Watch What Crappens - #2543 RHODub S02E13 Part One: Da Bye

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

This is part one of a two-parter!This week on the season finale of Real Housewives of Dubai, Stanbury and Ayan throw a farewell Queens party. Will Lesa and Ayan’s spat over whether or not the word “brag” was used end their friendship? And what happened to Sara’s maid? Seriously though. To watch this recap on video and listen to all of our bonus episodes, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about everything we love to talk about. I'm Ye Olde Braves. I'm Randall. And that's Ben. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? I'm okay. You know, it's the very last day of Dubai possibly forever. Who knows? I mean like five people know damn show so who knows but no, you know, it could be am I'm sad about it How are you feeling? I'm doing great. I'm broadcasting from inside what appears to be a cloud So this is my natural background not my virtual one. So everyone you can enjoy that. I am doing very well

I'm excited to talk about Dubai. I'm excited about so many things. I'm excited that our Patreon is going to be streamlined and we're going to have some updates very, very, very soon on that front, so everyone stay tuned on that. And I'm excited because we also got some insight into what went wrong with the best friends forever, Saba and Sara. Did you see Saba's interview that she held last week, Ronnie? Pete Slauson Oh my gosh. Well, I thought you were going to say the relationship between Lisa and Ayaan because that's been like a huge thing. Like, why did they fall out? And we found out and it was misunderstanding one single word, which is hilarious because how housewives

is that? Like a whole relationship over because of one fucking word. I mean, of course it is. Now, yes, what you're asking, yes, I did see the dueling interviews. You're talking about both. You saw both of them, right? I did not see Saba's interview. I saw Saba's interview only. I only received Saba news apparently. Oh my God. Okay, first of all, for those of you who didn't see these, they both went on and did interviews. It looks like they're on the nightline of Dubai.

Where are they doing these interviews? I don't know. It looks like an actual news set, and they're acting like they're on the actual news. I was like, why is Saba running to the goddamn news, and who's interviewing Saba? Don't they have important things happening in Dubai? I've never been to Dubai,

but I would imagine they've got important things happening. Well, they definitely are acting like they are defending national platforms. It's a very seriously Saba was. And so Saba was like, you know, Sarah and I had always been very, very close. And then I decided to get married. And as the wedding date got closer, I started to receive meaner and meaner texts from Sarah.

And I decided this was not a relationship I wanted to pursue any longer. It would hurt me. And I would think to myself, why? Why would a friend hurt me like this? And it seemed that she wasn't a friend after all. So I told her, I don't think I'm comfortable in our business together. And she threatened me. She threatened me. And now I have texts, I have texts and I have WhatsApps and I have voice messages that I could play to prove how terrified I was." I was like, what are you doing over there? Well, first of all, you all need to stop sending

each other goddamn voice messages. I know. Stop it. Stop that. Stop doing it because you're all just building cases against yourselves at this point. Okay, so then she gives it, so then Sarah gets to go do her own interview at Nightline with, you know, Ted Koppel. I'm trying to think of like a traditional Dubai name to replace Koppel, but I can't because I don't know anything about

it. I know, I feel like I'm just so defensive. I don't really know anything to... Sultan Koppel, I don't know. So, we go over to... Yeah, see, I don't know. So, we go over to him, Ted Albaraj, Albarajee Koppel, I don't know. What's the place? Barari. Barari. All right, so we got to Barari line. And Sarah's on and she's like, babe, I don't even know what this lady's talking about. We weren't even business, even in business together, first of all. So I don't know why she had to make this statement, like this public statement, like we are not in business together. And if anybody has voice texts and voice notes to prove anything, it's me because she's crazy. So they're both going and talking about how crazy the other person is. But nobody ends up releasing any voice

messages at all. We still don't know anything, basically. No, we know nothing. And also, by the way, the proper pun that I think we were both looking for was Bararabi Walters. Bararabi Walters. Bararabi Walters. Bararabi Walters. When was the last time you cried? Bawawi Walters. So yeah, that's been pretty fun. I don't know. Here's who I think I'm going to believe. Neither one of them, because they're both full of

shit. Okay, they're both full of shit. And that's why I love them. And they both need another season. Yeah. Sarah just keeps imprisoning people and making up boyfriends from Instagram and kidnapping plots. I need her like literally in every housewives ever. I mean, she's turned out to be the biggest gift of all time. This one. Yeah. And I, by the way, I fully believe Saba over Sarah in this situation. I think Saba somehow got looped into this show and I don't know what she's doing here. I actually like Saba. I've grown to really enjoy her. But if it's a she said, she said situation, I'm believing Saba over Sarah any day.

Yeah. I don't believe either one of these two people. I think they're both full of shit. And that's why I love them. And I love babies too. I think they're both full of shit. And that's why I love them, you know? And I love babies too. Guess what? They're full of shit. That's all they do. So are their diapers. Hey.

That's right. They're full of shit. So anyway, it is the season finale. So why don't we dive into best friends for never. So we're on a golf trip. It's day two in Jebel Ali. And, uh, that's the name I think of the resort. I don't know. So people are having breakfast and lots of different people are having lots of

different breakfasts and they're all gossiping about each other. So Stambury and Sergio come in and matching green pajamas to meet up with Tellene and Raph. Raph. And Stambury is like, Raph, Raph, did you bring your pajamas? He didn't bring his pajamas. Raph didn't bring his pajamas. Raph's like, I don't wear pajamas. Isn't that crazy? It's like literally the most insane thing. I just don't believe in PJs. I just don't like them. Sorry. Sorry, guys. Just not in the PJs. Am I right? Raph always says PJs get in the way of the BJs. So no PJs here.

