Watch What Crappens - #254: Awards Special: The 2015 Crappies

Episode Date: January 1, 2016

We celebrate the end of a hilarious 2015 with our annual tribute to all things Crappens. Welcome to the 2015 Crappies!! ------------------- Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com ---------------------- Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors, Marvin Jay and Christy Doherty. We love you. Hey everyone, it's me, Ronnie.

Before we started this... Hey everyone, it's me, Ronnie. Before we start this very special end of the year crappies episode, I wanted to just send you over to patreon.com slash watch what crappens all the ringers are going up today last month january they're all up there i've actually added them right after this message so you can actually hear what they are because that shit's hilarious and now when i get texts i have darling darling darling and you should too come to patreon.com slash watch what crappens to subscribe.

There's lots of stuff there, our bonus episodes, etc. And also, we just want to take this moment to say thank you. You guys who have subscribed over there have really given us a year we never thought we would have doing a stupid podcast from couch desk and an apartment across from mj's respectively this is so much fun i have a life that i sit around and snark on people literally in my underwear uh and i just i'm so grateful so thank you guys so much go to patreon.com slash watch what crappens. And here are the ringtones you'll be getting. You better have a shot of espresso.

Ronnie. And darling. Bitch. Where's the tuna tartare? You're a nasty slut, you are. There's a Skype call. Oh, this is so awkward. She's being such a bitch.

Gotta keep it going. gotta keep it going. La la la la la, la la la la la. Darling. Speechless. I'm such a witch. Welcome to the third or fourth annual Crappy Awards. Rewarding the crappiest crap to crap and don't drop. 3rd or 4th Annual Crappy Awards. Awarding the crappiest crap to Crap and Don't Drop.

Here are your hosts, Ronnie Karam and Ben Mandelter. Oh, guys. Oh, guys, thank you. Sit down, guys. Sit down. Have a seat. Wow, Ben. Here we are.

Another year at the Crappies. Wow, and what a great attendance. You know, the audience looks wonderful, but don't they always? Oh, God. Ben! I'm so glad to be here. We've been doing this for so many years, we don't even know what year it is. Like, what number this is in the year.

It's three or four. Three or four. Number three or four. We've got a huge show for you tonight. Lots of special guests coming on to present awards to uh be in clips of the awards and and hopefully none of them will be chopping our heads off in case you didn't see it i'm making a gesture like my head's getting chopped off Chopped off. I'd suggest getting a hook, but that suggests earrings,

and I don't want Kyle's children to have nervous breakdowns. Am I right, guys? Am I right? So we'll be your couple of studs for the evening. What, is this audience already dead? We killed the audience. You're happy. You're happy.'re happy the audience

takes a second sometimes to get going you know what i'm saying even five minutes into this and we've murdered the entire audience with terrible cat scale jokes just showed the balls i think we got the audience back this is like a Golden Globe audience. They're just drunk. Yeah, they're drunk. They're just going to laugh and clap at whatever. I like it.

All right. Well, Ronnie and I have put a lot of time and effort into creating the nominees, choosing the nominees in these categories. We have a lot of nominees. We have a lot of nominees. We have a lot of categories. So why don't we get started, shall we? Let's do this, Bean. What do you want your first category to be? Well, let's start with Worst Wedding Drama.

This is a big one. There were a lot of terrible marriages this year on Bravo and a lot of good drama to accompany them absolutely would you shall i read these nominees sure you do it okay so the nominees for worst wedding drama are reza and his team gay lauren manzo tamra and jesus dimetria and Greg from Blood, Sweat, and Heals, and Sheena and Shay from Vanderpump Rules. Okay, well, let's talk these over, shall we? Okay.

Well, Reza and his tame gay did not get married. They're going to get married. But, you know, that was really sad drama because Reza planned this beautiful trip to a zoo. And then, I mean, a zoo in Thailand. And then the Tame Gay didn't even get invited. So it was going to be their special moment with the tiger. That was their dream.

And then Reza went without him. The free balling that almost killed a wedding. Like those two almost didn't get married because Tame Gay likes looking at guys in shorts without underwear on. I mean, how much more tame can you be? That's your fetish? It's not a bad fetish. It's not a bad fetish. It was online.

Was he looking at, like, piss porn? Like, people pissing on other people? No, people in underwear. I can just imagine Adam walking through a Nordstrom's just getting boners in the underwear section, you know? Did you used to do that as a young closet tame? Oh, I mean, I still get the boners. Through the underwear?

When I go to the underwear section? You do? Oh, no, no, not there. But, you know, the thing is with boners is you never know when they're going to strike. You're not 40 yet. You know. So then we also have Lauren Manzo, who gets worst wedding drama because she is the worst. And she had, you know, we actually didn't even watch her wedding drama.

She just automatically gets a spot on this list because she had a wedding and she's the worst and also i can't approve of anybody who loses 100 pounds to marry a fat person like that's the craziest thing i've ever heard like why would you lose weight to marry an obese person girl yeah i mean you lose weight to either get a better job or get a better man you didn't get either okay you're still making egg salad and some weird fucking manicure station that also sells keychains and bumper stickers. Yeah. I think nothing makes sense. I mean, why shed that weight if you're just going to still be spending your Saturday nights hunkered over a sink making mozzarella? As if you're in Ghosts.

Tamara's wedding drama to Jesus. Or with Jesus. Unfortunately, Bravo does not have cameras in heaven yet. So we Jesus or with Jesus. Unfortunately, Bravo does not have cameras in heaven yet. So we couldn't get, uh, Jesus, you know,

the clips of Jesus, like barfing. It was a shotgun wedding. Let's face it. We would have had shotgun weddings back in my day, but they weren't invented yet. Um, and then we have dimitri and greg wherein dimitri tried to act like she was everything was gonna be just totally low-key and chill and she was the biggest bridezilla ever she even made us feel bad for geneva

because she was going to disinvite geneva Geneva talked during Demetria's book signing slash reading, even though it was Shanti who was the loudest. Absolutely ridiculous. That was really stupid. It's a big deal. It's hard for me to disrespect her because that bitch knows how to get a free cake. Her wedding drama, every episode she was in a new cake store getting something free then she was at some weird rented castle getting some shit free because you know she didn't pay for that castle and then where what else did she get free she got everything for free i mean that girl there should be like a child richard's getting free shit because you're

on tv award and she kept on saying things like oh my god my God, like, I'm, like, not about this, but it's fun. Like, it's cool. I feel like a princess. I feel like a little girl. It's totally cool. Shut up, Demetria. You like it and you want it. And she none say.

Oh, my God. Why hasn't anybody pressed play on the iPod yet? This is a landmark. I'm standing here in a broom closet waiting for Brian. Who am I trying to think of? Who? What was her? Brian Adams?

Or Ryan Adams? Was it Ryan Adams that was supposed to play during her? I don't remember. I'm just assuming. I mean, it was either that or like White Snake. Who would it have been? It was maybe some like winger that was supposed to play to guide her down the aisle that's the last time i trust a wedding planner from insta

there's a huge huge landmark occasion for uh for instagram wedding planners um but uh and for halter top wedding dresses too big big moment This was like Princess Di's wedding for Azusa. Crop top, so short of my thing. This is like the best wedding ever. I can't even enjoy it, though, because the Instagram wedding plan ruined everything. Instagram, this is Sheena. I'm calling for customer service. Hello?

So, the winner... Oh, we have to get our envelope. Let me hold on. I think the envelope fell below my desk. Excuse me for one moment. This is so professional. In the meantime, I'll tell you a joke. Okay, I got the envelope. Are we ready? And the winner for

Worst Wedding Drama goes to... Sheena and Shay. I would play songs for this, but it's not queued up on the iPod. I don't feel like the audience fully appreciated what we just said. The worst wedding drama is Sheena and Shay. Yay! Good one. Lauren Manso is like cutting herself, but the Spanx are preventing her from bleeding.

The thing is that Lauren Manzo was actually like the worst wedding. And Sheena and Shay was actually the best wedding drama, which sort of makes it the worst wedding drama. So that's why they win. Oh, my gosh. We can't justify all these awards. Well, normally what we do in the past is we usually read the winner and then we say why they won oh okay rather than go through all the nominations okay those past four or three years yeah four or three years we don't remember two years

all right ronnie do you care to take the uh the next category i am very proud to be leading this cat while reading it i guess i'm not leading it but i'm very proud to be leading this cat while reading it. I guess I'm not leading it, but I'm very proud to be reading off this category. That's a good one. The next category, Megan King Edmonds Award for Outstanding Achievement in Hashtag Justice and Hashtag Truth. Justice. Truth. Knowledge. You know me and knowledge, right? Knowledge. Oh the oh yeah we have to add knowledge to that let's revise that category to and hashtag knowledge we're already recording

it you're literally i know i know i'm saying this document we are we are we are revising the category during the award show we've done it before we've had right in nominees that come in at the last second it's okay i just like that you're literally writing them and we're sharing a google doc right now and you're updating it like okay let's start this way we remember this way we remember if you want to like actually print these out or something hashtag knowledge i like to keep my knowledge so good sorry knowledge we left you out but then we realized that we needed a little justice truth truth all right ben go ahead should i read these off no this is yeah this is you you read we realized that we needed a little justice. Truth. Truth. All right, Ben, go ahead.

Should I read these off? No, this is, yeah, this is you. You read these. All right. The nominees for the Megan King Edmonds Award for Outstanding Achievement in hashtag justice, hashtag truth, and hashtag knowledge. They're all Megan King Edwards. Megan King Edmonds.

So, doing Hley's homework figuring out minute rice realizing it's better to be friends with your stepdaughter than a parrot because justice emailing with brooks's ex who she found in a comment thread on stupid housewives pretending to be a cancer patient at newport imaging sussing out judgy eyes this is a tough one yeah i mean megan really got a lot of justice she single-handedly well not really single-handedly but she was the single flashlight among the detectives she was the single like iphone flashlight she was the she was the single flashlight among the detectives. She was the single iPhone flashlight. She was the pipe in Sherlock Holmes' mouth. Oh, Sherlock, suck it. I'm being sucked by Sherlock.

Truth. Audience liked that one. Nice little twig mixture in there well she did have to do a lot of digging to get that homework done because it was like economics and stuff and yeah that girl doesn't know economics she's giving her stepdaughter a hundred dollars for doing nothing that is someone who doesn't understand the power of a dollar yeah they're figuring out minute rice but did she i have not that's the thing i don't think she ever did i don't think she ever did i think she just figured

out cashew chicken but she did spend some time reading the box so that's good that's true um realizing it's better to be friends with your stepdaughter than a parent um i think that that was more like um congratulations i guess, instead of like justice. I think it was actually, if anything else, it was more like giving up. Hashtag giving up. Giving up. Which is very uncharacteristic of her. But it was also justice because not your womb.

So that's a mystery that she did solve because the mystery was how do I get hated like me? And then the answer was you can't and so you know she got her answer she solved that shit it might have taken two seasons but you know so did the killing and it ended up being good emailing with brooks's ex that one's pretty good that's a good one that's a front runner right there it is good but unfortunately she did all that detective work but then the stupid uh witness showed up to court and denied everything or like tried to play it down bad witness bad witness bad bad bad still good work though i mean you read housewives blogs at least at least you read the comment threads of the housewives blogs it's like colombo of our day.

She does have a certain Peter Falk quality to her. She will one day. She's going to be walking around with some random bird on her shoulder just because none of the ex-wives had a bird. Isn't that Kojak? No. I think it's Columbo. Wait, who did have the bird? To me, they're all Columbo. Did any of them have a bird?

I thought Columbo was in a little trunch coat. Jessica Fletcher, Matlock, and then Columbo. And anyone I don't really know or didn't watch is Columbo. Kojak had a lollipop. And then there was Perry Mason. And then before that, there was Ironside, who I believe was in a wheelchair. I never really believed that Perry Mason was really solving those crimes himself because he just looks so tired. Like, he's really fat and like older and he breathed really heavily and his suits were polyester blends, which I know made him sweat more.

I just don't feel like he could have really concentrated to solve that many mysteries in an hour. Not buying it, Perry Mason! And then there's also Diagnosis Murder murder of course with whoever dickman dickman dyke played whatever his doctor name was um so the next is pretending to be a cancer patient at newport imaging that's pretty big one yeah that's a pretty good one because yeah i mean she pretended she had cancer and i mean who does that like seriously oh yeah oh bricks which she found out i mean that's a huge mystery to solve I mean, she pretended she had cancer. And, I mean, who does that? Like, seriously. Oh, yeah. Brooks. Which she found out. I mean, that's a huge mystery to solve.

Brooks didn't have cancer. Just like in Murder, She Wrote, figured that one out in the first five minutes. And that's how I love a mystery. And then sussing out judgy eyes. Judgy eyes are a real thing, right? It's what Shannon has. Judgy eyes. She does have them a real thing, right? It's what Shannon has. Yeah, she does have them. And no one had pointed it out.

