Watch What Crappens - #2663 Southern Charm S10E03: Against One’s Letter Judgment

Episode Date: December 20, 2024

JT pens an awkward apology to Patricia on this week’s Southern Charm, but he’s still the pariah, which means he misses out on a lightly awkward doggy birthday party.  Plus, Sally makes her transition from Southern Hospitality to Charm with her big debut.  Watch this recap as a video and get all of our bonus episodes over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap In, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, joining me, Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you? Hi, how are you? I'm good. I'm on the threshold of a sneeze and I'm like, is it going to happen?

Do it. It's not going to happen. No, it went away. It went away. It got shot. Sneeze. Sneeze. We are so excited.

We are approaching our Christmas break. It's our holiday break actually, because Hanukkah is also going to happen during this week. So we're really excited about that. Today we are recapping Southern Charm, which is very fun, very entertaining. And the big exciting thing is that all of our tickets are now on sale for Vegas and Texas shows and Charlotte, as well as all of our other shows. So those you can get at WatchYourCrapins.com. Really excited. Come see us at all of our shows, especially the Crappies on February 1st. I mean,

we have, I think, I think like three quarters of the theater's already sold out. So you don't wait too much longer. And then, and we're really excited for our first Vegas show. And I thought we're hoping to have two more cities to add to the tour, but that won't be until the new year, because, you know, everyone's going, everyone's shutting down next week. So in the meantime, they're shutting down already. Have you been out into the world? I don't even- I am shut down.

I'm a hologram. I can't believe it's not on fire yet. Here's what people are doing on the road. They're just like, I'm done, it's Christmas. They're like literally, it's like, it's robots driving into trees is what it looks like. People just driving all over the road. Is anybody even there anymore?

Today there was a checkout lady, I think she tried to scan my head at the store. I was like, girl, we just all need to quit our jobs because it's over for all of us. And I feel bad for anyone listening to this podcast right now because this is going to be mayhem. Because this is one of our last things we're doing this week. We're doing this.

Yeah, we're doing this. And then we're going to do a summer house trailer trash for next week and And, um, probably a bonus. So we'll be here all day still recording, but it is going to be loony tunes cause we know this is it for a while. There will not be, there won't be a Potomac recap on Monday because this is where we can recap our episode today. Um, and we kind of take Monday off. Um, so we're doing that summer house thing, but of course, um, you know, the big news with Potomac is Karen Huger.

So I think when you were talking about people driving all over the road, I'm like, are you sure you just weren't near Karen Huger on the road? It's just everybody has dropped the mic already. It's like work is already done for everybody. They're just done. But the Karen Huger thing, we won't be doing the Potomac recap,

but we did do a mini recap of her arrest story. That's on our TikTok and our Instagram and our YouTube. So that should be up now. So go check that out. Oh, for our take on that stuff. And speaking of that, also, this is I swear, this is not just candid ploy to make you guys follow us on social media, although, you know, feel free to, but, um, speaking of the crappies, uh, we mentioned it all week, but just now our first story, our first thing is up. Uh,

we are, we want your input about story, uh, moments of the year, TV moments of the year. So anything on Bravo, Traders, um, also Love Island USA, we want your TV moments of the year. So write it on a comment on the post that is up on our Instagram and there'll be further posts going up over the course of the week. We really just need you guys to help us jog our memories so that way when we start making the initial ballot, it'll be easier for us and we don't leave anything out. Okay.

Let's get on with the show, shall we? I would love that. Southern Trump, season 10, episode three, Gone to the Dogs. My first thought, God, the music on this show really is top notch and we say it every season. They go above and beyond. I mean, you know in old movies how you see movies about how old movies were being made and you see basically a whole orchestra that just sitting there playing with the movie as it goes,

scoring it live. That's how the show really feels. And whoever is playing the instrument that goes, a doing. What instrument is that? I forget what that's called. It's like a percussion. A doing.

Yeah. It's like a percussion. A doing. Yeah. It's like a specific thing. Who plays that? Because they deserve a Grammy award. They're so talented with it. They did such a good job in this episode. And that's like JT's instrument. You know how they have like Peter and the Wolf

and every character has its own instrument or whatever. Like someone's the flute and then, you know, whatever. JT is the do-ing. It's so good. You guys are doing so good on this music. So, so good. Also, another thing, so this episode, Gone to the Dogs, you know, Lisa Vanderpump gets credit

for being like the dog lady of Bravo. But the truth is, I don't know if there's any show that has more over the top dog events than Southern Charm. I mean, we've had weddings, we had birthday parties. I feel like every year there's some sort of pageant or talent show or WWE doggy wrestling moment. There's always some sort of crazy dog event on this show at all times.

But I think Lisa Vanderpump still wins the dog thing because this show isn't really trying to stop dogs from being turned into quesadillas. And Lisa Vanderpump is really big on, you know, keeping dogs out of the Subway sandwich shop. So I think that she wins. But yeah, I love a good big dog event. Yeah, because they all have dogs. There were so many dogs. I

don't think I've ever seen so many dogs on screen on Bravo ever. And that includes Lisa's, you know, dog various dog events where James lost like, or James, James was DJing. I was like, did anyone lose their Toyota Cavalry keys? Hello. Yeah, so big dog energy here. But before we get into that, we start with small dog energy. It's not an opening, uh, montage unless we see Vanita doing something around her household while Charles watches. And in today's episode,

it's her steaming her curtains and then steaming her pajamas and Charles looking as if like, can we ever go outside? Well, how about your brown nipples? That's what I have to say because I've tried to steam with my clothes on too and that never works out for me. And I have little tiny nipples.

They've turned into like little toaster dots. And it's not fun because I have steamed my nipples. Okay, not steamed them, but you know, you hit them with the iron part in your shirt. That's not good. But I like that this show is still just reminding us that Vanita's here every episode at the beginning and then we never hear from her again.

Like the last episode, she at least had a scene where she was talking to JT about how she wanted to go to lunch with him and stuff. But mostly it's like, here's Vanita steaming something. And then that's it. You really never hear another peep. Yeah. It's like, here's our resident dog talker to her.

I know. And then we have Taylor and Gaston. They're in her backyard. She has leaves everywhere. So he's come over with a leaf blower and he's going to get to work. I felt a little robbed. I felt like there were so many leaves.

I was like, I kind of want to see those leaves get blown around. I kind of want to see what happens, you know? Are you wanted the end of the storyline? Well, I wanted to see that there were so many leaves. I wanted to see all the leaves go up in the air and like they opened a situation, they established a shot with the leaves, but then they didn't show you what happened to the leaves. And so you feel like check off check off leaves. You're like, what the hell? I felt like it was very much check off the leaves and so you feel it was like a check off. It's like Chekhov's leaves. You're like, what the hell? The leaves need to be. I felt like it was very much Chekhov's leaves.

I felt like you sort of have said like, here, look at this beautiful snow globe made of leaves. Now we're going to shake it up. And that's it. We don't get to see. I was like, I wanted to I felt I felt like it was probably so satisfying to blow all those leaves around because I check out leaf blower. You can't you can't introduce a leaf blower and not have it finish the job. Come on, man.

This is drama. Seriously, seriously. Well, I will say this. My suspicion is that Gaston's just a user piece of trash douche bag because all we've seen of him is- What gives you that impression? He's named after the Beauty and the Beast character. I don't care what anybody says from Europe, okay?

You're, that is a very common name where you're from in America He's a douchebag. I'm sorry. That's just how it is, especially when he was born at the time He was born if his parents are American Born parents then those are people who named him after the character Gaston which destined him to be a douchebag period That's just it. You guys can argue with me all you want, but that is just the end of my story so anyway Gaston's a douchebag just because of that. And also because he just kind of dates everybody

who's TV adjacent trying to get on these shows. And here he is. Now that said, I would like to kind of hedge my bet. Well, okay, look, here's this. He's probably a douchebag, but you know, he's a douche bag that I would keep in my house because he comes over with a leaf blower. And you know what, you can use me,

but if you're also doing services, then I feel it's fair. Well, you know, that's another reason why we needed to see the conclusion of the scene is because we need to see how well he leaf blows. Cause if he's just coming around and just moving the leaves from one side to the next, then he's actually not useful at all. Then it's just a prop to earn,

to win over people who are just happy that someone's doing a chore. But like, if he's not doing the chore well, then that's not gonna be worthwhile. I mean, Gaston, he has made an impression on two different Bravo shows already. Because obviously his debut off camera was on Southern Hospitality,

which is also where we had Sally's debut and then today is Sally's big episode. And by the way, I just want to say I really enjoy Sally on Southern Charm way more than on Southern Hospitality. I think this was a good move for her. Well she didn't get to do anything on Southern Hospitality. She showed up, got slut-shamed and got sent away. And that was pretty much it for her job there. She showed up as someone who banged Joe Bradley and then he told her off because she also banged somebody else within like what a 24 hour period

that he knew. Like didn't Gaston live downstairs? Yeah, it was Gaston that he, that she banged at that time, right? So it was. Yeah. Oh God, yeah, Sally, I mean, Sally was just making it to every Bravo show. She was just looking at production schedules, just sewing up and doing what needed to be done. But yeah, they slut shamed her and then she was

out. And I felt like that was unfair, you know? And she also, she not only got such shamed, but she got guilted about disrespecting Joe's grandma's parmesan because she taught him how to cook chicken parmesan. Wasn't it that he cooked his grandma's special chicken parmesan for Sally and then she did this to him? Like nanny's chicken parmesan. Chicken parmesan. It was nanny's chicken parmesan. Yeah. So there you go.

