Watch What Crappens - #2667 Hot Frosty with Reality Gays Part 2:

Episode Date: December 26, 2024

*This is part 2 of 4* We join forces with the glorious homos Mattie and Poodle of The Reality Gays (instagram.com/realitygayspodcast/ ) to take on our annual Christmas movie trash talking bonus spree. This year’s delight is Hot Frosty, a Netflix movie where Gretchen Weiner tries to melt off Frosty the Snowman’s weiner. It’s great for the whole frigid family! New episodes will be posted daily throughout the week. To watch them all on video and get our bonus episodes, join us at the Crappens on Demand level at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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bright creatures by Shelby van Pelt. Find what piques your imagination. Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial and your first audio book is free. Visit audible.ca to sign up. Hello and welcome back to our multi-part recap of Hot Frosty. I am Ben from Watch or Crappins, joined by my co-host Ronnie Karam, but also this is our holiday crossover event. So I am also here with Jake and Matt from Reality Gaze. We're all doing this together. This is on our feed, it's on their feed, it's all of our feeds, lots of feeding going on.

What's going on everyone? Hi everybody. Hi. Hi, hi everybody. Hello, hello. So where we left off on Hot Fuzzy, which you can watch on Netflix, Hi. Hi. Hi, everybody. Hello. Hello. Where we left off on hot, which you can watch on Netflix. Here's what we've discussed so far.

Lacey Shabir wakes up. She has a cold house. She goes to her restaurant where she works. She encounters Chris shell from selling sunset and that's where we are. So that's a pretty shell fat, Chris shell fat James, her daughter. And did you catch that? Chris shells name is Jan again.

That's another name. I feel like people don't have right. We have Cathy Jan. Literally there's an old man later in the movie called Mortimer Mortimer. And I what was who was it? It was um, oh Shit, I can't read some actress that I follow was it any pods or somebody of that age on Instagram saying hey I'm doing a film and I'm playing the role of Ethel. No one please stall it stop calling us Gertrude's

Ethel and we had an Ethel was married to Mortimer in this movie. This guy is this bro who's like, I just want to fuck bitches. That's why I became a screenwriter. The guy this is why gay men need to be writing these movies. I wonder if he's the same guy that wrote bad Johnson. Did you ever see that? It's kind of the same type of movie. No, this is this guy's written like three Christmas movies. That's his written hot frosty, the Santa summit in merry measure and also the Santa class. Yeah. But it seems like he was trying to get his gritty mafia

feature made and that didn't work. And his lease was his lease was his mortgage was due. So he's like, I was going to do this like 2001. I wrote about hot frosty. And so here it is Netflix. And the guy's like, they're like, oh, my God, this is gold. So he literally has these are these are the titles on this writers. I am. Wow. There are seven credits, three wiser men and a boy

under the lights, the Santa class, hot frosty, the Santa summit and Mary measure. And then his very first feature web of lies. I told you that is what he wanted to write. If you just hate working with Madeline so so much that you went to Christmas movies. By the way, Madeline so I'm waiting for her Hallmark movie where she I want I want her to be in one of these where she's very if she played the role. When I when I blit blinking open and close like it did in

revenge and revenge. If that would have I thought I thought you meant like in the movie Blink that she was also in. No, she had Botox. I had revenge. So one of her eyes was like twitching on its own. Madeline's when it was Kathy. If Madeline Stowe was Kathy, if Madeline Stowe was Kathy, she would be playing the grief up so much. She would be walking into her restaurant like,

good-bye. Please just stay here and watch TV. Please. Okay. Only on Sundays. That's the only day. It's still, it really, it really, it really was the, if you watch revenge and say, is this woman in on the joke?

She's not so good. She was, she was giving the most over the top. Uh, like it was incredible. It was delicious. That was a great performance. My God, just the best. So we've just left off where Kathy has just opened her very busy restaurant for the day. There's like one other employee. There's no way they're going to sleep up with anything.

And so she leaves to go to the thrift store and bring a snack to those people. She's dysregulated. Yeah. And she's like, well, I figured you guys might be so busy with the snow sculpture competition that you wouldn't have time for lunch. What's the thrift store have to do with the snow sculptor or just a lot of people in there buying scarves? Not a single customer in there. And she's like, I also thought this was passive aggressive. I thought you guys would be so busy like my restaurant is. But look at me taking time out of my busy schedule to bring

you some egg salad. No, it's not even that. It's like at least egg salad feels like something that has some type of specificity to it. She's like turkey sandwiches that like she just made, like why not soup or something that feels like you could have done something with it? She's like, yeah, I just had my chef make up some like this gross loaf turkey and the guys like mayonnaise. Give me some more mayonnaise. Yeah, like I love acts like she is like serving food to Jessica Tandy and him thrown in and these people are just like, they're like 61. They're fine. They're thriving, you know? Yeah, but you know what? There are those people who always act really old even when they're not. And it's so annoying because the wife is like, how are you doing outside of work?

You have a man. You can't live in life without a man. Okay? So now listen, my mother always wanted me to meet someone. And she always used to say, you'll never find the warmth unless you venture out into the cold. That's not true. That's high road door dashed.

You know, call someone to come over, see who your neighbors are. You know what I mean? I fuck and I don't leave the house very often at all. My mother would say if you venture out in the cold, men will leave you and you'll die alone. Wow. Very different. She had a point.

If you go into the cold, you might meet a very handsome ice sculpture that will come alive and then you'll wind up having sex someday. Maybe you're gonna fuck an icicle. Have fun with that kid. She ventures out in the cold. So one Christmas she ventures out, put on her favorite red scarf and went down to the pub and I met the man of my dreams that very night. So on Christmas, we're not like spending time with family.

We're gonna go slot it up down at the bar. She's gonna put on that. She's gonna put on that red scarf like the tart she is. I was waiting for her husband to be like, wait a minute. We didn't meet in the pub. I wasn't talking about you. Wasn't talking about you, queer. I wasn't talking about you, queer. Yeah, I was talking about you.

The love of my life. It was what you said, yes. And I met my husband, and it literally is like, he's 16. He went, hi. Me? Just so. That kerchief, y'all, that was coded for me. I'm like, that's the gayest thing in this town.

If you're a man wearing a car, chief, you want something up your butt. Yeah, she doesn't actually give. She doesn't actually give Kathy her special. Thank you. She's like this. This just drove me fucking nuts. She's like, by the way,

this scarf just came in yesterday. It just arrived. It kind of reminded me of it because it's a red scarf. I've never seen one like this before. So I was like, you know what? Got some baby puke on it. And then you walked in. That's so weird. I got this scarf. It reminded me of when I

met my husband at a bar. And I knew that it came in for I knew this red scarf came in for a reason. So here you take it. It's got jizz on. Like, what are you giving me someone's come scarf? Why are you giving me this? Never trust a thrift store person. Never. you take it. It's got jizz on it. What are you giving me? Someone's come scarf. Why are you giving me this? Don't ever trust a thrift store person. You never use nothing for free. There had to be a slut in town who'd want this. Of course. I remember it makes remind me when I submitted to

that man in the pub bathroom. And the fact that this isn't her scarf and it's just some random piece of shit that came in and it has y'all, that means it has no magic in it at all. That's the, but she knows it has magic in it. The idea is that it arrived in her life almost magically. Like it was, it came like some, some entity, have it blow in the wind in front of her feet while she's walking. Like have that have the magic. Yes.

Cause everybody knows wind is magic in these types of movies. So just, you know what, so it was passive aggression. So I would hope that the girl came over, Cathy came over and said, you guys aren't busy at all. I brought you turkey sandwiches. Here's your bill. And then tried to charge them. And then she was like, Oh, you're charging me for shit. I didn't order. Well,

here's a scarf. This perfect for you. And here's your bill. It could be like a reverse gift of the Magi. It came, it came here yesterday. It came here yesterday and then you came in and I decided that you needed this because you need to get out of the store immediately. Yeah. She was like, you know, this, this scarf came into my life and I just could sense that someday you would walk in with a turkey sandwich.

This was so stupid. You walked in with the same thing. I ended up was so stupid. You walked in with the same thing. I ended up with a Turkey. So here's the scarf. Yes. Kathy doesn't like it. Cause she goes, she leaves with a scarf. She's offended as she fucking should be.

