Watch What Crappens - #2694 Southern Charm S10E06: Drown and Country

Episode Date: January 17, 2025

Salley takes a shot at a throwing her own backyard party Southern Charm where she parades one of Taylor’s exes around like a prize. Craig tries to break up with Austen, Whitney still has a Chucky wig on, and Venita almost drowns without a garden scene. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Sold on SLC and Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live threads,  go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to watch her crap and add free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hey y'all, it's your girl Kiki Palmer and let me tell you, we're kicking off this new year with a whole new mindset. If you're ready for that new year, new mindset energy, you've got to tune into, baby, this is Kiki Palmer. If you're looking for more podcasts to help you tend to your well-being, check out New Year New Mindset on the Wondry app. Watch What Crappens! Watch What Crappens! Guess what happens when there's so much that crappens!

Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens! A podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on Yale Broves. I'm Rondal. That's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. How are you? Hi. How are you? I'm great, thanks. How are you doing? I'm doing great. Everybody, hope you're well over there. Hope everybody's safe and content. We are about to go on tour.

We start a week from today. We will be in San Francisco and San Diego. We will be recapping live the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Reunion, part one, in both cities, actually, we're gonna do half one night and half the other, because you know our asses are gonna keep talking for at least two and a half hours on that sucker. So we're gonna be splitting cities, doing both there.

So we all get to enjoy Real Housewives of Salt Lake City together as the season is almost done. So join us there, Salt Lake City followed by San Diego in one week from today. And then guess what? The next week we're in New York City to do the Golden Crappy Awards. It's our yearly award show.

This year is gonna be bigger than ever. We're on Broadway at the Town Hall Theater. We've got so much musical talent coming, so many Bravo talent and Bravo related talent coming. It's gonna be a blast. Get your tickets the same, watch what happens.com. Then the following week, we will be in Salt Lake City, the town itself and Denver the following night.

So a lot going on there. Get your tickets, watch what happens.com. Also go to patreon.com if you want us on video, which we're on right now. I'm in Brown, Ben's in green. We're just going to Folly and go over there and you'll get all the videos and bonus episodes, which right now are Traders Recaps. Great show.

We're loving that. So join us for that. And you can also vote. Nope. Yes. You can also vote for your Crappy Awards favorites over just, you can find the link on the Instagram and you can vote. Round two, round two just started today.

Yeah, round two is up. So go vote for that. You can find the link, guess where our website. So here we are with South and Charm. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Couple of things I know I haven't shut up yet Ben, but a couple of things we have to address. One thing is last week, Craig said Austin shows

up to work all zanied out and I can't work with him anymore. And people are like, how could you guys of all people not mention that Austin is zanied out at work? Is anybody surprised? I mean, it just seems, I guess I say that so much. I call out the druggies so much on the show that I don't see it worth calling out. But yeah, he did say that. Sorry, we missed it. So that was a big one. What's the other one, Ben? I didn't know we messed something up last week. But whatever we did. I'm sorry. Yeah, not major apologies. But you know, just some corrections. Also, it's really hard. I've been really rooting for this show. Today is rough for me because they committed one of the biggest shows

this crime can commit. And they did not give me a scene of Vanita in her garden. How am I supposed to know what happened with the worm in the tree? Yeah. But like after weeks of us saying that all we get with Venita is her just doing something outside with Charles, this, this week they're like, you know what? You, you want us to do something with Venita fine. How about we almost kill her? It's like out of nowhere. They do that instead. They're really up the Venita stakes, but it was, but in true Venita forum, it was like, the Vanita stakes, but in true Vanita form, it was like the whole thing lasted about as long

as Charles and Vanita in the backyard scene. But I do have to say, I've got to give Vanita credit. It was her first time ever, I think, becoming the focal point of a in-show teaser. So congratulations, Vanita. At least it was the first time this season. Well, there was that, yeah, this season, yeah, because there was that one where she fought with Madison at the end of the season. Oh yeah, the gardener party. But this is the first time she's,

this is the first time she's really made a splash on the show, so good for her. But you can't start a storyline like the worm in the tree and then not tell me what happened. So, that's true. Like seriously. Fuck off, yeah. out start a storyline like the worm in the tree and then not tell me what happened. So yeah, that's true. Like seriously, fuck off. Yeah. So previously, um, my husband has a kidney has a tumor has a beta tumor on his kidneys. That's that's fucking bullshit.

I'll tell you what that that stupid tumor is such a beta. It'll probably go have to have a coffee with JT sometime in this episode. Taylor also wasn't in the mood to celebrate because she's a beta too. And then we see Craig in his backyard and uh. Sally spilled some Papana tea because I don't know if she's a beta yet. I think she's pretty much alpha so that's okay we like that. We like her IT. Yeah, we like that. We like her, Adi. Yes. So let's see. Let's swing this game, don't you know? Is our lyric to start. And we see really exciting things happening around Charleston.

Sally's giving her dog a shot of medicine in the mouth, and that's cute. And then the dog's like, wait a minute. I think that we both dated, I think we've both been adopted by Andrew at different points. So I just want to get that, make sure that we're okay. And then there's a guy over at Patricia's house, spraying the chandelier. And she's like, I don't know who you are, but you're doing a great job doing the thing that my son is too dumb to do on his own. Congratulations person.

He's like, he's like, well, uh, should I spray this one over here? No, that's Randy. I just keep him plugged into the electrical outlet in case he ever needs to be taught a lesson. Watch this. Turn on that switch. Hey, Jay. Isn't that great? Dust them off. Dust them off. And now Taylor walks her dog, uh, talks to her dog in the bed and she's like, okay, Penny, today's mantra is long before we tune in to our hubbub. Wait, what is hubbub? I'm fixated on that.

Hubbub. To be fair, it's just not a word I would associate ever with Taylor. Or mantras. Long before we tuned into our HUBUB. What the fuck kind of mantra book is this? Get rid of that mantra book. It explains a lot about her life, actually. And I like that she has to look up HUBUB, but then she's trying to expand her Shep English later in the show, and it just fails miserably. HUBUB, it's a word, it means commotion and talk, et cetera. Did JT write that mantra? Cause that sounds like a JT mantra.

You know, long before we tune into our hubbub, you gotta call Poppy Seed on FaceTime and look at that sweet dog. So speaking of, JT is walking up to a bar very slowly with his hands behind his back doing his, he's always acting like an extra in some old timey play. You know, he's like, after the salesman just walking up, just like, I remember these streets. Just go to the restaurant, dude.

Huck. He gets two red eyes. I forget, what's a red eye again? Is that like cold brew with like a shot of espresso in it or something? Yeah, I think so. I think. I want one.

It's like literally every man on this cast, red eyes. So he's also bought Craig a banana that he places right in his place. So Craig will know that there's a banana waiting for him. You know, he's just a gentleman good old southern gentleman Yeah, they both actually have a banana like they there's a gap banana for it. It's kind of like Chekhov's banana. It's like if you know if you see that banana, it's gonna go eaten on camera You know that man is gonna go off

I was kind of expecting Craig to have a reaction to you know,, all those TikTok videos of cats reacting to bananas and cucumbers. You've seen those where apparently like cucumbers are very threatening to cats because like you just put one on the floor and a cat walks up to it and just like jumps back and fear because it thinks it's some sort of animal. So I'm just imagining Craig like, Whoa, and just fleeing himself across the coffee shop. No, but Craig doesn't. He sits down and just eats the banana. Like he's used to bananas just being laid out

for him all the time. You know, it's banana privilege. Truly, he doesn't even realize that he just thinks that's like part of like what this cafe is. It's like a bread basket. I just get a banana. They just gave me a banana. So they fist bump and Craig's like,

wow, I lived on that sixth floor of that building right there. They've got a golf fraternity on the fourth floor. You've got to be kidding me. I can't imagine going to school here. I wouldn't have graduated. I love it. Are you implying that I did graduate

because I never graduated? I still tell Paige I would go back to college in a heartbeat. We know, We know. We know. Unfortunately, that college is not NYU. I would have to go there, but thankfully I live in Charleston where you can date 24-year-olds the rest of your life. I want a major in pillow sciences.