And so even though the Brooks thing was like a big mystery, I think that the winner is... Rip! Sussing Out Judgy Eyes. Wow. Wow. Wow. Big... Wow. sussing out judgy eyes wow wow big wow yeah because sussing out judgy eyes no one's really been able to explain what shannon's doing because she makes all these weird looks at people and then they're like why is shannon looking at me like that and why is shannon upset no one's really understood it until megan king edmonds was like, there's judgey eyes. And everyone was like,

Oh, and then they could like Shannon again because they understood her better. It's like, it's like judgment, truth, knowledge, justice that all led to a hug at the end. You know,

that's the best kind of mystery. Well, I say congratulations to sussing out the Megan King Edmonds for sussing out Shannon's judgy eyes. Huge achievement in hashtag justice and truth and knowledge. All right. So moving on, we have outstanding achievement and entrepreneurialism, one of my favorite categories every year. This year we have a lot of nominees, and I will just go through them, and we will figure out what's going on here. So we have Annabelle Nielsen's Me, Me, Me's, her children's book about depressed little things that want to jump off cliffs and make their kids jump off cliffs too.

Judd Balls, one of our favorites from Julie from Ladies of London. Whitney Ravenel's campaign ad. That was pretty good. Women in spandex from the 90s dancing around an old person. That was pretty good. And I think I just said Whitney Ravenel. And Thomas Ravenel's campaign ad by Whitney. That was really one of the worst things we saw.

We have Portia who just has businesses. We still don't really know what she does but she has businesses she's got a webcam and a big polycap sonia sonia's uh lifestyle brand slash red dress that was on the cover of like latino fancy magazine um glenn close face yeah uh truth and beauty the long long island's greatest uh spa treatment uh store located across the hall because it's truth plus beauty i don't understand why people say truth and beauty i mean plus beauty yeah what the hell truth plus beauty equals anal relaxers. Kristen Takeman's pop of color nail polish line that's not to be confused with pop,

which is an already established nail polish. Pop of color, which features such colors as slide and I think it's just slide. Like Carol radziwill's names for pop of color handjob to a toddler um cynthia bailey shades cynthia bailey's arco uh shades yeah exactly soon to be found on a rotating thing in your local 7-eleven um

they should just call those cynthia bailey sail shades geneva pop daily which i believe was rebranded into jawbreaker is geneva's uh geneva's answer to the huffington post something geneva's never been able to suck down to the end a jawbreaker bitch you know she eats them. She's probably got teeth made out of, like, headstone materials. Crunch through walls. Like Spolunker, starring Geneva. No wonder why that taxi cab driver was so scared.

Fit is the new itch. She was biting through the grapes. Yeah. Trying to get at him. She was like one of the chom choms from super mario brothers on a chain it's bulletproof but it is not geneva's proof okay proof okay fit is the new it the new fitness sensation from dr jackie on marriage to medicine where you work out with a buffet in the gym. Yeah. Yeah. Kenya Moore's shampoo slash water.

And Nomad MD by Dr. Jean Antoia. Oh, my God. Elise fucking Bentley coming down the road. Antoia with a syringe. God help us. Where? Ooh, Jean. Ooh, Jean. one of the greatest uh also one of the greatest uh achievements in entrepreneurialism came from down under switch the bitch the book that's going to teach you how to switch the bitch

switch the bitch my meemaw used to threaten to switch us which meant beat us and uh coming out with a book about female empowerment called Switch the Bitch still just bothers me. Still bugs me. Tom and Tom. Tom and Tom's Liquor Consultancy from Vanderpump Rules. Oh, hell yeah. Shirley Temple can get an ambassadorship. Why the hell can't these two?

Yes. Kenya Moore's pilot Life Twirls On, which is actually, since this is the same list that has thomas ravenel's campaign ad it actually looks pretty pretty professional compared to that one no kidding this is like one giant commercial for like an the video camera on an android phone and then finally peter's brew peter's brew so the winner for Outstanding Achievement in Entrepreneurialism goes to... Peter's Brew. Peter's Brew. Peter's Brew.

For the third category in a row, our last one coincidentally is the winner. All of these were really colossal entrepreneurial failures. And I honestly think that Whitney's campaign ad almost takes the cake, almost won this one because it really, you know, Thomas Ravenel never had a shot, but whatever shot he had was almost completely destroyed by this ad. And it like cost someone, you know, hundreds of thousands of dollars to do this but at the end of the day one just cannot overlook the ridiculous choice to produce peter's brew and when you look at the video of him on the internet promoting it and he describes that he's like biggest what do people drink coffee biggest mark in the world coffee so. So, you know, put them together, bro.

You just brew. We'll brew our own Keurig style. Just sharpie your own fucking face on the Keurig and you're done. Yeah, that one by far, it's just Peter, he just does not give up spending his wife's money on ridiculous, stupid ideas. Well, as long as she gets terrible drawings of him once a year, like where he's cross-eyed in a park or whatever the hell that painting was that they got last time. Oh, yes. All right. What happened?

Why is Uncle Ben drunk, Mommy? Because he was trying to make Minute Rice. Peter's brew. Now you can make Peter's brew instead with your minute rice. The next award is for the best Caroline Flemingism. This is a great category. Caroline Fleming is new to Ladies of London. She's new to our hearts.

But you know what? I already know that that tree will be growing in brooklyn for a long time i don't know what that means but she's staying with me forever i love her she made quite the impression so much that we have an entire category devoted to the random shit she said or did and also everybody has pink himalayan sea salt it's so funny how nobody watched that show so i guess it was like already being sold in the Ross Dress for Less kitchen sale clearance aisle, because if my mom

has it, I mean, my mom will not be buying pink salt. She must have got that shit on sale somewhere. Oh yeah, it's always in that final death march of the register at TJ Maxx when you go through the maze of impulse items, which I totally bought. I once an irish cookbook from that aisle i was like hmm five

dollars for an irish cookbook well i think this is something i need well how much can you possibly charge for something that's like throw it in a pot of boiling water and wait until it's done just be sure to be wasted when you eat it or it'll taste like shit the funny thing is everything i've made from that cookbook has been absolutely delicious but anyway i digress no boiling is a is a very you know reliable method people have been using it for years look how big china is well i mean no there's a delicious recipe in there for um like a smoked mackerel spread it's absolutely delicious that's wrong on a lot of levels that we don't need to go into here we should just start adding the worst mackerel spread that would be caroline fleming right there so the nominees for the best caroline flemingism are himalayan sea salt Pink Himalayan sea salt The most ingredient

The most important ingredient in life One must always have Pink Himalayan sea salt The most important ingredient of life Other than, you know, like air Isn't that the most wonderful flavor um offering juliet fritos

because she's american that was one of the that was like the first moment that we really saw uh caroline fleming's bitch flower start to blossom like here let me just do something totally condescending and offer you Fritos.

And the sad thing is, Juliette was really happy about it. I mean, I would be too. We used to do this in my family. We would all sit on the couch and just eat Cheetos until we had to unbuckle our pants. Marissa's like, well, I'm actually opening up a new restaurant called Top Cheeto, and we're going to serve bowls of Cheetos and Fritos

and anything from Frito-Lay, and you just come in and you have it, because like these Londoners, they just don't know about chips. They call them crisps here. Did you see that Marissa was on the, it was in the Sunday Times with a bowl of Cheetos right

in front of her face? I mean, I would never. She had an orange phallic poop right in front of her face. Horizontally. She's an orange phallic poop right in front of her face horizontally she's eating fritos side i mean she's eating cheetos sideways she's eating a giant cheeto like a corn on the cob it's supposed to look like a smile yeah it looks like a little orange piece of poop okay marissa marissa hermer um so the next is when i love that these are Fleming offering food to people So good They're pretty much all that

Almost all to Juliet Offering Juliet almond butter Have you had almond butter? Please have some Juliet's like oh I can't breathe I can't breathe Here have some more Be good girl have some julia's like oh i can't breathe i can't breathe here have some more be good girl have some more i'm choking that's the point dear

complimentary pesto tutorial oh wow this was lucky are you this was in the same day i believe as the almond butter i think this was the same scene. And it deserves a separate nomination because it was so effing amazing. Seeing her, seeing Juliet say, I enjoy, I really like pesto. Yum. How lucky are you? How lucky are you to have me make pesto for you? The next nominee, Aquavie Appreciation.

When she interrupted a dinner party like 10 different times, be like, isn't that the most beautiful flavor? Don't you enjoy the flavor of the Aquavie? Aren't you just loving it? Isn't that the most beautiful flavor? I love that someone who grew up as a royal, you know, she only had like roasted duck or like whatever game the servants caught that day and had to roast or like something, you know, snails or something really fancy. So she's totally turned on by almond butter, Fritos and pesto. Mommy never let us have salt. And now I have pink Himalayan sea salt. Please

don't bring it up at dinner with mom. The next nominee, laughing about how her great-grandfather murdered Julie's great-grandfather-in-law. That was so good. Isn't it just so hilarious the way my great-grandfather destroyed your great-grandfather in a duel?

And because of that, we now have a Main Street in Copenhagen. Who's your great-grandfather, was it? Well, we have many stories written about that incident. And the only way they refer to him is pussy. So, congratulations. More pesto. Julie's like. She's like, I don't know what to do about this.

I'm just going to burn some hot chocolate. I'm in an aristocracy sandwich. I found my voice. What'd you say? I said, I found my voice. I found my voice.'d you say i said i found my voice i found my voice and it's horrified horrified that this family has murdered my family love that show forcing a chef to carry compte across copenhagen one of car Caroline Fleming's

most hilarious moments is when she told a story that was so kind of like self-serving and ridiculous, but she just passed it off as like one of the most hilarious things ever. She's like, you know, one time I came to this restaurant and they make the most wonderful Compte dish and they took it off the menu and said, please make it for me because they always make it for me.

And then they said, well, we don't have any Compte. And I said, oh, but you must make it. You must. So the chef walked all around Copenhagen and brought over five kilos of Comte, dragged it across the city just for me. Isn't that hilarious? The most hilarious part was when I got the waiter fired because it took so long to get to the table.

So silly. To this day, they call me Comte Caroline. They always say I'm such a Comte. I think that's what they say, unless I'm hearing it wrong. There's the throng of photographers. I'm sorry to interrupt my Comte story, but the photographers won't leave me alone. Oh, paparazzi!

It's like one teenager with an iPhone camera. I'm so sorry for that. There's a paparazzi following us right into here, my favorite restaurant with Comte. They're like, no, that's the camera crew that follows all of us around. Oh, I'm so sorry that you all had to get a camera crew now because of me.

How lucky are you to be documented with me? So good. Don't go into any tunnels. You know what happens to my type. Oh, shut up. You're not Princess Di, all right? I am a candidate in the wind. You must have some authentic candles from northern Denmark.

I'm not a cheap candle in the wind. I'm the Queen's novena in the wind. No one will ever blow me out. Shut up, Caroline Fleming. Okay. The winner is... Rip. How?

I can rip it for you. I can rip it for you. It's like the smallest envelope. How can the envelope be that small for such a huge category? Fine. Here's another envelope that we've had made for this category in case the small one was not enough for our prima donna presenter. Here we go. And the winner is...

How lucky are you? Oh, yes. Yes, that's a good one. I'm even going to bring the audience back for that one. If we're all still saying that all over our Facebook page and using it in regular Christmas cards to people that don't even know what Bravo is, that's a good one.

So congratulations, How Lucky Are You. How lucky are you for winning that award? How lucky are you for seeing me win? How lucky are you? That's Caroline Flemingism. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. Sorry, that was that teenager holding down his iPhone camera thing when it just takes a million pictures. It goes, yeah.

Okay. So now moving on, we have, this is a fun and very difficult category because this is the category that Bravo is almost built on. Best Disaster. Oh, my goodness. I mean, this could have gone any way. We could have picked show. We could have picked home. We could have picked foreclosure.

We could have picked anything. I mean, there are so many disasters on this channel. You know, beautiful disasters. Yes. So here we have, first, we have Rocky from Below Deck. I mean, she was a total disaster, jumping off the yacht and making grenadine oysters. This isn't my dream. Yeah, huge disaster.

Jax, he, I mean, he just is, he doesn't have to do anything and he's a disaster. He started the season with a giant gash on his... Actually, no, the giant gash was from last season and carried over to this season. His ear was plugged up because he got grafted skin from his ear to be put onto his nose for another nose job. He is a total disaster. He is. He looks like a garbage pail kid. He is a total disaster.

He is. He looks like a garbage pail kid. And, you know, we have so much fun on this show making fun of the women who really just won't stop mutilizing. Mutilizing. It's a new word. Mutilating their faces because they're so desperate. But we've seen Jax mutilate his face every season. He looks like a garbage pail kid. And now he's so desperate that he's just getting naked in every scene and trying to get nude shots clipped into the show.