And also he's like, does this count as my Christmas gift? She just leaves. And it's like, who can I give this shit to? But don't forget then male, the woman looks at her husband and winks at him. So therefore she knows about magic, which was never followed up the entire time. I think because she conned Cathy into taking her like disease filled scarf. I think we're trying to offload.

I know it's got like the bubonic plague or some shit. We just fucked on it. We just fucked on it. She's going to put it around her neck. One last piece of laundry. You just choked me out with this scarf. And now she's going to choke that snowman. I'll wear it around. I'll wear it around.

Everybody knows a snowman can't come if they're breathing. They got to be. You know, you just got to be chosen. You know, you just gagged. I come into you. Oh, God. So he's wearing this for like all of like one afternoon because now it's like evening and she's walking through town and she's looking at the sculptures and she's looking at the hot sculpture.

Pretend miserable, totally miserable. And then she looks at it and goes, well, clearly you've been doing your pushups. And he has very big nipples. This. Oh my God. Nipples are so big with concentric circles. And so and I actually prefer bigger nipples on guy, but they was even too much for me. It's well, just because they looked like they literally look like there were forty fives. They look like they're on the right size, I guess, because I don't trust men with super little nipples.

It's like, uh, um, you shouldn't wear monsters. Yeah, I just don't trust it. It's like the guy in Guardians of the Galaxy. What's his name? Chris, whatever small, Chris Pratt, Chris Pratt. Never. I never liked him because it's small nipples. He's a douche bag.

I wish I could play your quote going, Oh, look at Gretz Pratt. No, you didn't see that movie. You don't know my life. Yeah, that's exactly what happened. So for some reason she's like, okay, well you've been doing your pushups and then she stares at him a long time

and then she wraps a scarf around him. Excuse me, that is not only a gift, but that is also someone else's artwork that you're just fucking up before the competition. There's a gay teenager who's like, do you know how much time I spent working on my hands? Clavicle. No, Ben, it's a gay old person.

It's a gay octogenarian. But she did that because she looked, the camera, the camera was, it was Lynn Belvedere. Um, they, I just, I just have to say, I just watched the TikTok that a friend sent me that had when, when Mr. Belvedere said, Westy cheated on his test, Mr. So-and-so. And he's like, and Westy goes, I hate you. I wish you were gone. And the next scene, the people knocking on the door says, Department of Immigration, and they take Mr. Belvedere away.

I had forgotten about that. It was the original Frosty the Snowman. Anyway, see you later. It's got dark. Mr. Belvedere always comes back every Christmas. That's true. But one thing about this, the reason why they did that is she looked the camera was really obviously doing this.

Yes, the director going to this snowman has a scarf. This three ball classic snowman has a scarf. He needs a scarf. But it's not your right. It is a setup. Well, like, oh, he just forgot the scarf. No, he didn't.

Notice there are the other ones are also short and rotund. And this one is tall and gorgeous. You don't need to like come in here and put your own stamp on everything. Okay, weiner's done by someone who went to RISD. This is done. You don't have to put a finishing touch on it. I once went to someone's house and the mom, the grandmother, I was at my friend's grandma's house and the grandmother's son had made a piece of art. Like he had made something on a canvas and there was a giant, it was like this abstract thing with all this paint, but there was this giant, like black quail that the grandma had cut out, like a silhouette of a quail and she had taped it onto the painting.

And we're like, why did you do that? She goes, I just thought it needed a quail. And I've always thought about that. I mean, her son had like made this, had like taken time and like made this abstract painting and gave it to her. She's like, uh huh. Let me just cut out a quail real quickly and put it on there.

That is really strange. She put a quail on the snowman. She put a quail on the snowman. This queen took so much time. The director was, I looked up the director because I think you Texas is very odd shots of like camera angles. And it felt like a new director. And I went and looked it up.

Did you look up the director? I did Nancy Myers. I was shocked. It's nice. He's done so much. He actually did some episodes of Schitt's Creek and a Shania Twain document or Shania Twain film. But now I love the holy grail.

Now, you know, they go really clearly. He's Canadian, but he's done a lot of movies. And I went, Oh, God, because it did not feel like it, which tells me that that probably Justin Milligan was early attached and and they and they probably went in. Justin Milligan was early attached and they probably went and Justin Milligan brought the director. Let's be honest, it was produced under his shingle. I think these Christmas movies are like kind of summer stock where you just do it all in

two weeks. It's like just get someone to write it, get all these people, you give them $5, they all show it because they're not doing any other damn thing, you know? And then they just all kind of do it. So, you know, it's like a hazard. But going back to the direction of this, I did notice, especially actually, I noticed it in that three store scene. The shots were like oddly close. Like I felt like they needed to like need a little bit more space because they were just talking about like, Oh, I found a scarf. Oh, you want a scarf? Here's a turkey sandwich. It wasn't like a total close up, but it was closer than like a medium shot.

And I was just like, why are we so intensely focused on these people right now? Can we pull back a little bit? Can we add some like lightness to this stupid, stupid? It was probably dumb on the phone because you know, when you do things with a small, a smaller camera, you're like, oh my God, I can barely see my face. Maybe it was done like that. Trying to just pinch it. Yeah. Yeah. It felt like, but it felt like it was done for like a smaller, like a 30 or 35 minute show. I agree. It was done in that kind of smaller. Yeah. When I was, when I was in college, I took a filmmaking class and I had, I lost, I like,

didn't, I like lost a lens or something. So I had to shoot everything with like a some, this, you know, this is actually a terrible story, but the point is I had to use, I lost my wide angle lens. That's what it was. Or like it wasn't working or something. Everything had to be shot with like, everything was like a mid shot and it was so frustrating. And so watching this, I was like, that's what happened. His wide angle.

It was me. No, no one had another was like, that's what happened. His wife, it was me. No, no one had another. And they just had to know that was like, we spent your budget on Coldplay. Sorry. You got to work with that. Sorry. That other lens. Yeah. Did you guys notice in the actual snowman sculpture, it's almost like they ran out of time to do it because the snow they did not show the but they showed like a Bottom half of him because we were gonna say where's the snow penis? They he was in snow. He was like it like they didn't chiseled out of like marble or something

No, they couldn't just wait all day for you know, mr. Belvedere to finish I can't Mr. Belvedere to finish. I can't not see Mr. Belvedere now. Look, this, this snowman has a twinkle in his eye and is ready to go. Don't you remember the DJ's like, it's finally ready to start. Thanks. So she, she throws his scarf on him and like he said, then his eye twinkles out of nowhere. And she like, you're so right, Ronnie, now that you say this, she's never happy this entire movie. And I didn't realize it. It never is. And listen, it's like you're at risk for being like, smile, honey.

People would like you more, you know, it's like, I don't want to be like that. But I think in this type of movie, literally never smile. She's never happy. She walks away and then the wind blows and the snow flurries happen. That is the most important thing. The flash of the picture, because she has obviously a shitty camera that requires a flash to take a photo of this very well lit snowman. So she takes a picture and then something about the scarf and then the flash of light is like all that he needs to become sentient. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.

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Follow Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Unlock weekly Christmas mystery bonus content and listen to every episode ad free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Spotify or Apple podcasts. May I have a glissando? Snow wind, snow wind. And that very realistic snow wind comes in.

Again. Snow around. God, I miss the 20, 23s. Those are big. That's swirling snow animation also. Yes, there was some animation. That is not cheap. Hallmark is not doing that. It was basically King Kong. So then we see, now we see this guy because he's been magical wind and it turns into a real man And he sneezes guys because he's a human for the first time and realizes that word dirty pollutants. Is he cold? I thought he was sneezing because he was cold. I think he just had to get the snow out of his nose

Yeah, yeah, and his scarf is covering his junk, y'all. Yes. I never hated a scarf more. What do we think about him naked? Like, what do we think about him as a male kind of object of lust? We've been putting this off because we're not objectifying his ass.

Ben, you go, Ben. He was so cute on Schitt's Creek. Yeah. I feel like, did they film this movie while he was prepping for like an Iggy Pop biopic? I was going to say it's Iggy Pop. Did you guys watch the show Orphan Black? He is like he's like the guy on Orphan Black, her gay brother. That's what he looks like.

