Watch What Crappens - #2676 RHOP S09E13: Panama Wack

Episode Date: January 6, 2025

The Real Housewives of Potomac are in Panama and Mia is so worried about her children being kidnapped by mania that she plans an additional trip to see Inc before she goes home to make sure they’re ok. Sounds about right. The ladies confront her about her questionable choices and then buy some cheap straw hats to show Wendy how much they love her. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Sold on SLC bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Well, hello and welcome to What What Crappens, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on ye old bruvs. Hello, everybody. Welcome. Hi, Ben. How are you? Hi, Ronnie.

I'm great. Thanks. How are you doing? Good. That's Ben. I'm'm Ronnie everybody. Welcome to the show. Today is Real Housewives of Potomac Day. But first, we have the Golden Crappies, the annual Golden Crappy Awards coming out this year. You know, a lot of people are trying to copy that now.

There are things called the Golden Globes. There are things called the Grammys. I mean, whatever. So rude. We were the first. Yeah. And we are in New York City on Broadway on February 1st. I mean, whatever. So rude. We were the first. And we are in New York City on Broadway on February 1st.

People are coming to do the show. I mean, we've asked a lot of people. We can't really announce it here. I mean, I guess we could, but we like to keep it as a surprise. But we've got big people coming to present awards. It's going to be so studded. We're so excited for this. It's going to be musical.

It's going to be wonderful. So come gonna be musical. It's gonna be wonderful. So come get your tickets at watchwhatcrappens.com. Also we start our tour in like a second. We're gonna be in San Francisco and San Diego in two weeks. So come see that, because we're there too. Then we're in Salt Lake City and Denver. I mean, it's gonna be a whirlwind. So go get your tickets at watchwhatcrappens.com.

And there's a lot of people asking where the Southern hospitality recap is. Well, cause Bravo backloads or what do you call it? Not front loads, backload and loads, right? Where you do it towards the end of this. Lots of loads. Bravo's giving us so much loads. You guys, it unleashed load on us. Timber or whatever. Low timber. Low brewery. It's low brewery. Bravo launched the season premiere

of Southern Hospitality on Thursday. When we were still kind of like semi on vacation, we did some recaps last week. Needless to say, we will have a recap of Southern Hospitality because spoiler alert, it was absolutely amazing, shockingly amazing. I don't know how you feel, but that's how I felt. Um, so we'll, we'll have that coming up this week. Uh, before we dive into Potomac though,

let's just, I just want to talk a little bit about the ballot cause it's so excited. The ballot is live. The link is at watch or crappens.com. It's also, um, on our social media, but I'm not going to go through nominations cause there's, this is really like, this is the wide net round where we have lots of names and things in all the categories and it's up to you guys to whittle it down. And then our top five from each category will be the official nominations and those will come out mid month.

But the categories are best Bravo show of the year, Bravo, Liberty of the year, best non-Housewives show, best moment, best fight, best villain, most cringe, the worst, biggest fail, best newbie, best quote, best supporting character, biggest scandal, best group scene, that's a new one. And also another new one, most chaotic. So thank you to everyone who responded to our Instagram posts. Look when we're looking for ideas, that was really, really helpful. It's a really fun ballot. I think it's a really hard one too. It was a great year of Bravo.

Now what's also exciting is that we do have some nice peacock representation this year and even Hulu with Secret Lives and Mormon Wives. We decided to welcome them under the umbrella of the crappies. And I think our lives are all the richer for it. Yeah. I mean, if we covered it counts. Yeah. So there you go. And speaking of the Traders is coming back this week. We've got so many shows on our docket right now. We're already not covering some things

on Bravo, so we're not going to be able to keep up with everything. However, we are going to start with the Traders over on Patreon, and we'll have a two-part cast preview coming out later this week, which is going to be super fun. And for everything else, I mean, I don't know, we're going to do it for as long as we can do it, then we'll it out. We'll announce something later. Okay, but we're gonna keep up with as much as we possibly can because it's so good. It's an embarrassment of riches. I'm just humiliated by the riches. It really is. I mean, there's a lot of good stuff on Bravo right now.

So we are hashtag blessed to be doing this job. Now does Potomac count? I don't know. Up and down. Yeah. Up and down. Up and down. Potomac is having, Potomac is suffering from this. They all realize Mia's so full of shit that they don't even know what to do anymore. They don't want to play with her, but they have to. And the rest of them are just kind of checking out. Giselle is on her, I have to be nice season. So she's like sticking with that. Karen's just

behaving herself because, you know, she's a fall down drunk, because we've all seen from that, that drunken video of hers that came out last week where she proclaims to be Thomas Jefferson's concubine, etc, etc. And, you know, we've got some great newbies go, we've got a lot that's, it's been a good season. It's been a good season. It's faltering. It's faltering. And it's one of those seasons. It's like, don't end, just end. Why do you guys feel the need to keep going? You've got nothing. You know, you've got nothing. And on high note, okay. And it, what is this episode 13 next week's going to be episode 14. When they said next time, I was like was like no next time credits credits next time three part reunion.

Yeah it was I think it's been like a really strong season although the past few weeks have been kind of faltering a little bit maybe like Bravo timed it that way so that way some of the week episodes aired during the holidays when we weren't paying as much attention. I'm hoping it writes its ship because this week's episode was like maybe not the most compelling for me. Um, I'm rooting for the show and I think the show has done a great job, but yeah. Um, I'm with you Ronnie, like overall, you know, but you know what? I think that Bravo, Bravo has a lot of different shows,

so they don't all have to go on for 14 to 16 episodes. Some can be nine episodes seasons. Some like certain shows can do the 14, but this one like with, we should have been like a 12 episode order. And just like, just like tight, just we could tighten it up. That way we don't have to sit through endless scenes of patter about who knows what.

Like we could just get to the good stuff, you know? And just like do boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Yes. So we start with me. We're in Panama. Okay. This episode is number 13 is called rum bowl in the jungle because I have rum. Okay. That's good. I like that. And we're with me and Jacqueline and they have just found out that Gordon dropped the kids off four hours away from home. So Mia's on FaceTime with her mom, Veronica, you know, who, by the way, Mia has spent her entire career on this show making us not trust her mom. So I don't know why her mom's like the bastion of trust now, but she is. So she's like, the objective mom in the next hour

is I need to know that my kids are with her. Cause if not, I'm going to get on with them by the flight and I'm going to go get my kids. And, um, this is because she tells us that Gordon didn't want, we don't know why actually, but Gordon went and picked up their kids and then took them to a different base. She told us the Gordon took the kids to a different babysitter's house four hours away. Yeah. She, the, I, the tail end of last episode was her saying that basically Gordon was like

insisting that he takes the kids and then he takes the kids and then he like drops them off four hours away later. Um, which, you know, I have to say like as much as we're always like, Gordon's in mania Gordon, like every time Mia says that it's like, it's sort of funny cause it feels like she goes that really quickly, but at the same time it is probably very difficult to deal with this situation. And I was like, I was like, this really sucks. This definitely really sucks for Mia.

Like that is when you're on vacation and you have like a spouse who is basically playing games and being like, okay, I'm going to pick up the kids and drop them off somewhere and make like ruin your vacation because people do this and it's so fucked up that like that, that separated couples do this, but I've definitely seen this kind of these kind of high jinks happen before. And, um, uh, yeah, that sucks. But I've also seen just Mia full of shit this entire time.

