Watch What Crappens - #2657 Below Deck Sailing Yacht S05E11: Broadway Stinger
Episode Date: December 17, 2024This week on Below Deck Sailing Yacht, there’s a very impressive play. A play about a jellyfish that stung a very complain-y woman. Then it’s a fight over who sleeps less and a once in a ...lifetime sober night for poor, poor Gary. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Sold on SLC bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hello and welcome to What's What Crappins?
The podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on Ye Old Brawls.
Welcome everybody, I'm Ronnie.
And that's Ben over there. Hello, Ben!
Hi, Ronnie. How's it going?
Good, everybody. Thanks so much for being here.
Welcome to Below Deck Sailing Day.
We have just announced Dallas, Texas tickets for our tour,
our Mounting Hysteria tour,
which begins January in San Francisco.
So go get your tickets because guess why?
There's also the Golden Crappies,
our yearly award show for all things Bravo
on Broadway this year in New York City.
That's gonna be so amazing.
All of the shows are gonna be great.
We're so excited to be back on the road.
They are a really fun experience, you guys.
Go check it out.
Get the schedule over at watchwhatcrappens.com.
Also, we're on video as usual.
You can find all of our daily videos over on patreon.com.
If you don't mind waiting a week, you can get them for free over on YouTube.
We ain't here to rob you.
Also, bonus episodes right now are sold on SLC recaps, which is a hilarious new show
on Bravo that we are covering exclusively on Patreon.
So go check that out.
Ben, how has your morning been? Well, it's been a tremendous morning
because we went on to the Jeff Lewis show on Radio Andy.
We had such a fun time and we reunited with Leah Black
and she is such a riot.
The things that she says, the observations she makes,
just hilarious.
So thanks once again to Jeff, Shane, et cetera,
the whole gang over there for having us back
and it was just wonderful. And I got to be with you most importantly in person and you got me a
croissant. You know, I was on that Jeff Lewis show. It's hard to believe your heart gave me a croissant.
You know what? All I need is a croissant and I will pretty much always like you like Bryn
Woodfield. That's all you have to do.
So TLDR, great morning so far.
How's your morning going?
Super fun morning, yeah.
Fun seeing Leah Black.
Leah Black!
It's been a while.
So it's good to see her.
I'm gonna go see her a little bit later.
And always good to see Jeff and Shane.
They're such nice guys.
They're so nice to us, my God.
Which is so, you know, nice.
They are.
They don't have to be, but they are.
Such mentions.
I mean, Jeff really promoted the golden crappies,
like Above and Beyond, which was really so kind.
And, you know, you didn't have to do that.
That was really cool.
Yeah, super nice.
Love them.
Go check them out on SiriusXM.
And let's get on with the recap.
Here we are on, previously on Blue Dixie Yacht.
Previously, Gary was drunk and Jace is on the boat.
That's basically it.
And there's a lady named Ronnie who unlike our Ronnie,
she is awful and she got stung by a jellyfish
which shows that nature, there is karma in nature.
And she should have been stung
because she was terrible about her coffee
and she continues to be terrible this episode.
And then Daisy outed Danny for having a high body count,
as they would say on SLC.
So we are a second day of charter and we're in Ibiza
and Glenn is, that's still all about Ronnie's jellyfish sting.
Personally, I hope that jellyfish was like Ronnie
and swam away and was like, could have been better.
That definitely could have tasted better.
Really not great.
Could have been better.
Could have been better.
New York Ronnie.
Was it great? No.
Was it good? No.
Was it terrible? No. But it could have been better. Could have been better. Yeah, it could have been better. New York Ronnie. Was it great? No. Was it good?
No.
Was it terrible?
No.
But it could have been better.
It could have been better.
It could have been a better leg to sting.
You know, when I sting a leg,
I want it to feel like it's good.
You know?
It's like, I want to do an A plus effort.
It was just like an okay leg.
It was an okay leg.
It's the jellyfish version of Bethany Frankel.
You know what?
I've had better stings.
That's it.
You know?
I've tried different legs. I've had better stings. That's it. You know, I've tried different legs, I've had better stings.
That one wasn't so good. I'm so sorry.
If you don't want a bad review, don't send me a leg. Okay?
You know what? It's business, it's nothing personal,
but sometimes you gotta take your sting off the market
if it's not ready yet. Okay?
We know one of our listeners, my friend, my dear friend,
Justin, he just got stung by a jellyfish yesterday.
And he posted it on his story and he was in Thailand.
And he's just sitting on the beach.
Justinian Wang?
Yes, you know Justinian Wang.
So he, oh, I found by his book, but he got stung by a jellyfish.
And he has a video of himself sitting there, pouring stuff on it.
And it looks dreadful, but not gonna lie,
it's kind of a funny story.
Did you see that?
Those jellyfish are little bitches.
No, I didn't see it.
But they are, they're little bitches.
So.
They're little bitches.
It's like, you know what, it's not fair that you,
you literally have no brain, you do nothing,
you have no reactions, you just literally float there,
and yet you're also painful.
Like, that's not fair. Be painful, but You have no reactions. You just literally float there and yet you're also painful. Like, that's not fair.
Like, be painful but also have a personality.
Yeah, exactly. Of course. Yeah, it's like me.
Like, do something for it.
Like a shark, you know, like a shark will bite you.
It could kill you, but at least it has like eyes
and a face and is menacing.
Like, it like works to be a menacing.
They can make a cartoon character out of it.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
Like, they can draw a shark and be like,
oh, this shark has this personality. That one like they can draw a shark and be like,
oh, this shark has this personality, that one does.
Like a jellyfish is just like,
bool, bool, bool, bool.
Jellyfish just floats along.
It's just like a blobby, spineless thing.
Like it's literally just like a plastic bag
floating in the water that can really fuck you up,
and it just seems unfair.
It's like, you're a bubbly spit.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, and like no one's trying to get you.
Like you're just floating,
and then it's all of a sudden our fault.
Literally nobody does anything to a jellyfish.
You are like literally invisible and then you get mad when we run into you.
Like, get it together. Grow up.
Yeah, stop floating. Like, you can't get mad if you're just like flop, like, bwaaah.
Yeah, you're putting zero effort into your existence in the ocean
and then you get mad when someone is actively kicking
and trying to go somewhere, and then you're like,
wait, no, stop, I'm floating here.
No, you don't get to do that jellyfish.
And it's like suddenly you have arm strength,
you know what I mean?
Because you know that if you ever needed to move,
the jellyfish would be like, I'm just a jellyfish, look.
I can't move.
Like I literally can't pick up anything.
But then once there's a person nearby, they're like,
oh yeah, fa-boom!
And suddenly they're the fucking karate kid.
Suddenly.
It's like, hey, jellyfish, why'd you do that?
Sorry, I can't answer.
I don't have really a brain or a mouth or eyes.
But you have enough of like a brain to sting people.
It's like, well, sorry, that's just what I do.
And you know, it tries to answer all of the Jeopardy questions
while you're watching it with them.
Like, oh, shut up.
I thought you didn't have a brain.
Always wrong.
You know? You're always wrong.
Every answer is not Keira Knightley.
Why do you keep saying Keira Knightley?
Like she was not a founding father.
Why do you keep answering that?
Yeah, and you're just desperate
because you want to have Keira Knightley in a question.
Is it Keira Knightley?
Wait, oh no, you have to answer it in an answer, right?
No, you have to answer in a question.
Who is Keira Knightley?
It's like it got it right once.
Who is Keira Knightley, right? Will Keira Knightley answer, right? No, you have to answer the question. Who is Keira Knightley? It's like, it got it right once. Who is Keira Knightley, right?
Will Keira Knightley ever call me?
No, stop asking random questions while you're watching.
That's not even the proper form of the question.
Okay, you got it right on one answer said,
star of Bend It Like Beckham and later Pirates of the Caribbean.
And you're like, Keira Knightley.
And now you think that's the answer to everything.
It's like, you can't just keep floating through jeopardy
the way you float through the ocean. It doesn't work that way. And then even when you, Keira Knightley. And now you think that's the answer to everything. It's like, you can't just keep floating through jeopardy the way you float through the ocean.
It doesn't work that way.
And then even when you answer Keira Knightley
to a math question, at the end you go,
oh, I would have gotten that.
That was my last, that was my next answer.
Pythagorean theorem was gonna be my next answer.
Oh, fucking jellyfish.
Shut up, jellyfish.
It wasn't. Fuck off, jellyfish.
Like, I've had it with jellyfish.