And I'd like to say congratulations. It's no longer a sexist show. You are a narcissistic, sad, sad man. Keep on cutting, darling. Keep on. Keep on. The next disaster nominee, James from Vanderpump Rules. Between him downing fireball and spitting on Chris Dan's door and saying things like,

take a good look, honey. You'll never get this again, honey. He is a huge disaster. Then again, I don't even know if he could count in this category because he was a busboy and now he's a busboy DJ. DJ. That's true. He's an upwardly mobile disaster.

Next is, this is a big one, Vicky Gunvalson, huge disaster. I mean, where do you even begin this year? Between her defending Brooks and basically just her defending Brooks. Huge disaster. Oh, my God. It went so far beyond defending Brooks. If anybody doesn't believe what a disaster she is please follow her on the periscope because that shit is amazing i'm giving it all away who wants my sink i'm giving away my sink that's it

haters please don't be mean haters because you know i just want love you want my sink you want my sink oh these countertops are made of granite you want them oh well similarly shannon bedore also a big disaster. I mean, she's like a different kind of disaster. She's like that unstable, frightened little doe in a sombrero disaster. said to her hey hon uh so i saw that girl on the beach and she looked at i mean the look on her face was one of the most priceless and classic disaster looks we've ever seen from her also the look when somebody leaves the lid off of a gnc bottle i mean it's the same look but i remember this is a woman who got who made her husband stick his finger up her asshole because she thought that she had a colonoscopy stuck in there.

An at-home colonoscopy. And there wasn't. It was just psychological debris. She just wanted her husband to finger her butt. And you know what? I say that's how to keep a marriage strong. You go, girl. Yeah.

David. David. David. In the asshole. I think I felt something. David. Here lies Shannon Bedore's colonoscopy destroyed by david's finger in my anus um uh and well and we also have to talk about by the way we also have to

more support for her being a disaster the uh the gastropub scene when too much sugar over the birds i mean everything everything um mom why don't you guys just go to Mastro's? Could you make these braised, what did you say? That's not how you braise something, David. David, how long has this been braised? There's so much sugar. There's so much fat. I just, you know, it just seems strange to me that my birthday, you know, a year after you cheated on me, that you would take me to a gastropub, David.

David. I can't believe you would take me to a gastropub the same season I got psychological debris stuck in my gastro, David. David. Oh, Shannon. And her own. And her own. He's like, I'm going to take you to a gastropub, dear, just in case you have anything stuck in there. I don't have to deal with it again. And now just let me use my aspirator first.

Can we talk about my digestive system waiter? Sorry, ma'am. No, I'm busy. What kind of gastropub is this? I was excited at first because when I heard about gastro, I thought of Dr. Moon and thought we might be setting up a pub in his office. But then I realized it was actually just a pub that serves sugary food. David, David.

I realized was actually just a pub that serves sugary food. Damn it. Damn it. So then we have next disaster. Julie from Ladies of London. Skittish, crazy, burning hot chocolate. Crying when Caroline

makes a joke about Caroline Fleming getting into a handstand faster. I mean, total disaster. Also, not being able to get into a headstand when you're a yoga teacher. What the frick? That was so sad. She just took such a dig at me!

And also, riding a bike with her stupid helmet through town to deliver her job balls because she's too intent on looking poor so that people won't disrespect her because she's rich. What the hell, lady? Total disaster.

Did you already say burning mac and cheese? I said burning hot chocolate. Burns everything. She burns everything. Next one. This is a big one. Thomas Ravenel. I think his biggest disaster disaster moment was a probably was whitney uh being in whitney's

hiring whitney and then actually going along with whitney's awful ad but then probably the on again off again uh catherine uh drama locking her up on the plantation um then yes declaring in the reunion that they were never ever going to be together again well and then andy's like when was the last time you hooked up well like a week ago and then of course he got her pregnant again and then andy's like i have a feeling you guys are gonna fuck tonight and they're like maybe it doesn't mean we like each other okay i think his biggest most amazing disaster of the season i don't even think they showed it until the reunion, but it was that video going around where he comes downstairs wasted naked and starts yelling at them. And then the hairdresser starts fighting with him.

And then he, I guess, pushes the hairdresser in the pool. What happened? Yeah, something like that. She's like, I'm in your purse. So good. Total disaster. Then next nominee sort of goes hand in hand, Catherine Raffinell. She is a disaster in her own right.

She is petty. First of all, she's the only one in history who actually says erm. Like a comic book. But she erm. She erm. only one in history who actually says erm um but like like a comic book but she um erm she erm well she was kind of spoiled and didn't seem to understand that she basically is like thomas's kept woman and then she was being super flirty with uh craig but and and then she would get in these drunken fights with people like whitney although whitney often deserved it um and then uh yeah just her and the way she showed up eating on thomas on that vacation when there was a camera crew there

and then saying that they got lost yes they had to like spend the night spend the night in like a hole on the beach because it was like all of a sudden some like tempest had come through and of course the biggest one of the biggest disaster moments the night where thomas was losing miserably yes he still walked in in his great great grandmother ramona's you know floor length full coat and you know that grandma was like 500 pounds or something because it looked like she was wrapped in a bear. I mean, it was this huge thing. And then her gold earrings or whatever.

And then she storms in like she's Hillary Clinton coming to confront Bill about a blowjob. It's like, honey, he's losing already. This is so bad. And then having a fight with him and then chasing him down that bridge going, Thomas! No! Come going, Thomas! No!

Come back! Thomas! Thomas! Thomas! Yeah, she got drunk and lost it a lot of times, so she was a big mess. Same show, our next nominee, Craig, Southern Charm. He wasn't like a disaster,

like an embarrassing disaster like they were, but he got really, really wasted. And it got to the point where he got fired from his job because he would show up at work at three. I was like, yeah, man, I don't have to like, you know, I just work from home. Like, that's it. So he was a disaster. I can't vote for him because his parents are so level headed. Yes. That I was like, yeah yeah he they're shocked that they

bore such a disaster and they made him go home they're like you're coming home you're moving right now he's like but we still have the season finale nor get in the car now young man uh next nominee is sort of a perennial nominee like jacks in this category. MJ. I mean, to me, it all begins and ends with those crazy leggings she wore this year. I mean, it's MJ. Yeah, I was going to say, I don't even remember anything about MJ except her terrible leggings. Yeah, it's enough. Some sweatshop in China just working to make her horrible things to wear. She also kept a dead dog in her freezer.

Well, that was amazing. And the last nominee in this category yolanda's medicine cabinet a total disaster total total disaster um now the winner for best disaster is oh this is hard ronnie i don't know i'm torn between two this is so difficult that i'm not even going to rip open an envelope i'm going to knock on a vault okay open uh i'm opening it okay best disaster is this is crazy because we just talked about southern charm for so long that i started to think that the winner was going to be thomas but it's rocky from below deck rocky i'm sorry thomas was a total disaster but rocky it it was all about though it's like it makes more sense if you're rich and you're a

disaster because you don't have to make any money rocky has to work the rest of her goddamn life and she's still a disaster and the thing is the entire season was pretty much about rocky being a disaster in every episode there were episodes of southern charm where thomas and katherine were a little bit more on the sidelines this was i mean rocky i mean a case could also be made for jacks for sure or even you know even uh seriously horse face number one who wasn't even nominated, which is crazy, by the way. But Rocky, Rocky, it's you. Grenadine Oysters.

I mean, that's it. Oh, just the whole, everyone's mean to me. I'm supposed to be a star. I'm not your iron chief. Ironing the captain's shorts. And then jumping off the boat and taking off all her clothes. And she got mad. And also, she wasn't close running with Thomas

because they both continued their disastrous ways off camera just to keep us entertained. Rocky wrote this weird blog for Bravo full of lies about what she's doing, which is amazing. She's like, traveling the world with Cirque du Soleil. I'm like, crazy. And then Thomas just put one out the other day. Our friend Malz just texted me the other day with the best text I got all Christmas.

No offense, Santa. You dirty little bear, you. I got a Santa dick pic. It's all weenus. Spoiler alert. But she sent me a text. And it was of thomas i think on uh either instagram or facebook responding to something katherine said and he said you shouldn't be getting drunk when you're

pregnant they are such disasters i mean they fight on facebook while he's running for office i mean that is crazy i mean so good good. But I don't know. I just feel like Rocky, though, I felt like it was such an onslaught of just disaster. I mean, I think because that episode of Below Deck when Leon quit and everything went wrong and she dove off the yacht and then she was flapping around in the ocean in her mermaid tail. And she made the granite oysters. And she also made, like, a few other terrible culinary decisions. And there was the fire that she wasn't responsible for. But, like, I don't know. And then she defended Leon.

I don't know. Rocky, total winner. You're the only person here who hasn't taken any ownership of your issues. Yeah, but, okay, I'm owning it. But it wasn't my fault. No, it's not owning it. This isn't my dream. Alright,

so let's go on to the next category. The next category. Outstanding achievement in being a husband or a boyfriend. Oh, fun. The nominees. Wolfie. Oh, Wolfie. Oh, man. You know what? When men age,

well, when anybody ages, really, when we age, we start losing our ability to, you know, like do stuff or like hold our poop in or whatever. And we start needing to go to the bathroom and use handicapped rails and you know gamble found a man that's way older that she can use as her own handicapped

rails and you know what that is the sweetest thing i've ever seen in my life hugs to you both aqua v flavored hugs to both of you because doesn't aqua V isn't that like old people drink or am I thinking of Ovaltine no that's Ovaltine Aqua V is like a liqueur it's just like it's a Scandinavian

I imagine it smelling like Old Spice you can get it at Epcot Center oh that's legit that makes it legit. John from Real Housewives of New York City. Oh, Dorinda's John.

Yeah. Luke, I hate your father. David Bedore from Real Housewives of Orange County. Honey, I made this poster board for our marriage. Oh, this is the part I had in a fair. It was the best time of my life, but unfortunately it ruined my family. Yasterity from Blood, Sweat, and Heels.

Who was still with his crazy slag girlfriend, even though she refused to introduce him to her racist parents yes um who stayed with his idiot wife even though she ran him into bankruptcy ruined his business turned him 500 pounds fatter and put a nanny can behind the cookie jar. Aunt Arthur! From Secrets and Wives, the angry dentist who hated Amy. Arthur, are you having a good time? No, I want to get out of here.

Arthur, buddy bought me a used bag. If that doesn't say love, I don't know what does. And the winner is... The winner for Outstanding Achievement in Being a Husband or a Boyfriend goes to... David Bedore.

Congratulations, David. Yay! Congratulations. May you have this one moment of happiness not only did david bedora leave his hot girlfriend for his wife he also um fished an imaginary piece of broken off dr moon ass stuff from his wife's butt he made a poster board about his marriage he had to give a eulogy for shannon's fake death in a fucking Marriott room. Got humiliated on TV.

Aided the Chili's on her birthday dinner. I mean, this guy fails in such a wonderful way. It's just beautiful to watch. Yes, absolutely. So congratulations, David Bedore. You did a great job. Now, in the next category is similar. This is the Simon Van Kempen Best Husband Who Wants to Be a Housewife Award.

That's a good one. And the nominees are Aiden the Huck Huck from Married to Medicine, Peter Bailey from Real Housewives of Atlanta, Jonathan from Secrets and Wives. Don Juan, who's Candy's gay husband, on Real Housewives of Atlanta. Brooks, from Real Housewives of Orange County. And Greg, Demetria's husband,

from Blood, Sweat, and Heels. All these guys got into a mess with the women on their show in some way. But one of them wanted to be a housewife the most. And that winner is... There we go. The winner is... I'm going to give this one to Jonathan from Secrets and Wives. Good one.

I'm so glad he won. He deserved it. Yeah, see, Jonathan... You know, Peter Bailey has won this before. I mean, that's that... You know, it's like, you know... It's like when Murphy Brown won, like, five in a row, or Frazier. So this is Jonathan, because Jonathan, he...

First of all, he stuck a thumb up Lizer's ass, which in and of itself should get him the win. And second of all, he then got drunk and told them all off. And then he acted like he did nothing wrong. And he would say things like, you still mad at me for that? Hey, Cora, you still

mad at me for that? Yeah, I know in high school. Oh, what was she like? A dumb slut, just like the rest. She was a whore. Class. Class all the way. Good on you, Jonathan. You can put this award up on the wall in your solar paneling business.

So good. Although Aiden did work really hard at it, unfortunately he's just learning from another terrible housewife who makes no sense. His wife. Yes. You guys, you should have been there for us, and you weren't even there for us. And I say no.

And it's like, what? The hook is coming out. The hook is coming out. The hook is coming out. Yeah, so is the rest of your hair. Keep getting that shit stitched in, boo. All right. Bye now. Let's move on to the next category.