Oh, he doesn't look good with long hair. It's it looks gaunter. Is not right. It's like looks gaunter. Is not right. It's like there's something is going on. Let's go. Many cutters like he's too thin. He's gone or something or like when he was actually dead or supposed to be dead later on the movie, he kind of looked dead.

He looked like Jesus. Yeah. We something was going on with the face, the teeth and the it was like, he was like buff, but I was like, this is where was Aaron O'Connell? Like, our favorite Hallmark hunk is Aaron O'Connell. This would have been so perfect for Aaron O'Connell. He is so gorgeous and he would have just had that perfect. He already has snowman energy. It would have just been perfect.

Yes. And he could have watched someone fly in a plane and then because he actually flies a plane and then he could have flown her in a plane. I think though the aesthetics were, were, were he could have flown her plane. The aesthetics were kind of off, but like I thought his whole performance throughout that. I'm like, you're fucking charming. And he was very charming. I thought he was. His performance was great, but I just I agree. Physically, it wasn't exactly a good fit. It's like they could have get that kid.

You know, the kid, he would have been too young. But like the other thing is, even though Dustin Milligan is maybe in his late 30s, he seemed much younger than Lacey Shabir. He did. I think that was the issue that you guys are seeing physically. I think they were trying to like young him up because he looked like when they try and put like Al Pacino in a younger role and they use like CGI to make him younger. I know they didn't spend the money because I just saw the snow blowing, but it may like

the way the wig is a little weird. And then they look like they're trying to put makeup on him to age him down. Yeah. I think maybe that's why he looks weird. Because I think overall he's super cute. And also he's doing that goofy like, oh my God, I'm just so humble. Yeah. And maybe that's-

If you look at pictures of Dustin Milligan, he's hot. He's a hot guy. Yeah, he's really hot. Somehow they did not really capture that. I'm going to say this, Frosty needed a beard. Well, he needed a beer belly. Oh my God. What's wrong with having a hot fat Frosty?

Have a chunky fucking Frosty. What the fuck, man? You could have made a beefy Frosty. It could have been, like, you know what, it could have been like a Jason Kelce, not Jason Kelsey, it could have been Jason Kelsey, it could have been Travis Kelsey. know, it also, it could have been like a Jason Kels, not Jason Kelsey, but it could have been Jason. He also could have been Travis Kelsey.

Travis Kelsey would have actually been perfect for this because he also has snowman energy and I would believe him having childlike wonder. Okay. Okay. Okay. I got to step this back. What is snowman energy? He does have snowman energy.

It's kind of like, but I find that it's a little bumbling, the little bumbling little golden retriever. Yeah, it's kind of. OK, Harry Boyish, you know, it's like a boyish, but like a big hairy bear kind of thing. I know that when he eats french fries, he'll even get like little things of salt stuck in this weird and you'll be like, oh, man, or is it cute?

Like this doesn't sound like real life at all, Ronnie. This just felt like a look into your... I think we all know it should have been Aaron O'Connell. I really liked his performance. I don't think he was physically right. Yeah, I totally agree. You're wrong. Oh, you mean Aaron O'Connell?

Yeah. No, I just said... I get very defensive of Aaron O'Connell. I'm sorry. No, I wasn't saying anything about Aaron O'Connell. Yes. No, I just said, I get very defensive of Aaron O'Connell. I'm sorry. I wasn't saying anything about Aaron O'Connell. I'm sorry. I'm backing that up.

Oh my God. Aaron O'Connell is a good guy. Good, good. Gorgeous. You don't remember we covered a movie and Ben and I basically beat off during our entire podcast. He was so hot. What movie was it?

The Mint One, the one with the pioneer woman. The pioneer woman. Oh, with the dead wife. He was like, why does everybody have a fucking dead wife pioneer woman. Oh, he was the one. He was like, why does everybody have a fucking dead wife in these? Like, why is the spouse always? You know why? Because it's really easy. It's a really easy screenwriting things.

He had the dead wife. It was a daughter. And I remember that. You remember that movie? Do you remember what happened in that movie? I did. I did. Candy coated Christmas. That's what candy coated Christmas. A blonde lady from the city comes to this

town and she knocks on the door and a girl opens up the door. She goes, Oh hi, is your mom here? She goes, no, she died in a car wreck. Except that was a great film. That was a great focus. It was terrible. But yeah, he's really cute. I don't remember him, but in small picture, he looks like Eddie Cibrian.

I mean, this guy's going to make it. He's a looks like Eddie Cibrian. I mean, this guy's, I'm going to make it a big picture. He's a whiter Eddie Cibrian. That's exactly, yeah. Have you put in Aaron O... Have you gone to DuckDuckGo and put in Aaron O'Connell dick pic? I'm going to see if there is one. There's one in his underwear. Oh my God. He's so huge. Aaron O'Connell has completely derailed us. Well, there's also a lot of porn, so I'm gonna turn that off.

I think the Liberty guys are on their way up here. Okay, so anyway, Aaron O'Connell, huh? Love his movies. Aaron O'Connell would have been so perfect for this. He's just not a big enough name, and unfortunately, I know that Dustin Milligan is also not a big enough name, but people can be like, oh my God,

that's the guy from Six Seasons. Yeah, but Aaron O'Connell, it's like, he's been in Hallmark movies. That's just his lane. But I think I mentioned when we did do Candy Coated Nights that I went to a wedding about four years ago and Aaron O'Connell was there as one of the guests. And it was like, oh my God, I didn't get to talk to him,

but I definitely was like, oh my God, it's Aaron O'Connell. I think Ben just said Candy Coated Nights. And I think that's your Hanukkah themed version of Coded nights is actually candy burrs is But candy coated Christmas is the one yes That was the Hanukkah version of candy coated nights My friend is actually she writes these Hallmark movies and she is Jewish. And so she she does sort of like try to get sort of Hanukkah.

You think she does? Well, no, she did. She actually wrote the Hanukkah. The one that was like the Hanukkah Hallmark movie that came out last year or something like that. And I'm like, oh, that's the Jew in me feels like we should like cover that. But then I'm like, I don't want to have to make fun of my friend's movie. So that's just something I have going to have to live with.

No, no, Mike, I have a friend who's writing. It's not coming out till December, but he's writing a sexy Christmas movie that comes out on Lifetime. I think it's called like a carpenter Christmas. Yeah, that was one of the ones that we were thinking about. And it looks terrible, but it doesn't come out until later. But I'm like, oh, wait, we're friends. Well, Danny Pellegrino wrote one. I was going to suggest that one, but I didn't want to be

mean to Danny Pellegrino. Yeah, you don't want to because it's I'd make fun of him. He's in the same business. He gets it. People make fun of us all the fucking time. But for a movie that you've written, I don't I don't know if I want to do that either. I'm gonna celebrate Danny's and also I would much rather watch I would much rather You know take on a movie with Lauren Hawley. I just want people talk about my movie. I don't care if it's good or bad Yeah, that's true, too I every time every year when we do this I'm always like I'm gonna write a Hallmark movie and then I never do and now here we are again Another year has gone like, I'm gonna write a Hallmark movie, and then I never do. And now here we are again, another year has gone by,

and I have not written my Hallmark movie. But this year, maybe this year will be different. Maybe this year's the year. I'll wrap a red scarf around my laptop and see if my Hallmark movie comes to life. I'm gonna wrap a red scarf around my picture of Aaron O'Connell that's in my bathroom. You just need to like give them,

and it'll be, you just need to, the idea is they give, someone gives them a menorah and they just keep giving the person the menorah. Yeah. I think it should be that like you have like eight nights to do, like, like at the end of eight nights, at the end of the eight nights of Hanukkah, if you haven't done the thing, save like the town library, save the town synagogue. Yeah. Yes. Then the world ends.

There'll be no no more oil. And that's it. The temple and the earth is plunged into darkness. So there's a lot of competition. Just free. That's a lot. Yes. There's got to be a lot of competition. But, you know, because the name of the game is

that you always have to have a celebrity cameo like the pioneer woman or whatever. Who would be our Jewess? Who would be? Who would you get? Like something like a like a Jewish Broadway actress, you know, something like very 11. Yes. Yes. Yeah.

Hey, I can get my one of my good friends dog sits for her. I could get you Linda Laven for this movie. I don't know if you can promise my best friend's dog sitter. Can you get me Linda Laven? Can we get Linda Laven on the phone? We got to go. I love it. Oh, I've I've been in her house. It's a beautiful promise.