Fuck off, stop your bitching. And hurt, jellyfish. Like, I've had it with jellyfish. Fuck off. Stop your bitching.
And hurt people hurt people.
Okay, I get it.
Who hurt you, jellyfish?
Okay?
I bullied people on this show
because I went through bullying.
Who bullied you?
You spineless little fuck.
And by the way, you literally are spineless.
And by the way, to the Portuguese man of war,
you're just a fucking jellyfish also.
Don't try to be all fancy
with your Portuguese man of war.
No, you're a jellyfish. But Don't try to be all fancy with your Portuguese man of war. No, your jellyfish are all floatered.
At least he's trying with a personality though,
because he's a man of war.
But a little bit of toxic masculinity there,
I'd like to add.
Speaking of, can we please stop gendering war?
Because those fish don't really, they didn't choose.
Yeah, seriously.
How about your geographic origins don't really, they didn't choose, yeah. Seriously, okay.
How about your geographic origins don't really matter
because you're for war and we are not for war.
Yeah, we're pacifists, you fucking stupid war fish.
That being said, jellyfish great aim on Ronnie.
Great aim on Ronnie.
Yeah, you know what, even a broken clock,
broken clocks, et cetera.
Okay, so Daisy's apologizing for outing Danny
as hitting on everybody, I guess, I should say.
So she's like, sorry, I shouldn't have let them.
Try not to get offended, all right then.
And she's like, well, I've kind of learned
that with this crew in general, even if you're offended,
just shut the fuck up anyway, right?
Right. Right.
Right.
Poor victim Danny.
Poor, poor victim Danny.
But by the way, that's what a funny turn of phrase that Daisy says.
Daisy basically comes in and is like,
oh, well, you know about Danny.
She pretty much slept with everyone, including a child from the club.
Sorry, Danny. Try not to get too offended.
Try not to get too offended. Try not to get too
offended.
Listen, you want to date Donnie, you're going to need an app to rent her for a bit. It's
just like the town bikes. You just put her back on, just leave it in the street. Someone
will eventually pick it up. Like, wait a minute, is she a limed scooter? My God.
Try not to get too offended, Donnie. Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Try not to get too offended, Dani. Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Try not to get too offended.
It's not her fault for being an asshole.
It's Dani's fault for always getting offended.
So she's like, well, we've got two more weeks
and we need to try to enjoy each other.
And Dani's, of course, hurt.
And she's like, she's just always finding a way to shit on me.
We'll stop acting like a toilet.
So then we go to a flashback of Daisy.
Daisy calling out Danny for stringing Keith along
and then Daisy begging Danny to work
while she's flirting with Gary.
By the way, Daisy going up to Danny
while she's flirting with Gary and said,
Donny, we really need your help right now.
That is not finding a way to show you.
That's your boss saying, get to work.
Yeah, that's your boss telling you,
if you got time to flirt, you got time to squirt.
Okay, now grab some Windex and get over there.
Squirt that Windex.
If you've got time to schmooze,
you've got polish to lose, as in,
lose that polish out of the container
and put it on the silverware.
I got it.
So.
So.
Miss me with that polish.
So, so now she sends her on a three hour break.
Okay, so then we sends her on a three hour break.
Okay, so then we go to the swim platform and everyone's still gathered around Ronnie,
like secretly cheering on that jellyfish.
Jellyfish.
And then Daisy and Glenn are discussing the schedule
and then, oh, then we find out
that there's this boat procession thing
that Captain Glenn really wants him on.
He's like, the precession is an A, is an A-15.
We should, we should go into Tinder and have a look around.
We'll do dinner.
I mean, they're gonna love it.
They are gonna love it.
I personally love the precession.
Cut to Captain Glenn in an Afro,
in a black and white picture.
When I was in the 70s, I would love to go to processions.
I would sit in that cave and watch the boats go by.
It was wonderful.
So then, let's see, the guests have requested midnight snacks.
Dun, dun, dun, dun.
So we know it's going to be a long night because this is an Ibiza charter.
So they're going to have to deal with, you know,
people trying to pretend they're not turning 50,
which my friends are doing it every year now.
And it just ends awkwardly every time, every single time.
Like, why are we doing this?
Nobody wants to be out until six in the morning.
Why are we pretending we want this?
You know?
I was pretty, I honestly was proud of these women.
They really, they really turned up.
You know what?
They came back late, but we'll get to that.
Also, as soon as Glenn says,
these guys requested midnight snacks,
of course that is like a red flag.
Anyone who watches Below Deck knows the moment
that midnight snacks are called out is the moment
that midnight snacks will not be prepared.
So I was actually shocked later on.
When there were there were like a huge amount of midnight snacks.
I was like, what what's happening with the season?
This is wrong. Yeah.
The shark. So then Diana is opening a bottle of tequila or something
and Chase passes by her and just reminds us how annoying he is.
He's like, hey, you're awesome.
We love you. We love you.
We love you here.
Doing great.
Go away.
She's like, thank you.
Tripping.
And then Gary, she, you know, Diana has her trademark
sparkling personality.
Be like, thank you so much.
So then Daisy sees Gary and she's like,
Gara, obviously the primary had a shock of a birthday.
Maybe you could do something stupid to make them laugh,
like kind of clown sketch or something.
Just sort of stand in front of them
and they'll just laugh at you. How about that, Gara?'
"'I've got an idea for that.
How about I get blackout drunk and have sex
and then apologize the next day
because I don't remember a thing?'
All right, that could probably work too.
So then Gary basically tells Keith
that they're going to be doing some sort of skit,
and Keith is like,
he's like, what about like a jellyfish reenactment
or something, like a comedy skit?
And this segues into some very uninteresting,
but notable backstory for Keith.
How dare you call this uninteresting?
This is an amazing backstory.
It's, no, it's good, but it's like,
it's because it's Keith, it's like inherently bland,
you know?
It's like, but it's like,
it's like the most exciting his backstory can be,
but it's still ultimately a Keith backstory.
Yeah, well, he's like, well, I can't sing and dance well,
but I ended up doing high school musical,
and I do musical high school rather, sorry.
And I'd call it a brief soiree to song and dance.
And then we see shots of him.
He played Abraham Lincoln.
He played Johnny from Dirty Dancing.
I mean, you guys, this guy has had a very varied career.
His IMDB is huge.
Yeah. And every image of him is like every image you see
in your yearbook of people in the drama club
where they're like, drama club,
and you see them like, you know, posing,
they have a mustache on or like a monocle.
And you know why he's like bored of drama queens?
Doesn't it explain a lot?
Like he doesn't fall for Danny's shit
because he's been with drama queens.
He's a theater kid, ultimately.
I mean, and you know a straight guy in theater is crazy, right?
And I mean, in high school, it's less crazy,
but they get a lot of vajayjay,
because there's a lot of gays, you know?
And so when you find a straight, you jump on it.
Even the gays do, even we do, you know?
So, yeah, and he's used to the Drama Queens,
and that's why he is immune to Danny's bullshit.
Which I think it was a very, very explanatory segment, for sure.
Yeah. And he talks about how basically like the drama club parties,
the cast parties, et cetera, and he was like,
people would be singing and, you know, they'd be dancing.
And it wasn't like orgy debauchery, but it was like one-quarter orgy.
Mainly just me. It was like an orgy for one. Is that still an orgy? That's what I had.
Well, I was the only one in the orgy, but I played different roles.
So it was sort of still like an orgy because I was performing.
It's like a one-man play.
So one-man Oklahoma, if you will.
My one-man death of a salesman really, really brought down the house.
It turns out the cow man and the farmer can be friends in an orgy.
So he's like, well, maybe somebody got a hand job, you know. So then Daisy's like, well, we can do that after dinner, but I love that idea.
I love that.
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So then we go over to the leader in the galley
and he's like, Clay's, Clay's,
what are you doing about pizza making?
I'm Italian, you're making pizza?
And Clay's is like,
when they get back from the club, they want pizza.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. And Cloyce is like, when they get back from the club, they want pizza. Bloody fucking hell.
Fresh pizza for five in the morning.
Crazy.
I'm Italian.
I mean, asking an Italian if they want to make a pizza, that's like asking if this guy is blue.
Is this guy blue?
Is the tree green?
Is the meat more red?
Of course I know how to make a pizza.
And Cloyce is like, so do you guys have like your own style of pizza?
He's like, oh yeah, North Italy is like a thicker dough.
It's like Davide, why are you having sex
with your pizza dough right now?
Oh, you know, I got the marriage to it at the party.
I'm open.
Men, women, hair blow dryers got the marriage to it at the party. I'm open. I'm open.
