Watch What Crappens - #2684 Southern Charm S10E05: The Taming of the Crew

Episode Date: January 10, 2025

Craig throws a backyard party on Southern Charm to celebrate suburban bliss.  Meanwhile, Salley spills tea about Gaston and Austen sits at his work computer for the first time.  To watch this recap on video, listen to our Sold on SLC and Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live threads,  go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap In's, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the irrepressible and wonderful Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you? Well, hello Ben, how are you? I am doing very nicely. I'm feeling I'm still down here in Oceanside, California. I'm gonna actually head back up to

Hollywood after this. Just want to give like a really deeply heartfelt thank you to everyone who has been expressing concern and reached out to both of us about the wildfires happening in Los Angeles. We're both really, really lucky in that we're okay and that our houses are okay. I mean, you know, it's not over, so like knock on wood, but it's really scary. And again, our hearts really just go out to everyone who was really impacted by those wildfires. But thank you so much for everyone who's like,

checked in on us. That was just really, it feels great to feel the community kind of like, you know, truly. Yeah. I was gonna say reach around. I'll give us a reach around. You guys, thanks for the community reach around. I mean, it is so great to climax without even having to do anything during this time. Also moving on, we have the crappies coming up very soon. So we're really excited about that. We're putting a lot of work and effort into that.

And we think we're going to have, no, we know, we're gonna have a really great show for you guys. We have really exciting lineup of people already coming. I would say this might be our biggest crappies we've ever had. So go to WatchCrapins.com to both vote, because the ballot is open and it's really fun to vote on, but also get your tickets. And also last night, Ronnie and I recorded a recap of the first two episodes

of the traders on our bonus episode. We didn't do all three because we just didn't have time. I watched the episode, but we just didn't have time to watch all three before recording. So that third episode will be attached to the episode for recap next week. Oh my God, the traders so good. So glad to have it back. So go check that out on our Patreon, patreon.com slash watch our crap ins. Yes, very good. And then we are going to be in San Francisco and Denver in like two weeks from today, which is so exciting. Yeah. Yes. And then after that, Salt Lake City in Denver, right? Yes. Right. So yeah, a bunch coming up. So go check it out at

our website, WatchOurCrapins.com. We're also on video today for Crappins On Demand on Patreon. So let's get moving buddies. Buddies. Okay. So here we are. It's a... My favorite are Southern Charm episodes where nothing happens, but the music is like a frenetic action movie from the twenties. I mean, it's like someone picks up a cup and they're like, I'm drinking lemonade, mama. What is this music? Why is it like the little rascals robbing a bank? The musical cues were crazy on this episode. And you know, just saying it right now, I feel like one thing we missed when we talked about Salt Lake City, is the musical cues were crazy on that show also.

When they discovered that Brittany was recording, we didn't even mention this, how the chorus went, Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. It was like a little alarm going off. Remember? Oh, oh, oh. I was cracking up. So yes, Bravo. Great work with your like over the top musical cues

this week. Yeah, you may not be sure on your casting yet or what you're doing. You know, you seem to be getting your footing on this half reboot or whatever is going on on this show, but God damn, the music people are showing up to work. Like, listen, I'm bored, so I'm just gonna make this, I'm just gonna turn this into an adventure in the 1930s. Let's do it, boys.

Ba da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Someone's unlocking their door. It's like, I love that. Okay, so, this is what's happening right now. And you know. Red Madison, who's now the voice of reason. You know, doing the narration or whatever.

But it's like, blah, blah, blah, blah. And Vanita's just brushing leaves off a chair and checking to see if there's a worm in her tree. Which there is. I was like, well, good to see you, Vanita. We'll see you next week. As our note taker Shelby writes, it's our Vanita doing something scene.

Just started off the episode. Honestly, poor Venita. She's like relegated to the sidelines, stuck into some random montage and that's always here for once per week. And when she finally does get to talk, they've even taken away her voice. She's like, no kidding. I know now she's all laryngeitis out. So she is, yes, she finds something in a plant and that's, that's almost her only moment. This episode, she actually gets a bonus scene for once.

The, and then JT's mixing electrolytes into Fiji water. So that's fun. And talking to his plant, cause that's like the only person who will still film with him. And trust me, that plant would be out of there if it could walk. It's like, how dare you call Patricia a bitch? Even the plants are like, how dare you, sir? No one fucks with Patricia. Ba-da-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba When we see Sally watering her plants, Sally, you know, I kind of, I have, I have, I am deeply enjoying Sally on this show and I feel a little sad

that we didn't actually put Sally on the ballot and I'm not gonna add her now. You already had a busy. No, Sally doesn't get any ballot. What was she gonna be nominated for? Lady who tries the hardest to show up on shows. Actually, that is a good award. I mean, she has put in the effort to be on these shows

and she's here, you know, so she did it. Goals. She should have been on the newbie ballot and I feel really bad that we put Molly on because like earlier in the season, it seemed like Molly had more upside, but now I think it's actually Sally. I think Sally is the future more than Molly.

I don't know, I think Sally and Molly both have, you know, very basic names and they're both very good for the show in the future. Not right now, but you know, they need some time to marinate. have very basic names and they're both very good for the show in the future. Not right now, but they need some time to marinate. What if we change Molly's entry on The Best Newbie to the dash LLY girls? Vowel double LLY girls. And you want take the charm.

It's named double L-Y. No, I think because Molly made more of an impression and that's it. That's what nominations were and that's it. You know, Sally has, she still has time, you know, for next year. She has time, next year. So of course we'll forget all of this by next year

as we do. Like I was just thinking today, is receipt's proof timeline from last year or this year? It is. It was last year, right? Yeah, it was last year. Yeah, It got into last year's ceremony, yeah. Okay, well, the point is Southern Charm. And what was I gonna say? Oh, have you read the gossip about Sally? That's been really fun. No, she came out and said she's like a robot surgeon or whatever and like she makes real money and all this. So when I say rumors, I mean, I read Reddit,

everybody knows what I mean by now, hopefully. But Reddit, they're saying, oh, no, it's, and by the way, I think this is still a damn good job. And people need to leave people alone about stuff like this. Like she's not doing anything. She's still making 400k. But people are like, oh, she's not a robot surgeon. She works for the company that puts the robots in the place and she just has to be there in case it breaks or something, she can call the right people to come fix it. You know what I mean? But I think that's still something. And then one of the rumors was like, she got kicked out of her last hospital because she was doing TikToks. Which somehow makes me like her more. She was not doing the TikTok. The robot was holding the camera and she happened to be singing a song.

That's all. Yeah. So whatever you guys, I think that still counts. So you leave Sally alone. I'm fine with the robot lady who does tick tocks in the break room while everybody else does the surgery. Did you go girl? Yeah. Did the surgery go well? Then end of story. So, um, then we, then we see, um, Austin, this is hilarious cause Austin sits down at his desk in his house to do whatever simulation of work he's planning to do. I'm like, what are,

what are you doing at your laptop right now? What, what, what work are you pretending to do? I was like, that's a really nice office for somebody who doesn't really do a lot, you know, doesn't work, but I guess now he does because they, he has the beer, which we all know. I mean, that's a teeter Harris. And then he does, um, he's also got this restaurant with Craig. So now we don't know about yet on the show, but yeah, he opened this restaurant called like, by the way, I don't know. stooped by something so Southern. Yeah. Um,

apostrophe, the apostrophe grill, ellipses dot dot dot. I think it is called by the way. I'm going to look it up. By the way, by the way. It's our restaurant. Um, by the way, Craig and Austin he's opening date of by the way, it's our restaurant. Um, by the way, Craig and Austin, he's opening date of, by the way, so Shep comes in and he's like, gosh, I haven't been here in forever. I just passed my old house. And we see flashbacks to when he built that old house, which by the way,

in retrospect, like that house is just like a big tall like, it's like a slab of a building that's just, I was like, who wants to live in that giant, like five story house where there's like three feet on between each wall, you know, it's this is so tall and narrow. Yeah, but it's a very, you know, it's very LA too. It's just kind of stuck in this Charleston place.