Ronnie, this is a big one. This is a doozy, okay? There's like 30 nominees in next category ronnie this is a this is a big one this is a doozy okay there's like 30 nominees in this category all right so why we don't have to i don't think we have to do explain uh uh every single one i think you can go through the list and explain the ones that you feel really need to be explained because otherwise boss me around otherwise our award show because no because we're both like going in on every single thing and i'm like well we have a lot of cat whoa we have a lot of categories going Whoa. We have a lot of categories going on. Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. Okay, then you better just work the teleprompter faster. Don't blame the reader. Blame the teleprompter, okay? Steve Harvey's getting too much shit. I read that was all the teleprompter's fault. It was.

Okay. So the best supporting character, Hanky the Swan from Vanderpump Rules. character hanky the swan from vanderpump rules cooper from um southern charm valentina from ladies of london patricia who's that patricia from southern charm oh patricia from southern charm yeah i'm sorry i've just got back back from Texas, so I've got all my racist ladies and moo-moos mixed up. Chef Penny from Vanderpump Rules. Arthur,

the evil dentist. Arthur? Arthur? And to be fair, I think we can also, maybe we can add in with Arthur. Max? Max? Max? He broke my table, Max. Max? an allsus maybe we can add in with arthur max max yeah table max max insta max insta um tammy from real housewives of atlanta lizer's mom from uh uh secrets and wives i've been. I've been outside lying on the gravel waiting for somebody to come get me.

Nobody's got me. I got spiders coming out of my vagina. I got Divine's hair and gravel in my butt crack. Nice party, hon. Forfee from Real Housewives of Melbourne. Oh, Forfee. Oh, ee-harmony. Wolfie From Real Housewives of Melbourne Wolfie Oh E-Harmony Wolfie

Well dear I think that what you people need to do Is maybe bring a little more love To the situation I'm Wolfie Wolfie So successful you are. Dobby from the Real Housewives of Shesha.

Dobby should win because my nieces are both doing it now. Now I go, Dobby! And they go, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shesha, Shes My sister said, what the hell is that? I was like, you won't understand. Literally, you won't understand. They don't either, but it's still funny to me. That wedding planner from my Fab 40th. Oh, my God. What was her name? I don't remember, but she kept on saying, what was she saying? I'm going to pave the streets with gold, gal.

And then I'm going to bring you a silver Mercedes flown in by the Hulk. It's going to be fierce. It's going to be a fierce Fab 40th. Fierce, ladies! Fierce! So I called Train to make sure they could show up to your fierce Fab 40th.

And so now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome an opera singer instead. Fierce. Trains are bad for the environment. Fierce, ladies. Fierce. The hashtag Justice Headband.

Justice Headband. Justice Headband. That was a good star. And, I mean, they kept getting crazier every episode. Yeah, that was a good star. And, I mean, they kept getting crazier every episode. Yeah, that was a good supporting character. Lydia's child slash housekeeper from The Real Housewives of Melbourne. MJ's mom. Always a good standby.

I'm ping pong champ. Sophie Stanbury, of course.bie beautiful great classy woman who's also an awful drunk amazing yes yolanda's health advocate the old hole who wrote sugar in real housewives of beverly hills and gg the other one and the other other one. From the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. All right. The winner for best supporting character goes to... Piers, ladies. Whoa.

Piers. Wow. Who? Big surprise. Wow. I can't believe it. My Fab 40th was one of the biggest pieces of shit I've ever sat through in my life. Okay.

It happened to premiere on my own Fab 40th and I hated it, but that woman was amazing. Deserves a spinoff. I hope she gets one. I love you, my little darling. Possibly in the middle of being transgendered. Gorgeous albino wigged love bug. I love you, ladies. That was a big surprise.

I thought for sure it was going to be Hanky, Valentina, or Patricia. I thought for sure it would be one of those threes. But you know what? good on this woman you know because she did steal the show and she was hilarious on an awful awful awful show so good well you're right but patricia look for me it's she's very funny i do like her but she's not really doing anything except being her normal cut fitnessy self and frankly i kind of am over her she can die well i don't know i'm not i i'm not patricia i didn't uh that was patricia valentina was a gay character but it was mostly just them calling for valentina she didn't really do anything that's all we need now if hey mom

bad news mom if that is rain that is mom i didn't win best supporting character She would have got it But she wasn't in the noms And Henke if this was An award For a friend Of housewives who actually became a housewife Like I don't know Who did it like Dana tried You know all these women who try and fail miserably

Then I would have given it to Henke Because Henke is now in like every Vanderpump scene. And actually, Hankey, I was just thinking about it. Hankey's storyline has actually jumped from Vanderpump Rules to Real Housewives of Beverly Hills because it was on Vanderpump Rules that we first saw Lisa bringing Hankey into Sur or to Pump. And she's like, yeah, I can take him. And we're like, oh, what's what's going on with Hanky? And Hanky's been sick. But then it was Beverly Hills where we found out what's been going on with Hanky. So Hanky really has, has done something special by,

by bridging two different series. Hanky's done well, but you know what? He's such a fucking victim. Either he's being attacked by the other swans or he's got some fake stomach disease or whatever with Hanky. The only thing he's ever done is attack Kyle. And that was off camera so i

just can't give it to a giant pussy sorry hanky maybe next year grow a pair hanky okay well that actually brings us to our next category uh this is the kim zolciak most convincing but possibly not real disease award yay yay i can't wait to hear them. The first nominee is Yolanda Foster for her chronic Lyme disease on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Kim Richards for her hernia slash ulcer slash meth habit slash house stolonitis on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Brooks' cancer on Real Housewives of Orange County. Kyle's kid's fear of piercings on Real Housewives of Orange County. Kyle's kids' fear of piercings on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Erica Jane's fear of piercings and needles on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And lastly, again, Beverly Hills is really dominating this category.

Hanky's stomach virus, which was supposedly he had a stomach virus, but then when he was brought to the vet, he turned out to be surprisingly resilient and was biting Lisa and was very, very active. I can't wait to see who wins, Ben. Okay. The winner for the

Kim Zolciak most convincing but possibly not real disease is Brooks Ayers' Cancer on Real Housewives of Orange County. Kim Zolciak, most convincing but possibly not real disease is... Brooks Ayers' Cancer on Real Housewives of Orange County. Oh, wow. Congratulations, Brooks. Yeah. Now, it's interesting because in many ways he shouldn't be even nominated because this is for most convincing but not possible.

Well, people fell for it for at least a year. I mean, we had to fight about it. I mean, not us, but like in general people you know there was a lot of how could you not believe someone but you know there was a lot of that so i didn't give it to yolanda because i feel like yolanda is ill but i think she's i i think she's either misdiagnosed or has a mental situation going on in addition to a possibly real Lyme disease diagnosis she once had so I I feel like it's just a misdiagnosed disease and she's just her own allergy to brown eyeshadow that's supposed to make your eyes look more sunken in yeah um I think uh Hanky Hanky was close Hanky was real close there because Hanky was putting on a show he really was but brooks i mean you can't

deny the fact that his fake cancer not only dominated the season it it it created a new housewives storyline you know like we because you know we've seen the the vagina waxing a million times including this week lisa renna did it i Rinna did it. They've trotted out that one a million times. But now, now we have fake illness, and it's a new template. So, Brooks, good for you. Congratulations. It's a new template that's already being copied

for the very next Housewives show. And also, it's a very good mirror of our society. I think it's a very good mirror of all our own Facebook pages, seeing all these Looney Tunes pretending they have bullshit that they probably don't have. Yeah. So congratulations, Brooks.

Also, I love Brooks scenes. I hate Brooks, obviously, but I love a Brooks scene. So as long as you can keep that going on, I don't care if you show up next year with, like, panda AIDS. Get over here. And to be honest, to be totally, not even being snarky, watching that whole saga unfold over the season was truly amazing. It was one of these things where I mean, the fact that it started with this psychic who the from over the like over the Internet psychic, a FaceTime psychic. And then it just snowballed.

And that Megan King Edmonds just kept on like going at it. And then everyone did. And then Shannon, it just it just snowballed and that megan king edmunds just kept on like going at it and then everyone did and then shannon it just it just kept on going and and it got to the point where i was praying that the season finale wouldn't happen because i just wanted to see this saga just keep on on going i mean they had their their trip they had their trip in the middle of the season instead of three quarters of the way through this season just kept on going it was great one of the one of the greatest oc seasons they couldn't even create better drama by throwing these plastic bitches in with sharks with actual sharks yeah actual okay the next category an old classic best trip yeah okay the nominees for the best trip.

Atlantic City on Real Housewives of New York. That Fancy Island on Southern Charm. That Fancy Island that looks like Main Street Disneyland on Southern Charm. Turks and Caicos, Real Housewives of New York. Denmark, The Ladies of London. And Amsterdam, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Damn, this is a hard category. Well, two of them I don't even think should be in here because Amsterdam was dumb except that we got to see Yolanda talk about

like all the rich old people she's fucked. Hello. She's like, oh, this restaurant I fucked Julio Iglesias under the table. Are you forgetting the Lisa Rinna, Kim Richards fight? Oh, that was in Amsterdam? That was in Amsterdam. And then they had that, then they had like the little boat ride where they fought some more. Well, I was stoned.

So when in Amsterdam, be in Amsterdam. You can make an argument. You know what you can make an argument that the trip itself was not that exciting but the fight was and spoiler alert that fight we may be seeing more of that fight later in the award show so i understand okay and then did anything oh denmark yeah that was pretty good we killed your family okay um okay anyway also denmark was also where Annabelle was like, I don't like you. I don't like the way you talk to people.

You shouldn't make, you're not funny when you say things and I find that you're not a good friend. Alexander! And that's also the scene where she said, I just have to put a hand to the face. I just have to put a hand to the face. First, now Alexander died,

but now it feels like they're killing him. Were you having sex with my husband? Oh, no. That was a different, that was New Year's Eve. That was also when

Caroline Fleming was like, is it not quite rude to show up to breakfast late? You have all these people like, you know, Luis or Rolando making breakfast and you show up

20 minutes late in someone else's house. That is quite rude. You come on vacation and you treat the family like this. No one does this. This is so rude. My parents demand manners. And they're like, how's that toddler you're banging, darling? Talking about manners while she's talking about blowing some big dick 20 year old on tv

can we rebrand this uh award as the scary island best trip award oh yes yes for sure it should be scary i'm gonna type it onto our google doc although i don't know if anything can ever top scary island but you know what bravo that's why i'm y'all. That's why it's the award. Okay, so the winner of the Scary Island Best Vacation Award goes to... Oh, I'll do it again. This one's difficult. This one's difficult to read because the type is so tiny on it. because the type is so tiny on it. The award goes to Atlantic City on Real Housewives of NYC.

Fantastic, fantastic winner. That one was, that was a great. The audience loves it. It's the first time that anybody has ever named Atlantic City as their favorite trip. That episode began crazy within five seconds. Like, I don't think we've ever seen a Real Housewives show begin on such a crazy note. It started with literally Heather going something like, what the fuck is wrong with you, Sonia?

Who the fuck do you think you are and they didn't even have the cameras on her it was in sonia's freezing foyer that she was like wait what's going on this is already craziness then it morphed into them having to like wait at starbucks or something and then getting in a limo together fighting then pulling over to all pee together on the side of the road then to a drunken dinner where sonia got so shit-faced and every was this when they were trying to lecture her about being a yeah and and this is also when i think she was talking about how she uh parties with madonna and jfk jr and that's when dorinda first won

all our hearts because she was like well john john's dead but okay chaos crayon says the woman who like gets her tea leaves read by some psychic so she can talk to a dead husband who speaks to her through a half-filled red balloon but that was that was an amazing, amazing trip. And the New York City Turks and Caicos was close behind too because that was the whole scandal with the guy in the bed and Luann and be cool, don't be – that was amazing. But New York City, we always say this. A la Francais. New York City, yeah.

I made eggs. A la Francais. And that's also when Bethany yelled at Sonia, shut up! But New York City always does an amazing trip. That's Scary Island. That's why the award is named after them. And it was, I think Atlantic City took the edge because not only was it crazy, but just having such an amazing, hilarious time in Atlantic City, which is probably one of the most depressing cities in the world. That's a huge step.

Congratulations, Atlantic City. It's your last moment of glory, darling. Enjoy it. Yeah. All right, Ben, let's get to the next. Oh, this is a good one. Now we're getting into the real good categories. Best feud. Not best fight.

Best feud. All right. So our nominees are Gamble versus Janet. Everybody loves blah blah. It wasn't a sex party.

It was a pool party that we got sex after. Luann versus Carol regarding Carol dating The young guy who leaves Ping pong balls everywhere Well we know whose side Phaedra's on

I do not sleep with my friend's help Yeah That's absolutely right Everyone versus Vicky Because of the cancer Or fake cancer Megan King Edmonds versus Shannon madore i start charities you called me in the car with my kids in it call me in the car with my kids on my private cell phone number

justice um thomas ravenel versus katherine versus Catherine. Thomas! Thomas! Lisa Rinna, versus Kim Richards. That's a good one. Glass in the face, strangled turkey neck. So good. Kim Richards,

versus Kyle Richards. Hate them both, hope they die. That's the one that definitely gets her blood boiling. Bethany, versus Heather. Heather Thompson. Shep versus Greg.