Okay, that's what Raph says. Well that's great. We put on pajamas after waking up extremely early for one and a half seconds of sex. So weird, really. So yeah, Sergio's like, oh, by the way, how was the morning, everyone? And Raph was like, yeah, well, the morning was quite, was quite shit. Quite frankly, it was shit. Yeah. Well, you know what, Raph, I tried to get some booty, but Raph wasn't having it. It's like, she didn't deserve it today.

Asked what my PJs were. I was like, wait, you don't know. I don't like PJs. Come on. Come on. Not getting any of this D. Sorry guys. Sorry, guys. It's my instrument that I'm traumatizing. It's hard to do a Tal- To bring to life. It's hard to do a Tal-Leen voice when you're getting over a chest cold, I have to say. I empathize with you. So Tal-Leen's like, hey, I'm literally serious right now. Are you going to be ordering any breakfast,

husband of what's-your-face? Baby, honey, honey, honey, can I tell you what I want to order? A son, please, honey, please, please, please. Do you have an eggs? My name will go on to that thing. Please, please, baby. Sergio, be quiet and let me throw a croissant at your face. Thank you. Sergio, be quiet and let me throw a croissant at your face. Thank you. Okay, so they start talking about how Raffy's like, we're on a golf trip and there's no golf. Can you believe it? And they're like, we golfed. And he's like, that wasn't golf. That was with girls. What kind of golfing is with girls? Am I right? Like Raff's always on some like Kings of Comedy tour, you know, and I had comics or he's like What am I talking about here like, you know who wants booty in the morning normally guys

But in this case my wife wanted it and I wouldn't do it. Right? Come on I feel like one day I'm gonna find a Roth on Family Feud. He just seems like it's like everyone This is my family. There's my lovely wife, Teline, this is her mother, I don't know her name, and our two kids, and we're from Dubai, and we're here to do some Family Feud. But he's wrong on every answer. Every answer he's wrong.

And then he's like, fuck you, what do you mean I'm fucking wrong? Fuck you, man. And they leave there, and Teline's like doing a TikTok to all of her followers, like, listen here, I don't want anyone to ever watch a show called Family Feud. I'm serious. The way that the host Marissa treated me is absolutely unbelievable. Just because Roth walked onto the game show, sat on his

phone. I'm sorry, Roth has a business. So... When my daughter said that the answer to what's name one thing you have for breakfast. And when she said golf club, because she loves her father so much, he's going to answer with a golf answer. And they put a big X. Let me tell you something. Children are off limits. They're off limits. You don't X my daughter. Oh, so then, um, Stam Serge says, yeah, yeah, when you golf with ladies, it's not really golf, okay? It's like when you're married without a baby, is it really even marriage baby? She's like, oh God, shut up, Serge, I don't even know why you're getting into this. You weren't getting up at 830 for love or money.

I would get up for a baby. You would not. Well, I want a baby, please. Deline's like, you know why he's getting into it? Because he's sticking up for his friend. That's a good one right there. That's a good one. And that's something that you need to learn to do, Stamberry, OK? Like, look at this.

I'm miming like there's a wall. I'm miming. There's a wall. A good friend pretends there's a wall invisibly in between each other, because miming is for friends. And you're not doing that right now, Stanbury. I've already had my fair shit, all right? You know what? You need to learn when to stay in it

and when to stay out of it, all right? That wasn't your fight. And then, so we see Lisa and Talene getting into it over Brooks' start, over the stupid fight Brooks started, which, in case anybody forgot, was, how could you have a party in a beauty salon when I have a beauty salon and then you put your brand on the beauty salon pretending that you had a beauty salon that was competing with my beauty salon because you want to compete with me with your fake beauty salon.

What are people going to make reservations that your fake beauty salon did not come to my beauty salon? How dare you, bitch? You know, Brooks didn't stand next to get for you. So you want me to? Well, you know what? I shouldn't have inserted myself upstairs on the rooftop, but downstairs at dinner, I did nothing. Perfect. We don't like when people insert things. That's why I make sure Sergio gets stands five feet away from me at all times because I'm not going to have a baby with him. So then we go to Ayan and Lisa and Lisa's like, I don't want to fight with Talene. I feel like Talene fights people's battles,

you know, like yesterday's thing should have just been between me and Brooks, but she jumped in and she added kerosene oil. She added kerosene oil. It's very specific. She turned this entire fight into like a lovely old-fashioned lamp. And I'm not into that. Okay? None of this. I mean, was it good for lighting a cabin for a pioneer family back in the day?

Possibly. You know, some people would add gasoline to the fire. No, she just makes kerosene oil. And it's lovely. God, I love her. It's a very slow burning and gives you a nice stream, solid stream of light. If there were a blackout, the person you want nearby is Talene because she actually creates a nice ambient lighting scheme without electricity.

Why have I talked myself into lighting and liking Talene? By the way, why have we also never had a real housewife named Kerosene? It seems like that's like inevitable. Like my name's Kerosene. I moved to Dubai five years ago with my husband who left me, but I stayed and now I own an apple business. You own an apple store? No, an apple business. I sell apples. I have an apple store, but it sells actual apples. I sell apples. I have an apple store. I have an apple store, but it sells actual apples. Granny Smith's, Pink Ladies, you name them. Yeah. They're also phones though, coincidentally enough. They just don't last very long.

