Watch What Crappens - #2556 RHOC S18E10 Part One: Fashion Victims

Episode Date: September 13, 2024

This is part one of a two part recap! The Real Housewives of Orange County cast trip to Sonoma continues to stir up drama: Katie vs. Gina, Shannon vs. Alexis, Emily vs. a blazer. Watch this recap as a video and get our Secret Lives of Mormon Wives bonus at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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bright creatures by Shelby van Pelt. Find what piques your imagination. Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial and your first audiobook is free. Visit audible.ca to sign up. What happens? Oh, I need my future. What happens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Hello and welcome to Watch for Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the hilarious and wonderful Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you? Whoa, hello, How are you? Well, hello. How are you? I'm great. It's Friday. So I'm really excited that we can launch into our weekend.

We are recapping Orange County today. It was such a wild and hilarious episode. I can't wait to dive into it. You know, and speaking of Orange County, anyone who watched our has been follows our social media, which you all should do knows that we did something we never thought we would ever do, which is that we recorded with two teas on a pod this week and it's actually a crossover episode. Like the first half is going to be on their feed and the second half is on our

feed. Um, and it was, honestly, it was actually a lot of fun. Um, but you know, we warned them, we're still going to talk shit. We are still going to talk shit about you guys. And they were like, please do. So, uh, that's a, that was a really, that was definitely a fun, always a wild experience. I think I never thought that we would ever come. It was super weird. Uh, it was, it was a trip a trip to do it. It was something I would normally never do. I just happened to be on the Instagram that day when the message came in from, Hey, I'm Teddy.

Yes, Teddy. And I was curious. I was like, what is this? Okay, sure, why not? And then for the two weeks leading up to it, I literally was hand-wringing. I was like, we shouldn't be doing this. It just felt wrong and I don't know why it felt wrong. And then we were like, no, we're a podcast. It's not that big of a deal. Let's just go do it and see what it's like. So we did. And it was fine. I feel like we were pretty true to ourselves while still not being complete dicks to their ... Like we're not going to go into someone's house and shit on their face, but we kind of did in a way as well.

Rodney got into a fight with Sandy. We told them they were assholes. I got into a fight with Sandy about Kyle, of course. And then of course, Tamara is like a prey animal. What was I calling her? Apex predator. Apex predator after. Because I'm like, she is really good at just being... Like they're so housewised out that they will never admit fault. It's like being in a reunion. You never admit fault and you just keep repeating your side over and over until... I was literally tired by the end. I was like too tired to argue anymore. I was like, fine, just whatever. Because I was like, I believe you. I believe you about like a lot of the Alexis and stuff that we talked about, Alexis and Johnny J stuff that

we talked about. So, it's definitely an interesting time. Then when we, first of all, these two announced it, which we didn't know they were going to announce it a week before, which sucked for us because you guys didn't get to even hear... I wanted it just to be like, look what we did, and then you guys could hear it and judge. But they announced it a week in advance, which means now we have to deal with you guys emailing us for a week about what assholes we are for doing this thing in the first place. Yeah. So, and you know, I don't take that very well. I'm like, well, you said that some people call it and I'm like,

have you just started listening to the podcast? Hello. I've been a seller for 10 years. I'm always a sellout. It was fun. Honestly, I had a cell. We're not sellouts. We didn't make any money for it. And I mean, I know that people will be like, well, that's for ratings or whatever. Okay, but it wasn't for that either. It was literally because I was like, why is Teddy calling me? You know what I mean? It's like the phone rings and you just can ignore it all you want, but then some days you're like, I wonder what the spammer wants, and you just pick it up and you fuck with them for a while. It was kind of like that. But listen, I'm glad I did it. People can be mad or not. What I would say is listen to it. And then if you're mad, then you can be mad. But don't be mad

before you even listen to it. It's not selling out just talking to people. That's silly. We're a podcast. I mean, we got a chance to talk to fucking Tamara Barney and ask her why she's a monster. Come on, who wouldn't do that? Honestly, it was, I personally thought it was really fun. Um, you know, Teddy reached out and she was like, guys, she goes, hi, she literally goes, hi, it's Teddy. Um, uh, hi, I'm Teddy. And then she was like, I think it's time for a crossover thing. And it's like, why not? Why the hell not? It was a lot of fun. I will have spent a lot of time laughing and I really thoroughly enjoyed it. It's not going to change how I, you know, my attitudes on anything. I'm still going to do what I'm going to do. And we told them that and they were like, please do, you know, cause they get it, you know,

they're shit talkers. We're shit talkers. They don't listen to this shit. First of all, they don't listen to this shit. I think Teddy does to us. Maybe she's heard it, but I don't think they like sit around listening to us. So it's fine. I thought Teddy was actually really funny. They've heard stuff. Yeah. Their listeners tell them stuff that we've said, and they asked if we regret anything that we said.

And I was like, fuck no, we don't fucking regret anything we've said. I'll say it again. I'll say it right now. Do you have a list? Put up a list of my top 10 meanest things I've ever said about you so I can justify them right now. So anyway, so I do. I think the plan is that the episodes are going to go up like simultaneously, fingers crossed, you know, um, Tuesday night, I believe. So you can listen. I think it's, I think no matter what you think about, uh, if you're fans of them, if you're not fans of them, if you like that, we did the show. If you don't like, I think, I think you'll actually enjoy the episode. And if you don't,

then guess what, Yeah, it's an interesting one. For sure. I also wanted to announce, so last weekend, I was out with my friend, I was on date night with my friend, Rebecca, and we went to this art show, which, you know, I love Rebecca because she's an artist. And so she takes me to do fun stuff like that that I would never do. And I see different sides of LA that I would never see. Like an art show in like downtown-ish LA is hilarious to me. Like that's a whole group of people. It's like a guy wearing old Navy shorts on his head as a turban. You know what I mean? Like I just... Where else do you get that? I mean, me and my house alone... You don't have to call me out like that, okay?

So it was so cool. So I walk into this gallery, it's at the Sade Gallery, S-A-D, or Sade, I'm not sure. Sade. Sade. I don't know, Sade. But I walk in and I'm like, this is amazing. The first thing I see is, F***, you're in! Kalar, what was her name? Kalar. From Love Island? Kalar. Oh, it is Kalar. Okay, so I was close. Kailer from Love Island, it's a big charcoal piece of artwork with her flipping off the camera, but her face is all distorted and

sobbing. I was like, what is this? And so, I was reading the description and it was this, it said something like, obsessed with the insanity of women on reality TV, this is a show dedicated to them. These are all women and one man. I was like, oh my God, who's the man? Of course, it's Tom Sandoval crying during Scandival. So basically, she takes the most dramatic moment of these people's lives on TV and then she distorts them and then she paints them or she does these beautiful charcoal, like fine art charcoal renderings of this. It's so good. She's so talented. Her name is Casey Kaufman. Her Instagram is UncannySFValley. I love that. UncannySFValley.