Well, you know what I like to think it was, since I recently saw a little movie, a little indie movie called Wicked, I like to think that she showed up on Southern hospitality. And then basically Michelle Yeoh was like, wait a second, you're special. We're gonna give you, I'm going to teach you privately

and put you onto Southern charm. I'm gonna put you on the varsity level show. That's what happened. Well, that's how it felt. She wasn't slut shamed. She was just chosen to advance to a better show. Well, actually maybe not better show a bigger show. So either way, leaf blowing, unsatisfying for me. Then we go to Molly, uh,

on the treadmill and she's running and she's like, I sound like a dying pig. And then finally we land at JT's apartment where he takes an insulin shot and then he sits down to write a letter to Patricia. I found this scene so stressful. I was so stressed out by the scene by like, it was like a combination of things. It was his handwriting. It was like, why are you writing so big? You have limited amount of space. Why did you not like draft this ahead of time on like your laptop and then

transcribe it? Like all your word choices are so bad. Your handwriting is bad. I was just like, Ooh, the whole thing made me want to crawl out of my skin. Yeah. It was just so cringy because it's just one of those like soap opera scenes, which we see on these shows sometimes with people who really don't have anybody in their lives. I mean, we see it with Garcella a lot.

Like this week when she was like, Oh, here I am on the internet looking at the credits of my new film, where I'm an executive producer, which touches me so deeply. I wish my mother was here right now to watch me squeeze out this solitary tear. Wah, wah, wah, wah. And JT is having that scene right now by himself. He's like, well, I guess I should take some insulin. Geez, now I must write a letter to Ms. Patricia. Here I am taking a pen and putting it to paper. Who knows how to write a letter anymore? How shall I go about such a thing?

Don't, come on guys, really? This is what we've fallen to on this show. And poor guy, cannot write. He does not know how to string English together. And I blame George Bush. Who do you blame for the education system? Just taking a turn for the worst. Well, I'm gonna blame- The first good old fashion internet.

The first George Bush, by the way. First George Bush, wow. It goes back a long way, guys. It's been a long process. It has turned us into morons. Well, I think you could blame the inventor of the internet Al Gore, the inventor of the, because it was, it's the rise of the laptops and the whatnot.

Actually you could probably blame Bill Gates too. How about marijuana? How about marijuana? I have to say cursive. Yeah, I have not written in cursive in so long. You know, we spent so much time learning cursive only to discard it. Oh man. But yeah, I don't know who did this but they're all to blame. Everyone's to blame for this. So he is, he's just writing these things like, Hey, I'm sorry for being an ignorant male. No, no, no. Okay.

I'm going to start with all caps. So he writes deer in all caps. Like, why are you doing that? Why are you screaming deer? He's like, no, no, no, it's offensive. Don't overthink it. Okay. What is Karen driving down the road?

That's what anyone in the car with Darren with, uh, with Karen screams, dear, dear, whoops, whoops, get out of the road. Please accept this apology for my lack of respect at the Carolina code. So sure, okay, that's a good first line. And then he goes, and then he starts like saying, my intent was meant, my intent, oh God, intent was meant, meant intent, oh God, it doesn't make sense, what am I right? I'm like, just right. Dear miss Patricia,

I am terribly sorry that I offended you. You know, what I did was totally disrespectful. It was an attempt to welcome you in on a joke, but I think it, but it went way wrong and it was not worth it in the end. And any joke that you have to explain is not a good joke. And please accept my homeless apologies. And my intent was meant as a sign of inclusion and solidarity. What the fuck? That's not, that is not meant though.

Inclusion is solidar- That is not what you say. It makes no sense. So stupid. Inclusion is idiotic. And the fact that he even sent this is more idiotic because most people would have the brain to be like, this is terrible.

I'm going to write this first. I'm going to type this out and then I'm going to write it and send it. I mean, come on, bro. But that he didn't, that he knew it was so bad and still sent it is sad because she could forgive somebody who did something stupid but she can't forgive an idiot.

And she will never respect the idiot. Exactly. You know? So he's a dummy. So he's like, but admittedly't forgive an idiot. And she will never respect an idiot. Exactly. You know? Exactly. So he's a dummy. So he's like, but admittedly, wait, is that too much? Siri, how do I spell admittedly? It's crazy, it's a hilarious scene.

And he didn't know how to spell it. So with warm regards, JT is basically it. So then we go with Shep and his dog. It's all scrunched up at the bottom too, by the way, because the first two lines were written in gigantic handwriting, and then he had to squeeze in with warm regards at the bottom, it was just so childlike.

Yeah. Stressful. So I'm sorry. The sad stuff that's happening on this show. So Shep and little Craig are getting some food, and he orders his dog human food at the restaurant. He just orders the dog a meal, which Mueller, no, Mueller is not going to ever get it. I'll be like, are you hungry, honey? Here's the stick that I found on the ground.

Enjoy that. Have you ever had a straw? It's delicious. Try it. You should taste that. Yeah. So, so they order food and Austin comes over and he's like, hey, by the way, what's your name, waitress?

And she's like, Madison. He goes, oh, that's insane right now. Your name is Madison also. Ha ha ha ha ha. He laughs. When he laughs, the full mouth is open and he puts the tongue right in the middle. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. This scene was a rough Austin scene Full mouth is open and he puts the tongue right in the middle

This scene was a rough Austin scene because his entire mouth never stopped his tongue I just kept popping out of his mouth and his mouth kept like like he was eating something kind of but he wasn't yeah Like the food hadn't come yet. He was just doing like stage eating the whole time for some reason on the show. It was so Obnoxious. It was hard to watch. It was just like, he's doing extra work. Yeah. It's just what are you doing? Yeah. It seemed like someone said, okay, you're just standing around a party eating a sandwich. And he's just like, of course, eating it very impolitely as he does. Only on this show do I say things like impolitely, who gives a fuck? It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. They say Hollywood is where dreams are made,

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Unlock weekly Christmas Mystery Bonus content and listen to every episode ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Spotify or Apple podcasts. Okay, so anyway, so Shep's like, Oh, I'm sorry. It's just there's there's history with the name Madison here. You guys have fucked over women of every single name. Okay. There's not a waitress in the world that hasn't had a name of somebody that you haven't

fucked over. So stop acting like you're uncomfortable with this particular one. Jesus Christ, would you have a conniption fit every time you pass a keychain rack with names on it? You fucked over every name in the name-dick scenario. So Austin's like, you know, there used to be a time where the name triggered me, you know? And that was just like no way to live. But sometimes I think about the joy and the peace that Audrey brings me, which I've never had before. Well, it's easier with a 20 year old, you fuckwit.

Oh, and also I felt like this was a gift to us, you know, the audience, but especially me and Ben, because this is our favorite thing about Austin. Madison, Madison, Madison. And we got a full Madison montage of Austin squeezing his wiener going, Madison, you're staying right now. And then just.

It was a Madison, it was an exasperated Madison montage. It was our favorite. So, editors, thank you. I took it personally. I took it as a gift and thank you. I know it's delusional, but I don't even care. I loved it. So then we see a flashback of Audrey and Austin having lunch.

I mean, these two are so meant to be together because Austin's like, well, you have big, big brown eyes like a little baby. Sorry, that was dangerous. Karen just drives through it. She's like a deer and he goes, yeah searching for the nearest espresso martini. So then we didn't make any sense then we go back to lunch and Austin's like, he's like, so what's going on dude? Like what's wrong with you and Sienna? Oh gosh, I really like her. She's got this amazing, you know, aura about her.

And we see pics, I know, then we see pics of them all together and their, you know, their food arrives and everything. And he's like, but I do think about the future with her 100%. I think about how many times I could yell at her over backyard games. Oh my God, it'll be great. I'm sure she sees a future with you too.

A future of cleaning your ass and helping you downstairs, you old bastard, okay? And you know that Ori you see about her? It's called youth. It's like a video game when you're dying and you're looking around for something that's pulsing with any kind of life that you could swallow To give you a little bit more Okay, that's what you're seeing you're seeing the glow of a medipack in Call of Duty You're I think you're seeing the glow of someone who's gorgeous who could could be modeling for banana Republic, who's actually decided to like actually look your way.