And socks. Don't forget apple socks. No. They're apple socks. So then Lisa is like, you know, no one has worked hard like me to have a business. And then we cut to Brooks Saba and Sarah talking and Brooks is like, I am so sick of this woman's favorite line being, I'm the only one with a business. Well, that's why I have a business too. How many crack toilets do you have? How many employees have you had fall into the sand and never be seen again because of a crack toilet. I have a business that you wouldn't know it based on the fact that Lisa Milan had her Mima-Momo party at some other spa.

And Saba's like, well, she can't handle anything. Anyone saying anything about her, sabotage. And Brooks is like, not only that, it didn't need to go that far. I mean, was I the one who did push it that far perhaps, but it didn't need to go that far. I know, Brooks, you gotta love Brooks riling everybody up and then being like, why is everybody fighting?

And so then Sarah's like, oh my God, and that bitch comment, that is not okay. I have the police on speed dial, okay? I almost called them. And Brooks was like, and on top of that, I am loving to say people are jealous. Yeah, yeah, you're right. Yeah, we're jealous. We're jealous, Ayan. So then it cuts back to Lisa and she's like, one thing though, Rich said, you know, he said, I always knew how much Ayan loved you, but that girl rides for you. She rides for you. like she stays on like a lamp filled with darling.

We get it. You're in the kerosene this season. Did someone mention me? Does someone need an apple? So I am like, I'm sorry. I want to continue this conversation, but I got a seat in my ear. The next version. I slept with Johnny Appleseed. I really gotta fix this in the next version. I slept with Johnny Appleseed, I'm not gonna lie. We want a faster phone, but we're trying to figure out how to shove two more cores into this thing. It's just freaking.

I swear to God I had the patent before Steve Jobs. I swear to God. So Lisa's like, I love you for riding for me. You always have my back. Dun, dun, dun. Dark storm clouds. Nothing could ever get in. Nothing could ever get in the way of our friendship. Not even some, I don't know, misunderstanding about the word.

Never, never. We're like, we're like a kerosene lamp on Hanukkah. It's a miracle. The light will go for eight days. Okay? So, um, they are going to have a beach party today and I was like, we're going to be the beaches with the bitches. Bitches with the beaches.

Bitches with bitches. Bitches with bitches. I'm just going to keep saying it. Okay, okay, okay. Don't need to put any kerosene oil on that. No kerosene leaves. Okay. So now they go to take golf carts to go to Seoul Beach and hole for the souls. Soul holes. Hole for souls. Okay, we got it. You rhymed. Okay. So they go to like guys and girls cabanas and they switch it up. And Celine's like, all right, ladies, we are literally gonna have so much fun today. Okay.

Yay. Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, we cheers. But Lisa, I think that you and I, maybe we should talk about what happened at the other party. Guys, I don't want to make this a serious thing, but I want to have a discussion about it." Says Danbury, of course, is like, well, I don't want to do it. I'm out. I'm going to be over at the next cabana ridiculing Sergio. So she just walks away. She walks up and walks away. Oh, she tells us, Tilly, I'm not sitting here for this. I don't care how it ends, you're an idiot.

Which is also what I say about Sergio when he's having sex. I don't care how it ends, you're still an idiot. So she goes to sit with the boys and Teline's like, okay, listen, I shouldn't have interjected into the issues that you guys were having. I was just trying to have her back and support her. But you know, I should have taken a step back and let you guys do you. But I didn't do that.

So I do apologize for that. But I do not appreciate you coming for me and telling me that I do not have a business. How dare you? Do you know I'm in so many parking lots and so many beaches right now. Do you know how many women across Dubai are running not at full speed because they've got a parachute attached to them? That's me. Did you not read the story of the woman who was exercising in a sandstorm and flew all the way into the Al-Burari hotel? That was because she was attached to my business. You want to talk about branding? I've got it down. You want to talk about fitness?

How about trying to outrun a Haboo while you've got a parachute attached to your back? That's what you call fitness. And I did that. That was uncalled for. And Lisa's like, okay, I shouldn't have called you out on your name, but Talene, I swear to God, you do things that irritate the shit out of me. One of those things is chiming in when it's not like, Lisa, it's not having this. And it's kind of cracking me up about Lisa that she's not coming in with any chill at any of these arguments.

No. She's just like, I hate all of you. And shut the fuck up. You know, she's just coming in like, you know what, you could shut the fuck up, you dumb bitch. And they're like, jeez. She's like- She's kind of cracking me up because I find her to normally just be so gorgeous, but also so dull and just in a bad mood. And I don't even care if she's in a bad mood if she's like this every time because this is like energetically in a bad mood, which I actually really enjoy. I'm enjoying this side of her.

I think we all kind of thought this was going to be the Lisa Milano we were going to get all season because she was kind of feisty at BravoCon and feisty on Twitter. And she's been very chill. I mean, admittedly, she's been busy taking your kids to soccer all week long. That's been her big storyline. So now she's just like, you know, she's not just not here for this. I mean, to be fair, I think that what what Talene said was reasonable. She's like, look, my bad. I shouldn't have interjected. I was trying to have my friends back. But that being said, I didn't call, appreciate you call me a bitch. And he says like, yeah, I don't care.

