Watch What Crappens - #2670 Sold on SLC 0101 “There’s No Business Like Yeo Business”

Episode Date: December 30, 2024

Sold On SLC premiered on Bravo this week, and we met a fun cast of weirdos all trying to sell modern farmhouses to Lisa Barlow types.  So many pressing questions.  Can Matt ever sell a house while driving a Toyota?  Is Sara stealing clients? And why is Malaysia named Malaysia?  Can’t wait to find out!**This was originally posted for Patreon sponsors. Join us at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for video recaps and all of our bonuses and premium content. Enjoy and happy holidays!**See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Well, hello and welcome to the Watcher Crappin's bonus episode. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. If you're listening, that means to support us here on Patreon. So thank you very much for doing that. We always appreciate it. Ronnie, how are you doing today?

So good. What's been going on over there? I'm back in Texas. It's nice. It's really gloomy here. It's really rainy. Seeing family, eating Amy's ice cream, wondering why my boobs are getting bigger,

you know that kind of thing. How's it going over there? It's going quite nicely. I'm still in London where it's also rainy and gloomy. Just got off of the underground. I came out from the underground, was on the tube with about a million British school children who were on a trip, I think, to see the Victorian Albert Museum. So there was a lot of, did you see the painting?

Excuse me, where are we supposed to go? It was adorable. Those little British accents, little children, little British accents. Just my favorite. But that being said, um, I am finding a lot of, I'm making new generalities about London. Last time I came, my takeaway was that all the food here is under-seasoned.

I'm revising that and I'm apologizing because all the food this time has been delicious and perfectly seasoned, so I think I just was eating at shitty restaurants last time. But this time around, good, my new general generalization. Did I say generality? My new generalization this time is that I love this city, but the people walking on the sidewalk don't know how to walk on the sidewalk.

It is like slow walking and it's drifting left and right and it's stopping. And I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to need, I'm going to need the people to pull up and, and walk in straight lines. And if you're walking slowly, walk a little bit to the right. That's all I need. Okay? Do you think it's because you're in like a touristy area and like people who aren't from the city walk like that? Because when we were there together, we stayed in a touristy area and it was like that, but I think it was the tourists. They were like, oh my God, look at that. Like they would literally stop and point at something.

Stop. And I'm like, there's 19 of you. So you're gonna need to move to the side. You're gonna have to come up with a different pointing plan, okay? Cause you can do it like this through the whole thing. You need to like pull over like you're driving. But I, that's what I thought at first,

but I've now been in several neighborhoods and everyone's doing it. And when I was walking down one street, there was one street I was walking down that was full of like business people, like business, business, business. And everyone was like in shirt and tie. And they were all doing it. And when I was walking down one street, there was one street I was walking down that was full of like business people, like business, business, business. And everyone was like in shirt and tie. And they were all doing it, weaving.

And I'm like, why are you, why are you doing this? It's out of control, but I don't know. So that's what I'm dealing with today. But gotta say, love, this city is absolutely amazing. No strange pedestrians aside, it's so good. I'm having the best time. We have to come back here because it's the best. Yeah, it's a good place.

All right, well, let's get on with this. So we have a new show in the Bravo universe. This one is called Sold on SLC. So we're gonna be tackling this for as long as it interests us on the bonus episodes. Who knows? Will it be five seasons? Will it be five seasons?

Will it be one episode? We don't know. Don't talk to him. I like this pivot from London town where every building here is about 600 years old. And we go to SLC where every building is about five months old. Yeah, you know there's something in Europe

where people like kind of dig, well, they, you know, they, they dog on America anyway for lots of reasons. But one of them is like, oh my God, like in Europe where people like kind of dig, well, they, you know, they, they dog on America anyway for lots of reasons. But one of them is like, oh my God, like in Europe, like just add your accent here because I'm not doing one right now, but like here in Europe, our buildings are like so old. They're made out of stone and they're made out of like brick. And in America, shit's made out of cardboard and it comes down in two seconds. Well, someone who just remodeled a house, let me just say thank God for American cardboard houses, because you can change it.

You can just be like, I don't like that wall now. I'm gonna change it. And then you can just do new things all the time, whereas I feel like there, they're always patching over the same pipe that burst, you know, in the 20s, when they were still made out of ostrich bones. They're 1520s, and you're right.

And like, yes, these buildings are absolutely beautiful and they're full of so much charm and character and they're gorgeous. But just watch one episode of House Hunters International and you'll realize every room is basically the size of a broom closet. There's something to be said about new construction. So I'm not sure anyone knows of that.

Yeah, and I mean, do they have rooms that were just designed for a fairly new religions temple? Probably not. Like, do they get to fuck their wife in a temple themed bedroom? Probably not. Yeah, there's not even room for an oversized charcuterie board in most of these rooms. So I don't even know what the realtors do here. This is another trip through Mormonism, which is just weird as ever. And you know what, it's not specifically Mormonism. Mormonism is weird to us because we you know what? It's not specifically Mormonism. Mormonism is weird to us because we're not Mormon, but it's odd to us. It's different

to us. But it's not that it's so weird. It's just highly religious people to me are just so fucking weird. And I'm from highly religious people. My dad will still pray tongues over a golden corral meal, like he does not give a shit, you know? Like, they're still pretty highly religious. And even that's a little odd to me, just because I'm not a practicing, highly religious person. But just seeing people so entrenched in religion cracks me up, especially when they're like, fish-faced, you know, everybody's got crazy faces, and then like big fake boobs and big fake butts, and the guys have like those crazy faces and boobs too. And then you've got everybody like, well, I mean, I'm Mormon, but I don't agree with it. So I don't

really follow it. So you're not Mormon. So just stop being a fucking hypocrite. And lecturing to everybody else about Mormonism when they're not even doing it. You're just doing it because you need the contacts. You guys are all Lisa Barlos. I don't want to hear it from you. But I guess you have to in that town, right? What? Like, say you're Mormon. Like Mormon enough, have like a toe in Mormonism so that way you don't lose your business. Yeah. Yeah. I get it. Have a smack of Mormonism to you. Yeah. That's kind of what all these-

Most people would call that selling out, but I guess if it's to Joseph Smith, it's okay. Like, I don't, I don't know. I mean, listen, we see it in every religion. It's called sold. I do have a question. Yeah, soul, soul sold on SLC. I do have a question though, as well. What is the grammar? Is that correct grammar? Sold on SLC. I don't get it. Is that correct grammar? Sold on SLC. I don't get it. Shouldn't it be sold in? No, cause I was like, I'm sold on SLC.

Like, do you like SLC? Oh yeah, I'm sold on it. Sold on SLC. Okay. Yeah. I was like, sold in SLC. No, it's sort of like a play on words there. And if you look at the work, right? Well, cause it's like,

these are people who are sold on the concept and it's like, we're also selling and should be called sold on and in SLC a house was bought in this city, colon SLC. I fucked my wife in a room that looks like a temple in SLC. They definitely have for the title card. It's, it's definitely like sold on and then SLC. So like, if this is a hit, I imagine they would, you know, put on different cities as well. It reminds me of wild on remember wild on wild on,

it just was called wild on though. They didn't even have, I mean, Tara Reed hosted it. So it makes sense because if they're not Tara Reed can't handle more than that, you know, if they're going to call it like wild on, you know, Miami Reid hosted it, so it makes sense. Because if they're not, Tara Reid can't handle more than that, you know? If they're gonna call it like Wild On, you know, Miami or Wild On, Cancun. They're just like, just call it Wild On. She's not gonna try. She just passes out before the full title.

They're like, oh, well guys, why did we come up with a three-word title? Tara Reid passed out after the second word, guys. It's a stupid show. She gets two words out and then she burps the third. Can we just just get one word title? How about that? Just call something that and put her on it.