And you have, and has not been discussed by you yet. That's the glow you're seeing. And Austin's like, that's great, bro. And he's like, I mean, look, we've been lucky enough to have many wonderful girls come through our lives to all the girls I've garsed before who've traveled in and garsed my doors. It's just not exciting anymore. And I'll say that, you know, just like a new conquest or whatever, it just isn't. And you know, Shep is really leaning into his like, just an innocent little boy thing

because his eyes are wide open this whole episode where he's like, this girl's just so sweet. Golly gee, what could I do to make her happy, gosh. And they're also doing this like, like having this faux moment of having any sort of perspective on life. Cause Austin's like, yeah, like especially like, if you have to like a string of those like wonderful girls, like you just like wake up feeling emptier

than fucking ever, man. I'm like, well, if they're so wonderful, why do you have a string of them then? Why don't you just like end with your wonderful one? So Shep is like, yeah, that's what we were missing in our friendship before we were too scared to be vulnerable so these two Numbnuts are like going through the paces of pop psychology to explain away why they've been fuck boys They just weren't vulnerable before but now they are vulnerable Which means that they've just so happened to found two gorgeous 20 negative 22 year olds who? Is now the culmination of their personal development

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, some people think vulnerability isn't manly well fuck that Okay, now you're gonna be vulnerable you found a miss Bahamas Fucking us do your break, bro Sir, you were the one who's invulnerable. You're the one who's mocking Craig for his saying et cetera. I mean, like say what you will about Craig. I do think Craig is pretty vulnerable. I mean, he's a complete liar, but he's vulnerable, you know?

To Nigerian email scams. What are you talking about? You don't think Craig's vulnerable? I think that takes some vulnerability to say, to go on to a show that's like very old school and say, like, I want to sew for the rest of my life. I think that's like, because he got mocked relentlessly for it. And then, you know, now he's showing everyone, you know, now he's making money off of it. But maybe it's not emotionally vulnerable. It's just that he opened himself up for mockery.

Is that still vulnerable then? Maybe that's just- I think Greg, I think I look at Craig is just one of the trickier people because he's more manipulative. Like he's better at manipulating than everybody else. Craig's still a monster. I love that people are so snowed by Craig, you know, because he's so fucking charming and adorable.

And he is his, his qualities. I think are really good I think they outweigh his bad that we've seen on the show, but his bad are pretty bad, too It wasn't that long ago that he was on winter house Throwing his cash at people going I'm too rich to clean and my parents were maids. I'm not cleaning another thing That was literally five minutes ago. So, I mean, everybody is so quick to forget on Bravo, but I'm not, I'm that elephant who trampled the old lady in the village. Oh, we got an email from one of our recappers, Shelby,

which was so funny. And I didn't even write back, which is so rude. So consider this your write back, Shelby. But she was like, oh, I wanted to update you on that story about the elephant who trampled, who was trampled by, I wanted to update you on that story about the old lady that was trampled by, I wanted to update you on that story about the old lady that was trampled by the elephant whose son that she killed.

This old lady killed an elephant's kid and the elephant trampled the old lady. Okay, she goes, so I wanna follow up. Not only did she trample the old lady, she showed up at her funeral and trampled everybody at the funeral too. Isn't that good? I wanna pose for that fucking elephant.

Yeah, that elephant is really... It's an amazing elephant. The elephant will be played by Madeline Stowe, I feel like. So anyway, but yeah, vulnerable or not, they're going to talk shit about Craig now. So the guys are chefs like, I mean, I'm vulnerable, and nobody wants to be vulnerable. I mean, look at Craig. He's never even confided in you about Paige, for example. Oh, yeah. Okay. So that means that Paige is less, Craig is less vulnerable than you, who's been vulnerable for five minutes. Okay, then I changed my answer before. Craig is definitely

a hundred times more vulnerable than any of the other guys on the show. Craig is definitely a hundred times more vulnerable than any of the other guys on this show. Um, I just because Craig does not share his personal life with two toxic twits who will use any shred against him to bring him down because they're two crabs with crabs in a bucket does not mean that he's invulnerable. It just means he's selective. He's smart about who he shares with. Yeah. So then Austin's like, he hasn't talked to me. I haven't talked to me about anything. Not recently. You know, he's extremely wrapped up, Craig. And he's so reclusive. You know, he's like Howard Hughes. Yeah, playboy, right? No. Vietnam War.

Vietnam War? No! Does he own the, does he own the, the things like the IHOPs? No, that's Howard Johnson's! I don't know, god I'm hungry. Can I get a grand slam? Oh, is he like... Oh, he goes running quacks a lot. No, that's Howard the Duck. So Austin's like, you're right. Because Craig used to be the first fucking call.

He was like the first fucking call of McCallis. But now, he doesn't even answer the phone. I miss him. I miss him. No. I miss him. Oh my God. You don't miss him at all. Can we just start focusing on Austin above the nose? Can we just have the camera there? I miss him. No. I miss him. Oh my God. You don't miss him at all. Can we just start focusing on Austin above the nose?

Can we just have the camera there? Can we just have Austin be like the neighbor on the neighbor on home improvements? He's just always behind a fence because I can't watch that mouth moving anymore. I can't. Yeah, it's just, it's very distracting. It's just like a lot of circles and pointy things coming at you. So Shep is like, I just feel like he's trying to curate an image. Like he's starring in his own commercial. You know what I mean?

I'm like, yeah, he literally is doing that. That's like what we saw. The season opens with him, like flashbacks of him holding pillows because he's literally shooting a commercial. He's starring in his own commercial because he has a business that he needs a commercial for. It makes sense. So Austin's like, you know, it's kind of like a big old man PR move.

Like if you see him with a beer in his hand, like he thinks that like his whole business is going down. His whole business is going down. And he's like, yeah, well, you remember when he was on Adderall to the gills at that time? And he lied about everything basically. Yeah, it's called getting your shit together. Like, it's so funny that Shep is still all these years later trying to bring somebody down instead of doing literally anything for himself. Nothing. Have you done anything? Go to a community college, learn to do something, like make an effort, like leave Craig alone for Christ's sake. Yeah, this is this argument is such a funny argument to me.

They're like, God, look at Craig. It's like he's trying to curate this image of himself. We all know what he's really like, because remember when he used to do adderall up to like his eyeballs? It's like, yeah, this is someone who's like, oh, shit, I'm doing too much adderall. I got to turn things around. Like, why would you too much Adderall. I got to turn things around. Like, why would you turn things around? Gosh.

I mean, Craig's not, Craig's not vulnerable like us. I mean, he quit drinking and quit doing drugs. He's got a job and a career and a steady girlfriend. What a loser. Gosh. And Austin's like tells us the thing about Craig is he has worn so many hats. Meanwhile, Austin by the way has fallen into into some sort of tanning bed because he looks, I don't know what's going on

with his skin, but he's turned into a big patch of leather. So he's like, he's worn so many hats. He used to run around the King Street and drink so many Jaeger bombs and vodka Red Bulls, and then he's like, oh, I wanna be a lawyer, okay? And then he's trying to be like, oh, I'm Martha Stewart. lawyer. Okay. And then he's like trying to be like, oh, I'm Martha Stewart. It's like, at least he had a hat to wear. We're still, we're still trying to find some felt so we could patch something on top of your Tucker Carlson here.

Um, it is really funny though, seeing Craig's tick talk, cause we're making fun of how everything's business now. We just see one of Craig's commercials and he's like, our bedding is like so soft. It's hand big by me. Yeah. Cheese boards, big beverage dispensers. Look, I'm gonna pop something in my mouth. Ow, ow, all right. Well, I shouldn't have tried that one.

That was a beer can, that hurt. Can we do that one over again? Craig, it's your TikTok, stupid. Okay, I won't publish it. No, to be fair, Craig is definitely leaning into this like, look at me, I'm sweet, nice Craig. I love Christmas. I love pillows.

I love candlesticks. I love curtains. I love candlesticks. I love curtains. I love, Craig, Craig, stop it. Stop, stop, it's over. The TikTok's over, Craig. Okay, love you chicken.

Love you too, Craig. Iic Tacs over, Craig. OK, love you, chicken. Love you too, Craig. I love candlesticks. Craig. So awesome. Just like I miss my buddy, too. I mean, that's the one thing. I'm in my buddy, too. Yeah, he's like, you know, Martha Stewart is like best friends with Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart's been to fucking jail. Martha Stewart's cool as shit.

Craig just wants to sell spatulas with like a nutcracker on them. I'm like, it's better than whatever the hell Trop Hop is these days. Whatever was. So they, you know, they're like, well, Craig doesn't like us anymore is basically the thing. So Shep calls Craig and he gets sent right to voicemail.

And then we go to Craig and Pages and Craig is skimming the pool. Whatever Craig did in that backyard is fantastic. I have to say that looks amazing. As someone who's currently trying to get a deck finished. You know, today's the last day of my deck. All the guys are out there right now. There's a whole team.

There's a Russian team, Filipino team. There's a Hispanic team. All the guys are out there today. It's like literally corners of all the world back there, working their ass off, doing this deck. We're doing lighting, we're doing all this stuff. It is hard, okay? It is hard.