You Linda Laven a doing no Hallmark movie. No. I think I'm naming my my Hanukkah Hallmark movie. Um, God, a lot of loving to do. Exactly. Yeah, I think Nathan Lane's in it. Matt Bomer's in it. It's, um, so yeah, it's supposed to come out on HBO. I don't know who Nathan Lee Graham is. Oh, I see. He's, he's great. You would, you'd probably recognize him. He's a black, uh, queer actor. Nathan Lee Graham. Well, I'm going to look him up right now. Yeah.

Do it as long as we have. He's like budget Billy Porter. When you can't get Billy Porter, you get Nathan Lee Graham. Seriously. That's his career. He's the Mary Kay place. Okay. Um, so Jack sees the thrift store from earlier and he's like, and he leans up against the

wussiest store window I've ever seen. You know, are those people in that store wondering why they're always cold? Cause you got drafts and your glasses from 97 years ago. He just falls right through it. How strong does he have to be to break that break that glass? Well, it's he made of ice. Yeah, made of ice. So maybe he has super strength because he also has super learning abilities. Well, by the way, let's not we skipped over a very important plot point because this is this is important

for the building of the case against him before he gets a thrift store as he's walking through the town. An elderly he's walking through the town, an elderly couple goes walking through the plaza late at night. Mortimer, Mortimer and Ethel. Mortimer and Ethel are strolling through town to take a look at the sculptures, because, you know, the sculpture competition

is finally open. And they stopped having sex about 40 years ago. Yeah. Well, maybe, but you know what? That may all change tonight. It's going to change. She got horned up tonight. Ethel loved it. And also Mortimer makes a comment where he says, if this dog doesn't go, I'm going to

change it in for a goldfish. You don't deserve a dog, sir. Okay. It was such a weird thing to say. Yeah. Sort of like shady. We find out much later in the movie. So Jack, he waves at them. Of course, like he's hiding behind like a little, there's something that's obscuring his manhood.

So yes, it's magical scarf. Not so magical after all fucking little, little glowy thing that goes in front of everything, blocking everything good. You know, I've been fighting those since the eighties. So he goes, he goes, hello, hi there. And this old man is so horrified to see a naked man in the street. He falls into the snow. This is why we never see whatever this why we never see the, the Lin Belvedere type who makes the sculpture because obviously

this is a little bit of a homophobic town that you can definitely the gay. I think it was like more like total penis panic because they don't, you know, I don't even know if it was gay. I just know when in this town works out everyone who sees this spot. Like if we saw a naked guy that looked like that in the street, we'd be like, you're a six. But in a little town like this, no one has literally seen a body like this and they're all shocked and falling over.

You can go to Hollywood Boulevard and see that anytime. So anyway, old man, all, Mortimer. And he's like, what was that? But Ethel, Ethel who's got a brain about her, she goes, I'm not sure. Let's go investigate. She knows. You see her. Her mouth starts watering. But Ethel doesn't even run over there.

Her vagina does like running and drags. Ethel's like it's like leaves her. It like leaves her like a like a like a divining rod. Yes. No matter what age, you can always be a dick pig. If it's in you, it's in you. It's like that thing in Donnie Darko that just like sucks people and takes them along.

Like this little lights, yes. I'm not familiar, but if Donnie Darko involves like hot men who are luring people into places. A young Jake Gyllenhaal. A young Jake Gyllenhaal, yeah. Jake Gyllenhaal. Yeah, I saw. I saw a scene of it. That's a good film. He was like in a movie theater and then there was a creepy bunny

next to him. I could be a rabbit. Yeah, it's kind of cult film. It came out because a really specific time for me and like my generation, we were all obsessed with it for a little bit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, good one. Mm hmm.

Oh, back in the day. I don't know if it hold up today, but it was good. Yeah, I also like that. Ethel sort of if it would hold up today, but it was good. I also like that Ethel sort of looks like Prue Leith from the great British Bake Off. She does. She does. That's who it is, yes.

Oh my God, y'all, that guy Dylan, I'm so obsessed with him. They say like basically if a cat came to life and wished to be a human, it would be that guy Dylan, who's so beautiful. Oh, he is so cute. I'm all he is. So cute. I haven't watched this season, but he's the one with a little bit of shaved. Yes. Yeah.

Everyone posts about him. What is so beautiful creature? He's great. He's great. Um, I, I, I've only watched three episodes of the season, but in one episode, he just falls over for no reason. But so hot that, oh my God, he's fucking stunning. He's absolutely so sweet.

And I'm about to ruin it for you. What he's kind of like male door, the Explorer, if you really keep looking at him, because he's just so cute. Like I looked at him the other day, I was like, he's so cute. Who does he look like? He looks like a cross between door, the Explorer

and a young, he's on entertainment, Mario Lopez. Oh wow. Am I thinking of the right person? You guys are looking at me like I'm crazy. No, no, I can see that. This is, I don't think it's the same person. I don't think he looks like Dora the Explorer at all.

Wait, what's his name? Dylan. Thank you were saying that because people are going to be so confused. Dylan from great British like Bayam. Yeah, you can. I just looked at me. He kind of gives me a little bit like a John Snow vibe.

This is a different person. They keep saying the thing on the internet was if a beautiful cat became a human. He's just everything about his face. Yeah. This isn't who I was thinking of. No, I was going to say Dora the Explorer. I did not know.

Yeah. Well, I've just given a Dora the Explorer fetish away, I guess. Swiper coming. So anyway, Jack has, uh, this Jack has now he ran away basically, or whatever happened and he winds up at the thrift store. He sees clothes in the window and he goes clothes. Lot of mugging, a lot of mugging. Yeah. He's really sad by clothes. I don't know why he wants clothes, but he just decides he wants clothes. Yeah. Cause clothes keep you warm, which is weird. And also, how does he know what clothes is? This is the first time I was like, wait, how does he know what anything is?

What does he know? What does he not know? I'm surprised he can speak English. And the other thing is he also knows he also knows that stealing is wrong somehow. Like he knows he should not steal, but he doesn't know what streaking is and he doesn't know what cancer streaking is and he doesn't know what cancer is. Well, um, snowmen live by a moral code.

So I think that's pretty obvious why he understands about stealing. Well, he does still close. He gets a pair of overalls that wink, wink, have the name Jack on them. Like Jack Frost, like Jack Frost. Yeah. And so now he's, I wrote, oh yeah, so he's dressed in these clothes and- This costume looks like a costume I would call

like sexy auto mechanic that you would buy from Amazon. I was gonna say, it looks porn adjacent. Yeah. It's like, this is where also like you really, like when choosing an actor, I think if you're going to be doing this sort of like sleeveless jumpsuit thing, I think you need part of that audition process is going to have to be evaluating the arms. And this guy's got very good arms. I would love to have his arms. But like I think you want someone with like big arms. You want to be wearing muscly burly like meaty. Former football player type. Oh God, my favorite type. You know? Wow.

You know? That's great. Except when they get that aggression for being tackled too much. Let's keep going. It's when they get the sundowning. Yeah. Oh great.

He's found a clothes and the reason he's named Jack is because the name on the overalls is Jack, which I don't think he needs that. He knows what everything is. Why can't he just say my name's Jack Jack and I come to come to life every once in a while when people give me a scarf. Why is it like the first time fairy tale for Jack and no one ever understands where he came from, who made him, who's Jack? What makes Jack stick? Does Jack do this all the time?

He's extremely self-aware in that he knows he was born when she is. He said she took a picture of me. So he doesn't really know he knows he was born then but he doesn't know anything else. It's so 2024. Isn't it? It's like it's not the scarf or the love that brought him to the life.

It's the attention from a phone camera. Is he aware all this time? Like was he just frozen in snowman form and like observed? That's those were my connection. Those are those are my right. Oh, my God. Like trapped in ice. Yeah, it's like having like a Gielm Barr syndrome or something. He saw her.

He like it was like a stroke victim where you can't move and you just have to watch everything going on around you. Yeah. So it's like she was. That's horrific. Yes. D everything going on around you. Yeah, so it's like she was his awakening. That's horrific. Yes. Diving Belle and the Butterfly. Blink your eyes. I was gonna say, what that butterfly movie?