You know, it's called wild. All right, so we have catch up on S sold on SLC. Wild on right. It's called Ketchup. Ketchup, yeah. And she was like, Daniel Stobb was there too, and Heidi from The Hills. Oh yeah, because they had a,

like a waitress competition, didn't they? Yeah, it was a reality show. And it was like, the restaurant was owned by like, Mike Boogie from Big Brother, because Mike Boogie actually was part of like, this restaurant group that was really big in the 2000s with Ashton Kutcher and others and they own like Laidoo and a whole bunch of places and Ketchup was one of the places and they had a reality

show there. It was not good. Yeah. Okay. So here we go. So we're doing this show, Salt Lake City. So we get a sweeping overhead shot of Salt Lake City. And we hear a voiceover of Jennifer Yow. I'm Jennifer Yow, a CEO of Presidio Real Estate.

And when I started the brokerage, I couldn't even afford a printer. A printer, can you believe it? And last year we sold $1.2 billion, which is why I'm wearing a lime green paper mached cardboard box. What did she 3D print her dress? I don't understand these dresses that are like ribbed. What are they?

What would you call it? I call them paper maché ribbed craziness. Is it the ones that are sort of like, wait, I've gotta go look up a picture of her. They're like structural. Yeah, if I remember correctly, it's like draped but structured, right? Right, it's like draped but paper mache.

They look fucking crazy on people. They give you no form. It looks like you're wearing a science fair project. They're crazy. And it's also Salt Lake City. So anybody who is expecting selling Sunset, no, no, no. Oh, is this the image, is this the picture of her wearing the green thing

where it's like the green swirl in the middle? It looks like a ear. It's like a swirl dress and it comes up like a wave. Yes, it is really strange. I mean, it looks like it's like a green screen It's like a it's like our draped ruffled green screen. Yeah, super weird. So She couldn't afford a printer and Maliki's eyes and we see you know shots of the cast now This is not selling sent it selling Santa is a very glossy everybody's like dressed to the nine

this is this is like, but with polyester and like worst neighborhoods, what would you say? Yeah, what would you say? All I've gotta say is that there was a Toyota on this episode as part of the storyline. And I think that's like one of two instances where a non-luxury car has ever been featured on Bravo, the other one being when Lisa Hoxine drove her maid's Honda

on Miami last season. So like, this is definitely not Selling Sunset. Like we don't see Toyotas on that show. But I like it because they used it as a major tragedy on this show. I know. As we're featuring at Toyota. But it's trauma.

It's our trauma dump of the show. And guess what? We want you to feel sorry for the cutest, most failing upward white guy of all time. Slaid sadly. Squish face, miss Squish. What did you call him? Slaid sadly. Is that a slayed smiley?

Slaid sad. Slaid sadly, yes. He really is that. He is like, it's the saddest little squished face I've ever seen. Also, I guarantee you he's cheating on his wife guarantee it's like if someone took Slade smiley but then like like did like a like a face swap with the pioneer woman you know or one of those mushrooms for Mario yeah all three who's always

frowning they're like they're like walking back and forth. They're like all frowning. They're like, we're mad mushrooms. It's Redrum and Agumba and Slate Smiley. Which I still think is problematic. I don't think it's because she feels a little wrong. Yeah. But by the way, you know what really bothers me? So her name is Jennifer Yeo. Why do we even have them? What's the point? Jennifer Yeo. Her name and her last name is spelled Y E O. And she's the CEO. So first of all, it feels

like there should be some sort of wordplay there. She's like the CEO, she should be like, why EO stands for the the yes executive offer officer or something like that. But then- I'm surprised she's not like, I'm Jennifer Yow, CEO of Presidio Real Estate. It can go in so many directions. And then you have Presidio Real Estate spelled, you know, properly P-R-E-S-I-D-I-O, but why not make it I-D-E-O? Because it's like Presidio. Like, come on, Jennifer, you have opportunities here. That would be a rough Google though.

Presidio. Yeah, it's kind of annoying. But still. But yeah, it's a good idea. And she does do stuff like that. She makes like little turns of phrase like that. So I am surprised that she didn't go all the way, but we'll see.

I have faith in her, not her fashion, or her face, or her business really. But she's in every shop. I have faith in her. Not her fashion or her face or her business, really. She's never shot. I'm going to give her the benefit of it. No, I'm not. I'm not giving her anything. Okay. So now we see the cast turning to the camera and they're mostly in polyester, which I was like, guys, I get that this is like a pilot. Maybe this was a sizzle wheel. I don't know. But you're posing on a snow slope. Maybe at least move up to rayon. You know what I mean?

Like this is like anti-Josie polyester levels of lesbian. All of you. Well, we hear Jennifer of doing a voiceover, Jennifer Yow saying, real estate in Utah is a hot market and values next to a temple skyrocket. In Utah, there's three agents for every home sold and it gets pretty competitive. It's doggy dog out there.

Which is basically like incest for dogs. It's like gastro incest for dogs, so we're into it. Then we get our favorite thing about Salt Lake City. Ha, ha, real estate ha. We get the choir singing real estate version ha's. And then we see people dancing in a club in slow motion to the ha's. And we see a temple in the ha's.

And then we hear Tina. Salt Lake is the epitome of perfection. But underneath it all, people have some really secrets of all. Right. Says Jennifer. So it's going to be real estate, but with secrets, you're going to sell secrets. I'm going to get it.

I'm pre-approved for a secret. Yeah. So, so I'm SLC get it. I'm get, I'm pre-approved for a secret. Yeah. So, so let me SLC the title card. And then we see the town, a temple, a trolley Presidio real estate, of course. And it's a sales meeting. There are so many sales people here. There's a lot of them. And let me tell you, a lot of these people look exhausted. So can I please retire? Please? Let me retire. And Jennifer Yao won't she's like, I'm Jennifer

yo, and you're not retiring. You know what I say to your retiring EO. Okay. Some people say YOLO because you only live once and I say Yoda because you only die once and I'm not wasting it on this bullshit. Get back to work. Three agents for every household. Okay. This was giving sort of shades of Vanderpump Villa of, you know, she was gathered everyone around for this big meeting and everything. And there's like slow motion. She like, she like walks in slow motion into her like very standard office. You know, I feel like you can only do like the slow motion like walk up if your building has some sort of like columns or a giant staircase that was built in the 20s. But like walking into just like a generic Utah office and it's like, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun

walking slow motion. I was like, you're trying it a little bit. Well, they're using special effects for things that don't deserve them. Like selling Sunset is like so much hotness and glamor. It's like, ooh, she's walking slow, but this house is $97 trillion and her dress is 96, you know? And then it's like, slow, I'm a girl boss bitch.

But then on this show, it's like they're all in polyester and they're walking into a metal building. And it's just like, you can't use the same music in slow mo, you know? It's like when people get their own green screens at home and we're all like, look at me, I am on top of a building. And it's just like, okay, maybe that's the same thing they use in Lord of the Rings. But we don't like we haven't earned it yet. You know what I mean? Can I say by the way, I forgot to mention it on the New York

recap, I'm just gonna mention it here, because otherwise, I'm just never gonna remember. But I really want to mention it when I saw when I saw this, I like cackled because you know, this, this year the post department on Bravo has been just like out of control and they are just like, they are cracked out. And I think they're just trying to see what they can do before Bravo notices their antics. Did you notice how rony this week they showed stock footage of like an office building,

like one of those big glassy office buildings where like the entire outside is like a grid. And then they like highlighted like three different like, like crosses of windows, like the windows created crosses or like plus signs. And then they cut those out and they superimpose those on the background of some other stuff happening in New York. And then they made them spin around frantically. Did you notice that? That was the wildest thing. I was like, what are

you doing over there, Bravo? Why are you isolating random Tetris pieces of an office building and then rotating them? They're deranged. They're deranged. They're bored on that set as we are. Import Rose production. They're like, literally nothing is going on on this show. Make some windows into Tetris pieces and spin them around. Sorry. Sorry for that tangent. I just needed to get that out on the record on our show somewhere. It's time for a commercial.

