Watch What Crappens - #2661 RHOSLCS5E14 Part One: Todd Bedfellows

Episode Date: December 19, 2024

This is part one of a two-parter On The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City cast trip, Braunwyn reveals that Todd has been unfaithful, and Meredith is rumored to be vomiting and crying (over slut shaming).  In the end, Lisa storms out of dinner, and Mary just wants some dessert. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Sold on SLC bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch for Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one, the only Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Good. How are you, Ben? I'm just fabulous. Doing just fabulous.

You know, it's Thursday. We're about to head in for our winter break. We're so excited for it. And we got Salt Lake City to talk about today. In case you are under a rock, we are going back on tour next year. And we're going to tons of different places. And actually, we have a pretty big announcement,

which is we can now officially say that we are doing our very first ever Vegas show. We are going to Las Vegas. It took us long enough, right? So that show is of course I don't actually have the date, but it's going to be in May and we're really excited. It's going to be a wise guys. Tickets are on sale tomorrow, but it's going to be in May and we're really excited. It's going to be a wise guys. Um, tickets are on sale tomorrow, but you can act. There's actually a pre sale happening now for our Patreon, uh, patrons that's going to be on May 15th. So we are so excited to do our first Vegas show. It's going to be wild and crazy.

Also people have been asking for the ticket links for Austin and Dallas and Charlotte. We finally have the links up. The pre sale there is happening also And we're already talking to some really cool people to be guests on that. So that's going to be an epic show in New York. You don't want to miss it. And we're going to be doing that on the next week. So we're going to be doing that on the next week. So we're going to be doing that on the next week. So we're going to be doing that on the next week. So we're going to be doing that on the next week. So we're going to be doing that on the next week.

So we're going to be doing that on the next week. So we're going to be doing that on the next week. So we're going to be doing that on the next week. So we're going to be doing that on the next week. So we're going to be doing that on the next week. So we're going to be doing that on the next week. So we're going to be doing that Golden Crappies. And we're already talking to some really cool people to be guests on that. So that's going to be an epic show in New York. You don't want to miss that. We're going to have some voting stuff. Voting is going to happen in the new year, but we are now collecting ideas for the ballot. So please

go check out our social media, go check out Instagram because over the next few days, it's instagram.com slash watch where crap happens. Over the next few days, we are going to be soliciting ideas and suggestions for things like best, best moment of the year, best fight, best quote, things like that. We need your help because our memories are only so good. So go do all the things and, and it's going to be a great new year. Great, great, great new year. Great, great times. everybody. Wow. Yeah. Exciting times. All right.

Yeah, let's get on with her, Ben. This is a video as usual over on Patreon, Crappin's On Demand. Let's begin. We open in Puerto Vallarta, day two. Heather is in an oddly shaped swing outside of her room. You know, I love that people just keep trying to reinvent the swing.

I don't really think it's something that needs to be reinvented that much. This one's a big flat round one. I didn't really understand it, but you know, just cut my ass, you know what I mean? I don't wanna feel like a blob on a teacup or a teacup coaster. I just wanna feel like my butt is cupped, no matter its size.

You know what? It's not a show about Utah unless there's a reference to a swing. So she literal swingers everywhere. Literal literal swingers. So she gets a text from Whitney and to go meet Whitney and to say come meet me and Angie for water aerobics in 20 minutes. And we see just people like Brawn was brushing her teeth. Mara was drinking coffee. Lisa's getting glam and Lisa is texting everyone. She's like, hi, hi girls. We have a beautiful breakfast in the villa today and then we're going on a little

yacht ride and be sure to be ready for the yacht. I don't love on. Did you see Lisa's tweet that she tweeted out? Um, last night, I think she knows what it say. Um, it said, this is her tweet. This is the entirety of her tweet. Fucking liars need to shut their fucking mouth. Mom, mom, it has, it has so many retweets. It's just her.

Fucking liars need to shut their fucking mouth. Sometimes you just need to keep it simple, you know? Hey yo! That's gonna be my next tweet. Hey yo! Let's see how many people retweet it. This is the first time I'll ever go viral. Shut up. This is gonna be my tweet, shut up.

Swings, am I right? So then we go over to Bronwyn's room and she's also getting into glam. And so she calls Todd, she's like, what's going on there? The dog's okay, Todd? He's like, yeah, they're all fine. A couple of them are outside.

I'm getting on the porch. Get off my porch, dog! It's not for your space to live She's like there are a lot of animals roaming around the jungle here, but it's just so beautiful Todd I wish you were here to see you with me. Do you have to keep nodding your head? You're like a bobble head on an old Corvette and that is his transmission regulated. Jesus Christ, are you riding a horse? Do you need somebody to support your chin? Yeah, you know what?

I'm gonna build you a sack of Werther's originals that you can rest your chin on so you stop bobbing so much. Are you dying over the text I sent you last night? Well, here's what's going on here. I sent you a late night text that was saying, Todd, I'm just very upset because Lisa asked me how I like the rooms.

And I said, Lisa, I like the rooms, but I just can't believe that you wouldn't have me by you because I came to be with you. And then you put me in another room with other people. And I just don't understand the room. Oh my God, you're going to give yourself a conniption fit. It's not this big of a deal. You're in a gorgeous room, you're overlooking the ocean.

I've never heard anyone in my life, especially on this show, complain about being too far from Lisa Barlow. Everyone else is trying to get bus tickets the hell away from Lisa Barlow if they have to, girl. A hallway away. This was Bronwyn's, um, this was her like sob story episode. And I don't mean that in a, I don't mean that in a dismissive way, but like all great housewives,

they know how to clap back. They get into fights. They hold their own. But when the, when the pressure's on, they, they give the sob story that this is like what Leanne Loughan would do at all times. Like when Leanne Loughan was caught with every episode, Leanne Loughlin was the best. She's like, well, I'm sorry. What's up? When I was a baby, my stuffed animal plushie got caught in the Ferris wheel at the carnival and I cried and cried for years. So now I just relive that trauma whenever I see Carrie Deaver.