So I'm not really sure what she's, I'm not sure what she's saying because last time she said he took her to a babysitter four hours away, unless I misheard it in the last episode. And we didn't recap it. So I don't even have notes for it. But from what I remember, she said he took it to a different babysitter four hours away, but now she's saying, we have no idea where, where the kids are.

And he's not answering and stuff like that. So I don't know if it was a fight about like, he didn't want the kids to be left with somebody he doesn't know. He wants this other babysitter. I don't know what it is, but crazy be crazy. Mania be mania-ing, as you said. And so there, now it's the search for the children, right? So she's saying, we see a flashback to yesterday on the Sprinter where she's telling, she's saying, Gordon, for some reason, doesn't believe that I'm really on this trip with you guys. He thinks that I'm probably on vacation with ink.

Oh, yeah. And then Jacqueline is like, yeah. And so we came over and he took the kids because he wants to control Mia and he used to use the kids to do so. So now we come back and me and Jacqueline, they're just like on the patio now. I mean, it's like, I'm just trying not to panic. I'm not gonna have a whole panic attack. And she just talks about why, like this is another example of why she's getting a divorce and everything. So she's like sort of like losing her mind, et cetera. And Jaclyn's like, I'm going to take care of it, okay?

Number one, best friend, but not a psychic, but number one best friend, we're going to handle it. Yeah, Jaclyn really is. Jaclyn sounds kind of like an abusive husband in a Lifetime movie sometimes. Like she has a lot of the same lines. Like no one else understands, but I understand. No one else gets it, but I get it.

Nobody gets you but me. Just stay in mama's arms. I just love that she got so mad earlier in the season about when she was accused of being up Mia's ass. And she's like, I am not, I am my own person. And like literally every episode since then has been her, like, be like, I have this, don't you worry.

I'm the one who can do this for you and no one else. Yeah. So then she, Jacqueline's calling somebody and then Mia's like, well, I just want to confirm the kids are with beep. With, okay, your kids are with the C word. I mean, what are we calling our nannies these days? Who knows what she said under the bleep?

I'm assuming it was their name, but I just always hear the C word now. Yeah, it's just the C word. The kids are at cup fitness getting workout in. So she's like, if I can confirm that, then I can go about my day because if they're with her, then they're good. And they're like, and so someone's like,

hey, what's going on on the phone? And Jacqueline's like, excuse me, Mia can't talk. So I'm her representative. Jacqueline, we're having a little bit of an emergency. Mia doesn't know where Jeremiah and Juliana are. And also, where is Ink? Is he behind a counter? Okay, good, you found him.

Okay, did Gordon drop them off at the C-word's house? And they're like, yeah. Okay, good, you found him. Okay, did Gordon drop them off at the C-Words house? And they're like, yeah. Okay, well. See, this is why I'm like, what is going on on this show? Cause the person who answers the phone is like, yeah, like you know this. Why are you calling me? You know, it sounded like,

why are you even bothering me with this bullshit when you know what's going on? And you know, obviously at this point, I don't have a ton of trust for Mia. So I'm just kind of rolling my eyes now because I don't believe her. Fair. Right. Do you feel like Mia and Gordon had a plan like,

oh yeah, like I'm dropped the kids off tomorrow at this place. And then she's like, yeah, sure. And then she goes on camera and then acts like she had no idea this was going to happen. I wouldn't doubt it. I don't think that because it's's not even worth making up conspiracy theories, but it seems like she's being histrionic and I'm just not buying it. I just don't believe her anymore, you know?

And that's the sad thing, Crying Wolf, guys, Crying Wolf. Okay, it's a story for a reason. A little girl got eaten by a wolf, I think, in the end. Wouldn't have happened if I were there, Jacqueline, number one sidekick to that girl. I'm the best friend that girl could have had. I don't even know the ending of the boy who cried wolf because the boy cried wolf so many times in the story, I got bored and stopped listening. So I don't even know the end.

That's the thing. Like you cried too, you cry wolf too many times. And I start saying that a boy who cried wolf only deserves 12 episodes and then it happens. All I have to say is the boy who cried wolf shows why it's important to cry wolf. And I think that's the thing. I think that's the thing. I think that's the thing. too many times and I start saying that a boy who cried wolf only deserves 12 episodes and then it happens. All I have to say is the boy who cried wolf shows why it's important to have

mental health resources because that child, for some reason, he went out there and decided he was going to make up a tale about wolves every single day and he needed, he needed someone to talk to. I think, I think he, yeah, that's what we've decided. Okay. So Jacqueline's like, okay, well, the person, the person's like, yeah, the kids are with us. And Jacqueline's like, okay, well we just couldn't get in contact with Gordon. And he like, he hasn't, he wasn't answering his phone and we called the C word and she didn't answer.

So Mia's just kind of freaking out. She's having a panic attack. She doesn't even know where they are. Look at her. She's lost her mind. And Mia's like, yeah, actually can you have your mom? Like, okay, I just texted your mom to confirm and she hasn't responded. So I just want to make sure that they're there cause Gordon hasn't responded. And I'm actually ecstatic to know they're with your mom, but I just want to know if they're where they were. Cause now that I know that it's comforting. I'm like, so have you found the kids?

Have you not found the kids? What's going on here? Yeah, well not really, but she knows they're with the other nanny. So I guess one nanny is the daughter of the other nanny is what I'm getting. Doesn't it? Isn't that what it sounds like?

Like there's one nanny who lives where they live. And then there's another nanny who lives four hours away where they also kind of live. I don't know. So then there's another nanny who lives four hours away where they also kind of live. I don't know. So then she's- It's just joint practices. She's like- We call each one of the joints our nanny.

Crack the nanny's back. So she's like, well, cup fitness, the C word was our nanny since Joshua was born. And then we see a picture and she's like, and she was also the mother of the bride in my wedding with Gordon, because my mom was incarcerated. So we were really close.

So they're fine now. I'm gonna go fucking for a week. Pretty much. So Jack is like, okay, sir, we're good. Like we can relax now, right? Is there anything you need me to get? Do you want me to get you a little small box of Frosted Flakes with some milk for breakfast?

I can do that for you. Actually, I'm the only one who can do it here in this entire resort. I will do that for you, Mia. She's like, okay, yeah, all right. Well, I just, I just need a shot of tequila. Okay, so that's no on the Frosted Flakes. Got it, I'm on top of it, tequila.

Mia's one of those kids that if her kids were missing and somebody put the milk carton down in front of her with the kids face on them, she'd be like, well, I'm gonna eat some cereal right now because there's nothing else I can do. So I've already got the milk. I mean, you know, it's not gonna make it any better if I go looking for my kids on an empty stomach.

So I'm just gonna have this cereal. Jack, get the frosted flakes, please. No. Okay, so let's get some tequila, girl. And Jacqueline's like, thank God, you're fine, baby. I got you, baby, I got you. I know what you're going through. I know the other girls don't get it, but I get it.

And I love you, and the other girls don't love you, but I get it. And I love you and the other girls don't love you, but I do. And I know you're doing a great job. Okay. We're going to figure this out together saying, okay, that's enough. Thank you. You're done here. So Stacy goes to Kierna's room and Stacy is like, well, I washed and I borrowed toothpaste and deodorant from Giselle. It was a wild and wacky moment between two girlfriends on a vacation. Back to you, Kierna.