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Follow Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Unlock weekly Christmas mystery bonus content and listen to every episode ad free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Spotify or Apple podcasts. So anyway, they, so Jennifer Yeho walks in and it's like lots of, we see lots, we see some stats. 17 years as an agent, $118 million in lifetime sales. That's right. She's sold people's lifetimes

and she earned that much money for it. As adults of 100,000 children of 50. I am looking up her record because I'm gonna start doing this. Okay, so she's been at 17 years, 118,000 divided by 17 is, that's only 6,940, wait, that's not right. Yeah, that's, no, that's because, no, that's because 118 million, right?

I'm so stupid. 118 million. Okay, that's six zeros. I've learned this this week, how many zeros are in a million? God bless it. Divided by what? 17, right? Okay, so that's about 6.9 million a year average.

That's terrible. Because when we see other we see others pop up on the screen, they're like 30 million dollars, $39 million in a year. And she's like, I'm the CEO. And I averaged 6.9 million a year. I'm like, girl, am I right? Or wrong? Why am I shaming Jennifer Yo? I don't even know. I don't know. I'm all for it though. The math just hit me. Okay, so we go to the meeting. She's like, everyone ready for the sales meeting? And they're like, Oh, crumble, crumble, copy is for closers, old man, perk up. He's like, all right. Jack Lemmon's like, okay. So she's like, okay, everybody, welcome. Who? Nobody wants charcuterie. Come on, guys, that cost me $15 at the heap.

Does anyone? Gene is like, I do, I'm fucking starving. So she goes over and she's like the only one to touch it. It's like, it's like Raiders of the Lost Ark. You pick up like a piece of cheese and a giant boulder comes rolling towards you. So, 100% and you know that she just did that for the cameras

because people are like, I'm not touching that But what is that new foreign shark? Who do you shark? Who do toody or whatever? They would call it on this show because no one could pronounce it. You know, it's Bravo But like yeah, but by the way, it's like not convenient charcuterie because everyone has to sit almost like they're in a movie theater It's like rows of people all facing Jennifer Yo, and then there's like a platter of charcuterie right in the center in the front. So if you wanted just to have some charcuterie, you have to come all the way to the front,

you have to be like, excuse me, sorry, excuse me, sorry, excuse me, sorry, I just wanna get over, no one's gonna do that. And everyone's afraid they're gonna have a grape in their tooth. So like if they're all sitting around selling sunset style on a sofa, I can get it. But this was not conducive to having charcuterie.

Oh, so we're eating bread now, No more keto diet. You fat fuck. I feel like that's what people would be thinking about me. Because I'd be like, I'm on an all protein diet, guys. It's amazing. I've never felt charcuterie. I'll have some crackers and some cheese, please. You fat bastard. I hate having to publicly choose a charcuterie. So Jennifer gives us a little insight into things. She says, Utah is a patriarchal society. And I've been told I run a Barbie brokerage and I've been told I

bedazzle my agents because that's what a woman would do. But I just say Barbie the billionaire. How's that? I'm like, well, Barbie's already a billionaire girl. Like Barbie has a dream house. Yeah. She started there. Yeah. Like Barbie's already a billionaire. Also, as she says this, we pan over the crowd. Girl, this is not bedazzled agents. These are polyestered old men. What are you trying to sell me? You think just because you say Barbie the agents are you're gonna pan around

and I'm not going to see Jack Lemmon times 20 sitting there? No, Jack Lemmon. There's a couple of Walter Mathows even. Mm hmm. Yeah, it's a crossover movie. Don't gaslight me with your Barbie the billionaire bullshit. I mean, I think I saw Chad's Palmetarian there somewhere. I mean, I think I saw Chad's commentary in there somewhere. So we're back in the meeting and Jennifer's like, okay, let's talk about wants and needs. This is the power of coming together. You force them to come together to listen to you.

That's like a gift. That's a gift I've always wanted. So they're like collaborating in house to get more listings and buyers. So and also this is one thing that Jennifer Yo keeps doing. Whoa. Okay, guys. So here we are. We've had one trillion a cabillion $5 trillion in sales. Well, that's right. And just last month alone, we had 18, a billion, 19 trillion and 87, a billion dollars.

She keeps wooing herself. First we meet Tina, who has been an agent for 11 years and she's made 99 million dollars in lifetime sales, which by the way, that's better than Jennifer because Jennifer made 118 over 17 years and Tina's made 99 million over 11 years. So actually Tina's rate is much higher. So think about that everyone who's counting and cares. Yeah. All three of you. And so Tina's like, in Utah, I'm a unicorn. And of course, I immediately thought she's a swinger

who just goes with everybody, right? Because that's what we learned on Salt Lake City, because Brittany calls herself a unicorn. And then someone emailed us and was like, a unicorn is a swinger slang for a single woman that can go with she's unattached. So when they're swinging, she can go with anybody she you know, they can just pick her and then I'll have to fuck the husband too. So that's supposedly what all that meant. But you know, I don't know what I believe in a Reddit comment or an email. But everything must be honest, I believe everything. But that's what we learned. So that's what I thought she meant. But no, she meant actually unicorn because she's black. She's lesbian. She's a single mom, she's got amazing tits, she's got phenomenal cheekbones,

she's funny, she's ambitious, she's clever, she's got a great ass. Did she mention the tits? Oh, fucking unicorn. And then, then after she says all this, we see this guy, Matt, and he's like, he's like sort of giving, he's giving like Tina, like a nasty look, but we also discovered that that's kind of his resting face. So then we hear Matt and he's like, Tina Edwards is ex-Mormon and I don't know how Tina feels about Mormons, but I do know when people leave the church, they tend to become bitter towards it. And yeah, actually,

usually, or the church becomes bitter to them. I think there's, you're not a bombshell revelation there because a lot of people have had pretty terrible experiences with the Mormon church. So congrats, Matt. Yeah, for good reason, you little fucking tattletale. So we automatically know he's the villain tattletale. He's like, I'm more Mormon than you, and I'm going to try and get more business because I'm more religious than you.

He's one of the most evil villains we've ever seen, not because of Mormonism, but because of somebody using the religion against you, which we're gonna be seeing a lot probably in the coming years. I've seen it a lot in the past throughout history. These people who were just like gonna cling to whatever success they can by acting like they're more religious than everybody else and getting everybody else murdered and burnt at the stake for not being as religious as them. You frowny face little fuck. And you know what? I did not press record on the DVR. So when I was like, oh, that show's on, I forgot. I had to start watching it in the middle because it wasn't recording. So I didn't see this scene when I started watching it. And I was like, he's not so bad.

that wasn't recording. So I didn't see this scene when I started watching it. And I was like, he's not so bad. Like, why does Tina hate him? Like, he doesn't seem that bad. I mean, he's maybe a little annoying, and yes, he's probably failing upwards and all that. But I didn't think it was this bad. And then I saw this and I was like,

oh, you little fucking snake. You snakey little snake. He's like, the comparison to Slade Smiley is apt. Like they they seem like they're pretty much the same person. So now we transition over to Malaysia, who I really hope is Malaysian. Because I'm wondering why she's called. It's awkward. It is awkward. But it's awkward. Even if you're Asian. I mean, what if my name was like kinda Lebanese?

Like half Lebanese Ronnie, or just not even Ronnie. Just hey, hey, Halle, half Leb, Halle. So she's now walking in slow mo, and she twirls in slow motion with her arms in the air, and then she's on a balcony overlooking mountains. And we see that she's been doing this for two years as an agent. And, um, she's made 30 million in lifetime sales. That means she's averaging 15 million, 15 million a year.

