to, you can't just blow into it because that would be a violation. So you have to like meditate. Well, well, okay. So you have to hum like, hmm. And then you blow. And she's like, oh! And then she's like, okay, you just did it wrong. You're in prison. She's like, what did I do wrong?

Geez. He's like, you didn't hum while you blew. Oh geez. Oh, well, okay, no, I got it. Okay, here we go. I'm auditioning for the gay men's chorus. Okay. No, that's you have to go lower. No, Shannon. Just a little bit. Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm just, it's a little, little triggering. Okay. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. Lower. A low hum.

Oh, how am I supposed to hum and breathe? And he's like, well, what you do is, here's what I do. I take a really deep breath, and then when I'm about to release, I just focus on the, oh, the particles I just took into my nose, probably because you can't really take a deep breath anywhere, especially in a new car.

Do you know what they make these seats out of? I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Okay, okay. Ah, there, that's perfect. Oh, okay, well, that's funny, because that's what Dr. Moon says. The noise I have to make before I have a cupping session,

so this is perfect. It's like I'm being healed and I'm blowing into a little device at the same time. So when you're driving, does it tell you pull over? Yeah, pull over now. Or does it just let you keep driving? When you're driving, does it say we're going to a pub for your birthday? Pub!

Birthday pub! Or does it just let you keep driving? He's like, no, no, it doesn't stop. Oh, but it does ask you for a retest. She's like, oh, it does. Because yeah, every five to 20 minutes randomly. Jeez. That's pretty intense just in case you decided

to like down some beers in the car. I think so. Yeah, I think people blow into it. And then they were probably like, OK, I can drive now. And then open their whiskey bottle or whatever. Right. Well, so I have to keep on blowing when I'm driving. Oh, my Alexis Bellino. What if I don't hump my mistake? He's like, that's a violation. And she's like, oh, my God, I'm violated. He's like, okay, well, we're not gonna use that terminology. I've been violated. I got violated in breathalyzer school.

It's like, okay, let's come back to the five and dime. So she's like, so I even have to blow while I'm driving? He's like, yeah, or it'll be a violation. And we get the, and then he's like, and after three, then you have to come back and then you have to pay a shop fee to reset it. And then the Steve, the CEO goes one hurdle after another. It's not really a hurdle if you just do it right.

Well, I mean, the DUI has affected every aspect of my life, including my real for real business. You know, sales were starting to go down, you know, we sort of had moved out of that cream cheese and salmon sort of space a little bit, you know, and then with the DUI, I mean, it's just, it's at the same level. It just, it just went down and it's hypocritical for me to go onto television and say, oh, I'm healthy Shannon Bador and buy my healthy products when I've

got a DUI. So my whole life has really changed. Yeah, I think the business was stinking and this was just kind of an excuse, but also all of this DUI rigmarole, like the breathalyzer industry, do you think that the alcohol industry owns the breathalyzer industry? It's like you lose one customer because they're not allowed to drink anymore. So you still find a way to profit because this is a really creative way to profit. You have to have a breathalyzer in your car. If you don't hum three times when you blow, then you have to have the car towed and then reset it a shop, which costs a few hundred dollars. I'm sure. I mean, it's actually very smart. You know, it feels like I thought you just could blow into it and that would be

good enough. The fact that you have to do it in a certain way and you have to do it before you turn on the car. I bet that's where you get all the relationship. Can I just blow it? It's like, no, this is how I like it. The worst trend to ever happen in sex and relationships is the whole, what do you like? Oh, I hate that. I feel like a waiter. What do you like?

And then they're like, here's what I like. I like blow jobs and I like them this way. And then I like slapping and spitting and peeing. I'm like, oh my God, this is disgusting. I don't want to know all this. I'm way less disgusted when people just never tell me, you know, just surprise me. Yeah.

I want to go on a journey. Sorry. I was just going to say that I feel like I would a hundred percent turn on my car so many times before doing the breathalyzer. Like I think that's, it feels almost like it's just a money making scheme, right? They make it really easy for you to have a false violation and then you have to pay all

this money. So I would just do hubers for six months. Yeah. Well, you know, that's another, it's another scam. Just kidding. That's not a scam. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crap-ins commercial.

I'm Dan Tuberski. In 2011, something strange began to happen at the high school in Leroy, New York. I was like at my locker and she came up to me and she was like stuttering super bad. I'm like, stop f***ing around. She's like, I can't. A mystery illness, bizarre symptoms, and spreading fast. It's like doubling and tripling and it's all these girls. With a diagnosis the state tried to keep on the down low.

