Watch What Crappens - #2666 Hot Frosty with Reality Gays Part 1:

Episode Date: December 25, 2024

*This is part one of a four part recap* We join forces with the glorious homos Mattie and Poodle of The Reality Gays (instagram.com/realitygayspodcast/ ) to take on our annual Christmas movie trash talking bonus spree. This year’s delight is Hot Frosty, a Netflix movie where Gretchen Weiner tries to melt off Frosty the Snowman’s weiner. It’s great for the whole frigid family! New episodes will be posted daily throughout the week. To watch them all on video and get our bonus episodes, join us at the Crappens on Demand level at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. All right. We're here. We're ready. If you're listening to on crappin speed, you're saying who is this queen? But if you're on reality gaze, you know who this is and you all should know this is this is gay crappins, the fifth annual gay crappins with Ronnie and Ben from Watch What Crappins and myself and Poodle from Reality Gays.

First and fifth anniversary. Welcome, everyone. Maddie and Poodle from Reality Gays. Welcome, everybody. You guys are so cute. I can't believe we've been doing this five years. I've only had a relationship with Ben longer than this. I think mine is Poodle.

So we're, yeah, there we go. Yeah, we're husbands. Although Poodle hates it when I say that. I know y'all say that, but he hates it. I need to always be unattached. Yeah, I say my partner a lot and it really confuses people. I do too.

And then they're like, I love being single. I fucking am so sick of men. God damn it. My partner and they're like, Whoa, wow. You have that attitude with a partner. Yeah. You know, you're just talking like Kathy. Well, this last season of the load, I'm not below deck of top chef. This guy, Dan, the like Wisconsin guy in the first episode, he's like,

well, my my partner and I opened up this restaurant 10 years ago and the entire season, I just thought he was gay. I thought he and his gay husband opened up a restaurant. And at the end, it's like, oh, no, he has like a wife. And he was talking about his business partner. I'm just I just take it to a gay place every time. It ruins your fantasy. He queered Western queer. He queered us.

He did a queer baby because he wasn't even cuter. It wasn't like a fantasy or anything like that. It was just like, oh, we should try to be nice to him because we're meaner, I think sometimes to gayer people, you know, I think it's just because like we, of course, better, you know, and which is so wrong to do. But you know, sometimes, I mean, I know, I feel like if there's a gay person, I'm like, I should try and be nicer to them. And it never goes that way.

But I'm trying. So when I really make an effort, and then I find out somebody's just queer baiting, you know, fuck off. I've gone out with you in person at bars and seen this actually happen where you're talking to someone, you're having a nice conversation and then you say something and they get pissed and storm off. I've seen it several times. You're not lying at all.

Well, I'll tell you one thing. I know one person, Ronnie, would never cause the storm off. A hot snowman come to life who has for some reason an insatiable need to like Ronnie. Cause that's the show. That was a terrible segue. No, that was a no. You could just say shut the fuck up queens.

It's time to recap a movie is that's actually not a terrible segue to talk about this movie. We're going to talk about hot frosty, which is available on frosty. But no, you did you perfectly and aptly describe the movie, but it's just the movie concept is that bad and that clunky that you can't describe it eloquently. There's no way. The movie pitch, the pitch to the studios. What was the pitch? What was the pitch Ben? What are they going? Okay. So we all know the story of Frosty the snowman, which is that a snowman comes to life. He has fun. He gets trapped in a greenhouse and dies.

Yes. Okay. But like that's fun. You know, the thing is this is 2024. Yes, we like body positivity, but also what if the snowman what if Frosty is just as in shape? And that's like, sure, let's do it. Let's add Lacey, Charbet, Charvay, Charvay, Charbatt, whatever. Shabair. Shabair. Not like Javert, who is basically Craig Robinson the whole time. Yes. I actually would have preferred that. I would have preferred to give her a fucking frosty.

That's no man stole my bread. And then and then and then Ted Sarandos and Netflix says, you know what? I'm on board for this. But hold on. I think what this movie needs for no good reason. Let's just add Lauren Hawley to it. Sure. OK, green lit.

It's going. She saved it. And Katie Mixon is the doctor. She's a sucker. Yeah. Oh, they were the best. They have to actually seem like they were having a great time on this movie. They were having a great time. Was this is this the best thing that we've covered? No. Yeah. Oh, I think it is. I think it is. Well, here's why I think so, because I scored it some salties in the end. No, I was charmed by this movie. I cannot.

I cried a little bit. I was like, Oh my God, I feel like I enjoyed. I like falling for Christmas with Lindsay Moore. I think. I think that's the one I like. No, that was a dumb movie. Although you know how you know how Ben and I feel about Erin O'Connell. So I feel like Erin O'Connell, we will discuss this shortly, but I don't know. God, this is, I honestly, it may have been that pioneer woman one was my favorite because it was so bad. It was so bad.

It made no sense. That was hilarious. Like holiday was actually maybe the best made one, but like it was, it was like, it's like basically Sophie's choice, but where you want them not to all of your babies. Reverse Sophie's choice. I ended up, so I watched this with two of my,

um, two of the people that live in my apartment, they were friends. They, I said, Hey, I'm watching this like terrible movie tonight. I'm taking notes, but if y'all want to come up and watch. So we watched and then afterwards we decided to smoke pot and watch George of the jungle. And we realized it's the same exact. No, it's in Cino man. It's in Cino man plus Christmas.

There's literally, look, there's a scene of the television. It's just the same. So I think probably the pitch was in Encino man, but make it Christmas. It was like Splash too, no? Except in Splash, at least they made Daryl Hannah, like she was like, what? What is English? What is eating?