I love Charleston. What a pretty place. I actually really liked it, but I just thought stairs. Yeah. Stairs. So yeah, Austin's place is very tasteful, I think. It's done very well. Whoever did it.

It is actually quite tasteful. Whoever helped him out for the scene, good work. Because I don't believe it's a good work. I feel bad for the house. Because the house got all tasteful, and now they're like, God, all we need is one thing to be replaced. The guy says,

tear his heater and then spits all over the walls. I know, normally there's like tarps down everywhere, just to protect all the furniture from the saliva that's flying in all directions. So then, I have an Instacart driver who's just on it. Robert, Raybert is his name. Let me tell you, Raybert doesn't fuck around. I ordered this 15 minutes ago and he's almost here. Girl, Raybert, you go. I believe in you. Just watching his car come through the Hills of Austin, like, Peter, he's like, I was just in the neighborhood.

So, um, this chef is, so chef's talking about he's getting an energy drink. Um, uh, he's going to get an energy drink out of Austin's fridge. And then Austin's like, that's an energy drink, which is, I don't know. You can tell these guys just want to do coke. You're like, look at that. That's what I've got while we're on camera. Austin's power of observation knows no bounds. So he's like, by the way,

are you aware of Taylor's birthday on Friday? And she was like, gosh, yeah. And did you get the invite? He's like, no, are you kidding? She won't even have shown if you shake my hand. Oh, it's barely will even touch it. And then we see a flashback of how we asked her for coffee. And she was like, no, thank you. Yeah. So awesome. Are you going to crash the party? And he's like, no, thank you. Yeah. So Austin's like, are you going to crash the party? And he's like, no, I'm going down to a concert with a bunch of 19 year olds. It's going to be so fun. What are you going to do? What happened with Craig? Gosh, I'm just good chef just trying to make things okay with our friendships. Why can't a Shakespeare play? And so Austin's like, well, I thought I was trying to do a good thing.

I just went over there and I was like, bro, why don't you ever want to see me anymore? And then, you know, you never know how Craig's going to react, but he got really mad. He got really mad, but this time there were flowers behind him. It was just so upsetting. Yeah, he just like can't handle any sort of fucking constructive criticism because Craig Conover's living life perfectly and how dare anybody say otherwise. Okay, Austin, you're really not one to talk about handling constructive criticism. Okay. Like, like I was sort of on your side a bit. Like I was empathetic to you saying that you missed your friend

and I thought that was actually one of your few valid things you've ever said, but you cannot be the one to say that Craig can't handle any constructive criticism. When Austin Kroll, the person who loses his mind every single season when people tell him to grow up, is trying to say these things. Well, Shep and Austin together, you know, it's hilarious. So he's like, oh my gosh, is he so thin skinned that now like talking like it's not even bringing anything up anymore.

And again, now Shep talking about thin skin. Yes. It's just, uh, can't understand why the girl he tortured for four years won't go have coffee with him while she has a boyfriend. So Austin's like, well, my expectations have been like people's expectations when they're cracking open one of my beer. They're like right here. They're like right here, really low bar. But you know what? I'm not going to bring it up anymore because I just want to lower the bar. You know, I'm just going to lower the bar. I guess,

which is what the restaurant scene is going to do. The second I opened my doors to that restaurant, which is what every girl says before they'd start dating me. Which is what every girl says before they'd start dating me. Just need to lower the bar. They should have called that place lower bar. Actually, that's a better name than by the way because it makes sense because Craig's a lawyer kind of and I don't know, Austin's lower

so it's kind of still mixing their stuff. Well, it's like a real Anthony and Cleopatra situation, if you ask me. I mean, I told you guys in Camden, Craig and I will never really be close, mainly because I'm old money and he's new money, but you know, I'll just say it's because he likes pillows. Yeah. And he's like, you know, Craig and I have, we've just known each other for so long, even though sometimes I know, I wonder how well I know him. I'm just not as hurt by his nonsense. No, you're avoiding him because he's the only one who's still got his foot on your neck about being an assaulty drunk. So it's pretty obvious that that's what's going on with you.

And so Austin's like, I don't know, I want this to be better. And Shep's like, oh, you know, nothing lasts forever anyway. You know, a maid dies, you just go dig up another one, put them in her place. You know, I mean, we hope it does, friendships, the best times, you know, always come to an end with different people.

I mean, there's a lot of Shakespeare plays like that Henry the fourth part one and two are about that And then he just starts laughing because he realizes why am I talking to shake about Shakespeare to Austin? This guy barely even knows what like Dilbert is Yeah, but I also love that Henry the fourth. It's like, you know Henry the fourth. It's basically friends So then this is a true comedy of errors. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe Hehehehehehehehehe Hehehehehehehe Hehehehehe Hehehehehe Hehehehehe Hehehehehe Hehehe Hehehe He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He He Hello ladies and germs, boys and girls, The Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with his The Grinch holiday podcast. After last year, he's learned a thing or two about hosting and he's ready to rant against Christmas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire.

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them up, eat them up. It's a restaurant opened by Leanne Locken. Cook them up, eat them up. So Taylor is there with her mom Leslie and there is just the sweetest gay who is taking the order and he's like, Hi sweetie, how are you doing there? What do you want for today? And they're like, it's going to be my 30th birthday. He's like, well, guess what? I'm going to give you some key lime pie later on. So I was like, I love this guy.

We're next time we go to Charlton, we're going to this place and just saying it's our birthday. Yeah. He's like, you know what's for 30, right? Key lime. Kind of bitter, but we're still trying to pretend it's sweet. Let's send it right out. Yeah. I'm turning big 3-0 today, which is unfortunately how I... He's like, oh, it's your first year of being a real adult. She's like, oh, well, my mom was calling it

the year I officially turned a decade too old to date any guy on this cast. She called it expiration day. So Taylor is like... By the way, her mom Leslie seems like just such a sweet lady. But why is she wearing a hammock as a necklace? Why?

That is a full on hammock. I would put my butt on that and just start swinging around, girl. What are you doing? I'm trying to develop a theory that below a certain latitude, geographic latitude in the United States, you start really looking towards maritime features for jewelry and decor.

So it's like, does something, it's like, does this sort of look like it could be a cargo net? I'm going to turn it into a necklace. Like we were watching, like we were watching this show on Netflix called later daters, which you would like literally run it. You would absolutely love it because there's several like older women who are like right in like the wrong, the Ronnie alley. Like there's one lady named Pam who's like, she's a drama.

She just talks like this a lot. She's like, I love it. That is something about the insurance companies. You know, I don't believe anything. You know, they're always trying to get you. And I was like, Oh, this lady's made for running. But um, there's one lady, my kind of late Ainsville, her whole house is full with like, like, uh, everything's like rustic rustic.