So she's doing even better than everyone else so far. So, uh, she's like, she goes, when I came back to Presidio, I knew that all eyes were on me. Cause everyone's wondering where you got that outfit. It's terrible, girl. It's terrible. And then, uh, we see Kenny, who's another person, nicotine, little blonde white guy. And he's like, um, well, uh, I think that Malaysia coming back to Presidio is a very bold move, even bolder than me plucking my eyebrows down to an extremely thin line and her willingness to quickly be all in. I'm a little suspicious.

It'd be very, very easy for her to jump ship back to where she was. Well, it's not the case with anybody give Malaysia a break, dude. Yeah, tiny browse. The men are so insecure on this show already like right out of the gate. They are just already like plotting and undermining the women. And I'm not gonna stand for it. Let Malaysia be free. Yeah, let Malaysia and her stupid name be free. Yeah. She

goes, spelled right either right? Is it? No, it is. her stupid name be free. Yeah, she goes. It's not spelled right either, right? Is it? No, it is. It is. It is spelled right. At least it is in our notes. Maybe let's see Malaysia, Malaysia. How do you spell Malaysia?

I'm gonna look it up. Because I'm not very bright, you know, and I'll admit it. Yeah, Malaysia is that's how it's spelled. I thought it was M-Y-L-A-S-I-A. So you see that's how educated I am, zero. Wait, she is, wait a second. She is the wife to former NFL player Alani Fua. Wait a second, Alani Fua.

Oh, Alani Fua. I was wondering why this football player recently followed us. I was like, why does random NFL player follow Watra Grappins? That's, there's the connection. So he's married to Malaysia. Look at that. Malaysia is married to a football player. Sorry. So I love, I love connecting dots. So Malaysia is like, even though I am LDS, I don't fully agree with a lot of the things set forth in our church. And as far as drinking and partying and stuff, of course, I get side-eyed. But you know what I do when I get side-eyed? I do this and it puts in middle fingers. You got Malaysian. Yeah. I mean, I just think it's like, okay, to not be Mormon, but I

don't live in that town. So I'm like, why to not be Mormon, but I don't live in that town. So I'm like, why bother? You know, but I think you just need the contacts. So like, you got to go to temple, you got to make the contacts and that's just how it is. So literally, actually, the optometrist literally will not give you contacts. If you're not, you're not Mormon. It's crazy.

You cannot get any sort of contact. You have to walk around with fuzzy vision. So then, um, Bless us with a mark of Eden's. Yeah. So then, uh, Tina is talking about a listing that she has. And because they're basically giving each other like, wait, I need help with my listing. I need help with my listing. And so they start doing that. And we start seeing some of the homes, as we learned very quickly all the houses kind of

Looked the same right there big boxes. Yes, like 50 feet ceilings. I mean there are a lot of ceilings lots of yes huge lots of lots of you can be very tall and so we're back at the sales meeting and Jennifer's like, okay everyone. let's talk about the new listings this week. Let me guess, Modern Farmhouse, who has a Modern Farmhouse? Please tell me there's a Modern Farmhouse. Kenny starts talking about it. He has a listing and then he's like, we see the listing. It's like walking alongside a pool and he's been doing this for 12 years as an agent and he's made $153 million. And Kenny's like, I firmly believe God plays a massive role in my real estate success.

On the scale of one to 10, 10 being a star member of the Church of Latter-day Saints, I call myself a 12 out of 10. Wait, so this is, wait, is Kenny the guy with the little eyebrows or the guy with the squished face? Little eyebrows. He's the one. Oh, okay. I shouldn't have made that face.

That was squished face. Yeah, but Kenny, Kenny looks like a kind of like a pocket size Blake Griffin. Do you know Blake Griffin? Either way, if you look him up, he's like a little pocket size version of that. And he's apparently very, very, very, very Mormon. So Jennifer is, then we come back to the meeting and Jennifer's like, all right, everyone, we're looking for a realtor of the year again. Last year we had Matt, Matt stand up now, sit down now, stand up. Okay. Move to the left.

Now sit down again. God, it's so fun to do that. Okay, Matt. Now seriously, stand up this time. So Matt's like, hi everyone. I'm the best realtor here. I am such a good realtor of the year. I've got tons and tons of listings. Don't mind me, I love Toyotas. Yeah, he's the religious tattletale. And Matt's squished face also. He's squished.

So then, and we'll find out more about Matt later, which actually, just who cares? Spoiler alert, Matt won realtor of the year, but he just had to trade in all his cars for fucking Toyota because he can't afford anything because he can't sell anything except his brother-in-law's house, which he still hasn't sold.

So how did Matt get realtor of the year? Like this is so typical. Like here comes this hot fucking blonde guy and he gets realtor of the year because he works out the most. That is bullshit, okay? I don't like it. And she's like, oh my God, my little little underdog Matt is not an underdog. The world

is handed to Matt's. Okay. Yeah, he's an overdog. So Tina, Tina says to us, if you ask me who has used car salesman energy, pouring from their pores, I would say Matt Jones. So now it's time for Matt slow motion introduction. So he's walking slow mo. And he's like, yeah, I have to double what I did last year and I am not going back to selling freeze dried food storage to Mormons. Sure. I was like, Whoa, that got strange. That was a specific backstory there.

The love is I actually love his confessionals. I think the most on the whole show, cause every time I'm like what and he's always trying to do some kind of burn, but it's like, what the fuck did he just say? So he's like, sure. Mormons love buying freeze dried food, but they also love buying houses. Snap. Like what?

What? Did you work on that? Whitney on Secret Lives and Mormon Wives did not tell me about this. So therefore I'm pretty sure I did not. Whitney on secret lives and Mormon wives did not tell me about this. So therefore I'm pretty sure it does not exist because she is my go to for all things crazy for Mormonism. But this is very Whitney from Salt Lake city though, to be like, Mormons love buying, Mormons love buying freeze dried food, but they also love buying houses.

There must be some story with this. Is it because of large families that they need to buy freeze dried food? Also, why are we, why are we being so specific? I'm guessing so, maybe like end of the world shit maybe? Like prepping? Also, like why is he not saying freezer? Like he's like, I am not going back to selling

freeze dried food storage. I'm like, freezers. No, no, no, no, no. He means freeze dried, like space food. You know how they freeze dried food storage. I'm like freezers. No, no, no, no. He means freeze dried like space food. You know how they freeze dry food. It's like, if haven't you had space ice cream, it's freeze dried and you open it and it's dry. They take all the liquid out of it.

So it's not free. So in space, I guess you add liquid to it or something. Well, what is freeze dried food storage? Isn't that just then like pantry logs? I think maybe he sells the containers for the freeze dried food. I don't know, like Tupperware for freeze dried food? In my mind, I was thinking like desiccated coconut

or whatever that was like frozen. I was, I don't know, but like now it's gotten even weirder. Yeah, it's freeze dried food. We should look it up. Guys, we're gonna learn so much on this show. Mormons and freeze-dried food. Why do Mormons like freeze-dried food? Let's see.

It says, Mormons often favor freeze-dried food because of their strong emphasis on food storage and emergency preparedness. Oh, it is. It is prepping. You guys, hi, I'm very smart. I may not know how to spell Malaysia, but I can see a prepper, okay? As their religious teachings encourage them to be prepared for potential hardships

by stockpiling non-perishable food. You guys, after all this bitching about Mormonism, I could totally be Mormon, because you know when the pandemic happened, guess who people needed to come to you for toilet paper? Mormons. Me. I had them up to wazoo. I had so many, because I ordered them every, who people needed to come to you for toilet paper and paper towels. Warman's. Me.