So I forgot, did she lose her tooth or her luggage or what happened with her? There was like a scene last week where she forgot to pack her toothpaste so she like knocked on Giselle's door and Giselle came to the door and she was like in her like bonnet and pajamas and I don't think she was ready to be on TV. She was like, oh, hello. And she asked for two debates from Giselle. That's like all it was. And she actually had the nerve to say,

no one wants to share a room with Stacey, not even TJ. Excuse you, how many men have run out of your life screaming and yelling, how dare you be mean to this new lady who I love? Yeah, I love Stacey. I think Stacey's just wonderful. Don't be mean to Stacey. Stop, Jojo. Go be mean to people who deserve it.

Like Karen or Ashley or Robin. Bring Ashley, bring Robin back and be mean to her for once. Well, we're about to have a whole bunch of Robin. Although, poor Robin Dixon. She was the only one in the Trader traders trailer who didn't get to say anything. Oh no. You're really lucky. Wands not here.

I wanted to say that the lucky one Dixon isn't here right now. The second she gets tapped. She's going to be probably first one eliminated. Let's be honest. Or she's a trader. I mean, they couldn't put Robin as a trader. Cause they, they'd be like, okay, who do you think is a trader? It's been Robin. Who? Robin. Who? Robin. Who? Like what? Why did they cast Robin? I don't, I just don't understand. She was just fired from Potomac for being a dud.

And they're like, you know what though? Let's put her on the marquee reality show in the Comcast family. Let's put Robin Dixon on this show that just won the Emmy for best reality show that everyone watches. People who don't even watch reality shows watch the Traders.

Let's put Robin Dixon on that. Like, why? Why? You know what they'll get on that. Like why, why? No, we'll get into that. I feel bad for Robin. I normally don't feel bad for people who have been fired from shows, but I do feel bad for Robin.

I just feel like she did so much. I mean, she tried to have a trash truck company. Remember when she wanted to have the garbage truck? Oh yeah. I mean, she's done so much to stay on the show. We just were like, get out, Robin. Get out and close the dump truck behind you. I used to really, really like Robin.

I actually would say I loved Robin, but she just kind of, she just kind of wilted. She petered off. She petered off. She went, oh. I just want to point out that my little headphone thing broke, and so I currently have it tied to my ear with a twisty tie from the garbage.

Okay. I love that for you. I'm not the good one. Talk about Robin Dixon-dryus. Talk about Robin Dixon industriousness. Talk about that. Can-do attitude of Robin Dixon. Yeah.

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and listen to every episode ad free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Spotify, or Apple podcasts. Winning Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Spotify, or Apple podcasts. So we see a flashback to six weeks ago at Lake Norman, and Stacy's telling Kay, if I have to sleep in a bunk bed, I am so excited. It gets to be with you, my new bestest girlfriend. So now we're back to Panama City, Stacey's like, can I come here? Can I be in this room?

And Candace is like, listen, baby, I'm enjoying that I have my own space and this is like the Kay Stewart suite up here. Which I didn't know her last name was Stewart until at that moment. So basically there's like laughing about like being roomies and stuff. So now it's time to go to the Sprinter van and they're getting in and Stacey's like looking at Ashley's TikTok dancing, I believe. And Ashley's very proud of it as usual. Yeah, yeah.

And Ashley, you know, it's so cute seeing Ashley do so many TikTok dances and just never really getting better at it. I don't know, I like that. It makes me feel better about my piano playing because every day there I am, plinking away. Do I get better? Never, but I still keep doing it.

You know, it's enjoyable. Guys, just be happy being mediocre sometimes. Just really, really run it home. You know what I mean? You should score one of her TikTok videos. It'll be like an old timey, like, you know, silent film. Badly. I'll play Wind Beneath My Wings and just like plunk every couple, like, you know, silent film. So badly. I'll play wind beneath my wings and just like plunk

every couple of chords, just massive a chord. It'll be more like a little, a slight breeze beneath the wings, because I don't think she's really flying enough that a full wind could get under the wings. But maybe like a little, like you're blowing out a birthday candle under the wings. So for anybody who is falling for Wendy is a tour guide. Let this line help you out. Well ladies

We're heading to Panama City. We're gonna do some shopping. We're gonna do some eating some authentic stuff Okay, it's gonna be fun. Come on. I love doing authentic stuff Okay, it's gonna be fun. Come on. I love doing authentic stuff. Ron, I can't wait to do some authentic stuff. When we go on tour this year, can we do some authentic stuff? Let's see where we can do some authentic stuff in San Diego. Sounds great.

Alright. So, Karen's like, well, last night was overwhelming, a little bit. Thought we didn't talk about or we'll get from you. An update on Greg, Kiana, there, you're welcome. Mm. Mm. I'm about to spit off the table, scrap from the table. Enjoy.

Mm. Jenna, we decided we'd give you a scene at long last, so now you can address the group for the first time. She's like, thank you. She's like, well, I left my man. Like, I was talking to him last night, and he was like, he said, because I'm like not home, he's like eating pizza for breakfast and like dinner.

And he like misses me like so much. And Giselle's like, as he should. And then we see a flashback to home life, et cetera. And Kierna was like, listen, nobody cares about Kierna. And I'm so sarny, so sarny. Thank you. I'm sarny about it because we all want you, right? Yeah, I mean, I do like her.

I think like she seems so sweet and she's so beautiful and I love her outfits and stuff, but she's just not firing on any cylinders. And so she goes into her thing with Greg, which nobody cares about her thing with Greg either, cause it's kind of like grody. Like he just seems like not nice. And I know that he's probably coming off like that

cause he just doesn't want to be on camera, but he's coming off as a total asshole. So she goes into her relationship. I just don't care. You know, I don't care. So she talks about that. He's divorced. They have kids.

Now they say in more. And she's like, he has pizza every, every day when I'm gone. Well, he probably does when you're there too. Cause your whole storyline is that you don't cook. Just FF, FF the K. FF the K. Yeah. It's, it was like, it was like a little bit of, they're finally like learning about Kierna's life. It's kind of funny that this,

like we're in episode 13 and they're finally asking Kierna, Oh, tell us about your relationship with Greg. And you can tell that they just made Kierna do it too. Cause Kierna doesn't care. Kierna's like, wow, you know, one thing we haven't talked about is her relationship with that, him. Him? You never know, it's 2024. Do it. You're on. Sure. Let's hear about the real housewife who's married to a social worker. That's going to be great television. Go, Kiana, go. Could you please go save Robin Dixon from Robin Dixon's home?

Unfortunately Robin Robin is suffering from having to live with someone named Robin. So let's see what we can do about that. My social worker. So Kiernan talks for quite a bit about Greg and how she, about her salon and Greg and moving in it's been 90 days and now they're on a stricter schedule now and his stuff was there and then her stuff was in the house. They moved in together, you know, all the intricacies and beautiful nuances of bringing boxes over to someone else's house. So that goes on for about 10 minutes. We see a flashback that was really good even when it first happened. So I'm really glad they're flashing back to where she brings boxes in and she's

like, we need more room. You need to give up some of your room. And he's like, it's like, wow, you guys should show that every episode. So then, um, back to the Sprinter house, Wendy's asking when the house is going to be done. And she's like, um, literally like four and a half weeks. So, uh, then Giselle is like, well, Karen, nah, well, I was love lagooning. I spoke with Raymond and he said that you gave him a list of shit he needs to do.

And she's like, oh, he told you that? He did, did he? Well, he does. And here's some of the things on there. All right. Well, one of them is simple stuff. Like when we first got together, he would always open my door. He doesn't do that anymore.