And I saw Craig's and I was like, wow, that is stunning. Like, how does he do that? I'm broke. Like, I'm literally broke. And mine is gonna be possibly mediocre if I try really hard How do you do that? This is like the Garden of fucking Eden, bro Whatever. I want that. Well, it's right come over

I'm sorry what I said earlier about you about being a douchebag and throwing your money at people Come on, put some plants out for me, babe Well, first of all, it's probably ten times cheaper in Charleston second of all That's pretty much it. Well, thanks. Okay, so then he's with Paige, and this scene is the funniest thing because Paige is just sitting at the pool dressed like she's in Hello Darling.

I mean, she looks adorable. And she always looks adorable. It's good to see Paige on TV. It's been a while. I love Paige. I've been a Paige super fan forever. Summer House ended a while ago, and I just haven't seen her in a while, and it's good to see her. She's looks adorable. It's good to see Paige on TV. It's been a while. I love Paige. I've been a Paige super fan forever. Summer House ended a while ago and I just haven't seen her in a while

and it's good to see her. She's so cute. So she was sitting there on the phone. Even when she's scowling. Huh? She's so good. Even when she's just scowling. She's scowling at her phone

and just swiping like a teenager. And he's like, hey babe, I'm skimming the pool. She's like, isn't this nice babe? Yeah. You know what? Me and Paige, like we used to like party and stuff, but like, why would we even need to? Because now we just like hang out together. We're so happy just being together.

Hey, honey, what do you want to do later? Shut up, Craig. Love you, babe. Right. OK. Paige, Paige looks absolutely thrilled to be sitting there. She's like, wow, this is great. I spend my weekends in a remote house in Eastern Long Island sitting by a pool while an idiot wanders around.

And now I come down here to sit by a pool in a remote location while an idiot wanders around a pool. Thanks. Not like I need to do things like go shopping or be around civilization. Thanks, Craig. Thanks. I enjoy it back here.

Do do do do do do do do. civilization. Thanks, Greg. Thanks. I enjoy it back here. So Craig's like, you know, there's a corner of the green that's a little dirty. Should I blow it off? No. We have such a sanctuary here. Shut up, Craig. So Madison comes over. Craig, oh my gosh, look at me and Paige. Paige, look at us. And they're in the matching bikini with coverup thing. Yeah, they're wearing the same outfit

and Paige is just so happy that there's someone that's not Craig to talk to. She's like, oh my God, thank God you're here. I was losing my mind. Do you know how many questions I've had to answer about skimming pools? It is really funny because she's on her phone. She won't even look at Craig that whole time.

He's like, love you, honey. She's like, whatever, shut up, Craig. And then Madison comes in and she just like immediately like swipes down her phone and puts it down. She's like, so what's the pass? Let's talk guys. And she comes to life. It's so funny.

It's like someone plugged her in. She's like, okay, I'm back to life. Stupid's done. Craig, stop talking. Great, Madison, fill me in. Also, I am like forever forever charmed by how Craig loves to see if Paige is happy about something. So when Madison walks in, he merely pivots around

and looks at Paige with a big smile, being like, I bet she's smiling. He's like, and he's like, oh my God, she's smiling. She does this all the time. This is so funny too, because they're literally like, are my God, she's smiling. He does it all the time. This is so funny too, because they're literally like, are you ready to hang out? And they're like, yeah, let's hang out. And so the girls take off their coverups

and then Craig takes off his shirt. And then they just stand there in the same positions. Okay, we're ready. We're hanging out now guys. We've removed some clothing, let's talk. So they start chatting and Paige starts ordering him around for pasta salad and stuff. So then-

He pulls out pasta salad out of nowhere. By the way, that was like Food Network. She was like, Craig, you can bring out the pasta salad. He's like, okay. And he like reaches down and a pasta salad just like materializes. I was like, what? Where'd that come from?

So he's like, well, I told Paige about Patricia's. Oh, girl. It's like, I'm I told Paige about Patricia's. Oh, girl. It's like, I'm just saying like, JT's saying crazy shit. The only sentence that Craig said to me was like, oh my God, JT said to people, like JT and Madison hooked up and I go, no one thinks that genuinely, that's insane. I mean, hey, he's a troll for God's sake, look at him. And Paige is like, I mean, you're like someone's mom, like their hot mom with great taste and

fashion. And wife. Yeah, and that's his like. Well, you know, he was a friend of mine for a minute, but him talking about my marriage, that feels like a tossing of the corn. It's just a slap in the face. I'm gonna have it. You ain't gonna disrespect my boyfriend and you ain't gonna disrespect corn

Like who gave him the audacity to say anything about anyone? I mean admittedly that's what I do all the time in my show But I also like am cute and he's like a troll and so Madison's like yeah, wait a wrong person my friend Okay, haven't you been around this group? You know, like don't come knocking at my door. Like little don't come knocking at my door. Otherwise, I'm gonna have my husband beat you in the face. Well, anyway, he'll have to have you and Brett and Hudson come

over and swim. We'll have to have you and Craig's like, yeah, how are you? And she's like, great. But you know, Brett has she's dropped it. She's like, well, you know, I could admit you're, you know, he's got thyroid cancer. They're like, what? She's like, yeah, I know. But you know, she's saying, you don't just want everybody, especially people in this group,

really involved in your shit, you know? And I guess I don't blame them. Craig apparently already knew, but I guess he had forgotten to tell Paige, cause he goes, remember chicken? He had cancer, which is such a strange sentence to say, remember chicken. He had cancer. No, no, no. She goes, no. But it also could have been something that he was telling her like, babe,

did you know that Brett had cancer? Oh my God, that's terrible. While she's just scrolling through her phone. You know what I mean? It's like, babe, these, these trees keep like putting leaves in the pool and I'm just like skimming and skimming and skimming. That's great. Craig and skimming and bread has cancer. And I'm just like, Oh my God, so many leaves in the pool. That's great. Craig. He just inserts it in. Just drops it in there somewhere.

commercials. Here comes one right now. So Madison says that keeping something like that private was necessary. Um, cause she just didn't want all that outside outside noise, but he's okay now. And he's gonna be taking medication for the rest of his life and he's in remission and it's just been like a shitty couple of months. And so Madison says that's why with JT after hearing what he's saying about us was like, I was like, I don't want to associate with my guy. This is like, it's like succotash.

It's like an affront to corn. Last thing I made some weasel in the middle of it all. Like this is real life shit. I'm going through real life shit. Pages like, how dare he insinuate that you might find him attractive. This is disgusting. I mean, what's okay.

Pretend I'm Barbara Walters. Okay, this is a microphone. What made you cry harder? Finding out your boyfriend has cancer or JT thinking that you were asleep with him? Be honest. Honestly, it was that one. That was hard.

It's hard to think. Am I losing my looks? Does he think I'm down at his level now? While she is completely in the right, she just really goes solo. Like it becomes so mean that I'm like, oh God, poor JT. I mean, it really is just like, he's ugly. He's disgusting. What is he trying to do? Chase children off of his bridge? I mean, Jesus Christ, what a troll. Ugh, disgusting. Yeah, JT's in a bad place because he, you know, the old phrase, the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. And I feel like everyone seems kind of just like

a little indifferent to him, like, ugh, whatever. He's like, they're like dismissing him. They're not like, I hate JT. I mean, even though she just said it, do you get the sense like they have closed the gates on JT? It's not like there's feuds. They've just basically said, yeah, you tried to come onto our show, you messed it up.

So we're gonna, you can go now. And that's hard. You can't come back from that. You can't come back. And it's not only like, you were a jerk for saying something. It's like, you're a jerk for even having the audacity to think I would ever be attracted to someone as ugly as you. you know, you were a jerk for saying something. It's like you're a jerk for even having the audacity

to think I would ever be attracted to someone as ugly as you, which is just like, yikes. I mean, that takes it to a different level where I'm like, please don't make me feel bad for JT because that's not the spot I think you want the audience to be in at this point. Like you guys are on the level where you're getting what you want, but don't take it so far that everybody's going to switch around and then feel sorry for JT, you know Yeah, cuz I was actually by the end the episode. I was kind of feeling sorry for him

I was like damn he's cuz Greg really fucked his shit up, right? Because yeah like this this stuff with Madison so stupid like he shouldn't have even like he's ridiculous for even thinking it But Craig going around saying that JT called Patricia a bitch Like that's like character assassination right there and he's not gonna be able to come back from that ever It like the the the well has been poisoned if that's a phrase So yeah, so now let's go to wolfgang. It's a dog store. It's a dog store guys. Don't worry No one's playing the piano here. worry, no one's playing the piano here, okay? No one is playing the piano.

So it's the most effervescent gaze of our lives, Rodrigo and Tyler. Let's do it, let's do this, guys, let's do it. Smells delicious in here. Thank you. It's a secret. Oh no, it's the lady who works there. She goes, thank you, it's a secret.

It's wet dog hair. Ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We do peanut butter oats, doggy dog, dog, dog, dog, wet hair cakes. We can try that again. You got any money? Gay laughter? Nope. Okay. Well, you're taking the fun right out of the word gay, aren't you? It just means some sexual sound, doesn't it? Okay.