Men, women, hair blow dyers, duh.
Whatever it takes.
Uh-huh.
Duh, a deer.
She's my deer.
So, meanwhile, Danny and Diana are discussing the night's schedule.
I've done that show.
Sorry, I was Ralph.
Sorry, that was a different one. I was all the children's schedule. I've done that show. Sorry, I was Rolf. Sorry, that was a different one.
I was all the children actually.
I was...
I had a lot of quick changes.
I was Rolf, wasn't I?
Rolf always gets laid.
I've done sound and music so many times,
probably like three times.
I was going to say four.
I think three times I've done it.
Every single time Rolf got laid.
Well, except one time in high school.
I wasn't at the high school, but I was at high school age.
It was at the community theater, so there were kids in it,
you know, because of Sound of Music.
And Rolf and Liesl were brother and sister in real life,
but everyone still thought they were fucking.
How fucked up is that?
Yeah.
I still think they were.
I wouldn't be surprised if they were.
These are a few of my favorite things.
These are really a few of my favorite things, these stories.
Incest and incest and incest and incest.
It's just all incest.
Sisters and brothers and sleeping in the attic.
Literally every single thing on the list is incest.
Incest and incest and incest and incest.
The guy's getting a little repetitive. Well, have another sibling for me then. The other list is incest. Incest and incest and incest and incest.
The guy's getting a little repetitive.
Well, have another sibling for me then.
Listed as a first draft.
So that was the original version of the song.
You've got two sisters.
Why do you always have to sing about that one?
All right, mom, I'll change it up.
Incest and incest and.
I guess that was my bad.
It's still incest, isn't it?
All right, well.
May I try it?
Pizza dough and pizza dough and pizza dough and pizza dough.
I had sex one time with a pepperoni pizza,
who was brothers with a pepperoni pizza,
and we all did a threesome.
Incest of the incest and pizza, I'm incest.
You found a way to switch it up, mate. Good for you.
I did have sex with a brown package.
With Tide.
Was it one of the favorite things,
like a brown package and then tied up with string?
What a low bar.
Brown paper packages tied up in string.
That was a low bar.
What a low bar to be a favorite thing.
I mean Chris Boppel strudels was good. That's great.
Raindrops and roses, fine.
A little whimsical.
But brown paper packages tied up in string.
Whiskers on kittens is good.
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.
She goes into the UPS store and she's like, oh yeah.
These are a few of the things that I masturbate over.
Brown paper packages and strips and incest.
Is there a pizza dough in the brown paper packages?
Literally everybody has turned this off.
And I love it for you guys.
Okay, so now... I'll tell you who does not have a favorite thing is Jellyfish.
They're like, I don't know.
Legs.
Random legs.
Just like legs. That's their whole thing.
No one really on this show can make a good multi-lyric song for that.
Version of that song.
Okay, so...
Legs and legs and legs and legs and legs.
Jellyfish! Come on, Jellyfish.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
It's like, Gary, you have to name something.
It's like, well, my favorite thing is blah, blah, blah.
I'm sorry.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
So in Crew Mess, Danny and Deanna
are discussing the night's schedule with Daisy.
So Deanna's like, you'll have three hours break?
No.
She's like, yeah, because I'm going to be awake till five until they get back in at least,
so I have to stay up till five.
So Daisy, am I correct in saying I have to stay up till five?
And she's like, no, you'll probably be down about two.
And then Diana, you can go up at five serving snacks.
And then when I get off, you go back to bed.
And she's like, but you just got three hour break.
So Diana's complaining that Daisy got a three hour break
or that Danny just had a three hour break.
Danny just went on a three hour break.
She's complaining that Danny got a three hour break
and then gets to be off work early at 2 a.m., right?
Is that what I'm to gather from this?
Yes. to be off work early at 2 a.m., right? Is that what I'm to gather from this?
Yes. She's mad that she has to wake up early in the morning
to serve them at 5 in the morning
when she didn't get the three-hour break like Dani.
Right. And Daisy's like,
well, Diana's reaction's really over the top.
I've worked seasons where I've had five hours of sleep
the whole season.
I love Daisy saying that Diana's over the top, and she's seasons where I've had five hours of sleep the whole season. I love Daisy saying that Diana's over the top and she's like, I spent six weeks sleeping
one minute a day. One minute a day.
I literally, literally built this boat with these hands.
I didn't go to sleep the entire time. Just spent six weeks doing crack cocaine every single day
until I got the job done.
So stop trying to exaggerate things.
So they say like, I got to the position,
I mean now by doing what I was told
with a smile on my face.
You did not.
There is no proof of that.
I don't think there's a witness in history who would say,
you know, do you remember working with Daisy on that boat?
God, remember how she just smiled
and did everything without a complaint?
Oh, you mean, I like to call her smile on her face Daisy.
Of course, yes.
Smile on her face Daisy.
She's like, these girls aren't gonna progress in yachting.
They're not gonna progress in any of their careers
if they don't adjust their attitude.
They're not going to progress in any of their careers if they don't adjust their attitude.
If you got time for a break,
you got time to take plates off the table.
If you've got time for a peep, you don't need time to sleep.
That's what I say.
Now it's pizza making and they're doing great.
They're doing great.
Fucking car alarm, really in 2024?
Are we still doing that?
Well, it's the most useful piece of technology.
Think of all the cars that have been saved
from being stolen by car alarms.
Think of how many cars have had baseball bats taken to them
just because your car alarm went off
and people are like, fuck off, I'm out of with you.
I'm out of.
So Daisy is gonna go take a drink order.
So meanwhile, Diana and Danny are gonna complain.
Diana's like, tomorrow I'm going to be fucking tired.
I'm annoyed.
Like I've been working for three hours straight.
Oh, three hours straight.
I'm so sorry that you worked for three hours straight. That must be so hard on you. So sorry that you had to go through
that Diana Diana, you know, because Danny is such a brat and has taken up most of like
the attention for the season. We really haven't had enough time to just like shit on Diana.
But Diana has really worked her way up. Diana has made shitty drinks and then she complains
that she doesn't get put on drink service. And then when she's given the opportunity to improve her drinks, she does,
she makes one drink, she's like, a little too much for me. And she has kind of a shitty attitude
around the boat in general. And she says, I'm shy. It's like, no, you've got a shitty attitude.
And now you're complaining that you've worked for three hours straight. You know what? Enough.
Kyle Siversky Yeah. But you know, I think it's rough to hear that the person that you like is
being making out with somebody else
or flirting with somebody else,
and then that person gets three hour breaks, you know?
I mean, I know they all kind of get three hour breaks,
but sometimes I'm on her side,
but then other times, yeah, other times I'm not.
I'm generally on her side,
but also like better people too.
Like you wouldn't be in this situation
if you had a higher standard than Chase.
Yeah, exactly.
So then she's all pissy. And then Daisy is now talking to Chloe about lemon
sorbet we made to make tiki. Let's l'auché as well, Keith. And then Keith is asking Sarah
about the jellyfish thing. And she's like, I'm still gonna dance, baby. I'm Sarah. Just
because I'm 50 doesn't mean I'll not dance after a jellyfish swing, a sting.
Fuck those jellyfish.
Girls, I'm back and I'm 50.
50 years old.
I'm 50.
So Daisy is in her cabin.
I kick.
I get stung and then I kick again.
And I kick.
I'm 50.
So Daisy goes into her cabin to change
and Gary's in there and she's like,
oh, Gary, I love sharing a cabin with you
for so many reasons, but I think my all time favorite thing
is that I don't have to share a bathroom with anyone,
except you do take a lot of shits.
I think you're lactose intolerant.
That's not normal.
But you do have to share bathrooms with him
because he takes a lot of poops.
Like, does she just mean with makeup and stuff?
I think that's what she means.
I think he means he just poops and leaves,
but then girls like sit there
and do all their makeup and stuff like that.
So then Gary's like,
no relationship doctor here,
but I feel the chemistry that I have with T.C.
is like a chemistry where you have with your best friend.
And I think at T.D. if you marry somebody, you have to marry somebody
who's like your best friend, because when you go fuck around on your best friend,
your best friend says, good job, mate.
Yeah, it's you scream.
It's you call you lactose intolerant.
They flush the toilet.
That's what they do here.
We got a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit.
So meanwhile, Danny is making a tablescape
and she's saying that she's overwhelmed.
I mean, this is your art, Dani,
how could you be overwhelmed by it?
Yeah, no kidding.
She, what do you, it's like,
chapel-rone.