How do you walk? And this guy just didn't know certain things. Like he knew everything else. It's like he had slight amnesia, but he knew how to speak. He knew how to watch TV. That was the most inconsistent thing about the whole thing, is what he knew

and what he didn't know. Yeah, you know what? I actually just saw a movie that this was 100 percent like the Mary Kay Letourneau story. I thought. This movie was it was a woman who an adult woman taking and the snowman was Billy Fallow. Yes. Of a of a person who maybe was not at the emotional or just life.

You're right. There was a lot. There were a lot of issues. I honestly I honestly that was the first thought when I had when I saw it. I think I put in our text. I'm really concerned about the ethics of a human being fucking a snowman. Because it'd be like like someone would be like fucking Nell, you know, like someone who's not really not really mentally where you should be to fuck somebody.

Also, like a very very he has a very frigid body temperature. And I just cannot imagine his his manhood, how that would feel in certain parts. What is also your murdering home? It's like it's like having a disease and fucking somebody. You will be held liable. You can't do that. how that would feel in certain parts. What is, kids be cold? Well, also you're murdering him. It's like having a disease and fucking somebody. You will be held liable. You can't do that.

And that's what she would be doing when she fucks him because she knows that Worf kills him. And what do you think Vagina, I mean, in theory, Vagina is, I'm assuming, or warm. Not familiar. And so, she would kill him. She would take off his wiener and he would die from having sex.

Oh, that's true. And that's why they didn't have sex. And then he inexplicably, well, I don't want to give away the ending because I know people are like, you know, already on pins and needles. We can't talk about the ending until hour five of this podcast. Because yes, there's going to be that many parts. So buckle up. Oh yeah. But I do want to warn you guys one thing before we get this ball really rolling

down a hill to make a big fat snowman, Which is how they should be, you fucking body shaming bitches. This is a very dirty podcast. Matt and Jake are both disgusting. That is. Ben and I are very sweet, innocent gays. These two are complete trash. Get ready. And we would not have it any other way.

This is the most perverted and gross we'll ever get. And it's Christmas week. So enjoy yourself. We love you guys and are so glad to be here. I just wanted to warn anybody. And the tradition also is that we wind up speaking for so long that we divide the recap over many episodes. And I think of usually our first episode we cover about the first 30 seconds. Yeah, that's the title.

The title card. This is more just like the, this is the discussion. This is a, we're looking at the, settling into this cinematic masterpiece. I'm actually wearing a shirt that Assisi, that's what we call our listeners, made for me. It's Jake has one too. It's called Justice for Gamora. And there's a scene of

just a tent with a gay flag and poodle. Can you explain the shirt? Yes, because I talked about how in the Bible, they talk about Sodom and Gamora. And Sodomy has a whole cross. Sodom has a whole crime. And I was like, Yeah, why does Sodomy button and you asked, What is Gamora ing or you got Gamora? And I would say maybe it's something did Sodomy butt things? And I said, what is Gamora-ing? Or you got Gamora-ed. And I would say maybe it's something like, like just something just filthy,

having to do with a vagina. And I said, justice for Gamora, and it kind of became something. And so- Justice for Gamora. Gamora was forgotten. Gamora-ing. Yeah, it's not Gamora.

I saw the Italian show. I saw the Italian show, Gamora, I love that. But I don't know what Gamoring would be. Yeah, Sodom is butt stuff. But there's nothing worse than butt stuff. I mean, butt stuff, I feel like biblically, butt stuff gives you everything. I mean, really, monkeypox now. Like, every pesky lens for the gays starts with butt sex. I think everything else is okay, right? Unless you have a cut in your mouth. Maybe Gamora is having a cut in your mouth. It's when you get a mouth, like a throat yeast infection. Oh, the worst. The old Michael Douglas. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. You get Dutch Jordan in your grandma's alley. I don't know. I'm just thinking here. I'm just really in my mind.

I'm quiet, not because I'm offended. I'm just like going through the mental Rolodex of like, what are our sinful sins that have not been named yet that require a Gamora label? I had a whole thing of like speculating about your rethral stuff. It went really gross. I don't, people like, one part of listeners just went, y'all stop talking about this.

This is just, this is, yeah. I'm not going to let him go into that. I mean, this is a snowman. We're talking about hot snowmen here today. Yeah, I'm not talking about hot and Gamora disease. Yeah. Can I ask just an honest question? I don't think any of you will be able to convince me otherwise. I'm convinced that Hot Frosty was a placeholder title that they always intended to change.

Yes. And then on the key art day, it was due. They're like, fuck, we can't think of a title. Oh my God. It kind of works. It kind of works. Like, in fact, they probably actually did come up with a title that was called like Hope Springs Hot or something like that.

Eternal, yeah. Or something like that. Like, you know what, let's just go back to Hot Frosty. It really just says everything we need to know. Yeah. And I think a fat person did it because someone was probably like, but frosties are gross when they're hot. And a fat person was like, girl, I got in my car one time as 110 and I still had my melted frosty and it was delicious because I've done it. I've done it multiple times. I'll melt a frosty. You know, it's just them chubby person. They're

like, let's just torture a thin person for this whole thing and make him run around in no clothes and 10 degree. No clothes and a scarf glued to his dick. I also, yes. And I also would like to point out that there is no one or nothing in this movie named Frosty. Um, so they're just, they're just coasting. I mean, there's maybe an illusion because he puts on something that says Jack, but he never says, oh, does he say his name is Jackie? He says his name is Jack, but they

didn't say the thing says Jack Frost. I bet you all do you remember the movie Michael Keaton, the Michael Keaton movie with Jack where he was called Jack Frost and he was a snowman? Yeah, I don't remember that. I don't remember this. Fortunately, I don't remember. I remember the movie. I heard him on smart listen. I think he was drunk.

