Watch What Crappens - #2581 RHOC S18E13: Uninvited and It Feels So Good

Episode Date: October 4, 2024

Shannon fights back on Real Housewives of Orange County by refusing to invite Alexis Smellino on a cast trip. Will Fun Lexi handle it with grace or team up with another terrible man to sue her again? Watch this recap as a video and get our Secret Lives of Mormon Wives bonus at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Unyield, bruvs! I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? You know, so great, guys. I mean, what a day.

I woke up, the world was still turning. Things are still happening. Both souls are still selling. I thought, what a time to be alive. How's everything going over there with you babes? It's great. Shout out to my parents. It's their wedding anniversary today.

So shout out to Marilyn. Yeah, I think they're 54 years. Isn't that wild? That is crazy. Yeah. I think they're on 54 years. Isn't that wild? That is crazy. Yeah. That is a long time to be putting up with someone's bullshit. So shout out to my parents. Um, shout out to Orange County for having another fun episode. Shout out to, I don't know what else to shout out to literally everybody in the world.

Shout out to Johnny J and fun Lexi. Fuck the two of you. Fuck the two of you. And enjoy your fucking karma, you idiots. Also, I want to nip something right in the bud because I don't want this to go on for a week because I know it will if it goes on, if it goes unmentioned,

but we have a call from the office of corrections, uh, which is two things, two dumb mistakes from yesterday's recap of salt Lake city. First I'm sitting there talking about, Oh, I love, I love watching basketball. I mean, I, I haven't kept up with basketball in a while, but I'm like, acting like I actually am a sports gay. And I'm sitting there at the entire recap, calling Janice Janice, Janice, Janice.

It's Janice. Yeah, but it's, it's yeah. So I apologize. I definitely messed that up. Second of all, um, we also talked extensively about the song by the jazz. Like that was all you, that was all you right there. This was me. Because you said the lyrics and I just copied you. So be completely copy, okay. I found out, I've got a crush on you.

But someone did remind us that the lyric is actually, you found out I've got a crush on you. I love going off on shit and then being completely wrong. And just going off for like 10 minutes, you know, cause we both did that. 10 minutes, we were like, how do you just find out you've got a crush on yourself? And we did a whole thing about it. And it turns out you didn't find out

you have a crush on yourself. Someone else found out they had a crush on, you had a crush on them. That's how we roll. I will want to take credit for both of us for something, though. We finally knew something about a vagina because we knew that the vagina

is not where peepee can, well, I knew, well, I'm going to take it. I knew that peepee did not come out of the vagina, comes out of the urethra, which is not a vagina. And I knew that that sounded fishy to me, no pun. And I looked it up and I was correct. And you know what? I'm just so proud of us, man. It's been a long time of us just bungling vagina stuff. And finally we got one. And that just goes to show you that comments do teach us things. So, feel free to keep commenting. So, we learned about vaginas, the Jets, and Janus. Now, I'm not going to even say Janus's last name because I've never been able to say it, but we've learned things. We've learned things now.

He is Greek. He is Greek. And what we do know is that we are now talking about Orange County and not Salt Lake City. We are sunsetting that discussion and now we are moving forward with Orange County. Another fun and wild episode. Hilarious. Also, again, got to give props to this week's silliness in the post-production department. I don't remember when it happened, but at one point they split the screen into like a jigsaw puzzle,

and then they had a giant bubble float across the bottom. Did you see this? And then the bubble popped and then went bloop. Did you see that? I know what I saw, the one where the little statue said something. Yes, and on top of that, they were going to their tea party and they played like hip hop music while they're going to the tea party.

And then at one point the song is like, yeah. And it cuts to a statue and they put lips over the statue that went, yeah. They are on crack for that, officially. Well, yeah, I guess it was like the Alice in Wonderland tea party they were giving a nod to, or it's just like you're tripping. But that shit was funny. Okay, so this is called You Are Coojely Not Invited, Real Housewives of Orange County, Season 18, Episode 13. This episode starts at Katie's couple's dinner last week. Tamara has just had a fit and walked out because her takedown did not work.

Okay. You can't try and outshade a shade-ster. And Ryan is shady. I don't know what is going on over there, but it becomes very clear in this episode that whatever it is, his ass is shady and Tamara tries to outshade him. You can't. He's going to win. He's gonna win. He's shady worth millions of dollars, so he's gonna win.

Also, I'm starting to believe that he was telling the truth last season about all the dick pic stuff and everything with their relationship, because when he has to lie about his fraud situation or his bookie situation, he lies so badly that I'm like, oh, okay, if you were lying about that other stuff, we would know, because this is you lying.

He did lie badly about that other stuff. I think we're just used to it now. I was badly upset. It was pretty bad. Like, you said, dick pic. I, what? I did? Yeah, right, you think you did?

Well, it was, I mean, if I did, it was to you. No, but I didn't get it. Well, it was, I mean, it wasn't hard. It wasn't even a hard day. It was like a joke. It's like, what would I do? I do it to people. I just do it to my friends.

Okay. And that was very much them. Because Tamara screeches out of there. She's like, and leaves and then falls as she leaves and then slams the door in the producer's face because she's made an ass out of herself. And by the way, Eddie just stayed at dinner and chilled. He was like, thank God.

Thank God she's drunk. The nuisance of the party has left. Now can we fucking party, are we? Listen, it doesn't need to be like this. So, they're all like, yeah, well, it's Tamara. It's what she does. And, um, so Kat, so Katie goes after Tamra to check in on her and Tamra is in the SUV, like, so Katie is like checking in on her and Katie's like, Hey girlfriend, why'd you leave? Also hearing Katie say, Hey, girlfriend is hilarious. Cause I think she's never tried it before. Yeah.

Hello friend of mine. Who's a girl could be a man. What do I care? He says friend. Friend is friend. But a girlfriend is a special kind of girl and a friend. Is it not? All right. Jacket on fleet girlfriend.

So also when she leaves her, Matt goes, my wife always goes for the one that leaves. I just love that that's your personality trail. There's so many people like storming. There's my wife just chasing after him. I really honestly in my life, I rarely have anyone who ever storms out of any situation. I just don't have storm out situations with my friends or my family. So it's funny that Katie actually has like that has been there enough people that go storming out of whatever room Katie's in that she now has a reputation for going after them.

Yeah. Katie, maybe Katie's an instigator. You know, she just gets people so mad that they storm out. I don't storm out. I dig in. I sit my ass down and just get louder and louder until everybody else leaves. I don't consider it a successful freak out until the room is empty besides me. I'm pissed. I want everybody else to leave. Why should I get up? Why should I leave the fucking food on the table? You assholes leave. You're the ones who made me this mad. I'll eviscerate you until you all leave. I'm staying with the chips. Pete That's a good, that's a good strategy. So, Tamara's like, I am not going to put up with that shit. She knows he's a piece of shit. Ask her about the FBI.

And now they have a lawsuit going on from the FBI about legal gambling. And Katie's like, shut up. Yeah, it's disgusting. He's a horrible human being. Well, look, here's what I have to say about illegal gambling. It's legal in some places, just like marijuana is. So why is your shady,

your thing that used to be shady in other places, not shady, but his shady thing that should be, I think gambling should be legal. You know, stupid people want to waste all their money, let it be legal. So don't come to it from a moral place. Give me a fucking break. And Katie's like, Oh my God, shut up, girlfriend. She's like, it's disgusting. It's a harder human bed, bud. And she's like, there's an account on Instagram that broke down everything. At first it was hard for me to concentrate

because his eyebrows were just so amazing. You want to talk about Aunt Fleek? Georgio, come to me, Georgio. And then we see a clip of Georgio who, I mean, literally the best eyebrows in the business, Georgio. This fool. Every time I see him, I have to watch his videos two times because I have to like look at his eyebrows. I mean, that's a Middle Eastern person, I'm assuming. Maybe Italian? I mean, Giorgio is probably

Italian. I don't know. He looks like he could be one of my cousins. And I just look at his eyebrows and I think, God damn it, Giorgio, how do you fucking do it every time? And he makes a lot of videos and there's never one where his eyebrows aren't amazing they're always good and his hair this time i mean girl whatever it is share with a bitch because you look so good george he really made a splash he really made a splash on this um on his orange county debut i had never seen him before so i was like who is georgio and i'm not saying that with any shade like i don't know her not like mariah carey like that like i had not seen him before so oh yeah oh wow well Giorgio says and he's like 590,000 was paid to Ryan and Ryan's company Lion

Time incorporated and when Ryan was asked where that money was coming from he just simply couldn't remember allegedly I was like wow like move over in Nightline Giorgio's in town. Giorgio's on it. So then Katie goes back inside and then Tamara keeps telling us, she's telling us that, and also allegedly Ryan's partner's business address is also Ryan's home address. Which isn't that crazy,

as anybody with a business would know. If you have a partner, why wouldn't your address be... Now listen, I'm not trying to make Ryan sound less shady because I think whatever he's saying is shady is just the public take down of someone being shady by someone who doesn't know how shady they are. And currently Tamara has had to apologize, I think twice to Ryan because he was going to sue her ass. I mean, we talked about all this somewhere. Where did we talk about all this? Probably like every day this week. Maybe it was on Jeff or maybe it was just here on this

podcast. So after Tamara went on Watch What Happens Live and said that Ryan has stolen a bunch of money, he sent her some kind of a threat of a lawsuit or whatever for defamation. And so she had to publicly apologize to Ryan. That's what happened this week in this news. So yeah, I mean, I don't know. And if it was defamation, that means none of this is technically true because it's not defamation if it's true, right?

