Watch What Crappens - #2626 RHOBH S1401 Part One: Hello, Dali!

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

This is part one of our two-part recap!Real Housewives of Beverly Hills returns! Kyle is still crying, Dorit is mad as hell and taking no prisoners, and Boz is already stealing the show. Get a record to balance atop your head and let’s get going! To watch this and all our recaps on video and listen to all of our bonus episodes, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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We're a podcast about all the things we just love to talk crap about on your braves. I'm Rondal. That's Ben over there. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Guys, we're so excited to be here. It's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Day. I've missedondell. That's Ben over there. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Guys, we're so excited to be here. It's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Day.

I've missed this show. I love this show. I'm so glad it's back on my telly. Um, Kyle's crying, Dorit's pissed. It's so good. So, welcome back show and welcome back to the audience who's just here for Beverly Hills. You know, sometimes you just want to listen to Beverly Hills, that's it. So we only see you once a year. So you guys, welcome home. I'm still a bitch and Ben's still an angel and very handsome. Okay.

Hush. Hush. Thanks to people over at Jeff Lewis for having us on Sirius Today. Super fun time, Jeff and Gade. That's a great time. No, I did not do that on purpose. That was shady. Jeff and Shane. And we got to hang out with Reza Farahan, which is very fun. We've never done that before. Yeah. And really good time over there.

Those guys are so nice to us. So thanks for having us over there. Check it out if you have Sirius. I'm extra lispy today. I don't know why. I'm ex-situated lisp. I don't know where it's coming from, but I'm rolling with it. No, yeah, I like it.

Um, yeah, Beverly Hills. The premiere. Uh, I didn't start, I didn't watch this episode Beverly Hills, the premiere. I didn't start I didn't watch this episode till late at night because I was I was cooking food. I'm not gonna lie. Not that that's anything that's shameful to say but I was about nothing to lie about. Not gonna. You look great right now. I was cooking some food. But before I even turned it on,

I got two or three separate DMs saying, Wow, Beverly Hills is amazing tonight. And I was like, Wow, that's amazing to hear. Because honestly, it's been a long time since I have truly felt like Beverly Hills has been amazing. We it is the most popular show right now on Bravo, right? Or the most popular Real Housewives. And it whips us into a frenzy every year and people watch it and we have episodes we're like, Oh my god, that was crazy episode. But I feel like Beverly Hills has been a little kind of polite and stayed over the past seven years or so I've been it's always been

kind of like that. But it's been a little bit more. I don't know, like it's still had has the stink of the Fox box Force five, whatever it's called. And I feel like my hot take is that the premiere felt like they were leaning into the camp a bit more. It was, I think they took some lessons from Salt Lake City and they really amped up the ridiculousness of it. And I loved it. What did you think? Yeah, I just really liked it. You know, I don't need... I don't... I'm not as, like, statement heavy as, like, it's back, it's brilliant. I mean, I don't know.

I don't really know. Um, but I loved the first one. I thought it was just so good. And it's just so good to have him back. You know what I mean? And it's also nice to see people moving along in the storylines, which is good. Because sometimes on these shows, it just gets so stale where it's like, okay, you know, she's still with him and Doreen's still

pretending to have money. And this time everything's kind of on its head. You know, everything's really different this time. So I think that's fun. The casting is great. Already we can tell that the new casting is fantastic. Jennifer Tilly and Basama, Bas, Boss. Is it Bas or Boz? I can't remember. I think it's Boz.

I was calling her Boz. I think they were saying Boz, and Kathy said, it's Boz, and they said, no, Boss. No, she said Boss. Oh, whatever. I think it's Boz, because in my mind, because I'm always going to a pun place, I was like, like, Boz headphones.

I had that thought. Oh, I don't know. But I thought it was Boz. But anyway, she's hilarious and great and fantastic and extremely strong. Like she has no fear in her. She just came right in and is ready to take over, which I liked. You can always tell. I thought it was funny. Isn't it funny how

you can always tell with like a new cast member if they're working. It's just like that snap judgment thing. Like, oh, she's fitting right in right away. And you just know she's gonna be with us for a few years. Yeah, you usually know right away. Not always though. I mean, there are people who kind of snuck up on us. Angie from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City snuck up. I mean, she was always like awkward and funny, but I never thought she'd make it. I mean, she's really tap dancing her way through or just making more and more of an impression, you know? See, you never really know who's gonna come

out of the shadows and do it, but yeah, a lot of time you can just, it's the Riz, baby. She's got the Riz. Yeah, some people have to do the Gina and Emily route, which is just show up, and some people just have it, you know? Yeah, some people got it. So here we are, uh, season 14, episode one. It's called, Grace Time is Over.

Which means, like, no more rest, but it also means, like, stop praying. You're screwed now. Like, we're done praying, all right? It's back to hardball, people. So the episode begins. Tex appears on screen. We see it's two to hardball people. So the episode begins. Text appears on screen. We see it's two weeks after the reunion,

and Kyle has flown to Nashville to see Morgan in concert. And then there's headlines saying that she was sitting front and center at Morgan Wade's concert. And then another headline to say Kyle went to the bathroom at Morgan's concert. And another to say that she got some milk duds at Morgan's concert. We just know everything about her going to that concert at this point. And can I just tell you nobody cares. So that's how I know that she is just putting out all these stories. Nobody cares

about Kyle and Morgan. I there no one no one will convince me that anybody cares enough for all these stories to come out. And we have the thing with Heather calling you know, did Heather call the paps or did she not? Why isn't Kyle getting any of it? Kyle's definitely calling the paps. Okay, because Morgan's not doing you know, it's not Morgan. He's doing it. Morgan's probably like, Wow, these people shut up with cameras all the time. I mean, what are those? are those soup cans and little holes in

them to take pictures? What are they? What are they? They're their cameras. They're, they're stealing your image, Morgan. What else did you say in that movie? I think that's the only thing that Bob Thornton said. Sing blade. Yeah. I guess you would be like sing blade because she's a singer. Sing. You look real birdie Kyle. So um, yeah, so

then we see also headlines that Cal and Maricio are living separate lives under the same roof. And while he's looking for a new home, by the way, I don't know why you know where all the homes are. Why do you not have a new home yet? Maricio and then literally represent all the homes for sale in LA. Do you even see other signs now? All I see is that fucking red a sign, you know, the agency. There's a song playing. How did the song go? It was like,

it went just like this. I'm happy now. I figured out I need no seat belts. I think it said I don't need the seat belt. Yeah, it was just dangerous, especially in Beverly Hills, because they have that traffic, that traffic about moment of like eight streets coming together with people don't realize. People don't realize that. Yeah, no, go ahead. No, I people don't realize how crazy the intersections are in

Beverly Hills. Like you just sort of casually mentioned it, but there is an eight way intersection in Beverly Hills with no traffic light. It's just a stop signs. It is the most terrifying thing. And I believe they put it in there to have poor people crash into each other to keep poor people. They're like, Oh, well, they're like poor people don't want to go to Beverly Hills. Cause they know they're going to crash their car because you always get routed into it. And then everyone just, it's like, it's every time you

get through it, you feel like you've played squid game is the most wild intersection. It's a real thing. Yeah, it's a real thing is terrifying. And just rich people are like, we don't want lines on the street. So we don't have to have them. Yeah, I don't want lines in the street. I love my life. I don't call the paparazzi. I love my life. I don't call the paparazzi. I love my life. That's how the song goes. I love it. It's just like this nice mellow. I love my life. And

then we're watching everybody loving their life. Like Dorit is she's having tea with a little fluffy dog that she hasn't given back yet. And she hasn't even had she hasn't even had an assistant take it back to the pound. So that's good. And it says she has a coffee cup that says something like loved or something. And then she kisses the dog on the mouth. And then she reads Vogue. And then Erica comes on screen and she's doing a photo shoot on the set of like Psycho 3.

It's like the Norman Bates Hotel. I don't know. It's like some U-Haul rental in Burbank. And you just see Mikey with the camera going, no, Mikey's like the Norman Bates Hotel. I don't know. It's like some U haul rental in in Burbank. And you just see Mikey with the camera going no Mikey's working the fog machine. You just hear Mikey going, yeah, clean. Yeah, there. I got another. And I Erica because we opened and we immediately started with the Mikey. Yeah. Erica is still maintaining her commitment to her artistic aesthetic. From the past nine years, the artistic aesthetic

that powered her all the way to the top of the 300s of the billboard charts. So I'm just so proud of her. She did half as good as Katy Perry, you know, that's pretty good. She's wearing like some makeshift fanny pack in this she's got like a kind of a gold like belt like I guess Chanel belt type thing over a leather bro. Listen, she's Erica on a budge. And I'm liking it. I'm really liking it. I don't know what the set supposed to

be. It looks like they built a set for this but it just looks like a bad motel you could have just gone under a freeway overpass for free. That's okay. You know what the set supposed to be. It looks like they built the set for this, but it just looks like a bad motel. You could have just gone under a freeway overpass for free. That's okay. You know what? I still remember when Jessie J did her video for Domino. And honestly, Erica's looks better than that. So you know what, like, sometimes you have a budget, sometimes you don't. And sometimes you only have half a budget and just make it work whatever whatever you can. Yeah, man, she's doing it. You know, she's going along. And then we see guys Erica, fuck machine Erica, and then we see Kyle look working out. I can just say I don't ever want to be

shot working out. Kyle looks pretty good working out. I mean, her body's killer. She's got a new face this season as usual great face. She went back to her original face, which I think is a bold move. I talked about it this morning already. I've never seen anybody go ask the doctor for their original face. Like you spent 10 revisions getting rid of that face. And she's like, no, no, I want it back now. I think it looks great. I think she looks fantastic.

So there I'll start on a positive note. You look fantastic, lady. Yes. And she is working out because that's her personality. And then we go to Garcels house where a dog runs up to her and she's telling the dog that she has to go to Atlanta to pack and the dog is like, like I give a fuck, give me food, you know? And then we go over to Sutton.

Well, I would complain, but I've seen how the goldfish lives, so. So then we see Sutton, she's driving through Bel Air, she waves at Cathy's house, she's like, Hi, Kathy. But the house that she wants to go into the music suddenly gets quiet, very quiet, there's no sound just her walking through like shrubberies and topiaries. She knocks on the door, and then the door opens and it is Oscar nominee, Jennifer Tilly.

Welcome to my home. She's got like a caftan on and she's like lives in this old Spanish. It's giant like that wheel. It's It's I love her. I'm so I, I also loving that she showed up now and like a friend of role because last season she was on but I think she was like, you guys are not gonna use this on camera, right? I'm just I'm just here having lunch. But this year she's like, oh, I am gonna be on camera. So let me be like, like maximum Jennifer Tilly for

you all. She really is. I mean, she gives us the whole thing and it's so good. And also like that she's a professional, she has a house of Bel Air and she's like, if you want me to do your show, you can pay me properly. In the meantime, I'll just show up and smile. But then when they give her money, she's like, and she has this big belly laugh, which I never realized she had a belly laugh. She's like, Oh, Seth, and it's so good to see.

Did you notice that? And I love her from her performance in bullets over Broadway. Oh, her character was the the gangsters mall, you know, who he paid to get into the Broadway show, as he's just an idiot, you know, it's like, child child, I'm sure. Like she would get really, she has got her own her voice would completely change. And she's actually like that because we hear her, like in this she's like, oh, you're such a delicious mother, you know,

the only things you do for your children is just so wonderful, Satan the way you are. And then two minutes later, she's like, I have a beer and it's about to change us our voice and reflections. I'm already a mother. I know I'm also surprised she's in Bel Air. I would never have expected Jennifer Tilly to be a Bel Air type. I thought I would have thought she'd be in the hills like Los Feliz or something. So it's funny that she's kind of this like actress in Bel Air who like over the past 10 or 15 years has really kind of like

been doing like the child's play like Bride of Chucky thing which is also hilarious that that's like the chapter that she's in. So I just I just love everything about her. I've loved her since 1994 with Bullets Over Broadway like and I highly recommend that movie. I know it's Woody Allen, whatever. It's such a good movie. And just to see her in it. And Diane Weiss, it is and Tracy Ullman. It's like, it's just like, it's like a perfect movie. Everyone, please watch it. Yeah, it's a good one. So Sutton's like, Oh, Jennifer, it's just so over the top. I mean, I could see her five minutes ago, but she'll see me again. And she's gonna be like, Oh, Jennifer, it's just so over the top. I mean, I could see her five minutes ago, but she'll see me again. And

she's gonna be like, so then the other thing I love about Jennifer Tilly is that when she's like talking more calmly, she has kind of like this funny funny clipped voice and I don't know if I can even do it but she's like you'll be so happy I bought all kinds of snacks at the Bel Air Hotel have you had your favorite grapefruit juice grapefruit juice so come on in I'll give you your favorite grapefruit juice she does that accent from the 50s that housewife accent from the 50s which is so happy I got all kinds of snacks at the hotel. You said grapefruit juice. Come on in to what some great juice. That's some really ancient vodka from nine years

ago. But that vodka never goes old does it? It's like wine. It gets better when it's older, right? So she's like, something telling us she's one of my best friends, and we see them getting some drinks, and Sutton's just like, Keep pouring. Keep pouring. Keep pouring! And she tells us, we are lunch buddies. We're travel buddies. We just pick up the phone and talk kind of buddies. And all of a sudden, we're just laughing. I just love her.

And so we see pictures of them at runway shows in Paris, and neon pink, and, you know, black dresses with boas. Yes. And so they're just like talking Jennifer's like, Oh, I love your ring. He's got a mouth of pearl. He's got a he's got a pearl in his mouth. But then you have pearls on your bracelet. So it's almost like he ate the pearl. he ate the pearl. Like, it's not this. It's not the narrative I would have just been like, it's just two pearl items. But I love that she created a story that the ring ate the pearl and then shat it out on the bracelet. And she does it like it's this big scant. Like it's almost as if the ring ate the pearl bad ring bad bad ring right?

And then she sounds like well this, this year's from the pantheon collection. She's, oh, did you mean Panther? Sounds like, excuse me, I speak French. Okay, I'm trying to make it sound fancy. Je parle français. I have cool girls summer right? Yes, cool girls. I don't understand that. But sure, I'll just say yes.

Because Porter graduated from college. And then, you know, the other ones going to law school and I love that. And then Porter is going to be home for the summer ride, right? Satin? Yes, I found her a gig fixing vending machines at the local pool. So she's gonna work on that. You really raised them right. They're like, I don't think your kids are going to be spying it up or stealing cars or sneaking out past midnight.

Your kids are like kids from the 50s, Sutton. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Yes, so I was thinking I had a really nice time in Spain last year. And I was thinking about Merce Cunningham and how I took the ashes rolled it rolled a clip of Erica Okay, we're back So I just thought it'd be kind of cool because you know everybody knows about Salvador Dali at least the non-idiots do And Dali was one of the central figures in the moment of surrealism. So let me bring all these ladies back to Spain

on that trip. And let's just make them look like idiots on camera for the ones who know who's out who Dolly is and the ones who don't. But that'd be fun, right? Splendid ideas. Splendid ideas, Satin. You just don't see more many people having Dolly parties these days. I just want to say that Dolly Parties on Bravo, that innovation began on the real girlfriends of Paris, really girlfriends in Paris with Anya Firestone, who did the lobster in her hair in her whole Dolly Parties. So let's just like not forget that wonderful show.

Oh my God, credit where credit is due. Credit, another great show that people really did not get on board with. But if you go back and watch it, it's fabulous. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial. Have you ever wondered who created that bottle of Sriracha that's living in your fridge? Or why nearly every house in America has at least one game of Monopoly. Introducing the Best Idea Yet, a brand new podcast about the surprising origin stories of the products you're obsessed with. Listen to the Best Idea Yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lindsey Graham, host of Wondery show American Scandal. We bring to life

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can join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Start your free So Sutton's like, well, most people know who Dolly is. And then there's Kyle. And then we see a flashback of Sutton telling Kyle about the party. And Kyle being like, um, Oh, I thought you meant like, I was picturing D-O-L-L-Y, not Dolly. I mean, you say Dolly. I mean, you say Dolly. I mean, you say Dolly. I mean, you say Dolly.

I mean, you say Dolly. I mean, you say Dolly. I mean, you say Dolly. I mean, you say Dolly. I mean, you say Dolly. I mean, you say Dolly. I mean, you say Dolly. I mean, you meant, like, I was picturing D-O-L-L-Y, Dali, I mean, you say Dali. This is why you don't let your children become actors, okay? Because at some point in their life,

they're gonna wind up on camera, proudly ignorant of who Salvador Dali is. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. So back to Sutton, and Sutton's like, well, Kyle's been going through a lot and I got to tell you honestly, maybe I wasn't the greatest friend.

Maybe I wasn't the greatest friend the past year. And then we see flashback to Kyle at her weed dinner and Sutton being like, is Sutton, is something going on with your personal life that you'd like to share? Kyle. I hate when Sutton does this. When she does the right thing by us, the audience and then feels guilty about it and then tries to become friends with Kyle again, no Sutton, you were best

friend to you were the friend to Kyle that Kyle was to you. And you should not feel bad about that. You did all the right friends to Kyle and Kyle was to her. And by the way, for anyone new to this, yes, I'm kind of anti Kyle, I'm going to try and be a little more even keeled and start on a fresh thing, a fresh foot or whatever, but it is we're talking about the last season. And yeah, Kyle does do that with Sutton. She's bad.

Yeah. And she's going to trick her. Watch what she's going to do. She's, this is what Kyle always does. She tricks Sutton and is like, we're friends. And then she comes on the show. She's like, we're not friends. And then she rips her the entire season.

So let's watch. Sutton's going to be a hot commodity this season, because I guarantee Dorit and Kyle are going to be battling to have her as her as their ally because it's a war. The seasons a war between the two of them and they have to start. They've got to find out who the soldiers are for Kyle and who the soldiers are for Dorit. Cron's my favorite game to be played on Bravoli.

Truly, truly. So anyway, Sun's like, she's feeling guilty. And she's like, you know, she's like, well, I did go out to dinner with Kyle. And at first we're like, how are we supposed to do this? And I was like, Kyle, you put the food on the fork. God, you really have been out of the game for a long time. You know, I just thought Kyle cause not being very nice to me.

So I did something that I know is a magic trick. And it's really not fair for me to do. But I ordered a Parmesan cheese wheel. I did. She couldn't concentrate on anything else. She started that couple that couple of times. I just said, you love it. You love it. And she just said, I love Sutton. Start licking the Parmesan.

I let her take a little piece of it. How you ever see that movie Roger Rabbit? Remember, he's in the back room and he can't resist when the place shuffle on the haircut, shaving haircut. That's Kyle with a parmesan wheel. I've never seen somebody so mesmerized as Kyle was by that parmesan cheese fail. I'll never forget that when she was on a date with Maury and they brought the pasta and we're

serving it out and she did not want to eat it because it's pasta, you know, and that's like a sin in fact, but she just couldn't stop staring at it. That's when the marriage was over. Let's be honest, we knew that that's when she's like, my husband's gonna do this to me on TV. I'm going to the other side. He can Yeah, he can talk a big game. But you want to talk about someone being unsupportive. This is it. The parmesan cheese

wheel. Yeah. Great moment. So basically, sons like Yeah, first, it was awkward for the first 10 minutes, but then the things soften and she's like, she's like, you know, I needed to reach out to cop because well one I missed her, which I'm obligated to say on camera, even though I really didn't miss her at all. And then I started to see things when I was online shopping that I knew she'd be jealous of me buying. I mean, sorry, that I knew I should buy for her. And so I just miss sending

it to her. Like that, that was my favorite thing was to send her a little gift to remind her that I'm just more wealthy than she is. I don't have that anymore in my life. I want that back. And Jennifer, at this point has wasted all of her fun energy. She's just like, Oh, that's great. She's like done now. She's like, I'm finished now. Just a friend of mine. She's like a birthday sparkler. She is. She's like,

so then we get to the Pacific Design Center, which is such a bizarre place to shoot a house scene. I know everybody even loaded into this place. It's vast. It is vast and empty at all times. But they decided for whatever reason, this is where we're going to anchor this scene. So Erica pulls up in her car and everything. And she goes to a place called mogul, which is hilarious. And this lady is like, welcome to mogul. She's like, I'm Erica, and I'm Maria. Thank you so much for having me. Stop pretending like you care about the lady from mogul. So Erica is redecorating because she's going to purge

some old memories in the form of sofas and chairs. Yeah, she's like, Now that I'm done with Tom and Tom's going to wherever he's going, it's time to end the chapter. So I need to spend money on new couches. Yes. Well, listen, I get it. Shopping changes you. You know, that's why I'm at Home Goods every day.

It's changing. That's why I'm different every day when I come I'm just fresher every day, guys, Home Goods, even if it's just a little jelly belly that you buy on your way out. Just get some just a little jelly belly. So Dorit walks in, freshly separated from her jelly belly. And she's like, Oh, hello, look, look at you. Oh, my god, how, how are you? It's so good to see you, honey. She's like, how have you been, baby?

So much to catch up on. Now, if you have any sort of discussion about furniture that you'd like to get out of the way, I'm gonna drop some bombs right afterwards. So do you wanna have your moment talking about your divans and glove seats, et cetera? Well, you know how it is, my house is just a tiny, I vacuum it and then I dust it and

sing country songs to myself. And then before you know it, it's done. I've got my kitchen, I've got my bedroom, and then your closet. It's hilarious really. You're poor, poor, literally poor. Erika! And then we see some sad Erika stuff, you know, like, yeah, there's a 2015. Then Erica sets it up with this curious wording. She goes, You

know, I spent 20 plus years and what some people will refer to as a mansion. Who are the ones who are not referring to it as a mansion? Are you trying to I feel like she's trying to shame someone, but I don't know who it is. I think she's trying to show that she's more real now. Like she's like more of a real person, which she probably is. Like she's had to live in the real world for a few years. And now she's like, maybe it's problematic when I say I live in a mansion. Yeah. So she's like, some people

would call it a mansion. I never would, because I'm not a bragging kind of girl. Yeah, so I just call it home. So we see like, yeah, 2015 sad footage. But now she's in her tiny hobble on the home that couldn't cost more than $3 million. Just a little outhouse basically. And you want to get rid of one was a $2 million home in West Hollywood and probably it's like, Oh my God, poor Erica. Oh, the $2 million home just shoot me in the face. I can't take it anymore. I love when they showed her walking in there for the first time.

And Mike is like, we can work with this. We can work with this. Look, there's floors. There's a counter and Erica's just like, God damn it, Tom. Isn't it a three bedroom? You better hope that Anil gets you because I'm right behind. there's a counter and Erica's just like, God damn it, Tom. Isn't it a three bedroom? You better hope that Anil gets you because I'm right behind. Yeah. Isn't it a three bedroom because she uses like It's a three bedroom. Yeah, she uses two closets. Right.

It's just a tiny little shack with a spare spare bedrooms that can be used as closet. That's it. And so she's like, well, we do in the living rooms are real step in the right direction. So I brought you here today as my style friend to sort of look around and see what the possibilities are. The range like, Oh, I'm so for it. I'm so privileged to be here next to such a poor, poor person. Would you like to talk about this land rover? Would you like to talk about this in the Land Rover? Hehehehe.

Oh, gee. So, they're looking around. Erica can't sit down on anything because she has, like, makeup on. She doesn't want to ruin anything in the showroom, which does show that she really is not super wealthy anymore because a rich person doesn't give a fuck about that. They're like, whatever. I was going to say, this shows that she's really trying her good person thing

on this year because she's like, look, I care about couches in the design center, which is so weird. But yeah, you're right. She's like, Yeah, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna get my shit on there. And so Dorit's like, I've got news girl. So she tries to sit she finds somewhere that they can wipe down with a paper towel later. And she's like, Alright, listen, I'm not really anything I it's probably your life if you really are mobile. Well, all right, then we go ahead.

Well, I've got good news or bad news. And she's like, you've got bad news. Oh, no. All right, we'll start with the bad news. No, I would like to start with the good news, which is, I can have Pringles in the house again. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. The bad news. Why is this some good news? It seems that I've checked the scorecard and diabetes is winning. Good news is the Ben and Jerry's I bought last night are still there.

The bad news. I'll tell you, you won't be getting any tanning juice anywhere, Pee-kee! So the bad news that you absolutely have not heard of before this scene. PK and I have agreed to separate. Erika's like, ugh. Why? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Why? It's not. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, like a time bomb. How many folks do I give? Actually quite a bit to reach.

I'm very serious. I'm very serious right now. Very serious right now, babe. Very serious. I give a lot of bucks right now. And so Erica's, you know, doing the drama thing and she's like, I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait for it. It ain't coming. Just move along. Pretend to cry. Cameras move over there. Hey, mogul lady, come on over here. Okay, can you cry? She's crying for me. She understands empathy.

Don't cry for me, I can see it all. So, Dureet's like, it's ironic I'm confiding an ear cough to what she said in provoking. So we see a flashback to BravoCon 2022. And Erica is there in her full evil villain moment with her baby Jane hair and her streaked makeup and her just like a terrible attitude. And Andy's asking like what Bravo Liberty relationship do you think is headed to splits now? And she said, I think it's the read and play gag. Gee, you know, I don't think she saw something that I didn't

see. I think she knew that there was trouble in paradise as much as living in Encino with paradise. And she had a shady question. She answered with a shady question. Yeah. And so three Dorit's like, well, it's sad and it's hard and it's also new secrets that we had a really rough couple of years, dear God. We've had a couple of years, and then before you know, with most married couples, you have your issues.

You have your issues, don't you? And so, we see some of their issues where Dorit is at her pretty woman party, where somehow Berlin was there. And she's saying about, um, and she was like, PK, you know, I take a long time because you just seem to think that all of this, all of this look just happens. Yeah. All right, babe, to be honest, I think maybe I'm not going to

bother with surprises anymore for you. So next time I'm just gonna be like Berlin is think maybe I'm not going to bother with surprises anymore for you. So next time, I'm just gonna be like, Berlin is here, and you'll just have to deal with it. So then we see there, there are therapy where he calls someone for PTSD obnoxious. And so Dorit saying like, do you tell Erica like, you know what I mean? And you know, like the we deal with things differently. And, you know, PK, he was you know, like the, we deal with things differently. And you know, PK, he was pouring alcohol on his lots and lots of alcohol. Alcohol were

his new Pringles. And so he just became full blown alcohol. You ever see leaving Las Vegas, it should be called leaving Encino because that was PK every time he left home. I just can't have that toxic energy around small children. He's just drunk, drunk, drunk. One time I caught him eating cereal in a Snickers bar in a bowl of vodka. PK has always been a big drinker. You can literally any sort of meal he'll put in the blender to mix it along up with some tequila and over the years, it's just gotten progressively worse and little fights turn into blow ups, blow ups turn some tequila and over the years it's just gotten progressively worse and little fights turn into blow ups blow ups turn into keeler tequila turns into gin gin turns into beer

it's just non-stop drinky drinky drinky drinky drinky with pk huh and she says and finally i told him you need to dry out for a week and then a week turned into a journey and i love the dory it's like oh my god and then he did stop drinking. And that's been a nightmare ever since. Yes. So but then we see flashbacks to the reunion that was four months before this. And Andy's like, so after the season that lives erupted erupted that you two were on the brink of divorce, you're living separate lives. Tell me how

you're doing better than ever, Andy. Yeah, how many housewives are going to have to have these moments Shannon badour, Kyle, how all these housewives going on the reunion saying that things have never been better. And three months later, the chores, this is just a certain point, take care of this stuff before the reunion. So you don't have to be mortified with these clips every single season. Oh, you gotta fake it, you know?

And then one is, you can only really say it's not working right when you decide to break up. The rest of the time, you gotta try and make it work, you know? I mean, it's just so funny watching people finally give their real opinion on their spouse all these years later, which is exactly what she's doing. She's just gonna come here and air out everything,

which I fucking love. But it's so funny. It's like, and then he stopped drinking. Now it looks healthier, I guess when he looks like a dehydrated powder instead of just powder. Deflated, bastey ass PK. So what happened? What happened in since in the four months since we were all together? It's like, man, it's not one thing.

No catastrophic events. Just no one cheated on anyone. No one raided the marshmallows. It's just a week ago, there was a moment, it was over nothing. And one thing led to another. I was like, where's my Yoplait? And he said, what Yoplait?

I said, the one I just bought yesterday. He said, I don't know about the Yoplait. And he was gasp at me. And we just sat down and I said, you know what? If we can't have honesty about a Yoplait, we just can't have a marriage. So we mutually decided it's time to take some space and separate, it's the best thing for us.

So, temporary, you're taking it day by day. Well, I'll tell you who's taking it day by day. Piki, he's an alcoholic. What do you do about it? He's an alcoholic who's also into God's spell. Day by day it is, over and over again with that one. do about it. He's an alcoholic who's also into God's spell day by day it is over and over again with that one. You're singing Christian musical theater numbers while you're drunk.

Just one big alcoholic. So Erica's like, Well, don't take any advice from me because I just did about everything wrong after not after announcing a father divorce roll the clips everyone and then we see her fighting with Sutton and Her saying you got a lot of fucking Set be like don't talk to me like that So then Erica's basically saying yeah, like the reason to go through all the same things that we went through, which is like, for a moment, like, more for a moment. It's like, ah, relief.

And then it becomes a nightmare. Yeah. And there is like, you're the first person I've chewed. And Erica does a big one. Ah, well, I gotta tell you the truth. I'm going to go see Kyle after this. Well, what do you want me to sell? You want me to tell her, let's talk turkey. I'm not going to betray your trust, Dorit. And she's like, I'd rather you didn't tell Koyo.

Don't tell Koyo. I want her to find out through radar online and so she can understand the true pain of being her friend. So Dorit is like, Kyle is the one person in this group that I've shared the most about my issues with PK. So it brings me great joy that I get to withhold from her at this moment. Revenge is so sweet. So she's like, thank you so much for the support, Erika. She's like, of course, of course,

because this is going to get ugly. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. And then we go to Kyle's house, and Kyle is like, independent of the women. Throw your hands up at me. Well, it's the Morgan Wade version. So it's like, all the ladies, all the ladies, hold your hands up at me. Yeah, well, it's the Morgan Wade version. So it's like,

so yeah, she's, she's like, I'm an independent woman. Now me and my daughter are carrying a chair in ourself. Yeah, they're trying to move a chair outside. But they have like, there's like a double door. And one of the doors is like, kind of locked or closed, and they can't figure out how to open the door. So then they just give up. They don't. You know, it was kind of a sad moment. It was actually incredibly sad. These two people who've lived in this house for several years now, and they don't know how to open the actual literal door, they don't know how to open the door. So

like, Oh, well, I guess we're just stuck with this chair being inside. Because like, you know, now that things have really changed so much for me, I just want my daughter to like know that she can do things by herself. But why should she put the chair down? Let's not do that anymore. We'll hire somebody. She's like, you know, Mo was living in this house with all

women and whenever something needed to be done, he was the only guy and guys are the only thing the only people who can do things for just women. I don't know how to turn on the TV properly. And we see her trying to turn on the TV. I don't know how to turn on the TV properly. And we see her trying to turn on the TV. I don't know how to get the music on the pool heater, the pool light, turn on the lights, open drawers. What do you do? How do you even leave this place? How did the doors work? I'm just a woman.

Yeah, I mean, it's basically, you know, yeah, that's, that's exactly what it is. So she's like, Alright, so what do you want for dinner? And you want a poke bowl? Can you ask Sophia if that's okay with her? That's Sophia, because I exactly what it is. So she's like, all right, so what do you want for dinner? And do you want a Poke bowl? Can you ask Sophia if that's okay with her? Let's ask Sophia, because I can't do it. There's not a man here. I don't know how to work this intercom. So, my mess of diet coke.

Damn it. Portia, okay, write down what you want for dinner. We're gonna scroll it out on this bed sheet and hang it out the window and hopefully someone driving by will be able to order it for us. So, Kyle gets teary and she's like, sometimes when Sophie is out and it's just portioning me, it gets really quiet. She kind of cries. And then she's like, I realize it's gonna be like this

a lot. I just I never expected that this is what my life is gonna be. And she cries and she dabs her eyes and she's like, that this is what my life is going to be. And she cries and she dives her eyes and she's like, oh, please. Oh, please. Here comes one right now. So then Erica, we go Erica comes over and she says, My girl, look at you. God, it was so fun trying to watch you think about how to use that doorknob for 10 minutes. You shouldn't really look into it though. It's pretty basic. Thanks so much for

leaving that chair outside. You actually saved me a trip back to the Pacific Science Center you dumb bitch. Guess who's learned to carry things? Mikey get that chair. All right. guess who's going to carry things? Mikey, get that chair. All right. So they're just sitting down and Erica's like, well, I was just at the Pacific Design Center and I met Miss Dureed there. I was like, oh, it's a shame that it's gone. We've gone this long with Dureed and me just because I just didn't have it in me with a deal with it because I've had so many things on my plate, metaphorically, which is what what I was kind of trying to say to her in that text that she read out

loud where she destroyed my trust. And yeah, she's, Kyle's, of course, going to be the huge victim of this. Yes, to read was nice to Kathy one time. So Kyle's like squashed earth. I was never even friends with to read. And so we see that with Kyle being like, I wasn't even friends with Dorit. I mean, Dorit, be honest, Dorit, how many times have we had lunch without filming? Like, how many times, Dorit?

Dorit's like, well, you and I over the last seven years, I mean, we don't eat lunch. That's not a fair question, Kyle. Now, how many times have we sat there and drank vodka while other people consumed food around us? Many, Kyle. And so when I said I said lunch, Dor, Kyle. And somebody said, I said, lunch, do we eat? And so Kyle said, how many times?

You can count them on one hand. We don't even have that kind of friendship. You know, and that is what Kyle is in a nutshell. She will pretend to be nice to you and then she will use you to take down whoever she wants to take down. And once you're done doing that, in this case, it was Vanderpump. And then she kept, she was nice to her for another couple years after that. And then she was out, you know,

this was out and then she's like, she never knew you before. You know, it's like slam bam. Thank you, ma'am. This was this was such a shitty moment for Kyle, I forgot about this how she really acted like she and Dorit were just kind of like passing acquaintances who work together. And I just I felt like it was so rude. And you could see the betrayal on Dorit's face. And Dorit was so hurt by this. And then Kyle, Kyle knows she's in the wrong, which is why she is trying to lean into this story of like, what a betrayal of trust it was for Dorit to read her texts on TV. And it's like, oh, please, please.

It is so much worse for you to gaslight Dorit and the audience into thinking you guys only had lunch like one time over seven years. It is really so fucked up. And I think it's so, so mean. And I'm just a hundred percent team Dorit on this. Yeah, and basically the text was because Kyle had been blowing

to read off for like months, but then right before the reunion, of course, she sends this nice long text saying, I don't want to lose someone else in my life over a TV show. They don't even know we're going through a hard time. So I don't see the need to bring it up there. Basically being like right before the reunion being like, I know I've been a total asshole to you, Dere, but let's not don't attack me at the reunion, because there's still a chance maybe you'll get to have lunch

with me again one day if you're lucky. I'm that lady from Amazon live. Also, like, how do you send a text saying I don't want to lose another friendship to this sort of stuff. But then you go onto the couch and you say, Oh, we're really friends. Like, how do you have both? How do you have it both ways like that? You don't? It's Yeah, well, in her mind, it was all revenge against this

horrible stuff that Doree did, which was nothing. Nothing. Kyle is, Kyle's like, yeah, and then after she read my text, like I was so shocked. I mean, she tried to publicly embarrass me. I don't know what kind of friend does that to somebody else, but not one of my other friends would ever ever do something like that. We all know, you never public embarrassed publicly embarrassed your friends you only do that to your sisters. I just can't

believe she would do that to me. So so yeah, Kyle is she's doing this whole like public embarrassing thing. Kyle is like, I can't you know, I'm just by the way, you know, by the way, just this just popped in my head, the whole Lucy, Lucy, Applejuice thing, it turned into a total clusterfuck as the season went on. But let's all remember how that began. That began with Kyle and Teddy showing up to Vanderpump Dogs and trying to make it a storyline,

because they were mad that Lisa wouldn't throw Duret under the bus. So Kyle was there that whole time trying to make Duret look stupid. That was her whole point that whole time, was trying to make Duret look like a dog, you know, dog killer. And she got mad that Vanderpump wouldn't do it. So that's how that all started. So for Kyle to sit up here and just be like, I would never try to embarrass one of my friends. That is horrible. When she was literally trying to call Dorit a dog killer like three years ago. Come on, Kyle. But they will, if I remember correctly, they claim that Vanderpump had called them over to throw Dorit under the bus.

And then they decided they didn't want to do that. Because they felt like Vanderpump had was no, they were there saying why we need to talk about the stuff that happened with Dorit and Vanderpump was like, No, no, no, no, I don't want to talk about this. And I said, Yeah, you talk about it. And then Vanderpump started crying and said, My brother, no, I don't want to talk about this. And I said, Yeah, you thought talk about it. And then Vanderpump started crying and said, my brother just died. I don't want to talk about this. And Carl said, we're all going through something Lisa and tried to make her

talk about it on camera and they wouldn't do it and she wouldn't do it. And then they later turned it into. She tried to manipulate us to bring it up and then she wouldn't talk about it. But anyway, whatever it was, cause bringing up Lucy, Lucy, after first of all, it's one of the worst storylines of all time. And second of all, it's just kind of enrage people for no, no reason. But also like Kyle talk, but Kyle talking, regardless of even that scene, Kyle talking about how terrible it is that to retry to publicly embarrass her when Kyle was very active in both trying to get Lisa Vanderpump to like admit that she like leaked this news. By the way, if Lisa did leak these headlines to Radar Online and you were one of Lisa's best friends,

you trying to goad her into admitting that she did this shady thing on camera, that's called publicly embarrassing your friend. Because if it's your friend, you maybe tell them offline like, you got to fix this. But this is Kyle, publicly embarrassing your friend. It's also then the next season, literally everything with Brandy and Denise Richards. That is the peak definition of trying to embarrass a friend. Like gay panic, oh my god, you had a lesbian moment with Brandy Glanville. I mean, there's no

other definition of like trying to publicly embarrass someone. So that's just my way of saying Kyle is very wrong in this in this situation. And she's going to try it. She's gonna try it, but she's gonna fail. Yeah. So now we see Dorit Marica flashback to them talking and Dorit saying there's something been going on with Coil and it's been going on for a year and a heave, a year and a heave. And Erica's like, do you think she's punishing you because you didn't take up for

her the Cathy situation? And she's like, she isolated me. It's completely isolated. Alone on any land. Just me on Dorit Island. My issues with Kyle is that our friendship feels very unbalanced. If I put one foot wrong, she won't speak to me for months, but she can say I do whatever she wants and I have to be okay with it.

Which is true, but that's also- And I'm no longer dealing with unbalanced people. Have you ever seen PK try to put on a shoe? He falls over every time. Hehehehehe. The worst is when he gets into some underwear and tries to do risky business in the living room. I mean, the amount of Ming Vases we've had to replace,

it's absolutely unthinkable. It's literally risky. We have a cutout in the wall the shape of PK because he slid right on through out into the driveway. So yeah, so then Derea's like what she did was punish me and when she went public and said that I exaggerated our friendship and Erica goes on the Amazon live, like of all places. And then we see Kyle doing Amazon live and we see in the top left corner, celebrate my birthday. It's me on Amazon Live. And she's like, yeah, we've only gone on like one trip together

with a couple that I can recall. And Mo and PK like, treat me, you know, I mean, it was just like, it was just like, to put it bluntly, it was like an exaggeration completely. Like, who is she? Like, what's her even name? Is her name Dorothy? Is that why she's called Dorothy? Like, who is this person? I mean, anyone that knows us will say, Wow, gee, you guys seem like good friends. Well, you, you are definitely closer

than I was either one of you and your families that were closer than your husbands of friends. You've made me reevaluate not only who you are coil, but what kind of friendship that we even had in the first place. So then we go back to Kyle and Erica. Yeah, none. Kyle punishes that's it. But that's what all the sisters do. That's what I guarantee that is what it's like something that went on. They were raised in this pity get pitted against each other and they just punish

each other. That's why people that's why you have storylines of one not getting invited to a wedding and one not talking to another. It's why the three sisters never seem to be talking to each other all at once because someone is always being punished. Constant punishment. Dun, dun, dun. So then we see flashback to BravoCon because Kyle's will say, Kyle's talking to Erica now we're back to Kyle and Erica and Kyle's like, well, what I did was only response to the way that I was treated. I started the reunion with Kathy. Here's what really sealed the deal for me. It was Bravo con. Sorry, three, three

pronunciation. So we go to Bravo con 2022. And this is a kind of swimming gun. He's just so full of here it comes smoking gun. Why got smoking gun flaming? So it's Kyle and Doree and Abby asked some questions and Andy says rank the Richard sisters from your favorite to your least favorite. And then Doree starts to take a shot car goes Hello. And then she grabs her wrist making Doree spill her drink and Doree says well Kathy's definitely Kyle's last right. She Well, Kathy's definitely Kyle's the last right she goes, Kyle's definitely like a joke because

she spilled on me. It's like a clear joke. She's like, Oh, well, Kyle's last because she got everything was spilled. And she's like, and Kathy is first. So and then Kyle's laughing. And now Kyle is using this as like this is what what sealed the deal. The first the the deal that was initially written was just only because to read at the reunion was like, Kyle, I think what she's trying to say is like, that's like basically all she said and cause like, no, Doreen, stay out of it. You are going to throw out our friendship because these two tiny incidences that are so dumb. because these two tiny incidences that are so dumb. It's infuriating. Wow,

God, doesn't it feel nice to start like hitting on Kyle again? Weren't you gonna be nice to her this season? I am being your worst. I know I'm really, I'm really, no, I'm not. I'm not really either. But it's hard because it's not really nice for me. It's just she's sitting here fucking lying like she always does. She pulls this shit on people and then she comes on here and starts crying and throwing a victim act and now she's going to use an LGBT thing in a minute to guilt everybody into not being mean to

her. You can't do that, Kyle. It does not work like that. Okay, I rebuke you. So then we cut back to Dorit and Dorit confiding in Erica and she's like, I'm pissed. Fuck off. And then we come back to Kyle again. And Erica's like, well, you didn't have a sincere friendship, right? She's just bad. You guys have got to you guys have got to talk. And then Dureet's like the Kyle I knew she's not someone I even recognize. I'm not talking about her new nose holes.

So then we go back to Kyle and she's like, I do feel like she's changed. Kyle and Dureet have a lot to work out and it's a long time coming. And Kyle's like, if she starts talking, and she talks and talks and talks, and does she doesn't want to listen. And that's when I lose it. Literally, neither of you guys listen to each other. We've watched it's hilarious. So then Erica and Dorit Erica's like, well, there's a lot of myth communication. They kind of love this. Just me giving advice

to people that I don't really give a shit about. This is the sweet spot on this show. And Dorit's like, there's more manipulation there than there is miscommunication. And I think she's more of a master manipulator than I even realize. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do I'm making that music. Give me the proper tense music. I want to make sure it gets in there. If you got that printed and roll it. Can we borrow your fog machine, Erica? So, yes, like you say in the car.

Michael, we're not going to do choreography for an intrigue scene. So Garcell, Garcelle, shuffleball change I've ever seen in my life. Garcelle is over at the Thompson Hotel in Atlanta, Georgia. And she's trying to get her computer to work. And Oliver comes over. And she's like, Oh, how was your flight? I ordered breakfast. He's like, oh, you know, busy, busy, busy.

So basically Garcelle is in Atlanta. She's shooting a movie. It's another one in her abducted franchise. And she is also gonna be starring in a movie and she's just working. She's like a working lady right now. She's got all her shit together. Yes, it's a lifetime movie abducted at an HBCU, a black girl missing movie. So yeah, she's like, well, now I'm

calling the shots. Duh, dumb. And so we see her having meetings at lifetime. And she's like, wow, we got my director, I just wanted this man so like, Wow, we got my director, I just wanted this man so bad, professionally, of course. It was a director joke, everybody. So Oliver, how is OJ? He's like, Oh, OJ is great starting kindergarten soon. So Oliver had no his kid, we're naming our

children OJ. Is that a thing that the people are doing? Are starting kindergarten soon. So Oliver had no his kid, we're naming our children. Oh, Jay. Is that a thing that the people are doing? Are we? Are we okay with that? Everybody like, that's just the thing we're gonna do now is name our children. Oh, Jay, I don't know. Why would you know that to a child? You can be a fan of whoever you want. Why would you do that to your child? So then, basically, they're just sort of having this conversation that's not terribly interesting. And Garcelle tells us that Oliver when she had Oliver, she would bring him

everywhere and like the set of the Jamie Foxx show and to have him here on the set here, it really means a lot to her. Well, you know, I'm sure he's just there to see you and not the camera at all. It's not your time. It's not very thirsty at all. So then, uh, yeah, this is Garcelle scene. I have to say still love Garcelle, but I will say Garcelle should have come back as a friend. Garcelle should be there commenting on everything going on.

That's her sweet spot. These personal scenes are not great, although it's good to see her kind of you know, achieving her dreams and doing all that. Yeah, she's doing cool stuff like ourselves like lovable. And you know, she's we see her she goes she like leaves the hotel. She goes to the set. She's like, Yeah, I'm doing it. It sort of has a little bit of the energy of like a Plaxoriasis commercial. It's like I'm not letting Plaxoriasis hold me back

from shooting a movie. So wait a minute someone's doing a psoriasis commercial without me. This is me. Cindy Lapa. Psoriasis sucks. Don't get it. Because you know, like every commercial for any sort of condition, it's always like someone took talking to the camera while there's all sorts of business happening behind them like someone holding a billet like moving a bullet

bulletin board and someone like rolling a wheel and someone training like a like an elephant like, I'm not letting it hold me back back to work for me. And it just like walk into the into the madness. Yeah. Oh, gosh. So then we get some Trixie coming up. I love my life. I'm hooked on a feeling. I love my life. Every day is a weekend.

It's like, well, you shouldn't say that when the whole scene is about somebody working a lot. Because it's consistent tricks. So now it's Thursday, May 29th, no, May 19th. It is 1256 PM. And we know the exact time of day, which means it must be a terrible news coming up on the screen. Yes, it's a timestamp. It's a timestamp. And the last time stamp of the episode, I believe. So if you're trying to keep track of the timeline of this episode, don't worry, you're off the hook,

because no more timestamps after this. No more. We're done with those. So voiceover. Unfortunately, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills stars Doreenke and PK separated after nine years of marriage. When we see headlines shooting up on the screen, Dereke, Kemsley and PK Kemsley break up. Dereke breaks up with Kemsley and tries to cook him, not realizing he's still not a doughboy. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Peter Pan roll opens up in London after Dorit Kemsley pulls out a vital, vital Pantone experience. So yeah, all the headlines are hitting and then we're at Dorit and Pique's home. And now we see it's, we see,

we see like the public statement that they make, this big long, long statement. And then certain parts are being highlighted, like we can't work it out, et cetera. we see like the public statement that they make this big long long statement and then certain parts are being highlighted like we can't work it out etc and then we see Garcelle excuse me Garcelle is reading it with with Oliver and she's like all right so we've had our struggles over the past few years and oh my god of course it's long-winded of course it's to read okay harmonious environment blah blah blah blah blah okay, blah, blah. Okay, slide number one, she did a whole carousel. Okay. Wow. Slide number nine. Oh, God, I'm really resenting that Instagram opened up the carousels to 20

photos because we got a lot more. Okay. She's saying custody of the EL fudge cookies is yet to be determined. Okay, next. It's really going on while you're this is very dirty. It's like we the couple have been subjected to many, many, many boxes of Nabisco that have gone missing. And as we've tried to resolve this amongst ourselves as to who's stolen the Nabisco, I continuously find crumbs in my bed suggesting that it was either me or Piki. And if Piki won't harmoniously admit when the Nabisco is gone, what can I say about Nabisco? I had always trusted Piquet, but when I asked him, where did those strange orange crackers

go with the peanut butter on the inside? And he said, what are you talking about? Those crackers don't exist. And then he came to bed with his lips as orange as orange can be. I thought, we've lost the trust. It's over. We do appreciate the love and support of all of the fans all across the world and hope to do the weird, weird journey of support that we need to do for each other. Yada yada tada signed. And one more thing. When it comes to turkey basting,

I am sick of being the paster every single year. Paster own cookies, you monster of a man. That is all said and done. Dereet and furthermore. For Christ's sake, just stop using Siri to make your statement, girl. Just stop typing. Just say I left the pasty old person. That's how we need to know.

So we then cut to Erica, and she's FaceTiming Kyle, and she's like, well, I'll be honest with you, Kyle. I knew I knew the whole time. I knew everything. I bet you didn't realize because I'm really good at acting like I didn't know something when I actually do. But guess what? I knew. And she told me at the Pacific Design Center and asked me not to say anything. And I said nothing.

I won't rat out anyone. I'm not a single person. But she did give me some diamond earrings and I will not give them back. What are we talking about? Oh, you know, I just like this is so bad. And I feel so bad because like, you know, to go through this publicly, like I've had to do, it's so difficult going through what I've gone through.

And I don't want anybody to ever have to go what I've gone through. So does Z Dorit even like have to go through what I've gone through, except mine was worse, of course. It's just like so sad when I went through. Do you know what I mean? I mean, I can only imagine how hard it would have been for them had they

lasted 25 years and been featured on the knot.com. Luckily, they didn't have to go through that the way I did. And as the first person to ever be divorced in America, I have to say it is hard, but hopefully she'll get through it. And she tells us, I just automatically go back to the couple. It was just so in love. I mean, everything he said, she laughed at what went wrong. So then a van honks and Dorit drives through Bel Air. And this is the moment that she's Dorit is like rage driving. She's like, she's free and doesn't know what to do. And she's like lighting up a cigarette.

She's like smoking and bel air. Like I'm single and rebel now. Yeah, she's smoking out the window. And it sounds like, well, Dorit said everything was wonderful with her marriage. Again, smoke and mirrors. And Garcelle's like, this is serious. There's something in the water.

Who else married in this group? No one. Now I know why Lisa Vanderpump got out of there. She's like, I'm going to save Ken. So then so to read shows up at Kathy's house. And this is amazing. She's she's walking through and then she finds Kathy upstairs in like her preservation chamber Kathy is like sitting in a chair there are 10 different sets of hands applying plastic and goo and like different brushes and vacuums onto her face. It's not unlike the scene in seven where they come across that body in the bed that they

think they think is decomposing in that and then it's alive. It is like very Buffalo Bill from you know, the Hannibal Lecter movies just like a little foot on the ocean. We've been keeping our life for 200 years. She's like, I decided I actually want to be the picture of Dorian Gray. It doesn't work that way. Kathy, you're not supposed to be the picture. So Dorit comes in and they kiss kiss and Kathy's like, I'm not

getting up. Yeah, it's down there. Okay, well, I mean, listen, hello there, Chris. It's like, Hi, honey. And so she's like, Oh, I like this. I like this hair that you got going on. That's at least good. Gee, it's very ironic that Kyle has iced me out. And Kathy has thankfully offered support in my time of need. I mean, she didn't really offer support. She just looked at one of her glam people and they put a comforting hand on my shoulder for her, but it still felt nice. I just called you, Eddie, because I want to see how you're feeling.

You feeling okay? I appreciate that. And I can tell by the bubbles that you're blowing through your lips that you mean it. Never, Eddie. I mean, Red, I just isn't on a call. I mean, I'd rather you do this in person so you can, you know, if you it is, just how, are you okay?

Are you depressed or is it going okay? Well, you know, the really nice thing about this is it's not out of anger. And, you know, in order for us to have a healthy, happy and peaceful marriage, there needs to be work done. Here, let me just dab that spittle that's coming out of the side of your lip. I thought these people were hired to do this for you, but that's okay. I'm just divorcing,ittle that's coming out of the side of your lips. Thought these people were hired to do this for you, but that's okay. I'm just I'm just divorcing but that's okay. I'll wipe your spit off because you're richer than I am and more

powerful. So there we go. I know you love him, honey. I know you love him. You love him, right? Don't you love him? Because it's a man, you're a woman, you know, you love him, right? Love is a strong word more like, I acknowledge that he exists. Yeah. All right. We're gonna have to work on it. You're all fired. Dury. Dury. Is she is she alive? I can't tell those someone just throwing

her voice. I can't tell what's happening right now. So then we go to the Henry and Mauricio sitting at the bar. He's like, Oh, yeah, I think I'll have a Henry special, whatever that is. I don't even care. I buy myself this down. Yeah. So if you have maybe the waffle and maybe some coffee. Thank you. Just so upsetting. So upset that we're gonna be celebrating the new... Somebody else's... Yeah, when the same day that we hear about our friends split. Yeah, so upsetting.

I know. Gotta always... Gotta play at least once in the season. So funny. So, no, he's actually making a business call. He's like, Okay, okay, deals, deals, deals, you know, nothing but deals. Go ahead and send me a bio on her if you would, you know, I'd love to see a bio, but

hey, I gotta go because my buddy's here and he's pastier than ever. Okay. Hey, buddy, you're okay. And then they come up and they start making out. He is like, I'm not good, man. I'm not good. Okay, you know, it's funny, you actually taste like dough. That's crazy. I've been rolling around and flour man trying to do flower therapy. It's a new thing. But I'm it's rough. The other day I said, Ladies and gentlemen, burl out. Not Berlin. It's a lot of time over here.

I mean, burl out, not burl in. It's a lot of time over here. Yeah. So then they start talking with their face like, maybe there's like a Starbucks cup in between them. There's a shadow on the guy. He's not well lit, right? Yeah. They're like, hello. Listen, I'm not doing well.

I'm not doing well, mate. I'm just really not. He's like, well, you've been through a big day today. I've never been, you know, listen, I've been separated now nearly a year and I recently moved out. And during this process, you're going to have hard days, you're going to have easier days. There's some days you'll get a boner, some days you won't get a boner. But let me tell you something, you have to have boners all the time because the girls

are much younger now. It's crazy. Everybody in the world is now younger than anyone you ever lived with before. So I don't know how to explain it. But that's how it's going. Yeah, he literally says, you know what, I've, I kind of learned how to enjoy the journey versus looking for a solution. How to enjoy the journey. I'm fucking everything inside now. Yeah, that's don't make anything right with my wife and just keep

fucking the younger people that I'm getting now. I realized rather than trying to have to have a nice relationship, I can just fuck people. That's nice. I like it. Yeah. So crazy. PK is like, well, guess what? Carl texted me was a beautiful text. And I'm like, wow, I love the game that Kyle and Dorit are playing right now. They are both playing such a passive, aggressive, wonderful frenemy game. Dorit goes to Kathy first.

And first of all, first three tells Erica first before Kyle, which is already like a stab in the heart. Because Kyle's acting like they're not tight friends. So Dorit's gonna be like, Oh, yeah, well, then I'm gonna call your bluff. And if we're not, if we're not close friends, I'm gonna tell it not only am I gonna tell someone else first, then I'm gonna go confide in Kathy first. But like, how's like, okay, well, I'm gonna one up you. Because I'm gonna text PK instead of you. I'm like, Ooh,

this is brutal already. And where it's like, Oh, context to do well, that's nice. He's like, you know, Oh, Kyle, thanks to you. Wow, that's nice. He's like, you know, listen to me, you're really an inspiration to me both you and Kyle. I mean, God, I love your divorce. I mean, you know, you may just look so fun. Haven't you? Everyone's doing it now, mate. And he's like, well, did you talk to the kids about it? He's like, No, we're not going to be talking to the kids are morons. Basically, it's

basically sludge. They're just sludge with hair, you know, when they basically just started actually walking around, you know, saying that that that that is stupid. It's a hit some moronic. No, we're not telling our children, listen, I'm British. We didn't talk about these things with children. We wait 25 years and then we say, Oh, oh, yes, I suppose we are divorced. Things like that. It's very simple.

So Marisha's like, All right, well, did you leave a did you leave a note for Dorit on how to open doors and turn on TVs? Because I forgot to go with Kyle. So that's my tip for you. So many wants to toast her yesterday. I said, How was your day? She started telling me the story about a bagel. I mean, it was the worst thing. Just make sure she knows how to turn on the TV. Trust me. I got a voice note that said, quote, Why is some of the bread missing from the bagel and I had to tell her it's on purpose. Actually, that was me I stopped by she invited me over. I think

she'd catch me that quickly. Actually. So he's like, No, we're not telling him my fucking moronic kids. And then we go to Kathy and Doreen. We're back with them. And Kathy's like, did you say anything to the kids? You have kids, right? You know, are they are they maids that you call kids? Or are they actual kids that you have? Because sometimes I'll call my maids kids just to keep it simpler, you know? America doesn't like me calling people ladies, so now I just call them kids. It's pretty fun. So have you had kids sue them?

Well, actually, instead of telling them about divorce, we've just sung Happy Birthday over and over and over to them. The soft clap. Through all the sound effects guys, I'm just doing the morning show over here. No crazy radio morning show. We're back everybody pull out the trunk. We're back, everybody. Pull out the trunk.

There's only one real sound effect that's left, so let's just get out of the way. Young lady. Ah! What the hell? Oh, my goodness. You know, that makes me crack up every single time. To be walking into the car dealership

and screaming like bloody murder. So Kathy's like, so you're not telling me the kids and say, No, we're not going to I mean, we can be doing things in the family like we're not in a toxic place. He does have a sober coach and I'm not privy to that. Because I don't know if I told you he's a full blown alcoholic. Hold on one second. I'm getting a phone call. Yes, yes. Full blown alcoholic. Thank you. Yes. In those words. Sorry, it was the

skywriting team. What were you saying, Kathy? So then back to Mauricio is he's asking what happened and he gives like, I'll tell you what happened. I got sober. That's what happened. I got sober. I got clear and I realized we're just taking bites out of each other the whole fucking time. And I said, What are you a bagel? And she said, Yes, I am a bagel. I said, God damn it, I'm divorcing a bagel. Then I had to talk to to read after. You know, she's not the most able to listen. She really isn't. Meanwhile, Marisa sitting there literally not paying attention to PK. He is looking at the door. He is looking at the waitress. He's looking at the other waitress. He is this is a this is a divorced man right here that I is wandering

because PK is also trying to make it like this big sob story. First of all, Mauricio has already heard all this and second Mauricio never really got his sob story. Because his thing was like Kyle was like Mauricio did something I'm not going to talk about but I'm going to insinuate that it was an affair. While she was kind of like screwing this chick off the Instagram allegedly. And so he got the villain at it, even though we don't really know what he did. Rumors are that he was

getting messages from hoes on Instagram or something. And he wasn't, he wasn't swatting them off fast enough. That's kind of the rumor. But we don't she made it sound like he had a full blown affair. So we still don't know what went on, but either way, he didn't get some sympathy at it. And now here comes PK, PK, who's like a visibly terrible husband, but literally not even in town comes in and he's going to try and have a crying scene now. crying scene now. Mauricio's like, oh, fuck no, this isn't fair. You know? You know what, Kathy, back to me. PK, he's got avoidance issues. I put out some rice cakes on the counter. He wouldn't even touch them straight to the Pringles. Have you ever tried to put a gallon of water there for a

pasty person? They won't take it. Issues of avoidance. Yeah, but you also have an issue of being something truly needs to be avoided. To be fair, I'm not going to stick up for PK too much here, but you are still Dorit. You know what I mean? You're going to have a hero season and that's great. I'm rooting for you this whole season, but just got to point out that, you know, if there's going to be something to avoid, a lot of times it's you. So Kathy is like, are you a good listener? What? Are you a good listener? Anyway, who got a

Beppo clothes, but so that was sad too. Uh, DeRuette, did you not answer my question? Well, you should ask one. I did, I packed all the lemons from the ceiling myself. What do you do with 19 boxes of lemons? DeRuette, uh, PK saw those in my trunk and said we should have called it the, the, the clear room. So not a conditioner, okay. So do you guys still have sex? You guys still get together? She's like, sex? Please. We're separated. I'm trying not to think about, I'm trying to put those memories in the middle of a little box in my mind. Please don't bring that up, Kathy. P.K. being inside of me is like trying to put biscuits back into a tube. So Dorit's like everything is all so fresh and new. It's so fresh and new I have to

splash invisible water drops across the room. Flash, flash, flash. It's all brand new and scary. And do I think it's gonna I don't know trail off I'm trailing off right now and Kathy's like are you jealous if he goes out to dinner god? No, he does it all the time. He's a very social guy I'm jealous the people who who get to stay away from PK And Kathy really is very good at drilling right down to the issue, right? Because she's like, yeah, so no, so he goes out you don't go out So you don't, he goes out,

you're not out with your girlfriend all the time. It's like, no! So what we've just learned in this scene, thanks to Detective Cathy, is that PK is very social. DeRite has stopped being social and refuses to go out. And she's probably not listening to PK and they're not having sex. That was a very good interrogation for a show where people will not ever give the real information. You know what I mean? People keep shit secret on here for years and Kathy just basically summed up every trouble

with our marriage in two seconds while her mouth didn't even move. It was pretty good. Hey everyone, this is the end of part one of this recap for part two. Keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what crap ends would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto.

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