Watch What Crappens - #2580 RHOSLC S05E03 Part Two: The Jewels of Ali Bobblehead

Episode Date: October 3, 2024

This is part 2!The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are off to Milwaukee! The glamour! Whitney is accused of being an Ali Baba faker, Bronwyn starts her first nonsensical fight, and Mary Mar...ys. To watch this recap on video and listen to all of our bonus episodes, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:26 Try it free at ConstantContact.ca. And Away We Go with Georgia King is a brand new travel podcast only on Wondery+. Each week, celebrity tour guides will whisk you away to their favorite places in the world with intimate, hilarious, heartwarming conversations that remind us of the power of travel to bring us together. So watch what happens. Watch what happens. Oh, I need my feature. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens. it's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap. So then Brittany is trying to FaceTime with Jared. And of course he doesn't answer because he's an Osmond and doesn't want to deal with her. Um, and then, uh, Angie, um, is now,
Starting point is 00:01:35 she goes to Bronwyn's room and Bronwyn's getting glam and she's, Oh my gosh, someone is doing my job for me. Haha. I heard a blow dryer. Kind of my thing. Remember last week when we got hit, blow dryer kind of my thing. Remember last week when we got when we blew your hair out. Remember, remember, remember. Ha ha ha. Fun sister time. Ha ha ha. So what else? There's more than just bobbleheads in Milwaukee. It also has some casinos that we could go to. Oh, we already did that part. So I don't know what I was reading. I was reading to see if we missed something.
Starting point is 00:02:10 And I was like, we missed this. And we did not miss this. OK, so we have a lizard emergency on Watcher Crappens. One of our lizards won't fake me. Every time we talk about the lizard, I'm like, please take me. Please take me. So Angie has gone into Bronwyn's room. Bronwyn's getting glam and Angie is basically there to talk some, you know, talk shit. So she's like, I wanted to check in, you know, last
Starting point is 00:02:36 time we got together with the hair dryer kind of my thing. You know, things got heated like a hairdryer and I sensed your energy shift shift. You want to talk shit about someone, I'm Greek." And Bronwyn's like, she was like, it was a lot. I mean, I don't know that my energy shifted so much as like my whole soul left my body. And then randomly you can see like a depiction of her soul leaving her body. It's dressed terribly.
Starting point is 00:03:02 It's crazy. Like also her soul looks ridiculous. So, it leaves. Then Bron was like, yeah, I'm very upset with Heather, but Lisa, I am furious with. I really am. You're furious? Really, are you? She's like, Lisa is a longtime friend of mine. Not only did she not say a single word, but she could have shut that down so simply. All she had to say was, I know Bron win the best. And that's not how that conversation was meant. Because we all know that everybody believes everything that Lisa Barlow says. So that's all that was needed. Yes. I sense the silence on her part. And I've been in a situation with Lisa recently,
Starting point is 00:03:37 if we want to make mine the main argument instead. And I think having my own opinion put me on the outs with her so I get it girlfriend hair dryer buddy And Brom was like and the things that they were saying Oh my god, the things that Lisa said about Melee were far worse than anything I could have ever said so watch out cuz Karma's a real bitch and she's dressed in $10,000 outfits for no reason at a picnic, bitch. I'm sorry, who is Melee?
Starting point is 00:04:10 Are you talking about- Melee, Melee, Melee, Melee. I'll take a vodka soda with a grape leaf in it, please. Melee's like, I'm sitting right here. So then we see, we go back to that car ride and we see, this is what Lisa has to say about Melee. This is so bitchy, but like Wade came over.
Starting point is 00:04:29 We all remember why. And Wade came over to my house to grab some stuff before the event. I was like, hi, Wade. And he was like, hey, Mellie's about everyone getting blacklisted from places. Because remember she had the scoop on who was getting, was it Jen who was in trouble? Meredith is like, well, I heard from people that Jen Shaw was banned from Louis Vuitton. She's being rat-flagged. Yes.
Starting point is 00:05:04 Okay. So, Ronwyn has some info. So she's like, well, the two of them did talk shit to me and then out me as a shit talker, which is kind of fucked up. That is fucked up. Andrew's like, that is fucked up. And so, Andrew agrees. And Bronwyn was like, well, you know, I've just decided they can say whatever. They've decided they can say whatever. And little bitch Bronwyn is just going to sit here looking stupid, literally dressed looking stupid. No, I'm not.
Starting point is 00:05:33 I'm going to get them. I'm going to get them. They're going to look stupid. Who's the little bitch now? He's like, wow, you're really, you're really mad about this. I'm not going to use Lisa's words. I'm not going to use Lisa's words. I'm just letting people know that Lisa had words that were not just, ah. So Bronwyn's like, you know, it's just too much bitchery for me,
Starting point is 00:05:54 honestly. You know, and I'm not throwing Lisa under the bus, but I am turning the bus on. And then I'm going to drive it forward over her. So now Whitney goes to Heather's room and they're like, oh my God, you look so great. You look so great too. Oh my God, you're wearing so many brands at one time. Well, thank you so much. I have so many C's on me. This isn't that.
