Watch What Crappens - #2655 RHOP 0911: Virgin Lagoon

Episode Date: December 16, 2024

The Real Housewives of Potomac is all about a couple’s lagoon party, which is…new. If you were dying to know more about Karen and Ray’s sex life, now’s your chance! CONGRATS. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Sold on SLC bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Watch What Crappens! Watch What Crappens! Guess what happens when there's so much that crappens! Ronnie, how are you? Good. How are you doing today on this Real Housewives of Potomac day? I'll tell you one thing. Today, I'm defying gravity because I finally watched Wicked. It took me forever to get to see it because I was traveling, but I finally watched it. And of course, I loved it. And I've been singing that song.

I listened to that song like 10 times in a row yesterday. I was making cookies, listening to the song, on the verge of tears for no good reason. I mean, there's nothing more embarrassing than mixing together sugar and flour and semi-crying to define gravity at the same time. And I was like, why am I crying? I was right there with you. At the end, I was like, wow!

I was wooing and cheering like a crazy person. And they don't woo in Texas, okay, for a movie. But you just hear this dude in the back like, yeah! I'm walking around to rant. I'm like going up to potted plants going, so if you care to find me, look to the western sky. I'm like, my plants can't speak if they were.

They'd be like, we need to no longer be in a gay man's household. I know. Tom Sandoval's girlfriend came out like, Tom Sandoval cheated on me, all this stuff, which we will talk about tonight on Crappy Hour. But that, I mean, everything, it's like it comes out and I'm like, I hope you're happy.

I hope you're happy now. Happy now. It's like singing show tunes at people. Thank you, Wicked. Well, today is Real Housewives of Potomac Day. It's also Crappy Hour Live, which happens every other Monday at 5.30 Pacific time over on YouTube Live. Just find us on YouTube.

It's also where you can stream our videos a week after they're released. If you want them fresh, get them on patreon.com slash watch what crappens. It's also where our bonus episodes are. Right now they are the new Bravo show sold on SLC recaps. This will be our last Crappy Hour of the year. So join us, okay?

It's gonna be so fun. Lots of stuff to talk about. Also we're going on tour. We start in January in San Francisco is our big opening show. We're so excited to be back in San Francisco. Go get your tickets. Also the Golden Crappy Awards are February 1st

in New York City on Broadway, speaking of Broadway. So we're psyched for that. Go get your tickets for that. And all of our dates are up. They're not all linked yet. Like we're missing some links, but they are all announced over at watchwhatcrappens.com. So go buy your tickets.

We're supposed to get some ticket links this week for some of the cities. So we'll of course announce that from the mountaintops when that happens. So just stay tuned. Yes, okay. Welcome to the Real Housewives of Potomac, buddy. It's the Blue Lagoon, the Lagoon episode.

The Love Lagoon. Ooh. Yeah love lagoon. Yeah, very exciting. So the episode opens up with Mia, Jeremiah and Juju. They are at an obstacle course. It's kind of like an indoors ropes course, and they are tangling with various contraptions and rope bridges. It's kind of like a low-stakes squid games. Like squid games if you don't die,

which I guess is just any rope scores, but that's what they're doing. Squid games, it looked very easy to me. I mean, they were walking, it was for kids, so they were walking across like bridges. It wasn't just a rope, you know? But Mia's like, I don't know. I also like that Mia wore a kind of like workout leotard thing

that just carefully featured her tramp stamp. Like she really bought one that really just showcases that one spot on her lower back. I was like, you know, there was nothing like, just really featuring that tramp stamp on a kid's day. Like kids dig out. Yeah, she this was all for bonding, you know, and she says, the children obviously know what's going on between me and Gordon and our divorce

and or separation, but I also want them to know that their voice was heard and their opinions matter. I'm like, except they weren't, because last week the kids were like, don't marry Mr. Ink, stay with daddy, and why do we have so many apple crates in this household? Yeah, yeah, she didn't listen to shit. So Jeremiah's my favorite, because he's like, well, you know what? If you fall, we'll survive,

but you're probably gonna be in a coma. She's like, whaa? He's like, yeah, but at least we'll all be in a coma together. Like, at least now we're not just waiting for Dad to fall into one. He's like, the family will be inside the hospital. He's like, oh, God. It's like, this kid's gonna keep his family together no matter what. I love that poor Jeremiah is just like, growing up with Gordon as a dad, he's like been preparing for a parent

to be in a coma for years now. He's just like seen it as, he's just seen it as an inevitability. So dark, sorry. They're just doing it. Wow. Jeremiah's very quirky. I was like, he's thought a lot about comas, this kid.

Well, maybe he's seen a lot of soap operas. That's a common trope. He lives in one. He lives with these two people. I never said I was the best mother in the world, but give me some credit for trying, okay? So she's like, yeah. So Jeremiah's like, well,

I can tell you're never gonna do this again, but once you find out you're alive when you get to the end, then maybe you'll do it again if you really are alive and you didn't slip into a coma and are just dreaming in a world where you think you're alive. Can you hear me? Daddy, walk towards me.

Don't go towards the light. Oh my God, jeez. I feel like this is also what Mia told herself the first time she had sex with Gordon. Like, well, I'll probably never do this again. But if I get through it, maybe I will. So they do this, then we go over, she makes it through. So she made it. Yay. So then we got a lunch with Stacey, Giselle, Karen.

Eating at our favorite place, the Fig and Olive. Fig and Olive. Yeah, I hadn't thought about Fig and Olive. I'm so glad that you highlighted that. I was like, oh, they're going to Fig and Olive. I remember one time I went to Fig and Olive here in Los Angeles. I got invited to it and I sat at a table with Renny from Big Brother. It was like an opening party. So we're like Lionel Richie was there and like I was sitting with like

Reni and then some other random reality star and Reni got drunk. You would have loved hanging out with Reni because she was drunk and she would just say doll every five seconds like pass me the bread doll. All right. Yeah, they say now I was great on big brother. They're gonna give me another TV show. I was like, uh, it's a wonderful moment for me. Anyway, um, we are here at Fagan Olive. And Stacy tells us when I joined this group, Karen said that this was about sisterhood and I feel like Giselle has this outer shell to protect her from people, but inside she's soft and cuddly and we're going to be besties. I was like,

um, she does have a shell on the outside to protect her from people, because on the inside are spikes. She's protecting people from her. Yeah, she's not protecting people. She's wearing one of those... really, like, five feet tall things that cops use to go into crowds and just beat everybody down. What are they called, like, batten boards?

You know what I'm talking about? Like the life-size shields that when they go into riots, they like start stamping their shields and then they knock people down and stuff. That's what she's covered in. It's offensive. It's not to protect herself, it's to hurt others, okay? So, Terrence like says hello and everything.

She's like, how have you been? She goes, oh, I am good, thank you. I've just been chasing after Bella. She is swimming and winning every race. And we see that Arabella is swimming. She's like at swim meets and everything. And she's just like a killer butterfly and brushstroke and freestyle demon.