I just wanted to make her some macaroni. What did you want to make her? Do you want some hummus? There's hummus in the fridge. Okay, mama. Shep versus Craig. Gosh, Craig. You're such a mess, Craig.

Bethany versus Kristen. I feel boxed out. So boxed out. I want to talk to you. Bored, sorry. Where are you going? Nope, not doing this. Hey, come back here. Nope. From below deck, Kate versus Chef Leon.

Pretty good. Always good. Gigi versus uh from below deck kate versus chef leon pretty good always good gg versus mike uh gross yeah uh gina versus eddie expert well i'm only saying that i saw something on the first book and took a screenshot of it oh see i have to get all the way back To Melbourne now February is coming soon Stop calling you Eddie Expert Why would you call me Eddie Expert Oh I thought this was the one with the gay guy Remember when the gay guy was like

I've seen the pictures And they're like what No Eddie Expert is Petty Fleur Remember she's like You know what we're going to start calling you Eddie Expert And Petty Fleur's like I'm not Eddie Expert I'm only Eddie Expert. I'm only expert on diamonds because you brought up diamonds.

That's right, Eddie Expert. And lastly, the last nominee for Best Feud is Hanky versus The Other Swans. Okay. And the winner. We can't wait to see who wins. This is their three very strong contenders. So the winner is. This is their three very strong contenders. So the winner is... take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself.

But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death.

Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February.

And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Um. Um. Honey, I'm so torn.

I am. This print is so small, I almost can't read it. The best feud. What is the best feud? The best feud. The best feud. Best feud. Oh, I gotta do it.

I gotta do it. I gotta say Kim versus Kyle. It's just... Kim versus Kyle? We spent so long. We've spent so much time taking sides on this. How could it not be the best feud? Okay, I'll go with you. Yay! Congratulations, Kim

versus Kyle. Unfortunately, Kim, you do not win anything from the Target dollar aisle. Wait, wait. Wait, Ronnie, who would you have preferred? Because I could have quote unquote Steve Harvey'd it. I was going to say also Kate versus Leon or Lisa Rinna versus Kim. My personal favorite of these, which, you know, look, your personal favorite doesn't always win, guys. You know, that's why there's betting pools and people win and people lose. And I lost because mine was Gamble versus Janet.

Because that was the silliest thing. Janet heard from some gay dude that she had sex parties because he saw something on Facebook. But it was just a regular pool party. And it turned into the most hilarious fucking thing ever. It went on all season. It spawned the best lines of the season. And then, even when

they agreed to disagree, or they agreed that it was all bullshit, the sister came in with a neck brace and a new face. I mean, this shit was just too good. I know, but then an argument can also be made for Kate versus Leon because it was this simmering fight that

had to do with cardboard boxes and beef cheeks and Kate just constantly making these little jabs and Leon being such a pig and it all ended with a fire in the oven. I think I couldn't vote for that one because Leon got so aggressive that it made me feel like he could actually hit her and it made me uncomfortable.

But it also brought out the best in Kate. Oh, yes. Bringing out the worst. But then Kim versus Kyle, who is the winner that I read, that's like the feud that it's like. It's like that is such a meaty feud that stems from childhood that just is so there's just so much in it you know i mean we we spent a half an hour last week talking about it and that's not the first time we get into it there are there books written about it so i think actually gamble versus janet is fun kate versus leon is fun but they cancel each other out and kim versus kyle takes

over and kyle you know what you're right because Kim versus Kyle that's a fight where if they both end up decapitating each other with their swords at the exact same time it would still be fun to watch and no one would leave upset yeah I agree we'd all get our money's worth out of that one and also when

it's real life and you watch people actually trying to ruin each other's life on tv i mean there is a certain joy in that you know so much of this shit is faked and you're like oh my god she just outed her as being a drunk on national tv oh my god she just outed kyle's shady business dealings on national tv like it gets good yeah i mean and there's a dog everything with the dog i mean everything at that reunion i mean that that actually, it was the foundation for a really riveting season. And seeing Kingsley, like, we saw Kingsley come in to help Kim get rehabilitated. And, of course, he's like a monster who's biting off children's hands.

And Kim was never rehabilitated anyway. So it's just all such a beautiful arc of pain. Yeah, absolutely. Runaway train. Never done that. was never rehabilitated anyway so it's just all such a beautiful arc of pain yeah yeah absolutely runaway train never done it back i don't know the words to anything okay the next award the martin lawrence blood award for outstanding achievements in table drama the nominees are Fresh and Easy. I'm just kidding. Aw. Aw, bye Fresh and Easy. I'm going to miss those bell peppers in a sealed fucking candy package.

Weirdos. Amy's Broken Table in Secrets and Wives. Max? Max, what'd you do to the table? Max? Was it for Insta? Was it for Insta? Max? Max, where's the L bracket? Max?

Max, get the monkey wrench. Max? No, you did not do that, Max. No, you did not. Arthur, look at what Max did. Caroline Fleming's bookcase table in Ladies of London. It wasn't so much a drama. It was just that there was a bookcase in the table.

She also had drama where she had all those trees in the center of the table where you couldn't see each other. Yeah. Actually, this year at Christmas, those trees were gone. And I said, where are these trees? Because I've told everybody on the podcast that you have these trees and we can never speak to each other. And she said, you complained about them, so I got rid of them. And now you want them back? Oh, that's typical.

I was like, oh, Merry Christmas. At least it's still fun. Okay. Domes. Creme de la creme table drama on Real Housewives of Shesha. With Magali. I'll tell you, I was this close to telling Magali to walk right out of the tent, but I didn't do it. Don't come up to me.

I tell Dawn. I tell her, boom, boom, boom, bang, bang, bang. And she say, oh, oh, oh. And I say, no, no, no. And she say, woo, woo. Whoa. And I say, pull over. Traffic coming.

Ambulance. And then she gets to the table. I say nothing woo, woo, woo. And I say, pull over. Traffic coming. Ambulance. And then she gets to the table. I say nothing. So good. The naked lady acting as a sushi table who should get a job on the Real Housewives of Orange County. Get a job. Wait, you think your mom's proud of this? People are eating fish off your boobs.

Okay, you know, come intern for me. And then the actual table dancer drama on Married to Medicine. Yeah. This was a good year for housewives who were most likely getting cheated on handing out business cards to strippers. It's a great year for it. Great. So good. It's a great year for it great so good it's a pyramid scheme it's the only scheme i could come up with it my husband doesn't watch whores dance on uh the winner is Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, They deserve it. I'll wait for the applause to die out. They deserve that applause.

I know that sounds like it should get lukewarm applause, but, you know, that was really a very big turning point for people because even though people were already against Vicky, her own behavior, aside from the cancer lies and starting a detox program to capitalize on fake cancer that she knew was fake and helped Brooks fake in her non-existent Trapper Keeper. The thing that really started turning people was Vicky's behavior, aside from all that, like telling off a poor hooker who can't move and is just trying to get her money's worth out of her implants by making her $20 an hour serving California roll off her tits.

You know, that was rude. I thought for sure it was going to be Amy's Table from tips you know that was rude i thought for sure it was gonna be amy's table from secrets and wives i thought for sure i think if that had actually turned into something where anything got accomplished i would have been down but at the end it was just a broken ikea table i know that's why because the fact that they had to put that in the show yeah that's what the show is about. Like, stupid shit happening in Long Island. In Long Island, our kids go away for summer. They go to summer camp.

That's what we call a North Shore summer. Or then Liza throwing that chandelier off the balcony just to say goodbye to her husband. It's like, all the new children who bought that house are going to walk around with bloody feet for the first month oh my goodness so good love that show i'm so sad that that show is canceled me too and bravo must really have hated that because they never cancel anything they just never announced that it's coming back again but this time well they probably had like susan susan was probably calling like hey andy you're gonna call you're gonna give us another show give us another season then lies it's like yeah it's like hey you know it'd be great, hey, Andy, you going to call? You going to give us another show? Give us another season? Then Liza's like, hey, you know what would be great? If we had another show.

I'm paralyzed with excitement. Paralyzed. Okay, so the next award is Best Fight. All right. First is Lisa Rinna versus Kim Richards throwing the champagne glass and grabbing the turkey neck. Oh, that was a good one. Claudia. Are you talking about me or about your husband?

Don't talk about my husband. You beast. Eileen's sort of in the mix there, too. Claudia versus Nini. Because this happened this year. When Claudia read Nini, it was the first time that Nini ever faced a worthy adversary. And it was exhilarating. It really was.

Nini could not. I mean, she's bad at sentences anyway, but she could not even form a sentence. That was so good. That was amazing. And then it ended in a soup kitchen for some event for homeless people or something so good so good i don't i still don't know why they got rid of claudia um cynthia versus porsche on the boat when she kicked porsche that was that was good um lisa nicole versus quad that was good when when they showed up for her to make amends and it wound up with Lisa Nicole throwing a glass in Quad's face.

Oh, my God. What about your lesbian affair? And then Quad pretending she had a huge scar down the side of her face when she didn't. And even her own husband was like, you don't even got a scar, babe. I was bleeding out the face. No, you weren't. It was a scratch. Shut up.

Then Shannon versus Vicky, the season finale, when Shannon being like, I am steamed. I am mad that you would tell this Rhonda about everything. I am furious. Who's this Rhonda bitch? I can't believe you would tell her about David's affair

that David had, because David had an affair. David. David. Geneva versus the taxi driver on Blood, Sweat, and Heels. When Geneva simply did not pay her fare because she did not like the service that she got. And then she gave a series of bullet points of uh talking point she had a series of talking bullet points for everyone so they could be clear on the situation at brunch she's like i was getting my nails done and then the police came in and arrested me geneva i'm never excitable

um also uh geneva the double nominee in this category because Geneva versus Melissa Ford at the season finale when she I believe she broke a glass pitcher over Melissa Ford's head or something like that. Jesus, it's the year of glass pitchers. Yeah, that was faces. She got arrested. It was a big, big. It's a big deal. Kenya versus Tammy's crazy nephew from like a week ago. That was that was more scary yeah that

was too scary i don't like it when it's an aggressive man against a woman that's weird kristin versus james uh when they horse faces horse face one seriously seriously during their breakup um well i think you could actually say it's a bunch of things it's the the take a good look kristin and also when he spat on her door all that stuff um jill versus heavenly uh when when heavenly calls jill stupid um candy's ants verse that the ski cabin down the hill with all the ice and the steps oh that was so so so good that whole thing was so good. I mean, like two episodes of serious family fighting drama because the aunts had to stay far away. I don't know how Candy could do this to us. How do you expect us to walk up that hill?

It's a hill. That's a hill. It's a hill, Candy. And then finally, Jessica versus MJ on shazza sunset oh my goodness well this was jessica versus everybody and it was amazing jessica showed up three faces later ready to fight with people in some thai restaurant in hollywood that you know it was a thai restaurant because it's so well lit they're all like fluorescent lighting inside which did not help her bounty house face and then everybody was trying to be like hi jessica nice to see you honey she's like well it's not nice to see you assholes you're

ruining everything we're sorry yeah you are sorry like just fighting with nobody over nothing so So good. She was such a little whatever. Cut fitness. So now the winner for best fight is... It goes to Lisa Rinna versus Kim Richards in Amsterdam. Kim Richards cannot be here tonight to accept this award because she's standing outside the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion waiting for the Oscars of 1976 to begin. Yeah, this was a close one. It really was. It was so close to Claudia versus Nini because that was like years, years, like waiting for someone to finally go up against Nini. And it was so great. And I watched that fight many times.

But you can't deny Lisa Rinna throwing a champagne. First of all, she's throwing the champagne in Kim Richards' face and then throwing the glass on the ground and reaching for her throat. And you have Eileen saying, you beast. And you have Kim, you have everything. And Kyle running. It was just. Kyle outside trying to make it about herself and then it ended up with Kim just kind of standing there alone in the restaurant

like with Brandy you know flittering about her and Kim's just like what's up who was that hey who let Amelia Westermas out of jail and Brandy's like see who's there for you Kim see who's there for you yeah a basket of

bread i can always count on you bread yeah that was uh by the way did we nominate kim richards for biggest disaster if we didn't that was that was a failure she she should that's a retroactive nomination if we didn't but yeah that was you know the thing is that the claudia versus anything was so great but this was actually, you know, this is going to be a fight that everyone's going to remember. And Lisa is still pissed. I love it. Like, whenever she brings it up now,

she's still so mad at Kim Richards because she jumped over that freeway thing to get away from her. It's like, you better get back here, Kim Richards. Kim Richards. Ah, here. Jump on the freeway, you stupid lady all right take us to the next category ronnie the next category best voice this is a good one there are so many to choose from i think bravo must do phone interviews first because they always pick

people with amazing voices the nominees for best voice this year are liza you got lized from secrets and wise did you hear that i got nominated he. He said, best voice, Lyser. That's me. That's crazy. Hey, hey, Andy. Did you hear that? That's crazy. Magale from the Real Housewives of Cheshire. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, Leanne.