I'm obsessed with the Uncanny Valley. Yes, it made me think of you. I was that. Uncanny SF Valley. You know, I'm obsessed with the Uncanny Valley. Yes, it made me think of you. I was sending you pictures from there that night because it's totally up your alley. She's so talented. Uncanny Alley. Everybody go check her out. She's on this weekend.

I just had it open and of course now I don't because I'm a fucking loser. But it's at the Sade Gallery, S-A-D-E Gallery and she's showing this weekend here in LA. So if you're around, go see her, throw her some love and this art is really up a Bravo fan's alley. I just followed her back. Yeah. Yeah, wow. Super talented.

She really does have these charcoals down. Also, can we give a happy birthday to Katie Kzorla, the lead singer of our house band. Okay. At the Crappies, the Crappers. Yes. Happy birthday, Katie. Well, that's our show for today, everyone.

We'd love for her to obviously go check out her club, the Kukaburra Lounge at the Ovation Center in Hollywood. Great stuff over there. Okay. Let's get to the show. Let's do it. The Real Housewives of Orange County. And of course, speaking of that thing

we did with Tamra and Teddy, I came to this like, well, you know, because Tamra does kind of, I was like, well, maybe she didn't, maybe all that she said on there did kind of make sense. No, you're full of shit. Okay, you are so full of shit. I don't believe one thing you said, you little troublemaker. Then I watched this and I was like, no, I should know better to walk away from that believing literally anything said on there. Pete Slauson Yeah, I mean, I'm going to be… David Larkin I'm going to feel bad for Alexis. Get the fuck out of here. I'm never going to feel bad for fucking Alexis. And then Alexis and Johnny J were on, well, it was Alexis

and Katie were on Watch What Happens Live last night. Oh, God, talk about a lack of charisma. I mean, not, and listen, I'm liking Katie okay, Andy couldn't talk because he lost his voice. So he's like, hey, what about your boobs? And then they're them, you know? So it's like talking to lunch meat, you know? It's like a guy who can't talk trying to have a conversation with lunch meat. And then Johnny J is sitting in the front row. Johnny J, who hates the fame guys, his life was ruined because of fame then Johnny J is sitting in the front row. Johnny J, who hates the fame guys, his life was ruined because of fame. Johnny J is sitting in the front seat in a douchiest motorcycle jacket with a scarf and then a big crucifix hanging over his outfit,

just to make sure that we all know that he's a big Jesus lover, as he comes on TV to extort and slander somebody with his bimbo girlfriend. Give me a fucking break. You trash both of you. Wow. Shame on you. Wow. Well, I'm sorry that I missed that. I can't believe he was wearing a motorcycle jacket with a scarf. I can't even imagine that. I think I actually would prefer the old Navy jeans as a turban look. So this episode is a catwalks and cat fights. And where we left off was Shannon showing Heather this photo of her from the night of her DUI where her face is bloodied. And basically,

the story is that Shannon sent this to Johnny J right after the accident. And he basically ignored it and pretended to be like, what's happening? You know, and Heather's like, wow, I am really sorry. I know this is hard. And I know it's hard to have Alexis here. Do you mind shutting off that photo of your bloodied face? It's a little hard for me right now. Can we just have dinner sort of ruining my vibe for this weekend? I have to say, it's hard for me right now. Can we just have dinner? Sort of ruining my vibe for this weekend. I have to say, it's hard looking at your face in general just because you're Shannon Bedor and I'm Heather Dubrow, but having to look at it bloody is, please don't try to make me feel things. It's very difficult for me.

It's one thing for me to have to look at a poor face. It's another to have to look at a poor and bloody face. It's just too much. You can have one or the other, but not both. And she's like, yeah, I know it's hard to have Alexis here. Can we just have a dinner? Can we have a dinner? She's like, I don't know if I can. I just, I have to, I have to, I have to deep off my face. Oh my God, Shannon breaks down literally 30 times every episode. How is she still held together? She just looks like a creaky bed in a hotel room that should have fallen apart years ago.

How many times does this need to beat into the wall before somebody replaces it? You know what I mean? Well, Shannon, don't worry, okay? Because I have got Glam and they are obligated contractually to do makeup for the needy once per month. And guess what? You're this month's needy. So why don't you get your outfit on

and come back and put your face on and we'll go to dinner and pretend like you didn't try to ruin this weekend with your bloody face. I've got a couple of Alfredos back there, slather you in some stem cells and recharge your lithium iron battery so you'd look like an actual human for the night. Don't worry!" Heather tells us, I am very concerned about Shannon. So concerned I had to make a little singular claw hand, you know, index finger on thumb motion. I'm very concerned about

Shannon. So I have never seen her like this before, except for the last time she was like this was about a week ago and the week before that. And actually pretty much ever since I've known her, she's acted like this, but this is really bad. Boy, Shannon, I felt so bad. I had to make my feeling for you face. You want to see it? It's this.

Yes, that is her face. Like that is the most terrifying. That's her empathy face is terrifying. Her big black eyes are like kind of squinted, but big, like big squinted. And then she just purses her lips into a frown and just goes, Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Did you ever, were you ever a kid that tried to move things with your eyes?

Because you saw it on TV, like telekinesis. It looks like trying to move something with your eyes like, Listen. Mm hmm. The pencil moved. The pencil moved. The pencil moved. telekinesis. It looks like trying to move something with your eyes like, listen, the pencil moved, the pencil moved, the pencil moved. You know, people who, who smile, what their version of smiling is frowning. I never trust them. You know, I'm talking about when they, when they smile like this. That's called the frown smile. And it's, you, you never should trust it. And that's always how I could tell people on the bachelor, uh,

when they were bad. And guess what? That never failed me. Frown smiles are never good people. Yeah. I was, they're like, I was trying to give an audio cue for people who were just merely listening and not watching. I was like, this is what, this is what a frown smile sounds like. So anyway, uh, Jen goes into Katie's room and she's like, aren't you freezing? Thank you so much. Katie's like, yes, I am, but I am just sort of generally cold as it is. So it works for me. She's like, okay, great. And then Emily and Gina are getting ready and

Emily's like, hey, that thing in your, that thing that you're holding up, how do you spell that? C-A-S-C-O-F-E? Yeah, C-A-W-f-e-e right? Yeah that's exactly how I know but then you add a suffix which is I feel bad. You spell coffee C-o-a-w-a-y-e-e-y-e-f-e-e-i-e. F-E-E-I-E. Quack! Mm! Mm!

And now Shannon arrives for her charity glam in all senses of the word and... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Okay, well, let's just... Yeah, she comes in, Heather goes, Oh, you look pretty. Mm, mm, emergency, help her, stem cells, stem cells. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. She calls in like the robots from WALL-E to fix her. Mm, emergency helpers, stem cells, stem cells.