I'm like, why don't you open his door? That man can barely walk. He's using the door handle as something to hold him up. Also, I think that's a really bad sign if your husband's not opening the door for you anymore. Like, I think you need to put a little bit more like consideration into this. Like, if he can't do the simplest act of jewelry

for his wife, it's not a great sign. Do you think it just lets it shut in her face? Maybe he's just like, he's just so preoccupied thinking about golfing in Florida that he forgets there's even a door there. He's like, oh, sorry, I zoned out for a moment. He does not open the door for me. He does, however, bump into it

and then back away, staggle backwards away from it. And then I open it. Well, he didn't see the door, Karen. Also, I have a feeling he's not opening the door because he's behind her. You know what I mean? Ah! You know he is. You know he's definitely behind her.

It's sad that I'm more interested in like the logistics of their door opening process than Kierna's entire life storyline. So Giselle's like, oh, it's okay. Kieran's like, yes, and he started working on some other things that were required. You know what I'm talking about. And Wendy's like, what were you talking about?

Authentic stuff. And Giselle's like, oh, he's going down. He's going downtown. He's starting the village. He's traveling to the village. That's what he's doing now. And they're like, oh, right. She goes, well, you know,

he does that better than opening the door. But I'm some. But are you reciprocating? And Karen is like, not yet, because there were a few more things that are very serious on my list that need to be taken care of. So Giselle is like,

so you want him to go downtown and he's doing that. And she's like, yes, he started the journey downtown. But she won't give him blowjobs basically. And so Karen's like, I cut it off. And then we see a flashback to the dominatrix night in 2020, where they were talking about this. And she said, I've retired my mouth. I had a lot on my plate the last two and a half years. So my mouth is done. That night was very famous because that's where Candice found out that Ashley had written a character letter

for... What's Her Buns. Was it Monique? For who? For Monique. And then it became a huge fight after that, all in Playboy bunny costumes, if you remember.

That's one of those episodes that will live forever in my head. Yeah. So Giselle is like, so what does Rey have to do to get a slob knob? Giselle you have some nerve to say slob knob. And Giselle is like, I said slob knob. Slob knob, what are you talking about? I don't know. Slob knob.

Listen, if you want him to open a door, you need to work on his knob a little bit. And she's like, no, I won't do it. So, you know, I mean, just in case she's like, No, I won't do it. So, you know, I mean, just in this goes just in case anybody's like, you know, I need a break from everything going on with Karen. Let's talk about Karen getting eaten out and going down on Ray. That'll save it.

So, so then Jacqueline is like, girl, we had a whole situation this morning before we got there. And she's like, you and Mia? She's like, Yes, we had a whole situation this morning before we got there. And Ash is like, you and Mia? She's like, yes, we didn't know where the kids were for like two hours, I had to step in with an emergency small box of Apple Jacks. It was scary. But luckily I was there. And Ashley's like, but wait, where were the children? I mean, I know, listen, I may not be the best mother in the world, but I can tell you this, at all times, my children are on a countertop. You know, when they say mothers should be accountable, I literally am a counterable.

They have to be on a counter at all times. I mean, I let my play, my children play with marbles, but I let them play on marble all the time. All the time. They say, they say no, no man is anbles, but I let them play on marble all the time. All the time. They say no man is an island, but all boys should be on one. Like it's an island. So she's like, where are the children?

And Jacqueline's like, well, they ended up being at that sea words house, you know, the grandma and he dropped them off there but what? Grandma cut fitness. Yeah, oh grandma cut. And he dropped them over there but he wasn't answering any of the calls. And now she's like, wow, was she about to call the police?

And she's like, no, but she was having a panic attack. She was like, Jacqueline, thank God you're here. I couldn't do this without you Jacqueline, please don't leave me. I can live without my children but I can't live without without you, Jacqueline. Please don't leave me. I can live without my children, but I can't live without you, Jacqueline. Please." So Ash is like, wow.

She's like, well, the fear that I would feel, like the gut wrenching, that feeling, like I would just feel that. And like, I have no idea how Mia is sitting here on a bus acting all calm and cool and collected. I'm triggered right now hearing this. Nothing else matters if I don't know the whereabouts of my children. Are they happy? Are they healthy? Are they on a kitchen island somewhere? Can we take them to an Ashley furniture and just put them on something? Are they safe? If I don't see those things, if I don't know those things,

you're not going to see me. I'm like, yes, but to be fair, she now knows where the children are and they are safe. So she doesn't have to freak out anymore. I know where your children are with Michael. Oh, that's much better. I mean, Ashley doesn't get to go off about safety when she had children with Gollum on like the 80th floor of a high rise with no child protections. Those kids are pushing around Tonka trucks on a craps table right now. I guarantee it. Those kids have wet maps on a pole somewhere.

They think they're on a merry-go-round, but they're just being spun on a roulette wheel. Did I tell you I went to Jumbo's clown room last week? I saw it on your Instagram, you did. I've never been, how was it? So the gays were like, let's have a gay night. And I was like, okay. And they said, we're gonna go to a strip club.

And I was like, I'm sorry, we talk about me. I was like, I want to a strip club. So I was like, I'm sorry, we talk about me. I'm like, I want to a strip club. So I was like, oh, there's a male strip clubs. Cause you know, for men, that's just a dude standing on a bar punching his dick, you know? And so I was like, whatever, let's do it. So we show up at Jumbo's clown room, which is girls, it's not boys.

And they're not really strippers per se. Like they wear little G strings and like bikini tops and stuff. And they can just, they can dance their fucking fate. No, it's not really burlesque because they don't do the like, it's not that because burlesque is kind of taking off clothes, right? This, they just appear. Well, they take off something, I guess, but they appear in very little and stay in very little, but they do the full on dance with the bar. Like they climb up the bar and stay in very little. But they do the full on dance with the bar, like they climb up the bar and then slowly come down. Can I tell you, I've never seen happier

people in my life. Like, they look so empowered. I was like, I want to grab a bar with my legs and just be able to hover in midair with perfect posture. And then the only time it was really bad was they have to pick up their own dollars at the end, because then they have to get on their hands and knees and literally crawl around the floor getting dollars. And I was like, okay, the empowerment, you know, I guess you can't give them too much empowerment if you're the strip club owner. They're like, they've had enough empowerment, make them clean it up off the floor. Don't give them a broom and that's it. But can I just tell you the gays sat there and we sat at the strip thing. It was like half gays and then half straight guys who own some jazz club named potato named Big Potato, which we're going to go to one day.

So anyway, it's all the gays just going, oh, my God, you're amazing. How do you do that? You are so talented. Matt Marthia going, sugar, you are so talented. Stigger, I can help you out. It was the gayest night at a strip club ever. Those girls loved it. They didn't have to really do anything, you know? They could save their butt pops for later. Yeah, you know what?

I think what they need to do is they need to do a projection of a giant QR code and then everyone could just Venmo their tips. How have they not started doing that? You know, back in the day when Atlanta first started, I was saying they should get QR codes or swipeys on their VJJs. And then we heard it on Atlanta later.

Kenya said it later. I was like, I've never felt more important in my life. Like, I was the first person to come up with that. But how did they not have swipe machines in their butt cracks at least still? Or now you could do the little tattoo. Just tattoo your Venmo. I mean, you know, if you go get like a mani-pedi now,

a lot of places, they have like a ring with like Venmo QR codes attached to it. And you can just like tip your nail technician just through Venmo, which I think is like the best thing of all time. So like- That's so great. I'm gonna put a Venmo just on my car.