Ha ha ha. Commercials, here comes one right now. Matt, what were you gonna say? I'm horrified right now. I don't know what I was going to say. He's completely out of my head. Sorry, I diving bell in the butterfly. You took me out.

Took me out. Y'all. What happens next? I don't even know. Basically. Okay. So now is the next day. Kathy wakes up in her shitty, shitty house.

The heater is still not working. There's still a hole in the staircase. She's living in the middle ages and no one's checking on her. Even though the chef in the diner is aware of Kathy's conditions, he has not offered to help whatsoever or ask anyone in town to help. He's just like, he's just doing his thing. So she wakes up. It takes a village to raise a child, not take care of an adult. Adults should take care of themselves, okay? Whose husband has recently died? I think it's pretty recent, it seems.

Yeah, I guess I need a timeline on that because I love to judge people's grieving. I like to be like, you should be over that by now. Like how long, how much do we have to talk about this? Yeah. But if it was three months ago, it seems really early to move on. If it's three months ago, it seems really early to move on with this.

She's a whore because she's treating her dad husband like that. That's the thing. I have my I totally get it. Go girl. You three months. She's a whore. Yeah, I thought that part of me honestly thought like this was going to be some sort of like dream or something where she's like coming out of her grief and realizing the snowman

never existed. But that would have been mechanism that she needed. Then that would have been better. Then what happens? It would have been better if he realized she didn't exist. He's the fun one. What if she gets a lift? Maybe the first draft was that Lauren Holly

never existed and that she was a coping mechanism. I honestly had that conversation with myself because I was like, who's that? Like when she came on the screen, she immediately made the movie 5 million times better. And I'm like, she's so familiar, who is that? And I couldn't figure it out. I had to look up the cast and I was like, Lauren Hawley?

Wow, what a blast from the past. And what a just all around great, picket fences. She's fantastic. I think she was cast mainly because of her last name is very holiday forward. That's a great, she's been in a couple of other Hallmark movies. I looked at her IM mainly because of her last name is very holiday forward. You know, that's that's a that's a great she's been in a couple other hallmark movies. I looked I looked around because I was thinking we haven't seen her a while, but I look she has consistently worked.

She was on CSI for like seven years. Yeah, I didn't want that one. Which one? I'm not sure. There's like four of them out there in secret agent man. CIS living room, whatever they.I.S. living room. Whatever they're called. I know the Oreo. Yeah.

Ben, you should change your last name to Christmas so you can write a Christmas Ben Christmas. I think it has a nice name to nice ring to it. Ben Christmas. Lauren Holly. Yeah, there was some there's something I saw her in where she was like she played the villain. Oh, she was a great villain. She's great in everything. And she's and when she was in Picket Fences, she was like a complete male fantasy.

Like she was she was like the the the the the the police. She was in on the police force and she had big old boobies. Her and Costas Mandalore. Wow. Oh, Costas Mandalore. That is it. That's something unlocked. Oh, don't encourage him. That's right. She was the villain in Any Given Sunday, right?

Didn't she play Dennis Quaid's wife? And she was like, you get out there, you play. This is now a Lauren Holly appreciation podcast. Get off Lauren Holly's dick. Yeah, I love Lauren Holly. She're a quarterback. This is now a Lauren Holly appreciation podcast. Get off Lauren Holly's dick. Yeah, I love Lauren Holly. She's a badass. Well, she's not even here yet, okay, you guys? Yeah, she's not here.

So this is- Lacey Shebert still has to meet Jack Frost. Yeah, so later right now, she meets him right now. Lacey shows up and Jack is talking to the other snowmen who didn't get crushed and robbed. And she's like, he's talking to them. He's like, guys, look, I can talk and I even have arms. I can move my arms.

You guys look, I'm touching myself. You could do it, too, guys. All you need to do is find a really sad widow with a scarf that she didn't want. Can you imagine? He has such snowman privilege. He does. It could happen to you, too. They're like, look at us. We're all I got three.

I'm a three baller. If I came to life, I just rolled around. I would look like George went. You got me. You've got snowman pretty privileged. Yes. Don't talk to me about it. I will. And I can just be, you know, they would just walk around like Demi Moore and the substance that last creature.

That's what they would look like. Come to life. I was too scared to see that movie, but I really want to see it. But I'm too scared. It's I will say this as a horror person. I like scary movies and I don't like a lot of gore. It was a lot for me, but I'm glad I told me not to watch it. You would not be okay with it. I want to support I told me not to watch it. You would not be okay with it I want to support Demi Moore. Thanks fantastic in it She's fantastic could have gone the Lauren Holley way, but you know what she didn't and I want to support Demi

But I don't know. So is Margaret Qualie. Oh, I want to see that movie, but there was a short that just came out It was one of those horror and anthology things and it was just the same plot if that's that Demi Moore Oh, wow. I mean, I don't know that I need to see. And also I don't want to be, you know, talked. I don't want any anti aging remedy, medication or propaganda. Unless it's real. Let me touch my fucking face.

Okay. I'm putting it in there. Like, leave me alone. Okay. Why don't you make a movie about Bruce Willis getting plugs and that killing him? Okay. Make it, make it fair. You dicks. Well, I don't think make a movie about Bruce Willis getting plugs and that killing him? Okay? Make it fair, you dicks. Well, I don't think he would remember that.

Well, neither would any of us because it was terrible. That was, oh my God! Snowman, am I right? So he's talking, he's basically bragging and he's like doing a bootstrap through each other's snowman, you know, like, guys, just work hard. And so she walks up, she goes, excuse me. Hi. Hi. What's going on? He goes, oh, my God, it's you.

Look, you're the scarf lady. You're the, you know, the sad scarf lady who came in. Yeah, he's like, look, what happened to me? You made me human. I was snow and now I'm not made of snow. And you're not made of snow, but you're still freezing. And at this point, you know, picture you took of me, I'm you're still freezing. And at this point, you took of me.

I'm not sure you got my angle at this point. Yeah. Why do you not call for police saying this man is, is because me, because think of who your police sheriff is. He's not well, or why not? You run away or scream or spray him with mace, because this is a crazy thing to say to someone, no, you can't do that anymore. You just have to be like, do you want a starburst? And just like, I will stay on the way out in the meeting of if we think about falling for Christmas, okay. An icon, iconic holiday, literally Lindsay Lohan fell on cord over

street. We needed more. This the meat cute was failed on this. That's such an amazing point. There was over street and we needed more. The meet cute was failed on this movie. I feel like. That's such an amazing point. There was, it was. That is the most important part of a haul. I've been watching Finding Mr. Christmas on Hallmark, which is the competition reality show. New Hallmark.

But they talk about these pivotal moments. That's the thing. Oh yeah. Oh, it is very much a thing. Jonathan Bennett. Hot, hot, like Christmas person for the Hallmark channel. Oh my God. It's Jonathan Bennett and Melissa Peterman that hosted. And wow, to be a casting couch director at that set. That's gotta be. The guys are gorgeous, but they made them recreate the meet cute and they talk about that's the pivotal

moment. And usually always in a meat cute, what happens? Someone usually falls. Bumps into someone with coffee or- Dogs with leashes. Dogs with leashes. I don't know. Political rallies. One person had a stroke and then the other person

has to find a way to get through to them and then they come back to life for five minutes and then they bang. Someone's for five minutes and then they bang. Someone's furniture is delivered and they drop a couch on a neighbor, whatever. Instacart. But you know. Instacart, yes.

Instacart, whatever. I totally think this is actually a very salient point. There is literally. Terrible. Nothing even close to a meet-cute. It's just he's there and she walks, she's walking to work. A stark, raving, mad person. Yes. A lunatic. That's what it sounds like when he starts talking and that,

and, but she's the last skeptic in town. Cause everyone in town is like, that's definitely a snowman. Yeah. Yeah. They, they, I mean the normal, she's just not a normal person. If somebody said I was made of snow, I'd be like, are you sharing it? Or like, am I gonna have to go through your pocket? Are you offering? Like, why would you bring that up? But I think this is to show

that she's a caring person first. She's a caring, she's caring before she's a caring. And she says, aren't you cold? You look really cold. So she's concerned about this. She's like, this is someone who is troubled and they are cold. And we don't get these sort of people in this town. So we should take care of him. And he's like, I know I actually feel good. And she's like, well, I have a diner and I have a

business and I, I think I would like to risk my Yelp reviews by bringing in this deranged man into my diner. Right. And before that she says, he says, yeah, but I've never had food before. And she goes, okay, come with me. Come with me. You're obviously on angel dust or something, but there's an alternate reality. Someone's on bath salts. Well, you clearly don't live in California because if somebody said, I've never had food, I'd be like, congratulations. How are you doing that? I certainly don't live in California because if somebody said I've never had food, I'd be a congratulations. How are you doing that? I certainly don't want to ruin this for you. Yes.