Everything looks like it's been through a shipwreck in her house, but she's like, I'm just trying to find a man who loves the Georgia Bulldogs. And it just, she just supports my, my new theory that, that ladies of a certain age under a certain latitude in the States want everything to look like it was a found treasure. Yeah. Yeah, that is definitely a thing. So Taylor is having lunch with her mom and her mom's doing that thing like, oh wow, 30. God, I remember 30.

I already had you, I already had the kids. I mean, look at that. Look at you doing nothing, me doing a lot. God, it's crazy. I hate when moms do that. My mom's like, when I was 30, you were already seven. And I'm like, oh yeah, I remember because, um, that's, I think the year that you did your infamous monologue,

I could have been something that was great. Yeah. Leslie has this like very, she, she has kind of a, an undermining kind of moment here, but it's like spoken in a, in a way as if it's like really supportive. She's like, she's like, you know, I keep thinking about how when I was 30, how different our lives are.

I mean, I was married, I just had your brother. I just think about how great it was to be a mom and to have a family. Oh. And now look at you, but hey, congratulations. You have a key lime pie. So I was going to say, I had a children, but you've got a slice of pie coming your way. So that counts for something. I have physical children, but you date mental children. And that's something, honey. So good for you. Oh, look, collard greens. I love collard greens as much as my daughter loves

being alone in life. And also, how does Leslie stay so thin? Because all the food in the South is ridiculous looking. It is like huge. She's eating some kind of chicken sandwich that's as big as her head. And then it's got pieces of bacon or something that look like big old Anne Getty's florals.

I'm like, what is this? What is this? What is that? Why is that the size of a small child? And you're like a wrist, you're as big as a wrist. So it's not fair. So, but then the scene does so. That's how the lady from Gainesville in that show talks. So everything like is around Val.

I can't wait to go on a date with him again. So, but the scene does turn serious because they start talking about Taylor's brother who passed away like nine months before the scene. And the mom is basically actually what she's really trying to say is like, I was already on the road to happily ever after. Whereas you've had to deal with so many setbacks and challenges, both in terms of, you know,

getting thrashed online from this TV show that we're on right now, and also your brother. And so like, I'm just so proud of you for how you've dealt with all the setbacks in your life so far. And it's Taylor's birthday as we've gone over, but she just wants to be left alone because she's so, she's depressed, you know, which her mother is not really helping at this because she just keeps bringing it up. She's like, Mom, I don't want to talk about it. She's like, we're going to talk about it. And they do. And it's actually a nice scene, you know, and it is sad. And so she decides that she doesn't want to do anything for her birthday.

Dun, dun, dun. Yeah. And then we go to Craig's house and he's like, chicken and like the hepelectrial chickens come in, which is, you know, I guess the longer you just want something, you know, you have to be careful what you wish for. Yeah. And she's like arranging flowers. Blah blah blah blah blah. I love the idea of like little chickens

wearing Lily Pulitzer come in. So, why she's like, why don't you come to the bar with us anymore? Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's not that far away from an Austin impersonation if you think about it. She's like, she's bought a bunch of flowers and is arranging them.

And he's like, I feel like in another life, you were like a florist. She's like, Craig, it's called being a girl. We just do it all. Get out of my way. Yeah. And then we see a flashback of him in the car like, well, Taylor canceled her party.

So I was thinking we could have an impromptu party. She's like, oh my God, Craig, I hate improv. Please, no yes and. You know, I only believe in no, but. Normally I would say no, cause I hate all your friends, but I did bring this really cute, like light green, baby girl dress that looks kind of like the shape of a bell. And I was like, what if I actually,

what if I actually put the bell back into Southern bell? And I thought, let's do it, let's give it a try. So yeah, let's do the bar. I was actually, I was actually so jealous of her too for being able to wear that dress. Cause who can wear that? Like it's cinched at the top and then it comes out like this giant bell.

If I wore that, I would be like a bell that just doesn't ring cause they put too big of a ding in it, you know? Like you shake the bell and it's just like, whoop, whoop, whoop. If I were a bell, I'd go, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. I wouldn't ring.

I was so jealous. I was like, why is the- The sage wearing my figure as a dress? God damn it. So offensive. So he's like, chicken, you better get comfortable with my sperm. And she's like, um, I think I'm pretty comfortable with it. She's like, no, because part of the sperm process is that you have to decide what happens to your sperm. If you die. She's like, Oh my God, Craig. She's like, um, I think I'm pretty comfortable with it. She's like, no, because part of the sperm process is that you have to decide what happens to your sperm. If you die, she's like, Oh my God, Craig. She's like,

so I'm going to leave you my sperm. She's like, what is their return policy? What am I going to do with your sperm? Can't I just do what I do now with your sperm? I say, Ew, gross. I slap you and push you away until you get it all over yourself. I don't want that. No, but like in the rom-com world that I live in, I die and then you're like, but I still want to have his children.

I'm like, what part of that, where's the comedy in that rom-com there? Like the guy dies and she's going to have the baby. What in the Nicholas Sparks are you talking about? That's his dream. He just wants to die and have someone want his children. So she was like, I would never do that. I'm gonna have a child and then not actively give them a dad.

What the damn quail are you talking about? What in the PSI love you are you talking about? He's like, maybe I know, but you know, instead of just throwing it away, I want you to like have the choice. Craig girl. I ain't nobody want a little Craig running around. I mean, you're very cute and you still have your hair. She goes, well, I'll talk to it and I'll put it in a jar over my mantle and then I'm just gonna throw it at someone outside.

It's like, it's my gift to you. She's like, mm. So they've ordered barbecue and I'm sorry, what were you gonna say? I interrupted you, didn't I? I was just gonna say that your sperm may be your gift to me, but my gift to me is ignoring you for the rest of the day, Craig.

Your gift to me is sperm. My gift to me is sperm. My gift to me is spermicide. Hey, so I ordered barbie who? Cause even though I would have liked to have cooked for everyone, I think you were right. She was like, yeah, I know. Um, Austin, does he know that Taylor's got canceled and people are coming here? Um, do you think that maybe you want to send him an invitation? Say, oops, sorry, meant it for someone else. Um, No party. That was just a joke. Ha ha ha ha.

And make him feel bad, because I think that'd be funny. No, I haven't talked to him since he came over here and knocked my hustle. And by the way, I'd love that you said knocked my hustle that one time, because I'm going to say it 10 times in this episode now. Yeah, but just please remember, Craig, that when I said knocked my hustle, I meant ability to work, not to do the dance,

because I see you already starting to do the steps and it's not the right usage. Well, the other phrase that I've been using a lot is put your sperm on my sponge, which you haven't really taken up, but you know what, baby steps. Wait babies, shut up Craig. So, I mean, Austin just confuses me

because like he makes things up. Like you just saw him at the gym. You see him once a week because you have a business together. How much does the guy need? Well, I mean, that's why I was like dumbfounded when he said that. I was like, if you don't value all the time we spend together as like there's something lacking in our relationship, then you should go and find a new friend because I'm never going to be the bar guy again.

I said, go find a new friend, but also why aren't you inviting me to hang out? It was like really funny. So- I'm never gonna be a bar guy again until I open a bar with Austin in about five minutes. I know it's called By the Way. Yeah. Are you gonna keep talking, Craig?

No, it's called By the Way. By the Way, are you gonna say what's it called? Yeah, what is it? By the Way. Oh, for Christ sakes. That's the name of the bar. All right. I'm going to open a little tea shop next door called the Lipsies. I'm going to open up a bar next door called. So then. So then, so he's like, yeah, Austin wants to just blame people for stuff, you know, so in Austin's mind, people are the problem, not him.