Everybody thought I was holding something back. Well you were holding something back intentionally. Yeah, yeah, well, yeah. No, it's hysteria. It's all in your head. It's not physical. You're, oh my gosh, you're exaggerating. Is this the largest mass hysteria since the witches of Salem? Or is it something else entirely? Something's wrong here. Something's not right. Leroy was the new dateline and everyone was trying to solve the murder. A new limited series from Wondery and Pineapple Street Studios. Hysterical. Follow Hysterical on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can binge all episodes of Hysterical early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. What's up guys? It's your girl Kiki and my podcast is back with a new season. And let me tell you, it's too good. And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay? Every episode, I bring on a friend. I mean, the likes of Amy Poehler, Kel Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on. So follow, watch, and listen to, baby, this is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay. So, um, then we go to, um, Christian, he's like, Oh, I don't know. He's like, don't ever disconnect because you'll also have another violation. She's like, Jesus. So then we go

to Jen and Katie doing yoga and, um, Katie's like, you know, I really feel like both yoga and sex require a lot of flexibility. I'll hold for laughs. Okay. I know it's so funny. I'm here, no, don't hold for laughs because I'm gonna do some laughing stuff right now. Because I think that Katie,

I think Katie might get down with her mat on a regular basis. See what I did there? I pond yoga mat with her husband mat. See, it's like sex, but I'm talking about also a product you'd get from Aloe. Do you understand what I'm doing here? her husband, Matt. See, it's like sex, but I'm talking about also a product you'd get from aloe. Do you understand what I'm doing here?

It's so funny. Thank you so much for listening to my joke. So Katie's like, yeah, when you have a husband that looks like Matt, you have sex twice a day. Really? Matt looks like a banking representative. I know. Who are you having sex with twice a day?

That's the question. Yeah. You might want to have sex twice a day, but maybe not with Matt. Do you have a fetish for the wig party? Well, if you do. I've got a mountain for you to climb two times a day. So we meet Katie's dog, whose name is Sparkles,

which is funny to me, because I don't know why it's funny that the dog is also pluralized. It's not just a Sparkle, it's multiple Sparkles. Sparkles, and also it's people with like zero personality who name their dogs really like personality full things, like Sparkles. It's like, hi, this is my dog. Wonderful times. Here's my dog.

Crazy party girl, get some bars. So they're like, how are you doing? And Katie's like, well, you know, I'm just after Big Bear, I said Heather attacks. And she's just, oh my God, you did? Did she ever respond? Oh my God, please tell me she at least responded. Thank you, thank you so much for your text.

I might not be around right now, but you know what, it was really, really worthwhile getting the air from you. No, that was over a week ago. And she was complaining, oh, Katie didn't send me a text. Katie didn't send me a text. But guess what? I did.

And now it's crickets. And then, oh, actually, I'm sorry. We have a flashback of Heather back in her spa day with the things under her eyes telling Gina, so, you know, I was wondering, where's the text? I mean, I'm sitting here and I am waiting for a text. Now, I'm getting absolutely zero texts on this. Oh, I'm sorry. I pulled out my wealthy phone.

Let me pull out my cricket wireless. That's what the number I give out to the poor people Oh tons of text from Katie. Never mind everyone. Oh God a few from the cleaning lady says saying she's trying to scale the wall while I sent her the new coat Oh god, I just thought she didn't show I fired her Show up in a bintel in a couple of days. I hope the new one isn't gonna let her down gently. Okay, let me go back to the Mark Cuban phone. Ah, so much better. So Katie is like, I actually can't believe that we're still discussing this.

She wants me to like beg on my hands and knees and be like, Princess Heather, can you forgive me? I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna kiss your ass, Heather. I'm not. Hold on, everyone. Gina. I'll wait for the laughs. I'll just gonna do that. I'm not gonna kiss your ass, Heather. I'm not, hold on everyone, Gina. Ha ha ha. I'll wait for the laughs. I'll just wait for those. Okay, and we're waiting.

Okay, the ball is officially lost in the trees. Okay, so if she wants to talk great, if she doesn't wanna talk great, it's not like it's necessary for me to talk. The wind is about three miles per hour coming from the east. Let me go. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr miles per hour coming from the East. And Jen's like, and Kitty's like, what's that noise? Oh, that's just my kid. That's his Mustang.

Your child has a Mustang? Yeah, no big deal. You know, we got it for him on his 11th birthday. You know what's so funny with Shannon getting in so much trouble for driving under the influence, Dawson really never has. He's really, really talented. We're doing a great job with him. Couldn't say that. So they're like, have a kids and Jen's saying, well, you know how it is ending a marriage, going through divorce, building a new life, squatting, getting kicked out of a home, having

locks changed on you. It's just been, it's been a lot. It's been crazy. Yeah, that's a big learning curve that most of us learned many years ago. But yeah, curve, it's a curve. Yeah, it is. By the way, you said you're kind of like, I don't dot, dot, dot. I don't really want to finish the sentence because I never really asked you about your ex. I just assumed there's a story there. So you mind telling me about it? Pete Slauson She's like, we don't talk. Now, this is interesting because a ton of stuff has been coming out about Katie. I don't know if you don't really keep up with that kind of stuff. But believe it or not, the gossip rags have been going crazy for Katie,

which is interesting because Katie's not very, I mean, look, I like Katie. I think she's fine on the show, but she's pretty like, meh. She's like a non-dessert crepe. You know, like when you have a non-dessert crepe, they don't have the sugar and stuff. They're just kind of plain and, I don't know, they need to be filled. And that's Katie. She's just kind of an empty carb. Like, she's good enough to be on your plate because she's still a carb, but it just needs more. Anyway, she hasn't been dressed yet. So anyway, she's, a lot of news has been coming out of her. One is the golf ball business, the golf ball shots business, where she was trying to sell golf ball shots and supposedly she stole the idea from her friend and he's suing her.