He's just been cast in three movies. Exactly. He's like, I've never eaten, but I'm rich. Great. God bless you. There is doesn't seem to be scared. But I know I think what they're trying to go for is that she she's just like, oh, this poor man, I need to help him like anyone. She does. It's not well. It's not some jelly. It's that kind of thing, which I think if they would have made her someone who like works at some kind of like help facility that helps children or something like she made her whole life into helping people, I could understand. She does. She helps children who want to have chocolate pancakes. That's true. That's out of Sunday. She helps them get diabetes.

He keeps saying later, I want to help people like you do. You've been here, but how long? She brought you in for one meal and she helps the whole town. It was such a weird thing. Well, because he is taking it like service. Like you do service. You're so, you're so charitable. Like, no, you have to tip me. Like this is not a charity. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. For real. Why do you want to help people so much? I feel like if you're a snowman brought to life and you've got childlike energy, all you want to do is play. You want to throw snowballs around. You want to go like snow angels. You want to fuck your snowman.

You want to fuck everything. I want to fuck. You have to fuck everything I've needed in a montage. I needed him to show how great his snow skills were. Yeah, yeah. He should have made like amazing snow for. He should have just done. That's true. You guys, he should have had snow talent and he had none. He showed nothing except being like nothing. You know, I mean, well, like funny about this.

Listen, what do you think? This is by the Listen, we've all seen this by the way. We've all saw this movie before. Let's not, let's not beat around the bush. We all saw this movie before. It's called Edward Scissorhands. Yep. And what we were missing, we were missing the ice sculptures and the haircuts for a moment.

We got there with Lauren Holly. We'll get there to Lauren Holly, but the Lauren Holly moment was basically Ronnie's favorite, Kathy Baker, you know, haircut. Buffer. What a talent. What's just picket fences for us today? All the time.

All the time. If we, if we, if we bring up Tom scared or five ish Finkel, we will be batting a thousand. We bring up quite often on the show, but not, uh, Tom scared. I'm sorry. You know, Tom scared really talk about privilege. I mean, that guy just coasted through what did he ever do? Except just look like he belonged in overalls and everything he ever did.

That's an overall person. Right. Oh, it seemed nice enough, but you know what? It was really about Kathy Baker. I wish and Lauren. Oh my God. I just pulled muscle in my abdomen. Tom Skerritt.

Boy, I didn't, I did not know. Ronnie on. Oh, my God. This is Tom Skerritt. Boy, I didn't. I did not. Ronnie really went in on that one. I was scared. Do like he really rolls out of bed and reads the card. Everybody's like, give him an alien. He had a very serious mustache. He had a very serious mustache.

I think that's why I didn't like him. It made it seem like he was serious. He was always where were we contemplative on picket. He was contemplative contempl contemplative, yes. We were at, they go into the diner and he's eating jelly from jelly packets. And candy and like just bad things for him. So obviously snowmen love candy.

Snowmen love candy. Yes, you would think they would like carrots to be honest, but I know who wants to eat their own nose. That's their nose. No. Yeah. That would be just weird. Like, oh my God, that guy's on being himself outside.

All the time. What if he screamed? If he saw someone eating a carrot, that that's actually great. That would have been actually something they could do. That would be good. So Isaac, the chef is like, who the heck is that? And Kathy goes, don't worry about it.

I don't know. Just a drifter I found on the street. That's what this is. That's the crazy shit. It is. But you guys, this is how people get away with it. They're hot. Because if this was like a homeless man, nobody would be acting this way.

And trust me, I live close enough to the 7-Eleven to know the difference. My friends, no one gives this poor man anything. He acted like I was a second coming when I gave him some Starburst. Okay? I was like, this poor guy gets nothing. And sorry, it wasn't money. I just didn't have any. He didn't have a Venmo.

That is so true. But then my friends, Michael and Mike, they have a person who's currently without a home or whatever I'm supposed to say now. He's living outside their house and he lives in his car and they're like, that is the hottest guy ever. Oh my God. He's so hot. I'm like, this guy just coasts.

No one yells at him for parking there. No one's mean to him. I bet he has a Venmo because he's hot, you know, and he's getting away with more, you know, like that guy who was thrown in jail. He was like a pretty mugshot. It was like, he was like a mixed race guy with blue eyes and everyone fucking for reeked out. And then I think he ended up doing porn.

I don't know. He's back in jail. I don't know. It's like, I think he's like an active, like proper model now. Oh, really? Wow. Good for him And it all happened because he pretty much shot because you're hot, you know, it's hot privilege And I'm sorry if the 7-eleven guy hears this and is offended. It's not that you're not hot I just mean, you know, you're not you're not guy in the car hot

You're not guy in the car hot. Sorry. Yeah. Jeremy Meeks was like, he was in Sacramento. He now has 1.5 million followers on Instagram and he is doing high end like fashion modeling. He did not, he did not even go down the own. Really? Yeah. He's doing proper like, yeah, he's like, he's like an actual fashion model. I mean, he's a gorgeous, gorgeous man. Oh, wow. Look at him. He is. He's doing, you know, he would have been good in this. So, oh, yeah, I recognize this guy. Just Googled him. Wow. Yeah, he's stunning.

This guy's a beautiful guy. So Isaac, the chef has the only one who has any sort of sense. He's like, well, should I call the cops? And she's like, no, we can't tell Sheriff Hunter. He overreacts about everything. He arrested someone at the movies once. And I'm like, of course, thinking about Peewee Herman, right? Yeah. Cause that's not what I want to tell Kathy. What happens at movie theaters. Sometimes if you're arrested in a movie theater, it's all is there a movie theater you're, you're masturbating. Yeah. That's what you're doing. She goes, she

explains it was for she goes, it's excessive candy unwrapping. Apparently it was a noise violation. Apparently he was trying really hard to get into his candy wrapper and he kept saying, oh God, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I will say that is Jake when someone unwraps his camp.

When I see Jake is a person that I don't perform, but I know and and and look at them and just stare or go. No you one time looked at someone and went really in the middle of it. I just said you should save it like on Broadway. If I'm like seeing something, because the audience behavior in Broadway has become like just people acting like barnyard animals. Yeah. And I will be the biggest bitch

to anyone who's doing shit like that. And yeah. But you know what? Can I just say as someone who's about to hit 50 at the end of this year, it's so hard because as you get older, you really do start craving candy that's wrapped. For whatever reason, this year- Werther's.

It came out of, well, I've been having Werther's for a while. They have sugar-free Werther's and I eat them by the bag full. I really eat a ton of Werther's. That was my entry-level gateway drug. Then for some reason, one day I was like, I want a Starburst and I got Starburst. I can love Starburst. I'll eat two packages of that a day. I just love it. And now I love Reason, Chocolate Reason. Those are also wrapped. Everything I'm into now is wrapped candy. I don't know how it happened, but it's like evolution. And like you're moving into the Euro trash version

with Reason too. You're moving. Oh, it's so good. Oh my God. What a binge. If you have to unwrap your candy, do it quickly. Because I think what happens is people try to be quiet about it. So they're like, oh, oh, you can't do that with a starburst. Those are waxy and they're stuck to the candy bin. You can't get them open slowly.

You have to be like, I just grab, I just grab a plastic bag and like pop it over someone's head and suffocate them. That might be better for me. Actually, I'm going to do that around. It's put me out of my misery. I can't eat them because of my braces. I was at a Broadway show recently and uh, there were a bunch of, there was like four old people in front of me. They're like senior citizens and they'd gotten drunk at intermission and they're just like talking, just like having of me. They're like senior citizens and they'd gotten drunk at intermission. And they're just like talking, just like having a conversation. So I was like, so I go, shh.

