Watch What Crappens - #2565 RHOC S18E11 Part One: Fancy, Pants

Episode Date: September 20, 2024

This is part oneThere’s a Thank You So Much Party at Jen’s house on Orange County and Emily loses it over Heather fat shaming her with her own jeans. Watch this recap as a video and get o...ur Secret Lives of Mormon Wives bonus at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. What's with Crappins? What's with Crappins? Guess what happens when there's so much that crappins? Well hello and welcome to What's with Crappins? A podcast for all that crap we love to talk about on Ye Olde Brothers! I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. He's hot. Hi Ben. Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Good. I'm back in Texas today for the week. So I've got my normal lights and my normal little set behind me instead of the basement
Starting point is 00:00:52 bedroom that I've been living in for the past three months. And it's so nice everybody. Look how young I look. Look how it, look how everything changes when you have the proper lighting and proper filters and cameras, darling. So I feel great. Totally feel like I'm gonna get laid today on the computer. And so glad to be here.
Starting point is 00:01:11 Everybody, thanks for joining us. As usual, well, not as usual, as sometimes this is the OC recap, but as usual, this is on video. You can find it every day with our other videos over on patreon.com. It's so fun to watch them. You should do that. Go do it. If you you don't want to but you just want bonus episodes
Starting point is 00:01:27 Go to our patreon as well because that's where you get those also Monday is crappy hour. That is our live YouTube live show we stream it on Instagram too, but it's mostly YouTube live if you want to come talk to us That's at 5 30 p.m. Pacific time. It's all Bravo gossip also this week we went on the Tamar and Teddy, two T's and a twats and a T podcast. And I don't want to really run that into the ground because who cares? But I did want to say something about that because I've come to realize,
Starting point is 00:01:55 I was reading a comment that said, there's a, and by the way, the reaction was fine. I'm not even complaining about the reaction. Don't give each other shit on how you, you're allowed to have your opinions about the show. Don't give each other shit like you shouldn't react that way. But one of the reactions that I read that I didn't like was what there's such a sellout if you tell if you ask them, who's your least favorite
Starting point is 00:02:16 housewife and Ronnie doesn't immediately say Kyle, he's selling out. You're like he's he's kissing their ass and whatever watering himself down. They cut that. I would like you to know, I will have you know, that I got into a public altercation with Teddy Mellencamp over Kyle, because of course my answer was my least favorite is Kyle. I said, Kyle sucks, Kyle sucks.
Starting point is 00:02:38 And we had a big fight about it, and Tamer had to break it up. And then I was like, I wonder why no one commented on that. And they cut it from the podcast. Teddy, you absolute wass of a woman was your wass. Thank you. Ronnie, Ronnie and Teddy started to get into it because Ronnie was like, Oh, Kyle, because you were saying like, well, you know, Kyle, she's so calculating. She called the paparazzi, Mauricio
Starting point is 00:03:03 in the airport. And she was like, Hi, I'm Teddy. That's absolutely not true. Do you really think that she would do that? And then you're like, Yes, she did. She definitely called the paparazzi. And then Teddy was like, She definitely did not call the paparazzi. And you guys are going back and forth and Tamra had to go, Okay, okay, okay. She did the Taylor Armstrong enough. I mean, basically, I was saying I hate Kyle. She said why I said because she's so manipulative. She throws rocks and hides her hands. And she gets other people to do her dirty work for her as you just deleted the segment from your podcast to protect her. You see, and then we talked about I said, and then you're people are accusing her of paparazzi. Well, notice that that stopped
Starting point is 00:03:41 except for Kyle stories. And she's like, name one. The first one I could think of was the Mauricio one in the airport. Okay, that's not the strongest Example, but okay anything Morgan Wade who cares about Morgan Wade? I've never seen someone turn a latent homosec latent in life Homosexuality story and it's such a boring chapter in their life get out of here. And why'd you cut it you wuss? Okay, so anyway, do we know sure'd you cut it? You wuss. Okay. So anyway, do we know for sure that they cut it? Yeah, they cut it. People have been reading it in comments that people said, who's your least favorite housewife? And then they cut away to something else. My answer is not there. So yes, it was Teddy, of course. My favorite housewife is Vanderpump. And my least favorite was Kyle. I think I put down Peggy Suleyhan as my least favorite.
Starting point is 00:04:26 I think that's what I said. I think I probably still made the podcast. Probably, yeah. But anyway, just so you know, I'm not gonna go in there and pretend that Kyle's amazing because we're on some podcast. Give me a fucking break. Okay, so anyway, let's get to OC.
Starting point is 00:04:41 How are you feeling, Ben? I'm feeling energized after that opening rant. I'm feeling great. I was cracking up this episode as usual. I, you know, it's jumping way ahead, but like the fact that you could have an episode, like you could have an episode where it's like, can you believe John Janssen's actually trying to blackmail
Starting point is 00:05:03 Shana Maddour, that's extortion. Anyway, I had to wear jeans. That was, there was literally that hairpin turn in this episode. And I just was cracking up. The show is so good. I kind of feel like in a weird way, I'm not going to say that the show is buried being on a Thursday because Bravo has had many shows on Thursdays that have been super, super buzz worthy. You know, Summer House has been thriving on Thursdays and Southern charm,
Starting point is 00:05:30 but it feels weird to have OC all the way on a Thursday instead of like a two, like a Tuesday or a Sunday. It's a Monday show, right? I feel like, well, I guess below deck for a while has been Mondays, but I feel like OC for a while was Mondays. I don't know. It feels like an early in the week. It just sort of strange. I just feel like it's such a buzz-worthy show that it kind of should be at the front of the week where people can talk about it all week. Whereas, but I don't know, maybe that logic doesn't stand up anymore because like I said, Southern Charm and
Starting point is 00:05:56 Summer House generated a huge amount of buzz on Thursday nights. What am I? I don't know, but I think it's a great show. I don't know if people are talking about it or not, but I think OSE is having a great season. Yeah, I mean, they're talking, we're talking about it. Who cares? We're all talking, us and our circle, they're talking to our friends here at Watch What Crappens. We're talking about it. Who else matters?
Starting point is 00:06:13 Like who literally is out there? People are talking about shit in the world. I'm just like, who cares about this stuff? I mean, all this politics stuff, whatever. The world is burning down around your head anyway. It has been for two decades. Enjoy the fucking housewives. Like really, all of is burning down around your head. Anyway, it has been for two decades. Enjoy the fucking housewives. Like really all of you calm down with your flags in your yard and your
Starting point is 00:06:28 trucks running over people and your whatever you're doing out there. You don't need to go out and hug each other. If you know what would solve this world. If someone was like, is Tamara a terrorist? Yes or no. Are we standing for or against terrorism? Let's join there. I think we could all come together as a country.
Starting point is 00:06:43 Let's join there. I think we could all come together as a country. I mean, Tamara was shockingly, uh, not starting the pot that much to this episode. This was really, no, she was dropping the bomb and blaming Hezbollah. You see how she does it? She drops the bomb named Alexis and then she runs away like, Oh my God, I can't believe a bomb's going off. I better hide in here. I said, Hey bombs. It's like you start, you let the bomb, you brought the bomb, you lit it, and now you're hiding in the kitchen. Like you, you hate bombs. This is your bomb. I don't think, listen, when Tamara stirs the pot, she, we, we know, I don't think, I think that's Tamara was pretty chill this episode. I'm not just saying that because we were on, we did a crossover episode. So everyone don't accuse me of selling out. and honestly you can, I really don't care. But, um, I don't think that Tamra was actually too nefarious this week.
Starting point is 00:07:33 Um, okay. Well, let's go to OC 1811 singled out. It's called so Gina is coming to Shannon's and she's like, Oh my God, I should bring a gift and there's a lemon tree So I'm gonna get lemon maybe not nine lemons. That's a that's a thing from the show nine lemon I'm gonna get two lemons. So then she goes into the house. She's like I found lemon not nine lemons It's like oh my god Is that your fucking stick that you came up with 20 minutes ago that you've been practicing just hand over the lemons lady Of course, Gina would steal someone's lemons from their tree.
Starting point is 00:08:07 Whereas if someone were to take something, she'd be like, like, who just like does that? Like, that's like a listing of mine. And I like work really hard. And like someone just stole the lemons off the tree. Like someone lives there. It's going to be so hard to sell that listing now that there's lemon thieves. You are taking food out of the mouths of my children. Me.
Starting point is 00:08:28 She only cares about. I love the, I just love the irony of the lemon of the show picking up a lemon. Yeah, that's true. Well, you know what? When life gives you lemons, you have lemons. So Gina's like, she brings them over and she's like, if life gives you lemons, then go to the grocery store
Starting point is 00:08:48 and buy frozen lemonade for your children because making lemonade's too hard. Sorry, I'm still not over the ragu pizza sauce that she was making in her house. If life gives you lemons, just hold them and say, I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel bad that life gave me lemons. Why couldn't life. I feel bad. So I gave me lemons.
Starting point is 00:09:06 Why couldn't life give me like another fruit? I only have lemons. Why is life taking food out of the mouths of my children? By the way, what is this? Why? Why? Why do we assail lemons with this reputation of being like the clunkers? Like what about like lemons are so incredibly useful at all times. Like anytime I go to the store, I always make sure to pick up lemons. Although ironically today I didn't, I only got limes. But the point is like how many recipes call for lemon?
Starting point is 00:09:33 How many call for lemon zest? Lemon juice, lemon to everything. We want lemon scented cleaning products. We want lemon this. We want lemon that. And yet the moment we have a shitty car, we're like, oh, what a fucking lemon. It's like we act like lemons are just like the bargain basement bottom shit citrus balls of devil, evil hell pucks, you know, and lemons are wonderful. I think we have to really rethink, um, our, our, our idiomatic use of lemons. I get lemons because you know, people say they don't like them cause they're sour, but they still want them around all I get lemons because, you know, people say they don't like them
Starting point is 00:10:05 because they're sour, but they still want them around all the time. So, you know, you can't like just have me to give you a couple of laughs. And then all of a sudden you're like, yeah, don't they, Ronnie? He's sour. Yeah, that's the point. Fucker is taking a long time to work on this sourness. I love you. I'm like hugs, lemon. That's why I was so mad when Melissa Gorgia had a lemon party.
Starting point is 00:10:25 I was like back the fuck up away from lemons. That is my fruit. I feel like if we're gonna go into the grocery store and find a piece of produce, if we're gonna find a category of produce that's supposed to represent things going awry or things being lame or things not working, I think it should be zucchini.
Starting point is 00:10:43 Oh, I think it should be avocado. Just wet and sad. Avocado? Yeah, but I think it should be zucchini. Oh, I think it should be avocado. Just wet and sad, avocado? Yeah, but I think zucchini's a valid answer too, now that you say wet and sad, because zucchini really does wetten up pretty quickly. It's like okay for a day, and then it's like, oh, I'm leaking, oh, I'm turning into water, ah. And you're like, why are you all over the bottom
Starting point is 00:10:59 of my drawer? Like you were a stick yesterday, and now you're like melted, you're weird. You're in a fucking refrigerator You can't keep it together. Come on zucchini. You cannot find anyone who truly loves zucchini No, the most amazing in life is zucchini pasta. I think zoodles Oh fuck off with your zoodles. And yes, I bought a zoodler I have been I was one of those people who is like going to Zoodle church every day and pretending that I could hear the voice of zucchini.
Starting point is 00:11:26 Okay, I was one of those people. No, one day I had to say, you know what? This isn't real. And my life has been better. I've been sinning with potatoes ever since. And bread and gluten pasta. I'm 99% with you on that one, except over the summer, I did go to a restaurant and had a zucchini pasta
Starting point is 00:11:44 that was actually out of this world. I was like, there is hope for it. But, and then I went home and I tried to make it myself and it was the most nasty thing I'd ever made. I was like, you, it requires, it requires a lot of skill. But the point is this, people will make zucchini bread, which tastes great or fried zucchini, but zucchini itself, people don't love zucchini and it's always lame and it's always sad. And if like you get a, if you get like a CSA box and it's full of zucchini, you're just like, now what do I do? You know, and it's always there. It's so needy. It's like the thing that grows the most easily
Starting point is 00:12:13 in a garden. That's why people always have so much zucchini around. It's like delicious weeds. Mmm. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas lemon, it's just like beautiful. Like you, like you keep lemons as decoration. Chimamadour keeps them as a bowl. They have actually, they help your Feng Shui. They look good. They smell good. There's nothing about lemons that are bad. They taste sour. Since when is sour bad? Sour is great. We need to change this. Yeah. Okay. So Archie is in there just panting away and, you know, God knows what Archie's thinking. Poor Archie. Just like I would run if I could, but I can't. And she's like, oh my God, hi Archie, I got two lemons, not nine, but I got two. She's like, Gina's here.
Starting point is 00:12:58 Wow, the real zucchini of the cast showed up. So Gina comes in and everything and Shannon's like pretending that she's really happy, like she's not in the process of being blackmailed through the courts. And she's like, oh, hey, oh wow, though this is great. I'm gonna, this is wonderful. Oh my god, so let's talk about happy things. How's Trace Amigas or is it dos amigas? And she's like, oh, well, people really enjoy it. And I'm very excited and we're gonna take really enjoy it. And I'm very excited.
Starting point is 00:13:25 And we're gonna take the nation by storm. I'm very happy. Yeah, we're going to St. Louis! And she's telling us, we created a business with the Trey's Amigas. We have an LLC. That's, it's real. We have merchandise.
Starting point is 00:13:41 Firetrap, all paperwork. All of a sudden here, that Tamara was out through our manager was devastating. And then so we see them having like a meeting with Doug Buden up there. Is he the producer? Because that's hilarious. Doug is so nice. I think they need a producer. Doug, I think you need to be like, no, I think Doug Burns to just say no.
Starting point is 00:14:03 And you know what? I haven't even seen that show, but I know that Doug is a lovely man. And I know that he would not tell them now. And I already know that they need to see. I've only seen clips of it and I needed somebody to tell them now. All right. When they do the trace, the trace of me just dance in sombreros. Doug, where were you? You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:14:24 No, you should know. You should have been there saying no, sir. Well, he is, I think, yeah, he is, it seems like he's like their producer, but also their live event MC, which is kind of funny. And so we see them FaceTiming with Doug to get some ideas. And Vicky's like, well, we did so much work with all this stuff and we paid all that money. Like, could we do it with the big clown face
Starting point is 00:14:46 over Tamra's face in the videos? And she's like, no, Vicky, stop that. Absolutely no, we're not gonna put a clown face on Tamra. Instead, we're going to put a giant splotch on there and say, we're dusted, bitch. And then guess what Doug says, no. I was like, wow, this guy can take notes. I just wanted him to say no
Starting point is 00:15:04 and then he came back and immediately said no. He said no, because I feel like, wow, this guy can take notes. I just wanted him to say no. And then he came back and immediately said no. He said, no, because I feel like you gotta make this your own girls, make it your own. And she's like, oh, well, Gina, would you like to come upstairs? That's one thing Tamra hasn't quit on, thankfully. Thankfully Tamra wasn't a partner in building these stairs
Starting point is 00:15:20 or there would be no way to show you the master bedroom. Ha, ha, ha. Good thing, good thing I didn't start an LLC with Tamra about going up the staircase. Stairs, L.L. Wow. I just fell down. And I'll see that we're limited liability. Limited liability corporation, more like limited friendship corporation. She called LFC.
Starting point is 00:15:45 Well, I signed an LLC with Tamron. I immediately wanted out when I found out it meant limited limoncello corporation. I said, how dare you? I'm not an alcoholic. Well, it's, you know, I do hear an LLC is David Bedore's favorite kind of corporation because it has limited liability.
Starting point is 00:16:08 Which is what I refer to him in our relationship as being. I'm sad now. So Shannon's like, wow, the Trace Amigos had a formula. We had a formula, it was working. It was basically like cats. And then the cats quit. What's the show gonna be about now? I mean, what do you do?
Starting point is 00:16:26 How do you have cats if the tire doesn't go up into the ceiling? Am I right? It's so, it's like the tire broke. You can't have cats without the C word. Then it's just at. Must see that. A bunch of email addresses.
Starting point is 00:16:40 I mean, what is this? It's like having cats in Greisabella gets amnesia. How does she do her big number? Mem-line. Memories. What are those? What's this concept called? Memories.
Starting point is 00:16:56 I don't have any memories. So they go up to a room filled with clothes on garment, garment racks and Gina's like, Oh my God, has Heather given you a wardrobe? No, Gina, this is what people with a lot of clothes use to hang them in their room. Oh. Wow, this is so nice up here. There's like built-in acrylic finishes,
Starting point is 00:17:16 and there's like a fireplace, and there's like a wall and like a ceiling. Oh, it sounds like real estate Gina is here. Oh my God, sorry, I'm being like so professional. I guess it just comes out of me, you know? What are acrylic finishes? I don't even know what those are. Well, based on what I saw visually,
Starting point is 00:17:35 because then of course I like stopped and looked, it looked like Shannon had built ins and like sort of like the surfaces were like acrylic. Like paint? No, I think it was- Just means like a hard, does it mean like a hard, tiny finish? Looked like it was like they had put on
Starting point is 00:17:50 like a coating of acrylic so that way it's, you know when you see like if you go to like a Sephora, I think there's like a lot of acrylic finishes. You know, it's shiny and plasticky looking. Like epoxy resin type? Epoxy resin. Is it like epoxy resin? Is it like epoxy resin? That's what I'm obsessed with. I keep watching these Pinterest that people,
Starting point is 00:18:10 I mean, I've been watching them for years and so well, I watched them years ago on a plane and so now they come up all the time. So every month or so I'm like, Oh my God, I should do an epoxy resin something. But you know what that stuff is where you mix it and then you pour it and it's clear, but it hardens like a rock. Um, and people, I saw one where people put flowers all over the bathroom ground and then they poured epoxy over it So it's just like a field of flowers as your bathroom. I Mean, it's so cool. I want to do stuff like that. Anyway, that's neither here nor there guys, but guess what? I'm into epoxy resin. Tell your friends
Starting point is 00:18:43 John Jansen just sent me a bill for $375 for epoxy resin that apparently I put in his dining room. So I'm a little traumatized by it. Okay, so she's giving a tour of this house and now we get to the real talk, which is cute because Shanna's trying to do that thing like, look at me just having a happy scene and not trying to make this about drama at all or myself or how upset I am. Okay. So what happened when I was in Sonoma? And Gina's like, well, it's real interesting.
Starting point is 00:19:17 Because Katie told Heather that I was only friends with Heather for her real estate connections. Can you believe it? Well, that's absurd. I mean, you're already with a team, a low level team that sells split level two bedroom houses on the fringes of Orange County. So why would you even be even close to being able to touch Heather's real estate connections? I think we all understand that.
Starting point is 00:19:41 I'm just like, yeah, me and Keity got into it. Yeah, Keity. And I was, you know, first of all, I work so hard for the business I get, you know, Heather's brought me nothing in the way of real estate. Which is that true? I mean, Heather already does have one Nepo baby, which is her own son, who she is now foisted upon the real estate industry and expected him to get multimillion dollar deals, which he is getting. He's working with, I think Altman, right? Josh Altman.
Starting point is 00:20:06 Yeah. So she's already got one Nepo baby. She doesn't, I mean, in that field, she's got six Nepo babies or whatever, but she can't take care of you too. Gina is just outside Heather's gates, putting her hands through in a cup, being like, come on, please save me something.
Starting point is 00:20:21 Give me Daisy Fuentes' phone number, please. So Shannon's like, she's like, well, yeah, but you're up with a team. That's what I'm seeing. And then like, yeah, we got into it and had this brought me nothing. Well, maybe she heard that and took a different interpretation of it.
Starting point is 00:20:37 I'm not saying that you misinterpret things, but let's just remind the audience that we did spend about two years fighting, especially when you accused me of trying to take away your children when all I was doing was forming a hypothetical when I was enraged over Taco Tuesday going in the shitter. Two years, more like seven years. How long has she been on this, Gina?
Starting point is 00:20:59 Five years? Ten years? Feels like 45 years that Gina's been on this. Yeah, Gina's been here so long. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. Are you in trouble with the law? Need a lawyer who'll fight like hell to keep you out of jail?
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Starting point is 00:21:59 Follow Criminal Attorney on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Criminal Attorney early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. So then we go have a flashback to Sonoma and saying that she's going to let it go. But basically she's like, I want to rebuild with Katie. That's a real estate term for those of you who didn't know, but I gotta be cautious. Oh, so then Katie meets up with Emily at a place called Vitali Cafe.
Starting point is 00:22:35 It's like vital and Italy combined together. If you want to have a vital coffee, but also feel like you're in Italy, but not at all, go to Vitali Cafe. Yeah, it's like healthy. It's like even healthier caprese salads, cause that's what Katie gets. And, um, let's see. So Jen is like, um, guys, I have to pay. So I'm going to pay. Because you know, like I have to pay. Everybody's like talking about how poor I am all the time and you guys always pay for me because you feel bad for me. And so I'm going to pay because you know, like I have to pay. Everybody's like talking about how poor I am all the time. And you guys always pay for me because you feel bad for me. And so I'm going to pay. And I'm going to say, I'm going to Venmo you, come on. It's ridiculous.
Starting point is 00:23:13 Now this is very sweet of Jen to do so. Um, it's, it's great as a friend that she's stepping up to pay, but it's also hilarious that, um, it's like they go to places like Nobu, et cetera. She's like, guys, since we're here at Vitali Cafe, let me buy your avocado toast. You're eating avocado toast. That's how you do it around rich people. You're like, be a black.
Starting point is 00:23:32 Have you ever heard of McDonald's? It's amazing, let me take you there and pay. I got this one, guys. Well, I guess it's my turn. Okay, well, it's so funny. It happened during the Caprese lunch. Hey, listen, we all do what we can afford. You know what I mean? Oh, listen. Yeah. Oh, you know, that was me like circa 2010 when I was living
Starting point is 00:23:51 off of the income of Google ads on B side blog. It was like, who wants a Caprese salad? I got you guys. Don't worry. Yeah, but also they need to be making the show pay. Why is Jen paying? It's weird. So then she's also opening herself up to more like lame poor jokes from Emily, who's such a fucker. She's like, oh, it's a nice gesture, but she can't pay her rent.
Starting point is 00:24:12 So she is, maybe she can't pay her rent, but at least she can afford a coffee. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I can't wait to have cried about five minutes about how hurt my feelings are about something while I poor shame someone for the third month in a row. So they sit down and Jen's like, well, I feel like I haven't caught up with you guys. The kids, Hey Emily, what's going on with Annabelle? Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:24:35 I've been on this show for six years and no one's ever asked me. Finally. So, um, we see Emily putting up, she's Emily is, uh, I'm sorry. Annabelle is like a total ham and we see these putting up, she's, Emily is, I'm sorry, Annabelle is like a total ham. And we see these text messages that she sends Emily that are like, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom,
Starting point is 00:24:58 mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, you know what? Wait, she said Shane calls her Emily 2.0. No, I misunderstood that when I saw it because I remembered it as her being she is Shane 2.0. She looks like Shane, and she is obnoxious like Shane. I feel like Shane would do that. Like she puts one Texas says H and then it goes bloop and then she puts the E loop, L loop, L loop, O loop, O That is Shane in text form. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hi.
Starting point is 00:25:33 Good guess with Shane. Listen, they, Shane popped the question over Gmail. So this is a family that communicates its most important messages. It wasn't even over Gmail. It was over G chat. That's where I met G chat. It's like the inter office chat. Like he couldn't even slap slack. No, he wouldn't even, he wouldn't even spring for Slack. It was like the Google version. Oh, so sad. So Jen's like, so Emily's like, she was by far my hardest child. And I just, you
Starting point is 00:26:09 know, here's the, I mean, here's where I go wrong. I didn't have very much growing up. So I overcompensate by doing everything to her and giving her everything she wants. You see, because of my mom, I was a latchkey kid. And Jen thankfully is like, yeah, okay, I'm going to change it over to me. So that's kind of the spot I'm in with Dawson. He doesn't see it any other way. And it's, it's like, well, what do you mean? I'm like, at some point, DOS, you got to want this for yourself, DOS. Yeah. And then she, we see a flashback where she sat down with Dawson. And he's like, the moment we moved into Ryan's, it's like all of a sudden I have a curfew, like be home at 9.30.
Starting point is 00:26:49 And she's like, well, like we do need some stuff in place, right? A DOS, I mean, come on DOS. That's how we have to do it. I mean, listen, you're named after a very outdated computer program, but I'm gonna need to keep you up to date somehow, okay? And then a week earlier,
Starting point is 00:27:04 oh my God, Ryan is blowing up my phone. He said Dawson's banged on the door at midnight. I need to keep you up to date somehow. Okay? And then a week earlier, oh my God, Ryan is blowing up my phone. He said Dawson's banged on the door at midnight. Oh my God, they shouldn't be up at that late on a school night, batch. But it is, yeah, that's right, it's a school night. You know, I see him going down a path and it's not good. It's like, Tamara, like your son, Ryan,
Starting point is 00:27:19 I see Dawson going down that path, that's terrible. Well, except, you know, hating best of trans people, less Trumpy, hopefully less cowboy, less cowboy role play. Um, uh, more, okay. Yeah. He's nothing like, he's just, he's nothing like your son. I don't think we should make, I don't think we should put Dawson on the, on the Ryan path, the Ryan path is a horrible path.
Starting point is 00:27:41 Also we've seen on this show, specifically this show, Orange County, when the wives on Orange County are like, my children are not going down a good path, it ends terribly. It is not, I don't think there's ever been a child on this show that people are like, wow, they're going down a bad path and then it ends well for that, except maybe the baseball player one. I think he ended up doing fairly well. Like he kind of evened out.
Starting point is 00:28:04 But yeah, like this show has a lot of tragedy with the kids and they're really highlighting the kids today, which is good. And I think it works out for the most part. But this one, I was like, yeah, listen to your mom cause you're on Orange County and it's not looking good for you. Get your shit together, Doss.
Starting point is 00:28:18 Okay. I think you could make an argument that the kids on Orange County really turn out the worst out of all the shows. Maybe Atlanta, maybe in second place, maybe that's a distance. Second place. Orange County is really where there's like, it's bad news over, over here. Even Brianna went fucking crazy and she was one of the good ones. Look at her now trying to sell like fucking essential oils and all that shit
Starting point is 00:28:42 and like only eating raw liver and not getting her, not getting her shots, whatever she's doing over there is not good. Yeah. So like Jen does need to have an intervention with Dawson because, uh, I feel like an orange County when the kids go, when the kids don't turn out right, they're like zucchini in a summer, a zucchini that's hanging around pavilions way too long. Like some, if your parent, if a parent on the osi looks down into
Starting point is 00:29:05 their shopping cart of children and says that one's the zucchini you're fucked okay you're fucked uh so um anyway dos yeah jen says that she says she she does an extra prayer for Johnson, which by the way, does such a polite, sweet way of saying, my kid's fucked up. I do an extra prayer for him. No, you need an extra spanking, okay? And if he's too old to spank, you need an extra, you know, refusing to give him money that he's using to go out with my, okay?
Starting point is 00:29:41 How about you say an extra prayer for his split part hair that he's got? Cause you know, that's the new thing, right? Broccoli hair is heading out split part from the 90s. I know we knew it because that guy, uh, West from summer house is like 35 or whatever he is. And he's trying to like have the latest 16 year old boys hairstyle because he's on summer house. And so first he had that other, that terrible mushroom hair. And he's trying to like have the latest 16 year old boys hairstyle because he's on some house.
Starting point is 00:30:05 And so first he had that other, that terrible mushroom hair. And then he immediately switched over to the, the alfalfa split. So I knew that that's the new haircut that 16 year olds are wearing. You know, when washups on Bravo first season washouts on Bravo or washups on Bravo or wearing the hair that that's next for the teens. You know, I start seeing, um, things that like I failed my kids in chores, consequences. That's really, it really jumps to consequences so quickly. She's like, yeah, it does. I just never give consequences to my kids.
Starting point is 00:30:39 So I just need to lay the hammer down and honestly, I don't even know how to do that. It's a lost cause. Okay, Jen, just start, just start saving up for the rehab bills. Yeah. And, you know, don't let him manipulate you emotionally, but we can see very soon that that's not going to really work out for her. So she's telling them, yeah, you know, I talked to Dawson, I asked to have a conversation and he said, yes, guys, he said, yes, first of all, that's your thought. You don't ask him to have a conversation. Tell him to sit his ass down and you're taking his car away and listen his ass up. I think it's time for a little tough love over here.
Starting point is 00:31:11 You're going to cut off one half of the part. Yeah, exactly. You're going to shave his head. But only one half. Yeah. So, and by the way, to all those mothers out there, I know there's a lot of you listening. Isn't it wonderful listening to two people with no children talk about mothering? We literally have no idea. I'm like, it's easy. Here's how you do it.
Starting point is 00:31:32 We know that we don't know what we're talking about. Listen, a lot of people have a lot of opinions about our lives. Yeah, but I mean, especially childhood, it's like, oh, child rearing, I guess. Rearing, rearing, rearing. You know what the moment that people stop pestering you Ronnie about like being single is the moment that that Google stop weighing in on mothering. So Jen's like, yeah, I'm so excited. He's going to talk to me. It's great. So Emily's like, what's going on with you, Gina? Have you seen Katie? great." So Emily's like, what's going on with you, Gina? Have you seen Katie? And she's asking Katie if she's seen Gina. I'm sorry. And so she's like, I haven't heard from her, not a text,
Starting point is 00:32:12 anything. Here's what I can tell you. The wind is coming from the east at about five miles an hour. Shouldn't affect the balls too bad, but let's wait and see. You know, I'll tell you that last day in Sonoma, her and Shannon, you know, they left the night before, you know, and it was so nice. It was like the whole time we had to be separated. Why is that's not Shannon's fault? Shannon was being sued, is being sued by John Jansen. And then on top of that, Gina is the one who drops the bomb to Shannon, ruins the entire
Starting point is 00:32:44 vacation by telling Shannon about these videos, et cetera, et cetera. So all of a sudden it's like, oh, thank God Shannon left because it sucked when she was there. It's like, you guys made it suck. You guys tortured her. Yeah. So then they're like, well, Shannon felt so supported.
Starting point is 00:33:00 That was so nice. That was so nice. And Emily's like, oh yeah, there was just like, there was a lot of support. And did we get a text about the party? And Jen's like, no, because we get a flashback to the previous day where Jen is talking about her party with Katie.
Starting point is 00:33:15 And she's like, I want to have you guys over, you girls. You girls are such good girls, you know, and I want you to see the space. It's Ryan's space. It's also my space, you know? It's just, it's my home and I want you to be there. Would you consider it? Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I'm having a thank you so much party. Poor Jen trying to, you know, get her life back together, but like invoking my space at the same
Starting point is 00:33:37 time, it just really shows how she has so far to go. So Katie is like, yeah, no, it's your space. Yeah. I can't wait to go. So Jen is like, she's like, yeah, no, Shannon didn't respond back, but you know what I was thinking? She's doing her thing with Katie, with Vicky. So maybe this is the, maybe that's why she's not gonna come. And so now we cut to Shannon and Gina and Shannon's like, well, I just want to tell you, my attorney called me last night and I said,
Starting point is 00:34:02 have we heard anything from John's attorney? Because he went back to him and said, you are flipping blackmailing now with this video thing. And he said, yes, they're actually standing on the fact that they want those videos for blackmail purposes. They're exact words where John needs some sort of insurance policy in case Shannon goes off the rails.
Starting point is 00:34:21 My attorney says he's gonna file the lawsuit against me. Who is your lawyer? Not Shannon, but who is John Jensen's lawyer that they're confessing over text? Like text or emails saying, oh, no, sorry, but we're going to need that as an insurance plot. That is literally extortion, you fucking idiots. And I also love the idea that Shannon is, she has an attorney that talks just like her. Your honor, I am flipping upset about this.
Starting point is 00:34:46 Flipping objection, freaking fluke and turd. I will not take this anymore. Isn't the insurance policy in case Shannon goes off the rails, the legal agreement and the settlement, isn't that like if she violates the terms of the legal settlement, that she will then be in trouble with law? Isn't that the insurance policy and not the Ring Cam video? Because it's a mutual disparagement, disagreement.
Starting point is 00:35:11 So it's not just saying that John can't talk. It's also saying that Shannon can't talk about John. So if that's what he really cared about, this would have solved that. But it's not what he cares about. We all know from seeing him on the red carpet to whatever zestfully clean new scent that he really cares about the fame the most.
Starting point is 00:35:31 Yeah, I'm pretty sure that legal implications are the insurance policy for terms of a settlement. So Emily, you know, she's a lawyer and we know because she's reading a lot off of her cell phone from Google. She's like, well, know because she's reading a lot off of her cell phone from Google. She's like, well, under the California Petal Code section eight, extortion is a criminal offense where the defendant threatens to expose the secret of another person.
Starting point is 00:35:53 So John's threat of the video sure sounds very extortion like. Now on something equally as important, can I ask you guys as a opinion on something? When we were in Sonoma and we did the fashion show, my dress was a size 12. And by the way, I'm not a size 12. I just want to say that. We're not talking about the extortion anymore, right? We could talk about my dresses.
Starting point is 00:36:16 And Jen's like, wait, what? Are you being serious? There's such a thing as a size 12? Because Jen, she goes, she goes, my dress was like a size 12. She's like, oh my God. Because Jen thinks it's like a joke, like an exaggeration.
Starting point is 00:36:30 Emily was put in a size 12. It's as if you'd said size 5,000 to Jen. It's such a high number. She can't even conceive of it outside of a joke. And then she goes, oh wait, are you being serious? Yes, I'm being serious. I was in a size 12. And then Alexis had the same dress, but hers was like a size two or four, like totally tiny and fit her perfectly.
Starting point is 00:36:49 I just felt like I was going to court. Which I could do because I'm a lawyer. And then we see footage of Alexis and Emily in the same dress and Alexis marches down the runway confidently. And Emily, I guess doesn't, but from what my recollection of seeing this is that Emily looked great. Am I remembering? Like, I mean, in the footage, she definitely looks like she's wearing clothing, looks a little more businessy.
Starting point is 00:37:16 I don't know why that's a bad thing though at a fashion show. Like, I get her sensitivity. This gets tricky, right? Cause I mean, I, I do get the sensitivity behind it, but from the footage they showed, she looked great. And then they showed her in like an oversized code at one point, but that is kind of a fashion. But then they also showed Tamara wearing a coat, a jacket like that. So I'm not sure, but I understand the sensitivity. And I guess at the end of the day, Heather should understand the sensitivity and she doesn't at all. And
Starting point is 00:37:50 we'll see later when she's called out on it doubles down and gets even fucking worse. Because at this point I was like, well, I don't know, this is kind of iffy. Like I get your sensitivity, but I don't think any mentor, anyone meant to hurt your feelings. But by the end of it, I'm like, wow, Heather's still fucking terrible. Wow. I forget sometimes how terrible Heather is. She's tricked me this whole season because usually I'm anti Heather for every little thing.
Starting point is 00:38:12 And this season I'm like, no, she's been fun. She's been chill and just funny. But wow, yeah, she really gets bad. Yeah, I mean, Emily's look was definitely more, you know, as Katie said, uh, I mean, Emily's look was definitely more, um, you know, as Katie said, well, you looked professional and maybe I'm assuming, I don't, I don't know enough of what the fashion show was. Was this supposed to be like different looks for different, different, no, it was supposed to be basic teas. It was bad. It was back to basics.
Starting point is 00:38:40 Like the basic, the basic white tee, the basic black shirt, the basic black jeans and the basic leather. It was the fashion show to be like, here's like, you could, this is a look for going out to dinner. Here's a look. Here's how you can use the basic at work. Here's how you can use a basic for like athleisure. And so I don't know. Basic keeps her job for seven years. It's just Gina, Gina, Gina and her normal outfit.
Starting point is 00:39:04 Gina's stealing lemons out on the sidewalk. So I don't know what the context was, but what I do sense is that obviously Emily has been working on her body and she's feeling she's really kind of like leaning into, you know, being sexy or she she's feeling sexier and she probably wanted to sort of show herself as like sexier. And, um, instead she got more of a buttoned up look and, um, it's caused her to spiral.
Starting point is 00:39:34 Yeah. I mean, they show one shot of her, uh, coming out in black black jeans and a black shirt, like taking off her jacket and like throwing it behind her back and looking really sexy. So, I mean, I don't know, I guess we all see different things, you know, when we look at ourselves. So Emily is like, well, I thought she thought she did that because I was too big to fit in anything she had. And that hurt. And I like went to the bathroom and had a little mini breakdown into my taco. It's the only thing I had in my purse. It was supposed to be a funny prop, but things got dark in that bathroom. You know, I felt like, I felt like again, I wasn't fitting in, and you know,
Starting point is 00:40:07 you know what I mean? And no one wants to feel that. Everyone wants to feel like they can fit into clothes. You know, I just don't think that Heather is malicious in this circumstance, but I do think Heather is just unaware of how much work and time and effort I've put into myself. And she's like, well, maybe she saw maybe she just thought, let's put Emily in the leather pants. I just wish she saw that I worked hard and was like, let's put Emily in leather pants. And she says, I feel like Heather just looks at me as the big girl. And I go, oh my God, Emily. And they're like, I'm sorry you feel that way. And she's like, am I unreasonable? I guess that's my question. She goes, no, no, listen, Emily, you know, you feel how you feel.
Starting point is 00:40:47 You can't help that. You can't help feeling that. And Emily is like, I don't know. Maybe I, maybe I can have a conversation with her, but let me tell you, I'm just very emotional. I'm very up and down. By the way, I just got testosterone implant put into my butt. Yeah. And so she doesn't know she's emotional
Starting point is 00:41:05 because of the testosterone in her butt. Commissions, here comes one right now. So then we go, I'm gonna reserve my judgment on this until we get deeper into the conversation. Cause it's an interesting conversation to have. At this point, I'm thinking Emily is like kind of being too sensitive. And also Emily does tend to like take one little thing and try and make a big storyline out of it,
Starting point is 00:41:28 because she's got nothing. I mean, she's had her mom sent shit again this year. She's like kind of struggling. So I'm like, is this really the thing? Like, I don't need this. Part of me at this point, and this is with someone with serious weight problems and eating disorders, me talking. So maybe I'm wrestling with some of my own stuff too. But at this point in the episode, I'm thinking it's not really anybody's responsibility. If we don't want people commenting on our weight when we're bigger, we certainly it's not their responsibility to comment on it when we're smaller
Starting point is 00:41:58 either, like there's kind of, there's kind of that rule right now where you're not supposed to talk about people's body weight, no matter what, right? Like if people, if someone's lost a lot of weight, you're not supposed to say you lost a lot of weight because that's still commenting on their weight, which is a tricky one for me. But, um, I don't know. That's kind of where I am now. I'm kind of confused. It changes as we go on. So stay tuned for bipolar switches of opinion by Rondo. So now we go over to Beverly Hills. Heather is getting glam on and everything. And she's like, I am getting ready for the GLAAD awards. I'm so excited.
Starting point is 00:42:37 We're going to have an incredible time with a fabulous team. And we've got celebrity iconic jeweler, Martin Katz giving me all the gems and look in the corner there's Kyle Chan trying to climb through the window to get on camera too. And she's like, wow, Martin, because she's making content or something with a jeweler. She's like, Hello, Martin, it's me completely television natural Heather Dubro Kent. Now Martin, am I going to get some real gems today to wear? And he goes, you are the gem, Heather.
Starting point is 00:43:07 And she's like, wow, Martin. I'm like, gives like a total sitcom shimmy as she walks off and winked at the camera. I was like, wow, Heather, how are you not working? You are just a fucking natural. It's like a Bea Arthur over there. And she does the thing that all the actresses do whenever they're rented or loaned jewelry that we always see on the behind the scenes stuff. She goes, do I have to give it back?
Starting point is 00:43:31 I guess, well, let me talk to Terry. No, seriously, I'm not giving it back. These are mine now, I've decided. They're gonna go behind the gate. If you want them, just get by my guard dogs. The challenge is yours. So, I have such a good relationship with glad. They love celebrities and we love them. So many people are with glad as well. Oprah
Starting point is 00:43:54 Oprah's with glad. I'm basically Oprah. Thank you for coming. You know, my relationship with glad is almost as good as my relationship with my next door neighbor, Drake, who is a rap artist of some sort or a cake. I'm not sure. But either way, you know, this is such an incredible organization. It's just a star studded event. I mean, obviously it is because television's television's Heather DeBrow is here. You know, GLAAD has one of the largest platforms and for Terry and I to be able to support the work that GLAAD does just makes me feel like I'm making a difference and I'm on the right path because I'm near lots of famous people and not next to Gina. And then Anthony comes over, he's a GLAAD organizer and he's like, oh my god, hi, I think he's just kind of looking around the room while he's talking to
Starting point is 00:44:39 them because they're way bigger people. He's like, hi, thank you so much for being here. Are you ready? Are you ready to do this? She's like, Oprah's here. He's like, hi, thank you so much for being here. Are you ready? Are you ready to do this? She's like, Oprah's here. He's like, yes, Oprah. Okay, well, you're not her. Are we done here? Great, Terry's here. Hi, Terry.
Starting point is 00:44:52 Terry, bring in the drink. That's funny. See, it's a party with a purpose. Cheers, I need to get one of those drinks. Okay, you and Meredith are presenting. Okay, where'd you see Oprah again? Great, point me towards her. That would be good, okay.
Starting point is 00:45:05 You know, if Oprah is here and I am here, this basically makes me Meghan Markle. So then Anthony just like leaves and Heather and Terry are talking and he's like, I am so proud of you, I really am. And I am so proud of us and I'm proud of our family and I'm proud of the HD network available on Mark Cuban TV.
Starting point is 00:45:29 She's like, you know, I'm so proud of us for being such amazing people with homosexuals. You know, we're helping our children in the world, a world that's a little better and more inclusive for them because of us. And he's like, the problem honestly is just, you know, they're just so accepted in our family. They don't even have to feel what it's really like
Starting point is 00:45:47 for kids out there. Yeah, in every sense of the word. And she's like, yeah, they don't know anything but love and support. Thankfully they don't know what it's like to be poor and gay. You know, I'm just, sometimes I just have to say I'm so glad I did such an amazing job being a great mother that it's hard to know they're going to have to go out in the world where there won't be as many children who are raised by as good mothers and how are
Starting point is 00:46:15 they going to interact with people who come from only okay parents? I'm not worried about them interacting with straight people and I'm not worried about them interacting with other gays. I'm worried about them interacting with Capital One gays. I just, I'm just so scared for that moment when they're going to have to meet the children from my cast mates. I mean, they're just so poor. Are they going to be able to socialize? I just want to teach these gays that there are no limits to who you can be in this world,
Starting point is 00:46:47 but there are credit limits. I'm so sorry for that. My kids will not be hanging out with you. Okay, thank you. I've just come here to ask the poor gays to please leave my children alone. Please. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:46:58 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So now we go to the actual award show and Heather walks out with Meredith Marks and
Starting point is 00:47:10 Heather's like, hello, audience members and Oprah. As the mother of three queer kids and the owner of several high limit credit cards, I want to build a world healthy, happy and safe from attack. I'm literally building a world. It should be ready in about six years. It will be documented on the HD network. Emeritus like, and I would like to see LGBTQ plus people based in love. I love parents. And Alexis is in the audience because I think that Heather invited her or something like that. So they give their awards and then they have like an auction over champagne.
Starting point is 00:47:56 And I guess Heather and Terry spent $6500 on champagne and Heather's like, that's the most expensive bottle of Vuv Clicquot in the world. And I'm going to enjoy it so much. I'm just gonna drink it in front of Gina and just watch her eyes just turn into enormous saucers. Ha-ha-ha. Fucking Heather, even at the GLAAD Awards, surrounded by other rich and famous people,
Starting point is 00:48:15 I got the most expensive bottle of Vuv! God, congratulations, Heather. Jesus Christ, you sad, sad woman. Okay, so let's go over to Katie and her daughter, Callie. Yeah. So Katie's- That's all I had to say. I was like, that's all I have to say. Take it away. Children, close your eyes.
Starting point is 00:48:37 Close your, Bert box yourselves. There's poor children coming on screen. Don't look. Mama will tell you when it's safe to look at the television again. So they're shopping basically. They're gonna go shopping and, well no, they're not going shopping.
Starting point is 00:48:53 They're going to a candle bar called Twin Flames. Yeah, it's gonna be a candle making scene. I actually knew those kids. I met them at the LGBTQ plus prom. Very, very cute. LGBTQ candles. So Cali and Katie- LGBTQ candles. Criandals. So there's a candle barista and she's like, hello, welcome to Twin Flames Candle Bar. Are you gonna hear for candle making class?
Starting point is 00:49:28 And then Tamara and her daughter, Sophia come in. So it's like a play date. It's like mom and daughter play dates. And- Oh my God, do you have a depressed child? I have a depressed child. We should have a depression date. Our children should just get together and be sad.
Starting point is 00:49:42 How about that? That's great, bitch. Let's go to a place they can learn to start shit on fire. Yeah, this candle barista, she's like, okay guys, everyone's gonna get a candle card and then you'll choose a vessel and then you'll go into that vessel and- I'll be demonic and ruin their lives.
Starting point is 00:50:00 No saving, stand back, Tamara, okay? Not a human vessel, a glass. Okay, we're talking about pouring wax. So, um, uh, they're just like talking, talking, they're making their candles. Kaylee's talking about this, this guy that she was dating and basically Kaylee's like really hard on men because of her relationship with her dad, you know, because, you know, she was really hard on them. And so like now Kaylee's hard on guys.
Starting point is 00:50:28 And then there's- I loved this. Katie said, you know, definitely she was like, I dumped him immediately because he said he loved me right away, which I don't trust. And then he tried to gaslight me and say you back. And then he gave me COVID. And then I was me COVID. And
Starting point is 00:50:45 Tamara's like, does never go away. By the way, take a look at this text from my bed. And Katie's or Callie is like, yeah, the second amends mean to me, I'm out of there. But I liked I wish I could be like that. I'm literally not like that. I'm like, Oh my god, maybe you maybe he likes me. He wouldn't be mean if he didn't care, right? Is that the same?
Starting point is 00:51:07 Is that the same? So Katie talks about how it's like really hard four times a year to send her, like her son visits four times a year and that also means that four times a year, she has to put him on a plane and fly him back to Georgia. And that's like really hard, feels unnatural for her to say goodbye to her son like that.
Starting point is 00:51:27 But she just knows it makes him happy. And she just tries to remind herself whatever makes him happy is what matters the most. I just hate driving to the airport. I mean, if this was me as the mom, I'd be like, it is so sad. He comes to see me four times a year and four times a year, I have to get him an Uber to the airport.
Starting point is 00:51:42 And it just breaks my heart every time I see him get into that Uber. I'm not taking you to the airport four times a year. You wanna live with him an Uber to the airport. And it just breaks my heart. Every time I see him get into that Uber, I'm not taking you to the airport four times a year. You want to live with your dad? You can drive to fucking LAX alone. How about that? I'm not going. That kid already has a tortured existence. If he has to commute back and forth between LAX and the Atlanta airport, two nightmares of airport. Well, I guess the orange County has its own airport, right?
Starting point is 00:52:01 There wouldn't be John Wayne airport or something like that. Oh God. own airport, right? That wouldn't be John Wayne airport or something like that. Oh God. You actually get on a flying horse and then probably lasso your cocktail. Pardon her. Okay. So then Tamara's like, yeah, I get it cause Simon was a terrible dad. And Sophia gives her speech. She's like, cause a chamber's like, Yeah, you know, Sophia don't want to get married. Right? Yeah. I mean, that's stupid. Maybe she'll
Starting point is 00:52:29 change your mind one day. And Sophia is like, No, I won't. Because like, it's really irresponsible to bring kids into this world just because you're married or you're in love or you think it's going to save your marriage or something like that. And Timbers like, Yeah, not talking about me, right? Talking about stupid people. Like, no, I'm talking about my niece. So she's like, yeah, I mean, you should have to want kids like a hundred
Starting point is 00:52:53 percent. You know, there's no like 50% parenting, you know? And Tamara's like, yeah, I'm talking about me. By the way, we're at 49%. Wrap it up. Mama's got a date. Mama's got a friend date. Hi, this is television's Heather DeBrow. I just want to interrupt this conversation at this whatever wax thing you guys are doing.