Well, I'll just stick with that then. Tyler and I have been together for nine years and we've been asked about a million times if we're going to gonna have children mainly from Patricia I think her exact words are well, we know Whitney ain't dropping any sperm anytime soon So what about you two gays and I said listen No, just dogs So he's like he finds a little cowboy hat for a dog and he's like this is because we're gonna have an Inspiration with Dolly Parton. So we're gonna have our party called doggy dog. And he's like, this is because we're going to have an inspiration with Dolly Parton.

So we're going to have our party called Doggy Parton. And she's like, oh, that is the least gay name I've ever heard anybody come up with. I mean, you even made Dolly Parton sound unfun. Can I find funner gays? OK, OK, you can order a tiny, tiny cowboy hat. I'm going to go here on Postmates and see if I can order some fun guys, okay? Let's see what gets here quicker. Tyler and I, I think we're really happy

with just adopting senior dogs. That's where we shine, but we see an adorable picture. Oh yeah, let me, here's an adorable picture of Bella and Bo. They require not as much attention as children. So, I mean, we're good. Ha ha ha ha ha doggy parton. We're really into senior dogs. You know, like it's really fun like playing with them for a minute, but it's really good when you get to put them down. Like what? I've never heard

of a fixation of this. Nice. It's nice, right? But it's it's also like, I've just never heard of that. We're really into adopting senior dogs. I haven't heard that either. I'm wondering though. My first thought was that he, they're saying they're into old dogs, but then I'm wondering because they say in a little bit about how like their dog basically, um, they adopted it from, uh, an elderly lady who couldn't take care of her dog anymore.

So maybe they adopt dogs from an elderly lady who couldn't take care of her dog anymore. So maybe they adopt dogs from seniors. Oh, that's cute. And that's actually, that is actually nice. Cause yeah, they did, they did say that they, they adopted this from an older one who passed away. That is actually really cute. My first thought was though, like an old dog with like a cane or it could be like dogs

that are about to graduate high school. Yeah, they're like, we really like, here's what, here's what I really like. I like a dog that snores really loudly all day. Which I have to say, you know, Bueller's in that era right now. He's, well, he was born in 2012, so what does that make him? That makes him 12, right? So he's 12. I keep saying 13, but I think he's 12.

So Bueller is in that kind of old man state right now, and it is a nice stage to own a dog, because it's literally, it's like, hey, you have to throw the ball two times a day, that's it, because he's exhausted after that, and then all he does is lay there and snore and look cute, and then cuddle with me. And I mean, that's a really cute era for a dog, you know?

Yeah, no, that's, that's, Bueller, don't leave that. Do not leave me. Maybe I maybe I maybe senior dogs would be more my speed. Bro, I think we're talking yourself into senior dogs right now. Like these guys are so stupid getting senior dogs. What senior dog? No, I'm like, I want old ass dogs only for the rest of my life. This is like a good trend.

Yeah, yeah, I think it sounds great. Now what if they mean senior dogs like these are dogs that are going off to college as their senior year and all they want to do is party and go to the prom. These are, these are prom ready dogs. I do not want those dogs. Yeah, I don't want those. You can't get a new pillow from home goods cause they're humping it. It's like, that is not your girlfriend. I know, you know, I would get the dog that'd be like, we're a little parade that's like, just got into NYU.

Yeah, I'm going to tish. I'm like, you're not your dog. You're doing kegs, you're doing like milk bone stands on your head. So I would get like that, the president of the drama club dog. So they're going to have 12 dogs at this party. And Tyler's like, well, what about humans?

Is anyone's going to come? Or I mean, like, what's that about? And he's like, well, you know, after talking to Austin, we just felt like it was better to like pump the brakes on having JT there, you know? And so Tyler's like, well, so he's in the dog house, is that what you're saying? And the lady's like, that was an attempt.

You attempted something. And for that, here, here's a milk bone. It's milk bone with the bow on it, okay? Put it in your hair and just, you know, just keep calling yourself gay and try them. Maybe, you know what? Fake it till you make it. That's what I say, gays.

Maybe, you know what? Fake it till you make it. That's what I say, guys. Um, you know what? JT has really bungled his season so far. That's undeniable. But Rodrigo deciding to ban JT from the stupid party because of a conversation he had with Austin. I just feel like you should never use Austin as your primary evidence or reasoning as why to not invite someone. Now maybe I'm assuming Austin told him that JT called miss Patricia a bitch and that's no one wants to get on to Patricia's bad side. Right. But I still am like I'm like all of a sudden look at this Austin all of a sudden is now like just oh yeah good old Austin like people just forget he don't forget everyone. He's a douche bag and you shouldn't be going to him to find out who should be coming to your party.

Right, but Austin did tell him that he called Patricia a bitch. And you know, any gay in town is gonna be like, oh yeah, you don't fuck with that. Oh yeah, cause we actually see this. I'm sorry, you will not become a, yeah, he told him. So he's like, yeah.

Here's the scene right here. Yeah, we see a flashback. Literally right now. So he is banned. So then we go to Patricia and Whitney's house and a letter comes through the mail slot and Patricia goes, that's the mail slot. That's also where Randy gets his lunches.

That's where I put Randy's hand through and then I walk to the other end of it and just start hitting it with butter knives until it does what I want. Well it's time for him to have his dinner. I said put your mouth up against the mail sly and we just pour frozen peas down it. Well I can see what it is mother. I just it's a it's a it's a a navy blue envelope with a black pen so you gotta look at it like hydro glyphics but it says uh i think uh to miss patricia from uh jt well how does he expect anyone

to see this randy get in here sorry ma'am i'm still i'm still tied to the radiator. God damn it. Randy and Ty are so off. I need more help. All right, I'm going to read this. Let me put on my readers. Okay. All right. So, dear Miss Patricia, please accept this apology for the lack of respect at the Carolina

Cup. Carolina Cup, my intent was meant as a sign of inclusion and solidarity. Inclusion, because you know the word inclusion is like a curse word in the South, okay? That's the last thing they want to hear in the South. I'm not doing it. States rides, am I right? Hey Whitney, could you press that little button

next to you on the coffee table? Sure, mom. Ah! That was so funny. I had some ice water hanging in the bucket above where Randy is tied up. So funny. All right, so let's read the rest of this.

Well, inclusion. Okay, well inclusion. Okay. Well I didn't realize he was giving everybody a cane, but I mean, I can still do handstands and cart wheels and push buttons. Watch. I'm pretty sure last season Patricia storyline was that she was stuck in bed with a back injury, but, uh, either way it was rude. It was definitely a rude and terrible joke on JT's part. So Patricia's like, now, you know, admitted that she finishes that she finishes

reading the letter, which says, admittedly I most certainly missed the mark and I apologize for that with warm regards, JT. And then she just gives a look to Whitney like, what a pussy. She's an icon. She really does. And they don't get it. She's Oh my God, look at the hand right. Yeah. It's exactly like you said, if she thinks you're an idiot, it

doesn't matter what you're right. Yeah. And then when he's like, looks, exactly like you said. If she thinks you're an idiot, it doesn't matter what you're right. Yeah. And then when he's like, looks, looks like it was written by a 10 year old JT, you know, he's just like an annoying man. I mean, I don't know anything that he could say you're right. That would interest me at this point, but letter writing is a lost art form. So in that respect, it is a nice gesture. Now, can he write? No, but he tried.

I like that she at least gave him that point, you know. Apparently another lost art form is giving your mother grandchildren Whitney. Mother, it's not about me right now. So it's like, mother, is it, is it, is it even confirmed that he called you a bitch? Well, I'm assuming it's true, but I don't know. Cause it wouldn't be the first time, that's for sure.

I mean, city council just convened last week. Good Lord, half of the meeting was spent calling me a bitch. So, you know, getting lines, what I say. good Lord half of the meeting was spent calling me a bitch. You know, getting lines. What I say, you know, lines are a lost art form. Lord knows that hit that hit the handwriting needed a few lines to write on. So Whitney is like, I don't think JT is the kind of person who would call a woman a bitch and throughout the years a crack has had a tenuous relationship with reality

and the truth. So when we see that scene of Craig in 2017, talking to his therapist, who basically looks like shock to Pikachu the entire time. He's like, yeah, I can convince a lot of people of anything I want to convince them of because I'm a great liar. And she's just like,

when he's like, it comes back and when he's like, she really has a lot of expressions. I remember recapping that episode. We were dying laughing through that whole thing just based on her looks alone. So funny. She was amazing. So Whitney is like, this letter is clearly heartfelt. So I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. I mean, I don't know. I've got bigger things to think about like why I put so much Vaseline on my face for this interview, but whatever. Yeah. So, um, Patricia's like, oh, you know, I hate you.

I hate, you know, I know that you hate when I speak French, but listen, the aim now is just an intent cordial. So just to be cordial is what I'm trying to say. And he's like, upwards and upwards, you know, oh, right, right. All right, mother, say it. I'm on Tonti. All right, Whitney, Jesus Christ,

the overeducated little fucker, go impregnate somebody already, I'm exhausted. So now we go over to Shep's house and Sienna's there and uh, they are coming home. They've got some coffee and croissants, which sounds great. And chef was like, would you like to talk about your sleep or lack thereof? Let me guess. You stayed up late watching the riveting documentary, the Vietnam war by Ken burns. She's like, no, it's because Craig was farting in my face all night.