She was like, you know what? You always step in and I take it as an attack. And so Sarah's like, don't, don't yet don't tell her you don't, but don't tell her you don't have a business. She was, yeah, I have a fitness business called hashtag parachutes on weights. Okay. Raph loves it. And so I was like, it was so condescending the way that you told her she doesn't have a business. Don't you realize the only one who's allowed to be condescending is me and Caroline Stanbury. We didn't work this hard for these accents for nothing." And so they're like, yeah, it's kind of sending.

And these two goes, but we were arguing. And Talene's like, you know what, is this an apology or what? Like where are we going with this? This is like women golfing. You tell them, honey, that was for you, Roth. No, don't do that. Okay. Because you know what?

Like, okay, if you do that, like it's a won't be okay. Don't do that. Okay. Because you know what? Like, okay, if you, if you do that, like it's, it won't be okay. Don't tell me to apologize. Like you can be bitchy and not be expected to be called a bitch. Geez, this should be a drinking game, Ralph. Every time Lisa Milan calls me a bitch, everybody should take a shot. Okay. Take a shot. Take a shot.

Take a shot. Can we, can we officially put the drinking like every time somebody says something, we should take a shot, take a shot, take a shot. Can we, can we officially put the drinking, like every time somebody says something, we should take a shot. Like, what are you a recapper in 2004? Stop. Yeah, sorry, that was a TV guys. Wow. But seriously, no, like I've been sick of it since I think 2007, like enough.

Every time Ronnie says enough, take a shot guys. Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot. The super word is enough. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial. What's up guys, it's your girl Kiki and my podcast is back with a new season. And let me tell you, it's too good. And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

Every episode I bring on a friend. I mean the likes of Amy Poehler, Kel Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on. So follow, watch, and listen to Baby. This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. She struck him with her motor vehicle. She had been under the influence that she left him there. In January, 2022, local woman Karen Reed

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And his cause of death was blunt force trauma with hypothermia. Or a corrupt police cover-up. If you believe the defense theory, however, this was all a cover-up to prevent one of their own from going down. Everyone had an opinion. And after the 10 week trial, the jury could not come to a unanimous decision. To end in a mistrial, it's just a confirmation of just how complicated this case is.

Law and crime presents the most in-depth analysis to date of the sensational case in Karen. You can listen to Karen exclusively with Wondery+. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Apple podcasts or Spotify. Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, Ross. Okay. So Lisa's like coming into my business and talking about your spot. That was disrespectful. And Brooks is like, wait a minute, that did not occur. I did not speak about my spouse, your business. It's funny cause Lisa's basically turning the disrespectful thing around on Brooks

because I don't think Lisa cared that Brooks mentioned glass house, uh, at the Mina Rowe event. But now that me, but because Brooks is now acting like it was so offensive for Lisa not to throw her Mina Rowe event at the glass house. Now Lisa is like, it's disrespectful for you to mention your business at my event. Yes. Even though Lisa's event is she doesn't own a spa, so there's no conflict of interest there. Yeah, that is how that's just how we roll. You know, you're offended, I am more offended. Oh, really? You're offended, I'm more. You're offended. I have

children. You've hurt my children. You've offended my children. So Brooks is like, Oh, nobody walked into a mineral event talking about glass house. And Lisa's like, no one is taking any anyone down. Like no one's taking anyone down. And Ayaan is like doing that. That someone's event is wrong. And Lisa's like doing that. It's just wrong. And they're sort of cross talking and they're getting angry, et cetera. And then Ayaan is like doing that. someone's event is wrong. And Lisa's like, doing that, it's just wrong. And they're sort of cross talking and they're getting angry, et cetera. And then Ayaan is like, doing that, you're stealing someone's fucking moment. And so Sarah starts to get up

because she doesn't wanna be around cursing because I don't think that like loud cursing is like a thing to do in Dubai. Sarah's like, oh my God, the police, the police. I don't wanna end up in a cell next to my cleaning lady. All right. And so Lisa's like, listen, when I'm ready to apologize, I will, but I'm not doing it today. And that's it. That's the end. I don't want to talk about it anymore. The end produced by Mina Rowe. They're like, wait a

minute. You can't brand an argument. Featuring the Glass House. Featuring the Glass House experience. Sarah's like, okay, well, you know what? My son has a sudden fever, so I need to go. Okay. I need to go tell him about how when I went to the golf place, I almost died because of awful women. Oh, I hope he's not traumatized anymore. Oh God. Are you muted or are you just not reacting to my? You disappeared. I disappeared? You disappeared. You were gone. I was like alone.

That is so rude. That's so rude on the internet. I was like, I was like, did I go too far by making a joke about how Sarah is actively traumatizing her son and then being sad that her son is traumatized? It's so funny, my son, my son has a headache because I told him that people were banging on the

door trying to get him. It just turned out to be traffic outside, but I have to go. I told him that the video game Frogger was originally called Mactoum and it's about people trying to run over Mactoum in the street. And now he's like afraid to go by cars. He's just so traumatized. I don't know. On the bright side, he won't cross the street alone.