So I'm sorry I hit that bus. But one time my mama put me on the bus and she said, you're never getting off this bus. And when you do, it's going to be a different mama that sees you when you get off. Cause I'm done with you. You can't even do a backstand. What kind of carny are you? Loser.

And now every time I see a trolley, I just have to hit it. Like, oh, for Christ's sake. Can we just take responsibility? Now, I'm not saying also that what Bronwyn says later in the episode is just like some, like what, like a silly story that she manipulates for tears. It doesn't matter. It's like, it doesn't matter.

We'll get to that, but I knew you were saying that. The point is that she, this is her episode. This is her episode. When we talk about like, this is her like. We'll get to that. But I'm not saying that. The point is that she, this is her episode. This is her episode. When we talked about like, this is her like, I wanna get the Rose episode. This is if anyone watches The Bachelor, you always have to have your trauma to stay on the show. And when you're afraid you're gonna get kicked off,

this is when you bring up your trauma. They vary. And I'm sure most of them are real, but you save it up. I think they ask you in auditions. You know, most people like on Broadway, they'll be like, give me your best eight bars. And you come in and you're like, two, maro.

And you do that for five seconds. But in like reality TV, they say, give me your best eight bars. And you're like, mom beat me, dad left me, car broke down, brother looks, you know, brother's hotter than me. And they're like, okay. Goldfish died.

Yeah. Great job. We've already got a couple of mother deaths and father abandonments. Please move to the back. Next please. Someone's like, um, and I'll fuck my elbow in college. And...

The CEO of PromPilot cheated on me. Like, okay, that's good. That's it. Ding, ding, okay, that's good. That's it. Ding, ding, ding, bring her in. And she's also dressed like a bunny in a bikini. Wow, all right, double. And she was mauled by a dog the other day. She's just like, it's like ding ding, ding ding ding ding ding.

She's just passing of flying colors. Ooh. Fucking men though, isn't that the truth? I mean, men, it doesn't matter how old a man is. A man can have nipples dragging onto the ground, be a hairy-backed ape, and probably smell like, you know, milk that was spilt on a counter three weeks ago and still pull ass. I mean, they will still, they,

they might not get out of out of their easy chair for, for five days in a row, but their, their Dick will still find a way. They could be impotent. We will tape a popsicle stick to the bottom of our dicks and still put it inside of things. Like, it's a world war one Victor victim in Downton Abbey. It's like your dick is on the bobsled stick in the living room in Downton Abbey. And one of the daughters is tending to it carefully.

That's the viagra of the past. Sticks. That's how people started getting crooked dicks because they were, you know, tournicated around sticks. You know, and so like nature just took over and started bending everyone's way. The point is that nature finds a way. Okay, so back to the times before we knew

that Todd was a cheater, it is beautiful. And I'm glad we're here, but I feel kind of a certain way about not rooming with you. And then it turned into this whole conversation of her insinuating offence. And I'm like, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that.

I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that.

I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm like, it is beautiful and I'm glad we're here, but I feel kind of a certain way about not rooming with you. And then it turned into this whole conversation of her insinuating, I'm not grateful to be here and frankly that I'm snobby. That never happened. That never fucking happened. You're a fucking liar Bronwyn

and like you're enjoyable on this show. I'm enjoying Bronwyn on this show, I really am. But she is a fucking liar. And you know, she's gonna fit right in here because you've got this show of Whitney's, well, Whitney, I guess is the biggest liar, but you'll fit right in. She's, I mean, she's going to, she's going too fast. Like she, we saw season one, Bronwyn season two, we're on like, are we already on season four Bronwyn? And we haven't even finished like episode 14 or whatever. Like this is,

she's like her, the fact that she's already at this place of taking one comment and reading so far into it that then she comes out of it saying like, and you just called me a snob. You have to be, you have to have a few seasons on your belt before you're doing that sort of thing. So she's really, she's, she's going too fast. She's going to explode. She's just so offended and that's a good quality in Housewife generally, but it's like every little thing. She's got a slower role, you know? So, um, Todd, you know, we're going to find out, well, that's just a stupid thing to say. And I thought, God, Todd does really listen to this channel because he knows James's famous song. You're a stupid thing to say.

La la. You're a stupid thing to say. We should play that at the end of this episode, just in case people forgot it. As one of James's, James is an asshole and he's canceled, and we're not trying to uncancel him. But he did have a real banger a few years ago. Ben's gonna put it up later.

You're a stupid thing to say. So then we go over to Whitney and she's taking Angie and Heather to water aerobics and she's like, every family vacation we go on, Justin insists that we go to water aerobics. And then we see a clip somehow of Justin at a pool and water aerobic. How much does the camera crew follow these people around?

Was this Bobby, Bobby, were you taking secret footage of your parents doing water aerobics? And I can do it again, but Bobby, why are you talking like that? I just had a mountain deal splashed with some Dr. Pepper. Bet you want to fuck with me and give you a piece of me. We haven't seen much of Bobby this season. She's probably out like swerving that golf cart around.

Oh, and by the way, I'm like a pack of gum in kindergarten. Everybody gets a piece. Come on. I'm rich. Which is the quote that Karen Huger said. Uh, the video all came out of Karen Huger. We don't have, there's not a crappy hour until the new year. So we probably should. Well, the big news is that Karen Huger is found guilty for DUI and all the video footage,

all the footage of her in the patrol car and at the police station has now hit the internet. It's pretty wild. I'm sure we'll talk about it. Her and Ray are acting like they are talking to TMZ. The camera's right in their face. And they're like, oh yeah, yeah, being pulled over. You're welcome, you're welcome.