I'm like so overwhelmed.
She's like, please don't talk to me while I'm working.
It's my art.
When I'm at work, I'm at work. She's like taking it way too seriously. She's chapel, please don't talk to me while I'm working. It's my art. When I'm at work, I'm at work.
She's like taking it way too seriously.
She's chapel grown.
So...
Danny and Diane are like, they're like,
I don't even know it's Studio 54 Ease Bro.
She's like, me neither.
Which I'm like, I'm embarrassed for you all, okay?
Because you should know.
I mean, we know we were not part of Studio 54.
So hello.
So then meanwhile, Daisy's checking in to the Glend
about Tinder, there's just sort of stuff happening.
And the guests are like, they're getting on,
they're gonna prepare to get on the Tinder
because they wanna go see the, to go see the procession.
But first, Ronnie is taking a look at the decor
that Dani is doing.
Her art, I should say, Ronnie is looking at Dani's art.
And then she's like, gold?
Oh, oh God.
You're putting that in there putting black?
No, I don't want black.
No, no black.
I can't, I can't, sorry, I don't like black.
I mean, gold and black.
I mean, gold and black,
that's basically like over the hill colors.
That's like your dead colors. Like, oh no, thank you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Ugh, disgusting.
Yeah, you know, like black and gold.
It's like when you go to Walgreens
and it says over the hill and it's black and gold.
Like, what is this, Walgreens?
Oh God, I mean, what are the colors?
Gold and black.
Thanks, Walgreens.
No, fuck that.
I don't want to look old.
Honey, what do you think you look like right now?
You're literally complaining to the manager
over and over again.
You're the lady who won't leave the customer service line.
You don't have a receipt
and you're gonna sit there and try and return some shit
that was like five years old and dirty.
Okay?
And you're yelling and holding up the line
about how young and youthful you sound, girl.
Lady, don't complain about like, quote unquote, turning old
and then go onto national TV to celebrate turning 50.
It's like, what do you want?
It's like, do you want to either turn, you want to turn 50
or do you not want to turn 50?
Like, because you didn't have to come on TV
and advertise to all the nation that you're turning 50.
Okay? So relax.
Yeah.
So, and then...
Also, black and gold, by the way, black and gold does not, for the record,
it does not mean you're over the hill.
There's no connotation of that.
You don't go into Walgreens and see black and gold
and say you're over the hill.
I don't know what this lady is on about.
I don't know where this death spiral came from.
I don't know.
And by the way, I do wanna thank her friend
who put that into her head
because you know her friend is fucking with her.
Like, let's fuck with Ronnie and tell her
that black and gold means you're like, decrepit.
Because she just got this notion out of nowhere
and is like forcing it on everyone.
And this is supposed to be a Studio 54 party.
Black and gold is probably the most appropriate colors
you could use for a Studio 54 party.
No, because what Dani is doing,
she's doing that like you're over the hill.
It's like a funeral type of thing.
You know how people do that?
Usually it's when people turn 40 though.
So I will say that is not why it's on Danny's part.
Cause she's doing, I think what she's doing
is that 40 year old thing where it's like,
it's like a funeral.
Everybody pretends it's a funeral.
Like you're getting old and then people were black.
And it's like funny cause you're like 40,
which is really old.
But then when you hit 50, you really are like,
oh my God, I'm old.
Like I'm officially older now.
Like I'm an older person.
And then someone's like, ha ha, you're a funeral.
It's like, girl, I had a heart attack this month.
You can't throw me a pretend.
It's not funny anymore.
It's not a decade ago.
I honestly like Studio 54,
like I'm just looking at pictures of it.
There's like a big 50.
Okay.
The colors for Studio 54 are black and gold.
Okay.
It's black and gold.
The sign is gold.
This lady cannot request a Studio 54 party and then get mad at the Studio 54 colors that
are put out there.
I don't care what Danny, whatever, what you can read all you want into black, but this
is the Studio 54 colors and
This lady is an idiot. I'll say it right now
She's very upset and she wants everything today
paper packages to
She literally will not stop bitching about it because they're like, okay, sorry, we'll change it
I mean gold white rose gold that would have nailed it right Ronnie away. Go away with your stupid stinging leg, okay?
Nobody wants to hear it.
Rose gold literally nails nothing ever.
I'm sorry, it doesn't, okay?
Rose gold is a sad situation.
So you don't want to look old, so you want a child's color.
She's like, you know what would have made this pink?
That's what that would have done it.
Oh, God.
Go back to bed, weird Barbie.
So now they're back to bed, weird Barbie.
So now they're going to go on their thing.
And so they're going to go watch this procession and get on the boat.
And Glenn's telling us, as sailors, because the sea can be dangerous,
it's always good to have a patron saint like Saint Carmen looking out for you.
So this ceremony is all about asking for her protection when we venture out on the high seas.
I'm like, it's not when you venture out on the high seas,
it's for all the other boats that have to share a sea with Parseval 2,
knowing that boats probably come crashing into them any second.
They're like, please patron saint Carmen, please save us from Parseval 2 careening into our bow.
As sailors, the seas can be dangerous for literally everybody around us.
So we need Saint Carmen, you know.
And it's great.
She's a patron saint.
I don't know if I believe in that stuff, but here's what I do know.
Sure seems to turn mermaids on.
I love mermaids.
So then Daisy's checking in on the decorating and Danni's like, oh, it's not good here. She says she hates blicks, so we've got to change
all of these black decorations.
Is she drunk?
She's like, no, but she says it makes her look old.
The truth hits, bitch.
Like, okay.
So, now the ladies get on the...
She's such a child, it breaks me apart.
She is. She really is. And so now the ladies get out of the race. We will. She is. She really is.
And so now the ladies get on to,
they get onto the boat to the center
to go to the procession, everything.
And they're like riding up there,
right up to like a barge or like a ferry.
And I was like, wow, great procession guys.
Joy watching the ferry go by.
And there's like a St. Carmen on the front of the ferry,
but they can't find it cause there are a lot of people.
So now Ronnie starts to, she starts to Karen out.
Sorry, I shouldn't say Karen, but she starts to, you know, Trishel out on the boat on the,
on the ferry.
She's like, excuse me.
Can you move over?
We're trying to see St. Carmen.
Excuse me.
Like lady, they're on a ferry.
I'm not listening to you.
Jellyfish sting survivor here.
Please move out of the way.
You're basically standing in a handicapped spot.
Oh, God, this woman.
Could you imagine being on a ferry and a dinky little boat pulls up and says,
excuse me, can you move to the side, please?
I'm throwing my cup at her.
So then some people move and we see,
they circle on screen, the statue there,
everybody's clamoring to see.
And it basically looks like one of those plaster
of Paris pirate people that you see when you go
into the Long John Silver's back in the day.
You remember those?
Yeah.
I've never been in one, but I can imagine.
It's like that are holding the menus.
It's like, take a menu or whatever.
Ha ha ha ha.
Poor pirate, reduced down to holding menus.
Ha ha ha ha.
Well, I've seen some crazy things in my day.
I traveled the Emerald Isles,
and I went down to the Caribbean,
and I battled the Kraken,
and now I hold menus.
Please, take a seat.
I've been to a lot of places, but have I ever been to me?
Arg!
Don't forget to check out the special appetizers.
Two for one crab leg deal between 5 and 6 p.m. Enjoy.
So we went and did this radio show this morning,
and I just came in and jumped right on here and got to doing this.
I didn't even have time to take off my pants and my shoes.
I mean, I'm working like a professional in here.
I'm wearing nice shoes.
I'm wearing pants, like real pants, not jogging pants.
Just wanted to update everybody on my vibe today.
Yeah, take a load off.
I'm taking my shoes off.
God, my life has just changed.
You know, you take one shoe off.
Oh my God, it does something to me. What a difference. Yes, God. What a difference a shoe makes, God. has just changed. You know, you take one shoe off. Oh my God, it does something to me.
What a difference.
Yes, God.
What a difference a shoe makes, God.
God bless it.
My feet are free, free.
Okay, where were we?
Pirates.
We're talking about like the basement
of a pirate holding menus at a long time, Silver.
Okay, so now we're back on the yacht
and Daisy is talking to Cloyce and she's like,
are you getting up the food for the morning?
I'm worried about your time and I need it to be this.
I need it to be that.
I need it.
He's like, please stop talking to me.
You're giving me a boner. So... So... So... So... So... So...
So...
So...
So...
So anyway, they're still enjoying this procession
on the Tinder and then back on deck,
Dani is like moping because she doesn't like the new decor,
which is yellow and white.