And then there's all this bad stuff about her marriage and this guy sounds like a real piece of work. They were, they had a really volatile breakup and then there's all this news and it's just story after story and then she got the most recent one was, Katie gets in trouble for a road rage incident. A rose raid, rose raid. She has rose rage. Sorry, I'm a little under the water today. Don't let her get near your gardens. Don't let her get near your English gardens because she has rose rage. Sorry, I'm a little under the weather today. Don't let her get near your gardens. Don't let her get near your English gardens because she has rose rage. Rose rage.

You've never seen that lady show any personality until she gets around a rose. I meant she pulls out a baseball bat. She can't even watch the bachelor. Sorry, I'm a little under the weather, so I'm more loony than usual. So anyway, it's a road rage incident where she apparently followed a guy home and was threatening him, and then she called followed a guy home and was threatening him and then she called the police on him and claimed that he wouldn't let her drive away and they basically like Karened this guy. She Karened out on this guy and accused

him of holding her hostage basically and not letting her leave. So this guy was arrested and had to go to jail. Finally, they dismissed the case because they realized that she was the aggressor. This is all allegedly by the way, that she was the aggressor. So they let him go. And then we find out that it's cost him like $13,000 to defend himself and all this stuff. And so I was reading this article like,

damn, this girl has done all this. She doesn't seem that interesting. The article or the case was from 2016. So I think someone is coming for Katie and I don't want to accuse Heather too, bro, but it seems a little bit obsessive that somebody is like having someone dig through court records and put out every single Katie story they can find. Now, I don't know who would do that, but in my mind, they have gigantic

button eyes and they're a terrifying version of something that should be loving to a sweet, innocent girl who never did anything wrong named Coraline. Well, but right now, Katie's big enemy is not Heather, it's Gina. Because Gina has fully now villainized Katie over some stupid bullshit. Gina has found an excuse to just hate Katie because Katie threatened Gina's position with Heather, even though Gina has done that to herself many times on her own. So maybe it's Gina who's at the bottom of all this. Girl, Gina can't even remember how much a house costs that she's showing, you know what I mean?

Like Gina's no mastermind, okay? I think it's Heather, it's 100%, because it doesn't matter who Katie doesn't like, it's who Heather doesn't like, and Heather hates Katie's ass. I think she would totally do something that petty. Well, she does have the resources, that's for sure. That's for sure. That's for sure. So like the investigators always got a camera around his neck just in case

Heather wants to pretend she's hugging Terry at a theme park. That's who was called. It wasn't the paps. It was just the on staff photographer. Why has no one even considered that? It's just always Alfredo. It's just always Alfredo. Alfredo is the paps. Yeah. We never called the paparazzi. We own the paparazzi. They're just there. They're obligated to follow us. So Katie tells her story about her marriage. Basically, she was really young and she was dating this dude and got pregnant. And so what do you do? You get married. And she saw all these red flags that she should not be marrying this guy. And her brother-in-law, they were getting

married in Hawaii, and her brother-in-law came up to her and was like, wow, good luck with that one. Fucking idiot. Marrying that loser for. And she's like, yeah, I saw all these red flags, but then I asked my parents and my parents were like, you're pregnant and you're going to marry him. We flew all the way to Hawaii. So that was not a cheap ticket. You have to commit yourself to this man because we're not getting a refund on our flight. So good luck for the rest of your life. No. So they're like, good Catholic girls get married. And so she got married. And then she just kept having kids with the guy. And then they were fighting and she was always leaving and they were always fighting and it just got uglier and uglier.

It sounds, it sounds like even now as she tells the story that she is putting a, uh, I think she is holding back intentionally, probably to protect her kids and to not have to dig back into it. It feels like it's so much worse than what she's saying, right? Like it doesn't, it feels like, wow, like I'm reading between the lines here and the lines themselves are pretty bad, but you have to imagine that there's just some really bad stuff that happened in between those lines.