So JT tells us, I am so furious. If there was an infrared camera, you would see the heat and smoke coming off of my eyes and my head, not just from the coffee cup in front of me, from all my body and my soul. Okay, what I'm trying to say is I've got a lot of heat in here and if you think it's from my red eye, that's really frustrating because of my heat's coming

from here and like I just don't want you to think it's only coming from eye, that's really frustrating because of my heat's coming from here. And like, I just don't want you to think it's only coming from my drink. See what I'm saying? See what the, what I'm trying to do with this joke is be like, I'm referencing the fact that I've got a coffee drinking from me, but I'm also popping hot mad. Is anyone following this?

I gotta be honest with you. People in our friend group were saying that I referred to the lovely Miss Patricia as a B word. And then we see a clip of Madison going, you call her a bitch? You're the bitch. Well, you said that she didn't take her cane. And that's something when she didn't take her cane that she was a bitch at the horse race. Is it possible that maybe that was misheard? And then we see a clip of him not saying that

ever. And then another clip of audio not sound. And Craig's like, well, I don't think that your intent was to say she in general is a bitch, but in that moment she was a bitch because you tried to hand her a cane and the bitch didn't take it, fucking bitch. Wait. I'm not trying to gaslight you

about how you're gaslighting me, but what you think about, like, unless you see the words leaving these lips, you just said it right now. I mean, what do you want me to do, bro? I literally did not say the word. You just had it four times right now. Call her a fucking stupid bitch. So, wow. You really are full of rage today. I literally am just, I gave you a banana. Wow. Wow. I don't say P V B or B. Well, I just said banana. Okay. Take that one off. Can we shoot that again?

But you literally just said the P word, the B word and the J word. I was ordering a PB and J, Craig. So Craig's like, I stand by it 100% because like, I remember I heard it. And then I was like, oh, you're so stupid. And yeah, I don't believe Craig. I just don't. And that's really sad because JT is also a little shit. But Craig is just fucking lying on this period. I believe it. Craig is like, Craig is not only he's lying. And you know, we often talk about people getting, you know, forced out of shows. I mean, we just had a whole discussion like two weeks ago about, you know, oh, the cast

is pushing Craig off the show, but Craig is actively forcing, he's pushing JT off the show because now no one wants to shoot with him because they all think that JT called Patricia a bitch and that is like, you do not do that. And so now no one is even touching this guy. And he's like, listen, we don't need to beef about about this because it's crazy. We've covered enough. It's like, yeah, I'm happy you text me, though, because we were kind of kind of in limbo. You know, and now that I hit Austin, it's really good because now I can talk to you

again and make him mad. Well, it's funny that you bring up limbo because it's the one dance game I can win. So I appreciate that. I appreciate that Craig. Um, you know, listen, uh, let's just make up. And so Craig's like, maybe we can go golfing one day with Shep and possibly those fucking hot guys in the golf fraternity. They're so bad ass. They're bad ass guys. It's like, we've got a lot of fun to have, but JT is like, the last, the gossip, the slander, I shall get my revenge.

So now Molly's walking her dog and she's walking down the street by that one park and the dog is like crazy and jumping on like a lady. And she's like, sorry. He's like, excitable. He like, unless I'm playing my miniatura tuba, he is out of control. And that's the only thing that calms him down. At least he didn't tell you not to eat a muffin in front of his mother. Am I right? Sorry, turtle. Get over here. Turtle. Oh, that's right. His name is turtle. Again, that's like one of those weird things when people name animals after other animals, a dog named turtle, a dog, like when people named their dog bear,

it's like, or a dog named bunny. Like, it's just very funny to me. Yeah. Why would you do that? So, um, I started reading, um, Lonesome Dove, you know, the Western Larry McMurtry for you, for me, but you know, I don't read a lot of Westerns. I watch a lot of Westerns. And I just watched this one on Netflix called American Primeval. And so I was like, I want some more Westerns. I'll read this famous Western. And it opens with these guys that are waiting to be attacked, these cowboys, and they're gathered around the fire. And they've brought a whore along

with them, a whore named Maddie. And which is funny because we're friends with the whore named Maddie. And they're like, yeah, um, this, they're, they're with this whore named Maddie. And the first way they describe her is Maddie is this chunky whore who comes out of the river after just caught catching a snapping turtle by the tail. Wow. Maddie. She is. What a slut. And then I turn on Southern charm and this dog's name is Turtle. And I was like, I think

I'm on the right path in life. You know? Turtles. Turtles. Kim, I should be so proud of you. They're everything. I remember my mom reading that book because I remember the mini series in the late 80s was like such a thing. And then my mom read the book and my mom loved that book.

You do not know how much my mom loved Lonesome Dove. And I think I tried to read it, but I was also like 12. And I think I read the first chapter and I stopped, but it's supposed to be great. I'm excited for you. Oh, thanks. It's so random that you're reading Lonesome Dove. I know.

So, it's so random. It's even more random that're reading Lonesome Dove. I know. So, it's so random. It's even more random that I brought that up in a Southern Charm recap, but here we are, okay? Horus with Turtles. Gosh. That's about Horus with the Turtle on this little Molly non-Horus with the Turtle, okay? You know what I recently read? Richard the Third!

So, oh no, don't worry. Today he moves on to Tchaikovsky, which is great. I know. In just a today moves on to Tchaikovsky, which is great. I know. So, um, just a few moments. In fact, I love this dog is going crazy. Molly goes, he's adopted. Geez, leave the dog alone. Poor turtle.

So then the honks come and it's Shep Shep pulls up and he's like, watch out. I just happened to be in the neighborhood. Sorry. That's how they said it in Shakespeare. Garsh Garsh. Sorry. I was speeding by so quickly. Sorry, that's how they said it in Shakespeare times. Garsh! Garsheth! Sorry, I was speeding by so quickly I got caught up listening to Gustavo Dudamel lead the LA Phil in a rendition of one of Tchaikovsky's grand masterpieces.

So she's like, what's up? I took this dog from the shelter today. Well, I guess I've got room for two useless mutts, you know, with fleas. Come on, let's have a sit. She's like, OK, I'll park my car. So they talk by the fountain. And she's like, I was little when I was little, I went into these fountains, turtle. Turtles like of all the people in Entourage, this is who you have to name me after.

So Chef is like, No kidding. You're not only named after an animal that's very slow, you're named after the character from entourage. I know. Poor turtle. Poor turtle, but turtle got his revenge because turtle is the one who founded Pat Sal's.

So you know what? He's doing it. Did he? Yeah. Pat Sal's is turtles? I will double check right now. Pat Sal's. You don't have to. I'll believe it Turtles? I will double check right now. Fat Sal's. You don't have to.

I'll believe it. No, I'm doing it right now. Even if you correct it, I'm gonna believe it for the rest of my life. Yeah, it's the brainchild of actor Jerry Ferrara. Well, that makes sense. It's like a chicken sandwich with fries on top of it and chili queso and a steak.