So they order food and Karen orders a burrata and so does she. And then the waiter's like, oh, do you guys want two burrata's or do you wanna share? And Karen goes, hmm. I think Stacy should share my burrata. And she's like, oh my God, Karen, thank you. Thank you so much.

I have been invited to share a burrata with Karen Huger. This is a huge moment and it verifies this idea that this is a sisterhood, a sisterhood of the traveling burrata. So Karen's just so proud of herself. Look at me, doing good deeds just to prove I don't only drive drunk, I also do things for people that need soft cheese

that doesn't taste like much. What is this strange line that's in the middle of the berata? Oh, that's my tire mark. I may have driven over it by accident, but you know, it was a tough time for me. Very tough time. It's actually not a berata at all.

I hit Michael in the parking lot and just served him on the plate. It's just some of his pale whiteness. Floppy ass Michael makes his return as a barata. I suffered some of his whiteness. So they make small talk about TJ and all that, and she's like, oh, TJ's doing so great. He'll be coming back from LA for the love lagoon.

And we see him working in LA. She's like, he's on ER today. And he's like, hey, I'm on ER today or whatever it is. Not ER, Grey's Anatomy. That show is still on? It is. Has it been 20 years? How long has that show been on?

I don't know, but that's a lot of singer-songwriter music. They've voiced it on this world. That's a lot. Like every time on that show, it's like, we're about to lose a patient. Then all of a sudden you hear like a guitar. My aphid broke. My aphid broke. Sorry, my Glock was singing about Afibs. The eyes of the Afib. All right, so I was like, what are we doing at this party, Karen?

Why is it called the Love Laguna? And we see the invite. Karen and Ray's Love Laguna, you and your special someone are invited to join us for some fun in the sun and also 20 minutes of editors getting to their sexy music. I hate love parties. I'm sorry. Listen, I love this season.

I think the season is a total rebound for me. I've been enjoying every episode. But like a thing that I don't like on The Real Housewives is when the couples all get together and play games where they talk about how much sex they are having and what they do in the bedroom. It's not that I'm a prude. I just don't find it interesting. Like it's just, it doesn't move the needle on any storyline. It's just one. To me, this is like, okay, everyone, we're going to give the producers a day off. Let's just like do something simple and we can put some graphics on screen.

I'm not coming from a place of hating. I'm just saying in general, when we talk about certain tropes that we don't like vaginal rejuvenation cryo, whatever, which we haven't seen in a while. Never have I ever. Throwing the axes. Yeah. It's like when the couples get together and answer questions or they hold up signs, like I didn't like it on Salt Lake City either. But luckily with Salt Lake City, it was very quick and it led to drama very quickly. But like when there's like 15 minutes of it, just not my favorite thing.

So I'm already kind of like, well, it's especially funny with Karen because you know, Ray's not, Ray and Karen aren't fucking like, that's pretty clear. And I mean, come on. And Karen's been cheating for years and everybody knows it. There have been rumors for years. So the fact that Karen's like, let's get together and talk about our sex lives is just. OK, just have just call it my vagina still works party. We'll all buy you a candle and just be done with it.

Why do I have to sit through it? I don't care if your vagina works. I literally do not care. I don't care. If you want to hear about me and my FUPA and our journey, nobody wants to hear it. And I guarantee you, if I started going off about it on this show,

we would immediately lose hundreds of viewers and listeners. Nobody wants to hear it. And I guarantee you, if I started going off about it on this show, we would immediately lose hundreds of viewers and listeners. Nobody wants to hear it. And I don't blame you. I don't even like to see it, okay? I get mad coming out of the shower. People may want to hear about the FUBA. I don't know, I also have never seen or I've noticed,

I don't know if this is something that happens in real life. Maybe people can tell me, but is this something that couples do? Like you go to someone's house and then you all answer like couples jokes about like, like what's your favorite position? And like, are you dumb and are you submissive? I just have never I've never been invited to a night like that. And I don't think I'd want to go either because I don't think it's anyone's business. But also it's just like, I just don't think it's interesting to me. But then again, I'm also someone who loves playing board games and people look at me like I've got five heads

when I talk about my board game collection. So I guess every pot has a lid. Yeah, and a fupa, but you know, nobody wants to hear about the fupa part. Okay, that's just it. Every fupa has a belt. Yeah. So yeah, I mean, I love having sex.

I just don't want to, and I don't even mind talking about sex. I just don't want to hear about yours. That's my thing. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, I love having sex. I just don't want to, and I don't even mind talking about sex, I just don't want to hear about yours. That's my thing. Yeah. I'm a prude. I'm not a prude for myself, I'm a prude for everyone else in the world, okay?

Yeah. So Karen's like, well, my love team parties are meant to talk about love, sex, happiness, sadness, joy, pleasure, not pleasure, running, joy, pleasure, not pleasure, running, walking, tiles, wood, water, soda, bricks, concrete, clay. Wow, you're doing great. We're all glad you're back, Karen.

We're all glad you're back with your love lagoon, okay? Yes, exactly, love lagoon. And Karen's like, there'll be libations. You'll have a full bar, I mean, not full bar, but, Love Lagoon. And Karen's like, there'll be libations. You'll have a full bar. I mean, not full bar, but because I don't want anyone getting lit, but you'll have a bar. And Gisele's like, I want to get lit-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y I'm not be getting lit because I'm going through so much. That's where I crashed into a median because it was too much for me.

What Rey did that caused me to crash into the grass, the road and the clay and the rocks and the monopoly board games and such. So Stacey's like, oh my God, I hope there's games because I'm so competitive. We're gonna win so many games. And so Giselle immediately just starts giving her the third degree about this guy.

Does he work here? What does he do? How big is it? When are you gonna have sex with him? Why don't you have sex? Why aren't you having sex with him? So they both tell her like, drop this guy, he's a loser, go get dicks, lots and lots of dicks, you know?

And Karen's like, what do you like? She goes, well, I do what I like. Well, what is that? Well, I really like T.J. Oh, Jesus. Hopeless. Giselle's like, well, we want you to have more penises. Penises. Where's it called? Peni. And she's like, oh, my God, Giselle, stop it.

And they're asking, like, how long have you known TJ? And Stacey says she's known him for about a year. And Karen's like, well, girl, nobody knows nobody in a one year. Yeah, they're just not buying this whole, like, well, I'm a virgin. And we're being virginal. And she's like, well, you've known each other for a year,

nobody knows each other in a year. I mean, don't be looking for your connection in the church because those men are looking for a connection too, for a woman, you know what I'm saying? I just, they go to church on a Sunday. I guess she's telling her, go to church, keep going to church, but keep looking for men, you know? And then, sorry, go ahead.

And she sounds like, my husband found plenty of ass in church. He's still doing it and he's the leader of it. So. Exactly. And Karen, so Giselle's like, well, if he ain't getting it from you, he's getting it from someone. I'm just here to tell you that.