Yeah. And also the other option obviously is that this, this is the guy putting out all these stories. Like he's mad that she's got a show or whatever, and he's going to like try and get revenge. So yeah, he does not sound like a walk in the park. Uh, but either way, for what we know of now, this just sounds like a horrible, horrible situation. All her stuff, by the way, he threw out all her scrap,

her childhood scrapbooks, her yearbooks, anything she made as a kid. He just purged all of her belongings, which is absolutely, that's like, that's like psycho behavior, I'm sorry. But like, that is like a 90s thriller kind of thing. I have never even heard of that. So then we find out that she, they kind of split the kids when they got a divorce and she got one, she has her daughter, and then he got the other kids, I think. He has two of the kids. And is that right? Am I getting that right? So she said it really was heartbreaking,

but she's like, but sometimes that's just what happens in these situations. Okay. Can we just concentrate on my squiggly ponytail? I think it looks pretty cute. I think that she has, she has actually two of the kids, Callie and Gavin, but there's another kid who stayed in Georgia with him. Either way. The point remains, it's not a great situation. Um, so now as a result, Katie's daughter Callie or Kaylee is in the process of changing her last name to Janella cause she wants to be Matt's daughter, Kali, is in the process of changing her last name to Janella, because she wants to be Matt's daughter. Yeah. So she's, it's a nice scene, you know, she's like, you know, he's raised her.

And so she wants to, she, she's always been traumatized by the word dad, but finally she started calling him dad. Then he was crying and now she's going to change her name. And so it's all a really good story. And then Jen's like, Oh my God, you know, I mean, just to hear that Katie went through something so similar with her kids. I mean, she got married. She never really had to do anything. Then she had all these kids and she adopted all these hamsters and turned into gerbils and bunnies, then children, then giraffes. God, that was a funny one. When she tried to adopt that giraffe and ended up living with it for a long time,

then eventually the child. God, that was so nice. God, I love when she opened that gym outside and then someone tried to pay her parking lot space. It's really funny. She got kicked out of that one though. She didn't leave though. She's still got a tent there if she needs it.

It's like, you may have segued into your own story there. I'm sorry to break into your monologue, but could you please leave my life out of yours? You're projecting a little bit. Thank you. Yeah. She's like, yeah, my kids don't have Mustangs and they also know how to drive. So now we go over to Emily's house where she's getting spray tanned with someone who I just thought was Tamra, but it's just not Tamra.

I think that's just the way Orange County goes. Like if you're not Tamra, you just look like her because I was like, Oh, there's, it's an Emily and Tamra scene. Nope. That's just a spray tan technician. Totally someone. If you're not Tamra in Orange County, if you're not Tamra, you will be one day. Yes.

It's the same theory as, as merge, as, as men merging into David Foster. Yeah. It's how we alternate to David Foster, Tony Shalhoub or Clint Eastwood. Or who is yours? Dean, Dean Harry, Dean. So if you're a white lady in Orange County, you will eventually just become Tim. Right. you will eventually just become Tim, right? It's like the evolution scale. Okay, so they're making wacky jokes, Emily and Shane. He's wearing a shirt that says, real men, spray tan. This is a free spray tan, obviously, because they made a deal.

Like if Shane wears this shirt, we'll give you this spray tan session for free. He's like, all right, sign me out. So she's opening up her robe and showing her black pasties, her little star pasties and pink undies. And he's like, oh, okay. What is it my birthday? Is someone painting this? Well, Shane, so you look very healthy. Have you made a doctor's appointment? Because you know I was concerned about, well, you had a heart attack the other day. This is Emily's storyline, which is getting Shane an appointment with the doctor. Emily's storylines are always so sad and lackluster.

Your storyline is that you took sexy pictures again for the 10th year in a row, and that you lost weight taking Ozempic, which you're currently in the process of kind of lying about. And now Shane needs to lose a million pounds. You are so full of it, lady. But she's like, have you gotten any medical attention? Maybe the one that needs to call the doctor is you.

You're so horny. Maybe we can get you a free spay tan. No, you know, this was, you know, you were being mean and you hurt my heart. That's why I had a heart attack. And she's like, no, that's what it was. No, I wasn't even home. How could I be mean to you if I wasn't even home?

And she says, I don't think Shane takes his health seriously, but I can only ask so many times. Unfortunately, I haven't actually reached that limit of how many times I can ask, so good luck, America. You're in for another eight weeks of me asking. Come over here and sit down, you short little fucker. No, I don't think I'm a mean person. Would you say I'm a mean person? You, you just called me a short fucker. No, I was out of love. Come on, sit on my lap.

Tell Santa what you want. This is Emily who like last, just last week or two weeks ago was bragging about the fact that she's always been mean and aggressive. That's just who she is. And now she's like, you're making me be mean.

So. Now she's about to pull my favorite thing because I still do this at my ripe old age of 28, blame my parents for everything. Like literally, if I'm late on my rent or my mortgage or my bills, I will be like my mom was mean to me once. Well, a lot. She was mean to me a lot.