Like why? But why? Like a turtle, that's why. Fucking turtle. Anyway, so they sit down on a bench together to talk. You know what's even crazier? I'm sorry, we're never getting through this recap. But what's even crazier about that

is do you remember on Vanderpump Rules, they used to go to fat cells and Lala would go there with James. That's where they got into a fight about the pasta, I think. It's not about the pasta. Is that at Fat Cells? I don't think that was at Fat Cells. They went to some iconic scene at Fat Cells. I remember it and it was with Lala and James and some others. And the rumor was that Lala's gross, disgusting Harvey Weinstein,

B-roll footage of Harvey Weinstein, whatever that guy, Randall, was that Turtle was based on Randall. Do you remember that? Right, right, right. I wonder if, I wonder if Randall was like, you guys should shoot at fat cells, because that show's based on,

I kinda opened that, because the guy who was based on me opened it. Right. Okay. I don't need to keep talking. Go ahead, Ben, take it away. Do the rest of the recap, I'm done. I, no, I was, I got distracted because while you were telling that story.

I can't imagine why. I opened up, so I have, I got like a Mac mini, the little Mac mini and I, so I just like set it up like two nights ago. And so I just opened up like my iTunes because I want to see Tchaikovsky tracks that I might have. And like I hadn't opened up iTunes yet. And so nothing had populated from the cloud. And there's only four things in my iTunes, two digital booklets from Carly Rae Jepsen,

one digital booklet from Dave Matthews. And the last thing was digital bookmark book, from Dave Matthews. And the last thing was digital bookmark, book, a book from that fucking U2 album that they forced on him. I was like, well, here we are in 2025 and that U2 album is continuing to haunt me and probably everyone else. That is the worst thing that Apple has ever done

is infect us all with that you, that shitty shitty U2 album. Even now it still comes back to haunt us. Sorry, it has nothing to do with the show. I just had to mention that because I feel like everyone has been there. Everyone's had that moment where they're like, why is this U2 album still here? How many times do I have to delete it? Never take a free Starbucks download. They never leave your iTunes, guys.

Oh, they never. Where's this called now? Music. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. Hey, y'all. It's your girl, Kiki Palmer. And let me tell you, we're kicking off this new year with a whole new mindset.

You know how everyone's all about new year, new me? Well, on Baby This Is Kiki Palmer, we're taking it to a whole other level. We're talking new year, new perspectives. And honey, it's gonna change your life. I sat down with astrology queen, Chani Nicholas. Y'all, if you wanna understand yourself better this year, this episode is it.

And then there's my chat with the incredible Da Vinci where nothing was off the table. If you're looking to level up your mindset this year, his words are definitely gonna hit different. If you're ready for that new year, new mindset energy, you've gotta tune into, baby, this is Kiki Palmer. Catch it on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts and for the full experience, head to my YouTube channel.

If you're looking for more podcasts to help you tend to your wellbeing, check out New Year, New Mindset on the Wondery app. Let's make this year our best one yet, baby. Hey y'all, it's your girl Kiki Palmer. And let me tell you, we're kicking off this new year with a whole new mindset. You know how everyone's all about new year, new me.

Well, on Baby This Is Kiki Palmer, we're taking it to a whole other level. We're talking new year, new perspectives. And honey, it's gonna change your life. I sat down with astrology queen, Chani Nicholas. Y'all, if you wanna understand yourself better this year, this episode is it. And then there's my chat with the incredible Da Vinci

where nothing was off the table. If you're looking to level up your mindset this year, his words are definitely gonna hit different. If you're ready for that new year, new mindset energy, you've gotta tune into, baby, this is Kiki Palmer. Catch it on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts and for the full experience, head to my YouTube channel. If you're looking for more podcasts to help you tend

to your wellbeing, check out New Year, New Mindset on the Wondery app. Let's make this year our best one yet, baby. Okay, so they sit by the fountain and talk and Shepp's like, wow, what a fine day, what a midsummer night's dream. So I saw you and I was like, wow, who's that babe? Oh, hee-haw.

Yeah, that probably happens all the time with you, huh? She's like, not anymore, because we're getting up there. I'm just disgusting now. Yeah, I'm like, you know, I'm like 10 pounds overweight and also I'm over the age of 30. So I'm basically just like a monster in Charleston. They won't even, no one will touch me. Yeah. And he's like,

you need to give yourself more of what most of this cast can get credit. And Molly's like, men are just simple creatures. Like I could be hideous and still get laid. Let's be honest. But Charleston's full of Peter Pan men that suck at life. So who fucking cares? Cut back to ship. Hey, so what's up? Or Szykowski might say, what is this up if? So she's like, yeah, I've got to practice. I played the miniature tuba and I have to play. I have a concert on May 4th. I will be doing an all miniature tuba version of the Star Wars theme

song. I love music in all of its forms. Gosh, you know what I even like? I even like the dog singing Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. That's a good one. Hey, to prove what I'm saying about music knowledge, here's a musician I like, Chai Kovsky. She's like, yeah, that's, that's a name in music. Yeah, I love that nutcracker. Do do do do do do do do. Yep. That's the nutcracker. You feel that? He's like, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh. Gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh,

gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go T. Question, have you ever played Grandma gets run over by a reindeer on your small tuba? Shep.

Of course, I have. Scars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars. For for for for for cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, cars, carsarsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, Garsh, are good. She's a beauty queen. You know, and things have almost like accelerated in the past three weeks because she came here. I said, can I go there? She said, no, you know, really running towards the finish line there. And Molly's like, I mean, totally. He could be her dad, but it's Charleston. So. I'm going to, you know, like, you know, like Southern guys, like some young girl who's not going to question things, but I'm always going to question things. I'm like, where, what were you doing? Who are you talking to?

Where's my tiny tuba? Where did you pawn it? What's going on? I've got to do Tchaikovsky on May the 4th. So you go, she might come this week. And Molly just goes, yay. Molly's like, you know what's great about my hobby? I can literally give my own musical cues. She's like, hold on, Bravo, I got this one.

So then we go to Madison's house and Madison is sitting with her personality blocker, Brett, and they're making breakfast and stuff and talking about his doctor's appointments. He's still not as forthcoming as she likes. So she's like, I guess I just have to deal with it. I'm just like breathing out of a coffee straw. Oh gosh. Have you ever heard Austin after he's walked up one flight of stairs? Sounds like that, except not through the mouth and not chewed up Triscuits

flying out of the camera. Okay, nevermind. It's not really anything like Austin. Molly, are you outside? Yes. Sad on yourself, you beta. You literally have a beta tuba. Get a real tuba for once. She does too, because she plays a miniature tuba. Miniature tuba. That's a beta tuba if Get a real tuba for once. She does too, because she plays a miniature tuba. That's a beta tuba. If I ever seen one. What was it called again? A vibe? Does it only make music for JT? Tiny things, entertaining tiny things.

What was it called? A vova? It was a vova? A vova-vova? What's a vova-phone or something? I think she called it a miniature tube. Euphonium, was it euphonium? I don't know, that sounds like a disease. That sounds like a jaw disease.

I think it was euphonium. So yeah, Brett's there. So then we go to Taylor, Taylor going to Rodrigo and Tyler's house. Taylor and Tyler, coming up Taylor and Tyler coming up. So Tyler's like, oh my God, you look tan everywhere except right here where your bikini was. I'm so glad you came over.

I've decided to workshop a center part, but I only wanted to do the front part of my hair. So what do you think? She's like, it looks good. I'm making chicken parm. And she's like, wow, okay. He's like, yeah, by the way, it's Instagram on this is like my first cooking show. And Rodrigo is like, yeah, wow,

barefoot contest over here. I love Taylor. She's a good friend to me and Tyler. And I know she's been overwhelmed with emotion, but she needs to be ready to go to battle with some of these bitches. And Tyler's like, I have a belated birthday gift for you. Oh my gosh, y'all. Oh, no, this is for Taylor. Sorry, Tyler. I have a belated birthday gift for you. It's like, Oh my gosh, y'all. I love her. It's a painting of, I don't know, are

these ships? Dirty, crusty socks that are left all over the floor in the morning. It's modern art, Taylor. Okay, it's my it's from my friend Julia Deckman and she did the art. Oh, cool. An original Deckman. It's so nice that you got me a painting from the lady who owns the coffee shop down the street.