Hello, hello, hello. Do you have anything for me to sign? Is that what you'd like me to do? Sign something for me? No, no, I'm, you know, what's your name? And she's, they show one where she's in the patrol car and she's asking the cop, what's your name? And he's like, I don't know, Rick, what's yours?

And she's like, the grand don, you call me grand don. That's what you call me. And he goes, grand don? She just sounds horrible, because he doesn't know what she's talking about. She's like, yeah, grand bam, yeah, and they call me, and they call and gave it to me. And they did it, yo.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. She's like, do you have a tissue? Do you have a tissue? He's like, no ma'am, I don't have a tissue. Every like two minutes, she has like two lines that she keeps coming back to, which is, oh, I'm very rich.

I'm very rich. Do you have a tissue? Do you have a tissue? Do you have a tissue? Ma'am, we do not have tissues in the patrol car. Are you sure? Annie Ghosn would give me a tissue. She's like, who? Ghosn, what?

Annie Ghosn, what? Ghosn, they're like drunk, she's drunk. She is wasted. This is horrifying in a way, but it's also hands down, I have to say the best DUI video I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of them. This was the best. I mean, it was, listen, she might go to jail.

This was bad. She got found guilty. It's her second time. This was egregious. This was egregious. She should not have been driving. It's terrible. She may be guilty of this.

We all know that she is now officially guilty of this, but something else she is also guilty of is art. You know, she's an artist. So. I feel like her heart's. Well done. It's really, it's an amazing video. Two videos at least.

I don't know if there's another video, but they're really worth watching. Also, as long as, I mentioned this a few days ago, but in case you didn't listen to that episode, I will say it here on the salt Lake city episode. I apologize for devaluing Bronwyn's passport holder gift. I personally thought they were chachkis. Many people who are up on their passport holder knowledge, uh, wrote me

messages to say they are, they were actually $600 a piece. They were like Kelly Ben Simmons or something like that. I forget that. The Judith Lieber, Kelly Lieber, Joanna Lieber, whoever it is, it's a designer passport case. I stand corrected. It turns out they were not Chachkis, although to me they look like they were from Zazzle, but either way, um, now we know, now we know the truth. Yeah, now we fucking know. And you know what, now we know. Now we know the truth. Yeah, now we fucking know. And you know what?

And now we've said it. We're embarrassed. Very embarrassed. So we both apologize, because you know I should have known better too. I should have been like, Ben, that is Judith Lieber. I know.

I was like, how could I have not known the Judith Lieber passport holder? Because girl, people love their Judith Lieber. Like I've never, you know, why would I? I'm an old Navy gay. I don't know anything. But I was like, wow, is it Judith Light? Is Judith Light making these?

Cause I've never seen a more famous Judith in my life. Like crazy. Judith Lieber, guess what? You're the boss. Don't even anybody ask who's the boss. It's Judith fucking Lieber. That's who's the boss. Yeah.

Fuck you Ben. It's Judith fucking Lieber. You fucking loser. Gay people showed up to Ben's door and literally patted him down to find his gay boss. It's like, fuck you, Ben. It's Judith fucking Lever, you fucking loser. Gay people showed up to Ben's door and literally patted him down to find his gay card and they took it. Ben's not even allowed to suck leaners anymore.

They've taken it away from him. You guys have really no idea how many messages I got. Every single day, you'd be like, hey, I was just catching up on Salt Lake City and that passport holder, it's actually $600. Here's the link. I was like, how does everyone know about? Is this what did it go viral? Was it a thing? Like, why do people know about the passport holder? Like I would, I don't know. But then again, like, I, you know, I guess everyone knows

different things, right? I just feel so funny that the passport holder landed on so many people's radars. That's huge. And it's even funnier because no one loves like global entry and passport issues more than Ben. Like honestly, Ben has every kind of entry that you can get into every country. He collects them. He's like, are you in this line?

I'm in this line. And he like moves his shoulders like this to walk over to the line. Cause he's like so proud. And like lines that I've never heard of. And Ben is, so I've never heard of. And Ben is, so I was shocked that you weren't up on the current glam passport.

Well, when you have a line, you don't need a glam passport holder, baby. Baby! Oh gosh. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. They say Hollywood is where dreams are made, a seductive city where many flock to get rich,

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Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Spotify or Apple podcasts. Okay. So let's get on with this. or Apple podcasts. Okay, so let's get on with this. So we're at WaterAerobics and Whitney is like, it's actually a great workout and retirees love it. So I thought that Angie and Heather would love it too. This is some good old aqua aerobics shade. So they do, this is what they also did on Orange County last year, I think.

Didn't they do some aqua aerobics? So I wonder if it was the same guy. Was it, did they go to Puerto Vallarta last year when they went on the Mexico trip? I don't know. I keep up with an F. I'm not taking, I'm not, I'm not keeping Puerto Vallarta aerobic passport queens in my brain.

I just can't do it. So the girl that, so they do this and they're doing aqua aerobics. And then we see Whitney's like, Angie has Zia rhythm because they all have to do this like alligator thing with her hands, like left, right, left, right. And we see Angie is a hundred percent out of sync. Like all their hands go up and her hand is down. All their hands go down we see Angie is 100% out of sync.

Like all their hands go up and her hand is down. All their hands go down, her hand is up. It was amazing. It was like me. It's all Greek to me. So then now they're like, Angie's like, well, you know, the water takes the pressure off.

Am I right? Isn't that the whole point of it? And Whitney's like, speaking of pressure, how about Bronwyn last night? Like I felt bad, cause it's hard to see one of your friends defeated like that. You know, cause we've all been in the...