Whoa, Ronnie. Whoa. Whoa. They fight, I say no fight. They want to laugh, I say no laugh. You say tomato, I say tomato. And you know what I say? Why not everybody say tomato?

This is what I say. Oh, I'm in school again. He has a voice voice i have a voice she's she from cheshire he from cheshire i'm from cheshire she ding ding ding i dong dong dong so what you know so what whoa whoa from real housewives of cheshire i always Swaz of Shasha. I always... I always admit that I have six voices and I choose between to do this show and use them for every single show

and just change the name. But when we do these awards, I really see how bad I am about that. So far, I've used Gamble for like five people. Oh, those be fierce, ladies. Next up is I'm Piker from the

Real Life Swags of Shisha. I may look like a lady, but I'm a snake. You can put a ball of clover on it, but still gotta have sex with it, and if you have sex with it Then it's gonna be a snake And snakes will eat it

And I'll never have a white wedding With a ball of clover on But that's the thing I have Because I'm a maestros Lauren Hold on Lauren from Cheshire She's well brah

She's well brah Moving to Arizona It's very important To be well brah Gina From the real ass wives of Melbourne very important to me well Brian Gina from the real ass wives of Melbourne looks like we got a real eddy expert about accents over here

you're an insignificant ass eh um Caroline Fleming how lucky are you to be able to impersonate my voice um Ben Mandel How lucky are you to be able to impersonate my voice? Ben Mandel.

Oh, you were editing something, and Ben Mandel's pink name was in front of this next one. Sheree Whitfield from Real Housewives of Atlanta. You see, my man? I got a good voice. I got a good voice. The contractors call you back. You got contractors.

You got electrical. What's the voice you back You got contractors You got electrical You got electrical You got electrical You got electrical So good Toya Oh my god Well this is definitely

Before we even read the winner This is definitely my favorite bin Right here Toya would win the award What I should've done Was try to work on my voice a little bit more So I could win an award for OG And get Nomad MD on the map

That's what I should have done. Ambulance. The winner for the Real Housewives of New York City. You know what? If you want to make a sandwich, make a sandwich. I mean, what do I get? Dobby and Dobby from Real Housewives of Shesha. I want to thank them.

And the winner is... Wait, wait, wait. Envelope. Here's the envelope. It fell down on the floor. Dorinda from The Real Housewives of New York City. Wow. You know what I like about her?

She's a real girl. That girl's real. You know what? Sometimes if you don't want a sandwich, don't have a sandwich. I love me some Dorinda. I love that her voice completely can change from like normal drunk sounding to really drunk sounding. But it's that part of it that droopy the dog or um rosie the maid from jetsons i just love dorinda and i

also really like dorinda and i like that she's so excited to be a housewife and this year apparently she's gonna go effing crazy on the show so So I can't wait to see her fighting, getting down and dirty with people. Yeah. All right. Next category. Best newcomer. And the nominees are Dorinda, who just won for Best Voice. Lawler.

Be nice to Lawler. Be nice to Lawler. Give an award. Be nice to Lawler. Jill the Daffodil. Megan. What? What? What?

What? Jill the Daffodil is from Married to Medicine. She's the white girl who went crazy. She actually could have been a disaster, too. We forgot about that. She stabbed her husband. Well, all that stuff happened off camera. We didn't even get to see it.

What the hell, Bravo? Well, technically, it was addressed on the reunion but yes what it was addressed by toyah that doesn't count who knows if that was even true well i have done talked to her on uh the emails and textuses and uh she's sad because you don't she got blood on her cell phone and it broke it. Next and best newcomer. Next nominee. Meghan King Edmonds. Hashtag justice. Justice. Knowledge.

Pink hair. Yeah. Gambo. Real Housewives of Melbourne. Patty Fleur. Also from Real Housewives of Melbourne. Switch the bitch. I'm freaking out I would like to welcome my son to give a speech

for my birthday to the mother I wanted to stick my penis inside vagina since I came out of it whoa whoa bit much there calm down you now we will dance I'm going to arrive on a half moon and then dance Chantal from Blood Sweat sweat and heels you know we

sort of forget that chantal was a crazy she wasn't a crazy bitch but she was just like a bitch uh but in a fun way yeah she really was and also chantal is very mysterious to me i'm not really sure what she is yet like she's just an odd little creature i'm not sure what's going on with her well she she came in as a friend of like's, and then she was like, oh, well, Micah's the cool one, so I'm going to switch over there. And she's like, shanty. Everyone's like, shanty, shanty. And she's like, I'll have a brother who works in a yogurt factory.

Don't you want to move to America? You won't have to work in the yogurt. It's like, but I love the yogurt. Have your way. You know, here we do classy things. I staff waiters. And then finally, the last nominee for Best best newcomer is Arzo from Bloodstained. Yesterday, I kind of feel like it's racist what you just said about Afghan homes. It's really hard to introduce my parents to yesterday because they're all about not looking at the past so

arzo cracked me up again like i feel like we've we've sort of forgotten about them but like arzo really really made me laugh because she often she was just say shit that would make me laugh but um the winner for best newcomer goes to Megan King Edmonds this was a rough category too yeah I mean a real strong case could be made for Dorinda and for Gamble but there's no one to make it because the only good lawyer is

Megan King Edmonds yeah Megan King Edmonds is the only newcomer who has a category in the crappies all to herself so although we actually could have you know what who should have also been in this i'm gonna retroactively add it even though she's not gonna win i'm gonna say caroline fleming she also has fleming was pretty good yeah i think she was pretty she's the best newcomer also she i just added her in pretend like she was nominated before okay she still loses to megan kingmonds because Megan King because Caroline Fleming

she was really funny and she also has her own category that was highly entertaining but Megan King Edmonds actually drove the season she drove the plot forward not only that but it was a really seminal moment because Vicki Gunvalson

traditionally every single time hates the young girl they always put a young girl Vicky always goes up against the young girl and Vicky was brought down this year for the first time ever by a young girl and I was like you go girl. That's like full circle.

That's Vicky's fault. You know why? Because she normally hates the young girl right out of the gate and instead she was actually like alright with Megan for a good amount of time. And then that gave Meghan enough power to be able to go after her. Yeah, it was her kryptonite. You know why? Because Meghan King Edmonds was married to someone way richer than Vicky.

And that's the only thing Vicky respects is money. She's only nice to people who are richer than her. Which is why she'll never fight with Heather either. She's respectful of are richer than her which is why she'll never fight with heather either like she's respectful of anyone richer than her so they got a young girl who's skinny and blonde who vicky would hate but unfortunately she's married to a celebrity who's got a shit ton of money so vicky had to be quiet the producers cast her a nice little ball of justice kryptonite yeah and megan you know the thing is when she first appeared it just seemed like she's gonna be a non-entity one of these young girls just wants to be on camera etc but

she she earned her she earned her keep she she did it and i'm like looking forward to another season of her oh hell yeah stirring shit up but then also making fun of her too when she started her first fight and tried to make this huge party fight about that stupid shannon and shannon being rude to her on the phone that i was like this girl there's no way she's gonna last for even another episode and then boom she brings down vicky love it yeah absolutely and by the way and dorinda definitely is is a close second because how could you like overlook dorinda starting a fight with heather thom Thompson about walking into a restaurant together? Hey, wait up.

Wait up. Why didn't you go wait up? That's weird. And then continue it about nothing because she's so drunk. That was so good. All right, Heather. We're from the same place, Heather. Heather, we're from the same neighborhood.

Like, we could have been walking down the same neighborhood street. Now here's what you do. Look at the light in London. It's like, oh, Lord light in London. Oh, Lord. Dorinda. Ronnie, you get a real fun category. Oh, what do I get next? Oh, my gold.

Here we go. I was scrolling around. I don't even know why. I'm not even reading. I'm just scrolling because that's what an American does in front of a computer. Because it's fun.

The worst. Literally, that's the category. It just says fun the worst literally that's the category it just says the worst in our traditional lazy season of who's the worst let's start spitting the table stassi from vanderpump rules who does that i i want to add that like i think when the crap when when vanderpump rules first started stassi was probably also on something that was the worst i don't remember but then it was she was on the worst for being just an awful awful bitch but now she's on here because she just was that annoying freshman in college coming back to high school acting like she's better than her it was was just awful. Like a bad contribution to the show.

When the person shows up at high school and now they're a movie star, but not. She's like, but look at my statement necklace. We saw that in Forever 21. You can't just glue five Forever 21 necklaces together and then just call it a statement. It's not a statement. She ruined everything

that was entertaining about herself. It's an albatross, darling, not a statement. It's not a statement. Yeah, she ruined everything that was entertaining about herself. It's an albatross, darling, not a statement. Chef Leon from Below Dick. Truly the worst. Beef cheeks! Beef cheeks! Frozen conk. Oh my god, frozen conk was the worst. Who has frozen conk?

I've never even heard of that. He's like, well, I've got some frozen. You do? Okay eddie from below deck oh lord oh my god he got my blood boiling i really yeah yeah yeah you like it oh wait we're not allowed to have sex on this all right lay some bounce dryer sheets out first all right it's like you can't even fuck off camera you know know, and not follow the rules. Eddie. Boo, Eddie. Boo. Alex P. Keaton.

Next up, NeNe from Real Housewives of, I mean, kind of Atlanta still, I guess. Yeah, well, she was. She was. So NeNe, yep, NeNe is always the worst. She could win the worst always. Yeah. She could win the worst restaurant of the year award, and she's not even a restaurant. We're Cinderella.

That's for sure. She's a lock on that one. She's going to be on the Zagat worst service of 2015, and she's not even a waiter. What, honey? From Married to Medicine. Mariah from Married to Medicine. I from married to medicine i'm gonna tell them off and then nothing that was another uh real housewives of shesher moment for her yeah that reunion um brandy who continues to be the worst even not on tv yeah she's still always wearing shirts like like past the wine or whatever it says when

she's hanging out with kim richards yeah being being sober sucks yeah yeah that's what it is yeah so being sober sucks as she's walking with how so utterly like tone deaf to a situation brooks from real housewives of orange county oh yeah Especially when he was coked up on Andy Cohen. While I'm talking to Andy Cohen. Wow. Yeah, that was good. All defensive. I don't know why Vicky would lie about such a thing.

The woman tells untruths more than anybody I know. Roses are red. Violets are blue. Fuck you, Andy. I ain't talking to you. It's like, whoa, Brooks. Where'd the poetry go brooks uh theresa's lawyer from real housewives of new jersey oh the lawyer's testimonials from real

housewives of new jersey i think so nice of him to buy theresa that lexus suv so nice i wonder where he got that money from uh you know that's just like a... It's probably got a sticker for the dealership on the back. That shit is still loaned for six months. So what else? Let's see. Teresa's Lawyer. Trainers on Workout New York. Okay, they already win.

Demetria from Blood, Sweat, and Heals. Asifa. Asifa. Asifa and Bobby from Shaws of Sunset. They were terrible. Terrible. Having a fight about whether to serve something on paper plates or regular plates literally for two weeks. With his like plastic surgery mustache or like a stubble and like hair plugs and her attitude.

You still look like Yoda, like a smooth Yoda with terrible plugs and her you still look like yoda like a smooth yoda with terrible plugs but you still yoda like where are you going for your surgery people she's like you banged my friend he's like we were broken up but you banged my friend that's like you know bravo sends out some group email to everybody on bravo and they're like okay um june 2nd is when the doctor is coming in he'll be in a giant airstream Outside the Bravo offices So whoever needs something done Just show up and they all show up and get in a line

It's like the free spay or neuter your dog By the way I want to give a retroactive nomination From a previous category For entrepreneurial I want to give Asa for her Veil thing In front of the Vegas buffet here in Hollywood. Oh my God.

Most embarrassing fucking street art of all time. In front of the Fresh and Easy that's now defunct. A Fresh and Easy that's on clearance. She's like, drop the veil or keep it on, whatever you want. She was like the final nail in the fresh and easy coffin they're like we didn't want to go to the store before but we just saw a bunch of people standing up for the right to make women wear burkas jesus it's my choice it's my choice okay yeah it's your choice to walk around in fucking handcuffs and a blindfold to do it let's see how long it takes you to get run over you dumb cow okay going on mike from shaw's the sunset yeah jessica the worst

okay can we just give her the worst after jessica's so lame that we're just gonna name her the worst in every single award yeah um but mike is pretty bad too. Don't forget. Mike is pretty damn bad. Mike is bad. But he's just like. I don't know. I don't mind him. Because I just feel like he wants to please so bad. He will just do anything to please people.

