Watch What Crappens - #2603 Below Deck Sailing Yacht S05E04: Store Bought Is Not Fine

Episode Date: October 29, 2024

Cloyce winds up in the doghouse on Below Deck Sailing Yacht after swimming with the guests and botching a store bought cake.  Plus, the stews find new and exciting ways to have tantrums! To watch this recap on video, listen to all of our bonus episodes, and join in our new community chat, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to watcha crappin' ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Kill List is a true story of how I ended up in a race against time to warn those who lives were in danger. Follow Kill List wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Kill List and more exhibit-see true crumb shows like morbid early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus. Hello and welcome to Watch Our Crap In, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.

I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the handsome and lovely Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you? Hi, how are you? I'm at a super weird angle today because I'm in the car and I've got an extension cord coming down the balcony and through the And I'm doing this on an iPad and reading this from an iPhone. Oh move-in day. It's move-in day. Yeah, I Love this angle on you And the reason why is because this is the angle that every movie in the eighties would take whenever they filmed people in a stretch limousine. You know, anytime it's like,

yeah, let's, let's drive down to wall street, they put a kid, they climb into a stretch limo. And for some reason, they always shoot them from this angle. So you just look like you're on the kneecap. It looks like I have a gigantic wiener sticking at the because I'm wearing like a khaki short. It is not a giant ball sack or everybody. It is actually a knee. Okay. Angles are fine. You know, um, it's just funny because you're in the front of your car,

but it looks like you're actually being driven somewhere. It looks like you're in the middle of the, girl I wish. Look at this ridiculousness. There's a cord coming in through the window. It's hanging down from the balcony. There's going to be guys out here getting stuff. It's finally time to move into this place, which I'm super excited to do, but it's turned into mayhem as usual because nothing with me is just like peaceful. And then it happens great.

You know, it's been like yelling at workmen and then praising workmen and then crying in a closet and then dealing with a Bueller who thinks I'm leaving town or something because I'm moving all this clothes. And so he's crying and running in circles and now I'm reading notes off my cell phone so if I start you know if I get an amber alert or something I'm gonna have to respond to it. Well I would hope so. Someone help amber! Have we still not helped Amber? And how many events has it been? Let's help poor Amber, biker. Amber, well, it's Tuesday. Life is great.

We've been talking about this Patreon change up going to monthly. It's happening as we speak. The techie people at Patreon are working on it right now. The conversion is happening. By the time this episode airs, it may have already happened. We now may be living a new monthly Patreon lifestyle. So if the confusion about our Patreon interface was keeping you away from having the full Crappens experience, then rest assured that it should hopefully be much more

streamlined and joyful for you. So go check that out, patreon.com slash watch for Crappens. Yet another shameless plug. But for right now, today, we are talking about below deck sailing season five episode four. The episode is called mermaid, a big miss cake. Wow. Whoever named this episode, this episode, standing ovation, standing ovation, mermaid, a big miss cake. Thank you to the intern that they're like, I can't think of a name. I don't know what to be called this episode.

What about Peter? Do you have an idea? Peter, this is your moment. Okay. Make all your friends at Northwestern happy. that they're like, I can't think of a name. I don't know what to call this episode. What about Peter? Do you have an idea? Peter, this is your moment. Okay, make all your friends at Northwestern happy. What is the name of this episode? And Peter's like, mermaid, a big miss cake. Peter, you were a genius.

You're getting a job here. When you graduate, you are going to become an associate producer at Below Deck Sale, and congratulations. All right, let's get going on is like what's going on with this morning. Why has been doing a dramatic actor. I know you know what his his internship he's gonna go back to Northwestern and he's gonna have a lot of tales to tell.

I'd like to make him go to a fancy school too. He's really shooting to a low place from a high place. I just feel like I just really want to make a good mermaid title. I finally got into Northwestern. That's all I want. They're like, Sarah, how was your summer? It was great. I interned at an investment bank and I think I'm gonna become a summer associate next year. How about you, Peter? I was on below deck sailing.

I came up with a name called mermaid a big miss cake. Yeah, Peter's like, I run Bravo now, basically. So lots of just, you know, all it took was a few dashes and some maid puns. And I did it. Mermaid, a big mistake. You know, this is what has me worried. You know, that Whitney song, I believe that children are our future. Let them lead the way. I am familiar with it. Yes.

That was a great song and it was also a lie. Okay. Because this is our children. These are our children. This show, that man bought a cake from a store and put it in a microwave and then he served it. You know, Whitney, what are you thinking now? I hope Whitney was in heaven, walking below deck and she said, you know what? I take that all back.

I believe the children are all down for, teach them well and lock them up until they learn to make a cake and not buy one from a store. Come on, man. I legitimately thought you were about to lecture the fictional children, Peter and Sarah at Northwestern University. I'm attempting to move on from Peter and you're not going to let me. You're still in your Peter van sitting out in front of the building with the car. Well, you know, Peter, but you know, it was just like, it was on the heels of that. You went into a Whitney Houston and the children. So I was like, wow, he's actually upset at the theoretical children right now. But no, that I forget.

We have an actual child on the show who is baking cakes. Yeah. He really fucked that up. Why? Like, you know, Emma really summed it up where she said, why would you heat up the cake in the first place? You can't frost a warm cake. That's just, I know that and I've only been a chef four times in my life, you know, very good at whatever I do or Emma had a really depressing episode today. I almost felt bad for her, but then I was like, no, I guess Emma's just kind of a loopy sad sack.

And that's why she's had 97 jobs. Cause you know, at the beginning of this, when she's like, I'm so good at everything I do. I've done ballet teaching, professing. I've produced a show for Northwestern University. Well, it's about puns basically. And she's done like every job in the world. And my first thought was that doesn't mean you're good at things.

That means you're not good at a lot of things, right? Cause you have to keep moving on to new jobs. And I think she's suffering from a case of the mopes. That's, that's what I think. It's hard for her to keep a job because she gets sad and then starts moping and then nobody can take it. Yeah. Plus she already lived the high life working in real estate.

Cue the photo from last week of her holding up a martini and a cocktail dress, the glamorous world of real estate. Real estate-y. Yeah. Poor Emma. Poor Emma. I feel like she's not long for this boat, which is too bad because I like her dry British humor, even though she doesn't seem to be very good at what she's doing, but you know, that happens. So, um, last week where we left off cliffhanger, Cloyce has decided that he's going to go frolic with the guests on the sea bob, despite the fact that there's only 20 minutes until the meal is ready. And you know, he was like,

yeah, whatever, I'm just going to roast some chicken. Let me tell you something about chicken. It takes more than 20 minutes to roast. Okay. Like you, this is not the little ones. Those are 12 minutes, not to stick up for clois, but what you mean like a little chicken. Well, I mean like chicken. If you're doing a chicken thigh, which he wasn't doing is doing chicken breast, but chicken thighs are going to take 35, 30 to 35 minutes. Chicken breasts. Okay. Maybe chicken breast takes 20 to 25. I don't know. I actually never roast chicken breasts, but the point is this,

20 minutes is a very small window for getting back on the boat. He has to get showered. He was just swimming in ocean water. He has to shower and then cook this shit. So this is going to be a disaster. You know, the weird thing is I just always, and it's such a stereotype and it really does teach you to not stereotype people because that's really bad America don't stereotype people because I assumed that dorks are going to do the do do things correctly because they're dorks.

You know what I mean? Like what else is the point of being so nerdy? I mean, you should be smart as well. You can't just be nerdy and then, and then kind of dumb and make dumb decisions too. I need my nerds to be smarter than me. I don't need them to be dumber than me. Like you're a nerd. You should, you should, you should know this.

You should know how to roast a chicken properly and not go swimming nerd. Come on, man. Made the world go red. I've disappointed in nerds and children today. I'm just, there's a lot of disappointment in my body. What part of the title mermaid, a big miss cake says that he did something right.

It's in the title. He made a big mistake. So Gary or Glen, Gary, Glen, Glen Ross, cake is for closers. Oh, it's being caking. It's being caking. I was in real estate. Martini, cocktail bar, cocktail dress. Watch. Yeah.