I had them up to Wazoo. I had so many because I ordered them every... If I want ice cream off of DoorDash or Instacart, but I don't have a whole order, I'll order like a big thing of paper towels because you'll always use them someday. And so I ended up having a whole room full of paper towels. I'm basically... I'm Ronnie Smith. I still don't know exactly what freeze dried food storage is though. It's just jars.

I'm looking online. I'm looking at images. It looks like it's just jars. He's just, was he selling jars? I think that's how to come to where I think freeze dried food storage. And why did you sign up for Payton? By the way, I hate it. He's like, I'm not going back. I'm not going back to selling free dry food storage. To me, it looks like big plastic containers of stuff.

It's like Costco, Costco storage stuff. It's modular. Okay. So now they're back to the sales meeting and Malaysia's like, whoa, whoa, real quick. Sarah Martindale just listed this week. It's a five bedroom, five bath. If anyone can help Sarah, that would be great. My friend, whoa, whoa, real quick, Sarah Martindale just listed this week, it's a five bedroom, five bath, if anyone can help Sarah, that would be great,

my name's Malaysia. And then we see pictures and this Jennifer Yeo is like, where is Sarah? Anyway, doodly doot, doodly doot, flash to Sarah's neighborhood or a house that Sarah is showing. And she's like praying in another language, which I don't realize, I don't recognize right off the bat. And the subtitles are like, Lord, may you bring the right buyer to this house in Jesus name. Amen.

And then we transition, we see Sarah, and she's gorgeous. This girl's like beautiful. And she's like holding flowers. She looks like a young gorgeous bride, darling. She's looking in the mirror and smiling at herself. She's also our lowest earning realtor because she's six years as an agent and has only made $28 million, which is an average of about like just under 500,000 a year

compared to someone like the other people. No, no, 28 million. 28 million, 28 million divided by six. You're getting my disease. I'm wearing golf gloves. I'm sorry, that's only about 5 million per year as opposed to everyone else was at like 9 million and at like 15 million.

I'm just saying. Yeah, she was at 4.816.666 million. Whoa, that is satanic. And she might be the villain. And that's what her number came out to. There's a 666 in it, everybody. Watch out. Commercials, here comes one right now.

So she moved from Brazil eight years ago, and then she met Chris. And then we hear Matt again. I think Matt's our squish face. And he's like, her husband is a broker at a different brokerage. I don't know why Jen allowed that. She's sleeping with the enemy. So then Sarah's like, when I saw her with Jen, she was very supportive and we became

close friends. But lately I would say she's been a little slippery. I tried to grab her and like a bloop. So then I was like, he, he, he. And then we, uh, see this house showing and guess who she's showing it to. Hi. Love that. Love that. Oh my God. Is this the front door? This is like the biggest front door I've ever seen. I love that. Yeah. I just got back from London and I spent like so much money at Prada.

They invited me to Wimbledon. I was like, thank you. So then we see the Beiso party from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. And Sarah was there. And we said, Oh, my God, Sarah. Salt Lake City and Sarah was there. And we said, Oh my God, Sarah. Yeah. And that like opening party when it seemed like there are all these random

people who are auditioning to become friends of Sarah was one of them. So Sarah, Sarah tells us Lisa's not sure, uh, between buying or selling house, but honestly, this is a huge opportunity for me. And like, we're talking a lot of money. So how do you say cha cha ching cha cha cha ching ching cha? Maybe our cashier machine sounds different in Brazil. I do imagine the cash machines in Brazil are just like samba music playing. Like you press the button.

It's like. You just get a moment. It's just like a lady in like a bikini with like feathers everywhere. It's like you're cashier. It's like the lady of the dancing emoji of the lady in the red dress. It's like. So we see the listing, it's huge. It's a huge box with giant ceilings, etc.

Just like all of them. Mountain views. Now let me tell you, these shows, and I think just life in general has made Utah super popular lately. It's a very trendy place to be. And a lot of people are moving there and just popping out babies by the truckload. And they still have so much undeveloped land because every one of these houses, except the poor, not poor people, but like the middle class live in these like row houses like Whitney,

you know, she lives in that farmhouse row house area. But the other homes have just nothing but land. I mean, you can see miles and miles of land. How do they have that much? And are they running out of water? What's happening? Yeah, well, the West, it's a lot of land out there. So Lisa's like, oh my God, the ceilings are low.

Meanwhile, it's like cathedral ceilings. And then, I mean like 20 to 30. Yeah, they go, they look at the home gym, there's like swings and stuff. And it's like, that's a whole thing and Lisa's like yeah what are we doing here? Like wow like what does she do? Hey is the homeowner is she like a swing? Got it cuz the swings got it got it. So then Lisa's like okay well here's what I need in my home we have to have a pool a long driveway a

red light and a dry sauna we have to have a pool, a long driveway, a red light and a dry sauna. We have to have a gas house, a salon, spray tan stations, Taco Bell, Wendy's, Kit Kat. You know, I can spray it a lot. And then when we have, I'd like to get my Kit Kat sprayed too. So if we could have a Kit Kat spray room too, that would be great. And Sarah was like, yeah, you'll have to build.

She was like, oh my God, all right, I'm going to pray for you. So now we go back to the sales meeting and it's like wrapping up and then Tina and Matt like go off to an office and Tina's like, Hey, why don't you pop a squat, Matt? And he's like, okay, what's up? It's like, well, you have a secret and I need you to be open and honest. You know, I sort of got every time I hear that phrase, I start to cringe. Even in this show, I'm like,

I know this has nothing to do with Kyle Richards, but I'm already like bracing. It's like, don't say that. So- The show's also laying it on really thick with like, here's the enemies of the show, Tina and Matt. So she's like, Matt, welcome to my office. Papa's quiet, Matt.

And then she's just doing this in her chair where she's like swiveling wildly in her chair, which makes me crazy. It's such a power move. And Matt's like, okay, here you go. So I'll just sit here and watch you swivel for a while. Okay. And they film it like, well, sort of like,

there's kind of like almost like, not artifacts, but there's like, they make it look like they're filming around the corner. Like actually guys, what you're watching right now Is something that wasn't even supposed to be on camera? We know this because the camera people get in there We're peeking into like a conversation like it's so intense. It can't even be on camera, but we're catching it We're like God. He's always watching So she's like so you have a secret, a pop secret? Delicious. And she's like, I need to be open and honest.

There's talk that you've been telling people that I don't believe in God and I hate Mormons. And he's like, you don't believe in God? That sounds so like, I mean, I'm going to throw something out and see what sticks, honestly. I need you to understand we live in a state that's 60% Mormon. And so that's like a lie. My daughters are Mormon. I don't know why I said it like that. My daughter's okay.

It's like automatic Ramona voice. My clients are Mormon. That's a big deal. It affects my business. Like this is how I feed my family. I feed the Mormons. Okay. He was like, well, I feed my family fruit rollups

and you still eat them. What's the point? And she's like, recently I lost out on a big transaction and the client is like really heavy in the church and rumors swirl and business gets lost. They do not call this small lake city for nothing. And Matt's like, what? I would never, that's crazy. Bring someone that's actually heard that from my mouth. Matt, we just heard it from your mouth. You literally just sat in the confessional was like, well, she's not Mormon. And we know, I don't know how she feels about God, but we know that they're bitter. We know that they're bitter after. So we've heard you, Matt, we've heard your bullshit. And you did say this. So just cop to it. heard your bullshit and you did say this so just cop to it. She knows like, well, my best friend said you took her to lunch and you were like, well, you know, she doesn't believe in God, right? And Matt's like, well, I wouldn't go around bad mouthing people. That's just not my game. I don't believe you.