She calls in like the robots from WALL-E to fix her. Hehehehehehe. So Shannon's like, Well, it's just a wine country fix up for people who cry their flipping makeup off because they're being terrorized by Alexis Bellino. So then we cut to Alexis. She's on the phone with Johnny J. And Alexis is like, yeah, Heather took me to meet some of the people putting on the charity event that's happening tomorrow.

So we did that. We like tasted some champagne, which she branded. It's like so good because it's like our champagne. It's like accepting champagne. It's like champagne that identifies as bubbly, but also accepting. You know, identify this as an alcohol hug. It was like accepting champagne. It's like champagne that identifies as bubbly, but also accepting. You know, identify this as an alcohol hug. It was like so good. I'm like so proud to be a mom. But I have like so many videos of this champagne on your Ring Cam, and it would ruin this champagne's brand.

It would ruin it if these got out. So then we go back to Jen, so these are the three scenes we're gonna intercut between. So then we go back to Jen and Katie. So these are the three scenes we're gonna intercut between. So then we go back to Jen and Katie and Jen's like, oh my God, why do you look so sad? She's like, Gina mentioned the videos. And she's, oh my God, oh no, oh no.

Shannon, Shannon, Shannon, okay? Shannon, okay? How's Shannon doing? Poor Shannon, God bless Shannon. I feel for Shannon. How is she? Is she okay? God, Shannon.

And Katie goes, yeah, Shannon got really upset. She's like really broken. And then we do like a smash cut to Shannon, like close up and make up being like, like in pure, you know, tatters. Yeah. And, um, she's just like, I just, I don't know it's been such a day. And the hairstylist is like, well, guess what? I never liked Jon Jansen in the first place. Sorry, sorry, not sorry. And then, you know what, hairstylist, I'm sorry, you don't get to just come out

now, like never liked him. I hate when people do that. Like have some fucking balls when it's going on. You don't get to just be so brave once it's already done. You basically saw this woman running into traffic for years and you never said anything and now you're going to say something once she's been hit by a truck. Like, Oh, I knew you shouldn't have been running on the freeway. Yeah. I should have said something, but I didn't. I just kept on teasing fucking hair. Well, aren't you a saint? Yeah. People always think that they're like propping someone up when they say that. But what they're really saying is I always thought you made the worst decision, but I never said it until now. That's what, that's what your taste is.

Always. And you know, Shannon's glad that now you're, you're facing the consequences of things. You know, Shannon's inner monologue was, bro, all these years doing my hair, you could have said something, but you didn't. You just let me look like a fool. And I guess you just don't have any respect for me. And I guess you probably think that I've raised three terrible daughters and you probably have no appreciation for what I've gone through in my life. So you can just

keep it quiet, missy." And then on the outside, thank you so much. Thank you. I mean, look, here's how I know I'm a good friend. Because if I was the makeup person or the hair person and I said, you know what? I never really liked John. She would have said, I know Ronnie, I know. Yeah. We all know Ronnie. Cause my ass would have told you, I would have stood up at your wedding and told everybody. Also, like here's why you're a dumb makeup person. They're not married, but you know what? Here's why you're a dumb makeup person. Like the first rule of these situations is that people inevitably make up. I mean, it's in your profession's name. How do you not realize how many people like this is, I think the trap that people fall

into in their twenties or something, which is someone breaks up and say, well, I never liked that person anyway. They were always bad. And then they get back together and then you're the asshole because you said how you truly feel. No, no makeup person. You got to keep it on the inside. And you just gossip about it with your friends behind their back instead.

Pete Slauson Yeah, either say something the whole time or say something none of the time. You know what I mean? You don't get my told you so. You're fucking being paid. Okay, so then Alexis hangs up with Johnny J and Emily comes to visit. And she was like, sorry, I was on the phone with Johnny J. If you were going to make me wait, you could have at least handed me a taco. New hip. So then, so now Shannon, everyone, again, we're continuing to cut around, everyone's

sort of heading off to dinner and then Emily and Alexis Alexis continue their conversations. Emily's like, okay. I love that we make this the most complex, difficult thing with Ten Scenes going on, when we could have just been like, okay, this is what Katie talked about with Jen. It's like 30 minutes later, we're like, now they're sitting by a window, and it's two degrees warmer outside because the day is progressing. Okay, well listen, I need to get this off, I need to get this off my chest Alexis before I have my own scene about being put

into a jacket that's larger. Okay, so I went to the spa today and the videos came up and Gina brought it up and told her and she was like bawling and she was shaking. It was like Shane having to go to the doctor. Anyway, I felt horrible for her. And then Alexis is like, well, it's not just only Shannon's side of the story.

I mean, not just only, I mean, everyone just feels sorry for Shannon. Like, what about Mia? What about Mia? What about you? What the fuck about you? You are the aggressor, ma'am, okay? You don't get to rear end somebody

and then be like, hey, I'm hurt too. You were the one that rear ended the person. You're the one who said, there's the door. She was there first. She was there first. It's automatically your fault, okay? You were the person behind her. It's time for a commercial.

It's time for a Crappin's commercial. What's up guys, it's your girl Kiki and my podcast is back with a new season and let me tell you it's too good. And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay? Every episode I bring on a friend. I mean the likes of Amy Poehler, Kel Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on. So follow, watch, and listen to baby. This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dan Tuberski.

In 2011, something strange began to happen at the high school in Leroy, New York. I was like at my locker and she came up to me and she was like stuttering super bad. I'm like, stop f***ing around. She's like, I can't. A mystery illness, bizarre symptoms, and spreading fast. It's like doubling and tripling and it's all these girls. With a diagnosis the state tried to keep on the down-low. Everybody thought I was holding something back.

Well you were holding something back intentionally. Yeah, yeah, well, yeah. No, it's hysteria. It's all in your head. It's not physical. Oh my gosh, you're exaggerating. Is this the largest mass hysteria since the witches of Salem? Or is it something else entirely? Something's wrong here. Something's not right. LeRoy was the new dateline and everyone was trying to solve the murder.

A new limited series from Wondery and Pineapple Street Studios. Hysterical. Follow Hysterical on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Hysterical early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. So, meanwhile, cut to the bar at this hotel-ish place. And they're all sitting down at the bar and Heather is like, Hello, Barkeep, I'd like an espresso martini. I love that she says Barkeep. And you know, she doesn't mean it ironically. She's literally, because she probably calls a lot of people barkeep. Barkeep, here is my car. Could you valet it please? Thank

you so much. Yeah. This bar looks like not great by the way. It's all fluorescent lit. The guy's just like, what? So then Shannon, Shannon, you did love it? Yeah. You know, I loved it because it's the sort of bar you go to when you go to a place like this on vacation and then you're like, okay, well, I guess this is the bar and then you sit there with like two other people and then you have the best night of your life. Oh, okay. Wow, you've had much better times in those bars. Rod is like, well, I guess Ben's gone on some nice vacations without me, I guess. Okay, well, that's fine. I'll just go to P Town with the gays and the answer.