He's so invulnerable. No, you're a dog, Craig. Oh, oh, yeah. So they make small talk. He's like, I'm just so glad you're here. She's like, me too. So he's like, yeah, I've never dated anyone quite like Sienna.

She walks into a room and you're like, whoa, who's this? Thankfully, she's always wearing a sash so, you know And it's not just because she's gorgeous But she just has an energy and a spirit and a joy which I'm super drawn to and she lives in the Bahamas And every time we have a weekend together, I'm just like wow. Oh god. I just don't feel like this way very often I'm a little, wow, oh God, I just don't feel like this way very often. I'm a little boy who's happy. So he's like, I wanna come down there,

you know, for a little while. She goes, okay, that would be fun. And you're like, maybe a month. And she's like, I, well, I have this fantasy basically, you know, in my mind, we're not living in the Bahamas with her for the rest of my life. And I just surf and I fish and love kids or something. They'll run around the island. You know, I just...

Oh, God, Chef. Of course that's your dream. Craig did it first. Craig did it first. Sorry. Craig did the like, eat, pray, love in Bahamas thing and came back and started a business. So, find a new fantasy, Chef. and start a business. So find a new fantasy, Shep. Yeah, I just, I don't know. I kind of feel bad for Shep, but then I don't know. Then I'm like, you're just wasting your time. Stop falling into the trap. You know, I mean, I need to stop falling into the trap. It's just a sad midlife crisis. That's what it's called. So Shep is like, well, enough about us. Let's start with Rod and Tyler's dog party Okay, so you're gonna meet everyone including my ex Taylor and it's fine

I think I don't know if she'll have a boyfriend with her, but if she does even better, huh? And she's like Whatever. I don't really care that much. Oh, it's so profound and sienna's like say lovey mother stops speaking French When you get out of my room? Wow sail of II, I can't believe you know that how's your friends she's she's like Oh Wow goose bobby oh, am I right? Oh, wow. Goosebumpios, am I right? Entente.

Wrong word. Entente. Gorgeous. So now we, Molly and Sally go for a walk around that one square pond that they sometimes walk around on this show because they've got nothing else to do. So Molly and Sally are walking and you know what I'm talking to a dude that's like, I feel like Olivia and Taylor walked around it last season. Everyone goes there. It's the pond. It's the pond that everyone likes walking around. So square pond, pond or whatever.

Yeah. So Molly's talking about how she met Sally working at Republic. So I'm sure if we go back in our, um, uh, Southern hospitality recaps, we probably saw Molly and we're like, look at that girl. She looks so bored. So she's saying that they were both via front door VIP. And oddly enough, they didn't show any footage of Sally being front door because that was a whole thing on last season on Southern hospitality. They didn't cross purpose, but whatever. I'll bet they did actually, because they showed a couple of door girls that we didn't see.

I wonder if they were like trying to try, decide which show to put them on. Cause there's a lot of cross Polly here. Yeah. So we also like that. That's my industry term. Cross Polly. Guys, that's how we say it in the end.

Yeah. Or it's how you just wrap a girl named Polly who gets mad. So, Polly who gets mad. So, Molly... Polly who likes to cross streams with other girls named Polly. Yeah. But now we're talking about Molly, not Polly. And Molly is talking about Sally. And Molly has this to say about Sally, which is that Sally, her day job, she teaches surgeons how to use surgical robots, which is pretty cool.

That is pretty cool. That is pretty cool, actually. I was not expecting that. I was absolutely not expecting that. And so her and Gaston are both kind of in the medical industry. Who knew? I thought you were just supposed to be bimbo trash to be on this show. And I mean, both of them, himbo, bimbo trash, you know, but no, they're like actually, they

got it going. Now, how long before she gives that up to try and sell spritzers to leva? Who knows? We'll see. Oh, so I forgot. They're talking. It's so funny that Taylor's still on the show because she really is just like a wet blanket. She's like, Yeah, so it's like crazy. She sells medical devices. It's so neat. So like, what's it like? Be Oh, no, this isn't her. Who's she with? She's with Molly. Sally is kind of like this, too. They've got a lot of they've got a lot of blondes who are they've got a lot of monotone blondes happening right now on this.

Yeah. So basically, they're talking about the boys and Molly is like, you know, Whitney can be an insensitive asshole But whatever I could just kind of talk my way around it in my head Like maybe it's just flirting when he's calling me fat. Oh fine. Love that for me great Yeah, and then um And Sally's like did you smack him? I would have smacked him when he said that. She's like, no, because I would have eaten three right in front of him.

Molly's like, well, honestly, I feel like I stopped eating after he said that. And I was like, no, I don't want to eat that cupcake. And Sally's like, well, just don't take it to heart. That was stupid. And Molly's excusing it. She's like, you know, Whitney could be an insensitive asshole,

but I kind of like talk my way around it in my head. Maybe she's like, Oh yeah, that's what I was just saying. Like maybe he's just flirting, you know? Like I love that for me. So then Molly's like, yeah, okay. Well, Shep, you know, Shep was talking about you a little bit.

She's like, well, what'd he say? So then we see Shep and Sally, we're telling the same story about each other. Dun, dun, dun. So Shep's telling it like, Whoa, Mustang Sally, she used me and I liked it. Rawr! And Sally's like, yeah, it was like two in the morning and he like wouldn't leave my place.

And so then flash Shep's version is like, yeah, but I was like, I want to stay here. And she's like, no, you're not staying here. Who can you believe her? She's like, um, I was like Shep. I'm getting you an uber. Please get your man stank out of my bed So I get in the uber and the uber is like, what's up, bro? Shep like I'm sorry. You're just like not the kind of guy that I see myself with. I'm not interested in human puddles. So yeah, you have to go. Yeah, Taylor said that he maybe isn't the kind of guy who cares the most about pleasing

a woman. And so I was like, I'm not saying like I regret it or anything, but I definitely was not bragging about it. Okay. I've been with Gaston. Okay. I know what I know what I know what dreams are really like. So now they start talking about the dog party. Is Gaston gonna be there with Taylor?

And so he's like, oh my God, like obviously I don't have anything good to say about him, but like that's my story. You know, that doesn't have to be Taylor's story because me and Gaston dated for three months and he was like my person. You know how you are when you're dating somebody for three months, he was like my person. You know how you are when you're dating somebody for three months, like you're my person.

We were basically married, but you know, he was cheating the whole time, but it doesn't mean he's cheating on Taylor. And Molly's like, you and Taylor, you know, you guys obviously have a similar taste in men, I guess. And Sally was like, yeah, I just think we could bond over a lot of stuff. I don't know, like, do I want to see her boyfriend? No, I guess. And Sally was like, yeah, I just think we could bond over a lot of stuff. I don't know.

Like, do I want to see her boyfriend? No, not really. So, um, basically they're setting up that there could be a tense moment at this dog party. And speaking of which Taylor is getting ready. We see her getting ready and she's being on a hat. So she FaceTime's Gaston to find out what he's up to and he's not terribly interested. In fact, he doesn't even go to this party in this episode because he doesn't want to be around, um, that whole group.

Yeah. Which is weird because I thought he was thirsty to be on TV. So I'm not really sure what's going on. I'm not reading the situation properly. Is he waiting for his moment? Look, what's he doing? What are you doing?

Maybe he's just afraid. He just, he probably doesn't want to be confronted about his own, you know, cheating, et cetera. So Taylor's like, she's trying to like show off like her outfit and everything. And you know, they're like, okay, cool. And she says to us, Gaston's like a little cutthroat of a human being, which is like a weird thing to say.

And by the way, also not an attractive quality. I think that you want to have in this guy you're trying to sell us on. She, she's like, he doesn't understand my forgiving spirit. He's like, why would you want to be hanging out with Shep? These are his boundaries, but like I want to be there because these are some of my good friends. What? These are his boundaries. Yeah. He's cutthroat. Yeah. Giving spirit. Well, forgiving spirit.

Yeah. Taylor Taylor doesn't really know how to pick them. So let's see how this goes. So now it's the doggy part in time. And so we hear the story about the gays adopting the dog from an elderly woman who couldn't take care of the dogs anymore. And so he's like, yeah, I love dogs more than humans. So well, yeah, look at the humans you hang out with. I don't blame you. Yeah. I think that humans are more like dogs and the dogs are more like humans on this show. So Taylor arrives and people just sort of showing up and saying hi and everything.

And Taylor's asking about like who's coming and Rodrigo says Molly's coming and she has to bring Sally, et cetera. And Taylor just says that was, it was awkward. And she says, all I know is that this girl hooked up with Shep. And then after that, she hooked up with Gaston in hopes that like he would keep her around and he didn't. I was like, okay, like don't act like you won a prize by getting Gaston, okay? Yeah.