So that's good. On the bright side, I never thought he'd be interested in an old Atari game, but you know. So now everybody gets up and they're, you know, everybody's leaving for different reasons. And Talene's like, well, I apologize. And it's just her and Brooks left and Lisa walks away and she's like, yeah, fuck your apology bitch. So then she's like, I'm so sick of talking about this. And I don't need to explain this. I'm out. So she gets rich and Rich is like, where are we going now? I was having fun. She's like,

no, no more fun, Rich. It's over. Rich is like, free, free golf trip. We didn't really get to, we didn't get to have like proper golf. We just swung at the ball. We didn't play golf golf. Do we have to leave? She's like, yes, rich. Okay. I don't want to bore more kerosene on this situation. But aren't we going to play man golf? Shut the fuck up, Ruff. Shut up. So, survey says. We asked 100 women, what's the worst thing you can do?

And the number one answer, according to Ruff, was stopping a golf trip We asked 100 women, what's the worst thing you can do? And the number one answer, according to Roth was stopping a golf trip before the golf happens. So now all the girls who were left sit around and Brooks is like, this trip was supposed to be fun. Whatever happens to fun, I thought we'd have a fun trip. God.

And I was like, we did have fun. That was fun. But you know, look, I think it's okay that we're having shows back, but no more clicking bullshit. I mean, that's annoying. It's just annoying. I'm sick of it. And I was like, who's clicking?

And Talene's like, listen, Lisa could stab me and you would be like, this is kind of what she meant when she stabbed you. She didn't really mean it that badly. Like what are you acting so offended about? You know what I mean? That's not true. I would never let anyone be stabbed. I was like very literal about this example.

I'm against stabbing. I like when she makes a line in the sand. Nope, no stabbing. Not on my watch. And something goes, well, if Lisa did it, maybe. And she's, really? And Brooks is like, well, because you change when she's sitting next to you.

And then you come and you say all this ridiculous stuff like you're very different. And then we have like lots of flashbacks of Aion standing up for Lisa. There was one flashback. Maybe just one, but it felt like a lot. The point is the producers, I will say this, the producers are definitely not on Lisa Milan's side

in this episode. They definitely give her a very bad edit. And whenever that happens, I don't know if they do that because they want to create story or if Lisa has been bad to the producers. I think Lisa seems like a relatively nice person. So I think the producers are just being shady and they're like, aha, we have a chance to make a villain on this cast at last.

Let's do it. Well, I think they have to kind of explain this whole fight because this is a huge fallout that ends up kind of changing the course of the show if it keeps going on. You know, it's like a class, in a way, it's like the classic best friends fight, because this is a huge fallout that ends up kind of changing the course of the show if it keeps going on. In a way, it's like the classic best friends fight, but that's a big deal on Housewives show. So, they have to kind of give us context and remind us what Ayaan's even talking about. Because when Ayaan starts to explain herself, it's easy to just be like, you're just noticing this? Like, duh. But I think they're just trying to cement what she's talking about. They're

trying to make her case for her, which I get, you know? I mean, I don't think Lisa's really the biggest villain in the world. No. But she's also not doing herself any favors, you know? It's also surprising that the producers didn't kind of line up a villain edit for her throughout the whole season. I feel like she's just sort of had a generally nice edit, you know, busy with work, busy with kids going to soccer,

not enough time, needs Rich to help out, wants her mom to move here. And she's sort of had a very generic season, actually. So the fact that she's getting kind of a villain edit for this last episode is weird. I don't know why they didn't set that up more. Well, I think it's just because she and Chanel decided to go against each other. So I don't even know that it's a villain edit because I think they're just showing what she's doing. I mean, I don't think they're showing anything truly bad, but I think also they're kind of

fucked up because Brooks decided to like clean it up in the second half of the season because for the first half of the season, Brooks was like off the rail on drugs or drunk or whatever she was doing over there. So she was like Cruella DeVille for the first half, just being completely insane. And then she totally cleaned it up and she's been like chill and fun and like perfect. Like she's been like the perfect blend of like bitchy and catty, but also super fun and light, you know, positive, so I don't, she kind of changed it up last second and I think that left everybody else scrambling.

That's a great point. I think that's a great point. Like we need consistency in our alcoholism here people. Yeah. Okay, come on. Bravo was like, we needed to have Brooks be the villain, but then when she's topping the villain, they're like, okay, we gotta pivot.

So Brooks tells us, I know Lisa's puppet, and Lisa just jams her hand up in there and starts going like this. It's just like a hand puppet. Like you see my hand is a puppet. It's like a puppet show, you know? And Ion's like, yeah, Lisa, you're the best Lisa. Everybody glad for Lisa. Everybody glad for Lisa. You know what I'm saying. Yeah. So what they start talking about their summer plans now, right? So because they're all back, wait, oh no, no. Yeah. Is that what happened? No. Well, Ion is telling us like, is it maybe because when they argue with Lisa, like I take Lisa's side or I jump, I jumped that them and I jumped that, or I involve myself with things that are not my business. I can see why they feel that way.

There's a saying in Swahili, in English it's, a monkey doesn't see its own asshole. Cause you know, the monkey is in the jungle and the other monkeys are like, Hey, your ass is pink. And then the other monkey is like, huh, my ass is pink. And then the monkey goes to the mirror and the mirror is like, and the monkey's like, look, there's another monkey in the mirror. And that monkey has a pink ass, but that's not me, even though it's acting totally like me.

Do you know what I'm saying? The first time you tell me my ass is pink, shame on you. The second time you tell me in a mirror, I say shame your pink asshole. You understand? Like, not really. But that does remind me of a time I lost weight when I was like 13, I was in musical theater and the director, Bill, was like, oh my God, you lost so much weight. I go, thanks. And he said, look behind you, I found it. Whoa.