Was that lady who slept with Thomas Ravenel that time busy or? So Taylor's like, I've never been a big celebrator of my birthday, but my mom came into town and I felt like a shell of a human afterwards and I felt a huge hole missing and I didn't want to be around anyone but Gaston. So here I am having some chicken parm

that's not even made by Nanny. I know, I thought it was interesting that Tyler brings up chicken parm the same week that Joe's favorite recipe, chicken parm, after he's been kind of outed for gay rumors or something. I was like, hmm, interesting. This is just leading evidence to the gay rumors. Are you implying that Tyler had a gay affair with Joe and stole the nanny's chicken parm recipe?

Yeah, he stole the nanny's chicken parm recipe. Let's not all forget that Joe Bradley on Southern Hospitality made nanny's chicken parm for Sally. And I think that when he made it for Sally, is that when he found out about Gaston or something like that? He found out that Sally had found out about Gaston or something? Yes. He found out that Sally had made out with Gaston or as Madison calls him, Gaston earlier in the day. And Joe was so disgusted that he refused to feed Sally anymore Nana's chicken parm.

And then, oh, you're right. Is it Nana? Was Nanny Lisa Vanderpump? Because there was Nanny K. I think Nanny K is Vanderpump. And I think Nana was his Nana's chicken parm. Either way, it's all intermixed between like Gaston and the chicken parm. Whenever the chicken parm shows up, it's like a sign.

It means that there's infidelity afoot. Yes, for sure. Because chicken parm, that is also, that is Sally's ex and now Tyler is another about to fight about people that they both slept with. My god, it's too confusing this show. It's like milk toast, but also confusing milk toast. So Rod's like, well, after the after you cancelled your party, will they ask her why she canceled. Yeah, you already did that part. So he's like, Well, after you canceled your party, we went to the other empty shell of a human brain beings house, Craig's. And it was good. But at one point, we were eating and Madison tells me that Sally had said some stuff. And we see the clip of Sally saying, Yeah, just don't tell me to keep my fucking mouth shut. Don't don't don't. Like no, she called him.

You can't just take this girl's girl's word as Bible because she seems like Goldilocks with her eyelashes going up and down. Taylor, have you seen yourself in the mirror? Yeah, hi similar model. So Taylor's like, so wait, why are you talking about my boyfriend that hasn't been with you for like a year? Yeah, that's just weird. And Rodrigo's like, it sounded like Gaston didn't want you to go.

So I just want to make sure it was you who didn't want to go. It's like Gaston is the one that's like, you need to stand up for yourself. And Roderick goes like, Oh, good, good. Cause Sally didn't reach, didn't reach out to invite you, right? Did she, or did she reach out to invite you to her house warming? To the house warming? Yeah. She was like, yeah, you want to come. But then I'm like, it's so awkward. Cause like, we've never talked on the, we've never even talked on the phone before. So then we see a flashback of this phone call happening

and Taylor's like, it's just weird being invited someone who doesn't have nice things to say about my person. And it's just, it's some like, it's just, is it just some like innuendo as to why she's trying to lure me into her home? I'm like, let's go back to hubbub. Let's go back to hubbub before we start trying to use innuendo.

Please walk away from Shep's word of day calendar, okay? Was that the one you were talking about? Yes. It was very Austin, because Austin tries to do that too, tries to use big words. Shep does it too. I feel like Shep has like pieces of knowledge from different books and stuff to make himself sound smart,

but he doesn't really ever know what he's saying. You know, well, you know, as I always say, Vasa Sherso, which of course is one of Tchaikovsky's famous pieces. Well, are you going to go, you should, because you can be on her turf and then like set it straight. Let's do it. So then Austin is driving with his you know, 20 his young girlfriend basically Audrey and I thought it was so funny because Molly's

just said that yeah, guys in the south just want some quiet girl is gonna let him do whatever he wants. And then here we are with Austin and Audrey and he's like, how does my hair look? However you want me to tell you it looks great. It's not doesn't look bad. Because not doing what it used to do. Stan. Yeah. Um, Audrey has what I call Sabrina Carpenteritis, which is when you think her voice is her talking voice is going to be one way, but it's actually deeper and huskier than you would expect. So she's like, Hey,

yeah, I'm Audrey. I'm like, wait, what? You have a husky voice, Audrey? That doesn't make sense to me at all. Much like Sabrina Carpenter. And she's also kind of got Sabrina Carpenter eyebrows, actually. Is this Sabrina Carpenter? My God. Sabrina Carpenter's like, guys, I'm really pushing for this Grammy.

I'll appear on any show. So he's like, yeah, how's my hair look? She's like, better than yesterday. And he's like, yeah, how's my hair look? She's like, better than yesterday. And he's like, are we nervous about meeting the parents? Yeah, it's just like nerve wracking, you know, it's like, it's okay. Like, just let Audrey be the perfect little pooks that she is. Just be the perfect little pooks things be all that you can be. Perfect. The word I've been working on with my therapist is internet intentionality or the act of being intentional.

It's like, ding. And they just like cross out the word on the screen. Interstitial initial initial initial initial eviscerate of the yogurt. Ding ding. I've been waiting four months to bring home Audrey because I want to be intentional in introducing her to my parents intentionally. Ding. Damn it. I don't. Here's what I don't want to bring home some woman and all my,

like get my parents hopes up and then they just, and then they don't like her. I'm like, listen, Austin, your parents, they've, they've, they've lost hope a long time ago. They, every time they see you, they're like, yeah, they're not getting their hopes up high when you walk in that door. Well, I think that whoever he brings home, the parents just look at them like a life raft. They're called by God, thank God you're here. Get in here, get in here. How are your ovaries? How are they? Please just do what you can with him. Please. I'll pay you.

Just humor the tropop thing. Don't worry. We'll fund the lifestyle. Just marry him. Marry the man today. So then we see a flashback of Chelsea and also like, Hey, everyone is Chelsea. She's like, ha, your son's a sissy. Like, Oh, okay. I'm Chelsea. I like hunting, bunting and fishing. Wouldn't the third also do your hair? I'm with the other two, dear. Shut up, woman. Listen, I want to go hon. I want

to kill something. And also I'll do your highlights. I'm chopped. I love Chelsea. I miss her. Yeah, where is she? I think she got married. Got a real life. She went married like a race car driver or something. She's out of here. Maybe she'll go back to survivors someday. Well, anyway, Austin is like, well, then you'll meet my grandparents. They're not. So they arrive at his parents' new house, which is big and gorgeous. And by the way, I love Austin's parents every time. First of all, they are so fun and waspy. They are just,

they are ready for cocktails and they are just ready. They're every single time. I lied. I said that they have no hope. They have hope every single day that this every I said that they have no hope they have hope every single day That this is the day that Austin decides to do something with his life. They just are always like Do you get a job Austin? He's like no Okay, well back to the cocktails got got a girl with you So and I like that they're just so openly drunken out the dad's just like well You know every day is a weekend buddy and the favorite thing about them is the mom to me. I love Wendy and I love just the look she has on her face at all times.