I do like full shh and I did it again. But the best part was that I had emboldened the two women from Staten Island. Yes. And the lady, cause once I like opened the flood gate then everyone was doing it. And the lady leans into these old people and goes, if you guys can't be quiet, I'm going to call the usher right now.

That Staten Island energy just overflowed. And that's all I miss. I live in Staten Island for a year. I miss it. What a place. OK, so there he's like, well, should we call the cops? And she's like, no, he overreacts. So they're like, what if he's dangerous? And then a server is like, your friend's eating the jellies.

Why are we gonna criminalize eating fucking jelly out of the packet too? Just put childhood me into prison. The jelly to prison pipeline is real and we need to make sure we do not encourage it. Yes. I only went to church to drink the little creamers in the reception area.

Oh my God. After church reception area and eat the jellies out of the thing. So, sue me, take me to prison. So then we finally meet this sheriff. Okay, Sheriff Nathaniel Hunter. So they are, they're observing the broken glass at the thrift store and you know, he's like,

oh, it's a smash and grab. This is no good. And what's been stolen overalls and galoshes, okay? And it wasn't even that we're selling at the store. It was, it was his galoshes. It was that Queen's personal galoshes for when she does a trash man play with mail. And trash man.

You know, I took it. Trash man. What are you going to use? Your trans cans are lit, lined up correctly. Yeah. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? Sorry, I had myself muted.

You put some trash in the recycling and now you're going to get punished. You didn't mix out your bottles. Now bend over. He's like, well, I took a vow to protect and serve and I failed to uphold that vow last night. I am so sorry, lady. I'm going to establish a task force that will basically just be me and my sidekick and we are going to find the perpetrator. This is when the tone where I go, okay, this is interesting. This is this is funny. But it's like, what they did is normally that's this is the most

important. The first thing we see the man, the man and the woman of the important storyline. And I'm like, why am I more interested in seeing the funny stuff that the cop says? Yeah, and he was definitely the stealer of the film. Totally. I was like, this is weird. It's almost like you decided you needed something else, but then he brought a whole other dimension that you weren't anticipating. No.

Well, he's also the only real character in it. I mean, the lead character, one of them's just like, hi, you're a snowman? Wow, do you want to come have some pie? And then the snowman's like, I'm goofy. I'm a snowman without clothes. Like no one really has a character. So it's like, finally, someone comes in and they're like, here's my thing. I'm a cop who tries too hard for no reason. Like I am enforcing a very intense police state in this small town. Yes. And then we

find out because he's like, I want a hard target search, remember Hent House, out house, around house. I just love the film. What am I going to say? Patrick Swayze, RIP motherfucker. All right, let's get this going. So we find out the stakes could not be any higher because we find out that these galoshes have been handed down from generation to generation to generation and that they cannot fall into the wrong hands. Oh, for actual really happened, go to old Navy girl.

It's called it's called disposable fashion. Try it. Actually, what really happens is that Mel goes, Oh, I don't really care. It's fine. Like, Oh, okay. Whatever. You don't have to have stakes. That's fine.

They don't care. They're like, sure. It's almost like Greg Robinson's working his ass off to raise the stakes and everyone else is like, it's okay. It's fine. Yeah, it's totally fine. We have other completely ignore him. I didn't like it. It's a snowman. It's a snowman.

They were meaningless. They were meaningless galoshes that I wanted to be rid of anyway. That's funny. Basically. So let's see. Um, they're like, well, uh, what are they talking about? Well, the sheriff is, yeah, the sheriff,. He's basically also there's this weird scene where the sheriff, because he's talking to mail in their shop and it's mail, the sheriff, and then I think the guy, her gay husband

or the deputy, I forget, there's three of them, but there's a shot of them kind of walking. Did you notice that toward the camera? And the cameraman is a weird shot. Yeah. But you can actually see whoever is holding the light is moving the light and you can actually just see shadows and because they were trying to it's harder obviously to light someone with darker skin. So he Craig Robinson has this like it looks like someone just took their phone light and it's shining on his face. Meanwhile, Mel, who's very pale white,

is completely fucking blown out and looks like she's on a field. This is niche filmmaking, but I noticed it. I, since we're talking about it, I need to point out that on every appearance of the Craig Robinson character, if you listen to the score, it sounds

like the movie shaft. It's like, it was, it was, it says a black character. He's got all his phone. Yo, he's got his fly. Now, very white, white guy written for sure. I'm sorry that that Richard round tree wasn't alive to see it. Yeah, so there he's telling them every time y'all, every time that you do shift that share if that music happens. But what happened, Ronnie, is he's basically says I'm on the case.

Meanwhile, Lacey Shabair is talking to Snowho and whatever the fucking name is. And she's like, that's where he find out y'all because I'm glad you brought it up. He still looks at her and she's like, what's your name? And he says, oh, I don't know. And she calls him Jack. And he looks at her and says, God, I mean,

kudos to the actor for making this sound somewhat organic. He did. And that's the crazy shit. He said the last thing I remember was someone was staring at me, putting a scarf on me. And then there was a flash of light in my face. And that's when you call the hospital. You could not go to the doctor who it doesn't who doesn't have a degree. You say you are you take him to a facility because something's wrong.

The crisis is real and it has gotten into small town America, including this poor man. So Kathy is like, okay, so is this a prank? Okay, I get it. Okay, fine. Prank the saddest girl in town. Thanks a lot, guys. I have a whole of my fucking staircase. I don't need to deal with this. My husband's been dead for four months. Ronnie, maybe that's why she's not happy because they all know her, but they just keep teasing her like, hey, cancer, he's dead and just pranking her. Yeah. Hey, Kathy, guess what?

We're having a couple's dinner tonight. Can you? Oh, sorry. Yeah. Sorry. I finally figured out what's going on here. You were the one who built that really hot snowman that I was kind of attracted to, but I also offloaded that awful scarf onto no

offense Mel. And now you destroyed it and now you're showing up pretending to be the snowman. I get it. Okay. Gag is up. So then she's like, Oh my God, are you a prank? Are you pranker? Oh my God, you built a snowman that looks like you and is that what this is? I mean, what is this? Are you really a snowman? Are you someone so obsessed with yourself? You're building snowmen about yourself. And he's like, I feel strange. And she's like, but how did you know I took that photo? Were you following me? Is this part of the joke? How can we do this? We don't have cameras in this town.

But like asking these questions makes it even crazier. Like the fact that they're trying to explain this makes it worse if they just went with it. Yeah, they're trying to make it, try to make her seem like a real person who would be skeptical of the situation. So she has to go through these perfunctory like moments of like doubt and conspiracy.

I mean, they really need to have people on meth for this to make sense. And then it would work. It's, yeah. Meanwhile, we have an eye, which we already see because they're doing it in the credits and the bloopers. Craig Robinson, Jill O'Toole are basically just doing an improv song called crime doesn't pay. And I can only imagine that this, that he was just playing on this, that they had a little thing, a little keyboard and Craig Robbs just started doing it. And like, this is going into film. And it was the best part of it.

It was so great. So he's singing the song about crime and hope Springs. And he's like, you better have your bail cause we're taking you to jail and hope Springs. So good. So good. He's just singing it like, I just love, he goes back. He's like, I'm so disturbed that like our, our, our streak of having no crime for like

a month has been broken by a streak. I have to go back to the police station by a streaker. I've got to go back to the police station. Buy a Streaker. I've got to go back to the police station and sing this one out. Before this investigation goes any further, let's get on some keys and let's sing a sweet song and then we'll start looking into it. So he gets a call. He's like, boss, there's another crime last night. He's like, oh gosh, it was streaking.

A man was running naked in the plaza around one. Old Mortimer and Ethel Jennings saw more walking their dog. Ethel's vagina still hasn't walked home. Her vagina broke free of its mortal coil. It's running around the town looking for the man. She's insisting it's a public service. Yeah. Ethel is hot for this guy. So that was a funny that was a funny line. Yeah. Ethel is hot for this guy. So that was a funny, that was a funny line. Yeah.

So the sheriff is like hard on crime. People respect that for months. We haven't needed to write so much as a parking ticket, partially because I think only one person in this car drives and it's, you know, yeah, they're like 60 people in the town tops. Yeah. And she, by the way, does she really need to drive her car across the street to get to Cathy's? I don't think so.