Starting point is 00:06:13 Okay. So then they talk about, Heather's like, to the buzzing cousins, let's have a drink. We are buzzing cousins, cousin. Nuts. cousin's cousin, nuts. So Whitney is like, by the way, wait to hear this tea. As an olive branch, I was like, Meredith, will you bring caviar? Let's do a caviar spread. And Heather's like, oh, to have like a caviar night? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:39 And then she was kind of like, I'm already bringing it. Like, is this, is's supposed to make her bitch. So what? I was waiting for the I was waiting for the recap, actually, so that you could explain to me why this was so mean. Because I was like, did I miss this? Because my fingers too tired to press the rewind button. But I think I missed something. I feel like if I was I feel like if someone was like, Hey, Ben, bring the caviar. And I said, oh, I'm already bringing it. That's like a cool. Fuck, Ben. Now I can't say it was my idea to bring the caviar and Ben brought it.
Starting point is 00:07:10 Like, listen, you can't show up at a party and then just put your name on someone else's gift. I mean, we all do it, but it still doesn't mean you went out and bought the gift. Let the woman have her choice. Her chance. You know, I brought the caviar. It's my thing, Whitney. What are you going to be taking baths in caviar next?
Starting point is 00:07:25 Yeah, I just don't see how this is like a bitchy thing for her to respond with. If anything, it sounds like she's saying like, yeah, no, I'm already bringing it. We're going to have a fun time. So then we see on the private plane, this tiny, tiny private plane that they're all crammed into. Meredith's like, wow, everyone, I brought the caviar for breakfast. It was the best. It's like wow everyone I brought the camp you can't be off of breakfast in the best When you say
Starting point is 00:07:53 She should have said we brought the caviar That's like kind of bitchy, I don't know hey Heather What's going on with you and Bronwyn? Seems like things are better, better than me and Meredith and the way she denied my olive branch of caviar suggestions and such. Huh? Matthew 10 Heather's like, well, I've been testing the waters a little bit and it was a little bit cold at the airport, but it was early. So, like, it did raise red flags at like, maybe
Starting point is 00:08:22 the conversation I heard her say, you know, I didn't like that. And then we see the conversation. And she's saying, you know, she had a different conversation with you, Whitney, than she had with the rest of us. And that woman's fake. She's a fake. She's a fake-o. And Whitney goes, wait, but I really feel like she likes me. Well, I think that Bronwyn is trying to play to whoever is in front of her. I mean, says Heather. Isn't that Heather's whole shtick? And so Heather's like, you know, like, I think that Bronwyn is trying to play to whoever is in front of her. I mean, says Heather. Isn't that Heather's whole shtick? And so Heather's like, you know, like I had thought she was laughing at you and had no interest in being your friend.
Starting point is 00:08:52 And so I'm just kind of like, what? What did I miss? I mean, it's just snivelly and it's nipelid and it's weird. And I think it's just obvious. But am I the only one seeing that way? Am I crazy? But Heather, when she does it, she goes, like when she did the girls trip and she's around a bunch of more seasoned housewives, she does the whole like, oh my God, here I am with the big dogs. Here I am. Everybody here is so famous. I can't even believe they let me in the door. I mean, God, this is exciting
Starting point is 00:09:18 with the big dogs now. Look at me. So she kind of kisses their butt in a way. And I think that she's pissed off that this lady isn't doing that whole thing. It's like you're new and you're kissing my butt. I've been here five years now, you know, and you're, you're coming in here and you're trying to start shit with me. I don't think so, ma'am. It's also weird too, because I thought Heather doesn't like Whitney. I don't know. So their relationship, they have like a housewives relationship where they hate each other to fight and then they're like still best friends. But she's like, she's like, I don't like Whitney,
Starting point is 00:09:50 but like I have history with Whitney and you don't have history with Whitney. So you can't come in here talking shit cause you're too new, which I actually sort of get. But also what I don't understand is that like on this cast, everyone that talks shit behind each other's backs and then it's like really nice to each other's faces. So I don't understand why Bronwyn is any different. So she hasn't heard the right yet,
Starting point is 00:10:09 my friend. Yeah. So now, um, now the casino people go off to the casino and, um, they all sit at like a table and they start gambling. And Lisa, Lisa gives us this insight into Mormonism and gambling. And this is where I put my pin in my mouth because I just watched episode seven of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, which, you know, had to do with gambling in part. And so, I was very excited to hear about Lisa's perspective on gambling and the religion. So Lisa's like, the Mormon church is anti-anything addictive. And gambling is one of those things.
Starting point is 00:10:51 Drugs, pornography is totally frowned on. One time I was on a plane. I was flying from New York, and I was sitting next to a Mormon teenager. And he had a hoodie on, and he had porn playing, literally for four hours. He was watching porn. I mean, wow.
Starting point is 00:11:04 So yeah, I'm gambling, but I'm not masturbating next to some lady on a plane for four hours who's watching porn. I mean, wow. So yeah, like I'm gambling, but I'm not masturbating next to some lady on a plane for four hours. So I was like, what is this story? What is she talking about? How did that lead to this? It was a strange aside or illustration of what vices are good or what vices are bad. Also how do you not say something to the kid? And be like, could you turn off the porn? Turn off your fucking porn. How did nobody say something to the kid?