I'm gonna put one, I'm gonna put a little QR code on my forehead. I'm gonna do it everywhere. Yeah, yeah, exactly. We'll just put a giant Venmo as our background for crap that's on to me. Like tip us for something, I don't know. So let's go back to Jacqueline causing shit for no reason.

So Jacqueline's like, oh yeah, G's losing it. And when I tell you he's not okay, let me tell you. But you know what Mia says, he may not be okay, but thank God for you Mia, you angel from above. Please never leave me or I'll kill my, do it right now, don't ever leave me. So they arrive, they go to a city and they arrive, it's hot. And Wendy's like, look at the architecture of Panama,

authentic. And Jackson goes, looks a little bit like Atlanta. And they laugh. And so then they split up, you know, and Wendy's trying to do her tour guide thing. She's like, welcome to Costco Viejo. I love Costco. You can get very, very large portions of turkey here to use for at least two weeks for your children. It's an authentic sample. So they she's like, it's home to different shops, as well as beautiful

churches. This is the architecture I was referring to earlier. The architecture of Atlanta as seen in Panama. It's finally here. Like the man on the horse. And the men are like, God, I can't whistle. God, that really killed me in the strip club too. I really wanted to be able to go lightly. Yeah, I can do a light one, but I don't have any like gusto behind it. You know what I can't do that thing where people stick their fingers in their mouth and they make that, I don't know. Yeah, and they make it real loud. I like that.

Yeah, when they do this thing, I'm like, how does that even, that's actually, I don't get how that noise can come out of your mouth by putting your fingers in. Oh. I feel like Karen Uygur in a breathalyzer. Ray, breathe into this thing. So the guys are whistling at them and Wendy's like, baby, when the Godiva goddess walks

through it's a situation where it, whether in the continental United States or in architecture. So then they go to some people go to a hat store and then Karen's like, Oh, you could come here for the attitude party. Nobody laughs. And then Mia, I don't know. They basically all split up and start looking for different things. They're basically browsing through Chachki's. They're joking. There's bananas and everything. And then they're trying on hats and hats are too big. And then there's like a fedora and it's like, Oh my God, it's giving Michael Jackson doing smooth criminal. And then they're saying, Oh,

we should get like one for Wendy's daughter for being a great host. They're like, Oh, who should we get hats for? And so then Ashley's talking to Mia. I thought this was so sad. They're like, let's get a hostess gift. A $5 straw hat from a Panama Keychain store. Bob's so sweet. Just a man is a smashing. I know, let's go to the chachka shop and get her a $3 gift.

Yeah. So then now Ashley, oh, sorry, Ben. No, same thing. Ashley's basically like, Hey, so Mia, like, where were you this, where were you at breakfast this morning? And she's like, oh, I was like finding my kids. Hashtag mania. Well, Jacqueline just told me in the car, so Gordon just dropped them off. Well, he came to Jacqueline's house to pick up the kids to say he wants to spend time with the

kids. And then, you know, how did you get four hours away in Virginia and now he's in Martha's Vineyard? Okay, wait, so the kids were at Jacqueline's house. So then who's taking care of the kids at Jacqueline's house? Do they share a nanny? I forget, there's so many nannies and there's so many tertiary characters in Mia's life that I just can't really keep track of all of them

at this point. There's like the nanny, there's this person, there's that person, there's this person from high school, there's that person who did the joint, there's doctor, what was the doctor's name again? It was like Dr. Ball Liquor. Dr. McDaddy. Dr. McDaddy or Dr. McDaddy.

I don't know how I still remember that, but yeah, Dr. McDaddy. I don't know how I still remember that, but yeah, Dr. McDaddy. It was like ball liquor, you know, same thing. So then Ashley's like, oh my God, that's crazy. She goes, yeah, and Stacy's saying that too. And she's like, yeah, and then he gets the kids and he drops them off and goes on vacation. And he's like, yeah, and I'm good that the kids are there,

because now they're gonna have the time of their life. They just sent me a picture. And I don't know what I was expecting, but I was not expecting this. I want to go stay at the grandma's house. This looks amazing. It's like one of those Island pools. It's like got a waterfall and I mean,

it looks like heaven over there. Yeah. And she's like, she's like, yeah, but like, why do I not know that they're there? And why are you not answering my phone calls? And Kiernan's like, yeah, I get it. do I not know that they're there? And why are you not answering my phone calls? And Karen's like, yeah, I get it. So Ashley says, I am sympathetic to the fact that Mia doesn't know the whereabouts of her children.

That's like that's harrowing. But there's some like discrepancies about some of the things that she said about Gordon in the past. So I'm like, hmm. So now we see flashbacks of Mia being like all over the map about Gordon and everything. And Ashley's like, I will tell you'all that if there were, if there were me, I would probably have left the trip.

I think that she's just trying to get the heat off of her because don't forget, one of the issues is that Mia made, tried to draw Giselle's daughters into the mess and Giselle didn't like that. And so now Ashley's basically saying that Mia is trying to have a get out of jail free moment by having issues with her kids. Right. And which is not going to work with Gisela anyway, right? Here comes one right now.

So then Ash is like, well, you know, I didn't know you were having that type of morning, but this morning I woke up feeling some kind of way. You know, the things you said a couple of weeks ago, then you doubled down on last night. I mean, that's crossing a line with Giselle and I just don't like that, you know? And it's not your business anyway, though. You know what I mean? And so Mia's like, well, I have so much going on.

I don't give a shit Ashley. I don't have the capacity right now. She's like, well, I have so much going on. I don't give a shit Ashley. I don't have the capacity right now. She's like, well, I don't know how to show up for you then. She goes, then don't. So in some ways, Ashley seems like she might be correct on this one because Mia's like, I can't engage about this. So then Ashley's like, you know, being Mia's friend is like exhausting. Like I've tried to be supportive, but like Mia at some point, you need to take responsibility for yourself and be a rational adult and human being,

unacceptable on every front. Which is funny to hear Ashley say, be a rational adult and human being, but you know what, do you. Yeah, so now they're trying to play, the rest who are there like Kierna and Stacey are like, wow, poor thing. Just really going through it.

I mean, it's like, oh my God, my heart is still racing. I am so concerned. How much are these sunglasses? 20? I'll give you 15. No? Oh, go fuck yourself. Okay.

15. Great. Gracias. I'm still worried about my children. My heart is racing. I feel for you. I can't believe you didn't know where your children were. If I didn't know where Arabella was at any given moment, I would lose my mind. Where Arabella Arabella? Sometimes I go to the grocery store and I see a mini bond bell and I say, mini bond bell, what about Arabelle?

Uh, where is she? And then I realize she's right next to me. Oh, what a relief. Um, so Stacey's like, oh my God, why would he do that to you? It's all about control. When he wants me to come home and be his wife, that's what he does. So then, um, they decide he's's not gonna ruin this trip for her. Okay.

So then- Don't let him ruin this trip where we've gone to a tchotchke shop in the middle of Central America. This is a trip where we have finally seen architecture. That's authentic, authentic architecture and tchotchke shops. Yeah.

So then now Karen is like, I get it though, cause Mia is who she is and it's kind of repetitive. So, you know, whatever. So then now we go over to Giselle and Jacqueline and she's like, you know, I know that Mia is going through things, but that's no excuse. And last night she doubled down

on the thing about my daughter's. And Wendy's like, you're better than me. Cause I would have cleared that whole table if she had said something about my daughter. Excuse me, representative of Mia. I'm sorry, what did you say? Nothing to utter and sense. Sorry to interrupt.