No, no. But she goes, he goes for weeks for six weeks before my reappointment as sheriff, we have had, we have a crime spree on our hands, coincidence, conspiracy. Oh, I didn't pick up on this. So he really thinks that like, he's up for like his job is in peril because he's up for reelection. And so now he thinks that someone's actually, he, he eludes to get him out of office. He eludes to the mayor and he having some type of, and it's never brought up again and

it is completely dropped. Yeah. Yeah. He says that the mayor is trying to, is trying to impede his, uh, running so that he can lose. But the But this is where they kind of lose too, because a sheriff has an elected position. And then he's like willing to piss off literally

every single person in town. But for no reason. And also, we never meet the mayor. I really honestly, I thought it was gonna be Lauren Hawley. Lauren Hawley is the mayor. She's the big bad. But this is probably because she's like all mean about what it feels like is no, no chocolate chips outside of Sunday law. Lauren Holly just feels like someone who is she's like runs

some type of like, uh, just brothel. That's kind of what it feels like for older ladies. Massage parlor for a small town. Uh huh. Kind of my dad used to go to. He loves them. So, um, so, so they're just talking about it. Basically share the sheriff is mad and he's like,

a man is defined by his actions, Ed, and now it's time to take actions. Bring this man to justice. Justice. Yeah. Good day for justice. Good day for justice. It's also a good day for questionable medical practices because now we are at-

Okay. This- This is where I was starting to just- This is where I was starting to lose it, and we're only 25 minutes into the movie. The fact that Dr. Dottie, is that what she calls her? We almost forgot. We've seen a lot of these movies at this point. Have you ever seen a character put on sunglasses? Take them off and look directly into camera to the audience Yeah, that was I I feel a lot of this. I don't think a lot of this was in the script I think he was riffing and I think it was fucking fantastic

But let's later on in the movie He takes his sunglasses off again and says something and doesn't look in the camera. I'm sorry. I need to call back. And then I think Lauren Holly improvised this line and said, why were you wearing sunglasses? The bathroom. I really think that was improvised. I really, I would submit now that this movie might've been 40% improv. Yes, I think this movie might've been 40% improv. The best, the funniest line. All right. I didn't mean to go back. Go back to the doctor, but I just had to bring that up.

So the doctor comes in, Dr. Dottie walks into the room and she's like, oh, hello. Hey, howdy. It's a time for a physical exam. Kathy's like, oh, this is Jack. Just met him this morning. You know, it's so weird. I found him talking to sculptures. Lady, you were the one sitting there looking one in the eye and giving one a scarf last night. Who are you shaming? Yeah. You're the one, like literally Mel gives you the scarf and is like, honey, go get laid. And instead, what do you do? You give your scarf, your fucking around scarf, which was snowman. This is on you a little bit.

And remember her house still has no heat. She could use all the scarves she could. We could. Who's that? What an ungrateful bitch. So they, so he says- I don't think he's not going to be mayor. They take his temperature and they're like, wow, you're really cold.

And he goes, I was a snowman. I don't remember anything before last night. And they kind of go, oh, okay. But when they take the temperature again, then they're convinced. Yeah, well, he's really, well, first of all, so going back to this issue about what does he know and what does he not know, he tries to eat the thermometer,

which is strange. We all try once. I mean, that's part of it. We did. I did as a kid. My mom did. I was really worried that she was going to have to watch like a faux sex scene between them.

And I was going to have problems with how that works. Yeah. Well, I kept on thinking like, how is this movie going to tackle global warming? Cause that's going to be a real issue for Jack. Yeah. He's not going to last long in this world. No, not at all. But we get to work around. The villain is just Al Gore. It's coming. So the thermometers aren't working because they're

basically saying that his body temperature is like 30 degrees and Dottie is like, well, he's ice cold and he's sweating and the thermometers are saying that he's cold. So it means either he's dead or he really is a snowman That's my scientific opinion He's not dead. So here we are This is this is the thing wouldn't it be we need to get him to a hospital something is really fucking wrong. No Why would they do that? They they don't believe in big, big pharma.

And no, so they're going to keep them here. And Dottie is like, well, maybe he's telling the truth. And Kathy is like, oh, sure. And I'm the queen of Aldovia. Do you know what that is? That's where they had like it was like there were a couple of a couple of movies like Christmas Prince and like the was it the not the Selena Gomez when the Christmas switch or something like that.

Some of them were in Aldo via. So there is an Easter egg for people who love these movies. I was wondering. I was like, yeah, that seems I caught it and I went and I went, oh, that's got to be something. And so, yeah, I Googled. You Googled it. Yeah.

So she's like, Oh my God, you're a Dr. Doddy. What do you actually think? And she's like, look, everything's about Christmas, Santa elves, flying reindeer. So the scientist in me knows they should exist. But what would, what would, but wouldn't it be better if it did better if they did exist? You know, it's the first pair of it's the first six pack we've seen in this town. Let's see. Whatever you want. I think I think Dr. Dottie is on Adderall and she knew or something because then she immediately just meets this man who Lacey's

calling a drifter but she immediately says how would you like to stay with me, hot? No, man. Yes! In my doctor house. Please. Yeah, she's like, I'll take you. I really don't think this was not the attending doctor on Kathy's husband, because that might explain some of the issues. Right, that would explain why everyone in the town has died prematurely for the last 10 years. We're gonna get to it later,

but I already questioned all the medical advice, mainly because the doctor notes I saw were written in Comic Sans. Like, that is something I could never get past. When he finds the cancer diagnosis, it was written in Comic Sans. This show is so sad. It was so when I saw that, that's when I went, I believe in it all. She's a con artist. She's a con artist. She's a literal con artist who came to this town to start a new life, running from the mob

and she's like, you know what, if he's a snowman, he's a snowman. I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor. She says come live with me and he says, but I want to live with Kathy and loans the freddy's don't find out where I am. I'm fine. But then the doctor, Dr. Dottie, who's also supposed to be Lacey Shebert's good friend says, Oh, she can't even take care of herself. Stupid bitch. Have you seen her house? God, what a fucking disaster. Hot tip. Don't step on the third stair. It doesn't exist. I had to go over there last week and do her laundry. It's that

bad. It's that bad. No one even wants to help Kat. They want to help the snowman, but they're like, yeah, she's a lost cause. What's the hell? That's true. And, and there's, he's like, but no, Kathy, I want to stay with you. Uh, and that's what she says. I can't, she's like, but I trust you because you put the scarf on me and, and, and now it's a scarf. That's magical. And you can say, I'm pretty sure that's what's keeping me alive, but I don't know if you guys clock this, but later on there was definitely one or two scenes where he was not wearing the scarf.

I'm like, yes, it also doesn't make sense. Cause scarves keep you warm and he's he can't be warmer. I It's it's yeah, I I wrote that down too And I said that's that it hurts me to think about that the scarf would actually make him a little warmer right Just for snowman continuity. So after after some badgering Kathy gives in it's like fine. He goes. Thanks I love you. And she's like, you do not love me because no, I love you.

And she's like, you don't you don't love me. Stop saying you love me. I was like, OK, this is fun. I like that she can't accept affection. This is good. Did you think they do have a thing where she's looking at the Lindsay Lohan movie? She said, that looks like a girl I went to high school with. OK, so at this point, now they go back to her house. Yeah.

I'm gonna ask you guys a question. I'm sorry. I know this is already 10 hours, but I need a break because I need to ask something. So Lindsay, who was Gretchen Wiener? She was Gretchen Wiener, but wasn't Gretchen Wiener like the main normal girl in Mean Girls that was trying to get in with the Mean Girls

and then she went through the whole journey. Who was Lindsay Lohan? Lindsay Lohan was the new girl. Lindsay was the new girl. Gretchen was like in with the popular girls, but Gretchen was Airhead. Gretchen was like kind of the, the one of the mean girls, the, the, the Airhead was Amanda Seyfried. She was like Airhead was Amanda Seyfried.

Gretchen was kind of like, she went to England. She was kind of like the girl with skin issues in the craft who wasn't really bad, but like a sidekick bad, but still following the mean girl. Okay. Thank you. Because I, and I even saw the musical mean girls and I was like, well, I thought Gretchen Wiener was in the movie. Oh, I hated it. I hated it so much. It was not good. You know what? It's sad that some of these musicals can't last longer

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