And she's like, oh, it looked so cool before,
now it just looks so shitty.
It's like, okay, just move on.
It's just as dollar store as it was before.
You're fine.
Your mediocrity is consistent, okay?
Yes, yes.
So then Tammy, you know, the people are like,
oh my God, they come back to the boat
after this lackluster moment.
And then they see the before.
We forgot to mention, by the way,
we forgot to mention the most important moment
of all this.
What happened?
While Ronnie was going on and on,
she's like, I hate black.
It's like a funeral.
I mean, it's just black.
You don't, black is stupid.
I don't want to see it.
It's ugly.
It's trash.
She's wearing a black top while she says this.
Even her friend points it out like,
Ronnie, you're wearing black right now.
She's like, well, it's fine if it's not me.
Shut up, shut the fuck up, Ronna.
Yeah.
So she's like, oh, look, a studio 50, that's hilarious.
And you guys missed it.
It's 45, not 50.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Like, oh my God, please let this day end
so we can stop pretending to like Ronnie.
I know.
They're poor friends.
So Daisy and Cloyce are going over the menu and Cloyce is like, last night I had some
communication issues with Daisy and the chief and the stew, the chief stew and the chef
relationship is a little bit like marriage.
Like you have to adapt to each other's differences to overcome, to accomplish like whatever the mission is.
Happy wife, happy life as they say.
Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh.
Sounds like he's being choked out.
So then-
Sounds like a toddler.
Chase is like, so dude,
tell me about the time of night to go out, man.
Like, do you guys go clubbing?
Do you go dancing and shit?
Or what do you do?
Cause I'm here, I'm here to have fun.
Carey's like, we've been, yeah,
you know, most of our nights are fun.
And he's like, well, do you get wasted?
He's like, bro, I'm like fucked up.
And my mouth gets worse when I've had a few drinks
and I've offended few people.
So I think that maybe I'm not going to anymore.
Who do you believe in?
You believe in the people that do believe in the people that do believe in the
BOP?
He just segues into I'm just a gigolo.
At least once a season for Gary,
we segue into that stupid song.
I wonder, you know, there's been talk, scuttlebutt,
that the season was re-edited after Gary's allegations, yada, yada.
And I wonder if there was something more significant that happened
in terms of him offending someone or basically doing something gross or pervy.
I think so. After he got wasted. Because like, last time he got drunk,
there was like the bloody issue,
but this is, like he's never felt the need to stop drinking,
which makes me think there was something.
There was something.
He's really pulling the victim card on this episode,
so I don't know what happened, but it was something bad.
Because for him to be like,
oh, now I think I have a problem.
Like when you do that, you've really fucked up.
So they edited out whatever the fuck this was.
And I think you're right.
I'm curious as to what it was.
Cause the sexual harassment allegation was,
I believe after they shot, right?
Yeah, I think so.
I think it was all shot.
I believe that this, no, cause it was a... I don't know.
I don't know, to be honest, but I feel like something happened that we didn't see.
Whether it happened off camera or...
Yeah, because nobody on Bravo wastes that moment.
You know, because that moment where you're like, I might have a problem.
That's like a huge... I'm sorry to sound so cynical, but we've seen it so many times on these shows.
That's when you've really fucked up.
Like you've almost gotten fired.
You've almost, you've lost everything.
Like James Kennedy, for example, like he got fired from Sir.
He was not going to be on the show.
Nobody would hang out with him.
They were trying to keep him out of the group.
And then he was like, okay, now I don't have ice,
now I just have ice cream instead of drugs.
And I'm happy, I'm happy, guys. I'm happy.
And he tried that shit,
but it was like really a dramatic thing that got him there.
So yeah, I think you're right.
Something happened here.
Cause they're really overdoing it with this like,
oh, poor Gary.
Look at him.
He just wants to change.
Yeah.
Which clearly I don't believe for two seconds.
We suspect.
We officially suspect.
Here comes one right now.
So now Diana and Cloyce are in the galley talking about the night ahead and
everything and saying how it's gonna be a long one and everything.
And Cloyce is like, yeah, it's going to be a long one. And Diana's like,
don't say that. Do you know what time I have to wake up tomorrow morning?
8 a.m. is disgusting.
I can't believe I can only get eight hours sleep tonight on the boat.
I am furious.
He's like, probably same as me, right?
It's like, well, like five, it's not even eight hours.
What time are you waking up?
He's like, oh, come on, later than five.
Come on.
So then... At this point, she still thinks she's waking up? He's like, oh, come on, later than five, come on. So then-
Oh yeah, at this point,
she still thinks she's waking up at five, yeah.
Yeah, so then now the guests come back for dinner,
or they arrive for dinner
and they're all in Elton John glasses,
it's Studio 54.
And Ronnie's like, I'm just wanting you now,
it's tequila night.
Oh God, she's the worst.
So now the guests, they all sit down and Daisy's like,
every time I'm going into a meal with Klaus,
I mean, it's like a bloody roller coaster.
I'm just praying, please let this be a good meal.
Please let this be a good meal.
Try not to be offended, girls.
I think he's done pretty good overall, right?
Well, I think he should be traumatized.
Yeah, well, I mean, once he had that low point
and then he got a talking to, and then he's really,
he's pulled up a lot and everything he's served
has looked actually really good.
I think the issue has just been,
there's been the timing stuff,
but honestly, we've seen much worse
when it comes to chefs and timing.
Yeah, we sure have.
So down at the galley, Gary is galloping around like a horse
or I don't know, who cares?
I'm skipping that part.
So then later, Daisy's radioing Cloyce,
she's like, we're clearing now.
We've picked up a plate.
Cloyce Cloyce, Daisy Daisy,
I'm walking with the plate right to the stair.
Cloyce Cloyce, Daisy Daisy, I've gone down two steps.
Cloyce Cloyce, Daisy, just your daily reminder to stop being such a pussy.
What are you doing Cloyce?
Oh, that's my way of saying 10-4 or copy.
It's Morse code.
That was a Ben laugh.
That was not a Cloyce laugh.
Because I just now I'm laughing at close apparently.
So now it's time to bring out the cake birthday cake and everything.
And now it's time for the big skit.
I have to say we've seen a lot of stupid ass skits on below deck over the years.
I actually quite enjoyed this one.
I feel like Keith's Keith did good work curating this.
He came up with a little script and he read it
and Gary was dressed up like Ronnie.
And at first you could see Ronnie was mad.
It was like, this is offensive.
I don't look like that.
I'm not over the hill.
Who said that?
What?
But then it was, it ended up being funny
and Chase came out like a jellyfish
and they had like a little thing and, you know,
I'm sort of into it.
Yeah. Well, that into it. Yeah.
Well, that's good.
I don't know what to say.
You don't have to say anything,
you just have to say yes, Ben.
You're totally right.
You're correct, Ben.
And the Tony for best original play on a yacht goes to,
well, unfortunately it goes to Albie.
Unfortunately there's another production happening same night on a different yacht. Sorry, Keith, you came close to Edward Albee. Unfortunately, there's another production happening
same night on a different yacht.
Sorry, Keith, you came close.
And Albee still wins it.
On a different yacht.
I love that it's Edward Albee, too.
He's like, wait a minute, I did that in high school.
Damn it.
Who's afraid of jellyfish wolves?
Yeah, so the lady's like, oh my God, that was a good skit.
And they loved it.
It's really long, by the way.
I'm still scrolling through it.
If anyone's wondering, wow, Ronnie sure disappeared
from this is because I'm reading the book that is this.
That was a skit.
I mean, he really did it.
So then Daisy's-
When he showed it, yeah, sorry.
Well, I mean, look, it's a show.
What is it supposed to be? Five minutes, you know, you got to understand. No, sent- When he showed it, yeah, sorry. Well, I mean, look, it's a show. What is it supposed to be, five minutes?
You know, you gotta understand the people.
No, but when he showed his script,
when he showed his script, it was like a page
of single, like single-space text.
I was like, that's gonna be a long skit, sir.
Yeah, agreed.
So then they, Daisy sends Deanna to bed,
and she's like, you can get back up at 8.15.
And she goes, but wait, I thought she said five.
And she's like, well, if you let me finish the conversation,
now I'm going to get up tomorrow.
She's like, I can get up.
She's like, no, no, no, you made it very clear.
How you feel about that?
She's like, I'll take your passive aggression
and I'll raise you at 20 with a smile on my face
because that's what I got here.
This is aggressive aggression. Enjoy it.
Yeah.