So now more people arise, arise, arrive, they're arising. People start coming out of the ground. So then Madison's like, well, I didn't think it's a bad time to Gaston. Is that his name? Gaston. I don't know. I don't know if he even exists.

Well, he's not here. I mean, who is he? Is he real? And then Molly and Sally come and, I don't know, it's an arrival scene. You know how it goes. So Sally is like, so Taylor, it just keeps cutting to Taylor to make like drama. Like, oh, Sally just came in. Let's get Taylor's reaction.

But Taylor's just like sitting there kind of bucktoothed like, and then they'll show Sally hugging somebody and then it'll cut back to Taylor. And Taylor's just sitting there with a dead pan. It's so funny. They're trying to make Taylor into this huge soap opera star and there's literally nothing there. It's like the shades are down, you know?

She's just so awkward. Even at the end of her last scene with Gaston, like they like she gets off the phone with Gaston and then she still keeps looking at her phone and it goes, yeah, um, so okay. Like you're not on the phone with anyone Taylor, who are you talking to right now? There's just something so awkward and sad about her. So, um, Sally then talks like there's this then there's like a sort of awkwardness with Taylor and Sally at the party and Sally's like um she tells us okay I fuck Shep okay cool that was your ex you fuck ass on cool that was my ex we're even we're even so then um Taylor is dressed like Brett Michaels and she's like, yeah, rock of love, baby. And would make sense that she watched that show.

And then Lava shows up. How dare you? You swallow your goddamn words. Rock of love was not great. I'm sorry. That was an amazing piece of talent. That was Americana. What are you even an American? Get out. Get out of my country. You don't belong here anymore. I'm sorry. That was an amazing piece of talent. That was Americana. How do, what are you even an American?

Get out, get out of my country. You don't belong here anymore. I'm done with you. I am done. It was definitely not, what was the one with, what's his face? I can't remember people's names anymore. Rock of Love was amazing.

I hope they do it again. Diabetes, I love that show. Diabetes, I got diabetes. So then, you know, like I'm da-Betus. So then, you know, lots of small talk and stuff like that. Lava comes and of course she's super fun. She's like, like your cowboy hat. And Roderick goes like, yeah, we sit up all night bedassing it.

She goes, really? He goes, no, we bought it like this. She's like, oh. Lava, just, you know, barrel of fun. So then we see little Craig. Just, you know, barrel of fun. So then we see little Craig. I mean, everything's like super cute guys. So now Lev is like, Oh my God, is she coming with little Craig?

And Todd is like, Yeah. And then are they bringing the girlfriend? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on with JT? And so JT, Rodrigo is like, I'm not inviting him, you know? Like there was a certain level of bombast that wasn't necessary. That's fair.

That's fair. I mean, this is a guy who showed up to this Carolina Cup with canes for everyone. And he's just like, he is over the top. JT is constantly trying to have a TV moment, which is his biggest failing. And that drives me nuts because I feel like there was a lot of potential for him.

And so- You know what this like drives me nuts because I feel like there was a lot of potential for him. And so, you know what drives me nuts? Phrases like there was a certain level of bombast that wasn't necessary there. So I need more of that in my life. I'm going to start talking like the people in these shows like, well, could we could we lighten up with the bombast? When a phrase like that is uttered by like a sweater gay, it's really devastating. You know, like there's just a certain level of bombasts. We don't act like that. So Lev is like, well, I just hate anyone feeling excluded.

You know, in our friend group, if we were going to be like, we're not going to be friends with someone because they did something wrong, then none of us would be friends. So- Okay, lady that won't hi Mia and what's her buns back on Southern hospitality

over a fairly minor infraction. Okay. There we go. That's right. Because of Leah CEO. So then Rodrigo, he's basically like, yeah, but he called her a bitch. He called him miss Patricia, a bitch and live at love is like, I can't even imagine that. Like I've never even heard him say that word.

Like he would always talk when he, when he would talk about Madison, he always talked about Brad Madison and their lovely family. He was always respectful. So this is just like really, really wild. So she's like, I don't know, like, let's just play the devil's advocate. And Taylor's like, Yeah, that's just not JT. I mean, his whole storyline last year was standing up for the women. So the fact that he's just like coming around to me like that woman's a bitch and this one wants to fuck me is weird but To be on you know to be fair jt's annoying But he didn't say that he thinks madison is trying to fuck him and that's what everybody else is saying

They're saying that he's assuming that madison wants to fuck him. That's not what he was saying. He's saying the boyfriend Thinks that he was doing something or he was acting fishy or inappropriate with madison And that's what he's being called about. It's not that Madison would want to fuck him. It's that the boyfriend is suspicious. That's weird. Yes. Which is true.

Which we find out is completely true. So. Yeah, kind of. So Madison's like, I honestly just want to shut this down. I mean, anytime I hear someone that's talking bad about me and my family, the first thing I'm going to do is address it head on. Like I hear someone that's talking bad about me and my family, the first thing

I'm going to do is address it head on. Like I'm going to, I'm going to go straight to the person and we're cutting off the head of that snake, that beta snake. Okay. If you're an alpha snake, that's one thing, but you're a beta snake. You're just a little gardener snake. Die beta snake. Die beta.

So I'm the original beta blocker. So then, um, Leva is talking to Taylor and they're talking about the girlfriend, Shep's girlfriend, and she hasn't met her. And Leva's like, is that his girlfriend? And Taylor's like, I think that's one on his roster. And it's like, ah! And then it cuts through her soap opera face, which is like this.

It's like she just sharted. And so it's just that play play like one tooth sticking out, staring off into the distance. It was sweet though, little Craig does come bounding over to Taylor to say hi. He's like, my mommy. And then now Madison's talking to Sienna and she's like, so did you just travel here? Is that what he said? Are you a beta? Just tell me right now. Are you a beta or are you an alpha? I need to know if I can hang out with you. Sienna's like, yeah, I just got in last night at 12. Sounds like alpha behavior. Okay, you're approved. So yeah, Madison's like, yeah, this is not what I was expecting. She's like way too pretty for ship. I mean, here's Taylor, dressed like Brett Michaels. And then you have a supermodel walk in and you're like, look at that over

there. So chef is like, chef is like, Hey, Sally, I'm happy to see you. Thank you. I'm happy to see that you're friendly with Taylor by the way. She's like, Oh yeah, I mean, yeah, but like I fucking hit her boyfriend. So, Oh yeah. Well, you're not alone. You're like, if you were alone, you could be like home alone. Gosh, sorry. That's like my spirit animal because I'm a little boy in a house alone and robbers are trying to get me. Oh, I'm spiraling. What am I saying? I have to stop. How do I get off this carousel? Right. Oh, I'm spiraling. What am I saying? I have to stop.

How do I get off this carousel? Right, Sally, help me Sally. Ow, I tripped over a rope and it dropped a pink count on my head. Gorsh. So he's like, you know, I haven't heard good things about Gaston. If he was a stock, all the analysts are saying, sell.

I haven't met one analyst who said, buy. I'll leave it at that. I wouldn't buy that stock with my daddy's money. Let me tell you something. The man of Southern charm, I think we could just say universally bare market. It's a bear market. It's not just Gaston.

Okay. So then Tyler is asking Taylor, she's messy any yet. So she's like, no, that I should, but I don't want to like go up to her, you know, or like say what, like, hi, nice to meet you. So, so I mean, I talked to Shet, but like, I would feel more comfortable if he was like, I want to introduce you, but of course he's being awkward

because like, I don't want to be awkward. Just introduce me. Like, I don't care. Like, what am I awkward? I'm not. I'm totally fine. Look at me. I'm totally fine. I'm great. Everything's great here. Yeah. I don't want to just like go up to her and just be like, hi, nice to meet you. And she turns, hi, nice to meet you. She literally goes, I think that because Rodrigo was bringing her over, but it was just so funny. She's like, no, I don't want to just like be high. And then she does exactly what she does within a heartbeat.

And Sienna's funny because she goes, oh, hi, I've heard so much about you. She goes, oh, thank you. Well, hopefully good things. And she goes, mostly. I was like, oh, Taylor's like, oh. That was like, ooh damn, Sienna. And she does have this big smile on her face.

And Taylor goes, yeah, mostly, hopefully. I mean, that's when Taylor's supposed to say, well, that's great. You know, I haven't heard anything about you, actually. That's how you have a bitch response. I know it seemed like she was being bitchy to Taylor, but I took it as her bonding with Taylor being bitchy about Shep almost in a way,

if that makes any sense. Like she was like, yeah, like, you know, of course he's, of course he's bitching with an idiot. You know what I mean? But I don't know. So I'm hoping, I'm hoping it was that way. I guess I'm hoping that she's more of a girl's girl. But then Madison's like, oh, okay.

So they're like, I guess we'll see how this turns out. So then Sienna motions to Shep and Taylor and she's like, oh, wow, look at you guys. You have the same scarf on because they're both wearing a red bandana. And so it's like, oh, wow, this wasn't coordinated, barely nowhere. Who is she?