She's still mean to me. She's horrible. It's her fault. And that's what Emily does every season whenever she's called out on something. She's like, fuck you, I didn't do anything wrong. And then two episodes later, she's like, it's because my mom didn't give me less money. It's always because of the fricking latchkey life. My mom wasn't home when I got back from school.

So she goes, oh, you know, I was in like into the dinner one night and just a Shannon's and me sitting there and she was like, oh, by the way, I just want to tell you that Gina's been saying things about you. And we have the flashback of Shannon's like, well, by the way, I just want to tell you that Jen has been saying things about you. And we have the flashback of Shannon's like, wow, she's just saying you're getting meaner since getting close, she's just, Tamara. Oh, and then I asked because I was like trying to nail down a timeline, I was like,

did you say it after I yelled at Jen? Because Emily doesn't want to admit that she's gotten meaner under Tamara's influence, but she will admit that it's her mom's influence. She's like, yeah, I'll throw my mom under the bus as much as I want, but Tamra is protected. Do not come after Tamra. Yeah. So she's like, well, I did say it after I yelled at John and he's like, yeah, that's not okay. And she goes, yeah, well, it wasn't okay. I guess I need to apologize. It's just like, you know, her purse, here's what I came up with. Her personality. She has this lack of accountability and it just reminds me of my own mom and how I feel about that. Cause that personality type.

He's like, let me guess it triggers you. It triggers me. Shane. He's like, oh Jesus. We made it pretty far into the season without her bringing up her mom, which was impressive. Also, when she said that she feels like Jen has a lack of accountability, did she mean like accountability or accounting?

Because, you know, it could go either way. So, Shane is basically like, oh okay, well, I'll tell everyone about your mom again. Well, it's just that my mom didn't finish college and she blames it on other people. And I just don't wanna be like that. But anyway, my issues are just that my mom didn't finish college and she blames it on other people and I just don't want to be like that But anyway, my issues are because of my mom. So Shane is like, but that's always gonna be the case It's never gonna change. It just was hard as a kid. I always had to get myself up always had to get myself to school

I never had lunch money. I never had lunch. I never even had clothing I just show up naked at the school. And I'm the person I am today because I went through it. I was never called or given anything. Dave, you're living off of your in-laws and you don't work. What are you talking about? You don't have a job? Who the fuck are you talking about? She has housewives, but she's acting like she's out there like vicking up the life. I mean, look, she's just, I think she just needs to take some responsibility here and just stop blaming everything else. You were too old to be blaming your mother. And by the way, my mother's not mean to me these days. We get along

fine. I felt guilty. I'm like, well, that wasn't very nice. I actually am close with my mom. But yeah, I think it's like we're old enough that it's the time where you're just saying, I was a real dick to that person and that wasn't cool. And also you might be kind of a dick because she's doing everything that your mom didn't do for you with her kids. She's raising her kids, she cares a lot about her kids. Also, we heard last week about how she's making, if her kids want five different things for breakfast, she'll make them all, each one of them their own meal. Like, she's a short order cook, you know, and she's, she can say whatever you want about her, but she takes care of her damn kids.

And I think that maybe they're, and I'm not even saying this being bitchy, like, well, maybe you just like her, cause I'm just saying like, maybe there's something more that you resent there because she's actually what your mom, what you wish that your mom was, and you're having to deal with someone like that every day and your brain doesn't know how to compute. Right?

No, I think it's all of the above. I think there probably is something like, you know, there, there may be, and I don't mean this in the petty way, there may be some sort of like psychological jealousy based on what you just said. I think there is probably a thing of like, I had to do, I had to work so hard and you get to just traipse through life, not really knowing what your plan is until someone saves you. And I didn't get that thing. And that can also build resentment. It's all like,

it's all swirled together with issues with her mom. And by the way, I'm not saying that her issues with her mom are just like frivolous and should be written off, but I'm just like, you're too old to still be talking about this. Like go to therapy. So yeah, it's like multiple seasons. Like you've played that card. You've played that long card. It's time for therapy. So yeah, it's like multiple seasons. Like you've played that card, you've played, yeah, it's like it's time for therapy. It's and also, you know, we're coming up with all these things and I think everything that we're saying could be true, like on a psychological level, maybe there's this thing that she sees that she resents or maybe there's that thing and maybe it

really does go deep. But at the end of the day, my instincts are telling me that she's just being an asshole to be popular with the, with Tamra. And I think that that's the, that's the correct call. She's just being mean to this girl cause she sees her as fresh meat. And as long as they're ripping this girl apart, they're not ripping her apart. And so she's just going to jump in and rip her limb from limb for nothing. Cause nobody, everybody knows that what she's been like with Jen is not okay. She's been a total asshole to her. So everybody knows that. Yeah. Blame something else.