I got very excited as a representative of Mia. And I just want to say this. A lot of times with Mia, when she gets upset, she does lash out. She says things and she doesn't think, but I can assure you as someone who knows Mia probably better than anyone here, she doesn't mean it. She's going through a lot, everyone.

If you'd like to say something to her, you can get in line and I will see if she's willing to talk. And she sounds like, whatever Mia sucks. And then now, Keira and I decides to get Wendy a little gift and they get her like a little banana pipe thing for Happy Eddie. And then they all meet back up and they give Wendy her cheap ass little gifts.

And the producer's like, so Wendy, will you ever wear that hat? She's like, who am I? Yeah. So then they all, um, they all like go to this where the, the gift exchange happens at this rum bar. So they all sort of gather and, um, they are going to taste different rums and everything. They all order rum, except for of course, Karen,

who decides that she is going to have, I think she has a non-alcoholic drink. And Karen is like, I'm so proud. She's like, you know, I don't have to be sober. I'm just not drinking with these bitches. And I think they get the message. Hence, that's why they're all making these elaborate excuses for me not drinking, you know? Oh, I'm so proud of Karen sobriety girl.

Who said I was a? Sorry, she's like, they're saying, oh, I'm so proud of Karen sobriety. Who said I was sobriety? You sound super sober right now. So do you think Karen's gonna go to jail? I do. I think she is. I don't think she's going to be the full term.

I think she'll probably do like two months, but I think she's going to go to jail. You think because that was the deal. I read that if she took the deal, it would have been two months, but she refused to take the deal. And then that video was shown and it's, how did she not take the deal?

It's just so stupid. So I think she's going to get like six months to a year on that. Yeah. I mean, surely they had access to that video. Surely she had seen that video. So you got to take the deal. Don't move that move. So they're doing this tasting and stuff and kind of teasing each other and whatever, you know, they're all guessing the wrong spices and stuff. And then Ashley calls the boys and she's like,

so guys, how are you doing? And they're like dancing on a countertop somewhere. And they're like, hello mother, we've missed you so much. I met a really nice lady right now who told me how to hold a dollar in my butt crack. Wang wang, wang wang. So she's like, okay, great. I'm glad you guys are doing well.

So have your dad send a picture to me, bye. I just asked if I could sit on my new auntie's lap and she asked me for $20 once I got up. Hey Dylan, are you, do you have tassels attached to your chest? Sure do, mummy. Wah wah wah wah wah. Wah wah wah wah.

Wah wah wah wah wah. Wah wah wah wah. So then let's see here. So now Wendy brings up the kids. She's like, are the kids okay? And she's like, they're at their dad's house. So everything's fine. And now it's time for a game,

because that's what we're left with in this group. There's literally nothing else going on. So Wendy's like, okay, let's imitate each other. So they do. And they don't really do good imitations of each other, but they do pick little idiosyncrasies. Is that right? Idiosyncrasies. Is that right? Yeah. Idiosyncrasies.

That's not found right. Yeah, doesn't feel right. You got it. Doesn't feel right anymore. You landed it. You got it right. But yeah, they're doing it. It's funny.

They're making fun of each other and they're making fun of how Gisele always goes, um, yeah. So that was kind of funny. And then some things that like Wendy, I guess Wendy apparently, I never noticed it. I was like, can I say something? That's like apparently her go-to phrase to interrupt.

So it was fun, it was funny times. And then, okay, fast forward, fast forward, fast forward. Fast forward, fast forward. It was a scene. So then Ashley's like, so back in the day, back in the day there was an idea that Jacqueline and Mia shared a guy who was good with his mouth. And Giselle goes, oh yeah, ink.

And Jacqueline's like, no, it was not ink. And Wendy's like, did ink eat your box? She goes, I can't remember. She goes, oh, okay, so it was ink. You guys shared ink. That little guy gets a lot of play. Yeah, he really does. Well, he's the perfect height for it.

So then he basically, we have flashbacks to Mia saying, my accent was really good and bad. All he has to do is blow kisses. They're like, you know what, ink, just stand there and blow bubbles for a while. Okay, back up. Everybody just back up. Blowing kisses in the wind.

So, yeah, so now Jacqueline's being coy. She's like, I really don't recall. And then Mia is, it's like, the story's always changing with whatever's going on. Like they shared a guy at some point, was it Ink, was it not Ink? And then it's like, oh no, it was a different guy. It was like Ink's friend,

but then the four of them all took a shower together so maybe there was foreplay that happened in the shower with ink and jacklyn it's hard to say and then we see a flashback of last year oh my god jacklyn and mia took a shower together in miami so it's like all this stuff and the thing that struck me what was so odd is like jacklyn is trying to say something she's like well i was 20 years ago and i'm not, it's not the person that I am now. I was exploring because you're always allowed to explore, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And Mia's like, she, Mia tells us, she's like,

okay, quiet Jacqueline, you're saying too much, like enough, enough, zip it, zip it. I'm like, yeah, you're the one who opened this all up. It was you, you who got, the reason why anyone knows anything is because of you. And now you're gonna tell Jacqueline to be quiet? Yeah, of course. So then Giselle's like, well, I guess he's just shareable.

He's like a little Lunchable, pass it around, and everybody takes a cracker. Is that how you were supposed to eat Lunchables? That's never how I ate them. That was mine. There was barely anything in there. You better get your finger away from my fucking one of three crackers, you're gonna lose it.

I've never had a Lunchable, but my favorite, favorite thing that I loved were handy snacks. You know, was that what you're talking about? Was like still one of my favorite things. Actually, that's why I was so disappointed. We were in a straight strip club. I was like, well, I got a handy in here or snack. Um, and I got that little red like thing, the stick that you put into that cheese, that fake cheese and spread on the cracker.

Oh yeah, those were called handy snacks? Oh yeah, I love the little stick with the cheese. I love that and what I would always do is the first two crackers, because I think there was three, maybe there was four, the first few crackers I'd put like a decent coating on, nothing major, but I would save like a big cheese moment. The final one I'd be like, load it with all the cheese.

They have this big like cheese cracker moment. Ugh, just the best. I think that's what Jacqueline did with ink. So Jacqueline's like, so well, it was a period of time where we were finding ourselves. And I'm not embarrassed by that because everybody has to find themselves. And why not find yourself with friends?

And let me tell you, the first time I found myself was when I was in the middle of a bukkake and Mia said, Jacqueline, I never wanna live without you. And I wiped some stuff off of my eye and I said, right back at you, sister for life.

And I said some stuff off of my eye and I said, right back at you sister for life. And I said, excuse me, I have to stop this bukkake because my friend needs some honey smacks. I'll be right back with a small box of those for you. And I told Mia in that moment, this is not about bukkake. This is about you kake. And then we hugged. And I said, you know what Mia, you can't spell bukkake without a K,

which is my way of saying, would you like some special K? The cereal in this case. That's what I eat when my children are missing. Okay, so then Stacy, so basically Wendy's like, well, thank you for the additional information about your past, Jacqueline.

We'd love that. And this is what I'm saying about the cast just's like, well, thank you for the additional information about your past, Jacqueline. We'd love that. And this is what I'm saying about the cast just being like, these two are idiots. Like, don't even play into them. You know what I mean? Even though everybody else did kind of start this between them, but they're just like, whatever.