Well that's true too, because Paige is saying that like Austin's filming at the mouth to blame her for the like why their friendship broke up. So he's like, yeah, I think you'd rather us break up 100%. Now I'm not gonna say my usual 1000% because I'm actually gonna reduce this down to 100% in this case. I ran the numbers, it's only 100%. Also I'm in Charleston, they don't get my full 1000 here.

So he's like, well. I'm 10% less enthusiastic here. It'll be 1000% once I'm back in the city. So he's like, I'll take my jersey off. Like I'm gonna take my jersey off the wall and just head back to the bars. Like, guess what? Guess what makes me happy?

You and your boobs. She's like, okay, Craig. Or your butt. It's like, okay, Craig, shut up. Craig, there's only one right answer and it was my bell-shaped dress. And you got it wrong. So now we go to Madison's and she's out on her swing and she FaceTimes her mom and she's basically like, so guess what? I made these, I made this flower bouquet and

her mom's like, sure Madison, you made it. She's like, and I also made this lemonade. Sure you made the lemonade. Madison." I was like... I love that her mom knows that Madison's just like kind of trying on a new role. And she's like, why aren't you the best little housewife? She's like, I am, I'm trying to be. Because I got some, Brett told me some news. And then she talks about him having a spot on his kidney, which is crazy. And so, you know, the mom's like, all you can do is love him, love him, comfort

him, you know, have a can opener ready, because corn is the key. And I mean, honestly, if you really think about it, lemonade is just like lemons and sugar and water. So you can work on that. I think that's something you can do Madison. So come on. You know what, you're not a cancer doctor. So you can't do anything about that. We can only do what we can control. Make better iced tea, honey.

Please. I mean, listen, the expression is when life gives you lemons, et cetera, and I think you could really pull up on the lemonade part. So then we go to Rodrigo's house for Rodrigo and his boyfriend to be the fabulous gazeays of Southern charm. Why do you fold like that?

Why don't you fold? You fold, you're folding stupid. I fold around the magazine. Well, I guess you did it then. Yeah, I did. I don't know why you bitch at me all the time. It's like, I don't bitch. You bitch all the time about my inability to fold properly.

And he was like, well, I liked everything lined up. I think it's from my glory days at work. Apricot, I'm being, Apricot, I'm being, bitch, spring, fierce on everybody that up. I think it's from my glory days at work, you know, Abercrombie and Fitch, Spring, Fierce and everybody that walks by. We see a picture of Rodrigo probably like in 1999 or whatever, and he has that like emo hair that like goes forward into the side, but spikes. It was like the proto Kate Goslin.

Yeah, yeah, the prototype for Kate. That's funny. So he's like, yeah. Oh, funny, yeah. So he's like, yeah. Oh, so Austin calls up and he's like, what are you doing, man tits? What's he calling? Sugar tits. Baby tits, baby tits.

Baby tits. But everybody goes like, oh hi, what's up? Not much, but I like woke up today to find out. I went from looking like Abercrombie to being called baby tits by a fucking frat boy who can't keep a relationship. This is a disaster. I'm a gay failure.

So Austin's like, yeah, well, I woke up today to find out that Taylor's party's canceled. And he's like, oh, well, I don't know if you talked to Craig or not, but I think he's hosting a party today. And Austin's like, oh, oh, oh. Austin was all too happy to tell Shep that Taylor was having a party

that Shep wasn't invited to, but now that Austin is the one that's actually not invited to the party, he's like, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, it's just a season of people being not invited to things. It's super weird. And it's also weird that Rodrigo,

they're like, let's get a gay in here to be the center of the uninvites, you know? Because it's always up to Rodrigo to be like, you're not invited. You're not invited to this party. You're not invited to that party. No one's invited anywhere. That's a gay dream to be the ambassador of the uninvite.

Turning all these very happy with them. Oh yeah, you're not invited, sorry. Yeah. So yeah, Rodrigo's like, um, um, um, um, and Austin's like, I did not hear about this part of it from Craig, which I guess tells me everything I need to know. Let me just type that into my work computer.

Beep, boop, boop, boop, beep, boop, boop. Austin, you're just typing on a cereal box. Like I said, my work computer. So he's like, oh Lord, damn, are you guys good? He's like, Oh, I mean, I was trying to figure out. Austin, you just walked out of his house two days ago. What do you, what do you, what are you not able to figure out? So he's like, well, what happened?

So he tells him the whole story and he's like, well, I thought it was being a place of being constructive. You know what I mean? When I was just like, like, I don't want to call you anymore. Uh, cause you're like a loser now, you know, I thought it was going to be great. And Austin's like, I see what Craig's doing. I know exactly what he's doing. He's not extending the invite to me because I told him something he didn't want to hear. Yeah. I mean you had a fight with him,

so he's not going to invite you to his party. So that, that is how that usually goes. Yeah. He kicked you out of his house. So So Roderigo's like yeah, you know what? I feel like you guys might have a little tension still. Oh my god Why don't you guys open a fucking detective agency? Seriously all of you you're really Called it agency by the way so Austin's like, all right, whatever. So they, Tyler, you know, they hang up and Rodrigo's like, Jesus Christ on a fucking cross. Are you kidding me? And Tyler's like, come take my pulse.

I need an emotional support talk. So then we go to Craig's house and they're bringing out Craig and Paige are like bringing out stuff to like the, the backyard and they're trying to like figure out how to do it. And they're like rearranging stuff and putting the food out and everything and and doing all the, you know, put out the food, but what if we put out the food and then bugs come? Don't put out the food, Craig. I shouldn't put out the food. Yeah, good job.

Stupid. This is like my I'm not kidding either. you can't just put up food in the backyard in the south. No. No. I don't know how that works. Yeah. Craig's like, That's like leaving the blonde teenager outside.

You'll get Shep and Austin on your lawn in about 20 minutes. Can't do that. This is my dream scenario. Like I built a backyard for entertaining and I just wanna be the house that my friends can just show up to or we can all call an audible and just like be like, you know what, let's go to Craig's for the night. I'm like, yeah,

that's fine. Absolutely not the house. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. I'm sorry. No, I was going to say, as we're going to say the same thing, probably like, that's fine. But you live like 25 minutes away from everyone now. And like, this is like the classic thing that couples do. Like breeders do this all the time. I should probably get people to do it too. I'm gonna say all couples do this,

which is that they, they then post up in the suburbs and they get like a house with like a pool and a barbecue. And then they don't go out anywhere. And you are the one they're like, come to, well, I mean, if they want to hang out, they come here. We've got everything you could possibly need here. 45 minutes away in the middle of Dullesville. Yeah, that's true. People do do that. I got a house where people do not want to come over because it's up a very steep hill.

You have to really like me to come there because I make you work to get there. I just realized, Ronnie, I just called all of suburbia Dullesville, which was so mean of me because I actually really enjoy suburbia. But you know, you know what I'm talking about when it's like that one couple that they will never move to the valley. Just say me man. Just say me. Okay. I moved to the valley. My house, you come to my house, but you know, there's some people who will not leave their house and they just expect you to always go to their house. And they're always like, well, why would we leave our house? We got everything we need here. It's like, well, because your house is out of the way.