Whitney. What? Finish your sentence. I wasn't talking. You were. Speaking of pressure, no, don't start. You were. Speaking of pressure. No, don't start from the beginning. By the way, that was, I love water aerobics is forcing your citizens.

It is also good for your health of your joints. So I thought Heather and Angie would also like it. You went too far, too far back, Angie. Come on. I mean, have, Whitney, forward Whitney, forward. You exploited my vagina. That's too far back. Do do do do, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. Water aerobics is good for your joints

and senior citizens love it. So I thought Heather and Angie would love it too. Speaking of pressure. Wow. That water aerobics was good. I, it was much harder than I thought. Speaking of harder than a thought, God Bronwyn, Whitney's Segway into talking shit. So, um, she's like, yeah, I felt bad. She, you know, cause we've all been in that position.

And Heather's like, I feel bad for her. When she was talking about how the dog bites, all the dog bites and how Todd wouldn't even come to the ER. And then we see them talking about the dog bites and stuff. And apparently, oh yeah, this is the flashback. Lisa's like, so were you in shock? Or were you screaming? Or were you crying? Like, what was that like? Was it like that time I went to Taco Bell and the diet cook machine was broken? Oh, the trauma is coming back. Oh,

it was so weird because I had to like drive back with a gigantic styrofoam cup full of ranchero sauce to sip on. It's the only way they can calm me down. So Bronwyn's like, no, I, you know, here's, I called Todd and I told him about the attack and he said it's probably just a scratch. And so he didn't come. And then when he saw the pictures, he said,

oh yeah, that was more than a scratch. Well, when he saw my, the gaping wounds and the pools of blood and festering rabies in my leg, he thought, okay, well, maybe it's not a scratch. And Heather's like, it is not a scratch. Because yeah. Heather's pretty dramatic for someone who's had an entire body transplant.

Heather's literally, these people on Bravo have literally had everything removed and replaced. They're like when you're trying to like check a car and see if it's a lemon before you buy it, and they're like, everything was replaced with Japanese parts, is that okay? These are all parts off of Amazon, are you okay with that? And you're like, I'm totally,

I just need something that drives, you know what I mean? So Heather's saying. They're used to you know what I mean? So Heather's saying... They're used to healing is what I'm saying. Yes. I'm sorry I didn't wrap that up, but... Speaking of pressure. We're so close to Friday. Like I can't even, we're so far,

we're so close yet so far away from Friday. Ah, always. Wait, can I be unprofessional? I need to, I need to grab a water bottle. Please, what do you think I'm doing over here? Running for president? Speaking of pressure, I need to grab a water bottle. It's just off of camera,

so I'm gonna step away for three seconds while I grab it. Vamp, vamp, vamp. Okay, well guys, Ben, Ben is about to get fired, so I'm gonna give you Ben's biggest trauma story. Dun, dun, dun. One time, Ben had to go through the passport line within un-glittered passport by Judith Lieber.

It was so embarrassing. Wait a second. Wait, wait. Aqua aerobics are good for your joints. Okay, so then end of flashback and we cut back to the pool and Heather's like, they had to show FaceTime video for wounds to get him to come.

And like, Lisa described their relationship, like he's obsessed with her, but I've not seen that. Like, I think he's kind of mean to her and he dismisses her. And then we see the Brat Mitzvah flashback where Tom's like, I was trying to be respectful, you know, and Bronwyn's saying, well, I told her 10 times that if there wasn't an apology, I wasn't interested. And him saying, well, then why'd you stay?

Why didn't you walk away? Geez, I mean, what the hell is going on? If someone didn't want it, you walk to someone else. If someone waves an iPhone in your face, you say, good luck getting lazy fingers from not having to press buttons anymore. You miss grants and you go to the next door. If you go to Walgreens and they're out of Werther's, do you stay? No, you go to CVS. I love that you come back to Werther's so much. You know, I love Werther's originals. I eat them every day of my life. How dare you?

Imagine if there was something called Werther's fakes. Also, by the way, there is a delicious irony in Todd. There's delicious irony in Todd, CEO of Palm Pilot talking about knowing when to walk away. I'm like, sir, where are the PalmPilots? Where are the PalmPilots now? Yeah. Yeah, this is pretty crazy, you know,

but they're gonna make this a huge... I mean, yeah, I guess so. I guess it's bad. It's bad that he didn't go to the emergency room. I'm sorry. Yeah, that's so. I guess it's bad. It's bad that he didn't go to the emergency room. I'm sorry. Yeah, that's bad. Yeah, that's bad. That's bad.

Yeah, that's, well, look, Todd's an asshole. I mean, Todd is an old grumpy asshole. You know, I'm not gonna ever stand up for Todd. I think he's an ass. So Heather is like, well, I just don't- I tried to give him benefit of the doubt. I'm sorry. I tried to give him benefit of the doubt

earlier in the season, but it's gone. It's gone. You know, I saved that. It's like when you're checking out at Home Goods and they're like, would you like to give a little bit of benefit of the doubt to the children of St. Jude's? I'm like, no, not really. You do it.

You're the giant corporation. Marlon Thomas is not gonna appreciate that. How am I giving you enough? Marlon Thomas and Jennifer Aniston are gonna, they were like, Jennifer Aniston's like, I was just about to go to the crampies, but now I'm gonna have to back out. I literally doubt that they're sending that money to those children.

I don't believe them. And also they're a giant corporation. How about you donate part of your profits and stay away from me? Guess who I'm donating to? My guest. Acrobatics. I'm just to? My guest. My guest. I'm just kidding, but I do have a good home,

good story about that later. Stay tuned, Ben. Okay, so Heather's like- Speaking of pressure. I don't see the respect and love, but I can totally relate because I was in a marriage like that. Okay, you are not, it's not your marriage.