Oh. Ha ha ha ha ha. So Shannon orders a Belvedere soda, and Tammy's like, I am flying. This shirt, if you're so comfortable, she thought I'd been drinks. Why the fuck shouldn't she? I mean, my God, the woman drinks like a tank.

She's made it to what, 60? How old is Shannon? I don't know, like, yeah, probably 75 at this point. I don't know. She's probably like 60. She's made it to what, 60? How old is Shannon? I don't know, like yeah, probably 75 at this point. I don't know. She's probably like 60. She's made it to this point and she's only had one DUI. I mean, give me a break. And that was under extreme duress.

I say the woman deserves a medal. Mind your own fucking business, lady. And she's like, well, I don't know how Shannon's mind works. If she doesn't drink, then that's her admitting. She has no alcohol problem. I think she admitted that she ran into a house. That's all you're going to get. Listen, we all have the right to admit when we have an alcohol problem on our own. Exactly.

You don't get to do it. And by the way, in five minutes, you're going to be so drunk, you're sticking your finger up someone's butthole, you hit a crack. I know. That's the real problem. At least Shannon's finger emerges from the night without fecal matter on it. So- At least Shannon runs into fun things when she's going to houses. In Newport. You run into Emily's asshole. She's like, so Tamra's like, yeah,

because if she doesn't drink, that's her admitting that she has an alcohol problem. And if she's, and then if she says, oh, I can have one or two drinks, I'm firing that. Then it's like, oh, I'm hiding something. That's not like I'm hiding something. I'm like, yes, where is the bombshell revelation in this? That's exactly what she's doing. And you know what? God bless her. This is how she's coping. She's not ready to stop. And,

you know, again, as long as she's not driving that car into any other objects or people, and as long as she's showing up for the obligations she needs to show up for, she can be the high functioning alcoholic that we love and embrace. Yeah. So then back to Emily and Alexis, Emily is like, I wanted to talk to you taco to taco. It just seems like it's getting dirty. It's getting salacious. It's getting mean. And I'm the one who was yelling at somebody for being poor two weeks ago, but I've changed. You know what, there's nothing... I love Emily coming to lecture somebody about being... First of all, don't you think the production just talked to Emily and Gina and was like, guys, it's getting a little dark,

we're gonna need you to flip and just suddenly be nice for the rest of the season? They're like, okay, because Emily, you're coming off terrible, Gina, you're coming off terrible. Because I think Gina and Emily both just do whatever production says every single year because they flip-flopped so fucking badly. And I think I'd have more respect for them if they just stuck to something. You know, I mean, I know I've been complaining about them all season, but at least they're sticking to something this year. You know what I mean? And now they're not.

They're totally for now, for whatever reason, they're going to be good people. I mean, you know, complaining about Gina and Emily has now just become like an American pastime. What's so funny about the two of them is that honestly, I still always have this mindset like, Oh, they're just trying to, they're just trying to get their second season. Like they had been with us for like seven years now and I still view them as like brand new housewives. Just trying to figure it out. So, truly blessed.

And they do this, and they do, when you said they're just trying, I wish you would just stop the sentence there, cause that would have summed up my feelings. They're just trying, they're constantly trying, trying, trying. And you know, I can't- Like Gina's doing this thing, Gina's doing this thing this season where,

in her confessional, she's like, gives these like really terrible like one-liners, but then she like does this like smile and kind of rolls her head. Like she just nailed it. Oh God, we'll get to one in just a minute. I know that there's one coming. I just can't remember what it is. I mean, like, look, sometimes you feel like people don't try and you know, I have to give them credit for trying, but it is funny. I mean, they're trying. They're, they definitely got out of bed for this. They do. They do work.

They're working for their money, which is I think why they actually come back year after year is that they are like, they're saying, we are going to be good partners to you, bravo. We're going to try our best. We may not always stick the landing, but we're going to show up. So nine times out of 10, when you look at the employee of the month, a wall at like a McDonald's or wherever, or a bank, whatever, nine times out of 10, I believe that those are just the people who keep showing up. I think sometimes they're just like, let's look at attendance records.

You know what? Donna's been coming every day for years. Donna, you're the employee of the month. You know? You show up, you come. Look, it's like Jacqueline, the fit model from the summer house, okay? Is she gonna be walking in Paris fashion?

No, she won't walking in Paris fashion? No, she won't be in Paris fashion week. But she's going to do her role, which is like, this is how a garment should fit. And I am, I am just average enough and that I have a utility here. And I can be a fit model. And like sometimes you just need fit models. And that's kind of what Emily and Gina are. They're just Bravo fit models. They're fit models.

They're housewife fit models. That's cute. Well, it's actually an awkward way to put it for this episode. It is, it's the timing. This episode goes to shit. It was a strange metaphor no matter what, but it's particularly strained in this one.

But anyway, so Emily says, I wanna talk to you taco to taco. And Alexis is like, there's nothing mean on our side or the videos, they'd be out already. Okay, wouldn't they? So back off. I'm like, yeah, but like the threat of the videos is also pretty vile.

It's vile and it's worse that you're not showing the videos. You're telling everybody and you're letting people make these videos in their head worse than they are. Because it was probably Shannon just trying to back out and the daughter being like, don't go. And Shannon went anyway. And you guys are trying to make it sound like she laid this girl down on the train tracks,

twirled her mustache and tried to run her over. That's worse than not showing the video. At this point, you've brought the videos up, you should fucking show the video so everybody could see how big of a deal it is because you're making it worse. You're a monster lady, you're making it worse. You're a monster lady, you're a monster.

And I'm not buying any of her, and I'm so mad today because of that watch what happens. She literally went on there and everything they asked her or Andy asked her, she was like, well, I'm the real victim here, it's really about me. And then he's like, well, you know, the audience hates you. And she's like, oh yeah, because they didn't show the good parts of me.

You know, I filmed a lot this season, Andy, and the editors are just making it look like all I did was come for Shannon and then talk about having sex all the time. I was like, but you didn't come for Shannon or talk about sex all the time? And her big complaint is that they didn't show her mom die. They didn't show her reacting to her mom dying

because that would have really, I'm telling you, it was disgusting watching this. She would rather rattle in that. She would rather use that to get pity from the audience to her mom's dying because that would have really, I'm telling you, it was disgusting watching this. She would rather use that to get pity from the audience while she's being an asshole. She's saying that no one was giving her pity because they weren't using her mom's death stuff, which is just so gross. And it's such a reality star thing to say, like, they didn't even use my mom's- They didn't exploit my mom's death.

... 20 footings. ... make me look good. I mean, it was, she's disgusting. She's disgusting. You're a flop. I'm so glad you're flopping. And then watching how you're acting after this season and Johnny Jay, who just doesn't wanna be there, how he's acting through the whole season,

ah, you're gross. You deserve each other. Have fun. I don't think that Alexis is a flop. I think she is a, I think she's a necessary villain. So she's like, she's a necessary villain. So she's like, she's a flop in terms of like, good person type of situation right now at the moment,

but she's killing it as a villain. And I think that's, you know, any season that has a good villain is always gonna be a killer season. And so like, Alexis is playing a vital role for me on this season right now. But you're gonna give her the villain cred. I give her villain cred.