I think you'd have to be if you've had Jack Frost on your IMDB. Is that a Michael Keaton thing? Does he have a problem with that? I was like, I think this guy's wasted. He got a resurgence after Birdman. It was kind of his coming back. The thing, I don't know if you guys looked this up, but the screenwriter, Russell Haneline, I had to just look this up, but like the screenwriter, uh, Russell

Heinlein, um, I had to just figure this out and his IMD picture is him with like a blue devil shirt and a hat on and a beer. So it looks like he's just a bro. And there was thing on his like ex account saying, I wrote this movie in 2021 thinking what if a snowman was hot? this movie in 2021 thinking what if a snowman was hot? So he's apparently this dude, bro, screenwriter who loves Scorsese. And it's like, and he's a student of Save the Cat, perhaps.

Yes. And I found it interesting that they chose to make a film about a lady who's who's terribly unhappy and then stays terribly unhappy. It's really odd because normally in these they make, they're like, it's a crabby lady, but then she gets dick and she's suddenly happy because that's all ladies really need. But this one, nope, she's miserable right until the end. She's like, I'm going to try to like you now, but I don't even think she cracks a smile. I mean, she's just going to stay miserable forever. There's nothing to heal Lacey. She also has some real mental health issues.

In fact, I think this entire town has like some things that need to be considered. Like this would be like the sort of thing that like maybe a team of specialists should come in and like discuss with people because, you know, like we're used to these movies where people believe in the miracles of Christmas, et cetera, but they're just a little too comfortable with the idea that he was a snowman, especially the doctor.

We're going to talk about that doctor. OK, let me say something. I guarantee that doctor was she was in the plandemic documentary. I'm telling you that right now. Yeah, she's supposed to be the adult in the room. And she's the first one who's like, yep, definitely a snowman who's turned into a man. And sure, it like says it with authority. The rest of the movie, who's like, yep, definitely a snowman who's turned into a man. Sure. Yeah. If you like, says it with authority, the rest of the movie, she's like, guys.

No, I told you. Snowman. Yeah. Come on. Everyone knows he's a snowman. Obviously, in medical school, I learned that the Rothschilds own everything and he's a snowman. She is now working directly under RFK. Yeah. Yeah. Cause at first you go, that's so crazy. But then you think about the world, like, you're like,

Oh, that actually made more sense. That actually plot point made more sense than a lot of other things. Well, it would be a good RFK learner because it would be a good RFK remake because of the hot Frosty, you know, like he's eating healthier. RFK is like, even look at Frosty.

I've even made Frosty hot. You're welcome, America. I once hit Frosty, you know, like he's eating healthier. RFK is like, even look at Frosty. I've even made Frosty hot. You're welcome, America. I once hit Frosty with my car and tied it to my roof and dropped Frosty off in Central Park. And cut off his head. That's such a good idea, by the way. I was like, that is just so bold. Like I always think, what if I killed somebody, you know,

that would be so hard to get rid of them. I just love the boldness of just like- And you can't stop talking about it. Yeah. We've actually went, Poodle once went on a rant. He actually killed someone. Yeah. What? Oh, no, just kidding.

I was like, why? I actually killed someone. But Poodle went on like, like a very queer allegory of the story of Frosty the Snowman. Yeah. Well, it was, that's the cartoon, the one he saw. That's that's that's Rudolph. Oh, no. Frosty scared you. The first one, right?

Rossi, the Frosty cartoon, the allegory freaked me the fuck out because it was all and this one continued that allegory because this very like Christ sacrificing himself stuff. Yeah, was all the way through is all the way through Frosty the cartoon. Because at the end, like that evil magician who has the hat, who brought him is like, I want to find frosty and and he's like chasing him around. He's probably because he's so gay. It's like I want to fuck him. He he made hot frosty that day.

And yeah, that makes sense if him. He made hot frosty that day. And that makes sense. If the magician made the hot frosty. So he just wants his hat. And this little girl is running around and she's like, it's really cold. And she's really irresponsible. So she runs into the woodlands and way into the snow and frosty. It's like, it's OK, Karen, we're going to go in this greenhouse out in the middle of nowhere and I'm going to stay with you. And he dies for her. He does.

What does this guy's greenhouse, which by the way, it's not even why is there a greenhouse in the middle of thank you. What pot farmer is working in this town might as well have been the cross. Farber is working in this town. Might as well have been the cross. And he dies for her and he melts and she wakes up. Ronnie, I promise you, this is how it goes. Ronnie, this is exactly what happens. This is what happens. It's fucked me up.

Why did Frosty, why was he brought to life? The hat just fell on him in the first place? It blew onto him. And Jimmy Durante said it would. Okay, well, Jimmy Durante, I mean, talk about a Jesus story. Okay, well, Jimmy Durante, I mean, talk about the Jesus story. Okay, so the hat blew onto him and it bought him. And then died for your sins.

Listen here, kids, I'm eating for 40 days. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, no, Frosty came alive. Then what was the little girl's issue? Like what was her? She was annoying and she ran around and got lost. And yeah, the magician wanted to kill the little girl. Why is she an orphan or did she not have one parent? She's a child and child children are useless on these kind of stories. Yeah, I feel like they're really every kind of unless

it's the story of the making of the iPhone. I don't want to hear about You know what? I mean, I need some video of children working or I Basically he melts and then everyone's like but no don't cry y'all every every Christmas Frosty Chris Frosty is made of Christmas snow or some shit like this movie tried to sell us and he'll come back every Christmas like Jesus did. And it's so weird. I thought about it and I said it on our podcast and people were like, that fucked me up too. So I've always hated that special story.

I mean, why are you so traumatized by Jesus? Don't be traumatized by Christ. Be traumatized by the Christians. I think it was just how heavy it was, how heavy the metaphor was as a child. Yeah, I think so. I just found out Google grew up doing Bible quizzes and I thought it was like- Not a Bible quiz, a Bible drill.