And Stacy goes, oh, why would you say that? He is an actor on Grey's Anatomy. He has a very important role where he says, there's a phone call for you on line three. That's pivotal. Of course he's not going to be cheating. He takes his role and his sex life very seriously. One person in a place that is not going to cheat is an actor in Los Angeles, California. It would never happen. Just because he's across the country where no one knows where he is or who he is, and just because he's in the entertainment industry where there are famously non-attractive people in it, it doesn't mean that he's going to cheat.

So, Karen's like, oh, he's got a whole life in LA. I'm just saying, I'm sipping now. Hold on, let me just process that. And then they, it's also like, we can leave her alone now. So then Stacy's like, why are you guys looking at your watches all of a sudden? They came to Virgin Shane, and now they're out of here, you know? Yeah. They literally, Karen goes, well, it's time to go, because you and now they're out of here, you know? Yeah. They literally care and goes, well, it's time to go because you're a lost cause.

So, so I talked to a wall. You're not getting dick on purpose. I'm going to go back to not getting dick on accident and go see my husband. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crap-ins commercial. Hello, ladies and germs, boys and girls, The Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with his The Grinch Holiday Podcast. After last year, he's learned a thing or two about hosting,

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So now, there, Wendy goes to a place called Curated by Cecilia, which, by the way, whatever happened to our... I just suddenly blanked on her name. Our sweet, sweet Vivian. What happened to Vivian? Vivian has a boutique. Suddenly we're not shopping at Vivian's boutique anymore, we're going to Curated by Cecilia. I don't know who this Cecilia bitch is. Get me Vivian, okay?

Yeah, I thought Vivian was like super excited to be a friend of and they were like, oh my God, look who we got. We nailed Vivian. We finally got Vivian. We booked her everybody. And it was like, oh my God, you got Vivian. We got Vivian on the show.

Vivian took like two episodes and she was like, I'm not doing this anymore. She's doing this anymore. These people are nuts. She's like, I've got a chic little haircut and I'm not gonna waste it on these idiots. Totally. So, women start showing up to this boutique. I guess they're getting free clothes, which is why the entire cast shows up.

And... Basically, no one knows. It's a Wendy party, so people are like, why are we doing this? Does anybody know why Wendy has brought us here today? And guess what it is? Hi everybody. Remember last week when it was my 40th birthday? I'm like, are you fucking kidding me with this?

We had another party to announce that it was your 40th birthday. I know. So yeah, so people are showing up because people because she tells everyone she's like, come to this come to this shop on Thursday. There's big news. And just I'll go just I'll text back. Another birthday party. So they are they're gathering. Mia is wearing her blonde her new blonde look. And so when he's like, All right, Mia Targaryen.

Mia is wearing her blonde, her new blonde look. And so Wendy's like, all right, Mia Targaryen. So Ashley, they're just all gathering and they're just sort of chatting back and forth. And I'm a little lost in their banter. I can't tell what's a flashback and what's not a flashback. They're just all- No, they're talking about the love again. And Ashley tells them she's dating Beavis

and Jacqueline comes and then she's like, oh, we haven't seen Jacqueline for a while, right? And Jacqueline's like, well, I know I was not invited to a lot of y'all's events, but okay, who cares? I mean, I know you wouldn't want to invite the most popular person here, but whatever. I'm not insecure about it. Does anybody have a camera?

You should put this on Instagram, tag me. Number one friend, Tamiya. So now Wendy addresses everyone. I think this is actually what you were saying before. I may have gone backwards, You should put this on Instagram. Tag me. Number one friend to Mia. So now Wendy addresses everyone. I think this is actually what you were saying before. I may have gone backwards, but Wendy is like, hello ladies. No, I jumped forward.

So I was like, this party should be over now. Let's just, let's jump to Wendy at the end of the episode. And then the credits rolled. Just kidding. That was the end. I think you had the right instinct, because literally I backtracked just so that way I could then announce on the podcast that I was lost in the notes that I could have just

gone forward from. That was my fault. I did it. Guys, we're so sorry to each other. It was fine. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So Wendy's like, hello ladies.

It was worth it. It was worth every lie I told. Well, sorry for shit. This podcast is about sisterhood. So as you know, I have recently entered a new chapter in my life, Chapter 40, and everyone here has something going on in their life. So I was thinking that we could do a liberation celebration in Panama. And everyone's like, woo! But secretly they're all like, Panama.

They're like Panama. Panama. Everybody's like, is that a thing? Isn't there canal clogged? I'm going to go there. Listen, I'm sure Panama is wonderful, but it's just. Oh, I'm sure it's beautiful. I don't think anyone was expecting Panama. You just don't hear that. You just don't hear that much on Fast Five.

Guess where we're going, ladies. Panama. Are we hiding something? What are we, are we hiding some cash? Like what do we do? Are we there to buy some Tommy Bahama hats? Like what else is there? Then they start interviewing people.

We used to get interviews with people's reactions and Ashley's like, I'm very excited to go to Panama. I mean the Panama Canal, hello. I didn't see it in person. I was like, was that on your bucket list to see the Panama Canal? I really want to see a lot of Amazon shipments trying to get through.

Are you talking about Amazon, or do you think the Amazon is in Panama? Because it's not. She is. Yeah. Their reactions were all pretty funny. Kieran is like, well, Panama's not really my style. She is. Yeah. Their reactions were all pretty funny. Karen is like, well,

Panama's not really my style. I like big Europe cities. Oh, OK. Do you? OK. I like big Europe cities. Sorry. Sorry, Panama. Only big Europe cities for me. But you know, they probably all were thinking that, right?

Because you know, Karen is like, I like somehow for no good reason, I wound up with a champagne flute. I became a real housewife. I'm only on about five, like one scene per episode. And I don't seem to interact with other people. I don't seem to have a lot of scenes with other people, but like I'm finally on this show and I get my first cast trip is the Panama. I wanted to go to Paris. I get my first cast trip is to Panama.

I wanted to go to Paris. I would be bummed too. Yeah. So now they start talking about the love lagoon and Mia's like, well, I thought about inviting Jacqueline. She's my lesbian lover because Jacqueline's not invited. And so she's asking people's opinions and they're like, Karen's gonna kill you.

When he's like, Karen's gonna be mad as hell. Have fun, have fun with that. So she goes up to Karen's like, Karen, I have a question for you. Do not try and get me to blow into another straw Mia. It's not funny. Mm-hmm. Mio's like, well, I know that your invite says bring a special someone and I know that

you asked me to bring Gordon, but he can't make it and then can't make it either. Oh, yes, because you have to be a certain height in order to get on the plane. No. And that's not a thing. Anyone can get on a plane. But anyway, I wanted to know if maybe I could bring no no, no, I'm just gonna say no right now. No, Cameron already knows, no Jacqueline. But also Mia is saying the reason that ink can't come

is because he's getting honored with an award. Oh, okay, okay. Why are people getting awards literally every week on this show? What is going on? It's just desperate for fucking events to charge people $100 a dinner for. What's going on over there? How could Wendy plan this cash trip at the same time as the Pulitzers?

I mean, that is just so wild. So Karen's like, don't do this to me. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. Now listen, I'm pouring into Karen. May that mean that I'm drinking out of Karen. I'm somehow falling down in the street, which I don't really understand why that happened. I'm not drinking.

So I just admitted to drinking, didn't I? I demand a recount. Objection. Stop pouring into yourself, Karen, is what got you into this mess in the first place. I know I was waiting for the no pun intended, but it never came. She's like, I am doing unbelievable things to be incredible. I like to say I am DUI-ing. And right now, I don't have time for Jacqueline. Now listen, my home is my peace.

My peace is my home. My home is my peace. So let me pour into me. And she's like, me asking me if Jacqueline come to my house after the horrible things that Jacqueline said about me. And then we see flashbacks of just her saying not that much, just that she had called her drunk,

which I mean, I wouldn't have liked that either, but Mia has said way worse and she gets to go. Yeah. Mia this season was like, well, Karen had an opioid addiction and she's gonna be, has to go to rehab because she also went to the, she also went to a foreign country and slaughtered five people and also killed the last rhinoceros

in Bangor. Sorry, that was me with the opioid addiction. But the rhino and the murdering of people was true. That was all true. People blamed that dentist for Cecil the lion. It was Karen. I have to say it. I have to say it. So then Mia's like,

well, are you okay? Like I'm so lonely. And she's like, absolutely Mia, of course. So then Karen's like, they better not try me. It's bitches. So then Mia's telling Jacqueline, Karen's like, they better not try me. It's bitches. So then Mia is telling Jacqueline,

okay Jacqueline, I did ask Karen right over there. I don't know if you heard anything. It was a shoulder, you know, one shoulder away from you. And I said, can Mia come? Because Mia's so nice. And I promise you she's dressing better now that I helped her. Today's not a good example.

But can she come? And she said, no, her. Today's not a good example. But can she come?" And she said, no, no. That's right. I said no because I'm pouring into myself. So, um, he was like, it's her home and she doesn't want any negative energy in her home, you know, aside from the fact that she's inviting the entire cast, which will be full of inevitably terrible energy. Anyway, sorry you're left out.

So of course Jacqueline's like, well, I mean, who cares? I don't want to go. Why would I want to go to what Panama? Where even is that? And you know what? I'm good. And I don't feel wrong in any way, in any fashion.

So I'm not going to extend any olive branch towards Karen. So there, so there everybody, you're just going to have to deal with it. I refuse to go to Panama any olive branch towards Karen. So there, so there everybody, you're just going to have to deal with it. I refuse to go to Panama. There I said it. I will not go. And I wouldn't go anyway because I scheduled a block of time at Color Me Mine.

I will be painting clay. And so I think I kind of am the winner in this situation. And so then Stacy goes, by the way, store owner, someone said that I asked for a thong. Should I get a thong? And then people are just talking about going to Panama and everything and Jacqueline's asking about like, does Wendy have any happy Eddie for the trip, et cetera?

I don't know, maybe you should check the rules about if you're allowed to bring happy Eddie into the country before you ask for it. Just as a safety measure, by the way. Yeah. Well, no, I think they're talking about the lagoon party first, because Eddie's gonna come and bring, I think. So then, oh no, you're right.

Because Wendy's like, no, no, but he did say he's gonna bring something for the love lagoon. So then we go to another Kierna scene. You know, listen, I can understand the wanting to film Kierna. I cannot understand them keeping this shit in the show. Because it's really like, what are you guys doing? Why do they insist that every scene with her is like behind her kitchen counter? Like this is like the rebirth of Cynthia when she, remember that one season where every scene was at her kitchen island? Kierna's always standing.

It's always they stand at the one kitchen island, and then they go into Greg's office every single time. I kind of feel like they filmed all these scenes after the fact. And they're like, okay, we got to do a whole bunch of Kierna pickups. So, have a whole bunch of looks in your bedroom, and we're going to shoot them all in your kitchen. Well, we find out in this that he does not want to be on TV, and he's pissed off about it.

So that's probably why he's probably like, here's where you can shoot. That's it. You know, here's my garage. Have fun. Yeah. So Kierna's there and her hot brother, Brian, by the way, what a good looking family.

Kierna is like drop dead. Her brother's hot. Like God bless good genetics. You two are killing it. I mean, you may have, who knows about your personalities, but looks at it the only thing that really matter in this world, right? So, um, they are hanging out and Greg is like, cheers to Panama. And Karen is like, thanks. So like, um, this should be like a fun, fun this time around. And like, I didn't really know what to expect. And I don't know why I just assumed it's just like,

I just thought it was like a little place outside of Florida because she thought it was Panama City, Florida in the panhandle. No wonder she wanted to go to a Europe city. I mean, what, you're in southern hospitality? No, you're getting out of the country. Oh, so Greg's like, no, no, that's a different Panama. It's Panama City. So are you going to the country

or are you going to the city? She was like, I think the country, I mean, they said South America, so that's the country. And the theme is liberation. So we've got three divorces, we've got Gisele being an empty nester, we've got Wendy turning a new chapter being 40. And he's like, three divorces,

is that because it's not because of the show, right? That's a lot going on, that's a lot. And then it's really awkward where she just stares at him like, you mother fucker, you're doing this to me again. Because you know after every time they shoot, she's like, you are embarrassing me and talking down to me on television. And if you fucking do it again, he's like, I won't, I won't. Then he does it again, like within five minutes.

And she just looks at him like, I'm going to kill you. It's just like, she's like, I'm like a 10 and you're Greg. So how about you stop giving me this guff right now. But it was also kind of surprising because kind of an unspoken thing, every now and then it does get brought up on a reunion is how this show precipitates a lot of divorces. You know, fame gets in the way or like whatever you have to do to be on these shows. It like is like a poison and it just kills all these relationships time and time again. And so for him to kind of voice that was and for them to air that to acknowledge that was pretty like I thought that was actually a pretty significant moment in the history of the Real Housewives.

It was brave. It was pure brave. It was pure bravery is what it was. It was brave. That's what I thought. You know what? Greg was pouring into himself at that moment. The show is. Bravo's like, you know what guys? Guess what we're doing this season on Potomac. Bravery, get in here everybody. So now she makes them do the packing scene with her. So they go to do the packing

and these guys could not be more bored. She's like, should I take the Gucci or should I take the Louis? And they're like, oh my God. And you know, his mother's at home like, well, I wonder who bought that Louis. I'm gonna check the records. And Greg is, Greg, so the brother is like,

you know, Brian, he's like, hey, Greg, how are you doing? You settling in? And Greg's like, well, it's a transition. I have to see female stuff. And Brian's like, oh, so she's are you doing? You settling in? And Greg's like, well, it's a transition. I have to see female stuff. And Brian's like, oh, so she's cooking, she's feeding you. He's like, yeah, I got turkey legs in the fridge right now. I'm like, sir, yeah, you have turkey legs in the fridge right now.

So let your wife go on vaca, not even let, she can go on vacation if she wants to, but stop giving her attitude when she's giving you turkey legs in your fridge. Yeah, so then we go over to Stacey with her Aunt Dora. Hi! And even Aunt Dora is trolling her about not getting any dick, which is really funny.

She's like, Aunt Dora, it's so great to see you. You can put your backpack down now, and please, your little cat friend is so adorable. What places have you been traveling to across the world? She's like, not the cartoon. So she's like, Dora is my father's youngest sister. She's not that much older than me. So our friendship was more sisterly than Aunt Denise.

It's almost like we have a sisterhood. Oh my God, everywhere sisterhood. So I don't even call her Auntie Dora. I just call her Dora because she's like my sister. She's my everything. I love her. So then Dora's like, oh, you know, this divorce needs to end.

It's just going on and on. And you know, she goes, and it's a year, it's a long time not to get men. Now I don't know if I can last that long. I was like, yes, Dora. I love Dora. I love a spicy empty. And Stacey's like, Oh my God, excuse me.

The tea is so hot in this sisterhood right now. Dora goes, well, how is so how is that going? Have you met somebody? Are you dipping your toes in the water? Just, well, I have met someone, a very good friend of mine. He is a famous actor who has one line on Grey's Anatomy in about three months. So keep an eye out for that one right there.

Oh my gosh. Yeah, she's like, is it that hottie from QVC? Tell me it's that motherfucker, he's so fucking hot. Where fuck that motherfucker. He's so fucking hot. Fuck that guy. He's like, Andorra, my goodness, it's T. Andorra's like, tell me that man, tell me that man. I've imagined ripping his shirt off, pulling it over his head after I ripped it off,

strangling with it a little bit until he climaxes. Andorra! Andorra, the table is shaking. You've got to calm yourself down. No, I won't calm myself down until I motorboat his man boobs because they are made of iron. I've never seen more Grey's Anatomy than I have when I've watched that five seconds of him showing up over and over and over and oh my god! Andorra, you're climaxing at the table! that five seconds of him showing up over and over and over and oh my God, oh my God.

Aunt Dora, you're climaxing at the table. Oh. I'll have what she's having. Quiet, Rob Reiner's mother. So. No one's talking to you, meathead. Aunt Dora. Oh, there's actual Rob Reiner.

So Stacy. Rob Reiner. So Stacy, Rob Reiner was like, I'm so mad at Republicans. Oh, eat your pancakes, Rob. Please, please, please. You're fucking Michelle Lawley, okay? You should be happy. So she was like, well, you know, we're just saving ourselves. And she goes, oh, okay. You know, we're just saving ourselves.

And she goes, oh, okay, you know, you're doing the right thing. I am, Aunt Dora. She's like, yes, that's what Jesus wants us to do. So congratulations. I'm gonna have to fucking watch some porn up when I get home, I'm getting nothing from you. So you're buying this lunch.

Well, I think that if TJ and I were sleeping together, I would just, I would lose myself. And Dora goes, I can understand that. You know, if TJ and I were sleeping together, I would be more me than I've ever been in 30 years. Anyway, whoo, TJ, God, I love the rage behind his eyes. It's just a real turn on for me. And so then we go to Giselle,

Giselle's date with Namsa at Hoja, and they greet each other and start getting settled in and all that stuff. And Giselle's asking him if he likes to salsa. And he's like, well, actually, I used to live in Miami, so I took some salsa lessons, huh? Can't wait to show you a little salsa. Oh my God, I can't wait for you to show me.

Aunt D! Wait, what's her name? Aunt Dora, get out of the scene! So the bar that they're in is some sort of salsa bar. It looks like a normal, I shouldn't say normal, but it just looks like a regular non-dance-themed bar. But there's this one couple that is very aware that there's a camera there because they keep salsa dancing in direct eyeline of the camera. And so this entire scene is happening. And there's this

one guy who's like, and I'm like, no one else in this restaurant or this bar is dancing. What are you doing? Later on in the scene, people start to dance, but they're the only ones and everyone's sitting at like high tops drinking beers and these people are going so above and beyond with their salsa dancing to be on TV. It was driving me mad. Yeah, the thirsty regular people, the normals. Thirsty salsers. Well, you know, okay, here's the, you know, it's the most annoying is that one couple that takes a dance class and then has to do the dance class everywhere they go. And that's what these people are. They clearly took a salsa class.

And then they're like, okay, we're gonna do the salsa dance at this restaurant. And there's a camera there. It's like then they go to a it's like the people who take one dance class, and then they go to like a wedding. And then they like do like, over the top dancing. Yeah. And then people circle around them and clap, but you're like show-offs, you know?

Yeah. No, I'm actually never like that. I'm usually so grateful because I don't have to dance. You know, the more people there are like that in the world, the less that my family is like, Ronnie, why aren't you dancing? You know why I'm not dancing. Fuck you all asking me.

What an idiot I look like when I dance. That's why I'm not dancing, okay? It's embarrassing. Last time I danced at a wedding, someone prayed tongues over me. Literally. Commu-shoes. Here comes one right now.

Why do I feel like you dancing at a wedding is like you doing like singing in the rain? I just feel like you'd be hanging off of like, like you would actually pull in a light pole somehow. You'd be like, all right, everyone. And a light pole would just glide in and you'd be like, I would tap dance a lot. Can I tap dance? I could do that. No, I got in trouble for doing a risky business dance because that song came on. Old time rock and roll.

I've told you this before, but for those of you who knew, this risky business song came on at a really religious wedding and I came out in my boxers. I was like, it was just boxers. I mean, they do it on TV all the time. And I slid across the floor and people were laughing and I got in so much trouble. And one of the, my grandpa ended up, we found out he had a stroke, so we all had to leave.

My whole family starts leaving. And then this lady pushes me up against the wall with her husband and put her hands on my head and started praying over me in tongues. She was like, please Lord, save this man, this deviant, this deviant soul, he doesn't know what he's doing. And literally kept me, my dad was never so mad because we were missing the stroke while I was getting tongue sprayed. And I couldn't be like, fuck off lady.

Because I just made this huge infraction at a religious wedding. So I'm never dancing again at a wedding is the point. You just love that old time rock and roll. What can you say? God, not even anymore. I'm traumatized every time I see Tom Cruise. I'm like, Noah's prayed tongues over his ass.

Well, a lot of us are traumatized when we see Tom Cruise, but that's a whole other story. I mean, I saw a trailer for the latest Mission Impossible, and I'm like, wow, wow. I think I want to see it though. I want to see it. Well, just like his running, it's this, the running that he does, like Shannon Bedore

in the tap dancing scene in Real Housewives of Orange County where he runs like this all the time. He just runs so aggressively. I'm like, dude, like get a scooter. He's an aggressive runner, yeah. But also he's not just saving, he's not just saving the country this time. He's saving the entire world.

Some sort of submarine under an ice shelf and, you know, typical bullshit. I'll tell you those trailers, not great. Uh, in general, terrible trailers before this wicked. So, uh, anyway, we're here on this date. Giselle is with, uh, Namah and he's talking about taking Salsa lessons and Giselle is talking about how she met him at speed dating and you know he said let's go dancing and she was like okay let's we can do this. So then she's joking about how she's not a good dancer which then begets a sequence of her dancing which is accurate she's not a good dancer.

Well here's one thing I'll say for Giselle. She's a terrible dancer. And here's another thing. This is the first time I've seen any kind of chemistry with her and somebody on. I mean, it's Giselle, so I'm assuming this is just a fake storyline to promote their dating show that they're gonna be doing.

But whatever it is, they found someone hot enough that she's actually feeling it. She's like, wow, this guy's actually hot. I've always felt like she's faking it, but this time I at least got some, like she's alive kind of a feeling. I actually agree. I thought there was chemistry.

I feel like it's not that he's hot enough. He's in the proper hot range, which is that he is hot enough to be hot, but not too hot to have no personality. Like, cause like Jason last year is like smoke show hot, but like there was no chemistry because all he is as hot. Right. Although I, I actually like Jason, but I could see, we could see, there was no chemistry between the two of them,

but here this guy is hot enough to be like, okay, get the tingles going, but not, not so hot that he has to rely solely on hotness to get by in life. He had to develop some personality. Yeah, well, we'll see what happens with those crazy kids. Now let's go over to Karen's Love Lagoon party. Mm-hmm.

Karen's Love Lagoon party. Let's go over to there. So, some mermaids. Don't touch the mermaid, Ray. Hilarious, because Ray is like, there's mermaids in the pool. There's ladies with tails. Get your hands off the mermaids, Ray.

This is the 90s. Yeah, because, yeah. It's like putting one in his trunk. I saw it in the movie. You can't do that in real life, Ray. All right, it's not Daryl Hannah. You'll go to prison. It's called trafficking, Ray. Yeah, because they get in the movie. That's you can't do that in real life. Ray, it's not Darryl Hannah. You'll go to prison. It's called trafficking, Ray.

Yeah, because they get in the water, the mermaids go hopping into the pool and camera goes, there she goes, there goes the mermaid, yay! And Ray goes, yay. What do you mean, yay? No, I'm just just touching the temperature of the water. Just stop that. Don't touch the water that has mermaids in it, Ray. He's like, I'm not going to of the water. Stop that. Don't touch the water. That has mermaids in it.

Rey! He's like, I'm not gonna hurt the mermaid. Like, I love that Rey is, like, being accused yet again of hurting a mermaid. It's like, this has happened to Rey before. He's like, I told you I'm not gonna hurt the mermaid. Why is everybody always accusing me of hurting the mermaids? So, Gisele and Ashley are riding in our car with their speed date people, which is Josh and Namza.

And they're warning. They're giving like the heads up. So Giselle's like, all right. So Karen is the elder statesman of our group. And and Ashka's yeah, she's the season one. And yes. And then her husband is Ray. And he is very seasoned and he is very seasoned. Very, very seasoned.

Ah. He's beef jerky covered in adobo. The man is dry you out. He is like a mole. A lot of ingredients and seasonings. Ah. So they're nervous because they're taking these dudes, basically it's like a second date, and they're like going to a couple's party

so where they have to have games and stuff. And it just sounds like, don't worry, I'm not going to let them bother you. And then we see the love boat, we see this like love boat montage of like wacky things. Okay, so they're making these blue drinks with dry ice in them and martini glasses and the martinis are just frothing over. So they start making these blue drinks with dry ice in them and martini glasses and the martinis are just frothing over

So they start playing this sexy music and then showing these martinis Literally every two minutes for the next it's so funny I don't know if they just didn't get enough footage that day, but then they're like, okay another couples coming in Foaming martinis foaming martini. We got it. The grand Dom teeny. Um, also by the way, you know, I feel like we never really give any love. We usually are pretty good about giving love to recurring side characters. I want to give some love to Robin. That's, um,

that's Karen's like event planner slash publicists, like helper. Robin always shows up with a big, big old long wig. And she's, like, okay, I'm gonna help you out, I'm gonna help you out, we got some grand damn teenies. And she doesn't really do anything this episode, but I just want to give a shout out that, like, Robin, I see you and you're doing great work over there. I love your wig. You're doing fantastic.

Fantastic stuff. So everybody starts coming in, and Mia shows up alone, and Stacey's like, it takes a confident woman to show up at a couples event alone. It's like, well, actually I'm happy coming to a couples, why am I talking like Meredith? Actually I'm very happy coming to a couples event solo dolo.

Also she's invited Jaclyn to make a surprise appearance later, so she's not really a solo. And then Jassy shows up. We have a return of Jassy, which makes me happy, because I really enjoy Jassy, because Jassy's so ridiculous. And she's like, hi, here's a bottle of wine for my family's vineyard. It's a 23-year-old bottle.

Doesn't have any wine in it, but it's a bottle I found, so enjoy. You can put it on your shelf. Wow, that bottle's young enough for your husband to impregnate while you're dating. For your boyfriend, rather. So then... She's not married to him, right? No, I...

No, they're not. No, they're not married. So Karen's like, you, you are the best gift giver. And Wendy looks around at the decorations and she's like, you, you are the best gift giver. And Wendy looks around at the decorations and she's like, I'm not gonna say I spy on the ghost, but baby. And then we see a clip of Wendy's birthday, which had white flowers. So there's some white things at this party.

So this must be a copy. Girl, this is nothing like your party. I don't know what you're talking about. You did not invite flowers and a table runner. That's standard decor. This has blue martinis, so pay attention police. Lisa Vanderpump, and you could even say Taylor Armstrong with her Manhattan Tea Party back in 2010,

but you did not invent it, Wendy. No, ma'am, sorry, ma'am. So then Eddie brings, you know, his stuff and happy Eddie stuff to pass around to everybody. And they're like, so Ray, you have a pool? How often do you go in the pool? He's like, if the mermaids are in there, I'll go every day. Ray, I didn't touch a mermaid.

Hey, Ray. God. Then Karen starts talking about Nam, Namsa, and she's like, I like him. I just think he won't last a moment with Giselle. He's too nice. OK, you know, and Josh, Josh is gorgeous, but he looks like he's on a milk carton, a baby on the milk carton. Just just gorgeous, like he's got carnation milk on his breath or something.

And he really does look like this, by the way. I still feel like he looks like Lance Bass with a poof on his head. I'm gonna stand by that. Well, once you said that he's like, you can smell the formula on his breath or whatever, I was like, oh my God, he is a baby. He's a baby with beavers hair my God, he is a baby. He's a baby with beavis hair.

Yeah, he is a baby. Yeah. So then Wendy's like, Oh my God, is that Jack Hollow? Where did this middle school Jack Hollow come from? This is a lateral move. Okay. Which seems like it actually is true. So this was not a lateral move. How is this a lateral move from Michael? Maybe we'll talk about it on a crappy hour tonight actually. This is scaling- Old queen of the bar chimed in about this person and I will say, I will share what they said on crappy hour tonight. Oh, okay.

So then they'd make some small talk, whatever. Should we just get to the game or was there something important happening? Wait, no. What about the part when they said, oh my God, hi, just kidding. No, let's get to the game. They're like, hi mermaids.

Okay, let's go to the game. So they play a game and- Wait, I do have something to say. I have something stupid to say, but it bothered me. It's clearly hot out and they're all sitting in the shade and I felt bad for Josh because Ashley, stupid to say, but it bothered me. It's clearly hot out and they're all sitting in the shade. And, um, I felt bad for Josh because Ashley like insisted that she would sit on Josh's lap. And I was like, if I were Josh, I'd not that'd be annoyed,

but it's like it's hot out and then you have a human sitting on your lap and you're on camera for the first group thing, you know, you're going to sweat. I was like, I felt like I You're gonna have some sweaty balls. Yeah, you know he's gonna be sweating soon. So, well, as long as she's not, cause then you're getting someone else's butt sweat on you. You know? That would not be good, yeah.

So, but they're new, you know, that's what you do when you're new. You're like sitting on, and also we're gay, so we don't get to do that stuff at parties really. I mean, unless we're at a gay party, but usually I don't think even we do that there, But yeah, we're not used to being able to sit on each other's laps in public like this. So it's like, what, that's just so weird

when you see somebody else. Like, oh, they get to do it. It was, took us to a dark place. We have to pour into ourselves, Ronnie. So yeah, the game, the game is afoot. Okay, so the first question is who's cheated on each other? What kind of game is this? Karen, what kind of game is this?

She acts like she pulled out that question out randomly. She's like, Oh, and everyone, I'm going to pull the first question. Oh, my God, what are the odds that I pulled out this question first? Who's cheated? So now they're going to go around the horn and it's like the question is like, I think it's newlywed, right? So they asked for each other. So like Wendy has to say if she thinks Eddie's cheated and vice versa, it's not even newlywed game. It's just like answer the question.

All they're doing is answering the question. So they're going around. Well, last year they at least had the whiteboards, but this year they're like, no, unfortunately we left them whiteboards on the traffic median and well, we know what happened over there, so. Yeah. Round them over. So they're just asking, like have you ever felt like your partner has cheated?

And so Karen's like, well, I don't feel like you've ever cheated one day, baby, except over those mermaids, but does it count as cheating if you're sleeping with a merfolk fictional character? I don't think so, so yes, I don't think you ever cheated. Also, because if you had cheated, I probably would have seen the mermaid again at some point.

I didn't do anything to the mermaid. All right, Ray, calm down. So he's like, you're correct, I never cheated. And she's like, oh, hallelujah, everybody, hallelujah. And Giselle goes, what was he gonna say? Wendy goes, yeah, what's he going to say? I cheated in 1986. And Ray goes, and I also do not feel like my partner has ever cheated.

And Giselle's like, did you see the smile on her face? Like you're acting like you haven't cheated on Raymond. No, ma'am, no, ma'am, no ma'am, no ma'am. And we see flashbacks to all the blue eyes. Cheating accusations of just them being like, wait a minute, why are you acting like you, you weren't fucking blue eyes, the driver. And then we just cut to Karen at the reunion,

being like, mm-hmm. Psst, psst, psst, psst, psst. Just sucking on those dentures like, mm-hmm. Like guilty as hell. You know Karen is guilty when she starts taking all the cilantro out of her teeth with her lips. Yeah. So then they're asking Stacey, and Stacey is like,

well, despite what Giselle has said in the past, Giselle and Karen the other day at lunch said they feel like when you're in LA, you're doing your own thing TJ, like you have a whole other separate life. And then Giselle's like, yeah, but I thought you guys weren't a couple, you know, and, and she's like, like, you're not a couple. So this doesn't even apply. It doesn't even matter. You're not a couple. So TJ is like, I have to agree with her. And they're like, Oh my god, burn. And she goes, wait, so what are you friends?

Are you friends with benefits? Friend with no benefits? Are you sleeping with anyone in LA, TJ? Are you? And he's like, well, my bugs money that's on my bed. Everyone's like, what? What? Oh my gosh, do you guys not have enough ick?

Okay, do you not not have enough it? Okay, do you not have enough it? Oh man, that was a terrible, that was a terrible pivot. Like you tried to, you tried to cover up like some, something that would make people go cringe, but you just replaced it with something else that I think actually makes people cringe more. Like it would have been just now they don't think you're gay now they think you're a pedophile.

So nice work. Just like, why do you have a Bugs Bunny plushie on your bed? No one has that, that's not a thing. It's just weird. And so, I like that they all boo him. Just like, not a good answer, rah. Not a good answer, rah. Bugs Bunny, not an answer.

So, then she's like, oh, well, we did have lunch together, Karen and I, yah. And we did tell Stacey that we should find a bunch of penises, all different shapes, sizes, colors, and do what penis do. That is what she needs to do with penises. And she goes, well, why did you have to tell a story like that, Giselle? Jeez. It's like, well, what I'm just trying to say is get some man

inserted in her vagina and now she's like, write in some vocal sticks. Like get, get it done. Get that vagina all licked in and stuff. And it just tastes like, oh, stop it. Stop it. It's while they're saying this right in front of TJ. Like, yeah.

And he just loves being on TV. He's like, yeah, TJ, he's bungling this so bad. So then TJ is like, well, I get that. And listen, if you guys weren't her friends and you weren't looking out for her, you wouldn't have said that, right? So I'm putting everything into being transparent and not having something on the side.

And so, are you going to answer the question? Well, like, yes, exactly. He's like, I'm just here to be transparent. And as a person who landed a one line spot on Grey's Anatomy, I just want to say thank you for giving me another television gig. It's great. It's great being here in another group event

and not being ignored by Stacey. And just the way he worded this, I'm putting everything into being transparent, not having something on the side. Well, what does that mean? You're putting energy into not having something on the side, but do you have something on the side or not? Answer the question. Yeah.

Stacey's like, well, this is a very intense game. Can we go to the next couple, please? So now we go to Darius and Jassy and Darius is like, do you feel like your partner has ever cheated? And she's like, do you? He goes, no, I don't. She goes, oh, okay. Well, I do.

I do think you've cheated. I don't have the proof, but I do feel it. He think he's cheating on you. He just laughs like, ha ha, of course I fucking did. He's like, I'm in the NFL. Have you seen me? I'm in the NFL. And I feel like Jassy was trying to have a moment. She was having a moment where the music goes, boom, boom,

and it gets to commercial, but the show just keeps going. Jassy's doing this thing where she's like, look at me standing up for myself. I know my man has lied before about a whole child. And although I never caught him, I before about a whole child. And although I never caught him, I'm also not an idiot. I am not. Ma'am, he had two, two of the children

while you were dating him. Yeah, you are an idiot. You're still standing right fucking there. What are you talking about? Yeah, this is not a court of law. You don't have to have like, you don't have to have the hard evidence, okay? You don't have to have like you don't have to have the hard evidence Okay, you don't have to have the videotape. You know, he lied to you. He had a baby behind your back too

You think I'm too isn't that the thing? Am I getting that wrong? It feels like it feels like every episode. There's another child. The point is Don't say that you're not an idiot But then you're still sticking with the guy who had a baby behind your back and he goes well You know when things are on break, I'm not going to deny that maybe things happened when we were on break. I'm like, what are people still using that bullshit from friends we were on break? Two children later?

Okay, let's just take the two out of it. Because maybe it's just one. A child later? I don't know. Come on, man. Come on. So then- And what's funny about Darius is that Darius has this goofy smile.

He's like, eww. He has like, he literally looks like an emoji when he smiles and he just has this voice. He's like, um, yeah. He's like a total himbo. And he's just like, yeah, I had a baby. Like, jazzy, come on now. Yeah.

So then Greg is like, I'm gonna to say no because she's being followed. So I would know. And they're like, ah, which probably isn't a joke. So I didn't laugh really. So then Mia is like, well, I'm not going to, well, I'll speak for Gordon because I'm still legally married to him. And the answer is no.

He does, I do not think that he's cheated cheated and just all goes, wait, wait, wait, Mia stop. And then we see Mia revealing in 2021 that she had a threesome. And Mia's like, that's not cheating. If I said you can sleep with her, it's not cheating. Cause I knew about it, you know? And Stacey's like, Oh my God, and Dora, you're even worse. And then Karen's like, but have you ever cheated on Gordon? She goes, oh yeah, I have. Anyway, next question.

She's just like, yeah, pass the cheese. She also had a child with who she's cheating on, which was Ink, possibly. Maybe. We don't know yet. Who was just honored, by the way. Thank you very much. With an award that I'm not naming here,

because I would like to maintain Ink's privacy about public awards that he's receiving. But it was a Clio and you're welcome cable. Cleo won the cable ace award. That's right. So our Clio's are for advertising cable. Ace award is cable. Ace Awards. I sure do. So like USA, the USA network, it's a cable ace award.

They're like, here's a pack of gum for winning this. So best wings, best wings, best wings cast member of wings reruns. It was all like that. So then now they talk about like who's more dominant and who's more submissive. And Kierna is like TJ, this could give some insight into you. Basically they just all bag on him for being a virgin still. And he's like, but I'm not a virgin. And so Kierna is like, oh, so you can let Stacey know how you like it when you get there,

I guess. Yeah. So you can let Stacey know how you like it when you get there, I guess. Yeah, and so, and then they're all talking about who's dominant, basically all the, pretty much all the men say they're dominant, pretty much all the women say they're submissive, although in the case of Ashley, when she dips into the lady pond, she's actually more dominant, et cetera.

And then we get to this like really awkward moment where like, like they're Stacey, and it gets to Stacy and, um, and TJ and he's basically like, he's like, she's like, well, she says that like, well, I, when I'm in the bedroom, I'm definitely more dominant. And then all of a sudden he's like, yo fam, just cause I ain't sleeping with you now, don mean you're ever gonna be more dominant than I am." And everyone's like, um... It's like, what is... Like, TJ suddenly becomes a little bit more affected and everyone's like, okay, TJ, just stop.

Just stop trying to make this happen right now. It's like fine when they think that he's not having sex, but to suggest that he would be a submissive in the bedroom is extremely offensive to his manhood. Like, okay. Yeah. And so now all of a sudden he has to suddenly act like, Oh, I'm very, very dominant or it's not even like, like whether he's dominant or submissive, who cares, but it's more like that he suddenly has like, this is the moment where

he, you sort of sense that he's trying to defend his manhood in a way, and it just feels so, like, it just feels so, like, sad. And pointless. Sad. So Mia's like, I laugh when she goes, well, with Gordon, I was dominant with Gordon because you have to be mania, am I right? But Ink, like, he likes to choke me, so I'm gonna give him dominant.

And Stacey goes, Oh, my God, it's 12 in the afternoon. I like Giselle goes, Arabella is still awake. And Giselle is like, yeah, Mia, of course, he has to strangle you. That's the only way he can hold on to you. Oh, my gosh. So wrong in so many ways, but I laughed. So funny. So then...

Oh, this is the move on, yeah. No, but then Karen goes, yes, I'm sure Ink has to use 12 Apple boxes just to get to the next strangle her. I love that she just keeps saying it, and I laugh every single time. Like, I never don't laugh at that. DJ, Apple Box is still one of the funniest things. I love that she just keeps saying it and I laugh every single time. Like I never don't laugh at that.

DJ Apple Box is still one of the fun things. We have to make a mental note that that has to somehow be nominated for a crappy in some form. It's so funny. So then, you know, they start talking about Ashley's lesbian, you know, dips and the lady punish, I shouldn't say lesbianism, but bisexuality and stuff.

And then Wendy talks about how Ashley showed her bits in Mexico. And then Darius starts talking about how he also likes to choke. And it's like not cute from you, Darius, because you're a cheater already. Look, we don't want to hear it from you. Ray mentions that he was, like Karen was more dominant than he was,

and she used to tear her up, tear him up, I should say. And then they ask like, hey, by the way, Karen, you retired your mouth. Ray, do you want Karen to come out of retirement? And he's like, yes, absolutely. And they're all just like laughing. And then all of a sudden, use the jazz music starts to play and we see like, camera the camera work from inside the pool, like the mermaids are in danger. And then this tiny,

adorable dog shows up on the lawn. And they're like, Karen, you don't have a dog. Do you have a dog? And she's like, No. And then here comes Jacqueline with a whole bunch of balloons. And Karen's like, absolutely not. No, go away. No, no, Jacqueline. And it's a two-person movie. You know how stupid I am.

I did not. When I watched this last night, I don't know if I started scrolling on my phone, because I just thought it was over or what. But I was just scrolling. And then I heard, do you have a dog? And they were playing Jaws music. And I was like, are they playing this? Cause they're so terrified of the dog.

I didn't even notice it was Jacqueline coming over. It was Jacqueline as a to be continued. I was like, that's hilarious that they're making all this big to do about this little tiny dog. And you know, when the rule is if they put to be continued on the screen, that means you don't get to see what happens next episode.

They don't put up a next episode on. So we had this low stakes to be continued. Like no one cares that Jacqueline showed up. We like, it doesn't matter to, why was this a to be continued? Why did- I don't know. So silly. Come on.

Oh my gosh. All right, everybody. Well, thanks so much for being with us. We will talk to you tonight at 530 and every other week at 530 Pacific time for Crappy Hour. Go get tickets for the mounting hysteria tour at watchwhatcrappens.com, also the golden crappies. And we will see you next time.

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