I mean, I think that's... Okay, fair. I think that's like, she is... The thing is this, where she's flopping is just not embracing her villain cred. If she goes on to watch what happens live and is like, but why don't you see the softer side of Lexi? No, that's no, you're the villain.

Accept it, you'll have a better edit next season. Just take the villain ride. And just for argument's sake, I think she's flopping as a villain because she's not doing anything fun. She's not fun. She doesn't have good one liners. She doesn't have like good like, like catty miss or anything. She's just doing something horrible and mean. And it's just not fun. You know, like I think villains should be more... I like more of like a Disney Ursula or the... Heather, De Bro. You know, Dalmatians.

You know, Heather De Bro has been more fun lately because she is more fun. Yeah, I agree. You know what I mean? But I think Alexis just isn't funny. She's not smart. She's not anything. She's just an asshole.

But now I will say, since she does think that using victimhood would help her edit, I will use her victimhood in this edit. And I will say, I think Jon Janssen is a dangerous person. I think he's a dangerous man. And I feel for her in that way, because she seems to have a type as far as that stuff goes. We've seen her other people on Bravo. They haven't been great either. But there was definitely a scary air with John Jansen on that show last night. He was sitting there with his squinty little eyes, just pissed off about everything. And Andy said, why wouldn't you sign this thing because of this disparagement clause? And he's like, I'm not gonna muzzle myself.

Why should I when she said all this? Like the way he talks, he's just so mean. And then Andy kept calling him Johnny J. And Andy's like, well, I have a question for you. Would you prefer Johnny J or John Jansen? He's like, John Jansen, definitely John Jansen. So Andy keeps calling him Johnny J. And at one point, Alexis is like, well, Andy, stop because he's going to take back the engagement if you keep calling him Johnny J. Yeah, that's fucked up. How desperate are you? That's so fucking sad that you're worried.

You're the prize here and you're, listen, it's hard for me to say that, okay? But you're the prize. You're on such a journey right now. Between you and Johnny J. I love this. You didn't watch it. It was fucking infuriating.

But between you and Johnny J, you're the prize here. What are you worried that he's gonna call off the fucking engagement? Stop being so fucking pathetic. You're fighting over a fucking rancid piece You and Johnny J, you're the prize here. What are you worried that he's going to call off the fucking engagement? Stop being so fucking pathetic. You're fighting over a fucking rancid piece of hamburger meat left on the ground at a picnic. Look, what are you fighting over?

It's pathetic. But anyway, for the victimhood part, I would say I don't like Alexis right now, but I would like her to get away from this. Oh, yeah. This guy is terrible and toxic and we've seen it. He's been exposed. Alexis, I agree she's not like a fun villain in terms of almost campyness, but I think actually I like her as a villain because she's inept at that maybe. It's like she's sort of so dumb and so chatty. She's like this chatty villain that I think is hilarious. I'm not like, oh my God, I stan Alexis Bellino. I definitely do not stan Alexis Bellino.

But I think that she is an unlikely foil. She's an unlikely arch villain in a different kind of way than we normally see. So I think I'm just happy that there's a good villain this season. Well, there you go. Either way. Okay. Well, she's half winning here. She's half winning on this show. She's half winning. Okay. So Emily is talking to her and Emily, it's like, I'm the real victim here. So then we go back to Emily talking about the videos. Wait, flashback to Katie telling Emily about the video. So Katie's like, so there's ring footage of her almost running over the daughter. That's the footage. So then Alexis is like, well, I ring footage of her almost running over the daughter. That's the footage.

So then Alexis is like, well, I don't know what you want me to do. You can't put toothpaste back in the tube. Trust me, I try to put toothpaste back in the tube all the time. It just doesn't go back in the tube. Why do they make tubes like that? You know what?

If I owned a toothpaste company, I would invent tubes that you could put toothpaste back in. Do you know how much toothpaste is wasted? So much toothpaste. Do I feel bad for a woman who's distraught? Yes, but like also, like why would you bring it up in the middle of the freaking charity event weekend? Why?

Stupid. It's a whole weekend. You're allowed to like, it's not charity for like 72 hours straight. Like everything we talk about has gotta be charity. So Alexis goes, I- And you're also so stupid that you let the cat out of the bag instead of bringing it as your own thing.

You gave it to somebody else to run with, you wuss. That's why. So you don't get to have someone else drop the bomb and then put them on a schedule on when to drop it. You suck at this. This is why you were fired the first time. I have been fucked over about it too. So I'm like really sick of everybody taking pity on her

when she ran into a fucking house and is still drinking and has been horrible to him. And I'm still trying. Like, I don't know what else I can do for you guys. And I'm like, well, I just want to- Sorry, how are you, how has she been fucked over? How's Alexis been fucked over? Who fucked over Alexis?

The only way you were fucked over is someone left the piece of crap on the ground that you eventually stepped in and is now stuck all over your shoe. Yeah. But otherwise, you're no victim here. Get out of here. Well, I really went in with the hope that Alexis would just soften a little bit like a flour tortilla. And Alexis is like, I don't know how I'm supposed to go and sit at dinner now, but like she's already so vulnerable. I just need to stay here, which was her way of saying,

like her way of saying, and now Emily, this is the part where you say, no, you have to come. And Emily goes, okay. Yeah. So Alexis crying. Alexis is mad that everybody else made Shannon sad when she was supposed to be the one that made her sad. I was supposed to be the one that dropped her on this on this trip, not you. So that

was taken away. So she gets embedded in her stiletto heels or whatever. And then Emily and Gina joined Heather, Shannon and Tamara at the bar. And Tamara's like, did you get my text message? And she's like, oh, reply to it. She's like, I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't say it, I didn't say it, I didn't say it. Well, I just finished and bitch, and it didn't go well. And so, then meanwhile, Shannon is talking and she goes, well, I want to talk to Gina and Emily. So I offered to pay the amount to John Jansen and they won't agree to a non-despairment class.

And Gina's like, wow, they're really going after you. and they won't agree to a non-despairment class. And Gino's like, wow, they're really going after you. See, that tells me it's not about the money. I just feel like I'm in a bad dream with makeup artists who've been lying to me this entire time. I just wanna wake up from it. What do you mean you feel like you're in a bad dream?