And sometimes you have to have everything I need here. It's like, well, because your house is out of the way. And sometimes you have to come to my house. You don't have everything I need here. Do you have a 30 year old muscular man in a jockstrap punching his dick for no reason while he's doing a box step on a table? You don't. So stop inviting me to your house and pretending that you have everything, okay? And there is that kind of like suburban dad thing

where they're like so impressed with their own grill that they just think everyone else is as impressed with their grill and whatever, you know, micro brews they're doing in their garage. And it's like, you know, sometimes- Their basic ass grilling. You know, sometimes we don't want that, you know? Like, or like we want that, but we want the variety.

We don't want that to be like every single time we hang out, we have to go to like Cecil's basement bar on Merit Medicine or Craig's pool or something like that. Mix it up. We want to mix it up, you know? Yeah, I'm like, if you have everything I need, then you've got the food in front of me, then where's the person that I say, I don't like this,

could you send it back and bring me something else and make sure it's not on my bill? I need that person. Yes. So yeah, so anyway, Craig is though, having the best time ever and Paige is like, by the way, is my eyelash falling off? Just don't touch, just look, Craig.

Craig, you just put me in the eye. Sorry, Jake, and I got excited. Because that is such a guy thing to do. Is my eyelash, ow, ow, geez. You didn't have to put your finger into my eye. So she's like, don't touch, just tell me. He's like, I don't know, you'll have to ask a girl or a gay. And she's like,'t touch just tell me he's like, I don't know you'll have to ask a girl or a gay and she's like You don't have eyes

Well, I do have eyes but the thing is that I touch my finger after I left the sperm bank and so there's okay Craig, that's enough I've never been make you feel better. I did put a pair of your eyelashes on my sperm sample Why would you do that Craig Craig? That's just strange. Really helping for a daughter. So they set up and people will start showing up and everyone's saying hi. And Molly shows up with a dick cake because she had bought a dick cake. It was like a cookie cake to give to Taylor for her 30th.

That was like entering your 30ies doesn't suck too bad, but because Taylor's not having her party, she had to bring this to Craig's party, which is awkward because Molly and Craig used to basically sext. And they're trying to edit it. The page is just scandalized that she would bring this cake. You know, she says, I was trying to have a classy party. And it looks like she's really mad at Molly for bringing you to cake, but you know, Paige doesn't give a shit.

She doesn't give a shit. Well, one less dick I have to deal with. You want this one too? Deliver Craig. And Molly's like, whatever. It's not like I actually touched his wiener. It was all sexting. And then we see shots or flashbacks of her saying like,

me and Craig were texting. Craig saying, yeah, it was never like real. It was just all online. Which I'm believing less and less now. Yeah. Well, you think it has, it's tied into the breakup or something? No, no, no. But I think they probably banged. Hmm. Yeah, it could have happened. So then the thunder cloud rolls in and now it starts raining, you know,

and Paige is like, I hate it here. She's stupid. That's why they're stupid. And then Vanita shows up. So Vanita actually gets a scene that's not at her house with Charles. Her voice is still, it's still gone, but Paige is like, oh my God, your voice, it sounds amazing, I love it.

She's like, thank you. And then they're all hanging out, avoiding the rain and everything. And Craig's like, hey, hey, Rodrigo, why did Taylor cancel the party? And Rodrigo's like, um, you know, I'm just getting vague information in this game with telephone, but I think her mom came to town

and depressed the fuck out of her. So here we are in the suburbs. Was she wearing the hammock necklace? That's a sad one. Yeah, I heard she went with her mom, did lunch with her and then she got upset and then she just canceled the party. Which does sound kind of weird, you know? I mean, Taylor was saying, and I didn't think it sounded weird until Madison phrased it, you know, a different way later, but it is kind of weird because she didn't say she was going to cancel on that scene, right?

Yeah, I think she just, but she got progressively sadder and sadder and sadder while her mom was talking to her. So then she was like, yeah, I'm just gonna, but she got progressively sadder and sadder and sadder while her mom was talking to her So then she was like, yeah, yeah, I'm just gonna have this softshell crab and Call it a day Meanwhile the other group is like chatting and Vanita is asking if Craig was grilling and Paige is like, you know, we got to cater and stuff. And the original team was supposed to be Hawaiian,

but Paige is like, yeah, I didn't know what was gonna happen. But when Craig said Taylor canceled the party, I was like, well, why not have everyone here? It's been a while since I just sort of made fun of everyone to their faces. It's nice to give people dirty looks in my own space. You know? And so then we cut back to Rodrigo I'm like, why would I invite you over here? I'm like, why would I invite you over here? I'm like, why would I invite you over here?

I'm like, why would I invite you over here? I'm like, why would I invite you over here? I'm like, why would I invite you over here? I'm like, why would I invite you over here? I'm like, why would I invite you over here? I'm like, why would I invite you over here? I'm like, why would I invite you over here? Well, how did he, where did it, was he just like, oh Craig, I invited you over there or I wasn't invited.

So I say, I would just say, yeah, it's like, that's what happens when like, look, Austin, if you don't think I'm a good friend, and if you don't consider this beautiful pool and manicured garden to be part of the friendship, then I don't, and I'm not going to chase you down and convince you to be my friend. Even though last week I literally was like mad that that I wasn't invited to what you were doing. Yeah. So now it stops raining. So everybody comes back and like, wow, trees, how pretty. And then Lava comes, you know, to just liven everything up as

she does. And you know, a bunch of everybody starts coming. So now it's party time, right? And so now Ryan and Molly and Rodrigo are talking about Molly dating. And Ryan's like, oh my God, girl, how are you single in Charleston right now? She's like, because I hate everything. I was like, that's my girl. That's my girl right there. I love her.

I'm going to get a picture of her and put her up in my room. This is what little girls need to see this girl. You know, have your kids start watching Southern charm. Yeah, seriously. She's like, why am I single? Cause my options are Thomas Ravenel and Shep. So literally have you looked, have you walked around downtown and just go to a food court and then ask me why I'm single. You fucking moron. And he, Rodrigo's like, yeah, I think the ratios are off. I think there's like more women than men. She's like, yeah, it's a mess.

And it's always been a mess. And then he's like, yeah. And then when you think about the gay man, I mean, it just makes the ratios even worse. She's like, listen, I'm only here for the TV show. Otherwise I'll be back in LA. I had to be dating and then I'm like, I just look at all the guys here on this cast and I say,

you know what, nevermind, I'll just be an old maiden. You know what's so crazy is I really wanted to get into dating and I started looking around the room and my ovaries literally froze themselves and dropped out like they were in a refrigerator's ice machine. It was crazy. So at least I can save them for later.

So then Ryan is talking to Vanita and he's like, hey, where's Manny? Is he in New York? And Vanita's like, oh, did I not tell you? He's like, I love it. It's like, she's so sad. Ask her, ask her, ask her. And Vanita's like, yeah, Manny moved to New York for Broadway. And apparently, I didn't realize that Manny was a singer. I thought he was like a, I thought he played instruments, but apparently he's a singer and apparently he was in Illinois. So Ryan's like, oh, so we got the Broadway gig. And she's like, yeah, he's not coming back.

Oh, so he's gonna be back this weekend, do you think? She's like, no, he's not coming back. So next weekend, he's not coming back. So at the end of the month, stop it. She's like, no, he's not coming back. So next weekend, he's not coming back. So at the end of the month, stop it. So what is his musical? Oh, Illinois. I was wondering why he said Illinois. I was like, that's not where Broadway is.