It's like this. I'm sorry. This is only for videos for people, but it's just always so. She's always like. She's so over it. Her eyes are always half closed and she's like, fuck this, you know. I love her. I feel like if we went over to their house, she would put out like a little bowl of olives and she'd have some nice, like really nice crackers. And then she would sit back in a couch with a drink and she would talk with like maybe a cracker in her mouth,

but like say something, well, you know, the weather, the weather is absolutely terrible. Can I fill you back up again? And you would just talk about the weather all day long and it would be great. So they give hugs and the mom is preparing this girl to enter into this family. Okay, what would you like honey? Aperol spritz, gin and tonic, vodka tonic, tequila soda, I don't know, scotch and whiskey, just mix them both together. You're going to need something strong to deal with my son.

Please don't say this, please don't say you're dating Austin without a crutch. He's like, every day is a weekend, Bubba. So he's like, Austin's like, it's so nice. Isn't this nice, dad? It's like, you know what's also nice? A career, someday you'll find out. And't this nice, dad? It's like, you know what's also nice? A career. Someday you'll find out.

And he's doing that thing where he's just hugging her really hard from behind, like just like being way too showy. And he tells us, let's be honest, in the past I was addicted to the drama. And we see clips of Chelsea again. When you're with me and you sit in another girl's lap, you make me look like a fucking idiot You know, it hasn't been sexual since we broke up and then Victoria of a big Victoria throwback She is her saying so her sneaking around the hall isn't sexual and then of course we get the clip

Madison Madison's insane right now Weiner grab weiner grab wiener wiener w Weiner grab. I don't even remember this Victoria girl. She was like a single season. She was right before Madison. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Wow. So then back, we're back to the scene and Austin's like, Audrey has to go with the,

she's like so close to go with the flow. She's so flow with the go. She's so good with the flow. I mean, I haven't really given her a reason to be interesting, right? Like I've been so open, I've been transparent. And you know, like shocker, that's what it takes for a relationship to work.

What takes a relationship to work is for a girl to not live in the same town as you and not have to deal with your bullshit every day. So you can still go do whatever the fuck you want without being called out. What are you? without being called out. Also cut it out with the therapy talk. I don't believe you for two seconds. You go to that therapy for five minutes every time you're shooting. Also like anyone who's dating Austin is forced to go with the flow because the amount of saliva that is flowing out of that mouth at any given moment,

you're either going with it or you're leaving it. But they're like flowing downstream, you know, with Austin Smith. Yeah. So Wendy's like, so Audrey, how do you like coming to Charleston? Do you need to? It's soul sucking, right? And she's like, no, I love it. You know, three hours isn't long at all. Isn't long at all. Well, Audrey, you've been coming here a lot, huh? You seem to have a nice relationship. Look at you two, just so happy. I mean, this is perfect. So places, weddings, all right, say your own vows. I love you.

I love you too. Great. And Seminator, do it. Just do it. You know, there was a time when I was dating because I'm like, I'm having fun. We're like, no thought of a relationship. And guess what? That time is still happening. It's so cool.

Can I just tell you how many times my friends have said, do you have grandkids yet? Why would your son Xerox himself onto another woman? And I have to say, don't worry, it hasn't happened yet. Well, she wants four, it's insane. She's like, oh, four, wow, four for my son. I'm gonna have to have some more cocktails just so I can start seeing quadruple myself.

Whoa, mom just perked up. And Audrey's like, yeah, I just want a big family. And the dad's like, I love it. She's like, one step at a time. So then this is too much for me. And I've barely dated Audrey. Like I barely know her. But even for me, I'm like Audrey, you need to run.

This is not normal. This is an old man clinging onto his trust fund. He's like, please do not cut me out. I'm trying you guys. Look, I found a young one. Okay, I found a young one. She won't mind if I cheat on her. Just please.

So then Madison calls. So he goes outside and he's like, hey, what are you doing? We're at Seabrook. And Rodrigo's on the phone too. And he's like, hey, we just heard from Craig and that Craig and JT went and had coffee together. Fuck them, fuck those betas. Bitter lunch, bitter coffee, hate them both.

I just have to say what every girlfriend who's just brought to mom's house wants to hear. Madison's calling. Let me step outside and take that. Or you guys can't hear it. What an idiot. What this girl? Why are you still with this man, ma'am? So yeah, basically they're mad. Austin's like, dude, once again, it's like, why is Craig doing this? Like, you know what? It's like just to piss me off. I'm like, that's crazy. My God, what a bitch Craig is. Like, you know what, it's like just to piss me off. It's crazy. My god, what a bitch, Craig. It's Madison. Jesus, it's insane right now. Yeah, but last time I checked last season, Austin, you hooked up with Taylor. So I think bro code is not really something that you can complain about.

So Madison's like, I'm with you. I'm with you on that one. And you're lucky I'm on your side, motherfucker. So deal with your friend. Okay, you guys want to kick somebody else off the show, but literally neither one of you are doing anything. And Madison, I get it because her husband's going through whatever and she has to behave around her husband, which is really a boner killer. But then you've got Rodrigo is like, I'm bringing it. I made chicken parm. So like you guys can't just kick off people. You don't have that. You don't you don't get to do that when you're not doing anything else. You know what I mean? Well, I think that I take away my cookie replace it with like a bagel or something.

Please. I think Rodrigo is just there to enjoy watching the drama unfold. I don't think he gives two shits about anyone. Here comes one right now. So now we're at Sally's house and she's prepping for her big party and her mom is there and she's like, looks good, mom. I'm going to get drunk. And her mom's like, oh no, don't do that, Sally. Her mom has like a real like mousy Southern voice. What is with the moms on this show and that voice because the other one who had it was Olivia's mom where she's like, I just can't wait for you to go at me tonight. I know they all have that voice like,

honey, I showed up in the jumper to go to help you slice lamins. And she's so mean to her mom. She's like, finish cutting mom. She's like, I can't, I can't eat whatever you make me. Guess what, mom? You could be replaced by a robot any moment. I know this because that's what I do for a living. So get to slicing. Okay, honey. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just got more lemons. Just please. Do you want limes too? I'll do limes as well. Alright, mom. We're going to have a lemon cutting competition. It's between you and the Surgical Robot. If you lose, he takes out your fucking brain. Go. Okay. Okay. Okay. No pressure. No pressure. I could do this. I could do this.

Sally tells a story about how, um, her rent went up and then she was like, I want to buy a house. So she bought a house. That's basically the story. She just has a really long monologue, but yeah, that's the gist. And she's like, I love hosting, mom. And she's like, yeah, you should have learned all about hosting during your cotillion years. You just love that so much, didn't you, honey? Yeah, because you wanted us to learn proper manners. Yes, we see how that turned out, right? So then she tells us another thing about her. And she says that when she was 22, she was engaged to a chunky guy with a blurred face.

And they had a big house and he wanted kids and that's all she ever wanted. But then 25 days before the wedding, she got a DM that he was cheating on her. So she canceled that wedding and moved to Charleston. And that's when single Sally came back full force. She does this kind of voice when she's in the DR. That's like, yeah. And then I did, I almost got married, but I canceled it when I found out he was cheating.

But then in real life, she doesn't talk like that. Do you have any notice? It's like some smoky things she does with her voice. I'm going to have to observe it on the next episode. Yeah. So she starts bossing her mom around some more. And she says how her ex-fiance had everything, you know, the houses and the cars.

It's the standard thing of like, now she has a house. So she knows that in any future relationship she'll be okay. So now we go over to Paige who's FaceTiming Craig. It's like, hey, chicken, you look really pretty. Shut up, Craig, I'm going to Pilates. I don't look pretty. We all know I'm at like level six right now and I could be a total 10.