What a bitch, right? What a bitch. Thanks for the memories. That has nothing to do with anything, but I was really traumatized. Way to go, Bill. You hurt my children. You hurt my children, Bill.

Well, Bill is upset because she's probably named after a shape she doesn't wanna be. No, it's Bill. His name is Bill. Oh, Bill. It was a guy, it was a guy. But he was kind of shaped like a bell, now that you say it. And Belle, I hope that you were alive to hear that, bitch. Bill.

Bill's probably sitting at home somewhere like, geez, here I am trying to support this kid 30 years later. He's calling me a bell shaped bitch. Bill's like, he literally dropped his backpack on the floor and I was trying to give it to him. So, well, maybe it's because you walked into the musical theater rehearsal carrying a red wagon full of chicken fat like you were Oprah.

Sorry, but that was a really important episode. Your red wagon full of chicken fat. I just remember you remember when Oprah did that. Oh, yeah. That's right. Yeah. Like the first time she ever got skinny, she came on the show dragging behind her a red wagon full of chicken fat. And she's like,

this is what 50 pounds looks like. She talked just like Belle. She's like, welcome to Oprah. Let's be honest, it was Oprah. You're just trying to cover her identity because you don't want to get in trouble, but it was Oprah. Oprah shamed you. And then Gail pointed her finger at you. Okay. So then we go back to Dubai and everybody's back with their kids and stuff. So Brooks is rollerblading with her son and Sarah's with Makhtoum and she's like, Makhtoum, come out from under the bed. He's like, no, I'll get run over by kidnappers. No, it's totally safe here. Although there's a man downstairs where the chains are. But other than that, it's totally safe here, although there's a man downstairs where the chains are. But other than that, it's totally safe. And then listen, Maktoum, how's anybody up here supposed to try on your skin

if you're not here to take it off? Come on. That's from under the bed. Don't you want to learn your don't you want to learn? So the dark week here, watch your crap, it's okay. We were recapping Chimp Crazy earlier, so sorry if this gets a little dark. Okay, we've been completely anesthetized. And anath-netics. We're numb. We're numb. I feel nothing. So Lisa and Rich, so they're going to buy, they want to buy a farm in Katzwold in England

and Stanbury's parents have actually a home there and they want to sell their little farmhouse. But Lisa is like, it's an absolutely beautiful home, but we're looking for 50 to 100 acres that we could just not be around for most of the year. Anyway, we don't want to put too much kerosene on this situation, but we're probably not going to get their house. Yeah, sorry. We just need like five. I like that. She said, we need between, didn't she say we need between 100 and 200 acres? We need to buy England.

Could you be a little more specific? There's a pretty big difference. Yeah. Also, why do you need that much land? Okay, like I get, it's just- It's just housewives. It's just housewives. It's just so ridiculous. Like, oh, you should buy my parents home.

It's gorgeous. Oh, I'm sorry, but we need a hundred acres. I know it's like you need a hundred acres for your like part-time farm. I don't know. Maybe they'll rent it out. You don't even want to take your kids to soccer now. How are you going to drive through a hundred acres to get them there? Trust me. It's you're just giving yourself more work. You think rich is already having trouble getting home on time. Add another hundred acres to that.

Yeah. Congrats. Uh, with all the ticks that you're going to have in those a hundred acres to that. Yeah, congrats with all the ticks that you're gonna have in those 100 acres of grass. That's all I think about is ticks. That's just a Northeastern thing that happens. Yeah. Okay, so then I on a Stamberry plan a party at lunch. And it's crazy because they're friends now, so they're gonna have a party. And I like that this whole season is like, oh my God, I can't believe we like each other. I know. Crazy, isn't it? I don't like you now. Please like me again. Okay, I like you now. This is crazy that we like each other. It's insane. And they're basically planning a summer vacation. They're talking about

summer vacation, which I think is so fun. Like the wealthy in the Middle East really, like this is a thing that happens. In fact, we see like a real influx in LA. The Grove becomes packed and it turns out it's because people who live in really hot countries come to places that are more temperate in the summer because it's just too hot. It's like, wow, now I'm seeing it in the process of it. But I'm like, wow, these people, there's one of the few times I watched a Real Housewives show and I really was like, wow, these people are really living the life because they're like, all comparing where they're going to go for the summer. And I was like, this is, this is amazing. I want this so badly. Yeah, but they're like literally escaping death. Okay. Dubai, like they're talking about Dubai,

they're like, oh, the tires melt in the summer. Which reminds me, could someone put Sergio in a tire and leave him there for the summer? Thank you. I just like to lock Sergio out every once in a while and just watch him get as old as me rapidly. Please, honey. I'm shivering.

Honey, please. Please, please. Someone dry out all his sperm. Let him be here in Dubai, dry out his testicles, then we don't have to worry about this infernal baby situation. Okay. And scene.

Sorry, last time I hope. Ha ha ha ha. Commercials, here comes one right now. I'm Dan Tbersky. In 2011, something strange began to happen at the high school in Leroy, New York. I was like at my locker and she came up to me and she was like stuttering super bad. I'm like stop f***ing around. She's like, I can't.

A mystery illness, bizarre symptoms, and spreading fast. It's like doubling and tripling and it's all these girls. With a diagnosis the state tried to keep on the down low. Everybody thought I was holding something back. Well you were holding something back intentionally. Yeah, yeah, well, yeah. I thought I was holding something back. Well, you were holding something back intentionally. Yeah, yeah, well, yeah.