No, Illinois is the show. What is it? It's the show. Did Illinois win the best? He sings people who like people. I know that. I know that much. He's from Charleston.

He's now based, he's going to make his off-Broadway debut in Illinois. So it's off-Broadway. Still good though. But last time, last scene in Freestyle Love Supreme Las Vegas and the original off-Broadway cast of Forbidden Broadway Next Generation. He's a songwriter who holds a degree in classical piano. Oh yeah, he's getting the fuck out of there. What were you thinking? It's not going to stay there. Yeah. He's not going to stay around a degree in classical piano. Oh yeah, he's getting the fuck out of there. What were you thinking?

It's not gonna stay there. Yeah, he's not gonna stay around, hang around. Charleston, yeah, no, he's got a gig. So, he's got a lot going on. Well, Vanita and Manny, they realized very quickly that they're not gonna do the holding that Paige and Craig are gonna do, which is waste three years of their life

pretending like there's going to be a future with these, this geographical issue. There's Manny was like, yeah, bye. She's like, yeah, I'm not leaving. I've got, I've got a TV show down in Charleston. He's like, yeah, I've got a musical up in New York and it's over. I mean, I felt bad for her.

It looked like Venita was left behind and, you know, poor thing. She's just like, yeah. Cause his dream Broadway's his dream, but I was not included. She was like, yeah. She was like, New York is his dream. Broadway is his dream. But I was not included in a lot of the plans. So that sucks. But you know, I have to say,

I don't think he was that into you. And honestly, I don't think you were that into him either. I think when it is in kind of the position that the gay guys are in in this town, where you just meet one that's free and you just take it. It's like, you know, it's not even about like whether I really like you, it's just like there's two of us here, we are going to date, okay?

And I think that's what it is with a lot of single people, well, single women in Charleston from what we see from this show, you know? You're hungry, you take the first sandwich that comes through, that's it. But I felt bad for her because she said she actually really, really liked him and that her mom liked him too, which is rare.

So I don't know. I mean, part of me is kind of like, well, I'm rarely ever going to say that the woman go chase the man, but like really what's going on in Charleston. They barely have you on this show. Might as well go to New York, be with the guy you love and enjoy that. She had a worm in a tree scene this episode. Also, I don't know that it was that he, I think the point is he didn't ask her to come. He didn't plan to meet with her. He got it and he was like, bye. And then we see their breakup scene and she's sitting on the ground

and he's sitting above her on like a couch and she's like, oh, so you got the Broadway thing so it's going to be four months. And he's like, it's more than four months. So, four months, right? Probably more than four months. So, four months, yeah, we should have a talk. And then she's just like, oh. So, then meanwhile, everyone's eating food. Yeah, everyone's eating food. Yeah. And so, Sally, Paige, and Madison are sitting around the pool talking. And this is great because these are like, these three are like the girlies. Like I love when Paige finds her people because when she starts gossiping with her people, it's like so fun. You feel like you're sitting there gossiping with her. And, and she really, I think that she has really only liked Madison out of everyone down here. Like Madison

the only one, cause Madison's like a strong woman who like doesn't deal with bullshit. But then Sally joins and it turns out like Sally is in the mix, right? Because Sally is so funny in this scene because they're all three of them are so messy together and it's great. So Paige is like, well, I'm glad I'm so glad this worked out. And Madison's like, me too. The vibe here is just way better between three of us. Let's pretend no one else is here at this party. Such a good idea. Okay, I'm gonna close my eyes. Let's pretend Craig isn't here and the party's already improved so much. Yeah, I don't know about you guys,

but Taylor never even told me it was canceled. What about that? So I was like, I didn't even get invited. They're like, oh, oh. And Paige is like, so you beef with her? And she's like, no, we don't beef. Um, I can't, I don't really beef. But it's just like you're not like besties.

Is that what it's like? Oh, oh. So you guys don't get- But it's just like, you're not like besties. Is that what it's like? Oh, oh. Something gets in each other. Oh, well she's dating my ex, and Paige is like, got it, that'll throw a wrench right in there, yeah. Yeah, now wait a second, were you guys serious, you and the guy? And she's like, yeah, I mean,

no, I said I love you to Gaston. Wait, hold on, can we like pause this conversation? So is it, it really is true there's someone named Gaston in the mix in this group? Cause that's just hilarious to me. I mean, we have someone named Jesse Solomon up North, but like Gaston, that's ridiculous. Does anyone work like Gaston?

What? Does anyone twerk like Gaston? What? Does anyone love to eat their jerk like Gaston? What are you talking about? Nevermind, you're no Bell. You're no my dress. So-

Congratulations, you just won the no Bell prize. Guess what? I'm gonna watch that new E show called Total Not Bellas. So- That's so stupid. total not Bella's. So, she's like, yeah, I mean, we said I love you, but that's not why. I mean, that's not why we, but beef is what you said. Oh God, so Northern. I just, I have history with Shep, you know, and Paige is like, ew, oh God, Craig, bring the rubbing alcohol. History with Shep, that just sounds awful.

It's like, no, I know, but it's a small history, like a two hour history. Oh, okay, you said in a funny way, so I prude of you again. So I guess- That's actually the longest I've ever heard of chef lasting, so congratulations. Oh, I didn't say you lasted that long.

It was mostly two hours of me doing the helicopter and sawing the plot. Oh. Any of them talking about the Vietnam War documentary. Oh gosh. So Paige is like, so Taylor found out. Sally was like, yeah. And I wasn't sure.

It just wasn't during their relationship or anything. And then she said some things about me and then she got back to me. Classic, that is classic. That is super classic. Well, come on, tell us, girl. What are you doing here? And you're not eating the beef. You're not giving the beef?

Do something. And she's like, okay. I didn't pretend to make lemonade and not drink something right now. Come on, give it to me. Well, she spread that I was a hooker and Paige is like, oh my God. But she said high end hooker.

So that was at least nice. She goes, yeah, that was nice. Like hooker. So that was at least nice. She goes, yeah, that was nice. Like for politicians and stuff, that's really sweet. She did the same thing to me last year. Well, not that I was a hooker, but that I was like, well, basically a hooker. Wait, what did she say about you, Paige?

Well, she said I had another boyfriend in NYC and I was like, well, I hope he's hot. I mean, kinda, I don't know her boyfriend at all, but I'm definitely curious now what people like about him because I personally don't think that he's very attractive. So therefore he can't be even likeable. You know what I'm saying guys? Why is he even around us y'all?

And Sally goes, well, he can hear you from a mile away. And Massie goes, wait, he's here? She goes, no, no, I'm just talking about his ears. God, that was so mean of me. Ha ha ha ha. That was pretty cold actually, but still funny. And he's like, yeah, I mean, it's just really weird because like he was still, there was some overlap

and he's like, oh my God. She's like, yeah. And there was like July, like it overlapped because he met my family on July 4th. And this is such a Charleston thing to say. She's like, he was on my dad's boat. And then like two weeks later, he was with her and Paige was like, oh my God.

I am? Oh my God, I literally just got a stink bug in my mouth. Oh wow. Gross. This is wild. So Paige is like, this is, and so then she's like, well, I need to see a picture of this person because before I can pass any further judgment,

I need to have some reference. I have to know what his facial hair looks like. I need to see something about these ears, nostrils, everything, give me the goods. So she looks at it and she goes, wow, that's not what I was picturing. I mean, he's cute. He's like, cute.