Well, I'm getting ready to go to Sally's party and I think I'm gonna have a conversation with Austin about his podcasting. So look, Austin's gonna have trouble with that cause he feels entitled to it. So could you just give me the lines again? Okay. Listen carefully. Okay. Pellows and beers is your side hustle. Sowing down south is your thing. The whole point of the podcast is to like put out good vibes and like laugh and talk about your best friend in the world. So if you can't do that, like why is that even a question? I think you guys should just like sit down and dissolve the whole thing. And I might say dissolve the whole thing, dissolve

the podcast, dissolve the friendship, dissolve his hair, anything, just get him out of our lives. Like, why would you not like, why would you like not have a podcast like just called like, I don't know, Craig and friends, you know, it's like Fox and friends, but like Craig and friends instead, and the friends can be pillows and not me. Yeah, because then I could talk to like, that ficus in the back. That was really good. Or that tree that grows berries. Sometimes I could be like, hey, how can you only grow berries sometimes? Hey, Craig, just so you know, I'm putting my phone down right here. I'm just gonna be on the reformer.

Just assume that everything I say is just, uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. She's like on a bike. What's a reformer? A bike? That's the Pilates.

That's that like torture board that. Okay. So she's like, rewind, Craig. OK, you have your own name. It's not pillows and beer. It's just pillows. OK. He's like, and then when I then I can just like have enough confidence to like do it. Craig, you never shut up. You can do a podcast on your own. Look at this phone call, for example.

I have done like already 30 minutes on this reformer and you haven't even noticed. Okay, you can do it on yourself, by yourself. New energy, Craig. What are you holding onto exactly? He's like, my wiener in one hand and a pillow in the other. Not literally, Craig. Oh. I have a hard time breaking up with people,

but like with Austin, maybe I was looking for an owl and I didn't even realize it. You have to sit and think about what I want what you want. Do you want to be his friend? No, I don't want to be his friend. Would you like even to be friends if you didn't have like this contractual obligation? No, I wouldn't even be here. Why am I talking to myself? God, this thing is hard. Sing us hard. Yeah, like those are like very real questions. Can you write this down so that way I can read it off my phone when I talk to him?

Oh my God. So then we go to Sally's party and Andrew comes and his man bun. And if anybody is wondering where they have seen this man before, this man was on Southern Hospitality, which I guess is just the new casting launchpad for this show. But he was the one that Grace Lilly lost it when they were taking that group trip on the mobile home and me is like, your boyfriend, what the guy that you're with was with my friend. And then they show Andrew in a man bun. I don't even remember that.

I don't remember it either. But I saw it on a Bravo account today. And I'm sorry, I can't remember who was it Bravo batch maybe or like Bravo? I don't know. Sorry, guys. I don't remember that either, but I saw it on a Bravo account today and I'm sorry. I can't remember who was it Bravo batch maybe or like Bravo. I don't know. Sorry. Wow. I don't remember who it was. Wait. So he, I didn't even remember. Cause I remember that grace Lily brought a guy to a baseball game. Remember when Mia was grace Lily in the clip. Grace Lee is like, yeah, and I'm dating this guy and he's so hot. And then Mia told me that her friend was dating that guy and I was like, fuck you bitch, I

can take care of myself. I'm Grace Lilly bitch. And then they were showing this guy, Andrew there. Wow. That's wild. Yeah. They are really all up in each other's business. It's great. What a great show. Um, but he has got, so that means he has hit three, right?

So he hit grace, Lily, Taylor and Sally. Yeah. So in super trustworthy guy who's just there for you. Yeah. It's going to work out really well. So Sally says, Andrew's like, not my usual type. And, um, she's gonna work out really well. So Sally says, Andrew's like not my usual type. And she's like, you know, I'm usually with a businessman and he wants to communicate everything and talk so soft. And I love that my top is changing from someone who has their life together

to someone with a man bun. And also since when is your type usually a businessman? You've been with Chef and you've been with Gaston and you've been with Joey Marbles. So I don't know when that trend started, but it wasn't recently. What sort of business are we talking about here? So Andrea's like, give me a kiss, baby.

And so they kiss and she said, are you going to protect me tonight from all the danger? And they go outside and there's like a guitarist playing. I feel so bad for the guitarist. You must be out there playing at a weird backyard party just by yourself. Just playing like Almond Brothers, you know? So that's-

Hey lady, sweet lady. You were singing that song earlier. Oh yeah. No, no, no. I've been to Georgia and California and everywhere in between. I don't know, I don't remember the lyrics. I've been to Nice and the Isle of Greece,

have sipped champagne, a yacht. Yeah, there you go. I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed him what I got. I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see. I've been to Charleston. Now I've never been to me.

Gorshid eyes. All of a sudden we hear, oh. Hey, thanks Molly for the assists. Gars, gars, gars, gars, gars, gars, gars. It's supposed to be in the west. Hey, you, you with that euphonium in your hands. I know what you're thinking. That's love.

That's life right there. That euphonium. So then Madison and Venita show up with Leva and Madison like, well, this is cute. You know, she's like, could be cuter. She knew what she was doing. And Vanita's like, yeah, the lawn is nice. They're like deciding whether they like this girl or not. They're not into full on compliments yet. Yeah. Sally's like, yeah, I want to change the pool. I don't like the tiles and everything. Hey, get a drink. You're probably like, where's the bartender? And Vinita is like, um, this setup is cute,

but you're making me the bartender. Like why am I making my own drink? Oh, suddenly suddenly. Okay. Whoa. Whoa. So we can't have a, doesn't we can't pour our own drinks at a house party anymore. Yeah. Okay. So Shep comes and sees Andrew and goes right to him and Andrew's like, Oh, hey, man, I think we've crossed paths before he goes, Oh, I think so. So like us. Yeah, we've all crossed paths twice, actually. And Shep's like, were you at the Tchaikovsky concert?

Ha ha ha. Sally goes, Me being one of them. And then Andrew goes, Yeah, and also Taylor, sorry. Shep's like, Really? Whoa, that doesn't make me uncomfortable at all.

I'm gonna scratch my chest and tap my foot. Could you do it in rhythm with the guitar player? Abba's hard. Taylor's Taylor's dating decisions continue to confound me. No offense to anyone. You realize you're one of those dating decisions, by the way, just wanna.

Yeah. So then Austin shows up and Craig comes. So there's dramatic music and Whitney shows up with his Chucky wig and Austin's like, Wow, Craig, you look nice. How are you, Craig? Wait, sorry, I just I zoned out for a second. This is weird. He's just acting like things are totally normal. He didn't want to hang out like willingly like God, he's hanging

out with willingly with JT like who's the one who's going to be the one to be the uppity little bitch about this? You know, that's the game. He's playing like I'm good. You good. Yeah. No, I'm not good. You're right. You're out with a tiny person So Then we have shopping like oh boy a barbecue Oh, I had that for lunch mac and cheese. My My doctor said no. Green beans? I can have that. Yay. What is everybody being so weird about the food

and service at this party? Chef doesn't even ever do anything. And Vanita, I think, had a tea party with the pizza. Give the woman a break, man. Yeah. So now Whitney and Madison also sit down. And Whitney's like, oh so, um non mothers What does André think about all Madison?

