Watch What Crappens - #2629 RHOSLC S05E10 Part One: Crash and Hepburn

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

This is part one of a two-part recapMary hosts a Breakfast at Tiffany’s-themed party on The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City which leads to fighting, resolution, tears, and very strange bangs. Watch this recap as a video and get all of our bonus episodes over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker joining me today, Ronnie Karam. Hey Ronnie, how are you? Well, hello. How are you? You know, I'm doing great. Thanks. Just having a lovely day here. Me too. Yeah. Yeah. Just, you know, it's Thursday, Salt Lake City was last night, which we're about to talk about. By the way, is my audio out of sync on your end?

Like I feel like I'm seeing a lag with my lips. Okay, good. As long as, as long as my lips look good to you, then we will proceed onwards. Yeah, looks so good. Looks so good. Yes. I've been out of sync. I've been a technical disaster. So we're good on my end. Yeah, it looks so good. It looks so good. Yes. I've been out of sync. I've been a technical disaster.

So I'm sorry to the listeners. You know what's going on over here. Construction, construction, disaster. We're both reconfiguring our studio spaces to be more professional. And it's turned into a clusterfuck of a week of shows. So when you're watching our video and I'm out of sync, that's why I'm fucking things up.

But hopefully today we've got it all fixed. We'll see. All you need to do is go to guitar center and hand them sacks of money. And then suddenly things start working again. So, you know, thanks guitar center. Thanks. That's actually really good. That's really good to know because I'm like, where do you get things like things

like audio video stuff these days? Now that Radio Shack has gone and so is fries like where does one go? Go to audio visual they're so good. They're another shit over there. They'll help you now be careful because you know, they're always gonna try and like overcharge you on the Q's you want that you want that insurance? Yeah, and like they're real hard sellers with that and they're like art. They're like old hardcore rockers You know who are walking there like the chick who waits on me is, I call her Juliet, cause she looks just like Juliette Lewis,

but she's like bleach blonde. Hey honey, you bringing that back? What's wrong with that? Like she, she kind of like gets mad if you bring something back. I'm like, it's too big. I told you it was going to be too big. She's like, oh God, it's not too big.

It's a normal size. Like she'll fight with you. I love them over there. I think they're great. Can you tell I need them a lot? I'm like, please help me, Julia Lewis. She's like, oh, come on. When I was in the runaways,

we used things that were twice this size and it was fine. Joan Jett never had an issue. Yeah, well, as usual, this is on Crappin's On Demand on video, hopefully in sync and everywhere else. You get your podcast, also Patreon bonus episode, super fun. It's our grumpy old man episode up right now That's where we just are grumpy old bitches and complained about shit that you yeah people are doing and that was super fun to do And also a big huge announcement. Thank you to the CMA Awards that were on last night. Wow

I've never watched that have you ever seen that Know what happened a whole other world. I don't know, it's just so cool. It's like going to Universal Studios, you know, when you're like immersed in a different world. It's like Mario World. They're like, oh my God, everything's a mushroom. And this was just like a whole different world. And I was watching it with my friend. And one of the guys, well, first of all, it was some guy named Jelly Roll up there singing. This was literally the song. Kim Zolciak's favorite. This guy was singing, and some other guy, he was singing with some other guy with

a goatee that looked like the thing you measure your feet in with at Payless. I don't know what was going on with him. But if you can get that visual into your head. Pete Slauson Was it Teddy Swims? Peteus I don't know. I hope so. Pete Slauson There's like this whole – Pete Slauson Yeah. Okay, go on. Peteus Oh, go ahead. Go ahead. There's a whole lot. Pete Slauson No, I was going to say, there's like this whole, yeah. Okay, go ahead. There's a whole lot. I was gonna say there's like this whole generation now of like these people like Jelly Roll and Teddy

Swims and this other guy, like Pizza Pan or something. And they all kind of look the same. They're kind of like tatted up and just look crazy. Anyway, he's not tatted up like, yeah, Jelly Roll is like, be in the prison, be in the prison. You know, that's all I heard for the first few lyrics, I had to like separate myself. But yeah, he was heavily, like, into prison art on his face. But yeah, that guy, and then there was, like, he was an older guy singing with him, but they were singing some gospel song, which, you know, I grew up gospel. Singing gospel.

It wasn't that, sometimes, but it was not that crazy to me to hear this stuff. But just sitting with my friend, who's Jewish, you know, my best friend, she's like, what the fuck is this? Because it was God's, it's just white people, it's a sea of white people waving their hand in the air. And this song, let me just tell you, this song was like, I knew a man, he lost his wife in an accident. Then he lost his baby in a fire. Then he lost his kid in the woods, but he believed. And I was like, what happened to this poor guy? I mean, by the end of the song, they had this poor guy set on fire, thrown down a mountain,

drowned and come back to life again. I was like, what is going on in country music? This is the saddest shit I've ever heard. And then they would just pan out of the audience and everybody was like waving their hands in there and sobbing. And then someone else won an award and it was some band. I don't know who they are. And this guy was like, well guys, you know what country music is good for community.

And that's what we need when this country is so weird. I mean, look at your window. It is weird out there. So thank you for being. And I looked at my friend. I said, this is one of the only awards show on television where they're talking about us. Because every other awards show, we're like, guys stay together, it's weird out there, meaning them.

And it was just interesting seeing that because I'd never watched it and it was pretty good. I have to say, I mean, we didn't watch the whole thing. We watched 10 minutes, but I was like, I get it. I mean, I can get why people are into that sort of stuff. I mean, it's nice to just stand in a group and cry about some imaginary guy who literally lost everything and was burned alive by the end, you know? Yeah. So today we're talking about the Real House, what's this, Salt Lake City?

Sorry, I had to tell you. That was crazy. No, when you started that story up, because of course this is where my mind goes. I was like, when you said, thank you so much to the CMAs, I thought you were going to say, did the CMAs mention Wattruck Rapids? I was like, did someone get up there and receive an award? No, that just changed my life. Just changed my life then. Hey, that's worthwhile. Go on, go with your day. Go on with your day. Just go on like everything's normal and nothing's

changed in the world. No, well, your story is Bravo adjacent because Kim Zolciak went to a Jelly Roll concert over the weekend and she went with Chet Hanks and then made TMZ because she probably sent it in because who really cares that Kim Zolciak went and saw Jelly Roll? But apparently that's news. It's news enough that I'm repeating it here. I just think it's the funniest thing. Kim Zolciak

seeing an artist named Jelly Roll. Like if you told me when Kim Zolciak showed up on our TVs in 2009 or whatever and you said one day she's going to go to a concert for someone named Jelly Roll, I'd be like, absolutely she will. She will definitely be at a Jelly Roll concert. I mean, who wouldn't? That's like the best name for a, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna become an artist and name myself Peanut M&M. Like who's not gonna come?

That's like delicious. I was sort of in the market for a Jelly Roll recently. I was like Jelly Roll curious. And then I decided, you know what? I don't need a Jelly Roll. I don't need it. All right, so Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. We open at Mary's house with a wacky voiceover.

There's a little fairy tale music going on. Someone's like, meet Mary Goldlightly. Mary's like, oh my gosh, she's setting up, walking down the stairs very carefully in gigantic shoes, like platform slippers, I think. Is that what they were just, just classic Mary Cosby things. And, um, this narrator, they're trying to make it seem like a, uh, like this is almost like down Abbey, uh, or maybe it was from breakfast and Tiffany's. I've never seen breakfast at Tiffany's. So I don't know if there was a narrator and breakfast at Tiffany's and this is like actually very true to the movie.

Have you ever seen breakfast at Tiffany's? I have, I don't remember. I don't think there was a narrator. No. Well, they have a narrative. When I don't think there was a narrator, no. Well, they have a narrator. When I saw it, it was in gay college. So. I'm ready for the sequel, lunch at Tiffany's.

Hey yo. So. Never gets there. She's a, she'll leave. That's the thing with Mary Gell-Lightly. Her ass is out of there. And that's why I was so surprised when Mary was so pissed by the end when Meredith

left, spoiler alert, because that's how breakfast at Tiffany's ends. So I was like, it's actually poetic. Yeah, Holly Go Lightly gets the fuck out of there. She's not going to commit. She's a who. She's a who. I think she's like a girl or something. Is that the name of the guy? I know so little about this movie. Is that the name of her character, Holly go lightly? Yeah, Holly go lightly. And she did. She left lightly. And you're like, where'd she go? And she's probably worked, you know? And then they played moon river afterwards. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm learning. I actually do want to see this movie because it's such a pop culture reference all the time. And I, I feel a little sad that I came into this episode with all these bangs clipped onto people's hair without being able to do that.

I want to have a Holly go lightly party to clip bangs on my head. So cute. Yeah, it was, it was fun. So, um, yeah, we have this narrator who's saying like, she's, he's, she's a lady of exquisite tastes. And Mary is like, I know that's not the decoration, not in my house, oh Lord, not the decoration. Because she has all these people setting up this party for her. And she's basically just like, just scolding them for everything that they're doing.

Yeah, and she appreciates the finer things in life. A lady who loves to entertain. And then I wanna put a picture of Audrey Hepburn over there, perfecting every detail for her guests. Could you, you know, the fire things, turn those off. I don't like fire things. Are they candles? What is she talking about? What are the fire things? Pete I don't know what the fire things are in Mary's house. I'm imagining like big hoops of fire that she just bought. She was like, I like them.

Jared She's just got people from her church who haven't tithed, just standing in the middle, you know, on a pier in the middle, a pyre, just ready to get burnt. Jarek So then the narrator's like, but unfortunately, not everything is going well with the friends. So then we see, you know, basically, previously, and then when those end, it's will Mary's social gathering bring the group together or will she get burned by the fire things? Hepburned, get it? Like Audrey Hepburn. Oh, never mind.

Find out at breakfast at Mary's. So, now we do like, oh my gosh, it's Salt Lake City. And Whitney and her son are playing soccer. Her son's name is Brooks? Yeah, isn't that funny? I didn't know her son was named Brooks until I read it in the notes right now. Who knew? Yeah, yeah. Oh, way to raise a criminal. That's giving your child criminal energy right there because

Brooks from Real Housewives of OC, don't give your children the same numerology as Brooks from the OC. What's wrong with you? Yeah. Or instead of a criminal, maybe a sweatsuit maven. So, it could go either way. Or maybe all the above. Brenton That's true. But Brooks Marx, I think, was born after that. How old is this Brooks? Brooks I don't know how old that Brooks is, but I don't want you to bring up my child, my toddler on your podcast. Brenton How dare you speak about my toddler on your podcast, Randy. How dare you speak about my toddler.

Okay, so then we go to a place called Phoenix Vine. Don't go to a place called Phoenix for your plants. That place is a desert. What's with the naming today on this show? Yeah, and it's Angie and Electra, and they're potting plants. And Electra's like, Dad put truffle sauce on my salad yesterday, which, okay,

two comments. I actually, I enjoy, I enjoy truffle oil. I know like truffle oil is now a thing that people go like truffle oil. Disgusting. I'm looking at you, Gail Simmons, who shamed it on Top Chef once. So I enjoy my truffle oil, but that being said, it does not belong on a salad. I think Electra has a full on case right here. For a child, you know, like a child's I mean, teenager, but she's like, no teenager wants a truffle sauce on their salad, you know, and I feel like that's also so something that

her dad would do, you know what I mean? Because he's just like so gay coded, even though he's not gay, like he's still like carries Louis Vuitton. And you know, he does like all the gay things, even though he's a straight. Like he's still like carries Louis Vuitton and you know, he does like all the gay things, even though he's a straight guy. And I feel like that is so gay. Like my child will understand truffle oil. Drink it. She will be sophisticated. Eat your goddamn salad.

Also, I love that. You're watching Audrey Hepburn with the boys, if you know. I also love that Electra held onto this for a day. She was like, I'm gonna bring this up on camera. I wanna make sure there's a public record of what happened to me. Cause I'm waiting until I get my mother alone on camera so no one can interrupt me and I could just get my complaints out there. What are your complaints? Dad made me eat truffle oil.

Well, mom, I see how you act when you tell dad, listen, we can't talk about this until the cameras are here. So guess what? Now it's my time. Here's what I've got to tell you about truffle sauce in my goddamn ranch dressing. I'm divorcing dad. So Angie's like, Oh, is that what I could smell in the house? See what happens when I'm not there to manage? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. She's like, yeah, you're kind of a helicopter mom. She's like, they don't have helicopters in ancient Greece. So use a better term. I'm a Greek copter mom. Sorry, I splattered yogurt and cucumber everywhere. I'm just trying to make sure my daughter is safe.

You just hear the theme song to mash, but played with like the Greek mandolin kind of thing. So she's like, give me some examples of what makes me a helicopter mom. And she's like this conversation, for example. And then we see a flashback to the last few minutes and just Angie peppering her with questions. How is school? Hey, do you like this black and white one? Hey, I want to cook for you. Hey, should we talk about your laundry a little bit?

So why do you lock your door? For some reason, I thought it was so funny that she was like, should we talk about your laundry a little bit? It was a performance review. Okay, so now- What's this guys' laundry? Electra, should we talk about this? I think we should talk about this.

But I also like, why do you lock your door? Because dad's always trying to fucking barge in with truffle oil. Why do you think? Keep them out of my room? Need to keep the fresh air in my room. Okay. You smelled it smelled so rancid.

You didn't even know what it was. You probably raccoon died in our kitchen. It was truffle oil mother. Oh, so, um, then Andrew's like, but can you imagine if I didn't helicopter though, what would you think would be? I would think what do you think you would be thinking if I wasn't helicoptering?" And Electra just goes, that I was free. Pete Slauson Aww.

Pete Larkin Okay, relax Persephone. So, Angie is like, wow, oh my God. So, then we got to a fun little crossover moment. Kimo Sabe, the Kimo Sabe I'm assuming of, I don't know why I'm assuming it's at Park City, but the point is that we have our Utah version of Kimo Sabe. Who knew that Kimo Sabe existed outside of Aspen? Probably a lot of people, but not me. So it's Lisa. Hi, I love your turquoise jewelry.

Can I touch? I love that. That's so good. How much is this one? Is it $60,000? Cause that's one that I lost on Pump Springs once. Yeah, yeah. I also lost a $5 thing in Milwaukee,

but that was on purpose. The guy's like, these are fun. So everything here is vintage turquoise. Oh, fuck off with that. Do you have any new turquoise? What's your old ass turquoise? Give me some new. Does turquoise get better as it's old? No, go, go mind me. You guys charged me $90 million for some turquoise? What's your old ass turquoise? Does turquoise get better as it's old? No,

go mind me. You guys charged me 90 million dollars for some turquoise. Go get some fresh turquoise please. I think turquoise is like inherently vintage. It's like an old rock that was like shaped by millennia of millennias. Go dig it up fresh. Don't just tell them to somebody else's. We want hot, fresh turquoise deals. Okay. Amazon's Black Friday Week started this morning and I want some fresh Amazon Prime turquoise,

sir. This is not the El Paso casino where I will accept your just any old turquoise. Okay. This is Kimo Sabe. Get me fresh. We want that fresh, fresh turquoise. So someone asked. So then Heather walks in and she's like,

I thought Kimo Sabe was like sushi bar. And she goes, God, you are trying so hard. As if you don't watch every single fucking episode of Housewives. And that was a huge plot on Beverly Hills. Girl, please. It's not funny. And we, we, we see you. Yeah. So she's like, I don't know what I was thinking. Just Kimo sounded Japanese and Sabe just thought it was like a plan was Sabe. So I thought like sushi bar. I'm like, listen, even if this hat store never existed, Kimo Sabe is like something we've learned from the Lone Ranger. Like, it's been around that

phrase for like decades now. It's as old as retro turquoise at this point. David Kempner Um, Kimo Sabe is actually a horse, I think so. Let's see. Oh, it's a term. It's a fictional term. In a Lone Ranger radio program and television show, Kemosabe is a friendly term used by the Lone Ranger's Native American companion, Tonto, to refer to the Lone Ranger. Oh, so he calls him. Oh, so it's like saying, hey, friend, Kemosabe. I thought it was a horse. That's cute. I like it. I'm sure there are horses. I think people learn something every day, but at least I didn't think it was a horse. That's cute. I like it. I'm sure there are horses. I can't think of something every day,

but at least I didn't think it was sushi. Sean walks in next to the guy, I heard there was a sushi restaurant here. You guys need some truffle oil? So Lisa's like, oh my God, how cute you are. Heather's like, regardless, I've been wanting to eat all day, and now I'm starving, and I'm surrounded by hats. Cue the Amy Grant song, hats.

Why do I gotta wear so many damn hats? Oh my gosh, is this a secret passageway? This is amazing. I love secret passageways. I didn't even have any idea that this was a secret passageway I thought it was a bookshelf. Oh my god. Just go in and do your scene for Christ's sake Tape just cut the tape and push her into the room Mother are you drunk? Yes. I got wasted in the speakeas in the back of the hat store. I

Wonder if they were carrying Kathy Hilton's vodka or tequila. I know, right? What was that tequila called? Do you remember? It was soul. Something like Delisle or Del Sol or, or I don't know. So Lisa's like, you know what? I love everything. I love everything, but also a spicy margarita. And others like, yeah, me too. I just love the whole vibe in here. This is crazy.

We're having a drink at a bookshelf. I do believe that Lisa was not expecting this because if Lisa knew that this is what they would be doing, she would have called ahead and stocked their bar with Vita Tequila and she would have done the whole, I'll do a Vita spicy margarita, thank you. Like she definitely does. I'm surprised that she didn't at least pretend and say, I have a Vita spicy margarita and pretend that they carried it.

Cause you know, if she probably in her scene, she does that when she goes to Wendy's. I'll do a baked potato and a frosty with Vita Tequila in it. Thank you, Wendy. Thank you. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial. I'm Lindsey Graham, host of Wondry Show American Scandal.

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Introducing the Best Idea Yet, a brand new podcast about the surprising origin stories of the products you're obsessed with. Listen to the Best Idea Yet on the W the Wonder app or wherever you get your podcasts. So the bartender is like, Hey, so you know what this is right here on my hat? And he's like, what? And Heather's like, is it a rattlesnake? Is it sushi?

Is it finally some chopsticks? When are we going to get a salmon roll around here? Spaceships, bowling balls. I've never seen any of this before. Whitney pops her head in. It's my vagina and you exploited it for your hat. But no, it's not. It's a raccoon penis. You know what? Humans, this is, we deserve what we get. I'm saying that to all humans. Even the humans, you don't go cut off raccoon penises and turn them into hat things, accoutrements.

Still, we're supporting it by not re-jailing people who do this. Who does that? That's horrible. What do you think raccoons feel like? And you know what happened to me last night? I heard noise, I thought someone was on my house and I was like, that's it, I'm gonna die.

And it was a raccoon in the trash behind. I opened the window, I said, you, get the fuck out of here. And it ran, but then it came back and just looked at me like you want to fuck with me. And for a second I was like, this is why someone took your penis and put it on a hat, you little fucker. Cause I just watched that episode.

You're like, this is why your penis is gone. But then instead of throwing stuff at him and going out there with a baseball bat to scare him, you know, I would never hit him. I'm too terrified. But instead I was like, you know what? Raccoons go through a lot in this country and people cut off their penises and put them on really expensive hats and he deserves a break.

I was like, you go, can you get that old burrito at the bottom of that trash bag? Yeah, I have, I have, I feel like I have such a complicated relationship with the raccoons because I feel like they are so cute and I love how smart they are. Like I really respect how smart they are. But I hate that like, I believe that all of them are rabid and could kill me. They probably are. But you know, you need this one of those things like,

you know, you just need to respect them from a distance. Like, I don't know. What are things you have to respect from a distance? I don't know. Just things you have to respect. What is it? A volcano. Yeah. You can, you can. What are things you have to respect from a Respect what is it a volcano? Yeah

you can you can Think of their like little rabbit inside of it, you know, yeah Either way, I think your point is a really strong one Which is who is the crazy fuck who killed a raccoon and then went back to chop off its dick it's not only to chop it off but like you like did all the things to it, like to petrify it. And then it's like, and then, and guess what? Now someone's going to write it and saying, actually this is like an indigenous tradition and you guys are being culturally

and satical and sensitive. It's going to be the whole thing. That's the case. And just put out an APB. And instead of me calling someone a monster, let's just say this, let's stop doing this, everybody, okay? Let's stop. Cross the board, a global movement. No more, no more arena-bobbing raccoons. Whoever does it, I'm not judging you, okay?

Take back the judgment, because maybe it's culturally sensitive and I'm a good person. Look, why am I the bad person for not wanting raccoon penises to be put on hats? I'm not gonna accept that. No, stop putting fucking raccoon, that's it. Just stop it.

Ronnie, how are you enjoying your first few minutes of cancellation? You do matter, that's what finally gets me. Rob Schneider's gonna be like, see, you can't even joke about shutting off raccoon penises anymore, am I right everyone? I'm like, I give you guys multiple chances like multiple chances every day to counsel me. And this

is what you get me on. This is like a dick on hats. Come on. Yeah, it is going to be, you know, you not only want to bring that into life, let's just let's just move on. I'm just, yeah, it's kind of a funny that everybody is mad at me right now. I'm, but you know who I'm not pissed at? I know I'm happy for is that bartender. Cause I feel like she was probably standing behind that bar for like 20 years. She was like a robot that came to life. And she was like, you get to become a real woman. The day that someone finally asks you about your raccoon

penis on that. So although she was the one who was like, you want to know what this is, but like, I don't know. She sort of reminded me of like hall of presidents, like you, or like five nights at Freddy, you walk in, the robot turns on like, dude, dude, dude, dude, this is a raccoon penis. Here is your cocktail. What if someone kisses the raccoon penis and it turns into a full fledged Prince raccoon

penis? Even weirder. That would be a very interesting story. Tell me I'm in fairy tale because then people would be like, you know, I guess the same thing. I kissed a lot of frogs before I met you. Be like, I kissed a lot of raccoon penises before I met you. Listen, it's no weirder than just killing a raccoon, taking his penis and putting it on a hat. You know what I mean? So yes, I said it and I'm standing by it. Okay, so then now they're gossiping, right? So Lisa's like, like, I missed you. I missed you on the

trip. Like, I didn't like being there without you. I really didn't. It was so uncomfortable. And Heather's like, I've just, I've never felt excluded like that. That was so crazy. Except when I got kicked out of the Mormon church. I'm a girl at the end of time, girl. Pete Slauson Just that. Jared Slauson Oh, gosh. Pete Slauson Not even when I wore a Bolero jacket to a wedding did I feel excluded. They literally wrote two books about being kicked out of the Mormon church. And she's like, I've never felt more excluded than not being invited to Palm Springs.

Yeah, it was like super bad for me. I had to fly coach. So like, I would actually say that it was worse for me. And like, we also heard a totally different story from Bronwen. And Heather's like, really? About what? Why I wasn't there? Like, yeah, why you weren't there? Well, I would love to hear what she said. What was her version? Did she include that boring part of her house tour where I had to look at a whole bunch of Starbucks mugs and pretend like I was interested. And I know Lisa is going to be monsterized by everybody, but this is actually what she says. She says, well, when she was saying that she really wishes you were there, like she invited you into her home, but you said she was venomous and it didn't go well. I

think that's a pretty nice way to relay information because she could have been like, she said you were stupid and ugly, probably have knock-kneed and your elbows have squishy skin, and she didn't want you there. Because that's like a housewives way to say it, you know? But she was like, well, she does like you and she does wish you were there. So, at least she's trying. Right. And we do a flashback to Bronwyn at the pool doing that thing where she's like nodding her head. She's like agreeing with herself as she like makes her point. She's like, Heather also dropped some bombs in there about I'm true faced and I'm conniving

and like one big, really big nod for this one. And I mean, don't like it. Right, up down. This was her nod is like really, and we've got Meredith, he was like a, you know, runaway train cart kind of a nod. And then we've got her, who's just like a very serious nod. And she does this thing with Aubrey, Audrey, Aubrey is my niece. Love you, Aubrey. I love you so

much. Audrey Hepburn. It's so fitting because Audrey had that little pigtail thing. And she does that. She has a pigtail and she she wields it like a fucking sword. I'm telling you. She just the way she bobs it at people. I'm like, you go Peggy, your badass little pigtail. I think taking prisoners, this one. No. So, um, Lisa's like, I'm one new love. She was like in tears. So I feel like it made things like really uncomfortable, especially when I called you from like the hot tub that we were in when everyone in the cast, except for you and Brittany, were in the hot tub and Mary also, but she didn't care about not being there. So anyway, we're in this like beautiful hot tub in this like the biggest mansion we ever had on one of these

vacations. Are you feeling excluded right now? I'm so sorry. So when Bronwyn came out, she was like levit. She was like over you. And then Heather, of course, twists it to be like, wait a minute, you have to put a pin in that, not a real pin, a fake pin. Don't put a real pin. That would be silly. Okay, listen, if she's so sad about it, if she's mad that you called me, then why would she cry that I wasn't coming and she was so sad that I wasn't there? No, why are you taking it like that? She got mad that you called me because she was sad that you were an asshole to her and she couldn't bring you on the trip. Why are you twisting it to make it sound like

Bronwyn was saying something crazy. Lisa's like, it didn't make any sense to me. I was so shocked that Bronwyn had such a big reaction. Heather's like, well, cause she's confusing and nothing she says tracks. And Lisa's like, yeah, okay, we'll get that, got that. After we leave the hot tub, Bronwyn and Todd are like in the bar and he's like, take yourself to John. And he's like, hey, John, if Lisa doesn't fix things with Bronwyn, you guys basically need to go. And Heather's like, I can't even believe that. Like go to the leave, leave where? Go to the airport? And it's like, yeah, like leave. And so Heather's like, oh my God, what did they want you to do? What did they want you to say to Bronwyn? What did you have to do? Did you have to sing for

your literal supper? And Lisa's like, I don't think I could have done anything right. I mean, unless I was against you, I'm against her. Okay, but that was a dick move to call Heather. Would you do this? She was going to be walking right back out. Tell me I was a dick move was like, come on now. So speaking of Todd, we then go over to Bronwyn and Todd's house and Todd's just sitting out on the porch. It's like a beautiful day. His arms are crossed like, I don't like these birds.

Why are they always cawing? It's just the maddest little boy of all time. And she's like, well, it's really getting nice out here. Isn't it? It's so nice. Look at how nice it is. And he's like, oh, is it? Do you enjoy global warming?

Yeah, it's getting nicer, but still chilly. So let's not cut, let's just cut the crap and acknowledge it's still kind of cold out here. Thank you very much. It's cold even though the seas are rising. Have fun with your tsunami, stupid. So she's like, so Todd, what's going on? She goes, you tell me.

Well, you're the one with your arms crossed and looking surly. This is my resting arms crossed surly face. I'm holding my nipples. I don't want them hitting my belly button today. All right, so sue me. Someone told me, Bombi, let's have them been on the market for 15 years. I was like, no, what are you talking about? I'm the CEO of that company that said, no, you're not Todd.

I was like, what? What? I went back into the old office today and I said, boys, I got a plan. They're called wrist pilots. They called me old and told me to pick my nipples up off the floor. That's why I'm mad and I ain't gonna hide it.

I told my CFO, I said, how about this? Why don't they try to sell the pump? I was the palm trees There's a whole market right there at Brandon for them Well, I'm trying to have a possible thumbs. Well fuck them cut them all down Stupid palm trees I would do that to a raccoon! Todd I need you to sort of focus. So okay, well I walked away from that trip feeling some kind of way about what's going on between Lisa and I.

Well, the 10 years we've been together I have never seen you act the way you acted this weekend. And I know we've known Lisa and John a long time, but for you to sit in that hot tub and scream back and forth with her is ridiculous She's like you you you thought I was screaming and he was like, I don't think you were screaming I was there in the pool. Remember the water started rippling from your boys. Geez. Your head was shaking so hard I thought the hot tub was gonna empty yourself

And then they showed this shot of Todd in the pool. He's got like one of those like sort of like floaty wraps, you know, like those like the it's like rubbery kind of like thing that you would like lie on to send. He's holding it. He's like perpendicular to it. And he has his feet coming out from below it. And he's doing this like little Esther Williams kick. I was expecting him to put his hands up and like do a twist and like pop out of the water and do some like Busby Berkeley kind of stuff. Yeah, like arms behind the head.

He just needed a shower cap for sure. I know. So then we get a flashback to the infamous, the now infamous, it's my responsibility to work out, but then when it's working out, but when it's you and someone else, my ass better ride your dick like it's my job, Lisa. And so we cut back and he's like,

what you think that accomplish? Nothing. And she's like, I just, Todd, I just, that's how you felt about, it was actually uncomfortable to watch because he is like a controlling gross asshole to me. But that said, it's hard not to enjoy the humor of it because he's just a grumpy baby.

But then I don't like that her reaction is like crying and being like, Todd, Todd's approval is everything to me. I was like, his amex approval. Girl, if this was some poor 70-year-old fat guy yelling at you about being loud in the pool, you would not be sitting there. Give me a break. If this was a plumber, you would not be sitting there.

So let's stop crying like it's Todd's approval, okay? The Amex is still gonna go through. Just, I don't know, yell less when they're around Todd. What can I tell you? I, you know, I, I felt like his reactions on the trip, I was, I was not as put off. I thought he was just, I thought he was being grumpy or whatever, but I was more put off by this. I was more put off because I don't like him saying like, you have to act a certain way. And I also don't like him. Uh, basically like she

has a job and like this, she's doing her job and that's basically what she says. I understand why he's like, yeah, like you've never like, I understand what it's like if you're like, hey, you don't normally act like this. I think it's kind of like, like, why are you, why are you, um, like this. I think it's kind of like, like, why are you, why are you, um, not sacrificing, but like compromising, like who you are as a person to like sort of embarrass yourself on reality TV. I get that. But also like, you know, that going into it, I'm sorry, reality TV has been around for like 25 years now. So let's not be like naive to the process. And this is the other thing he, he doesn't want her to act like an out of control woman on TV, right?

He's like, they're pigs, basically. I mean, he doesn't say that word, but he's like, he says something like, they're like so low class, or he makes some comment like that. But this trip happened a few days ago, sir. And you're totally fine with holding this in and then just reading your wife for filth on camera.

Like, why is that classy? Like, you don't want her yelling at women, but you're totally fine with talking down to her. I just think he's a really gross person, and I know that a lot of people are amused in the audience, and I see, you know, I can see why. Like, obviously we make fun of him, and I'm very amused by that part of it,

but just the, you know, I think she deserves better, and I don't like it. I don't care how much fucking money you have. Nobody should have to put up with this. I don't like it. And I don't like you putting up with it just because he does have money. I would like someone to be a little stronger and be like, well, I'm sorry, you don't fucking control me. But the fact that he's so, you know, I just don't like, I don't like the vibes all around, but especially from him. I think it's gross. Yeah. I don't find him to be a gross person, but I don't think that this is fair of him

to say to her. I think it's a little, I think it's condescending to her. But that being said, it's also funny because he's sitting there with his arms crossed. It's like big old baby. It is. Over the past week or two weeks, there's just been so much talk about like, Todd's a grumpy old man. Whether you like that, think that's funny, or whether you're appalled by it, like that's the narrative.

And then here he comes, fully like leading into this image that people are now having like, meh. So- I'm okay with being mortified and entertained. And that is why I enjoy Housewives. It's a feeling I enjoy. So, I'm going to just go ahead and revel in that for now. So, he's like, yeah, he's like, well, you know, you did what you thought was right,

and I've just never seen you act that way. And frankly, it's not very becoming of you. And she goes, well, you don't see why it goes that way. Like they all yell and they call each other dumb bitches. Dumb bitches, you just said it again. Why are you doing this? This is so uncool. Come and get me right here. And I thought this was great how she explained it. She's like, don't you get it, Dodd?

That's what we're dealing here. They yell, they call each other dumb bitches and they scream and yell. Like, and he's like, well, that's fine. They can do whatever they want. And she goes, well, I don't know how to interact in that scenario, Dodd. And he's like, leave with your dignity fine. They can do whatever they want. And she goes, well, I don't know how to interact in that scenario, Todd. And he's like, leave with your dignity, which is kind of deeper, right?

Because it's like, is he saying, what are we doing here? Are you really going to do this for your fame? Like, what are we doing? Fucking let's go, you know? And then this is where she cries and she's like, Todd's approval means a lot to me. It might mean everything to me. So to not only be missing the mark, but to be on a totally different page from the mark is incredibly hard for me to hear. Well, you know what would be easier to hear yourself saying, oh, go fuck yourself.

Okay. You've got about five years left on this earth. Let's make it pleasant, shall we? Honey, you're not on a different page from me. You just have to press this arrow button and the PalmPilot scrolls the next one. Listen here, Todd. But we swipe now. Listen here, Todd.

I'm the one who's going to have my finger on the machine, okay? In a few years. It's coming close. We could do this the easy way or we could do this the hard way. Okay? So Bronwyn's like, but now I'm more like, I'm like disappointed in myself that you're embarrassed at my behavior while they're sucking you into this, this sewer that they live in of bullshit and they're just got to, you've just got to step out of it. I've never seen you react this way.

And frankly, it's kind of my thing to say frankly, frankly, in fact, quite frankly, friends shouldn't bring out the worst in you. Your sewer dwelling friends, but Todd, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are from the sewer. Well, that's an exception. But it's with you in the... You've got Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just... What was the other time I... Wait, what was the other time I mentioned it?

You were talking about a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pizza Just what was the other time? Wait, what was the other time I mentioned you were talking about a teenage mutant Ninja Turtles pizza set on something? I forget what it was. Because I went to a toy drive. I went to a toy drive and I bought a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pizza set. All right. Drive. Do you think they'll like it?

And I was like, no, who wants pizza that you can't eat? But the listeners were like, I would love that. That's an amazing was. And you're like, do you think they'll like it? And I was like, no, who wants pizza that you can't eat? But the listeners were like, I would love that. That's an amazing gift, Ben. So, you know, that was- Thank you. Wrong, yeah. I was like, well, I'm wrong. I guess people like pizza they can't eat.

Like, I'm gonna say. I don't know. But yeah, so he's like, and this, now this part where Todd's saying, I like, I kind of get Todd too, Todd's saying, I think I kind of get Todd too, you know, and I think that's why people like him, because it's not like he's speaking complete gibberish here. He's saying, please, you don't want to be one of these reality star idiots, do you?

I thought that your whole, you promised me you weren't going to do this, you know, because I feel like she did. I feel like she's been, she's been threatening to come on this show for years. And he, she finally talked him into it. And he's like, well, you're not going to do this, right? Like, you're not going to fight and scream and look like you're not going to do this. Don't embarrass me, right?

That's probably what he said. Yeah. And she's like, fuck you. So he's just like, please don't do this to us. You could just see him. It's like losing a loved one to addiction or something when you're just like, please don't do this. Like I'm choosing this pipe over you mother. And he's like, please come back. And it's like, no, it's too late. It's too late. She got a taste.

Pete Slauson I just sort of, I also just get the vibe with Todd that he's sort of, kind of like, waspy a bit, like maybe kind of like that like Midwestern kind of like, we don't do those sort of things around here. It's not even a Midwestern thing. It's like across the country. But like, I kind of feel like his vibe is like, that's just not the way we act in on about those things. We don't say those sort of things. So this is totally like out of his comfort zone. And he's, he's, he's, he's just like, this is very uncomfortable for him. And he probably, he was, again, he was like a CEO of a major company. He's like, probably, you know, spent a lot of time in country clubs in those worlds. And this is like, Tim, these people are all just trash, which is kind of funny. But I think you're right. I think that she probably was like, I'll go on, I promise, I'm just gonna be fabulous.

I'm not going to be the reality star that embarrasses us. I'm just going to just stand in my truth. And then now she's yelling in a hot tub and he's like, that's enough young lady. Yeah. And so Bronwyn's still crying and she's like, you know, he doesn't want me to show my emotions publicly, but you know, if we're really gonna go all the way,

Todd doesn't want me to privately show my emotions either, you know? I'm like, yeah, he doesn't. He wants you to behave yourself. I think he thinks of himself as the person who's providing the money and you provide the wife thing, and you behave yourself and do what he wants. And now that he's getting another taste of you, he wife thing and you behave yourself and do what he wants.

And now that he's getting another taste of you, he's not liking that. He's not gonna like that independence, you know? So good luck. This marriage is on its way. It's on its fucking way. Cause he's not gonna just take, he's not gonna lie down and take it.

And she's not gonna quit. Cause she did get the taste. She could be on the new cover of Snowfall if they brought that show back to FX. You know, just do like an oil paint and put her on a fucking bus stop. Cause that's like the new star of snowfall. She got her taste. So I said put her on a reboot of Twin Peaks. So she actually feels like she would be in

between Twin Peaks. Yeah, then the waitress, one of the waitress. So Bronwyn's like, says that she's going to brunch with the whole group and she feels like it's gonna be a lot because she knows that Heather's upset with her and like she and Lisa are in a weird spot. And he goes, well, maybe it's time to, you know, cowboy up as they say and change. She's like, Todd, that doesn't apply

to any of the situation, but I appreciate you trying to come back and finish the scene with me, thank you. You're the one that needs to change, buddy. You're the one that needs to cowboy up. You're the one that needs to change, buddy. You're the one that needs to cowboy up. You're the one that's fucking crying. Kemosabe! Okay, so then- Cowboy up?

I thought this was another sushi restaurant. I just walked just into a phrase. Well, you know, I feel like I ended up in a good place with Brodman before I left the trip. Like, and she's like, oh my God, I'm just, I'm glad for that. And I'm not just saying that. And Lisa's like, but I know that I was a good friend to you too.

Like I wouldn't feel good about myself if I wasn't a good friend to the good time girl. You know, it's like, okay, thank you, Lisa. But you know, I wouldn't feel good about myself. I have to be good friends to you too, Marilyn. My name's Heather. So she's Lisa says, I don't want to be in the middle of Bronwyn and Heather, but Bronwyn put me in that position. And when she kept wanting me to speak for Heather, by the way, Heather put you in that

position when Heather went immediately and complained to you about your best friend. So then she says, and I'm like, I'm glad that Bronwyn and I got to a better place before we left Palm Springs and I'm hoping they still can figure out. So Heather's like, she is not going to come into this group of girls where we are foxhole friends. We have been through the fire. We went to places like Bermuda. We saw a friend go to jail. I said an iconic phrase that got repeated in Congress. We had been through it all and now I'm in a great place with all of you and I'm not going to let her come into our foxhole friends situation. Yeah, we're foxhole friends.

Okay. Um, so Lisa's like, well, I don't think she gets that. And Heather's like, oh, she doesn't and I'm going to teach her. Oh, you're so scary. So then, um, she had those like, fuck it. Cheers. Then she spills her drink all over herself. So I was like, yes, I love, I love a nice badass scene fail.

Like nice fall on your face on the end there. So we go from this like petty ass scene, then we go to Angie's house. And for what winds up being, I thought a fairly gutting scene of Angie, her dad comes over, she's like, hello, welcome to your favorite restaurant. Ah, my best customer.

Ah, come on, sit down. Ah, hello, welcome to your favorite restaurant. My best customer. Come on, sit down. The waitress will see you soon. She's like, okay, Angie, like we don't have to do the restaurant thing every single time I go come over. Welcome to the Mexican restaurant. Just kidding. It is Greek. Tonight our specials are tzatziki, baklava, and your daughter's love. Oh, okay, thanks. So yeah, first I was like, I don't need this scene again, because we had this scene last year where she makes her dad, I think even the same salad, and it has kind of the same conversation.

Well, let's be honest. But at first I was like, I don't need it, but you're right, it really did turn into such a gut wrenching scene. She was talking about her mom and addiction and losing her mom to addiction and how she still, it's hard not to resent her mom for it. You know, when she passed that, when she left them. And it was really, it was a real, like I got a little, I got a little choked up. I'm not going to lie. It's like, I cannot believe that Angie K is choking me up.

But I have to say when she talked about how I was detangling Electra's necklaces and it was very difficult because they were covered in truffle oil. When she said that though, and she basically was like, and I found this necklace that had an initial that was supposed to remind Electra of my mother. And when I saw that I felt, and you think she's gonna say like, I felt like so connected to my mother. I remembered how much I missed her. And she goes, I felt and you think she's gonna say like I felt like so connected to my mother I remember how much I missed her and she goes I felt nothing and I was like wow, that's that is that that was that was like I felt that I was like, ooh shit and you know, that's that's a hard thing to admit on TV because I think that most like you probably are a little scared that you're gonna feel Like maybe like a monster for not doing it

But that was a really brutally honest moment. And I was like, well, yeah, because people get to a place with addiction discussion, especially where it's like, you know, it is an illness. And I have so much addiction in my family and my friend group and my and myself, you know, and there is something where it's like, it's an illness, you don't want to speak badly of it. But it gets to the point where the people who are left there, picking up the pieces, it's like, well, what do they get to talk about? Like, when did they get to say, that sucked. That sucked for my mom to just fucking abandon me for drugs. You know, and she was saying in this, like, it's really,

her feeling was like, how could you do this? You have kids, why can't you pull it together? And, but also while trying to understand that it was a mom who was raising a zillion children, and then the dad was like, yeah, she just wanted children, and she wanted multiple children, and then it got to a point where she was just like, what have I done? And he's just so honest and speaks it so plainly. And you can kind of see where this woman would be coming from.

But I feel like we're always putting so much understanding into them and not as much into the people that are left there picking up the pieces. And I thought I was pretty brave, you know, it was a pretty brave conversation to have. It was, it was very emotionally honest. And you see her really still struggling all these years later by saying like, I want to forgive her. And she's like, I do forgive her, I do forgive her. But she's like, but I kind of don't forgive her. Like you see this is, this is something that is like a, a, a deep part of her life. That's really kind of guiding her and with her that she's had to, had to grapple her entire life. And it's just, it was so sad. And she had basically

the scene winds up with her like sobbing. She's just sobbing into her father's arms and he's hugging her. It was like it was like oh it was i was like oh my goodness this this poor woman living with this pain congratulations you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap for part two go look for the recap that says part two see you over there suckas. Miss No Trickulous. Jamie. She has no less name-y. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. Hava Nagila Webber. Know your worth with Jason Kurtz. Zip some scotch with Jessica Trotch. She's our favorite streamer Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Bringing the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets a name from us, it's Lindsay Dee.

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