Starting point is 00:11:31 Yeah, like who doesn't? Who watches, like just brings porn out and sits there and watches it like it's a TV show on a plane? It was wild. I mean, I get uncomfortable when I'm watching like a movie and like a nude scene comes on. I'm mortified on an airplane. I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm not a pervert. But
Starting point is 00:11:49 Well, me too, because they shouldn't let you they shouldn't have that stuff, especially on the plane screen. Like it comes up and you're like, Oh, my God. Yeah, but then I'm like, you know what, though, I've had to sit and watch all of you guys watch the art of driving in the rain with that dog, the fucking dog. The dog always dies in the end in all those movies and I have to watch it over and over and over again. So you get to watch a titty. But either way, I like Lisa's work around that like she's not a sinner when she gambles
Starting point is 00:12:17 because she's not addicted to it. That means it's okay. And I'm wondering if Zach from Secret Lads and Women Wivesives has the same mentality even though apparently he is incredibly addicted to it. Yeah, he's addicted to gambling or whatever. Okay, I mean, I don't know, but I do love that you equate boobs with a dog dying. You're like, I'm going to show you boobs like you showed me a dog death. Wow. So then, let's see. So now, everyone, Heather's like, do you think they're having fun at the Bobblehead Museum? And then we cut to the Bobblehead Museum.
Starting point is 00:12:53 And wow, this is really a thing. Yeah, it's just a Bobblehead Museum, and they have to go on a scavenger hunt. And so they go on the scavenger hunt. And we got yet like another fun in games moment. They go, they find another like golden girls. They find a bunch of golden girls, bobbleheads. And then, and then we do see that. Oh no, you're not moving past the golden girls.
Starting point is 00:13:14 They don't know the golden faces on it. Yeah. They were modifying. They don't know the golden girls. They didn't even know who they were. They were like, they didn't know the golden girls. I was like, how am I still watching the show? They're going to watch a football game and they don't know the Golden Girls. They didn't even know who they were. They were like, they didn't know the Golden Girls. I was like, how am I still watching the show? They're going to watch a football game and they don't know who the Golden Girls are?
Starting point is 00:13:30 Fuck this show. Like this used to be this was last week. This was my favorite show. This week I'm done with it. When he goes, remind us of their names. Who do we beat? Remind us there. You have one of their names.
Starting point is 00:13:41 What are you talking about? Whitney Rose. Yeah. And you are Rose. That's the other thing like Whitney clearly is Rose out of all of these people, right? So then they start doing who they would be right? Rose is Mary. No, Rose is not Mary. Rose is Dorothy. Okay. Then you've got Sophia. Then you've got Sophia with Whitney's face. No. Whitney is Rose. Yeah. I think so. And then- Melia Blanche feels right. I think Bromwood would be Dorothy actually, and Mary would be Sophia. And then, Melee
Starting point is 00:14:18 would be Blanche, I guess. I mean, I don't know. I don't know if Melee is like Trampy or whatever, but that's kind of Blanche's thing. So, I don't know. I don't know if Melee is like Trampy or whatever, but that's kind of Blanche's thing. So I don't know. Yeah. Either way, I think we can agree that like Mary is definitely not Rose and Whitney is definitely not Sophia. Like how did, wait, how in the world did Whitney get Sophia? That's what I don't understand. Like that doesn't even make sense in any way. I don't even know. Yeah. I don't know if the editors even know who this show. I mean, I'm just disappointed. I get that it's Salt Lake City, but like, where are your gays? You know what I mean? And you know who else could use a gay? And I'm sorry to harp on this woman
Starting point is 00:14:52 so much because really, I don't hate her. I actually kind of like her. I think she shows promise. But Bronwyn really needs some gays. Like she needs, she just needs to be funny. She needs to have funnier lines. You know? I think this cast needs some gays. Guys, bring us some gays. I like Bronwyn. Here's what I got to say about this thing with this misattribution of housewives to the Golden Girls. This is why we should not be having these stupid little silly segments on the show, okay? Because not only is it a sign that you're filling time, and by the way, it's a great episode, I'm not complaining, this was not like some other shows where this happens, but there's always, I have too much PTSD
Starting point is 00:15:30 from when other seasons are bad, but like, don't do this, especially if you're gonna fuck up the Golden Girls references, just like, put something else in there instead. Yeah, guys. So then, Mary's like, oh, the Golden Girls, some are grumpy, some are moody, some still have their period. No, they don't.
Starting point is 00:15:47 It's not part of the golden girls. No, let's get the museum. No, Blanche had their period. Blanche. There was an episode where Blanche started to go through the change, which meant that the art and I take that Blanche had her period. Okay, I take it. I'm a therapist and she looked through it and the light was coming through the blinds and she had like the horizontal, like the Venetian blinds like on her face.
Starting point is 00:16:10 And she's like, oh, I'm on nap, I don't have my period. One of those episodes. Okay, sorry Rose, I take it back, I take it back. So then now, I don't know, I don't like this part. It's all this blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay, so Brittany is now looking at her phone and Lisa's like, put your phone away. We're over Jared. Brittany. And they're gambling over there. And then Lisa is reading Brittany's texts out loud and she's like,
Starting point is 00:16:40 oh, I didn't see that you called. I don't know why I missed your call. Can I talk some back? Can I? Can I do it? That would be so funny. Hold on, let me write. Please check on Jack. I miss him. Hey!
Starting point is 00:16:51 All right, I'm gonna write, okay, I'm gonna write to Jared. Hey Jared! Hi, I love that. Hey, sorry, I'm having the best time with the girls. I don't know what time we'll be in tonight, but if you're interested in some fresh wall for our Vita Tequila, please go to LisaBarlow.com.
Starting point is 00:17:07 Thanks, Jared. But what she actually wrote was, hey, I'm having fun with the girls. I'll chat with you maybe tomorrow. It is so not Britney, you know? And so she's like, yeah, we're over him because he's not your identity, Britney. Just remember that. You have to be done unless he makes a major, major change and make sure the Jack feels okay.