Yeah, Daisy's like,
Diana has this entitlement of like,
why do I have to do this? Like, that's your job.
And I also want to show her that I'm willing to do it.
And what I ask people to do, I will do.
So that being said, I'm fucking pissed.
I've agreed to do it because I like feeling pissed and nothing has really pissed me off to this level yet, sir. I've agreed to do it because I like feeling pissed
and nothing has really pissed me off to this level yet, sir.
I've had to create it for myself.
Yeah, that's actually true.
And Daisy's like, she's like,
well, I would have let you go for a nap tomorrow,
but now I'm going to be getting very little sleep.
I get the nap now.
So Deanna's like, bullshit, this is, I was going to do it.
She's just trying to be a mother. And then the producer's like, well, but is, I was going to do it. She's just trying to be a mother.
And then the producer's like, well,
but then if you were gonna do it,
why'd you complain about it?
What kind of stupid question is that?
I do shit all day that I complain about all day.
So what?
I literally make a list before I go to bed
of things that I have to do the next day.
And then all night I'm like, I'm so mad about my list.
That's life.
That's how I get through the day, okay?
Stop trying to take away my tent poles.
But if you had a boss of yourself,
you wouldn't be able to complain to your boss.
The point is you complain behind the boss's back.
Don't complain to the boss the moment they tell you something.
That's where Diana goes wrong.
She's like, even though...
And by the way, Daisy is being a martyr here, a total martyr,
but in the service of passive aggression,
which is always fun.
But I guess that is what being a martyr is all about anyway.
It's like the ultimate passive aggressive act.
So Diana's like-
Well, it's also a service, right?
Like if you're a good server, you're ultimately
a good martyr.
It's like, oh, your meal was fucked up?
Okay, I'm not gonna throw the chef under the bus
even though it was totally their fault.
It was me. Flat self-flagellation.
Yeah, so I guess maybe when you advertise
that you're a martyr, that's when it becomes
passive aggressive, you just sort of do it.
Well, don't tell Jesus that.
Oh my God, he's built a whole religion.
He's like the biggest martyr in the world.
So like, what are you gonna do, take away Christianity?
Come on.
But he didn't like, summon everyone over to his cave,
right, like. He kinda did. Wasn't he like floating up in the sky? Christianity? Come on. But he didn't like, summon everyone over to his cave, right?
Like...
He kind of did.
Wasn't he like floating up in the sky?
He's like, guys, just got myself out of an unsealed cave.
My last magic trick for a while.
See you when I see ya.
I love caves!
So...
Cut to a black and white photo of Glenn with an afro.
An afro. I remember I was in that cave.
Who Jesus is standing behind him giving a thumbs up.
Yeah, we spent a lot of time in caves
and one day this guy just sort of woke up.
I don't know where we thought,
oh my God, where'd this guy come from?
The whole religion started.
So.
Stupid.
I may not. So I hear, I'm Jewish.
It makes no sense to me.
So Diana's like, she's like,
well, even though I'm doing great job,
like doing the job, it doesn't make it right.
They just make me feel like I'm doing this huge favor.
Basically she just is like,
I reserve the right to complain.
So Diana, now she's pacing
and she's being very dramatic.
Like, ah, ah, ah.
And she's like doing that thing where she's like ragefully
cleaning little glasses and stuff.
She was waiting for someone, someone, someoneing.
What's wrong with me?
She's waiting for someone to ask her what's going on.
So then Diana does, I mean, Danny does.
And she's like, oh, she said that you gave me altitude
and you didn't let me finish. And she's like, oh, she said that you gave me altitude and you didn't let me finish.
And Danny's like, what the fuck?
Like, what are you guys gonna overthrow Daisy?
Daisy does everything.
She's so nice to you losers.
Yeah.
So then Glenn tells the guests,
they're basically says like the tender will be ready
to take them to the island and everything.
And now the pizza dough, they're checking on the pizza dough. Uh,
and David, David, they did a good job with the pizza dough.
And then now the guests are getting ready to go out and everything.
There's a lot of cross back stuff going back and forth. So anyway,
the guests finally,
I guess finally go to go to the club and they go out there and they're out there
all night. Like they're out there until like they come back
at five or six in the morning.
I didn't realize all this talk about waking up at five.
I thought that meant for breakfast service.
It was, I didn't realize it was to receive the guests
coming back from partying.
Yeah, they literally party all night
and are served at five in the morning.
So then, oh.
And by the way, during all of this process,
this is when the producers get to say,
fuck you to the stoos,
because the producer starts pointing out
how much sleep everyone has gotten.
And everyone's like on three hours,
like Daisy, three hours.
Cloyce, four hours.
Keith, zero hours.
They're just like building a case against
Danny and Diana.
Hahahaha.
So Daisy's like, I can't be bothered with that shit fucking nightclub crap.
Which is so funny because you see all the shit that they're going.
So Daisy.
So they come back and now it's time to eat.
So they're being served and they're eating it, but they're so tired, you know? So then there's mac and cheese, there's quesadillas.
I mean, this is good drunk food.
I have to give the Cloycey Cloyce credit.
Cloyce went above and beyond because on other boats,
like the last season on Blow Dike Med,
it's like pre-making some cold sandwiches
or some sad flatbreads.
Like this was proper, got back from the club
and I want to eat some carbs and go to sleep.
I hate, this was great.
Yes, it really was.
And so they go to bed and then it's the last day of charter.
And now we see how much sleep everybody got.
Diana, Dehanna got eight hours.
Eight hours of sleep.
Crazy. Meanwhile, Daisy's nodding off on the juiceranna got eight hours. Eight hours of sleep. Crazy.
Meanwhile, Daisy's nodding off on the juicer
after her four hours.
And it says, Keith, zero hours of sleep.
Yeah.
So Daisy's talking to Keith and she's like,
I'll be back in a second, but think about what,
think about tonight and what tonight's going to be.
And he's like, I don't know, I'm just going to have fun.
And anybody want to get on the fun team with me. We're gonna go on a fun jam
It's like that sounds real fun there Keith
So then
Daisy's like well, I'm the one who's never been caught in any drama a little bit with Gary
But that's just because it's been long, long time. He's like, yeah, that's true. Well, you know, as we say in the sound of music,
brown paper packages tied up in string, am I right?
Like, what the fuck are you talking about me?
He's like, I love Gary.
He just needs to know how to dial back the phone.
And I think Daisy needs someone a bit more mature, you know?
And then we just cut to a shot of Gary peeing
in the bathroom.
Like, uh.
You with the door open.
Uh.
Uh.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
You know who everybody wants to date?
Somebody who says things like,
I think we just need to learn to dial back the phone.
That's what we need.
Yeah.
Uh.
Yeah.
So, yeah, Gary is peeing and everything.
Glen, it's, people are waking up,
because the guests are waking up at 10 a.m.
And then we also, even the guests get a chiron that says,
slept three hours.
Literally everyone on this boat has not had more than five hours of sleep,
except for the two stews who complained.
Yep. So then, um, Danny serves her, and Daisy's asking what Ronnie's mood is.
And Danny's like, I'm afraid of her.
She's like, yeah, she's scary.
I was saying she gives me like PTSD with stepmom.
Because, you know, no matter what you do, nothing is good enough.
You can't have her please.
So, Danny, do that better. Please.
Try not to be offended.
You lazy bitch.
And Dany does her best to not say like you.
So then now it's time to pack.
They dock and now Chase is in the wheelhouse
flirting poorly with Diana.
He's really trying to flirt with Diana.
So he's like, so where are you going to go back
when this is all done, huh Tuts?
And she's like, Portugal. Oh, cool.
Great.
That's the thing.
I like, like in Portugal, there's almost no yachties.
So you make friends, you know, and then I don't see them for two years.
Yeah.
It's a tough industry because you know, you make good friends and then, you know, like
you basically live with people, right?
And then you don't see people.
Yes.
It's what I just said.
Yeah.
Still hot because there's nobody else here. So,
so then chase talks about how he, you know, he's like, I think there's more to Diana than meets the
eye, you know, and I haven't been in a serious relationship for some time. I briefly dated,
you know, chef Nelisha, but she lives in Sydney and I live in Charleston. It just didn't work out.
And I came into the season looking, not looking, I mean, looking for a boatman, but Diana's stunning. So I'm excited to see what
happens. I need to work on my glutes. Well, whatever it is.
So then Danny and Deanna are, Oh, so then of course, Danny gets, smells it in the water
that her man is being flirted with. So she immediately starts coming up and asking a
million questions to disrupt them.
So she's like, have you seen that little knife?