Well, my favorite line in all this was Emily choking up. She was like crying to us in her interview and she goes, yes, I'm aggressive or mean, but I had to be. I thought that was so funny. It was like, like, yes, I'm, I'm a terrible person right now, but I'm the true victim here. Like I, oh, I had to be this way. I don't know why that just struck me as so funny. Like trying to squeeze out empathy from the audience for her being aggressive and mean to someone else.

Yeah, and that's the typical thing, right? The villainous thing to do when you get caught is like, here's why I'm the bigger victim in this story. Commercials, here comes one right now. Welcome to the Offensive Line. You guys, on this podcast, we're going to make some picks, talk some s***, and hopefully make you some money in the process. I'm your host, Annie Agar. So here's how this show's going to work, okay?

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surrounding the world of football. Awards like the He May Have a Point Award for the wide receiver that's most justifiably bitter. Is it Brandon Iyuk, T. Higgins, or Devonte Adams? Plus, on Thursdays we're doing an exclusive bonus episode on Wondery+, where I share my fantasy football picks ahead of Thursday Night Football and the weekend's matchups. Your fantasy league is as good as locked in. Follow the offensive line on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can access bonus episodes and listen ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. So then Shane's like, break the cycle, right?

She's like, yeah, I need to break the cycle. He's like, no, I'm saying please don't break another cycle. I mean, you really can't keep getting on the Peloton with roller skates. It's not built for that. Actually, I kind of would like you to break the cycle so that way you stop nagging me about getting on the bike. Well, anyway, I guess I should hug you now. Okay, here you go. Here's your hug. So now we go to Tamra's and Tamra's with Sophia and she's like, Sophia, yeah, do you want to do something? Sure. You want to drive? No. Okay, let's drive. Okay. What makes you nervous about it, Sophia? Well, I'm worried that I'm gonna get in a car with you

All you're gonna do is talk about dad and try to get me a deep shit with dad on TV I would never do that get behind the car. You didn't suck up. I'm your turn signal You just like your father speaking of your father if you talk to your father Wish your father was here. Your father's not showing you how to drive any If you talk to your father, wish your father was here. Your father's not showing you how to drive any. She's like, Mom, you go fast and accidents happen. People die and they just laugh. Sitting in the camera is like, well, why do you have to be such a pain in my ass? It's really, I guess this is the theme throughout the episode of people who want to drive, people who don't want to drive, people who have drive, people with no drive.

Well done, Bravo. Yeah, she's like, hold on, this car only rides for a bit, a real hardcore bit, Sophia. Hold on, give me that breath lighter, bitch. See, turns on. I love that Tamara is always trying to just go against her children's wishes.

It cracks me up. I mean, that's just like the funniest running storyline that Tamara's in trouble with her kids for constantly mentioning stuff that they don't want and trying to bring stuff on camera when they've asked her multiple times. This one asks her multiple times on camera, please don't talk about dad. And she just keeps trying to make every scene about dad. She does it again in this scene and Sophia's like, I'm not talking about that. And she just keeps trying to make every scene about that. She does it again in this scene and Sophia is like, I'm not talking about that. She's like, oh, well, all right. Well, you know what that is? It's an animal gram. That's when something's spelled

the same backwards and it is forwards. So they're going to go driving, etc. And Sophia has applied to go to Saddleback School for graphic design. And she was gonna go to music school, but now she just doesn't want, she's not sure if she wants to. And she feels a lot of pressure to just try to do something, et cetera, with her life.

Yeah. So then we go to Katie and she's talking with her daughter and they're doing the paperwork to change her name. And she's like, wait a minute, you're changing your name and leaving the Mormon church? She's like, I'm sorry, some lady just dropped these papers. I'm sorry, did I get the wrong address? I was just dropping off paperwork. No, Terry. So, Kaylee, now that that strange lady with a blonde bob has left, what are you changing your name to? Kaylee Michelle Janella.

Oh, so you're not changing the middle name. I never really liked that. No, I like it. So I'm going to keep Michelle because it's cute. But anyway, there's the question, like the reasons because like, I don't know, like I was abandoned by my old family and now I'm adopted kind of, it's like, does the government accept that? And she goes, Oh, so you're basically disassociating from your biological father. This is a great conversation. I love

this. And Katie tells us that basically, like after the separation, Kayleigh was nine. And then a few years later, Katie's mom was diagnosed with cancer and Katie felt like her ex was not letting, um, her son see her mother while she was, I guess, I don't know if she was dying or not, but like wouldn't let her see the, let him see the mother. So Kaylee sent a text to her dad saying basically, quote unquote, telling him how selfish she is. And now there's no contact.

So I'm sure the text was a little bit more colorful than that and their relationship is now over. Yeah, this is so sad. This is very sad. And we don't get into a ton of divorce stories on these shows. They mention them, but then they just kind of FF through them. They're like, ah, we're divorced. It was sad. It was crazy. It was hard. Next. But they're really going through it on this one and it is really, really sad. I felt yesterday, I went to get ice cream yesterday, because you know, that's my new heroine, and I just go to ice cream shop to ice cream shop. Yesterday was McConnell's with my friend Brian. And that's some damn good ice cream, by the way. Thanks, guys. About to launch into a divorce story. But there was this kid in the ice cream shop and she was miserable.