So I don't know how any of this is working. Well, Katie comes back and she's like, yeah, hey Eddie, I think Tamara's ready to go. So he like stands up and he like very slowly makes his way around the table, giving hugs and shaking hands. And he gets up to Ryan and So he like stands up and he like very slowly makes his way around the table giving hugs and shaking hands and he gets up to Ryan and you're like, oh, here we go. More frostiness. And then they shake hands. This is like such a guy thing. They just shake hands. Then Ryan pulls

him in for a hug and Ryan's like, sorry, brother, let's get, let's get past it. And he's like, it's okay. And they're like, yeah, they're friends again. But also Eddie has probably wanted to tell Tamara to shut the fuck up that way for so long. And he just saw someone else do it and kind of stay calm and still win the argument and Tamara ran away. So I think he was like, you've earned this. Here's an Eddie hug. I think a bird shat in his eye.

He spent so much time looking up at the sky during this dinner party that a bird finally shat in his eye and he's like, it's not worth it. Emily's like, it's going to be golf course friends. And then they cut to, they cut to Katie. Oh no, they cut to yeah, it was Katie. And that's cause it's like golf. And then, um, so, and then Jen goes, okay, Eddie, take care of that for me. Take care of that, okay?

Help me with that with Tamara. He's like, yeah, okay, sure. We're so close, me and Teddy. And Eddie, I just wanted to say thank you so much for listening, thank you so much. And thank you so much for keeping an eye on, you know, threats from above. That was really nice.

I noticed you looking at the sky that entire time thank you eddie thank you you did such a good job here today you know what i heard they're renaming it from seddy to seddy so thank you thank you eddie you're doing great work so then um one month earlier so jen's like after how far tamra and i have come and then we see tamra saying i'm so happy ryan stepped up for you i'm really gonna be a good friend for about two weeks because we just need a break. Otherwise it just gets monotonous. Now how you doing, pet?

Tell me you're being a fiend. You wanna go shopping like a couple of girlfriends? Do you not stop away? What are you thinking about stop away? Jen's like, I love you so much. I'm so grateful. You have no idea. I'm so glad we're friends again. Thank you so much.

So Jen's like, I would love to sit here and stay blindsided by this behavior, but it was a matter of time.'" It's like, are you talking about Tamara or are you talking about Ryan? Hmm, all of the above, I suppose. So she says it's hard because she really loves Eddie, but Tamara's not loyal to anyone and certainly not me. So Katie's like, "' well guys, it's official.

Tamara's very, very upset. I know, you know how I know? Matt, you wanna tell them? She followed her out, I followed her out. I do it every time. Always follow the ones who leave. So yeah, she's mad. And so they're asking her what's up.

And she's like, well, she did say ask him about the FBI. So now they all look at him like, we are gonna ask you about the fucking FBI. You think we're not? You think just because Tamra chickened out that the rest of us will? What about the FBI, fucker? So Ryan goes like this, he goes,

oh gosh, that is so interesting. So I thought he was just like winding up to make a joke, but he was actually speaking, that was like a sincere lilt in his voice. And he goes, yeah, one of my closest friends is going through, uh, something and has been since September. And I mean, uh, she must be talking about that. Nah, that I think she, I think he said that, like she must be talking about that.

I don't know if his name is Matt, but, and then, um, uh, his eyes are just bugging out, you know, like really wide trying to stay calm. And Emily's like, okay, excuse me, excuse me, and this project coming through, excuse me. So, um, do you host people in Vegas? That's a crime or is it not a crime? Is hosting people in Vegas a crime or not a crime? What's your opinion? And he's like, uh, well, one of my closest friends, Matt, yeah, it was Matt, sorry, corrected everybody. But I go with him to Vegas often, but you know, host, do I host anything?

No. I'm named Jeopardy, what? I don't know, what are you talking about? I don't know. No. So, but like, isn't that what he was doing though? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, just hold on, I just called up GoDaddy and last I checked, no, no, no, no, I just hold on. I just

called up GoDaddy. And last I checked there are no servers named Matt. So I don't think he's hosting anything. He has never walked up in any way ever walked up to anybody and asked how many people were in the party. I can tell you that much. I can tell you that much. I just went to Matt's restaurant and the podium was empty. And as far as I could tell, he's not hosting anything right now. Why did the FBI?

And he's like, oh, you know, Matt, listen, Matt's a pro. Oh, here's what you're, he's a professional gambler. Okay, and he has a bookie business, you know, and they're going through tough times. So, you know what, I shouldn't even talk about a situation except to tell everybody his name is Matt and he's a bookie. But do not ask him for a good table. The best is Matt and he's a bookie. But do not ask him for a good table. Well, the best is that like he, we're watching him come up with a line in real time.

Because when Emily's like, why did the FBI come? He goes, well, Matt is a prof. Um, um, excuse me. He takes like 10 seconds to decide what he's going to say next. Like, um, he's a, um, he's a professional gambler. And that's why he was there. Come on, Ryan, you got to have your, you got to have your excuses ready to go. Well, especially because this was all over the internet.

It's not like this was new information to Ryan. He's not, he can't be surprised that they're bringing this up. And especially that Tamara is bringing it up, you know, So he should have, yeah, definitely had a better answer. Ready to go. But I think that he was also weighing what he could and could not say on camera. Cause he probably wanted to say, I really can't talk about it.

But then that would make him look like guilty. Like he was in part of a bigger scheme. Or, so he wanted to seem casual. Like it's no big deal. Like whatever, just like- You barely even remember, like what? What is he? What does he do? He's a whale.

I'm sorry, hold on. I'm gonna have to go to his LinkedIn. I just don't, we're friends, but I mean, what is he? I think he's a shirt folder. You know those people at the Gap who fold the shirts in the plastic square. I think that's what, ah, bookie. He's a bookie. Oh, forgot. Anyway, I can't talk about it.

Can't talk about it. So then Katie's like, um, are bookies illegal? And Jen's like, yes, way to go. Jen and Ryan's goes, Oh, well in California they are. I'm like, okay, well, you realize you're in California and business addresses in California. So you guys are, you guys are killing it. Pete Yeah. I'm not really sure what they think they're doing here, but it's not looking great. So, Emily's like, but I thought you did the same thing as your friend. Don't you do the same thing as your friend? If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you jump off a bridge? And he's like, no,

gosh, gosh. Listen, you know how I'm being honest? You know I'm being honest? I'm saying gosh a lot. Gosh. Gosh, guys. Well, I don't know'm being honest? You know I'm being honest? I'm saying gosh a lot. Gosh, gosh, guys. Well, I don't know. I mean, I would see you together going to Vegas and stuff, so. Look, no, they're great friends of ours. So of course we go to Vegas with them together. We collect money together on behalf of other people's bets together.

Just what great friends do. I don't see what's so crazy here. Pete Slauson So, Emily has heard of it that she doesn't know the details, she doesn't know, you know, but she does keep questioning him. She's like, so you just went with him to Vegas? And he's like, listen, we all like fruits of going with friends, right? So, like, we love fruits. And you know, we're unfortunate to enjoy the fruits. So I'm enjoying fruits, big fruit enjoy over here. He really should apply to be like a spokesperson for the White House. He's just killing it. He's

doing such a great job. He lies about as well. That's for sure. Just fruits, you know, we're just fruits, enjoying fruits, fruits of our friends' labors that's fruit, you know? I mean, come on! War? What war? We're not in a war! You crazy fuckers.

Ryan goes to Vegas like it's his job. I mean, his career is going to Vegas. I don't know what else there is to do in Vegas besides gamble, go to shows, drink. Oh, and prostitution! That's legal! Ahhhh! It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. Are you in trouble with the law?