Starting point is 00:17:30 Make sure the Jack goes to a five star restaurant. Oh. So now Meredith and Heather walk over to the bar. So they kind of like a little scene together. So they toast and Heather is talking. She's like, no, I'm so glad you decided to come. I talked to Whitney earlier and she said that you were a little bit cold. She felt like asking you to bring caviar was an olive branch and you knocked it, but by saying I'm already bringing some. I mean, Heather is so messy.
Starting point is 00:18:00 I mean, she's always messy, but hilariously messy here. Pete They're going to need something this season though. I don't know what's going to happen this season, but these are a couple of struggling arguments that they're trying to have, these two groups. So, Meredith is like, well, I'm not really sure why you're asking me to give cameo as a big stab in the face to her. I mean, I look at Whitney like high school physical education. I don't do it. I don't sweat it. I think a bigger old branch might just be I'm treating you like shit. I'm sorry. That might be a mild branch. I'm sorry. That might be a mild branch. So then she's like, yeah, you know, fuck her. Oh, and by the way, they're saying, and by the way, as my friend, I don't know if you remember her, she's been saying that Whitney is using designs of the sounds of Olly-po-bo. A thing in our jewelry and even using the same pictures is Olly-po-bo.
Starting point is 00:19:10 I'm sorry, Meredith, what was that? Olly-po-bo. Oh, Meredith, Olly-po-bo. And two hours later, flashback to two hours, Lisa and Meredith are chatting and Lisa says, I'm so glad that I got to a place where I could come on a trip because I'm like, why are you going on a public platform and talking about me? It's so weird because someone just did it to her. Did you see that?
Starting point is 00:19:37 It's like, oh, the social media post about her jewelry being off only for a month. Oh, well, that's not good for business I'm sure it's alright That's not good for anyone It's time for a commercial It's time for a Crappins commercial Are you in trouble with the law? Need a lawyer who'll fight like hell to keep you out of jail?
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Starting point is 00:20:42 It was an order. I'm your host, Brandon James Jenkins. Follow Criminal Attorney on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Criminal Attorney early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Do you remember this news coming out when it came out? Yeah, of course. She's so busted. I mean, it is literally the exact same pictures as on her website. I mean, come on, make an effort.
Starting point is 00:21:07 At least the iPhone has a little thing where you can just press on an image and it will outline the image for you and cut it out. That's all you had to do and put it on a flower. I mean, do something, make an effort, you lazy ass Whitney. Well, did you see this news? Because I was tagged like a hundred times around this and as I learned from last year when people, random strangers, tag you on something, you always have to follow through and talk about it on camera.
Starting point is 00:21:35 That's always how this goes. I found out on DMs and Instagram. So then Heather's like, well, oh, she goes, I don't know if it's my place to talk to her. I mean, she clearly doesn't have respect for me or my caviar. She would have consulted me in the first place. I mean, Heather, I've been in the design business for 15 years. I've won multiple design awards. For instance, just this year I won best mom of the year by the Brooks and Chloe Marks Foundation and my reward was a breakfast and bath so I think the Whitney should really speak to someone with expertise.
Starting point is 00:22:16 I've got so many rewards. I was given a free quant from a Starbucks the other day. What's that? I would. They even gave me a free Danish. What was that? I'm sorry. I'm not following. What is that? What is that establishment?
Starting point is 00:22:38 So let me see here about Meredith Marks. She has won some awards it looks like. In 2017, she won JCK best of the best at the JCK Jewelers Choice Award. She won the 2017 FGI Rising Star Finalist and the 2018 Salute to Style Honoree by the Madison Boys and Girls Club. Well, I don't know what any of that means. And then from 2020 to 2023, the Icon Mother Award from Angie's Husband. It's still ongoing. It's an award I win every day. They call me the leader of that household.
Starting point is 00:23:21 Wake up every day, see him peeking out of my bushes and I say, hello gay person. How dare you. How dare you. So Meredith is like, so basically Meredith is like, why didn't, you know, Whitney should have come to me. I love, I love Meredith's arc, which is like, I don't know why you're doing all these copycat businesses of me say out of my lane. Hey, why didn't she come to me to get advice on her
Starting point is 00:23:49 business? Yep. So I was like, Yeah, I don't know how they're all thinking. Because Heather's like, I had never heard of this at all, which is a lie. And I just think that you should bring it up, not as a way to condemn her, but, you know, to say, listen, let me help you navigate this. She hates Whitney. What are you not understanding? Just say, I happen to have years of experience and two very cynical children, and you're obviously at a crisis. And if we're friends, I should be able to offer any help or at least some support.
Starting point is 00:24:28 And Meredith's like, wow, I'll think about that Heather, I don't know, because she has this weird issue with me and it's been going on for several years and I don't think she wants my advice whatsoever. Yeah, she wants Heather to do it. She's like, Heather needs to tell her and I'm not making this shit up, it's on social. So then, and then Meredith goes, the bottom line is I would never let her get into this mess in the first place.
Starting point is 00:24:53 That's me, crosswalk guard Meredith Mercer. Life saver. They call me the incubator. Well, after something gets bought on Shark Tank, they just send it my way and they help them get their feet off the ground. That's all. So then we go back to the other group and they're in the car now. And then Bronwyn is like, they're talking about who's in Instacare. Oh, because Maile sees Bronwyn on the phone.
Starting point is 00:25:21 She goes, who's in Instacare? And she's like, oh, my husband is so old, everything is falling apart. It just is. I mean, he's 65 years old, Mary. It's old. And Melvin- Because Mary's like, that's not old. She's like, it is. It may not be us. Like, we may be both do, just because multiple people are doing it does not mean it's less old. Yeah. Brahman's like, yeah, yes, Gout, I have sex with someone who's old enough to have doubt. It's horrifying as shit. I think you can actually get out young. I've had friends who had doubts in their 20s. So doubt is an equal opportunity. Yeah, you don't
Starting point is 00:25:54 have to be old for God. And now we go to the other group. And Angie is taking a selfie with a huge phone light thing. It's like, heading to the box game. And she's wearing, she's wearing like a typical Angie outfit, which was like a white fur with like boots, but she also has attached a Greek flag to her back and like her Greek sunglasses and like little Greek flags in her hands. And Heather was like, well, I can't believe I asked you how they're gonna know you're Greek.
Starting point is 00:26:21 She's, I know I am such a subtle hint. I don't know. So they show up and they meet like the CMO and I was actually getting excited for Angie because I'm like, wow, they're gonna be like going down to the practice and like Janice is gonna be there. She's gonna be dressed like a Greek flag. She actually is gonna meet him. This is so cool for her. I like literally like became like, I like, like carelessly stepped into her into her furry boots. And they get there. And Bronwyn tells us that she loves basketball because she's a stats nerd. But then she makes it sound like she doesn't watch basketball at all. Right? She's like, Yeah, I don't know
Starting point is 00:26:57 anything about math. But I love stats. Right? What was that all that? I'm sorry, but it's sports and I literally just, it happened on the show when I was watching it too. My brain just won't do it. It's like a block. I think I was traumatized by sports as a child. And now whenever it happens, I just, my brain turns off and I start looking at trees. Like I was looking at a squirrel outside literally right now. So they're in the front row and they're watching John is like taking shots. They're like 15 feet away from him. Like Angie is just so blatantly Greek and he's like totally ignoring her.
Starting point is 00:27:32 And Damien Lillard comes over and they're like, oh my God, huge fan, huge fan, huge fan. None of them know who he is. And they take photos with him. And then basically they just get sent off their box. I was like, oh, poor Angie K didn't get to meet John. and then I was like, that was so mean of John is to ignore Angie K who was wearing all this Greek flag stuff. And then I was like, Oh, you know what? I think if I saw that if I weren't John is boots and I saw this crazy walking over there, please get security. I am I quit this team. I'm getting far away from here. I'm going to a cabin in the woods. Baby Ranger on the sidelines, baby reindeer on the sidelines. Please, please clean up on baby reindeer. Thank you. I still haven't watched baby reindeer, but I hear it's coming.
Starting point is 00:28:20 Okay, well, we need to get on that because I hear it's very good. So it's very old. It's like basically I love Lucy at this point, but we should still watch it. Okay, so Mary is talking to Andrew. She's like, I feel like I should blow my nose. And then she's like, I will get you tissue from the restroom. And do you want to use it? She's like, I don't use public restrooms. I have to wait.
Starting point is 00:28:41 I just I just wear tampon and I hold it. What? What? She goes, promise, get a tampon and you will not have to, she's like, you won't have to be the whole time. Amber tells us that it's worked for years now. And she goes, yeah, if you're gonna be out long and you got an emergency run,
Starting point is 00:29:00 just insert that bad boy in there and just make sure it's the super, super size though. It can't be medium or small. Isn't that a different hole? I think it's the same sort of like ultimate like, I think it's like multiple highways merging into the same tunnel. And I think that like the opening to the urethra is the tiny hole that you pee out of. It's located just below your clitoris and above the opening to the vagina. So it's above the opening. So does that mean it means it's above it? What that depends. What about Depends? The opening to the vagina is right below your urethral opening.
Starting point is 00:29:46 Oh my gosh. What? What did you say? I was going to say what about Depends as endorsed by Lisa Rinna. But I think Depends are outerwear. They're like underwear. She's saying stick something up inside of you. Stick something up inside and you know.
Starting point is 00:30:03 I don't think that's right. And absorb. Okay, but I don't know. Listen, I don't you know, I don't think that's right. Okay. But I don't know. Listen, I don't have one. I don't know. But it's not, there's nothing stopping me from looking in the manual. Okay. So, you know, we, we will find out from the audience how this hack works.
Starting point is 00:30:18 Yeah. So, she goes off about tampons and then cracking herself up. And I mean, she's just delightful about it too, I have to say. And then Lisa is like, Brittany, are you taking South Oaks? And Heather's like, no, she's FaceTiming Jared. He's not actually on the line, guys. Oh, but then he answers. And Brittany's like, oh my God, I just, ding, ding, ding, I'd like to make a speech.
Starting point is 00:30:43 Jared answered the phone. Jared answered the phone. We're getting married in Rome. Hi, honey. I miss you so much. You miss me. Do I look good? How do I look? You look good. Do you think I look good? You look like someone who thinks I look good. Is that true? Are you someone who thinks I look good? Baby. Brittany, Brittany, Brittany, Lisa, Lisa actually liked it a solid for you and you were supposed to follow through and not not message with Jared, but she couldn't help herself. So while she's doing that, Angie and Bronwyn are behind her like up another slight tier, another row.
Starting point is 00:31:13 And then just like she's obsessed with this guy. Just how I'm obsessed with being Greek. Oh, look, look right here. They're FaceTiming. Oh God, I wish John is would FaceTime me. John is Greek in the Sands! Jonas! So she's like, Oh, hello, Jared, I know all about you. And then she turns back to Bronwyn and tells her, Oh my gosh, I have
Starting point is 00:31:37 to tell you a story. My brow girl who is the best brow girl in all of Salt Lake is telling me- I like that. I like that. I like that little detail she throws in there. Like, oh, if she wasn't the best Brow Girl, I'm not sure this is a good story. Like, I'm not sure the story holds water. But because she's the best Brow Girl, something's to eat. Yeah. Since she's the best one, you should really pay attention to this story.
Starting point is 00:31:59 And she said that Donnie or whatever, Osmond is flirting with her in the DMs and she's sending the screenshots to Angie. And Bron was like, um, that is messy. I am furious about it. I am so upset. You do not have to get upset right now. It's not your scene. Okay.
Starting point is 00:32:19 I'll just wait. Just somebody tell me when it's my turn. So they're looking at the DMs and basically this guy is like saying that he and Britt are not together and then he's like trying to call this girl and he's like saying things like I want to like touch you or something like that. He's basically he's fully fully coming onto this girl and so then Brittany is in the front row she gets off not from in front of them she gets off her FaceTime and she goes, Oh gosh, things are looking up everyone. Things are looking up with me and Jared.
Starting point is 00:32:48 And they're like, um, yeah. Bronwyn's like, well, if you knew this about me, I want you to tell me. And so Bronwyn's like, wait a second, are you guys talking about me? Is this about me? And she's like, well, just a little bit, girl. So we see that you found an Osmond and that you love him,
Starting point is 00:33:04 but he's DMing the best brow girl in all of Utah. I just want to tell you woman to woman best brow girl. And she's like, yeah, you know, you met us. It was two weeks ago. She said when was this? Brittany says when was this? And she says it was two weeks ago. You know, you were talking about all your info and sharing about your relationship and saying you're official. And I just want to do the right thing and make you aware. Now, just because of timeline, that was also when she said she'd just broken up with Jared. And then like the next day, they decided to become girlfriend, boyfriend, right? This is the problem with people like this.
Starting point is 00:33:45 There's so much drama that you'd like actually have to have a timeline of. Well, were you on a break? Well, you know, and that Brittany is gonna be the sort of person that's gonna say, guys, you know what, when you told me that I was upset, but looking back on it, we were on a break, so he was allowed to do whatever he wanted. And he loves me. So you know, it's not gonna, she's gonna come up with some workaround just to be in with this Osmond.
Starting point is 00:34:07 Yeah, it's going to be very secret lives where she was going to be like, well, that led to a deeper conversation and we really needed to have that. We needed that so much. Yeah. That's why this happened. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:18 So she, for now she runs off crying and then, and she was like, I don't want her to be upset with me. And Bron was like, well, you had to say something. I mean, just like I have to say something to Lisa right now. I'm so furious. I am the yary, not now. Okay. Well, I'm just, I'm on hold. So just whenever you guys are ready, just let me know. So then Meredith goes with Brittany randomly to consult her in the bathroom and she goes, wow, this was probably not the way you wanted to find out but it's better to know than to not know so I Guess we can just lay it all out on the table
Starting point is 00:34:54 Whitney stuff is from a mama there now set it Sorry, you know, I'm sorry to burden you with this. But if you need to tell me then please I'm sorry to burden you with this, but if you need to tell Whitney, then please. I understand. Um, so Meredith's like, oh, I just feel terrible for her. I just feel terrible. I mean, while Heather's trying to catch a bra, um, and um, I don't know, Heather's like having a wacky time down there with all the stuff going on. And Meredith's like, well, you know what, Brittany, maybe you just need a little bit of time for
Starting point is 00:35:26 yourself. Also, by the way, are you the cleaning lady for this box? Have we met before? You just looked sad and I felt like insulting you. And she's like, thanks, I'm a friend of this year. Oh, that's wonderful. Oh, okay. Well, just reassess and think about what's important to you.
Starting point is 00:35:41 And I don't know, feel better, yada, yada, yada. I'm gonna go back out with the main cast members bye so then Whitney's like um Angie I need you to come help me because there's a guy over there that thinks he has a chance with me it's like where so she goes over there he gave me money and then she holds up tickets and Angie's like it's like you're a hooker. Oh my God, you're a little honey pot. Oh my God, they've got, I got the lobster corn dog and I'm very excited about it. Oh my God, I have never had a lobster corn dog and I am as happy as a puppy with two Peters.
Starting point is 00:36:19 I love Milwaukee. And now to finish the trilogy of lobster corn dog commentary, I just had this lobster corndog and it is the best thing I have ever eaten. My arc here is done. So then Mary and Andrew are hanging out with the Greek flag and she goes, Mary, the music's like, Mary, Andrew, the music's playing. Do you want to dance? And Angie goes, sure, let me get my music going. And she starts dancing and Mary's like, no, no, you don't know how to dance.
Starting point is 00:36:50 I like that. Do you know how to dance? Dance a better way. And so she dances different. She goes, okay, that's good. It's the same way. She didn't change the way she's dancing. She's like, okay, you're doing it my way now, so it's good.
Starting point is 00:37:02 Hi, Bronwyn, Was the museum gone? Yeah. Can you tell I'm mad? Too bad I couldn't get a bobblehead of me frowning because that's what I'm doing right now to you. Oh yeah? How did everything go? You got a stomach ache?
Starting point is 00:37:16 And we see a flashback two hours ago and Maily and Bronwen are talking. Maily's like, I'm gonna have a little bit of a little bit of Melee's like, Well, if you're concerned about what people are saying about your clothes, I would have a serious conversation with Lisa and I would just leave it there. Okay? Because it's probably Lisa starting that. So Lisa probably did it. You should talk to her and I'll fight with her later because guess what I am? Furious. I am furious. You're welcome. So back back to President Grumman telling Lisa, Mel, Maylee
Starting point is 00:37:53 wanted to talk to me and you probably need to catch up about that. And then we see Maylee talking to Mary that she's like, and Mary just like, one goes stand up for yourself. Okay, I just saw your co worker in the bathroom crying, by the way. So then, Maylee comes up to Lisa and she's like, Well, making fun of your outfits is maybe a little extreme, okay? It was a snarky comment after she said, Oh, that's something Valentino. And then I said, you know, don't worry. It's probably back in Nordstrom now because she
Starting point is 00:38:31 returned everything because I heard it from my friend. And maybe like, sis. And so then he says like, he says like,, it wasn't that deep. All I was doing was saying that you don't have any money and you're about to get banned from Nordstrom's, that's all. Oh really? This is Bronwyn now and this is the problem. Lisa is that you say it's a snarky comment and it's a joke, ha ha ha, and I can get away with it.
Starting point is 00:39:00 She goes, but that's what I was saying with you. She goes, no, but when I said it, it was not a joke. It was not snarky and Bronwyn can't get away with it. But if you want to get away with a little mess one day and you want to get away with a little mess, Heather, then all of you are going to have to let me get away with a little mess myself. And that includes you, Heather. That includes you, Heather. And by the way, this is the first time I've seen Bravo do this. Just to rewind the tape a little bit. At the beginning of the top of this part of the conversation,
Starting point is 00:39:28 they bring Maile over to hash out this thing about Maile and Nordstrom's. And then they just edit Maile away. Like one moment, Maile is there talking to them. And then they cut to Bravo and say, and another thing. And when they cut back to the wide shot, there's no Maile. They're like, yeah, we're not even going to bother showing her walk away. Normally they give something like, Maile, come over here. But they just, Melee just evaporates. Poor Melee.
Starting point is 00:39:53 The lizards came. They were like, you know what? Her. She's been chosen. That's a great compliment for Melee. Yeah. Wow. I just got the news alert. Maylee has topped the charts. Oh my God. That was quick. Yeah. I just really did something different.
Starting point is 00:40:12 So then they're like, what? And Braum was like, yeah, this is a crack that could destabilize my friendship with Lisa. Dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. I didn't know that you love with feelings that weren't resolved, mainly because I don't really pay attention to your feelings. And Brahman's like, you know you have Heather yelling about a conversation I had with you
Starting point is 00:40:32 and Heather. At any point in time, you could have said, I know Brahman very well. And that's not how that conversation was intended. She's under a lot of stress. Her old husband has gout. It's a lot for her. And you don't need to defend me. I can defend myself.
Starting point is 00:40:44 I can't take care of gout, but I can defend myself. And you could have ended it and you didn't bother to." Yeah, I died. And then she's like, what the fuck with this lady, right? And she's like, I did defend her. And then we see a flashback to the table where she's like, well, maybe Bronwyn just has a different way of talking. Everybody talks differently.
Starting point is 00:41:03 And she's like, what does she want? Does she want me to throw a glass for her? And then we cut to Lisa kind of like tossing that glass ineffectually, I would say, because I never would have even remembered it had they not brought it up like a week later. But she tosses the glass. And she's like, I only do that for myself. So Bronwyn's like, it felt like you were egging her on. She's like, no, I wasn't egging her on. No. Well, and then Mary goes, well, I don't think I am here by the way. I was consulting a stranger in the bathroom.
Starting point is 00:41:34 I don't know why. I don't think she was because I was sitting right across from her because I was blinded by Whitney Rose's jewelry. Did I say that? And Bronwyn was like, well, she stayed completely out of the conversation and that's fine, but you wouldn't like it if I stayed out of the conversation when you were involved.
Starting point is 00:41:55 It would have been a different ending for me. And that's not fair. And she's like, Bronwyn wasn't in Lisa's car ranting and raving about everybody. You know, you could have said, I'm Bronwyn's friend, Bronwyn's new to the group. Give her ass a chance. She's like, I did say that. I did say that. I did. I didn't say it like you.
Starting point is 00:42:10 I felt like, you know, I said it in a different way. I said, fuck you, wet man. Give me a Kit Kat pass. Love that. It was a conversation. Hello. We're talking about our conversation in the car and how Bronwyn feels about me not jumping in at the table. Okay, well, you know what? I mean, I didn't have that conversation in the back.