No, it's hysteria. It's all in your head. It's not physical. You're, oh my gosh, you're exaggerating. Is this the largest mass hysteria since The Witches of Salem, or is it something else entirely? Something's wrong here.

Something's not right. Leroy was the new dateline and everyone was trying to solve the murder. A new limited series from Wondery and Pineapple Street Studios, Hysterical. Follow Hysterical on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Hysterical early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. So Lisa's like, it gets to be about 120 degrees on a good day here. And they're like, yeah, you got to leave or you're dead, you know?

So they're going to have a Dubai, goodbye Dubai summer party, which is sad. You know, the show, I don't want the show to get canceled. And then their final party was called goodbye Dubai. That's so sad. True. But they really did set themselves up for this being a series finale, to be honest. Goodbye Dubai. It's just in the name, you know? It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. So let's see.

So then Ayan and Stambury do a video together to invite people. And Stambury is like, they all list where they're going on vacation, right? And it's very exciting to people who care about that sort of thing. Like you're saying you really like rich people because they can talk about their vacations and it sounds amazing. It sounds exhausting. Like we got to take a big long vacation this summer. It was a working vacation, but still, I haven't done that ever in my life where I've just gone to tour and travel. That was hard. That was very rough. I don't know that I would do it. It was glamorous. It was gorgeous.

It was great. No complaints. I don't know that I would do it again. I'm a very tired person. To me, it just sounds like everybody's gone great. The streets are empty. I can stay home and eat ice cream and not be bothered. Yeah. But you know, these people are not going places to be a tourist. They're just going because they have homes or they're going to be there for like two months and they're just going to rest and relax and go down to the beach and go down to the market and go down to the cafe. And they're just going to have a great time.

Except for Teline, who unfortunately spent some of her summer going to Texas, where she got the worst service you could ever imagine at the Hillstone. They would not even seat Raft. Can you believe they wouldn't seat Raft? Do not go to the Hillstone at Kirby. Especially if there's someone named Marissa there, you fucking bitch.

Uh, so they do this little video, and they're like, hi, we are queens. You are coming to our queen party. And Aion's like, wow, isn't it crazy? We've come so far and we're friends. And she actually believed Stanbury's apology. I felt it. I felt it.

So she's sad that Lisa's feeling so insecure because she finds Caroline funny as fuck. And frankly, I can see where Lisa's coming from and why it would hurt her feelings and why she would feel insecure about it. Like if someone like Stanbury, who basically I feel like Lisa started it with Stanbury, she was a hater first and Stanbury came back with her,

well, you're a whore and your business is all shit from Tmoo or whatever. It was low, how low Stanbury went. And I can understand Lisa being like, you're not only friends with someone I don't like, you're friends with my mortal enemy. So I can get that, but I also find Ayaan and Stambury to both be more enjoyable people than Lisa, so I'm paying them automatically.

Yeah. So they record their invitation and, except they don't record it, it never records, but they're doing a whole thing of like, the queens have invited you to goodbye Dubai party. So then we go over to Sarah and Maktoum and Sarah's helping Maktoum with the homework. And she's telling us, you know, to be honest, Macky's a little bit traumatized. We went through such a dangerous situation with the nanny. And you know, unbelievably, he was so terrified after I told him every single little detail about it, you know, it's just, it's horrifying. And I can't even leave because he gets scared something's going

to happen to us, especially when I say, oh, if I leave, something might happen to you, Mackie. So this might be it. So goodbye for now. And then he's- Thankfully, he's got another father figure that I promised him. Whoops. And the cherry on the pie, because I put cherries on top of my pie, is the issue with Akeen. Okay. I promised him was going to be his father, who I said, come, hey, I said, Mackie, do you want to meet a really hot guy who I met basically on Instagram, but not really, who, you know, I want to dangle the carrot that he will be your father for the rest of your life and probably won't work out? Do you want to meet him? And he said, yes. Now I have to deal with that. Yeah, I it sad. It is sad and we're making dark jokes,

but it is kind of sad. Making jokes. Because that whole thing, yeah, because that whole thing when it happened was like, no, don't send him on like a get to know me thing with Akeem, some guy you just met on Instagram and make him think he's about to have a dad that he loves. What was he called?

Like Karma Love or whatever? Don't. It was so cute. Loved him. Listen, and we just want to like to reiterate, children are off limits, but also, you know, of course, what happened, this whole Nanny situation is horrific. It's terrifying. Oh my goodness.

It gives me, it's nightmare, but it's like, why are, why are you letting Mackey into so much of this? Like let the poor kid like have his like be blissfully unaware about this, you know? So anyway, and now you got this Keen situation. So Sarah decides to FaceTime this guy to say hi. So he comes up on screen. He's hot, obviously, but you know, an asshole.

And she's like, so you know, I've been- You know that they both work a lot on their looks, especially her. Like she's had a lot of surgeries and stuff as we've seen. Anybody who has the internet can go look them up. I mean, she's got great surgery, by the way. She's very beautiful. And was beautiful before, by the way. I'm just commenting on it because you know that it's been worth it all when you talk on FaceTime with your phone held in your lap, I've never seen, like who's that bold, like to just be like, hi, Instagram thought, and like looking down like this. That's like the most horrifying image of all time, you know?