So now they have to change in a bathroom because Wendy made some reservations to eat and doesn't want them to all go back to the hotel. And they're like, we have to change to the bathroom? Like, yep. You do. You have to change. So an hour later, they all change and then they come out

and then they all are in their evening looks. And so they're not, they're, listen, I don't blame them. This seems like not a great place to change into an outfit, the back bathroom of a rum bar. So they come out and- But they also kind of warned what they were wearing here to the night thing. I mean, I know it's housewives,

but I know you wanna keep the glamor by changing your outfit, but you kind of kill the glamor by changing in the bathroom of the room. I get the sense that the resort is far away from civilization, so they don't wanna go back there, but couldn't they have found some hotel in the city and like rented a room or two for the night and then that way they could just have a home base?

I don't know, but either way, um, there, now they go back into the sprinter van and Mia FaceTimes with Inc. And she's like, Oh my God, I love you. I wish I can come over. I think that like when I land on sun Saturday, I'm just going to like get back on another flight and I'm just going to like come directly to you. I wish I can come over. I think that like when I land on sun Saturday, I'm just gonna like get back on another flight and I'm just gonna like come directly to you. I'm gonna bring you the Panama P. And Ash is like,

I'm trying my best not to judge, but I am certainly wouldn't be making a booty call on my way to getting my kids. And they're like, yeah, go home to get your kids. Inc can wait. She's like, well, actually, she's telling us, I have three children and my oldest is in Atlanta. So Inc is in Atlanta.

So I'm kind of going to see one of my kids, even though I never see that kid anymore. Like literally, who cares about that kid? Am I right? But I do have one there. So you can't say that I'm not going to see my kids because I do have kids there. Listen, ink can't get on the roller coaster either. So he might as well be one of my kids.

So yeah, it's really convenient that Mia has the, like the backup kid, because there was also that issue where she flubbed and she goes, well, my children's dads, and they're like children's dads. She goes, oh yeah, I've got, I've got another kid. Oh shoot. And now it's like, wait, you're going to Atlanta. I've got another kid in Atlanta. Like, ah, shoot, can't quite get her. So then Stacey is on the phone with TJ and you know,

he's being as charming as ever. And she was like, wow, are you guys playing tennis? Are you having fun. And she was like, wow, are you guys playing tennis? Are you having fun? And he's like, well, you look very cute, by the way. My camera right now, you might wanna point the phone to the camera because I'm shirtless, so. And Mia's like, oh my God, tell TJ to put his pecs away.

And TJ goes, well, actually you've got your pecs out. She goes, I have breasts and you have packs. The stage goes, correction. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, let's see, they go to the restaurant and they make a toast. Wendy's like, a toast to Panama, a toast to architecture, a toast to realistic things. What'd she say? Not realistic things.

Authentic things. A toast to authentic things. By the way, the restaurant's called Cannibal. I don't know. They're back. It's back, you can's called Cannibal. I don't know. It's- They're back. It's back, you can be a cannibal again. Yeah, I just read that Army Hammer is gonna get another chance.

They're gonna try and make Army Hammer happen again. So. Yeah, yeah. I don't even think he was a real cannibal, right? Didn't he just have like cannibal foreplay? He had cannibal kink, but it was upsetting enough that he had to disappear to the Caribbean and become a rental car salesman for a little bit. But he's coming back.

The cannibals are back. But I feel like I tell people I want to eat them all the time, is that weird? Is that a weird thing to say? I mean, it's mostly like my niece is, like I'm gonna eat you. Fah! Well, you know.

Anyway, so Wendy, she's like, yeah, toast to Panama. So then Stacy's like, Kay, there's some stuff that I read about you about your court case. And we see there's a headline that Kieran is suing Debra. She goes, how are things coming along with that? She goes, Oh yeah, well, it's going great. I mean, it's like, oh, yeah, it's great. Everything is fine. Like I have a quarantine and got pushed back. So it's being pushed back and now it's going to be in January. And Gisele's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, start from the beginning. I'm like, start from the beginning. What else do you need to know? You were there. You saw it.

Debra attacks Kierna. Let's please not start from the beginning. So Kierna's like, well, I'm suing Debra. And Gisele goes, that's still a thing? And she goes, yeah, it's still a thing. It's a thing for me. It's always gonna be a thing for me until I finish suing her. And so she's like, listen, this is part of my healing process.

It's a scar that I live with in some form for the rest of my life. Now, I don't care how amazing it looks, it's still there. And for some reason, I'm just happy to see it through and get some justice. So basically, yeah, she's suing, like it's a civil suit and a criminal suit. And Gisele's like, but civil law,

you know she doesn't have any money. She goes, well, that's her problem. And she's like, but how was she going to pay you? She's like, I don't care. And I don't care if it's your husband. I don't care if it's your dog. I don't care if it's your cat. Well, that's good because I'm pretty sure

the dog and the cat are not gonna be able to pay it. And so she- Yeah, I'm definitely not paying you shit, but good luck. But I think she's totally right. It's not her problem. Ultimately, it's about justice more than the money. Yeah, you hit somebody, you get sued.

That's just how it is. Yeah, exactly. So they order, Giselle orders some food for Karen, orders ribs for Karen. And Wendy talks about how Karen and Giselle orders some food for Karen, orders ribs for Karen. And, you know, Wendy talks about how Karen and Giselle really, at the end, they really love each other. And Wendy asks about shopping, and Kierna's saying that Ashley walked out.

She's like, yeah, it was great, but Ashley walked out. And Ashley's like, yeah, shopping was a little overwhelming for me today. So then she goes on her whole thing. We couldn't locate my children. Gordon wasn't answering the phone. Every time I tried calling it would say, hello, Mania's not here right now. Please leave a message for Mania. And they're like, wow, that's crazy. And Karen's like, you knew this whole time you were with us. And she's like, well, now he's taking a flight and gone

to Martha's Vineyard for the weekend. And so she was like, I knew guys because I'm really close with Mia. Yeah. And Mia's like, it took everything in me not to go to the airport and take my ass to Atlanta to see ink. It was so hard. So she's like, but now I've spoken with the kids and they're good and they're in bed now. And so Wendy's like, Mia, I'll be honest with you. You know, I think you're a big girl and you can handle yourself. But at this point, is your friend? Well, I really hate your guts and hope that you die in a fire.

But seriously, my concern is your children. Not really, but it's a good reason to give you shit. And I don't think you're doing what's best for them. And I don't think being around, no, I know what you think you're doing what's best for them, but I don't know that they should be around in this moment. I don't think him being around in this moment is what's best for them. Meaning Gordon, like if Gordon is as dangerous

as you're saying he is, stop leaving the kids with Gordon, right? Yeah. And Mia's like, but what do I do? How do I go to like a judge and say he's like an unfit father? Like he's never even harmed the kids with Gordon, right? Yeah, and Mia's like, but what do I do? How do I go to like a judge and say he's like an unfit father, like he's never even harmed the kids. And Karen's like, but Mia, you have full custody, right? I'm like, isn't that, Mia has full custody,

so isn't like, you don't even, I don't get it. I guess maybe she was asking about maybe a, what do you call it, restraining order? Because it sounds like the custody has already worked out. Yeah, she has full custody, but still she didn't know that Gordon was gonna come take the kids, you know? So in order to keep him from doing that,

he still has rights as their father. So I guess she would have to, yeah, get a restraining order or something, I don't know. So basically, Karen's like, well, I was in the same situation and I showed up with the cop and I had them meet me where my child was and it sent a clear message.