Okay, so just, this is not time to start rehashing that old man with that old man in a hot tub. Your husband is still somewhere in a hot tub alone, just waiting for someone to come visit him. Every time you mention him, I feel sad. He's in a hot tub playing a saxophone, hoping he can tell people he's a California raisin. Yeah, no, it's not the same.

Well, whatever, I don't care. I don't know, I actually have no, I don't care. And I don't know why I'm about to just take a stance. I was like, sometimes like when you take a stance, I'm like, I'm gonna take a stance too. And I was like, I have no idea. I don't even know why I'm taking a stance. Literally you could be like,

and then she chewed her fingernails. I'd be like fingernails? What a loser, who chewed and chews on their fingernails anymore? I disagree. I'm just disagreeing just with anything, I don't care. So she's like, you know, my husband was an asshole to me and I'm supposed to just be lucky

because he didn't cheat on me and he wasn't addicted to drugs, so what's my problem, you know? And she's right that that's not that I'm saying that not all, that that's all great. It's just funny because on this show, if one person is like has a problem, then everyone else is like, well, guess what happened to me? And then they start competing with each other. I guess it's normal, right? And a friend group.

You know what? Your husband used to used to your husband was the CEO of Palm Pilots. Well, guess what? My husband had a pilot pen. So I know what it's like. Yeah. If my husband was a pilot, he would have taken Brigham Young somewhere because I am Mormon royalty

and we drove Brigham Young around. So suck it. So then Heather's talking about how she's so- We're losing our minds. We've lost our minds. Yeah, people should just turn this off, honestly. Yeah, this is, I think, the only show you'll listen to that actively asks you to turn it off while you're listening.

Just spare yourself. Do yourself a favor. Here's what's coming up in this recap. More home good stories. Okay, so Heather's like, you know, I'm wounded from my marriage, because I put myself in the back seat and I pandered to him. And regardless of how I was doing that, I was betraying myself. And so I can't stand dismissive husbands. And I agree with

her, you know, that sucks. And it does for her as well. Now, here's the here's the thing. He's dismissive, but he's extremely wealthy. So sometimes I'm like, okay, you need to put it on a scale. Like, could he treat her better? Of course, will he? Probably not. Is it worth spending $10,000 every outfit and then literally changing outfits every day?

Maybe, to some people it is. To me, it's not, but to some people it is. But Todd's still an asshole. I'm just saying, you know, you can't always give the advice, leave him, because sometimes the advice would lead you to a two bedroom apartment and I would rather have the clothes. Yeah, I think I would like to stay

in that Beetlejuice house and just have fun. I think- Yeah, can you imagine all that dog poop in a two bedroom apartment? I mean, then you're really sleeping, this doesn't work. This doesn't work. It doesn't work. By the way, when Heather says, you know, in my marriage, I put myself on the back seat,

that now this whole season makes sense because when she met Bronwyn and they were hanging out, Bronwyn was in the front seat and Heather was in the back seat of the car. So no wonder why Heather was triggered by her. The back seat is her trauma space. It all makes sense now. Great point.

Yeah. She just has to be in the right row. So, So they're asking about when Mary is coming and all that stuff and now they want to go eat. And then she's like, we've worked up an appetite, eh? Let us, let us go eat a banana. I love that. That's now that is some real housewifery right there, okay? Like, wow, I am starving.

We just worked out, I am starving. Let's have a single banana that we can split three ways. And then Heather's like, banana, I want French toast and cereal and eggs and sausage, and which we know she's not gonna eat because she's medicated. Here's one thing I wanna say, as someone who's also medicated,

I read a headline the other day that Heather was quitting Ozempic because she was sick of being body shamed and everybody commenting on her body and giving her shit online. You guys, cut that bullshit out. Just cut it out. It's enough now.

It's been years of this shit. You don't understand what it's like being bigger and you don't understand what it's like having something that can help you. Just shut the fuck up if you're not suffering from it and leave everybody alone. Stop bullying everybody for shit like that. You don't like body shaming,

but it's okay when it's on your terms and you can do it when you're offended about something. But you know what? Some of us need this shit and it really helps. It's like life changing in a way you don't even understand and that's fine. You can not like it, but stop bullying people about it. It's just fucking mean and it's stupid and you look stupid and ignorant at this point. I'm so over it.

And it's been this thing that's been like okay for now, what, a year? That people have been doing this ever since we, well, it's longer than that since we started it. And it's just like, be quiet. Just leave people alone. You don't understand the mental shit you put people through when you do that. Stop, be nicer. There you go. For Christ's sake.

I'm giving you a snack. If you need to take it, then you take it. For Christ's sake, stop listening because they're gonna shame you when you're fat and they're gonna shame you when you're thin. They're gonna shame you when you eat too much. They're gonna shame you when you don't eat enough. They're gonna shame you, shame you, shame you.

So shame on them, fuck them. That's what you need to do. Just say fuck them. Fuck them. Yeah. Girl. Yeah. Take what you mean. That's a you need to do. Just say, fuck them. Fuck them. Yeah. Girl. Yeah. Take that to me. That's a great point.

Yeah, that's a great point. I'm gonna put my little rock pellets out and you all can just leave me alone. Shame people for their actions. Shame them for their actions. Yes. Okay. So now everyone is, all the girls are,

they're going out to a patio and there's gifts. And Lisa's like, hi, is everyone ready for yacht? Here's some Vita bags. They have your names on them. So then Bronwyn, she gives them all a tote bag, a canvas, a nice canvas tote bag with stuff in it. And Bronwyn's like, obviously Lisa thinks I'm too bougie to function and I'm spoiled. So like the grateful guest I am, I will accept this gift, but you know,

I'm also wondering, I mean, who would use a canvas bag? Am I right? Like, okay Bronwyn, this is not, this is not the hill to die on. I think this is like, she's trying to be like, what a ridiculous, like I'll be grateful for this totally unusable lacking in function gift. I'm like and she's like what would you use a canvas bag for? Even the producers like do you go grocery shopping? She's like no. I mean what do you what do you put this on your head? What do you use a canvas tote for? Who would ever use a tote? Literally in the same sentence that she's like mad that someone's calling her bougie and spoiled.