And the mom was like, just get your ice cream, saying, yeah. She's like, eat your ice cream, saying, yeah. I was like, first of all, I was like, get rid of this little girl. I would just take her outside and put her in the street and wait for somebody to come pick her up. Because what kind of child doesn't like ice cream?

Like she's broken, you know what I mean? Something, take her back to the store. But anyway, this kid was crying. So then they were leaving around the same time as us. And I guess it was a custody drop off day where the mom was, they were going to meet at this ice cream shop and the dad gets the kid. So the kid was really mean to the mom. And then the dad came and she's like, daddy!

And then ran to the dad and jumped in his arms. I was like pulling his cheeks and he's like throwing her up in the air. And I was like, wow, that mom really got the short end of this stick. And the mom was the one who came to the McConnell's. I was like, the dad didn't bring you to the McConnell's, the mom did. And one day you're gonna remember

the smell of those waffle cones, and you're gonna realize how mean you were to the only person who tried to give you what true love really is that day, a waffle cone. You just spit in her face. I'm glad you have a nice life. Wow. That's like a, that's like an inverse of the old classic Bill Cosby joke. Dare I, dare I enter Bill Cosby into the conversation? But that was like the old joke was that like, you know, the, the, you know,

I'm not even, I'm not going to recite an old bill. Well too late now because it's not because it's Not because Bill Cosby's problematic, just because I'm going to mess it up and it's like we don't like, we can move forward. We can move forward. We can move forward. No one is here. Ben's version of a Bill Cosby joke, he sort of heard one time that sort of stuck with him a little bit.

Okay. You're funny. Anyway, divorce is hard as I witnessed last night. Guys, I'm basically part of the story is what I'm saying. So then they signed the papers. So then we cut back, it's like daughter and mom scene cut back and forth. So we go back to Tamara and Sophia

and Tamara's like, how fast you gone? She goes, a 65, is that not the speed limit? I'm not an idiot mother. Actually, you're very smart and I don't know how that happened. You got your looks from me and your brains from your dad. And Sophia's like, maybe can we not talk about dad on camera? And she goes, yeah, well, Sophia doesn't have a relationship with her dad right now. And it was always very difficult to go get her to see her dad. I'd be like, go see your dad. Eddie and I wanna fuck, get out of the house

so we can fuck a little bit, Sophia. Yeah, she's like, you know what you look like? Your dad. Mom, stop talking about dad. Okay. My heart really breaks for Simon because he has two children that don't speak to him and I have one that doesn't speak to me.

And so I take it on every housewife. What if Tamra did that? Simon was so mean to me and that's why I call Shannon a drunk. So then we go back to Katie. She's like, by the way, I want to talk to you about Tamra's daughter. Kayla's like, okay, she's the same age as you and she has the same anxiety about her biological father and she doesn't have a ton of girlfriends in the area and neither do you.

So she goes, yeah, neither do I. Yeah, well, we're pretty new. So we want you girls to meet because you have a lot in common and we're kind of sick of you guys skulking around our kitchens. We just want some free time. Listen, honey, you don't know anybody. She doesn't know anybody. You're both kind of nerds. So what I would suggest is good old fashioned trauma bonding. Super fun. You know, there is an amusement park in Newport Beach that they went to last season. Maybe you guys can go there for the whole day and get out of our hair for a little bit. Thanks. So then let's see.

So then everybody's getting dressed. So now we just jumped to this party. It seemed like kind of a quick jump. We weren't really eased into this, but here we go. It's time for the Scottish party, the traders party. Yeah. It was like this weird hodgepodge. It's sort of a weird episode. I felt like they were sort of like, they had some footage enough to sort of couple together this episode with this random party. We're like, here,

let's sort of wedge this in here before we segue into the second half of the season, which is, looks like it's going to be about 45 times more bonkers in the first half. And the first half was actually fairly bonkers on its own. So like, let's do this party. So we now go into, everyone's getting dressed for Traders party. Tamara wanted to, wants to have a Tamara wants to have a Tamara party. She wants to have a Traders party because she only lasted, spoiler alert,

a few episodes on that show. Yeah. So she's going gonna have her traitor's party, so we see everybody getting ready, and it's funny just watching people in this town try to do anything, because they're all such dummies. Emily's like, I'm not a dress Scottish! What does that even mean? I'm like, I really don't know what Scottish means,

so I don't know what I'm supposed to do. And Ryan's like, the bagpipes, bagpipe guys wear this shit. Maybe this is why I woke up thinking about Brigadoon this morning. We had this whole scene right here about Scottish things. So, so then Jen is saying that she thinks she's, what she's wearing is too Christmassy. And he's like, yeah, well,

so everyone in Scotland celebrates Christmas all year round. She goes, I think so. I think that's how it works over there. So then Gina is with her kids and he's like trying on her crazy boots. And she's like, oh my God, like there's no way. Oh my God, did your foot really fit in there? Dang, boy.