What were you saying? Oh yeah. So Glen finds out and he's like, wait a minute. Why isn't there chicken being roasted? Hold on a second. Wait a minute. He's swimming. Get him back here. So he's screaming over the radios, which by the way, I need you to scream in person like you scream on the radios. I don't like people who are just all chuffed on the radio.

And then in person they're like, should you have done that buddy? No, yell at him, give him one, bend him over, spank him. Yeah. Make him, make him feel his miscake. So Glenn is like, you know, they're going to want you right away. How's he going to get the food ready if you're going to, you know, if you're a bit young for the role that you're fulfilling, you should err on the side of professional. You should be the kind of person that's showing a little bit of extra maturity.

I'm like, I would love to see the day that there's ever any sort of maturity from the staff on blow deck sailing because it's been five years and we haven't seen it yet. I don't think so. I think sailing is like the bottom of the barrel as far as like behavioral issues for crew people. It's like, well, you know, I've been kicked off. The first started with the cruise ships, got kicked off there. Then I went to the private yachting and then I got kicked off there. Then I'm now I'm on the sailing. Well, I guess there's commercial, there's like commercial barges. There's like freighters or whatever, cargo ships, canoes, rowboats, dinghies, just inflatable pool floats. And then you wind

up on the sailing. You're naming a lot of things there aren't spin-offs about yet. You better watch your fucking mouth because before you know it, Bravo is going to give us 30 is going to be it's already below deck 24 hours a day on that. We're going to deck rap to low deck tugboat trash barge. What are you doing? What are you doing? Hanging out in the city of Staten Island all day. We're supposed to be driving this trash barge. What are you doing? What are you doing hanging out in the city of Staten Island all day?

We're supposed to be driving this trash barge. All right. I need you to be less drunk. Trash barge. I'm surprised there actually is not like a below deck booze cruise, you know, or some I'm surprised he has not done a spinoff cause that's what he would do. Bravo has below deck, you know, on a yacht and he would be like, we're doing a booze cruise around Marina Del Rey. That's what I expect on E. Just putting that out there.

It's a slam E while we're at it. All right. Young people, nerds and E. Fuck all you guys. Okay. And Whitney Houston for lying to us. So big mistakes. Big mistakes all around. All right. Okay. So Glenn, we're making big mistakes. Uh, so let's see here. Uh, so he's like, I don't want them to suffer just cause he's having fun. Get him back here. And, uh, he's like, no normal days around here. So then Gary goes to get Cloys and, um, he's like, wow, I would happily do that many more times.

No, sir. You're never going gonna do that again. You will never even tell me where. Shame on you, that's your response? You are being yelled at on the radio. Don't you at least feel that you're in trouble? I know when I'm in trouble, I feel it in every tingle. And when that phone rings, I'm like,

I knew I was in trouble today, and I just wait to get my ass chewed. Yeah, exactly. And Daisy's like, it's our primary's birthday, and I feel like a mom trying to get my toddler out of a fucking jungle gym. Come on, Cloyce. Got lunch to make got a cake to make. Got 20 P does to make. She ate turn and 60 again. So must not live in Los Angeles. We'll turn the same age 20 damn times over here. Must not be Karen Huger. age 20 damn times over here. We must not be Karen Huger.

So then meanwhile, um, Danny is doing cabins and setting the table for lunch and stuff and so then Chloe's returns. And meanwhile, I'm having a smoke on the swim platform. Okay. A couple of things. One, if you're young for the job, you need to try and prove that you're still good as the old people by working harder, right?

That's what Glenn said. I think that if you're fucking a lot, fucking up a lot at work, you shouldn't be sitting around smoking. Yeah. Just a thought. She's very emo, which is appropriate that her name is Emma. Close in spelling. She's just like sitting there, every time they cut to where she's smoking somewhere,

I'm like, Oh God, Emma's spiraling again. Come on, like you just got in trouble. You at least like pretend like you're doing something, but she's sitting there like, she smokes like she's from the 90s, like that very much. Like I just listened to some college rock. And she's, you know, some college rock, as we were all doing back then. She's like, porno for pyros, great album. So she's like, I could really use some chugalos right now. I'm not like 90s, was it? That's not a chugalos is completely different than college rock.

I just want to say crash test dummies. Am I right? Oh, crash test dummies. That's right. That's what I feel like right now. Just putting me, putting me in a junker, turning on the, slamming my foot on the brake and watching me crash into things and saying, Emma, you've crashed into things. It's my fault. If you're not the one who put me in the front seat and crashed me into a pylon, right? It's my fault. I suppose I'll smoke another cigarette out here and cry about

it. I feel like he's, he's sticking a knife in me and twisting it. A shonen knife. Vivid band. Anyway, things feel amiss or should I say, émose, Tory, oh, I love her. All I've ever strived for in my life is to be a good apple, like Fiona would say. I don't know any lyrics actually from back then. But it just goes to prove, you know, I'm really, really bad with failure. It's something I've struggled with my whole life. My sister's wonderful, my brother's wonderful. Then there's crazy Amar doing makeup at Coachella incorrectly. People asking for their money back from free makeup clown sessions at Coachella.

That's really embarrassing, you know? And they're doing things for donations and people are still asking for money back. You never gave me money in the first place. I'm sorry I want up the glitter on your face, but we're trying over here, all right? Why don't you just call my sister to do it for you already? Do you have a cigarette for me? I'm out of those as well she's slowly segueing into her francis mcdorman arc in nomad land i just want to point out like like she will be doing that movie soon like that will be

happening and i will be crying so um 15 i've mentioned that movie a lot i don't know why i mention it so much it really has like rocked that movie rocked my world two years ago. And it's like the slowest movie where nothing happens. Where the biggest thing that happens in that movie is that David Struthan breaks a pile of plates and I was like, that fucking bastard. And you know what? It has changed my life. So anyway, 15 minutes before lunch, so Cloyce comes back in and Glenn's like, oh, you're

back, which is his passive aggressive way of being like, you shouldn't have been gone in the first So Cloyce comes back in and Glenn's like, Oh, you're back. Which is his passive aggressive way of being like, you shouldn't have been gone in the first place Cloyce. And, um, he's like, so what's the plan for lunch? If it even is lunch, maybe it's dinner right now. Maybe it's more like a late night snack cause you got back so late. And he's like, yeah, I'm going to roast some chicken with a little lemon butter salmon. He's like, Oh yeah, you have enough time. He's like, yeah, 20 minutes should be enough time. No, it's not. It's not. That's not enough time. You know, it's just mine. And then Cloyce was like,

well, I've had other bosses on other boats like captains and they're mostly Cali bosses. So they're like super till and like laid back. So like, he should get over it. Like he's not, he's going to be fine. Everything's going to be fine. You're not in California, sir. Yeah. Okay. And how many bosses have you had?

Give me a fucking break with your fake resume at 21. Okay. I get that you started working at 16, but you've done everything for 20 years. Okay. I was a 20 year old who lied about his resume constantly. It's the only way I got jobs in New York, you know, you have to have experience. So I would go into jobs at 18 years old with like three pages of resume. I'm like, I'm okay for 37 years. I like, how old are you?

I learned quickly. So yeah. Also like if you're just going to excuse your work ethic by saying, yeah, well I was sort of like, I it's a Cali sort of vibe. That's what I do. You're always going to lose. No one ever respects the Cali sort of vibe, not even people in California. Like, you know, like that's never something you want to say ever. Like that shouldn't like, keep it away from your LinkedIn. Keep it away from your job experience. Do not say the Cali kind of vibe. That's not a positive thing. Okay.