But Bible quiz, not do, I thought he was just doing it in Sunday school. No, there was literally a hierarchical competition that he competed in. they were like in state and district competition. Oh, they're coming back. Everything old is new again. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappence commercial. Hello, ladies and germs, boys and girls. The Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with his The Grinch holiday podcast.

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wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of The Cotton Club Murder early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. As the resident Jew of this, this group right here today, I will say that when I saw frosty, the Jesus metaphor did not really land with me in the same way. It hits a little different. It does. That being said, like you love frosty because he's like a snowman and then he dies in a cartoon that's supposed to be like a holiday cartoon. I know. Well, nothing's happy in children's stories from back then. You know, I mean, look at Charlie Brown.

I can't even believe they still play that Charlie Brown. So depressing. It's the saddest fucking thing. The whole thing's done in the minor key. Like, what are you guys even doing? I never found that interesting as a kid. I was like, oh God, here's that song. I loved it because I was a very dark child.

Yeah. You liked it. It's a really sad sound. I loved it because I was a dark child, but even, even frosty, the special was too dark for me. Wow. Um, I was, it got me into thinking too much about my own mortality as an eight year old.

Oh God. I was just like, Oh, is death like a nap? Just bring it on then. Like, what are we waiting for? But he comes back every Christmas folks. Wow. Frosty is eternal, but Frosty never quite makes a transition from snowman to, to real man. With a penis. With a penis. But then when you go on couples dates and you say, how did you guys meet? And you have to explain like, Oh, we met funny story. There was a hot, hot snowman. Someone did like a muscular snow, some, some gay child in town, not

addressed and not seen. We never even met who made the snowman. No, no, we didn't. Yeah, that's that's what that I wanted to know who made this because yes, it had to be a queen. It had to be a queen that made this snowman. It's some horny old gay because we didn't see any gay. We saw everybody else. I feel like, but no, there were no gay illusion.

I should have been a gay town. I was going to say the most gay coded thing was the thrift store owner's husband because he had a kerchief on. And that was as gay coded as we got, but they were together. Well, the, the sort of the deputy, there was sort of like a little bit of a gay undercurrent there. And I think that definitely there was a gay, there definitely was someone gay in town who made that because the truth is we all know we love our straight women, but if it had been a straight woman, it would have looked like Ed Sheeran.

Oh no. What are you talking about? Be honest. Have you ever heard of Outlander, sir? It would have been like some like stuffy English person. Pasty would have been the same color as the snow. That's for sure. But like some pasty like, I love you even in the 1800s. Yes. Or Jason Segel. Women love Jason Segel. They really do. I've never seen a man just so successful with never working out. I mean, it's amazing. Gold. They really do. I've never seen a man just so successful with never working out. I mean, it's amazing. Gold, John Mayer.

Oh yeah. Did you guys ever see when he did this whole thing about, he's like, yeah, I just had to get out of Los Angeles. It was too much for me. I just had to get out. And the motherfucker went to Ojai. It's like, he's like, Hollywood life is just too much for me. The motherfucker went to Oj hi. It's like he's like, Hollywood life is just too much for me.

The motherfucker went to Oh hi. John Merriam. Oh hi. No, no. Jason Segel. Jason Segel. Jason Segel. And Sharon.

Bruno Mars. Who's an Oh hi. Oh hi is not the real world. But I think the funny thing is like, I just had to get out of Hollywood and it's like all of Hollywood is there. What are you talking about? Is it too conservative for you here? Cause Ohio is really like, yeah, it's just like, oh, that's beautiful.

Yeah, it's gorgeous, but it's just like the 1% of the 1% live in Ohio. Yeah. Yeah. I just had to be more real guys. Get back to the, I know I'm so done like I'm snowed down with L.A. I'm moving to Montecito. I can't go where the real people are. I hear that Hot Springs, New York is is a hot place.

By the way, I would like to also point out, I'm sorry. Yes, called Hope Springs. Hope Springs. Interestingly enough, we got to see the license plate of a car. I think it's a very final shot. I was wondering where it was. Yeah, we see it's a New the license plate of a car. I think it was a very final shot. I was wondering where it was. Yeah, we see it's a New York license plate. Normally these things happen in like a nameless state. We don't really know where they are.

I was thinking it was Midwestern. Yeah, it's usually in the middle of the country, you know, where the real people are. Because they all kind of had Midwestern accents. Right. Yeah. But this was, I think we're looking at actually upstate New York. I think we might be by Utica, maybe Troy.

I don't know. But everyone would have a much worse accent. If it was like a Buffalo accent, you know, or that. What if it's been at Buffalo? Maybe it was Putnam County. Yes. I never realized until you said Utica, how sad that sounds. Oh, yeah.

Upstate New York is something. Maybe it's by the finger. It sounds like a woman part. Yeah. Where are you from? Utica. I got something stuck in my Utica. Yeah.

Doctor, get it out. Why were you playing with Flinkies again? Maybe this was suburban Syracuse. Oh. The Syracuse interlands. This was not real. This was, this was in our imaginations. So let's get started with the very opening Christmas fairy tales have often included the wonder of a snowman coming to life. What? That's actually a lie. I'd like to say I take, I take issue with it. Take it, take

it Ben. I've not often included the wonder of a snowman coming to life. Only one has done that. That's frosty. Please do not try to act like every single Christmas story involves these snowmen coming to life and being whimsical. That is not true whatsoever. Also, since the dawn of time, like when after the big bang,

that's when Christmas stories involving snowman started to happen. Adam and Eve in a time. Big screen TV. Also let's give it up for whoever landed this narrator narration gig because they really, you know, they probably got paid a full rate for literally one line in the entire movie. We never heard this narrator. I was going to say that is to me, one of the stupidest things to have that and not a device

to use over and over again. Why wouldn't you have Lacey Schaber do it? Or at least Reese Witherspoon, because they both kind of talk the same way. I can't think like if you close your eyes, it sounds why not have her narrate it? This movie can't afford Reese. I was trying to think, this movie afforded Coldplay. They can afford reese with this movie. We have to talk about that. The music budget was insane. Did they ever play Frosty the Snowman?