Like she says he's cute in the tone of like, I don't want to disrespect your taste level, Sally, but this guy is a fucking ugly ass piece. That's what she's basically saying. I don't think he's ugly to you. No, he's not. I don't think he's ugly at all. I think he's very like the weight. But I think the way she's saying it is like,

I mean, I'm shocked that you would hook up with someone that looked like this. So I'll just way she's saying it is like, I mean, I'm shocked that you would hook up with someone that looked like this. So I'll just say, he's cute. Because like, you know, an approval cute is, he's cute, oh my God, not he's cute. Yeah, I think it's also the supportive thing when someone's talking about a shitty man.

You're not supposed to be like, oh my God, he's hot. You have to be like, I mean, you know, he's cute. But I mean, who knows? So, I mean, I'd be like I said, first time we should pass this through, send him over here on a tray, you know? So, Sally's like, yeah, we were hot and heavy for a moment. Look at this picture. And then she shows a picture of them making out at a bar, which means she's one of those fucking people who take selfies of herself making out with people, which is both gross, but I've also been friends with this girl my whole life. I think I know this girl so well and I want to have her over later.

Yeah, I really like Sally. So Sally says like, you know, we were like best friends and, you know, he was, oh no, I'm sorry, she talks also, it gets more complicated than this. So, um, she met, she basically says that there's, um, a guy named Andrew. And she says, Hey, I'm me and Andrew were best friends. And he was the one that got me through the Gaston shit. And I helped him get through the Taylor shit because I guess, wait, Taylor had hooked up with Andrew at some point.

So they were both exes. So now they are dating each other. So this whole Sally and Taylor overlap continues to get more and more complicated. This is like being in a gay bar. This is like being in a gay bar. I mean, everybody's fucked each other here. It's like being in a group of gay friends.

Everybody has had sex with each other. And so Paige is just trying to compute all this. She's like, okay, well then I'm happy that you have a new man. Well, how did you and Gaston believe? I mean, you're all friendly? You're all friendly or what? She's like, hmm, don't speak.

Hmm, well, oh my God, have you fucked his brother? Just tell us. Because I like that everything Sally says with the dot, dot, dot ends, well, then I fucked this guy. It's like, oh, it's like every twist with Sally is another guy she's fucked, which is hilarious. And they're like, what, what is it?

And Paige is like, give it to us, Sally. And she goes, what, you're just gonna sit in my backyard and make eyes at Madison and not tell me the whole gossip? I invited you to my home. Well, nobody knows this, but we had a conversation yesterday, me and Gaston, and they're like, oh! yeah, first time since July. And Messa's like, well, what happened, girl?

And Sally's like, well, he told me to keep his name out of my fucking mouth. Hell no. Oh, hell no. Oh, hell no. Because he heard that I was like, now listen, like, you know, he heard that I was talking about himself and I said, listen, there's a lot I'm keeping to myself. And Paige is like, that's it, get out of my house. That's not how we do things here.

So he's like, so it was like a two minute conversation and it escalated very quickly and he started raising his voice and I was like, I think I ended the phone conversation with thank you for reminding me of the kind of person you are, even though you can still hear me. God, I'm so mean. Well, it just proves to me that nothing has changed. So then we go to Tyler and Rodrigo on the little putty green,

and Tyler's like, I don't know the difference between these gloves. And Rodrigo's like, do you want some nasty spray on you? I've got it right here. What was the clone called? If you're saying right now, Madison. Fierce. Do you want me to spray some Fierce on you?

He's like, honey, you can either not know how to fold a shirt or you could not know golf clubs, but you can't not know those, okay? Okay, so party, party, party. Ryan is getting shown the golf stuff. There's so many new people. So Ryan's the other new gay. So he's being shown plants. And then he's like, yeah, Craig is talking about how you've gotten Craig to

do things, you know, like domestic things. She goes, yeah, dishes or, you know, maybe we should put our laundry away. And he's like, but he's like, but what don't you do? She's like, well, I don't cook. It's not that I can't cook. It's that he just always does it. And also I can't cook. He's like, oh, okay, cool. So Madison, meanwhile, is talking to Rodrigo.

She's like, Rodrigo, be honest with me. Why did this beta party get canceled today? And he's like, well, I think that like emotionally Taylor's just spent and I just, I feel like the stress of Sally coming around and having her say things, say, having things to say about a relationship with Gaston is like a lot for her.

Well, what if there was some truth to what Sally was saying? I mean, why is Gaston calling Sally? Oh, did I say that out loud? Oh, it's like, why is Gaston calling Sally? And I wanted to hear Madison order Mexican food. Cause you know, she's like, I would like a nacho, a quesadilla, some silce. Can I put it in order for breakfast tomorrow to get some joejos rancheros please?

Yeah. I think that Madison is the best detective on this show. I think she's got very good detective qualities cause she's like, well, wait a minute. What if there's truth to what she's saying? I mean, why is Gaston calling her and why did he call her yesterday? And Roderick goes like, wait, he did? To say what? To silence her. Are you serious? I mean, they shouldn't be having communication. Like, from my knowledge, you know, I heard they were both like very toxic. So like, oh my God, who am I going to invite? Who am I gonna invite?

And Madison's like, but from what I heard, it was just to say, Hey, listen, I'm hearing what you're saying about me and you need to keep your mouth shut. And this is the part we see in the preview where he's like, this town is like a soap opera on steroids. With people dating each other's exes. And it makes me worried about my friend because I don't want her to go through the same things, again, with Gaston that she went through with the ship. Well, I hate to break it to you, but Taylor is,

she seems to me like someone who dates in patterns, so buckle up for round two, Rodrigo. Yeah. So he's like, well, wow, that makes this party cancellation seem just even a little more woof. And she goes, yeah, back his idea. I was like, oh, I didn't even think of that. He's like trying to hold her back and he doesn't want her to shoot with Sally. So he was like, you can't

go. But that actually makes sense. And she said, he's taking a dirt bag. She's taking a dirt bag. Um, I'm just going to say it right now, as long as we're in trader season, I'd like to nominate Madison to be on the next season of the Traders, because I think she would be excellent on it. Yeah, she would be. I'm putting that out there. They don't have Southern Charm people on there, huh?

Yeah. It's not fair. I think the casting department needs to listen to us. I think we have a good instinct on who to cast on that show. And I think Madison should have, well, whatever, put her on the show. Okay, so now it's nighttime and they're eating the dick cake and everything and Craig and Madison and Paige

are in the kitchen together and Madison is like, wow, Paige, you do a great job cutting flowers. You know, by the way, what's going on with the engagement? You're like, just not engaged? And Craig's like, just not engaged? And Craig's like, well, we basically are. I mean, I threw sperm at her today. Craig, please, you don't have to tell everyone

about the sperm situation. And she's like, I think I socialized a lot today. I deserve some credit. And he's like, you did, you see? It's fun, isn't it? She's like, well, I did what I could. Well, Craig, what's going on with you? I mean, where are you with the boys? Because like, Austin texted me and he said, it was very clear you were doing it, what you were doing it,

Patricia's. And I said, what, taking up for Craig? And he was like, we're not here to bash Craig. And then Spittle came through his phone and actually hit me on the eye. I mean, I have to tell you, that man will never change. That Spittle is the strongest thing about him. I mean, I have to tell you that man will never change. That spittle is the strongest thing about him. Did you tell Craig, did you tell Madison that Austin came over the other day? Yeah. Um, he came over here and he basically knocked my hustle and said,

I'm a bad friend. And I guess where I'm at is if we what we do already isn't good enough, then he has to move on. And so by the way, I'm gonna do my new thing, which is I'm gonna put my hands in front of my chest and then weigh them side to side a little bit in and out. Because like, I don't know, if it's not good enough, then he has to move on because I'm never going back to the guy that he misses. Yeah, I mean, I was like, this is crazy.