Like I don't even want oral sex because I know that people are seeing that. Well, it's a terrifying view. Nobody needs it. But she's like, guess what? I have the face for it. They have low angle privilege. You're going to look at me like this. Yeah. Nobody needs it. But she's like, guess what? I have the face for it. So you're gonna look at me like this. Low angle privilege, yeah, thank you. I think that's what you were looking for.

They can pay her. It was a long search. They're both so hot, they can be filmed at any angle. So she's like, so I've been going a lot through with my kid and I feel like I just wanna take the time to just focus on my child for now and just make sure he's okay because you know he's the most important thing and he's not in a good place and I just really want to have my energy for the kid and he's

like okay I'm listening yeah so I guess I'm trying to tell you like I just I think I need to disconnect and focus on my child and we've been having issues and we've been trying to solve our issues for a while. Music of the night. I'm sorry. No you're not here. having issues and we've been trying to solve our issues for a while. The music of the night. I'm sorry. You're not here.

I'm sorry, but you know, half of my face is covered because... Yeah, she has her hair down like this. She was like the Phantom of the Opera. She's like, listen, I know you don't like musicals, Akeen, but this is Phantom of the Opera and I'm just trying to scare myself a little bit more. Do you want to go to bed? The music of the night. Mactoom is onto the bed again. Okay, we can finally finish this conversation like two adults.

Mactoum, when you come out here, just look out for the chandelier. It might fall on your head at any moment because it's a phantom who lives underground. He's so terrified. So, yeah, I just want to tell you, you know, it's been great to know you, but I just need to spend more time with my son. Nighttime shopping. It's like The Ring meets Phantom of the Opera, you know? Oh my God. The Ring would have been a hundred times more terrifying if it was Sarah that crawled out of the toilet. Oh my goodness. Babe, I just want to fix your trauma, babe. Babe, I just want to heal you. just want to fix your trauma, babe. Babe, I just want to heal you. She just comes to your TV, babe.

When you see the ring, you die. You die. Meaning, screaming to this pillow, your, your unhealed cards die, but you're, but you're healed. When you see the ring, you heal in seven days. Babe, babe. So he hangs up on her, which is so rude. Whatever. She's calling like, she's not calling to fix anything. She's like, why isn't he apologizing to me? He should have flown here and apologize to me.

The man is a trainer. How much money do you think he has to be flying back and forth from Dubai? And second of all, you're calling him to publicly humiliate him and dump him on camera. Of course he's going to be like, fuck you lady. Like you're not, I would hang up on you too. Yeah. I mean there was part of me that feels like there's more to the story. Listen, I like to believe women in these situations, but there is definitely a part of me that's like,

I want to know the full story here. Um, because this whole relationship never made sense to me. It was so weird. It was so fishy. You know, she was in Germany. She saw a hot guy and then she's like enlisting him to be like the father. And like, she's like, he's a very good friend. He doesn't live with me, but I want him to move here and then also provide for me and my family completely, even though he's just a trainer and he has to provide at the lifestyle to which I'm accustomed to. Like nothing made sense. And honestly, she was not in a relationship with this guy. She was flirting

with some dude on Instagram. She offered the chance to be on TV. He took it. And now she's trying to embarrass him and make it look like he's... I mean, she's not really making him look like anything except non-committal really. She's not doing that much to him. But I think he's like, fuck off. Now you're going to try and embarrass me? Hell no. I barely know you lady. No, Click. This is giving very much Kenya more air care. It's like a nice big fake-o relationship for the Kenyans that ends right on time. Yeah. And I would like Sarah, if this is a real relationship, I would like Sarah to work on recognizing red flags, given that she's had a history of being in bad relationships with bad men, there were red flags right from the jump. Like not just red flags,

but badgers, porpoise, walls. How are you gonna call out a red flag when you're a flag at NASCAR? You know what I mean? Not NASCAR, NASCAR, yeah. Just a lot of like Confederate flags. You're in front of the UN. Trying to think of a red flag.

Red flags everywhere. But that being said. She is a red flag. She may be the red flag, but like lady, I want you to work on seeing your red flags. Okay? Like, we don't blame victims, but we do want everyone, everyone in the world to see red flags and walk in the other direction. When there's a red flag, don't go swimming in the ocean. And, and Akeen had a lot of red flags if this was a real relationship, but we know it was fake. So maybe we don't have to worry about it, but either way, not a good situation.

Yeah, fake. I just say fake. Hey everyone. This is the end of part one of this recap for part two. Keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half.

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Welcome to the Offensive Line. You guys, on this podcast, we're going to make some picks, talk some s***, and hopefully make you some money in the process. I'm your host, Annie Agar. So here's how this show's gonna work, okay? We're gonna run through the weekly slate of NFL and college football matchups, breaking them down into very serious categories like No Offense. No offense Travis Kelce, but you gotta step up your game if Pat Mahomes is saying the Chiefs need to have more fun this year.

We're also handing out a series of awards and making picks for the top storylines surrounding the world of football. Awards like the He May Have a Point Award for the wide receiver that's most justifiably bitter. Is it Brandon Iuke, T. Higgins, or Devontae Adams? Plus, on Thursdays we're doing an exclusive bonus episode on Wondery Plus, where I share my fantasy football picks ahead of Thursday Night Football and the weekend's matchups. Your fantasy league is as good as locked in. Follow the offensive line on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can access bonus episodes and listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus.