Watch What Crappens - #2567: Secret Lives of Mormon Wives S01E03: Cereal Offender

Episode Date: September 23, 2024

Whitney brings a rude gift to Demi’s Galentine’s Day party, and now the future of #MomTalk hangs in the balance. If Jen’s mother in law finds out, we’ll all be banned!!! To watch this recap on video, listen to all of our bonus episodes, and join in our new community chat, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch Our Crap In. A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch, or sometimes even Hulu. I'm Ben Mandelker, joining me today as always, although not in his big puffy baby blessing dress. It's Ronnie Karam. Hey, Ronnie, how are you? Well, hello, how are you? I'm doing okay. But like, honestly, I'm like a little offended because I heard that you drank

sometime over the past six months. And like, that's just not going to stand with my mother-in-law. I'm drinking right now. Oh, my God. Right now. I don't think I can invite you to this function. It's not my fault. It's just like, Ronnie, it's just like, so here's the thing Ronnie, I was gonna do something this weekend and like, I just, you know, Dom thinks it's really important

that we just only have people that Dom knows. So like you can come, I'm sorry. Yeah, this show is something else, my god. We're talking of course about the secret lives of Mormon wives, episode three, in which Jen Affleck uninvited four girls from her baby blessing, God forbid. Now, you know, I don't know how long you all have been listening to this podcast, but fuck you in your baby blessing, and you better uninvite... Who are you acting like you're doing a favor for by having me at your fucking baby blessing, where I get to give you gifts to make the whole day about you an iron address?

You're not doing me a favor. I am doing you a favor by coming to your fucking blessing. Get over yourself. You're fucking kidding me with this. And by the way, you're not even an Affleck. I don't even believe for two seconds that you're related to the real Ben Affleck. I read it on the Reddit where I get all of my information that there's no proof anywhere that you're even related to Ben Affleck so you can get the fuck over yourself. The younger version of Cody from Sister Wives.

Yeah. Like if I ever get uninvited from a baby blessing, I will do cartwheels in the street. Okay. Like nothing sounds worse to me than giving up precious several hours of my weekend to go look at a baby, spit up green stuff on someone's shoulder while people gather around in a football huddle and give a, give a pray over it. Like I can watch that over zoom. Yeah. You call it a baby blessing. I say, welcome to more noise pollution. Okay? I say I could be at brunch.

How about, you know what I'll do? I'll do a brunch blessing. I'm gonna do a eggs Benedict blessing instead. Fucking baby blessing. Get the fuck out of here. All right, well, welcome to the secret lives of Mormon wives, episode three, the books of saints and sinners.

Here we are. This show's nuts. So we are at Michaela's house to start off, guys. Yeah, and everyone's gathered around. Honestly, I don't remember who anybody is. I watched this like three days ago. I have to bring up, you know what actually I did? I downloaded all these episodes so that I could eventually, I could eventually do this.

I can give you a guide. So Michaela has the unidentified skin condition, but she, and she also had a baby at 16. That's a sick one. Right. And Macy like is from California or at least went to California at some point in her life, and she's really blonde and she has a permanent smile and she hates Dakota. And then there's, you know who Taylor and Whitney are, and then there's Demi and there's Demi and Jessie and they look pretty much the same, but, uh, Jesse, um, is like, does, does hair and Demi gets hair done.

Okay. Did that help? One of them looks like she was, um, on that show, Las Vegas. Remember what was the name of that girl who, um, wasn't she dating David Spade for a little bit and she was on that show Las Vegas and she was on that show on the WB okay like happily ever never after something like that. I don't know if I'm making it easier for anyone. I think we're making it harder. I don't know what's happening but here's the good news. I downloaded all these episodes, so now I can kind of fast forward while we're talking. And okay, so one of them is-

Nikki Cox is what I meant to say. Nikki Cox. Nikki Cox. Oh, yeah. Okay. I can see that. I think Macy's like Stassi-coded. Yeah, Macy is Stassi-coded.

But they're all kind of Stasi-coated in a way. And yes, that other girl has dark circles under her eyes. She looks like not healthy. And then who, you know who she kind of looks like? She kind of looks like, you know how when you're in the whole food soap section, do you ever go to the whole food soap section? Every time I'm, we have a friend named Katie who loves the whole food soap section. Every time you go to Whole Foods with her, she's like, let's go look at soaps. So I went to look

at soaps with her and I noticed that everybody in that section looks sickly. And I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's the soaps that are making them sickly. I don't know if it's sickly. People are gravitating towards whole food soaps. I don't know what it is, but every time I'm in there, I'm like, well, should I eat more protein? That's my question. Well, yes. Michaela does not look well, but she is dealing with an unidentified skin condition. Well, skin condition, she doesn't look like she has a... I'm not making fun of her skin condition. I just mean general sickliness. I will say this. It doesn't explain much. Was that terrible to say? I'm so sorry if that's terrible. I didn't mean it in a terrible way. Well, what's funny to me about Michaela is

that when they showed them doing the group dances, Michaela is the one who's always like out of beat. She cannot keep up. She can't twerk. Like you can't blame- They put her in the back of the group. Are we? And I'm also going to blame Whole Food Soap for that. Yeah. No, people who are in the Whole Food Soap is actually- I feel like none of those people can twerk either. No, no. People, they're, yeah, and you know, people who are browsing the soaps in Whole Foods at this point, they are not dancing

also. They're not twerking. Let's be honest. Because if you're a dancer and you're interested in like holistic soaps, you're already at Arowan, OK? But if you're a Whole Foods, I mean, it could be worse. You could be at the sprouts soap section. God, and now I'm worried that sickly people are going to be upset with me because I was saying that she looks sickly. Oh, she does look sickly because she is sickly.

But it's not a judgment. It's not a judgment against her. Yeah. I mean, she just, you know. Defining visual. I don't know. E-protein. So these, she's standing in front of a girl making salad and she's also standing in front of muffins. I mean, I kind of like these girls. I'm just saying, this is my kind of people. Salad, muffins and bread.

Okay, so Macy's like, oh, guess what? I got your gluten-free special rolls. Cause of course. The whole food soap section. It's classic WFSS. Of course. Oh, fucking course. The whole food soap section. It's classic WFSS. Of course. Of course. So then Michaela's like,

well, we just have to eat them right when they come out. Yeah, cause just, you know, don't make me eat them too. You know what I mean? Can I just have my regular bread? I'll prepare it on a separate counter. And Maisie goes, I think you should throw one at Whitney when she walks in the door. Michaela's like, you know me, but you know that like if Michaela throws a muffin

at Whitney, it's just gonna like miss the door and just like splat against the wall and be like, Michaela, I'm sorry. It'll break a hole in the wall. Those are gluten free, man. So Maisie's like, this is the first time that me, Michaela, Whitney are going to hang out since Taylor's baby shower. And the fact that Whitney didn't show up, like, I mean, that made this whole thing dramatic. Like, it's like a so much more dramatic than it needs to be. So we're gonna have a whole scene over salad,

muffins and bread. So Whitney comes in, and she's wearing oven mitts and she's holding a little Dutch oven, like a little stob. I believe it was a stob Dutch oven. For some reason, I was like, look at her with her non le crusais. Look at her competing brand. And I feel like every oven in this town is a Dutch oven. Yes. She's like, there's no like minority oven. It's solely Dutch.

Everything is made in a Dutch oven. The widest oven so we can possibly find. So Macy's like, oh my God, your skin's glowing. And when he goes, I have a confession to make though. You spit in the soup? Yes, I spit in the soup. No, Connor made the soup, not me. I can't take full credit.

Like, oh my God, what sort of soup is it? Is it very, very unseasoned? Yes, totally, just the way we like it. So then Michaela's like, well, this is my house, so let me pour you some poppy. Because of course. Let me tell you one thing that I say constantly while I watch this show, of course.

Like of course they're drinking poppy soda. Of course those rolls are gluten-free. Like literally everything that happens on this show, I'm like, mm- like, I figured, okay. Every time I see Poppy, every time I see it mentioned, I just always think of the House Hunters episode that we recapped with the inventors of Poppy. At that time when they did the show, they were like, yeah, we came up with this soda called Poppy and it's starting to take off. And like, I weirdly feel like we were part of it. I railed against Poppy so hard.

I hated that shit. I got it from a whole foods once. It was the most disgusting thing I ever had. And then I think they were going to be an advertiser or something. I think maybe they're going to be an advertiser. Might need to cut this out. Um, but I love Poppy. I don't know what you're talking about.

I love Poppy seed, they'll have poppy soda.. But I love Poppy. I don't know what you're talking about. I love Poppy C. They'll have Poppy soda. I love anyone named Poppy. So the Michaela's like, yeah, it was really weird that you didn't come to the party because everyone was like, where's Whitney? And then someone else was like, yeah, where's Whitney? And then I was all guys, where's Whitney? And then other people, yeah, where's Whitney? And then I was all, guys, where's Whitney? And then other people were like, where's Whitney?

Great story, Michaela. Fuck. Michaela, can you just clean up that gluten muffin you threw at the wall? I'll take it from here, thank you. People are mad at drag queen bingo or drag queen story time in libraries. Be mad at Michaela's story lines, okay?

I don't want story time from Michaela. I'd rather drag queens may offend the children. Michaela will put the children to sleep. Well, Whitney goes, that's why my day was crazy and I wasn't even there. Demi was texting me, Layla was texting me, and then Taylor's mom calls me. I was like, so busy. That's why I was like, Connor, you have to make the sleep today because I've got so much to do with these phone calls. Yeah, which is totally what you're going for. Whitney, you sad, meany person. So Leigh-Ann, we see a clip of Leigh-Ann being like, Whitney, this is Leigh-Ann, Tay's mom. We're like sisters, also friends and also mother-daughter. That's why I call her Tay. I just really, why aren't you here?

What's going on? And she's like, I think that's more of a conversation between me and Taylor, who you should probably have text me, even though I'm getting a lot of texts right now, because like tons of people are texting me. So. And then back to present, Maisie's like, were you shocked when Leanne called you?

And when he was like, well, yeah, I was, because like, I didn't have her number saved. So just like this number comes up and I'm like, what if it's another vibrator deal? I think I'm gonna do it. Guys, I'm gonna support the vibrator. And so Macy's like, well, I thought you were gonna text her. That's what I was like surprised

because like you didn't text her, but then I thought you were going to. So like when you didn't, I was like actually surprised actually. And Michaela's like, yeah, it would have been nice if you had texted her. Yeah, just because like our whole friend group is there and you like, you didn't say anything, dude.

Michaela's like, or like a text would have been like nice. I already said that Michaela. How many times did she have to be told a text would have been nice? Like we said it already Michaela, clean up your muffin. And Whitney's like, I didn't even think of texting her because like we're not friends. And like, I didn't even think it would be weird that I wasn't showing up to her baby blessing, which is like totally the biggest deal to anybody who's us. Because we all know

that that's like one of your citizens of your own private personal planet once you leave this earth. So totally, you knew it was a big deal. You're freaking Mormon. I don't think Mormon, I don't think baby blessings are a bigger deal to anybody on earth than Mormon people. Okay? Also, I want to go out, I just want to declare something. When people say, well, I didn't do this because we're like not friends. Anytime someone says that they are, in fact, friends friends and they know they're friends, but they're using this weird logic to explain why they had bad behaviors. They just basically

downgrade the friendships and nothing. You were friends with Taylor, we watched you in a coffee shop, say that you're gonna have her back forever. So even if you're like, you know, like upset her, you guys are friends when you'd be like, we're like, not friends, like upset her, you guys are friends when you'd be like, we're like not friends, shut up, you're friends. Well, that scene was shot 10 years ago. Still though, but you know what I'm saying? I mean, Ronnie, how many times-

This show started, this season started when they were all in kindergarten. But you know, Ronnie, cause we're the sort of gays that we always get stuck in lady fights like this, where like there's a feud and it's like, well, why didn't you invite her to the party? Well, we're not like friends. It's like you guys are in the same circle.

You guys are friends. You're friends, yeah. Like we're always the ones, it's always you and me, Ronnie, who have to be like, no, I get that, I get that. But like, maybe you should, maybe that'd be nice. But we're like not friends. Shut up, you're friends. Yeah, you're friends.

Whitney knows what she's doing. It's just sad little Whitney can't get attention doing anything else as she does shit like this, you know? So Michaela's like, oh my God, Whitney didn't show up to Taylor's baby shower because she wanted the attention and it's like very calculated. And I think it's clear that Whitney wants to be the leader

of America, just kidding. Mom talk, more important, more important. Macy says, tells us, I sometimes feel torn between Taylor and Whitney. I just, I really just need them to talk and like sort that out so we can figure it everything out and just become a whole group again. Yeah, well, she thinks you're friends and she's confused

because like you don't think she's friends, but she thinks you're friends. So it's confusing. And she's like, well, maybe she doesn't know the definition of friends then. And then we get the theme song. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, Yeah, it's like unholy mixed with Salt Lake City angels or whatever. Yeah. And then we're in Provo, Utah, Zach's family home. We're with Zach and Crystal, his mom, and his wife, Jen.

So a lot of people have been commenting that Zach and his family are Targaryens because they've got very, very, very blonde hair, to which I say you are correct. They are definitely Targaryens because they've got very, very, very blonde hair to which I say, you are correct. They are definitely Targaryens and they definitely look like they've all slept with each other and they may own a dragon or two. I think he looks like Cody. I'm not going to give him Targaryen cred, but I will say the pizza, let's see, it's called Grazi pizza and it has a lemon on it. I don't put lemon into it, but I love that they're like, you know what we need to get for our pizza? Lemon.

We're going to whiten up this pizza a little bit. Well, we hear that there's lemons in Italy, so let's put it on our pizza box. I don't know who Cody is. Was Cody you said the aunt's sister wife? Cody from sister wives. Yeah, look up Cody from sister wives right now with a K. Cody with a K. You're gonna die.

Cody sister wives. Oh yeah, I can see that. Yeah, that's him. Yeah, that's sort of that perm. It's the same guy. It's like a Nancy Travis perm. Yeah, got it. And just the grossness.

I mean, their faces even look the same. Ugh, just ugh, gross. But yeah, this guy's Zach. So the pizza comes, because that's how important this baby blessing is, it's pizza. So why don't you guys get the fuck over yourselves acting like this is the Oscars that people aren't invited to. You ordered from Grazi Pizza, okay?

Well, this is not the baby blessing, to be fair. Oh, nevermind. This is actually a graduation party. Then why is Jen dressed like this? Oh, it's a graduation party. Jen is always dressed like she's about to get baptized. That is actually a graduation party. Why is Jen dressed like this? Oh, it's a graduation party. Jen is always dressed like she's about to get baptized. That's what I've discovered. Okay, sorry.

She's like ready for like an impromptu baptism at any moment. She's like, today could be the day. If they ask me to get baptized right now, I'm gonna do it. Here we are. Jen's like, Zach graduated from BYU, so I'm throwing Zach a graduation party

because the next chapter is medical school. It's always been his plan since he was really little. I mean, his dad was a heart surgeon, his grandpa was a surgeon, his great grandpa was a surgeon. So I also think that it's kind of expect, oh God, if that was the case, I'd be shining bowling shoes somewhere. You know? No, you don't understand. Like, his great his great great great grandfather was a surgeon. I mean, was he doing surgery on logs on the frontier? Perhaps, but he was a surgeon nonetheless.

So his great grandpa was a sturgeon. He's descended from a very important line of fish. He's half fish. That's why he hasn't really achieved coloring yet. He's just still, his sturgeon genes are still forming. So Crystal's like, we're just going to move this here, we're going to move that there, and then we're going to have a graduation party. That's the mom.

So then Jen's like, yeah, we're also going to have Lucas baby blessing this week. And then we have Demi's party. I mean, mom talk has like a packed calendar this week. Sounds like mom talk may need an assistant soon. There's a lot going on. This is a big calendar. So people are walking in and they're saying hi. And then, you know, Michaela comes in and meets Crystal and you know lots of schmoozing everything and people sort of getting situated Whitney comes in and they're all they're all gathering and

there's like a lot of chit chat they really they start playing sound effects of a busy party which is funny every time there's a party they're like they have some sort of like soundtrack like on garage band that's like crowded room. So all of a sudden you hear in the background, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. And as people start milling about, et cetera. So there's one camera crew surrounding Whitney in her sleeves doing nothing but looking pissy

with her comma eyebrows. And then there's another camera crew surrounding Taylor talking to Jen. And Taylor goes, is Whitney here? Yeah, that's the other camera crew, like right across the room. And she's like, yeah, Whitney's here. She's like, oh my God,

I haven't seen Whitney or talked to Whitney. She goes, oh my God, Whitney's over there. She's in that room. She is, is she here? She's in that room. Whitney's in that room? Whitney is totally in that room. She is?

Oh my God. Did she text anybody? Cause she didn't text me. Did she text anybody and tell her that she was in that room? Oh my God. Whitney's in that room. Whitney is literally in that room. Are you going to talk to Whitney? Wait, no, hold on. Someone has to make an announcement.

Hey guys, real quick. This is my buddy Ethan. He is the soda man, the soda maestro. They call him soda chef. He has got a Michelin star. If they had a Michelin star for soda. Ethan take it away and Ethan's like alright guys here's how you drink soda you grab your cup first add a little bit ice and then here's some drink in so

upfront okay we call this one the diabetes maker okay you just squirt this stuff into your soda and then you get the biggest 10 second high you can imagine it is pure cane sugar mixed with un-pure cane sugar, if you know what I'm talking about. And this is something quick. So add them up together. Ethan was just in like a Cadillac from the 70s. It's like bouncing up and down on big silver tires.

Like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Yeah, we want your sodas. I got your sodas right here, kids. Yeah. He's like the neighborhood drug dealer. Yeah, you want some Fanta? Yeah, let's get some Fanta right up in right here, kids. Yeah. It's like the neighborhood drug dealer. Yeah, you want some Fana? Yeah, let's get some Fana right up in your veins, kids. Yeah.

I also would like an old West version where there's someone on a hunky-tunky piano. Bunker, docker, bunker, docker, bunker, docker. And then you walk into a slum and it's like, you're looking for some soda. You want some soda? He just slides a cherry coke all the way down a bar and you catch it. It falls off the bar and crashes and everything goes silent.

You do. There's a lady in the big poofy sleeves and she's like, Hey, buddy, you want to give me five dollars for a hug? A madam comes up on a balcony over the bar, is like, I hear they're serving soda down here but you don't want to know what we're serving up here. Who wants to get in line? So many men come here to forget their problems. Here, lean back and have some laughing gas while mama massages your wrist. Someone walks in and says, I'd like to have a Coca Cola please, caffeine free.

I was like, did he say caffeine free? It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial. So Macy's like, in the Mormon church, drinking alcohol is not allowed. But even though Mormons don't drink, we'd like to party. I don't know if you remember our laughing gas scene, but it was epic. So, soda is the Mormon version of coffee, because we're not supposed to have coffee or tea. So, we have tons of soda. Soda shops open like the same time as a coffee shop. So, you'll see people in the drive-through getting soda at like eight in the morning. It's crazy. I love, wait, I just love this. Like, you know, even though we don't drink, we do like to party. So we have soda instead of coffee.

I'm like, you know, people don't party with coffee. I hate to break this to you. I mean, I'm drinking coffee right now and I feel like I'm in a party, but we don't party with coffee. It's like two in the morning. All the loose girls hanging out at the Starbucks. Hey, you got some Fanta? So, Jen's parents Rick and Maria come in and Jen tells us that her mom's from Ecuador

and it's completely, it was crazy how different her mother-in-law are. And then we get a shot of like her, you know, Targaryen haired mother-in-law, you know, with her giant sleeves and her lemon looking pizza. And she's like, yeah, you know, there's like times that I felt judged. I mean, to put it into perspective, my mom is a cleaning lady in the same hospital that Zach's dad is a heart surgeon.

Why are we not focusing on this more? I- This is the show. Why are we not focusing on this more? This is the show. This is the show and it does seem like they're starting to notice that Jen might be their person that they need to be focusing on. I mean, maybe it's because we've only gotten through one minute of this recap and Jen is about Jen so far. I don't know.

But like, why are we not getting a sit down meal between Zach's parents and Jen's parents? Like, or like, you know, like a family dinner, because I need to see Zach's mom trying to smile through gritted teeth at the idea that the cleaning lady is sitting at her table. You know that she hates it. Yeah, and you know, she's probably like, okay, everybody, did you enjoy your lemon pizza? Oh, you don't have to get up.

She'll get it. Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. You're off the clock. Aren't you? You know, that's what it is. You know, she is. I have a feeling she's like that too. So then. Probably just like, like takes her a little, they probably put all their like takes her look, they probably put all their like, seven up or whatever in a little

teacup. She probably just picks up her teacup and she's like, Okay, everybody watch. Watch Jen's mom fall asleep now. I feel like that dynamic to me is so fascinating and hilarious and the fact that it just sort of gets mentioned fleetingly. I was like, we need to stop this show right now and go down this avenue. I need more of this. But instead we just- Shit, I need more of this. But instead we just get that. Shit, I need more of the muffins and salad scene. I could literally watch this show for 90 hours a day. I don't know how we haven't

finished all these episodes. It's really hard to just watch one. It really, really is. So Taylor and Dakota sit down next to Macy and Dakota's, Dakota and Macy have this strained interaction because Macy hates Dakota and Dakota hates Macy because Dakota hates Macy because Macy sees through Dakota's bullshit. So they have like this weird sort of banter and everything. And it's like, it's uncomfortable for everyone watching. Yeah. And she's like, it's pretty clear.

I don't like Dakota. Cause I don't like the way he talks to Taylor and not the way he treats her. And he just gives me the ick. And so then over at the table, Whitney and Jordan are talking about like water and Jordan's like, mine's water. And Whitney goes, is that?

And she goes, yeah, water with no ice. When he's like, remember Jordan, I don't drink. Okay. And so then Demi goes, by the way, who does drink here? And Whitney goes, Layla. Layla's like, I used to. No guys, for real. I used to not anymore, though. I went to a salt room with someone and with Whitney and now I don't drink anymore. I've been healed. And she's like, yeah, I want to be a better example for my boys. And

Dakota's like, hell yeah. And Jordan's like, yeah, right. So, she's only gonna have two drinks instead of five. And she's just, yeah, I'm only gonna have like three drinks. Guys, just kidding. I'm gonna get a little drunk tonight. I'm kidding, guys. I'm totally kidding. Come on. So, it gets to Whitney and she goes, being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have values and standards that I'm choosing to uphold by. I feel like me, Jen, and Macy are the most devout of the whole group and others who drink alcohol once in a while, well, two polar opposites there. All I got to say is we're going to heaven. They're going

to H-E double hockey sticks. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I literally just have values and standards I'm choosing to uphold. How about you uphold by grammar? How about take some general English? So then Demi's like, guys, should we start getting our suits on? And they're like, oh my God, you guys, we should totally get our suits on. Like, this is nuts. There's a hot tub out there. Let's do it. So they're going to go outside and, you know, Taylor's Taylor's going to leave because she's like, doesn't want to go hot tapping and everything. So then, so people are, people are assembling. And so Taylor goes up to Whitney to say goodbye. And Taylor was like, yeah, by the way, I'd love to talk. So there's no like weirdness.

And I guess Macy is there. And Whitney goes, back up Macy. Sorry. As you were saying Taylor. Taylor was like, yeah, like, I just don't want there to be any elephants in the room. She's like, yeah. Just cause like anything you want to talk about,

like we could totally talk about in person and Whitney's like Yeah Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so I think like we should talk maybe yeah Yeah, okay Like we can talk. Yeah Okay, so we'll talk soon. Yeah Hmm. I feel like I'm like trying to make an effort with Winnie and I would like love to talk about things and she's like, okay, okay.

And like, we need to have a talk and like you literally just didn't even show up to my shower and like, she's not giving me anything like almost if there's like really like, like there's like nothing to say like, that's the vibe I'm getting. Um, yeah. Yeah, get out of my confessional. Yeah. Yeah. So when he goes up to Macy is like, I don't want to have a conversation with Taylor, I don't want to do that. I've got values and morals to uphold. And Macy's like, do you feel like I know you don't like Oh, her anything but like maybe like you don't like her anything, but like maybe like you

can like tell her how like you feel and be honest about it like and then like it's like great then we can either be friends or we can be cordial and that way we can like have mom talk back again like. Yeah, you know, yeah, look, first of all, I just want to say yeah, but like second of all, like, have we forgotten all the times that I've tried to be vulnerable? And then we cut to you guys, my husband is probably fucking people on Tinder. And then Taylor's like, yeah, I had a miscarriage maybe possibly. Which they didn't include this in the flashback when on the episode when he was like, I can't believe that like when I shared my trauma, she then went and shared her trauma. My God. What are you trying to upstage my husband's cheating, possible cheating

with a possible miscarriage? What the hell? Luckily, things with Connor and me are really good because he made the soup. So Whitney is like, that's why I have this wall. Macy's like, because you know that if it was like the other way around, wouldn't it be annoying to be like, that's why I have this wall. Macy's like, cause you know that if it was like the other way around, wouldn't it be annoying to be like, wait, I wonder why I didn't, you know, dot, dot, dot. When you're like going crazy in your head. Did my sentence even make sense to you? Cause it didn't make sense to me, right?

Yeah, but like, yeah. But like there was a rumor that Connor was, oh, I'm sorry, we're past that part. So yeah. And she goes, yeah, I'm sorry, we're past that part. So, yeah. She goes, yeah, but she didn't reach out to you. She goes, yeah, she never reached out to me. Never reached out to me once. She goes, you're mad that she didn't reach out?

Yeah, she never even reached out. When I ditched her party, she could have called me, but she didn't even call me. You're the one who ditched the party. You don't get to be the aggressor and then you get mad at somebody for not asking you why you're being the aggressor. But also, I think she's saying Taylor didn't reach out to her after she shared her trauma. But it's like, but Taylor was there in the room.

You know what I'm saying? It's like, if you've heard- Oh, I was taking it as her saying, I'm mad that she didn't reach out that I didn't come to her party. But what you're saying makes more sense. You're saying she's mad that she didn't reach out because she made this big revelation and then Taylor never even called and said, oh my God, your husband's on Tinder. But the thing is that it was all talked about in that room. right? Like, I, it doesn't, of course, it would be nice if Taylor did call to reach out. And as someone who has values, uh, and morals and standards to uphold,

one would think that maybe it would be nice of Whitney to call on Taylor who had a miscarriage, perhaps, which is pretty rough to go through. So maybe phones work both ways. I don't know. I'm new to technology. Yeah. But, yeah, sounds like a bullshit. This all smells like bullshit to me. Yeah, they're both.

I'm also so happy I finally caught up with the rest of the nation because the first two episodes, I was like, I don't know, Whitney's like, all right to me. I don't see why she's a villain yet. I'm like, this is the episode. Whitney's like, all right, to me, I don't see why she's a villain yet. I'm like, this is the episode I was like, oh yeah, Whitney's the villain.

You know? Yeah. So Leila's like, is Jen coming, guys? I mean, like, I guess we don't have a chaperon. It's just Leila saying this. It's just us. And Macy's like, yeah, a chaperon. She goes, yeah, well, this is like Jen's idea.

So here we are, we're in the hot tub. Like, are Jen gonna come to the hot tub or is Jen not gonna come to the hot tub, guys? And so then Jordan, who's this skeezy guy, I guess Jordan knows, Jesse's some skeez with Jesse. I guess it's her husband or boyfriend or whatever. He's like, hey guys, want a shot? Okay, you're offering like 15 people a shot

and he's carrying a tiny little flask. He's like, guys, who wants a shot? We're all going to do shots, right? I brought enough shots for everybody. You brought like enough for a small puppy. I know. Well, you know, he's going to get drunk off of that. He's in Utah.

So maybe like a shot is the size of a thimble. So he's like, anyone? It's like mug root beer. It's so good. So they're like, Oh, my god, a shot is offering a shot. Oh, my god, I can do it. It's just kind of funny because it reminds me of like an after school special, where it's like the kids are like 13. And someone's like, who wants to try some booze? I got it from my dad's cupboard. And everyone's

like, Oh, my god, he's drinking. But like the differences that they're like grown adults. This guy is also such a Barney Rubble. Out of all the guys, literally every other person on here is from Sean Cody or some hot gay porn site. And then this guy, it's like Barney Rubble, like, anybody want to shop? Stop trying to earn friendships with your fucking shots. And also I'm looking at a picture,

because I have the video up, and I'm looking at a picture of this guy trying to give fucking shots. And also I'm looking at a picture because I have the video up and I'm looking at a picture of this guy like trying to give everybody shots and they're at a hot tub surrounded by Mountain Dew cans like I'm really going all out tonight like guys, we're gonna get fucked up get out the Mountain Dew. So Connor's like, I'm good for right now. And Jordan's like, yeah, you guys are all boring. How about you two? And Brett's like, I'm gonna pass. I don't even know who Brett is, but he's gonna pass.

And Jordan's like, are you sure? They're all like, gross. Whoa, drug addicts. Drugs. Wow, he's doing drinks. And then Whitney is like, really? Like, you know that this is an LDS family. You know the rules. This is revelation given to Joseph Smith. And in his writing, there's literal scripture

of not drinking alcohol. And I believe there's also scripture that when your husband is talking with girls on Tinder, you're supposed to call and be like, I'm sorry you went through that. I don't know. It's like a lot of rule breaking happening. My favorite scripture that was given to Joseph Smith was the one about vibrators. We've got to fight the patriarchy. That's what Joseph Smith said. Love that chapter. He's like, and then the laities of the land shall fight the patriarchy when they're offered 20 grand. That even rhymed. You're welcome, bitch. So then Demi's like, oh my God guys, what in that flask? What do you think Demi?

He's like, what the fuck do you think is in there? And Jordan's like, vodka, Frank, vodka. This, okay, so this is my Mormon side perhaps. So I've actually never owned, I mean, I have a flask, but I've never actually used it. I feel like there's certainly- Oh, flannel flask. No, but it's not a prudish thing.

I just usually get drinks wherever I go to. I don't have to carry them. You've always had money for drinks. Well, some of us carry around tiny little airline bottles in our pockets, because we're never gonna know. Drinks are $29. Sincere question, sincere question, are some booze is better for a flask than others? Because I can't imagine that vodka warming up in a sincere question, sincere question, are some booze is better for a flask than

others? Because I can't imagine that vodka warming up in a flask, especially in the vicinity of a hot tub is going to be that great out of a flask. Let me think you take shots out of, you know, I mean, flasks aren't something that you're like, delicious, this is what a delicious, tasteful shot. I mean, it's just like if you're an alcoholic, you take around your flask, you get shitfaced wherever you are, you're on the mountains, you're being rugged. I just feel like it's a whiskey thing.

I feel like flasks, my impression of flasks as I read in scripture is that flasks are really best for whiskey, but I could be wrong because I'm not an actual flask. I didn't flisk her. I read it in scripture while I was masturbating with a vibrator. So then Demi's like, okay, guys, Zach and Jen come out and everyone's like, Zach, Zach, Zach, Zach, Zach, Zach. So Demi's like, okay, guys, we're going to get wild. The Mountain

dudes are out. We're going to play some Never Have I ever. And Jesse's like, Oh my God, guys, this is usually a drinking game. So we're all going to drink. Right. Does never have I ever work in this group? It's going to be a lot of people just never have I ever had a shot of tequila and was just sitting there like, okay. Um, no one did a shot. Okay. So never. I feel like it doesn't go a lot. There'll be many reps before people start drinking anything. Yeah, so Jesse's like, um, this is a drinking game and Jordan's

like, yeah, so if we're gonna play this game, we should probably drink you're gonna have drink you know, drink, bro, who's gonna have drink? Who's cool? Who's cool? This literally reminds me of when I was 17 and I drank for the first time and then afterwards I was like, let's guys, does anyone want to drink alcohol this weekend? It's like, they're so excited. Like guys, let's do, let's do, let's have shots of alcohol this weekend. Let's have some alcohol. So Jen's like, guys,

there will not be any drinking in here. And Jordan's like, get this girl a shot. She needs to drink. Am I right guys? It's one thing for her to be drinking at my house, it's another thing to involve my family. Ben Affleck's family, technically. And if Zach's parents find out, if Ben Affleck finds out, if JLo finds out, this could be really bad. To be honest, MomTalk already doesn't have a good look, and Zach's parents are aware of that, which is why they made sure he was the bleachiest blonde of all just to improve his look and Jessie drinking is disrespectful and it almost

feels like she's spitting in my face cut to Jessie just spitting in her face i would love it if she just like took some hot tub water and spat in Jen's face and now i smell like fireball i'm never gonna live this down so everyone gets out of the hot tub, they're like, gross, he's trying to make us drink. Now we go to the Rise Rejuvenation Center. My God, is this for dicks? You know this is Salt Lake City because no one even thinks twice about naming something Rise Rejuvenation Center. It's about dicks. Shoot my dick up with something. So Whitney's like, you know what? They're talking about what happened at the salacious hot tub incident. Whitney's like, when Jordan brought out the flask, I just thought it was inappropriate. And then,

then they start to go get their, they start to get their services done. It's just funny, this is one line to start the scene. Like, ugh, that was so inappropriate, the flask. Okay, they're ready for a Botox now. Okay, let's talk about Botox. So- So basically the gist of this scene is they're all going to Botox,

but the reason that they do it is because there's nothing in scripture against Botox because they didn't have that back then. Back then it was just called botulism. So there was no scripture about it. And so now they just juice their faces up with all kinds of shit. And they also like to go because they can get shit faced on laughing gas, right? So now they're all like sitting around. And it is like the first time you drink when you're like, Oh my god, now she's going to do a shot. Do you feel anything? Do you feel anything? Oh my god, you guys, she had a shot. She's falling down. She's wasted. She's wasted like five seconds

later. And that's how they are with this laughing gas. They're like, Macy is so entertaining. Macy, you should get some laughing gas. And Macy's like, no. Okay, well. Oh my God, I'm seeing double. Oh my God, I'm seeing double. Am I in a room with puppies right now? You all look like puppies. Michele, you do it. Oh my God, Michele, stop putting it in your ear. It goes in your mouth. Classic Michela. And Whitney's like, in LDS religion, we don't smoke, we don't drink. But when this mom talk group gets botox, we get laughing ass and it's a real effing party. I love these workarounds that like, isn't't the okay. This is me being perhaps naive, but like it's like, this is bad mind altering, but there never was a law about laughing gas in olden times.

They just didn't have it. Yeah. It was still mind altering. But again, I'm not an expert on this. I don't know what the true reasoning is behind. I don't think it's mind altering because caffeine isn't necessarily one of the things. It's hot caffeine. Like you can have, they're having the sodas

with caffeine, right? But they're not having hot drinks. That's why coffee and tea specifically are out. So, I'm not really sure what that is. Well, I guess it says, the Church of Jesus Christ at Latter-day Saints, which is commonly called the Mormon Church, believes the use of drugs or alcohol can be very harmful to the body and that neither should ever be used. I guess because it's, it's, I guess it's not about mind altering. See, this is why, you know, it pays to be informed. It's about harm to the body. So, um, I guess soda and laughing gas are not as harmful. Yeah. I don't know. Just talk to any dentist about that. You know, that's a, that's a vicious cycle right there. You drink a lot of soda. You have to go to the dentist, you go to the dentist, you get your laughing gas,

go back for more soda. But you know, I just, I'm of the belief that you can get addicted to anything. Like I feel like Jordan's one of those guys that one day is just gonna end up, you know, like we'll work for laughing gas, you know? Or like, why lie? I need a laughing gas.

You can't tell me that Connor's soup is gonna be good for your body, by the way. I'm just telling you this right now. The Connor's what? Soup. I don't think we even got to see his soup, but I just have so many doubts about it. I bet it's under seasoned and it's full of dairy. Yeah. So they're like, oh my God, laughing ass, oh my God, my face is melting, my face is melting, I don't even know why I'm eating more. Look, I have eight arms, I'm an octopus. Acting ridiculous. And then Macy explains that in the Mormon church, your body's a temple and you want

to keep it clean and put things in it that are clean. But you can do whatever plastic surgery you want. Yeah. Like Mountain Dew. Like soda and silicone. Yeah. So now they're gonna get some facials and Jen's like, oh guys, so we're gonna host Luca's baby blessing on Sunday and yeah, I'm gonna be inviting you,

Michaela and Whitney. And then so she tells us that a baby blessing in the LDS church is not just like some hallelujah, sprinkle a little water on the baby like normal churches. This is a priesthood blessing by a father, a grandpa, and anyone close to this child. Oh, you're religious. Oh, okay. The other religion is just like, hey, fuck all, who cares? Let's just have this baptism for fucking fun, you know? It's not important like the LDS religion. It isn't like those other religions

where they take a spoonful of ranch dressing and fling it at the baby. No, we actually pray over the baby at this one. Mike, have you been to other, have you been to? We're not drop kicking this baby like the fucking Catholics. Okay. It's a blessing from God for their journey on this earth. And it's a very sacred event. And Whitney, McKayla and Macy are fully active members.

And I do think strong in the church. So I just naturally gravitated towards them. Actually, it's more like my big puffy shoulders of my dress gravitated towards them. And I just went along with it. Wow, so she's gravitating towards the holy girls to hang on to her, you know, her surgeon's son husband or whatever. Yes.

So she's like, yeah, guys, I was going to invite everyone, but then everything that happened at the graduation party with Jesse drinking alcohol and Jordan drinking alcohol, oh my God, I just don't want to cause drama, you know. I mean, it's so sacred and so special, you know, and Zach's just not close to Jordan or Jesse. And at first, I'm thinking you're just using Zach as an excuse. Like, you want to be with these popular holy girls and so they don't like her, so you're going to exclude her to stay on their side, right? That's what I was thinking. Correct. Me too. Oh, I thought there was going to be a but. I thought, but yes, I agree. And

Mikaela's like, so you're sorry, there's not gonna be a but it's just as Smith said, no, not okay. Not in front of Zach's parents. So Jen's like, I mean, what would you do? Would you like invite everyone? Like, would you invite Taylor? And when he's like, I mean, what would you do? Would you like invite everyone? Like, would you invite Taylor? And Whitney's like, no, I wouldn't. I mean, I'm not even friends with her. And Jen's like, okay, like, I just, should I feel bad or not? I don't know. And it's like, who cares? They're heathens. So I love that Whitney, every other line is like, here's what it's like in the LDS church to be holy and kind. And but when it comes to kindness, Whitney's like, yeah, that's not part of it. Yeah, fuck them. Yeah. Whitney's like, it's not really, like, we don't drink, but we do get potox and we

curl the edges of our hair dramatically. Kindness, no, it's not really. So Michaela's like, with Whitney as like the current leader of MomTalk, maybe she should try and bring us all closer together instead of encouraging Jen to not invite other four girls and not cause that divide that Whitney's causing right now. I'm like, or you could do it, Michaela. You're on this phone too. Why don't you say something? I was going to say, yeah, Michaela, pointing fingers isn't the holiest thing either.

Like actually speak up maybe. Yeah. Why don't you throw one of those gluten muffins up in his head, knock her out and take over. Yeah. So Jen's like, I'm just putting a tough situation because I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So then Macy's like, oh my God, I'm laughing guys. I'm the president of Russia. Better get ready for some spaghetti. Better get ready for some spaghetti. So now we go to Jiz Styles.

I'm sorry, Jay Z Styles and Demi's walking in and Jessie, one of our cast members, she may remember she is like a hairstylist. So Jessie is going to do Demi's hair and everything. And they're pretending like Jessie always does Demi's hair. But this is the first time that Jessie has noticed that there's a tattoo on, uh, Demi's name. So clearly this is not a common work arrangement. So Demi's like, I don't know. I'm so mad at that. Demi's like, I don't know if you've talked to Jen at all, but I was talking to,

did you say talk about genitals? Are we allowed to do that here? No. I said, I don't know if you've spoken to Jen at all. If we're going to talk about genitals, we're having a shot. I brought a flask full of alcohol. It's got rumple mints in it. Oh, my God, give it. So Demi's like, Yeah, I don't know if you talked to her, but I'm talking to Macy and I was looking at dresses and I was like, should I wear this to the baby blessing? And she's like, looking at me

weird. And I was like, what's going on? And she was like, why are you calling yourself Denny? Your name is clearly Jiz. She's like, no, it's Denny. She's like, no. These two look exactly the same. Are we supposed to know which one is? And it's not genetics either. I know that you guys are obsessed with the fillers and the Botox. You need to start going to different people or giving them a different model face. You have the exact same face. Are they allowed to do that? Trademark your face. I don't think in Utah you're allowed to. The big stereotype about Mormonism, even though I don't know if it's necessarily true, is that you have the sister wives stereotype, which is like you have a guy who has like multiple wives.

And I think that like now like the new thing is that there's like, there's multiple, you know what? I don't know where I'm going. I'm just going to say something about faces, multiple faces. The point is this. I think there are just several faces you can choose from in Utah and you choose one and you go with it because there's a new friend of on the upcoming season

of Salt Lake City and she looks just like this Jizz. And so I feel like it's like, okay, so there's now this face is one style. You've got the Whitney Rose face. You've got the generic, I think those are the two faces actually you have. Just those two. So basically they're not invited and they're finding out that they're not invited to this

baby blessing. And then Demi is like, yeah, I feel so uncomfy because like, I mean, we know it's coming up. I mean, you already told us the date and time and Jesse's like, it's on my schedule. And then we see a flashback to Jen in the car being like, guys, you should totally come to my baby blessing. You're totally invited. You're 100% invited to my baby blessing. You guys, guess what? Guess who's holding the priesthood? Not you because you have vaginas, but you're still

there to watch other people who hold the priesthood at my baby blessing. I'm so excited you're going to be in my baby blessing. So then Jesse's like, should we call her and ask? And Timmy's like, um, should we call her and ask? And Timmy's like, okay, let's just clear the air. It's just like sad we have to do this though. Like you should be calling us. And Jesse's like, yeah, no, seriously. So they call up Jen on FaceTime and Jen's like,

hey, what's going on guys? How's it going? As if she has not fully disinvited these girls and not even told them that they're disinvited too, which is pretty shitty. So Demi's like- It is shitty. She's like, hold on one second, you guys.

Yes, how about them apples? Okay, Matt. Okay, we'll talk later. Okay. Sorry, girls. I was on my burner talking to Matt. Go ahead. Friend of the fam.

So Demi's like, well, we wanted to call because Macy and I were at lunch and I'm like, I gotta find a dress for the baby blessing. And then she starts laughing and was like, I, well, we wanted to call because Macy and I were at lunch. And I'm like, I got to find a dress for the baby blessing. And then she starts laughing and was like, I don't think you're invited. And I was like, oh, awkward. So just like, let's just call Jan and just like, you know, clear the air. And Jesse's like, yeah, we just want to know where like invited. Oh, my God. 100 percent.

God, if I were emoji, I would just be like 100 underline underline. So no bad intentions. It's just that this is about Zach too. And it's not just about me and Luca who do like you. It's also about Zach who wishes you were dead. You know, it's just he doesn't want a ton of people he doesn't know there, you know? You know what? I asked Luca and I was like, Luca, if you want two sluts to come to your blessing, then don't poop in your diaper. But then he pooped in his diaper. So he does not want sluts.

So I'm sorry, sluts are out. Yeah, let's around. And Jesse's like, um, yeah, I guess for me though, it's like you express to me that like you feel like you and me are the closest out of all of the girls. She goes, Oh my God, maybe I should have clarified this. But like I did feel a little uncomfortable about everything that happened. Let me clear, when I said that I feel like I'm the closest to you, Demi, what I meant to say was I feel like I'm the least close to you. Okay, did that clarify it? Because I just decided that's our friendship now. Whitney says that if you don't want to be friends with someone, you just say we're not friends.

So then Jen's like, yeah, and after Zach's graduation party, it was like definitely difficult making that decision with Zach because, and by the way, I'm totally not being controlled and passed around by young Cody. I Zach, we totally did this together, but we just felt like we should invite those we felt closest to. And like, it's not that I don't feel close to Jesse and Demi and Leyla and Taylor,

it's just that Zach thinks they're not as strong in the church, but you know where their strength lies? Getting to hell the quickest. So. So. She's like, yeah, and that's the thing, at least for me. And like, that's why I agree with Zach. Like it wasn't, this isn't my fault, it's Zach's fault.

And like, you know, like with the baby blessing, you just like don't want any bad energy. I mean, his words, not mine. I said, you guys are great energy. He said, you guys are slut energy. I said, you're right, they're sluts. I mean, I don't know. So I just, I just feel like I'm in a really tough situation

and like, I don't know why I'm gonna start crying. I do know I'm gonna cry because it's like the fact that I've decided not to invite you guys because I don't wanna get in trouble with Zach's parents and get kicked out of this family because they're like really rich and they're married They're like related to Ben Affleck and this is like I've hit the jackpot and my cat like you fucking bitches ruin it for me Okay, I'm crying Yeah, basically and at this point I was still thinking oh my god

Zack doesn't care like why would Zack care who comes to your fucking baby shower like I'm sure but sure enough She's like, Zach, could you clarify? By the way, they're under one of those nipple lights. Well, I'm looking at the video. I hate those lights that look like boobs with the nipple hanging down. I hate those.

So she's trying to have a conversation. And so he's like, yeah, hey guys, it's me. So it's not that I don't like your guys' husbands. I've just like, I've never hung out with them outside of certain settings, you know what I mean? So, you know, religion is basically about keeping people out. So. He doesn't like, he doesn't feel like he personally knows you guys, right?

Right Zach? That's what we said you'd say, right? Like you don't know, right? Huh? Huh? And I like Jesse. I like that Jesse's like, yeah, you're the mom, so you should have a say in who comes to your thing. And Demi's like, yeah, in my opinion, in like a marriage situation, it's not like we're both completely united. We're on the same page. Like you can have your own friends, you know what I mean? Because like, that's just not how I operate. And Zach's like, yeah. And like,

having these conversations like we're having right now is kind of focusing on the wrong things, don't you think? No, you don't get to control what everybody else talks about just because you can control your own wife. And by the way, she's a fucking idiot for letting you treat her like this. You're disgusting. I can already tell this guy's a piece of shit. Who talks to other women like that?

You want to talk like that, you keep it in your own house. You don't get to come tell me what's appropriate to talk about, sir. I didn't like that, you keep it in your own house. You don't get to come tell me what's appropriate to talk about, sir. I didn't call you. The fuck out of this kitchen? And then he, well, what bothered me also is I also just wanted Jen to just stand in her decision.

I wanted Jen to say, look, love you guys, but I didn't like that you were drinking in the pool of my in-laws. That's fucked up. The rules were you're not allowed to do that. It puts me in a really weird position. And unfortunately, you broke my trust. So I'm just not gonna, I'm not willing to run the risk that you'll do it again at the baby shower. Just say that just being like, yeah, you guys fucked up. Sorry.

Yeah. Like it's not the whole, not this whole thing of like, well, we just don't, it turns out Zach doesn't know you guys very well and I don't know. It's like, it's all such bullshit. Just because... Just the hand ringing, but she's new to the group and I think that she's like trying to please the holy girls and also trying to please her holy husband. Exactly. But you know what? Listen, here's who you don't want against you, sinners, because we'll go hard. Like, I don't give a fuck. I will come for your ass, okay? There's no, I don't want against you, sinners, because we'll go hard. Like, I don't give a fuck.

I will come for your ass, okay? I don't care about hell, okay? I'm already assuming. Who am I going to see in heaven? My meemaw. That's like literally the only person I know going to heaven, okay? I love her and everything. I hope she's happy. But listen, if I'm fucking in the afterlife, I'm going to hell, okay? I'm a homo. So So you don't want me after your ass. I'll tell you that. So I think she knows that and she's like, Oh, better be nice to the sinners too. But she's so like, Jen is so weak in this moment, too. She's like, um, she's like, Demi's like, well, you know, you know,

find out three days prior that some are invited and some aren't and Jen's like, well, I had spoken I had openly spoken about it, but I never actually put a date in the group message. So she's like, Oh, it wasn spoken, I had openly spoken about it, but I never actually put a date in the group message. So she's like, oh, it wasn't, you weren't officially invited. I just had sort of orally invited you, but it wasn't in writing yet. And Jimmy's like, no, you gave a date and time like, yeah, you sent our calendars. And they show the flashback again, even though they just showed it a minute ago to remind everyone like, no, Jen is lying here. Yeah, Jen's totally lying. And I like that they're not letting it go. I'm just being like, okay, we get it. They're like, no, you invited us. And Zach's like, um, but at the

same time, it's not your guys's baby blessing. Well, yeah, it's not, but they should just both live in it. Again, just just be like, yeah, we didn't like the way you behaved at my parents' house. And we were kind of offended by that. So we chosen not to have you at this event with my parents because Sorry, you're not invited to our congratulations on your additional tax break party. Sorry. So then they hang up and Jesse's like, that's bullshit. Like, yeah. So Jesse's like, you know, the whole situation is like,

I just think that Zach is really upset at Jordan. 100%, yeah. And it's just like hard because it's like, as much as you guys are like two individuals, you guys come as a couple, yeah. But then why are they mad at you though, Demi? Yeah, Zach's gross and what's her gen is weak. So then we go to Demi's house and they're getting ready

for Galentine's day party. Demi's having a Galentine's day party. And so her husband's like, do you want me to do the charcuterie boy? I was like, that's so fucking hot. Not only is he cute, he knows how to say charcuterie. Yeah. So, and she's like, yeah.

So she's getting ready because, you know, he thinks it starts at seven, but she's like, No, it's at 730 dummy, but then everyone starts showing up at seven, it turns out she's the dummy. She's like, I'm Demi. And I take a really long time to get ready for my own party, guys. It's sort of my thing. Time management, it's like hard. I'm like, really need to work on it. I like when people say that, like all you have to do is just show up on time. I say this for someone who also has time management issues.

But I'm much better than I used to be. Yeah, you're good with me. So Demi's like, Galentine's is essentially a Valentine's party for girls. Or wait, I'm sorry, I said that wrong. It's a Valentine's Day party for gals. Because it's Galentine's. It's called Galentine's because gals are like girls, but we're called gals, which

rhymes with vals. Vals is part of Valentine's. I feel like it's not discussed enough, especially in the Mormon culture, how important it is to be in touch with your feminine sensuality. And being a progressive Mormon, you know, I'm here to shake things up. But being a slut, hey, quiet, Jen. So Jen comes and she goes, Oh my god, was it seven? I think I'm wrong. Oh my God. Oh my God. I guess I'll come watch you get ready then. I hope that's okay with Zach. I hope I don't burn my eyes watching the flames encircling your body as you get into your

slutty outfit. Okay, so people arriving. Meanwhile, Whitney and Connor's house, Whitney, McKillen, Macy are getting ready for the party. And when he's like, Oh my god, are we gonna party hard tonight? Or what? What do we have? Welsh's sparkling cider? Oh, yeah. And Macy's like, did you hear what she said was like a nine out of 10 on the Mormon scale? And when he was like, No, Mikaela told me that Macy's like, what, what, like a nine? What, what, what, what?

