Watch What Crappens - #2643 RHOBH S1403 Part Two: Taking OceanSides

Episode Date: December 4, 2024

This is part 2 of a two-part recapThe Real Housewives of Beverly Hills hit the beach for a rough and tumble game of Duck Duck Goose before Dorit and Kyle have it out in front of the girls. Jennifer Tilly turns out to be rich rich, Mau comes back for an awkward visit, and Kathy Hilton puts her own head on a stick. To watch this recap on video, listen to all of our bonus episodes, and join in our new community chat, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. You can now gift Patreon to friends and family. And is there a better gift than these faces? https://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens/gift Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Well, hello and welcome to watch what happens. This is part two of a two part recap. If you're like, Hey, wait a minute. I didn't hear part one guys. It's because we put out a lot of recaps. Go back and listen to part one. Okay.

It's before this one. Bye. Enjoy the show. So then Dorit is basically like, yeah, like, you don't treat friends the way that she has treated me. All right, you guys, they just keep giving it a go. Blah, blah, blah. Waste not, want not. Two hands in a bush.

A boy bushes. And God, my bush is like a python tick tickin' like a time bomb. Advice, advice, advice. Build a house before you sell a house. You know, I'm really out of sayings here. Anybody got anything? Well, here's what I have to say. You know, it's a build up. Here, let me emphasize that's a build up by sprinkling little water from my fingertips at you. It's a buildup, a buildup, a buildup, a buildup. And then you just get to a point where you're just like, you know what? No. You tell them to reach. Well, here's what I'll say. The road less traveled is called Fountain. And most people take that, but I'm sorry, the sun sets quicker quicker I don't give a fuck what anybody says suck on that are we talking about you can't have your cake and your feet too

is that how it goes so then we cut to Kyle with her fedora she's like oh my god hats make me so happy what else do I want huh River do I want more hats I'm going away for a girl's trip. I love hats. Kyle's still trying to make hats her thing. It's one of the saddest ongoing storylines in Bravo history. I just want to live my life like a getaway, like a getaway. I start dreaming of better days, better days. I'm just gonna let things go to a higher place like I get away

So then we go to Kathy's house and she set up donuts and fruit and tea and So, you know, they're really doing this one up, right? So yeah, I've got champagne flutes and bows shows up cuz she's new. So she shows up first. That happens to every new housewife. Except Dorit. I think Dorit was the only new housewife that's like, I'll be there five hours late. I know. So Bose loves it. She loves his VIP treatment. You know, she's like, you know, you set the tone for the kind of trip that it's going to be right from the get go. I work in marketing. I set the tone. So then everyone's arriving slowly but surely everyone's saying hello. Dorita is

like, that's my girl. So she goes, Oh, look, look how cute you are. I just got your message and I was like, ah, you are so cute. She was like, please stop texting me. Why is this woman stalking me? Drea's like, look, let's show everybody how not problematic I am this season, eh, Boos? Yeah, please stop calling me. Please.

Boos is like, last time I was with these women, fireworks, boom, boom, boom. They were fighting. Are they gonna continue fighting? Are there gonna be different people fighting? Am I gonna be fighting? I don't know what's about to happen. I was like, thank you for that complimentary tease, Rose.

You really do work in marketing. She's like, coming up next. The fight. Okay, great. I have such a big zit on my cheek. Everybody just ignore it. I just noticed it. Okay.

So now we get more, yeah, Bose is just like crazy fighting ladies. So then Kyle comes and everybody's like, oh my God, you look so pretty. Well, she didn't say that to Kyle. They were just like, hello, hello. But everybody else is like, oh my God, you look so great. And Kyle's like, oh my God, I'm so uneasy with this situation with Zoriga, like a part of me, I just wanna pull her aside, but I'm just not ready, I'm just not ready,

I'm not ready, we're out. Okay, well we'll be patient, we'll wait for that moment, Kyle, so then she- Have you noticed Kyle is doing this now with her hair, where she pulls, she grabs both sides of her hair like this and kinda gives him a little tug like Vanderpump. I mean, she grabs both sides of her hair like this and kind of gives him a little tug like Vanderpump. I mean, she's really morphing. But she does sort of have Lisa's hair right now this season. So, um, then Kyle is like, Oh my God, look at my bags. They're like, it's like Russian

nesting dolls. Look. And then so she has like a giant Birkin, which costs like 22,000 that she puts like a $35,000 bag. And then she puts another one that's like $30,000. She just stacks them all in there. I can't believe I have all these bags. And Pose is like, I have never seen that. You don't need Chirons to tell us how lonely you are. We just need to see your purse set up. Yeah. So then there's like, ding, ding, ding, all the money that's

being spent. And then Erica, all the money that's being spent. And then, Erica, you know, everybody's still saying how pretty everybody is because more people are coming. And then Sutton comes and she gets champagne and she's like, I have a Jolly Rancher in my mouth. And they're like, wow, a Jolly Rancher with champagne. That's crazy. These ladies are nuts.

Let me tell you something I've never seen. Someone with champagne and a Jolly Rancher. What are these ladies? Absolutely nutty. Sutton's like, well, they seem to compliment each other. And then Kyle's like, oh my God, Sutton, we have the same bag. I love that one so much.

And Sutton's like, same color. He's like, yeah, exact same color. I mean, classic Kyle just sizing up bags, bragging that she has the same one. If she doesn't have it already, so she can brag about it, she's like, where did you get that? How much did you get that? I want that, where do I get it?

Every single time, it drives me nuts. So then, Dureet is just watching Kyle make small talk and Erica's like, so how are you feeling, Dureet? She's like, oh, you know, Erica, roof mowing. Can Erica just catch a break, Dureet? Do you ever shut up? I mean, my God, can you just say fine? Unless you don't have to hear about this

for 30 minutes today, just say, I'm doing fine, Erica. How about you? How's the duck in your pool? It was a very difficult morning, but I went into my kitchen and turns out there was a button for carrying. I said, I could use some carrying. So I pressed the button and coffee came out. Turns out it was called a Keurig, not a caring button.

The kids were really upset when I left the house this morning. She sat at her own story, spilling coffee on the counter because she thought she'd get care out of a faucet. The kids were just so upset when I left the house this morning. They've never seen me leave the house before. The last time I saw BK, he told me he didn't want to talk five times a day. Can you believe it? But I didn't think he would mean we wouldn't chalk at all. Grace time is over. Sorry, just relieving my greatest hits from the season. at all. Grace time is over. Sorry, just relieving my greatest hits from the season. So then,

by the way, I feel like we were not getting enough credit for when they showed it in the previous Leys and maybe once this during the episode that when Kyle was like, I think I deserve a little bit of grace, I think I did that for you, Kyle. I just love when she said that. I think I did that. Carl, Carl. So she's upset because now she doesn't get to talk to PK and she's left her poor children. So then Garcelle comes. Well, hello. Wow, you look pretty. Wow, you look pretty. Wow, you look pretty. Wow, you look pretty. Wow, you look pretty. Wow, you look pretty. Wow, you look pretty. And then Jennifer Tilley arrives and she's like,

Oh, hello, road trip, road trip, champagne first thing in the morning. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Look everyone, it's a Louis Vuitton boat, isn't it simply magnificent? And she holds up a little Louis Vuitton. That's the shape of a boat. Well, we are going to Oceanside.

Oh. Wow, what Jennifer's holding up, it looks like a boat. It isn't, it's actually art. Very, very pricey. Kyle's like, it's not art. If it were art, it would light up with neon and be in my foyer. Stupid. So we see that her boat thing costs $33,000. And she has all sorts of funky shit, like all sorts of cool Louis Vuitton stuff that I've never seen before.

So it's great. She's great. Everything she does is great. Even her accessories are great. I love her. It's great, she's great, everything she does is great. Even her accessories are great, I love her. I got them. They're like, those are very unique pieces. And I know, cause I'm looking at them and I'm covered in my neighbors goods. I'm like, good, yeah man. Yeah.

So the Sprinter van arrives, and they're all gonna start piling in everything. Captain's like, I need my earplugs. And so I was like, well, you gotta stop. You don't get out of's like I need my earplugs and sounds like well, you gotta stop you Get you guys you don't get out of talking to us with your earplugs in So now they hop in and now they're just like they're just like making small talk in there and garcelle They they toast and everything. They raised their glasses and then Erica like so. Oh, sorry Go ahead. Go ahead. Say it. I

Like so. Oh, sorry. No, go ahead. Go ahead. Say it. I Have a question. Who's the biggest I ever went on a date with and I thought she was asking Jennifer Tilly because they say Jennifer Tilly space and I would like to know because we've already heard Garcell's but Garcell jumped in she's like Eddie Murphy Will Smith Sean Penn Vladimir Putin before it was problematic Bronson pin show. Mark, Mark Summers talk about a double's hair. So I didn't know about Sean Penn. Aren't you a little old for him? I mean,

well, when I was younger, well, at any age, don't you seem a little happy to be dating Sean Penn? So Erica says this, which I think is ridiculous. She goes, listen, I just want to know if Garcelle dated Eddie Murphy, Sean Penn and Will Smith. Why did she marry the man she married? Why not marry one of them? You know, I mean, that's what I would have done. I'm like, how much you know about these three gentlemen? Yeah, we we know what you would have done, okay? We've seen it. First of all, who wants to marry Sean Penn? The guy is the most dour person on the planet.

Will Smith has his own bag of issues. Eddie Murphy, you know, maybe he's the best of the bunch there. I don't know. Well, I think Murphy and Will Smith did get locked down though. Sean Penn, I think he's been like married once, right? To Madonna. Who else has he been married to? Anybody? I think, Besides communism.

He's been married to self-importance. Yeah. So I used to do these parties by yearly, a couple of times a year, and he was always a guest there. And let me tell you, he dates them very young and very usually paid looking, so I'm not really sure. Well, that's what's so funny about Sean Penn, is that he's like as serious and as worldly as he is.

He's still the same, just like Hollywood actor. He came to my college my senior year, and I was taking a film class, and he came and like talked to the class. There was like 12 of us in there. And the entire time he kept on like moving his fingers around and like no one was I just assumed it was like a Switch from drugs in the 80s or something, but then he was like, oh, sorry everyone I'm just in character still from I am Sam. I was like, okay. Oh

Really? And then like then he then like he from I am Sam. I was like, oh, okay. Oh, really? And then like, then he, and then like he, um, then they like showed a movie he was in, I forget which one. And then after the movie, he was like, he did like a talk and like a performing arts center and like Aaron Eckhart drove up to the campus also. So the two of them were just like sitting up there and they just started smoking cigarettes in the performing arts center And it was just like so they were so stupid. I mean like it's like, oh congratulations

You guys are Hollywood movie stars, you know smoke cigarettes indoors and like this performing arts center for like a cop for college kids I was like get over yourself But for the hilarious it's like I love this doing this and be like, sorry, I'm still in character for a I am Sam Yeah It's like, I love this and be like, sorry, I'm still in character for I am Sam. Yeah. And then he went off and the rumor is he then went off to one of the sororities and banged someone over there. So it's like, of course, it's like, it's just like, it's just a pig. Of course. So then, then Garcelle's like, Okay, well, if you slept with

the man that's now gay, take a sip. So people play this game. And then Jennifer Tilley's like, if you slept with a man that's now gay, take a sip. So people play this game. And then Jennifer Tilly's like, If you slept with a man who had a crooked dick, take a sip. If you slept with, with Jean-Ec Air-Sean, take a sip. They're like, what? Sorry, it's my movie. So then they're talking about drink. Yeah, they take drinks for

crooked X. By the way, this to me is a much better version of like a drinking game on Bravo because it feels like it's actually organic. Like drinking game moment like they're laughing, they're having fun. They're saying these things. It's also extremely quick. It's not like everyone sitting at a dinner table and someone goes, who wants to play a game? Never have I ever thought Sean Penn. Or it's usually like mean it's like, okay, let me start a game. How many husbands have cheated on you, Kyle, you go first.

Who hates street the most? Sit, take a sit. So now Jennifer's like, so it's on the itinerary, Kathy. And Kathy's like, well, we're going to get there. We're going to have a picnic lunch and we're going to play some games and it'll be really fun. So they show up and everything and the hotel is next to the Top Gun house and the Top Gun house is the house that the film Top Gun in and there's like a Tom Cruise look-alike sitting on the... He really does look like him too. Really just like him. Great

work. I saw the preview for the new Tom Cruise Mission Impossible. Tom Cruise you're not only saving millions of people this time, you're saving the entire world. And he's like, I'm going to show you how I'm going to save them. I'm going to run like this. The next sequel should be called Mission Impossible aging, because I'd like to see him conquer that one. Why does Tom Cruise run in movies like Shannon Bedorat tap dances and opening dances in the opening of Real House on the Orange County. So, yeah, they take a picture and Bose is like, what? Wait, did Kathy order Tom Cruise?

Because maybe she could have ordered somebody else. Next time I'm going to tell her, give me Idris. Okay. And that's on my order. I invented him. So, Erica is like, wait, did Garcelle date Tom Cruise? Cause that, that would have been a real loss. I love that Erica wants Garcelle to date all these men in Hollywood who've had like a scandal after scandal. She's just picking out the most horrible people.

after scandal. She's just picking out the most horrible people. She needs to fix this. She needs to update her references a little bit. Yeah, so they all post for a picture with fake Tom. And then next, my lifestyle popping bottom to the top. Worries I be dropping. You won't ever chop me. Am I clear?

Damn right, am I clear? Trixie, is that a new song or are you just yelling at the waiter? I think she used a defibrillator. I mean, like, she's not making any sense. She's smelling burnt toast. So, poor Trixie, someone help her. So they go, it's a beautiful hotel, then we see their rooms are very pretty. This episode

is very much like everybody just compliments their clothes and ooze and aahs and drives really rich cars and then compliments the hotel room. It's a brochure episode. Yeah. They're like, look, rich. And then people are like, oh my God, it's a brochure episode, you know? Yeah. Like, look, rich. And then people are like, oh my God, it's a return to just fabulous rich women being rich and fabulous. Yeah. So everyone's getting arranged in their rooms.

Jennifer Tilly arranges her purses on a bench and she's like, I like my hotel room to look like a store. So then Dorit is, she has slippers that say fashion girl embroidered on them. And she FaceTimes the kids and she's like, kids, all the girls are going to, going to the beach. I've got to, I've got to change so I can call you then. Please stop crying. Mommy will be home soon enough. They're like, we're okay, mom. Weiss, is that somebody dancing on the countertops?

No, mommy. Partying over there. Baby Dean. Wah wah, oh, sorry, I've just lost a load on the countertops. Wah wah, wah wah, hand me another bottle, Pete. I was told the floor is lava and I take those words very seriously. So until we get some further clarification

I'm only gonna be on the kitchen islands It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappins commercial Hello ladies and germs boys and girls the Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with tis the Grinch holiday podcast After last year, he's learned a thing or two about hosting and he's ready to rant against Christmas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire. You can listen with the whole family as guest stars like Jon Hamm, Brittany Broski, and Danny DeVito try to persuade the mean old Grinch that there's a lot to love about the insufferable holiday season. But that's not all. Somebody stole all the Children of Whoville's letters to Santa and everybody thinks the Grinch

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a brand new podcast about the surprising origin stories of the products you're obsessed with. Listen to the best idea yet on the wonder app or wherever you get your podcasts. So now they're getting changed for the beach and Trixie Monical sings another song. She's like, excuse me, you should bend the knee. Don't you know I'm California royalty? Which is followed up by the main chorus, which is I'm a princess, baby. I'm a princess. I'm a princess, baby. I'm a princess. Which I like that it's not I'm the queen anymore. Because usually it's like I'm a queen, I'm a queen,

I'm a queen and a queen. Now it's I'm a princess. She's like demoting herself. I know. She's like, I'm waiting to ascend to the crown to the crown, but I'm third in line because I'm a princess she's like demoting herself I know she's like I'm waiting to ascend to the crown to the crown but I'm third in line because I'm a princess and I have brothers how do I kill all my brothers how do I kill all my brothers I can be head one I can poison another I can hang one from the second floor whoa Trixie getting over there. I being on the fourth horse in the parade, I want to be the first horse, but I'm the fourth because I'm the princess and I have three brothers. I was the queen, but the queen is dead. And now the queen is reincarnated. Gotta work for it again. They were gonna make me queen, but unfortunately I was at wagga

mama and I missed the call so I'm on deck yet again I ordered I ordered the Queen but I gave the wrong number so now I'm just a princess I called up the castle and I said and instead I got a mattress because accidentally I called Casper anyway still a princess, still a princess. Trixie's just losing her mind. So now everyone's gathering in the lobby and just going, oh my God, you look so cute. Oh my God, you look so cute. Oh my God, you look so cute.

Are these crazy ladies insane? And then now they go to the beach and there's like a beautiful arrangement outside for them to sit at the beach with a table and umbrellas and it's gorgeous. And Kyle's like, um, my sister is so extra. Like, I mean, I feel like she brought her living room to the beach. And then Kyle places an order for a drink and she goes, um, I'm gonna have the air meds, whatever that is, just like no alcohol. Can't believe you could just order a bag here at the restaurant. Like no, it's a specialty cocktail and it does have alcohol.

She's even trying to compete with people's purses on the drink menu. Yeah. So Erica's like, do you have a drink called settings Birkin? I would love that. And then cause like, I'm sorry, Erica's like, well, I'm gonna live in my cocktails too, because I'm gonna have one now and what I didn't because otherwise it gets real is I'm gonna flash everybody. Wow, everybody. Whoa, whoa, everybody. Whoa, it. Whoa, everybody. Whoa, everybody. Whoa. It's

a whale. It's a whale out there. Kathy. It's not a whale. It's a poor person on a surfboard. Oh, come back. Carol's riding my banana. How did she do that? So, um, they are served some food and Jennifer's like, everything tastes better when you're sitting on a beach under a canopy. Am I right? And Kathy's like, yeah, I know. It tastes even better when you just have servants serving you. So I'll tell you, I feel much better because earlier I was having such a breakdown. Oh, it was so difficult.

It was like, oh God, why? And then we see flashback to Reed talking to Erica and saying, it's the first time my kids have been there with that mummy. Which we all know is a goddamn lie. Girls, we've been watching you on this show for many, many years now. You leave the kids all the fucking time.

What are you talking about? They've got like 10 nannies. Well, PK, he ended up getting an apartment. And when I tried to talk to him about it, it was like he didn't want to talk about it. And then a few days later, I found out that in the process of him wanting to get an apartment, he got an apartment. Can you believe it? And she's basically saying we agreed that we were going to

agree on things. And, you know, him getting an apartment that my kids are gonna have to go stay in without me getting approval is not cool. The thing is he doesn't want your kids to stay there. I mean isn't his whole thing like, I don't want, I wanna go party, leave the kids at home, and fuck the kids. Can we send the kids to boarding school? She's like no, he's like please, no.

He's like fine, I'll move out into a nun. Because you know, this house is like the floors are covered in nails. You know, he's like, Welcome to my home. We've got dirty nails all over the floor. It's just part of the artwork. Don't worry about it. I can't bring the kids here. All right, then. Don't trust my uncle. Bye. I guess you'll have to keep the kids at your place all the time. Oh, bad. So she's just going on and talking about it,

saying it was just too impulsive for her, et cetera. And so she and Boz were talking about it. And then the other woman, Garcelle, like, listens in, and then Garcelle's like, hmm, are we not included in this conversation? She's kind of like, hello, we're trying to shoot a scene here. Can you try to open it up to the table? Meanwhile- Because Dream is during that thing where she's like, let me talk very privately just to you.

Everybody can hear every single thing she's saying, but she won't look at anybody else. You know, Sarah, because like, oh, okay, well, she's talking about PK, and I don't think things are going well. So they were getting along without, you know, now they're not and those kids and stuff, you know, it's typically like divorce divorce blah blah blah blah blah Does anybody want to ask about the car? So sounds like well I have been through divorce we know certain and I'm rich as hell we know girl I don't mean nothing. No, I open my store with nothing But a nickel in my pocket and that stick of gum in my mouth

Then I said, you know what, I want you gum. I'm doing this to myself. I spit it out because I'm an independent woman. And then Jennifer Tilly weighs in and she's like, oh, it's very stressful. It's awfully stressful. And then she tells us that her ex was Sam Simon who created The Simpsons.

And you think this is gonna, I think this is gonna be like a sad monologue because she's like, I was married to him for seven years and we were together for about 10 years. And then we got divorced and I got a piece of The Simpsons in a divorce settlement and nobody knew The Simpsons was going to go on for millions and millions of years. So honestly, every day I'm like, thank you, Sam. I'm like, well, that really worked out for you. Also, go Jennifer Tilley negotiating for a part of The Simpsons. Oh, I got mother. Wow. Wow. Good for you. Also, go Jennifer Tilly negotiating for a part of the Simpsons. Oh,

I got mother. Wow. Wow. Good for her. Yeah. Well, actually it was a sad story because I don't know if they cut this part out or what, but he's passed away. He passed away in 2015. So I guess it is sad. Yeah. He died in Pacific Palisades at 59 years old. What happened to Sam Simon? Let's see He had terminal colon cancer colorectal cancer. That's so sad. I actually do remember that He bequeathed his 100 million estate to various charities that he actively supported during his lifetime. That's crazy So yeah, she's got money money. She's got money. She's got so then There you know Carol shows up with giant Kathy faces taped to sticks

They're like, oh my god, Kathy. What is this game? You were so extra Kathy I check. Oh my god. They're all Kathy. I'm ready to be Kathy I'll do it. So they all have to be Cathy faces for this game. Yeah. And now it's just like silliness. They're going to do like a relay race. So they do a relay race and it's like funny and they have to like, they have to race around Mohammed. I love that Mohammed is both the chief of staff for Cathy, but also like the posts in the sand that they have to race around. It is funny. It's just the sentence is funny. Carol's like, all right, everybody, you're going to circle around Mohammed. Right?

Yeah. And when you pass me, you got to drop a dollar in the bucket. Don't ask any questions. Just do it. We're taking canned foods and pants if anybody has any pants. I'm just looking for a new pair. So they're playing these games and it actually is a really funny scene watching and pants if anybody has the pants I'm just looking for a new pair so they they're playing these games and it actually is a really funny scene watching what was cracking up watching it and then Dorit keeps falling down after being like I'm one competitive bitch nobody's gonna take me down she keeps falling on her face over and over again. It's very big brother whenever they're like oh yeah

this hanging on to a hot dog competition? I was born for this. Nobody's going to beat me at this because it's my turn to win. And now it's my turn to be head of household. Finally, here I am taking the wall. Every single time. What's actually kind of interesting, now looking back at this flashback,

is that it's actually a subtle foreshadowing for something later in the episode because we see an example of Dorit being competitive and they're biking in carts and Kyle is saying in the flashback, how the hell does Dorit not work out and get ahead of us in the biking cart? And then we see that Teddy and Dorit are peddling together and Dorit yells at Teddy goes, gotta win Teddy, gotta win. Well, it's the backstory for why Dorit are peddling together and Dorit yells at Teddy goes, gotta win Teddy, gotta win. Like, well, it's the backstory for why Dorit was a little quiet in the flashback we see later on in the episode. Teddy didn't pedal fast enough.

It all goes back to Teddy, who is somehow still getting mentioned on this show as if she's a main cast member. Stop trying to make Teddy happen. Stop it. So they are racing falling over. They also wind up playing Duck Duck Goose and wish they're all kind of like okay Jennifer Chilly's like I'm a professional poker player but usually when I'm with my friends and we play games they're a little bit more sophisticated but okay Duck Goose, here I come. So Kyle's like, um, Kathy is sometimes, you know, stuck in a nursery rhyme book about

whatever. And Kathy's like, I'd rather be trapped in a nursery rhyme book than in real life. And so then we see Dr. Goose, which why did this make me laugh so hard? I was cracking up watching this. It was really funny watching this stupid thing. So then that's hard in the sand, by the way, I think duck duck goose in the sand is hard because you've got to like jump up and get traction right away and start running and like that sand is not gonna help you there.

Yeah. Jam is bad. Like, Ocean Side, California. Now more Trixie. She's like, we let yeah yeah we lit, yeah we lit. We gonna turn the party till the song comes up. Yeah we lit, we lit, we lit. I'm a princess in a bush. A bush is lit. Oh my god, the bush is on fire.

Can I go on break now? I'm a princess next to Tom Cruise, but's not Tom Cruise it's just a strange man in aviators because I'm a princess I'm a princess ladies and gentlemen Berlin no no no I know it's Tom Cruise has next door but it's actually Trixie Monaco not Berlin. How did you get Tom Cruise's teeth you're not Tom Cruise someone find Tom Cruise and give them back his teeth. Poor Tom. Poor Tom. So then, let's see, everybody's getting ready to go out and Bo's FaceTime's her daughter and they're talking about her last day of school. And she's like, well, I had quite a day myself, girl. We had a relay race over here. Guess who won? And she's like, well, I had quite a day myself, girl. We had a relay race over here.

Guess who won? And she's like, I'm assuming it's you, mother, or either that or you lost and you are now buying the beach and having it demolished. Right on both fronts. I invented demolishing. So then now we're in Sutton's room and Sutton and Jennifer are getting ready. And Sutton's like, well, we still have to address the silent conversation

on the other side of the table. God, this is so Sutton to be like, we are gonna discuss people not talking to us at the end of the table, do you understand me? Because I'm from the South and I'm gonna teach people manners. We are going to address the fact that two people at our table were having a normal conversation at a normal tone of voice at one side of the table.

That's just not appropriate for reality TV. And you can tell Jennifer is really her friend because she's just like, oh, that was weird. Yeah. She goes, well, I mean, it was not only weird. It just like it just exploded everywhere. Oh, it was really strange. Like literally nothing was weird about it. No, she just knows how to give the reaction

that Sutton's looking for. Oh, Sutton, oh. Yeah. And Garcella's like, well, it feels like, you know, Bose doesn't have any history with Dorit, so she can be completely open and tell her everything, which in a way is good for Dorit, but at the same time, we want to get to know Bose too. She's like, stop hogging Bose.

She's cool. We want her to be, like, you don't get to glom onto her. We want to be best friends with her instead. Yeah, Dorit's doing that thing, like, when there's a new guy or a girl, like a new staff member on below deck, and everybody's doing that thing like when there's a new guy or a girl, like a new staff member on below deck and everybody's like, they're mine, you know? And yeah, she's totally doing that.

So now we're going to have to have a conversation about why people are whispering in there. So stupid. Okay, so then we go to Dorit's room and Erica and Dorit, Erica probably is like, why am I stuck with Dorit? Literally all the time. So Dorit's clipping on some earrings and she's like, you know, Erica, I have to address the elephant in the room. She's like, me? No, my vagina. No, I don't care. Really, I don't. No, by the elephant, I mean the other earring. You know, if you see the other earring, you can see it's just a much better earring.

Come look at this earring. Look at it, look at it, look at this earring, Eureka. This is the most beautiful earring you've ever seen, has it not? I'm like, she sees that, she has a hoop on, she goes, no! No, Eureka, do you see it? Oh, wrong! Switch it out to this thing.

Oh, look at that, Eureka. Isn't life better now? Eureka's like, all right, I don't give a fuck. Why am I stuck with the reed? Switch it out to this thing. Oh look at that here Why am I stuck with the read is there anybody else on this show can we finally get a gay man on this show So I have somebody to talk to this fucking ridiculous bring the duck. Can we bring the duck on the show? So now the women gather downstairs at the bar, which is like, oh you look at look at your gorgeous Oh, look at this beautiful. Wow. What are you? This is gorgeous. Should we have a tequila? You look beautiful. All the good stuff. Like you look great. Don't you look great as usual. And then eventually once they're all gathered, then they,

Kathy ushers them outside to this table and the, and Quan the maître de goes, well, we have an amazing experience waiting for you. Best table in the house. And they sit down at this table that's like in an intersection. Did you notice that? They're like, it's the best table in the house. And background, two streets, a traffic light, and more pedestrians than you've ever seen in California. It was like the Today Show set. Like so many people walking by and cars. I was like, this is really – it's nighttime.

Okay, maybe during the day you have a nice view of the ocean, but at nighttime all you're looking at are taillights and baseball caps. Well, they're doing this so they'll get the customers in there, cause there's nobody in there. So they're like, oh, I sit on the boardwalk. Would you just have a TV crew filming? So he's like, we have a beautiful five course menu showcasing Baja style cuisine.

Okay. A little mocktail to toast with everybody, Kyle. And she's like, oh my God, thank you for saying mocktail really loudly. Okay. Do you have any non-alcoholic beer too? I'm like, sure, Kyle. So many on my Hermes bag, by the way. Can you tell the waiter from lunch?

Thank you so much. So Jennifer is like, why don't you make a toast, Kyle? And Kyle's like, uh, to Kathy, my beautiful sister, thank you so much for bringing us all together. Nothing goes unnoticed and I laughed so hard today, like literally so hard. It was like so funny being so happy, even though mom and dad, it's really depressing.

Anybody wanna ask me about Moe? Now's your chance, so no? Okay. They all like, cheers, yay, that was really nice. Okay, now let's have a lovely dinner. Oh, can I also say something else? Can I say something else? Of course you can, Cloud.

I do wanna say that Dorit, I don't know when you and I are going to speak, but I would like to have a conversation because I don't want there to be awkwardness. And she's like, well, obviously you and I did not leave in a place, you know, you know, we didn't finish it. It feels like we barely got started. And I think that's important that we address the elephant in the room because the elephant's been there too long. Is that me? No, it's not you, Erica. It's in my vagina. No, Erica. I don't care that I'm

out of this conversation. The elephant has been there way too long and, quite frankly, grace time is over, elephant! So Cathy's like, is there an elephant here? Carol, branding manager, get over here and brand that. That one was pretty good. That one was good, guys. Carol, I got you this little plastic trunk. Just attach it to your nose and swing it around a little bit. Look at that, Carol's the elephant now. Okay, keep that on for a week, would you?

It sounds like when elephants get angry, they are very dangerous animals. I don't wanna be around angry elephants. Do you remember that elephant that saw a woman kill another elephant and he remembered that woman and then went to her village and trampled that woman. I don't want to be that woman.

By the way, elephants are bad ass, and that's my favorite elephant story ever. Is it some lady helped kill an elephant, and that elephant's mother remembered that woman, and came back to her village and killed her ass. I love that. Don't fuck with elephants. I love team elephant. I love an elephant with a bandana. So, um, uh,

Dorit's like, okay, well, Kyle, everyone knows things are going on between you and I. And everybody knows that a sudden party, you and I had a conversation that got heated and then you stormed off because you're an immature little rat. Kyle's like, oh, oh. And then we see the flashback to that. And so Dorit explains it to us as if we haven't been watching this. She's like, Kyle and I had a little start at the serenity party,

but that conversation was very one-sided and it didn't get anywhere. So now I finally have a chance to tell Kyle what I feel in front of everybody again. So she needs to understand the deep and the hurt of my pain. Wait a minute, you've got a deep pain? My pain, Erika. How deep is your pain, theory? My pain! I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but I love pain. Dory's time is over. So she says, you know, I heard that you were upset and why you thought it was okay for you or for you to publicly say that I exaggerated your friendship. And Kyle's like,

um, I was reacting to the way I felt like I was being treated by you. And she goes, well, but that Bravo Khan, I mean, you said you were really, really hurt. I thought, gee, I mean, I have to go back and see it because you said it's public. I thought, gee, I must have been so terrible to Coyle. Then I showed it to Erica and I showed it to Kathy, my favorite Richard sister. I said, Erica, Erica was not surprised, but it was actually quite surprised that it was her team. Yeah, so she's bringing Eureka into it now and Eureka's like, Oh, God damn it.

I was like, well, what do you mean surprised? But I think she thought it was going to be worse. Like it was clearly a toque coil. So, um, no, but that was just like one of the little pieces because like there's like so many pieces to this puzzle. It's like, not just that. it's like a lot of things. Like it's hard for me to list them right now, but it's like a lot of things. I mean, yeah, yeah.

So she's saying it's not just one. Here comes Kyle's big guns. What's that? I was gonna say, here come Kyle's big guns, everyone get ready. Yeah, hold it down. Yeah, it's like so many more things. I mean, it's like tick, tick.

I mean, enough already, enough tech. I mean enough already enough tips So she says okay Well, I was really offended by the way that man said that comment about Teddy and then so we see a flashback to BravoCon When that dude is like my question is for Kyle Why do you keep thrusting Teddy on these women when they clearly don't like her girl? You're trying to make that happen and I just want to. Girl, you're trying to make that happen. And I just want to know why. I'm not trying to make Teddy happen. She's just very much happening in our lives, right guys?

So then Kyle says, and back to present, you know, you're Teddy's friend and you've always been friends and you wouldn't say anything because it's not the popular thing to say. And you're worried about what people are going to think. Like what? This is why you're gonna distance yourself from Dorit is because Dorit didn't jump in on a question that was directed towards you Kyle by the way and Dorit's like, Kyle,

I am not you. That's you. That's always been you. Which Dorit is correct because Kyle is always afraid of giving an unpopular answer. Yeah, but I mean, not really, because she's still friends with Teddy. I mean, that's one of the most unpopular housewives of all time, you know? And she got rid of Vanderpump, who is also one of the most popular.

So yeah, but I do see what you mean. Yeah, she was like a popularity whore for sure. And I think she saw both of those people as kind of standing in her way, you know what I mean? Like Teddy, not Teddy, but Vanderpump. So anyway, I mean, obviously, it's not like a deep thing to say. But Kyle, let me see, yeah, so Doreen's standing up to her,

but she's like, no, it's not. So clearly Kyle is not mad at anything tangible. Or at least that she's willing to share. Kyle's making some shit up. She's obviously mad about something else that she won't share. Probably all the people you like liking Dorit more in real life.

But Dorit's like, well, listen, Kyle, I'm the one who tells you, don't pay attention, Quail. I don't give a flying if what anyone's opinion is. Oh, so that's why you're like me and I went like this and I shrugged. Where's the footage of that? There was no footage of that. She didn't do that. She just shook her head. Like you don't want to speak up for a teddy? This is such a weak argument. The fact that this is where Kyle is leaning in on, I mean,

both of them are incredibly weak, but like to think that this is supposed to bolster the initial weak argument is laughable. So Dereet says, well, I didn't want to speak up or draw any more attention to that guy, even though he was quite hilarious. And the comment he made, I mean, it's not my business. And if that's because I did, if all of this is because I didn't stick up for Teddy and Kyle's like, are you not listening? It's all the little pieces, little, little, little pieces. Okay. And you know what the final for me was when you showed my text to everybody. I'm like, Kyle, you sent that text to be shown. You wanted that text to be read out loud

that you made an effort to try to show that you're a really good friend to Dureet. It was intended to be public, but Dureet put it in public with a totally different context that you did not like because the context exposed you for being the manipulator that you are. Oh yeah. And so this was the text where Kyle sends a wall of text saying, you know, we've been friends for a long time, so maybe we shouldn't fight at the reunion. We can work

it out later because like we shouldn't lose friends over this. When she had been, you know, as Dorit says, she's been ignoring me for months. And now the night before the reunion, I have to make an ice with that. No, no, it just doesn't work for me." And so she was like, well, Coyle, I've never ever, nor would I ever, ever share something that you would confide in me about. Well, I don't think you are that person. I don't. Okay. And you know who else isn't that person? Teddy. Why don't you stand up for Teddy Moore?" She's like, well, you spent the last few months making sure every, every little talk show and radio show, but everything that you do, you made sure they knew every single thing. And

you're making sure you are painting me as that girl. So then we see clips of Kyle being like, I don't know where I am in the read. I just don't know. And on Kelly Rippa's podcast being like, well, I saw that she read my text message on camera and I've never been so hurt. I just cried. I cried. It was like a punch in the gut to me. It was so hurtful. Kyle going everywhere to lead a smear campaign against Dorit because she read a text message on camera. to lead a smear campaign against Dorit because she read a text message online. Dorit's like, and that was the most hurt that you've ever been in 13 years by any friend ever in the entire world. Really, Carl? Well, nine out of Ericas agree. Nine out of 10 Ericas of Ericas agree. It was very crazy,

Carl. Wait, wait, what are we talking about? You're paying again? No, Erica. Well, Dereed, God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason. Can you let me talk? Dereed's like, it's okay, Kyle. It's time for you to fucking listen. Dun, dun, dun, dun. He continued. And everybody at the table is kind of like, God, here we go. And I think the audience too. I mean, this is episode three.

This is just, we get it. Dari's mad and Kyle's never gonna admit to anything. But it is funny watching somebody just stand up to Kyle and then Kyle having to come up with new excuses over and over it that are just lies. She's like come up with five now. Yeah, I'd love it. I'd love to read standing up to Kyle.

I love Kyle just not having any, any good reason for why she's turned on to read. She it's like, it's so feeble watching Kyle flail is so wonderful. The only thing that's like sad about it is just knowing that they are inevitably going to become friends again because that's what they always do. Yeah.

All right, everybody. Well, thanks so much for being with us today. We've got a big week coming up, including a sold on SLC because that's what they always do. Yeah. All right, everybody. Well, thanks so much for being with us today. We've got a big week coming up, including Sold on SLC coming out this week and premiering on our Patreon. So go join there. And also don't forget to get tickets

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