The song. Yeah, they, okay. So normally, they couldn't afford it. They normally, you can only get like some weird off brand like pseudo Christmas. Like remember, like let's not forget ladies the eighties,, which by the way had a rockin song that they use. Oh yeah. There's five minutes. Yeah.

They had, cause we're the ladies of the eighties. Younger than we've ever been. I still think about that sometimes. It does, yeah. And we've ever been? Yeah, they've, yes, they've never, they're at negative three years. Every time we sing the song, we fight against the movement of time. We remember the womb. Yeah.

So, no, this one had Coldplay. We had Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree, the original version. Yes, the original. Brenda Lee. And then there was another, there was another song that I was like, I can't believe they got the rice. They had pretty woman. That's an expensive song. That's an expensive song to get. I think the royal orbis of the state is very litigious. They are. Yeah. Like I saw his below deck appearances. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go up against the Orbis in the state. I know. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to go up against the Orbison estate.

No. No. So many lawyers. Yeah, but they have that Netflix budget here. So we really could hear it with the licensed music. Well, and even the actors. I mean, this Lacey Shavarria, she's kind of famous for Lifetime movies and Hallmark stuff now.

She's the Hallmark connection. But Hot Frosty Guy, I can't remember. He was Justin fucking Schickman. Yeah, he was. Actually, like really every, almost every single person on screen was someone that you knew, like Lauren Holly, for the Picket Fences fan. Who's had a long career.

Lauren Holly. A long, illustrious career. You have Craig Robinson, Joe. Oh my God, and Joe LoTrio. Yeah, and you also had, um, you had Katie, Katie mixing her name was, yeah. And she had a show on for like seven years. American housewife. Yeah. American housewife. And there was like someone else in there. Um, I'm sure those kids wouldn't want to be that lady.

Who was the lady who runs the thrift store? He's like, well, I don't, I don't know. I didn't have it with her. I got one sister because I. I don't know. We are excited to have you. She was no one's sister. I hope you don't find her alone. I hope you don't find her alone. She actually is a Canadian actress. I looked her up because I went, is she? I think she's famous in Canada. That was their, they're like, how do we get the Canadians onto this bandwagon? And they put her.

Yeah. All you need is some hockey. Only person I know from Canada is Megan Follows. That's it. I heard the role was really down to her or like Mary Kay Place. And Mary Kay Place passed. She says it wasn't realistic. Oh, I love Mary Kay Place.

She always looks like she's about to start crying. Always. Yeah. That's why she's cast. She needs so much more appreciation. OK, back to the British narrator. Oh, Justin to bring his magic to the right person. But those fairy tales have never been told like this. Cha cha cha.

An alarm is ringing and a hand turns the alarm off and we hear a woman on the radio. It's another beautiful morning here in Hope Springs. Wow, a So radio station, you immediately think Groundhog Day. This person really just shook a bunch of tropes and threw them in and said, yeah, I'm going to be shameless about most of them. And then I'm going to put a couple of others that you only think of and just see. There were a lot of Mean Girls references. Did you guys? Yes.

Well, yeah, I'm going to put a pin in that because I have something to say about that when we get to it. So basically the DJ says, and we want to remind you to grab those kiddos and head on down to the annual snow sculpture competition, where you can see several classics snowmen and one homoerotic one. One realistic naked muscle clad snowman. I'm, I'm confused about this competition, which is like the scope, the ice, the ice sculpture or the snow sculptures competition. Do you have to be an artist to join? Because obviously not, because there's a bunch of like what I call three balls snowman, just

like balls stacked on top of each other. And a classic. So why would you, why would you decide if you're going to be in a snow sculptures, why are you making a classic snowman? And my favorite is there were there were some of the I'm calling them three balls, because that's what it looks like to me, just three. And then just so there was like four of those surrounding the Michelangelo like David sculpture. So like some kids made that next to that like artistic queen who was sculpting his David for three days.

And that by the way, whatever that sweet adorable gay boy was who made that like, isn't he like I spent a week making a realistic snowman. Now it's gone. Where the fuck is my snowman? But a magical scarf on it. And also, why would I was going to win? I was going to maybe he did, because guess what? Even though the movie literally starts with an announcement of the big

snow sculpture competition, guess what? We never see it's abandoned sort of form. We don't see judges. We don't see deliberations. We don't see, I thought that was going to be sabotage. I thought that was going to be one of the plot points that like that was going to be, but alas, that's gone. They did this whole thing where they they're like, the cop really cares about the town and he's always trying to find crimes. And so he's going to do whatever he can to prosecute petty

crimes. But someone stole a sculpture from the competition and nobody's like, he doesn't care. I mean, why didn't they make it that like this guy, you know, like we saw the sculpture, but then we didn't see it. And all we saw was this guy. He should have been, that should have been the crime that the guy did something, you know, but they didn't have to make up some bullshit, you know, that would have it right here. Ronnie, that is so much better if they could have tied the crime into the actual, yes, concept here, because literally the entire conflict of the

movie, the entire, the stakes of this movie is that like someone broke a window. Yeah, it is. Yeah. stakes of this movie is that like someone broke a window. It is. And then the people aren't going to press charges. It should be all over and they're not going to. And, and, and so the only thing now is streaking and you only saw an old man and an old one, the old woman's probably didn't give a shit because she just wants dick. She's just crazy.

Yeah. Um, well, it's also, it would also have been a really good chance to bring in a shit because she just wants dick. She's just crazy. Yeah. Um, well, it's also, it would also have been a really good chance to bring in a gay because if it had been a gay sculptor and this happened, and then he was the one that saved the, like, maybe it's the gay sculptor and he came back and he was like, you know what? I think you're good. Even though nobody else does, nobody else gets you.