Like my knife, the tiny knife that I wouldn't be using
to stab anybody right now if I hit it.
Yes, it's in the drawer.
Thank you so much.
And like three seconds later, by the way,
does anyone remember where the bathroom is on this boat?
I just can't seem to find it.
Chase, can you show me how to get to the bathroom?
So Deanna's like, um, I skip arm day.
Okay.
Look at that.
Actually though, it's pretty good.
He's like, Whoa, which way did the gun, excuse me.
Um, guys, so sorry about that.
I lost the knife in the bathroom.
Can you open the bathroom door to see if the knife is still in there?
Guys, I'm really sorry, but there's this little round thing on the door and I
don't know how to use it.
Chase, can you show me how to use it?
You mean the doorknob?
Yeah, I keep pushing it.
It's not working.
Oh, you got to twist it.
Can you just show me?
Thank you so much.
All right.
You, you guys go ahead.
I, I don't want to bother you.
Okay.
So anyway, here is my guns.
By the way, has anybody seen the knife in the bathroom with my glutes?
I've lost my glutes. Has anybody seen anything that can help me out here?
She's so awful.
God.
She really is.
So, and of course, you know,
Diana is just like scowling as Chase goes off with Danny to help slice fruit and stuff. So then now the guests
leave, they give you know, Ronnie gives her a little spiel.
She gives the tip Glenn does the thing he honks the horn and
everything. And and then we have Diana and chase, you know,
talking he like he like kind of like rest his head on her
shoulder. He's like, I'm sleepy, you know?
And you know, for a moment I thought like,
oh, this is kind of nice.
Maybe he is starting to move over to Diana,
which would make Danny so mad.
I was really hoping for that.
It seems like he's at least trying it on, right?
And, but like most men, especially on this show,
he's just going to go with whatever's easiest.
You know what I mean?
And she's not as easy.
And I don't mean like, you know, loose wise,
like she wasn't an easy girl.
I don't mean like that.
I just mean it's, you know, she's not as conversational
and like she doesn't make it as easy, you know?
Yeah, Diane is more of a hard nut to crack.
Right, and Danny's like a bowl of nuts
that's already been cracked and salted.
She is full on peanut butter.
There's no work involved. So it's not even crunchy. It's just swallow it if you need it. So then Daisy is now talking to Deanna and she's like,
what do we, oh, she's talking to both the girls
and about how the charter was.
And Deanna's like, well, it was crazy, but we managed,
you know, I mean, it was fine.
And then Daisy's like, well, we need the system
because when I say things and it doesn't get done,
I get to know it with it.
I really do girls, man, here's what I need need. And Diana's like, well, I mean,
but I understood I was gonna finish it midnight,
sleep till five, which is not ever five,
because you have to wake up earlier.
And she's like, I know, I know.
Well, I got fuck all sleep last night.
It's just the attitude in the moment that she gave me,
you know?
And I know all my decisions don't always make sense,
but there's actually thought behind it,
believe it or not.
You know, like being friends with Gary.
And Diana's like, sometimes.
Like, oh, okay, well, I'll pretend like I didn't hear that.
Anyway, go clean up.
So now it's time for the tip meeting time.
And Glenn's like, well, everyone, unfortunately, the primary got attacked by a jellyfish, but, you know, way to go handling the jellyfish sting and especially
the apology performance, which was phenomenal.
It was like the cave of performances.
And Gary, overall, the deck team seems to be really jelling.
See what I did there?
Jelling and working quite well together.
Chase is like, wow, so good to be back here.
Thanks for the compliment, buddy.
God, I miss this couch.
This is the money couch, which is funny
because I think that's a JD Vance quote, which is odd.
So then Gary's like, yeah, welcome Chase, you're doing great.
Thanks buddy.
Yeah, we actually were very, very glad to see you.
Somewhere, Emma was just like, well, thanks a lot.
Don't really even need to be there to be this, do I?
I mean, you can still get me all the way over here.
You must feel so powerful right now.
Well, Emma still hasn't made it to shore
because on the tender ride over, she's like,
hold on, can we just take a cigarette break real quickly?
Hold on, hold on one sec.
She's just taking cigarette break and napping.
Are you ready to go to shore yet?
Not yet, not yet.
I'm exhausted, please.
So now, Chase is doing bicep flexes
and Danny's pretending to ignore him.
And they ended up making 24,000,
which is pretty good, right?
Jeez. Yeah.
Even this miserable primary still tip more than Dr. Contessa,
I'd like to point out.
Dr. Contessa, I think, still has the lowest tip of the season.
Yeah, of all time, I think.
Ever.
Has there been a lower tip than that?
Yeah, there has been.
There definitely have.
Remember Charles, that guy Charles, and Erica Rose, and ugh,
there've been some low tippers, for sure.
Yeah, so then now everybody gets ready to go out tonight,
and Daisy and Gary are talking, making small talk,
and Gary's saying, oh, I'm gonna drink tonight.
You know, listen, then just don't drink.
But when you go and make it like,
this is how I know he's not sincere
with wanting to turn over any leaf, because he's making it like, this is how I know he's not sincere with wanting to turn over any leaf,
because he's making it like, look everybody,
I'm not going to be drinking tonight,
I hope we're all happy.
Poor, poor Gary.
Like you have to make a huge fucking song
and dance out of it.
Just don't have a drink, bro.
So you're not gonna drink for the rest of the season, Gara?
And he's like, yeah, pretty much,
because every time I drink, I think I offend people,
and that's just not what I want to do. I'm a little angel boy. Blah, blah.
He's like, I think I am very different when I drink.
I don't think alcohol is my friend. I do it as an escape, I guess,
but maybe I do it just because everybody else is drinking,
and I don't want to feel left out. I'm a damaged person. Oh, I feel bad for Gary.
Oh, poor Gary.
Poor Gary.
And so this is like, well, I'm fully behind this
if he really wants to stop drinking,
but it's basically the ammo storylines in it.
It's not going to last very long.
So Gary's like,
Well, I'm going to take some time off and reflect
where I want to move forward with my life
and whether I'm going to let it get to my life because right now I'm just feeling... I want to move forward with my life and whether I'm going to let Elec-
Elec-
get to my life because right now I'm just feeling-
Shut up.
I do not believe one thing he's saying.
I don't believe it.
No.
Daisy's like, honestly,
I'll be surprised if he makes it to dinner.
What I'm trying to say is, he's a full blown alcoholic.
Hey, full blown alcoholic like PK.
So,
Gary, Gary is going gonna be trying this out.
So now everyone gets ready to go out.
Davide, I don't know what was going on
with that sleeveless shirt he was wearing, but.
He's getting more comfortable.
Between that and his flat iron hair,
I just don't know what to say.
You know what, bra Bravo to personal style.
Not giving a fuck.
Choices. Yeah, seriously, choices.
So then Chase is like,
whoa, you look like Siegfried and Roy.
Geez, you could tame in tigers.
And he's like, Mozambique.
Yeah, that's how I do these.
Mozangch Chic, huh?
So then there's more flirting with Diana, Chase and Diana,
and he's asking her about her tattoo.
She has a tattoo on her arm of her and her grandpa,
and he's like, you and your grandpa!
And she's like, yeah, basically she got it after he died,
and it was nice.
He's like, aww.
And Diana's like, Chase is hot and nice,
but I usually date people that end up treating me like shit.
So, you know, my last boyfriend was a bit of narcissist
and when we broke up four years ago,
I just put up huge walls so I could protect myself.
I mean, admittedly, last boyfriend was Putin,
but you know, he is all about himself, and
it's hard to...
He literally just blew down the wall.
He took a tank and blew down over it.
I had to keep building the wall.
I'm almost so tired by it, I said, I can't have another relationship.
But I'm still guarded.
But Chase doesn't seem like a fuckboy, just a guy who's really annoying with bad tattoos.
And at this point, I'm ready to be treated like a human.
Oh my god, his tattoos are just...
Wow!
I do not remember how bad his tattoos were, did you?
I did.
No, I didn't.
I didn't.
You know, I'm lying.
I didn't remember until he showed up.
I didn't remember.
Oh yeah, he's got the bad tattoos.
They are thirsty tattoos.
Those are some serious,
because it's like the Harry Styles thing,
but it's what are the eagle wings or something?
On his chest?
Oh, I don't like the,
I don't love the tattoo on the pecs.
I just feel like pecs are right below his.
That's the Harry Styles, right?
Well, I think his are right below his.
Yeah, either way,
it's just I feel like pecs are such a sexy,
like part of a man.