A bad dream, a bad dream. Coraline's mother just comes up fucking Heather. So this disparagement clause is a pretty crazy part of it. So she offered a mutual non-disparagement clause, which would mean that she can't talk about him and he can also not talk about her and he wouldn't sign that. And last night on the show, he said the reason he wouldn't sign it is because she has been saying nasty things about him and he's not going to muzzle himself when he has a right to defend himself. Tom, I thought you hated being public, buddy. So you need the right to publicly go on red carpets. I'm air quoting that and talk shit about her right after you met another housewife

and the real housewives hang out, the quiet woman. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, sir. Also, you can just get your, like, get your, defend yourself and then muzzle up. Like, get it all out and then muzzle up and be like, honestly, we all know in these situations,

the one who wins is the one who says, I wish her the best. All he had to do is say, I know this is a tough time for her. I wish her the best. And it's just like cold. And it's like, I don't care what you say about me because, you know, but the fact that he now feels the need to defend himself against her is just so, it's so pathetic. Like you said, he kind of is the one who entered into this world and then perpetuated himself in this world and perpetuates his public image in this world and you know like we all like to say you know we all want to fight the patriarchy yada yada yada but that being said it's like

the fact that it's like the man doing this to the woman is shitty you know like the patriarchy stuff still does stick around and it's just as shitty on your on his part. It also um uh what was I gonna say about that? Jon Jansen, Jon. Oh, it also is interesting that him and Alexis are doing kind of the same thing because they were both people who were no longer on the show.

Jon didn't leave a huge villain, and I feel like Alexis didn't either. I mean, people like think of Alexis fondly. She was a dodo bird, but she wasn't evil. No, she wasn't. You know what I mean? And so to get on this, she's like coming with a villain storyline to get on this, she's like coming with the villain storyline to get back on and he's off. He didn't leave a villain either.

He left everyone kind of like John when he was on. I think people looked at John before this season as like long suffering John Jansen putting up for Shannon. And now he's like, well, no, I want to be back on the TV. So I'm going to go hang out at the quiet woman and then get this chick and get back on TV. And we're going to go hang out at the quiet woman and then get this chick and get back on TV and we're going to team up for our storyline against this lady. And it's like, Oh, you're both going for a really shambly villain story to get together. And it's Yeah. So then we see a flashback from 2023, which by the way, for those who don't remember was a year ago. and Tamara's asking like, so do you guys think you're gonna get married?

And he goes, yes, I have never loved anybody as deeply as I love her. And Shannon goes, I have never. She tells us now, I've never had anyone proclaim their love for me the way John Jansen did. I look back, I feel stupid. So the first time that anyone had ever proclaimed their love for me, well they weren't staring at me with beady eyes eating chips very slowly while I was trying to stick to a quinoa diet.

So the women all headed to their table for dinner and Geno's like, so everybody knew Emily went to go talk to Alexis? Yeah, it didn't go well. But she feels like you all kind of blame her. Like she's a horrible human being because she fell in love with John Jansen. Oh yeah, that's what people are mad about. She's just a sweet girl who fell in love.

And Dean is like, oh my God, that's murdering. Don't be a martyr, don't murder, that's murdering. That's murdering, don't murder. Oh my God, I can't stand when people act like a moda anyway. I kicked Travis out of the house in order to save the relationship. Alexis texted me that she's not coming to dinner and she does not know why Gina brought up the videos

to Shannon because they aren't being released. Okay, you know what? I'm gonna be an asshole. Fucking bitch! Why did you bring it up? At this point, Shannon's cocktail has now kicked in, and she goes from being like, trembling, sad, quivering Shannon, to salty Shannon, and it's my favorite. And Tamara's like, hey, maybe you guys should just talk, Shannon. Yeah, talk to her. You like this,

you should have a scene together, you should have a scene together. And she was like, I don't wanna talk to her. And Tamara, you yourself said that you were in, if you were in my situation, you would feel the same way. And guess what? I have no interest. Are you leaving?

No, I'm going to the bathroom. I'm just going to, I'm not walking off. I'm just walking off to over there. Just over there. I start charities. Just wanna bring that one back for a moment. It feels like the energy of the scene. So, so Tamara is like,

so anyway, so Shannon goes off to go to the bathroom and she goes, she's like, I have no idea why Tamara is becoming so close to Alexis because they were never close. And we see, of course, more flashbacks. We see a flashback of her reunion of Alexis saying like, you have multiple personalities, Tamra. You are psychotic, Jesus Tengs. She struck him with her motor vehicle. She had been under the influence that she left him

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well, Alexis has emotionally gone through a lot. And that's one thing that brought us back together. Because, you know, she's gone through stuff and I've gone through stuff. You're both aggressors. You guys are both like people sitting in like life in prison talking about what fucking victims you are. You both deserve it. She's like, she confided in me and she talks to me about it. And now Alexis needs just as much support as Shannon does.

Okay, what else is coming down the pike here? Because I've been thinking about this. I don't think we've ever seen Tamara be so supportive of somebody on this show. I've never seen Tamara go to the mat for somebody like this over and over again, where she just sticks up for them no matter what, you know? Usually she's like sink or or swim. She'll stick

up for you a little bit and be like, that's my friend. She would do that. But then for the most part, I feel like she's like, take care of yourself. This is the first time I've really seen her go this hard for someone. Do you think that she's going to use Alexis as a weapon for something even bigger coming down the pike? She's keeping her around for some reason. Because I think at this point, normally Tamara would realize that this person is highly unpopular and then villainize them immediately. Yeah. She's, she's using Alexis for like what she needs from Alexis. And then the thing is this like Shannon has not been taken down yet. So once Shannon's taken down, that's true. And she will reconnect with Shannon and be like, I just did it because I can't so much

and I just, I don't think I realized how much you were going through too. And then she's going to turn on Alexis. I mean, it's just, that's just Tamra. She, you know, she, she pivots when it's time to pivot and she hasn't pivoted yet. It's just my time. So I've just, I'm like, why is she going so hard? And you're right. Cause it hasn't worked yet. Maybe it's just taking longer to work. The magic is, is taking longer to work. You just gotta like, the it hasn't worked yet. Maybe it's just taking longer to work. The magic is taking longer to work. It's like power washing, you just gotta like, the stain's not out yet. So.

She's like, she's still got part of that tide stick going. She's been using that tide stick. Sometimes you gotta set it through the wash a few times with the action. So Heather goes, well, it's been very difficult for those of us that are friends with both of you. For those of us who are fake friends with both of you, it's hilarious. So to that end. Yeah. And so Katie's like, oh my God, Shannon's over there losing her shit. And so then we cut to Shannon talking to Jen.

She's like in the front of the restaurant screaming. Yeah. And she's like, John is so obsessed with people thinking he's a good guy. Well, I don't give a shit about Alexis. Why are you defending this guy like this? What is your intention? Your intention is the,

it's a hurt me, it's a hurt me. Is my face still on? Is my face still on? I don't even feel, I don't feel my face. Is my face, my face is still on, thank God. I can't feel my face when I'm with you. And I like it, I'm modern. So then Tamra is like.