I'm going to give you the scarf. And then it came back and it was after the gay guy. It's like the gay guy never gets to date anything he hasn't loved because he lives in this little town. But now he finally has a snowman to fall in love with and, you know, people can't approve because it's like gay and snowman fucking. Yeah. And so he has to like really fight the system and it would have fucking meant something instead of Lacey who's just like, I'm sad and I'm still going to be sad by the end of

this shit. So just take off your shirt and I'll just watch you while I'm sad. Maybe that's Gamori. And also, like, it would've been very compelling if you have it, like, this guy makes a snowman of, like, his perfect man, like, this would be his dream man, his closet, and then some bitch comes along, puts a scarf on him, and this guy is like, oh, shit, you've been betrayed. I spent weeks in planning!

And you're like, her? I'm the one who created you, don't you know how Piglillion works? Because, look, we created love with somebody by showing a regular person how to accessorize. I mean, it's just such a gay story, you know? Yeah. I feel like it was stolen from us. I feel like-

In all honesty, in all honesty, I would say like, for real, the story should have been that like, he comes to life and now this person who had made this sculpture and like actually needs to win this competition to like win the prize to make their ends meet there now they can't be in the prize anymore. And so basically like hot frosty has to like become a snowman. Yes. It's a side. Do I live like this or to become a snowman against this kid who could win the competition, you know, and this could, I think, too, I really am all about, I, even though maybe it's type, bring back gay villains, because none are better. Like to me, I think, I think it would have been so much better. Like if the whole time he's

looking for his fucking like, like, like John Barrowman or like Peter Page from Queers Folk like some old gay no John Barrowman is working a lot like but old gay no you need to go even older you need to go like 70s gay or or or a lady who the gays would love a Rupert Everett Rupert Everett what yeah oh he would be good he would be good he could have been the gay British narrator. Yeah. I think that's such a good idea. He's just picking out the evil person who stole his sculpture and he thinks the whole

town is against him. He would have gone full Shakespearean. Yeah. Yes. And he wants to win the contest, so he wants to turn Frosty back into a snowman. Yes. That's actually not a true rule. But then Frosty teaches him to love,

he bites Frosty and then Frosty melts. That's such a better way. Christina, take this out. We're gonna make this movie. We just fixed this film. Like. We literally fixed it. It's actually really good now. And Matt was, when we were all watching yesterday,

Matt sent us a text that was some girl on TikTok. He's like, guys, I just watched Hot frosty on Netflix. Art is not dead. People are genuinely liking it. Like it's, it's, uh, people are liking this movie. I didn't like it because if something makes me automatically like it, the end ruined it. I just thought the end was bad, but we'll talk about everybody. Sorry everybody spoiler alert He died daddy didn't well Well, here's the thing Did he die because you know the story about frost no man died

Maybe the human didn't but the snowman died and who wants a human? Oh my god any man who's full of all right like he died and was resurrected That's what I just got it. Yeah what you just, I just got it. This is just like our show y'all. Whenever I say anything, gone. And then when someone explains it to him, he's like, oh, I understand. Especially religious stuff. Cause I was raised Catholic. We didn't really talk about the Bible a lot. We just did like other stuff. Yeah. The resurrection is kind of soft-pedaled. And we're like, ah, it's fine. Like, I don't know. Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le, Le're like, ah, it's fine. Like, I don't know. Le, Le, Le, Sidious. I don't know those books, whatever.

And so I am always shook by your, the amount of religious knowledge you lack is being raised in a Catholic church. Book of Gary. I haven't read it. I don't know. So, so anyway, Kathy wakes up, she hears this. So I'm sorry. First of all, no one this age is named Kathy. That's

what I wrote down to know what I know. I know someone I know I know a Kathy like a 34 year old. How old is Lacey? Okay, personally, she's 42. I want to point this out. She's 42. I looked up her age. So here's this lady, a lady for a 42 year old woman. She's waking up and the DJ is saying that the snow sculpture competition is finally underway. Like everyone has been waiting. They've been watching all year long. They've been watching this gay kid chisel out in Adonis in the middle of the town square. Like, can you just finish so we can finally get this underway? And she wakes up and her place is in disrepair. For a moment. I was like, can you just finish so we can finally get this underway? And she wakes up and her places in disrepair for a moment.

I was like, is she a squatter? Does this even her house? This was like this fucking house. It's a real fear. Yeah. Yeah. She wasn't paying the bills like the heater doesn't work. And she's just so this is the thing about this character. And I thought surely this is her arc is getting happy because her whole opening is like, oh my God, the alarm clock went off. Oh God, the house is freezing.

I fell getting out of bed. I was like, okay, she's miserable. So surely she'll be happy. But no, she just continues. And then we see she passes by a picture of some dude and I thought it was her dad, which I feel so. I thought it was too. It was because of the bad Photoshop. It was really bad.

He kind of looked like John Anson from the who are like the Addams family, the series got Gomez. He did. But they even even fucked up the picture of Lacey Shabair. I thought it was her. Her mom and dad. It was so A.I. hand. Her hand was as big as her face when it was like laying there next to him. It was such so badly Photoshopped. I laughed.

It was really bad. Party of five. One thing that they one visual thing that they repeat over and over again in her hovel is that when she goes down the stairs, she has to skip a step because there's a gaping hole in the stairs. Yeah. What happened?

Girl, you never made a hole in the stairs. I've done it. Has no one else here been almost 400 pounds? I did it. Now I know that she didn't do it, but you know, maybe I lived there before. Maybe they were moving a couch like on friends or whatever and they like it fell like a corner hit the mice to come out and like what her dress. Wouldn't you just like, like that had to be very dangerous. Like you would definitely put your foot through it like every three or four days.