So they're, oh yeah, they're talking about how Demi considers herself a nine out of 10 in terms of being a good Mormon. And they're like, as if. So they're like, yeah, I can see your nipple right now. How are you a nine out of 10? Nipples are gross. Yeah, no good Mormon has a nipple. So, so Whitney's like, I mean, if she thinks that great, I'm not friends with her. Yeah, Macy's like, I was like, if you're a nine, then I'm probably a 12. That's what I said.

I was like, I'm a 12. Did you guys hear? Oh, take a fucking multi. So then Michaela's like, wait a minute, you guys don't actually think she's a 90. And Maci's like, no, definitely not after that fruity cereal incident. Oh my god. Hi, my god. And of course, Michaela's like, what fruity cereal incident? I want to know, I want to know. Of course Michaela doesn't know. Okay, Michaela. Michaela, we're going to whisper it in your ear very quietly.

Yeah, so then she like whispers, Whitney whispers to her, and then Whitney tells us, we all did like a girls trip to California because we got invited by a brand to go out there. So we made a huge trip and I don't know how it came out, but Demi started saying crazy sex story and this one involved Brett, her husband, and Macy was like, absolutely not.

That did not happen. Like egging Demi on and she was like, I'm gonna prove it to you. So then she calls Brett and then they have this intimate conversation and he doesn't know that we're all listening. And like, let me just tell you, I've never heard anything like that. Their conversation was like, it was even that conversation was like a little dirty. She's

like, Do you remember when this happened? And he was like, Yeah. And I was like, I was just like sitting there like my mouth was like on the ground, which is dangerous because you're in California. You don't know what's on that ground. Just center soil is what I call it. I was just like, there is no way he was like into that. Yeah. So do we ever even find out technically what it is?

We don't know what it is. I mean, eventually, like very shortly, Whitney does some sort of like reenactment of a sort of like tea bag, not tea bagging, but like, like sitting on his face, right? Sitting on his face, but somehow. I don't want to talk about it, but I'm going to simulate sitting on your face. So she does. And this is what kills me about this show. It's a fucking hypocrisy. Like, I'm not going to be dirty enough to talk about what a slut she is. I'm just going to sit on your face on TV. And the producers like, but what does this have to do with Fruity Cereal?

She goes, um, what can I say? The Fruity Cereal has to do with tastes. So I guess like somehow maybe it was on his mouth. It was in her badge. I don't know what it was, but they did something naughty. But regardless, they are like married. She tastes like she tastes like fruity pebbles, like her. Her her pussy tastes like her vagina. Sorry, I feel grossing pussy.

I don't ever say that her vagina smells like fruit. But that sounds weird, too. Anyway, it tastes like fruity pebbles. I'm like, sorry, Whitney. Your husband has probably never had to comment on what your it tastes like fruity pebbles. I'm like, sorry, Whitney, your husband has probably never had to comment on what your vagina tastes like. Are we going to shame someone for having private parts that taste good? Is there a vitamin I can buy? Because that would be great. I would love that. Who doesn't want that?

I'm sorry. Were you the one who just took a brand deal for a vibrator and said how that was gonna be empowering modern Mormon women to like break the mold of what they can be, but then you're gonna shame one of your friends for having sex with her husband? Who's by the way fucking her and not girls on Tinder. Sorry loser. So I'm by the way, you're not a loser for your husband fucking people on Tinder.

You're a loser for acting so above it all and so fucking prudish. You're fucking- Right, like selective prudishness. It's the worst. Selectively, it's prudish. Selective prudishness, yeah. It's fine when your husband does it. Well, it's fine when she can get like $20,000 from a vibrator deal, which she should go

for and she should take, but then all of a sudden she's going to be like, she's less of a Mormon because she had sex with her husband and made her private parts taste like fruity pebbles. Yeah. So then we go back to Demi's house and they're just, you know, girls are arriving and stuff like that and Demi's still getting ready. So then we go back to the kitchen and Macy's like, oh my God, I'm going to see you guys tomorrow, right?

And Jessie goes, for what? She goes, oh, the baby blessing. Uh-oh, how could you say it in front of them? So awkward. The conversation comes up. Yeah. This is so awkward, guys. And Jen is like, well, okay, okay.

Well, I haven't talked to Layla, by the way, Layla, sorry. So I promise it has nothing to do with you. Like, I'm not going to tell you. I promise. I promise. I promise. I promise. I promise. I promise. I promise. I promise. guys and Jen is like, well, okay, okay. Well, I haven't talked to Layla by the way, Layla, sorry. So I promise has nothing to do with you, Layla. It has everything to do with Zach and just like

wanting our baby blessing to go a specific way. And he just didn't feel like he wanted to invite anyone he doesn't really know, you know, and it's just like, the people that aren't coming are just to be Macy McKay, people who are coming are Macy, Michaela, Winnie and like their husband, because Zach knows them and they're like, good people. Yeah, like, it's all about our baby. We don't have time to drag people out of the outer darkness. You know what I'm saying? And Taylor's like, Oh, wait, so there's certain people going? Does my mom know about this? Has she called all of the people that are going to ask them questions?"

Jared Sussman Taylor says, our religion is about peace and love and being welcoming to everybody. So, I'm like, this little hypocritical of like the members to be like, oh, you're doing that, you shouldn't come. It's like, no, that's what it's there for to go like, hey, sinners, come be a part of this. It's not just for the saints. Don Don Don and Taylor's like, well, my baby, my baby blessings coming up to so you can come to that one. And later it's like, yay. So they kind of make fun out of it. So now more people are sort of milling about and everything. And Demi is like, guys, I'm so sorry. I know this is very on brand for me to be so late to my own

party. They genuinely mix up the time I thought it started at 730. And then it shows on screen that 745. So she's 15 minutes late to the time she actually thought it was supposed to be. So she then goes, she makes a speech for calendine's day, which is so funny. It's so extra for basically just like girls hanging out drinking soda. And she's like, guys, I'm just so excited to hang out as girls. My as opposed to as men. And my whole intention is so fun hanging out as rhinoceros is I was gonna say let's hang out as Gekil monsters. But then I was like, no, let's hang out as girls instead. Um, my whole intention for the night was just, you know, wow. I was like sex.

Yeah, like sex. She said sex. Yeah, I was like sex. And Demi was like, I just want to bring like feminine energy together and like become one tonight and like connect and like, let's be there for one another and like show up for each other guys.

Cause if you're here, I love and respect you. And you are one of my gals, truly. You're not one of my girls. You're one of my gals. Cause it's Valentine's day, which rhymes with Galentine's day. Galentine's means Valentine's, but for gals. I invited Gal Gadot to this, but she said she couldn't come, which is too bad because she's already on the brand.

I was like, gal, are you going to come? And she was like, no, no, no, no. Jared Sissling So I guess we're just, we invited Gal to come to Galentine's day and we're just going to wait for her. I guess we're just waiting for a good day. David Kemp So then there's some gifts and stuff. So Whitney's like, oh my God, I guess I'll just watch while everybody else helps with gifts. I'm like, that's enough hands. Am I right, guys? And so they're all laughing like, Whitney's not going to help you guys. She's like such a rebel. And Jessie's like,

yeah, look at the three little stooges in the corner. It's, I couldn't believe that they weren't helping out because as we all know, and as we just learned, Galentine's is about showing up for each other. So she really was not showing up in that moment, guys. So Macy's, they're like, they're like, Macy's saying how they like, call them the mean girl, like they're called the mean girls. And they're like, well, you know, Demi's like, if the shoe fits, I think it fits you better, sister.

Okay. Wait a minute, Demi, I have a gift for you. Okay. And it's just for you, Demi. Demi's like, what? Thank you. Yeah, thanks. What is it?

It's just a party favor gift. So you should open it right now in front of everybody. Macy's like, yeah, open it in front of everybody. So that so Demi is like, oh my God, this is actually so nice that you got me a gift. Like, I'm like, honestly, like, Galentine's Day really does stand for something and you seem to really gotten it. It's about showing up for your job that you've really shown up for me. So she opens it up and it's a box full of Fruity Pebbles. And it's not even Fruity Pebbles. It's like the sad off-brand ones.