No one wants it. Yeah. Yeah. Those specifically ask for not a Cali vibe. The only place they really want Cali vibes are like startups, you know, Google, where they're like, Oh, hey, well, Google's not a startup. But you know what I mean? Like an internet company that's like, we've got a playground in the lobby because we really believe that our employees need to like find their inner children in order to program the DOS for the Google Docs app. Okay, so if you see people singing, ring around the posies, swinging back and forth a little bit, it's just because it's a Cali vibe,

but nobody trusts them. And that's why their apps fall. And like they'll put out an app and then they'll be like, we're discontinuing this app. And you're, god damn it, I've been working on this app for three months because you told me it was solid, Google. So some guy that's playing swing set decided that it wasn't worth it anymore. You and your fucking Cali vibes. That's my point. Nobody wants that.

Yeah, people like a Wisconsin vibe. If you say, you know what, I just work like that. I just have a Wisconsin kind of vibe with my work. Head down, just get that work done and play football afterwards, you know? And then everyone's like, yeah, that's what I want for my workers. Yeah, I want like Amazon child worker vibes. That's what I want. Have you ever seen those videos? They don't stop those kids from working. They just work and work and work. They go to bed working.

They're like, okay, you can go to bed for five minutes. They're like, okay. And then they're still like moving boxes in their bed, you know? That's the kind of vibe. To be fair, that's also the same for Frances McDormand in Nomadland when she worked at the Amazon fulfillment center. She did not. Yeah, she's sitting there. She's putting tapes. She's like, hey Sue, how's your day going?

Good to see you. Okay. Just, you know, frame rep, holiday rush. Am I right? Okay. Pass the tape. She's like, package, package, package, package, package. Another prime day? Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm going to live out of my car I can't take anymore. Hey Cindy. Good to see you. You have a good night tonight. Good Good, you can have fun with Chuck tonight. Well if we ever get out of here, am I right? Okay package package you guys you guys dated long enough to start calling Charles yet Hey, do you have a stack of plates are the only thing that reminds you of your previous life and your previous husband when you're happy?

Hope someone doesn't come by and break them because they're stupid like David Trethearne. Okay, have a great one Cindy, bye. Bye. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. Have you ever wondered who created that bottle of Sriracha that's living in your fridge? Or why nearly every house in America has at least one game of Monopoly? Introducing the Best Idea Yet, a brand new podcast from Wondery and T-Boy about the surprising

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true story of how I ended up in a race against time to warn those who lives were in danger and it turns out convincing a total stranger someone wants them dead is not easy. Follow Kill List on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Kill List and more Exhibit C Truecrime shows like Morbid early and add free right now by joining Wondry+. Check out Exhibit C in the Wondry app for all your Truecrime listening. So meanwhile, Daisy is like, Donnie, I checked the table, your wine glasses were just the opposite way around.

And she's like, no, they were again. She's water. So look, this is how to do it. Because that's what you drink first. And then use the way of white. So I can see why you did that. Because first is last and last is first, depending on which way you're looking at it. If you're looking at it from the other way, maybe it makes sense to you.

But it's wrong. All right. Check my art form. This is my art form. I'm like, for someone who literally saw it last week because your art form of table decorating wasn't being celebrated enough and you don't know which side the glasses go on, girl, get out of here with your phony art form.

Your resume is as believable as Cloyce is at this point. Yeah, she goes, well, that's what I learned in Stu's school. I'm like, you probably learned it incorrectly. They probably taught you one way and you probably didn't listen because you were too busy cheerleading and being like, oh, I have male attention. So Daisy cheerleading at the Stu's school football games. Um, so Daisy. Napkin folding, napkin folding, you can do it. It's like instead of like, give me a C, give me an O, it's like, give me a napkin,

give me a wine glass. So Daisy. Be aggressive when you do laundry. Be polite, always to the guests be You've got time to lean you've got time to clean whoa Burr it's cold in here must be time to adjust the temperature for the guests to the climate that they prefer Whoa, I'm ironing pans. I'm gonna fold a towel into an aliphant. My team is an alligator and we are going to actually reveal ourselves to actually just be a very fancy napkin that was

rolled up for a tablescape. All right, just sliding. I'm going to say that now. This team is sliding guys. This all right. We need to get, get back into rehearsal. All right. All of us. We need some better cheers. Could someone get Peter from Northwestern? Seriously. No, honestly, that's too school needs a better cheer squad. So, uh, Honestly, that's too school needs a better cheer squad. So Daisy is like, Don, Don is like so sensitive.

It makes me nervous because I'm pretty direct. I want people to, I want to make people feel good, which is why I say, what are you doing? And so, you know, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to have energy to constantly be like, you're doing an amazing job. I'm sorry, I hurt your feelings. I don't like fluffy bullshit.

I like fluffy pita bread, but everybody needs to be managed differently. The only person that should be crying in this boat is me. And I will do who I mean, how can you not love Daisy? Are there people who don't love Daisy? I mean, I know that there are, but how can you just not love her? I love her. I love her grumpy ass. She's probably 30 years old and she just, I think her personality just makes her like nearing 60 and just over. She's, she is the Frances McDormand character. I didn't even watch that movie, but she's every Frances McDormand. No, cause everybody's like, it's just depressing and, and, oh, it is. It's depressing. I love it. Yeah.

My life is already depressing and sad. I mean, things that are not depressing and sad. No, you'll like it. It's depressing. I love it. Yeah. My life is already depressing and sad. I mean, things that are not depressing and sad. No, you'll like it. It'll cry. You'll love it. Yeah. Um, but yeah, she's already got that. Like there's, there's a lot going on here. Hola. What do you need? La cama? Uh, uh, like grande, el grande, la la. Sorry, I misgendered the box. Did you hear that? This is very not that's an L grande, not a la grande. Don't misgender me. He said the box.

El caja, la caja was like a bitch. Okay. Um, so he had Daisy. Um, so he had Daisy. This is, this is by the way, the biggest clusterfuck all day. There's. Repairment circling this guy. Uh, he's going to do that right there too, which is great.

Okay. So, uh, so yeah, Daisy, Daisy is like near, she's just so grumpy and she's just, I think she's a cherub isn't she? She's like 28 or something and she's already like got cigarettes dangling from her mouth like, the only one who can cry here is me. I know. I love it. Again though, I do want Faye, they need to find a spot for Faye on one of these franchises. At this point, Faye's child has to be about six years old. So just put Faye somewhere. Six years old?

She had it like two seconds ago. Also, let's just normalize bringing children to work. Every other job you get to do it, people bring their fucking dogs to the office. I think Faye's baby could come on. The baby will always be in lipstick and have its hair done. I have to imagine that someone who works on Below Deck

listens to our podcast and must hear our constant pleas for Faye. That's why I put this in here. I'm advocating for Faye. Bring Faye back some, not in replace, don't replace Daisy, keep Daisy. Just I'm saying that like we have so many really good sheep's dews right now

that like the last piece of the puzzle is Faye. Yeah, Faye never really got her chance to blossom, I feel like. Exactly. Of course, always, Hanna and Kate, over TV. Sorry. Just want to mention that. I feel like it should be mentioned. It's still, yeah, yeah, obviously, obviously a place in all collective hearts, I would assume. So, um, let's see now, uh,

deck team and Diana are coming back with guests and, uh, now it's time to sit for lunch. Good luck with that people. Good luck. Well, guess what? They're sitting down, they're hungry. They've just been swimming all afternoon. And as we all know, when you go swimming, you whip up a huge appetite and they sit down and they're ready for some food cause it's like four 30 or something like that. And guess who's not ready with his food. It's Cloyce. Cause guess what? Chicken and salmon together,

especially when you've showered, you need to shower, take more than 20 minutes to come together. Go figure. It's taking forever. And Daisy's just staring like, I told you so. And they're waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting.

And then they're like, wow, wow. Well, it's almost like dinnertime. This is like Linner, you know, like the Taco Bell commercials when they say Linner. That's what this is. It's like Linner. I'm so starving. God, we haven't eaten for about two hours.

