Watch What Crappens - #2646 Southern Charm S10E01: No Cane, No Gain

Episode Date: December 6, 2024

Southern Charm returns for another season of boy squabbles and Charleston drawls. A newly ayahuasca’d up Shep is totally cured while JT lands on the bad some of Ms. Patricia. Not a good place to be… Watch this recap as a video and get all of our bonus episodes over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Watch what crap happens, watch what crap happens, guess what happens when there's so much that happens. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Enz, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today, Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you? Hello.

Hi. Hi. You having a nice day? Having a nice Friday? Yeah, it's Friday. You know, we've got more problematic Southern men on TV and some more, some new women to worry about and call the police about on Southern Charm. Say, please guard this person because these men are about to use this woman and spit her out. Okay. Please get to Charleston and help a girl named Molly who already seems like she's on the goddamn brink. Okay? Please get over there and help this woman.

Pete Slauson Help her. Yeah, we're talking about this. David Hickman So, I feel that Southern Charm is on, so I'm in neighborhood watch mode. Party! It's my favorite. Like, I can just sit at my window eating popcorn and looking for bad people so I can call the police. Pete Slauson Yeah. Yeah. we are back. It's a new season of Southern Charm. We've got the premiere that we're going to recap in just a moment. In case you are just tuning in today, because you were not listening to the Real Housewives content, we are going

back out on tour. It's the Mounting Hysteria Tour. It's starting in 2025. It's starting next month in January. We're going all across North America. Many, many dates over the first few months of the year. And real quickly, let me just tell you some of the cities and then we'll get on into it. But we're going to San Francisco, San Diego, New York City for the golden crappies. Don't want to miss that. Salt Lake City, Denver, Cincinnati, Minneapolis, Toronto, Charlotte, Atlanta, DC, Philadelphia, Boston, Detroit, Chicago, Austin, and Dallas. We are hoping to add in some more cities. If you don't hear your city, like, you know, there's a chance that it will get added at

a later date. But we are really excited and go to watch our crappies.com to get tickets. We are hoping to see a whole bunch of familiar faces that we've gotten to know on the road over the past few years and new faces as well. And tell your friends and family and tell anyone you want to tell. Tell your pets. Bring your pets. I don't care. But we will see you there on the road. Do it. Also, sold on SLC is a new Bravo show that we're doing exclusively on

Patreon. So go over there to listen to that recap. It's fun. And that's also where you get videos, which we're on right now. So hi and welcome back Southern Charm people who only listen to Southern Charm. We've missed you. Okay. We're hotter than ever. Okay.

So let's start with a new season of Southern Charm. Let's see what Shep is lying about this year about making himself Shep version 10.0, because this is season 10. It's all a lie, don't fall for it. Shep has done nothing to help himself, but go away and do drugs for four days. So don't believe him. No. Hey, I've grown.

I went down to South America and tried Ayugarshka, and now I've had visions. I'm healed! Garshka, I'm just a man! So here we go, we start at Madison and Brett's home. You know, God bless Madison for having enough charisma to pull this off because this man is like dating a coaster. He's like, not a roller coaster, like a T coaster. Just a coaster that sits there. And you're like, why is there a coaster on this table?

He's so boring and it's like so cute, but literally it looks like an unanimated Lego person. Oh, ouch. He's so cute, but like, does he ever talk or move or do anything? Just a classic, a Lego classic, Lego person classic, just not moving, just there. I get that. Oh yeah, because you know when you see a Lego movie or something, they're so cute and it's

like, oh my God, they have so much charisma. But then you see them in the stores and you're like, oh, how did you ever become popular? Like you don't do anything. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, oh, how'd you ever become popular? Like you don't do anything. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, he's a classic, you know, hot guy, you know, not always a lot in terms of the personality, but he is there and they are cooking breakfast together. And he's like, what else do you want me to do?

And she's like, just sit there and look pretty, be born for corn, you know? And then they hug and stuff. So then we go to Shep's house. It is time for the annual Shep in the shower scene. Nobody wants to see this. Okay. No, every year Shep needs to get naked for the camera.

Now this time he is kind of a V cause he's been working out. So that's great. Yeah. Put it away, boy. Oh, those buttocks, those buttocks are out once again. And then we go over to Taylor's house and she's FaceTiming with her boyfriend Gaston. And Gaston, we heard about on two separate shows last year, Southern Charm and Southern Hospitality.

So Gaston has been making the rounds, but now he's finally arrived on TV. So she's FaceTiming with Gaston and she tells him his haircut looks nice. And he's like, with the hat on. Yeah, because he's wearing a baseball cap. She's like, your hair looks good, which is so Taylor, you know? And I can't with a man this thirsty. First of all, he's trying to get on two shows at one time. And second of all, his parents named him Gaston. I mean,

I know that means I should hate his parents. And I know there's people in the world named Gaston that don't have anything to do with Beauty and the Beast, but he does. You know that he was named. His mom got pregnant in the back lot of a Cinemark and named him Gaston. I can't. Sorry.

I just need to know who's naming their children Gaston these days. That's all I want to know. I want to know the thought process. I want the behind the actor studio on the name Gaston in 2024. That's all I want to know. I want to know the thought process. I want the behind the actor studio on the name Gaston in 2024. They're girls with really oily hair

and Mickey Mouse ears tramp stamped onto their lower back. Yeah, I think that's fair. And then we go to Austin's house. It's insane right now. He's picking up an outfit. And Craig comes in and he's saying he's concerned Shep won't have a hairdryer at his house. Because what we find out is that they're going

for like a little bro-cation at Shep's country house or something, so his family house. So he's worried that there won't be a blow dryer at Shep's house, which I think is a fair concern. I don't think that there will be one there. That is correct. Yeah, and, Oracom, really.

Or anything pertaining to hygiene. Or any people from the family actually doing any work. It will be straight up, you know, indentured servants. It's a scar stance. Yeah. So, They're not allowed to say indentured. Yeah Garstens. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, they're going to go out there and Austin's like, when I go on road trips with Craig, Craig always drives. But if I'm an amateur psychologist, it's probably a control thing. First of all, get some control and put your tongue in your mouth.

How is your tongue still out of your mouth after all these years? Learn to control it. Go to a class. You know what I I mean put your tongue in your mouth, sir It's because you drive your car by using your tongue to control the stick shift Craig is like I'm not gonna abide by this any longer And it's because whenever he drives the windshield wipers keep coming on because they sense the spit hitting the window Craig has a much simpler reason that has nothing to do with psychology. He's like, I'm always driving because my friends are always drunk.

Right. That explains a lot. Although is Craig not drunk? Although I guess he says he's not drinking anymore, but like Craig definitely has put in some time being pretty drunk, driving those golf carts around Charleston. And then Craig pulls away with the trunk open and goes the wrong way down a one-way road, which just goes to show you being sober doesn't necessarily make you smarter, okay? Sometimes it just makes you smell

less like Bartles and James. Yeah, yeah. Is that still a thing? Do people still drink Bartles and James? I don't think so, but I'd like that you keep it alive by mentioning it every so often. Cause I remember those commercials, there was like the chubby guy and the tall guy, right?

And they had like a dead pan delivery. It was a great commercial and I love them. Um, but either way, Craig is a terrible driver. No one's really a good driver on this, on this show. I feel like every single season someone's getting into a fender bender, right? I feel like that's it's even in the trailer this season for Patricia even Patricia crashes her car this week I mean, they don't care That's what happens when you're like rich and you've got like history in a town the company's you know The police are the company might as well be the police are just like go ahead. I knew you're bad. All right, I

Also feel like they they do their driving tests on horse-drawn carriages in Charleston. They're like, all right, parallel park. So they're just used to different vehicles. So then we go to JT and Vanita. Okay, this season's gonna trigger me, I'm telling you right now. I can already tell, this was a pretty tame episode, but I was getting triggered left and right.

This is really gonna bother me, this JT and Vanita thing. I can't take it. I already can't take it. Why are you debasing yourself like this, Vanita? I get that you wanna be on a TV show. I get that they probably told you you need to actually do something this year besides have a pretend boyfriend in another city.

I get it. This is not the thing to do. Please, anything else, rob a bank. I mean, I I don't care trip an old person and get in trouble, you know slap somebody throw a drink on somebody You know start a fight. I do not care but dating JT is where I draw the line Yeah, it'll be fascinating watching JT's downward spiral this season because in case you missed it He officially quit Southern charm. Like with, you still had like two weeks of pickups to do or two more interview sessions,

which by the way, like really sir, finish your job. Just do it. You know, I really enjoyed JT last season. I thought he was a great addition. Um, but the one his, I thought his most toxic trait last season was that there were some times where he thought his shit was more hilarious than it really was and you could see he was like really leaning into schtick like the time he's flopping around in a river and my fear which I think has totally come true is that this season since he had a little bit of wind in his sails he was just gonna like double down and all that stuff be like like, people love this, right?

So I think we're gonna see him trying to do that shit. It's not gonna land and he's going to just spiral out of control and it'll be fascinating to watch. So he, oh and he also launched, Soft launched a new girlfriend who's not Venita on Instagram right around the time that he had a fit and left. And then the girl's sister was like, what the fuck? And people are like, this isn't even his girlfriend.

Like, what is he doing? It's like announcing. And this is, I'm just reading this all from comments so I have no idea what the truth is, but he's a disaster, this guy. So he's, they go to a store to do some shopping because they, you know, there's that one store that they all go to, the guy, well, there's the, the Catherine store. What's that one called? Oh, we call it Gwyn's, but it's, I don't even remember what it's really called. It's Gwyn's. I think it is Gwyn's. Yeah, it is Gwyn's. But we call the, we call the girl who works there Gwyn's and that's not her name.

Yeah. Yeah. This store is like, um, I say, I say, I say, and sons have a dash. Yeah. This is like where you get your silk, um, haberdasheries and your silk. Um, you know, what do you call those things that you put on your neck? I like a cravat and Ascot. Yeah. Like every, every single season they come in here to get like a tuxedo blazer. I'm like, what are you guys doing with your tuxedo blazers? Why do you always need a new one? But they always come in here and then that guy comes out and he's like, well, I say, I say, I say, is it time for a new blazer?

And you're like, every single time. And then they have a little scene. And JT is like limping in on Cain. And I love the South because they just openly make fun of people with canes. There's no line there where they're like, hey, you know, someone's with the cane, maybe we should make fun of them. They're just like, what is the kind of part of the outfit? You damn Yankee. I never met your daddy. Where's he from?

And yet at the same time, the South is also where I feel like they really appreciate a cane with an outfit. That's true, maybe he's not even making fun of it. Maybe he's just like, oh, is that part of your outfit? I love that, you wanna see mine? Hey, you wanna have a cane fight? I'll show you mine if you show me yours. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

I think you have to go through like some cane hazing before it can be part of your outfit. So it's a little bit of both. A little, it's like appreciation and ridicule. JT, JT, he tells a story. He's like, I went to Costa Rica and I'm going down the mountain in an ATV. And I'm like, I don't need to hear the rest of the story.

I see you have a limp. You mentioned ATV. If you want any sympathy for me, you're not going to get it because I don't know how many people have to break their necks on ATVs before people have to realize, don't drive ATVs. You're stupid. Yeah. Well, someone who just got dragged down his own hill on his Vespa and almost lost a leg. That was basically my story. This was, JT was living my story where I was just so embarrassed to even tell everybody.

I'm like, oh my God, whatever, I slipped down the hill. Let's not talk about it. Because you know people are just like, you idiot. I told you not to write that thing. And that's what he's suffering from right now. And you know, his stories, he's just so pathetic, and at this point I'm wondering if he's just leaning into that part or if he just gets off on that, you know? Like we were talking this week about somebody who's just into the apologizing

part, so that's why they're mean to everybody because they get off on apologizing. Who was that? It was just this week. It doesn't matter. We're talking about like apology kinks. And now, I think this guy has a being pathetic kink because... Gary's... Huh? It was Gary on below deck sailing. Gary, Gary on below deck sailing, yes. So this guy is really into just being pathetic and having people laugh at him. Because he could have told a story like, I was on an

ATV, I was in Costa Rica, I saw an animal, I swore I wanted to save that baby kangaroo, and I flipped over and I could have died, I almost lost a leg, and that's it. But instead, he tells this story. He's like, yeah, I was in Costa Rica, I was going down a mountain, and I hit a little dirt drift, and I, you know, projected pretty far down the side of a mountain and I'm lying there on the ground and there's blood everywhere and I look up and the ATV is rolling down and it pins my leg under it and I'm trapped and I'm screaming and I'm like, I'm not going to lose a leg. That's where you should end it. So, he goes, so I get to the doctor and he said, you're not

going to die. And then we see a picture and there's like barely even a breeze on his leg. There's no blood squirting everywhere. And then he goes, yeah, I guess it wasn't that bad, but it hurt. I was like, just end in the beginning. Why do you have this kink that you want us to mock you, dude? A real reality star would have chopped off his own leg

and told him, you know, that's what you do. That's how you create a storyline. Okay. For another him, you know, that's what you do. That's how you create a storyline. Okay. For another season, you know? So Vanita is holding his cane and he's trying to close. And Vanita is like, well, the first time JT and I bonded was when we were in Jamaica. And ever since then, we talk every day, which is kind of wild. But I feel like we're just really close. Also, he's the only one on this cast who seems to acknowledge that I'm on the show.

So I just got to take what I can get. Yeah. So he's the only one on this cast who seems to acknowledge that I'm on the show. So I just gotta take what I can get. Yeah, she's like, he's the only person that talks to me. So basically I call him every day now. And then we see them bonding in Jamaica and they're sitting on the beach together and they're like, wow, look, there's water. He's like, yeah, that's pretty watery. She's like, wow, can I have your number?

So JT's like, you can't teach chemistry or how to drive an ATV apparently. So it's either there or it's not. Now the same goes for legs. And it's there. Yup. By the way, who wants to tell them that you can teach chemistry? There are literally chemistry teachers. I mean, I know the education system's gone downhill in this country, but it's literally

a class. My 10th grade teacher, Mr. Johnston, may want to have a word with you. Mr. Johnston's whipping out his cane. He's like, oh yeah, you want a piece of me, bitch? Get over here, cane bitch. Well, I guess I just happened to figure out that you can create peppermint in a science lab. I was no teacher involved with that. So JT says, for the Carolina Cup, I rented a party bus. Are you in? And she's like,

Yeah, I guess. And then drops his cane. And she's like, now how are you going to pick that up? And he's like, good call. I guess that was dumb. I guess I need help picking it up. God guess that was dumb. I guess I need help picking it up God, this is hot So then Vanita picks it up and she's like well the Carolina Cup is technically a horse race But it's really like a Lily Pulitzer fashion show and all the girls had the biggest hats I'm like going to Starbucks in Charleston is a little bit pull its her fashion show What thing on Southern charm has not been that? Yeah, so the like, so do you have any memories from there? She's like, no.

She's like, I was too lit. Well, season three of Anita's really swinging for the rafters. It's time for commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial. I'm Lindsey Graham, host of Wondry Show American Scandal. We bring to life some of the biggest controversies in U.S. history. Presidential lies, environmental disasters, corporate fraud. In our latest series, entrepreneur Lou Pearlman becomes the mastermind behind two of the biggest pop groups in the world, the Backstreet Boys and NSYNC. He also oversees a sprawling business empire that includes a charter jet company, restaurants, and real estate.

But Perlman's successful facade crumbles after he's sued by the boy bands for siphoning millions from them. And soon, investigators discover that Perlman is keeping his empire afloat through an even more devious scheme. Follow American Scandal on the Wondery app or wherever Hello, ladies and germs, boys and girls, The Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with his The Grinch Holiday Podcast. After last year, he's learned a thing or two about hosting and he's ready to rant against Christmas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire. You can listen with the whole family as guest stars like Jon Hamm, Brittany Broski, and Danny DeVito try to persuade the mean old Grinch that there's a lot to love about the insufferable holiday season.

But that's not all. Somebody stole all the children of Whoville's letters to Santa, and everybody thinks the Grinch is responsible. It's a real Whoville whodunit. Can Cindy Lou and Max help clear the Grinch's name? Grab your hot cocoa and cozy slippers to find out. Follow Tis the Grinch holiday podcast on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Unlock weekly Christmas mystery bonus content and listen to every episode ad free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Spotify or Apple podcasts.

Now we're talking about he has to see people and it hasn't been since the reunion when he acted like a little jackass that he has to see anybody. So then we see his greatest clips from the reunion where he's like, I might be the first person to ever perform the first ever fuckboy exorcism. And everybody's like, oh God, only Vinnie just laughing. This was, I forgot, like I forgot about this reunion. That's really where he squandered all the goodwill. Cause you can go back, you can listen.

I was a big JT booster. I mean, Lord knows he needs a little bit of a booster seat, doesn't he? But I was always like, you know, I really like this guy. I like that he stands up to Austin. And maybe it's performative, but I still appreciate that he's doing it regardless. But the reunion is where he started to really lose me

because it was too much like, he was really like leading into some sort of character instead of just being real. And it's like you came in like potentially with like a winning hand. You stood up to Austin on a chair, but you stood up to him. And then you came in and just sort of like ruined it. Yeah. Oh, JT.

And then what did you do, JT? And then what did you do? And then what. Yeah. Oh, JT. And then what did you do, JT? And then what did you do? And then what? Yeah. Um, so they're talking about having to see people and she's like, so, are you going to speak to them? And he's like, well, I can't just be there and be like, not speak to them. So I'm going to think of something wacky to do. Maybe get some props.

Yeah. So, JT is saying that like, he is like, he's not thrilled. He wasn't thrilled with Austin's behavior last year. But he feels like the message really, his message really landed with Austin. I'm like, I guarantee you, no message has ever landed with Austin in his true. Yeah.

Austin's not listening to those messages. No. And so he's like, I just want to take the hard road here. You just crashed. You know what I mean? Don't don't get on the road. No roads. Stay literally on a low road. You should be like, I want to take the bus here and say, hey, I almost died. I don't care if you're toxic. I'm good now. And Vanita is like, yeah, life's too short. And he's like, yeah, ouch, life is too short. No pun intended. You know, guys, guys really just not winning return of phrases today.

It's hard. It's really hard. So now we go to Austin and Craig in the car on the way to Scheps, I think. And Austin calls his, he has a new girlfriend named Audrey. She's a plant. It's really awkward. It's the strangest crossover I've ever saw. But they say hello. And Austin is like, Hey, so I was just calling to check in on the drive. and she's like, yeah, hey, how much do y'all how much longer do y'all have? They probably an hour 40 is insane to drive. She wants us to meet him at his farmhouse. That's what we're gonna do is sing And she's like, okay have fun talk to you soon now in a shocking development Austin's new girlfriend Looks like a child a child and way out of his league at whatever age.

He looks like he has, and I say this often about this cast, because this is the only cast that really looks like this, the cast of Man I Mean. They really do look like in a murder show when somebody has been murdered and then thrown into the water and then left there for a week and then you come back and they're just, their skin is all bloated and crazy. That's what they look like, except pink and orange instead of being white. And he does look like that.

He looks pickled. And this girl looks like she's in high school. Now I looked her up and she's only 11 years younger, which actually isn't that terrible, but he better cling to this show because there is no way in hell an unemployed guy who still is trying to peddle beer that his dad bought him would ever get this girl. No, no. And he's looking more and more like George Washington out of his wig. And I just don't understand why any of these girls are into it. If you really look at Austin, he really kind of has some George Washington going on. That's funny.

He meets Fozzie Bear. So he says, yeah, I met Audrey last summer. She lives in Charlotte. We've been officially dating for three months and officially been cheating on her for two months. So he says, typically my move is just to be like, you know Hang out with someone a bunch and like not to find it because I'm like too chicken shit to say anything But like with Audrey like I'm like that one like I'm the one that actually brought up

So I was like we should have find the fret the relationship. Oh, it's insane. I'm like you don't get any trophies for doing the bare minimum, the bare minimum and expected step in a relationship when you've been seeing someone for three months. Like congratulations, you did what everyone else does. Yeah, but that's a big step for Austin because he never defines the relationship right. So he's like, I defined the relationship. So now I know who I'm now I, now I'm technically cheating on somebody, which is like a huge step for me. I can't say we were on a break. Now it's technically cheating,

guys. Huge difference. Well, he realized he could add something to his arsenal, which is that when he gets accused of being immature, he'd be like, what are you talking about? I was the one who said I wanted to be in a relationship in the first place. I do want this. So, yeah, whatever. I said it in a confessional where it really matters. So, then we see a flashback to where Austin is talking to Audrey and he's like, how's my little Pokemon? And she's like, tired. And then they kiss and that's the end.'ll bet she says that a lot. Hey babe, how you feeling tonight? Tired. You want to make love? Tired. Can I get on top of you?

Tired. Can I just breathe on you? Tired. Can I get a what what? Tired. You know what? He is exhausting. So I get it. And so then he goes, uh, yeah, we have a lot of nicknames. There's pukes, there's Pookie Monster, Pookopotamus. I'm like, maybe give her a nickname that's more flattering. He's like.

Pookopotamus. Monster. Pook. Pook. Like. Pookie dog. What if, it's like, like Pooka, Pooka Poop, I don't know. Pookasloth. Pouka, the puka poop. I don't know. Puka sloth.

Puka, puka dillo. Puka burger. Puka nosaurus. Puka vomit. Puka feces. Puka fart. Puka sludge. It's just so weird to tell people,

hey, this is my girlfriend. This is my girlfriend, Audrey, because she still takes her lunch to school, you know? But for me, like it's a big step. It's a big step. And then Craig's like, I love that we're just like right in the middle of fucking nowhere. I have a business. Yeah, we're on this road for 30 miles. I feel like everywhere is the middle of nowhere after you leave Charleston. I don't know. And we say that as people who did venture out of Charleston.

So now we cut to a chap and he's arriving at his family farm and Tommy is there. He's the farm manager. He's like, oh gosh, gosh, there's a race tomorrow. Hold on, I'm having an Ayugarshka vision. Tommy, you're in danger. You're gonna spill coffee tomorrow. Sorry, I'm getting all these visions

now that I've done Ayahuasca. Anyway, Craig and Austin are on their way. Look at the, oh my God, what am I gonna wear? A white-limbed suit, check this out, Tommy. Tommy's like, I don't care. Yeah, Tommy's like, please pay me. Please pay me my $5 a week so I can go to bed. And Shep gives us the lowdown on this place, which, you know, if you're not feeling uncomfortable with this, you really haven't read history. But here's Shep. My family's farm is in Boykin, South Carolina, which is like a one-minute drive to the Carolina

Cup. Boykin is my family on my dad's side, so the town is named after them." Okay, so they've got a whole town named after the other side of this family. King George III granted the Boykins the land in 1780-something, so my dad has a deep connection and love for it. Do you think I'm have to have to pay property taxes on it? This is not fair. Isn't there a literal movie called The Madness of King George? Literally.

Like, I feel like the moment that the king's court realized he'd lost his mind, he's like, he's like, hello, everyone. I've given some land to a man who says gosh all the time. Sir Garsh Garshington of Boykin America. Yeah, our king has lost it We're at the Boykin family slave owners. Yes, they were so there you go Yeah, I mean, I guess you could probably pick any family any family lion on this show out But yeah Yeah, I mean, that's I think that's what we're all thinking.

Like, yeah, I feel like there's more to this story, Shep. So. Oh, are we lucky we got gifted this in the 1780s? I'm like, yep, sure you built all of that yourself there. Looks great. And what a legacy you are. Oh, your great grandpa did a great job building this house on his own.

Sure he paid really fairly for labor over there. Yeah. Put some papers. Well, it's been in your family for like 200 and something years and look at now and to show for it, they have you. They have you, shit faced. Telling an employee how much you're not shitting the floor this time and expecting a gold medal for it. But yeah, he's out there in the Boykin house. And Tommy's just like,

oh, still in the, so you still got the teeth you found in the upper drawer, huh? These are my grandpa Tommy Boykin's teeth. And Shep is like, gosh, yeah, I went to Costa Rica and I did ayahuasca. I told you about it. Did you ever look it up on YouTube? You know what the internet is. Do we give do we allow you to have the internet? Anyway, I'm just recalibrating now That's so many visions Wow Although the time is like sure did sure looked it up on YouTube watched a lot of videos about ayahuasca And Tommy's just probably googled, you know, ayahuasca. How long does it take to kill a person? How much does one need to kill a person?

How much does one need to overdose on I was. How do you get someone who's high on I was going to pay you more tricks and tips? Tommy is planning on killing his ass immediately. So then Shep is like, yeah, what happened in Las Vegas was very sobering, no pun intended. So we see footage of him being wasted at BravoCon. And he's like, I was out at BravoCon. I was out of control. And the nine other seasons of Southern Charm, but that's fine.

We can focus on BravoCon. Yeah. Yeah. Ayahuasca is like three years of therapy in one day. So he's talking about how... Just ask Jesse Lally. Exactly. The other the other piece of shit man this year, who's like, I'm really going to get in charge of myself by going to take drugs on a drug trip with a bunch of other dudes. And it really worked. Worked out great. I think though for Shep he takes a different variant called Ayuwaspa, it's for people of his.

I just saw visions of ascots. For one, Paisley's stripes. Who was crazy, gorse. I'm so much better at golf now. I had a real breakthrough. I knew something had to change, so I went to Costa Rica for a psychedelic retreat. It was so powerful. And you know, I've been back and it's not perfect, because I've been doing things one way for so long. You can't just change it.

Go to fucking rehab, bro. Like when you're that blackout drunk and you're falling down, going to do drugs on a routine. And look, I know we're gonna get emails from people who are like, I was gonna save my son's life. Okay, okay, great. I'm not saying it can't help. I've been a person who's been helped by psychedelics. I've had my life changed by psychedelic, literally have.

I'm not even making a joke. I can see the power in that. It does not make you sober, okay? And it does not change your life to the degree where you're this fucked up of a person and an addict, and it's not just drinking every once in a while. It's drugs, it's drinking, it's everything else. You don't go to just go away for a drug retreat and just because it's not coke, you're suddenly healed, okay? Pete But on the other hand, you could just do ayahuasca and be rich and be like, I'm fixed. In which case, why even bother getting sober?

Stop even lying. That's my thing about it. You know what I mean? I would appreciate it. There was someone in my family, I've told this story and named this person before, but I'm going to leave their name out of it this time because I've grown. But we asked her to stop drinking and she was so offended and we're like, you're literally drunk. You threw a bowl of soup at a restaurant last week. Like

you literally need to quit drinking. And so she did. She became miserable. This is normal because it takes a while to acclimate and get out of your system. But it lasted I think a week and a half and she got so miserable and she called a week and a half, and she got so miserable, and she called a meeting, and she said, listen, everybody, I appreciate you guys caring, but I don't give a fuck. I have made it this far in life, and I've worked my whole life, and at this point, I want to be drunk every day, and I'm going to be. And if you guys don't like that, then you should never come over or call me again. And I was like, you know what? Respect. And to this day, no one has ever brought this up to this person again, because what are you gonna do? And at least they respected it, you know?

And Shep's not. He's gonna just try and win all of this. He's putting a victim cloak on where he was drunk, he was in a bad place, so now he's a victim and everybody has to be nice to him. You don't get to do that when you're not making any changes, sir. Sorry, victim cloak denied. But luckily he has employees be nice to him. You don't get to do that when you're not making any changes, sir. Sorry, victim cloak denied.

But luckily he has employees who have to tell him that he's changing because Shep is like, I'm trying to be healthy. And Tommy's like, it's working, it's working. Oh gosh, I appreciate that. Thank you so much employee for telling me that my one night of ayahuasca has fixed all my sobriety. Do you know how disappointed great granddaddy Boykin

is up in hell heaven just looking down on this or up at this and thinking, this little fucker, I worked zero days in my life to afford this man a perfect life and now he ain't even drinking every day. Get out of my house, Boykin! I didn't put whiskey in a barrel for 400 years and say open this up on March 3rd, 2025, just to have my scion go sober. No siree! Go hug a tree! Thanks Obama! Wow, amazing that they were,

they already knew about Obama back then, but they did. They're like, I don't know. I had no, I think that, no, I think that, I think that like Boykin, Sir Boykin was like, I just did some Iowaska. And this is what I've got to say. Thanks.

Obama. I don't know why I'm saying it, but I feel like it'll make sense at some point. Gets passed down generation after generation. Your great-great-grandpappy used to always say, thanks, Obama. So now Shep's like, it's crazy because I'm healed, but Austin and Krager meaned me. You know, they blew me off after Vegas when I needed them the most." And he's like, I need them to understand how much they hurt me. And this right there is why I'm pissed and why he's triggered me. Because nobody who's making an effort to heal themselves ever blames the people around them. When you're really making

an effort to heal yourself, it's like, I fucked up and how can I make this right with everybody that I fucked over when I was fucked up every single day and making them look like idiots on a national stage. But instead he makes himself an idiot, which shows he's learned nothing and he's doing nothing. So don't fucking fall for it, people. Yeah. Correct. Correct. Although I am sort of… Thanks, that's all I needed. You know what? That's what I want you to put on my gravestone. Correct. Correct. Um, although this is what I always used to say about Kim Richards too.

Cause remember Kim Richards would come out of like rehab and she would get mad at people that they weren't there for her when she was lunatic. Um, so, uh, either way, I am like darkly amused by this whole situation. Like Shep being a monster and then like having like no concept as to why people just got so fed up that they just were like, you know what, go rot in a ditch somewhere.

You're wasted, that's gonna be on you because we don't wanna be dragged into your hell life anymore. And he's like, gosh, why didn't you want to be dragged into my hell life? I needed you in my hell hole. So I think it's kind of funny in my own dark way, but if in terms of like what you're saying, correct.

Correct. Yeah, that's all I needed. One more time. Correct. Thank you. It's my favorite song. We should make a remix of that, correct? Correct, correct. Correct. So then we go back to Craig and Austin in the car

and Craig's like, I wanna have a relationship with Shev again, mostly because we're shooting and like, it's just the show's about us. So like, we see each other in the gym and it's pretty surface level. And then so we cut to the gym, which is just all three guys seeing each other

and like doing that high five, way high five, where it's really high, cause they're all tall. And then they just say sup, sup. Which by the way, no different than it has been for the past 10 years on this show, but sure. Sup. Sup, sup, sup. I mean it's not like what it used to be

and the question that I have for him is like, is this just what, like what does he want, You know, like if he honestly wants to change, like we can be there for him to lean on, but like I want clarity for him, you know, because like we're already like fucking split. But also, if he does have anything to say, like he needs to tell me everything and all the juicy details. Because like Paige said, I have one job and one job only. Wait, she just said, stop saying this part on TV and I'm wait, sure. I'm still speaking. I am still speaking. What? Wait, now she's really mad at me. Oh, sorry. I was supposed to stop talking.

So we go to Madison arriving at a clothing boutique and uh, you know, it's one of those owners who's like, Hello, darlin'! So good to see you! I haven't seen you in so long! What are we buying today? What friends are coming in? I've known you since you were a little baby. I can't wait to dress you again. Wow! And she's like, So, I'm throwing a party for the Carolina Cup. So, I, you know, I have a Carolina Herrera dress,

but I'm always open to other things. Get it? Carolina Cup? have a Carolina Herrera dress, but I'm always open to other things get it Carolina Cup open Carolina Herrera dress. Okay, never mind. Anyway, give me a dress So is that the vibe we're going for cuz here's what I want to know. How do you want to feel? I care about what's inside medicine. Okay, what do you want to see come out? What do you want to feel? Stacy's here for you, baby What do you want to feel? Stacey's here for you, baby. Corn. I want to feel that corn.

Corn, still into corn. But this time we're gonna be popcorn, big corn, huge corn. You're gonna walk in there, people are gonna say, who's the big corn walking in? And then Madison's friend Molly walks in and she's, and Matt's like, oh my God, we look just like twins. And Molly's like, I know, right?

Like I'm like a giant twin. And Stacey's like, oh my God, Molly, good to see you darling, how's your mother? God, I've loved you since you were a baby. How you doing? Get over here and sit on my lap. You wanna suck my breasts? Get over here.

And Molly's like, oh hi Stacey, how are you? They do that like southern. It cracks me up every time I see it. It's especially the ladies that do this to each other and it just cracks me up. They're like, oh, ha! They just scrunch their whole face up at each other and squint their eyes.

And then Stacey goes back to normal immediately. Yeah, and Stacey's also trying to like, she's trying to flex in front of America. She's like, oh, you know what, Molly, you're so easy to dress because I've dressed you for so many shoots. So here that Christian, what's your space from project run what I do styling too. So then Molly's like, yeah, that's right. 12 years.

Christian Sarah center. Oh, 12 years of dressing 12 years of getting stuck in a hat that looks like it's from blossom. Love that. Thanks, Stacy. Iossom. Love that. Thanks, Stacy. I love modeling in the South. Thanks, Stacy. Have you ever wondered who created that bottle of Sriracha that's living in your fridge or why nearly every house in America has at least one game of Monopoly? Introducing the best idea Yet, a brand new podcast

about the surprising origin stories of the products you're obsessed with. Listen to the Best Idea Yet on the Wonder app or wherever you get your podcasts. So Madison's like, Molly is one of my favorite people in the world. She's basically like a human version of corn and she's a model.

So I used to do her hair and makeup for she's, she's she's weird but like in a good way I love that I love good weird so they're making small talk and they love her new hair she's like I love your hair your mother saying you're higher your hair is nice I'm throwing a party for your hair I love it this is gonna be great hair for our next shoot because we've done so many shoots together isn't that right Christian Siriano. So Molly's like yeah I know I'm healing from trauma from my last wave so they're like looking for clothing and everything and Madison is like oh that would look real good on your butt girl. She's like oh my god I know people keep asking if I got a BBL.

I'm like, no, I just gained 25 pounds. I'm like, I don't, we're, I'm not sure if I see the BBL, but I'll let you have that one. Yeah, oh, I thought you meant the gaining 25 pounds because I was like, can I please gain 25 pounds and look like that? Because what a stunner.

Oh my God. I see none of the above. Yeah, she has like young Jennifer Coolidge face. I really like her by the way. I really automatically like this girl. Yeah, she seems like a good, good, well, you know it's so funny because she was so easy in front of the camera and when she said she was a model,

I was like, I guarantee she was on top model at some point. Probably one of the later seasons. There's just something about her look that like, and then she says in a few moments that she was on Top Model. So she probably got her like reality TV, like training wheels on with that show. And now she's like ready to go for Southern Charm.

Yes. So they're trying on clothes and then we find out about Molly and she, you know, she was on Top Model, as Ben said, and she's walked for Vivian Westwood. She shot for Vogue, but, and here's her big story. I have a thyroid problem and it causes my weight to fluctuate. So in the past few years I gained 45 pounds and I lost a lot of modeling jobs and that's a mindfuck.

So we've got a model with a thyroid problem who's going up and down on her weight and so insecure that she's trying to date a 60 year old. So this is why I am calling the police because when she mentions Whitney, which she does in just a second, and I'm sorry, I couldn't wait to get there. I started yelling at the TV. Why, how has human resources not been brought to the show every single year? How many guys, how many girls does this guy get to fuck to cast on the show?

Like what is the casting couch on the show and why is it only okay to be on this show? It's annoying, it bugs me. It's like yet another female cast member brought onto this show dating Whitney. I can't, I can't. I did not even think about that. It started back in the day with little 18 year old Catherine

or whatever who was dating Whitney on the show. It's like if this whole with little 18 year old Catherine or whatever, who was dating Whitney on the show. It's like if this whole show is a casting couch for Whitney, how is H&R not there? Get over there. We'll be on top of it. For some reason, HR does somehow has a blind spot for this entire show. So they're making some small talk about boobs and everything like that. And then they finally settle down with some mimosas. And Molly's talking about how she's excited for the cup and everything.

And Madison's like, so you excited to see Craig? She's like, I mean, I'm not trying to flirt and steal him from Paige or anything. And Molly says that Craig and I have been flirting friends for a long time. And we used to sex each other and send each other gnawly videos and stuff. I mean, I wasn't mad at it, you know? I mean, Craig's hot. He's hot. Yeah. And Madison's like, okay, well, what's the last time you saw Whitney?

And she just went over there and cooked him lamb shanks at his house. And- It's not a specific detail. Yeah, but here's the thing. Isn't Whitney a vegan or something? Um, wasn't that his thing last year that he's like a vegan and he doesn't, he's always eating healthy or is it that he's always eating raw things? I don't know. He's on some diet. All I know is that Rand, we told Randy to make some lamb shanks and he put a sneaker in the pan and it ruined the kitchen. So she went to cook him lamb shanks at his house, which sounds not smart because I don't

think he eats those. And Madison's like, girl, that's the key. That's the key right there. And she goes, yeah. So then why hasn't he wifed me up? Have you watched this show? What are you doing? And she goes, yeah, so then why hasn't he wiped me up? Have you watched this show? What are you doing?

It's like, this is you're writing the ATV in Costa Rica. Like I already- I know. Have you seen his Reenob hat? What part of a Reenob hat says that you're gonna get wiped up anytime soon? So she's like, I just don't trust that he's actually ready to settle down.

Girl, he's not gonna settle down, stop it. He's keeping that hundred million dollars to himself. You all just need to go get a job. This is ridiculous. Stop debasing yourself for this man, stop it. Yeah, Madison's like, well, when he sees you dressed up tonight, girl, he might change his mind. I'm like, Madison, why are you saying these things?

He's not, and I also hate the idea that like, oh, if you dress sexy enough and pretty enough, then he may wanna settle down with you. I hate like, that's basically the undertone of saying something like that. I know it's said not like sincerely, but it's kind of not not sincerely too. So yeah, when he's not settling down, guys,

he's not, time to move on. And she's like, well, yeah, I know know like I'm 36. I mean, girl, the years of the people are getting divorced. People are getting divorced at that age now. So like there's like new men opening up and say, Well, you know, they're gonna go through that, that whole phase. You don't want no used man. You don't want to fresh out. Okay. And she's like, No, cuz I'm a jealous psycho. She goes, Cheers to that girl. Same sign. saying I'll be like here's an air tag swallow it

Cuz I'm gonna track your ass. I'll risk your life Here's an air tag swallow it Track you the rest of your life. Oh love that so then we go to track you the rest of your life. Oh, love that. So then we go to Shep and Austin arriving at the Boykin farm, and they greet little Craig,

who seems a little low energy and depressed, I'm not gonna lie. What happened to little Craig? He's just sad. Yeah, well maybe because he hasn't seen his girlfriend in forever, whichever girlfriend he has these days, because he always has a girlfriend every season. So Shep is like, come on, your rooms

are upstairs. And Craig's like, yeah, let's have some chips and salsa. They're going to have chips and salsa. So they all like settle in and everything. And Craig puts his dirty ass suitcase on the white linens and immediately gets dirt on the bed. And then it's just like, Craig is such a, I'm like, you have a linen company. I think he evens reflects on that. He's like, I should know better. Yeah. To put a dirty bag on a white linens. So Shep's like, my relationship with these guys, it's kept Charles up night and morning, mostly because I tell him, Charles, you better stay up night and morning worrying about this relationship.

I'm exhausted. And then I go to sleep. God, it's nice being rich. Charles has felt a lot of anger and pain for me. Haven't you, Charles? Charles, get in the fetal position and rock back and forth, you lazy fucker. He's like, my Tommy no now you're Charles sorry sorry Charles Tommy gosh I just have so much on my mind I had a vision I had a vision your name is Charles all this time oh my god so Shep is like hey so guys I want to talk to you because you know after Vegas I I was like I think I'm a little out of control I think you know after I tried to have sex with the wheel of fortune slot machine. I thought maybe something's wrong I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what's going on internally

But if anyone could give some help guides or support you know it's us right like that's what we do for each other And you guys didn't do anything you You guys didn't yell at me. That hurt more than you'll ever know. Victim, victim, victim, victim, victim, taking blame for nothing that you did. You fucking acted like an asshole for the last time, sir. It's called consequences. This should be an apology to them, not a victim. What is wrong with you?

Well, also him saying if anyone can give help or guidance or support or harsh correction, he's basically saying if anyone can give tough love, it's you guys. So why don't you guys give me tough love? What part of them ditching you as friends was not tough love? That literally is. That's literally what it is. Did you watch your reunion? They gave you all those things. Yeah. And Craig's like, Craig, who also, you know, I'm glad to see that Craig's like taking care of himself and stuff. But, you know, Craig's also doing stuff where he's like, look, I'm going to have a non-alcoholic beer, which makes me like, oh, just have,

just drink, like, who cares? What is an announcement, you know? But this is, this is that part where the parting friends are like trying to learn how to be together Where they're not just parting all the time and it's hard Sometimes you're like meeting each other for the first time the real use, you know Yeah, well, that was great and they're the three of them are in like it's it's it's a it's a funky situation because Craig is now he's sort of be pretty much sobering up because he Has a catch which is page and he also has like a successful business and he's sort of pretty much sobering up because he has a catch, which is Paige. And he also has like a successful business and he's smart.

Craig is not the smartest guy, but he's smart enough to know that he should eliminate the thing that's most likely to ruin everything. So he's basically, he's being thoughtful about how we should be living his life. Austin is just stuck in Austin land, but he is not yet a full-fledged alcoholic the way Shep is. So Austin just sort of, I think he wants to keep the party going, but he's sort of like in the middle. And then Shep is just like a disaster in desperate need of rehab. And so the three of them are in wildly different places. And it's strange to see and fascinating to see them like try to coexist as one,

as like one group of like social friends. So Craig's like, yeah, look, I mean, I hear you, that's fair, but the shit you did in Vegas, like you got so fucked up and you chose to do that and you put yourself in that position. He's like, but then you came back and you like doubled down on it and nobody would talk to me. Yeah, babe, you came back and you like doubled down on it and nobody would talk to me. Yeah, babe, you did this to yourself.

What can they say? And he won't. He just keeps on with the victim stuff. He's like, what do friends do? We used to talk all the time and you fucked it up. You like a nasty drunk. You're a mean, nasty drunk, like a rude, mean, nasty drunk. Why would people voluntarily put themselves in harm's way just because they're trying to help you? They tried to help you. It's

too late. It's over. Okay? This entire thing is so self-serving. I couldn't help but laugh. I was like, I cannot believe that this is his perspective. He comes away, a new enlightened Shep, this is his takeaway, is like, why weren't you there for me to yell at you? And he didn't even stop drinking or anything. He's like, I'm a changed man. So now I drink a little less and I go to the gym more. Wow. Wow. That's life-changing shit right there, Shep. So he's like, come on, Craig, we've known each other for 10 years. And how many times have you put Craig down, tried to ruin his everything, his relationships, everything he's got going on over this 10 years? You've been nothing but destructive, sir. Okay? You are lucky

you have this TV show, because that's the only reason you have any friends. You affected my work. My pillow work. Do you know that I tried to sew a circle pillow? That's how upset I was. It almost ruined my life. Do you know, do you know watching Shep try to walk a straight line really affected my desire to draw, do square pillows.

Because straight lines, crazy. I never shut the door on Shep until BravoCon and he had come in and like I instantly saw he was like a blacked out mess. I'm a business owner. I can't be associated with Shep's unhealthy behavior. I'm like, actually, you quite literally should be because when he passes out, he's gonna need a pillow.

So. If anybody's interested. He's really an influencer. It's Shep. It's a need a pillow. So if anybody's into it, it's Shep. He's really an influencer. It's great spokesman, sleepism for you. He's a perfect model for you, just always passed out. Drill-proof pillows.

So then Shep's like, you gotta be kidding me. The litany of things that crack has pulled over the years is quite extensive. I'm like, you can't even use a word without lit in it. Girl. Yeah. So now we get some of Craig's greatest hits for over the past many years.

We see Shep telling Craig that they're worried about him and Craig being like, yeah, no, I'm fine. Well, sometimes I just won't sleep for three days and then I'll sleep for 20 hours,, 20 hours, but like I'm fine Great it's it's a good reminder that Craig had some pretty pretty hardcore party days on this show Right, but those are past you know what I mean? Yeah, and especially when they're like 2014 you guys can't pull up 2014 things to use against each other now then another one was 2021 where he got coked out at dinner and screamed at Naomi.

But still, you know, it's not the point. It's really not the point. So Shep was like, for Craig to play the victim because of my actions, it doesn't really hit home for me. So I was like, Shep, dude, I mean, I didn't know if this was like, you were being like real or this, but like, you know, you just like wanted to make yourself seem cool. And Shep was like you were being like real or this but like you know

You just like wanted to make yourself seem cool. I was on the ropes Okay, yeah, but at that moment I made a choice and I was like you need to set a fucking boundary right now If this is gonna be sheps, you know behavior I was sitting a boundary Okay, and I also asked a girl out on a date the final relationship. I'm like a grown-up now chef. Yeah, I girl out on a date, to find a relationship. I'm like a grown up now, Shep. I didn't know I was such a pariah. You are. You are. You're an assaulty pariah, okay? According to the stories about you at BravoCon from the cast on the show. So he's like, I mean, this is all news to me. Sounds to me like you just don't see relationships the way I do. You see them with quadruple vision. Okay, you can't see straight.

And Craig's like, no, I just think you fucked up, you know? And then I've heard of bad nights you've had since New York. And he's like, oh, what? Sorry, I'm not perfect. So there he is. Every, every trophy line, every single one. So like, what do you think? I'm like a masochist and I'm gonna like

keep sticking around? Craig, this is Craig. Ring ring ring ring ring. Hello, Craig you're stupid. Love you babe. Craig, wait, Craig, did you tell Shep that you're not a masochist? Yeah.

Okay, good job chicken. So basically he's staying strong, right? But Shep's like, I did mess up, but it hasn't been pretty. I'm not perfect. And he's like, okay. So why would I stick around? For years I stuck around. And he's like, Craig, what do you mean? You're not doing me a favor. I'm not a charity. He's like, well, you're asking us to treat you like you are a charity. And he's like, no, I just want you to impart some of your journey. Here's their journey. Here's Craig's journey. Craig was fucking up. He almost got dumped and lost his entire life and his business partner probably almost stopped working with him. And then he cleaned up to keep it all. And now he's still clean. That's his journey. Do it. In the past year, I haven't been drinking and it changed everything for me and I'm happier and

healthier. And my relationship is so much better. Great job. Great job, Craig. I knew you could land that line. Page is just on the side, just typing out all his lines for the scene. So then, um, uh, then we see a flashback actually of last week, Craig is talking to page and he's like, I am where I am because I started to make a choice for my future self instead of my immediate self. And you were a huge part of that chicken.

I was the biggest part. Yeah, I was the biggest part of that stupid. Yeah, okay, the biggest part. I was the reason, I wasn't a part, I was the pie. I was the whole pie, I hate pie. Why I was the whole pie. God, I hate pie. Why am I talking about pie? Craig, don't ever bring up pie again. Okay, chicken.

I'll never bring up pie, chicken. What about chicken pot pie, am I allowed? No, Craig, all pies. No, that's disgusting. What even is that? Flour pie? It's disgusting. Put flour in the water and try to feed that to people?

Where do you live? I literally don't understand how people do things down in Charleston. Okay, get a salad. So, I just like, I love Craig having this like, this moment of introspection, but he ends it with the word chicken. Like I realized that in order for me to succeed

and for me to do well, I can't just think about what I want. I have to think about something larger, something bigger. I have to think about me and the people I love and the world around me, chicken." Yeah. So Craig's like, I needed to take a step back. And he's like, yeah, well, I think it's just communication. They communicated very clearly with you. Okay." And he's like, "'Yeah, well, I think it's just communication. They communicated very clearly with you.'" Okay, and he's like, "'Even if that lunch was like, this is how we feel

and we're gonna take a step back.'" They literally told you that in front of America. I could have used that. You're using too much, that's the point. I just wanna clarify that I did need to take a step back, but that's only because I finally took a vaccine. So made me walk backwards. Wasn't anything about you, Shep.

So basically, Craig goes to the kitchen and he breaks a chair first. And he's like, I don't know what's up with me breaking chairs. Maybe because everywhere you go has 900 year old chairs. Can we just get a chair? That's true. And yes, so they, so they go to the kitchen and Austin's like, wow, I'm definitely interested to hear what your journey's been and that, by the way, tell me about your ayahuasca. You know Austin can't say ayahuasca without like about at least half a cup of spit coming out of his mouth. That's just like not a word that's good for Austin's mouth.

Yeah. So Craig's like listening to them and kind of laughing because they're so ridiculous. And Shep's like, well, I know this is going to be raw. And then he goes pretty much as low as you can go to win somebody back. And he says that while he was on Ayahuasca, I had a vision of you and your sister who passed away. So, this is typical Shep going as low as possible to get what he wants and then he said, I can't believe you would ever ignore me, especially after the whole thing with Taylor. I was just so angry and hurt. But then the situation with your sister, it was just so emotional, but also raw and painful. And then a bunch of empathy and tears started flowing out of me for you because it's just so unimaginable for me. And I guess that's why you were treating me like that,

because you lost your sister. I forgive you. Are you fucking kidding me? How Austin is so stupid that he doesn't get up there, get up and walk out of there right fucking now. How dare you, sir? How dare you? And also, how dense is Shep to not realize

how Austin's behavior is directly tied to that trauma in his life? I mean, we give shit to Austin all the time, but we also pretty much know that this thing, this horrible tragedy in his life has massively caused arrested development for him. And so for Shep to only just realize this now and then to be like, I forgive you. I forgive you right now. Like, it just was like, it was so... It's gross. It was wild. I couldn't believe it. It's gross. It's pretty sad manipulation. And Austin's like, yeah, my therapist brings that up, you know, and she'll connect dots back to certain traumas in my life about it.

up, you know, and she'll connect dots back to certain traumas in my life about it. And then Austin's basically like, well, you know, I'm glad he had a vision about me because we're friends. Deep down, we're still friends. And then Shep goes, yeah, and also I had a vision of Taylor too. I was a bird. And so I took her into my nest and I fed her and I nourished her and I wanted her to become this majestic bird. But then, instead of being a bird that flew out of the nest and soared, she kept flying into windows and hurting her neck. Bam! Bam! Bam! And then some lady came out and said, Hey listen, I've tried to do insurance here, stupid bird, Stop floating in, hey bird, get a job. Get a job. I think that sounds like a pretty accurate representation

of Taylor as a bird. I think this vision sounds like it was a real one. He's like, oh, and then I showed the bird the Vietnam War by Ken Burns, and all she kept on doing was trying to fly out the window. I was like, no, part five is where it gets really interesting. Dude, I actually had a bird in my house, literally, that was flying into windows, exactly like you said.

Yeah, congratulations, it's called having windows. You're also being Taylor, so I guess they're just both like, yeah, we're both getting signs that Taylor's a bird that keeps banging into our windows. Ha ha ha. Meanwhile- Better find another child bird to torture for the next few years. Broken bird prophecies. And then Craig's just listening in from the kitchen while he's still looking for

salmon or something. He's like, these two are so fucking dumb. It's real brain trust over there. So now we cut over to Taylor, Molly and Rodrigo and his boyfriend, Tyler They're getting on the bus to go to the Carolina Cup. And JT is there. And JT is like, well, me and Taylor, our relationship now is fine. I think a true simp move would be a sort of distance myself or be cold because, you know, I didn't get what I wanted because, you know, he was in love I wanted because you know he was in love with her last year and he's like but no I'm not doing that it's just it's awkward we're just awkward. So basically Taylor's like whatever I don't care he's not the first loser who's tried

to bang me and not had a chance so whatever I'm going to be nice to him so he comes on they'll tease him about his cane and stuff and they make small talk and take the bus on, you know, take the party bus on the way out there. So Taylor's like, yeah, guests don't, they're asking Taylor about guests on. And she's like, he's my better half. We started hanging out last summer and he respects me like a human, not just a pretty girl. Like I'm not just a girl.

I'm like a girl with like flavored soda water with alcohol in it. Yeah, I'm sure that Gaston is really gonna be a gold star winner for you. Can't wait, can't wait. There will be no other shoe that will drop. None whatsoever. All the shoes are on.

Tied on firmly, no shoes are dropping. So then we go back to the farm and Craig is FaceTiming Paige and showing his outfit off. And she's like, oh my God, you look like your name is Chet and your dad's a real asshole. She's like, that's a compliment by the way. Okay, off to the Hamptons I go.

So then we go back to the bus and the bus has pulled over at a gas station cause I guess JT has to pee and then he comes back out and he has bought a whole bunch of canes, walking canes from the gas station cause it's like funny since he has a cane, everyone's gonna have a cane and

it'll be like hilarious because JT thought about this a week ahead of time and was like this will be hilarious on TV and it was just a natural natural moment for us all to witness but unfortunately for this douche when that happens is because someone's like oh my god you're sick with the cane I bought us all canes because we're going to walk in solidarity with you. You don't do it for everybody else. Yeah. I mean, of course you don't ask for it. And also like the having like a spring knee is, um, not a solidarity moment.

I think with people, I think like people be like, okay, here's a chair. You can put your foot up so they he gets all these these canes and he's like so I got three really long canes for the three boys and I'm gonna go up to Austin I'm gonna say hey are we all oh cane okay and then the three boys can have their tall canes and we can have our little canes and then and then and then We'll have a little we could do raise the canes up, you know, and then we can be like Yeah, Oh Christmas time. I hope you get to enjoy lots of candy canes And I'll be like, did you study economics? Did you enjoy that Keynesian economics?

Yeah, I go on. I go on. Yeah, he's so stupid and nobody laughs. But I do laugh at the friends because they're like, wow, you're like a Cain influencer. Someone's like, yeah, you start out only Cains. So then now we go to the Carolina Cup and people are like, great medicine comes. Look at that, Brad. It's like, wow. Look at that. It's like a tree, but it's made out. He's like, wow. Yeah, look at that, it's like a tree,

but it's made out of strawberries. Ain't that gorgeous? Wow. Yeah, it's sunny out here, ain't it Brett? Yeah. Wow, you're so handsome. You should talk less. Why aren't you talking?

Told me to. Shut up. Okay. So then Madison's like, some of them are sitting around and she's like, okay, let me drink out this bottle, okay? And I'll let you know, it's, you know what a pop artist would be if we became friends, Austin? And Austin's like, yeah, that'd be like me and JT

becoming best friends. He shows up in polka dot pants, which is really funny. And she's in a polka dot skirt. So he's like, whoa, we're twins. And she's like, don't start making fun of his cane and all that stuff okay he's like i'm not i'm just gonna make fun of i'm not gonna make fun of so much fucking injuries unless you know like he provokes me and then that'll do it she's like well what if he takes that cane and hits you and he's like it hits me with it i mean i don't know he did hit you, which was a pretty alpha move

for a beta, okay? So I wouldn't put it past him. So now the bus, they're talking about Austin too and how he has a girlfriend now. And Taylor's like, wait a minute, they're actually dating. And Rodrigo's like, oh yeah, we went to Hilton Head with Austin and Audrey. And that was last summer.

And Leva's like, wait a minute, I'm Leva, and this is why I'm on the show. Last summer he was dating her? Well, I know a whole bunch of girls that said that they're dating Austin, and it's been between last summer and now. So it's like, don't, don't, don't, Austin's still a cheater. What a shocker. JT's like, hearing don't don't Austin still a cheater. What a shocker

JT's like hearing that Austin still doing his dirty-ass shit shirt in his new relationship I want to shake him and be like if you want to fuck around just be upfront about it and with Austin I feel like honestly honestly is just strictly an impossibility like Canes in a in a Goodwill store. I don't know. I got to work on it. I got to work on it. I'm sure. I'd like him to be honest for once, but he just can't. Um, so then we go to the Carolina cup again and Brett's like, wow, I looked it up. There's only two tracks in all the USS and all the us who don't do gambling. This is one of them crazy. How do they even make any money here if they can't take bets? Madison's like tickets stupid.

Hey, hold on a second. I'm going to call page. Hey page. I just called Craig stupid. Good. Let me do it. Craig stupid Good job girl. Miss you Thanks chicken so Good job, girl. Missy. Thanks, chicken. So everyone is getting off the bus. Everyone is like, oh, this is nice. I mean, they like go into like a tent or something like that. And, you know, Taylor says she likes Austin's polka dots. And then Molly hugs Craig.

It's like Molly and I only knew each other online. So our sex thing like didn't even count. And he says we never even hooked up in person or anything, but it does. only knew each other online, so our sexting didn't even count. And he says, we never even hooked up in person or anything, but it doesn't feel weird. It's all in the past. Paige thinks it's so funny. Paige, don't you think Molly's funny? I wanna kill her, Craig.

I wanna kill her. I wanna put her head on a stick. Ha ha, yeah. So now JT starts passing out canes, and's kind of groaning because it's not great. And he's like, I'm gonna get this over with. What's up, handsome canes? And he walks to the guys and he's like, let's not mess around. Just get it over with. And Craig's like, dude, are you good? Are you good? And so he gives them canes and he's like, after my near-death experience,

I was a little harsh on you during the extra season Austin But I'm happy as hell for you brother that you got a girlfriend. So I got something for you a cane Which is also taller than me and I didn't realize that until I'm giving it to you right now, but still hope you enjoy it Well, you're not gonna beat me with this. No, I'm not fine with you This is your cane because you've turned over a new leaf Okay water under the Costa Rican put your sauce in Costa Rica. I got my injury God, it's just like I'm really just kind of taking over pop culture right now. I kind of get that feeling Did Shep go to Costa Rica for the ayahuasca? I

Don't know where he went for the ayahuasca. He Probably just went to Gwyn's Just rolling around in the men's section. He's just under a freeway. It's at Thomas Ravinell's house. So Austin's like, he's fucking weirdo. He did, he went to Costa Rica and did Ayahuasca, I just looked it up.

Why is everybody going to Costa Rica? It's the new Tulum. going to Costa Rica? It's the new Tulum. So JT's like, well, have a great day. Make some money at the stables. All right, dogs. We're we're a chef. And I was like, well, I mean, what do you say that? Oh, sure. Okay, good stuff. I mean, JT, it's, he's never gonna be accepted by these guys. They just barely let him in. He's an outsider. He's not wealthy. He didn't do the genuflection that Craig did for years and years and years. And he's fucked it up.

He will... But he's also just a poser. Like he comes in and he tries to start fights with people and chest bump them and bow at them just to have moments. And they're like, whatever, whatever newbie. This is not your show, but nice try buddy. Yeah. So, then a car alarm.

Patricia and Whitney arrive. So, Vanita sees that Birkin and she's like, that Birkin is 50 grand. And then Molly is like, who does Pat have with her? Is that Whitney's date? Great, I need a drink. And we see this pale little 20, what we find out is a 22 year old that Whitney's brought

along, the 56 year old Whitney has brought along. Class. Yeah. Classy. Whitney's like, hey baby, how you doing tonight? Huh? Keep it great. You've been working out? Is this a walking stick? Like, what the hell? Mother, did you see this walking stick?

And Craig is like, JT gave them to everyone. We look ridiculous. So Molly's like, so is that your date? And he's like, yeah, that's my date. And Molly's like, yeah, I had no idea he was bringing someone, but I mean, I don't really message him and ask him about every single thing that he does.

So, and so she's telling Vanita, one minute he's like have my babies and the next minute he's out with a 22 year old. Like, I mean, what the hell? Yeah, you're gonna have his babies and he will still be dating the 22 year olds. What are you not understanding, Molly? Can someone bring her up to date? Why does every woman want to date this toxic dump of a man, not just Whitney, all of them. Every man on the show. Well, Whitney's worth hundreds of millions of dollars,

so I think that's the why I'm the Whitney. And he controls this show, so I mean, I can kinda get that one. But I'm saying all the men, they're all just like toxic dump disasters. They're just, every single one of them has so much baggage, and they, Craig is the one who's shown the most promise. Maybe he's, maybe he's graduated from the toxic dump at this point, but between

Austin, Shep and Whitney, like why? There's a big pool. There's a big pool. Why do you keep going back to these three people? And Molly's like, well, that girl seems nice, but she does seem kind of tired and low energy. She looks like she needs a B vitamin for one thing. I mean, the girl is pale as hell. She looks like she's been out and she looks like a kitten that's been let out in the rain, okay? Can we just send the girl home wherever that may be? Has she been trafficked?

Where did they find this girl? She looks like she was just break dancing to Lana Del Rey or something. So Austin is like, he's like, well, I thought you said hey to Taylor. And she was like, no, gosh, I haven't. Should I go over there? I mean, have you was like, no, gosh, I haven't. Should I go over there? I mean, have you said hey to everybody?

No, I haven't. I've been having visions of saying hello, but I haven't done it actually in reality. Ha! So, um, Roderick goes like, okay, say hi, just don't be a fucking weirdo about it. He's like, of course, hi, Taylor, it's me, say help. And she's like, oh, hi, Taylor, it's me, help.

And she's like, oh, nice little Rose, referring to a little pin on his suit, and he goes, I know, it's a double entendre. Is that too big of a word for you? Does anybody have a window pane that she can bang her head against? What? Sorry, course. I brought you some bird feed. What?

Oh God, I forgot, we're not in my vision anymore. So Vanita is, Vanita's like, I didn't know roses and thorns talk to each other. Okay, so then Shep is like. I mean, she's trying, I guess. I haven't seen you since December when I built a bird house for you. She's like, I know. I thought we might you since December when I built a bird house for you. She's like, I know.

I thought we might run into each other somewhere around town, or you might run into my window because you're a bird. And he's like, I even texted you and I think you, ah. And she goes, oh, did you? He goes, yeah, I think you blocked me.

She goes, oh, maybe. Yeah, I guess maybe. She goes, he's sorry. And then she tells us, yes, I blocked shit. And he's like, I mean, it was a really nice text. Maybe you can read it sometimes. She's like, yeah, I don't. He goes, oh, okay, it's okay. Okay, then. Yeah, it's okay. So you're gonna read it right now? I don't. Okay, fine. So you're unblocking me right now? I don't. Great, so I'm unblocked. can't wait to text ya.

We actually have a, we actually got a copy of the text and it says, Taylor, I've been doing a lot of thinking and I know I wasn't the best boyfriend to you, but in my moment of need, where were you? Where were, why didn't you come have sex with me when I needed you most? So Taylor's like, I don't need to have him in my life. I'm on the show now. I don't need him anymore.

And now I have a new boyfriend to be with on this show. Sorry storyline, you're over sucker. I found a new way to humiliate myself. I'm dating someone named Gaston. I no longer need Chip. So he's like, okay, okay, okay, good. Okay, good. good to see ya. Good to see you.

I guess there's a chance, huh? So she's like, yeah, I'm in a new relationship, so I'm gonna respect those boundaries. Just leave us alone, please. Dun, dun, dun. So now Madison, Brett, and JT are sitting on the couches, and Madison's like, so, little beta man, long are we going to milk this cane thing for? It's getting real old.

And he's like, oh, come on. He's like, let me email God real quick. And I'll let me ask him, aren't you happy I didn't die? She's like, I think all beta should die. So now Molly's like, is that a raspberry macaron? Don't touch it. I'm a macaron whore. These are done well and they're fresh.

I love it. A model obsessed with food. I'm in. I'm into this storyline. Okay, so Madison goes to sit with Patricia, who is visited by a couple more gays. And then JT's like, oh, wait, is that Miss Pat? Oh, damn. I'm going to go over there.

Hey, Miss Pat, I bought this cane for you. She's like Yeah Mmm, if you're gonna do that, you've got at least say hey miss Pat I've been giving everyone canes cuz I've got a cane. So here's one for you Anyway, I basically was just saying bad joke Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't give that. Don't give, don't make jokes about canes to your elders.

Yes. And she's like, I'm genuinely offended. Wait, she's like, I'm genuinely offended. What's next? A wheelchair? And Vanita's like, yeah, you don't give a woman past a certain age of cane. Oh my God, I wish he had passed this through me like he does almost everything else. And Patricia's like, stupid gift. So, I'm just glad Georgette Meissenberger wasn't here to see this. She would have had the entire, the entirety of Poland turns against that little person. but I had the entirety of Poland turns against that little person. So she, Patricia is not happy about this.

It's very offensive. She's like, she says she's genuinely offended and she's like, I'm gonna go. So JT's like, you know. But also it's funny that nobody in the cast was even like, oh my God, he's doing that because he gave everybody a cane, because he has a cane. No one even tried to save him. They were just like, LOL, you idiot.

And he didn't try to save himself. Like he didn't, first of all, he should have been the first one to save himself. But second of all, no one tried to help him. No one tried to clarify. So she just is like, oh wow. So you're just giving me a can because I'm old. Got it. Thanks. So he's like, no, you know, I'm not a mind reader, but there's some coldness in the air. I think maybe we're missing the point here a little bit. It definitely doesn't feel like Costa Rica, am I right? That's a thing now, right?

Right? Here's the thing about the South. Everyone can be huge, lovely, kissy cheeky, but then that's just surface. And then there's layers beneath it. No, there's not layers beneath it You were a fucking rude asshole and she treated you like a rude asshole and walked away. What are you not understanding? No one's being fake with you here Yeah, and I guarantee this is gonna lead to his downward spiral

Which is like him being like whoa like like everyone thinks I'm an asshole It was just a joke and now everyone's accusing me of being an asshole Well, you should have like made a better joke if you have to explain your joke, then you made a bad joke. Oh, yeah, we see that the entire season's plot for him is that he calls Patricia a bitch for this and is called out on it and starts spinning out of control denying that he ever called her a bitch. That's his whole storyline for the whole season. That's some funny shit. So yeah, that's basically what we happen.

We see the coming months and everybody fighting and going crazy and that's, JT is not looking good for JT, you know? Nope, but you know, it's nice to have Southern Charm back. It's always a fun time and you know. Get some rage out on douchebags. Yeah, exactly. Fun times.

Well everybody, thanks so much for being with us. This was great. If you wanna watch these on video, join us at Patreon. It's also where you will be finding all of our bonus episodes, including Sold on SLC, which is up now and will be the next few weeks on Patreon exclusively. Also, go get tickets for the Mass hysteria tour.

We start in next month, really, in January. So it's coming right up. Go to watchwhatcrappens.com to get your tickets. That's also where you find tickets for the Golden Crappies, which are on Broadway this year at the Town Hall in New York City. So we are so excited for that. It's gonna be big musical extravaganza. So plan on coming out there for that. It's going to be a big musical extravaganza.

So plan on coming out there for that. And we love you guys. We'll talk to you next time. Bye. Bye. Watch what crap ins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto.

Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney. Put your hands together for Carly Clap! Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offit! Dana C, Dana Do! Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-lis! Jamie, she has no less name-y! You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones! Hava Nagila Webber!

Know your worth with Jason Kurtz! Zip some scotch with Jessica Trotch! She's our favorite streamer Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Rigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets a name from us, it's Lindsay Dee. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Always killing it, it's Lola Alcolani. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg. Have a heck of a time with Rebecca. The highest tally, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg. Have a heck of a time with Rebecca.

The highest tally, it's Sarah McNally. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. The Bay Area Betches, Betches. And our super premium sponsors. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neil. Don't get gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Kaitlyn O'Neal. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper.

Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish, it's Jen Plish. She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony. Junie, my favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. We love him madly, it's Kyle Pod Shadley. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender.

She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthi. The incredible, edible Matthews Sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose. Give him hell, Miss Noelle. Ring that bell, pour Rachel. She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke. Shannon out of a cannon, Anthony. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Coutar.

We love you guys. If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members Wondry app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.