She's acting like it's about a fucking canvas bag that 99% of us use. It's actually the most useful gift we've ever seen on any Housewives show. On a franchise where like every gift is some string, it's like a lotion that no one's ever gonna use or some tachki jewelry or whatever, like a tote bag is an actively useful gift.

I want a Vita tote bag and Bronwyn is like, what do you even use this for? And also it's a good tote bag because yes it is branded, which is tacky, but it says Vita tequila, and that means tequila life to anybody who speaks the language. So I think it works, even if you don't know what the brand is, it's like, yes,

you're living that tequila life, baby. So, you know, whatever. It's all about brand. I love tote bags. I have too many and I just want more and more and more. Yeah, so there you go. I'm not taking away her joy. Yeah, I'm not trying to get a free Vita Tequila tote bag.

I'm just trying to say- She'll send it to you. So why not? She already owes about $700,000 to various vendors. I'm sure she's got some of those lying around. I mean, I still have my bottle of Vita Tequila that I drink from every now and then, so I need the tote bag to go with it.

Lisa! God, Lisa, get on the ball, Lisa. You're really slacking over there. Okay, so then Bronwyn, yeah, that's her thing. Okay, so now they pack into the Sprinter van, and they're joking around about how Bronwyn's chair is reclining back and they're like shaking her chair. And then Meredith just leans against the back seat and closes her eyes and just does a little bing-bong. Bing-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-bong-b almost drove off a cliff. Mimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimim Are you okay? What? I'm just closing my eyes. I didn't sleep very well. Maybe you noticed that when most people close their

eyes, they're trying to nap. But thanks a lot for waking me up. Speaking of pressure. So then Brittany is like, well, I'm not surprised that Meredith is exhausted today. And then we see a flashback where Heather is talking to Brittany and Heather's like

How are things this morning and the Brittany's like well, I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of Meredith crying And throwing up don't don't don't oh she was definitely throwing up But I said I said this isn't fair you're throwing up But when I throw up no one pays attention to me No one gossips about me when I throw up, but when Merida throws up, we all gossip about her. That's just not fair. What about me? Commercials. Here comes one right now.

And then the girls get to a boat and it's called the best days. So they love that. And they're like, oh my God, here's the best day ever. And they start dancing and Bronwyn won't dance. So they all dance for Bronwyn and it's awkward. It's as awkward and crackery as we would think. And then let's see, Bronwyn's like, you know, who cares? So then they start talking about summer plans and stuff like that. And Bronwyn's like, you know, my, who cares? So then they start talking about summer plans

and stuff like that. And so Lisa's like, last year we went on an amazing trip and it was Jack's last trip for us. Wait, hold on. Eee! Okay, it's over. And then, you know, all the focus is on little baby Henry. Oh my God, baby gorgeous.

You know, he loves it. He like goes on little dates with me and John. Like, he'll go out to dinner with me and then John will take him to do something sporty. And then I'll drive him to school and then I'll have lunch with him in the school cafeteria. And then I'll show up at PE and carry him on my shoulders and say, stop dead and take away the pot from Henry.

Hey! See you, Henry! You know, at the beginning of the year, it's been a very challenging year for Henry. In the beginning, I feel like he didn't want to make friends and he wasn't trying to make friends. But then after being forced to go on several mini dates with me and John, he was like, Oh my God, I need a social life! So it all worked out in the end. Yeah, so now his friend's like, I'll drop him off at the movies and I'll meet his friend John. Or like, he'll just say, mom, I'm going to dinner. And then he goes to dinner with his friends, John and Lisa. You know, he's having a great time.

Yeah, and we just like love him. We're all doting on him. She's like, and how about all of his cologne collection? Oh, yeah, he's up to 15 colognes. I was like, something's going on with the collections on this show between the Starbucks cups and the colognes. I don't know, we gotta check in on that. He's on Lake City. Let's get some better collections. That's a collecting culture.

And Heather's like, oh my God, what about the way he says Jean Paul Gaultier? And she's like, oh my God, he says it with like a French accent, I'm not kidding you. Mm-hmm. Heh heh heh. Brittany goes, and so it's just, by the way, this is actually kind of nice

because Henry was having issues, you know? Like I still think that story about no one coming to his birthday party is so heartbreaking. And so, and I know it was like, okay, invitations were sent out late, but it's still really sad. And it makes me, it does make me happy. And and this is like this is actually a nice moment for Lisa and then Brittany Just pushes forward and she goes you guys this is so Unsupportive cuz like last night I gave you a story about Olivia and then it was like a really big deal

And then it was just like crickets and they're all like Who's Olivia? And it was just like crickets. And they're all like, who's Olivia? When she was like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, guys, my daughter is finally talking to me. Well, Jared's not, so I called my daughter back for once. So that was, so then Lisa's like, wait, what? She goes, you know, last night,

when I was making that announcement, I was like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, remember, my daughter's finally talking to me after six months, literal crickets, guys. And Bronwyn gets like, well, mm-hmm, let me give that a little nod. The difference is I know Henry and I see him. He's a real person to me.

I don't know who Olivia is. I mean, are you just talking about Scandal? Because knowing you, you could just be talking about Scandal. Are you talking about Rudy's replacement on the Cosby show? Because she wasn't as cute. Are we allowed to say that now, as enough time passed? Are you talking...