And like, I just feel like putting putting a big old stamp on it,
I just feel like you're ruining it a little bit.
One is just something like you don't understand age or aging,
because when you put eagle wings on it, for example,
as you age and start to sag, it's just like a frowny mustache face.
You know what I mean? Like, you need to...
LAUGHS That's true! frowny mustache face. You know what I mean? Like you need to think in the future. Don't
stop thinking about tomorrow guys.
Yeah, even birds put their wings down a little bit. So be careful because those wings cannot
stay extended the entire time.
It's like, oh my God, you've got a, is that a dead bird on your chest? No, I'm just old.
All right. So, um, I'm just old. Alright.
Tom's that like...
They go to dinner and everyone's like,
Oh my god, we're gonna party. Ah, we're gonna go wild.
Aren't we? Cloyce. Cloyce is gonna live his best life.
I'll have a mocktail.
Did everyone hear me? I would like
something without your girl because I'm
not drinking alcohol because I'm a
good person.
Well, Gaurav says you're going to be a sober. I guess someone else can make a fool of themselves.
Chloe say something.
Okay, Daisy, I do like your hair like this.
And I bet you get a lot of people interested in a taste of Ireland for sure.
Top of the morning. And they uh, uh, uh, top of the morning, uh.
And they're all like, oh, gross.
Jesus Christ, lay off the cocktails yourself then.
I think that's the worst thing you've possibly ever said.
Taste of Ireland? That's not even a thing.
Daisy's like, oh no.
So then we see Captain Glenn doing calisthenics.
He's got those bands, those exercise bands.
He's like, one, two, three, four, five,
whoa, that's too much, okay, back to the iPad in bed.
That was hard.
So then, Chase is flirting with Deanna a little bit
and it's not going very well.
And he's like, I'm pretty dumb.
And she's like, I think you are more savage
because you'll say shit.
And then Garret's like, I'm going to pee pee.
So Chase goes with him and then Deanna,
Daisy asks Deanna what's going on.
She's like, what's happening with you, I guess.
Oh, fuck off, don't tell me nothing.
You vibe well enough, I like it.
Oh, you think you're sweet together.
You get on, what'd you make out with him?
Do it, she did it.
Eh, did you do it or are you gonna do it?
You have reservations on him?
Do it before that one jumps on him
because you know she will.
Like a fly on shit that one.
No offense, Chase, you're not calling your shit really.
It's like white on rice really.
And Diana's like, yeah, probably.
So Daisy's like, yes, chess, vibes.
So then Gary's like, oh, being sober
around a whole bunch of drunk people
is something I haven't experienced before.
Everyone's sloppy, everyone's slurring their words.
I'm like, have you heard yourself on camera before?
Haven't you ever watched this show?
Yeah.
So then now they're gonna go back to the boat
and party there.
And so they do.
And then Keith is like,
I'm going to train the little Wayne.
Like, wow, he's really come out of his shell.
Who knew Keith even said things like that?
I know.
I can't even believe he knew who Lil Wayne even was.
So...
It's like Lil Wayne Newton, of course, right?
So...
Donkashen, darling Donkashen.
Gary's like, I'm going to go to bed, blah, blah.
So he gets into bed and everyone's up on the hot tub,
drinking, having fun, partying, great times, et cetera.
And then they tell, they're playing a game
where they have to like, they get prompts to do something.
So Keith gets a prompt to give a pickup line to Daisy.
So he goes up to Daisy and he goes,
hey baby, are you Irish by chance?
Because I want to to turn your butter.
I think people need to work on their Irish puns tonight. We're over to.
I love your country. Most of all, you're here. Second of all, you've given me a boner.
Do you happen to have a Guinness?
Cause a lot to get up in your business.
So then what do we do next?
So then Davide goes to check on Gary.
He's like, are you okay?
What are you doing in here?
We are partying brother.
And he's like, I can't party.
I'm just not drinking anymore.
I'm a good person now,
bloodedy blood, I'm reading a kind tale.
This is Kindle.
Whatever.
It is upside down.
Oh, stop it.
Do you know what words are?
This is a book.
Oh, disgusting.
What have I done?
I've got a problem, and I think I need to learn when you say no or how to stop him stop myself from continuing down
This road it's abuse and when I start it doesn't stop I scare the shit out of me to be honest
live blue
blue
This storylines triggering me. It's really bothering me. I don't know why it's really bothering me watching Gary
Take something that most people really go through
That's a real thing and trivializing it because he got in trouble.
And I feel like that's what's going on here.
If I thought there was one smidgen of him actually thinking
like, wow, maybe I have a problem
that I need to get this taken care of,
this is not cool for the people around me.
This is not, like, if that was a real thing
that he was going through, I would like it,
but I don't believe it for one second.
It just seems so fucking fake.
And someone told him, like, you have to say this stuff
and really, this is how you really take responsibility.
Get up and say how you've got a problem
and you'll do anything to change it.
And he's just doing it and it's bugging me.
I don't like it.
I would say actually my hot take on it is that
I actually think what he's feeling is genuine,
but I don't think he's really at the place yet
to really do something about it.
I think he's doing this thing where he's like, well, if I can, I can do this.
I I'll be fine.
I'll just, I hope so.
And I could, but, but I don't knowing Gary and like knowing how hard the road is, I feel
like this is not like, oh, this he's turned over a new leaf regrettably.
I think this is him thinking that he has, but I think he's gonna just slide back into old ways.
Yeah, I mean, I think the thoughts he's thinking are real,
but I think they're regurgitated from other things he's heard.
I don't know that he's really feeling them.
I think he's just like learned that this is what you say
when you're in trouble, and it's just...
I think it could be all of the above.
It could be.
I think it's all of the above.
I think it's what you're saying
and what I'm saying altogether, to be honest.
Yeah, everybody get in the pool.
So now everybody-
Hey Ronnie, hey Ronnie, Ronnie.
Yeah.
Try not to get offended, okay?
Scary storyline.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So now people go back in the hot tub,
they're playing like naughty games
and then there's like
a game like you have to do your favorite, well Daisy does suck and blow and accidentally
kisses Keith, wacky, and then Danny gets to recreate her favorite movie makeout scene
with Chase, which of course they get that.
And so they do the notebook scene and they start making out really hard and then Danny
tops him, like it's on top of him and starts grinding up against him making out.
And of course, Deanna is like, Oh my God, I only slept eight hours for this.
Let me cover face with forms.
Why don't you look at these idiots?
So yeah, basically, then Chase and Danny go to the master bedroom and they go in there and Danny is like,
can I tell you something bad?
I've come in here once before.
He goes, was someone else on the boat?
She goes, no, not on the boat,
but we didn't do anything.
Mm-hmm.
He goes, well, I appreciate you telling me that.
Who was that, Gary?
No, she went with the guy from the club,
the child from the club. Oh, right, right, right. Gary, she just went in there. They went in there child from the club. Oh, right, right, right.
Gary, she just went in there.
They went in there.
And they went to bed, right, right, right.
Yeah.
We didn't do anything.
Bullshit, you didn't do anything.
I know, see?
Little liar, little liar.
And so then, Danny, if Daisy sees Deanna,
she's like, all right, well, bad call on my part.
I just heard an ass getting slapped.
So it's probably bad call on my part.
But I thought you were vibing.
Diana's like, no, Danny is obsessed with him.
I'm going to call Vladimir now.
She's like, oh, stop.
She's like, I'm not fucking dumb.
She says, you know, when you're on a boat and all of your life is these people
and you only connect with someone basically like Chase,
and now that person is connect with someone basically like Chase
and now that person is connecting with someone else
and now you're alone, it's very frustrating.
It's like you don't belong anywhere.
And then we just hear a slap on the ass and he, yeah, yeah.
Wow.
Swap, swap, swap, swap.
I like that he slaps her on the ass and goes, wow.
And she goes, what?
And he goes, wow.
Oh, all right.
So that was the end of the episode.
I did feel bad for Diana.
That sucks.
That sucks so much, but you know,
she can do much better and she will do better.
Once she gets off the boat,
she will remember that she's like drop dead gorgeous.
And yeah, that girl looks like Heather Graham. I'm not gonna like cry for that
I'm not crying for Argentina today. Okay, they're much better than chase out there a hundred percent also banks everybody
Thank you so much for everything for being here with us for talking with us
We sure love you guys go get tickets for the mounting hysteria tour starting next month over at watchwhatcrappens.com
and for the Golden Crappies which is February 1st on Broadway in New York City.
And we will talk to you next time, okay?
Bye.
Bye.
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