Well, she thinks she's nice actually. Oh my gosh, you think she's not she thinks I'm nice. Well, I was like she's not Okay, I didn't bring my fucking brain coat today Austin Jesus Christ I didn't realize I was sitting in front of the Orca Spittles show. Could you just keep your mouth closed for a second, okay? The scene only needs to be five minutes now. God. You know, when we got here, that pool was actually empty and now it's full. Hey. And Austin's like, by the way, did you see Craig? Like, Craig is here. And she's like, yeah, you know what? I'm not going to lie. When he walked in, I was like, fuck you, man. But to be fair, I also say that to a lot of people

when they walk in. I said it to the gardener last week, he hadn't even turned on the leaf blower yet. I said, fuck you, you little beta bitch. It's how I walk into Sweet Greens also. Fuck you beta bitches, now make me my bowl. Half beta bowl, just kidding. I don't wanna eat your employees today, me my bow. I've made a bow. Just kidding. I don't want to eat your

employees today. So then when he's like, why are you when he's like, why are you mad? Craig? I was like, because he met up with JT. So Madison says the silent part out loud just Hey, wait a minute. I thought we had an alliance here to get that little fucker fired. Oh, there's no alliance. This isn't like a game of Thrones.

And if it were, Craig would probably break the throne. He's so bad with chairs. So Madison's like, I mean, he wants to pull Craig over here and just ask him what he said. Well, let's get him over. OK, Craig, Craig, get your badass over here. We need to talk to you. OK, call me. Well, let's get him over. Okay, Craig, Craig, get your beta ass over here. We need to talk to you. Okay. Call me. That's dark. I'm sorry. Say it again. Call me Cersei and your Ned Stark and get over here. Sorry about that, Ben. So he does. He comes over and also like, Whoa, whoa, this is the trunk. Oh, it's a trunk. Oh, I was

just telling my it's gonna gut punch. You think you met up with JT. Ow, my God. Ow. Well, I went because it felt very unresolved because last time I saw him, I just stormed out of the place. And I'm a business owner in this town and he's better. He better be getting along. It's better to have him getting along with you than like running around because like he could take down pillows down south and then what and then what? Fucking Craig, I'm a business owner now. So, okay. So Austin's like, what is he gonna do? Say it again. I'm a founder and CEO like Danielle Oliveira.

Of what, Craig? Of what? So then Madison's like, what's he gonna do? Throw rocks at your store? And Madison said, I just want you to know, if someone talks about you and Paige, I would shut that shit down so quick. I did. I did shut it down about both of you. I totally did. I was like, well, it just feels like a direct attack aimed at me, Craig.

So Madison, you know what? Listen, listen, great story, Craig. Okay, you know what? We're done with him. He called my friend a bitch and he came for my marriage. So bye bye. Bye bye. You know, he's my friend. He's not supposed to go anywhere with jt. So then she walks away and Craig's like, Why don't you just like go fishing with me and Shep and jt? What? I can't just

like sit here and talk about this guy right now. I just, I can't, I can't right now. It's insane right now. It's insane. Yeah. I think Greg was just like constantly being a little asshole. If he doesn't want to work on our friendship, then fine. Fine. Fucking fine. So then Sally and Vanita and Leva and Andrew are talking and Sally's like, well, I wonder if Taylor's come. And I mean, I'm nervous. Is she going to push me into the pool? Foreshadowing, foreshadowing, foreshadowing. So Rod and Tyler arrive and Taylor's like, I feel like I'm gonna barf kind of like Penny on Southern hospitality. Am I right, everyone? Call back.

Tanner Iskra I hate that for you, but guess what I do love? The brickwork, love it here. So they go in and say hi to Vanita and Vanita meets Tyler for the first time. How is that? That goes to show you how many things Vanita's invited. How is this the first time? That's crazy. That's wild.

So then Rod's like talking to Craig and he's like, so did you and Austin talk? And he's like, yeah, I had coffee with a little one. So I had to like explain myself. I call him the little one. So then Austin and Whitney are talking at the bar and Austin's like, oh my God, they could have just asked me for a keg, Jesus. Yeah, well, apparently drop-out wasn't good enough.

Your parents haven't paid off this Harris Teeter yet. So then Lava's like, wow, chef, it looks like you're working out. He's like, gosh, thanks, I think it's because of Sienna. Wow, maybe, oh, they're like, man, it's like maybe I'm looking like, I've got to bring it up to a high level because I'm dating a high level, awesome gal.

So I can't look like a slob anymore. Ha ha ha. So Andrew goes to say hi to Taylor and he's like, good to see you. She's like, yeah, okay, thanks. And walks away and she's like, Andrew, very strange. We were in a situationship,

but then he wanted to be exclusive, but then he was still hooking up with multiple girls. Is that the story of just every man in this town? Yes. What's the point? Move, all of you just move. So Taylor has not come up and said hi to Sally. She's just acting really weird. And so I was like, where that she's not saying,

Hey, I mean, it's my house that I paid for by the way, not don't need any other man. Okay. This is a house built on robots. And she doesn't even say hi to me. Guess what? I'm gonna replace her with a robot unless she already is a robot because she is kind of robotic. Is anyone even listening to me anymore? I think I'm just talking to myself in the corner. So Austin and the guys are talking and Craig's like, yeah, Austin's mad at us for going fishing. It's just like, well, if fishing's involved, I gotta go. Besides, it was Craig's idea. Dude, I don't want my friends who, who, who they can't, I'm not going to tell them who they can and

can't see. I'm just like shocked. I'm shocked right now. Yeah, yeah. Where's the loyalty to our friend? I mean, where's the loyalty? Like, you guys are so loyal to Craig. You guys are such assholes.

And Craig's like, but I did, but you are telling me what to do. And Whitney's like, well, why the change of heart, Craig? Why are you seeing JT? And he's like, because things change. And now maybe I'm going to be able to do it. And I'm like, I'm going to be able to do it. And I'm like, I'm going to be able to do it. And I'm like, I'm going to be able to do it.

And I'm like, I'm going to be able to do it. And I'm like, I'm going to be able to do it. And I'm like, I'm going to be able to do it. And I'm like, I'm going to be able to do it. And I'm like, I'm did, but you, you are telling me what to do. And Whitney's like, well, why the change of heart, Craig? Why are you seeing JT? And he's like, cause things change. And now maybe I don't have loyalty anymore. Dong. Oh, that might be Molly working on her percussion skills. So then there's like, they're eating, some of them are eating oysters and everything.

And Sally is still upset that Taylor hasn't said hi and it is weird. And Taylor's doing that thing where she's like, oh, I guess I should say hi to her. I was like, yeah, you should have done that as soon as you walked in. Don't be so rude. So her friends kind of walk her over there

and Taylor's like, hi, hi Sally. Thanks so much for having me. I appreciate the invite. The house looks great. I don't want to impose on your home, but there's things I definitely want to have conversations about if I want the measly paycheck compared to what the guys are getting that I'm getting from this show. Shall we sit down somewhere? And she was like, okay. And she's like, okay. And she's like, she's like, yeah. She's like, she's like, I know I canceled my party and everything. And like you went to Craig's and I heard that I just like odd

that you came into the group of friends and you're like telling them about a relationship from a year ago and you like don't even know him, you know? Okay, like a year ago is so long, give me a break. And so he's like, well, I mean, I touched on Gaston, but it was just saying like how I went from an ex fiance to a horrible relationship with a man by him. And Taylor's like, um, that was just a fling. Just like, um, no, but I mean, we're exclusive a little bit. She's like, where are you? She's like, yeah, I don't think you know the depth. Like he's in my history and I have a right to talk about my past.

Yeah, you do. But Rod relayed that you said that he called you. And then here we go with this game of telephone. This cast is terrible at quoting because what she actually said was, I had a con, we had a conversation yesterday. And he said to keep my name out of his fucking mouth. She never said that he was the one to call.

So you guys are trying to get, I have a feeling you'll be able to get Sally on stuff because she seems messy, but this isn't it. Yeah. So, me while Madison's talking to Andrew and she's like, can I ask you something? Sally told me that Gaston called her and he's like, yeah, he screamed at her. It's like a piece of shit. Then she called me in tears and I like held her for like 30 seconds. They're like, 30 seconds? That ain't nothing. Jesus Christ.