D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D I'm gonna put Rudy's replacement. What if I got that wrong? Are you talking about the mom from the Sopranos? Now that would have been a cute replacement for Rudy. Hi, ma. It's like, you know, wait, this is my daughter Olivia. You're calling yourself a doctor, please. I've seen better doctors on Bugs Bunny. Ma. Doctor, please. I've seen better doctors on Bugs Bunny. So Brittany is like, yeah, but like, you know me, this group isn't very supportive of me. And I feel like, well, we weren't even talking about you. We were talking about Lisa's son.

I know, but like last night when I made the announcement, remember, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, that was really hard. Yeah, she didn't night when I made the announcement, remember, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, that was really hard. Yeah, she didn't replace Rudy, by the way. She just came on after Rudy. You guys, I'm falling down a Cosby show rabbit hole. Are you talking about, what's her face? Raven, Raven, Simone.

That's Raven, right? Is it? Raven, Simone. I don't remember. Yeah, hold on. Cosby. I don't wanna say it wrong, you know what I mean? I was young when that show came out, so I don't remember. Yeah, hold on. Cosby. I don't want to say it wrong. You know what I mean?

I was young when that show came out, so I don't remember who was here. You don't want to have a Judith Lieber moment. I get it. Do you remember when Olivia came out with passports with jewels on them? Yeah. There was an episode called the Cosby Show.

Olivia comes out of the closet. What the hell? You know what sitcom titles in the eighties, I can't. Yeah, Olivia Simone Kendall is a character in the Cosby show. She's Denise Huxtable's precocious stepdaughter. Who's three years old. Why doesn't it say that in big bold letters

right at the beginning? Okay, Raven Simone, wow. Literally says it in big bold letters. Isn't that so funny that like, I totally know who Raven-Symon is. I didn't know she was famous from that. I just thought she was famous from that, so Raven. That's when, that was like, yeah.

Okay, so who's cuter? Raven, Olivia, or Rudy? I just want to show you the big bold letters on my screen. You're like, why don't they have it in big bold letters? It is literally big bold letters. It's on screen, crap is on demand, sorry. No, you're such a liar. Okay, I don't believe you.

Look at it right there, look. No, I'm gonna share you what I see on my Google so then I can look smart. I'm a screen share now. Who do you think's the screen share in this family? Me, I'm the screen share,. Who do you think's the screen share in this family? Me, I'm the screen share. So I'm gonna show you right now.

That's my wiener, sorry everybody. Okay, do you see my screen? This is what, wait, am I showing you? Am I showing you? It's like an infinite loop on. Literally nobody cares. Are you guys still listening to this recap? I warned you not to.

Wait, why are you still here? Okay, look, want to wait wait. Wait, do you wanna do you see it? Okay, look it just says it just says all this stuff. It's like Cosby show This is who Olivia Kendall is Cosby show this Olivia comes out of the closet. No, where does it say Raven? Simone? I feel like she should sue Google. Oh Played by Raven. Simone right here. Okay, whatever, it's small. It's small bold letters. Whatever you guys, get off my ass, okay? Judith Lieber, Ben, you don't know who Judith Lieber is. You know what, can I tell you something?

Wait, look at this picture of Raven-Symon. This is actually kind of an amazing thing right here. I'm bringing it up right now, present. Here it is. Oh wait, it's Judith Lieber, everyone. That's so Judith. That's so okay. Back to the show. Okay, so Brittany's like, Yeah, I mean,

come on, guys, no one's paying attention to me. And they're like, we don't even know your kid, you know, and she goes, Yeah, and we weren't even talking about you. We were talking about Lisa's son. And she's like, we don't even know your kid, you know? And Angie goes, yeah, and we weren't even talking about you. We were talking about Lisa's son. And she's like, well, I know, but last night when I made the announcement, and Angie's like, not to be rude, but we were just like in this moment

about Henry and Cologne's and him being an only, and now you turned it onto you. And she's like, well, my feelings were hurt. And Lisa goes, Brittany, Britney, Britney, I wanna tell you something. What? It's weird. It's weird!

It's weird, Britney! No, but like, I give you good news about Jared and me and I give you good news about my daughters and it feels like none of you are supportive with the good things in my life. I mean, it's a really, really big deal for me. Have you ever seen the blue corn moon? No?

Oh. And so. Oh. Brittany, nobody likes you and your stories are thirsty and attention grabbing and all you're trying to do is get attention. You're a terrible person, okay? You're not even really dating that guy

and your kids don't like you because you choose men over them, okay? You're a terrible mother and you're not a nice person. So be quiet over there and stop dinging your goddamn glass. Okay? Jesus Christ. Brittany just is, she's just so clunky with her housewifery that she just doesn't realize how clunky she is. And the bar is low on the show.

Again, we have Whitney Rose. Speaking of pressure, and if you can't even like get up to Whitney's level of clunky, like Whitney is like base level clunkiness, like the base amount of clunkiness you're allowed to have in order to do like have acceptable housewife moments and Britney can't even get to that level. You just have to just put in some more effort and do some more, you know, just study it like the way you studied to be Ariel in Disney Tokyo. Okay. And then you'll get there, Britney, Ariel in Disney Tokyo. Okay, and then you'll get there, Brittany.

Put in the work. Ariel flopped around less. So Bronwyn's like, do you like the idea of telling us you have an announcement, or do you just like the idea of seeing your daughter? And it's, which by the way, So good.

Is so rude, but also so spot on of an analysis because- We're all thinking that. Brittany's always just trying to come up with an announcement to get congratulations. So Britney is like, Bronwyn you are a fucking bitch. And Bronwyn's like, well, do you have anything else to say? She's like, I mean, why are you such a troublemaker? She's like, oh no, I'm looking at Lisa.