By the way, we know you'd go around bad mouthing people because the first thing we heard from his mouth was him bad mouthing Tina. Yeah. So yeah, he's a liar. So, she's like, well, I would describe Matthew as a gotsy, fake, tooth-face, squished face. And so, Matthew's like, well, I know that Tina hates me and I don't like to speak negatively about people, but do I like her? Not at all. We've worked together in the past and it was a total nightmare working with a godless heathen like Tina, who hates God, but I would

never say that. And then we see a flashback to Jennifer meeting with Tina and Matt. This is an example of them working together and went badly. And Jennifer's like, I would like you two to work on this VIP client thing, get together. And then Tina cringes and Matt's like, I'd like to take the lead on this one. And then we come back. It's like, wow, that was terrible. And then they show another scene where then Tina's like, hey, we're going to work on something together. And I'd like to take the lead on this one.

I was like, okay, guys, we get it. You're enemies. You know, they're like, okay, change your blazer and then let's shoot a scene in the snack room. But this time, Tina, you say you want to be in charge. She's like, got it, got it. Matt, are you okay with this? Okay. I'm okay with it. God, hater. JK. JK. Oh my god. Add a rowling to my end and I could have written Harry Potter because I'm JK. Okay, Matt,

you're hilarious. Okay, shoot. Well, we hate each other. So, we go back to Tina's office and um Malaysia walks in. She's like, hello, is everything okay in here? Malaysia's entering and Tina's like, Matt, if I come to you with real shit and you're not mad enough to take it, and Matt's like, my perception is incorrect according to you, and Tina's like, well, you're not used to people coming to you

with real shit. What are you talking, what are you talking about? This is quite so stupid, and neither one of them makes any sense. Because he goes, yeah, my perception, what does that mean? My perception is incorrect according to you. You're not used to people coming at you with shit. He goes, okay.

And she goes, still talking. It's like, oh God. So he just leaves. And Tina's like, oh, he can't handle it. He just can't handle it. And Molly's just like, I'm Malaysia. Thank God I walked in here, he can't handle it. He just can't handle it. Malaysia's like, I'm Malaysia. Thank God I walked in here and make sure everything was okay. So then Malaysia goes, what happens in the dark always comes to light. Thanks Malaysia.

Look, is Malaysia talking? Why is she walking into offices and saying that? Why is she walking into offices and saying that? So stupid. So now we go to Jennifer, slow motion. Jennifer's going to a listing at Elk Court and everything is white. It's just white on white on white and white. And there's a young couple,

their names are Brandon and Emily, and they meet Jennifer and they've got a baby. um, they, um, I guess this is, they're selling their house and so they're showing the house around. They're showing Jennifer around the house and there is a primary bedroom that is temple inspired. So, um, if you've, I mean if you ever just wanted to get a nice big primary bedroom and feel like you're in a temple while you're having sex, this is the house for you.

Hi, we have a whole primary bedroom based on the nativity scene and the bed is the manger. So anybody wanna fucking use this as bed? Anybody? Anybody wanna do that? Hot, hot, sounds great. What a seller. So they look around this, the guy,

what a goober the husband is. And you know, this is one of those towns where I think a lot of goober husbands marry really hot wives. The wife is gorgeous. And the husband is a goober. He's a khaki. And he's still in the short, the white short sleeve shirt you know that they wear in Book of Mormon. He's like basically in his Book of Mormon costume from the Broadway show. And he's like, that's just on primary. So I was like, yes. So they go look at it. And Jennifer's like, God is everywhere here. Literally everywhere. So so and to illustrate this, we see that they have double washers and

double dryers. I mean, they got doubleers and double dryers. I mean, they, yeah, they, they got double washers, double dryers. I mean, when we talk about that Mormons really want to prepare, I mean, jeez, a double washer, double dryer. They, I mean, how many kids were they going to have? They wash, they dry and they freeze dry your grapes. Always be washing and drying. So yeah, they are going to, I can't believe they have double washer and double dryer. That

really caught me off guard. So Jennifer then says, she doesn't remember all of her clients kids names, but she remembers the names of all our clients' dogs. So that's nice. Hilarious. S. She's just ready for this. So then we go see us. Malaysia's like, whatever's in the dark comes out in the light.

Am I right everyone? Malaysia, stop saying that. So then we go over to the house that Matt's showing. And oh no, we go to his actual house. We go to Matt's little house. And there's kids everywhere. It's like 97 children. And they're all named crazy things. Well, not all of them.

One, one. He's got an Addy. That's normal. And, and so that's normal. And a Leo, which is normal. And then they have a Dallin, which I think was their first, but then they couldn't just keep coming up with silly names. Like, Oh gosh, we already have an Alan with a D at the, at the beginning. Should we have a John with a M at the beginning? Mon, I don't think so. Maybe people will think he's singing reggae.

Okay, well what else should we do? Should we have a Sam with a D in the start? A damn, I like damn, but that's kind of a curse word. I don't wanna get thrown out of town. Let's just go with Enzo. Let me tell you something. These children, their names are the clue to a hidden treasure because.

They're a crypto wallet. You put them all. It's square card. Dallin Adi Enzo Leo. It's like, wait, say it fast. Dallin Adi Enzo Leo, Dallin Adi Enzo Leo, Dalli Adi Enzo Leo. Oh my God, I don't know where the treasure is.

It's in the mall. Hi kids, it's me Malaysia. She pops up out of a genie bottle. It turns out that Malaysia has just been a genie all this time waiting to be summoned. Dali, addie, Dali, addie and Leo. Oh, I've been released. and to Leo. Ha, I've been released. So his wife, his harried wife, and I'm not saying Harry, I'm just saying Harry because you can tell she does everything. She's just like exhausted.

She's slapping peanut butter on sandwiches, getting the kids running around, you know, roping them. She's got a rope in one hand where she's roping one kid climbing from off a ledge while she's making a sandwich. She's bathing the other one in the sink. She's, you know, braiding the other one's hair up in the rafters. Like, damn, girl, she is, she is. And she is elbow deep in that instant pot. She is like scooping out gruel for these children because they're like,

they're on a shoestring budget. And she is making like the beans of whatever like that. Why would they call why would they call a pot that takes literal, literally the longest out of any other pot in your kitchen, why would they call it an Instant Pot? It's like the weirdest branding I've ever heard. I don't know, I'm sure there's some reason. As far as I'm concerned, what was happening in the dark

is gonna come out in the light, Instant Pot. Okay, Malaysia. So, Jennifer is talking to Brandon and Emily, and she's's like they say it because I guess that's the wife she's like so they say if you make beautiful children you should continue to make beautiful oh no no this is Jennifer yo back at her listing so she's like well guys you know you should build another because I think this house is worth 3.5 million dollars I mean there's so many nice furnishes, people can fuck at the temple. And then you can really clean those sheets afterwards. Like you'll never worry about how quickly you can have to clean your temple semen stain sheets, because you got a lot of washes and dryers. So then we go back to Matt's house,

and Matt tells us, "'I was 22 when I met Nicole Nicole and had served a mission in Brazil. And after two months of dating, I asked her to marry me at an olive garden, because when you're here, your family, anyway, people get married young. But he said that that wasn't us. That was, he said that people get married young in the church because they want to start a family young. And then we's, uh, so then we see him pulling out Enzo's tooth, which is loose. And, um,

then his wife Nicole is like, tell me about your work, honey. I'm like, Oh my God, is she changing the oil on the car while she's making a French toast? This woman literally can do everything. That's like, hold on. I'm getting a $5 bid on this tooth on eBay. So And that's like, hold on, I'm getting a $5 bid on this tooth on eBay. So got to make ends meet. So he says, this is for $3. It's from someone named Malaysia.