Well, I'll tell you one thing. There's a lot of people with shitty intentions and that's not Alexis. Definitely not Alexis Polino, the purest heart in all of Orange County. So then we see Shannon and she's like, you and John strategize because you know what? He used to do that with me before I filmed

and he was telling me at nine months, people dream with what we have. You are my person, you are my future, you are the cream cheese to my salmon. That really worked on me, that line there. So then back at the table, Heather's like, is she screaming? Oh, I'm so embarrassed. And Heather, Gina's like, Oh my God, do you think she'll even walk in the show? Did you

notice Gina's doing that a lot this episode? She goes, do you think she'll walk in the show? She added some vocal fry today. She's been adding like little, and Tamara's like, yeah, she's walking in the show. Trust me, that's Shannon. She's gonna walk, she's been adding like little, uh. And Tamera's like, yeah, she's walking in the show. Trust me, that's Shannon. She's probably walking in the show and then crying. She probably stopped in the middle of the thing, but I'm the biggest victim here. Stop crying about it. Then Heather tells us, you know what is bigger

than the issues between Alexis and Shannon? Family equality and this event I'm throwing. This is very important. I am trying to get a GLAAD Media Award here, everyone. So please stop interrupting the process. Of course, this is Heather Dubrow and it's the Housewives. So it's family equality, but it's also a chance for Heather to launch her new line of clothing

and her new line of lines, which don't worry, the first day those proceeds for the clothes are gonna go to the charity. Not the rest of the time. The rest of the time it'll be a selfish endeavor. But hey, 10%, the first time's gonna go, friendly equality, yes, children, I do it for the children. Tomorrow is game day and I expect nothing

but happiness and supportiveness. You will all be happy and you will all be into my cause." So then Shannon still is drunk at the front of the restaurant. Well, I will never be in the same room with her ever again. Well, I mean, apparently that's going to happen tomorrow. But after that, I'm fucking out. I am out until well, the next time I have to do a party with her. And then after that, I swear to God, it is over. It is absolutely over. And that will, until the next time. Well, I'll say this.

I may not be able to say, I'll see you never, but I will say, I'll see you in court the next time that you sue me, because third time's the charm, am I right? Yeah. Well, I mean, there is always a chance that we might wind up at Erewhon together, trying to order the same Hailey Bieber juice.

And I swear to God, I swear to God, Katie, if she takes the last Hailey Bieber juice before I get my hands on it, I will be so angry. In fact, I'm already, I'm angry ahead of time. She stole my Hailey Bieber juice. Yeah, that shit's $19, which is insane. I saw that in the Erewhon, but people are so mean to Hailey Bieber about that because every juice is $19 It's not like it's just her juice and guess what? I went to Burger King the other day

I was talking this about this on my tik-tok, but they wouldn't like pass my tik-tok Because I don't know why I don't understand tik-tok maybe cuz I'm too old Maybe they're like you're too old for this But during the presidential debate I made this tik-tok when they were talking about eating he's like, they're eating the cats, they're eating the dogs in Ohio. And I was saying, I just got back from Burger King, which is true, and it was $17 for a value meal, which is fucking ridiculous. I'm like $17 for a value meal and I'm not even allowed to hunt pets. You know what I mean?

Like you have to either bring down the price of fast food or let me hunt for pets. You guys can't have it fucking both ways. You know what I mean? Like you have to either bring down the price of fast food or let me hunt for pets. You guys can't have it fucking both ways. You know what I mean? Like it's not an unreasonable thing anymore. Um, exactly. What do you expect us to fucking do out there? So I don't think even anyway, the point was on my Tik TOK cause who cares? But my point is the juice for $19 really doesn't seem that terrible compared to a $17 impossible whopper, you know? Yeah, it's really unsettling all of this. So now speaking of food, now they're all eating their dinner. It's a nice dinner and everything. And then Tim was like, why is this? And Kitty goes, it's cheese. And then Emily takes a bite and then she like, she doesn't like it or

something. So she just like, lets it just like fall out of her mouth because she's like being wacky. I'm like, honestly, I despise this side of Emily. Like I think this is like so violent. Like she did last year where she had like the cucumber dangling out of her mouth. Like somewhere along the way, she got some sort of positive feedback that was funny that when she doesn't like food, she just lets it tumble back out of her mouth. And I think it's like disgusting and embarrassing. Yeah, that's Emily humor. It's like, Oh, look at me. I'm eating dog food out of the dog bowl. Remember that or whatever. Or I'm drinking water out of the dog bowl, whatever she was doing or like, we just called you a model of housewives and this is what you're doing. This is not fit model.

And again, she did show up to work. and that's really all we're looking for today. So, you know, good for you, girl. So she's like, oh, I lost some cheese. Down my bulbs. Can I ask a favor? Oh my God, look what I found down here. Did you find cheese? Don't worry, it's not a taco.

It's a flauta, which is a roll taco. Let's do it. Ladies, can I just ask a favor? Can we just ask a favor? Can we just have a night where there's no talk about Alexis or John? I've really had it. Then Tamara's like, Oh my god, you won't believe what Alexis just did to me!

Yeah, think about it. And furthermore, about Alexis Bellino, I've offered to pay John everything that he wanted and he refuses to agree because of a despairing record, which is standard by the way. Oh yes, I guess I am done with my salad. Unlike Alexis Bellino, who apparently is not done with terrorizing me. Huh, oh God, but let's just like, can we just like not talk about it anymore? And they're like, yes, please.

And Shannon goes, okay, let's not talk about it. Let's talk about Gina's vaginal rash. She's like, oh my God, cheating. Well, but she's been using cream. And I'll tell you who else has been using cream. Me, to deal with all the wrinkles I'm getting from Alexis Bellino and the stress that she's causing me. Can we just please stop talking about it?

Thank you. So then we go to the next morning and everyone's getting ready and Alexis comes to Heather's cabin and Heather's like, we had fun at the bar last night. And when I say fun, I mean, I've made this face a lot and nodded and shook my head disparagingly. What'd you do? Well, I just stayed in my bed in my formal wear, hoping that someone would say, hey, can you please join us? We want you to come to dinner after all.

So I was sort of ready to go out to dinner again, but no one actually came knocking on the door. So I just stayed in bed strangely in my nighttime clothes. Just wanted someone to say, it's just not the same without you, funlexy. Well, what you missed is that we went to a bar and Tamara stuck her finger up Emily's butt, where she actually found some cheese. And then we see an image of Emily like, you know, sprawled

out on a pool table and then Tamara sticking her finger up Emily's butt. Yeah, and that's Tamara's thing. Like I'm gonna get wasted and then do like some kind of lesbian shit. Yeah. And that's Tamara's thing. Like, I'm going to get wasted and then do like some kind of lesbian shit. Or gross, gross out humor. So then she's like, I'm the headmaster. She's been very bad at school today. And Emily's like, oh.

Which you're the one who made anal your storyline last year. Okay. So then, I don't know why I needed to go. It just popped into my head. I just remembered that terrible scene of leaving the house, like, are we doing anal tonight? Yeah, get your milkshake and we can do some anal. Oh my god, that's exactly what America needed, the visual of like, Rempel Stillskin doing anal.