I'm looking at you Lisa. Oh, you, no, I'm I'm looking at you, Lisa. Oh, you said like she goes, I'm looking at you, Lisa, because she's not even going to let Brittany have this fight. She's like, we're not even going to fight with you. Now I'm going to fight with Lisa because you called me a fucking bitch and Lisa's not standing up for me. So she's like, it turns out this was actually all a ploy. This was all a ploy to make Lisa fall into a trap.

Like, will Lisa defend me right now? She's like, let me push Brittany to the edge, that way Brittany says something mean about me. Now let's see if Lisa defends me. Yeah, so then by the way, she does not defend Lisa. This is such crap. This is another lie at Bronwyn's that she's constantly defending Lisa.

That is not true. She's very lightly been like, I don't have that experience with her, but she's never been like, don't speak to my friend like that. Don't speak about my friend like that. When everybody's coming at Lisa, which is every single episode,

she's not like, you stopped talking to Lisa like that. Liar, liar, liar. So then she's like, Lisa, we've been friends for 10 years, and you have let this woman call me a gold digger, a trophy wife, a fucking bitch, a dumb bitch. Sorry, I got tangled in my carpet. So did Lisa. Lisa's like, ah, I let her do it, what?

So Lisa's like, wait, what did I let her do? Wait, I'm not responsible for defend. What's up, Lisa? First is shocked, but then she's like, oh, I'm fighting now? Okay, sure. I'm not responsible for defend... Was that Lisa? First is shocked, but then she's like, oh, I'm fighting now? Okay, sure. I'm not responsible for what other people say. I'm not responsible for what other people say. Meanwhile, the first three seasons of this show

was around Robin of people accusing other people of not having the back. I'm your ride or die. I will ride or die. You're not being ride or die for me. I'm your ride or die. You've got to be ride or die. You're not my ride or die. You didn't have my back."

This whole show was built on complaining about other people not having each other's backs. So then Lisa being surprised that Bronwyn is just going to enter the fray and pull the standard Salt Lake City card. And she's like, wait, why? Because although on the other hand, the whiplash or the pivot from like nice scene talking about Henry to all of a sudden Lisa has done something terribly wrong and she didn't even realize it's pretty funny. I have to say, you know, I think this is why Bronwyn falls a little flat with me is because this has been every season of this show.

And I think that she's watched every season of this show and she's just pulling storylines that it's just like we've already seen it. Like we don't need your version of it. And it's ridiculous. It just doesn't make any sense. So Lisa, in my humble, ever so humble opinion, so she was like, you and I had a private conversation when I have said to you, I feel vulnerable and I feel alone

and I have said to you multiple times, I've taken you aside by myself and I've said that this is bullshit, but I've stuck up for you." She's like, oh, of course you have Lisa. And then Lisa's like, dude, I'm fucking exhausted with you. Like, I'm just like,

I don't think she spoke for a lot of us. I was like, you're too, like, just be quiet. Can we just have one day of you not being offended? Just one hour of you not being offended by something. I'm trying to be a great friend to you and there's like nothing good enough because except when I tell you that I don't feel Close to you and you don't fucking care Lisa Browen. Lisa tells us, Browen you're a big girl. I don't know why every time you're in a fight with someone I have to be in a fight with them too. I don't expect you to be in fights with everyone

that I'm in fights with, or trust me, you would have no friends. And then she smiles at the camera like, bitch. Meanwhile, fast forward to Angie and Meredith at the end of the episode and Lisa jumping in on Meredith's behalf. So she's like, I don't understand what I have to be, if you're fighting with someone,

why do I have to be involved? And later on she like happily inserts herself. Yeah, well, but she's earned it too. Meredith and Lisa have been through more of the fire. And this girl, Bronwyn, is constantly, you know, like whether you like or not like Bronwyn, and I know to Lisa, to most people, Lisa is the villain, you know?

And I wouldn't even disagree a lot of the times. But Bronwyn has clearly been shitting all over Lisa this whole, like she's been finding a reason to fight with Lisa and turn everyone against Lisa every episode this season. So the fact that she's like, how dare you, I thought we were closer than this. What are you talking about? You've made yourself a fucking victim.

Like you're throwing yourself in front of Lisa's car every episode. Just get out of the crosswalk, ma'am. Eventually someone's just gonna drive over you, you know? Cars are very strong. A lot of people have been saying that Lisa's been getting the villain in it this season. I don't know, I don't know if there is a villain this season.

I think they're all just stepping up to the plate, going after each other. They like do their time and then someone else comes up. So I don't know, I'm not getting villain. I think Lisa is just being Lisa. Yeah, but most most people. I feel like I should say most people. What do I know? But a lot of people are

driven crazy by that, you know, because but that's why I love it. Hey everyone, this is the end of part one of this recap for part two. Keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening, catch ya on the second half. That's what Crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alice in King.

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The highest tally, it's Sarah McNally. Cast a spell of a time with Rebecca. The highest tally is Sarah McNally. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. The Bay Area Betches, Betches. And our super premium sponsors. Somebody get us 10 ccs of Betsy M.D. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neil. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper! Can't have a meal without the Emily sides! Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish, it's Jen Plish! She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch! She's a little bit loony.

Junie! My favorite Murdo. Karen McMurdo! We love him madly, it's Kyle Pod Shadley! Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender! She's a whiz, it's Liz Sary the incredible edible Matthew sisters she eases our woes it's Melissa St. Rose give him hell miss Noel ring that bell for Rochelle she's the Queen B it's Sarah Lemke Shannon out of a cannon Anthony let's take off with Tamla Plain. She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Coutar.

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