Starting point is 00:42:29 Okay, you guys said stuff. You said stuff and you said stuff. Um, I did not. Okay, first of all, I did not want to put you on blast like that. Second of all, has anyone tried the lobster corn dog? Okay, because it is great. And Bronwyn was like, um, yeah, well, you put me on blast, Heather, and you didn't mean to. Okay, fine. But you did it. And you came hard and strong at me. And we need to get
Starting point is 00:42:52 correct about a couple of things about how we're going to have a friendship. And Heather's like, we need to get correct, ma'am. Yeah, get correct. Didn't you just get off the train? Are you fucking kidding me? So Heather starts doing a Bronwyn impersonation. Oh, we need to come correct. Didn't you just get off the train? Are you fucking kidding me? So Heather starts doing a Bronwyn impersonation. Oh, we need to come correct about a few things. I'm going to tell you exactly what I think, because I'm a straight shooter and Bronwyn is a badass.
Starting point is 00:43:14 Okay, if anyone needs to come correct in the situation of Bronwyn about the bullshit things she said about everyone in this room, including Whitney, I'm not falling for it this time, madam. So Bronwyn's basically just not backing down at all. And she's still pissed. And she's like, I didn't deny anything I said to Whitney. I told Whitney everything that I said. And then we see Bronwyn and Whitney in a flashback and Bronwyn is saying everything that she said
Starting point is 00:43:41 in a slightly different tone. You know, it's not as mocking, but I think that's normal. Like, what are you going to do somebody? I was just relentlessly mocking you with two of your close friends. Like, I don't get that. So then Heather's like, well, I'm going to say this for you, for you to have no, oh, because she goes, why would I do that to Whitney? I have no experience with Whitney. I don't even know Whitney. I've only seen her in that one event or that fight with Mary. And she's like, well, then if you don't know Whitney, then you have very strong, pretty cruel things to say about her with no experience with her. Yeah. And because you were throwing shade after shade after shade.
Starting point is 00:44:18 And Bronwyn goes, I am shady. And Whitney's like, I love that Heather's digging her heels in and defending me, but Heather has major trust issues, especially after last year. It's that immediate knee jerk reaction. New person can't trust you. And I think she's displaced that trust onto my Bronwyn. So I think that this is ridiculous as a fight because it's reaching A and B because she did talk shit. I mean, if you didn't talk shit and you got called that, that would be different. But Heather was the one who called you out.
Starting point is 00:44:55 So your fight with Heather is valid, but this fight with Lisa is just silly. And Lisa just brought you on the show. Have a little grace. You know what I mean? Be grateful for a little while longer before you just go turn on her to get some screen time. Like, yeah, well, Bronwyn's basically, well, Heather basically says to Bronwyn, as you mentioned, like, hey, if you barely know Whitney, why are you saying such mean things? And Bronwyn's like, well, you two are her long ass friends. Is that not worse? And Bronwyn basically ends the show by saying, I think it's interesting that no one
Starting point is 00:45:24 wants to know that we are all doing this. I'm not the only one. Everyone here is talking about everyone else. And it's not gonna stop unless we all realize that I'm not the root of the problem. I'm just the best dressed part of the problem. And meanwhile, she literally looks like Tripe. I mean, she's had this new look at the end of the episode.
Starting point is 00:45:40 Like, she just like intestinal lining. Um... She does. Ah, she does look like a bowl of fucking not called the Oh, what's the menudo? Well, fun times. I love Brian. I think she's great. I think she's doing good. I don't hate her. I think she's I think she's good. I'm not I haven't laughed once. She hasn't made me laugh once. And that's a huge thing for me. Like I need to, I'd love to laugh at the house. She hasn't made me laugh. She made me laugh. She hasn't infuriated me yet. But you know, it's okay. And it's not, you know, I don't
Starting point is 00:46:13 need to give a dissertation every episode I know about like, who do I like or do I not? Like it's not that big of an issue. But I mean, I don't know. I'm rooting for her. She's done two things that I've enjoyed. I enjoyed last week when she made her old husband walk up the stairs to find the scissors when she's like, um, so I have to look for those scissors. He just went up and look for them. I thought that was a great power move. And second of all, I actually giggled when she said that she's not going to throw someone so and so under the bus, but she is can turn the bus on. And I don't know why that like amused me. That was cute. That was a cute line So like I like her. Um, like you said don't need to do a dissertation about her
Starting point is 00:46:48 but um I do feel like some of the arguments so far this season feel a little like they're trying to whip something up It's almost like the women are like, okay, we got rid of monica But let's show that we can still be a crazy cast without her And well, this show is like that though They do do that every year they get together and they have the dumbest fucking fights at first until they really start getting pissed off later. That's true.
Starting point is 00:47:09 You know, they have to go through like the dumb fights until they something really sticks and then yeah, yeah, it's fairly normal for them. I mean, they they look some of their fights. You exploited my vagina, which came out of nowhere a year after that book came out. What? Yeah, it's not the fights. It's not the quality of the subject. It's the quality of the acting it out. You know what I mean? I guess for this show. So, super fun. And we will, I guess, see you next time, guys. Everybody, thanks so much for being here. We'll be back later this week with OC. Potomac is coming back next weekend.
Starting point is 00:47:48 Lots of stuff still to come. Mormon wives. What is it? It's this weekend. You're right. You're right. This coming Sunday is Potomac. We've got New York back. I mean, we're in full swing over here. The new Below Deck is coming back. So, we will be finishing up the Mormons as well, the secret lives of Mormon wives. If you want this on video or any of our bonus episodes, please go check out our Patreon, patreon.com slash watch what crap ends and join us there. Also, Crappy Hours every Monday at 5 30 on YouTube live. That's 5 30 Pacific time. That's our live show talking
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