Maybe that's not her husband died. I don't know. No, that was cancer, which what's cancer. Well, maybe she's just saying that because she didn't want to admit that she never had him fix the stair and that's how he died. So much of like under that staircase. Yeah, it's just like it was like this big gaping hole. Yeah, how was the frosty not the spirit of her dead husband, by

the way? That's another missed opportunity. I thought we were going to get there. I thought somehow we were going to get there too. But no, no, just a snowman. Why is no one checking in on Kathy? Why are people not... This town, everyone knows each other. She's so beloved in the community. Everybody's like, hi, Kathy.

And I'm like, where I'm from, people will be like, Hey, Kathy's husband died of cancer. Let's go bring her some castrols. Bring her a castrol. She bring her husband say, look, Wardell, she's got a hole in her stair and then Wardell would fix the stair. That's true. I live here alone. She's got a broken stair and no man. My dad walked into the house. He'd be like, well, goddamn, goddamn, Kathy can't even walk up the fucking stairs.

I guess I better fucking fix it. And he would. I may not hug, but I do fix things. My love with fix. I mean, like, don't they even notice the way Kathy's face just sort of falls whenever they're sitting around saying, God, isn't it so nice to have a full set of stairs that aren't broken? And she just looks down in her lab, like, don't they realize she's not contributing to that?

I thought this movie was going to be in a while. I thought this was going to be a movie about grief. And I thought like I'm about learning to move on. I'm like, okay, this is that's what this movie is about. But it's not. It's not about that. It was very, very frustrating for me. Yeah, it's just someone who does not take care of their house. And she's going to say it's because of the grief. But like the truth is, it's like she's just not taking care of the house. Take your house. Well, it's hard, you know, and especially in the cold, like I get it, but I'm also like move, you know, but then we find out in the next little scene. Oh, well, first, I'm sorry, we have, we have things going on. Oh, so she goes to the restaurant. So we find out that

he's a restaurant with a K. Yeah. Yeah. Kathy with the K is diner, you know, but I would never do that name at Ronnie's because people know who to shit on when they don't like it. You know what I mean? Fuck Ronnie sucks. I hate the to-go containers. Ronny. Fuck Ronny. Also, didn't they steal the art? Is this from a Johnny Rockets or like a Rubik's? They didn't even try. It was very, it was like the cafe at Disney's Cars. That's what it looked like to me. Listen, this is a woman who is not fixing her heat or her staircase. So she is not going to get brand new branding.

She's like, you ever, you ever see like a restaurant around town that clearly like found some other restaurants sign in the, in like the. That is what happened. Yes. I renamed change like an ass added an ass to it from like Kate's cafe to skates cafe. Yeah. You know, like that's what Cathy's doing here. And it's the same teacup that goddamn same teacup.

Also, the name tags are so egregiously large. They are. This is a novelty restaurant. No, I'm sorry. The art direction was shit on this show. The painting. It felt like a pop-up. It felt like a pop-up. It did feel like a pop-up. And like that one on Melrose, that used to be a Johnny Rockets. That was a pop-up for a while. It became like the Jizz Hut.

It was like the Save By The Bell restaurant. Yes. Golden Girls. It's like Cathy is doing like a pop-up. Right. It was like the Giz Hut. It was like the Save By The Bell restaurant. Yes. Golden Girls. It's like Cathy is doing like a pop-up experience. But it just stayed there. People love the soup. They also have nowhere else to go. There's no other business in town. It's a small town. Yeah. So Ice Dick, who works for her, he's the chef. He's like the grumpy chef.

Yeah. But he's grumpy, but he just wants to make sure she's had food and she's fixed her heater. But of course she hasn't, you know, and he's like, you're going to freeze to death. And if you do, who's going to sign my checks? I know Isaac. I know we get it. She owns it. Isaac, why don't you help out a little bit? This is a woman who is grieving and she is a little stuck. So go like what, like you guys all will rally together

for a fricking snowman later. Why don't you rally for Kathy for once? Also, Isaac, maybe if you were a little more dependable of an employee, you'd be on auto draft by now. So you wouldn't have to be sitting around waiting for a check. She clearly still doesn't trust you. And here, I was over there helping her with the stare.

Because of your former drug problem, she's a little worried about giving you a regular salary. I've watched enough Top Chef to know that's the damn truth. I know. So Cathy is, you know, she's like, okay, now she's warmed up and she is happy and the people coming in. And then all of a sudden Cathy goes,

oh my God, my favorite customer. And this little girl comes in and her mother is none other than Chris shell. Michelle. Yes. From selling sunset. Kathy's favorite customer, who by the way, never comes back to the room. So everyone else comes five times. I have no idea why they needed to. Did Chris shell win a contest to be in the movie? I want to see the tip-off. It turned in to win this because it is true.

And I was like, what the fuck is Chris shell doing here with, with the child? And then you never see her again. I'm like, is that supposed to be Netflix? It's like, look, it's one of our hugest stars. But then they didn't really do cameos like that with anybody. No, it was, it was way out of nowhere and she said four words and she was gone. Isn't she an actress? Yeah, she's an actress. She's a soap actress.

I thought my favorite part was that when she walked into Kathy's cafe, that all of a sudden the music started saying, I'm a bad bitch, bad bitch. I'm a bad bitch, bad bitch. Bad bitches walk down the street. I'm a bad bitch, bad bitches down the street. We wear shoes. Frosty ain't the only bitch ballin'. I'm a bad frosty bitch, bitch, frosty, frosty bitch. I sell houses. Oh, that is what they need.

That is what this, all together, as we go through this movie, I think why I liked other movies a little bit more is that there was no camp in this movie. It took itself very seriously. Only a couple of like mean girls jokes. That's all we got. The whole the whole sheriff thing was camp. That was that was that was camp. I was great. The problem was it actually did not take itself seriously enough because they were so, they were having so much fun that I'm like, Hey, stop.