He acts like this arrogant son of a bitch. But he really just wants. He just wants friends. You know. Like I feel kind of bad for him. Slightly. Slightly bad. As bad as you can feel for

anybody on shots of sunset okay um richard blaze from top chef top shuffleries yes uh who's also terrible and opens his mouth mouth way too wide oh yeah biggest offense of all yeah it is he's got that ryan seacrest way of opening his mouth bigger than his head it's weird and lauren manzo from egg salads of new jersey oh god this is a long list i have to think about this who's who's it gonna be i've got the i think the audience is is waiting with bated breath okay and i. And I have the envelope right here. The trainers on Workout New York. Hate you guys.

I hate all of you. I hope that there's a huge earthquake in New York that only hits that gym that you're all filming in and it falls in on all your heads, okay? Jerks. I hate those guys. I don't mind an arrogant person. But an arrogant person who's like, we're going to change the world. And then they're like doing, she's like, do another push-up.

Do another push-up. And then people who walk around saying brand so much. Oh, fuck all of you guys. You make Adderall look bad. I might have given it to Asifa and Bobby or to Eddie from Below Deck, but I think the trainers on Workout New York is a perfectly good winner for the worst. They're the worst because Asifa and Bobby at least tried. These people don't even know what they're doing.

They're so drugged out of their mind on GNC energy pills or whatever the fuck those people take. Walking around, brand, brand, brand. Well, I don't know if my brand aligns with her brand. Shut up, you don't have a brand. Stupid male whore standing around with a drink tray acting like you're now a member of the community. Shut up. Look at Matt now.

I refuse to continue this award show. I'm furious at Workout New York. Well, in the tradition of all good award shows, we now have a musical performance. David. David. Yeah. David.

David. David. David. David. David. David. David. David.

David. David. David. David. David. David. David. David.

David. David. 40 to 50 negative thoughts a day. Who would have thought I could have reached this beautiful place? Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, oh the game is 30 year old. Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit almost exactly the same but this is from erica jane a newcomer on real housewives of beverly hills

please welcome erica jane david david david David? David? David? David? David? Fuck my pussy. Negative thoughts a day. Pat the puss. Pat the puss. Pat the puss. I know, I know you can stop it now. I know that that, uh, David? David? Cherries.

Ass. David? David? David? David? Judgy eyes. Looking at me naked. Okay, I know that sounded like the same song, but it's spelled DVD. Yeah, yeah, it's a totally different song. All right. She's such a talent. God, I hope she finds a costume that fits soon. All right, now the award for best bravo star okay the nominees are caroline stanbury

i know love caroline fleming how lucky how lucky are you to have me in your category. Lyser! Paralyzed! Paralyzed! Luanne. It's not girl code. It's not girl code. Based solely on the power of be cool, don't be all uncool. Lisa Rinna. Shannon Bedore. David.

David. David. David. Every day the sun comes up and I get sad that it's not the moon. I'm having 40 to 50 negative thoughts about this award show. Cameron from Southern Charm. I like her, but you know, that bitch needs to get her hands dirty. Yeah, she does. She is so likable.

And you know what? The best thing about the Greeks is that they were all fucking each other behind their wives backs do something cameron shep from southern charm who did get his hands a little dirty this season shep is so funny i really like shep a lot and i liked it when he was being a whiny bitch um claudia jordan david dickoliath claudia jordan taking down nini leaks oh poor thing she took down nini leaks but she couldn't take down porsche although no one can take down porsche i mean she's beat people she's like she's been fired i think 10 times but she's always back yeah uh daisy from blood sweat and heels sweet sweet daisy she went through real Yeah. Daisy from Blood, Sweat, and Heals. Sweet, sweet Daisy.

She went through real cancer, unlike our other jokers. And she went through it. She wasn't annoying about it. And it was really moving. And there was even one episode that I think it got me misty-eyed and choked up. I don't remember what it was. I think it was about like – I don't think people should get awards for having cancer. Well, no, but handling it – Well, it's more like the cancer made you realize remember what it was. I think it was about like... I don't think people should get awards for having cancer. Well, no, but handling it...

Well, it's more like the cancer made you realize how lovely she was. You're like, oh, Daisy. Also from Blood, Sweat, and Heals, Micah. Micah, Micah, Micah. Micah. I mean, she is the star of that show. She is

so funny. I mean, she deserves more credit for being a hilarious character. Yeah she's fantastic. She is. Whoa. Magali. Whoa. Loving Magali.

She's at the end of her second season. But since we're still on episode six of season one. I'm hoping that she stays gold forever. Because love her. Love her. Kate from Below Deck. Kate who is actually on our very podcast love kate obviously we love her and you know what just because kate was mentioned i talked to kate and nadine about leaf blowers i swore for 10 minutes because we talked about how much we hate leaf blowers and how they're just like moving leaves around guess who's outside right now blowing a blower the leaf blower yeah i love you it is fantastic uh lauren from cheshire

lauren who has a sewing books have you ever taken out a frozen pizza and it just didn't taste good anymore comparing frozen eggs to bad tombstones so good i hope that heather dubrow goes back and redoes her stupid tree art and instead of the little eggs at the bottom of the tree for the frozen embryo she never used she just has like expired tombstones uh um mj from Shazza Sunset. She's such a disaster. I'm not into that. I'm not into that. I boycott that nomination.

And lastly, Candy Burris. Whoa. This is hard. There are some that I... You forgot the queen. How dare you, sir? vanderpump of course you're not going to nominate the queen of bravo i'm sorry i almost felt like it was so obvious i i just this is a tight category i'll tell you right now before i open this envelope i uh i

only think tight in this category i think it's going to be a toss-up between Caroline Stanbury, Lizer, Lisa Rinna, Claudia Jordan. No, not Claudia Jordan. And Kate Lodeck. I don't know. It's going to be a real tight one. I don't know who it's going to be. And the winner of Best Bravo Star at the Golden Crappies for 2015 is...

Caroline Stanbury. Clear the audience. Clear the audience. Caroline Stanbury is the best cast member of every show ever. Clear her. I'll tell you, I was torn because, again, I'm loving Lisa Rinna on Real Housewives. She keeps it real. She's funny, but she can also get nasty and play with the girls.

I mean, she was in the fight. She was in the best fight of the year. She's great. And also, like I said, Daisy, she's so sweet. And Claudia took down Nini. Those are all great things. I'm still into Rinna, too. I really like her and think she's very funny.

But I do need to see Rinna. I need to see less surface Rinna. Because right now it's like 90% of an ad for something. I actually don't even mind. Isn't that weird? I don't mind surface Rinna. I just don't like it. I want to see Lisa Rinna when they've really broken her down.

But she's so good with her Hollywood charm robot giggle that it takes a lot to break her down. And I feel like so far she's only gone after the weak ones. I mean, I think Brandon does that right. It was because of Lisa Renna that we had quite the season last season. It was because of Lisa Renna going you know, going at Kim Richards. It was Lisa Rinna who threw down that champagne glass. It's Lisa Rinna now who's starting to take the first shots at Yolanda. She's funny.

Lisa Rinna is great. Kate from Below Deck has the funniest comments. She's so hilarious. She also had the best goodbye ever. When Rocky was like, okay then, bye. She's like, goodbye. Staring at her eyes fully. But honestly, Caroline Stanbury, I mean, the one-liners,

her cold takedowns of people, her way of just being sort of like effortlessly glamorous and, you know, putting out everyone out of business and then going on holiday. I don't know. I just think she's just, she's just great. She,

she is so great. You know, talking about how bad she feels for the poor people while her slave wipes fucking caviar off her face. Oh my God. No, really. Caroline Stenbury is absolute perfection.

It could have gone to any of those other women, but it's Caroline. Clear her. Pauline, scrape everybody off this floor and clear them before they get retaken by the bunks. Bad bitch. Mom, you won another award. All right, well, fine. Send Pauline

over to fetch it Pauline's over on the Thames right now Where's everyone? I don't know Just go over to London Bad news, Mom, don't have my passport I'll just go there and get myself Just ride Pauline Alright, next category

The worst show of the year right we're getting close to the end is our second to last category all right the worst show of the year and was it uh planned this way so i could be the most negative one because if you want you want to actually why don't we why don't we switch it because i think last year i did best i chose best show no no no you can do it i really like the negative award oh okay i'm okay with it unless you want to take it um i actually i actually want you to do best show this year okay i don't want the pressure i'm gonna do i'm gonna do worst show okay The nominees for Worst Show are... Manzo'd with Children. Congratulations, Manzo'd with Children.

You've won! Nothing. Après Ski. I don't even know if we can judge that. We only watched one. We were like, this is dumb. One's enough sometimes. Workout New York, which I know is your least favorite show.

Untying the Knot, which somehow came back for a second season. Real Housewives of New Jersey, Tree Checks In. Don't Be Tardy. Mother Funders. And My Fab 40th, which has, oddly enough, one already and one crappy. All right.

And the winner is, for Worst Show, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Tree Checks In. Whoa, that's a shocker bin. Real Housewives of New Jersey tree checks in. Whoa, that's a shocker bin. What did you think it was going to be? Workout New York? I thought it was going to be Manzo'd.

Well, I'll explain why Real Housewives of New Jersey checks in. You know, I hated Mother Funders. Mother Funders was actually a terrible thing to sit through. Manzo'd with Children was also terrible. All these were terrible to sit through. Mans of the Children was also – all these were terrible to sit through. I actually don't mind Workout New York as much as you did. And I feel like we're only like a few episodes in and I feel like Workout New York might actually get me. But the reason why Real Houses of New Jersey wins in this category is because like almost all the other shows nothing happens in this show every episode is is sort of like centered around theresa calling and they they hype everything up

like theresa's gonna call she's gonna call and when she calls she's like yeah so i saw a dildo today it's like what we waited an entire episode for this and it's like and then you have the lawyer saying how he feels we have people coming but even worse is that there's all this slow stuff they put the children crying uh everyone's like we were family we stick together even during hard times i'm like no well i mean it's good just for families stick together but you guys they're criminals okay melissa melissa was the best trying to make it all about her that was so good yeah it's it's just you know it's like you know what theresa and joe broke the law and they had several chances to avoid this outcome you know like there are there were opportunities

and they were so stupid slash cocky slash ridiculous um and that it got to this and now they're like oh no the family the family's being torn apart what are we going to do what's it going to be like and the music's dramatic i thought it was really terrible and these these are people who theresa gets out of jail for all this stuff and she still has a bow like she has a alexis from her quote-unquote lawyer uh well i mean the lawyer is real but like it's quote unquote from the lawyer you know he probably has an invoice to to jojo does for legal fees for you know like eighty thousand dollars right and then funny how then the lawyer can then buy theresa a new lexus it's awful to me to me

it's an example of how america has gone wrong it's an example of of people abusing a system it's an example of reality tv gone wrong it system it's an example of reality tv gone wrong it is such a good example of how america makes it all right because you know these guys did some wrong things i mean i don't know what they did they don't know what they did but you know they're sorry like they did something you know whatever so what who cares so they did something wrong and you know sure they're going to go to like pussy jail for a little while but at the end they still have a mansion now with all new furniture because the feds seized all the all the other stuff and a new car and millions of dollars and book deals and she's got a star you know a center role on the next house so i so you know what i say yay america no i i think it

would i think it's an example of there was no story here. There was nothing interesting happening. It was just them walking around, going to restaurants, talking, but not talking about anything interesting. It was – I felt manipulated more so than usual. When he had dinner with that obese ex-prison guy for advice and he's like, you want the advice? It's difficult in the prison. It's really tough in there. It's's gonna be real tough in prison for you and joe's like yeah so uh am i gonna get blow jobs like uh what i do what about the sex every question joe joe judas has is about sex

so funny and then that's also when we got to see the girls taking care of the house which means uh i'm sorry melania shaving joe's back i mean which alone which alone should get this show the the golden crappy for worst show for the next five years i'm telling you this is it's also a reminder of how this franchise has fallen too you know i mean you could make the same argument for man's with children perhaps but this is a, this is a franchise that was once great. And now it is just, you know,

finding scraps and forming them into these, into a three episodes, you know, limited series. Yeah. I think it was really, because I, um,

have always not liked Jersey. I've never been a fan of Jersey. It's always made me crazy. And I just love that this one can be three episodes, terrible, and still be ten times better than the last season was. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe because it was only three episodes.

I don't know. To me, what separates this from all the others, because the others were pretty terrible too... Do you hear the leaf blower? To me, the only this from all the others, because the others were pretty terrible too. Do you hear the leaf blower? To me, the only leaf blower I hear is the metaphorical one of this show. It's just like blowing around scenes of Joe and Melania and Teresa on a phone call. And the scenes just get shifted around every week. And it's the same shit cluttering up the road of my life.

It's human debris that never gets cleaned up depraved and awful it really gets me mad all right let's go on to the best show of the year leaf blower is here i should have him come inside and read off these uh nominees but he's so terrified of me because i'm always like hi how are you he's like shut up audience the audience has been asleep for all this time but uh they finally woke up for the big category right audience i'm gonna do i'm gonna do a r Ricky Gervais version of hosting. I'm just going to tell everybody off and leave drunk.