It's like the brand that was like willing to have their name shown on the show. Yeah. And so Demi's like, oh, wow, freaking Whitney, right? And Jesse's like, wait, I don't get it. And everyone's like, wait a minute. And Jen goes, oh, my God, I know what you're talking about right now, because I'm also holy. I am so dead right now. Only super religious people get this vagina joke, you guys. I feel like Jen had no idea what the joke was, but she was determined to show that she understood the joke and wanted to impress Whitney. She's like, that is hilarious. I totally get that specific reference, and it's so funny. We don't even have to articulate what it is, but if you want to, I'm not gonna be the one, but you can say it instead. Oh my God, so funny. And Whitney's like, Oh my God, guys, I think she hates it. Look at her reaction. Demi's

like, Um, like I didn't send out 80 texts talking about the intention behind the night. So that's fine. It's fine. You know what? It's literally no big deal. You know what? I laid out the intention clear as day to all the girls that this was not a trashy bachelorette party. This specific thing that she was trying to make light of and make a joke of was something that was completely intimate and off the table, technically under the table too. And that was between Brett and I. And we swore to each other we would never tell a soul about that. So, I mean, technically I did sort of expose it without him realizing, but whatever. I think this just like below the belt.

I'm sorry, below the belt. No pun intended. No pun intended. No pun intended, no pun intended, no pun intended. This is kind of funny. Well, first of all, they're assholes for doing this. Like let's bad shame someone for something that happened off camera on a holy show

and make them look like the worst sinners in the world. Cause to me, it's not that big of a deal, but I know in their world it's a huge deal. So fuck those girls, especially Whitney. But also just on the other hand, just because that's what we do, um, just girls like, oh my God, that was something so intimate and so private between me and my husband, which is why I secretly called him on speakerphone to have him talk about eating me out to a whole car full of girls in California. I know.

She basically did not want this on TV. And so Macy is like, she's like, oh my God, she's like mad at you. And they like goes, no, she's pissed. Thanks, Leila. We got it the first time when she said mad at you. When he's like, well, that's fucking weird. Seriously, that's like, it's like valentine's day.

Like what the fuck? So Whitney reveals herself to be that person. at you." Whitney's like, well, that's fucking weird. Seriously, that's like, it's like valent's day. What the fuck? So Whitney reveals herself to be that person. I'm mad at her for being mad. Yeah. Whitney is now seeding and she's like, she's actively frowning and she's puffing, huffing and puffing there in the corner. She's mad that her joke. Whitney is literally the worst. She's one of those people that you go, oh my God, you're a fucking racist. And they go, oh really? That's quite tolerant of you. Oh, okay. Oh, I'm the bad one for pointing that out. Yeah. So now Whitney's mad that Demi did not laugh. She's probably concocted a story in her head that

Demi is acting like a hypocrite to make Whitney look bad, you know? And, uh, when Whitney should just be like, I'm sorry, I thought it'd be funny. I guess I misjudged that situation. So then Demi is like, well, I wanted to make it clear that that was a topic of conversation that was off the table, like legit, I'm pissed. And Macy's like, really? Well, I think she's pissed at you. And it Because the Whitney like fuming in the corner. So Demi is like, wait, so you're mad at me? And she's like, I'm mad about this situation. And she's okay, that's fair, but it feels targeted towards me. And she's like, I feel ambushed. You feel ambushed. You just embarrassed someone

at their own party in front of everybody. You came with a fucking you showed up with a prop. This girl sucks. You used like, I think it was Eve Saint Laurent wrapping paper. Okay, you spent money on this prop to humiliate her. Yves Saint Ler-dent, I don't know. But either way, you spent money and you made a prop and then you're gonna accuse her of ambushing you. It doesn't work that way. Oh yeah, this girl sucks. So then now we go to Jack and Jill bowling lanes.

Ah, what's next? Adam and Steve bowling lanes. Just kidding. I'm glad it's a heteronormative couple you've named this bowling alley after. The other girls, the sinners are going to have a bowling night while the saints party is going on. They're like, oh my God, I literally haven't been bowling in so long. It's like, well, you should have invited Whitney because she's had a lot of practice, but in her finger in a lot of different holes, at least if she's been around her husband lately. I love that this is like the, this is like the juxtaposition, like the saints are going to be at a baby naming, but the sinners are gonna be sinning by bowling.

It's like, oh, watch out. Yeah. And Demi's like, not only are we breaking the Sabbath, but we're all kicked out of the baby blessing today because we're not Mormon enough for Jen. So then we go to the Mormon party and the baby blessing and people start arriving. And then David, who's David?

When he had to leave it. David may be the dad. I think that's the dad. And he was like, and or maybe it was the brother. There's like a brother who's like zooming in from Brazil or something, but either way, the dad like welcomes everyone. And Jen is like, I'm just super excited about the baby blessing.

I'm just excited to have to be like the good to be around Luca and to not be about everything that's going on with mom talk and all the drama. It'll just be nice to have a moment, just to focus on him and his family and his friends and all the crazy bleach jobs in this room. So Whitney gives a speech and she's like, every time I go to a baby family and his friends and all the crazy bleach jobs in this room. So Whitney gives a speech and she's like, every time I go to a baby-buffing, I just feel closer to heaven. I'm just so grateful for Luca that he has Jen and Zach as their parents. I mean, they are so blessed. Guess what? I don't know what her vagina smells

like. So that's saying something to her character, right? And I just know this church is true. And I know that Heavenly Father loves every single one of us, and that all of us are children of God. And by being a mom, I mean, that's just like one of the greatest callings on earth. The other ones are being on mom talk and selling a lot of vibrators. You know what I hear is not one of the great callings in earth bowling. So to all those sinners who are stuck bowling today, let us pray in amen. May you all be struck down. So then we go back to the bowling alley and Demi is like, you know, last night at my Galentine's party, did you feel like a lot of girls were off? Like the energy was just like so weird last night. I just feel like there's this weird divide

right now. Like we're sitting here, we're bowling. The sinners here are bowling. And Jesse goes, sinner someday. So back to the baby blessings. Zach's like, anyone who's been invited to be in our circle, if you guys could come up. So all the guys come and they start putting their hands on each other. And Jen's like, yeah, when we give this baby a blessing, my husband and a few males do it because women can't give the blessing because only men carry the priesthood in the church. So, excuse me, you carry the fucking baby, okay? Fuck the priesthood. You're carrying the baby. Who? Well, you gotta you gotta love men. You gotta fucking love men. Can I call? Thanks

for dropping that one for me. Please sit over there while me and my bros hold hands. Okay. So then afterwards, Jen's talking to Michaela and Macy and she's like, I feel bad about not inviting the other girls. But I'm actually grateful I didn't, because I feel like everything wouldn't have been as sacred as special without those outer darkness fiends here to ruin my baby. Yeah, this is one of those, like, oh my God, you guys, we are having so much fun not being at the holy party,

aren't we? Isn't bowling great? Yeah. And so Macy's like, I'm just like, Macy says, by the way, did you invite everyone to your birthday? And Michaela says that Macy's like, I did. So it turns out that Macy is going to be having a girls trip for her birthday. And she got like a really sweet like mansion for everyone to stay in. And she's invited everyone to the party, including the sinners. Aren't they going to Vegas? Is it Vegas? Do they say they're going to Vegas? I know they go to Vegas at some point.

Do they say that or do we just find out later that they actually go to Vegas? I'm not sure. Maybe they, I don't know. Maybe that's a different time, I don't know. Maybe it's not a mansion. Cause she says, we're gonna stay at this really nice penthouse. Penthouse, yeah.

So then Macy's like, I get the master suite. And she's showing them online the place they're going to stay. And then we go back to the other party and we see baby things happening. It's really not that exciting. So when we cut back and Jesse's like, yeah, it's like them three against the world. And Jen's like slowly being brought into that. But like, you know what? This girl strip is coming up and we'll see.

You know what? Going into Macy's birthday trip, I'm like really nervous because there are issues with Whitney and Taylor, with Whitney not showing up to Taylor's baby shower. But also, I think the serial prank really triggered this anger and demi towards Whitney. And there are also a lot of things that need to be said. And when we're in a house together for two days, I know it's going to come out and there's probably going to be like some drama, it's gonna get bad. And like, I don't

know if there'll be enough sun kiss to keep us all happy. Yeah, this shows Matt so I'm excited to see what happens on the next episode. I know what I know. What's the moment wives the previews have. Well, I know. Lots of Mormon wives. The previews have been showing strippers all season. So this is the probably strippers in Vegas and that will probably cause more issues for the good ones, et cetera. Yeah.

Party. Well, everybody, thanks so much for being with us. We will be back another time with some more Mormon wives, eh, man? Yeah, thanks for being here. We'll catch you the next one Bye Watch what crap ins would like to thank its premium sponsors ain't no thing like Allison King Ashley Savoni She don't take no baloney Aaron McNicholas. She don't miss no trickle-less Jamie. She has no less namey Hava Nagila Webber.

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