That was, that was, that was my issue. I got to say the bloopers was the best part of the whole thing. Did you feel like that all of Craig Robinson and Joe Lattrillo scenes were improb'd? Yes. Like I feel like that they, that they were gonna cast a like kind of like straight laced guy for the sheriff.

And so they wrote this really serious dialogue for him. And when Craig Robinson is saying it, it sounds like it's like bigger and it's funny. But the dialogue, if you take the dialogue away from Craig Robinson and had like a boring actor, read it, it would be awful. That's why Robinson literally made me laugh out loud. He stole the movie. Yeah. I was like, I was like, how is this guy is finding comedy in this movie? And like,

it's good. Like he was so funny and he was just having the best time. And I just, I don't know. like I couldn't believe how funny he was. Yeah. He's a really funny guy. Okay. So then, um, uh, Chris, sorry. She's like the daughter, Michelle's daughter is like, do you have any chocolate chip pancakes today? And Kathy's like, well, chocolate chip pancakes are usually for Sunday brunch, but you know what? I'll make some if your mom says it's okay. Oh, she doesn't. So I guess you'll have to work that out with your mom.

Bye. That's an off menu item, kid. And I knew that Chris shell was going to be a fat, shaming little hooker of a mother. And she's like, oh, well, I guess we can make an exception today. No, you have a child and it's Christmas and she wants fucking chocolate chips in her pancakes.

Do it, Chris shell. Okay. Don't make me hate you. You're only here for five seconds in this movie and I already hate you and want social services to come take I guess we'll we'll move your way until tomorrow. She's like, you're gonna need time for the x lax to hit. Yeah. By the way, also like Kathy, they're like, this is a moment. No. How about have chocolate pancakes every day?

Why like reserve for Sunday brunch? What's that all about? It did feel like she was excessively monitoring her children's diet. You mean like your mother? Yeah. Like my mom would say, do we really need that today? My mom still does it. Or she'll do this thing where she'll be like, oh, God, you know, it's the worst? Like fat people in the crosswalk.

I'm like, excuse me. You know, I'm like, hello, I'm like, you know, well, I've lost some weight, but she would say it like when I'm sitting there next to her, like 350, 400 pounds. I'm like, okay, if you want to say it, just say it. You don't have to like cloak it. You know what I mean? Leave the people on the crosswalk alone. What they do.

This porch or me. Keep it at home. You know what's the worst? You have people on the sidewalk. Yeah. Just kill them all. Turn them into mattresses. They're squishy.

So, Grichelle allows her daughter to have chocolate chip pancakes. Yeah. Okay. Okay. We'll have a seat and she seats down her favorite customer and then promptly leaves the restaurant to go to a pancakes. Yeah, okay. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Okay. We'll have a seat and she seats down her favorite customer and then promptly leaves the restaurant to go to a thrift shop, which I feel like is not very professional, especially reclaimed rags.

That was weird because I don't even think there were any workers other than the main cook. This was a fucking front. Well, no, there was that. There was our friend who was a waitress who we never understood her name or never got her name. She was like the daughter of the chef. I think that was the illusion. Yeah. Oh!

I don't even remember her. Well, she might make it very far in this town. I'm like, who? Well, they liked having a lot of people that were siblings or children of other people that we never knew until the end anyway. And it just came out. Yeah, that's true.

That's true. They're like, well, how could you not know they're in the same minority class? How could you not know? Of course that's Greg Robinson's son. Yeah, of course. Because he's a little older, and he's black because he has to be. Of course they have some light friction that has, we are introduced to the light friction in their family dynamic, and it's resolved in three minutes.

Yeah. That was very quick. So then we see is though she goes to the thrift store, as you said, what'd you say it was reclaimed rags? Reclaimed rags by Mel and Theo. I assume they have other stores. So this is their, this is their other stores called in the closet. Like the, I think Theo is in, I think Theo loves that store.

There's one over here by where I live called unrestrained whimsy. Please stop. Oh, kill me. Please. I want to write them a note and say, listen, you guys, please change this. You can't, you're doing bad. You're doing, you're doing a bad thing. Please change it.

Her shell's lining up to go inside. She's like, I just heard about this great new thrift shop called unrestrained whimsy. Don't ruin the word whimsy. Where is it restrained whimsy? I need to look it up. It's one of the two. Either way, it's not okay. It's awful.

Okay. Stop there though. No, I won't go in there because of the name. I don't want to be like, I don't want somebody to be on my side, Ronnie. That's so cute. I wanted to know if you stood by your convictions or you just talking shit. Thank you for standing up for your own convictions, Ronnie. I do.

I don't go to fucking Chick-fil-A either, you bunch of traitors, all you gays out there. I see you in the line. And I really want to. I really want to. You too. That's a huge thing to stand by that conviction. That's why I hope if you were in the Chick-fil-A drive-through right now, you're just hearing me talking about just queefing and butt farts and just gay, gay Jesus sucking

off Judas, all of it. Snow jizz. Yeah, snow jizz. Snow jizz. Yeah. All right. Why don't we call this one and continue on the next episode. I think when we get to queef farts and do this blood pot, it's time to call it.

Thanks everyone for being here today. This was part one of probably several parts. Yeah. We promised to go quicker in the other part. It's like 10 minutes into the movie. We're fine. We'll be back tomorrow. Also this is a multi-part and it's a multi podcast feed.

So you can listen to go subscribe to us if you don't go subscribe to them if you don't and Find a video on both of our patreon's whichever you find cheaper, which is probably ours Everybody thank you so much for being here. We'll talk to you tomorrow. Have a merry time off during Christmas, okay suckas? Love ya! Bye! Bye! Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney! Put your hands together for Carly Clap! Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offit! Dana C, Dana Do! Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-lis! Jamie, she has no less name-y! You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones!

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