So they're talking about Shannon and like, how was Shannon last night? And Heather's like, Oh, well, you know, she was Shannon. She was like a teacup on a train. You know they say about a tempest in a teacup. Rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle,

rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle. It's one constant rattle from Oklahoma to Missouri. Yeah, she took the Midwest Express apparently. So honestly, as your friend, as her friend, we all as a group need to move on. So we are going to split up and you guys are gonna go to do some baking. And I think I'm gonna go with my group and we're gonna have a Zen moment in the woods." Alexis is like, well, your group has calories.

My group does not have calories. My group has ticks. I don't know if that was very clear, but that's in my contract. Well, it just really stinks that we still have to worry who's going where. Like, where do we put Alexi? Where do we put fun time, Alexi? And like, where do we put sad Shannon? Shannon who almost ran over a child Shannon.

And as well, hopefully it won't always be that way, right? Well, we'll strive for that. And Alexis is like, well, I stayed in my room for 13 hours last night because I'm not going to kick someone while they're already down. First of all, you were the one who put them there, okay? It's like, you don't get, uh,

points for hanging out in a luxury hotel room. And I love that she's counting the hours that she was sleeping. Yeah. Like sleep, first of all, sleeping hours don't count. Second of all, you were in luxury. So, um, so yeah. And then we see her talking on the phone with John the night before and he's like, it's amazing that people assume that Alexis and John are scheming on how they can hurt Shannon. I'm like, you're literally on the phone right now behind her back talking about her.

On camera. And Alexis is like, you know what? The tornado around Shannon storms the door. Behind a door is a storm that she created. So stop creating storms, storms and start going through doors be doors because storms are rainy. Stop raining. It's windy.

Are you still rolling? Yes. We're just going to go until you make some kind of a sentence that makes sense. The fact that she couldn't land the plane on this very simple metaphor, like, stop creating storms and then how about some sunshine? How about a clear day? She goes, stop creating storms and just live in peace. I was like, oh, it was such an easy thing to, such an easy way to conclude the sentence

and you didn't do it. Yeah. Easy metaphor. So Heather is basically like, everyone needs to show up for their A game tonight to my events, okay? Now everybody calm, everybody silence. She's doing her conductor gesturing.

So then we go over to Katie and Jen talking about how they were sleeping, blah, blah, blah. And she was like, how are you doing? Oh my God, do you know what? This morning I woke up and I looked out the window and I said, thank you, son. Thank you so much. Do you realize how dark it would be without the sun? Have you ever thought about that?

How do we even put our makeup on? It would be so, I mean, sure we could turn on the light, but then it would look different when we go out into the sunlight. Wait a minute, there wouldn't be sunlight This really a conundrum as someone who's obsessed with golf. I actually relate to this very well, but um anyway you know, I think I'm gonna try to have a chat with Heather today because I the adrenaline of facing a real-life monster and Like knowing I might kill it at any moment. It's the same reason I just go up to the Orca cage at the Sea World and just stand there splayed

open in front of the glass. Come at me, kill me. Well, we tried to do the Secretariaters Party, remember? And I like that she goes, remember as if like everyone was there and paying attention and caring. Oh God, she's, it's just so basic and so embarrassing. I'm so embarrassed for Katie. Listen, Katie, we're all rooting for you, okay? Even us, I don't root for anybody, but I'm rooting for you. I want you to do great. Are you doing great?

Not really, you're not doing terrible, but this is just so sad. And last night on the show, Andy's like, oh my God, do you regret coming in and coming so hard for What's Her Buns? And she's like, well, if I came in and didn't go after her, everybody would be calling me boring. So what's better?

I'm like, that's the problem. You can't do it like that. You can't just be like, I'm just gonna come in and like make someone's life miserable randomly just because I'm on a Housewives show and that's how it's supposed to work. No, fan, get out of here. You're too much of a fan for this.

So Katie's like, I just want her to know that there was no ill will, that it was forced on me. And I just want, I want to apologize to Heather again, because I think she thinks I'm this like horrible person coming after her just because I started the season by coming after her. Oh God, this is very, this is very Elaine. What's her name?

What is wrong with me? From Beverly Hills, not Elaine. Lisa Rinna and Eileen. Yeah, sorry Eileen. This is Lisa Rinna. This is very Eileen, except Eileen alwaysileen. This is Lisa Rin, this is very Eileen, except Eileen always wanted another apology and Katie's insisting on giving another apology.

They're just speaking like, how many times do I need to apologize, darling? Well, I really appreciated you apologizing to me, Lisa Vanderpump, last week at that party. But you know what, I just don't know if you really felt it. Well, they both speak in hushed waspy tones and then also they are, it's never, they're never quite like that.

They never get what they need to say off their chest. So they're never quite satisfied. They have to keep on going back and then they look like they're sort of like these pathetic, like people who can't move on. So Katie's like, try hard and they're both with, with white guys who are really obsessed with kind of a privileged sport, right? Because you've got her husband's in tennis and this girl's husband is in golf.

So interesting parallels there. I'm just waiting for the denim jumpsuit. Well, Katie is like, well, I just feel like I'm getting the blame for something that actually wasn't my fault at all. I mean, I can't control the words that come out of my mouth. And Jen's like, oh, yeah, so you want to just explain to her like, just be like, Heather, and then you can take the rest from here. I want to say that I was told to tell you. And then in the moment, she made it look like it was all me, you know? So it wasn't my fault. I would just like to have a conversation where I explained

to her that I take zero responsibility because somebody made me do it. You know what I'm saying? It's gonna work out great for you. Jen is stupid argument anyway. I always hate this argument on these shows. Like I was totally made to, I was tricked into being a bad person. And then Jen tells us, even Jen is like, oh, are we doing this again? Even though I understand where Katie is coming from,

you're probably not gonna change others' mind. And I think it's best if Katie just lets it go. Thank you so much. Listen, I'm the person saying that we shouldn't repeat our mistakes and I just moved in with Ryan. I'm the one who approved Ryan's latest shirt. So. So now. Okay. So then Heather comes over and she's saying hi to Jen or whatever. And they're like, wait a minute, where's Shannon? Because they're supposed to be doing this yoga thing. And Shannon is not doing well. Jen is standing in the doorway

of Shannon's cabin in a flashback and Shannon's just standing there droopy-eyed and just looking terrible. And she's like, oh my God, Shannon, you're sleeping. You're supposed to be at yoga. She's like, I had a fever last night. I had a fever. I think it was just a stress. It was just a stress. It was the stress of having 19 Belvedere sodas, Shannon, get your ass out of the bed. I think I have a case of bolinoitis or low Alexis tolerance. It's just affecting my system a lot.

I think I should stay in bed because it turns out that I might have to spend 14 hours alone in this room. So maybe just one hour more than Alexis did, so... It's rough. Congratulations! You've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap! For part two, go look for the recap that says, PART TWO!

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