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I'm your host, Brandon James Jenkins. Follow Criminal Attorney on the Wondery, or wherever you get your podcast. You can listen to criminal attorney early and ad free right now by joining wondering plus in the wonder yet or on Apple podcasts. So then the next day, Heather, uh, goes to a furniture store called backyard expressions. You know what? This is crazy.

I thought this is where the mimes came from my parties. actual furniture. Where you throw garbage at the servants. Now, isn't that a backyard expression? So this is where people buy furniture. They don't have it made. So how do you know how big their living room is to put a couch the correct size? Standard size. You know, it's amazing how many niche markets there are. They keep on saying retail is dead, but look, a whole store dedicated to furniture for maids. Wow, what? This is so cool. I love your store. I'm going to meet a friend.

I guess we're looking for outdoor expressions, if you will. Look, I can do an outdoor impression. This is me as Wendy Malik. Hi, I'm a bitch. Hi, I only got cast probably because I slept with someone you didn't hear from me. I'm only Wendy Malik. Hi, I'm Wendy Malik. I was on the show Just Shoot Me, which is named after everything her assistants ever said. So Shannon comes and Heather's like, there's the birthday girl. Oh, please. I just please stop.

Let's not talk about the birthday birthday girl. Just like birthday. No, I couldn't possibly have this moment in the spotlight right now. No, it's too much. It's too much. Camera slide sequence. We're going to London. Sorry, I jumped the gun on that one. Did you see that? I saw that meme on Face Reality 16. She put Shannon, I hate attention, also Shannon, just ripping open her coat to show her secret dress for London in the middle of the restaurant. Come on, come on, Shannon. It's a new decade. It's a brand new decade. You're in your 60s. You're a little old lady, Shannon. Shannon, you are past your prime.

Why are you crying, Shannon? Did I make you cry? Did I make you cry, Shannon? Shannon, I just want you to know for this year, you are in the age bracket that is the least likely to find a man. Isn't that good news? No more Johnny J's for you. She's like, well, here is a birthday gift. It's air.

Enjoy. Um, so I brought you a salmon colored pleathered leather jacket. Someone roll in the rack. He's like, wait a minute. Wasn't this in the scene where you tried to get Gina to dress better last year? Oh, sorry. Okay. Get that. Get rid of that. Bring in that ugly wedding dress from Long Island. I just wanted to bring you to the shop so you could see all this beautiful outdoor furniture.

Like, look at these pillows. These can be outdoors. They're weather resistant, sun resistant, so you can tape them to the side of a house and your car can crash right into it without even making a dent. a house and your car can crash right into it without even making a dent. So Shannon's like, well, I need a space for, I have a space for a sofa on my front patio, so that's what I'm looking for right now. And, uh, what's her buns comes to help them. Katie comes and they're looking at different things, you know, different little pieces of patio furniture.

And Katie's like, I love these little wicker things, but they're a spider trap. And Heather, Heather's like, Oh yeah, this is why I don't like IV on houses. It looks like rat ladders. And then Katie and Shannon both at the same time go, well, I do call them Tamras. That's okay. By the way, were you sad, as sad as I was, that they did not show footage of Shannon's birthday with David Bedor many years ago where he took her to the gastropub? I think it was when they, unless I'm conflating two scenes, took her to the gastropub and they served her short rib with a sugary sauce and she

got mad. Yes. Because when she said she wanted something low calorie, she's like, I'm on a diet and I need something low calorie in this gastro pub. I will have the short ribs. What's she wearing? She's wearing short ribs. The sauce is sugary. You took me for my birthday to a place with sugary sauce, David. Yeah.

Anyway, that ladders. How can I get to dramatic times? So they're going over stuff and everything Katie picks out, Shannon's just going, no, no, no, no, no. And Katie says, well, I've got great style, but we are 20 years apart in age and that might play into the style, you know, you know how that goes. I mean, is it so wrong that I want a house that looks like a colonial from 1731?

I don't think so. I don't think that makes me old whatsoever. So I want to look like a boat. I want my house to look like a boat that Jackie Onassis is the captain of. No rat ladders. So, um, they are, uh, they're just like hanging out now. They're, now they're talking and, um, Shannon shooting down all of Katie's suggestions. So Shannon talks about her show, the trace of me guys and stuff, but she changes the subject to the trip. Let's talk about the girls trip. And Katie's like, well, it was good.

I mean, Jen's house became a shit storm because something happened with Alexis, but she wouldn't tell us what it was. And I, you know, she went to the bathroom. I followed her, but she'd locked the door. So that was rough. I said, I'm the one that follows. Please. Oh, well, well it's because of their PR stunt.

John gave People magazine the lawsuit and I'm like, what do I do? This isn't about the money. It's about him trashing me. So then we see the flashback to all that. So Heather says, well, I assume that what he thinks is going to happen, he'll cite a disparagement clause and then Shannon will continue to talk shit about him for the rest of the season. Except it was a mutual disparagement clause, which I'm surprised that Shannon didn't add

in to this. Yeah, but I still imagine that the show, like if they do that non-dismaragement clause, the show still has to air. So it's still going to all come out. So Katie is like, well, Katie's like, yeah, well, that's what Alexis is thinking is that like Johnny Jay wants to respond to all the allegations. And Shannon's like, the sole purpose of John and Alexis putting this lawsuit in the hands of the public is to hurt me and try to make me look bad. But little does he know, I already have 10 years under my belt

and this is nothing. Ha ha. I look bad before you got on the scene and I will continue to look bad after you've left. Thank you very much. Please roll the gif of me in this umbrero. Thank you. Which they actually do later kind of.

Okay, so Shannon's like, well, I'm going to move on with my life. I cannot wait to talk about John Jensen never again. So do you have this in the color Johnny J? Bring it over here so I can get you on it. By the way, when Johnny J broke up with me, he had a statement ready for People Magazine as well. So who do you think you are? You need to tell the world, You need to tell People Magazine." So Katie is like, well, um, anyway,

I had Tamara and Eddie and Jen and Ryan and Shane and Emily at my house for dinner and it was, well, that was interesting. Oh, well, why was that? I, I, I'm surprised to hear the word interesting when you arrange the most boring people in the cast. So then we go to Gina's house where Emily and Gina are hanging out. And there we get to see another tour of Gina's house. This is so weird that every time Gina has a scene,

she's like, you wanna see my house? No, not really. It's a shoe box with a curtain in it. With rooms that are getting smaller every episode. Every episode, the rooms are literally getting smaller because you're subdividing them. She's like, we put up a mural so it makes it look like he has a wide open view.

Oh my God. So, I mean, it's totally tricked in. The kids just keep walking through the walking, walking right into the wall. Did you guys walk into a wall again? It's a mural. It's not really outside. And like these rooms are tiny and like, she put like a fire pole in the middle of one

of them because you could take a fire pole down from the bunk bed. And it's like, I guess that's fun and everything, but it's like, create some space lady. Give them some space in their room. Don't put a pole in there. Also the one who's stuck on the bottom bunk really is going to hate the one on the top bunk. Because every time that kid has to pee, you're going to hear. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee of many of these kids on Orange County. So,

you know, maybe put like, not a poll in there. How about a bookshelf? How about that? That's a later. So they, they play around on the stripping pole and they're, you know, it's Emily and Gina. So they like laugh at each other a lot and make a wacky scene and the rest of the audience just kind of watches it like, why are they laughing? Why are they laughing and I'm not laughing? Emily is like, oh, I could be a stripper.

Why isn't there like a golden golden like a golden girl strip club and then we could be like old people stripping like well need to take some ibuprofen you know what I don't think I would even be warning me of a trip a stripper name like that shit is like too much work and then the producers like well so if you're lazy you could be lazy Susan. She's like, Oh no, my mom's name is Susan. She already took the name. So it can be lazy.

Cock and Schneider, lazy. Cock cider, Kirk cider. What's her name? Kirk and cider, Kirk cider, Kirk and it could be cockle cider, Kirkland, Schneider. I don't know. It's not a stroke. I mean, it's still would turn people on. People love Kirkland Schneider. I don't know. It's not a strip. I mean, it's still would turn people on. People love Kirkland. That's a great grant. The brand Gina's like, Oh my God. So I saw a team, right? And she said, you want, are you all went to Katie's or whatever with all you guys? And she goes, Oh yeah. And then we see a flashback

of Tamara, you know, talking about it and everything. And Emily is like, Tamra was all out of sorts. Yeah. Well, you know what? She can't keep on doing this just because you have three martinis. You can say things that are awful. I'm like, see Tamra, it's coming for you. That you drink so much. The wheel of fortune is now landed on the Tamra's Tamra wedge. Yeah. Your karma's not only a bitch, it's a drunk bitch. Okay, that's gonna come back to get you. So now let's go back to backyard expressions. And Katie's like, yeah, you know, Tamra started calling Ryan a little bitch

and then Jen started screaming at Tamra. Wait, screaming? Jen was screaming? Yeah. Well, what did she do? She went like this. Tamra, please don't talk about me anymore. Ooh, that is screaming. That is screaming. Yeah. Well, what did she do? She went like this. Tamara, please don't talk about me anymore. Oh, that is screaming. That is screaming for Jen. Huge. That's

huge. That's violence. Jen chose violence. You know what, they all have a long history, but sometimes not everyone has to be friends. Like with me and rat ladder over here. Hey, that wasn't nice. I'm sorry. Anyway, no one needs to all be friends. That wasn't nice. I'm sorry. Anyway, no one needs to all be friends. I don't like either one of you. Okay.