Okay. Best show of the year, Ladies of London. Which probably had the lowest rating. Home Shopping Moo Moo Channel episode of, I mean, not episode, but the Home Shopping Network probably got higher ratings for Nini's Moo Moo wear than Ladies of London got, but God, I love that show. Real Housewives of Orange County.

Real Housewives of New York City. Secrets and Wives. Oh, I love Secrets and Wives. Southern Charm. Below Dick. Their best season. Vanderpump Rules. Oh, it's strong.

They won last year. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Great season of that, too. Secrets and Wives is so good that we're nominating it again. It got on twice. And Real Housewives of Melbourne now you see why I didn't want to do this one I don't want the pressure

I still have a little bit of regret last year of giving the award to Real Housewives I'm giving it to Vanderpump Rules over Game of Crowns because Game of Crowns was so good. Game of Crowns, yeah. Game of Crowns was good. And gone. We should just pick everything we know is canceled. Okay, Secret Subwise, congrats.

Okay. Okay, the winner is... Wait, let me get the envelope. Ready? Ready? Wait, let me get the envelope. Ready? Real Housewives of New York City.

Yes. I was wondering where the audience was. Real Housewives of New York City. What a show. Okay. Settle down. Settle down. Settle down.

This show should have been terrible by now. They had that huge recast. They got rid of like half the people. Got rid of Zarin, et cetera. And everyone thought

this is it. The newbies came in. The first year, people were really not giving it that much of a chance. I mean, it took at least half a year or half a season, rather, for people to get warmed up to the newbies. And not only did they come through, but then when they brought Bethany back this year and we all thought, oh, my God, she is terrible now. Like we all hated her, I think pretty universally at first. And then not only did she morph into herself,

we got to see her confront her. We got to find out about her racetrack family history, see her confront her father, sob a million times, see Carol refuse to hug her. Then we saw Heather get ripped down by pretty much everybody and leave the show because someone wouldn't eat her meatball. Then we saw

Dorinda talking to a red balloon. Then we saw Sonia fucking losing, just fucking losing her mind this year. Ramona tried to be nice the whole year and actually semi-succeeded and was still hilarious. Plates that reminded her of sunshine. We got Girl

Code. We got Girl Code. We got Aix-la-France. We got that screaming on the trip, which was amazing. I mean, this show, Ramona hitting on guys in the bar on vacation and cock-blocking

everybody. Oh my god. Classic. Luann and Carol's feud at the end of the season was pretty strong, a really intense reunion. It was, this is my favorite of all the real housewives. It was really, really strong.

And in fact, I would say this year, 2015 was a great year for the housewives. New York city was, was york city was was fantastic beverly hills was fantastic um and so was orange county was fantastic and even atlanta was fantastic um it was just great but but new york you you make a great case for new york city i thought it was gonna be ladies of london because ladies london was hilarious but ladies of london was more just like really funny to watch and make fun of whereas new york city actually had like actual stuff happening so um yeah if it was

the most fun to mock and do the voices and stuff like that it would have been for me it would have been secrets and wives or melbourne or london really i loved all of those but as a viewer my favorite just hands down was new york i thought they are they're just hysterical this whole year was so funny and they're not trying you know a lot of these other shows they really try so hard to come up with things to do and repeat storylines and do all this stuff to win fans and this show doesn't they just show show up. And even if they tried, they cannot help it because their personalities are so insane and ridiculous. And they just kill me every fucking time.

Ramona Singer slays. Watching Ramona go on dates and flirt with people, I could have fallen down very easily. It's great. I mean, New York City has probably the richest cast of characters. It always has. I mean, if you look back on season one, when you have Countess Luanne, Jill Zarin, Alex McCord, Ramona Singer, and Bethany,

I mean, there probably has never been as good a cast as that. And then they bring in, I'm sorry, no, then in season two, they bring in Kelly Ben Simone. Okay? This is, and Sonia. Wasn't Sonia came in season two also? Maybe she was season three. She was season three, I think. Because I didn't watch, I wasn't watching it yet. And I wasn't intoia came in season two also maybe she was season three one I forget which one three I think because I didn't watch I hadn't been I wasn't watching it yet and I wasn't into

all this crap back either way once once it was Kelly and Sonia that is you have seven characters who could be like the stars of any franchise because you know every franchise has their signature stars and you have all these these. It is by far the richest, deepest roster. And they lose some big names. And they bring on some people. And it's still amazingly rich. Even when Aviva Drescher was on. It was great.

The only one who was not a rich character. Oh, God. Aviva was hysterical. I can't believe she got fired. The only one who was not worthy of being on Real Housewives was the vagina lady the bejazzled lady I'm forgetting her name

and she wasn't even that bad she just refused to participate you can't just sit back like Tootie, it's like the danger of Tootie, you can't just sit there and be like everybody's gross, of course they're gross you're supposed to be too, figure it even kristen takeman i mean she's good i mean we sure there just wasn't enough room for her this season when bethany came in there's you know

something had to give but kristen was good too i mean her first season she was really enjoyable she pushed back she got a big fight with ramona she's she got into little like squabbles this season he kept on saying that she was doing nothing but she was squabbling all season long you know it's it's definitely the richest certainly trying i think it's just really rough when you put a young girl in with all the older crows you know because they all want it's like hamsters chances are they're gonna eat five or six of their babies yeah i mean if you're gonna have if you're gonna bring in dorinda and bethany i mean you just there's just no room left for her but it's um and the fact that you have bethany and carol becoming friends by the end of the season it's like the one of the best power alliances and all

of real housewives you know an argument as i as i like i've said now a million times an argument could really be made for real houses of beverly hills because that was honestly really really strong season and the honestly i'm not going to get into the whole Kim thing, but that whole thing with Kim, with her, is she an addict? Is she not an addict? What should she be doing? That was really compelling stuff like that Harkin back to season one and season two. Really entertaining. And Orange County, obviously, such an entertaining season.

Almost every single episode of orange county something really significant happened which is unheard of but the difference is that that all happened with new york city too and the difference is that new york city had the best of both worlds compelling tv and voices we like to make fun of yes and i feel like orange county was great but it was a lot of stuff one of the things that was so fun about it was that it was planned shit that blew up in vicky's face because vicky's the ultimate liar planner she always has been she makes up storylines every season and even though people know she's full of shit and we know she's full of shit they always she always kind of wins in a way you know yeah and this season she didn't and it was amazing but the tamra becoming a christian

whole thing really bugged the shit out of me i did not like it i did not buy it i thought that was like the lowest of the low like how you feel about jersey is how i feel about yeah that's funny person yeah and even atlanta you know the thing is we always talk about atlanta that um atlanta is the show that it's just more funny to watch than interesting but i thought actually last season was interesting with everything with apollo that was there was some like gripping stuff in there and and claudia i thought really brought the show alive but i mean it wasn't the same it wasn't we didn't even nominate it because it wasn't in the same category and honestly below deck was really entertaining this season uh low deck was really

really good this season and they had the shittiest uh guess i think of any season they never had a good entertaining guest but but they watching them was so good because i don't think anybody planned on rocky becoming that crazy no nobody and chef leon being that much of an asshole. No one planned on Alex Pete Keaton, like boning that girl in the secret laundry room or with his secret door to the laundry room. That was so good. Yeah. And I'd say, you know, Vanderpump Rules. Well, I've this season has been it's Vanderpump Rules is always entertaining. You know, if there's you can almost always get a good episode every week.

But the thing is that season one and season two had such amazing bombshells that happened. And that season three and season four have been really entertaining. But they just can't compete with these other shows that are just so good. Yeah, it's fun to watch now. And I still love Vanderpump Rules, but they're very aware, you know? And now it's starting to look like all these weird old ladies standing around making fun of the young people

because the new people that are obviously going to be the heads of the new cast, because how long can that last? Well, that's why it's good that Lala is there because Lala is, she thinks she knows how to play it, but she's like messing up.

But that's what's good. You need some of these young people to mess it it up i mean the best episode of the season to me was the gay pride uh episode when lot like when james sleeps with that girl lauren and then lauren and lala are sitting there at the host desk and james comes and kisses lala even though he just had sex with lauren the night before and then Lawler's like, I'm mad at James. Like, where did you get those scratches? And Lauren's like, you know what? Just drop it.

You don't need to know. Just drop it. And then Lawler is mad at James, so she starts flirting with Jax. And then to get back at Lawler, James then says it's Lauren. And then to get back at Lauren, Lawler goes and tells Anthony that Lauren was then to get back at Lauren Lawler goes and tells Anthony that Lauren was with James I mean that's just amazing and that was all so good and have we ever seen Lauren again no she's been shipped off to Villa Blanca she's probably Greg's uh sister the parents called and were like you are coming home young lady um but it was really good and honestly

you know i i have to i just want to give one more props to uh orange county because orange county has been around the longest and they've had back-to-back two fantastic seasons because last season with shannon versus heather that was great oh that was so good yeah and this year we got miss 30 year old and just shannon in general shannon's breakdown is the best thing that's ever happened to me just watching her spiral more and more out of control is just killing me you know they're doing like a marriage tour they're doing some like a marriage counseling thing because shannon's businesses are like real things that are happening in her life you You know, like my website.

Not my website. My, I'm fat. You know, or whatever. And she's, I don't know if she's going to come out with a diet book. But, you know, she's got to have some business soon. And right now it looks like they're going to be doing some marriage, troubled marriage tour or something. So she's like taking David on tour to talk about what an ass he is. Are you sure it's not a tour to show how to make mashed potatoes in the microwave?

Could be that. Could be that. You may have gotten confused. Well, I don't have caters. I do this all myself. Okay, now I want eight grapes. Peel them. David, how could you get two bottles of white wine for 150 guests at our seminar?

And just the image of David Bedore hiding on top of the bluetooth chandelier kills me and it never even happened but we've talked about it so many times i just imagine david like i need some time alone honey oh my god you know talking about this makes me you know first of all it gives me two emotions one it makes me feel even more secure about choosing New Jersey as the worst because when you talk about how good Orange County and New York City are after all these years and after retooling, et cetera, et cetera, and how they can still just kill it, and then you look at New Jersey and you've got this pathetic, limping show

that just needs to be scrapped and redone or whatever, it makes me hate tree checks even more. But the other emotion I'm feeling is, wow. I mean, Orange County beat that show on every level. They even made cancer look fun. Yeah. But you know what, though? It also makes me feel like, wow.

There's been so much fun stuff that we've covered this year. Like, so much. You know, sometimes it's like, when I'm hanging with friends, I'm like, I gotta go. I gotta watch Bravo. And people are like, hey, have you watched this show like so much you know sometimes it's like when i'm hanging with friends i'm like i gotta go i gotta watch bravo and people are like hey have you watched this show yet if you watch this show i'm like no because all i do is watch bravo for the podcast but it's like you know what though but the truth is it's so fun i know a friend of mine was like have you watched the leftovers and i was like uh yeah it's called bravo yeah i'm like sorry i have to watch secrets and wives like oh i'm like but it's so good

i love this show and i will never forget when we were in texas crap by crap west doing our live show and we had them the whole time and then we're talking about secrets and wives and they're like what the hell like even the people who loved it so much that they came out and like we got to meet everybody even they were like oh hell no and i was like this is why i love watch what crap is because even the dumbest shows that everybody in the world hates we love more than anything and we like roll around in the crap yeah i just uh i wish we could save more of the shows that we love because we we're always like we're always losing our some of our favorite shows secrets and wives game of crowns gallery girls but sometimes it's better to just lose them you know it's better to

love and lost than love and then get fucked over in the end because you found out there's some fake asshole well um i i was very happy with these crappies this year. And I know that our listeners will probably disagree with us on various nominations. I'm sure there are people that we did not nominate. There are winners that should not have won. And we want to hear from all of you guys. Leave your comments. And who knows? Maybe we'll do like a People's Choice Do-Over crappies event where we get input from the listeners.

We'll see. We'll figure that out. Yeah, what about People's Choice crappies? People's Choice crappies, which means that it'll be like, and the winner for Best Bravo Star is Mel Gibson. Wait, how is that possible? He wasn't even on Bravo this year. Or in a movie. That was an amazing crazy person breakdown.

Yeah. So good. Never forget. Hashtag never forget. never forget justice justice guys thank you so much for listening to the crappies we have had an amazing year and uh thanks so much for supporting us this podcast has grown to a place i don't think we ever thought it would and we are so excited that it has um we love having you guys we love each other and love being here. And get over to Patreon, get your ringers, and get your bonus ringers for those of you who have not subscribed,

which are me and Ben. Yes. And see what those are all about. And thanks for everything. Thanks for your support. We will be back next week on Tuesday and Thursday, just like normal, to do our regular recaps. We'll catch up on Beverly Hills and all the hanky drama that happened this

week. And it will be a different year. You guys, we're going to be totally different. Wow. So everyone, thank you for participating and listening to the 2015 golden crappy awards.

Good night, everyone. Good night. Good night. crappens ad free on amazon music download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com survey