Like you're a grown man, like what the fuck? What grown man goes over to another grown man's house crying that he misses them? Excuse me, men can be friends as well, ma'am, okay? I think that friends, guy friends can miss each other. I mean, what the heck? And also this kind of proves what Austin and them are saying that Paige is kind of a roadblock.

But I think it's kind of, in her defense, I think that it's safety. I think if you're with somebody, you're like, stop hanging out with losers, you know? And I think that might be a little bit of what's going on here, or at least don't let those losers push you around as much as they do. And if they have a problem with it, then get fucking rid of them. And to someone who's never heard that that's an option before, it's like, whoa, you know, that is an option, which is why he's now drunk with the power of like, we don't have to be friends.

I'm never going back there. I was like dumbfounded. I was like, we're not dating. Like, what are you talking about? Paige, I think Austin wants to be you. Dress included, beta. It's like, I know, I better watch my back. So Madison's like, yeah, Craig's in love.

He don't want to be with Austin anymore. Sorry, it's over. So he's like, I thought it was good, but last night I had to do the inevitable. I had to record a podcast by myself. Madison's like, oh wow, really? Were there two words that actually went together and that whole thing had that turn out?

So I guess you're really not interested in building an audience, huh? He's like, yeah, like doing the podcast with him and stuff. It's like, you know, I like doing it, but not when he acts like this. I love when you get riled up. I'm so riled up right now. So then Craig and Shep meet up and Craig is trying to kiss his butt and warm him up with some gardening shoes.

And they go to a bar to get some non-alcoholic beer and stuff. And they're like, wow, this beer is amazing. So chef's like, whoa, I texted you this morning because that's what Shakespeare did in Henry the 19th. How's you like it? Anyway, what are we going to do about this tempest between you guys? Well, yeah, like we've had great, great times. The internet knew I was coming to get you.

And just as it did in Romeo and Juliet, it sent me a montage of our best times. Here's the time we were doing Coke downtown. Here's the time we were doing Coke on the East Side. Here's the time we were doing Coke on that boat on July 4th. And then that dad got mad at a guy named after a Beauty and the Beast character and kicked him off the boat. Oh, gosh, what good times! Thanks, Ciri." Oh, and here's a montage of us on a bender, and here's a picture from that bender. I think this was the Twelfth Night of it." So he's like, it gives me goosebumps speaking of Shakespeare. So all the good times

we've had around the world and the United States. What's wrong with that? Does he talk like this? The world and the United States? Yeah. Shep is like, but we don't have to live in the past, even though I'm going to say that our friendship is purely rooted in just having a past. So Greg is like, well as soon as we accept each other for who we are or who we become, in my case an enlightened person who took ayahuasca and now is a good little boy. Yeah exactly. You know what everyone's always called me?

A lush. No. A deadbeat. No. A loser. No. A mediator. No, a loser. No, a mediator. What's that? Well, it's someone who can look at two friends and say,

All's well that ends well. Oh. So, he's like, He's like, Just think, it's important to at least try to maintain the bonds that were formed over the years, you know And of course, they're gonna be frayed, you know, or try to repair them. It's trying to repair them It's a beautiful thing, you know, and I know Austin feels bet feels bad. He's a little confused right now He sat down in his computer. I was trying to figure out what is the concept of working and an office station

It's really going through it's really doing a number on him right now at an office station. It's really going through, it's really doing a number on him right now. So he goes through this whole thing of like, look at me, just trying to make things better between two friends as if I wasn't shit talking Craig to try and turn Austin against him so that Austin would be on my side

instead of both of them ganging up on me and calling me a dirty alcoholic that needs to stop assaulting women. So like my thing is I just kind of, hey, are you going to give them a chance or, or like, or you're not like not still pissed, but you're just like a little frustrated, right? So what's the deal? It's like, look, you and I, when we have disagreements and like, don't understand each other, we can take space because there's nothing tying us together other than our friendship. So I honestly think the solution would be

to take a step back from the podcast. Oh gosh, the podcast where you guys just ramble on? Yeah. Because then how you live your life won't annoy me. Yeah. And he's like, well, I guess that's a good idea. I'd never liked that stupid podcast anyway, because it puts you guys together instead of me in the center. Good for you. Get rid of the podcast." And Craig's like, yeah, I mean, I do all the work. And he's like, yeah, you know, I noticed that when I did your podcast live, you kind of did it all. He's like, yeah, I do it for a business and he does it to party. To me, talking to Lauren, Tommy Lauren until two in the morning shit-faced. That's business for him, it's pleasure.

Gosh, now that you guys are tabling your podcasts, nothing's gonna stop the Kelsey brothers from reaching the top of the charts. So they agree that maybe they can get back to a good place and then he gets a text and he's like, uh-oh, JT just texted me. Dun dun dun dun dun dun. Ba ba ba la la ba ba la la ba.

And then we go to one minute to go to JT's apartment. With like very frantic music. The music's like, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. And all JT is doing is like his hair. And it's like, what sort of product is he gonna put in next? What sort of cologne is he gonna to put on? It's like, and then finally JT is like, want to meet up? So Craig's like, um, dear JT would love to meet up with you buddy.

Seems like a lot of miscommunication going on here. Hit me back. I know that's actually what JT says in his text. Whoops. I, I was reading what JT says in his text. Whoops. I was reading what JT wrote, but I forgot that he wrote it. I thought I texted myself by accident. I was like, is this my sperm? Did my sperm grow and text me? I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I got distracted because guess what I just got a notice for? My delivery has best just been delivered. The page collection blanket from Sewing Down South. Wow. Just came while we were recording Southern Charm, guys. That's funny. Look at this blanket, it's all Xs,

it's Paige's blanket with Xs on it. Oh my God, I can't wait to cuddle with you later. That's so funny, because I came on the last episode of Southern Charm at the sperm bank. Give me a cup. I had to have clean hands. It was crazy. The nurse said that my sperm still came out with barbecue sauce on it, so I'm going to have to try again, but still. The nurse also texted and said, please take Paige's eyelashes off all our sample cups.

I'm like, but I think it looks nice. Anyway. So I replaced them with googly eyes. I just know that Austin's gonna get really mad if I have coffee with JT. Anyway, I'm gonna have coffee with JT because it's gonna make Austin really mad. Ha ha ha ha ha. But JT did his like, I'm fitting into Charleston scene where he's like standing in the mirror in a towel, which nobody asked for. Okay.

And he's got the blow dryer right up to his head and he's just staring at the blow dryer as it like selects his bangs up into Republican congressman mode, you know? And the music's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, slowly opening and then it's just JT blow drying his bangs. It's fucking tight. Cut to next week. Whitney. I can't believe Craig met up with JT. Mother, what do we do about it? Mother. Yes. And now they're all furious with Craig for daring to go meet with someone they've

all decided is fired. Fun times everyone. Thanks for being here. Um Hospitality, by the way, we will have a recap of that up next week if you're wondering about that. And we will catch everyone on the next episode. Have a wonderful weekend and stay safe. Yeah. Bye. Bye everybody. Watch what crap ins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alice in King. Our way is the Amber way. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney.

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