And then the cop took off his shirt and kissed me. The cop was named Blue Eyes. Oh, it's a romantic story, but it's also a story about calling cops if they take off their shirts and you're dating them. Otherwise, don't bother with them. They'll just lie about you and make videos of you pretending that you're doing nasty things

when all you're trying to do is explain that you're Thomas Jefferson's concubine. What were we talking about? I drove three hours immediately to get to my son. Perhaps I would have taken me two hours if I hadn't crashed into a median on the way, but you know, you get the point. So.

So Mia's like, well, I don't have an answer for this. And Giselle's like, well, Mia, I want my kids to be in a safe space too. And it's like, oh God, okay, well, here we go with this thing. So then they have nothing going on. So she's like, okay, well, Karen told me you doubled down on going after my children. And so Mia's like, I apologized to you off camera, but I did apologize to you. And she's like, which is strange. It's like if you really meant an apology, you would have done it at the table. You would have done it at the table. It doesn't count if

it's not on camera. Everybody knows that. Okay, well, I'm sorry that you have certain parameters on when someone apologizes to you. And Gisele's like, well, you apologize if you really mean it. I do. I really did mean it. And it was probably a really poor example to use, but I was just trying to say that I'm tired of being under a microscope for what I do on my social media and then my life is really kind of like wild and crazy,

but I'm at least being authentic. It's like, you're not under a microscope. It's just that you tell one story to your friends and make them sit down and have a serious moment and they hold your hands and they actually like put energy into trying to help you. And then they go on social media and they see a totally different story. It's not a microscope. It's a billboard. Yeah. Um, because yeah, you're, you're getting on a microphone. You're invalidating your own stories over and over again, Mia. So, and they're all tiptoeing around it because she's cloaked herself in the victim cloak, right? She said that she's in danger,

so, or her kids are in danger, so they can't fully come after her. But basically, they're like, you're a compulsive liar. What gives is the question. So, then Ashley's like, well, Mia's doing things in an unconventional way and is challenging our belief systems, you know? There's just so many moving parts. And I just don't know that the decisions… Pete What are you even saying? Why are you talking like this? Jared It's not religion. Jared I'm sorry, I wonder what, if Jesus Christ is even real and my belief systems have been totally challenged by Mia because of this.

Pete Yeah, what are you even talking about? So then Jacqueline's like, I know you're all concerned, but let me tell you, is somebody who knows Mia better than everybody in the world? Mia is my friend and Mia loves me more than anybody here. So are there any other questions? It's just like, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. No, I will not stop because she has been the center of conversation for every single table conversation.

It's like, yeah, I think that was her, what she's trying to do, she's trying to be the center for the show. She has something to discuss because of the things she's done. And so- We get a flashback of Mia. Gordon's in mania.

And then 24 hours later. I'm with Gordon right now. Then 24 hours later. Mania came to get me last night. So then flashback. So then we see a flashback to 2022 when Mia had the almost cancer. Do you remember that?

I forgot that Mia was one of the almost cancer storylines on Bravo. Yeah. And basically it's a series of flashbacks to show that Jacqueline Jacqueline like jumping up to Mia's aid to speak for Mia, be a spokesperson, be like, be careful. She might have cancer or like, you don't understand what she just went through. She broke a nail earlier this morning. You guys have to be more considerate.

So we see all these flashbacks cause they're like Jacqueline, you're going to make a fool of yourself yet again on this. If you try to die on this hill for her. Yeah. And then back at dinner Mia's like, I'm here to celebrate liberation. When he's like, yes, and authentic stuff in Panama. And there is no liberation going on at this fucking table. It's just a bunch of miserable fucking bitches, okay? So then… Pete Just like, I'm not miserable. Who's miserable? I mean, okay. So, me does have kind of a point with Giselle at least. So then Stacey's like, well,

I don't know who she's talking about being miserable, but she's not talking about me. I just saw pecs. Pete So then Wendy is like, well, those 613 girls, and she just laughs. And Stacey is like, she's like, well, those six one three girls and she just laughs and States is like, what's a six one three? And Wendy's like, it's the shade of blonde. It's six one three. That's six one three. She's like, well, I was like, is that an area code? Are we calling someone? Are we giving out a special prize sweepstakes? Congratulations. You just won a million dollars. The area code six one three. Like, no,

six one three is like, you know, blonde blonde blonde is the color. Like blonde moment. Like, no, 613 is like, you know, blonde, blonde, blonde is the color, like blonde moment. Like, oh, okay, I get it now. Well, the only person who should be wearing 613 is Karen. Mia, you're a goddess and it's a brunette. I'm sorry, but Ashley, girl, no. Yeah. And then Gisele's like, well, you wore that when you were a stripper, right?

Cause it was like her blonde wig. And he was like, I did, I did. And I said, I haven't been blonde since I was an entertainer, get it straight. Yeah, I love it. I'm rocking it. Yeah, so Gisele's like trying to comfort her for being a stripper.

I mean, listen, Mia's the easiest person to comfort Gisele. Why are you having so much trouble? This was a huge fail on Gisele's part. This is bad. So then Karen's like, well, I think that Mia would agree that she got some work to do in the repair area of some relationships in this group, but it's not unforgivable, you know? I mean, listen, have I forgiven the squirrel that ran in front of my car and caused me so much embarrassment in the press, yes, I've forgiven the squirrel. Gave a little blonde 613 wig,

and squirt off into oblivion. You know, that 613 squirrel, it did startle me and it caused me to be so shocked I was slurring my words for the rest of the evening. But you know what, I forgive it, even though I may face jail time because of that 613 squirrel, it's all right. I learned to forgive and I hope you all forgive Mia

for that too and Mia's like, all of your feelings and however you guys feel is valid. I'm not going to discard it so you guys can feel however you wanna feel about me because I have things to focus on. Yeah, and I don't like this kind of language on a Housewives show, okay? Can we get this fucking modern language on a Housewives show. Okay, can we get this fucking modern language

out of Housewives? Everyone's feelings are valid and I respect your feelings. What the fuck is this? This is Housewives. This is not the modern social world. I don't wanna hear everybody's feelings are fucking valid. No, they're not. And that's a lie anyways.

One of the biggest lies we tell each other in modern times is everybody's feelings are valid. No, they're not. Some feelings are stupid, okay? They're just- Ronnie, I just want you to know,'s feelings are valid. No, they're not. Some feelings are stupid. Okay. They're just more- Ronny, I just want you to know your feelings are valid on this. Thank you. Thank you so much. All right, everybody. It's over. We've canceled the show. No, I'm just kidding. It's over. Thanks for being with us on Potomac Day. Go get your tickets for the Golden Crappy Awards coming up. A star-studded event on Broadway, February 1st.

Also, we start the tour the weekend before that in San Francisco and San Diego, and the weekend following that in San... There's another... Oh, Salt Lake City and San Diego. No, Salt Lake City and Denver. Which is like cousins with San Diego, wouldn't you say? It's like winter cousins. They're like similar. They've got a lot of like mountain guys and Berks, you know? Anyway, the point is, guys, we love you. We can't wait to see you. You're going to be able to vote for your Crappies nomination soon, so check our social media

at Instagram.com. The votes, voting begins right now, right, Ben? Today or tomorrow? It's up. They went up now right Ben? It's up. It's up. They went up during the podcast. It's amazing. So go vote.

Vote for your face for round one and let's get it moving. Shall we guys? We sure love you. We'll talk to you next time. Bye. Bye. Watch what crap ends would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King.

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