I'm literally dying. I feel like I haven't eaten for 19 years. I mean, on this boat, you guys just had muffins, croissants eggs What else did we see them eating? I don't understand how people on these boats can eat so much I'm a chubby person and I can't eat that much. They just keep going and going and going and going It's actually kind of a dream come true. But anyway, they're hungry. He doesn't have their food Nobody's shocked, you know and Daisy just keeps days Daisy. You know know what I love about Daisy also, she's so helpful and she's like always there to help. So what she does in

this way, she stands there right in front of him while he's trying to get things done. She goes, can I take anything? Is there anything ready? There's nothing ready. Nothing. There's nothing ready. Well, is there anything? Is there anything to eat? Can I get them in? Are these napkins? Are they edible? What if I gave them some floor towels? Do you think they could eat that? It's like, go fucking God damn, get out of here! She's just pantomiming, bringing things up. She's like, well, I've got nothing to hold, so.

This is, I'm not trying to make you feel bad about your time management, but here, I'll just carry this air up to the guests. I'll just pretend I'm serving them so I could feel like I'm doing something. May I bring you some more chicken, ma'am? Oh, it's not ready yet. God damn it. I'm mad again. I'm imaginary, Matt. I'm mad at both real chicken and imaginary chicken.

Thanks a lot, Cloyce and Cloyce, imaginary Cloyce as well. Fuck both of you. I had the chicken of the sea too. Fuck you, tuna. So Cloyce is like, I'm infrequently wrong, but I did underestimate my timing. So, you know, everything's my fault, which is awesome. I love that. So, they now it's like,

they're finally getting their lunch 15 minutes later. Luckily, I mean, 15 minutes, not the end of the world, but like that lunch was supposed to be ready right there, you know? And so, they are, they're being served and then Emma's checking in, uh, and she's like, Daisy, are you okay? I'm having an emo moment, so if you want to ask me if I'm okay. Yeah, are you okay? Oh, thank God for asking me. It's just not been good. It's just been having a fucking, I'm just having been fucking up all day long.

Well, I feel like you tricked me into asking that. I'd normally know better than to ask that. Now I've been fucked. So go ahead and tell me what the fuck is wrong with you. And she's like, there was just some miscommunication between me and Gary, but I was expecting him to say, Emma, what a wonderful job.

You finally become your sister. And instead he said, you're a fucking loser. What's your sister's phone number? Do you understand what I'm saying? It's awful. I just feel like a maniac, like one of 10,000 maniacs right now. So Daisy's like, oh, okay.

So Keith, meanwhile, Keith and Danny are talking, which is about as boring as you can imagine. We'll just move forward from that. And then Glenn is radioing for someone to take care of the tender, and Daisy's talking to Danny, and she's like, you ought to start setting up for dinner.

It's gonna be a mermaid theme. And Glenn is like, he? By the way, guys, guess over there? Okay, while you're enjoying your dinner, I don't know if you can see it, but there's a jagged rock over there, and that's an island that's called Esvedra, and there's no one living there but

they say it's haunted by mermaids. I mean that's right at my alley let's go at night. You want to go to a haunted island at night you're scaring me lady. You're the one wanting to take people to a haunted mermaid. I mean a haunted island is bad enough but mermaids? What are they going to do waddle after you? Yeah not in this boat you're not going near anything haunted with this boat, okay? Kitty pool only,

cause this boat only takes like one pebble to be thrown at it before it goes under. So let's not get into the haunted spirits. This boat is scarier than the ghosts, trust me. The mermaids are like, get the move the house, he's gonna crash into it. Yeah, they don't know. Those mermaids see Gary coming, they're like, uh-oh, someone called mermaid H H R.

So, um, so then, uh, Cloyce is, uh, he's ordered a cake for the birthday tonight because this lady is celebrating 60. Now this is funny because I believe was it, uh, last, last year, last season on below deck med when Johnno made that ice cream, like the cake on top of the ice cream or the ice cream on top of the cake and everything. Was that for a 60th anniversary as well? It was his birthday. It's a good birthday anniversary. Whatever it is.

I don't even remember my 60th birthday, my own 60th birthday. So anyway, Cloyce for this big landmark birthday has bought a cake from a random bakery in town. Yeah. It's like, yeah. And we got the captain tonight. So it's not only a special occasion. He's also serving the captain and he knows it and he's still about a fucking gig. And she's like, well, you could be using this time to do something a bit elevated. He's like,

I make a little whipped cream berries berries go with it. Boom elevation. Well, it's up to you. You're the chef. And this is where I settle in with some popcorn and watch the fail. Yeah, the most important part of the chart is the food. And that's what the tip is based on. So if he is going to serve the shitty cake that he got from some shitty bakery, it's not a good look. It's our 60th, like make a cake. So Keith and Danny are flirting and it's painful because this is the obligatory, someone has to flirt on this boat or you're all fired, right? So this is the one that they're trying to make happen.

And he's like, Danny is an incredibly charming person, I actually really like her, but I'm very sensitive, and she's just very surface level. Relationships only start when I feel real chemistry, and you can imagine me, basically, a wad of white cookie dough, some sugar cookie dough. Basically, I'm waiting for a bit of plain sugar to sprinkle on top.

God, we're going gonna make a delicious dessert. Shortbread is a good comparison for him. He really does have that shortbread kind of vibe. Like, okay, you make a perfectly nice cookie. Yeah, their flirtation is funny because he doesn't seem to be interested whatsoever. And she's like, so he's a girl. And he's like, sorry, I gotta get to work. She's like, Oh my god, he's playing hard to get. So then, um, yeah, he's not that into you. Okay, lady. Okay, lady, who's literally into the next chair she sees like, Oh my god, is that a chair? I'm gonna sit on its face so good right now. Wait, do you see it? Like calm down over there. Okay.

Make the man feel special. Doesn't he deserve a little romance in his life? Come on. You know, in college, when I lost a lot of weight, I got so much attention from cheers. It was out of control. I loved it. So Davide is, goes to get this mermaid and he has to like carry her like she

puts on her tail and he has to carry carry her like she puts on her tail and he has to carry her to like the sort of like he deposits her like on the little swim dock thing that floating dock and she's just sort of there on the edge and he's like oh as an engineer sometimes you have to do I have a bit of downtime and during the evening I help every department you know and generally speaking I don't mind being the boat beach. I am lucky with the mermaid. We also got married on the tinder. So then Daisy is like,

Darn it, after you do your cocktails, you're doing cabins, yeah? And she's like, oh, he's going to do service now talking about, you know, Gary's going to do service now. This whole charter I've been in the laundry room with the cabins are setting the table and I haven't done any service. And today Gary's like, no, that's job will be different once it's, it'll be totally different.

You'll do what you'd like next charter. Oh, they turned out last night. And Danny's like, oh, I did. They said, oh yeah, Diana, so you'll do cabins tonight. And she was like, but why am I doing cabins? I've done two today. And she goes like, and Danny's like, oh, I did it. And she's like, and then Diana's like, I did it in the morning. So they're squabbling about doing Cabins, which by the way, this is all Danny's fault because Daisy told her to do something. And then she's being like, oh, but I already did. I did it twice. I want to be on service.

I kind of feel like Danny is is a little brat to be honest. She cried about the tacky, like having to do a quote unquote tacky table tablescape. Now she's complaining about her assignment. She's, she's like a little, she's a little. She's a disaster. Yeah. She's a disaster. And she told us, you know, people show you who they are right away, you know, and she told us that she needs constant attention. I mean, she made it into male attention, but she needs constant approval and attention

from literally everybody around her. And it's, you know, that's not how life works, okay? Most of us are not paying attention. I don't want to have to pay attention to you. I'm busy, okay? So, and then Diana also made the mistake by starting the season saying that she loves housekeeping, because once you say that, then you get put into housekeeping. And it's been like very few stews have actually said that they love housekeeping and then

they do actually love housekeeping. There's been like one or two across all the franchises that have stayed in that, like said that they love it, stayed in it all season long and have been happy to do so. But Diana is more of the classic type that says that they love housekeeping, but then they secretly just wanna be up on deck with the guests. So now she's mad and Daisy's like, put your other housekeeping queen, you love housekeeping.

She's like, I don't care, I don't care, whatever. And so she hops off. Yeah, and so Diana's like, forget the queen of housekeeping. Like I'm tired of making beds and cleaning poop. Okay. And Danny says, I'm not going down with that. If I'm going to go, I'm going to go down kicking and screaming here, your stews, your mains, oh my God, do what you love.

