Watch What Crappens - #261: You Can't Stop The Beat

Episode Date: January 27, 2016

This episode is all about food! We talk about kitchen mind games on "Recipe for Deception," a beat-less brunch on "Real Housewives of Atlanta," crappy fish on "Top Chef," and a petty lunch on "Real Housewives of Potomac." 00:00:00 - Intro 00:07:16 - Crappens Mailbag 00:16:19 - Recipe for Deception 00:33:12 - Real Housewives of Atlanta 01:21:46 - Top Chef 01:41:39 - Real Housewives of Potomac Support us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens? What happens? What happens?

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all the crap we watch on Bravo. And we'd love to talk about afterwards. We are here. I am Ben Mandelker from b-side blog.com and the banter blender podcast and joining me is just the lovely and hilarious and supremely talented ronnie carom from trash talk tv.com that's the nicest intro of all time oh no it's not nearly as no one else introduces me like that i will i will always introduce you like that. Next time we go out to the bars, I'm going to stand at the door before you walk in and make everyone – I'm going to announce the entire bar. I'll be like, everyone, please welcome the kindest and funniest and most supremely talented man that I know, Mr. Ronnie Carroll.

Oh, Lord. If anybody knows how to ignore a bullshit intro, it's people in a gay bar. They're like, and now it's missably or whatever and she's like lip syncing this terrible song um so this is exciting because it is like 7 p.m guys we are recording many hours later than normal and it is nighttime and you guys all know what happens when we record at night we get crazy yo i'm pretty crazy i've been getting up really early in the morning so this is like late night for me yeah i've been actually sleeping in a lot i've been you know what happens with my casper mattress is that i tend to go in for like three weeks in a row i just

sleep and sleep and sleep it like, it's so comfortable. And then I have like a week where I'm waking up at seven in the morning. It's strange. My body's like, Oh wait, you've been sleeping way too much. Let's just wake up early this week. Oh,

that doesn't happen with my Casper mattress. Cause I don't have one. I do however have Ambien. Unfortunately right now I'm out. So I wake up like blink, blink, blink. It's the Casper mattress of pills.

So it's a nighttime podcast for us, which means we're going to be extra crazy. Not by design. It's just the way we are. We're like werewolves. But like early evening werewolves. Design on a dime bag. Yeah. No, just kidding.

No Coke was done. Okay, people. So time for a little bit of housekeeping. Okay. Hi. Okay. First of all, be sure to follow us on facebook facebook.com forward slash watch what crap ends we have a super active facebook page there if you are interested in any form or facet of bravo gossip go to our facebook page like it because that's where it all is everyone it's like everyone just sort of like deposits gossip there at all hours of the day literally yes fantastic there's um a video from

Bravo of Jack's dancing in a speedo yeah so you know and the thing is when we do our Bravo gossip if we if we get around to it we don't even have to do any Google search and we just go there so that's super cool thanks everyone who likes us there us there. It really helps us a lot in terms of our egos. And then also our social media is at WatchWhatCrapHands.com. And be sure to follow us on Twitter, by the way, because our Twitter numbers, we want to get them higher. So that way people take us seriously. Damn it. We are real.

We want to be taken serious. Like five-ish Finkel at a small town court. Five-ish Finkel at a small town court. I'm just pick it fences. Hashtag. Never forget. Picket fence is one of the greatest casting duos of five ish Finkel and Don Cheadle working together with Kathy Baker and Tom Skerritt.

I mean, and Holly Marie Combs. What an amazing show. And Costas Mandalore and Lauren Holly. Really the perfect show wow you gave lauren holly too no i said i thought i said i said lauren marie come holly marie combs oh yeah no lauren holly holly marie combs aren't they the same they're the same person in my mind i'll google them later no they're totally different obvi um you're obviously not a hall head which is a

reference to holly marie combs not lauren holly god help us all um uh and of course it would not be a podcast if we did not plug our Patreon page. It's really, really helpful to us when you guys all support us. For instance, today, my rent went up $500. Fuckin' L.A. Jesus. For real, my rent went up $500. Oh, that is disgusting, okay? Oh, that is disgusting, okay?

And on the other side of town, two blocks away, I am gutting out my entire apartment because it's rent-controlled and I'm never moving. I'm going to be doing this podcast from this apartment even after Bravo is off the air. Yeah. So, you know, as part – I'm not going to get into it too much, but there's this whole thing where, like, I'm going to have to, like – if I decide to stay here, I have to move out for a month when they renovate while they renovate the apartment and then move back in and so when i move out for a month i don't know how what my bravo access will be it's just a disaster everyone's just some bullshit if there are some apartment people in la who know a good cheap rent control place for ben please do come email us facebook us tweet us something help us out here people i'll be there

i'll be there with my bindle soon enough and my am i like flour in my breast pocket that squirts water oh my god but um uh but but for real though like forget that forget the charity aspect honestly like patreon it really is very it's been great for our podcast. And if you support us, you get access to all sorts of cool things that enhance the Watcher Cravens experience. Chief among them is our bonus episode. We do that every single week. We just recorded a crazy one where we talked about emojis and making a murderer and things trending on facebook and we had a blast so if you want to get another hour of us just like talking about random shit go to

that was really fun that was way too much fun for being about effing emojis okay we talked about emojis a long time like we we went our favorites, our least favorites. We talked about the new ones that are coming out. We went in on emojis. There's that. Of course, you get access. There's a monthly hangout, which we did last week. Also, if you

support at a certain level, you get access to the Krappen's mailbag, which means you get to submit questions to that. Oh, my God. I'm so excited. Let's do it. Speaking of which, Krappen's Mailbag. Let me just get over to the theme music.

There it is. Krappen's Mailbag. Happens now, bag. Did we give a shout out to our super sponsor, Marvin J. And our other premium sponsor, Christy Dougherty. Christy Dougherty. Yay. We love you guys.

Marvin J. and Christy Dougherty. Holler baller. Yeah. I'm getting that kitchen and making room for a sectional, y'all. Yeah. So, let's see. First question from Lola Del Rio. She's always good for a question or two.

Love me some Lola. If you had a private jet, what sad, sick animal would you pick up for Lisa Vanderpump? A pygmy hippo with cataracts or a chimpanzee with a sex addiction? Those are the only two. I would do the chimpanzee with a sex addiction because her sex jokes would instantly become, A, more relevant, and B, way scarier. And you thought they were scary with Ken Vanderpump in the house.

Girl! Well, actually, Catherine actually responded to the question. She said, the sick animal that she would pick up for Lisa Vanderpump, Jax from a Hawaiian jail cell. And then she follows up and she goes, basically, to clarify the chimp with a sex addiction. Catherine, you had like a twofer on that one. I personally would pick up a pygmy hippo with cataracts just to see it running into a wall a lot. You know, because you know that Lisa would make a drama about it. I would love to come to the party tonight.

But, you know, it's just that Mr. Fizzlebottom just keeps running into the wall and we're very concerned about his eyesight. Now we've got one little hole in the wall from where Ken bumps his head, and a bigger hole from where the pygmy hippo bumps his head. Oh, darling, I just need little rubber door stoppers on both of my children, darling. Every time the pygmy hippo runs into the wall, Hanky gets upset and he poops in the pond a little bit. It's just absolutely terrible. All the algae. The pygmy hippo stepped on my toe today. I've done so much for that pygmy hippo. Jackie Flavin.

She actually asked this last week, but we never got around to it. Wow. Way to hug Jackie Flavin. Hey, there's your ignore hug. Hope you enjoy it, Jackie. There you go, Jackie. She says, love, love, love love love you guys thanks jackie uh i've been listening for a year and i even went back and listened to earlier episodes you got me through maternity leave smiley face oh thanks you got me through maternity leave

too jackie um mailbag question she says please give us a minute or two of smells like for kim richard's purse or captain lee's quarters uh on the honor of erica jane stage onesie or anything else you feel inspired to describe she basically wants us to play the game of smells like okay um i say we just go with the first one kim richard's purse okay kim richard's purse smells like? Smells like unpaid parking tickets that have had Fanta spilled on them and then got mold on them over the years. I think Kim Richards Purse smells like old crackle bars that have melted and cheap linen. I think Kim Richards Purse smells like those old Benson & Hedges. I think Kim Richards' purse smells like those old Benson & Hedges, like, really, like, before Capri's came out. Benson & Hedges had these really brown, long cigarette menthol things.

And they would, like, crunch up really easily because they were basically made out of dry sand. And then, like, mixed with that, like, old lady lipstick-y smell. Lipsticky smell. I feel like her purse smells like a forgotten, empty Apple and Eve juice box container and cream of tartar. I think her purse smells like metallic, you know, like blood because of all the crack pipe she's broken in there. She just like stabbed herself trying to find a nickel. broken in there she just like stabbed herself trying to find a nickel i think her purse smells like turtle and turtle as in like a reptile turtle and turtle from entourage i think her purse smells like an old like lavender candle that she stole out of Kyle's bathroom like 12 years ago. I feel like her purse smells

like the cereal aisle in a Super Target mixed with some hoisin sauce. I think her purse smells a little bit like the La Brea Tar Pits. And like, you know how when you go into the Kmart, I don't know if every kmart is like this

but ours is there's a kmart smell on that third street kmart beverly kmart yeah it just smells like i don't know if it's a butt i don't know if it's like old lady butt gum or pee i don't it's all of those three things mixed together and the La Brea Tar Pits. I feel like Kim Richards' purse smells like, you know when you open up a new printer cartridge for the first time and take it out of the bag? And there's like a waft of chemically smell, but then it's gone? I think that's what it smells like. With a dash of cinnamon. I recently repotted a couple of trees in my house and when i emptied out the tree pots there was like this old musty

water smell from the bottom of the tree that i guess either didn't smell at the top or i've just never noticed it before, but I almost fainted, and I think that's what Kim Richards' first smell is like. And Orbitz. Last night, I actually made a pork tenderloin, and I seared it in a skillet and put it in the oven and then cooked it up and everything.

And then I served it up and I had it. It was really good. And then today I went about my day and I came home and I forgot that I had never cleaned the skillet. That's what her purse smells like. I think Kim Richards' purse doesn't even smell because you know bitch forgot it. You know she can't find it. Like she left it somewhere.

It's like in some hotel bathroom somewhere. Well, let's face it also her purse is basically like a newspaper that she found that's like split like folded in half with like a fish inside it's like old people magazine covers like duct tape together yeah it's just like a real estate listing it's like the penny saver penny saver with with a box of tic tacs on the inside that she's holding she's like let me look at my purse and she's like the penny saver with a box of Tic Tacs on the inside that she's holding. She's like, let me look at my purse, and she opens up the penny saver. Tic Tacs fall out.

I'm going to go through my change purse. It's like a little Tic Tac thing. Can't fit a quarter in here. Oh, that was fun. I missed that game. I know. And then, I guess we'll leave the other ones for Thursday.

We've got a lot to discuss today. Holy crap. Oh, and also, just so you guys know, we're moving Vanderpump Rules to Thursday because there is just too much in life right now. Yeah, because Cheshire's over. So Pump is now reunited with Beverly Hills on Thursday along with Newlywed. At least until February when Melbourne returns. And then we'll probably be back. So much to do.

It's going to be crazy. You know, February is only in five days, just so you know. I know, but I don't think Melbourne starts. It's like TV February. You know how they're like, it's coming in February. And then it's like the last crack of ass on February. It's like the 28th at midnight. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited. Is this a February with 28 days, Ben? Tell me. You know, you're smart. Actually, I think it's a leap year. It is 2016. I am going to leap for joy. So what does that mean?

It's 28 days or 30 days? 29 days. 29 days. You've leaped too far ahead. I don't know why we're talking about leap year. But anyway, Vanderpump Rules. Speaking of not understanding calendars, Vanderpump Rules will be on Thursday. Yes.

So that was the Krappen's Mailbag, everyone. Thanks, as usual. And if you would like to... Just wait until the brontosaurus gets out of the way. Just wait until the brontosaurus gets out of the way. If you would like to have your question read on the air for part of the Krappen's mailbag portion, just donate on Patreon, and then when we post about the mailbag on our Facebook page,

or you can just check in on Patreon, you just go and you leave a question in the comments section. Some people are leaving the questions on Facebook, or they're messaging us. We really are only going to do the questions a question in the comments section. Some people are leaving the questions on Facebook or they're messaging us. We really are only going to do the questions that are on the Patreon post. Yeah, the comments on the Patreon. Okay, cool. So what do you want to do first?

Do you want to talk about one of the shows or do you want to do our minis, the Top Chef and the Recipe for Deception? A recipe for deceiving chopped into thinking that we didn't just steal their fucking show why don't we do um oddly enough let's do recipe for deception and then why don't we do um top chef in between atlanta and potomac okay what do you think you start first this is the first episode for those of you who have not seen it it is a chopped ripoff so here's yeah here's the way it works okay let's just describe what it is first. This is fucking crazy, this show. So this is a show

where two chefs are going to go head to head and they're going to cook a dish with a secret ingredient, but they don't know what the secret ingredient is. However, the other chef knows what their secret ingredient is. So what they do, they have to ask a question of the other chef, their opponent, and they have to ask three questions and their opponent responds with

two truths and one lie. And based on that, the original chef has to discern which was the lie and which were the two truths. And based on that, they have to decide, narrow it down, what's the secret ingredient. And then along the way, like 20 minutes in, there's like secret ingredient and then along the way like 20 minutes in there's like another question and situation and they can or they can find out something else and they they get to like to get even closer and then five minutes before the meal is ready they find out what their secret ingredient is and if they've been smart if they've like sussed out their secret ingredient beforehand they would have already been cooking with it and everything would be great but if they have not they could wind up like this one lady who wound up putting

a big scallop on top of her crab cake so um it's a really convoluted low concept idea so stupid it is so stupid it is so beneath they have a section where they have to are you good at lying can your can your opponent tell you by the way that announcer voice was like 5,000 times better than anything this host ever did on this show. But he's like, guys, now we will see who is the biggest liar. You tell me three lies, and then he will guess which lie is true. It's such a stupid twist. The guy's like, I'm Asian. I like hippos.

And I'm allergic to garlic. And they're like, well, he's Asian. But am I being tricked? Okay, you don't like garlic. And he's like, yeah, sucker. I got you. I tricked you. I'm deceptive.

And by the way, no one, absolutely no one got, I don't think anyone fell for the wrong lie. There's one guy who messed up like one question but it was it just was like this it was it's just cooking have to do with lying what are you gonna go work for monsanto and like try and make us think that you know like cardboard with sugar in it as a cookie get the fuck out of here i don't care if you can buy cook something nothing like there was nothing inherently like nothing inherently made sense about the premise of the show like at least with with like what's it called the kitchen the sabotage kitchen what's it called you know the one with alan brown that this is like based off of the cutthroat cutthroat kitchen at least that makes sense and that you're going head to head but you can handicap your opponent

by giving them a crazy obstacle that like makes sense you're making a steak but you have to make it with a big lighter it's gotcha sucker i mean yeah so they're cooking something this show i don't even know what the fuck they're doing this one is just like this weird like strange mind game that does not it just does not mesh well it does not at this you know it's funny a show about cooking where you're talking about flavors working together harmoniously this is really like putting chocolate and smoked salmon together if you may we may talk in terms of ingredients it's just it's the concept makes no sense so much stuff from chopped and it's funny because chopped is a pretty simple show you know they give you a crazy thing to work with and

you have to cook with it in a short amount of time but they steal everything from chop but in such a terrible way and when this started i was like oh great it's another no personality fucking host what is it with these cooking shows only getting hosts with zero personality i mean because he writes the recaps of top chef for eater he's terrible he's terrible he has zero personality he's like this little fucking blogger guy and he's like welcome to recipe for deception i was like you're this bored it's the pilot dude lighten up take a walk around the block have some vegetables jesus christ macy motherfucker and then even worse is that um so it's for the first 20 minutes you see two two guys going head to head then the second 20 minutes you see two more people going head to head and then for the third it's, for the first 20 minutes, you see two guys going head-to-head. Then the second 20 minutes, you see two more people going head-to-head. And then for the third, it's like, it's like the final heat.

So the winner of the first and the winner of the second go head-to-head, okay? So they're going head-to-head, and they have, it's like slightly trickier. And now they only get two minutes to work with the secret ingredient. But, like, the people that they defeated get to find out, get to ask a question about the secret ingredient but like the the people that they defeated get to find out get to ask a question about the secret ingredient and they will like learn something important so then they the people who've already been defeated then go and approach the the people who are cooking the ones who have defeated them and are like hey i know something about this secret ingredient, and I'll let you know what it is if you cut me in, like, 60-40 on the final whatever. So there's this, like, random stupid negotiation that happens.

And then on top of that, what I hate is when the chef finally does win, he has to give away half of his winnings to some guy who makes salsa. You know, it's like, to me, it's like it undercuts the winner. Yeah, whatever percentage that they're willing to pay for that which was high both people one was like 50 50 and one was like 60 40 it was just it was for garlic one of them gave like 40 of his winnings away to find out that it was garlic i mean that is just sad use garlic in almost everything it was just it's such a it was it's such a convoluted premise and execution and it just

it's what you said before. The lack of personality. And you know, the thing is that, oddly enough, it's very watchable. You know, it's not boring. You know, you're watching it and like, you know, you sort of, you do want to know what happens just in the way that you do anytime you get sucked into any of those stupid shows, you know.

But it lacks. Not me. I mean, that's like when I'm suicidal and sitting around and watching Food Network 20 hours a day. That's why I've seen so much of Chopped. But I'm not going to just do this on purpose. This is terrible. Never. I would never tune into the show ever.

But I do love certain things because they also steal other things from Chopped, like the celebrity judges who are just 80 percent of them are just arrogant fucking assholes like just awful they just sit there and they're so they say the most arrogant stupid things just so they can say something like one of them said okay they have five minutes to incorporate their secret ingredient five minutes okay so how are you going to build a dish around something if you have five effing minutes? And I knew it was coming right from the beginning when I could see that they're just like a bad chopped. He goes, he said, you didn't really incorporate the avocado very well into your dish. Yeah, because he had five fucking minutes, dude. I was chopping vegetables while I watched this.

I had like my iPad up in the kitchen watching this shit. And it took me through this and half of Top Chef just to chop the vegetables. Yeah, exactly. I love Jonathan Waxman. I love Jonathan Waxman. He was on Top Chef Masters. I love him. He's so arrogant.

It makes me crazy. I love him. He's so arrogant. It makes me crazy. I love him. But that being said, the one thing that I thought was interesting is that the judges don't know what the secret ingredient is, which I like because when they talk about if there's supposed to be a special

ingredient that's highlighted, if the judges can't pick up on it, I enjoyed it. But that's such a small thing. The whole show is just like, it's one of those things where I can see that I'll, in the near future, I'll be on a flight. I'll be on JetBlue,

and it's going to be the only thing on. I'm going to sit there and watch it. I don't think this show can be on for very long. I mean, it's just embarrassing. And it's very below the Bravo brand. I'm sorry. There's nothing, like Bravo, their food shows,

they've only really been able to get traction with top chef right but their whole brand is high end everyone on top chef works in like high-end restaurants the judges are are truly top top chefs michelin star yada yada yada this is like market, this show. They try to make it seem up market by having Jonathan Waxman and these chefs are good chefs and they work. But it just lacked personality. The thing with those celebrity chefs is they're on a circuit.

They all have agents now. All these chefs have agents. And so they're on every cooking show. And you watch a lot of them too. It's the same chefs on every single show whether it's uh this one or um chopped or what's the other one that they have on there where um i'm trying to think iron chef obviously but that's a good iron chef is good um but the like not hotel nightmares but it's one of amber l's 30 shows yeah that she has where they have all

these and they just go from place to place from show to show to show you know what fucking cook something and i think it's bad timing for this show because something like the great british british whatever cooking on a dog park lawn under a tent or whatever people are fascinated with that on the old people should have done people i agree i think this is a major misstep uh by bravo tonally not a major one that probably cost like five dollars to do this one but tonally it's very behind the curve i mean the market is saturated it's not only on food network it's like on travel channel it's on esquire like we've seen they're gonna do it they they need to take what's popular from that great British whatever show. Exactly. They need to see.

Because what's good about it is that it's not all this flashy bullshit. It's people baking. That's it. I do not need to see your ass trying to be all flashy and arrogant. You're a chef. Cook something good and teach me how to do it. I don't care about your fucking personality. I don't care about your stupid backstory about your dad being mean to you or whatever the hell's going on with you i don't care can you cook

the great british baking show which we've talked about on our um our bonus episode before what's so great is that the show really is about just like normal people uh baking with they are given like some legit challenges but the challenges are not like you have to bake this with a chainsaw. It's like, okay, here is the sort of cake that we want. And then they'll tell you this is a challenging cake because this is what could go wrong and this is what can go wrong. And this is what could go wrong if you're not precise, if your timing is wrong. They'll tell us. And so really what it comes down to is has their judgment been correct did they do that like did they did their mastery

of baking serve them properly and as you sit there and you watch them staring at this at the oven and being concerned about like well i proofed it in the fridge instead of in the open air it's like riveting and because it's it comes down to technique and bravo has has totally missed the mark with this show this is just all gone so crazy they're like watching a effing circus even the food network i can't even watch that network anymore it's just ridiculous i mean off the rails i was just watching the other day i was watching worst worst cooks in america which i used to like a lot because it's funny but now it's like it's terrible but then i saw a commercial where it was like – I think it was Anne Burrell and someone else.

But they were talking about how like we're going to – we found the best home cooks in the country and we're going to guide them. And we're going to transform this home cook into like – I'm like – they're just all carbon copies of each other. All they do is take home cooks and do this or make professional cooks, like, you know, do things on trapezes. Love me some Amber Elle, though, because that bitch don't give a shizniz. Okay, she shows up in, like, lesbian made knee socks up to her knees. Like, those hoes, they're made out of pantyhose. Like, that's her personality. She's like, I'm going to get 30 different kind of, like, made hoes that go up to my knees and i'll just wear different colors

of those and then like her stupid guy fieri hair that you know stinks like kim richards purse you know it does and then she just has a scowl on her face and especially on that worst cooks and whatever they are really bad and on that show they have to be the worst to get on the show so they're like here's my bacteria infested lasagna that i made with dog food and cream and she wants to kill herself but that girl is paying her mortgage move out of new york amber l you could afford afford a farm someplace and we're working too hard and burrell has what i call condescending camp counselor voice where she where she tells people she's like okay so we're gonna do this and what do we do with this we treat it kindly it's like she's always like telling

everyone to get in line to go into the cafeteria you know everything is like okay kids it's time to have lunch so what do we do we get in a line there we go they're barely functioning like the people that they have on that show are barely functioning I swear to god I see them outside of my Whole Foods begging for change it's like the same people they're like walking funny they don't know how to talk properly they don't know how to use a like even hold a knife I mean they're morons

you know and Amber L is that lady who's nice until she's not nice like her own cooking show her secrets of a kitchen chef or whatever uh love that show that was my first experience i was just gonna i was just gonna say if i may interrupt for a second the biggest crime is that anne burrell is a really good chef and her show was really good and had really good recipes that were taught really well and taught me how to make gnocchi and i make it

fucking beautifully every time and i tried it a million times before she just showed me the secret thank you ann burrell and now she's just relegated to doing these like circus acts you know yeah i think they're like someone who signs up for the beginning of a season of law and order i don't know if you ever watch those repeats but they're on all the time and uh they'll just use the same actors in every episode playing different parts but i don't even know that they get paid more money i think they're like okay here's five dollars and we can use you whenever we want the entire season i think amber like it's a hundred grand and then has to do whatever they

say and they're like okay you're on 12 shows this year yeah pretty much you know she just wants to kill herself she's gonna anger herself with maid socks well they probably are like well listen here's the deal unless you're doing a cooking show about uh food from the south or food from the heartland then there's no room for you here unless you want to host yet another ridiculous competition so it's your choice and burrell And you know it's those two fuckers from that Food Network star. I love them. What are their names? That little Kermit the Frog old queen and that bitchy lady who either wants to fuck you or slit your throat. That woman's awful.

I love her. I love Susie Fogelson. She's made so many horrible people famous. Shame on you, woman. So Anne Burrell, you know, in her show that was Restaurant Chef or whatever, she's so nice, and she's like, I love you, Noki. Okay, have fun in the oven, my little bumpy dumpies.

Call me. Like, she talks to the food, and she's so nice. And then I saw her on other shows, and she's like, God damn it! Like, losing it. You know, about to freak out. Oh, yeah. You know she's crazy under that. But anyway, this is a long way to say that Recipe Deception is a muddled concept. It has a mediocre, like, cheap execution.

It is below the Bravo brand. That's below Food Network, okay? When you're ripping off Food Network shows on Bravo, that is some sad shit. Get your act together over there, people. Yeah, Bravo, there's got to be – I know that Bravo has been trying to break into the food space beyond Top Chef for a while. But there's just got to – I think Bravo has to really look at some other formats in different countries because just following following food network is not good brought for one thing as much as we should pitch how do you even pitch this i mean it's it's chefs okay let's get really poor desperate people with terrible backstories and then they'll play a word

game first and try and guess each other's lies and then who said that that's a good idea I mean it takes a lot of effort to get a show made how the hell did this happen yeah I this is it's a disappointment so anyway that's that yeah clear that show I'm done with that shit everybody should be done

with it get rid of it clear it clear it clear it clear it so now let's move on to do you want to do Atlanta or Potomac first? I'm good for whichever you'd like. I've got both my notes open. I guess, why don't we do Atlanta? Why not? Atlanta.

Atlanta. So we always talk about how Atlanta is so up and down. And I think I always like it a little bit more than you just because, I mean, this show cracks me up. But it is so uneven. And this season has gone up and down, up and down. I thought this episode was so good. I loved it.

What did you think? I thought the first half of it was pretty dull. I thought I was actually like – I like did not have a lot of notes. And then, you know, when they got to the brunch, it started to get better. But I think overall it was, you know i i thought it was a little average but i i really was laughing and i don't um i don't need there to be drama or anything on these shows personally i just uh like when i like the people i like candy but i hate todd so much he's the worst walking around with his little like sideways hat sitting on the top of his head shut up todd

his platform shoes he's dumb yeah exactly so they're talking like they start out talking about baby duty and this and that and uh the recapper l boogie on trash talk tv so talented this girl is so funny she said uh canty and Canty and Todd are on Pinterest looking for, looking for baby room ideas. They're planning their baby room, much like they planned, uh, much like they plan all of their businesses like boringly and terribly.

Yes. And it's so true. It's like, well, you know, we didn't put a lot of thought into it, but we always work together and it always turns out good. Do you not remember last season

when you were crying because you put a hundred people out of work because your show was so bad and unorganized yeah do you remember that like the moment you started cutting todd tucker into all your business deals they all started to fail do you remember that todd he's got an entrepreneurial man we was working together. Sit there. Rod. Todd is wearing in this scene glitter moisturizer. Yes, he's glitter on his face. I mean, they're just ridiculous. I can't with him. FF.

Yeah, and he's like bragging about how he can do a diaper or something like that. I was surprised that Kim Fields didn't come like bursting through the window and be like, did somebody say diapers? Carpool? Diapers? She's already got one of those little speaker things in her baby room that like links to their baby room i heard your baby crying so speaking of we go over to tootie's house um her friend victoria is coming over her friend ploy because of course tootie doesn't have any friends so this is like her employee friend who does her hair

and she's like I love you she says she's my stylist and I just wrote down that explains a lot lol because this lady comes in with the biggest hair I've ever seen in my life and Kim was walking around with like a mini little bleached version of her hair it was like Sideshow Bob and Mel yeah I mean there's a fro and then there's just dust bunnies running loose in your living room okay people like reign it in i actually like the hair to be honest i liked it on the stylist or the stylist the stylist the stylist i like it because it was so extreme it was like funky and i liked that she took little bits of um i don't even know what product but like pomade or like something waxy.

And like she would just like do a few of her ends, like the curls on the ends. And I don't know. I could see her working for a while. And she had those cool like thick frame glasses. So she was going for like a look, whereas Tootie is just sort of like, just like she has like a giant fuzzy starfish on her head. Yeah. Poor Tootie. Yeah.

She's a little misguided. But Victoria is the one misguiding her so you know i don't know i'm jury is out on victoria i did like that she came in and she was not an attention whore because mostly people who come on this show are like hi i'm the hairstylist and she wasn't she was like mortified to even be there. She didn't speak. She was. Yeah, because normally the stylists are like, so tell me everything. I want to hear about everything. I'm your best friend.

I want everyone on the cameras to see how I'm your best friend, because I'm a stylist. I just want to swat them away. But this woman was like, please, get me out of here. I'm going to work at Kmart. She was like, you're hurting my brand, okay? Yeah. So they're, of course, talking about carpools.

Yeah. And 2D wants to throw a big carpool party because she has new friends and she needs new style. You know, 2D is such a bitch. She pretends she's so nice and she's so above it all, but she is such an underhanded little bitch. Everything she says on this show is so rude. She's like, well, we used to have brunch at the

end of living single i would throw it every year for the cat okay we get it you were on a better tv show hey tootie just just because you brought some bagels the craft service table does not mean you invited everyone to brunch she's like today i am sponsoring the folding and unfolding of the craft services table you're welcome so she's throwing this brunch and she needs a new kind of style because these ladies what did she say about them uh she just said something like these ladies aren't easy to she's just everything she says about everybody else is fucking rude like you can say it with a smile on your face and not use curse words and still be a bitch tootie okay you're not nice just because you're not yelling at people

you can still be a silent bitch yeah yeah well so she decides that she wants to have a beatless brunch and so for those of you who are confused by that term when you say your face is beat it's like you've been beating your face with the uh the makeup thing you know like the the powder the blush whatever you call it i can only explain so much people but when you say everybody want to go out with a beatless face who wants to go around with a beat face where does that term even come from that's no i'm telling you that the term came from when you say your face is beat it's because you've been beating your face with uh what's that it's like the cushiony thing that women use to beat makeup onto their face.

You know, like that pad. It's like the pad, you know? Oh, not that powder puff. That's like the square... It's like the circle. It's like that circle thing. Yeah, I think it's a powder puff. I'm going with that.

On this episode of two gay men talk about makeup that they have no idea about. Two gay men who know nothing about being a gay man. Yeah, exactly. You know that circle thing you use to put powder on your face? So she wants to, she's saying, my stylist is on trend. I'm like, you're wearing a velvet painting of like a cougar in Miami with some of the worst hair I've ever seen. This bitch is to blame. Screw her.

with some of the worst hair I've ever seen. This bitch is to blame. Screw her. But anyway, Tootie's having this brunch, and she wants it to be a beatless brunch where you have to come as your natural, beautiful self. Well, as she's saying this, they're using three different confessionals or talking heads or whatever put together,

and it goes from Tootie with a bleached fro to Tootie with a terrible Beyonce wig to Tootie with another haircut. I was like to tootie with another haircut i was like you are so beat in this what are you even talking about you're in like five different terrible looks right well she does say she's like i mean i can get a beat she's like hello so she does acknowledge that but so what's your answer here it has i thought it was more of like a janet jackson like a blonde janet jackson well they all come from charo so let's give credit where credit's due i once saw charo walking on the sidewalk in suburban san diego i was driving

and i was like what is that and i was like that's charo was the sidewalk like speaking and saying thank you so much for fucking walking on me you're fucking charo i love you because it's amazing it should have been but it was like the most bizarre thing ever like i just was something i just was not expecting to see it was just charo walking along a sidewalk like my god most underrated hollywood square of all time that one do you remember when she was on um the surreal life with dave coulier and at one point they had to do some weird like music video thing and dave coulier was um i was like doing like a hand trumpet like he was like blowing you know he's doing that thing like that and then she goes the trumpet of dave collier i like when she whipped out her little mini like dwarf guitar and she'd be like

i'm just kidding i would i mean the 80s you know it's like some fat little kid with a box of little debbie's just waiting for charo to come on on the Hollywood squares. Little Debbies with Shadow Stevens. So anyway, so 2D, she sends all the women an audio message, which is sort of weird, and she's like, hello, ladies, I want to invite you to a beatless brunch where we will be having brunch without makeup on to celebrate our natural inner beauty because like you know sometimes we have all this

makeup i forget what she's what i mean that shit was long that was a monologue isn't there a limit on those iphone voice message things i know crazy she so she was doing well at first you know because she was sort of going that whole like dove celebrate the woman inside you sort of thing like i just want to celebrate ourselves but then she added like bitches on that dove commercial were on diets you know they were believe it or not my friend my friend was actually in one of those dove commercials and basically a casting director walked up to her on the street and was like, would you like to be in a Dove commercial? And she was like, okay. And she went.

So they truly do just pluck people off the street. I know. But what I'm saying is all those women they plucked off the street were on diets. Oh, yeah. No, they were. I mean, that's what makes that commercial so hilarious to me. They're like, celebrate the natural beauty of a woman. We also sell makeup, Spanx, and they've got like the natural beauty of a woman we also sell makeup spanks and they've

got like a whole portfolio of shit well that's the amazing part to be natural why am i using soap in the first place you know it's funny uh it's oddly enough in college i took a class on like pop culture in terms of like reading pop culture in terms of like observing philosophically the messages that pop culture sends out. And when it comes to men's cosmetics or something like that, it's like considered a good thing to obscure it with all sorts of like high-tech sounding things like degree, like high voltage, you know, which makes no sense. Like I want to smell like high voltage. What does that even mean?

Like seriously, what does that mean? My walls are up. Like literally literally if you give me another high voltage degree i'll be on the floor crying right now oh my god my armpits are already sweating why would i want a high voltage deodorant that's insane but um but uh and how like for men it's got to sound high tech and crazy and technical to sound like cool like engine oil yeah exactly but for women you have to brand it in a totally natural thing which is hilarious because it's like duh for the natural woman in you

for this natural da da da da when these things are just like a chock full of chemicals it's just like a big old tablet of chemicals that you're putting on your body so in other words it's something good to wash the makeup off my face at the end of the day get out of here. Natural.

That was natural. Anyway, total tangent. But the point is this. I'm all mad at you about five years later. So 2D, though, I think 2D's voicemail is good up to a certain point. And then I forget what she said, but there was a vagina monologue. Well, she had this. She sort of editorialized it.

Instead of just saying we should celebrate our natural beauty she was like because it seems like sometimes we like hide behind our makeup and it's a chance to da da da da and that's what started to send the women off because i love all the women you see you see them all receiving it and they're like what they're like oh please i think kenny's like really bitch i She's like, let's just celebrate our inner self. And I'm like, fuck this. How is it bad to hide behind makeup, but it's not bad to hide behind a muumuu? I mean, woman, you're wearing a sheet wherever you go.

Get out of here in your 10 pounds of wig. But you know, the real reason why these women were angry was not because of any insinuation that they wear too much makeup the real reason they're angry which we could all read in between the lines is because they don't want to appear on national tv without makeup on of course not and let's also keep reading between those lines because you know 2d just wanted to bring them all down to her level i mean she's surrounded by pros i mean they could be street hoes they could be tv hoes like pro hoes these girls know how to put on a face they've been doing it for a long time and tootie has too as an actor but real housewives makeup is very very different from you know like upn makeup or you know even mbc makeup

here's here is the scale of makeups you have um regular makeup application then you have anchor woman makeup application then you have clown then you have drag queen and then you have real housewives it's like an elephant balancing on one of those little stools okay that's a lot of damage it's a circus time yeah so kim's i think Kim's just sick of feeling dowdy. So she's like, everyone come to my brunch in bathrobes and slippers and no makeup. And people are like, fuck you. I'm not doing that. Yeah.

Literally all of them are like, fuck you. Except for Sheree because, you know, Sheree was like, good, I'll save my makeup for another day. Yeah. Makeup costs money. You got makeup? I got makeup. I'll save my makeup. I got makeup. I got makeup makeup i got makeup you make up my makeup i gotta have a makeup i gotta be brunch without makeup so next we go to phaedra and aiden okay phaedra is trying to sell this aiden

really hard at this point and god bless her because you, you know, Phaedra is Shadra. I like that they call her Shady Phae Phae or whatever because it's so true. She's one of the fakest, most foolish, most devious, manipulative, awful women. And also one of my favorites. I think she's amazing. But she's getting so much hate

since the Apollo stuff on Twitter. And she is just holding Aiden up like a damn human shield, like a little baby shield. She's like, but I'm a mother. Look, I've mothered this adorable angel and people are like, okay, I forgive you. Totally working.

Totally working because Aiden is an angel. He is so cute. I'm telling you, Real Housewives of Atlanta has some of the cutest children. Between Aiden and Tootie's kid, I forget his name all of a sudden. Those two, two little angels. Sebastian? Sebastian.

Two little angels, I'll tell you right now. Little angel faces. Phaedra is so full of shit. She's in three phases of makeup, speaking of makeup. She's, like, dressed for the Oscars. And she's like, Aiden, we're going to make your daddy a birthday card. You are not going to make his daddy a birthday card, Phaedra. Who are you trying to fool?

It's going to be just like the drill bits from the screw gun that he couldn't figure out how to attack. The drill bits. Not buying it lady um how am i saying manny oh oh man okay so now yeah so i skipped ahead i didn't mean to no no no that's fine uh because i think the next scene was that um wait i'm so sorry i have to say this i skipped over because i saw manny and thought i was on the different show because the other show has a Manny in it. But this one, okay. This is how you know Phaedra's full of shit when she's talking about how all she cares about are her babies. And then we see all these scenes with her taking care of her babies and making a letter for daddy.

Girl, your nails look like knives. They are sharpened. They're sharpened like people who work in head shops who have, like, gigantic, those gigantic, like, wheel, not wheelbarrow, but, like, what am I trying to say? Like, those wheels from, like, Little House on the Prairie, like wagon wheels in their ear, you know, huge. And they've got, like, tattoos. Like, they're just obsessed with hurting themselves, you know, like they cut their thighs and shit. And then they get vampire teeth put in. you know like they cut their thighs and shit and then they get vampire teeth put in and then they they file their nails down to be like claws where they can really hurt the hell out of you you know

they can make you bleed those are phadra's nails right now phadra you are not taking care of babies you are not changing a diaper or your babies both have bloody butts yeah your mother get out i don't believe it so i think speaking of mothering i think was the next scene because i i my notes are a little inconsistent i think the next scene is when this uh when it came to this lady came over to the tucker household uh to um to teach todd how to do diapers right and that's probably where he was saying things like they're talking about like they can get a nanny or whatever and then and Candy, I mean, not Candy, Candy was like,

see, maybe we'll get a nanny. And he's like, we're not getting a nanny. Get out of here with that. No nanny, because I said so. I'm like, shut up, Todd. Because I said so.

You already have a nanny. His name is called Don Juan. Take off your platform shoes. Take off your hat and side, that's sideways and stupid and sitting on top of your head and stop pretending to be a man okay just relax you're at home the only reason why he wears his hat sideways is because it gives him six more inches that's totally true that's why it's like sitting on top of his head there's probably gonna have like a he's gonna have like

a martini glass on top of that and then like a tower. And the stylist will tell her to put grits in it. It'll make it a fancier brunch. Our friend Angie was texting us today going. It's her birthday, by the way. Happy birthday, Angie Thomas. We love you. She was texting us today going, you paid someone to tell you to put grits in a martini glass?

What the hell is that? Such a good point angie thomas on your birthday uh yeah so they're pretending like they're gonna take care of this damn baby which is hilarious and the lady is creepy who comes over and she's like oh my oh goodness oh goodness um and todd todd just is the gift that keeps on taking he says this is the first time i've made a baby from scratch what does that mean how did your other poor baby come out of like a crusty's box it's like a little betty crocker baby what the hell i totally made her from scratch too you dumb ass yeah i'm so mad right now i love 8 p.m it's a very angry time in my home i know so um yeah so

he learned how so he was like showing off his his diaper wear and the uh the creepy lady talked about how she still breastfeeds her kid although i think at 19 months it's longer than i think most people but i definitely know a lot of people who still breastfeed at that at that you know candy will not be breastfeeding that baby she is gonna put cabbage leaves over those tits the second that thing comes out of here to stop the leaking and she's gonna be giving it formula she's gonna be forcing her assistants to breastfeed literally that baby's gonna be on don juan's t and he's like candy i can't do it like see now you're gonna have to find ties me like sorry we have to find a way we all have to pull our own way so the baby's gotta drink your milk he's like no but i don't have any milk. I don't have any milk. Well, that's

not my problem. Don Juan with the baby. Now, you listen to me, baby. He starts just telling off the baby for no reason. So then we go to Cynthia Bailey Eyewear for a meeting. It's a meeting

where she's gathering all her team. With her friend named Satchel. I mean, come on. Look, if you're going to make up your, if you're going to be making up your own damn name, why would you call yourself Satchel? Something that people just throw things in because they don't have time to go home between their job and going out. I mean, that is just the saddest name. Merce. My friend Merce.

Get out of here cynthia cynthia's like getting on the pager hi could you please send in reusable grocery bag please thank you i had a noon with wedge could you make sure that she's on time sorry that doesn't hold anything but i've failed at the game okay i. I'm sorry. You see me. I'm sorry. It's a, it's big brown bag available. Oh, only little brown bag. Okay,

fine. Send that one into. Oh, right. Ikea bag. I will pay a dollar for this meeting. Just kidding. Has anyone seen wicker basket?

Wicker basket. We have an emergency in there. Okay. Thank you. If Tupperware is late one more time i swear to god i'm losing the lid that's it let it be known did fanny pack get into work today yet well that's a good circle because fanny's an actual name yeah so speaking of speaking of cynthia's assistants she has one assistant who not only is he not wearing cynthia bailey eyewear

but he's wearing this crazy blazer and like a safari hat and sunglasses it was the most ridiculous outfit for anywhere well for anywhere anywhere he could be sailing out you could be the captain of a gay cruise in the isle of gay okay driving around that thing he would still look inappropriate i mean that's the most ridiculous fucking outfit i've ever seen in my life and i'm like you're an assistant like why why are you like dressed up as if you're like you are some sort of like the exotic talent here you are the assistant but just put on like a button down shirt and some khakis or whatever. It was just so ridiculous. He's wearing aviators, you know, like gas station aviators.

I have them. I ain't judging them. But he's wearing a nice pair of aviators from the mobile station. And Cynthia's like, I cannot believe you would come into a meeting with Satchel and not wear Cynthia glasses so he she gives him a pair of glasses to wear they're the same aviators

they're literally the same mobile gas station aviators and then when she was like I want to take our shades to the next level so like oh does that mean going from the text going from like the Chevron station to 7-Eleven what is the next level so like oh does that mean going from the text going from like the chevron station to 7-eleven what is the next level at this point it's like the bp gas station she's like okay listen i have an inn at one of the tchotchke shops on the santa monica pier we can get our glasses

on one of those spin spinny things um cynthia okay guys someone wrote us today and said there it might have been angie again angie's been texting a lot today she's a birthday texter what can i tell you but she's been making me laugh all day but she was uh she wrote me there's only three pairs of sunglasses on that stupid cynthia bailey website and the aviators were one of them. So that shows you this is another bullshit thing. That's not really happening. Also, did you guys notice that this is the same and I could be wrong as I am every week,

but I'm pretty sure this is the same quote unquote office that Porsche has. It's like the same. Are you guys even going to change the set? It's like the same rental office. You hear the same buzz from the, from the fluorescence overhead. Who do you guys think you're kidding yeah i i mean i don't know i mean everything is a joke about it like every entrepreneurial thing that comes out of this show is the exception of candy's earlier work pre-todd talker is a joke yeah um and so her big uh thing

is that she's gonna sell mobile glasses who cares uh but she's still trying to put tutti and kenya together so contrived and so ridiculous she wants to take her eyewear to the next level how about you go to an advertising agency to advertise it you don't like put kenya and tutti together and try to get some product i mean that is the most ridiculous thing i mean obviously it's the producers telling her to do it she's only here because she was nini's lackey now nini is gone for the most part and so she can't replace nini so she's got two bitches to replace one nini that's sad it's real sad it's real sad so things that aren't sad divorce lawyers yay if you're unhappy in your marriage find a lawyer and get the fuck out of it.

Your kids don't want to sit around listening to you yell at each other. And if you can't get your husband in jail on fucking felony charges, get a lawyer. This divorce lawyer is like one of the Law & Order cast who keeps showing up on everything. Are you talking about Randy or the lady? Apollo's lawyer. He's every man in atlanta he represents everyone like you go they like shoot a scene in a coffee shop and he's there representing the barista who's getting divorced like every single episode he's there a barista getting divorced um i'm looking at this why where are randy and and Apollo's heads?

Nobody. Oh, her lawyer. I like her lawyer. She's like, Oh, Phaedra. I know. Do you know anything about where Apollo's head is at? It's probably up someone's cornhole.

He's in prison. Where do you think his head's at? He's going to need a stipend when he gets out of jail, or he's going to come at me with a screw gun with no drill bits in it. Okay? Just make sure he's getting $ a stipend when he gets out of jail or he's gonna come at me with a screw gun with no drill bits in it okay just like make sure he's getting a hundred dollars a week so i don't have to support his ass the end yeah yeah um so she phedra still full of shit she's like well i don't want my children to be traumatized by all those molesters and things okay now i'm i'm not sticking up for molesters but who are you to be judging what criminals? You married Apollo.

It's not like that guy was a preacher before you married him, stupid. And it's also like, it's not like being in the visitor room is like some crazy place where everyone's committing the crimes that they were convicted of. It's like, he'll be okay. If you don't tell him that there's a murderer and a sex sex offender at the next table over he won't know the difference yeah you see that man aiden he diddles babies like you okay have fun here's a piece of candy um i don't think she should take the kids to jail we've already been through that one i don't blame

her for not going i don't think they should have to go either but she's just so ridiculous i don't blame her for not going. I don't think they should have to go either. But she's just so ridiculous. I don't want him in the room with molesters and stuff. And then she says, well, one of my kids doesn't even remember Apollo because he's so young. But we're working as a family together. How are you working as a family with Apollo to raise your children? Apollo isn't. Phaedra, stop. Just stop.

Okay. Learn to take the angry tweets. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I i you know i i kind of actually have no opinion on it because i i that's one area where i just really have no basis to weigh in on like i don't know if she should take her kid to the prison or not i don't know i say no they're too young it's a prison that's no kid needs to see that it's scary for an adult why do you think there's so much no could be agers in there to scare the shit out of them that's not why you take a baby in there but they could play like 70 rounds of uno you don't want to normalize your child to that shit i don't think but um anyway we're talking too much real life for this stupid show because this ends

with her saying um i'm just hoping that ap Apollo is transferred to a more child-friendly facility. What? Like Chuck E. Cheese State Penitentiary? Where there's like a ball pit in the middle of the yard? The longer you sit here and don't get molested,

you get ten tickets. It's like tickets just start spitting out i'm gonna have to hear phaedra so now phaedra and india wait porsche and porsche sorry porsche is at um she goes porsche's in india and porsche goes to india you guys this episode is amazing porsche goes to india her makeup Yeah, at what's it called? Talk Nation. And Portia's like talking about her computer and, or she's having issues. She broke her phone. She broke her phone. She's like, and everything's, she's like, everything's in the cloud.

She's like, where is that cloud? I don't know where that damn cloud is. Where's the iCloud? Where's that cloud at? Where's that cloud at? Where's that cloud? I don't know who can reach up there and get that cloud. People be pulling shit out of my cloud

what I don't save anything to the cloud because I like a sunny day Portia she's so cute I do actually love Portia so she gets good reviews who cares so Tootie is now preparing for her brunch

and she's like she goes I want to celebrate People for who they are I'm like, really? Then why are you telling these women to come Without a face full of makeup? That is who they are Yeah Celebrate who Kandia is? I dare you Yeah

So first we see Kandia Kandia She followed the instructions pretty well She said that she put on a light beat of she followed the instructions pretty well she said that she put on a light beat uh but she was pretty much dialed down and i love that she put on those like some granny glasses i loved it and then she got her hair done and she still had a face of makeup it was just like stay at home makeup and then she put on glasses so yeah i guess it counts yeah she definitely looked dialed down and then she picks picks up Kenya. But Kenya is like full on. She has her full on makeup going.

Even more than normal. And Phaedra also fully made up. Everyone's basically fully made up. And Kenya is raging. Kenya is so mad about this party. So hilarious. And Candy's like, I ain't wearing any makeup.

Did I miss the memo about the makeup because see now I'm big and Kenya's like I am a grown ass woman I can wear whatever I want and someone's not gonna tell me I'm not cute you know she's been ready to go

at 2D since the beginning because that's like i do you know she's already she's been ready to go at the beginning because that's like the biggest you know the biggest star now sorry kenya even with nini gone you're still outnumbered but then phaedra so phaedra's also made up and and so fate this this prompts phaedra to say something that makes no sense she's like well a true southern lady never comes beatless unless you're talking about the vegetable and i can't extract that from every salad yeah i was like what you i don't know i'm understood about being able to extract a beet from any salad what are you talking about and b no you can't because once a beet is in your salad that red shit is every place it even comes out in your poop like you are not getting rid of a beet i don't know what you're talking about, but please doing it.

Please keep doing it because I love it. Yeah, I think that was sort of her point that, like, you can't be beetless unless you're talking about the vegetable. But then you can't – I don't know. It was just like a very – you know what? Phaedrus had some really good shady lines, but this one was pretty forced, Phaedra. I'm sorry to say. Phaedra goes off the rails with those lines. She just – she's kind of a quad in

that way of course quad does it when she's angrier you know and and way more desperate but phaedra does a lot of those too where she's just like well this is another sunny day on the block and i know it's sunny because i walked down a sidewalk and saw a car pass and then the grass was cut what a true lady never shows up beatless unless you're bringing a drum. In which case, there's a beat. I don't know. That would actually make sense.

A true lady would never show up beatless unless you're using EZ Pass. Tootie, with her fake ass, is in her house for her beatless whatever, her beatless brunch, walking around with a glitter blessed shirt. Get serious. What?

Shut up, Tootie. Tootie's on my last fucking nerve at this point. I can't take her. Now she's been bitchy under her breath, but now she's going to try this whole spirituality crap. Look, getting a glitter shirt that says hashtag blessed does not make you more spiritual it just means that you're better at looking at sales at like the dollar tree or whatever shut up with your blessed shirt 2d well um the funny thing is that everyone who comes in 2d keeps on making this sort of like

passive-aggressive joke saying care to check your lashes at the door i've got some bowls everyone goes ha ha ha and, no one does it Everyone just keeps walking Portia goes, I'll check one pair in Cause I'm wearing two Portia's wearing two pairs Of fake eyelashes One on top of the other

She is beat in half But to be fair, she did just come from being on air So funny Um, where are we here well charay shows up so charay is not wearing makeup or only very slight amount charay was pissed she cannot believe she's the only one who didn't wear makeup charay is totally the type of person who gets invited to a costume party and shows up as a giant tooth and everyone else is in lingerie she's like what i thought it was a costume party and everyone else is in lingerie. She's like, what? I thought this was a costume party. And Sheree's another one who says these like attitude-y lines with her Sheree attitude

but they're dumb. But they sound like they're going to be hilarious. She's like, did I not get the memo? Did other people get messages that were long voice messages about not wearing any makeup and then wearing makeup? But she says it with such anger.

I cheer every time. I know. So they start talking about DC. Boring. Portia's like, she's like, ooh, you know, Phaedra knows everyone in DC. It's like, you know, like in Portia's mind, it's like, yeah, you know, she knows like the doorman at the hotel and the receptionist and the bellhop she knows like everyone there was a lady who even came just for porsche to show us around the tour guide yeah when i went to universal studios with florida king kong turned right

around and looked at her so anyway you know that you can always tell when shit's about to go down and in one of these situations when the music just goes away and they make idle chatter about something like in this case you're talking about blueberries like oh could you pass the blueberries are wonderful it's just like quiet and you're clinking and clattering of the forks and knives like oh someone's about to say something whenever the garage band goes beatless yeah it's a beatless garage band brunch it's like the one second the poor garage band slider gets to take a five minute smoke break you know yeah so surprisingly enough the the first issue was cynthia cornering kim in kenya to direct this commercial and and you can just see 2d does not want to and you know i actually looked up

2d's creds and she actually has a lot of you know uh tv directing credits now she doesn't have any credits in terms of shooting a commercial which is a whole different style of direction but to be fair 2d has directed a lot of things and kenya has only directed that one crappy thing yeah so i understand why 2d isn't a lot It actually does a lot, okay? The rent's not free in that strip mall where she has her office, okay? That's right. That costs money too. But yeah, she actually works.

And this is one of the things that I'm really hating about her, but I'm sure I'll probably love in the future, is this overly aggressive, passive aggressive. It's like way too much on the aggressive. You're not hiding it enough. Like I know she thinks she is. She's like, too much on the aggressive you're not hiding it enough like i know she thinks she is she's like i'm wearing a bless shirt but she's saying she starts going into this whole thing about well as a director i can tell you that usually there's not co-directors they're you know there's the hughes brothers but they're bound by blood because you

know they're genetically similar otherwise normally there's not such a thing as a co-director i mean the colin brothers but also brothers so he's like well there's the farrelly brothers okay dumb and dumber is an apt analogy to this yes yes and so she's trying to talk her way out of it instead of just saying no i don't think that would be good i either do it or she does you know just be being simple she's trying to do it in this way that's making her much more of an asshole than she intends to be and then kenya kenya's so mean she says well i was in a tyler perry episode and uh that she was supposed to be directing and he directed the entire episode so if that tells you anything about her style.

No, I don't know what that means. It does. It tells you that Tootie's too good. Yeah, exactly. Tyler Perry's like, wait a second. Okay, you do the B-roll. Because you know Kenya was just like some lady on a sailboat waving,

passing by in the shot. Yeah. Let's get the second unit out here. I was in a film called b-roll and tootie was supposed to direct and never even showed up that tells you anything i was in this wonderful ongoing film series that they show every night on the local news it's basically just my body shot from the from the neck down whenever they do a report on obesity or lack thereof and you just see me walking on a street it's a really important piece if if uh 2d didn't show up to a tyler perry shoot you know it's because he hadn't

paid her ass yeah she's like still waiting on back checks and we're talking about tyler perry here it's like in his backyard kenny's like one time i went to a barbecue at tyler perry's that was being shot by somebody and 2d didn't even show up so if that tells you anything shut up kenya couple's trip so we're going on a couple's trip to jamaica this has to be amazing yeah this especially since no one's really in a couple i mean maybe only half of them right cynthia's couple is obviously just a sham at this point i don't even know what they're trying to convince us of tude's husband i guess we're gonna find out next week is gay can't wait yeah who else who else is there pedro's husband's in jail

porsche has oliver oliver who's that her man from miami oh yeah she'll have like some face time she'll be showing oliver on her face time or. But none of them really have. Well, Sheree and Bob Woodfield are friends again. So Sheree has Bob. Oh, so it's going to be an actual couples trip. It's not going to be like that Shusher episode where they had a couples dinner and it was only one husband who berated everybody. Yeah. Just when things got good on that show, they ended the season. I was like, great, thanks.

And now it's over. So anyway, they they start is this when they start oh yeah this is when i guess they start talking about it because 2d now now she has gifts so she's giving people compacts so they can and those are like dollar store compacts come on i've seen them there i bought them for my nieces so she's give some of these compacts and she's like so you can remind yourself when you look in that tiny little mirror that will only show one tiny little portion of your face at a time that you're still a natural beauty and then she starts some poetry shit and kenya starts calling her out about her her hair and her boobs and she's like oh it's natural beauty huh is that why you have a wig on and breast implants or whatever maybe you'll take your you've had two boob jobs and you're wearing a wig yeah so kenya starts going off on this weird thing where she

says makeup is how women have always expressed themselves and even before makeup we used to wear clay on our face yeah which you know i guess that does make more sense because they definitely have it under their skin now well they're definitely throwing the mud around mushy clay faces well so then she starts saying should we take off our weaves too she's just trying to get it to yeah so kenya and kenya is basically like you know with that that voicemail to me it sounded like you were saying that we wear too much makeup and i did take umbrage to that and i was just like imagining p Portia getting so confused. Like, what?

How did she take a bridge? Where's the bridge? We didn't take a bridge here. Why are you sitting on a bridge? Come above the bridge. You can't cross the bridge if you hum it. Also, Kenya's stupid. She's trying to make these big.

She's trying to sound so smart. But she didn't even say, I take umbrage. She said it wrong. She said something like, I'm taking umbrage to that. You're taking umbrage to something? You take umbrage with it, not to it. I don't remember. Or maybe I'm wrong.

I'm stupid, too. I'm taking umbrage over this entire situation now. Takes one to know one, okay? I'll look it up, everyone. Don't worry. I'll look it up. You take umbrage with something. You said it correctly. She didn't. She said I took umbrage. I mean,

who cares what? I'm going to start grammar policing Kenya. God help us, especially when my grammar is the worst. Anyway, so she's getting pissed because Kenya's telling her off and trying to start this fight and everybody's rolling their eyes like here she goes. And Kim just frowns and listens to her and

she says okay yeah and kenny says oh so it's that dismissive thing again uh what and yes what else do you do by the way dismiss you you're dismissed bitch uh this this just in from mariam webster um took umbrage at the speaker's remarks. Oh my god. You see, I told you I'm dumb too. So me and Kenya both said it wrong. And Ben said it. Wait, what did she say again? She said, I take umbrage with?

No, you said umbrage with. You said with. She said to. I was saying with too. I take umbrage with. Yeah. So I take umbrage at. I take umbrage at. We we all learned something we did learn i apologize to kenya moore for making fun of her grammar see the reason why i looked it up by the

way is because i know there's really something so frustrating when you're listening to a podcast and people like what was that what was that and you just want to be you're like shouting at your like at your phone or whatever you're listening at and you're like shouting at your like at your phone or whatever you're listening at and you're like ah you're shouting at it so this is to get some relief to the listeners who knew exactly how to use the word umbridge i know well now we all know guys yeah so anyway guys grammar hugs uh camille grammar hugs no, but as you were saying, yeah, so Judy's like, okay. I was just swallowing. And so then, you know, Phaedra gets some acting jokes in there about how.

She does. I thought they'd be bosom buddies. What with their extensive acting careers. I was like, ooh, that was a good one. So more gifts. And now it's like a little poetry book and blah, blah, blah. And Kim does say one thing I like. She says about Kenya, how she translated me, something like, how she translated me swallowing my food into shade. That's magical to me.

Like, how does she even do this? How is she trying to start a fight with me? I'm not doing anything. Which you don't have to. Nobody's done anything. No one Kenya starts fights with has done done any no one kenya starts fights with has done anything that's why she starts fights with them it's like it's smaller you know exactly she just she she she sees an opportunity and she takes it and she'll just go at someone

yep um so blah blah blah okay let's move past this so how did it end yes. So it does end with Tootie. Tootie's cracking. And Kenya is a tough one to go up against because she's nuts. But Tootie is cracking. And I love watching Tootie. I love watching a housewife crack when they try and be nice. And then their bitch flower blooms, et cetera. And this one, she lets everybody go, stays calm after her magical poetry, vagina monologue bullshit.

They all leave. And as she closes the door she says, when you direct two to three hours of television, two to three hundred hours of television, then we can talk. Yeah. It's like shuts the door. Because of course it's this awkward brunch and Cynthia leaves it by going, bye everybody. Okay

I'll call Kenya and Tutti Bo to get your schedules for shooting. Cynthia. I also like how Cynthia just sort of was like oh i was thinking it was a good idea i i'd like you guys to to film my commercial okay so we're gonna meet here and here i'm like you never like really you just sort of told them they'd be doing this assignment you never really asked that they wanted to neither one of them has really either expressed any sort of interest in it not only that but do you even have permission to shoot in a mobile gas station

you have to get permits for that shit you can't just show up with a video camera and start shooting inside the snack lounge i know so then like the next day 2d and cynthia meet uh they're kenya's supposed to be there but instead she is working on her house with her hot boyfriend matt she just doesn't show up doesn't text or call or anything she just doesn't't show up. She's like, sorry, I'm with a really hot, muscular guy right now, so you and Judy are going to have to wait. My gay of the day. There is no way she is with that guy.

That is an obviously hot gay guy. You believe that? I don't believe it. Yeah, that's true. You do make a good point. He doesn't seem gay, but I'm just assuming because he's with Kenya. I mean, come on. So then Judy pitches her idea for the commercial.

And her idea is that you see a couple walking along the beach. And then they put their sunglasses on. And they're like walking a red carpet. And they take their sunglasses off. And they're back on the beach. Which is sort of a cool idea. But I don't understand. Like if the whole idea is that when you put on the sunglasses, you're transported to like this amazing fantasy world.

I don't know if that really plays well if you're already in the fantasy world of a beach. Shouldn't it be that you're in a supermarket where you'd find these sunglasses and you'd put them on and then you're on the red carpet? Okay, you're filling your SUV up with gas. There are five other SUVs behind you and one of your children is crying.

But then you put on the sunglasses and you're on a beach getting eaten out by a hot gay guy that Kenya rented. Okay, there's a commercial. But yeah, you're right. A beach to the red carpet. How is that? How is going from the beach, which is beautiful and peaceful and amazing, then going to red

carpet, which is essentially work. I mean, it's just job, you know? Yeah. It doesn't make It's just job. Yeah. Yeah. That doesn't make sense to me either. Yeah. You know, here's what's good about Watch What Crappens. You can always rely on us to punch the holes through crappy fake pitches for fake eyewear commercials. And Cynthia won't even let it go.

She's like, now, this is very important because this leads to my this is the uh anchor in my accessories empire i'm sure so then uh because she's like getting hats now from gas stations the new cynthia bailey line of snap bracelets she's like keychain whistles by cynthia bailey Jane Whistles by Cynthia Bailey. She's still trying to get Kenya on board, even though Tootie's like, yeah, I don't do that. And Cynthia's like, but it would be amazing to not only have Tootie, but also Kenya.

I mean, what amazing perspective. Bitch, this is 20 seconds, 30 seconds. Shut up, Cynthia. Go away. Go away and take Peter with shut up cynthia go away go away and take peter with you yeah go away peter spruke peter spruke and then tootie says i don't co-direct and cynthia of course in her shit-stirring way says so what you're saying is there is no need for kenya no now now now she's gonna go back to Kenya. These girls are trying too hard. And I think eventually it's going to come down to Tootie just wanting to get out of the carpool, take a walk, and buy something for herself. She's just going to have that mom breakdown.

My mom used to do it. She would go to the bathroom. We would be like, mom, mom. And finally she'd go, goddammit, this is my one second alone i think judy's gonna have that ronda in a bathroom moment you know all judy has to do is just make things clear for cynthia she's gonna say look when you're driving a carpool you can't have two people on the wheel am i right it's like when you don't have the sunglasses on You're at home

But when you have them on Suddenly you're number three in the carpool lane Life is good Listen Two people can't drink from the same Five Alive box They'll get germs Can I have more salt on my Five Alive No

No Sebastian What would happen Can I have more salt on my 511? No! No, Sebastian. No more salt. What would happen if we showed two movies at once in the carpool? Okay? You can't have Tinkerbell 3 and Little Mermaid 5 playing at the same time. At the same time I'm trying to listen to my James Patterson tape? No.

That's not how it works. Oh, Atlanta. We like you deeply Like you deeply Alright so let's switch gears Well we're gonna go back to The world of food Right for Top Chef Back to cooking

Back to cooking Back to cooking at an hour and 20 minutes And 48 seconds for the Time stamps in the show notes yeah it's easier to just call them out loud and write them down because otherwise you're like fast forwarding through this shit having to listen to your own voice oh i forgot to write down the timestamp for craven's mailbag and recipe deception or deception rest whatever i hate that show i hate that show too i hope it dies yeah so um top chef so this week the quick fire was to make something with 10 oh okay yes everything is coming back to me

i have things to say about this episode okay oh good good okay so the quick fire is that the chefs are back they're back in LA in the Top Chef kitchen. They each, there are 10 chefs left and it's the 10 year anniversary of the show. So they all have to grab one ingredient from the pantry. They have like 30 seconds to grab an ingredient, which will mean that they'll have 10 ingredients at the end once they've all chosen.

And then those are gonna be the only ingredients that they're allowed to choose, allowed to cook with the entire quick-fire challenge. So they're all grabbing things. There's some stupid mistakes. Like one guy gets steak, gets beef. And then Isaac gets chicken right after that. Everyone's like, why that?

Or it was like lamb chicken, whatever it was. And then someone gets salt. Someone gets this and that. But they cover their basics. And the last one to go is, I forget his is it maybe kevin yellow pants he's like the boring gay guy who all season long is like yeah when i go to palm springs we just have so much fun like i am mr personality but you're just not seeing it here i'm like no you just have no personality he's the one cooking like he made this super bland chicken that we ate you know remember the bland chicken the bland poached chicken he's like they could

have used some mustard mr mustard pants yeah he's like the most boring of them all so he's the last one up and what does he do what what ingredient does he grab celery i just i lost it he's like celery is a great ingredient you could use the top for herbs and then you could cook the rest of it celery burns more calories than it takes to chew whatever what do people say about celery yeah it's like you actually burn calories eating it because there's no calories so you use up more calories just to eat oh shut up whatever it was just to me i was like oh of course of course this guy chose celery this is exactly his personality who was the guest judge on this quick fire i don't remember the quick fire that much i just watched it i think two days ago i think it was a i think it was a woman i could be wrong i think i i could be wrong but they

actually liked the choice of celery But I still thought that was a strange choice Like why not get like cilantro Or like any other herb Oh I love a cilantro I love it too You want to name my first baby cilantro

Boo The What was the main I'm sorry I don't take notes on this one because I know that's super quick and i'm like i'll totally remember this by the time we talk about it and then we do and i'm like here's what i remember voltaggio came back the hot voltage no offense nerdy voltaggio but like seriously keep it together you've gained like 500 pounds and uh voltaggio rar i met him

outside cat and fiddle once i think I told you on this show. I didn't meet him. He was just there. He came out, and my friend Trisha was with me, and she's wasted, and she's a huge Top Chef fan, and she goes, oh, my God, I love you, Fabio. And he's like, um, no. Fabio.

I'm Michael Voltaggio. She was just drunk. She knows, I think, who he is. Anyway, that guy is so cute, and normally i hate those arrogant mother he is so arrogant like he pulled up in his jag just to show us because she was like she offended him and then he looked at her and it's screeched off it was like screech away and it's like lease jack get out of here buddy so i thought i would hate him but he was actually so nice right i yeah i i like michael valtaggio i mean he is he is so cute he's so cute so um so anyway so i was the only thing i had to remark was about the quick fire was that the boring guy made something with

celery so then um so then they had to make a dish that was like represent it was like think of where you were 10 years ago and make a dish that represents that so everyone almost everyone made something really good okay that's what i was how do you want me to cook that i'm like okay here's a steak but i'm only giving you a bite of it because 10 years ago i was like 100 pounds thinner. Okay, enjoy. Yeah. So surprisingly, Kwame and the other guy, the attractive guy who only makes sashimi, they shat the bed. They made terrible dishes. And then it was Bland Gay. He made some sort of super bland trout.

Oh, man. That was like the karma dish from hell. Because his was 10 years ago i was the the bass chef or something yeah i was like the the chef i forgot what they call it the metron de basserie or whatever and he had to make this one fish dish and it had to be perfect every single time and so when he would train people and they didn't make it right he would yell at them and scream at them because they were idiots. But then he learned yelling and screaming is not the way to train people.

So he makes it and then it's terrible. It's like karma. Yeah, exactly. So to represent my growth as a human being, here's a big bland piece of fish. Exactly. Never learned. Apparently you need to be a bitch to at least make the fish, dude. People who came from a negative place in this one really had trouble.

Kwame, too. I mean, look, a lot of shit happened 10 years ago, Kwame. I mean, what was that, 2006? Well, historically, I can't think of one thing, actually, that happened in 2006. Bad Girls Club. Bad Girls Club premiered. Exactly. So just, you know, make a frito pie or whatever 2006 is when we sold tv chasm there you go oh my gosh the beginning of your break in the beginning of my hell you see how it all it all uh anyway kwame so much happens in a year like i get you don't get along with dad, and so he started bringing all this dad stuff in. And my dad was never there for me, and he was a terrible dad, and he hates me, and now I'm negative. And then he felt negative the whole time.

Dude, did you do anything else? Did you see a good movie? Why do you have to focus on this? No one wants to eat your daddy issues. I know. Maybe you saw a good George Clooney movie. I don't know. Yeah, exactly.

Something. I don't know. Yeah, exactly. Something. Something. I mean, anything. Why would I want to eat your fucking dad's terrible attitude? Yeah. There's got to be something. Well, it was 2015 when they filmed this. So what was the best picture?

2005. Okay. Did you see that? Did you see that movie? Million Dollar Baby. Million Dollar Baby. Did you see that movie? Million Dollar Baby. Million Dollar Baby. Did you see that movie? He made a nice Irish thing.

A box of something. That was a boxing movie, right? He's like, a box of craft. Actually. Sorry. I was trying to have a man face for Hilary Swank, but I couldn't. I'm just laughing that we're like, come on, Kwame. Don't you have an uplifting memory?

I'm just laughing that we're like, come on, Kwame, don't you have an uplifting memory? Like Million Dollar Baby, the most uplifting, happiest boxing movie of all time. Shit, that movie was happier than sitting through this episode watching him whine the whole time. Listen, people on reality shows. I know part of this is that you have to bring your past in and stuff like this. This is a cooking show. I don't want to hear about your dad being mean to you for an hour man up and make something decent you're fucking pussy get out of here and honestly it was just an ill-conceived idea he made like a jerk broccoli he's like he's like i want to do a riff on jerk chicken so instead of chicken i'm gonna make it with broccoli that's a terrible

terrible downgrade he's like my dad was a jerk so i'm making jerk chicken okay so on the nose okay i know you're trying to get deep here but that's as on the nose as they get it's almost as bad as the girl who won who was like 10 years ago i was green so i made something green yeah i hate when the chefs are literal they do that all the time they are so literal with their meaning and i know you all ain't hired for your poetry but you're making something green because you were green i mean girl come on what did the sashimi chef make because they hated that they said padma did her favorite thing which is you're lucky you have immunity tonight chad okay please go padma really talks like this the entire show it's so disturbing to me showed up with a bad pattern gail's like yeah look at me 10 years ago i was still wearing this

terrible flower pattern in a 50s dress cut gail gail never changed and she literally will never change but i love that they had all of of these chefs from the past coming back. They had, oh, that was the quickfire. Stephanie was the quickfire judge, right? The winner, Stephanie. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee.

What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some.

As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten

world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of.

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wondery plus which winner stephanie she won like season four or five or something stephanie stephanie is that her name you mean stephanie from chicago the girl in the goat stephanie no that wasn't her on the quick fire. Oh, you know what it was? It wasn't Stephanie. It was... Oh, I love her. She's here in LA.

And she has Black Market. I don't know anybody's name on this show. No, no. I'm going to look it up. Listen, if I'm going to look up on Bridge... But she was a winner. She was a winner, right? Top Chef Black Market.

What's her name? This is where people are yelling at the podcast. Yeah, this is where they're really yelling. God damn it, it's a Bravo podcast? You don't even know people's names? Antonia. Antonia LoFasso. I love Antonia. That was Antonia? Yeah. Wasn't Antonia the one

who worked for Mike? Anyway, this girl, her face is totally different too. Different face. Well, no. She just gained weight. No, I think she lost weight. Oh, my God. Well, if you think it was Stephanie Izzard and it was Antonia LaFossa on the screen, well, then, yes, she does have a different face.

Yeah, because I think Antonia is that Italian chick who worked for mike or whatever she was no no she was like rivals with mike and i think they found out they were like cousins or something that one episode oh yeah yeah yeah yeah that's right oh that was antonia on this episode no wonder why you were so confused stephanie's face she's trying to get's face. No. Didn't she have like big curly hair on this episode? You're crazy right now. I know. You are literally crazy. She looked exactly the same except that she put on some weight.

Oh. Not a lot. Just like a little bit. I didn't even write down mentally fat. I just thought, wow, Stephanie's had a few faces now. Geez. You know what it is? You know what?

Your brain did a mental thing. It's like when your brain doesn't want to accept information, it will literally tell a story to make the information fit. It's like a psychological. I do that. And so that's what happened. You thought it was Stephanie, and you see it. So rather than even though you were looking at Antonia,

like it's literally her face, since you have it in your mind that it's Stephanie, your brain is literally interpreting it as like Stephanie's weird face. I could see how I would do that because there are so many – I do it in real life all the time. And also there have been so many chefs. I mean we're on season 13. How many effing people does that make that we've watched on this show i mean i've watched every season except one and i think it was the season that stephanie won actually well one time one time i sent for some reason i just sent like a picture of julie chen to a friend of mine and because my friend and i have been talking i think we've been mentioning um like our high school friend michelle she i sent her this picture in the context of

something else and she's like wow Michelle's looking really great I was like Michelle is like a white woman who doesn't look anything and Julie Chen is like Chinese and it's like even though for some reason she thought I was sending her a picture of Michelle and so the concept that a picture of Michelle was coming through like in her brain took over the concept that she was staring at a chinese woman and she thought the chinese woman was michelle and she just somehow warped it into her brain yeah it makes total sense i mean you're talking to me i get it um the sad part is that i watched this two days ago so that i'm already forgetting this much

and like who i saw is frightening. I will never be a witness. In any trial. Another thing that happened in this. Is the douche bag chef. I hate this fucking guy. This LA guy. Who's always. He's terrible.

But then he just says. Yeah but it was meant to be a gummy sauce. Instead of mashed potatoes. That's what I meant. No you didn't you idiot. So all he cares about. He's the one with his face on the side of the restaurant. Or whatever what I meant. No, you didn't, you idiot. So all he cares about, he's the one with his face on the side of the restaurant or whatever.

This guy's such a D-bag. So in this one, he says, I really wanted to come on this show, but the only challenge I did really well on was the first one because there weren't all these constrictions. And now I'm just trying to figure out what the chefs want,

and I'm trying to make that. And I'm just trying to please the chefs instead of pleasing myself when have you ever tried to please the chef you are so full of shit you made those gummy ass like plaster potatoes because you were trying to please the chefs well you failed stupid this guy is so crazy i can't even watch this guy i hope his agent fires him yeah he is very very cocky um you know we know that he can do good stuff because we we had that first dish and i really liked it a lot it was good but again it was pickled vegetables for fuck's sake like the crab was cooked perfectly the crab was delicious but um yeah he's got to get over this victim complex of like i guess i just have to to like appease the judges it's like no like do your

own thing but like do it and be mindful of what what is good and not what is conceptually like a cool idea in your head yeah it's even putting logic to it doesn't make sense because you're right he is just being victimy you know it's like they don't like me they're just being mean to me no they're not your food sucks dude it sucked every fucking don't like me. They're just being mean to me. No, they're not. Your food sucks, dude. It sucked every fucking week. Almost like what? Ninety percent of the time, at least. Yeah. Stop blaming other people and stop sucking.

OK, just getting your picture blown up at Kinko's and like plastered to the side of a rental isn't making you a better chef. So maybe go to school more. I don't know what it is, but this guy's attitude is fucking obnoxious. I like that they call him man bun yeah they he reminds me of um that restaurant out here you know 902 one pho you know that restaurant which has the most yeah it's the dumbest name ever it doesn't so i went in there once and i think the head chef a woman who created her name is like kimmy lee or something like that. It's like everywhere in the restaurant are like these giant photos of her carefully like putting star anise into the broth or like measuring out noodles.

It's like everywhere is Chef Kimmy. And then you open up the menu and it's like Chef Kimmy's thing. It's like it's so narcissistic. I'm like stop trying to make yourself happen, okay? Like stop trying to be a celebrity chef miss 902 won't okay and your pho was not even that good yeah your restaurant doesn't rhyme and you're making noodle soup so please step off of the curb felicia back away beep beep beep back off of the curb felicia yeah please so who won this marjorie won i love me some marjorie because she was bold enough to make

i love her kibbe in a dog park with the smell of dog shit lingering in the air which raw lamb is not an easy sell to anybody but she had the balls to do that she's somehow talented after being trained by mike and uh she's like just the right amount of snarky and real i'm really liking her so far oh yeah no i love her i'm like i'm a i'm a big fan of her and the girl who won last week um those are those two i think may be my favorites well she won and she was so cute and happy and then who lost i forgot who lost i'm already laughing i don't know why oh the gay guy with the yellow pants he cried i don't feel bad for him i really don't i think he's to be a boring gay i mean when you're gay people expect you to be like girl what

even if you're not saying anything as long as you're gay enough they'll still laugh you know no poor little boring gay like he can't even here's why here's why here's why i have an issue with boring gay because he actually thinks he's not a boring gay he's like oh i'll put on yellow pants and this like crazy thing and he's always like i like to you know do my own thing and stick out a little bit and just be different i'm like you are the most rigid You are the most rigid, boring, lackluster person. You served bland poached chicken with bitter radicchio at your first challenge. And here you are trying to act like you're this life of the party.

I'm like, please. Yeah, he's also one of those people who just doesn't know how to work at judges' table. He brings that negativity into it like at least kwame you know when kwame went on for the 20th time about his goddamn daddy issues at the judging table of course it makes me even more mad because i know by now he's been interviewed 30 times about it he's already talked about it he's talked about it so many hours and he's still like well i was sad because 10 years ago my father left me and i'm like really so at least he's working it this other guy is literally so depressed that he's about to have a breakdown and they're asking him about his stuff and he goes well i just i felt like i wasn't really feeling any passion for my work so then i quit and then now i'm here and then like i just still feel nothing no one's gonna give you a prize when

you say i feel no passion for my work and i feel nothing you don't get a prize for that you better fake that shit it takes so much work and you're talking to a room full of chefs who have worked their ass off when you stand up there and say i quit my job because I wasn't feeling it. Boo. Leave. Bye. Yeah. Bye. Goodbye.

I was sad when he left, though, because I never like to see a man cry. And I do not. I really do feel bad for him for being a boring gay because that's a rough lot in life. And also those yellow pants like he can never wear those again. They've been on TV. Everyone's going to see them and be like, you've already worn those. Yeah. Well, maybe he's gonna make it his trademark thing. Oh, God.

Yolanda's fucking white jeans. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, I just bought some white jeans. So I'm going to Yolanda it up after Memorial Day because I am a proper lady. I'm inviting Matt Whitfield to lunch and you are wearing those just so I could see him have a nervous breakdown. You're allowed to after Memorial Day. You know why? Because I

have a grasp of etiquette. Oh God, these bitches. Real Housewives of Potomac. Our coverage starts now. I announced it like we're local news. Okay, these are some of the worst human

beings i've ever seen in my life yay bravo yeah this show is cracking me up oh my god i love this show are terrible people terrible i like maybe two or three i don't think that i don't think they're terrible i think that they just have their head up their asses. No, terrible is like Shazza Sunset. These are not terrible people. Well, they're terrible too, but this is the same thing. They're throwing friends of multiple years in the toilet just to have something to say on TV. Well, that's what they all do.

I think these women, they're just super petty, which is my favorite thing on Bravo. When women are super petty on Bravo, it just brings me so much joy. I don't know if that's misogynist or not, but if it is, I apologize. Why? The men are petty too. Yeah, but when women are petty...

They're all petty. See, what's good about this show, here's what I like as a macro note, is you have a bunch of idiots, okay? And you have these women talking about etiquette as if they have any grasp of the of of the philosophy of etiquette they don't understand it at all and then you have someone like giselle who's like well fuck this shit and it's driving the etiquette women like bonkers and it's so funny to watch them you know you know wave wag their finger

at giselle and the like and then have Giselle bark back at them. To me, that's perfect. It's just pure stupidity. Well, I'm definitely enjoying it. I just think the women are just horrible human beings. I love how it started out, though. I just noticed this because I love a new Housewives opening where I get to notice new things every week because it'll take me like five years to get through this one. Like just noticing all the little things in it.

But Robin in the opening goes, I don't have a cookie cutter life. But she says it like, she says cookie cutter. Like cookie gutter. I don't have a cookie cutter life. I don't have a cookie cutter life. But that's only because I can't find it. Like there's so many things in the drawers.

Why would I cut cookies when I can buy bags of them at the store? Am I right? And then we have the new girl this week in the opening. Ashley. I like sunshine and flowers. Whatever she said. What is her opening line? I don't know.

I was just cracking up at her voice. I like booty popping music. Woo! So the thing that's hilarious about this show in terms of the etiquette is that the whole concept of etiquette is that it's something you do to make other people feel comfortable. Right? to make other people feel comfortable, right? You're not supposed to do this or that because you might make someone feel uncomfortable. You don't mention an unpleasant topic

because that might make someone feel uncomfortable at dinner. You might not do this. The whole thing is about making sure people feel comfortable. That's the whole point of etiquette. Oh, I didn't know that. I thought etiquette was just like basic manners. No, I think etiquette is like the use of manners, think that manner i think etiquette is is like the use of manners if that makes sense yeah yeah i can look at art listen the active we should look up

etiquette someone should on this fucking show because these bitches obviously haven't right well i mean the definition is uh etiquette refers to conventional forms and usages the rules of etiquette decorum suggests dignity and a sense of what is becoming or appropriate of a person or good breeding a fine sense of decorum so that's like what i guess what etiquette means but the philosophy behind it is it's supposed to make you feel comfortable and you do it as a courtesy to make sure other people don't feel uncomfortable so the fact that sharice and uh k Karen keep walking around like the church lady and are like, that's not right etiquette. That's not etiquette. That's not what you do.

You don't do that. I was like, well, then you obviously don't understand etiquette, the idea of etiquette, because the fact that you're sitting there and you're pointing your finger and wagging your finger and scolding is the exact opposite of what etiquette is all about. And their manner, their plain manners are just so bad so we open back at the charisse party it's still daylight weird crab boil with the dress barn fashions on everybody and the craziest guests i've ever seen so we're still there we're back with karen telling off charie uh telling off giselle and giving her that picture frame which i noticed is not only a bad all caps font that she just typed herself and framed in some cheap ass like what'd you say zap with chancery not only is it in some cheap frame it's not even centered

right it's all like i noticed that too it's all janky in there it's like you couldn't even make it you couldn't even frame it properly come on now karen that's some scotch tape yeah so she's yelling and it's the dumbest fight ever she's like well you're rude you're rude and then giselle's like you're dumb you're whatever whatever and giselle's looking at her own reflection in this janky ass xerox framed rules thing. And she's looking at herself, and then Karen gets so mad that she walks away from her. But one thing I noticed was that when she walked away, Giselle gulped.

She was like, ooh, which shows some fear. And I'm only pointing that out. I'm only pointing that out because it's gone by the end of this episode. I mean, these women punched her down so much in the first two episodes you guys just created a monster you just created your worst fucking nightmare enjoy yourselves i will well i mean i i feel like most people are on the side of giselle on this one right oh totally 100 so it's so funny because then sharice is still like she's still mad about this whole staircase situation like i just wrote down i don't know why I wrote this, but I wrote down her saying, not Potomac. Not Potomac.

Not Potomac. You don't go upstairs in Potomac. Potomac. And, by the way, this party is like halfway over. This bitch is still up in her dressing chamber next to a roll of paper towels. I mean, come on. you can't write this better she's sitting next to a roll of paper towels talking to brené the biggest shit stirrer on the show so far and who's not even a cast member and she's like her sidekick was coming up the steps in my dressing room i don't know this man i don't know who he is he's coming up the staircase and then she said where do they do that

at like she had like like ghetto ways just to like shame somebody else for their welfare or their ghetto if she says that one more god damn yeah i hope that bitch goes broke i'm saying it right i hope she loses everything last week uh Last week, I sort of defended her. I said, like, I understand that impulse to not, you know, when you've come up and you don't want to just be lumped in with everyone else necessarily. And, you know, so I defended her on that front. But this week, she was, like, going, like, everything was, like, she brought her own tuna fish. Where are we? The ghetto? ghetto i mean come on now once you hear it you can't unhear it because she says it like every other line yeah you know so the uh then karen who is still to me dwight in a wig i'm sorry that is

dwight in a wig i do see the jasmine though, now that you said Jasmine guy. She's downstairs in her stupid, ugly Dillard's clearance rack dress. And by the way, sorry to interrupt. Attention must be paid to Karen's eyebrows. Because during one interview, the eyebrows started way up here. Imagine my finger about like an inch above my eye. And then swooped down and came around the side and came like below her eye it was like a velociraptor claw it was insane it was beyond divine beyond ursula this was the biggest drag eyebrow we have seen on bravo well you know that uh blue dress that she's wearing

in these interview talking head things that last week i was saying it looks like they're trying to like squeeze like a gallon of paint into a toothpaste tube or whatever so she's in that blue dress her head is she's cut it's like a kim richards neck almost like almost a turtleneck where it's like squeezing the turkey neck up like i'm doing it to myself because i have some too but like squeezing her turkey neck up and then her head like kind of moves independently of the dress like an animatronic head it's like that show at disneyland where you go look at the history of america and then the whole theater turns and then you see like abraham lincoln and only his head is that's all i could think of looking at her like oh we and i was like why would they make an animatronic thing with like foam rubber when that could just like it's just jolly and bright who's who's making this

animatronic character this is the scariest chuck e cheese i've ever been to making me cough over here i like that you're coughing i'm only coughing i know it's obnoxious that i cough every time on this podcast but i'm either smoking pot or these vapey things now. And now I'm smoking some jelly bean flavored vape. Turns out black jelly beans don't feel that great on your lungs. Who knew? Well, I have a lingering cough and it comes out at night. For real.

So anyway, so at one point, so now at this party, Giselle pulls Charisse aside and is like, can we talk? Can we clear up the air? And they talk. And she's like – Oh, wait. I'm pausing you only because I have to say this. Yeah, yeah. I started this with Karen's terrible dress.

I'm not only dissing her dress because I don't really care about that shit. But she's standing there in this, like, fluorescent-lit kitchen talking to anybody who will listen, you know, as loudly as possible about how rude somebody else is and she goes oh you like this dress yes my stylist chose it for me i'm like bitch you know you didn't make any of that money right like yeah you are fucking a guy you're fucking an old dude who looks like red fox and that's the only reason you have any goddamn money so please stop acting like you did something in this world and sit down. Well, I mean, she,

not only that, she has fully taken on his family, like in the sense of like, well, aunt dot this, I mean, this is jumping ahead, but she's like, well,

we don't do that. We have this, we have doctors in our family. We have people who work in the white house. We have, I'm like, you realize it's his family. You're talking about,

it's not your family on the farm. Okay. No kidding. Your family has fully taken on that. You milk cows while they while they were children okay and then fuck some rich guy for money so don't be lecturing your children on what to do because they could be following your footsteps very easily lady yeah she has fully taken on the huber name and then some she has now taken ownership of that family i'm like i mean it is your family now you are married but like don't act as if you come from their like lineage okay i got into a weird argument uh not an argument but like discussion

in the comments on a real housewives of beverly hills recap and uh someone was saying i don't like that you're calling everybody whores and i was saying well everybody is a whore we're all whores for different things and on these shows they're they're all whores at different levels you know and it was about yolanda foster at the time but she made a very good point where she was saying yes but a woman who was a whore who marries a man for his money but then raises his children isn't still a whore now she's like i'm like yeah now she's a madame selling her children i mean in that case but also i you know you do got to give respect. Like, yes, she did fuck the guy, marry him for his money, et cetera, et cetera. But she is still with him.

She's still making his aunt bitch dot T. And she's raised his children, so she did earn something. Still a bitch, though. So stop acting like you did something special in the world. You spread your legs, woman. Yeah. So anyway, so Sharice and Giselle have a talk and charise is still mad about all this stuff you know charise is still like he came upstairs with a stranger he did i don't who i

don't even know and just like you asked him to help you with your hair and she's like i did not she's like yes you did i did not yes you did and then they cut and she kind of did but kind of didn't so yeah because he was like he was like you want help he goes you want help with your hair he's like yeah and that too but then the funny thing is they kept cutting back for some reason they kept on cutting to katie's son who kept on kept on saying he wanted to go to the hot tub and i didn't really understand why they were doing this but i think they were trying to make a commentary about the maturity of the entire conversation no probably because he kept repeating

the same thing over and over and over i want to go to the hot tub well this stupid fight between these women it just sounds like we've been friends for years you've never acted like this what's up and charise starts going you know saying what you said and i'm trying to think of why i'm repeating this oh yeah she says you're your friend your sidekick sous chef making fun of my hair well look at your hair look at your hair and giselle's like my hair's cute she goes no it's not it's not cute she's like yes it is no it's not like now you're miss manners you're sitting here telling someone how janky they're shut up i mean she's right but still you know the thing is this her hair not good either. It looks like a terrible wig that took three people to staple onto that head.

To turn it into a situation of, I'm going to kick you out of my house. And I'm so mad. I'm so mad. Like, Charisse, like, yes, it's annoying. And it is poor form. And this guy is being overly familiar. But take a chill pill, girl. Yeah, I think they were just trying to have a wacky scene.

And this Charisse and Karen decided that they were going to make this bitch pay for whatever jealousy they have pent up from knowing each other. Because they all actually know each other. And I think they just didn't like her in the beginning. And they were like, that's it. She's trash. And we're going to say it on TV. But they didn't wait. Because you know Giselle is trash. Like, you can see it all over her.

She's a total whore. I mean, she's a horrible human being later on in the episode of The the new girl she's really mean and uh you know that she is trash so i don't think she's trash i don't think she's trash but she's not high class i don't think she's trash but she's not high class i think she's a mean trashy bitch like after watching her in this episode but um just wait let's okay then instead of saying trash I'll say you know that she's going to display some trashy behavior. Okay. So just wait for her to do that. Like you know that she's going to do it.

Now you're suddenly going to be mad that she sat at the center of the table, which is not even a thing that people do on their birthday. I've never heard of that. So as much as Karen is ridiculous with everything, she cracks me up because she is good with a hottie put down i mean you can't take that away from her so like when she's talking about the situation and cal is like nearby and cal starts to he starts to chime in and karen just turns up goes i don't know you check out she does this thing with her hand like goodbye i'm like yes yes you're like a raging bitch and i'm totally not on your side but yes i like when giselle says cal's like what's wrong because he's like screaming yeah he's screaming like a woman this whole time he's probably coked up out of his mind you know

and he's screaming and uh giselle goes diane furstenberg has a problem. And he goes, who dat? Yeah. I cannot believe this queen does not know who Diane Mom Furstenberg is. I took it that he didn't know who she was referring to. If he knew who Diane Furstenberg was, he would know who she's referring to. I loved that Giselle kept on calling Karen Josephine Baker. I mean, I was like cracking up. So good. So they

start this fight at the door and Karen is so rude. Yeah, she says, please leave or whatever. Step back or whatever she tells Cal. And she says, security. She goes, I don't know. You check out security. And then he goes, I'm security right here.

And then he, like, acts like he's all strong and shows his muscle. I did not take that as him being threatening. I think he was just still trying to be hilarious. You can't be a housewife unless you're unduly threatened by everything. You know, and, you know, I love the way that Karen calls out for security. I like to imagine that she does that anywhere she is. She'll be, like, at, like, Pinkberry. And they're like, I'm sorry. We like to imagine that she does that anywhere she is. She'll be like at Pinkberry and they're like I'm sorry we're out of that topping.

Security! I'm a humor right here and they don't have any more jelly tots. Security! She's going through her yogurt planet. She's like I will take some banana peel but you can tell that Oreo to check out.

I'm sorry we don't have any more granola topping. Yes you do, you just don't know it yet. That yogurt swirl is always coming for me, but it can't find me. Yogurt swirl always comes for me. They just don't know it's fine, man. She's scared of this

literally screaming queen who's wearing a pleather backpack with like those weird belt studs on it come on now I'm not falling for this so then she walks right to the kitchen well after of course Charisse she doesn't need to come here ever again

she puts the hood in the hood I'm like okay well good I'm glad you could point out that somebody else is ghetto compared to you you dumb hoe so then Karen goes to the kitchen throwing this drama fit like Yolanda when she was beat almost to death by Ken Todd in that

riveting dinner scene that we saw a couple years ago where he touched her arm and said be nice to my wife and she's like don't abuse me Ken so she pulls Yolanda and goes to my wife she's like don't abuse me can um so she pulls a yolanda and goes to the kitchen she's like well a man was talking to me threatening he was flexing his muscles at me and threatening me at the door shut up lady yeah yeah just calm down let's go to katie's house speaking of calming down because i probably should into the boring life of katie so

she has a whole bunch of kids that are totally out of control. And then the rabbi comes in. Pre-rabbi, you noticed why the gay guy is around, right? I mean, that gay guy, why he's always at your house, but he doesn't want to commit. Manny, there's like a little Asian Manny who works for them. And he goes. That was a woman, I thought. I thought it was a lesbian. I don't think so. I think it was like a little gay guy. I thought it was a woman i thought i thought it was a lesbian i don't

think so i think it was like a little gay guy i thought it was an asian twink okay that's what i'm going with i said gays and twink mani that's why the husband's in but he his first thing is he smells a diaper and he goes you poop you're fine i love him the mani is already my new favorite so i was watching i was watching this with uh with with my boyfriend and he was when katie starts talking about um she's like i don't know any other you know black jews my boyfriend was like please don't say sammy davis jr she's like i mean there's a sammy davis jr and he's like please don't say lenny kravitz and lenny kravitz my boyfriend just like threw up his hands he's so i was like why are you so angry he's like can't you think of anyone else other than sammy davis jr and lenny kravitz like can't you like

say something about how there's like a bunch of like ethiopian black jews or whatever i was like oh yeah i was like why didn't she mention drake but it was just so funny because he literally what he was literally saying the words are mad he's like please don't say sammy davis jr she's sam davis jr that's funny well this girl is a young version of everybody else and she seems very sweet i actually really like this i do i do like her but um she is so ridiculous she's like well there are black jews and then name drops and then rabbi mark the whitest person ever in the world other than here's the thing he has he has an earring okay this really bothers me i don't i don't is that is that a like non-jewy thing to do like an earring in your ear actually

i think believe it or not you're not if you are jewish you're actually really not supposed to get tattoos or earpiece piercings it's considered like modification of the body but what bothers me is not that what bothers me is that it just looks so douchey. This is like the equivalent of Tamara's pastor with a puka necklace. I don't want to see my rabbi with a Harrison Ford earring. Well, I think you guys are finally doing what our people are doing. People are leaving religion. You've got to make it cool, man. Christians, we have rock bands in church now.

Did Rebbi, did he really make it that cool? He has an earring. Well, they never do. The rock bands in church aren't cool either. That's the hilarious part of it. Well, the thing is, this Mosaic church group, you know Mosaic here on the corner? Yes, creepiest place ever. Is that beating Scientology

yet for creepiest place ever? So, you know, at Tiago, my favorite coffee shop, did I tell you this how it like at 8 p.m on mondays they have like bible study there they they tiago closes at eight but they i guess they rent out the space to mosaic so you know just the other night i was working there it was like 7 30 and the place fills up and it's like the most beautiful people this is the most beautiful cult i've ever seen it's just like it's a dockers commercial it's like a docker slash abercromb they're gorgeous it's like all like gorgeous 22 to 27 year olds and they are beautiful and they

all gather together and talk about jesus it is crazy so then naturally i have to leave well i think it's like the young people new to la.A. who haven't shaken off their teachings yet and whose parents will murder them if they become Scientologists to get a career. So now all the gorgeous people go to Mosaic. It's like the Christian Scientology. Not that Christianity is a cult. I'm not saying that. But this place is very culty looking. Everyone looks the same.

They're like 20-year-old white kids. It looks like a cult. Every time I see them out there i'm like what the hell are they waiting for a spaceship what is happening in this church i know it's crazy mosaic is like different pieces of glass this is all the same white glass exactly glued together again um so anyway so anyway katie uh so she tells us i'm not just a bagel and cream cheese Jew. I'm very Jewish. And at no point during the episode does she ever, ever prove that thesis. If the like, I think at one point she actually puts out bagels and cream cheese.

Well, her party was all carbs. It was like 20 loaves of bread. Yeah. I don't know what that was about. But this, she's such a name dropper so first she did the black jew name drop and then she's like yes our balcony is on the 13th hole of this golf course and so many famous people come by here obama came by here uh she starts naming all these famous people who have come by i'm like who cares you rented a fucking balcony on a golf course congratulations i know and then she has this whole awkward conversation with uh with with the rabbi i was like i i just i can't i can't right now she wants her kids to have the jew jewish names and the

rabbi is like well there's a formula and she said well i want you know i want my boyfriend to help like beyonce that is not a Jewish name. It's like the gay boyfriend giving the most stereotypical gay names. Barbara. No. No, no. So she's like, I feel like he's testing me. Honey, he's asking.

It's like a questionnaire. It's not a test. And you don't know anything. It's hilarious. I know. And he's like, you know what the Torah is? She's like, is that like torah spelling i don't know she got cut off by her mother that was a sad story she got cut off by her mother i missed that part of the story tori's spelling oh oh i was like no

she and her mom are good she's like yes poor torah i'm still mad at canada about that well everyone remembers that pivotal moment in Jewish history when the Torah fell on a grill at Benihana. First book burning in Encino. It's bad. That's why they call it Benihannukah.

Okay, so It's bad. That's why they call it Benny Hanukkah. You're dumb. Okay, so next up is Karen with Red Fox. Okay, this is hilarious. I love this scene. So Aunt Dot was coming to town. Aunt Dot is Karen. It's the Red Fox aunt. The old slag.

She's great. This lady's an old slag. She is not great. She's an awful human being, too. I want her to get run over. No, what are you talking about? Oh, she is fantastic. She comes in, and she just complains.

She complains about the tea, because the tea has to be hot. And this is what etiquette rule. All hot tea should be served piping hot. And then they serve her tea, and she's like, this is warm tea. Here, it's like, this is warm tea. She has a really high fast voice. This is warm tea. Why would they serve me warm tea she has a really high fast point this is warm tea why would they send me warranty with no milk well if you were aunt if you were aunt dot wouldn't you be pissed

if you had to get on camera in front of your your nephew's like you know socially aspirant wife that she probably hates of course she's miserable i hate this bitch you know she does because karen is terrified of her she's like like, honey, we need Lipton tea. Yeah, because that's the classiest tea in the world. She's like, you just spent two hours of our lives bragging about how classy you are. Then you're like, where's Lipton? So Aunt Dot's coming, and she tells us, The Hugers are a very legacy-like, etiquette-loving family from New York City and Potomac.

And Aunt Dot showed me how to do everything when I came from the farm. Aunt Dot showed me how to be a lady. Then Aunt Dot's like, where's my tea? This tea is cold. Who serves warm tea? I'm like, Aunt Dot seems like a rude bitch to me. Figures she taught you everything. I think Aunt Dot was being a little tongue-in-cheek.

I think she's a battle axe. I think she can't stand Karen, and she's tolerating this whole ridiculousness, and she likes giving people a hard time. But I think Aunt Dot is, I don't think she's a horrible person. I'd throw that bitch in the fire if she came to my house and started complaining about tea. Bye. Bye. Bye. All right. So now – oh, so now the women go to Sip with Socialites, which is just barely more interesting than Real Housewives Season 1 when they would go to Drinks and Dialogue.

Do you remember that? When Lisa Wu Hartwell was like, on Thursday nights, I like to do something called Drinks and Dialogue. Do you remember that? When Lisa Wu Hartwell was like, on Thursday nights, I like to do something called drinks and dialogue. I was like, great. That sounds, it sounds like the sort of event that happens at like the student activity center in college.

You know, it's like all the do-gooders like get together and they talk about things while everyone else has fun, like drinking at the frat. So, um, this was funny. It was walks in and she's immediately defensive because she knows she's going to be meeting this young heifer who just got brought in or whatever.

And so she's already ready to hate. And she looks around and she's like, whoa, this is like a real thing. Yeah, bitch. And it's like on the balcony of this pretty restaurant. Not the cutest view in the world. What is that? Like downtown? It was not cute.

But the restaurant was cute so they go and she goes wow this is a real thing and she's acting like she's so classy and she thought she was going to be above this but it's actually real she's wearing a see-through shirt a feathered like a feathered man hat like the one that cynthia's assistant was wearing in the previous episode. And a bustier. Listen, I think, listen, I was happy with Giselle's choices. I am, I am, I'm on team Giselle. Okay. I'm not saying that you're not necessarily on team Giselle, but I am, I am going to be.

I'm on team Katie. I'm on team Katie and Ashley so far. The rest of them to me are awful. I'm on team. I'm on team Giselle. She really is my favorite. I like Giselle though. I like her. I like, I mean, I like, I think and Ashley so far. The rest of them to me are awful. I'm on team Giselle. She really is my favorite. I like Giselle though. I like her. I think Katie is very sweet.

I think that she is in over her head. I think she should not be messed up with these women. Why are they casting a 26-year-old in a housewife show? Karen looks like she's old enough to have a child who is old enough to birth this girl. I know. I know. Poor Ashley. And she has a way with words, doesn't she? She meets them

and she's like, come on in. We have a whole schlong of cocktails. I think the word you're looking for is throng. Throng of cocktails. Not a schlong of cocktails. Unless there's some new twist on the ice luge that we don't know about.

So funny. So then... Sam and Ashley. I love her voice. It's not Gretchen, but it's really high. And she has kind of a weird accent. It's like her accent only comes out on the A's. Yeah.

Every A is an E. But otherwise... She has a very Robin Givens face, I think. Like, it's very Robin Givens. I think she looks like a little tree elf. She looks like a little elf.s face, I think. It's very Robin Givens. Creed Summer's hair. I think she looks like a little tree elf. She looks like a little elf.

They're not mutually exclusive. Especially when she has her hair pulled back. She looks like a cute little elf. I don't know why she was mine to me. Yeah. Well, that was the other thing that Dom was saying. He was like, God, the women on this show, their hair is just so far back. Pulling their hair so far back. And sure enough, they all started making fun of each other's hair.

But then Helen Slater came in, a.k.a. Robin. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. I'm going to have a sip of socialite. Like, okay. But I love when Robin started making fun of giselle being around a pretty girl she's like she's like oh get giselle around a pretty girl a young skinny pretty girl and those claws come out and sure enough oh yeah the minute she saw her she hated

her she was being so mean to her and uh robin like, so what's this charity thing you do? And Ashley's terrified because Giselle looks like she's going to eat her alive. Robin looks like Garfield the cat, like on drugs. Like she's totally confused. And Giselle's just trying to impress these ladies. And she's like, well, this charity is all about raising money for different philanthropic charities. And tonight we're doing a touching the heart charity. And it's like where these kids, like, they come and then you, like, volunteer with kids in school systems and they volunteer hearts.

She's like, wait, what the fuck am I saying? Oh, I'm so dumb. I was like, I love you. I love you forever after this one little scene i know that was i mean i don't know i feel like ashley is i don't love ashley i have to say because i question her i don't know like her marriage i think is weird it makes me question everything about her he's like 30 32 years older than her right 31 and when she told giselle that she was like like it was only a matter of time before giselle's like she's thoughtish

yeah she called her thoughtish what the hell so rude you just met the girl i know and then and then robin starts with her what's your race so what's robin and giselle's shit with race why are they it was giselle giselle is someone asked her what her race is and she said black and white and robin it's robin and giselle it's the both of them what the hell oh yeah and oh that's right because giselle says to katie like are you black are you white tonight yeah i don't like that and katie says uh i embrace that but oh katie she's not the dumb one she's just saying well i'm i'm half jewish and i you know i i am both i'm black and i'm jewish you know and i embrace both parts and uh robin's like well

i don't know this was later i think but i don't know i just think they're bitchy but this is where it starts with these two. It was cracking me. That whole shit was cracking me up. And then they all start dancing. And then Ashley's, like, grinding up on someone. And I love, like, Helen Slater. I mean, Robin is, like, I wrote her name down as Helen Slater through my notes because I couldn't remember her name for the first, like, half of the show.

But so Robin's, like, it's like, black women don't hump like that. Must be a white thing. What is that? black women don't hump like that must be a white thing what is that black women don't hump each other like that what are you talking about do you have mtv like have you ever seen a music video what the frick lady i was cracking up at that she hangs i think she's hanging around with too many white girls i was laughing i was i thought that was amazing and then but then the best they cut to Ashley on the, on standing on the couch being like, where's the booty pop and music.

I want to twerk to this. I was like, Robin may be onto something. Well, she starts getting insecure. And when hot girls who rely on their hotness, I mean, she's married to a 56 year old.

She's obviously relying on her hotness. When hot girls are relying only on their hotness and they're attacked by other women they go into this insecure mode where they become even more whorish and it's so funny like she becomes so much more offensive because she's nervous it's like diarrhea of the whole mouth i just i'm sorry the whole area of the mouth. But she's saying, I'm in a Gemini or a Leo BB. And so I have to have it now. And so they're already annoyed. So then she's called a thot. And then they're giving her shit over her husband being so old.

And Giselle's saying, you must pop Viagra or something. And she's like, no, he has such a big penis. What does one thing have to do with the other? That's what caused Giselle to say that she's thottish. That's what it was. Because she's like, no, he has a big penis. Oh, really? I think that's what it was.

Stupid bitch. I don't know. I could be wrong. But either way, I think the fact that she called it booty popping music. It's just like, all of a sudden she turned into your 47-year-old second cousin that you see at the wedding, dancing around, waiting for a Will Smith song to come on the radio. That's what it was. Let's get a booty pop and music.

Let's twerk like a Miley Cyrus. And then Giselle, who's wearing a bustier, and just got yelled at for being trashy everywhere else she's been so far it says she's trash not very potomac really bitch now you're saying not very potomac how does everybody around here understand what potomac is but nobody's agreed on what it is you bitches need together get together and decide what it is because you all keep saying it's not very potomac but none of you seem to know what it is exactly so then we get um a scene of uh charisse bringing her she like chaperones her daughter to cheer it's like a cheer oh no first we have a moment of karen dwight being even more of a cut fitness than usual and showing us that in the living room, she needs to use an intercom system on her phone to call her husband to come to the living room. I just wrote, what a cut fitness.

Yeah, it was like a one second scene. It was silly. And then so then we see Charissa cheer. It's like the next room, bitch. And then my note for the scene was okay that was fun because nothing it's just like well i have to bring my daughters to cheer uh my life is my daughters as i my life is my daughters and i like to concentrate on their gymnastics so i can stop thinking about horrible negative things like the crab oil really the crab oil that's still what's killing you at gym class

you need to get over it i do appreciate her showing up to the beatless brunch though beatless i mean she's like the only person i know it's like an hour later and not the same show but still she doesn't care she'll go out with no makeup yeah absolutely i respect that so then so then we have a scene of giselle with her daughters and giselle has said that you know she, she's like, Giselle's like, well, I have an issue and I'm trying to work it out. And she's like, I'm thinking about talking it out. And her daughter's like, don't talk it out. That just never works.

They're like, listen, mom, I've had way too much experience in this area. The sad thing is she's had the most experience in any of these women. Of talking it out? Hell yeah. They're're more mature her kids made me want to have kids they're so sweet they're so intelligent and when giselle this is the one that angie was texting us last week saying i just noticed the white stove because angie texted us last week and she goes please with that giselle bitch how am i to be – how is somebody with a white stove better than me? And I totally saw that white stove and started laughing my ass off. And then when they went to the living room to talk about the letter or whatever she was going to write, that was like the same little sectional couch.

I'm like trying to buy from every furniture. It's like the cheapest sectional you can get. Oh, bless her heart. I know. So Giselle, was this now when she writes the letters? She writes these passive-aggressive letters? Yeah, she's starting to write the

letter and she wants help from the kids. Yeah, so they're like quote-unquote apology letters. So one, she writes to Charisse and her daughter's like, well, you know, in Girl Scouts we say our friendship is like a circle it has no beginning it has no end and i love you whatever it was that's how long i want to be your friend yeah and then so just i was like oh that's a good idea i'm gonna write that and then the other

one she says to karen like i'm looking forward to seeing you today and i know you'll be on your best demeanor and you basically won't be a cut fitness. So it was like two, like one was like a totally odd one. And one was a passive aggressive one. And she just writes them both down. She just writes them both down. And you're like, you know, this is not going to end. Like if you're going to write a letter to someone, you have to say something like, I'm so sorry that we had this miscommunication. I really treasure our friendship.

Like I don't want this ever to get in the way. And I'm writing you this letter because I want you to see that it's, like, really important to me that, you know, da-da-da-da. Well, just that it's not very bright. Yeah, this is, even though she comes from a very affluent family, as she would say. Yeah. I need to remind them who I am.

I come from a very affluent family. I know manners, really. Really, do you? My family is very affluent family. I know manners. Really? Really, do you? My family is very, very renowned. Listen, you can't listen to everything your children say just because they're your goal age, okay? That time has passed, lady. Write your own damn letters. Yeah.

So then we go to Ashley. We go to see Ashley's Ashley. We get to see her life. She's a former Miss D.C. And now she's married to Michael Darby. And she says that his accent makes her panties wet, which is nice. Oh, God. I'm sure like a simple chuckle will make his panties wet.

God bless his heart. He's 65 if he's a day. And also, Ashley's very irresponsible. Her first shot as a solo housewife is of this tiny little purse dog sleeping on a plug on the floor. That's the first shot. You need to cover that, okay? That poor little dog

is going to be electrocuted if he steps on that thing. That's going to make her panties wet, too. I love electrocution. So the old white dude, he's an Australian guy, he's like, hello there, Nolan. We've got to get Melbourne back.

We've got to get Melbourne, our terrible Melbourne accents back, because I don't think we ever got them right in the first place. He's like, good day, good day, Ashley. I'm in Cheshire also, I can't do it. So they want to to their big thing is that they're gonna open a restaurant bar we're gonna open a restaurant bar because he's from

australia and i'm from america and so we're gonna open a restaurant that mixes australian food with american food great idea uh is australian food really that different have you heard of the outback steakhouse i think it's pretty much the same shit that we eat here girl yeah i don't know it's it's basically just meat pies by the way happy australia day that's today it is yeah i'll miss you australia come back to me So then we go to Katie's naming ceremony Where the rabbi has now Upped his accessories from not just an earring But a guitar too

At which point I am just like Now I know how all the Christians feel When they see Alexis Bellino's Congregation on TV I was like oh no this is mortifying For us Jews So um so uh That was so funny so he's got his he's got his uh whatever and then the gay the gay boyfriend comes in like after like blushing with the manny

or whatever comes in and then he hugs the rabbi i guess he hugs the rabbi and the rabbi goes and now meet mich Michael the most delicious boyfriend of anyone in our congregation I'm like whoa the best was Giselle's reaction that's wrong she literally makes a noise that's wrong

I also love when Giselle shows up like in the middle of the ceremony she's like I didn't know Jewish people start everything on time honestly she's cracking me up with everything she said I was dying yeah she's very funny and she's really good with those uh those talking heads she was very funny so she comes in she's like ding dongs and then the rabbi goes oh oh, it could be. And then Katie goes, Elijah. And he's like, yes, that's right. Elijah, the prophet.

You got one. You finally got one, Katie. Congratulations. She's like, I'm not just a bagel and cream cheese Jew. I'm a bagel and bialy and cream cheese Jew. I used to eat at Elijah's bagels. I don't want just lox. I want whitefish salad too.

And Robin's like, I'm not saying there can't be black Jewish people. I've just never seen any. Like, I've known Jewish people, but none of them look like Katie. These bitches are starting to piss me off. Well, they already did. I don't know. It's so funny that you're so angry i i like them and i thought and i don't like it because it's the two light-skinned ones too it's like the ones with obviously some mix i don't care if your parents are both black you've obviously got something in you that's making you so defensive

about everyone else's race what the fuck do you care like what does it matter i was really i thought it was actually a pretty like i thought there were conversation about like mixed and being light-skinned or whatever i don't know i didn't think that there was anything like bitchy or crazy about that i thought they were actually having a pretty like well i think that i'm getting this way because i've already seen the you know when they have the this season on potomac and it becomes like a huge issue later. They showed it in the very first thing they've ever showed. So I know it becomes a huger thing.

So I'm just seeing how it's starting. And to me, I think they're just being bitches over no reason. I don't think giving someone shit over. I don't know. I really don't. I really did not take that. I thought they were just like, I don't know. It didn't seem that way at all to me.

To me, it seemed like they really were just like talking about like the response they get and like having to deal with that, et cetera, et cetera, which I thought was actually pretty interesting. I think these women are for sure super, super petty. But I think that they – I feel like they are still brighter women than the women from Atlanta. I feel like there's a little bit more going on in their worlds than the women – like to me, I think Atlanta is very much – if you were to compare them, Atlanta is like Orange County and this is like Beverly Hills in the sense that in Orange County and to a certain degree in Atlanta – I'll get to this in a second. But like in Orange County, you have all these people with all this money and they're spending it and they spend it on designer clothes or whatever. But there's no like social – I don't know what it it is there's no like old money in orange county

right so like then the crazy new varish that's they're just like the top of the pecking order or whatever right there's no one to kind of like check them in like over there in orange county to be like you don't act like that no no no whereas uh and i feel like in atlanta atlanta definitely has old money but that old money seems like it's staying super far away from what you see on Real Housewives of Atlanta. And I feel like the women on Real Housewives of Atlanta are all like super new money and they just act in this crazy garish ways. And they're like, it's all about wearing the labels and all that stuff. It's like conspicuous consumption. And they're just like, they think that they are you know like so much more but they're just kind of like they're just like new money now these

women too in potomac are also new money just the way they are in beverly hills as well but their new money kind of abuts against um older their new hoes rest married to older money well they but yeah but yeah they they come into contact with older money. And I know this makes me sound totally obnoxious to be talking about new money and old money. But when that happens, though, there is like – I think there's something they do still take from that old money. I don't know. That old money. I don't know.

I just think that there's like more. I think the women that we see on Potomac, for instance, are around people that we're not necessarily seeing on camera, but they're around people who are doing things like. Well, they're in a normal town. Atlanta is like Hollywood. They're around like they're around like politicians and they're around like very highly educated people. And again, it's not to say that that's not the case in atlanta or even orange county but i just i feel like it's the case in orange county yeah no atlanta i mean atlanta there's like obviously like very educated people there you know you have emory university yeah but in their immediate lives i mean yeah i feel like you know i i exactly i think i'm sort of being a little all over the map with this but what I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel like in Potomac these women they do they are like they are crossing paths with people

who are like very educated and very worldly I believe I really do believe that and I feel like that sort of stuff rubs off it rubs off on anyone who's around anything like that and whereas in Orange County I don't know you know I don't know who people in our county are crossing paths with and in atlanta i kind of feel like what the the the the the the small the portion of atlanta that we're seeing on real housewives and on marriage and medicine i don't feel like i you know this is like i don't know who they're crossing paths with either i don't feel like they're really crossing paths with a lot of smart worldly people it's like peter it's like peter's brew that's who they're crossing paths with uh yeah i i just don't i don't really compare the two i mean i just think that they're both black shows on bravo so obviously that's this is like the second black housewives you know so obviously there's going to be

comparisons right um but i don't really compare them because to me they're totally different i mean atlanta's like la hollywood bullshit yeah and uh especially the recent atlanta you know don't anybody who's been there forever get mad but i mean it is it's like a hollywood like fame whoring yeah a zillion shows shooting there and everyone's tripping over themselves to be on tv whereas this is just like some small town which nobody really even knew about that they're having a housewives show in and so to me it's just so interesting because it's an unheard of place and that's what made orange county so famous people don't know what the fuck orange county was you know that's like some weird little town i guess to tie it back into why i even started spouting off all this stuff is because i think that i i guess because when when they're sitting here talking

about race and they're talking about being mixed or being biracial and what it means i feel like it's not to say that like if the women on real hassles of atlanta were having the same conversation i would never like say well oh well she's this woman's not as smart, and therefore her opinion on it doesn't matter, because it's a totally valid opinion from anyone, from wherever their background is. But I just feel like the women of Potomac, I feel like just in a weird way, when they talk about it, they seem to talk about it with, I don't know there just seems to be more like intelligence I think in the way they discuss

I find them but they're petty as shit I don't think they're using that at all I think they're using it in a mean way like in a rude way, like looking down on her for not identifying as a black woman, like that she's identifying

as a Jewish black woman bothers them that she's not just identifying as a black woman like that she's identifying as a jewish black woman bothers them that she's not just identifying as a black woman it bothers them like if there's a mixed race you identify with your black side and that's it and i don't like that i am from mixed race and so i i'm from a family where the lebanese side is somehow better um and this is all growing up shit this is not recent or current but growing up where the like the full-blood lebanese are like somehow better because we have white too and so that makes us lesser than them like they're more real you know because they they're full-blooded lebanese and we're just half breeds you know yeah? Yeah. And that is like that.

That I guess that's maybe where my defensive nature comes from, but that's how I'm taking it. I'm like, why is it? Why does it matter how she fucking identifies? Why can't we just all be one race? And that's why I say anybody who's white has the responsibility to have babies with somebody who is not white because I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of it shit i'm sick of it i'm sick of it all being these racial divides everybody's fighting over when we should be one we are the same country i want us to fucking unite get the fuck you know and i'm not even saying also all our babies would be so attractive it's nothing i'm not even saying that i'm saying

it's time we all figured out together a way to stop this stop the fucking racism it's disgusting that we still see that on facebook well but stop it from all you know everybody stop like let's just all interbreed and stop okay and by the way i just want to clarify something before people get up in arms about my generalizations about orange county and atlanta and all these i'm really talking about like these women on these shows you know obviously there's yeah yeah yeah yeah well I mean I'm not obviously I'm pulling personal history I mean I love I don't care if people are up in arms anymore I don't care well I I mean I love to make generalizations about my favorite thing is to just to ride everyone in Orange County but I'm you know I realistically know that not everyone there's like very very smart people

in Orange County and there are cultured people there but um you know i just feel like on these shows i feel like i feel like these women have probably more worldly experience than the women on like orange county or or atlanta oh my god orange county the whole first episode was vicky wanting to get a car wash i mean yeah but these women are still these they're just all trash. You know, it's like, it's a Real Housewives show. So to be on a Real Housewives show, you have to have a certain amount

of fame-whoring, narcissism, and grossness and willingness to betray people just for airtime. So just being on this show makes you trash to me. Like all of them. Every single one of them to me is gross. But I also love it because you see

the real sides even though that's not what they intended to show you you end up seeing real sides and talking about real stuff and this stuff is important and racial stuff is basically what we're talking about right now in this country and it's not just black and white there's the uh immigrants there's it's all over the presidential debates it's all anybody's talking about so for it to be on tv on such a stupid cartoonish show is gonna enrage people because it's mirroring what's going on in real life and why it's okay to diss somebody for not identifying as one way like to me that's just not cool and i don't like it and if people get pissed hey look i'm very lucky that i get to sit here and just talk with one of my best friends for hours a week

and say whatever the fuck i want and be awful and people let me get away with it really hence when people have an issue come tell me and let's talk about it you know i think that's one of the biggest things missing from the world that we can't just fucking talk and be honest with each other. But, you know, I really thought the whole discussion that they were having, I thought they were talking about how, you know, it gets tiresome how you have to say, are you white, are you black, and like having to categorize yourself. Yeah, they asked her twice. No, they weren't saying that. She's saying, Katie was saying that. Katie was saying, I don't see what the big

deal is i have my mother is jewish that's it like it's not i don't understand why it's a big deal they're the ones questioning in every scene and look this is going to come up a zillion times over the course of this season and apparently it gets a lot worse as we go on so you know those are our opening stances i guess we're just gonna have to see where this damn show takes us because i have a feeling it's gonna get oh it will starting with the next scene when uh so giselle gets to lunch with sharice and karen and and giselle sends them a car and the driver gives them notes the these famous notes that giselle had written and they read them and you, you know, Charisse is like, what the fuck is this circle, like, of beginning, end, that's how long I want

to be friends, and then, like, and then Karen is like, well, this is a passive-aggressive piece of shit, those were, like, two stupid, stupid letters, so, of course, when they show up, they're angry, and Charisse has such a stank look on her face. Sharice is, oh, she is not. You know, for someone who has talked a lot about etiquette or whatever, how about a way to, you know, like what about the rule of etiquette that you at least like smile and say hello to someone at lunch? That woman is a rude cow. Both of those women are awful.

They're sitting in this car. They get apology letters. This woman sent cars for them to bring them to lunch for this apology thing. They read them like she's a piece of trash. This is bullshit. Blah, blah, blah. She didn't even do anything to either one of you bitches in the first place. So you're already mad about something stupid.

Now that you're carrying it over to like weeks later, like God knows how many events has this been that they've all been together now. That they're still carrying this bullshit around and getting all mad in the car. You are two old stupid slags. I'm sick of listening to you already both you shut up you're making me side with giselle and i have a feeling that girl's a bitch from hell and i'm already like siding with her because you guys are so awful i mean how can you not side with giselle she had her children write sorry letters and she's on an iphone 4 i mean you gotta have you know hugs and so then so sharice called the sharise calls Giselle, well, she said that Giselle and Cal were acting

as if they were in like a Tyler Perry play. And so Giselle, I love her comeback. She's like, well, if we were a Tyler Perry play, I guess we all know that Cherise is Madea. But notice that when Cherise said this, she was saying, it's some B-rate. Tyler Perry, well, do you remember what

Tyler Perry started out, right? Because that's when I was living in New York. And he had these huge plays that were very inexpensive, and they were the first huge black event plays. They were a huge cultural thing. And this bitch is still

calling shit ghetto even when she's referring to something else i that lady these ladies make me so mad but especially that sharice lady with her ghetto remarks i don't like it and so they they're once again they're rehashing everything no one is budging on anything um and then they get in the fight again about the hair and this is when giselle's like he's a world renowned hairdresser like renowned round hairdresser however you want to say it and then finally charise gets mad and then she had this is her big put down the presence of your face repulsed with me yeah and then goes like twirls off get out of here i did like that she was saying you're making fun of my hairdresser

but that wig on your head like yeah that is the fakest thing in the room also of course giselle's gonna bring a hairdresser she went there in the daytime to cook for you she has to get ready and every why do you get three hairdressers but no one else is supposed to use one of course she's gonna bring her hairdresser who also cooked your food yeah exactly you know for all of sharisa's talk about the help the help the help like well what do you think you relegated uh giselle to when you had her cook your food it's like you can't like look down on the help and then ask your friend to cook the food for you like you you just can't like like you have to like either like your friend cooks the food for you and you realize that like sometimes people do favors for you.

Or you just hire a private chef. But you can't be like, oh, my friend is doing me a favor. But then her friend who's doing her a favor is the help all of a sudden. That doesn't make sense. I'm just so elitist and so stupid. Who brings a hairstylist to a crab boil? Is there rules about that? I've never read that one.

Never heard that one that's so stupid and what about hairstylists everywhere what they're not classy enough for your party it's like well the preschool teacher and the fucking mailman at your fucking crab boil get out of here and charisse you're the one who brought like a freaking like a makeup artist to your crab boil doing the doing your makeup upstairs like what's the difference oh that's true i wonder if she let them eat the food that the lesser than hairstylist cooked oh a whole new drama i don't know but that's something we'll just have to wait to find out about um well this show by the end of this you know it opened with karen telling off giselle and giselle gulping in fear and then it ended with Giselle like

fuck you bitches. Withholding apology flowers. She brought flowers and she was only going to give them if they made amends. But since they didn't make amends she was withholding the flowers like Lucille Bluth. And Giselle this face repulses no one. Yeah I love

that it ended with the empowerment of giselle because i'm sure these bitches have been holding her down for years and making her feel like she's not good enough and she has to act a certain way and she has to do this and she has to do that motherfuckers you are not in downton abbey drop it and i'm glad that she's finally like screw you because guess who the star is her these other, everybody hates them. Like, Karen's getting some love just because, you know, Dwight in a wig. He's paid his dues. But Giselle, I mean, Sharice is getting tons of hate and stuff online.

So you go, Giselle. In the end, you won. Now be nice to the child, okay? Yeah. Well, that, I think, brings us to the end. That is the end of our podcast. Some really good anger I got out today. Thank you.

We vented out some stuff about Food Network. We talked about Top Chef. We talked about Recipe for Disaster. Is that what it's called? Recipe for Disaster? Recipe for Deception? That's over. I call that no more.

Bye. Yes. And we even got to do our favorite thing which is pontificate about race and i probably made an ass out of myself right now i probably made an ass out of myself trying to delineate the cultural differences between the women on real houses of potomac and real houses of atlanta so i have no i wasn't i wasn't nagging you about it i just see it happening a lot online and i just really don't see any similarities no no i just no it's just funny because i could i could see as i was trying to like make my

like make my delineation i was just i was like oh gosh i just sort of sound now i just actually sound like charise just being elitist but you know what i like being elitist sometimes no i you know what here's one thing this one gift this show has really given me a lot of them but personality wise it's taught me i am who i am and the only way i'm gonna make it through this life is to not give a fuck like and i've been scared enough of my life who cares people can tell me to fuck off and it doesn't hurt anymore yeah and you know what i learned from this show is that i just really want people to like me i do everybody. Everybody does really like you, babe. That was the gift God gave you, my darling.

You were born likable. Anyway, I'm going to go out now to the sidewalk and beg for money for my new rent. Don't mind me. If anyone has a penny to spare. That's not very Potomac. Yeah, that's not very. Who begs for money? Not Potomac.

Who brings a blogger to a crab boil? Everyone, thanks for supporting us and listening to us. You can support us at patreon.com forward slash watch for crappins. You can follow us at facebook.com forward slash watch for crappins. And you can find us at watchforcrappins.com for all our social media links, including our Twitter handle, at WhatCrapins, is, that's where you can find it.

We love you guys. We love you. Come back Thursday because we're going to have a lot of Vanderpump to discuss. Tons of Vanderpump. Bye, everyone. Bye.

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