I'm sitting here at a place called Backyard Expressions. I don't like backyards and I don't like expressions. And here I am sitting with Shannon Bidor and whatever this person's name is. You see, miracles can happen. Listen, if Wendy Mallet can find a man, I can hang out with Katie. So Shannon's like, she not find a man. Talk about something that backfires on you.

I spent all of the 80s calling her Wendy Manlik. It actually worked in her favor. I don't even know who this person is. I'll be honest with you. When I invited you to the tea, like to the tea on the group text, let's have a flashback of me inviting everyone to tea. We have a flashback and Katie's like,

hey everyone, Shannon invited all of us. Katie was, Tamer had said she wasn't coming to tea, but Katie is like, no, she was just emotional because there was all this fighting at my dinner party. Yeah. And she says, I think she was just heightened, which means she was shit faced. Yeah. So here and enter the Tamra's drinking too much storyline. I know. So because we have, I mean, one of the pictures being passed around the most of this entire season is Tamra having that martini while Eddie is looking on horrified. It's such a great shot.

People are making paintings of it, it's on t-shirts. So yeah, I think this is the next storyline. And then she's going to have to go back into her Christian mode where she's like, I was drinking too much. I was mean to shaming. And now I found Jesus again. Jesus, He's all about not drinking, except for wine. I can still have that, right? Jesus Jesus again. Jesus, he's all about not drinking, except for wine. I can still have that, right? Jesus did it. Jesus, you alcoholic bitch bitch. Shannon, I realized the reason I was so mean to you was because I was angry at myself. And I was taking it out on you, but it was me who had the drinking problem. I mean, your

drinking problem is worse, so you should probably get that checked out, but mine's bad too. So. It's with drugs, so yours is way worse than that, but still. So then, um, we go back over to Gina and now Gina is, she's like, worried about this tea, about seeing Heather. You know, she's like, you know, Heather's pissed at me and she treated me the way she's, I mean, she's like so angry. And we see that, um, Heather is angry at Gina because when they had that fight at Jenga night, that, that Gina left with

Emily and Heather was not happy. So we see that Gina texted Heather. Hi, I hope you're doing okay. Felt the best thing was to leave so it didn't get worse, but I love you both. Ha feel weird to not to text. I'm just doing it. Heather goes, I am incredibly upset on so many levels. We will talk on Monday or Tuesday. I guess. Hashtag adjudicated hashtag admonish. I woke up furious. I went to bed completely wrecked. Can't wait to see you in a couple of days to talk about this on camera. She always, she always texts like, you know, something went wrong with a client in corporate America. I am extremely upset. We need to have a meeting right away.

Gosh, okay. So then we go to Jen's thank you dinner. Thank you dinner. No person wrote down because I was calling it, but thank you, dinner. Thank you guys so much. Thank you for coming over. So then we get a flashback to the Emily argument, Emily versus Heather.

And the, I didn't do anything to you, Emily. Well, I started to say, I wanted to say you were pissed. I didn't ask you. Shut the fuck up, Alexis. Whole thing. And Gina's like, oh my God, I wasn't like, fuck you Heather, as I was leaving. I'm in trouble because one friend took your side. I mean, come on.

And then we cut back to Heather being like, well, what side were you on? And Katie is saying, well, I can see how she wants to herd, but I can see how the night got away from her. And at the end of the day, when I go to bed at night and close my eyes, your terrifying face is the one that keeps me up till 2 a.m. So I'm gonna go ahead and choose Tamra's side. And Emily meanwhile is saying, she's talking about Heather

and she's like, you know, she told Tamra I attacked her and I didn't fucking attack her. When I walked up I was crying and said, why don't we sit down as friends and talk this out? She put her finger in my face and she said, No. Oh, well. And then we go back to Shannon and she's like, well, how did you, how did you leave it with Emily and Gina?

She goes, Terribly, absolutely terribly. I mean, gosh, you spend so much time with a poor person. You expect a thank you. No, it didn't even get that chance. Like, Oh, well, have you, have you talked to her? No, I'm, I'm busy sending letters to Drake. We're getting very close. I will tell you this much. I was so defeated that I ended up eating my feelings because I too am a woman who understands eating issues. I ate my feelings. Thankfully they are invisible and

imaginary and don't really exist. So they don't have what eating your feelings means. It means when you're hungry, you eat a lot of terrible ice cream and bread. Oh no, no, I don't understand that. I thought what we were talking about. If I'm angry, I just go to Nobu and I eat one piece of tuna and then throw out the rest. So Katie's like, there's still just like talking about this. So Katie's telling more about the situation Heather's like, wait a minute. So Emily has talked to everyone about this, but me I'm like, she literally was trying to talk to you and you wouldn't hear it. That's

why she's had to talk to everyone else. You were where she started. And so she's like, I would have loved the opportunity to have talked with her, maybe thrown a Jenga block at her face. I don't know. Did we have a chance to do that ever? I don't know. I would have loved to have made her feel better. I would have said something like, listen, Emily, I know I may have triggered you, but you have to understand. You have a parasocial relationship with me. I am a celebrity and you're not. I would love to have the chance to sit her down and say, Emily, how did I upset you by calling you the size that you are?

Really? So Emily's like, all I needed from her was actually being human. Well, I mean, you know what? You got to meet people where they are. You literally, no one should sit down with Heather Dubrow and say, you know what? I just need you to be human right now. I mean, what are you gonna try and fuck a Siri next?

Yeah, no, Heather Dubrow is the robot in like the science fiction tale who finds out that she's a robot and all this time she thought she was a human and then she's actually happy about it. She's like, Oh, thank God. Thank God. I'm not a fucking human. Robots are always crying like, but I thought I was human.

Oh, the robots are all very Emily. I just wanted to be human. It turns out I'm a robot. I'm always like, the humans are like, how much plastic can I inject into my face and how many bionic parts can I get? You know what? The grass is just always greener, whether or not you're a fucking machine. Yeah, that's true. The grass is always greener. Here comes one right now. See Emily talks about how it's really hard for her because she gets constant commentary on

her body and it's super hurtful and sometimes it messes with her and people are always commenting like she'll post something where she thinks she looks good, but then people are like, oh my God, you need to work out more and it it hurts her feelings. And of course, you know, who doesn't, who wouldn't understand that? I mean, that's terrible. The internet is full of monsters. Yeah. And then we go back to Heather who goes,

I am a very good listener and I really want to sit down with her one-on-one and I want to know what's going on. But if you want to come to come after me with something I did to you, it's really hard for me to not answer back. Now, anyway, what are we doing here in this shop? I needed a couch for my porch.

Remember that part where you said you were a good listener? I'm sorry, what did you say? What's a porch? I don't, is a porch, is that the place? Is it a torch for poor people? So for when the electricity goes out because you couldn't pay the bill? Is it that thing you push your maid off of

in the summer times? I don't even know what that would be referencing, but no, it's not. You should have a card rail anyway. You shouldn't be able to post it. They come with railings. Okay, so then Emily goes to the tailor shop and she's like, I'm bringing Anthony to shop for new shoes. So she is doing the project.

Hey, Anthony, how many hips have you, how many new hips do you have? None? Oh, you poor guy, who did this to you? Sit down. So this guy is, he's been exonerated. This is what her Innocence Project seems. And so she's talking about how it's hard to integrate,

reintegrate people back into the world. So she's here to help this guy get on his feet and get himself a nice jacket, you know? Yeah. And so she's brought him to this place and there's a guy named Jason who's the clerk and Jason is one of those people who talks as if he's playing a chord on the piano. He like puts all his fingers onto the counter in front of him. He's like, okay, so you want me to get that for you? And like all five fingers are like doing like a little like tent on the table. He's one of those finger tent

people. And then he's, and then he's stuck having to pretend like he cares. I mean, the story about this guy is really sad. Basically, his half brother, not framed him for murder, but like, his half brother committed murder. And then this guy was the one who took the fall and the half brother never said anything because the half brother was like, well, he's innocent. So obviously the system is going to work out for him. So he will be acquitted. And then he winds up in jail and Jason has to sit there

and listen, he's like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And Jason doesn't give a shit. So, but it's over. Jason doesn't and it gets so cringy because the guy's telling the story and it's, you know he spent 18 years in prison. 18 years. And he finally gets out and then, and then Emma's like, yeah, so we want to get him a suit jacket.