You know what I mean? Do what you love. Why I'm not suggesting everybody should love cleaning a toilet, but getting just pissed about doing cabins is weird at this point. And also you already got to set a table incorrectly. Daisy should have been like, well, listen, I'm ready to have you follow your dreams of tablescaping, but unfortunately you're still making mistakes like putting glasses on the wrong side of the table. So you're down. Cut her down a little bit and then send her down. Then she can cry while she does it. You know,

she'll get a little extra salt in the toilet to help with the rings. Precisely. So Cloyce is cooking and he's just trying to raise the bar since he messed up earlier in the day and the captain is eating with them. So he's trying to be like super flawless and everything. And then Daisy's bringing out these mermaid martinis. They're all happy. The guests, by the way, took photos with a mermaid, which was, I thought so funny. They like, they're led down to the floating platforms. The mermaid is just sort of sitting there randomly and they're like one by one

going and taking photos with her. It made really very little sense. So it's such an odd job, isn't it? That mermaid, she was like, oh my God, hi, I'm made. And so she comes out and she, she does kind of like that real housewives of Beverly Hills from years ago where they had a mermaid and they just flopping around crazily on the ground. And, uh, she does that. She kind of flops her leg and then she does this thing, like their dance moves where she starts flipping her tail up and then like touching her tail, like

touching my toes, touching my tail. And then everybody was like kind of cheering. Yeah. And then she splashed water on her head. And then she jumped in the water and they went, oh my God, she's swimming. And then she like swam a lap and then came back and sat down. Like she just did something great. I'm like, lady, you touched your toes and you swam in a lap.

What kind of life is that that you're like, this is my job now. I'm going to go flop around on a boat and I'm going to charge $400. Yeah. You go girl. Why did you not start in the water? Like you're a mermaid. Like wouldn't that have been more delightful? Like what's going on? Oh my God, there's a mermaid in the water. Unless my theory that I'm going to hatch right now is that like she really liked her hair. So she wanted to have a mermaid moment with her hair done right. And then she got in the water. But I kind of feel like thematically, they should have gone down and been like, Oh my God, there's a mermaid right there.

I just feel like I'm out walking and being like, Hi, I'm just a normal princess. I hope nothing bad happens. And then she goes into the water and then comes out with the tail, you know, remember how that happened? It splashed that movie from the eighties. And so yeah, the water turns them into a mermaid. Oh, I would love that. I wish if she was like, Happy birthday, Amy. I love you from head to who what do you call them? feet. Also, these ladies really love the mermaid action. I would Also, these ladies really love the mermaid action. I would, I mean, I'm not, I act here like I'm really tough to please, but in real life, no, I still have, I guess, tough to

please. I would have been like, this is stupid. Get me out of here. Why are you wasting my time with this? Was there no Mariachi dance? Like I would have been upset. But what about Mariachi mermaids? Yeah. But if it was going to be the mermaid, I would be like, okay, these ladies are like, wow, a mermaid. It's a mermaid everybody. Can you believe it? Dana Pam, Eloise, Shelley, it's a mermaid. Yay, mermaids.

Not Dana Pam. That is a throwback. I don't know if you intended that or not, but- Oh, Dana Pam's still current. She's, she's the one who outed, she's the one who added all the Lisa Barlow, uh, Whitney, you know, Whitney of it all on Salt Lake City, the Alibaba, the Alibaba of it all. I meant just referring to her as Dana Pam. I had not thought of that in a long time.

commercials. Here comes one right now. Either way they are very, they're like all about the mermaid stuff. So they're having dinner with Glenn. They're like, how old are you Glenn? And he's like, I'm 63. And they're like, Oh my God, you look like you're 21. These girls are so horny as evidenced in a few minutes when they try to corner DJ Elliot in the hot tub so BJ Elliot what a prize. Yeah, I know he's like an off-brand Wow, so Diana is like Diana and Danny are cleaning together Ask Jose.

Sorry. Like where's breaker? I don't know girl, go ask Jose. Okay, go ask me. So Diana and Danny are cleaning and they kind of like, they smooth things over and Diana's like, she's like, I'm sorry I made you come, or I guess Danny is the one who was like,

sorry, sorry I made you have to come down here. And she's like, no, I don't care, sorry. I said that earlier. So they like bury the hatchet the one who's like, sorry I made you have to come down here. And she's like, no, dude, I don't care. Sorry, I said that earlier. So they like bury the hatchet and the producers are like, so are you guys frenemies? And Danny's like, I didn't think they'd be frenemies. And then I was like, no, we're not, we don't, we're friends. Except that I hate the stupid fucking bitch.

And then Danny's like, I take it back, we're frenemies. Yeah. So then Gary comes back in the DJ with the DJ and looks around for Emma meanwhile Cloyce is like well I've decided to order a cake for this charter because I just I hate fucking making cakes. Isn't that hilarious? Super yodzap. So yeah as an older woman I'm expecting she wants her birthday to consist of mostly drinking because nobody in their sixties is super stoked to like blow out some candles.

You just want to party. No, I don't. That's not, let me just, let me guarantee you that that's not the case. Here's what we want. I'm not even in my sixties. Mike can tell you what we want. Cake. Okay.

We want fucking cake. I've made it this long. Give me all the diabetes frost. Yeah. I don't care. Put ice cream on it. I don't, I would have eaten John Oh's fucking cake pieces on a cookie with ice cream. Whatever.

It's your birthday. You're licensed to cake. Licensed to cake. What do you think they're going to go get parting? Dick, they're on a boat with you loser. Get them some cake. Yeah, no, she's, she's happy to blow up those candles. Okay. I think when you're like 29 or when you're like, or 29 or you're about to turn 30, you're like, you don't want to blow out the candles because you're like, oh my God, I'm about to turn 30,

I'm gonna lose my 20s. And maybe also when you're in your 30s, you don't want to turn 40. But I kind of think that like going on where you're just happy to have candles to blow out, you know? Like add those candles on there. Like I made it to another candle and I will blow it out and have a slice of cake too. Yeah, but don't give me like multiple candles,

just put one. I feel like after a certain age, I don't want like a whole... Also, I don't need to know what people are doing now that's so disgusting. They're blowing out their candles again. I want your spit all over the cake. Did we learn nothing? How long have we been out of a pandemic and you people are blowing your spit all over the cake? Fucking gross. It was my dad's birthday and I took out the candle and had the tone to blow and everyone acted like I was sacrilegious. Like how could you? It's like, it's polite. I don't want to eat my dad's spit. Why are we thinking differently now? Oh, Jack. No, I agree. So, this is a, I don't love this theory by Cloyce. So then, but then, so here's what he does. I think he's thinking he's going to try to make it feel like it's a

fresh cake by putting it in the oven to warm it up a little bit. So it puts in the oven and then he takes it out and now it's like over, like it's melty and stuff. Everything it's lost, it's a structure. And so he tips it out of the, whatever it was in. And now it's a goop. It's a big goopy thing and it looks, looks like it fell on the floor. And he was now putting it on a cake pedestal and Daisy's like, you cannot serve that.

And he's like, he's like, that's a weak attitude. So he goes about and starts decorating it. And so he's putting those little, he's putting like little like frosting's putting like a little like frosting, like dollops around it to make it look almost like a wedding cake, but it's just kind of like an igloo. It's like a sad frosting igloo. That's very flat, like a full, like a poorly constructed igloo. It is, it's sad. Um, and that he thinks it's fine. He's like, well,

we're not serving it like this. We're going to serve it like this. And it looks even worse now covered in shit, you know, you can't put lipstick on a pig. And so Cloyce is like, Oh God, this is not how I want to end the meal, but you know, uh, call, call me chef Antoinette and let them eat cake. You know, being like, not being stressed out is a good quality, right? If everything's going stressed and you can just like kind of laugh things off, but not the one when you're the one causing everybody to stress. That's not the time to be laughing shit off you.