I don't know. know her. Who is she? I don't know. So then Austin's like, that's super awkward, but I guess I'll watch. So then Sienna's like, so you guys are, oh, and your dogs are matching too. Wow.

Okay, that's cool. It's kind of cute, kind of funny. Raising some red flags for me, but that's okay. Yeah. And that was pretty creepy. So then, um, Molly's like, are you okay? She was asking Taylor, she goes, yeah, I mean, I just met Shep's girlfriend question mark. And Molly's like, well, I asked Whitney how long they'd been seeing each other and he said six months.

And, uh, Molly's Molly's like, no matter how over someone you are, like seeing a guy walk in like that, that's rough. I mean, that can be triggering, you know, he could be bringing up old wounds. I mean, I wouldn't like it. That girl's hot. That girl's hot. Oh, wazoo, that girl's hot. So then we go to JT's apartment where he's there alone and he opens up a package and he's like, so, is this a fun device or something cool? A book? No, it's Dustbuster. It's not fun.

Excuse me, sir. A Dustbuster is a tremendous amount of fun and I don't know where you are getting your notions of what is right and wrong, but you are really failing this season. If this was Southern hospitality, TJ would have just splooged all over the screen. Yeah, I'd love every time. I got a dust buster. My first ever dust buster, I got it about a year and a half ago. I keep it right in my kitchen and anytime there's like flour on the counter or anything, I just go, and it is just so fun every single time. It's fun every single time. Never gets old. Yeah. So, um,

I just love that he narrates his own life for the TV. He's just so awkward at this, you know? So then we go to him calling Madison and, um, because by the way, I guess the dog party is over. I thought this was like a, a cutaway, but it turns out the dog party is over cause nothing really happened. Yeah, nothing really happened, but a lot of intrigue of people meeting people and people. And this is very ensemble-y today, the way they're doing the show today.

They literally show everybody on the show and then bring them all together and everyone's awkward because everyone's new to each other. So it's actually kind of a reset this season, which is odd. It's like the same people, but they're all in new situations. And I don't know, they did a pretty good job setting up a new season. Yeah, new class too. They're doing a good job setting up a new season. Yeah. New class too. They're doing a good job of layering and new people in a way that Vanderpump rules had kind of failed, which is why Vanderpump rules isn't what,

what happened to Vanderpump rules is that like they just were never able to get really any good new talent, talent beyond Lala and James and then Brittany. Those are the only three major new additions I think that I can think of over the course of the show. So like, but this show has been really good about layering in new people. Like every season there's like sort of a new batch of people that just sort of, you're always like, why are they on this show?

But they just sort of forced them on. Well this time they're doing a good job because they're not just, usually they try and mix them with a more powerful person who's been there longer, right? So it's like Taylor can only be shot with Shep in some way or Austin or something. They have to be shot with somebody big. And this time they're just like,

okay, let's just have a scene of the newbies at the dog store. And then let's have a scene with these newbies taking a walk around the lake. Like they don't care. They're just like, we're just gonna let, we don't care if the audience doesn't know them. We'll just let them figure it out.

I mean, it's interesting. It's an interesting way to do it. It's pretty good. I think it's working so far. Yeah. And let's have Vanita steam her drapes. Poor Vanita. Yeah.

They're like, let's just put random people walking around. Not Vanita though. You know, let's just keep Vanita steaming a shirt. Did we, we got the steam? That was pretty good. All right. That's good math guys. So Madison and JC go to meet up at a coffee shop and it's-

I was mad. I just want to say I was mad. Sorry to interrupt. When she called JT and said like, hey, do you want to meet me to have some coffee? I was like, and then you're supposed to say the next, you were supposed to say why you're going to have coffee. There's a certain thing you're supposed to say on the show.

And not once did you say, I was just in the neighborhood. I'm in the neighborhood. No kidding. But we do get the Amazon package, so that's good. Because JT is so good with the Amazon package. That's true. So they go meet at this coffee shop. And he's like, I'm just going to have some water.

You know what? Tea would be welcomed. Okay, can you just order the fucking tea, bro? So he goes out and this is awkward as hell, this scene. This is so awkward. So we see flashbacks to what he's talking about, the Craig stuff and all that. So Madison's like, well, you know, I feel blindsided that I thought we were friends.

It has never been anything more than that. And I'm sorry, JD, but are you blind? Have you seen my husband? Do you really think that for one second, I would trade corn for an avocado? I mean, look at yourself. You can't even be left out on the counter for a day without turning squishy.

Nobody wants you, avocado. Okay? I was born for corn and my husband is corn. You are hideous. You are disgusting. You have the face of a dog and a beaver mixed. You look like a dog and a beaver made of baby and it's disgusting. Go build a dam and chase a stick, beaver dog.

Okay? Leave me alone. And he's like, he's like, but when you FaceTime me, I was confused and she's out well, the JT, the one time that we called you was because he was like, well, wait, who was in your room late at night? And I said, it was just a bunch of people that came back to my room.

It was never just me and you. And so then he was asking if you were alone with JT. So, dun dun dun, JT was correct. JT said was right. He did call and he did insinuate that something might have been going on with them. So that was weird. Now, the fact that he came on and went so hard with it with Craig and Austin was not the best way to go about it and really stupid. And I hate even sticking up for JT, but he wasn't really wrong. Yeah. Well then she clarifies to us and she says that like every night she calls Brett and then one night she didn't call.

And so she thinks that maybe Brett was just trying to confirm that it wasn't just me and Austin hanging out drinking red wine and eating McDonald's in the bed. So then Brett does have a bit of a jealous streak. So he is jealous, but also what's really probably devastating, and you see that JT has just like really been dissed. Like JT is really being not only read for filth, but just talked down to and just such a bad, like it's demeaning, you know, and I'm laughing at this JT, but it's also sad and it's so sad because it's not only

like I don't want this whole thing wasn't about me wanting to Brett being jealous of you who would be jealous of you. This whole thing was about Brett being jealous of Austin. And that's like, ouch, that's really an ouch, you know? And you just see his face fall. He's like, yeah, I have no idea. Like he's like, I'm gonna go out of here limping on both legs.

Yeah, he's like, I just felt uncomfortable with all those questions. And then everything changed with you. Like, what did I do wrong? I mean, you mean girled me. And I'm like, why is my friend mean girling me? She goes, you know what? I think Austin might have been right about you

this whole entire time. Cause you are not a gentleman. You call Patricia a bitch and you're the bitch. And he's like, what? What are you talking about? I don't believe I've ever called that woman that word. She's like, well, that's what I've heard. And I believe everything I hear.

So JT basically is, tells us he doesn't, he would never call Patricia a bitch because he doesn't call women bitches because one time when he was little, he's like, you know how little boys like to challenge their moms. Well, I remember one day I said, can we go to seven 11? I want to Slurpee. And she said no. And I said, mom, you're a bitch. I mean, I said it right in front of poppy seed. I couldn't even believe it. And that was the last time I ever used that word. If you know what I'm saying, let me tell you what happened when I called mom, the B word. Can I get some help from the orchestra? Thank you. I think enough is said there. So he basically says, listen,

I'm sorry. I said what I said to the boys about how I received the FaceTime call and I didn't know how to handle it. And I wish I'd come to you and I'd like to leave it there. It just, this does not need to go further. And she goes, huh, wow, you are unbelievable. I thought that was a pretty good apology. I mean, what the hell?

I thought so too. I don't even know why I'm wasting my time cause she has decided now, he sucks. She needs somebody to hate on this show. Madison's really nothing without somebody to hate on. And she's got him and she's like, I'm not letting this go. Basically, thanks for nothing. I'm going to torture you now for the rest of the season.

Have fun sucker. Yeah, but also we have to remember this is Greg's fault for how he set everything up. And she's in this moment, she's just like, I'm not believing you, you thirsty idiot. You called her a bitch. You basically insinuated I was a slut and you're not going to talk your way out of it. So I don't know that I even blame her because Craig set it up in such a way that he's really not going to get out of this hole.

Right? Yeah. And it's also like, to be quite frank, like I think it's unnatural for Madison to, um, to side perpetually with JT over Austin. Like she is someone who wants to be around an alpha. And I think she does view JT as a beta. So as much as she can't stand Austin, as much as they've quote unquote made peace, I think she still hates Austin. can't stand Austin, as much as they've quote unquote made peace. I think she still hates Austin, but she will still ultimately gravitate towards alpha energy before she, you know, puts all her eggs in a beta basket. The beta basket y'all. Okay, well thanks so much for being here everybody. We will be back with Southern Charm in a couple of weeks when it comes back and we sure love you

guys. Have an amazing holiday, an amazing new year. We love you guys. Thank you for everything you do for us on this show. You know, you give us the best life. So thank you for being here with us. We really appreciate you guys and we love you. Thank you so much. And we still have plenty of shows next week.

So stay tuned. Yes, there will be a break for us, a few days for us, but Crappins will be on every day of the week, baby. So come on back, we'll talk to you next time. Bye. Bye. Somebody kisses. Watch what Crappins would like to thank

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