And then Jason's like, I'm just so glad that I get to be a part of your suit jacket journey. Well, it is. Keep practicing your cords. They're like, Jason, it is an oversized suit jacket though, cause we think it's hip and edgy. He's like, how could you? Antonio, you're going back to prison, you fat shamed me.

So now we go to Katie and her family and they go to a Korean barbecue. And it's just a cute scene, like nothing really happens. Katie has no idea about anything Korean and she's like, wow, look at us, me in a Korean restaurant. This is so exciting. Let me tell you, I'm learning so much about being Korean. I am obsessed with kimchi. Pickles, is that what it's called, Matt? Matt, where are you going? Matt?

Katie's like, Mom, stop it. She's like, thank you. Katie's like, thank you. Anyway, it's a cute scene. Kaylee's like, Mom, mom, stop it. She's like, I'm sorry. Kaylee's like, I'm sorry. Anyway, it's a cute scene. She's talked, Katie is going to be going to South Korea because she located her birth mother

and she's talking about how that's going to like really fill a void in her life. And her son, Bandin, what a charmer. This kid, when he, oh my this kid when he when he Oh my god, when he talks to the waiter and he's like, how's that he said again, come some day, he's like, come some day. And it's he's like has this big smile. And then he and then the end of the scene, when he like asks Katie and he's like, he's like,

what's your like, what's your Korean name? And she's like, Younghwa. And he goes, I love you, Younghwa. I was like, give this kid an Oscar. Yeah, it's so cute. So then Gina is in her master bedroom, I mean her closet, and she shifts through her clothes. What am I saying? Oh my God, no color in my wardrobe.

We're gonna just have to make a war. And then we go over to Emily's getting dressed and she's showing her dog Togo a boudoir photo of Shannon. It's actually an amazing photo. I think it's a fantastic photo of Shannon. And she basically, she framed one of the photos that Shannon took during Emily's boudoir photo shoot. And Emily's like, I mean, the woman has gone through hell. I just want to

remind her of how amazing she looks and how strong she is and to memorialize it and give it to her, you know, before we tear her down again. You can't actually tear down an alcoholic. So I'm hoping we give her enough confidence to not be as much of an alcoholic so we can rip her to shreds again. So then we go to Katie's house and, um, you know, she's talking to Jen about how Jen did not have her dress shipped from Amazon. So now she has to go buy a fucking tea, tea dress from the mall. And, um, then we get to Shannon's birthday tea party

at the tea house in Los Rios. And so Shannon is talking with this tea sommelier about they're just sort of setting up the party and everything and she's saying she's gonna be like, gonna have like a surprise for everyone. And she goes, 60 is a milestone. It's also the number of positive thoughts I'm having right now.

It's a year of change for me. I don't even have my children here to celebrate with me because they elected to move to different parts of the country instead of staying near their mother who knows how much longer she'll be on this planet. But you know what, if you wanna go to Paris and live out your artistic dreams, even though you've never shown any interest in art before

or fashion or French. Or if you wanna move to New York with all the liberals and suddenly be a quote unquote fashion designer, okay, Diane von Nostenberg. Or if you wanna move to Texas and just disappear from the earth, that's fine. Leave your mother alone. But what I'm trying to say is that

it's a wonderful, wonderful day for me. And I'm really very excited. The theme of my birthday is Shannon is 60 and she's alone. So I spinster 60. I'm fine. Even my fun Shannon's are slowing down. Are they not? We redo that again.

I want to speed up the fun Shannon's. I think I'm going to be no longer fun Shannon and instead Shannon who sits on the sofa for three people but is only herself on her porch Shannon. That Shannon. Wait. Shannon the spinster. Shannon got thinster for who? No one.

Wow. To be thin and alone. If a Shannon gets thin in a forest but there's no one around to call it thin, did she ever get thin? Was thin in a forest, but there's no one around to call it thin, did she ever get thin? Or was there ever a forest? I pretended like the vase in my living room had loaned me $75,000 just so I could get into a fight with it. Just to feel alive. Okay, so people start arriving at this little tea party thing, and Emily and Gina, you know, there's a signed seating. Emily's like, oh my God, look at the big girl. And Shannon's

hiding because she wants to make a big entrance in her JFK funeral outfit. I mean, it's very like, you know, first lady in the 60s funeral outfit. And know, they all get together and, um, Jen is like, wow, how many drinks do you have? Emily's like, I got a diet Coke and a pomegranate mimosa. I dare anybody to say I'm drinking too many drinks. Go ahead. Oh, no, actually that sounds really good. Oh, all right. Nevermind. I'll save that fight for later. Where's Heather? So Heather walks in just, hello. Hey, Emily, can I talk to you? She goes, no. Yeah, very quickly.

I need to run through some lines. There's a Tide commercial I'm up for. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe He's all I want. I want to soak you. I want to give you some time. And then I want to toss something into you, just to make sure the colors don't run. Do you understand what I'm trying to say? No!

Okay, Emily, you pretend to be the woman who has the generic detergent that never works and is the sad one in the commercial, and I'll be using Tide to get the stain out. No! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Emily, why are you eating the detergent, Emily? Waiter! Sorry, that was improv. No more Tide Pod.

It's really got away from me. No more Tide Pod for her. I'm in character, Emily, you can't be mad at me. Get mad at the art, not the artist. Okay, wait, let's improv this scene. Oh no, Emily, looks like you spilled your sundae on your shirt again. That's typical Oops, I got a crumb from my low fat wafer on my blouse

Thank God. I have tied Emily you spilled your sundae on the cheat on the pants. I was supposed to provide you. Please bring your own jeans Do you are you mad about that? jeans. Are you mad about that? Emily, the reason why I had you bring your own jeans is because you don't use Tide, the leading deuterogen. And if you'd gotten a stain, like usual on your pants, it would have been unforgivable. Therefore, you bring your own jeans and I'll bring Tide for my designer outfit. So Emily's like, no, I don't want to talk right now. And she's like, and Gina says,

Heather now approaching Emily just feels very calculated. She cannot just be in the moment. She has to remove herself, step away, come up with the perfect thing to see, and then come back and say she wants to have a conversation. Yeah, that's called- It's called- What the fuck are you trying, like it's called actual

how humans should react if you are infuriated. She's like, Emily does it right. She gets wasted, calls you names, screams right in your face and kind of spits at you and then goes home and gives Shane anal. Last time I checked, you know, you're the one who screamed at Jen in a coffee shop without even eating your croissant about Jen's rent. And now you want to talk about how you should just live in your moment, speak about your emotions, and it's like weird to step away and come back with a different emotional thought. When then you yourself came back like a few episodes later, was like, I feel bad. I'm just going to a war right now. It's like what humans do. It's what they showed us.

It's not even to stick up for Heather. It's just mostly calling Gina a dummy because Heather, I don't even think that Heather needed to go away and come up with the right response. Heather actually has to be explained to why she's a terrible person. People have to make her understand. They have to be like, no, Heather, this was wrong. Why? Well, it hurt her feelings. How come? Because you called her a size 12. She is a size 12. Okay. But you understand that you put her in the same outfit as someone who's not a size 12. She is a size 12. Okay, but like you understand that like you put her in the same outfit as someone who's not a size 12, but Alexis isn't a size 12. Okay, but you understand how that would hurt her feelings?

No. Okay, well, she was crying. Does that burn calories, Heather? Okay, is that wrong? She has no concept that she's even doing anything wrong. And it's hilarious because you see her through this whole scene being like, well, okay, and Emily's like, no. And then she just says, Mm hmm. Mm hmm. And just she looks at her like, I'm

listening. But her eyes are like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, it's like, how how could you how would you accuse me someone who was on stage at the family equality project promoting proper treatment of individuals and you're gonna accuse me of making you feel lesser than at the same time like that's what's going through her head instead of just like Emily so um uh which is totally not the takeaway that she should be having right now. Because that's actually not what Emily's even saying in the first place. So Heather's like, can we just have a few minutes? Come on, I am a working actress.

This is ridiculous. So Emily's like, oh, all right. So they go, they go, they hold hands, oddly enough to go sit in a different part of this tea place. And Emily is like, well, first, let me just say, I was so excited to be in your fashion show. Even though it was not in a city that's known for fashion shows and was barely a fashion show at all. I was very excited. And I'm just going to get upset because it's very triggering for me. I hear you. They said I should say that. I hear you. She was looking, she was looking down her notes on her phone. She's like, I hear you, Emily. I know she's like on BuzzFeed's 12 things to say to someone who is hurting right now.

I hear you. Your feelings are valid. Okay. So when you hang two dresses next to each other and one's really small and one's really big and I get the big one and Alexis gets a small one. I feel badly. I. Okay. Okay. Oh, Hey. Here you.

You. So then, Valid. We see, um, Your feelings are solid. I'm sorry. Valid, um. Your feelings are salad. I'm sorry, valid. God. That's right.

So we see a flashback to the fashion show where Heather's like, you're going to wear this dress and it's going to look fantastic. You and Alexis are wearing the same dress. You like it? Good. Why are you crying? Okay. Crying to this.

Just hands her a Ben and Jerry's and walks away. Okay. And then the next is you gave me an oversized jacket and you have to understand in my mind, what do I think? Hmm, why are you giving me an oversized jacket? Exactly. God, I'm killing this today. Wow, I'm really good at this contrition thing. I better land this Tide commercial.

And she's like you know and like it's just like I know you didn't do it on purpose but you have to understand my viewpoint I don't believe you have a viewpoint but go on well no I do I'm I don't know if you've earned enough money to get a viewpoint, but that's fine. That's fine. We'll just pretend. Not a view, a viewpoint. Well, how do you have a view without a point to stand on? I'm pretty sure there's no panoramic view at your house. I've seen your patio, Emily. I believe it's called a porch. Whatever the kids call it these days.

Well, you just have to understand my perspective. I'm not even going to say it, but my psyche. And I just feel like maybe you didn't see that I'd lost 40 pounds over the last year. And Atticus, ugh. Just wait, do you understand? She says, that is so crazy. She says, no, listen, this is me. She goes, no, look, I know you, I think,

you know I think you look fantastic. All I've said to you is how great you look. And she's like, well, I know you do understand this, but it's really hard for me. And so back at the table, they're talking about edible orchids. Yeah. And there's like an edible orchid and Katie tries it. It's disgusting. And he was like, what does it taste like?

Like gross. So Tamara shows up and she's like, Hey, what's going on? Emily's not here. They're talking. What's going on? And they're like, yeah, yeah, they're talking. So we go back and Emily's like, I just felt like maybe you didn't see that I'd lost 40 pounds. And Heather's like, ugh.

So Emily's like, I've just been made fun of and I've been called names and it's always hurts to feel like you're bigger than everyone else. And so for once I thought I got to not be that and just felt like that again. And Heather's like, wait, hold on. Hold on, I got this text from a kid

who says I should say this. I hear. Hmm. How do you say this? You? That's it. That's all I need. And so Heather's like, what I learned today is you can't negate someone's feelings, even when they're stupid. So throughout my life, of course, I've struggled with body issues. I'm a woman. I'm in Hollywood. I'm a working actress. So she doesn't want Emily to think she would ever do anything to make her feel other than fabulous. anything to make her feel other than fabulous. So next time I'm going to be launching a hairline

and I don't want you to actually wear any of the hair. I just want you to come out wearing one of the haircut robes that you have to put on when people get their hair cut. I hope that works for you. Alexis will be in the same one. Hey. So Tamra's like, at the table. Tamra's like, Jen, I want to apologize. And you know, I'm sincere,

because I'm gonna do a lot of little nods. I want to apologize. And Jen's like, hmm, doesn't doesn't say anything just stares and Tamra goes, I know we need to talk more about it. I just want to apologize. I want to say it'd be fun. And thanks for Shannon. I just want to apologize. I want today to be fun and thanks for Shannon. I just want to say I'm sorry. Yeah, it's just so hard to be awkward. I don't want us to not be able to make eye contact with you.

Make it, make it with me. Look at me. And Jen's like, I'm so interested in resolving this. It's just, I've done this so many times. I'm just, I'm just exhausted. I'm exhausted by this pattern. I mean, wow, what a pattern. So then we go back to Emily and Heather and Heather's like, can I tell you my side? And Emily's like, absolutely.

No, I have sides for the commercial. I need to run these lines seriously. Actually, I was going to say salad instead of French fries is my preferred side. And that's just a tip. But the only reason I chose you and Tamara to wear the oversized jacket is because it's a bad-ass jacket and you two are bad asses. And the reason why I had you and Alexis wear the dress is because you had the best figures.

You're both tall, you're both curvy, you're both voluptuous. And at any moment you weren't happy, you could have just told me and I would have whipped something else out. See Heather is doing, this is where Heather always goes wrong because I think we all agree. We don't think that Heather was doing anything malicious here. And like Emily,

I think all of Emily's insecurities totally make sense. They're very heartbreaking and she just wants Heather to acknowledge that there are triggers and she just wants Heather to be more aware of what triggers she could be sending off despite her good intentions. And Heather's takeaway is, but you look good. Why do you have triggers? And her other takeaway is, well, you should have told me it's like that. Don't say that. Say, got it. I will be more aware in the future. Right. Yeah. I will be more aware in the future. Right.

Yeah. I mean, like, I think it's hard because sometimes, you know, I think you said it earlier, but Heather feels like she's being attacked, right? She's being called a non-sensitive person when that's her whole storyline is trying to pretend that she has feelings, which everybody knows she doesn't. So she's feeling attacked. So she's defensive. And the other half, I think, is logic, because

Emily's argument is silly in a way, if you're not Emily. When you're Emily, I get that you have these feelings. But if you're not Emily, it's like, well, why would you put me in a size 12? You are a size 12. But why would you put me in the same dress? Because she says at one point, I want you to see me as like a size six or something. She says, I don't want you to, but like you can't choose how people see it. Like there's no logic in it. And I know as someone with these issues, there is no logic in it.

You know, I'll catch myself thinking stuff that I'm like, well, that doesn't make sense. And it's not that person's fault that they made, you know, that they made some little comment or they talked about my weight, even when it's losing weight, when people act like, oh my God, you lost so much weight, you look amazing.

And they act like you've just been cured from cancer. It's like, well, what was it before? Was I like so horrifying? You know, like there's so many little triggers that you have to remind yourself this isn't necessarily logical. But the point is, if your friend is telling you they're hurt and they're triggered because of weight issues and insecurities, all you need to say is, oh my God, I'm so sorry, how can I help?

What are your issues and how are you feeling? And it's not like make me feel better in this situation. Whether you did anything technically wrong or not, you are wrong in this situation. So just, and it doesn't matter who's right or wrong, just talk to your friend. Yeah, but Heather was like, you know, I get it, but we are friends, Emily.

And if you're upset with me in the future, will you please just call me in the future, will you please just call me so I can just not take that call and then laugh with Terry? Thank you. Nothing is more like a hug for me than getting an iCal invite for Zoom

with one of my assistants for the possible future. Here, let's try it out right now. Call me right now. Okay. Yes. Okay. See my phone is ringing. Hey, does my name say poor person whose name begins with a E or something like that on there? Yes.

Poor person. Sorry. E or something. Call me from your mint mobile phone. Okay. Wait a minute. Is my name size 12 on that phone? Sorry, Emily.

I didn't know this Mint Mobile was an actual phone. I thought it was just a- I thought it was a candy bar. I was going to offer it to you. So they make up and then they go back to the table and Heather's like, why is the birthday girl so late? Well, because she wants to make an entrance and because you guys are taking up time for your private scene.

Shannon's probably sitting back there in the bread station like, how God, once it's a torture chamber, she needs us. He needs us. So, um, so now Shannon walks in and everyone's like, Oh my God, Shannon, you look great. Look great. She's like dressed in black, like, like you said before, like she's going to a, she's Jackie Oh at a funeral and Jen is like, well, I am so excited that you guys are all here and I have a little gift for you. So I'd like you to open up the gift now.

So they open it. Just see what I got you. I got you a gift. Okay. Okay. That's wonderful. No, I want you to see my gift. All right, Emily. Well, we're all opening a group gift. It's a sequence of events, Emily. What you don't know is I'm wearing two layers of clothing and I'm getting very hot and a little bit faint. So if we could just put a pin in your gift situation till we get done with my little things. 45 minutes in a bread basket station. Can we please just open my goddamn gift?

I was just kicked out of the sesame, sesame roll region. So please just... They said I could no longer touch the pumpernickels and I just would like to get along with this process. Okay, Emily, yes, painting's very nice. Oh, thank you so much for that painting, Emily. She's like, oh, okay, great. She looks like a madam in a brothel.

Well, I'm not a madam. So then Gina tells us Shannon looks like a man. Um, that's a two twang. Why did we need to have this this interview of Gina? Gina reminding herself what what the term madam really means in this context? Yeah, I mean, she thinks you'd have the most fun here now. So okay, um, she would not she'd be like, Okay, so which, things you'd have the most fun in the house. So, okay. She would not. She'd be like, OK, so which one do you choose here?

Oh, you choose Mabel. Oh, well, I'm glad Mabel fit your standards. Apparently, I don't. You're not going to try with the madam. That's sweet. No, enjoy Mabel. Enjoy Mabel. Go with this very nice man with no taste. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Have fun, Mabel. Mabel. Excuse me. I have a question about this gift opening process.

My box does not say Hermes on it. Was there an error? So they all open it and Jen has a little tea box. It's a double decker bus tea box. And she goes, well, it's a tea box because we're going to have a brilliant time. In, I want you to go to Red. And she rubs open her dress and it's the sparkly Union Jack dress. And she's like, Top of the morning, do ya?

This is absolutely. I'm gonna be a little spine. Ha ha ha ha. Bonjour. Well, this is Shannon. This tea box is absolutely adorable. I didn't even know they made them in the shape of the vehicle we bring all the maids in with. That's just wonderful.

So, Sienna's like, oh gosh. So Heather passes down her gift and it's Hermes Oran sandals and they're $760. And she's like, oh, Heather, God, this is just too, too generous. Well, they're sandals. So you know, next time you get pulled over for anything, they'll work out for you because they're gorgeous, but they're hard to run in. So. By the way, I forgot that when they were all talking about London, because they're all

like, I've never been to London. I've never been to London. I can't wait to go to London. And Heather's like, I've never been to London. I've been to never been to London. I can't wait to go to London and Heather's like, I've been to London. And then we see just many times where the West end is. And we just see a photo of her in like a phone booth, like, hello, I'm televisions, Heather Dubrow, and I'm bringing a new show to the HD network. It's called inside a phone booth starring me.

It's where I act out monologues by such luminaries as Tennessee Williams and the woman who wrote The Sisters Rosen Swag. Thank you. And Tamara's like, yeah, we're gonna have fun. We're gonna have some tea, maybe some sparse egg deck. It's like, wow, really taking Alan Cumming jokes from Traders. And then Gina's like, I love Princess King. I love Harry Potter. And I know now in all that's all I can think about one thing. Of course Gina does the poorest London accent. She's like, I love that has been sparing across the bread for me. I was like, of course, Gina like at least their dream at least try

to do a posh accent. So then she can't afford it. So then we go to Oliver's like, poor thing. So now Gina's like, Oh, yeah, she loves Ferragamos as well. And Heather goes, Yes, she does like Ferragamos. Heather's like, yeah, she does. And Shannon goes, by the way, Gina can tell you I showed her the receipts

for every single thing. And they go, okay. Everybody's like, okay, Shannon, okay. No more, no more in this. But we see a flashback to Shannon with receipts, actual receipts, circling things and showing Gina, this is where I bought those loafers for Gina. I was going to launch a hilarious tagline is where I bought those loofers.

I was going to launch a hilarious tagline that said receipts proof timeline, but some bitch in Utah stole it from me. So then we go back to Alexis finding out this information and going, all right, a fucking check to Shannon right now for those $400 shells. Like, I don't know why Alexis is suddenly talking like this, but it's crashing up. She was developed like a Michigan accent. Like remember the story I told you about when I went to the airport in Detroit

and the lady, the gate agent was like paging American airlines, passenger Mary Bear heart, please come to Detroit. Oh yeah. Yes. Going to Dallas from, from Dallas to Detroit to Dallas, Mary Bear heart. please come to Detroit. Oh yeah. Yes. Going to Dallas from Dallas to Detroit to Dallas. Mary Bearheart. Come on, please.

Yeah. That's what Alexis is talking like now. She's like paging Mary Bearheart to Johnny Janssen. Is Alexis Foligno? So then she gets a delivery. Dun dun dun dun dun. And it's flowers. And I'm like, oh God, Marge.

This is fucking Marge. You're disgusting. Happy birthday. You're a disgusting human being. I hope you die in your sleep. Thank you, Marge. Classic Marge. But it's not.

It is from Alexis Bellino. And Shannon's excited because you know she's probably thinking, oh, well, maybe it's from David or maybe it's from Andy Cohen or maybe it's from one of my children if they had remembered that it was my birthday. And she's like, oh, let's let me open up this card and see who sent me these kind wishes. Oh, oh, I see. I see what's going on here. And her face is just like, so serious. And everyone's like, Her face is just like so serious and everyone's like shocked, you know, and Shanna reads it. Happy 60th. I genuinely hope this olive branch can bring us a fresh start as you start this new decade. May God bless you with your happiness and good health on your milestone." Wow, she wrote in a terrible accent. She also said, go Biedgers, and I don't understand who the Badgers even are.

And she goes, wow, this is literally an olive branch. And it is, it's like an olive branch of the tree. And so I'm like, what are your thoughts? And so I was like, well, I appreciate that. I just don't want to spend any more of today talking about that. But it's nine weeks too late. And there's been a lot of unkind thing does. And I've been bullied and I've been torched. And now I'm going to London where I'm going to be very happy. Top of the morning to you. I will not be free like this. It feels like bottom of the night to me, not top of the morning. So Emily's like, I mean, how many peace offerings

does Alexis want to offer Shannon while simultaneously being involved in a lawsuit and talking shit about her making her life hell? I mean, give me a fucking break. So now she's like, wow, I'm sure her coach had her do that. And then we see a clip of her. Tamara's like, yeah. Yeah.

She's like, Johnny J. Today you say something about Johnny J being the coach. I can't wait to tell her that. So Tamara's like, well, we're gonna blame it on John. That's what Shannon does. Why can't Alexis send Shannon flowers to be nice? Shannon's exhausting. Yeah, Alexis, that's Alexis. So nice. One day, talking about a press release, they're planting

about what a dick Shannon is and how they're suing her. And the next day, apologizing so she's not cut out of a scene on a TV show. What a give-er. So Shannon's like, well, I have to create boundaries for myself. Oh, like those low wall things on the porch, right? You were talking about, yes, very good, Heather. You are remembering concepts. So I'm kind of, you know, I'm out at this point. I am out. Things just keep happening.

And I know you saw what came out in the press on Friday. And it's just mind boggling to me that I offered everything he wanted and his answer was No, and term was like I tried to call you that day on Friday and then you but down me He were crying well because because they said people People Magazine, they said, do you want to make a statement? And I said, absolutely. Cream cheese belongs in salmon.

And they said, no, about your situation. So I said, well, can I give you 30 minutes? Because I'm in the middle of a Dr. Moon situation here on my own toilet if you know what I'm talking about. And they said, OK, that's too much information. I said, well, I'll tell you too much information, John Jansen. And then I got a text five minutes later saying, they're not even gonna wait. So yeah, I was a little upset because I offered him

what he wanted and I don't need to. So she says that they wanted 30 minutes and they said, no, she wanted 30 minutes and they said no, that she has to answer them now. So I just love the idea that this is her on the phone with people. Oh, yeah, right, yeah, right. We have to product.

What do you mean? They're like, no, Sammy, you need to answer now. She's just breaking down on the phone with whoever's talking to her about it. So Alexis, you know, we see Alexis being mean to her, a clip of Alexis being mean to her. And then Emily's like, I have a question. Are you gonna send a thank you now?

Oh, fuck off, Emily. Well, okay. Well, here's what I did. I pre-wrote a text to Alexis. Okay. I wrote to Alexis and I haven't sent it yet, but, um, only because, um, I forgot. Here we go. It's this way it says, it says, hello Alexis, it's Shannon Bedore. I am hosting a trip to Europe with my friends. And I just wanted to make it clear that you are not invited. And everyone's in shock except Gina.

Gina's laughing and Katie's like, oh, do you want maybe someone else to tell her? She goes, fuck it, okay, fine, you guys tell her. And she goes, we can tell her. She's like,, fine. You guys tell her and she goes we tell her She's like I'm not gonna stand by and let people come and hurt me. That is for sure Well, I think maybe we should like say something like well, you know, we're not on good terms So maybe there is no maybe you be quiet and so she goes I am drawing strength from myself Do you think of that because I know I'm a survivor. I'm drawing strength from myself. What do you think of that? Because

I know I'm a survivor. I'm in a tweed suit for Christ's sake. I'm not a victim. It's my 60th birthday and I'm a spinster. I'm a spinster with a gun. Well, figuratively, I don't really have a gun. I'm not threatening to kill anybody. I would. I won't. I adore sofas. That's not my style. I've got a sofa with Sunbrella fabric and that's more than enough for me So Shannon's like, you know, I'm fucking thinking up for myself today. That's what I'm doing ma'am We need to know did you put three dinner rolls in your purse? I did

You've just really saved me a rough night you can choose your battles I'm standing up for myself, but I'm also picking and choose my battles. Thank you for calling me out on that. You've just really saved me a rough night. Pick and choose your battles. I'm standing up for myself, but I'm also picking and choosing my battles. My battles are not against inner roles today, so. Watch out, everything else! So then... Ooh.

So they're like, you know, I don't know, Shannon, maybe that's worded a little harshly. Fuck off everybody. She can, that's not harsh at all. And she has every right. She's being sued for $75,000. Do you know how many households that could buy Gina? Yes. And then she's like, so Jen is like, oh, me and Katie are going to navigate this for her.

We just need to talk to Alexis for her. So then everybody goes around the table and shares our favorite memory of Shannon. And you know, they're all of course, when they're shit faced, falling over in different towns. of course, when they're shit faced falling over. And then we see them falling in the pool. My favorite was when we were riding a pinata Mexico and we see them falling over on a pinata. My favorite thing was when I gave you the Aramaz gift five seconds ago. God, I'm a great friend aren't I? God, I love seeing clips roll back of myself being sweet about your weight loss and insecurities about your body Shannon. Wait a minute, that

was my storyline. I'm sorry. Can we get a dessert menu? My favorite memory Shannon was when we got drunk and talked shit about our friends. Flashback please and fuck that Wendy Malik. Oh, that was a great night. So now let's go to Alexis's house. The girls come over. It's Katie and Jen coming over to talk to Alexis and Alexis is like, oh my God, this is amazing girls. I can't believe you're here.

This is like so great. You're in my house. Like come on in. Like, well, you want some drinks? We're just having fun. That's girls. Ha ha ha. Yeah, let me get you guys a couple of bleats.

Yeah, what's happening girls? And so they're like- She's like panicked. Yeah, she's like, yeah, it's gonna be a great time. You know, Johnny J's upstairs Oops, I wasn't supposed to save that part. Um so Katie is Alexis is like so she's like so how did you see it? You see my flavors like I sent a bouquet

He was really cute. Did you like it? Like, oh, yeah. No, it was really gorgeous. It was really gorgeous Yeah, you can see it didn't work though. She said it should have been eight weeks ago. She goes, wait, hold on. Why? I was extending an olive branch and I'm still fucking getting always shit on. Everyone's getting on me. Oh, you're the victim? You're the victim?

Oh, get the fuck out of here, lady. She's gonna sue Shannon to be reimbursed for the flowers. She's like, you know, that was my last, that was my last effort, you know, to extend an olive branch. And unfortunately I keep hitting a brick wall and I just, you know, I want people. Well, um, she did, she does have a text message for you. So you might want to check your phone, uh, because she said she's, she's actually out in the car. She said she's going to text you as soon as we walk in the door. Okay. Good luck. Good luck. It's fun. So she has to go upstairs to John's bedroom to get her phone. So she does. And or to her

bedroom, I guess that's her house. And so she's like, John, do you have my phone? And then, um, Oh my God, John's here. What, what, what? And then we, uh, Alexis, like Shannon sent a text. This is awesome. This is going to be awesome. So Katie's like, Oh my God, does she even know about the trip? I don't even know if she knows what's wrong with my God. What's happening? So Alexis reads it. It says, hello, Alexis. It's Shannon Bador. I'm hosting a trip to Europe with my friends and I wanted to make it clear you're not invited. Oh, you know what? Jenny goes, well, we did encourage her to soften it a bit.

And she's like, that should be quite understandable given these circumstances. Thanks for the flowers, but I'm not interested in an olive branch. You know what? I tried it girls, and now I'm fucking doing. Like what is she so hung up on? It's very hard. Literally, you feel suing her. You just called People Magazine,

like, are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, like, I think it's cause the lawsuit. You're actively suing her. You know, litigation, legal fees, things like that. And they're trying to tell her, yeah, like if you were just moving on, and then Alexis is like, but this is her actions that caused this.

If she didn't borrow the money and she paid it back, we wouldn't be in this situation, would we? No, and you also wouldn't be in it if you weren't trying to shove your way back onto her show with her man and her dog, trying to make her storyline, even the storyline of running into a brick wall. Thank you very much. You wouldn't be in this situation getting uninvited from a cast trip.

You got damn leech. Go find your own fucking life. And then in the shocking twist of the episode, we have a sit down with Johnny J and Alexis side by side doing interview. And he's like, Disgusting you garbage pail version of Al Gore. And Sam the Eagle, he's like, I didn't want to take illegal action, but my hands were tied. They literally are not tied.

It was days away from crossing the statute of limitations on being able to do anything legally. He's even licking his lips like a little snake. And the producer says, so was she under the impression that this money was a loan? And he's like, she a hundred percent knows that there are loans. I have proof of it. And Shannon sent me an email admitting that it's a loan. So the comments about these being gifts are patently false. And Shannon has an interesting relationship with the truth. But why are you saying your hands were tied? Like, it's literally, he's saying my hands were tied that I had to do it at this time.

Your hands were not tied. You could have just not filed a lawsuit and moved on with your life because we all don't believe you whatsoever. So, like, this is like, now you can see in the Teeabloids, it's a legal beheadal. And Jen's like, but how did it get to people? Was it you and John that took it to them? Here's what happened. Okay. John said 70 and she said,

sure. But like you have to have a muzzle on, but like we're not putting the muzzle on John. Okay. Cause that's not going to happen. I'm trying to figure out if that's even true. That's a very short statute of limitation. That doesn't sound right right. All I can find in just a quick search is California Court Self-Help Gov. After that period expires, I can no longer sue. This time limit is called the statute of limitations. The statute of limitations that apply to most debt cases, a breach of written contract, are four years. I mean, in case in case obviously that's not very deep searching, but I don't believe this fucking guy with his loose relationship with the truth.

Fuck off, dude. I think he got- I just had to do it right before filming started so my girlfriend could get on the show. And I just happened to have to call People Magazine about it to get into more press while I was doing red carpets in the shoes she bought me. You fucking loser.

Yeah. So the producer asked Jen if she thinks that Alexis leaked it and Jen looks like she wants to say yes, but she also looks like she doesn't want to get into a mess. So she goes, no, I don't think so. And they're like, but it's- Next question. Yeah, she's like, next question.

And Katie- Yeah, they obviously think that she did it, right? But they're both trying to's like, nice question. And yeah, they obviously think that she's she did it right. But they're both trying to be like, Oh, we're supposed to be nice to Alexis in this scene. And Katie definitely does not want to get into another thing of like, I know that like she told the paps basically. So she doesn't want to mess with that. They're both like, don't don't don't ask us these questions. Yeah. So then, um, Alexis goes, you know what?

I won't be around this group. And they're like, no, that's not fair to us, Alexis. I love getting to know you. And she's like, no, this is unbelievable. You know what? No, I'm not, I'm done. I'm done. This is not happening.

I'm done. And then she goes and she kicks him out of the house. You open up the front door. I am done with this. I am done. I'm done. I, this is not happening. I'm done. And then she goes and she kicks him out the house. She opens the front door. I am done with this. I am done. I am done. You girls. Like Alexis has been bullied by all the girls

and she's just taken so much that she's finally leaving the group so she can not be bullied anymore. Fuck. I'm so bullied now. Dora hit you with a good Lord split you, you twit. They're like, are we being kicked out? And she goes, thank you for being the horrible communicator of this horrible news and like,

and she goes upstairs sobbing and throws herself on the bed. And meanwhile, Jen and Katie are outside like, wait a minute. She just kicked us out. Jen goes, I have never been kicked out of, well actually I did just get evicted, so. It's funny. It's so funny. So that's the end of that episode. She's just crying saying that.

So yeah, sorry. That's the end of the episode. Yeah, that's it. So fuck those two. Glad their evil plan didn't work. And everybody has turned the audience has turned on them and it's not working. Great to see it. Everybody, we sure love you. Thanks so much for being with us this week. Check out our bonus episodes. This one's going to be a real humdinger this week. Why? I don't know. We haven't recorded it, but there are things going on, Ben. The Amazon Prime Day is coming up and there's a pre-tour right now.

So we might be able to do a little shopping. I'm so excited. I'm like really annoyed because I've like bought lots of little trinkets this week. And I'm like, I should have waited. Oh, I mean big trinkets. So I don't know, check it out. We'll be over there for a video of this

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