I can't believe your foot fits into our house now. So Shannon, meanwhile, is- Gina came out with this post. I'm sorry to interrupt you, but Gina came out with this post the other day on Instagram. She came out with it. She dropped a post, guys.

It was this post and it was like, someone talk me out of doing bings. Talk me out of doing bings. And then Heather commented under it. She's like, don't do it. Just say no, please. And then she did it. I saw a picture later of her with the bangs.

My God, you asked people, they told you not to, and then you still came with the bangs? Did I read it wrong? No, no, it was a gag. She put up fake bangs. Oh, it was a bangs gag? She put up fake bangs and then swiped. Oh, come on, kids come up with bangs.

She didn't get the bangs. Wow. The bangs were not terrible, but I'm glad she did not have them. I don't think they were terrible either. They were surprisingly not terrible. Which, it wasn't about to be a bangs rant, it was just about to be a,

why don't you ever listen to advice rant? Yes, yes. So now we see Shannon and Vicky on the way to this party and Shannon's like, well, so I met Tamra the other night and it didn't go so, didn't go well. And I said, I feel like I've been climbing out of a hole and you just want to push me right back into it. And Vicky's just ignoring her. She's just on her phone doing insurance deals. Yeah, she's like, uh, voice it, voice it. Okay, well, if you can send me a quote and also if you can recall why he was rated standard,

I can address that. No, I will not buy you more teeth. What happened to the other was they were made of porcelain. God damn it! Here we literally got none of this right. She said, Harry and the Henderson's, please be kind to rewind. How does this even make any goddamn sense?

Who do I call? Okay, well, you just tell me when you're done and then I'll tell you about how I walked directly into a pump front at a restaurant and then had to talk to her. Insurance, insurance, get a job, get a job, insurance, insurance, do you even work? Hum.

Send. Sorry, I live in fear of violations now so I just do a deep hum in any given moment. Hum. Siri, Siri, why is Alexa such a bitch, Siri? Tell me that. Why is Alexa such a stupid bitch without a job? You don't work.

Hey Alexa, put Siri on the phone. You do not work. You do not work! Are you ready to hear me now? No, okay, that's fine. Vicky, by the way, the big thing with Vicky this week is that she almost died from an infection, right? That was the story.

She was like entering sepsis and then the infection was like, Whoa, just realize we're trying to take over Vicky's body. We got bigger fish to fry. Get out everyone. And finally the West Nile left California. No, but she apparently almost really died. Apparently it was very scary. Did you read anything about that at all? I mean, I saw it in headlines. I was like, I don't know.

I feel like Vicky always has infections. She does. I'm just not like, the least surprising headline I ever saw was Vicky had an infection. I was like, well, she's like, and she probably then immediately got into a hot tub. You know what I mean?

That's where my mind went. Bacteria, get a job. Get a job. Why are you in my body? Get a job. My mind went to, Vicki has an infection, so she immediately went to the food court and started licking people's face. You know? So anyway, now we arrive at Tamara's Traders' party.

It's like rainy. I wish they would shoot this show in the summer. I feel like they've been shooting Orange County in the winter, and it always looks kind of shoot this show in the summer. I feel like they've been shooting Orange County in the winter and it always looks kind of cold and kind of rainy. And I feel like Orange County should be a sunny, bright show. So it bothers me that we're in this rainy setting, although it is appropriate for the traders since it took place in Scotland, a home of Brigadoon. So everyone shows up at this mansion.

It looks like it's a mansion for like the bachelor or something. It looks like they're about to like vibe for someone's love. Literally every house over there looks like a mansion from the bachelor. They're all like that Spanish terracotta and they've got cracks running up the walls. You know, Chris Harrison coming out

with just some crusty underwear like, I wouldn't sleep in here at all guys. Let's get this done. Okay. So the bachelorette today, Janice, Michelle, right? Michelle. Okay. So this is where Tamara talks about how her time on the traders was too short. So she just wants to have a trader's experience with all the girls and relive it a little bit. And they're all showing up in sort of Scottish outfits.

Like Heather has this kind of strange, is it like a pussy bow or something? She's wearing like all black, but she has this like jewel encrusted bow on her chest. It looks like it's a Christmas decoration truly. And she's like, look at me, I'm Scottish. I am method. Top of the morning to you, Brigadoon. Yeah, look at me, I'm so Scottish.

I actually had my jacket made out of the skin from different valets named Scott. I'm so Scottish that I hired Scrooge McDuck as my butler. He's a famous Scott, is he not? And wealthy. Hey everyone, this is the end of part one of this recap. For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors.

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