This guy's pissing me off now. I liked him at first. It's fine to be even killed, but it's not fine to be cavalier. And so Shdaisy is like, thank you. Yes. Yeah. but it's not fine to be cavalier. And so Daisy is like, thank you, yes. Yeah, Daisy's this angle now, you're on it, you look like a child in the backseat. Like, mom, when are we gonna be there?

So Daisy is like, he tried to take a shortcut, period. He was being lazy, period. He ordered a shitty cake, period. And he microwaved it. It looks like a pile of dog shit and it's horrific. Yeah, so she's trying to plan different ways like maybe we'll play with the data I and then they won't realize that there's a bad cake of our and so they're trying to figure that out And so she goes to get the gas and tells them that the DJ is ready

So they go up and dance with DJ jazzy Jay or whatever and they were like party Elliot So they go up and dance with DJ jazzy J or whatever. And they were like, DJ Elliot and they drink from a giant champagne, but you're like, respect DJ Elliot. Yeah. No relationship to TS Elliot. Just want to point that out. Perhaps related to the kid from ET. Oh, Elliot, Elliot. So, um, it's just like, Oh look, if they want DJ Elliot in the hot tub, I'm all here for it. Because sure enough, they're like, DJ Elliot,

you want to go on the hot tub? He's like, sure. DJ Elliot. Anything you want to let you know, so he whips off the shirt and gets that keg into the hot tub. Did you measure that the cake came out? And by the way, they bring the cake up in slices. So there's not even like a presentation of this cake with a candle in it, which I think is like, I would be pissed if that was my birthday.

I'd be like, I wanna have my moment with the candles where I can feel like queen of the mermaids. And nobody even touches the cake. This truly was a big miss cake. He's lucky he doesn't get murdered. This truly was a big miss cake. He's lucky he doesn't get murdered. For his miss cake. So DJ Elliot is in the hot tub and everyone's like, oh my God, you're the Elliot and remember that time I played that Justin

Bieber song that was cool, right? Yeah, my God. Oh my God. The part when. Oh my God. I played that Justin Bieber song, that was cool, right? Yeah, my god. Oh my god. The power went. Oh, my god. I love that. It's like, baby, baby, baby. Ah, you know what I'm doing, right? So the DJ is hanging out with them and stuff in the hot tub. And then now it's time for bed.

Everyone goes to bed and she's like, oh wow, what a fucking day. I think if we have time to go for a swim or a break, then you've kind of been making a fresh birthday cake like you did that bar and met them up. Do you understand? Do you understand? That's the kind of incompetence I'm dealing with. Well, what would you think if someone did everything you wanted and really wanted to be at their job?

You'd be grateful for that, but Gary's not, which is the predicament I live in. I am that sad, failed, microwaved, unfrosted cake. Let me tell you who's a frosted cake. My sister is a frosted cake right in front on a pie plate, standing in front of the entire department store to ogle at, marvel at and wears me a crushed soggy, soggy cake on a paper plate uneaten by the locals. Not just a soggy cake. A wet, hmm, that's a good word for it. Sprocket. Like, toad the wet sprocket. That's what I am. Sorry, I just got the blues. And yet I'm traveling. I'm

like a blues traveler at the moment. the I was like, where have all the cowboys gone? So um, meanwhile, it's the morning and Daisy's like, let's prep some lemon juice and lime juice and Diana's like, what do you want to use the lime juice for? She's like, margaritas. She's like, oh, I have to see the margarita recipe again. And Daisy's like, haaaargh. And she's like, you know what? Maybe one post-charter, every crew can come up to the bar and request one cocktail and you two can practice them and learn how to make them from the crew. For instance, this way I don't have to teach you how to make a rum and diet Coke, even though it's really in the name entirely.

So like this will be fun. This is a fun way for them to learn and experience bartending. Good luck with that. So then, uh, Gary is trying to get, he's like, am I, I mean, it's just, we need to get the stern line tight. I told you to get it tight and it's not tight. So please make it tight. Please make it tighter. Look at what you're losing of the tension.

Yes, Emma. And Emma's like, Emma's just sitting there like, all right, fine. Show me what you want, but I'm going to finish this Sigi first. And like he's like pulling all right, fine, show me what you want, but I'm gonna finish this Sigi first. And like, he's like, pulling his butt, his whole body's like, you got to pull like this, Emma, pull, pull the rope, pull the line like this. She's like, all right. She's like, mm-hmm, you understand or mm-hmm, you're just saying mm-hmm. She's like, mm-hmm, I'm tired.

I hate my sister. It's like, it's the first thing you learn when you learn working on boats. And she's worked on boats for years. Does she not care? Does she not know? I'm at the end of what is due with Emma. And Emma's just like, beaten down and unappreciated. There's nothing tied more loosely and incorrectly than an uninspired Emma. I sure do miss the days of real estate. Martini and cocktail dresses, am I right?

It was so difficult selling homes in Milwaukee while working upon a boat in Hawaii. I didn't really think that one through, unfortunately. It's another time when I was treated with respect and not really honored for my brilliant forthcoming new ideas. That's a real estate. Great. So now they dock and or they have actually already been docked. And so it's time to say goodbye to the guests. Amy is like, I just want to say thank you guys so much. I could never have imagined having a 60th birthday party without a cake. But you showed me that it can be done.

And I'm unsatisfied. So I'm going to go to a cake. I hear there's a bakery that has functional cakes that are structurally sound. I'm going to go check that out. So thank you so much. Also does anyone have DJ Elliot's number? My daughter is really hot to go check that out. So thank you so much. Also, does anyone have DJ Elliot's number? My daughter is really hot to go for him. So now they're turning over the boat and all that

before tip meeting and Daisy's like, all right, I'm just flagging this Glen. Sit down Glen. He's like, okay. Glen, I'm flagging it now. The chef's the problem. All right, he down, Glenn. He's like, okay. I'm flagging it now. The chef's the problem. All right. He's the problem.

And I like him and I do want him to succeed, but A he's in love with me. He wants me to have his children. I can see it in his eyes. B he served pizza today, just to flirt with me because they were fluffy. And I would have told him, you're not manipulated. Did you notice he was serving pizza? He did serve pizza. Yeah, he'd served non fluffy pitas. All right. I'll give you're not manipulative. Did you notice he was serving pitas? He did serve pitas, yeah. He's served pitas.

Non-fluffy pitas. All right, I'll give you points for that one. And Glenn's like, well, it's not really his place to be out there swimming too, by the way. Yeah, and there's time that, you know, that's his time that he could have been elevating the meal. He could have been making bread for breakfast. He could have been making a 60th birthday cake. He could have been shelling peas. He could have been designing wallpaper to put up in the galley to make it look nicer. Anything really.

Balloon animals, learn something. It's like, well, to be honest, what I've seen from him so far, I think he can do it. When did this turn come? You were just, you were ready to kill him a minute ago. Do I need to hand you a radio for you to have a pair of huevos here? I can't help it. I'm Canadian. I'm just a nice guy. This just washes over me like a red maple leaf in the fall.

Oh, I can only go so long before saying sorry. So Daisy is like, Daisy's like, all right, all right, ya pussy. I'm happy to try to handle it myself. Here's what I'll do, I'll say, Cloyce, get over here. The next thing out of your mouth better be, I'm making pita or I'm going home, all right? I don't wanna hear anything else. We'll try to handle it in a way

that's gonna get what we want, which is for him to take all this on board and make improvements. And by the next charter, if he hasn't improved when you that's when you come in, he's like, Okay, absolutely. I love that Daisy's running the whole boat. Here's what we're gonna do. So Danny goes up to Keith, he says, Keith, I left a present in your bead. And he's like, what is it? Some undies and some pants.

Oh, your undies. Do you want mine? I'll do that. You can say that. Oh my God. Start pleading with me. This is too much militant. So then, so then Glenn is radioing.

Everybody is like, Oh no. So now it's tip meeting. He's like, that crew, I just wanted to say thanks for Flowtopia. That was life changing, wasn't it? People are never going to forget Flowtopia. It's going to be a new thing. We're going to do it every other week now. Below text for year to year for every franchise. I was so excited to see the sloth giving at the DMV, but I realized that was Zootopia so it was exciting to find out that Floatopia was a completely different thing. Daisy, great job once again keeping the guests happy with one eye cocked like Popeye while you were strong arming the cast choking out two of the girls at the same time.

Cloyce, keep in mind professionalism. You're here to give guests five-star meals and not to play on the water toys, okay? By the way, I want to say the under the sea party, that was a lot of fun. Even though it wasn't under the sea and there was really nothing about it that suggested that it was under the sea. I mean, there was a mermaid that was below the actual meal. So it was actually like the meal was above the sea at that point. And there were some blue cocktails, which had nothing to do really with anything. But good job everyone with Under the Sea. Let's measure sea depth next time what do they call that like above sea elevation what do they call that? Let's drown the passengers.

Sorry Daisy's pushing me to be a little bit more impolite so Sorry, Daisy's pushing me to be a little bit more impolite. So it's a good idea, everyone. I think we should look into it. So Glenn is like, you know, yeah, you know, so Cloyce, yeah, you're going to be playing with the water toys. That's something I've never seen a chef do in a situation like that, okay? So I'd like to see you have as much time

as you need in the galley. You know, you could have made better use of your time. Okay, you just got Glenn'd. Look at that. Okay, just want to calm down. I know that was really intense. Yeah, you want to hug? Come on, let's hug. I'm gonna shake your hand while I hug you. It's okay. And of course, it's like that was a bit harsh. But you know, I did fuck up and it's good to be humbled. And it's good to have a little wake up call. Can't wait to party with the next guest. So their tip is $25,000, which that what? That's like 10,000 more than Dr. Contessa, right? Because didn't Dr. Contessa lead 15,000? Oh, that was pathetic. That was like the lowest

tip we've seen. It was so low. Years, dare I say years? And you know, one might have said, well, you know, she's not on TV anymore. So maybe she's got to like mind those purse strings. But one thing that we've learned is Dr. Contessa is coming back to marriage and medicine. So all you guys, the heads out there, why, why would they do that? Because America, you know what, if there's anything we learned about blowdeck sailing and now the new season of marriage and med America wants their Dr. Contessa. They're like, you know what? This isn't boring enough.

You know what I feel? This season has been so entertaining with that Dr. Contessa. What we should do is bring her back. Plus, you know, we really need an anchor to just, we just need something to sink this fucking boat, okay? Why don't you bring back the Dr. Contessa? Boring.

She was only gone for one season too. And she was like, I'm back. I was like, you hardly got enough for you to have the I'm back. So now Daisy's like, the girls need to practice cocktails so they're going to make you all one cocktail each. So see the girls and they'll give you your order and they'll be ready by 6.30.

Cocktail session is on. And and then is like please be nice because we also kind of want to get walking you know we're not spending the whole time behind the bar making you drinks we'd love to go out to never good time right so don't keep us here all day long if I serve you diet coke call it a margarita and I'll probably make out with you later you You're lucky. Right? I know there's a line going around the block waiting for me. But also like, um, you guys were shitty with your cocktails and instead of like, this is your punishment. Like you don't get to be like,

but we want to be at like off time too. And no you don't get your off time because you should have been prepping for your job and you weren't. So guess what? You have to make cocktails for everyone. Sorry, he needs an extension cord. What's going on now? He needs an extension cord, but it's plugged into my car. There's a person on the camera.

I see someone else. Yes, you bastard. How are you doing? Okay. I can only imagine what these people working on Ronnie's house think about him right now. He's in a car over there. Well, these ones are new too. They're just circling. They don't know what I'm doing.

They just hear me yelling and screaming in different voices and they keep looking into the car like what the fuck is going on out there? These Americans are crazy, crazy people. Do you have enough power to get through the rest of the podcast? I've got 64%. Well, there's not much left, which is, which is Yeah, I'm fine. So now it's not now it's now it's evening. And the so Danny and Diana are behind the bar and they're gonna making they're making cocktails for everyone. And Danny is like, Hey, what cocktail would you like? And so people ask someone asked for margarita someone

asked for Bloody Mary and Diana's getting frustrated because in her mind she's like I am off why do I have to work right now so she goes I'm just going to do yours and then I don't care I don't think this idea was great I don't like this not the best not the worst I just don't you know I don't care here you go here's a drink and have enjoy it it's just lighter fluids. Okay. Enjoy. I'm going to go. I'm not doing this anymore. I do love you all, but no, no, not to make cocktails. Girl, these are the easiest cocktails. And honestly, I think that if you were a good stew, this would be like a breeze to do this.

And it actually might even be kind of fun. I don't know, but either way, like if you don't want to do it, then do the work ahead of time. Learn how to do your job. You know what I mean? Yeah. Learn. Yeah. Learn your learning or drinks.

And she's like, but I deserve rats too. Okay. But they're not making you work at 10, 10 hours shift at the pigly wiggly. You know what I mean? You're making six miles through a couple of drinks. What the hell? Yeah, exactly. Of course, you know, the second we're done, I'm like, boom. I mean, if anybody texts us, I know seconds after we're done, we're like, I can wait. All right, we're very, very one hour silence dome of like, no one's talking to me.

We literally sit here and laugh for two hours straight. And we're like, we're done. That was exhausting. I am done. I'm sitting on my sofa right now and I'm going to read articles about the board games. Oh, I can't sit on my sofa cause fucking joy bird is still failing at it. Thanks a lot. Joy bird, you know, joy bird sex, you're trash. Okay, go ahead. Please do the joy bird rant. I've been wanting you. I want you to do the joy bird rant. No, I'll give it, I'll give it a day. We should, we should get through this.

Okay. You're on my shit list. Joy bird. No, I'll give it. I'll give it a day. We should. We should get through this. Okay. Joybird you're on my shit list. Joybird no one by T L D R couch, but they're a rip off and they're going to try and steal all your money after not delivering your shit. So yeah, Joybird is a fraud. Do not boo. Okay. Joybird. So that bird, that's what you're called. Joyless bird. You are a joy bird. How about sad reptile? Okay. Um, because you're not a bird and you're not joyful. Okay. So, um, let's see. So now, I don't know why she can't just have a good attitude about it. I'm on which is having fun, make some drinks. I mean, it's not like someone's criticizing a tablescape. Oh God, someone's criticizing my table. I can not be tacky.

It's my work. I can't be tacky. She's working about our tacky tablescape and then she's wearing that Robin's Egg, like, blue thing on her top. I'm like, you know what? Like, we need to change our priorities. So Daisy is... Sassy Ben has arrived everyone. So Daisy is, she's like, Danny, can I have a classic margarita on the rocks? New sauce please. So Danny gives it to her like in like a martini glass.

She's like, babe, just so you know, if it's on the rocks, it needs to be in a tumbler. This would be a martini with no ice. You shouldn't be serving a margarita in a martini with no ice. You shouldn't be serving a margarita in a martini glass in the first place by the way. What the fuck is wrong with you? You're complaining to me about tacky table escapes and you can't even use the right glassware. Second time in an episode. That's funny by the way. No it's a fucking martini. You're fired. Is there anybody who

knows how to do anything on these boats anymore? I'm terrified to go on these boats. I never gonna go on. They purposely hire people who don't know what they're doing. Who doesn't know what all the rocks means? That's not even a bartender thing. No, on the rocks also known as how Gary drives a tender. So Danny is like, it's also a bunch of ladies before they died and became ghosts on a spooky island. So Danny's like, where the fuck's Diana? I thought we were doing this together.

Now I have to fucking stand here doing everything my own, you know? And so she's upstairs sulking and complaining. And Daisy goes up there and she's like, Diana, you left Diana to do them all on your own. You're doing them all next time. And she goes, I've done one. Why do I have to work? That's the thing. Like she's like, Diana, you left Diana to do the model on your own. You're doing the model next time. And she goes, I've done one. Why do I have to work? That's the thing, like she's not working. Like why do I have to fucking work, man?

And Karrot's like, where are you going? Where are you going? Don't go there. Do not go where you're going now. You go there later and not now. You're going to the wrong place. And she's like, well, oh, oh Danny's like are you coming? She's abandoned being I'm just like doing this all by myself here

I mean, it's very difficult some people want ice in their drinks. Some people don't they're calling ice rocks It's disgusting mayhem up here complete fucking mayhem I've got about 30 people trying to get in my pants right now. Am I right anyone? So, yeah, Diana is like, she was like, she's like, I don't know why Danny told Daisy that she needed help when she knew where I was. Like, if you don't like something, talk to me. I'm like, no, you don't get to be the victim here. You walked off from your assignment and then Daisy was like, where's Danny? And Danny's like, Diana left. That's on you, Diana. You abdicated your role there and now you're upset that something,

like you didn't, you didn't, honestly, I don't even think that, that Danny really threw her under the bus that much. And honestly, Danny deserved to throw her under the bus because she left Danny to do all the work. So now she's like, I don't want to work. So I'm going to make Danny do all the work. That's not fair.

Diana, you deserve the bus. So then she complains right to Danny. That's not fair Diana You the other bus So then she complains right to Danny She's like well then Daisy pace through and she said that you said it all was working and she's like but it's true though Moody bitch. She's like I'm not in the mood So then Emma's like should I go check on Diana? Seems like the only person is crying more than me on the inside right now on Diana seems like the only person who's crying more than me on the inside right now. It'd be quite lovely. Can we ask Diana and Danny to see how they do tying some ropes so I'm not the only failure in the world? Oh, by the way, everybody, I heard from my sister,

she sent me a text message. She's got the biggest benches with real estate signs all over town right now. I'm extremely proud of her. signs all over town right now. I'm extremely proud of her. She's doing so many wonderful things. So Daisy's like, can I just throw myself overboard? These girls are so sensitive every time I ask them to do anything. And I was like, I'm sorry, I think it's fucking bullshit. I just tell her to grow the fuck up.

I hate these fucking sensitive bitches also. Cut to the end of the episode. Am I crying? I just don't want to be here. So then Daisy checks on Diana and Diana's like, I'm mad. It's like, why are you mad? Well, it's just because they're like, you left her without doing anything. She goes, oh my God, it was meant to be a stupid thing for you guys to make cocktails so you can practice. She's like, well, but we're off. And she's like, yeah, but I know what it was supposed to be so you guys can practice. You're two girls. You're getting two in your head.

Right. This is Yachting. Don't use your head. Also, Diana is, I'm sorry, this is not working for me. You sit here and you say you want to get experience with service because you don't have a lot of experience with service. And when you do do service, you're not doing it right. So Daisy gives you a chance to improve yourself so that way you can be on service more. But instead you're like, but I'm off. I don't want to apply myself in this situation. So why would Daisy ever feel motivated to put you on service when you're showing

that you will not do the bare minimum it takes to learn and grow and be better at that position? Yeah, exactly. Hello. will not do the bare minimum it takes to learn and grow and be better at that position. All these waiters are flirting with me. And so Danny is like, I never wanted to cut my hair so badly into this moment. It's so long. If I cut all my hair off, my head would be naked. Would you like to see me naked? Keith stop flirting.

So then Keith is like, I don't think it's that long. Stop, stop, you're so coy. It's so fucking long. God, nothing I do impresses you. Maybe on our old age home together when we're old and wrinkly and naked and having sex stop flirting. What is she trying to do? She's like, I'm going to cut my hair. How did that not impress you? She's such a weirdo. And then the bill comes and look who's happy today. The kid takes it.

He's like, I already got it everybody. Weren't you just crying last week? I mean, I guess this is growth. He fucked up. So now we just gotta like compensate. So Emma, meanwhile they're, they're like, um, I think this is when they're in the, in the, um, in the bands. And Emma's talking to Diana and Emma's like, so Diana, your reaction to Gary, do you fancy him or what do you think? She's like, no, but there's nothing to be ashamed of. He's not my type. So he is your type. No, I really

don't like him. So you like him. Oh, this reminds me of when I was working in the fancy world of real estate. There was so much sex and romance happening. What an extravagant lifestyle that I left and became the crazy aunt of my daughter's children. It's like I can tell you want to stick if you want to stick it's fine. Just go get his stick already. You don't have to have him you can just have your dick. She's like what I don't just well apparently I'm the only one fuckable one here. I was like oh okay so none of this even have to do with the onion. You're just saying you see chemistry with somebody and everybody else on the boat, except you're the only one without chemistry.

So why don't you just start complaining about how nobody likes you instead of dragging everybody else into it? Because now you've made it weird with everybody else. You fucking weirdo. Don't forget on the first episode, the first night when they played Mary Fuck Kill, everyone killed Emma.

And no one wanted a fucker, theoretically. So that's still like hanging in there. Like, apparently I'm the one no one wants to fuck her theoretically so that's still like hanging in there like apparently I guess so I'm the one that everyone wants to kill and not fuck you don't even want to you don't even want to fuck my dead body I wish one of you be at least a little sick in the head so they get out of it was pretty bad they get out of the van and they're like oh my god this crazy old lady so Danny is like I take an eye you crazy old lady. So Danny is like, what, I can argue with her. This crazy old lady. Dan was like, I'm good.

And she was like, are you sure? I'm so sorry. She's like, no, it's fine, nothing happened. So Daisy's like, what's happened? I heard the word happens, what happened? Something happened? You start telling me, tell Auntie Daisy, she'll fix everything.

So then Danny- She just got fucking attacked, she did. I mean, it was just drilling her and I'm not, she, she did not get attacked. She did not get attacked. And then he's like, uh, and Daisy's like, Emma's a big energy. That's why. And Danny's like, yeah, but it's pretty hectic though. Daisy, it was aggressive. Very, very aggressive. The only aggressive one here is you ma'am. Okay. It was annoying but not aggressive. And Daisy was, and Diana was fine.

She was like, oh, stupid lady. So now Daisy goes up to Emma, and Daisy is like, what the fuck did you say to the girls on the taxi? And Emma's like, what? I didn't say anything. Why would anyone even care what I have to say? Because apparently no one even wants to fuck me, so I even listened to the words coming out of my mouth.

Emma, they're petrified. What did you say to them? Look at them. They're shivering in their corner. They're terrified of you. They said the old scary, terrifying, ugly lady that no one wants to have sex with is trying to put us in an oven and eat us. She's like, how could they? This is so hurtful. What? How is this? What extraordinary, terrible things they say. Yes, they said that crazy old witch with the sister who seems much more stable was coming at us. Well, she got defensive.

I'm like, I'm not calling you out. I'm just curious. And they're coming to call you. I'm scared of Emma. I'm scared of Emma. Well, they want to get all petulant about it, then fine. I would just not relay any more information. So you know what information were you relaying?

I know weirdo. So she says, Oh, and starts to cry. Being bad, she starts crying. So then Diana checks on her and she's like, I'm fine. Because but that wasn't convincing at all. And she goes, Yeah, well, I'm fine. I just didn't realize I've set you to so much.

Now you're petrified of me. Are you? But honestly, I'm just over this fucking game. I'm going to tell you the same thing I told the realtors and the circus, the circus owners of America. I'm over this game. I'm better than this. And if you want to hire my sister to swing from a trapeze while she's selling condos in Tahiti, fine by me. I'll be milking cows in the back for my new career. Cow milking, fuck all of you. And that's how it ended.

Will Emma ever rebound from this moment? Will Diana and Emma bury the hatchet? Who knows? Will Keith, the big uncooked log of cookie dough, ever get cooked. Let's find out, guys. This season, I'll blow deck sailing out. Thank you, everyone, for being here. What a fun episode, Ronnie.

Good luck with your extension cord. And thanks for your patience, Ben. Thanks, everybody, for your patience. I enjoyed it quite a bit in the home stretch here. Quite a bit. Don't forget to sign up for Patreon. And we'll catch you on the next episode everyone. Bye!

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