Did you have somewhere to go? And I was like, God, you suck at this. But they're doing it kind of in a flirty way because he's so hot, you know? And so then we go back to the convo and Sally's like, yeah, like, listen, this is a small town and we're all human and we've all got each other's names in our mouths. It's Charleston. And Taylor's like, well, I mean listen, this is a small town and we're all human and we've all got each other's names

in our mouths, it's Charleston. And Taylor is like, well, I mean, I try for it not to be, what are you talking about? You've been talking about this girl and dissing her relationship with Gaston. And Sally's like, well, listen, but we're in a friend group and there's people in this group who have told me not to trust you.

Well, what does that have to do with anything? I have a long standing history and I fucked up last year, but still it's just right. And you have a long standing history. And they say that. So I don't have a long standing history. Do you see what I'm trying to say here? It's because I see right through her bullshit. I don't trust this girl. I don't trust anything she says. Okay, well, trust me. If anyone asks me about him again, I won't comment.

Or if anyone says anything about you either. Okay. So no bad blood until there's like no bad blood. Like how can you tell with Taylor? She's always in the same gear. I know. So now Sally goes off to talk to Madison and she's like, I think she's mad because I have her boyfriend's name in my mouth and he wants no part of this desk and meaning like the TV show and messes like, yeah. And you also have her, her ex boyfriend too. And I think, is that her dog?

Did you take her dog? I did. I did take her dog. So then she's like kissing Andrew like, yeah, he's mine now. So then, uh, it's like fighting over a biscuit that nobody's fighting over, you know what I mean? So then Taylor says bye to Tyler and Chip and she's like, I'm out, I just don't wanna be here. Okay, listen, you're at work. You have tried so hard to get on this show,

stop leaving work. It's fucking ridiculous at this point. She's trying to pull like a diva move, but you're just not the diva of the show. You are the cannon fodder. You know what I mean? You they bring ladies onto this show to use them and abuse them and then recast them the next season. So stop walking out if you're going to do it, make your

damn paycheck. Yeah. And it seems like a fun party. Don't leave. So and massive like, yeah, I'm going home to it's a school night. Bye betas. So then now love it and Vanita are there. And love is like, let's jump in going home too. It's a school night. Bye, betas. So then now Lev and Vanita are there. And Lev is like, let's jump in the pool. I think you should jump in the pool. Let's do that. And so they jump in the pool.

No, Vanita does. Cause that's Lev up for you. You know what? We should jump in the pool. Actually, you should jump in the pool. I'll do nothing. And then just kind of mock you from the side of the pool. So Vanita jumps in and then

she's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, she starts cooing like a pigeon and they're like, is Vanita drowning? I didn't even know she was even still at this cast. She's not at the level of this party. So then Greg's like, hold on. And he like jumps in and saves her, which is actually very heroic and very gallant. And people like, she can't swim, why'd she jump in there? She's like, no, I had something in my throat. So I can swim fine, I just am really bad at closing my mouth when I jump into water. So I can be trusted to swim,

just not breathing the water when I swim. And she's like, yeah, maybe I had too many drinks. That's not really one of my proudest moments. What can I say? I feel so bad for Vanita, man. That was so embarrassing. Every time she walks in, it's like she's just slammed down. It's like, here I am making my entrance,

my first big moment and boom. What was so funny though, was that like this scene is, this party is like spans several segments of the show. And prior to the scene, you know, there was, who knows what, we had just sat through a conversation, maybe it was Austin and Madison and Whitney talking about, you know, JT or we've just been going through one gossip scene to the next, and then it like goes to commercial,

like coming up, Vanita's drowning. I was like, wait, what? What? Vanita's drowning. And then drowning. I was like, wait, what? What? But he does drowning. And then it comes back. I'm like, how is this not a bigger like part of the sea? Like, how's this not? How did they not even tease this in the coming up next week? But he did might die. Yeah. Um, yeah, it's, it's sad. So then the producer asked

Greg has green out Greg's the hero, you know, Susan. Yeah, I sacrificed my sweet shoes for that. And they're like, well, were you a lifeguard, Craig? And he goes, I'm trying to remember. This is Craig's trying so hard not to lie. Like you can see him weighing his options here. He's like, my brother was a beach lifeguard, my friends were beach lifeguards,

I was with them a lot. No, I guess I wasn't. Maybe I was, maybe I was, but I don't remember. Chicken, when they ask you about being a lifeguard, just say pass like you're on Family Feud. Just do that, okay? No, but I was a lifeguard. You weren't a lifeguard, Craig. I was. Oh, no, you weren't, Craig. Don't say it. I wasn't. Lifeguard repair. Lifeguard repair. Craig, stop saying the safeguard say it. That wasn't me. Lifeguard right there. Lifeguard right there.

Craig, stop saying the safeguard theme song. That's a different song. Safeguard and lifeguard are not the same thing. I love the thought of just not remembering being a lifeguard. Like that takes no training. It's no real experience. It doesn't damper your summer at all.

So then now- Rodrigo goes up to Austin. He goes, hey, Austin, he goes, hey Austin, see what a man does. It's like, damn it. So then Craig starts wearing one of Andrew's shirts. He's like, why does this smell like bajouli? And then Molly comes because she was,

she starts just four hours late, but guys she had a tuba rehearsal, tiny tuba rehearsal and she messed up her solo. How did she mess up her solo? She's like, I did loompa oompa instead of oompa loompa. It was a disaster. So then Austin and Craig are talking again, and Austin's like, dude, one move, man.

I'm just like, I'm just like so impressed that you're here, man. Like, wow, it's crazy. And he goes, Whitney, I'm really impressed that you're here. And when he's like, yeah, it's just so so fun. It's just so hard to leave. So are things copacetic with you guys? I really want to go home. Chris, like you told me by at my pool, you were like, I'm wound tight. And like, I think you know what, you're a

little too loose. So that doesn't make a good best friends podcast. And Austin's like, what? What? Wow, I'm so angry that my three layers of bronzer are about to fall off. And Craig is like, the podcast was good because of our friendship. And now the chemistry is just not there anymore. Because Paige said it's not there. Craig's and when he's like, really, really correct. It's like, yeah, I mean, how much would,

how much would you have to give, how much do I have to give you to be like, okay. How much do I have to give you to just take the name, basically is what he's saying. Yeah. Like, can I, how about you just drop out and I take it over. Can I, can I buy you out?

And Austin's like, whoa, you're talking, you're talking about taking the right to something that we built together just because I called you out. And Mawson's like, whoa, you're talking, you're talking about taking the right to something that we built together just because I called you out. Whoa, whoa. And so Whitney's like, whoa, you guys have done some good stuff with this pod last, pod sass, what is it?

It's not a thing. Anyway, you've been through things, it's insurmountable, so just, you know, make up. And Craig's like, well, the podcast was the only good thing of our friend, part of our friendship. And now it's not. And it just feels like two people are logging on

because they have to. So give it to me. Don, don, don. Will the future of beer and pillows, or pillows and beer ever survive? I don't know. It's a tough, it's a tough dilemma, Ronnie.

Yeah, it is, it is pretty rough. But you know what? It's what's happening. So everybody, thank you so much for being here. Have an amazing weekend. Don't forget to vote for your crappies and don't forget to get tickets for the crappies or San Francisco and San Diego,

where we will be doing the Salt Lake City reunion or the following week after the crappies, where we will be in Salt Lake City and Denver. Ha ha, got it, I got it, I nailed it. I did it. All right, everybody, thanks so much for being here. We love you and we'll talk to you next time. Bye. Bye!

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