Starting point is 00:53:14 I just want to say, I agree. You need to want kids in order to have the kids. Also, you should be very wealthy. That's it, goodbye. You're taught to raise children. I'm gonna let my nanny take this one and she better be holding tissue paper. You first of all, you need to have a wall
Starting point is 00:53:31 where you can install their genetic code into a tree mural. Oh yeah, the tree mural. Some rich person who bought that house for $9 million is like, wow, I wonder, honey, one of our neighbors said that that wall represents Heather Dubrow's unfertilized eggs. Whenever I walk by that wall, it goes, so Sophia kind of tells off her mom, but Tamara doesn't really get it at all,
Starting point is 00:54:02 which is really funny. She's like, yeah, yeah. She's talking about Simon. Simon's stuck. Didn't you hear it? Cause Simon's a terrible parent, you know? And she's like, yeah, I mean, getting a kid, it's not like getting a dog or getting a cat. Tamara's like, that's right. Hey Sophia, go get the rope. Go get it. Go get it. So good. Don't get it. So good. Just bring it back. Kids. Kids, am I right? So then they make their candles. So then, meanwhile, elsewhere in the world, Shad and Vicky hit the road for their live show. So I think that they're headed to St. Louis or they're on the way and Vicky's like, wow, we're like selling out shows like we're Adele. Adele seems to be her only comparison
Starting point is 00:54:50 for this entire episode. She's really into Adele. I think Vicky just discovered Adele. I know. She's like, who's this lady? This lady, she got a job and she sings really well. So they're in St. Louis and they're being wacky. They're kind of like trying to sell us that
Starting point is 00:55:07 their comic energy is great without Tamra. It's like, Shannon, Shannon, if you open the door, you gotta put your key in the door to open it. It's wacky. I just think, you know, I thought this was a credit card. That's a door key. I want this key that's in the shape of a card. What, how do you even use a door knob?
Starting point is 00:55:22 That is wild. Shannon, Shannon, you're not supposed to put your suitcase on the ground. Walk over that. You're just supposed to walk out of there. Well, I'm falling over a suitcase. You're so hilarious. You're even laughing in cloud music. You know, you know who else uses a key card at a hotel? Adele. Oh my God, that rhymes. We should work that into the show. Doug. Put that in the show. So Shannon's like,
Starting point is 00:55:49 oh gosh, just being on the road with Vicky, it's just fun, it really is. It's a way for me to get out of Orange County and feel like I'm living my life a little bit. What is today? Is it Thursday? Oh my God, we're so wacky. Don't even know what day of the week is.
Starting point is 00:56:03 It's like we're Ade town looking at a calendar. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. So now they've got hoodies with their face on them and stuff, which is really cute. And then now they are practicing tap dancing. Ha ha ha. And Shannon's like, which one is this one called again?
Starting point is 00:56:22 Shuffleball heel, shuffleball heel, shuffleball heel. Shuffleball heel, shuffleball what? Shuffleball heel, shuffleball what? Heel shuffle ball, ball shuffle what? Pens and pencils and what? Shuffleball heel? Am I dancing or am I barking orders to Archie? Get it, get it? Oh God.
Starting point is 00:56:41 Oh, it's so much comic material for our audience. I'm just, I'm really, I'm really so happy right now. Yeah. So Vicky's like, I just, I love the tap show idea. I think we're incorporating such really good things since Tresimiga quit, you know, it's just so, so happy. We're so happy. Look at us.
Starting point is 00:56:59 Jen was like, happy! We're so happy. You know, I never thought I'd be sitting here saying, thank goodness Tamra dropped out, but because it's a different show without her. You know, you know what I like about our shows now that Tamra's not in it is that it's not all laughter because that's just a little, that's like a little one note. Instead, it's, it's, it's okay. It's like occasional laughs and like a cough
Starting point is 00:57:25 and some scattered applause. And you have time to think about the decisions in your life that led you to this doing a dog and pony show at random comedy clubs across America. Tamra was involved in this show. We didn't really have time to concentrate on the sound of the butterscotch as being unwrapped in the second row. But. on the sound of the butterscotchers being unwrapped in the second row.
Starting point is 00:57:52 Really, it's nice because now we get to hear people order their cocktails that they say they apparently need to get through our show. So that's nice. That's nice when people say that. Well, you know, we're not completely well received by everyone. Cut to one night in the audience in Phoenix. You suck, bitch. You suck. All of you suck, they not telling up there, bitches. Why is that lady wearing a Groucho Marx mustache and glasses? Why is that woman with a mustache
Starting point is 00:58:21 sitting on top of a garbage can? You suck. But you know what? Like we think about, we say, hey, is this too long? Is this too slow? Were people bored at this part? Why were people booing when we were singing Adele songs? Why are we singing Adele songs?
Starting point is 00:58:37 Why is Vicky insisting that we sing Adele songs? It's a work in progress. So they get out of their car and chance like, why is the car stopping? Why are we being pulled over? What is going on? It's like you're at your venue now. Oh, that was a rest humor.
Starting point is 00:58:51 I've been arrested. I was so fine. What's your number? I'll send you a picture. Oh, this driver's amazing. He didn't even clip the side of the building. So they go in and, oh, it's the Shannon and Vicky show.
Starting point is 00:59:07 And then someone's like, Vicky, we're ready to boop it up. And they're all excited. And they go into the green room and everything. And then Vicky orders a tequila and soda. And Shannon's like, do you just have like a Tito's and Grey Goose, whatever? So just, I'll just whatever, just put whatever. You can put kerosene with it. I don't care. As long have like a Tito's and Grey Goose, whatever, so just whatever, just put whatever. You can put kerosene with it, I don't care.
Starting point is 00:59:26 As long as I have Tito's, I just really need some Tito's right now. So now they have this new bit that they need to try out, which is the slingshot, okay? And they're gonna basically be slingshotting T-shirts at people. In a very small space. And I think he's like, you know what, we're doing this
Starting point is 00:59:44 because like I was at Adele's concert and she did this with a big powerful gun and nobody got hurt. So you know, I thought that's good. Vicky, there's like, that's a stadium. Okay. You work in insurance. Okay. You're in a 15 person room.
Starting point is 00:59:59 You can't fling shot at people's head. People at the Adele show are not all setting up tables full of glassware. I just checked this. It's like Adele did it, so we did it too. She's like, all right, where can we put up our giant LCD screens? Yeah. Adele had them. Chippa-trods. Chippa-trods. Pyro. Can we get Pyro in here?
Starting point is 01:00:23 Yeah. So they're trying to do it, but it's kind of a big fail. And one of the guys on the crew is like, oh, you guys are going to end up killing someone. They'll die with a Vicky logo splatted on their face. Lucky them. Well, luckily for them, when they walk in the door, we're going to sign them up automatically to an insurance policy so they die. Everyone's set. They're covered.
Starting point is 01:00:43 Well, Vicky, did this trick work for Adele? You know what? Honestly, I don't know, I got kicked out because she was singing Fire in the Rain. And I said, fire in the rain, you better be insured because if there's a fire still going in the rain, that means it's a kerosene fire or something. You're in trouble, you're in trouble.
Starting point is 01:00:55 Get insurance, get insurance Adele! I don't have insurance! Yeah, I don't really remember how, I don't really remember how the T-shirt bit was received by Adele because one moment she was pulling it out, the next moment I felt a hard thud against my head and I woke up in a hospital two miles away. So I don't really know, but I think people liked it. Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap.
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