It's Malaysia. He's like, things are a little rough. My one listing is my sister and brother-in-law's house, and we've had to make some sacrifices. Got rid of the Escalade. Now I'm driving a Toyota Camry. It's like, oh, the shame. And actually it is kind of shameful because when we see the Toyota Camry, we see it's like an old Toyota Camry. It's like an old, used Toyota Camry. It's sad. It's not like a 2023 or something,

you know? So he's not doing well, which is why he's going to get witches burnt at the stake for the Mormon church. So he's like, yeah, it's rough, but my wife even has to work and bring in money. Oh gosh, she has to work. Which is really hard because they've got 97 children. Like it's a lot of work. I do not eat. It's got to suck.

And she's making the dinner and she's doing the this and she's doing the that. And I think he's cheating on her. I'm just saying it right now. I think the man is cheating on her. He's giving me slimy cheater vibes. I think everybody on this show could be gay, women and men. I don't really understand the sexuality in that town,

but I'm getting Sean Cody cheater vibes. Do we think he did a mission in Brazil? Do you think he knew Sarah from back in Brazil? Do you think that's his big secret? Oh, I don't know. But no, his secret is that he's telling people that Tina are godless. Sarah from back in Brazil. Do you think that's his big secret? No, I don't know. But no, his secret is that he's telling people that Tina are godless.

Oh yeah, yeah. So now, but like Nicole, his wife is like very patient and she's like, I know you're trying the best that you can and like, I appreciate all your sacrifices. So anyway, let me get back to serving food to this bottomless instant pot and then I'll get back to serving Fuda this bottomless Instant Pot and then I'll get back to my five jobs. I'm sorry, I'm gonna need to add some more milk

to this dry corn that you brought home from your last job that we're still eating off of. Hold on, Matt, let me just put this Instant Pot under your eyes so I can capture your tears for seasoning. Okay, so now we go back to Matt's house. And, well, no, we don't. We go to Trixie Choir Music, and then we see Tina's house. So now we're going to Tina's,

and this is her first house since divorcing her husband. And so I'm getting pink and gold. And that's what she does. Everything's pink and gold Yeah, and Tina is like I was married to a man for nine years and we got married in the LDS church And then she realized that after like she started to just become disenchanted with the church Especially after realizing that like black men couldn't even hold the priesthood until late 70s So she started to even wonder like why does she want to be in this church, but she has two kids. And then two years ago, she met her partner BJ. And that's that's when she

came out. A lesbian named BJ. The irony. So then she's talking about how she'd never gotten an orgasm from a man that should have been a clue. And then guess who comes over Jennifer Yo, what are you doing here? Jennifer? She's like, Hi, someone who sold $16 million and 97 years, years like to welcome myself to your home. Hello, it's me, Jennifer. Yeah. So she's like, um, she's Jennifer's like, you know, wherever Sarah goes, there's Chris that Chris is Jennifer is Sarah's husband. She's like, there's Chris, who just took 15

of our top producing agents. And then we see a flashback of Sarah at home with Chris and Sarah's like, things are getting to be a little weird in the office with Jen. And we go back to Tina's house and Jennifer's like, I mean, I literally look like I said, come on in, come be an informer. And they literally go to church, how many times a week don't they teach you just to be honest at church? And Tina's like, girl, he took one of my best friends who's in the industry at lunch and told her

that I don't believe in God. Dun, girl, he took one of my best friends who's in the industry at lunch and told her that I don't believe in God. Dun, dun, dun. And then Jennifer's like, well, I already got an earful from Matt about their confrontation and I just want them to be professional and get along because listen, no fighting, go to your separate corners, you're in timeout, okay. And so Tina continues, she's like, and I never said that, but he 1000% said it about me. And especially as

women in this industry in a male dominated state, you got to grow a pair. And I'm talking about tits like mine. Because I feel like women are stronger than men. So you got to grow a pair of tits. And then Malaysia pops up. Well, whatever's in the dark is going gonna come out in the light. Am I right, girlfriends? High five. So then we go to match broker open.

And that's sad because we know it is a, what is it called when you give something to your family? Bone. Bone the bone. No, like when you give your son the job of president at the company, nepotism. Yeah. We know it's a nepotism open house.

So that's sad, you know, so he rolls up in his little toy. This is on Poe. Huh? Matt's playing the Poe in nepotism. Yeah. And, uh, they're putting up the little flags in front of the house and stuff. His covered wagon arrives like, um, well, there's one thing I learned about growth and about challenges. It's that you cannot have growth

with that challenges. It's like, Oh God, any stupid too. You knew you learned about two words in a phrase. So he comes in and he's like, he's doing some sort of prep with a hot guy. There was like some hot guy that was helping him. And then he just disappeared. The hot guy. And he's like, yeah, like they're going to judge me about two things, the house and the charcuterie board. And then like a Barry falls off off and she's like on the, just on the floor, just lying there.

So Jennifer arrives first because she's like, wow, Matt, he's cute, but he's dumb as rocks. So I got to make sure he's doing okay. Cause they're all like, wow, this is Matt's first time with the brokers open. Matt doesn't normally sell houses that are above a million dollars. Matt normally sells $200,000 split level ranches that got rejected from house hunters. So this is really out of his league right now. We got to make sure he's doing everything right. And then we see that he we see why he's a failure because he's just lazy and doesn't do anything right. He leaves

cat litter. That's full a cat litter box out that's full. And he's like, who cares? And then he leaves all these bathroom products on the counters. And she's like, why are these here? And he's like who cares and then he leaves all these bathroom products on the counters And she's like why are these here? He's like I told him to get rid of those but then they cut to him telling his assistant just leave him there It's lived in so he's a liar. He's lazy and he's unprepared So that's what we're seeing and that's why we see that he's evil, you know And I'm glad they showed all this stuff on the show and then Jennifer's like I really believe in him

He's my great white hope which might not be the right way to put it, but actually attracts. So we'll keep it. Keep it. Um, and he's really hot. So yeah, when she sees the cat litter, she's like, what is this doing here? And he's like, um, cause the cats, because if they have to go, she goes, well, where are the cats? It's like in the basement. She's like, well, put this in the basement. So then they put it in the basement, but they put like a GoPro in the kitty litter or something. Cause there's like this shot from within the kitty litter looking up a Matt space. And then you see him bringing the box down into the basement, leaving it there. I'm like,

did you just put your expensive camera equipment in kitty litter? That's what I want to know for production. So then, um, the realtors start coming in, you know, the realtors are there, the brokers, whatever, realtors, they're all there. And so Malaysia is there and she's like, comes out of a teapot. She's like, whoa, so this is your sister's house? I didn't know you had a Hispanic background until you mentioned your sister. And he's like, oh, we're not Hispanic. She goes, what are you? He's like, white.

Are you teaming up with Tina right now? Are you teaming up with Tina? I always see a picture of Matt sister Meg. Um, and basically like she looks very Latina and Malaysia's Malaysia's like, well, she's very tan and so are you. Do you tan? Do you get Botox? Malaysia's really got a case to crack here. Yeah.

And then Kenny is there as well, little brows and he's like, it's called a Botox actually. And they're like, yeah, it's definitely called a Botox. And they're like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, they're like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, no one's face is moving. It's like, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha. And then Matt starts giving a tour around this house, which looks like every other house we've seen. And his voice gets very serious. And he starts talking and they kind of like overlay him on the tour. And he's like, he's talking about like how there's a scripture in the LDS faith that says, establish yourself a house. And he talks about like how important this is.

And it's like piano music playing and everything. He goes, that's why I'm a real estate agent. People need to establish themselves a house. You see what he's doing? He's even using the religion to sell. He's like, look at me, I'm the best because I just became. Okay, Matt, okay.

And he also says something in this, like the verse said something like, establish a house, but always be prepared and organized. There's something like that. You did, yes. So I guess that is back to the kind of air dried food or whatever. So there was not air dried.

A Costco shelf they said, where you could walk in and just put your Costco stuff right on the shelf. Yes, yes. I've never seen that. Have you? No, I loved it. That was cool.

There was like a door with like a mini, it looks like a doggy door and you just shove stuff in there so you could just come home and shove everything in there. I don't know who does, I don't know who puts it all away, but it's an interesting door. So then now Matt's giving Malaysia a tour and then Tina enters and they're kind of cordial

and she's like, I'm here for the charcuterie. Oh God, hilarious. So then Sarah comes and she's the Brazilian who's stealing listings for her husband. So everyone's like, dun dun, dun dun, dun dun. She's like, there's something going on between me and Jennifer, yo, but I don't know why. And then we switched to Jennifer. She's like, maybe last month's Chris Brokeridge recruited two of my brokers, their whole offices, maybe my top producers. The producers clearly told Sarah, when you walk in, sit down with Jennifer and ask her what's going on

between you two. Sarah's like, hello, something weird between us. Would you like to speak right now? Want to have conversation in the middle of this broker open that smells like kitty litter? It's like, what? And Jennifer's like, yeah, and I sent your husband a text and I said hey, why I'm reaching out to you when this is happening Why are you reaching out to me? And why don't you know why you said Jen? This has got to be awkward because you've been kind enough to let Sarah be a Presidio and he hasn't even

Let me know It's none of his fault though, like do you did you forget I brought five agents to Presidio even let me know. It's none of his fault though. Like, do you, did you forget? I brought five agents to Presidio. I mean, they're all leaving. I don't know why it's not my fault. Jennifer's like, Oh really? Are they going to real? Uh, cause I guess is that the name of Chris's brokerage? Real. Yeah. So then we see like Tina and Malaysia are like by the charcuterie board listening in and they're like, Oh my God, this is crazy. And Sarah's like, I have no fucking idea where they're going. And she's like,

Oh really? Well, do you really think I'm bringing agents? Oh, she goes, do you really think I'm bringing agents from Presidio to my husband's broker? It's real, which is so accessible. Anybody can call it right now. We're using the Google. Jennifer's like, let's not do this in public. brokerage real, which is so accessible. Anybody can call it right now using the Google. Jennifer's like, let's not do this in public. And then she just leaves the listing. It's like, well, I understand you want to be professional, but also why are you leaving the listing?

You're lost. So she just walks out. Yeah. When you're leaving, fire her ass. Yeah. What are you even doing? So then Sarah's like, where's the tequila? And Kenny's like, probably a conversation that should have been had somewhere else. Shut up, tiny brows. No one's asking you. So then Sarah tells us agents move brokerages all the time. Agents might be like, I don't want to be a Presidio anymore.

I just want to go something real, like maybe real brokerage, ha. So, um, they, uh, Tina's just eating more charcuterie and now we go to Jennifer's house and she's with her husband, Darren, and, um, uh, she's feeding the dog pepperoni and Jennifer tells us the vibe of our home is that, you know, we work hard, but we come home and we just chill. And it's $2.3 million house, five bedrooms, five baths, and there's a theater, it's actually a really big house, but she's done something very rebellious,

which is she's painted her house black, because every house is white. She's gonna be the black house. Yeah, and so she's like, we met on Match.com. I mean, what can I say, you know? And at first, I mean, I thought he was fine. But on his second date, he was like, what do you do? And I was like, that's hot, because I'm a powerful woman.

Also, he doesn't want kids, which is really helpful. It is rough being one of the only women in town with that 19 things hanging off of them, begging them for something. But I manage. So she thinks Jennifer feels really bad for Matt because she feels like his family doesn't support him. Because one thing we didn't mention was that during the house tour, there is a back door to that house, Matt's brother's house, brother-in-law's house, and there's no stairs that lead from the back door, like the two feet or the one foot down to like

the patio. They just never bothered building a staircase and they didn't bother building a staircase in anticipation of putting the house on the market. So Jennifer feels like the family gave Matt a shitty house and then is also asking for like discounts on commissions and stuff and so she feels like his family is taking advantage of him. Yeah, but they're also giving him something by giving him that listing because they didn't have to do that. Although it is going to save them a bunch of money. But also who are these people that just can live without the step down?

You had to step on a pile of loose stones to get to your backyard. Who does that? I think a lot of these homes too are just house of cards type things where they're just like built with $5 because they're so huge. That's probably what it is.

And I just think they're probably all missing something. Yeah. It's like, here's a bath shop, doesn't have a drain yet. We'll worry about that at some point. So this all this all the reason why this is all being brought up is for the most ridiculous thing, which is that, you know, Jennifer, she was really abandoned by her family when she decided to leave the Mormon church. And so sensing that Matt may not have support from his family, it just makes her want to just like open her heart to him And her heart, she just wants to root for him

because he doesn't have family, so she assumes because of that back step. So she wants to be there for him. Even though she knows the family just gave him this listing. She's so kooky. Okay, so now at Sarah's house, Jen's on her way. Dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun dun. And we see her husband who is also so gooberfied.

I mean, my God, this one has like a little duck tails thing and he's like bald, but then has like a little duck tails flop in the front of his hair and really thick eyebrow pencils in. Like, oh. Okay, come on. So Chris is there and he's like, no, it'll just be good to get this done

and let's just understand where, she can understand, it'll just be good to get this done. And let's just understand where she can understand where we're coming from and hear her point of view. And we can just focus on selling some houses. And Sarah's like, yes, ex boss. Get it? Because you're not my boss anymore. You're ex boss. You know, think about it. It's funny. So Jennifer comes and she's like,

yeah, Jennifer Yo comes and she's like, wow, or yeah, Jennifer, yo comes and she's like, wow, your house it's high on a hill. Um, wow. And there's no cell service. So that's great. She doesn't walk in and say, wow, what a beautiful home. I mean, at least bake it, but she's like, wow, you're pathetic. So you don't need cell service here.

Okay. You know what? that egg. So you don't need cell service here. Okay. You know what? This is not, she's like, she has this whole spiel about like she's going to be professional because she's going to their turf because that way they'll feel safer. Even though it's ridiculous that they should be coming to her turf instead. So Sarah tells us Jen's losing a bunch of agents. I know it's affecting her business and Presidio is her baby. So I get it. But Jen doesn't understand this. Not my fault. Maybe it's her fault. I don't know. And I'm not here to steal agents. I'm just here to sell

houses to Lisa Barlow. Yeah. So then she's Sarah's doing this like prayer thing. She's like, I am praying, in confessional. So then Jennifer is like, Okay, well, guys, let's have a seat. I feel a lack of transparency. You guys, I put my neck out for Sarah to be an independent woman. And all of a sudden, two of my brokers, 14 of my agents, which are my top producers,

I mean, it just feels like poaching Chris. It feels like poaching. And Chris is like, mm-hmm. Well, it's none of those things, Jen. And agents come and go, and that's never fun. Am I right, Jen? Doesn't that just suck when agents come and go and that's never fun. Am I right Jen? Doesn't that just suck when agents come and they go? Well, it feels like some shady business is going on and this is not working for us

Don't know that's all I have to say And I like that Chris was like we're gonna get over here and give her some real answers and then she comes there and he's Like yeah, sometimes things happen, that's my answer for you. Seasons change, people change, okay, great song by X-Bowse, look into it, bye bitch. So that was the first episode, I liked it, I liked it quite a bit, I thought it was very funny. It was stupid, but it was like, you know,

it was like a fun trifle, you know? Yeah, it was pretty fun. So I'm interested to see where it goes, we're interested to see what you guys think. Yeah. Thank you so much for listening to this. We'll be putting some more episodes up in the coming weeks. This one we will probably release, this will be a two-parter, but we'll probably release it while we're gone as well on the Christmas break, just so you don't get offended, but it won't be for weeks and weeks that anybody else gets to hear it. But the rest of them will all be a part of it. And we thank you so much for being here, guys. Thank you so much.

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